Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Akaash Takes A Knee

Episode Date: August 16, 2019

This week Andrew, Akaash, and Alexx discuss what it takes to for American citizenship, Joe Rogan talking about Andrew's shadow ban from Instagram, the updated Rich Paul rule, the top 10 actors of all time, if soaking in urine has a healing effect, and much more! INDULGE!!! Want to hear more? Become a patron! https://www.Patreon.com/Flagrant2

What's up everybody? Welcome to the Patreon episode of Flagrant 2 No Easy Buckets. And now this is my assholes, water cooler commentator for your sports needs. I'm Andrew Schultz. I'm here with Akash Singh. You know, Kaz is out the building right now, but obviously prayers up, love. He felt all the love. Shorty felt all the love. So the love is brilliant that y'all are putting in that way. Keep the love flow going. Alex Media is here.

Eden Martinez. We don't know where Eden is. No, Eden's handling some family shit right now as well. So, you know, obviously prayers up for Eden. Let's get the fucking show started, man. I heard I can't take full credit for this or I can't take any credit for this. But I had a guy comment on a video of mine

when I was in Japan. And I was complimenting my chopstick skills. I was eating some rice with the chopsticks and I put that shit in my mouth. I was like, my chopstick game is impeccable for a white. And the dude commented, he goes, damn.

He goes, Michael J. Fox was starved to death in Japan. That's good. That's really fucking good. That's the visual of him trying to pick up food with the chopsticks, and that's just shaking off the sticks every single time. Can you imagine he gets frustrated? He's like, fuck this. And then he picks up the bowl and he still can't get it.

Miso soup flopping all over the place. Yo, there's certain foods you can't have if you're Michael J. Fox. Son, if I'm Michael J. Fox, I go to Giro just to piss off Giro Just trying to pick the sushi up with the fucking chopsticks and cut nation half every time this perfectly rolled pieces Sushi by this old-ass man You're hit you with a karate chop. Oh, yeah, you're not allowed to like Manipulate the food at all. Yeah, son. You're not even supposed to use chopsticks you go fingers the original chopsticks the food at all.

Son, you're not even supposed to use chopsticks. You go fingers. The original chopsticks. Can you take a bite or you have to whole piece? Nah, ain't no bites of sushi. Sushi is made for whole piece

down the hatch. That's right. Deep throat. You got a deep throat. I heard mad one-star reviews on like Yelp for Jiro. Son. Whoa.

Wait, we were talking about this last night. So we didn't even look at Yelp obviously because Netflix put out the Yelp. It's the greatest sushi restaurant in the world. If you go to Yelp, they're like, nah, this shit is trash. So I'm not making it up. Everybody thought I was trying to be a contrarian.

I'm not. The food sucks. I just want to get that out. A lot of things I got to get off my chest this morning. Oh, yeah? There's a lot of fucking things. Talk about it. Talk about it. Oh, yeah? There's a lot of fucking things. Talk about it. Talk about it.

Guys, okay, I don't know where I want to, okay, there's two that I just got to get off the chest. First of all, I'm scared.

Service, okay, I was going to get some khakis yesterday, just some pants yesterday, and I walk into the Carhartt store, but it's Carhartt Work in Progress, which is like a little hipster version of Carhartt.

For those of you guys who don't know Carhartt, Carhartt was like a working man's pant, like a construction worker. East Coast Dickies. Yeah, East Coast Dickies, great way to put it. Construction worker, miner, factory worker, union guy clothing. guy clothing. And these people that work in the fucking clothing stores and act like they're better than you.

Like, you're bothering Do you have this at a 34? Whatever's there is what we have left. I'm sorry. Are you not going to suggest another pant? Are you not going to show me what's similar? Are you not going to do your fucking job? I'm sorry.

No, that we don't have that. Even if you said it politely. Hey, would you like to try? That's like best case scenario. I will accept. No, sir. I'm sorry. I'll accept that.

But what we have there, like I'm a fucking idiot. Like it's impossible to think maybe you have some inventory in the back i'm the asshole for not knowing how your job works you fuck you fuck this fucking hipster piece of shit the fact that you think that you're at this first of all just because you work at the store doesn't mean you're in fashion. Right? These motherfuckers that work at the store think that they're in fashion. It's like you are the dishwasher of the fashion company.

Do you think Mr. Carhartt or whoever, you know, like Balenciaga, these fancy brands, you think they're looking at the workers in the store going, we would be nothing without you? What is your job? 34-34? Fold. That's it. Can you literally put a pair of pants on your chest

and let the top part bend over and then let it go again? The idea that you could have any attitude and being better than... And I go in humble to these places, bro. I'm just asking, bro. I'm just trying to look cool. That's all I'm trying to do is look cool. It's already vulnerable as a man to want to look cool.

You work at Gentrified Carhartt. It ain't nothing but gentrified. Akash, if a person who actually wears Carhartt walked in there and you gave a fucking New York construction worker or a union worker that kind of attitude. He'd drag you out of that fucking store. By your fucking mustache. He would take you by your stupid fucking mustache and drag you onto the street

and pound you into the pavement he just laid. The balls on these fucking people. Where does it come from? New York City is the only place

I've been to where when you buy something not only are they not thankful they act like you should be thankful. That you got to give them money. When you walk out,

they're looking at you like, you want to say thank me, come again? Thank me, you'll come again? Thank me, you'll come again? That is so true. It is. And immediately I hit up Ronnie Chang.

Shouts of Ronnie, man. I love Ronnie Chang. I need a Ronnie Chang. Ronnie's the greatest. Amazing. The GOAT. Love him. And because I was talking to him about Japan.

He's got great perspective on Japan. He's a Malaysian. He's from Malaysia. Spent time in Australia. Chinese descent. But he's got great perspective on Japan. Was saying these hilarious things yesterday. We got to get him on the podcast.

And I was just talking about like the bowing culture and all that kind of stuff. Dude, it's so polite. So polite he goes he goes you have to understand like they used to just have samurai swords and cut people open all day they're trying their best not to cut people open all day right like the extreme politeness is covering up the it's overcorrection it's like pc culture it. It's PC culture. That's their version. They used to walk around all day with a samurai sword and then when you bumped into someone

they knocked your slipper off by accident. The honey mustache. Honey mustache. Right? So he's like, dude, you gotta... He's like, you have to correct for that.

And then he made this observation and I couldn't wait to... I didn't even text you because I'm like, I want to see what he has to say on a podcast. He goes, you know how like, I'm like, yeah, but it's like the extreme, it's like fake. Right. Polite, it's too polite. He goes, okay, you know how like when you meet a New Yorker at first, they're like a dick. Yeah. Right? Like New York they're like a dick. Yeah. Right?

Like, New Yorkers make horrible first impressions. Yeah. Right? But he goes, but if you get to know a New Yorker, that's the best friend you're going to have. Right. But initially, you even said. Yeah. I think initially with me, you're like, who the fuck is this kid?

I didn't dislike you. I just thought, I actually didn't understand what skinny jeans was fashion. I was like, this dude, he's like a fucking, yo, fuck son. So, so you were,

but whatever, but it was like, this idea that like, and we do it, we have to put on that fucking cloak because everybody's trying to hustle us all day. Yeah. You have some money for the environment.

You have some money here. Hey, play three card money. Like every day, someone's trying to take money out of our pocket. So we gotta be like, who the fuck are you? And you were afraid of getting robbed robbed so you gotta look angry and we

didn't have no swords yeah i mean if we just had swords everything would have been solved so he goes he's like he's like so there you go you have a new yorker and he goes we're like initial first impression and then it sucks and then he said this this is so funny and sorry australians but he lived in Australia, he goes, Australians are the opposite. When you first meet them, best first impression you'll ever make

in your entire life. You're like, I love this guy. And then a couple weeks later you're like, get this motherfucker away from me. That's so good.

That's so good. So he goes, would you rather like fake mean, which is New York, or fake nice, which is Japan, if you just had to first impression people? You're just walking around in your day.

Oh, interesting. Right? Now, when you meet someone, you want to know who the fuck they are. When you want to make real friends, you need New Yorkers. But when you want to go into a fucking— Fuck travel. When you want to get a pair of fucking khakis. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

When you want to walk around Soho, you want to get a pair of fucking khakis. Oh yeah. When you want to walk around Soho, you want, you would prefer the fake. Japanese culture, fake nice. Can you bow? Can you bow? You're right. Right? If I'm traveling, I want the fake culture, but if I'm living

in a place, I want the fake culture. Give me that. Give me your fucking heart. Give me your soul. If I gotta go a little bit to get there, cool. But it was just this motherfucker. This motherfucker. He drove me crazy. Not Ronnie, the guy at the fucking car. Oh, of course, yeah.

It's fucking infuriating. When you talk to me like that, I'm like, who the fuck are you? Son, the fact that I could be bothering you by asking you to do your job. Yeah. The fact that, like, dude, it is, it's like if you went into the Apple store and they acted like they made the computers. They do. The Apple store? The Apple store, the genius bar.

Suck my dick, genius bar. You're just going to run to the back and charge the phone. I thought you said they make the computers. Oh, no, they act like they do. He's like, what? They got them on double time? No, no, no. That's the slaves.

But they act like they're the slaves. So I'm on this kick of, like, annoyance. Right. Okay. I'm on this kick of, like, annoyance. Right? And I see this tweet from John Oliver or some fucking shit about John Oliver.

Right. Let's back it up a little bit. Fuck it. No, I see this tweet from John Oliver. I see some shit from John Oliver, right? It's always shitting on America, you know, like Trevor Nolan and just shitting on America. Do you know what I mean?

And I'm looking at this shit It's always shitting on America. Trevor Noah and them just shitting on America. Do you know what I mean? I'm looking at this shit. It's always rubbed me the wrong way when these guys shit on America. Especially Trevor Noah. It's like, bro, you guys just got freedom. The Simpsons came out before you got freedom. So for you to judge us is fucking astonishing to me right right it's a crazy crazy thing and we're gonna get trevor on here because i need to i need to have a sit down with trevor and like talk to him about this and john too uh or at very very minimum brilliant idiots and maybe

you come on for the episode of an idiot too so it's like but i need to talk to them. I need to. Because the fact that you come here and then shit on America for a living, right? It's like people don't realize they begged to come here. Oh, that's a good point. You know how hard it is to come to America and get a visa? And it's begging. I've gotten a visa for an ex. Yeah. It's hard.

Please. What service will you provide America? I will provide you with the best of services, Uncle. Uncle. What is it? Sam. Uncle. I almost said Uncle Tom.

I will provide you with the best. Uncle. How many states are there? There are 50 states! And all of them are beautiful! I mean, once I get in there, I'll shit on 25 of them. But now in this process, there's some amazing... 25 of them. 44 of them.

44! I'll shit all over them! But they're beautiful! Who is the governor of this? Oh, the great Governor Alex Tomahaw! They're learning all the information. They're taking it all. Oh, my God. What is the declaration?

I pledge allegiance to the flag that's not even mine. How cocky is that? You're going to pledge allegiance to someone else's flag, bro? It's like we make you take it in the ass to come here. We make you Benedict Arnold. Yo, we were so tight about Benedict Arnold betraying us

and like every motherfucker that comes over is betraying that shit forever. That's it. Benedict, you know why I call him Benedict? Because you bend over

and take that dick. That's why, okay? Yo, what's up? This is Akash. That was a preview of our Patreon episode. If you want the full thing, That's why, okay?