Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - ALFRED NOT ALPHA - F2 Patreon

Episode Date: May 10, 2019

This week Andrew, Akaash, and Kaz discuss: Kaz being tardy again, disloyal soldiers, ketchup being the fountain of youth, Ayesha Curry’s starve for attention, Kyrie being pushed out the playoffs, purposes of capes, and much more. INDULGE!!!

I am very less me around your girl. Very less me. Remember when she came to the gig, I let her watch whatever show she won in the green room? And then complained about it after. But I didn't complain to her. I just complained after. Yeah, I can see the steam coming out of Akon.

The idea that the fucking bar that you set for yourself. That shit enraged me, son. We in there watching a game and I come back from the bathroom and they're keeping up with the Kardashians is on and I'm like, oh, what? You're just taking over the green room? Is that what's happening right now?

No, get the fuck out of here. Call Chris Copo right now. Call Chris Copo right now. Call Chris Copo right now. What game? Baseball? No, it was a basketball game. Basketball game? You weren't there.

This was at Levity. No, no, I was there. At Levity? This was Gotham, wasn't it? Oh, it happened at Gotham, too? No, my girl ain't been to Gotham. No, no, I thought it was Gotham. My girl ain't been to Gotham. That was the girl you're cheating on with.

Oh, you want me to get cooking? You want me to get cooking? Wait till you get with this bitch. Wait till you get with this bitch. Wait till you get with this bitch. Wait till you get with this bitch. I'm going to text her to listen, too. I'm going to get her number. I'm going to be super nice. Yo, you should listen to the podcast.

You should subscribe. And then I'm going to just go. It's all good. It's all good in you know what I mean? It's all good in the hood, bro. Gotta keep your woman away from all these savages. It's all good in the hood, guys. That's all I'm trying to say, man.

Y'all just keep that between y'all. Yeah. I'm saying, bro, Alex, how many times your girl came into the green room and changed the channel and didn't ask nobody if that was okay? It was a baseball game. No one like to fuck about baseball. Yo, Sun-Tan. And Andrew was on stage.

Sun-Sun. But you asked the people in the great room. You were like, is it okay if I watch this? I'm a guest. Like, the fact that you could feel entitled to change in the fucking... You're on stage. Chris is there. I'm pretty sure she asked Chris.

Call Chris. No, didn't ask. Call Chris. All right. Call Chris. All right. Alex, you didn't even there. You acted like you was there. No, I swear to God I was there for this. Maybe it's a there you act like you was there I swear to god

I was there for this maybe it's a different place but I was there this is levity cause I remember him looking at me and like dude

I was like did this happen is this real life levity is the one in Nyack New York you know that one did you come with us to that one

I don't know maybe Al came we weren't doing the podcast at the time we weren't even doing a podcast back then oh so then are you sure uh yeah it's a it's an old gig scopo yo i got a question you live on flagrant 2 right now it's me akash is here yo do you remember when we were doing the gig in levity live and Akash brought his girl? Did she do anything in the green room that was maybe a little odd?

From what from a playoff basketball game, you don't matter what she changed the channel. It's not her channel to change. It's not Scopo's channel to change. It's way more Scopo's than hers. A little bit more. Way more. A little bit more. Way more. That's what's up. Good for her.

How are you defending this, fam? You crazy, bro. I'm a defender for sure. Hey, Scopo, did she ask permission? Did she ask permission, Scopo? Tell me. Defender for sure. Hey, Scopo, did she ask permission? Did she ask permission, Scopo? No, I know exactly what happened. Tell me. We went to go talk to people after the show.

So she stayed in the green room and we went to talk to people and then we came back and then it was changed. Oh, nobody's in the green room and she changed the channel. So you change it right back when we get back. You could have changed it, man. Scopo? back when we get back you could have changed your bet now now the re now we didn't change it back right thank you so much gopil i love you yeah peace so now we could have changed it back? But we have so much respect for your girl. And we care so much. And I didn't want to create any discomfort for your girl whatsoever between you and her, between anything. I want her to feel welcome and liked around your friends because I care about you.

Right. You know what I mean? So I just said, watch that real house. That's the show. But this is what makes you a dick is that you've said this story so many times. That should have infuriated me. That should have infuriated me. I couldn't believe it. It was mind-boggling to me.

It was mind-boggling. That's the type of experience that you just let that roll off your shoulders. Yeah, why you let that go? But the fact that you defend let that roll off your shoulders. Yeah! Why you let that go? But the fact that you defend it is so crazy. Of course I'm gonna defend it. We've told this story so many fucking times

on this podcast. Wait, we did? Yeah, we did. We never told this. We've heard that. I remember hearing this story about the fucking channel at the goddamn comedy club

at least four times. We have not talked about this on the podcast. I don't think we talked about this on the podcast. This is the first time I think you brought it with me on the podcast, which is wild.

You're saying she's doing it in private. Why are you angry at me, bro? Why are you angry at me? Why are you angry at her for changing the channel when she's alone? You just described it. Is she alone, fam? What you watching? Keep the game on.

You watching? You out there getting hoes. Keep the game on. Keep the game on. Enjoy the game. Boy, I can't wait tilles keep the game on keep the game on enjoy the game boy i can't wait till you get a girl dog let me tell you something if if if we go if i bring my girl to your show do you know what i mean she's not gonna touch the remote i'm gonna say hey whatever's on you just watch that shit maybe akash wants to watch it that's what i'll say

really dead ass i seen you with your girl. I seen you with a girl. Okay. I live with you with a girl. That's fair. I seen how you act with a girl. You talking tough right now. I seen how you act with a girl. What you mean? You act like you're not the most whipped motherfucker with a girl.

Oh! Absolutely! But that's me That's me with my things I'm not whipped with your I'm not whipped with your things Or anybody else's things I mean here's the thing

I can't test it cause I never put you in a position With your girl where it was awkward Exactly there would never be one Cause I wouldn't do that to you Wouldn't do what? Make it awkward with you and your girl Like changing the channel in the green room? Yeah, or like, if she

changed the channel and I was watching something, I wouldn't hold it in for three years. I got really sensitive over here, son. I'm sensitive? You holding on to this for three years? Who's sensitive? I'm trying to demonstrate how great a guy I am. You're questioning how good I am. By holding it over my head for three years. I'm trying to demonstrate how great a guy I am. You're questioning how good I am.

I've been holding it over my head for three years. I never talked to you once about it, right? I never talked to you once about it, right? I never bought it once. Let it roll. I never bought you once, right? Let me ask you a question. Hit that Hezzy.

I hit that little Hezzy. Hit that Hezzy. Hit that Hezzy. Listen, I hit that Hezzy. I got that. Listen, no. She hit that playoff game with the Hezzy for sure. She won the playoff game. She hit that Hezzy. I got that. Listen, no. She hit that playoff game with the Hezzy for sure. What a playoff game.

She hit the Hezzy. What is it? One. Is three? Then we make an issue? What do you mean? It's not about one. You're failing to see how it is a little bit of an overstep.

That's your thing. And you got to defend your girl, so I get it. I 100% get it. Right, right, right. But if it wasn't your girl, if it was just like a dude. Yeah. As a matter of fact, if it was like a guy doing a guest spot, he walks in, change the channel. We walk back like, who the fuck said you could change the channel?

Right? So your girl is there and we didn't say that at all. You're here questioning how I am with your girl. And I'm trying to say there's been multiple times where I was nothing but accommodating. That's all I'm trying to say. I'm a great friend. But if you're going to question how good I am, I got to defend myself.

I got to show you how accommodating I am, how I want her to feel comfortable at all times because that's my friend's girl. I want her to be comfortable. You say I'm the worst. You're the worst out here. I watch Real Housewives. You the worst.

I watch Real Housewives. Those Kimber the Kardashians. Kimber the Kardashians are the worst. You the worst. Ain't nobody, no, that's not true. For you to say I'd have treated anybody. Of course you treat her differently. That's my girl.

And I did. You should let massive overstep slide. You ain't holding on to no mild overstep for three years. It's a mild overstep. I don't care about. That's a little bit of an overstep. Alex. I don't care.

Let it roll. Is that what you said? Okay, well. Let it roll. Hey, baby. I let it roll right into you. I just rolled it right over to you. It's a little roly-poly.

And then we're going to roll it over. See how y'all handle it, you know? You're going to hold on to shit for a man long. Oh, my God. Three years for a mile overstep. If you tell me I'm the worst. I mean, I kind of see where he's coming from, though. If you tell me I'm the worst, I got to give you evidence to why I'm not.

I got to see where I'm at. I didn't say I was the best. You said I'm the worst, so I'm here showing you how accommodating I am. You angry at me for accommodating your girl? That's weird. Yeah, it's not like worst case scenario. He could have brought it up right then and there. That's when he's like the worst.

I would never do that. That's the worst. Okay, let me amend it. I don't know, but holding it in for three years, son. It was just a change of a channel, B. Let me say this. You're like the worst ever.

The significance of that, son. That's what I'm saying. I would have forgotten that shit. That's what I'm saying. My girl ain't heckling during the day. You said that. We danced for the channel. Would it be changed?

We took the remote with us. Wow. Well, the next night. No, I'm just joking. I don't like that joke. I was just joking. I was just joking. Shit.

In all honesty, in all honesty, it was me trying to defend myself for you saying that I don't make accommodations. Right. No. And you're not the worst ever. But of all my friends I have... I'm pretty bad. Yeah, you're...

I'm okay with pretty bad. You're the worst of my friends. That's better! That's what I'm saying! That's better! Yeah, that's how I took it. Oh, I thought you meant I'm the worst ever with girls

and I was trying to say like... No, just out of everybody we know. I relish being that. Well, he doesn't talk to everybody of course he's only talking about his I thought you meant like I'm just

the worst guy the worst is a guy who fucks my girl come on you know I would never do that no joke I'm just saying I said it as a joke

no joke come on you know I would never do that he would never any girl that you're with he's very like I'm the most like even guys

I don't even that's what I'm saying I've never crossed you're not the worst ever with, he's very like. I'm the most. Like, even guys I don't even. That's what I'm saying. I've never crossed, yo. You're not the worst ever. There's definitely been a worst. That's what I'm saying. But of all my friends, you're the worst. And I'm going to tell you, when you get a girl.

Hey, man. It ain't just going to be me. It's going to be a lot of motherfuckers. We're going to come over and watch some TV. Hey. We're going to come over to the crib and watch some TV. Whatever she wants to watch, this bitch can watch.

You think I give a fuck? Hey, bitch, watch whatever you want. We earned it. Hey, bitch, you get one channel. I'm going to be honest. I'm going to be honest.

She can watch whatever the fuck she wants. I'm going to bring this bitch snacks. Please. Thank you. That's a friend. Yeah, that's what's up.

That's what I mean. Hey, watch what you want, girl. Don't worry about it. I'm talking to fans anyway. Call her bitch. Get them bitches out. Get them bitches out while you still can. I'm well aware. I got a finite time with this

bitch calling her bitch. And I'm leaning in to this bitch. Get all them bitches out, bro. God damn. Statue of limitations on bitch. No, this bitch needs some bitches, bro. She needs to feel it. This bitch needs to have the expectations set nice and low. You know what I mean?

So when it changes, she's appreciative. But also, I just love all these bitches out right now because when you do try to sabotage something, I'll just bring up this Patreon up. You see this guy? This guy that you were listening to called you a bitch all these times. How the hell could you listen to the things he's saying now this guy doesn't have your best interest at heart figure out a workaround i'm three steps ahead bro you remember that video uh put that on private whatever one of you patrons is leaking our shit, this episode may be leaked.

Oh, my God. No, but in all seriousness, I think Akash is a great boyfriend. Obviously, you love your girl very much. For sure. That's it, bro. You love your girl very much. Hey, that's improvement. Right there. That's improvement. You defend your girl very much hey that's improvement right there that's improvement

you defend your girl because you should defend your girl gotta that's absolutely sure and if you're listening right now Akash's girl

she ain't gonna make it this far she not alright you don't hit the punchline well she might now I'm not gonna hit any punchline

I'm just saying if you're listening just know that like it seemed like we were being aggressive or anything but obviously I want the best

for both of you Akash's my best friend so I just want him to be happy and yeah that like it seemed like we're being you know aggressive or anything like that but obviously i want the best for both of you you know our car's my best friend so i just want him to be happy and and and i'm yeah that's it man that's all so i love you both it's a good ending you know what i mean you're not the worst you're welcome to and that's all i'm saying i'm not the worst ever i'm not the worst ever there's people what do you think i am what do you mean i like being i like being like the friend that's like. If there's a power. That might not get invited to the wedding. Yeah.

Yo, fam, if you didn't invite me to a wedding, I would be pissed. I got to fight for this invite, dog. Son, you realize that your mom would have to call me on some shit? Yo, real talk. If you didn't invite me to a. Like. Your girl shouldn't be at the wedding before me. Like, when you really think about it, like, I got more of a place at the wedding than your girl.

Why is that? I know you longer. That's it? Yeah. So we should all be marrying our moms then. You barely fucking your girl. How often y'all fuck? He's in the mouth.

You see, that's where you just two-butt, son. That's why I said you could have just parked it right there. That's where you two-butt. You had the nice comment before. That's it.

We could have tabled it right there. See what you should be doing? Yo, wait. You say all the time your dick is trash. You say all the time. I know.

She puts up a trash dick. That's why she wifey. I take that. I take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I take that. I'm just going off I take that one. I take that one. I take that one.

I'm just going off of what you say. I'm working off of your joke. Y'all make it just trash. She puts up a trash dick. Okay. That's all I'm saying. And I would never talk about your dick like that. That's just me. If we were to get married, I would never talk about your dick like that.

I would appreciate all the dick you gave me. Oh, my gosh. Hey, let me tell you something. That was so good. If we were giving each other dick, you'd be at the wedding. Yo, deadass, you think I won't be at the wedding?

You're going to be at the wedding. But like, how much of a problem will it be? I'm going to have to fight for you. I'm going to have to be like, look, this is a really good friend. Like, you've been very helpful

in my career. And she's going to be like, he's an asshole. Why do you have to be at the wedding? Hold on. It's even a discussion that I might not be at the wedding? It probably will be. I ain't proposed yet, but it probably will be.

Son, think about it. Think about it. If you're at all the press. Yo, I think we got to rethink this proposal, fam. I don't know if she's the one, bro. You think she's the one for us? Real talk. You think she's the one for us?

Take the L back, bro. Yo, what's up? This is Akash. Akash. Akash. You think she's the one for us? Akash. Take the L back. Akash. Yo, what's up? This is Akash. That was a preview of our Patreon episode. If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrant2. Join the illest community on Earth. Unless you're a social justice warrior, then you're just going to ruin the fun.