And That's Why We Drink - Listener Stories: Vol. 98

Episode Date: December 1, 2024

Christmas tiiiiimeeee is hereeee. Happy December everyone! This month Eva has collected an awesome and wild batch of stories for us from SWAT team and police standoffs, to men in the ceiling and grandpas in the floorboards, plus some aeronautical engineer insights into UFOs? It’s a doozy! So may the aliens be friendly when they approach us and cheers to kicking off the last month of the year… and that’s why we drink! Don’t miss the last chance to see our Pour Decisions Tour for this year in San Francisco and San Diego THIS WEEK! Get your tickets at: www.andthatswhywedrink.com/live ______________________ Exclusive $45-off Carver Mat at http://AuraFrames.com Use code DRINK at checkout to save! This exclusive Black Friday Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year, so don’t miss out! Pretty Litter’s amazing! You have to try it. Save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy with code ATWWD at https://PrettyLitter.com/atwwd To take advantage of their best sale of the year for up to 30% off your entire order, go to Blueland.com/DRINK Cut your wireless bit to just 15 bucks a month for the first 3 months as a new customer by going to MintMobile.com/DRINK Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc.com/DRINK to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This Giving Tuesday, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health is counting on your support. CAMH is on a mission to make better mental health care for all a reality. And they've made incredible strides forward, breaking down stigma, improving access to care and pioneering research breakthroughs. But now is the time to aim even higher. You can help create a world where no one is left behind. Donate at CAMH.CA slash donate now from November 25th to December 3rd and your gift will be doubled for twice the impact.

A courtside legend is born. The Raptor Chicken Nacho Poutine from McDonald's. Our world's famous fries topped with seasoned chicken, gravy, stringy cheese curds, tortilla strips and drizzled with nacho cheese sauce. Get your claws on it. For a limited time only, at participating McDonald's restaurants in Ontario. Christmas time is here. Thank you for attending our annual Christmas mass. Oh, what is our body and blood of Christ?

Well, actually I'm following the Catholic tradition by drinking the blood right here. Oh. Just do a little transubstantiation and, ooh, type O. Delicious. Mm-mm. If you had to be, like if you had to, like what is your body of Christ and your blood of Christ? Like, my blood of Christ.

Christine, Christine. Of Christine. Like if I had to pick for myself, my blood of Christ is Dr. Pepper. Oh good, that would be a contender. My body of Christ is Dr. Pepper. Oh good, that would be a contender. Jesus already took wine. My body of Christ I think would be a really good baked mac and cheese or a chocolate covered strawberry.

That's... Today, mac and cheese, baked mac and cheese. What would your body and blood be? It's starting to sound a lot like also your death row meal, you know, I feel like maybe there is a crossover there Yeah, I would say Food wise it would probably be like mustard or something. Very that's a drink. That's the drink That's the blood is mustard just a shot of mustard The most German thing I've ever heard you say I'm a number one food is mustard. I

Even solid I used to say that was my favorite food. I like to eat it. Okay, fine. Um, a Mustard coated what like if you're putting mustard on anything in the world, what's it gonna be? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. No, I don't eat hot dogs. I Just like mustard cereal. I don't know. I don't. Like a hot dog? No, I don't eat hot dogs. I just like mustard. Cereal? I don't know with you anymore. I don't either, quite frankly. This could be a dangerous game of roulette we're playing.

Just giving me ideas. No, but I don't know the answer because my brain is still figuring out some stuff about, you know, my... Sorry, I literally have had one sip of a boxed wine and I'm already like, thank God I was able to do that. The dopamine is firing on all cylinders. I'm finally like, okay, we're settling in now

for an actual episode, I'm ready. You know, I don't know, because Jesus was pretty fucking selfish when he took the wine away as his option, knowing how much I would like it someday, being omniscient and all. Mm-hmm. I can give you Dr. Pepper.

I can pick Lennon Fogg. Oh, that's nice. Oh, that's thoughtful, but I don't want to do that to you because I know you love your D. Peppy. What if I take cherry D. Peppy? I don't know. That's fine.

It's like we have similar blood types I don't know, that's fine. It's like we have similar blood types. Oh my God, it's like I'm AB positive and you're AB, wait. I'm B, I'm a B minus. I'm an AB positive, which I think is only 4% of the population. I actually think I'm B positive. And I thought that was really special.

And then I found out that it makes it really hard to receive blood transfusions. So I was like, oh, nevermind. That's not really a good thing. No, I'm pretty sure. You know what's so wild? I had a feeling my whole life that I was B positive. Just a weird feeling.

I never knew what my blood type was. Anytime I asked- That is some weird sort of sorcery. And then I finally found out and I'm B positive. Maybe you remembered it from, maybe it was your earliest memory. You know what's weird though? When the nurse pricked your foot.

But then I always heard that like people based on, like have different dietary things based on blood type. Is that true or no? That's bullshit. Okay. Because someone was like- At least it's like a somewhat of a fringe. What's the word that's like where it's like pseudoscience?

It's a little pseudoscience-y. I think there might be some truth to it. And I'm not trying to belittle any or disparage anyone who goes by those, but I've done quite a bit of research myself trying to figure out different allergies and things. And I think for the most part, it's hard to really make that call. Cause someone was like, oh, your favorite foods

are steak and milk, like meat and cheese, like meat and berry. You're a red-blooded USDA American. Also, someone was like, you're obviously an O. And I went, oh, okay. I didn't know. So my whole life, I felt like I was a B positive, but I was like, someone said something about O because I really like steak.

And that's what Eleanor Roosevelt said. Like, don't ever let anyone, you can't let anyone let you think you're a different blood type without your permission. Did she really say that? Yeah. Oh, that's a nice sentence.

I mean, obviously I paraphrased, but. Okay. Yeah, she also said don't let anyone dim your sparkle. I heard her say something like that one time. That was her. Oh, okay. That makes a lot of sense. She did have quite a positive attitude and a B positive attitude if you don't say it.

And it makes positive. It makes sense. It makes positive. Because I sparkle most when there is steak in front of me. You do get pretty sweaty meat sweats. That's true. Yeah. Hello.

Welcome to our episode. It is now beginning. It's called And That's Why We Drink. We read, well, first of all, this is not our normal. This is like a fun thing we do on the side. Hey, let's start over. Pretend like we just met at the bowling alley. Hold on.

Sorry, sip two is kicking in now. And I'm feeling, I'm feeling wild. Okay. All right. now and I feel I'm feeling I'm feeling wild okay. All right as a cat owner and I know many of us are cats can have what I like to call an attitude problem but what I guess pretty litter calls being picky. We've gone through so many different types of cat litters over the years and the best for us by far is pretty litter and I would love to tell you why.

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slash at wwwd to save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy. That's prettylitter.com slash at wwwd to save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy. That's prettylitter.com slash at wwwd to save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy. Prettylitter.com slash at wwwd terms and conditions apply. See site for details. Welcome to a nuts where you drink listener episodes. And so every month on the first of the month, we, we do sing a seasonal song if it's appropriate, which is why I started with the most appropriate song

for the season. And we read stories sent in by you that Eva has hand curated for us. A little amuse-bouche, a little charcuterie. She's crafted a beautiful orchestra of stories for us to read. And this time she picked seven of them and said they are, the vague through line was crime.

So Merry Christmas. A lot of blood, A positive, B positive and O. And what was Jesus's blood all about? Who even knows that he were? You know, they always talk about the blood of Jesus. What blood type was he? What do you think? I already told you, I literally announced it earlier.

So now you tell me. A, B. It was an O. I think I forgot. I think I was- He liked wine so much and he liked steak so much. I just figured it had to be an O. That makes, yeah.

Well, that's what Eleanor said too. Yeah, yeah. Okay, would you like- Who the hell is Eleanor? Roosevelt? Oh, I thought that was the person who told you you're an O. I was like, what a bitch, who's this Eleanor? I'm gonna tell her to mind her own goddamn beeswax

about what diet you should eat. Okay, wow, I got really defensive for you, I'm sorry. Just know I'd fight for you. Even Eleanor Roosevelt, I would clock her a good one. I don't think you'd recognize her on the streets. It'd be easy to fight her. Power, right in the kisser. Yeah, I'd punch somebody else probably by accident

and it wouldn't end well. So I would ask that you not request that of me, but I would do it if you needed me to. Thank you. Yeah, we have seven stories this time. Do you wanna go first or? Yeah, sure. I should probably talk about something else.

Okay. For once. Okay. Great. This is, oh dear. Okay, just open the link again, because somehow I lost it. This one's called Swat Team Live Tweets. Oh my gosh. This is like Em's,

I feel like this feels like Em's dream come true, like to be like live TikToking some event or like be like on the ground as some event is unfolding and you're on social media. I'm seeing someone get swatted. Yeah, something like that, I'm assuming. I hate this, I hate this. I mean, yes, I would for the drama.

I obviously wanna be involved distantly, but yeah. Well, yeah, that's what I mean just Just live tweeting wise, not like, not like they're there. Yeah, but nothing scares me quite like the idea of getting spotted. That infiltration. It could happen. That home infiltration thing. All right.

Yeah, and everyone watching too. So it's a little embarrassing. Oh yeah, they're on TikTok live. Oy. Ugh. Anyway, carry on, please. I can't wait to hear. Hello to the menagerie.

By the way, this is from Miranda Sheher. Thank you, Miranda. Hi, Miranda. My name is Miranda Sheher, and I'm writing this story from my parents' basement while I, okay, all right, buckle up, Emothy. While you get swatted, what? While I wait for the SWAT team that just showed up

to finish whatever the fuck they're doing next door. First of all, Miranda, I love that the second the SWAT team was there, you went, hold on, I have to write to him. I have to call my friends real quick. Wait, I don't have their phone number. Let me just email them. I like how you had enough time to maybe do a deep sigh

and an eye roll and you went, I know exactly what needs to happen now. Oh my God, I knew this day would come when I have to tell them immediately what's happening. Okay, so wow. Also really embarrassing for me, the moment I started reading, I was like, why are you in your parents' basement?

And now I'm like, oh, there's a fucking choice. Like, not that I'm judging as someone who lived in my parents' attic for many years, but it's just like, I was like, what, okay. You don't have to. Oh my gosh. Anyway, now I get it. I get why. I was here for what was supposed to be a quick visit.

Oh, so you weren't even like living there. You just came over to pop by for a biscuit. You just popped over. Okay. So then they kind of just rolled up. Okay. Does the SWAT team just roll up? They see me rollin'.

I feel like the SWAT team just sprints everywhere. I feel like they're actually contained almost, like a pressure canister. And then when it's like open, like the seal is broken, they all just like rush out. Actually, I kinda know what you mean. I feel the same. You know what I mean, like spider eggs. Like a Trojan horse or something.

Yes, or a spider egg. Like spider eggs. Yes, like spider eggs. Where it's just like, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then they're everywhere and they're swarming. Yeah, I do know what you mean, yeah. But also your thing too. No, I think you're more right,

that they just kind of scurry the second that they have the freedom to. There's like one opening and then they all kind of, they scatter. I don't like it. Yeah. An officer popped by to tell us to go downstairs and not come outside, which was polite of him. And because I'm a theater kid

with no sense of self-preservation, I'm posted up in eyesight of the closest window, emailing you about it. I mean, this is- Well done, Miranda. This is a soldier on the ground for us. Also, I'm honored that we were your first thought. I mean, literally so honored. Not even your own friends. You're just like, I know exactly who needs to hear about this now. I mean, where are your friends? I mean that we were your first thought. I mean, literally so honored. Not even your own friends.

You're just like, I know exactly who needs to hear about this now. I mean, we're your friends. I mean, we are your friends. But yes, I do get what you're saying. Yes, like this is actually, we're skipping straight to the top. Yes.

It's noodles all the way to the top. All the way. So far, it's just one Swatchruck and a few, oh, so this is the live tweet. I'm sorry, it took me a while to understand. As this email continues, we're getting live updates. This is beautiful. Like as time travelers, basically,

we would be getting live updates. Okay. I'm posted up in eyesight of the closest window emailing you about it. So far, it's just one SWAT truck and a few patrol cars. I heard a loud bang a couple of minutes ago, which I'm assuming was them entering the house. Oh my god. I have no live tweet style updates besides that. So in the meantime, how about a ghost story? Oh, okay. That ended quickly. I was like buckle up for the live

tweets. We gave that a lot of energy for it to just come halting. I really built that up. You got to know that I was going to do that Miranda. Did you do that on purpose? Okay. You really wanted to get our attention in. Attention you got. You know what you wanna get? My goat is what you wanted to get. I don't even know what that means. My parents did not by anyone malevolent.

In fact, I think it's just the spirit of a kindly old man. When I was little, like five maybe, quite small, I thought my grandfather lived with us because he was always around. I love those stories when you hear kids be like, I just thought he lived in our house. And I'm like... Which that's precious on its own. Like, I can't imagine thicker proof of something paranormal

than like literally seeing a person around all the time that was as if they were another resident. Yeah, and being like, everyone can see this, I'm sure of it. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, of it. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, imagine how crazy you looked and sounded to other people though, later when you finally asked about it.

Like, oh, the guy that lived with us for a decade, right. And they're like, and what do you fucking mean? He's never been here. Yeah, first of all, stop talking. My eyes deceive me. And also I like the idea, like, where did he live? And then as you say it out loud, you kind of realize, you're like, he lived in the floorboards.

Hang on a second. This is starting to not make sense. Something isn't adding up. Something's not quite adding up. I really, nobody ever spoke to him and he was missing his lower jawbone. Anyway, I guess that wasn't grandpa. Okay.

Anyway, I thought my grandfather... Uh... Uh... Uh... What... The way that your brain just comes up with words is amazing. Just jawbone being so quick to the frontal lobes. Thank you so much. I've worked really long and hard at, um, conjuring the most upsetting intrusive imagery and being able to verbalize it

is kind of a skill I'm working on. Truly, I mean, I don't know anything more frightening than the things that are just at the precipice of your time. Isn't that incredible? They're like there right when you need them. You just let me know, Em. Like a spider egg, they just- Wait, yeah, I forgot I already said that also.

Okay, I'm sorry, this is getting darker than intended. All right, right, so this guy, he's old enough to have fully white hair, but not so old that he appeared frail. He had gold wire rimmed glasses and always wear a red and black flannel, blue jeans and boots. He would often be out in my backyard

when I came out to play or sitting on the end of my bed without his jawbone. Oh no, like a spider egg. Just flapping up in his jawbone. Oh no, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry. I regret that. Oh my God. I remember that we talked and that he was very nice, but I can't remember what he sounded like or what we talked about. I was very small, so it never occurred to me that I never saw him open or close a door. Okay, so that's the thing is like, you're a kid so you don't question it.

And your brain doesn't step in and say, that's not physics. Oh my God. What? In that moment, my door dash got here. In that moment, a huge gust of wind blew a tree branch into my window and I like glanced at you and then saw movement

and I thought this is the end. No, surely like my, I don't want to like try and get myself but my window to the outside is like right here. Right, there's a view. And then all of a sudden a whole ass person. Oh, hell no. It's not even a little window. It was the whole person was now sitting next to me.

Oh, no, no. That feels very Black Eyed Kids and Slender Man all at once. Oh my God. Okay. So she's never seen this guy close a door, but it never really occurred to her because she's like five. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, also never pushed her on the swing,

never talked to anyone else, never changed his clothes and then said, though, to be fair, my dad had a rotation of six flannels that looked all the same because he's a dad. So yeah, it got past you. I get that. I get that. It wasn't until I told my mom about something grandpa said.

Oh my God. That she reminded me that both of my grandfathers died decades before I was born. That would be scary in a true crime sense. Like grandpa said this and it's like, who's talking to you and saying they're your grandpa. I don't know. I would just be so worried.

I also wonder if as a kid, she ever asked any questions and he just kinda, this guy just kinda silenced her, like, don't worry about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She never even thought about it again. Like, oh yeah, he doesn't open doors and. Like, let's get back to Vietnam.

My thing I was talking about, I'm, I don't, this is not a story, question and answer time right now. It's nice that he was nice. Maybe that's why she got away with it for so long though, of like he never mentioning it. Yeah, maybe if he wasn't causing any trouble actively, it was like, well, he's just around.

Yeah, if he was like scary, then it would maybe freak around and she would say something to her mom. Right, right, right. If it was just like, oh, nice grandpa who lives with us, why would I even mention him? And every now and then he just like sits in the backyard while I swing.

Yeah. Yeah, it's like, it doesn't seem like a threat, which also sounds like how your grandpa like made sure not to scare you when he appeared. Like it didn't scare you. It sounds like he was. I mean, I don't know. Maybe this was like something darker, but it seems like he just wanted a buddy and like you were the only one who could see him.

And so you just kind of hung out together. That's what it sounds like to me, too, which is actually really sweet. It wasn't until I told my mom about something grandpa said that she reminded me that both of my grandpas were dead. They died decades before I was born. I remember her showing me pictures of both of them and being confused because neither of, oh, so when she found out both her grandpas were dead,

she was confused because neither of them were the grandpa that lived with her. And she's like, that's weird. They don't look like the grandpa that lived with me. She's like, surely there's a third grandfather't look like the grandpa that lived with me. She's like, surely there's a third grandfather you're not telling me about. I mean, and if you're in Emsi-my situation,

you probably have 17 grandfathers running around out there. I do have like seven. Me too, yeah, they're everywhere. In ghost form too, in ghost and real. I don't remember what she said in response, but she never asked any follow-up questions or brought it up herself ever again. Classic parent move. I stopped seeing him after a while, but I still remember him very clearly.

My parents' house is still haunted. It's nothing terribly spooky, just the occasional set of footsteps up the stairs when no one is home, a couple of murmurs that sounds like someone's talking in the other room, but mostly just a feeling that someone's home. You know, when you walk in somewhere and you can kind of tell that other people are home and that you should call out a hello, it's that feeling. Wow, that is a really cool way to look at it. Yeah. I like to think it's still my not grandpa who has watched my brother and me grow up

and start our own lives. Okay, ghost story over, the neighbor is outside and in handcuffs. This is the most Emma Christine text conversation. This feels like us FaceTiming. A story within a story. I feel like we just got pulled out of like the- Oh yeah, the flashback or the dreams.

Yes, yes. And it's like, okay, back to me now. It's like when Kuzco is crying in the rain. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. It's like, okay, now back to this. There is a SWAT team and I am in my parents' basement. And I am crying and I am a llama. Well, that's not part of it.

Okay, ghost story over. The neighbors outside and in handcuffs. I still have no idea what's happening, but there was no gunfire and things seem to be wrapping up peacefully. I'll update when I get details. Enter, enter, line, enter, enter. Ah, fuck, it's been two years.

Yo. This is the most commitment of anybody. Sorry, I know that you said it was, you forgot for two years, but like to come back to it two years later is, that shows even more strength, I think, than doing it all at once. I would have just deleted it and been like,

oh, I never sent it. I would have never thought about it again. But OK, but that's that's one of my favorite things about time travel is that like it took two years for you to write this fucking story. It's from the beginning of from the beginning of the email to the end of the email took you two years. But for us, it all happened in a moment. And that's just like so.

Crazy, I know that's the dumbest thing I could say right now, but it always blows my mind. And in the two years that you spent kind of coming back to this email, so much was moving and shifting and happening, and now we're all just at one point in time. That's beautiful. Yeah, I really like that.

Ah, fuck, it's been two years. The damn ADHD has got me again. This is already so long, I'm so sorry, but I have SWAT neighbor updates. This is so fresh. Finally, can you imagine if it's been going on for two years and- This is literally the fucking way I need people

to understand that I text them. Oh, sorry, it's been six years since we talked last. How are you? Yeah, sorry, just waking up to this. Just waking up to this. Totally forgot to respond. Which like, why did you find out where you must have like not checked your drafts for two years or something to realize that this was just sitting there.

Well, I wonder if it was one of those things where you like start something and then you're like, oh, I got to send that email. And like for a while, maybe it's on your to-do list. But then over time it like falls off but it's still kind of there. And then one day you think like, oh, I never sent that SWAT story, you know?

I wonder if it was like, I wonder if we were haunting you for those two years. Just know that it was all worth it. It was. Okay, apparently the neighbor was an active psychosis and got into a road rage incident. He ended up following the other person in the altercation. And when he got out of his car,

the neighbor shot him before taking off and going back to his house next door to my parents. I never found out whether the shooting victim survived, but if Swat showed up, I worry about the answer to that. Thanks for reading this long ramble and everything y'all have put into the pot over the years. I've been listening since 2018, and it's been such fun getting to listen

to your stories emerge and to hear you all blossom. Your long time listeners are so proud of you. Keep up the good work. Much love from a fellow Chaos Gremlin, Miranda." Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. You did it.

You never have to email us again. I know, you really nailed it. There wasn't even like a story for another day. You put them all in one. You said another year? Don't know where. Another year? Fuck off with that. With big wireless providers, what you see is never what you get.

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See mittmobile for details. Wow, thank you, Miranda. This is from NJ who uses she, her pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns, NJ. And the subject line is creepy ass camping story. No, I don't like it camping, no. NJ says, I have listened to you guys since 2018 and have wanted to send in this story forever.

So six years later, my procrastinating ass has finally gotten around to it. Is that the secret theme, Eva? Is that the theme this time around? That everything is just very incredibly holy shit delayed? Do you think Eva's trying to give us a message? I get it. I procrastinate.

I get it. Our slack notifications are through the roof. Okay. I'll try and condense this wild story best I can. When I was 16, I went with my camp group to do volunteer trail work on Mount Beer Stat, one of the four teeners here in Colorado. I arrived to a half circle pull-in camping ground right off the road, just a few miles down

from the trailhead around 8 p.m. or so. The plan was to sleep there so that way we could be at the trail to start work by 6.30 in the morning. I can't believe you volunteered to do this. Oh my God. When we arrived, our counselors, who are probably a few years older than us, go to the neighboring campsite to let the folks know that we are here as a camp group. We'll try and keep it down. When they got back,

they told us it was a group of young guys on vacation from Italy and to make sure to stay in our space, AKA don't go flirt with the 20 year old Italian. Oh, and that's hard because they are flirtatious. And yikes, they're 20 and you're 16, but also I remember being 16 and that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I mean, to me, to the, at that age. The 16 year olds, yeah.

That night it was me and two of my friends in the tent closest to the neighboring campsite. Our tent was pretty shitty and the rain fly didn't fully cover the mesh windows. And since we were all 16, we were staying up way too late talking. When all of a sudden my friend B whispers, holy shit, there's someone outside the tent. Then there's another person S which I love that this is Serena and Blair,

obviously. When S and I turn to look, we were both able to faintly make out in the dark a figure in a hoodie crouched down peering in at us through make out in the dark, a figure in a hoodie crouched down peering in at us through the gap in the rain fly. Fuck off. I tell my friends that we should scream for help to wake up the counselors.

S goes, no, if we scream, he'll totally stab us. No, you gotta, I think in that moment, I don't know. In that way, like I don't even know what the right thing is because. I don't either. Cause S would scare me straight in a minute, but I also think screaming is probably the thing that will startle them the most.

Right, I don't know what the right thing is. I don't either. I think it just depends. We lay there whisper screaming at one another, flipping out for a while. I grab my bigger metal flashlight and decide I'll use it as a weapon if he tries to come in. For at least an hour or so,

the three of us sit back to the back, watching and crying as he circles the tent, drifting in and out of the trees as he wanders around before finally leaving. What? Get a fucking life, you creep. A little while after he's left and we calm down a bit, B lets us know she has to pee. Well, B, piss your pants.

I don't know what to fucking tell you. Piss in my flashlight. I don't care, but don't go out there. Gosh. Use that fucking rain gap that doesn't exist. For real, for real. Pee out the flap. There was no way in hell we were letting her go pee in the woods after that.

So she opens a tent and pees like two feet outside while us and I are on standby with our flashlight weapons. Which wild, by the way, like I know this is like not like, it's just the irony of like being scared that this guy was gonna do something and then dropping Trow right outside the tent like moments later. Like mooning him immediately.

It's actually kind of a power move. It's a very dominant move. In the rush, Bea accidentally pissed all over her own sweatpants, so pissed her pants. No, not a power move anymore. So she took them off and left them outside in the rush, Bea accidentally pissed all over her own sweatpants. So piss your pants. No, not a power move anymore. So she took them off and left them outside in the tent, which part of me is already worried because isn't that like the scent

that like a bear could smell or something? Anyway, whatever. A pee smell? I don't know. I tell my friends to get some sleep and I'll sit guard all night. That would have been me because I'm not going to bed, obviously.

Yeah, forget it. Around four a.m., I start to drift off, but violently woke up to the tarp flying off the roof of the tent while I heard my mother screaming my name. What? Sorry, that was so loud. What the fuck?

I jumped up ready, but whatever was around sounded like it slunk back into the woods. Finally, the sun crested and I got maybe an hour of sleep before we got up and got ready to go. When we got up, the pair of pants B had peed on were gone and the backpacks near our tent had been rifled through and all the bras and underwear were missing. God.

We then proceeded to tell our counselors about our night. They went over to confront the group next to us since they were the only other people at the grounds that night. But when they got back, they told us the campsite was completely empty and the car was fully open and on. Anyway, we complete our volunteer work

and just kind of move on. But almost a week later, I finally get home and my mom asked me if anything happened on that specific night. She told me she woke up at around 4 a.m. screaming my name and felt like something was wrong and I was in danger. Oh my God. So your mom woke you up, like Astral woke you up in time.

Oh my God. And the craziest part is your mom didn't even know. She didn't even see a vision of you. She just was like, I just woke up screaming your name out of my own control and it just, higher powers something. Wow. Wow. And I mean, I've said this one before, but that reminds me of Deirdre's stepmom story

where she like, her and her daughter both had the dreams from different perspectives that someone was gonna break into the house and hurt them. Yes. Ugh. So disturbing. It's so weird that like the power of like a mother child and dream, dream versions of them. Yeah, that consciously neither of them even realize.

Yeah, woof. Well, that's it, that's pretty much it, that's it. So- That got me, that got me good. Wow, well done. What a story. That was in fact terrifying. So once again, we choose the bear. Every time. Because they just grabbed all your shit

and then ran away, yuck. Well, not all your shit. Just just this Just the intimate ones. Yeah, gross. I Found sock doc probably before most people did it was many many many years ago when I first moved to LA and I realized you Introduced it to me. I did. Mm-hmm. Oh, I love that. Okay, that's how I got my perp rattle wall Oh, that's right, because that's how I found my... Oh my gosh, see, it's the gift of giving, or it's the gift of giving? That's nothing.

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We're talking about in-network appointments with more than a hundred thousand healthcare providers across every specialty from mental health to dental health, eye care to skin care and much more. Plus ZocDoc appointments happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. And you can even score same day appointments. Like we did when we were in a per perennial emergency. That's exactly right. Thank you to ZocDoc.

Otherwise, I would have never gotten per perennial as quickly as I did. Thank you to my phone anxiety for leading me down that path. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash drink to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's z-o-c-d-o-c dot com slash drink, zocdoc.com slash drink. Okay, this was sent in by Ash, she, her, and the subject is, my dad's criminal background,

the gift that keeps on giving. All right. I like it already. Hey, Team Lemon, I'm going to skip the intro because this could be a bit long, but this is the story of how my dad's criminal background ultimately led to my grandma and her neighbor being held at gunpoint.

What? Okay. These events led to a police standoff, but first some background. Heads up, I'm from North Dakota, so everyone in the story owns a damn gun. My dad suffers from addiction and has an extensive rap sheet. However, most of his life, he got away with low level misdemeanors. That was until 2007 when he threatened his girlfriend and ended up with a temporary restraining order on August 17th.

He went on to violate this restraining order by buying a high-powered handgun that day. Oh, fuck. That day he couldn't fucking wait, could he? That day. That's so disturbing. He then went to the shooting range with two friends. For the sake of the story, I'll refer to them as A and P. A got into a struggle with my father trying to take the weapon from him,

and P tried to break up the struggle. P was shot in the leg during this incident by my dad. It was ruled an accidental shooting, but it was still considered reckless endangerment. I don't know if it was really an accident or not. My dad has always had a temper and hates when he doesn't get his way. He was sentenced to three counts of reckless endangerment and one count of disobedience of a judicial order, but did over 200 days of time waiting for his hearing. So by the time the hearing came around, he was given credit and got out almost immediately on probation. He connected again with the girlfriend who had previously had the restraining order against him that year, 2008, and this relationship was tumultuous. One night they

were fighting and he ended up threatening to kill himself, her, and her son who was a minor. This was more than enough to violate his probation and he was sentenced to one year for each violation racking himself up four years of time. He later got out on some weird appeal and now pretends like that means he was wrongly convicted. He wasn't, someone just fucked up in the court system. Anyway, he made some interesting friends in prison.

Well, one of these friendships was with Brandon Lyon, who he later recommended to my grandmother, who was looking for someone to do work on her home in 2015. I'm not sure if he was even qualified, but she hired him. My grandma and her neighbor, Tom, and the TM, this is in parentheses, and the TM is that they were definitely dating, but refused to acknowledge it out loud to anyone,

insisting on calling him her neighbor or friend. But they were definitely- Thank you for knowing, that's exactly what I wanted. Thank you. I did see earlier they wrote neighbor in quotes, and I was like, oh, maybe that means he lives across the street, not next door.

No, it meant that they're fucking, apparently. Okay. Tom, my neighbor, grandma and Tom, were in their home one day when Lion showed Tom that he could get into my grandmother's gun case without breaking the glass or damaging the lock. He started to say he was going to take my grandma's gun and her five dogs to go hunting, but eventually,

and I don't know how, things took a turn and he pointed the gun at Tom's face. He told my grandma she could leave, but said he wouldn't let Tom leave and that he was going to take him out. Oh shit. Tom and my grandma made a run for it out the back patio to Tom's house two doors down where they called the police. The police and SWAT, okay SWAT team,

had to barricade the entire block and proceeded, and they told this one girl to go downstairs into her parents' basement and await for their life. And then she live tweeted us. Yeah, that would be so trippy. That would be. The police and SWAT had to barricade the entire block and proceeded to have an exhaustive 15 hour standoff with the man.

Eventually the windows were broken and the house was tear gassed with 27 rounds of gas. This effectively destroyed everything in the house including lots of my late grandpa's war memorabilia. Rumor is his journal may have survived, but it's been lost at this point and I'll probably never get to read it. Anyway, the man had an extensive violent record and was given a life sentence for these crimes. My grandma and Tom have both passed on now and so the details of the story are just from memory, but it's one of many police altercations that happened at that home.

Maybe one time I'll write about the time I went to my cousin's house and got a call from my mother that my dad had fled the house after physically fighting with my stepmom and how my stepmom ended up in a separate police chase later that night. Until then, this is why I drink love ash. Um, okay. You need to write a novel. Get it together. That's a lot of twists and turns that we didn't even cover. We didn't even unpack. We didn't even have time to unpack at all. This is a saga. Yeah. That would have been very funny if they both SWAT instances were actually the same instance.

I know. I know. Well, thank you for your story. We have another one. That's from Ash, right? Yes. Ash. This is from Michaela and we don't know Michaela's pronouns. Uh oh, so we're going to go with they them and their subject line is tap, tap, tap or how M saves me from a ghost. Oh, geez. What could that possibly mean? Uh oh, what's happening to my head? Uh oh.

It's growing. It's ballooning. Help. Help. Oh, gosh. Oh gosh. Michaela says, hey Eva, and if this gets spread on the actual pod, hey, I'm Christine and the whole, and that's how I drink, dang. My little family along with my husband's family went on a cruise this past August,

and this is only crucial to the story as it had everything to do with where my mother-in-law decided to book our hotel the night before. We were leaving out of a port in California and she hates California traffic. So she wanted to stay in a hotel as close to the port as possible. Let me guess, Queen Mary's coming.

So she was proud of herself as she found a hotel that was actually a boat docked in the same port as the one we needed to be at. And we are staying at the Queen Mary. Yes. Apparently before making the reservation, she checked with my husband, my brother-in-law, and my sister-in-law to make sure

that these accommodations were acceptable. Only Mick, my brother-in-law, knew about the ship's reputation, but he kept his mouth shut thinking it would be funny. I was apparently the last one to know the plans, and I about shit myself with excitement when my husband told me we were staying there So I broke the news to everyone that we were staying on a haunted ship and that I had every intention of trying to do

A ghost hunt when I was there So fast forward to the day of and we get to our rooms and I'm ready for this hunt The rest of the family decided to join me save for my mother-in-law and father-in-law who decided to watch the kids They were like, no, thank you. So it's me, my husband, my sister-in-law, her husband, and my brother-in-law with a few other strangers exploring the boat. It was exciting and the boat is beautiful and super creepy. I'm sad to say that we didn't encounter much,

just a few flickering lights, but overall, I was still happy that I tried. Once back in my and my husband's room, I stood in the middle of the room and said, I don't know if any ghosts followed us back to our room, but I would like to say no thank you. We need to go to sleep. You know, I love saying no thank you. That is a literal M quote. Go, no thank you. No thank you. No thank you. It works you guys. It works. It does. I just go that's I see and I acknowledge but no thank you. My husband made fun of me for

my proclamation and we both went to bed. The next morning I knocked on my sister-in-law's door, which is directly across from mine to see if she wanted to get coffee with me. Now my sister-in-law is a pretty early riser so I was surprised at how tired she looked. She told me that all night she kept hearing tapping on the door. I asked her to elaborate and she said, it was just a tap, tap, tap. Like when you want to knock, but aren't sure if anyone is awake. So you do it lightly or just with your fingernails. Like how Eva taps and we lose our minds.

Like, cause she'll tap where you're like, did I hear something? But you're not sure. She'll tap like this. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Now you get it. You don't hear it at all. And then she goes, oh, well, I knocked on the door for like 10 minutes. What are you talking about?. Now you get it. You don't hear it at all.

And then she goes, oh, well, I knocked on the door for like 10 minutes. What are you talking about? No, you did not. Yeah. Yeah. The second time it happened, she got up thinking maybe it was me, but no one was there and the hallway was empty. She then told me every time she would drift off to sleep, she would hear the tapping and

that once the tapping sounded like it came from inside the room instead of the outside of the door. It was like, well, since you didn't answer, I'll just see myself in. Like, no. No, no, no. That's not how this works. At first, I'll admit that a part of me was a little annoyed because the only reason that she came to the ghost hunt was because everyone else did, and she got to experience something. Oh, and she's the one who got to experience something.

However, the rest of me is glad that the ghosties respected my no thank you and let me sleep peacefully. And I know this story isn't all that exciting, but thank you for listening. No, I think it's exciting. I love it. The second you titled it, I saved you from a ghost. Well, of course we knew you would love it,

but yes, I also love it. I think Em does a good job giving the just sage and simple advice of setting a boundary, which like, I mean, honestly, I'm not good at, and guess what? Like weird things have happened because I don't follow that rule, so. There are a lot of times,

I mean, I do it to a point of angering. Like I do it, I do it annoyingly, but I would rather annoy everyone for a couple of minutes than like ever have something fall me back that isn't welcome. And like so far knock on everything, but like it has worked. So it feels like Mikael is a combination of us because, uh, we don't know their pronouns, right? Uh, they, sorry, not to immediately bring that up again. I just want to make sure I don't mess it up. But, um, not to immediately bring that up again. I just wanna make sure I don't mess it up. But no, the fact that they're like, oh, I did what Em said and protected myself,

but then I wished I hadn't a little bit. Like that's the combination of you and me. That's the Christine, yeah. Right, because the me is like, I'm just gonna let Em say it and I'm not gonna say it and I'm gonna see what happens. And then I- That is how it usually goes. I live to regret how it usually goes.

I live to regret the tale, yes. Christine will in a haunted house literally go, what Em said, like ditto. I'll go like ditto, but like if you really wanna come home, you can't. Like I'm so bad about it because I'm just like, I want something to happen. No, I do so much.

I like, I even like take like a cleansing, like an intentional shower and like everything. Okay, you advice to me and I then saw it and take a cleansing, an intentional shower and everything. You gave advice to me and I then saw it on a different platform, like some other masterclass or something I was taking where they said, consider a shower, you can use it as an energy cleanse as well.

And then I was like, oh my God, Em does that. And so I did that yesterday and it was so cathartic. It was like, oh, I feel like I'm just cleansing the day off me. I don't know. There's something very, I think I might be turning toward the sun, aka M. Oh, oh, oh.

Okay. You're influencing me. Finally. For what it's worth. Okay. Well, thank you so much, Makayla. This is from, let's, oh, oh no. Oh no.

Okay. This is from- Oh yeah, oh, oh no. Oh no. Okay. This is from, Oh yeah. What is it? No. What? This is from Kylie. She- Okay. Hi, Kylie. She or hers who says, my former youth pastor kidnapped a child. Oh no.

I tried to tell you. The holidays can create even more waste than usual. Each year, Americans throw away 25% more trash from Thanksgiving to New Year's, which I am telling you, I know personally. You're 18% of that. Yeah. So what if we told you that there was a way to get all your holiday shopping done without the guilty feeling over the waste that typically comes with it, and here lies Blue Land.

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I've been listening to you and that's what you drink for about a year and I've caught up to all the episodes. Thank you Emma Christine for giving me something to do at my job. It says at job, which sounds very funny. It sounds like you just like put a blank, like a bad lib, like something to do at blank. Something to do at job. The podcast has made me feel a lot less alone in my day to day and I appreciate all the gay representation you guys bring to the table.

You are welcome. With that, let's crack into it. Growing up, I went to church two to three times a week in a non-denominational sector of Christianity. With that came going to youth group from a young age. I attended youth group from about age 17. We had a pastor that everyone loved. Let me guess a fucking pillar of the community, no doubt.

No doubt. Oh, he was a pillar of the community. Sorry, I literally hate myself. I'm so sorry, I hate myself. Okay, we had a pastor that everyone loved. He was a pillar of the community, if you will. I'm sorry, I'm so annoying. And everyone called him PJ.

Yikes, Pastor Jordan. Yuck. Yuck. I'd have personal talks with him. I knew him from when I was around 10 years old. I left the church a long time ago and I'm currently pagan. Let's fast forward to last year in 2022. Rumors started happening that a youth pastor had relations with a minor years prior.

We found out that PJ had groomed a minor from around the victim's age of 15. Said victim came forward as an adult about 10 to 15 years after this incident occurred. My God, and he's still at the church? Well, no comment. Then more news came forward and we found out that a lot more had happened with this relationship, quote unquote, than anyone thought. Formal charges were brought against PJ. He fled Wisconsin to Florida, of course, and was brought back to Wisconsin to face charges. Everyone thought that was the end of it until last week. He's now facing new charges of child sexual assault of a child under 13, child

enticement, and bail jumping. It turns out he was quote-unquote mentoring a 12 year old in Wisconsin again, picked this child up in their house to what the child thought was to have a talk, took him to a hotel, and as PJ went to check in the child called the police to let them know he'd been kidnapped. Oh shit. Oh my God. Unfortunately PJ had already allowed things to happen in the vehicle before going to the

hotel. So he had already committed an assault before they even entered the hotel and the police did not arrive before the child was led to the hotel room. Oh no, they didn't arrive on time and he was brought to the hotel room and sexually assaulted. Shortly after PJ was arrested and now more charges are coming out against him. This whole story breaks my heart for the victims that PJ had. It's a devastating feeling when you looked up to someone at such an influential age and to be taken advantage of by someone you looked up to.

I've copied a link to the article as well if you want to read more. I didn't include a lot of the details within the story as they're pretty difficult to read. Thank you again for all you guys do in sharing the stories of the victims. Anyway, that's why I drink this week. Here's the link. Whoa, that is fucking heinous. But also round of applause to the 13 year old who was able to find a phone and call the police.

To call the police. I mean, that's- Even though they didn't, they got there at least in time before even more could happen. I don't know, but at least he was, you know... Well, at least that stopped it. Cause that call came in, he was arrested.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. And that was, what was their name? Oh, the submitter was Kylie. Kylie. Boy. Yeah.

Yeah. Nevermind to my excitement before the story. Now we're just, maybe this one will be better for our moods. I don't know. I'm just scrolling through just fun fact for everybody. It looks like a lot of the communications were happening on Snapchat

between this guy and the miner. So just an FYI, like if anyone's curious how that kind of operated. That's wild that he was able to go back to work after that. Well, he never went back to work, I don't think. No? No, he's in... No, no, no, he fled Wisconsin as soon as... Oh, right, and then went to Florida. Went to Florida and then just sexually assaulting another minor. Right, right, right.

And then was officially found and arrested because that kid, like you said, that brave ass kid called the cops and then was assaulted anyway, but thank God, yeah. Thank God they made the call. Yeah, cause after that it could have been, he would get taken to another location or something. It could have, we don't know what could have happened.

Or you would have to someone else or yeah. Yikes. Well, thank you for your story. Eva really leaned in on the true crime this time, huh? I mean, I guess she warned us. She did warn us. This one, I think, is also definitely a true crime. Okay. I think.

I say I think and definitely at the same time because I'm 50-50 fully on this. Based on the subject line, you tell me what you think it's gonna be and then we'll see who's right. Okay. This is from Rachel Hughes's She They, Love a Double Pronoun.

And the subject line is, there's a man in the ceiling. Oh, okay. Hold on. So, of course, initial thought, true crime. But then I remember I was talking about how grandpa lived in the floorboards. Right, exactly. So, yeah, you're right. It could go 50-50. Okay, which one are you betting? I'll do the other one. I mean, I'll bet ghost because you said true crime off the bat.

I feel like you get the true crime call. I'll bet ghost, because you said true crime off the bat. I feel like you get the true crime call. I'll say ghost. Okay. Rachel says, I've been binge listening over the last few months at the strong recommendation of one of my best friends who also experienced this firsthand through, though from a different angle.

And she agreed that it would be a good story to send. Hi best friend, even though you don't get named. Yeah. I love that. My best friend told me all about the show. Anyway, I'm not gonna give her a shout out. I assume everyone is very familiar with the concept of a haunted theater. Yes.

Just like the broad concept of a haunted. Just like what one is, I suppose. Yes, I am. Anyone who's done live theater for any length of time knows that the literal superstitions like ghost lights and the Scottish play, they pale in comparison to the spooky semi-sentience that most theaters tend to radiate.

Whoa. I somehow didn't know Ed, girl and Po was on the horn. On the horn, what a sentence. I somehow was undeterred and remained such an insufferable theater kid that I got a college degree in it. And this all happened during my university production of the SpongeBob musical.

Yes, of course it did. The most haunting of all musicals. Which by the way, love that we're reading that this weekend because the SpongeBob musical starred Ethan Slater who was in Wicked. So blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yes, the SpongeBob musical exists.

Yes, it's surprisingly good. Can't confirm, it is weirdly good. Okay, everybody has been recommending it. They're like the second Leona shows any interest, you've got to get on that train. My friend Stephanie was like, just start with the soundtrack, it's bananas. You would not think it's going to be good.

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that are hard to do on a college's budget, crew, and timeline. Let's just say lackluster forethought was happened about that. But you know the show must go on. So we figured it out and put on a hell of a production even as a flashlight prop went missing and a stomach bug ravaged the first production weekend. Oh no. Oh no. I have had a stomach bug ravage our production. And it sure did.

It went scorched earth on our production. The second weekend is where things got strange. It was the middle of the second act during Squidward's tap dance number. Of course for Squidward. Yes, he does it with an extra pair of legs. Well, yeah, of course. Because he's a squid.

That's silly. He should be doing it with two extra pairs of legs. That's an octopus. No, a squid is six legs. Oh, I see. I thought you meant eight. Yeah, you're right. You're 100% right.

It came backstage. I came backstage to see three of my cast mates searching around with their phone flashlights. And my first assumption was that someone had dropped something in the dark and they were trying to find it. So I asked what they were looking for. Maybe Squidward's legs. There was a strange man back here, they said.

Well, under the fucking vanity? Word spread quickly through the cast and hushed voices and pretty soon everyone was on edge. Apparently right after intermission, a bald man no one had seen before stumbled through the light booth, an area you can't get into from the audience and shoved past the freshmen

working the spotlight before disappearing. Of course the poor freshmen. He's like, I'm just trying to do, to hold my own. And no one's even gonna believe the freshman, you know. We soon heard that one of our professors had seen him in the backstage hallway during intermission and told him to leave, but clearly he didn't make it far. Naturally, we all freaked out,

but not enough to stop the show. It's the car, no rule. Personally, I felt safest on stage because- Imagine being dressed as fucking Patrick Starr and you're like, the show must go on. All our ancestors who did theater before us, Shakespeare himself, and you're dressed as like fucking Patrick Starr and Gary the snail,

and everyone's like, yeah. But as Patrick, you mean sexy Patrick in the fishnets. Of course I mean sexy Patrick. Duh. Personally, I felt safest on stage because in order to do anything to any of us, he'd need to come out into full public eye. So we finished the show. Yeah, come hurt me in front of the audience.

I dare you. So we finished the show and I got out of costume and went out to the lobby to greet people, which I do every night. At that point, I assumed the man had found his way out of the building. Then we were told they had to close the lobby and everyone please go outside." What? Not a single bedside manner there, apparently. I actually thought this was a ghost until now.

No need to worry, but someone, you need to leave immediately. Yeah, up until now, I thought it was a ghost too, for sure. I really thought it was gonna be a ghost because they were like looking for him. Most of the cast and crew were still backstage, quarantined in the men's dressing room while the police came and searched for the man. Oh my God.

And he was apparently still there. No. This is where that SWAT team, why don't we have the live tweets of this? This is getting weird, the SWAT team nonsense. I'm getting a little freaked out. I went back to the apartment where my aforementioned friend waited up with me for our other roommate

who was stuck in the theater. I can't imagine just waiting and knowing someone's stuck in the theater. No, no, no, no, no. I filter in on the situation while I got updates from the other people on site. And not only was the bald man still in the building, he was in the ceiling,

up in the catwalks where the lights were hung high on something and they couldn't get him down. Okay, but like to be fair, that is the best place to fucking hide. Like who would look up there if you weren't familiar with a theater setup? And also it's so funny that he's like, oh, I got busted. And now he's like, I'm too scared to come down. I don't know how to climb down. He's like a cat in a fucking tree. Like what are they gonna do? That happened to me in like a ski lodge one time

cause they had like a big loft and I couldn't get down the stairs. Oh, I'm with you. There's a video somewhere my brother has of me where I booked, I thought it was really cool and quirky. I booked a room. It was literally this past summer for me, my mom, and Alexander in Atlanta.

And it was at the Hotel Claremont, which has the strip club attached, anyway, that whole thing. But I booked a group room where it has loft bunk beds. And of course I was like, I'm oldest, I get the top bunk, but trying to get down, I was trying to put my, and of course it was all aesthetic, so the ladder's not really,

so I start sticking my legs out and I just keep like kind of pushing myself off and I look down and Alexander's fucking filming, which then of course I panic and I end up, anyway, there's no glamorous or graceful way to get down. So as this robber, this intruder, I can see the social anxiety of- Totally.

Everyone watching. everyone's watching. And you don't even, and now you don't look cool cause you also got busted. It's not like you did like a cool getaway. You didn't even do it right. And now M is live tweeting the whole thing. And it's so embarrassing for you. My friend was constantly backstage to prep for this show

and had helped hang those lights around two weeks prior. And it was another prior and it was another area that couldn't be accessed from public spaces. So you had to go up two different ladders. Now there's two ladders, you can't get down. Yikes. That were already tucked into weird dark corners filled with wires and ropes. So now he fucks with a wire or a rope. No, this is starting to become clue. Based on the food wrappers, the discovery of the missing flashlight and the length of time our band director had been smelling unexplained cigarette smoke.

No. The bald man could have been in the building for as long as three weeks and living in the ceiling for at least a week and a half. And he thought everyone's gonna be distracted during Squidward's tap dance number. Why don't I just scooch on past? And also like that is freaky that like

for the last three weeks, you know, three weeks before a show, all the kids are there for rehearsals nonstop. Any hour of after school, yeah. So I wonder if he was like, I'll sleep here at night, but I have to keep myself occupied for like 20 of the 24 hours a day where I'm not around. But also they were smelling cigarette smoke.

Do you think he was just like lurking because of the kids? Like there's dressing rooms, there's changing rooms. Or do you think he was just like looking for a place to hide out? I guess maybe we'll find out. No, I think he was just looking for a place to live. I don't know. I have like your idea of like,

oh, everyone's going to be distracted by the play that like I could probably get back up there and no one will know. By the way, Christine heard it and thought it was a ghost. So like I probably would have said, it's just a ghost. Well, he probably thought like, if I'm living here, as soon as the play is over, they're gonna lock up. I need to get in there right now before.

Very good point. And when they're closing down, they would have, yeah, yeah, very good point, very good point. So he has to get in before security starts doing scans of the place. What do you think he does when he scans of the place and it happened to be during a play. I imagine plays chess in the park. I don't know. Yeah, you know, something really wholesome, I'm sure.

But he was eventually removed and everyone got home safely and we finished the run of the show with no more hiccups and many jokes at his expense. Our director talked about pressing charges, but I never heard anything about it. They didn't even fix the issue of the building never fully locking. You think your theater has ghosts?

Cool, ours has the ball game. So you were right for sure. I really thought before we even knew it was a theater, I thought your true crime instinct was right, but I was like, I'll just go ghost. And then halfway through your story, I went, I can't believe I'm right. I thought it was a ghost for sure.

If I had heard a theater ghost in the ceiling, I would have believed it for sure. But that's sad. And I wonder if like, was he just experiencing homelessness or was it like more sinister? Cause I mean, it's hard, you know, I can imagine a place is unlocked. And so of course it's like an easy access and you know,

maybe there's places to like kind of isolate yourself, but then you think, okay, it's also a high school. Like it's, it feels like a school. Like it feels like the worst place to be caught loitering and squatting. I also wonder like if he was experiencing homelessness, he must be pretty new to it because people weren't, well he'd only been there for three weeks

or maybe a week and a half. So unless he was coming from another place where he got busted. Yeah maybe like bouncing around. But he seems well dressed enough for a play that nobody thought he was out of place. That's true. Yeah. Oh, I wonder.

So it just feels a little sinister. I think probably just because also it's a bunch of minors. Like that just also adds- I think they're college students, but yeah, very young. Oh, I thought it was high school. But yeah, still, you're right. Like just kind of a sexy Patrick star. I mean, goodness gracious.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Okay. Great story. Wow. I can't believe we're at the end. By the way, thank you, Rachel, for that. So this is from anonymous she her. I love how they're like, I'm anonymous, but I'm a girl bitch. Don't forget it.

Right, right, right. But I'm not a man, don't worry. Yeah, don't worry. Thank you, I did need that reassurance. Okay, just kidding. I get really excited when men listen because it means they're like. On the winning team?

In on it, yeah. This is called My Alien Icebreaker. Great. Hi, all. I'm a newish listener, and I started from the beginning, so I'm only up to 2019, but I got to episode 122 about pilots seeing UFOs. That was such a good episode. And thought you might like to hear the story.

I'm an aeronautical engineer. Oh my God, that's why it's anonymous. Oh my gosh. I see, okay. I see. I'm an aeronautical engineer by trade and used to build flight simulators for military jet aircraft.

No big deal. You have seen so many things. I just know it. No big deal. The power you hold, you contain multitudes, my friend anonymous. I know and fear your power. I fear and know your power. I fear and recognize, but from afar.

I acknowledge and shiver at the same time. And don't look you directly in the eye. Okay. I worked closely with pilots during this time and whenever I met a new one, my favorite icebreaker was... Obviously, we've seen an alien, UFO. So what's your UFO story? And Emma has just been waiting for this.

Because there always was one. In 15 years, I met dozens of pilots and every single one had a story for me. Most were as simple, I saw some weird shit flying over blank while other job. Sorry, that was an end joke from earlier that nobody got but me. I saw some weird shit flying over blank while others were more complex and spooky. Unfortunately, I can't go into more detail than that. Here, let me rephrase that. Unfortunately, I can't go into more detail than that. Here, let me rephrase that.

Unfortunately, I can't disclose any further details. But I thought you'd like to know that UFOs have been openly discussed in the airborne communities for decades. These individuals are all highly qualified, have to pass rigorous testing, and are some of the most skeptical, no nonsense people out there. And yet they all, all believe in aliens. So there's that two eyes emoji. I mean, me too. And I didn't have to become an aeronautical engineer. So who's winning? You know?

Ooh. I'm just saying. You know what? No offense. Eva said to me- But I'm onto something a little bit. Eva and my therapist said, not to say but, to say and. No offense to you, and I do trust an actual pilot more than I trust your opinion. No offense and. That's also true.

I will say, I understand. It's nice to have actual confirmation, although I will say I have. I knew it. I knew it. Just so. Yeah, I've never had to wonder, but this is such good information to know.

Sorry we didn't need to go to school to learn about aliens. Sorry we just believed it already. That's like when Allison tells me she was like an A plus student. I'm like, and there was me and we're in the same place. So, um, congratulations. Look how far we've both come.

No, honestly, there's nothing more intimidating to me than an aeronautical engineering. But at the same time, if I met you at a bar, regardless of either of our experiences, we at least have one thing in common. You're not going, you're not, you're not going home until two 30 in the morning. Cause that's a lot to talk to you about.

And we'll pay that bar tab all night long. Oh no, if I ever meet an aeronautical engineer, before I've even spoken to them, I've paid for their tab. Six people just picked up their phone and went, oh my God, I should DM them. That's my guess is that six aeronautical engineers? Listen, can somebody confirm or deny that?

I think one and they've written in a number. You think one? Oh, I really would like to think six, but you're right, maybe it's one. I'd like to think there's a little team and they all know each other. Megan, can you find out, can you do a poll on whether or not everybody is an aeronautical engineer?

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It's really important. Cancel everything else. No, I know what Eva told you, but do what I say. Yeah, thanks Megan. No, you're right. No, you're right.

Eva is the boss. Okay, do what Eva says. Megan, I know that Christine just left the room and Eva told you one thing, but now that both of them have left. Where's my wine? Please ask the aeronautical engineers, one, if they all know each other,

two, if they do, can they join a squad and represent us as our UFO. We wanna be the civilian force. Yeah, thanks Megan. That was me. Oh, I was like, wait, I said that, not Megan. Okay, yes, okay, sorry. I was supposed to be in the other room anyway.

Okay, last thing is love you all so much. Can't wait to get caught up and maybe hear this red on air, team wine, if that's still a thing, LOL. And guess what? I rarely drink on episodes these days, but I gotta tell you, name redacted, I am vibing with you today.

And I think I had to fill up my whole glass of wine out of that box because I forget sometimes how freaked out I am about alien conspiracies. So it says, name redacted, she, her. And you know what? I bet the she, her is actually a he, him who went full rogue. Oh, you know what?

That would be so fucked up and so awesome. Like if you're just like, I'm just gonna really twist my identity around. Although- Or you know what? There would be so fucked up and so awesome. Like if you're just like, I'm just gonna really twist my identity around. Although- Or you know what, there are they them, and now if anyone accuses them, they go, you said the wrong pronouns. Are you fucking kidding me? I was like right in the middle.

It's fine, you know, fucking figure it out. Grow up, grandpa. Yeah. Get out of the floorboards. It's 2024. I love that it is, as far as I know, confirmed. And also, I don't know if anyone's- No, I think that was official.

I'm not, no screwing around, no joking. I really think like, if people are, we have had multiple people write in anonymously who work for, and okay, I know that sounds like- An agency. Yeah, and it sounds like, oh, we're just being scammed. But like, no, there are things we've had to delete off a couple, only a couple,

but like things we've had to delete or things that felt too sensitive to read. We've gotten some interesting emails over the years, just a couple, but like some of them really were like, whoa. Also, I don't know if anyone was keeping up with like the congressional. The Kardashians? Oh. Oh, that too.

I think it was a congressional hearing. It was the... It was. The UFO reports that they were just talking about a week ago. I mean, it worked out very well. I'm not trying to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but it is interesting that they were letting all those videos just go rampant after the election and no one was paying attention. Well, they did that earlier in like July or whatever, whatever month that was they released.

I remember they released all the information. I think it was a Pentagon released all the information on a Friday at like 430 PM. And it was like, okay. And it weirdly worked. It was like, anyway, it worked. People are like, I'm tired. But also speaking of I'm tired, all of us are so fucking fed up with the world that like we're getting confirmation of UFOs. And I'm just like, whatever, like let them take me. Whatever. And honestly, it's like,

oh, so there are still people who are going, oh, that's a conspiracy. Really? Look at the fucking world right now. Did you think any of this was gonna come to fruition or be real life? I don't fucking think so. Look at the world.

This is what we live in right now. It's insane. It feels like the game, it feels like somebody went to get their Kraft mac and cheese from the kitchen and they forgot to pause their video game. And we've all just gone like completely rogue. And they came back. Everyone is in pools without ladders.

Literally. And they came back and said, Oh shit, I guess maybe I should restart. And I feel like any day now, we're just gonna go hit the restart button. I don't know. I really, it did, to see all those videos where it was like just being confirmed of like,

oh, we've had like, was they literally said like bodies from crash sites or something since before we were even born. They said they literally have biological specimens from other planets. And you know what I did? Or other parts of the planet. And you know what I did?

I went, ugh, and then I kept swiping. I didn't even care because so much happened in this stupid world in the last few months. I don't even fucking care. Isn't that wild when aliens are the least of your concerns? I'm like, take me with you. I don't even fucking care anymore. It's like when your entire civil liberties and existence are being threatened,

they're like, oh, what about aliens though? And you're like, hang on a minute. It's like, okay, the aliens are gonna what? Take me away from all my freedom I don't have? Oh no. Oh, they're gonna probe me? Fucking try again. Where do you live?

Planet Earth. It's like maybe the aliens will do an abortion for us. How about that? Like, I don't fucking know. Maybe they'll fucking... Oh my God, now I'm gonna make this nice Cuba weapon in like five seconds or whatever it's called. Truly, if on the news tonight it was like,

aliens have actually come and are beginning to invade, I'd go, all right. Duh, it's about time. I really don't know what... I'm like, I'm actually come and are beginning to invade. I'd go, all right. Duh, it's about time. I'm like, I'm kind of being funny, but also I really don't know what I would do. It's like being glib a little bit, but there is such a truth to the being of how jaded we are and how like bad things have been that you're,

cause I mean, I know you've probably seen too, like people talk about how our brains and our nervous systems were not built to, like absorb all of this, all of this information, all this negativity, even all the positivity, like we just weren't built for this, we were built for smaller communities. And so like-

We were built to rub sticks together and set fires sometimes. And like bonk each other every now and then when we were feeling horny so that we could make more of us, right? Like that was basically it. And like maybe have a petty squabble with Nancy, the two caves down.

We were meant to float down the river, yeah. Literally. And now it's kind of like, oh shit, everything just means nothing and nothing means everything. I don't know. And so yeah, you're right. The aliens, it's like, if you're gonna come,

now's probably the time, because we're all just kind of like, fuck it. I mean, if you really want to take us away and deal with a lot of people who would submit to you pretty quickly, I'm on that team. No, I'd like to be wave two. I'd like for Em to go first and then write me a few postcards, because I feel-

Just give you a thumbs up from the craft. Like, I'd like to be wave two. I'd like for Em to go first and then write me a few postcards. Just give you a thumbs up from the craft. Like, we're all good up here. And then all the balloons like on your Apple computer would just start floating. I'd be like, oh, okay. Oh no, now it's raining. What could it mean?

It's thunderstorming on Em's FaceTime. Okay. Anyway, sorry. I know we were trying to keep things concise, but wow, that one got me good. And thank you, anonymous slash name redacted. What a fun and like a little mysterious way to end that name redacted. The only other question I'd like to know is like, when you see something, do you just

fly towards it and just like hope that they'll take you away from this? Okay. I also want to know from anonymous, yes, anonymous aeronautic engineer. I know you said you meet a lot of pilots and you ask, I would love to know. I mean, maybe you would have added it if that's the case, but I would love to know some of your favorite stories that people have told you, or if you have any of your own and you can make it anonymous. Like, well, I know that's kind of a scary thing to write in if you're trying to retain your information. But if we promise we'll be very discreet about it,

I would love to hear what your favorite stories were. You could also email us and then even say in the subreddit line, don't tell anyone. And then we can see it. Oh yeah, and then write they them, and we'll say, it couldn't be that other person. Exactly. Because they have different pronouns.

Oh man, well, anyway, what a way to end 2024's listeners episodes. Hey, Em and I have been recording for five hours. I'm so sweaty and I have to leave at like 6 a.m. tomorrow and it's 6 p.m. and I'm bad packed. Help! Good luck to us all in 2025. May the aliens be friendly when they approach us. Oof. Yeah, and if you're, we're approaching Halloween, nope. We're approaching the afterglow, the end of the afterglow of Halloween.

We're approaching Christmas. So if you're feeling extra stressed, I'm so sorry. Know that we're with, right there with you. And if you need a extra stressed, I'm so sorry. Know that we're right there with you. And if you need a place to escape to, please just pop into the show or, I don't know, show up on Patreon where we do yappy hours about all sorts of random things like our own shadow work and figuring out what subreddits we follow.

So you can go there. What blood of Christ we are. Yeah, well, that's for the main feed them. We would never limit that to Patreon. That is for everybody. But yeah. So thank you everybody. And you know what? This is the last listener of the episode of the year. Happy new year. And that's why we, you always started, I just feel like I have to wait.