And That's Why We Drink - Listener Stories: Vol. 92

Episode Date: June 1, 2024

WELCOME TO OUR BIRTHDAYS MONTH!! We're just vibing but don't worry we're also buying ourselves lots of presents. Speaking of gift-giving, Eva has delved into the bowels of our inbox to find the most specific stories as gifts to each of us this year, what a sneaky witch (not to be confused with the Stinky WitchTM). Join us on this birthday crawl space party that includes tea on the Duggars, onions glitching in the matrix and peeing your astral pants, among many other stories you all have sent in on our absolute favorite subjects. Don't forget to keep an eye on your body while you're astral projecting! ...and that's why we drink!It's our birthdays and we think you should treat yourselves to a live show and/or our new book! andthatswhywedrink.com/live bit.ly/hranextstop

It is your birthday and that means it's my birthday. Happy birthday. It's your birthday. Happy, happy birthday to you. Go M. Oh, how about happy? Gilmore? No birthday. Two.

Oh, no, I know we already have a call and response. We can't add another laggy online call and response. I refuse. It's wild. You just don't want to have fun. That's kind of crazy. Sound like a 33 year old. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that. All right.

Well, that's fine. I'll celebrate myself over here. That's fine. How does it feel to be so close to 33? You know, I just have to remind myself, Taylor Swift is a year older than me and it makes me feel better. So how does it feel? That's true.

Yeah. Uh, yeah, for me, I'm, um, struggling because I don't even think I ever once said this year, Oh, I'm 31. And so to say 32, I feel like, oh, I haven't even done the 31 thing yet. Yeah. Yeah. Also 32 feels like an actual adult. Like I'm, and I'm sitting here like in my like trouble. I know, but the further away I get from, uh, from teen and college kids approval, the more it hurts. I'm just like oh yeah that part I think that ship has sailed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Anyway, that's that's how I feel. I think it's just like the realization of like oh, I am not invincible and Not as cool as I thought it was but whatever Huh? And because of that I going to eat a lot of cake. And not only that, I'm going to eat not just a lot of cake. I'm going to eat specifically Fudgee the whale cake. Oh, yummy. And what else am I going to do? Good choice.

Hmm. Hmm. I'm going to eat strawberries with whipped cream. I'm going to eat strawberries with whipped cream. I'm going to eat s'mores and I'm going to have at least one cup of dirt with the little gummy worms. Where are you going to make the s'mores? Probably over my stove. Okay. I'm just wondering. I'm not judging. I'm just curious because I think I would also like to have a s'more. I love a a good s'more a birthday s'more forget about it. So and then um, I'm gonna buy myself presents and I'm going to make people take me out to dinner and So far that's all I've got oh and I'm gonna sleep a lot. What are you gonna do? It doesn't sound like you're

Old or whatever old and boring like you suggested earlier. It sounds like you're still an adolescent. So don't worry. You're you're you're young. I mean, the dream is that I would have a house party, but I don't think anyone wants to do that anymore. So I do. Maybe we're the only ones. Maybe what are you going to love to do a house party? I don't know. We talked about this a little on Patreon, but I feel like I'm just kind of vibing this year. Like, I feel like I've, this is so lame and cliche, whatever. I don't even know. Not cliche, just very like dorky. But I feel like I've done a lot of growth this year already. Like I've been really working on myself. And I sort of think I'm kind of just happy with whatever happens. I'm just like very content

right now. So I'm kind of excited to just see what happens. And usually I'm like very, you know, into planning it. But I think this year I'm just going to be like, just like as long as we go eat some good food, I'm going to be happy. Nicole Soule-North That's nice. Jennifer Bickford And I'll probably buy myself lots of presents. Don't get me wrong. And I will expect presents from other people. But as far as the event, I think I just kind of want to eat and like chill. What do you think Leona is going to get you for your birthday? Probably something that's actually for her, which is fine, because I feel like that's how it goes. Although Bla Blaze is very good at gift

giving and he's very good at picking out things that are very specific to you. He and Leona found a crocodile card for me from the Cincinnati Zoo and wrote a cute note on it. They're very intentional, so I save all the little trinkets. And she's at that age where she loves to make cards and draw pictures for people. Precious. Even though they just look like scribbles, because they are. But it still touches the heart. But I don't know.

I feel like Blaze gets so frustrated, because I'm that person who buys things that I want. Like I'm not. Oh, Allison has that too. Because it's like, I already bought it. If I see something for like 20 bucks, I'm gonna be like, well, that's mine now. So yeah. And then Allison's like, what do you want?

And I'm like, I don't know. I'm actually the opposite. I feel like if it's a big thing, I'll like buy it. I'll like convince myself to buy it. The littler things are the ones I hold off on weirdly. Maybe that's the thing I should do because there's no way Allison would buy anything expensive for me because between the two of us, I would definitely be the one who makes a big purchase, but Allison will always justify not making a big purchase. So the fact that that's all that I leave her with is pretty

cruel. Allison Farris Right. And I would buy, I would step in and buy you something big, but I'm already doing that for myself and everyone. Nicole Zarek You're busy with you, I understand. Yeah. That's okay. And Leona, I just love a big purchase. That's not good.

It's not healthy. I'm sorry, but it's who I am, okay? Understood. Yeah, I get it. Let's be unhealthy together. That's our birthday present to each other. It's my birthday. We can do whatever we want.

Let's be chaotic. I do miss doing birthday episodes with each other. It's my birthday. We can do whatever we want. Let's be chaotic. I do miss doing birthday episodes with you though. Remember in the beginning when we would open the presents with everybody? We'd have a big to do. And I think we would do present openings for Patreon. It was a whole thing. I don't know if anyone ever watched those, but we had a lot of fun. I remember having so much fun.

I want to do that again. I would love to do that again. So I love to do that again. Maybe this year we do we plan a birthday a birthday meetup for whenever we see each other. We'll see each other in June, right? So maybe we do a June meetup. Yeah. I also wanted to take you into that crawl space in my attic. So I feel like let's open it in the crawl space. Okay, now we're talking. Let's do it. Perfect. Excellent. Great.

Excellent. Now we have plans. See, this is what happens when you just vibe. The plans come to you. Well, speaking of vibing, welcome to everybody who chose to sit down and listen to this episode. I did forget we were recording for a second. But if this is your first time listening to one of our listeners episodes, welcome. This is where we read your encounters to the masses.

And if you would like to send in your own personal true crime and or true and our paranormal story, you can do that at our website and that's way drink.com. And Eva has collected some of the some of your stories to tell us or for us to read out loud. But I think there was supposed to be a birthday theme this time around. It didn't work out. So maybe next month will be the birthday theme. I don't know how this is going to... No, she said next year.

Oh, thanks, Eva. Don't get your hopes up. But apparently these are still a smattering of good ones. They're just maybe they're still a present. She said it's not a good present, but it is a present. And to that I say, I'll take it. I think she told she told me to do the first email to the first story. I can't open it. Oh, really? Yeah, I just keep saying no preview available. Yeah. Hang on. Let me send it just to send you a little texty, a little texty poo. It like just does a blank screen, which is so weird.

I feel like I've never seen that before. Well, I guess that means I'm destined to do the first story. Yeah, that one worked. Okay. Okay. Thank you. I'll go. You sit back and relax birthday girl.

Here we go. Oh, I love that we get to like just trade off the crown. I love sharing a birthday with you. Most people are like, isn't that awful? And I'm like, that's literally a, we just encouraged the worst. It's like two very self-involved people. Like you'd think that would be really hard, but it's like, no, we just feed on it. Like we feed each other. Like we just like enable it. If I start feeling guilty, I'm like, maybe I shouldn't make this purchase. Christine's like, do it or we can't be friends anymore.

Don't you dare. It's my birthday too, Em. You buy that expensive thing. You buy it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very toxic. I love it. This is, this is from someone named Bria Blue. And that is her real name. Wow. It says, hello, my name is Bria Blue. She her thing for normalizing pronouns. And I have been listening to you guys for years now. I am born, I'm born, raised and still live in Springfield, Illinois, Abe Lincoln represent I never even read the subject line. What you never even read it to yourself yet. No? That's the biggest part of the page, isn't it? It was hidden away. No, it was scrolled up, so I didn't even notice. I was like, isn't

there something else I say beforehand? It was the subject line, and I see why Eva wanted me to do this one first. Okay. My mom and sister met the Duggars. So this is, okay, Eva was underselling it. This is a birthday present for you for sure. Is it spooky or a true crime? I don't understand. Well, I mean, I think just the Duggars being involved is probably the true crime part. No offense, but I am very excited. Do you see me blushing?

Okay. Literally, I wish Eva could see this. She's not here today. Man, she knows you so well. Fria Blue says, thank you for sharing your fabulous voices, humor and personality. You guys have helped me through a lot and I will always be grateful. It's very sweet of you. Now I'm here for the Duggar story.

Okay. I'm just like, I like you now, Bria. I just got done listening to the episode where Christine talks about the Duggars, which by the way, I think was the birthday episode last year. Oh, that was. Yes, because yes, you're so right. I was like, I was like, Sersha, you and I need a plan and then it has to happen. And then like poor Sersha sent the notes to me

in like the first week of May, like, okay, here's the first draft. I was like, oh, this is fine. Don't worry, like, don't worry. I'm not gonna make you do a whole research project. This is enough. But yes, I took that very seriously, your birthday gift. I just got done listening to the episode

where Christine talks about the Duggars. I grew up watching the show as my mom is a devout Christian and used to idolize Michelle Dugger. Wow. I think it's important to mention how deeply my mom regrets this now. Okay. And has done a lot of growing and has adopted different views since then on account of my very secular Gen Z sister and I.

That's what's up. Love that. Anyway, I remembered my mom and sister met Jim Bob and then Bria Blue says, truly what the fuck kind of name is that? It's just not. It's not a name. But anyway, they met Jim Bob, Anna and Anna's youngest son. Okay. So Anna is Josh, the one we hate's wife. Josh, the pedophile or the whatever he is, the convicted child porn guy. Yep. His wife is Anna and his their youngest son Mason is who they met. My mom and sister got a picture with Anna and Mason and my mom got a picture with Jim

Bob. I found it important to share these photos with you. I know. So I know. Sidenote, my mom reminded me that Josh was there too and they saw him in close proximity, but did not care to talk to him. This is particularly unsettling considering my sister was underage at the time of the interaction and this happened in 2018.

And I can't exactly remember what Josh trauma drama was occurring at the time, but I'm sure it was absolutely vile. He wasn't his like actual crimes hadn't been found out yet, but I'm sure it was absolutely vile. His actual crimes hadn't been found out yet, but he was still, I think his unfaithfulness had come out. So I'm actually watching fun fact, the Ashley Madison documentary on Netflix right now. I think it's Netflix. And that leak happened in 2015. So that is- Okay, so that must have been outed for the infidelity. Why do I know that?

See, I'm now on the periphery of your interests. It's really fun. We're like a fucking powerhouse. Together we're law and order, yeah. It's amazing. And then the pictures, they don't, I used to have to zoom in on them. Should I open it?

If you want to, it's just them standing next to each other. But it's, um, oh God, Jim Bob. And then at the bottom is in between them is Anna and the son. Um, which like, which like that alone is so weird to me. The like, why was, well, I guess Josh was there too. I was going to say, why is Josh's wife and his dad hanging out when like that would be like, well, I guess, no, but in that faith, it's like women aren't allowed to like even leave the property without a man taking them. Right. It sounds like he was chaperoning. Yeah, right. Even though they already have a son. Anyway, that was- Oh no, I mean that Josh was chaperoning his wife and dad hanging out.

Yeah. Anyway, thank you, Bria Blue. That's very nice. That's a great way to start this birthday episode. What a great way to start. Happy birthday to you. Birthday boy, sit back, relax. Let me read you a story. This one's called Glitch in the Matrix, a time travel meet cute? Wow. This is also from someone named M. They them. Someone's coming for your crown, man. They can't have it.

Hi. What? They cannot have it. It's my birthday crown. It's mine. It's my birthday. Hi guys. It's me again.

Girl, are you okay? Girl said by the way, gender neutrally, but still. Always, just like bitch, you know? Yeah, it's like, it's like, oh, what's going on? Hi guys, it's me again. I wrote in last year about the crazy ghost in the bathroom of a Coles in my local abandoned mall. I do recall that story because I also read it on beach to Sandy. I'm back again

because I just listened to the recent listener story where M got super excited about the glitch in the matrix story about a girl who honked at herself in her old white Toyota on a bridge in Australia. Oh, M said they didn't think they had had other glitch in the matrix stories and I had sent this in a couple years ago, so I was wrong. But I decided to resend it, you know, like a crazy person. Not crazy. We literally never would have found it. Sorry. It was probably buried years ago. That's yeah, that's okay. That's okay. I grew up in the middle of the woods, wandering the creek side, catching

toads and crayfish, climbing trees, talking to deer and ducks, and only heading home for the dinner bell. Yes, we literally had a dinner bell. My grandma had a triangle that she would ring when dinner was ready. I know this is all making it sound like I grew up in the 1950s, but I assure you it was the 90s. I knew every inch of that forest still do, and one day I was wandering out there by the cliffs late at night. I was seven or eight at the time. It was a school night, so I left my flashlight at home so I wouldn't get caught sneaking out when I was supposed to be... Okay. I would...

I've never thought I would say this. I think I would rather my child sneak out and go to a friend's house than sneak out and wander into the woods alone without a flashlight. Yeah, truly. Like, if you're gonna leave at all, just be safe. I never thought I would say go to a party. Yeah, but at least don't go into the woods without a flashlight. Ugh, yuck.

And no one knows where you are. You snuck out? Oh my gosh. Usually, I'm like, oh, sneaking out is a cute, fun story. Not into the woods in the dark. What are you doing? Yeah, and Christine's a mom now. You can't even...

My anxiety. Because in mine, I can think of it in a way of like, I have no attachment to like someone wandering out in the woods. But if I had a baby, I'd be like, that would be quadruple. If you like check the camera or like, and I mean, obviously back then there wasn't one, but like, like peek in and the child's not in their bed and they're eight. So they're not like out smoking weed yet, presumably. Like they're just gone. Forget it.

But Leona future Leona, if you are missing by 16, just know that your mom thinks you're just out smoking weed and that's it. Lauren Ruffin Honestly, and I'm like, just go to a house party. Okay? Ms. Throwing one. I heard. Nicole Sarris Live a little. Lauren Ruffin Yeah, live a little. No, no. Listen, I was the most straight edge kid ever. And so I would see myself, like I used to sneak out into the cemetery at night, but like the woods, man. Okay. All right. Let's see. Yeah. I mean,

listen, I was wandering out there by the cliffs late at night. I was seven or eight at the time. It was a school night. So I left my flashlight at home so I wouldn't get caught sneaking out when I was supposed to be in bed. It was the first day of the full moon. So the sky was bright and clear and it was a nice and chilly October night. I was sitting on a fallen tree skipping rocks when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. When I looked to see what it was, it was a guy sitting on a rock by the edge of the creek, smoking a cigarette and smiling, looking to his left and talking to something that wasn't there. Bitch, no. There's, there's also gender neutrality.

Lauren Ruffin Was I right or was I right about escaping, running away into the woods? Don't do that. Nicole Zakem Maybe one thing if it was a guy with a cigarette like pondering like deeply or something. Lauren Ruffin Also skipping rocks. Nicole Zakem But smiling and there's this is not an era of TikTok. It's not like he's like looking at his phone and smiling and

Talking to someone who is not there. It was like what else do you need leave? He wasn't too tall wearing a red hoodie had black hair a short beard dark eyes and a kind smile that wrinkled his cheeks I knew he wasn't there a second before and I didn't trust strangers, especially ones that were trespassing in the dark So I got up and ran. OK, so you're right. My shuffling on the rocks made him look up and he made eye contact with me, looking confused. And then he was gone, like he vanished into thin air.

What the fuck? Years like that. Like a ghost? Yes. OK. Well, I don't know if you remember the subject anyway. Years went by and I forgot all about this weird encounter, especially since those woods were full of weird encounters. I forgot all about this weird encounter, especially since those woods were full of weird encounters. I moved out, got a car, started working and my life moved out of the forest and into an apartment across town. I had just gotten out of a 10-year abusive relationship,

which did not end well. It actually took me a while to admit just how abusive it was with some friends. I thought I was in love and not good enough for him, but really it was just a bad situation all around. I was living with some friends in a small apartment and I was fighting so hard to feel valid. I was in a really bad place and looked for validation in all the wrong places, one of them being Tinder. I know, I know, don't judge me. I don't judge you for that. No, I've been on Tinder and I've also been married five years. So you know what? I mean, to be clear, it was before I was married, but still we've all been there. I know, I know, don't judge me. I went through literal hell on that app after going through a

bunch of assholes, including, oh no, oh my God. Okay. I said, we've been there too soon, including one who drugged me and locked me in his basement. A story for another day. I decided to try one more time because apparently I hadn't learned my lesson. I matched with a guy in July who was cute, he had kind eyes, his first picture was him in a suit, sitting in front of a piano with an upright bass leaning on his knee, and his other picture was him in the woods, sitting on a dirt bike that was entirely too big for him, covered in mud with a huge smile on his face. That smile made me feel safe, and we started talking. We formed a bond over our interests in forests, birds, dogs, music, and a mutual love of 90s Japanese station wagons.

I smell ADHD. Let's talk about forests, music, dogs, 90s Japanese station wagons. I mean, it's like the most niche, the least niche in the most niche things I know a hyper interest when I see one. That's crazy And then he ghosted me as quickly as he showed up in my life. He disappeared for three months He didn't answer any of my texts and I moved on to another half-assed conversation on the internet When he showed back up out of nowhere, it was October, and he just sent me a, hey, sorry I fell off the face of the earth. You want to hang out tonight?

I decided I would half-ass this too. Obviously he wasn't super interested or he wouldn't have disappeared on me. So I told him, sure. I had errands to run in the town where he lived, so I would pick him up when I was done and we could go get dinner. I put no effort into my outfit, Halloween leggings and a t-shirt from a local pizzeria with the top cut off. And I met in the parking lot of a Target where we got into my car and went out for dinner. We got cheese steaks and talked about life and he explained he had ghosted me because he had been in and out of the hospital because of a chronic illness he had been living with all his life. He didn't tell me at the time what it was, but Christine would understand his plight. He never meant to keep me hanging, but he was in good health for now and wanted

to take the opportunity to meet and hang out. After dinner, I took him into the woods behind my grandmother's house. We didn't bring any flashlights, we didn't need them. It was the first night of the full moon and the sky was bright and clear. We talked all night sitting on the edge of the creek, skipping rocks, learning about each other, though it felt like we had known each other for years and this was just a refresher. It was almost 1 a.m. when something caught his eye and he looked away from me mid-sentence towards a fallen tree on the other side of the creek. He looked confused and said, did you see that? I was also confused thinking he had just seen the trees rustling from the wind and I said,

no, I didn't see anything. He said, there was a little girl over there on the rocks. She ran that way, but I don't see her anymore Shut the fuck up. So he wasn't talking to no one. He was talking to future her. Uh-huh And she couldn't even see her future self Shut the fuck up. Oh My god Did I wow? Oh my God. Wow. Oh my Lord. Okay. Whoa. I looked at the fallen tree and an image flashed into my mind of being that little girl singing, seeing a man sitting on the rocks across the creek and running back toward my house and his vanishing into the night. I took a second to

really look at him now. Not too tall, red hoodie, black hair, short black beard, dark eyes and that kind wrinkled smile with a cigarette dangling from his hand. I told him I didn't see anything and it was probably just a neighbor kid wandering the woods where she isn't supposed to be and told him not to worry about it. It all started to make sense why his smile made me feel safe and why I was drawn to those dark eyes when I saw him on Tinder. I knew I had seen him before. We have now been together for six years and we're planning our life together. We got married this past December in 2023. It was a beautiful woodland wedding surrounded by people we love. And maybe someday I'll tell him that we met once before that day in October, a long time ago in the nineties. He just didn't know it yet.

You haven't told him? That would be the first motherfucking thing out of my mouth. Within second. By the way, the first thing I would have done is marry him on sight. And the second thing I would have done is told him. What do you mean you haven't told him? You've been with him for six years and he doesn't know that you saw him when you were nine? That he time travels? He haven't even told him he times travels sometimes?

In that moment when he was nine, did he run into you? Or did he, what was his body do? Did he feel something? Because in my mind, if this were like a Nicholas Sparks movie, nine-year-old her sees him. In that moment year olds her sees him in that moment where he was like smiling and talking to someone that might've been the moment that he like fell in love. You got to witness it and you got to watch him fall in love. Like why haven't you mentioned this? Because for all you know, he has your wedding vow for all, you know, he's been wondering this whole time if he should tell you like, I actually fell in love with you on our first date when we were sitting by that rock, but I didn't know how to tell you because you could have

seen it happen come on wow you have a you M this other I'm not you M M and I could never this M and I could never it would it would literally be my entire personality I was just saying it would be our entire fucking personality if we met this way this is all we would talk about. Like we would have nothing else to talk about. I know it would come up in every conversation. Maybe that's why you haven't told them, because you just know that you'll look like a crazy person permanently.

Oh, God. Yeah. Wow. I'm just so taken by the story. This is incredible. That's amazing. And also, now's amazing. Now I'm panicked because I'm like, anytime I see like someone who I've thought like maybe was going through something, because they were talking to someone who wasn't there. What if that's just future me they're talking to? I don't even know it. Oh, my Lord. You're right. And what if that invisible person is just you all along? It could now I found a new way to like have an ego. I'm like, oh,

it's obviously me they're talking to. Oh, I'll just let me wave to the air. Hello. Yeah. Someone's on the phone. You're like, oh, hi. And they're like, I know. Future me. I know it happens all the time. We'll meet again. I'll tell you about it later. Don't worry. You'll be that weirdo talking to people on the street. Yeah. Em says, thanks for everything you do. I sincerely love you guys and your banter. I've been listening since episode three. Holy shit. And you guys have really helped me through a lot of tough times, like living in my car and trying and succeeding.

Thank you very much. Love that. To survive the worst year of my life, never stop being you, Em. Whoa. That's one of the wildest fucking stories ever. That's so cool. That's so cool.

I'm so jealous. That's just incredible. It's incredible. I'm jealous. Okay, next one, you gotta like, other I'm sorry, you gotta like, write this into a book or like, tell your partner at the least I want to know their Nicholas Sparks. Tell Nicholas Sparks but but but have your lawyer present because I don't want that guy to steal this from you. Yeah, I just after every word say like trademark tmtm tmtm okay um let's see number one or okay oh my god the subject line again do you want to read it oh I don't know just so people so people know I'm not crazy yeah read number read number three. Okay. What's the subject? Number three is called, hold on. The time I flipped off the duckers. Eva, you sneaky,

girl. This is definitely a birthday surprise. If the next one's also the duckers, I mean, that's a great theme. You really picked out a- That's called a triple decker. That's called a hat trick. Okay. Well, here we go. This is from Jean who uses she her pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns. And the story says, hi Eva, not a terribly exciting story, but since Emma's about as obsessed with the Duggars as I am, I was raised in an Uber conservative Catholic household with 10 kids and was homeschooled. So the Duggar situation feels very similar to mine. Whoa.

I thought I would send in this anecdote. Last September in 2023, my husband and I planned to take our two year old to visit friends in Northwest Arkansas, which is where the Duggars are. Two of my friends. Yep. Two of my friends from high school live there. And one of them also has a two year old son. So we were all excited to see each other and have the boys meet the first full day we were there.

We planned to go to my friend AC's mom's house because she has a pool and we thought it would be fun for the boys to swim together. While we were still in the planning phase, I was texting with AC to get suggestions of what else to do. And somehow the Duggars came up. She casually drops, oh, I didn't tell you I drive past their house every day and my mom lives like five minutes from them. Maybe that's just like normal in that area. You're like, oh yeah, the Duggars are everywhere. I mean, if you think about it, like the mathematically, the, if it was like, if each of the 19 kids

had 19 kids, there'd be like 500 Duggars in one town. So it's like if each of the 19 kids had 19 kids there'd be like 500 Duggars in one town. So it's like out of control. So it's like eventually speaking, right, right, right. Like everyone has probably has away from the from a Dugger at any given point. Everyone in Northwest Arkansas has a story about a Dugger. I wonder you would not I wonder I know if I lived in Northwest, Northwest Arkansas, my goal would be to try to like collect all like all the sightings like get one of each. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no doubt Which is so not to I'm not trying to objectify people, but I also know my brain

I would secretly just keep a list of it would be like a log like you would log Yeah, which ones you've been able to capture in the wild like a Pokemon like a sighted in the wild. Yeah. Yeah Objectifying it's just like their Pokemon. I know it's like they're not I'm not calling them objects. I'm calling them things trading cards. Yeah I hope people know what I meant by that. Okay, so Jean says Friends says I I drive past their house every day Jean says, uh, oh, friend says, I, I drive past their house every day. Jean says, girl, what turns out when AC drops her son off at her mom's house every day for babysitting, she passes the Duggar compound and flips them off every time. Oh yeah. It's, it's called the, well, the snarkers call it the Duggar compound. And she sent me a video of herself flipping off the house one

time. She's like, this is my routine, my daily daily drive. So fast forward to us actually getting to AC's mom's house, having the boys play together and just all around having a wonderful morning. But when it was time to leave, AC told us to follow her and we would pass the Duggar house on the way to our Airbnb. Sure enough, five minutes later, we're passing the Duggar house and I'm throwing the bird right out the window. JB, not JB, sorry, Justin Bieber. Jim Bob is the other JB. There are only two. There's only two. Justice Bieber, as Dwight True would say, and Jim Bob. Justus Beaver. Jim Bob and Michelle are such awful people preaching horrible, dangerous ideas.

I'm so glad Jill has gotten away from them and I hope their kids follow her lead. And I'm always so sad for those kids. Anyway, that's the time I flipped it off to the Duggars. We're heading back to Arkansas again in a few weeks, so maybe I'll flip them off again. Yes. From Texas, Jean. Oh, heading back to Arkansas again in a few weeks. So maybe I'll flip them off again. So from Texas, Jean. Oh, give them an extra one for me, please. Wow. That's crazy. Thank you, Jean for fulfilling all my birthday desires. Yeah, I mean, M's really getting like, quite a just a Duggar themed celebration.

Duggar themed celebration. Duggar Deluxe. A Duggar Deluxe combo number five. This one. Oh, OK, Eva. It's like she reads my mind. Is it Cowboys? What is it? No, no, but it's the Astral Plane. I mean, OK, well, here we go.

Yeah. Eva's like, oh, Christine, I know this is very Dougher heavy. Here's one specifically for you. This is called this is from Rocky. She her what a great name. It's called my body almost got snatched in the astral plane. Okay, well now this is my worst nightmare. Okay, I'm excited. Let's go. Dear Christine and Eva and the amazing crew and that's where we drink Today I want to talk to you about my first time astral projecting and the very creepy message I got from someone in the astral plane. And literally before we recorded today, I was trying to astral project. Now I'm like, should I? Okay. Yes, you should. And we should, we should, you should do whatever this person does. I keep trying to visit you.

Oh, okay. But first I want to thank you for everything you do. That's very kind. I've told, oh wait, okay. I love your banter and going down the rabbit hole with you. I've told, oh wait, okay. I love your banter and going down the rabbit hole with you. I've told just about everyone I know about the history of celery. Thank you. Thank you. Do the Lord's work. Your podcast has helped me through my commute to work folding laundry, the bane of, amen, any ADHDers existence and

all the mundane chores, which would, I do have actually, I'm laundry, a laundry show and laundry podcasts that are like my special treat for when I like fold laundry. Cause I'm like, otherwise I just will never do it. So I get it. Anyway, so it's an honor to be that for someone else, you know, like the laundry podcast for someone makes me really happy. Okay, now let's crack into it.

A few months ago, I asked her projected for the first time out of nowhere. Oh my God, lucky. I have for the first time out of nowhere. Oh my god Lucky I have never tried to ask to project before I've never kept a dream diary or even had a lucid dream. Okay Okay, so you're just one of God's favorites. Okay, don't brag too hard is what I'm getting from this Wow, I came home from school in the this is a few months ago Just keep in mind I came home from school in the late afternoon is a few months ago, just keep in mind. I came home from school in the late afternoon, went to bed early, absolutely bone tired from my day. I don't remember falling asleep, just getting in bed and suddenly waking up again.

I jolted up in bed as if I had just woken up from a bad dream and I got out of bed quickly in a little bit of panic. When I turned around, I saw myself in bed sound asleep." Bye. What? around, I saw myself in bed sound asleep. By what? She just like pulled herself out of her body. To be so special. I just don't know that.

I just don't know that experience. So interesting because that is what they say. It's so hard to understand as someone who's never asked or projected, but the strategy is that you're supposed to literally sit up without sitting up. Like you're supposed to, your astral self is supposed to sit up, but you're not. I only astral projected once when I was a kid and I, but I was like, I wasn't obviously trying to do it.

What happened again? You like flew around your house or something? I flew around my kitchen. Yeah. And then I just flew right back up to bed and I just sat right back into my body. Popped back on in. Yeah, so I feel like it happens by accident sometimes. And then, but so the method is the same way,

which is really interesting that you really are supposed to like almost rip yourself out of your body. Like, rip is a bad word, but like, you're supposed to kind of like quickly like just pull out. So it sounds like you did that by accident, Rocky. Well, very much so by accident. So it says, I got out of bed a little quickly in a pit of a panic.

When I turned around, I saw myself in bed sound asleep. I didn't know what was going on and I started freaking out. I tried to wake myself up, but when I tried to touch my body, oh, this is so crazy. When I tried to touch my body, oh, this is so crazy when I tried to touch my body My hands went right through my torso This is freaking me the F out because like this is hearing from someone who had not been even practicing or planning this

It's not like oh, I'd been envisioning what I would do if I ever ever asked or projected This is like someone who doesn't even realize what they're doing So it's so amazing to hear your experience. This is so cute. I'm sorry, not knowing what to do. I went to look for my mom. I live with my mama. We have a really close relationship. And I thought if anyone could help me, can you imagine Leona's soul shows up? She goes, I can't get back into my body, mom. Like, I'd be like, don't look at me. I clearly don't know how to do it. I'd be like, I'm trying to get out of my body. I can't even do it.

You lucky duck. Um, I thought if anyone could help me, it'd be my mom. I was honestly so panicked and freaked out. It hadn't even occurred to me yet that I could be dreaming or astral projecting. I walked out to the living room to find my mom eating popcorn and watching television in her pajamas. I remember she was wearing a blue nightie. I had never seen her in before and watching one in her pajamas. I remember she was wearing a blue nightie I had never seen her in before

and watching one of her stories. I tried to talk to her, but she didn't acknowledge me at all. Oh, so this is interesting too, Em. Oh, that made my stomach flip. So I guess sometimes you're not visible to people. Cause I've heard- I mean, hello, someone with the glitch

in the matrix was invisible. It's weird. Fair point. Yeah, I guess you never know. Okay, ba-ba. She looked, I stood in front of the TV and wave my hands, but she looked right through me. At this point, my panic had started to subside and I came to the conclusion I must be in a dream. I remember making the decision to explore the house and walking to the kitchen. The kitchen in our house has a door that slides open and closed. And when I approached the door was shut. When slid the door open on the other side,

I was shocked, oh, see, this is what happens. And if you're ever in a lucid dream, if you envision a door and open it, it's like your key to your mind to create a whole new setting. Okay. So like, even if you're opening just like a closet door in your dream or whatever,

it probably won't be a closet. It'll be like a whole new world factory, a new field, like something completely different. Yes, I was shocked to find there was a very large green field with people, filled with people picnicking. When I opened the door, all of the people, this is from fucking inception, turned around and looked at me all at the same time and just continued to stare. I'm telling you, like when I tell you in my butt right now, I'm so freaked out. Even my soul needs a Xanax. If I ever went like, if I ever went astral projecting

and everyone did that, like the fact that my performance anxiety would exist on all planes is insane. Like your soul has fucking performance anxiety. That's not fair. That I would. I mean, I would just try to slowly close that door. Can you put your astral pants because I think I would just pee my pants. Like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what I would do. What happens when your soul passes out? Does it die? Because I think I die. If everyone turned around like a like a like a fucking Blumhouse productions movie, I'd be like, die of embarrassment and horror. And horror. The dread would be out of control. And also, and also the fears of like, well,

now that I've opened a spiritual door, does that mean they can follow me back in if I try to leave? Like, are they mad at me? What do they see? Why are they all looking? Am I not supposed to be here? Did I see something I'm not supposed to see? Am I not, am I getting punished? Like, are they going to come back and hurt me later? Oh my God. Do they know how to find me through my pantry or whatever this wardrobe ternarnia is? And also, like, to not even know what's going on, you don't even realize you're

dreaming. And by the way, I've done a lot of astral projection research recently, mostly just reading people's anecdotal stories, but still. And the way it's often described is it feels like real life. It's not like a dream where the memory kind of gets hazy afterward. Even in a lucid dream, if I don't write it down right away, I'll forget it, but like apparently as a projection feels like you're literally, cause you're conscious, you're fully conscious. So you're just like, apparently it's supposed to be as vivid and real as waking life. So this isn't like you could brush it off as a dream afterward.

I imagine at this point, I freaked out again, ran back to my bedroom and laid down over my own body, waiting and hoping to fall asleep in the dream and return to reality. It's giving like Peter Pan trying to like press his shadow into him. Literally like force it. Yes, 100% is what I thought of too. Eventually after some time, I woke up in real life and was happy to find there was only one of me. I mean, it does sound like a freaky Friday, like Disney Channel original movie

that you would like clone yourself, you know? I ran out to the living room to tell my mom about my dream and stop dead in my tracks. Not only was she watching the same episode of her show on the television, she was also wearing the same blue nightie from my dream that I had never seen before and munching on popcorn. I asked where she had gotten her pajamas from and she said she had just bought them from Walmart. And that's when I realized what had happened hadn't been a dream at all. There was absolutely no way I could dream what my

mom was watching, wearing, and eating. Thinking about it still gives me chills. The next night and every night for the next few days, I was really afraid of astral projecting again. But night after night, I went to sleep without incident. It got to the point where I thought it would never happen again, and I was safe. I even began to dismiss my own experience as a coincidence and just a very vivid dream, though I couldn't explain how I had known what she was watching, eating and wearing. Then one night, a few months later, it happened again. I woke up and was sitting inside my own sleeping body, like literally something straight out of a movie.

So like you're basically just sitting up out of your body is what's happening here, Rocky. Like you're somehow subconsciously just like sitting up and leaving your body behind. This time I went into the living room, there was no one home. And for some reason, I felt much braver than I had the first time I had asked or projected. I was determined to figure out what was going on. I opened up my kitchen door, expecting to find the field full of people, but inside was just my kitchen again. Well,

I thought if there's no one home, I'll just have to go outside and ask someone else what is going on. This sounds like me and me and elusive dream. Makes sense. Makes sense. I left my house and began to walk down the street, determined to find someone to pay attention to me and tell me what was happening. That's what Emma and I do. We leave our house determined to find someone to pay attention to us and tell us what's happening. Tell me what's happening and call me pretty. How much more could I possibly ask? Blaze and Allison.

Blaze. There were people I didn't recognize on the streets, but they all just gave me weird, suspicious, sideways glances and wouldn't talk to me if I approached them. I tried talking, I wonder what they saw, Em. Honestly, I don't know. I have no idea.

I'd be like, what do I look like right now? Am I pretty? Am I pretty? What's happening? I tried talking to a few people, but every time I said anything, they would walk right past me. Aways from my house, there's a bus stop and I noticed there was a red bus pulled up to it with people getting on. I don't know what gave me the gall or the bravery, but I remember thinking I could get answers if I could get on the bus. Oh my God, what the fuck? Oh, and then she wrote, try walking away from me if you're get on the bus. Oh my God, what the fuck? Oh, and then she wrote, try walking away from me if you're stuck on a bus next to me.

Love that. But before I could board the bus, I felt someone grab my arm and pull me out of the bus door. Honestly, thank God someone was looking out for you. I'm so afraid. Yeah, me too. I turned around to see a man I'd never met before

looking super worried at me He looked at me like he knew me and said very gravely. What are you doing here? Oh, I I'm so scared right now. Oh My god, it's like really scaring me. What are you doing here? I asked him if I knew him, but he ignored my question and kept talking you shouldn't be here You need to go back to your body or they will take it. Lauren Ruffin Mother fucker. What the hell? Lauren Ruffin So scared right now.

Lauren Ruffin Oh my god. Also, like, the fact that he's ignoring like you clearly, clearly to me, whatever. But like he knew you and knew you. You're not supposed to know who he is, I'm assuming because in a past life you knew each other and he's like, don't worry about that. I know you, what the fuck is going on? I checked the calendar, you're not supposed to be here for a much longer time. You're supposed to be in bed now or else they will take your body. Oh my God.

I was shocked and super freaked out and asked him again, but he shoved me in the direction of my house and said, you need to go back to your body now. After that, he got on the bus and suddenly I lost all my determination. Thank God. I decided to run back to my house and to my bedroom. My body was still there, sound asleep, and I laid in myself, laid down in myself just like I had the time before. This time when I woke up, however, I had sleep paralysis. I was awake in my body, but I couldn't get myself to move. Around my room, I could see shadowy figures floating above my bed staring down at me. I wanted to scream and run or

do anything to make it stop, but I couldn't move. I stayed like that for what felt like hours in full blown panic mode until finally I felt like I was released from what felt like a living nightmare. I know sleep paralysis is just your mind hallucinating and muscle paralysis, but I am still convinced today that the shadowy figures I saw floating around in my room staring down at me were the things the man in the astral plane was trying to warn me about. Ever since then, when I've asked or projected, I've never left my room afraid that something is going to try and snatch my body. I still don't know if I completely believe in astral projection. Are you kidding me, Rocky? Are you kidding me? Here I am desperately trying night after night to just get a glimpse of this and Rocky's

like, it's probably not real. Privilege canceled. Cancelled, Rocky. No, just kidding. Blah, blah, blah. I'm not sure if I completely believe in astral projection or if what happened to me was more a dream than reality, but I can tell you one thing. I'm never going to leave my room again when I'm in the astral plane. Stay safe out there folks in the real world and the astral one and beware of the body snatchers. Cheers. Rocky. This was my favorite story we've ever done on the show. I think I'm like that. That's crazy. That was good. That was good. I just love that was a good one. Yeah, bad. It had it had character adventure, whimsy,

fear, all of them. Big red bus. Big red bus. What more could I ask for? Well done. I'm happening and tell me I'm pretty. I'm wondering if round three for me is also going to be. Oh, can I add one thing? Yeah. I just want to say to Rocky too, like, I know that it sounds really scary that that person said to you, oh, they're going to take your body. My and listen, I'm no expert. Okay, I promise. But my gut instinct or, or reaction to that is maybe that your consciousness conjured that to be like,

quit messing around. Like almost like a, just like a, like a real literal threat, like the demons will take your body away, but like just your own mind manifesting, like come on, get back in your body, you're not supposed to be wandering around. I don't know though.

Also I feel like all the spirits that are, you know, much more informed than we are about this stuff, They must hate the fucking kids who are like, I'm going to learn to astral project. They're like, no, and see what's going on. Your fucking soul is supposed to be in your body on earth. That's the point. You're only here for like 60 fucking years. Just stay in there. You have eternity to be out of your body. Yeah. One day you'll wish you had a vessel or something. Yes. Anyway, so I don't know. I've heard that things in the astroplane can be a little

scary, but a lot of times it's just like your own ego getting in the way and talking and that it's supposed to be all loving and light. But what do I know? That's just what I tell myself. It makes me wonder like what happens to the people we never hear about. Exactly. That's just what I tell myself. It makes me wonder like what happens to the people we never hear about. That's exactly that's terrifying. Who never actually did go back to their body or listen to any of the signs. Like what if you got on the bus? Yeah. And then and then what in the real world we just thought you like died in your sleep. Like what happened?

Okay, my next one is called it's not a Duggar one, but it's called Glitch in the Matrix or this is a Christine one, Glitch in the Matrix or Possible Alien Abduction. I like to call this Por que no los dos. Yes, indeedy, indeedy, indeedy. This is from Vic who uses he, him pronouns, saying we're normalizing pronouns. And Vic says, I've been listening to your podcast from the very beginning and always wanted to turn a story in. I'm from Los Angeles, but moved to Michigan in 2004 when I was eight. I have a couple of friends out there I'm still in contact with, and I've known them since we were in diapers. Well, one of them will

call him E. E told me this story about the time he went missing for four days and didn't even know he was missing. E is a truck driver that drives all around the West Coast and he took a route like any other regular day from Salt Lake City that was headed to Vegas. The route was scheduled to leave Tuesday afternoon. Keep that in mind. Okay. Tuesday afternoon. So he did his usual thing, calling his friends and family and telling them

he was heading to Vegas and everything was normal. He was driving at night and thought it was- Can you imagine if I called you and said, I'm going to Vegas and everything is normal. Bye. If you said anything- Usually I'm calling the police. If you said anything and at the end put everything is normal, I'd go, I know you're not telling the truth. I beg to differ. input, everything is normal. I'd go, I know you're not telling the truth. If you just

said like, Oh, I'm just, you know, I'm eating cereal, everything's normal. I'd be like, red alert, red flag. Like that was the dumbest thing you could have ever said. Something has gone terribly wrong. He was driving at night and thought it was weird. He hadn't seen a car for hours. So he was on his phone trying to text and call his family, but nothing was going through. He like entered a liminal space or something. He figured it was just the signal. So he left it alone. So he's driving and driving and still no car. His friends and family haven't called him or anything. So he thought that was weird. Finally, he sees a car in the distance and then he sees another later on. He sees the city and starts seeing more and more cars, but he's on his way to

his destination and he gets pulled over. But the strange thing about this is that the cop only asked for his ID and asked if he had been on any drugs or alcohol. And my friend said no, he'd been driving all night from Salt Lake. The cop told him to follow him to the station and he asked if he was being detained. The cop said no, but they had questions they wanted to ask him. Time police? I'm so scared. If there was such a thing as time police, we would be them partner in time. Well, we've already discussed that we are partners in crime travel, but I don't think

that we're actually sanctioned if that makes sense. But if there was a time police, you know they would call it time crime. Right. Well, too bad we already took that. So they can't have it. Exactly. No, they wouldn't call it that.

Mariska and Stabler, they get sex crimes. We get time crimes. Yeah. But also like the police wouldn't come up with time crimes. They're not going to rhyme. That's too fun and jovial for them. They might to try to placate people that usually wouldn't bat an eye towards them. I don't, I don't know. Cause if I heard that the police came out with a new department called the time crime, I would have to say,

man, I got to finally for once handed to him. I don't know. I got, I got to give it to him. Time crimes. Pretty cool. Some really generic name that no one would ever guess because it's so boring that you would never suspect. Maybe and then people would protest and say, time to rename yourself. You would probably, you might do that actually. It'd be a one man protest. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So okay, they ask him to come with him. They have a couple of

questions. And so they're at the station and they're taking his vitals and basically doing a whole evaluation. They ask him again if he was doing drugs or drinking. And at this point he's very frustrated and asked if he's being arrested because if not, he wants to leave. Yeah, he's not working. So the head honcho comes in and says, do you know what day it is today? What? And he says Wednesday. And the cop says, are you sure? And my friends pull out, my friend pulls out his phone and says, see Wednesday.

And the cop pulled out his phone and said, no, it's Saturday. He was like, how is it Saturday when I just drove all night to get here? My phone says it's Wednesday. No, this is a trick. You guys are playing with me. The cop said, no, your family reported you missing on Wednesday. Oh, shit. So that's why they're wondering likewise, if he's on drugs, like if he's been on a bender

or something. They haven't heard from you since Tuesday. So he's been missing for four days and thought he just drove overnight to Vegas. So they say, so they say he's free to go and he leaves confused as fuck. He turns off his phone and turns it back on and the date changed to Saturday. All of the sudden he gets a flood of calls, texts, voicemails, everything. His family had been trying to reach him for days and this was his phone wasn't getting any signal, but people were trying to reach him the whole time. Oh God.

He calls his, probably because he fucking said, everything's normal. And they went, what are you calling that? Yeah, they were like, something terrible's about to happen. All of a sudden he gets a flood of phone calls, blah, blah, his family has been trying to reach him for days. He calls his dad and everyone is freaking the fuck out. He tried explaining how he had only been driving at night,

but I swear something at night that is unexplainable happened. A glitch or abduction, something he had, he had driven that route many times before and had seen UFOs at night and sent me videos of them. I don't know. The whole thing is just creepy as fuck. He's told me many more stories of his truck driving adventures, but that's a story for another day. Let's just say it's spooky on the West Coast. Have a good day. Wow. Wow. Wowza. To miss, to suddenly just miss, be missing days. That's incredible. And it's not like, oh, maybe I, maybe I had like, what's it like highway hypnosis or something

where you just kind of get like, maybe I just ignored the hours of the sun rising or some, maybe I pulled over. I thought I took a shorter nap than I are a longer shorter nap than I did. And I woke up and it was still dark. And but like, this is like four fucking days. Like you haven't eaten, you haven't gone to the bathroom. That's the thing. And guess what else you haven't gotten gas and you haven't eaten you haven't gone to the bathroom. That's the thing and guess what else you haven't gotten gas

And you haven't taken your foot off the fucking pedal. Yeah, so like what happened is going on Hmm I don't know Aliens The fact that he didn't see any cars for a while Yeah, I don't like that. You know what? It feels like an implanted memory. Like when they implant a memory and then they forget a certain detail.

So like the aliens will implant like a memory of driving, but then they'll forget to add all the other cars. So he's like, this is weird. It's like the uncanny valley thing of like, this is what you saw, yeah? Yeah, it's like, this is close enough. It's like the stories that they tell us, sometimes astonishing legends tells where people who've been abducted will wake up and like their shoes will be on the wrong feet. As if somebody was like, yeah, this is, this is where this thing goes. You want some ketchup for your apple? Yeah. Right. Like this goes here and

it's like why, like, or like one guy, his socks, I think it was Terry Lovelace, like his socks were inside out and he's like I would never have like Socks on inside just like weird shit where you're like, what have they been doing and then they dressed me wrong. Oh my god This is so scary Vic. What the F Well, we got great birthday episode M. I know well done Eva. We've got one more and I can you do this every month? Cuz this is great They're always great, but I like when they're

just pandering just to when these emails are just for us. I crept on the subject line of the last one. It's... You did? I'm gonna like it. I haven't seen it yet. Okay. The Vanishing Onion and a Glitch in the Matrix. Okay, I'm so ready. This is from Matilda, she, her, and it says, Hi, I'm Christine Eva and anyone else who may read this email. I absolutely love the podcast.

It took me a while to start listening because I don't drink and thought you'd have a lot of content about drinking. Yeah, little do we know. Little do we know. Em's just the milkshake connoisseur that draws everyone in, draws all the non-drinkers in. Let's see. I thought you'd have a lot of content about drinking. Imagine my surprise when I finally caved in the dark days of 2020. I love that we had to break you to get you to listen to our show. Yeah, we just had to, we had, we set up the pandemic.

Yeah, we, I, we set the perfect context for you to fall in love with us. Isn't that romantic? Uh, finally caved in the dark days of 2020 only to discover that Em was drinking milkshakes. I have loved the podcast ever since. See Em. And I even subscribed to the Patreon. Oh, that's nice. So I listened to the after chats, dark hours, whatever Christine has named them this week. Man, I feel like Matilda knows more about me than I know about myself. I could continue to sing your praises, but let's get on with my story. When I was a kid, my dad had a job where he worked 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. while my mom worked a more traditional 9 to 5 plus traffic. Therefore, every weekday, my dad cooked dinner. I loved being in the kitchen with my dad.

He would always explain what he was doing and we'd taste along the way. It was one of my true happy places. One night when we were cooking dinner, my dad grabbed an onion out of the fridge. As he went to put it on the counter, he dropped it. I saw this out of the corner of my eye as I was setting the table, and I heard the thud as the onion hit the ground. Except when he went to pick up the onion, he couldn't find it. We started looking everywhere, just glancing around at first, then down on our hands and knees, looking under things, between the fridge and the wall, even looking in the hallway in case it rolled out of the kitchen. Eventually, he just grabbed another onion from the fridge and said, I guess we'll find

it when it starts to smell. But he never did. That onion vanished from our kitchen floor into another dimension. More than once, my dad told me that he was glad I had witnessed it too, or else he would have thought he was losing his mind. That alone is strange enough, however there's more to the story. 12 years later, I moved states for grad school. My parents and I drove in two separate cars over the course of two days to my new apartment I had rented, site Unseen.

Side note, it thankfully ended up being a great apartment with my only complaint being a neighbor who loudly sang circle of life from the lion king every single morning in the shower for the two years that I lived there. I would get them evicted. I feel like I would the morning that it's quiet, I would wake up and be like, I hated it until they'd be like, someone's dead. There's a story here. Please. Yeah, I don't want to get involved. Before we began unloading, we explored the apartment. It was left empty and super clean, except when my dad opened the coat closet and called

me over. There, in the middle of the empty closet was an onion. Are you kidding with me right now? Oh wait, did you watch it? Maybe fall in love by the rocks. Like, I'm kind of- Was it smoking a cigarette and looking with eyes that just spoke of warmth with a smile that makes you feel safe and sweatshirt. And then the onion kind of turn around because you saw a little girl walk by

and then you got married, but you still haven't told him about it. When will you tell the onion, the story, the story of you? Oh, the story of us is so beautiful. Come on. Okay. Let's see. Can you believe though, your dad's moving into your, you into your apartment years later, which by the way, it sounds like such a, like a, it sounds like such a

pivotal moment, like you're a kid, you're cooking together in the kitchen. Is there like your, your daddy daughter days, you know, you get these memories and then like something weird happens. You're like, Oh, that's odd. And then like decade later, he's moving you out into your own home and your own kitchen. And there's the fucking onion. Oh my God. What a beautiful story. Um, let's see. It was an onion, the same type we had lost all those years before. My dad and I exchanged a look and could not believe what we were seeing. Just like we didn't know where the onion went, we did not know where this onion came from. But I like to believe it was some crazy

glitch in the matrix and that onion came back to us. And because I know you are the type to like closure, no, we... Thank you. I was wondering this. We did not eat or cook with that onion. We kept it on the counter for a couple of days and then eventually threw it out. Are you serious? I would have put that thing in a safe. Really you wouldn't glue it to a golf ball case and show it around the country and name it lemon? I would give it a kiss and I would say, you're the symbolism of my family love. Yeah. I would adopt it into my own home.

What's that fucking Linda Belcher song? If you're not real, how come I feel this way? Like that. This sounds like just the beginning of Christine and Lemon, but in another alternate realm. Mental illness. But I do wonder if maybe, okay, wait, there's another paragraph that I want to read real quick before I say this next part. This is the end of it. It says, my dad passed in 2021. First of all, I'm so sorry. And I miss him every single day. We had so many kitchen adventures, but this one was the strangest. Now I cook with my kids and I hope that we are making great memories too. Thanks for everything, Matilda. She, her Capricorn tea milkshake. Matilda, this is my thought. Like,

maybe this was your dad. Like, after, okay, hear me out. That did not land. Okay. Hey, is this thing on? Wait, like, did he die after they found the onion there? Yes, sorry. That's, sorry. Yes, to clarify. Like, maybe in the afterlife, your dad was like, oh, when we had that weird onion thing, that was such a memorable thing. Like, hey, I know, I'll put the onion for them. No, but no. I don't, I mean, oh, oh, I see where you're coming. I see, I see, I see.

He did it later from the future. Future ghost him created this ruse so while they were together, they could have this bond. Well, not even created the first thing, maybe. Oh, like future him like put a little onion there. Maybe now Matilda, after you listen to this, maybe you'll walk outside and there'll just like be an onion on the sidewalk, you know? That would be lovely. Like how people in the afterlife like pennies or butterflies or something, your dad's an

onion. What if he's a big stinky onion? No, he's just like Shrek, that big ogre. He's got a lot of layers. Yes. And no, I think that's such a cool sign, especially if it is an onion. I would be curious, Matilda, if you first of all believe in signs and things like that, which if you listen to this podcast,

probably. But yeah, if you, if you could let me know, I'm curious if you ever like see onion, like maybe you see onions or maybe that's like your little inside joke with your dad. Yeah. My question is if you're a tattoo girly, I have a hunch you have an onion somewhere on you. And if not, this is us requesting that. Please. I wish I had something so beautiful and symbolic I could tattoo on myself, you know? That's a beautiful story, Matilda. I mean, Christine's going to one day have a tattoo of a lemon, so you two will bond in

that way. I can't wait. Well, thank you, everyone. This was just such a good set of stories. And thank you, Eva, for finding them. Thank you for curating them and pick them out for us. This was, we haven't even actually celebrated our real birthday yet, but I already know, this kickstarted it. I feel like I'm in the zone. I'm ready to party. I'm ready to celebrate. You know, when I said I wasn't in the zone, now I'm like, hell yeah. This is a great time.

I've been in the zone and now we're both there and now our energy is matched. Thank you for waiting for me. I'm so happy to be here. We are going to go celebrate our birthdays now. You know what? I give all of you permission to celebrate right along with us wherever you are. So if you want to send us a president cake, you go for it. If you want to eat a, not eat a president, buy some cake. Wait, if you want to hang on. In honor of other people having a birthday that wishes to be

celebrated everywhere. If you would like to buy yourself a present and you needed a reason, today's the day. And if you'd like to eat some cake and you needed a reason, today's the day. So happy birthday to all of us, but especially you, Christine. Oh, especially you, Em. And that's why we drink.