Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Algerian Boxer Gender Mystery & Dan Bilzerian Goes Off On Israel

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

What’s good people we back from vacay and discussing this Algerian boxers box, dan Bilzerian going off on Israel, and the wildest beat off strictly ever heard 00:00 We smashed XXY + Mark’s “friend” smashed out an Optimus Prime 4:37 Which race transitions better? WTF employees? 7:01 Show your paperwork! 9:13 Dan Bilzerian, we’re the only grifters + CryptoJuice 12:27 Mark’s family are deep in the rabbit hole 16:38 ACKNOWLEDGE MY FEELINGS! 6 toed h03 22:02 We need body cams with women 25:38 Mark’s a robo h0m0 + Andrew’s a crypto + Hampton Country Clubs 28:28 Knives Outs are excellent, Jumanji too + murder mystery w**kers 41:27 Drinking game, boys v girls, “Sleep No More” + Blindfold dinners 50:51 Mark hate watching Ariana’s shorty + NYs night out 57:28 ATMs are done + flirting with Apple Pay 1:01:03 Baptism launderette, wet dream tactics + lucid eating 1:12:19 Mark is a FAN + sharing beat off stories

We're back. We just want vacation. A lot's happened, but nothing will change. Everything changes and it all stays the same. The boxer is a man or it's not a man. It doesn't matter. How crazy is it that nobody can say whether it's a man or not? Still, this is how I kind of think she might be a man. If someone was like, yo, Schultz is actually a genetic woman. I'm calling the doctor. I'm like, yo, we got to straighten this shit out. The fact that she's like, I'm not showing y'all shit. Means she got the Y chromosome, right? But yeah, if you changed into a man that's different than this No, no, I don't think you changed. I genuinely think it is possible that she is intersex I believe it's called so basically some people are born with an XY chromosome or their X XY

So she might not know that's a thing. Nobody knows being woman doesn't mean you have to be pretty But if we want to make that a lot, we should be a lot of Nobody knows. Being a woman doesn't mean you have to be pretty. But if we want to make that a law, we could. That should be a law to fix. I don't like that rule. I don't like that rule. Why, why, why? Because that means back in the day, it might have been a couple times I had some gay sex. Now hold on. We all could have smashed it. X, X, Y.

No, you could have. You more than me. You've slept with girls from Eastern Europe. Chernobyl p***y haven't. They got over there. They gotta be super femme, super submissive. They gotta be all out. Nobody even says submissive. They're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. What that got to do with anything?

I gotta add him. I gotta add him. I gotta add him. That's how you know you're dealing with a dude. That's how you know it's a dude. Because no one's ever like, I need a girl that's submissive. I can't even get it. I gotta add him.

I gotta add him. It's got nothing to do with the genetics conversation. You guys saying the title, then they start the bomb. You guys are supposed to do it for Mullionburg, honestly. That's your only requirement, is submissive You're saying the title to start the bomb. You got to fuck the dude from Williamsburg. That's your only requirement is to miss him. He's just saying buzzwords right now. I talked to my boy.

My buddy Lucas fucked a 40-year-old trans woman. Why are you doing that? Why are you calling your brother out, I mean your friend out, just because you kissed a dude, bro? He's trying to get all the heat off of you. I'm just saying, there's a spectrum. There's a spectrum. There's a spectrum of gayness.

There's a spectrum of gayness. That's right, Mark, what did Lucas do? What did Lucas do the other day? He was talking about Lucas. Lucas was on the trans movement, was 40 years old. Every other time, he would hide the identity of his friend, but now he wanted to call him out on his name.

Lucas Schmidt from Williamsburg. He was funny. For two weeks he didn't want to tell this story. He never saw it back finally. He was like, go, go, go, go, Mark. He said it on a podcast. Crazy wild zany friend Lucas. He said it on a podcast.

I was like, all right, don't talk about it. He said it on your pod? No, he said on his pod. Okay. But I was like, all right. Lucas who? No, no, my buddy Lucas Zelnick. He's a comic in New York.

Okay. And uh. Shout out Lucas. I asked, bro, I asked him, I was like, you ever banged an older woman? You freak. What a freak. Look at him.

You're a fan, dog. You are a fan. Hold up. You did not ask him if he ever smashed an older woman. He was like Yes Yeah, I actually I smashed a 40 year old trans woman He wants to tell you that he wanted to tell you that badly for why me why do you think? You're a yugal? Hold on, so he said that.

And then what'd you do? Because I know your mind was racing. How did you act normal? I just locked in and just went, mm-hmm. Oh, wow. Interesting. Did you ask about it? Of course.

Did he move that meat to the side, just punch gooch? No meat, brand new vagina. Oh. Tennis ball pussies. 2024 model. Yeah. Tennis ball pussies.. Yeah. Tennis ball pussy. For real.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. That's funny. I don't know if I buy that. She was like hammered at a club, she just walks over and goes, call me a car, let's go to your place. And he was like, all right. And she was like a hot woman,

older lady, and there's chest freckles, the whole deal. And he was like, all right, bet. And then goes to his parents' house and then goes out on the balcony of his parents' apartment then has sex around the balcony. She's like, only backwards, only backwards. And he's like, all right, bet. And then goes to his parents' house and then goes out on the balcony of his parents' apartment then has sex on the balcony. She's like, only backwards, only backwards. And he's like, all right. And he said it felt great.

How do you get it wet? It doesn't get wet. Yeah. And why only backwards? I don't know. This is what he said. I'm assuming it holds up. So you don't look at that fucking Adam's ass.

Why only backwards? Probably. No, I think there's a dick still there. She's like, only an ass. Oh, doubled up? It might be doubled up. I don't know. But yeah, he said it was great.

And then he didn't know she was trans until there was like a magazine that came out about her about like trans models in New York or some shit. Oh, he bragging now. But apparently. Oh, look at this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on. Yo, Lucas gets no put up, bro.

Come on, dude. He gets it. I fucked a model once. He gets it. I smashed a model. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a prototype of trans. It was the first model. It was the model T of trans. I smashed a model. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a prototype of trans.

It was the first model. It was the model T of trans. Oh, so wrong. Oh, T. So, guys are doing it, bro. The young men of New York City, they're getting after it. Shout out, Lucas, man. Oh, man.

Legend. That's just, it's a badge of honor now against a dude. White dude or black dude? White. The trans was Asian. He's so relieved. Hold on, the trans was Asian? Yeah.

Okay, go ahead and ask. Go ahead and ask, but I know you're going to ask. Go ahead and ask. Ask. Ask. This is where he's going to be hateful and he's going to be like, how could you tell the difference? Because he's hateful.

He's hateful. He's going to be like, how could you tell? I just don't count it. I don't count it. It's not that far in the transition. I don't count it. That don't count. That don't count it. I don't count it. It's not that far of a transition. I don't count it. That don't count. That don't count. You ain't really do that much work. You didn't fucking trans. That's not full trans.

It's more of a step than a transition. Yeah. That's a gateway drug. It's a pivot. No, no, no. That's not full trans. Yeah, black trans, I feel like it's tougher to pull off. You know what I mean? I feel like I spot more black trans is like not killing it. There hasn't been a good one. Especially since my muscles are so more defined. That's what I'm saying. There hasn't been a good one yet. No, there's gotta be a good one. Who's the best black trans?

Let's find out. The fact that you can't name it. Laverne. Name any of the trans. What's her name? Laverne. Laverne Cox looked like she used to play middle linebacker in the 80s. Got it. There's no way. Oh, what about... Listen, let's just call it what it is. Magic's Kid. As a dude. Come on, Magic's Kid. That's a dude that dresses like a woman sometimes.

That's you, dog. What are you talking about? Nah, Magic's Kid is trans. Nah, Magic's Kid is Magic's Kid. Yeah, dog. He's magic. What? That's Magic Skid? No. Oh, all right. This is a trans woman of color on Sports Illustrated Swimsuit. Nah, that mouth, bro. That mouth is a guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That mouth is a dude right there. Look at that shit. There you go.

What? I mean, no, that's fine. That's a girl though. No. No. That's not a girl. Wow. See you got tricked You got tricked. I mean you can't caught up here, bro. No, that's not a chance I thought that was a run-of-the-mill WTF employees He brought it up. He is that crazy. He took the picture of the problem. He's talking about Wheezy like that, bro. I'ma tell him, bro. I'ma tell him. I'm not Wheezy.

Wow, you saying Wheezy trans. Wheezy not trans. Wheezy trans Palestinian. Wheezy, Wheezy. Wheezy about to transition to the oppressed group. Oh my God. But yeah, what's up with this boxer though? Black's gotta step it up.

So yeah, so we don't know still, but the fact that she hasn't shown some paperwork makes me a little sus. Because you would show paperwork. Yeah, that's true. If I accuse any of y'all of something that heinous, y'all want to clear your name wouldn't you? Yeah, I'm showing you what's in my heinous. Yeah, I'm taking my place now, yeah.

What if I said you're Pakistani? Yeah, absolutely. I can't even finish sending them out. I'm so upset. I'm like, get that off me. Right? Mark, what if I said you were a Jew? Come on. What if I said you were a Jew? Can we edit that out? No!

I'm not going to fucking edit it out just because of the political climate on my Twitter feed. Just because Dan Balazarian starts to go crazy. Is there money in it? Yo, what is Dan Balazarian doing? Being Jewish, I think so. No, no. What is this pivot for Dan Balazarian? Life Tour update. This Saturday we had a second show on AC. Some tickets still available for that one. And then we go on to final leg. Okay, San Antonio, we added a second show.

Las Vegas, same weekend as USC Sphere, come out there for both. Then we got Cleveland, Columbus, Minneapolis, Milwaukee. Denver, we added a third show. Cincinnati, we added a second show. Rama, Ontario. Salt Lake City, we added a second show. Reno, Nevada, we added a second show.

San Jose, we added a second show. Reno, Nevada we had a second show, San Jose we had a second show, Portland and then finally closing it out in Honolulu, Hawaii. The Andrew Shultz.com for tickets, we'll see you guys there, peace. Alright guys, next week big shows, Honolulu, Hawaii, I'm coming through to the Blue Note Cafe, buy the fucking tickets also, September 6th and 7th I'm gonna be at Wise Guys Comedy Club in Las Vegas, I'm excited to do Vegas. And what a run of fun cities after that. I'm gonna be in Miami, Darrell Florida technically. September 12th through 14th, get your tickets, I'm gonna be at the Improv.

September 19th through 21st I'm gonna be in Timonium, so the fun cities tour ends. But I'm gonna be at Magoobies, which is a great comedy club. September 27th and 28th, Greensville. October 17th through 19th, New Brunswick, New Jersey. There's plenty of dates, go to akashsingh.com to check all of those out. Thank you guys so much, let's get back to the show. Rob Try says, I don't understand the pivot

from Dan Balazarian. I didn't see the pivot. He wasn't happy being a billionaire, fucking bitches. Was he a billionaire, fucking bitches? I don't think he's a billionaire. That was his shtick. But now he's like, he's like. Put me on the pivot, I don't know what his pivot is.

He was on PBD's podcast and he was banging hard on Israel, bro. He was really yeah. Oh, he needs a couple loans No, no against is oh, I guess is real. Oh, they took his money. Oh, yeah, that's what I'm kind of they probably raises rent Oh fuck Is he between about a lot no he's PBD and he's talking that shit. He said what he's gonna say about Israel could get him killed. He love that shit. What did he say?

What did he say? He said, yo, he's on PBD talking that shit. Literally, I think the title of it. How's he saying he love that shit when he means to say we love that shit? What you talking about? Yo, but that's the funniest thing about, like, the Red Pill community,

this is like their new thing that they have attached themselves to to seem like pseudo intellectual and which is really annoys me because I prefer us being the only pseudo intellectuals that have strong opinions about things we know nothing about. So it's really bothersome when I see all these accounts. Just taking our own lives. They're gripping off our grip. They're gripping off our grip. What the fuck is that?

Come on, bro. The fucking Clintons or something. Anyway, so. The Civil Reserve. So yeah, yeah. Yeah, what the fuck is that? Come on, bro. The fucking Clintons or something. Anyway, so... The Federal Reserve. So yeah, yeah. But that is... Don't talk shit about the Fed, bro. We should look into that.

You know who runs the Fed. That's true. That's true. Who runs it? The globalists. Yeah. The globalists. The globalists might.

Anyway, so, but now I see all of them fucking clamoring about, so now we have to act like they know what the fuck is going on in the world. Yeah. Actually, we don't have to act, I don't know why I said that. But. Yeah, have you been acting like that the last month? Yeah, the last few weeks.

You've been acting like that. My Twitter feed is nonstop red pill guys talking about Israel. We got different Twitter feeds. You're red pill, bro. Yeah, yeah. You're red pill. Why don't you just follow some black people? Yeah. What is your Twitter? I do. It's so fun rap bill bro. Yeah, yeah. You rap bill. Why don't you just follow some black people? Yeah.

What is your... I do. It's so fun. I know. Andrew Tate, Tristan Tate. Okay, fresh fit. I got four whole black guys I follow. That's about two and a half, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you have about negative two black people on your feed.

See, I do the same thing, cause I get curious, cause I see some guy being like, yeah, Hitler was right. I'm like, hold on, what is this thread? And then I click it and then I get three more threads. It was like, Hitler was really right. And then now I'm like, I got a whole bunch of Hitler shit. Why are you clicking on the Hitler was right thread? Because I'm like, how is this on the internet?

The one I saw that I sent Mark, I was like, yo, get your mom on this. It was like, Candace Owens said some shit like, Stalin was a Jew. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, my mom used to say that. What? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My mom said some, I don't care if Candace gave her boss or your mom, so that's crazy. Well, I'm just trying to deal.

Your mom is Candace Ghost Rider, bro. How have the Jews been getting away with this? They've been hiding political leaders being Jewish for years. How does nobody know? Crypto Jews is what they call them. Oh, because they're cryptic? Yeah, exactly.

They're like, they're not Jews, but they changed their names. Or they are Jews and they changed their names. This is a Hollywood thing. Yeah, exactly. Crypto Jews. It's like a whole thing. We had This is a Hollywood thing. Yeah, exactly. Crypto Jews. It's like a whole thing. We had a fire conversation this weekend.

Okay, go. They had a... In this room. Oh yeah, part by part. Do you feel a power in that chair? Yeah, I do feel power here. Mark's mom sat there. What was she saying?

Thank God, I thought you were about to sniff this. I thought so. I was thinking that, man. I was like, nah, that's wild. That's disrespectful. I was sniffing it. You gave me an idea that I can't get out, that's wild. That's disrespectful. Sniff it anyway. But you gave me an idea that I can't get out of my head now. With all due respect, you can sniff the seat.

I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna cut this pillow right off the fucking seat. I'm gonna put it in a frame. I'm hanging above my bed. It's gonna be like Tony's nitrous, right? You're gonna sleep with it right now. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Yeah, we need to talk about that. But no, my parents hit me up and they're like, hey, we're in New York, where are you? I was like, hang on, you can't just do that. And they're like, oh no, we're flying to Montreal, but we got stuck here for a night, so what are we doing? And I was like, well, fuck my plans. Whatever I had going on

is now no longer going on. So then we got a dinner reservation, or we got a lunch reservation. They leave at like 6,, so they were like, yeah, we'll meet up at one, we'll leave around like three. And I was like, all right, bet. And then we sit down, the second we sit down, my dad just slams over, he's like, so what do you think about this dude fighting women?

And I was like. Cooking. All right, and then the way our conference goes, is like, I'll say like, well, I don't really think it's that, I think maybe she doesn't know, but maybe she has X, Y, da, da, da. And he goes, but you saw the opening ceremony. And I'm like, yeah, and he's like, well, I don't really think it's that. I think maybe she doesn't know, but maybe she has X, Y, da-da-da. And he goes, but you saw the opening ceremony. And I'm like, yeah.

And he's like, well, obviously that's a satanic ritual. And I was like, I don't know about that. And he goes, but did you know that the Fed is controlled? And I'm like, well, I don't know about that. And it's just me responding and then them just saying other facts. Other conspiracies. Just other facts about things.

I knew your dad was on that wave too. He's like, he just kind of takes my mom's shit and like kind of repackages it. But like then my mom jumps in. At a certain point, the waiter overhears us. My mom says, I swear to God, look, we know having sex with children is wrong, but explain to me why.

Just justify it why. And then she was trying to use my justification as a way to justify some other shit. And the waiter was cutting us off. They were like, all right, no more wine. This was like two and a half hours. Where'd you take them to dinner? Raoul's. Oh boy. You don't realize how close this tables are in Raoul's. Oh it's insanely close. Like if it's packed everybody's here in that conversation. They're

elbow to elbow. And they were not being quiet, they were not being subtle about it, and then we get onto the street. Because they like the conflict. They want somebody to interact with. They love the debate. They just want to just discuss. And then the debate. They just wanna just discuss. And then we got here. My parents were just saying wild shit to Miles. Like no censor. I don't even remember what they were saying. What's the craziest sentence?

I don't remember the craziest sentence, but their flight shit was crazy. They were just like really upset. Oh, God, yeah. She got like. It's crazy. So they're flying United, right? And the flight is delayed and they can't find their bags, so they're stuck in Newark and

they can't talk to a person because they get connected to a customer service person in Malaysia and they're so pissed off. And my mom's like, see, this is what happens. You know the CEO is trans. And I was like, wait, what? And she's like, look, it shows me a picture of the CEO and like in drag or something. I see the picture and switched over to fucking Delta right away.

My mom is like, go woke up, bro. I'm just saying, look at this. This is what happens. Everyone's trans now. And she was like talking to the lady at the bag clamp. She was like, can I get my bag or is your CEO gonna steal it? And the person was like, why are you talking?

And she was like, look it up. Holy shit, I didn't know it was that. And just like barring up the people at the fucking airport. And then she came and was like, yeah are you talking? And she was like, look it up. Holy shit, I didn't know it was that. It was just like, barring up the people at the fucking airport. And then she came and was like, yeah, I had to tell them. And they're fucking working for a trans. I was like. She starts tweeting at them?

Yeah, she was tweeting crazy shit. Oh my God. That was insane. It was funny. She was like, tweeting and tagging United or shit? United being like, yo, where the fuck's my bag, training? And I'm like, oh no. How did you come out regular?

I know, this is crazy. It's a true miracle. This is as regular as I could. Is this why you have such a thirst for knowledge? You just have to constantly argue with your parents about whatever crazy thing? Oh, question, question. Because they're feeding you this crazy shit,

you're going to share it with your friends, and they're just like, we don't have horns, Mark, why are you saying this? So then you do that a few times and you're embarrassed, so you're like, okay, I gotta go look this stuff up and now you look up everything. And then you look up, and then you gotta recue it. But it's never on a topic, it's always just fact,

I respond with an argument that's nuanced, and then you say a different fact. I love that. And then it just goes on a train. And we're using the term fact with quotes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like, no, no, no, actually the facts will be super,

super specific and they're technically true So if you google them it is right, but then she uses that to extrapolate to be like, you know, Satan That's how I be doing shit with my girl a little bit to be honest My technique is smart. Yeah, just hit them with examples They don't know what to do. They get frazzled. My wife tried to try to handicap me in arguments. What'd she do? She said no more examples. No. That's crazy. I said, what do you mean no more examples? That's how I win this shit all the time.

You're trying to get me to argue with no examples? Objection. She said no more examples and then she hit me with, she hit me with, when I tell you how I feel, don't tell me how you feel. What? Acknowledge how I feel. And I'd be like, oh god,, fuck, fuck, what did she say?

It was something like, it's something like, because she'll say what she feels, and then I'll immediately say why she shouldn't feel that way. Does that make sense? And I didn't even realize you're not supposed to do that. I'm just sitting here seeing you feel something dumb, and I'm like, well let me fix that for you.

You don't gotta feel that You are burdening yourself with this feeling you could not feel it if you just listen to me I'll tell you why you wrong to feel that shit You see someone getting crushed by weights of the gym you're like, let me help you like no just acknowledge I'm getting crushed by weight. Let me lift, no, let me lift the weights up. Let me lift the weight off you. No, no, just look at me and be like, man, that must be so heavy for you right now. And they're like, thank you so much

while their arms are shaking. No, that is so true. Why do they do that? Let me lift the weight a little. They need their feelings acknowledged all the time. Take your feelings and fucking smother them. Like a man. Yeah, or like a boxer from Algeria.

You think that boxer from Algeria out here crying and shit? No, she's suing like a man does. She said, Elon, JK Rowling, I'm coming for that bread. She won't take a motherfucking test though. She knows she won't take a motherfucking test. That might come up if in the Tragas, sir. Then we'll finally find out. That's why she's doing

Bro, if somebody said yo Al you got six toes on one foot. Mm-hmm. You put your feet on Instagram put them seconds Yeah, cuz lit I'll have six toes? Wow, I'll show on Instagram I'll have six toes. Hey, no. I'll be like, yo, hey, sir. You don't have six toes. You don't have six toes.

Nah, I want to be. I want to be the first dude with six. Just so you know, you don't have six. This is a weird doing a metaphor. Nah, you never know. You haven't seen my toes. I haven't shown you the test yet. This guy's unbelievable.

I haven't shown you the test yet. It's truly unbelievable. What did it have? Anyway, fuckin' Miles. What? Oh, come on. All right, sorry. Come on.

Sorry, I apologize about that one, that was my bad. Oh my God, dude. So yeah, we're never gonna find out the truth. We're never gonna find out. What do you think we find out first, the Epstein shit or if the boxer's a guy? Or the boxer got a Y chromosome. I think she has a vagina 100%.

I think it's a born woman with some man shit and then we'll find that out. That's why she's suing it, to Al's point, she's just waiting until she sues and then she'll win the lawsuit with this test or whatever. I was watching this video that the more plates and more dates. He's like, fags, I don't give a fuck about that.

That's more important, bro. No, I do not care about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, do you want me to acknowledge your feelings? Yes, I'll take it. Acknowledge your feelings. Your feelings is right. Yes, thank you.

You were feeling them. Thank you, dude. You were feeling them. Thank you, dude. Thank you. Thank you. That's all I needed. That's all I needed.

Now that, this is the funniest shit. Now that my wife has told me to acknowledge them, anytime I do it, she knows it's not pure. So this thing frustrated me, that seems frustrating. And she'll just be looking at me like, this motherfucker don't care about my frustrations. You say it just like that. Facts!

It's a lose-lose, bro. It's a lose-lose! Write him down. Get a journal. Write him down. That looks like you care. Wait, write down their feelings? Yeah, exactly. Be like, hang on, hang on. I don't even know how to spell happy words. Yeah, so fuck. Oh, God. No, but you gotta do it, right?

You do. No, you don't. I actually think there's diminishing returns. Yeah. I think you acknowledge too many of them, then they think they're right. You reverse gaslight them. Yeah, you could trick them that they're correct. You can't let the roots grow deep.

You can't let the roots grow deep because then they start to believe them shit. You gotta, it's a weed, you gotta gank that out. The second you see a weed in your garden, you gotta gank it out. Man, it's so red till you. You gotta gank it out. It's crazy. You gotta gank it.

Even when they're a little right. Say again? Even when there's a little bit right. Yeah, I think the restaurant is over here on this street. If they're right. Nah, it's not on that street. I need to do a gender test. If they're right. Nah, it's not on that street. I need to do a gender test. If they're right, listen, my wife starts being right too much, I'm like, yo, we need to hit

you with the Mon Calif. I need to know if you got some testes on the inside because you've been right way too much. You haven't asked me to acknowledge your feelings at all. I need to know something's going on over here. Oh my God. Bro, I think my girl's got dyslexia. I wish, late stage dyslexia, we just got a diagnosis from me.

No way. We're in the car, we got an argument because we're in the car and she goes, yeah, and then just make a left up here. And then I go left and she goes, why are you going this way? I go, well you just said go left. She goes, it's right.

I was like, no, you just said go left. And she was like, I just said right. I was like, no. Nah, she gaslighting. I was like, what the fuck is happening? He gaslighting is that Wow and this is happened like every three days for last like month No way to pay you back for all the fucking stupid shit. You made her believe I would respect it if it was just a pure gas line. So you see when that happens enough you see why Johnny Depp was recording his bitch I'm gonna be an Uber driver

You see it cuz you're just like... Low-key I thought about that. If we're gonna not operate in reality, If we're gonna not operate in reality, If we're gonna not operate in reality, We're gonna have to videotape and hit the tape. I need a body cam. I really thought about that a couple times.

It made me understand black people and the police. It really did. It really did. I've never understand black people and the police. It really did. It really, I've never understood it before. They get in the court and just like, no. And the police are like, what do you mean? He shot himself and put the crack and he did all the drugs and he robbed the bank.

He took my gun and shot himself with it. And you're sitting there like, what is this guy talking about? Crazy. Shit, are all this guy talking about? Crazy. Shit, are all cops women? I get it. Say it again. Are all cops women?

Yo, yo, shut the fuck up, you black motherfucker. All cops have fucking XX's and shit, this is crazy. For real though, I do that did when they take reality and they warp it. No, they do that a lot. They do that a lot. They do that a lot. But the cops do it too. So does the media.

Yeah, the liberals. The fucking libs. Those fucking libs. And those fucking cons. Yeah. Oh, the cons now. Dude, the fucking cons, bro. What's up with communism? That shit kind of be riling people up.

Doesn't it? Every adhd is awesome. Some people's adhd is wack, but yours is sick. Isn't it? Let's get to the next one. Let's get to the next fire shit that came up on my feed that I didn't really pay enough attention to, but I wanted y'all to explain it to me.

That's why I really scroll Instagram or Twitter. I'm like, alright, alright, Mark's momall to explain it to me. That's why I really scroll Instagram or Twitter. I'm like, all right, all right, Mark's mom will explain this shit to me right here. All right, Alex's gonna tell me what this rat beef is about. All right, Akon's gonna break down this relationship shit. I just get my headlines. What's the communism? I haven't heard anything.

I don't know. I know Trump is saying Kamlo's a communist, but that's what they do. That is a pejorative. It's used as a pejorative of communism. Yeah, of course. That's from back in the day. That's from the 50s.

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China seems like it might be. Hey, capitalist, bro. They're like a capitalist tyranny. Yeah. You need AI to make it work. What does that mean? AI will make it work. Communism?

Yeah. AI will make it work. I mean, if you can automate a bunch of the shitty jobs and get some money going just automatically with AI, you can kind of give people a universal basic income and then use AI to then allocate funds and resources and food. It's fucking liberal. Fuck over it. It's so funny. I'm just saying. This is gonna happen. universal basic income and then use AI to then allocate funds and resources and foods based off of-

Fucking liberal cuckoos. I'm just saying, I'm just saying, if it was gonna work. If it was gonna work. You're a real robot lover, bro. I know, yeah. You are. You're a fucking robo homo. Bro, don't use the hard R, bro.

You're a robo homo, dude. You're a robo homo, dude. Come on, bro. It's not like that. You're a robo homo, dude. I'm just saying, it's the wave. Everyone's gonna be doing it. Nah, but now you're right, though.

Everyone's gonna be a robo homo. We're, we're, just saying it's the wave. Everyone's going to be doing it. Nah, but you're right though. Everyone's going to be a robo-homo. We're, we're, um, it's like Russia. They set everything up. We're going to take care of everybody and the people at the top are like, well, we're going to get richer and richer and richer. Yeah, because human greed knows no bounds.

We're robo-homo. Yeah, robo-homo. You know, Stalin was a juke? I bet you didn't know that. Where'd you hear that? Turns out George Washington, big fucking Ebe. Yeah, and what is he on? The money? Facts?

Oh, that's fire. That's pretty weird. Yeah, but only the one? That ain't Jewish. Yo, there's a lot of secret Jews out there. Crypto Jews. Is that how they spend? Is there one? Exactly.

Now think about it, there's more crypto Jews. Why do you think you're a crypto Jew? You couldn't even get it to your lips. Did my finger hit my nose? It got in the way? If that isn't the most evidence I'm Jewish, I don't know what it is. I thought that's what you were doing. Oh my God. How are the hamptons, what? I'm like, it's Rick and Shane. Oh my God.

Fuck you, Mark. How are the Hamptons, dude? Are they gonna choose? That's crazy kids. The Hamptons don't even let the Jews in. Respect. Oh, fuck. No, they do, the Jews got their own little community. That's what happened, the Wasps make their little

country clubs, they don't let the Jews in, the Jews make theirs, and the Jews let Asians in. No. So the Jew country clubs have got Asians. Powerful move, powerful move. Yeah. That's a good alliance. Yeah, yeah. and the Jews let Asians in. So the Jew country clubs have got Asians. Powerful move. Powerful move. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. So they're cooking. Yeah. They see the future coming. They do. But the Wasps, do they try to get anyone? They're just white. Yeah, they're just fucking white and old money white.

They're old money white. Vintage Rolex. Yeah. Just fucking. Had it forever. Just had it forever. It feel entitled to everything. It's their world. They built it.

We're all kind of living in it. Eye contact is optional. The kids clamoring, just waiting for them to die type of shit? Or you don't see that? I don't know people that are like that wealthy. But like, that is a real thing. All those shows that depict it, that's a real thing. Like all those shows that depict it yeah that's a real thing. Yo, side note, this is what brought it up but have you guys seen

any of the I think they're called Knives Out movies? Yeah. This guy the director Rian Johnson. Great movies. Is fucking genius. Yeah. Like they're all it's this like the whodunit mysteries but like they're fucking so much fun Yeah, they're so second one or the glass on you. I like the first one glass on the ice one better I first one's the best I well there's only two what's the name of the first one? The first one is called knives out second one is knives out glass onion. Yeah glass onion. They're both awesome I saw glass onion first. I thought that was awesome But it's this movie where you're trying to figure out

either who did it or, you know. And there's this detective character. Who's awesome. Yeah, Benoit Blanc, who's played by Bond. Yeah, Daniel Craig Bond. Also, smart decision, like, you're Bond. Everybody only knows you as Bond. You have to go play another character

to prove that you're an actor. Because sometimes you can play something so iconic that we only see you as that character for the rest of your career Yeah, so he goes and plays a guy with like a New Orleans Cajun drawl Yeah, and he kills it and murders it kills it but anyway the point the reason I brought that up there was a family dispute over money that was one of things but I really am impressed by these people that can write these these mysteries where like they're

constantly tricking the audience. So they're like manipulating you into thinking this thing is going to happen and then they trick you four, five, six times and bake in all these Easter eggs throughout. Yeah. It's... Yeah. And then you rewatch it again. You're like, oh, different movie.

Should have seen that. Oh yeah, they set that up. I mean... Yeah. It's kind of, and then you rewatch it again, you're like, oh, different movie. Oh yeah, they set that up. I'm in. Yeah. It's kind of like a joke. It is. You're teasing things to call back to, and you're like, oh, you got me. Where is this going? I've rewatched both Knives Out,

because it's like, oh, it's almost more fun the second time, because you're like, oh, I missed that, I missed that, I missed that. It's also great, like, girlfriend-wife watching. Because you get to lean over and be like, I think that, you know what I mean? It comes like a little thump. It's kind of like a kids' TV show. Yeah. The person comes on, they're like, have you seen my backpack? Where's the backpack? And you're like, oh, there's the backpack.

Yeah, way to be reductive about it. Every now and again I watch it. Like if you watch a bad one, I've watched one, I forget what it, it might have been Murder Mystery, I can't remember. And it's just a little bit like, something happens, then like they kind they kinda look towards the camera like, mm, the thing's gonna happen. The thing that I like about this guy is that he's quite aware. There's cultural things that he taps into.

There was a little incel kid and a super liberal girl, and the characters, he has jokes poking fun at them. He has a guy in the glass onion thing that's kind of like Alex Jones-esque, is like one of the characters. So like he's teasing and making fun of these people. And I'm just so impressed that he writes it and directs it. Yeah.

I didn't know he wrote it and directed it. That's a fucking hard thing to sit down there like. Really impressive. That's why I like the game, remember that movie? Yeah, with Michael Douglas? Yeah, like just the twist, like you're like, oh, I figured it out now. I haven't seen that one, I need to see it.

It's fire. But Glass Onion, the second one, the plot is, I like the first one better, but the second one, Glass Onion, I thought was more of a unique plot, where it's like, oh, the way he's doing this is just really well done. Like the characters, like you said, the scenario through which he gets them there is like all very, like the characters like you said though the Scenario through which he gets them

There's like all very like the cube and all that really well done really great HBO miniseries It was like that Indian kid and like he got in trouble. He got locked up the night Not night. It was a night. I don't know but is it like night after where it was like just Twist and turn where you think it was this and then the next episode was like, oh no It must be this guy or that type of shit. That's more like rooted in reality clue This is more yet. This is more

It is real murder on the origin express clue like it's A little silly. Yeah, there's a there's a silliness There's a tongue-in-cheekness to it like second one more silly, but yeah, first one a little silly as well. All the characters have to be really flamboyant. Exaggerated. Exaggerated so that you understand their motivation immediately. The woman who loves her diamonds is gonna be

so diamond out that you're like, oh, she wants the money to buy diamonds. You have to know their motivation immediately. So like the game of Clue where it's just like. Literally that is what all this is built off of. Was Clue the movie based on the game or was it the other way around? Had to be the other way around, right? I don't know. I assume the game is old as hell.

Yeah. Because the movie was... If the movie's based on a game, they knocked it out of the park. It's based on the game. Wow. Same with Jumanji. Same... Oh no, that was the... Other way around, I think. That was a short story. I didn't get that movie. What was that movie?

That was a short story they made a movie. Jumanji? Yeah, and they knocked it out of the park. It was was the short story. How do you get that movie? That was the short story they made a movie. Jumanji? Yeah, and they knocked it out of the park. It was like a short story. I don't get it. Like they play a game and then they're in the forest? Yep. Did you knock that out of the park?

I literally don't get it. Did you see the movie? I saw the movie and I remember seeing it like, this shit sucks. The Robin Williams one or the Kevin Hart one? The Robin Williams one. Oh man. The Kevin Hart one's fantastic too. That's an awesome fire movie.

The Robin Williams one's fantastic. I don't understand what it is. They roll the dice and then they play the game, then the game, they're in the game. Yeah, it's a cursed game that comes to life. But like, do they go in the game or does the game take over their world? Take over their world.

Game takes over their world and the first one, second one. So all these other people are affected by the fact that they're playing this game as well? Yeah, it's like an alternate timeline almost. Because there is a point where they get out. Like, it's old Robin Williams is the young kid playing And he's like, oh fuck now you're in here with me. Yeah So maybe they go in again that can watch the new one with the rock and kevin hart hilarious

It's actually really good and jack black fucking kills it because he like chicken that shit. Yeah Yeah, then slow piece. Yeah. Yeah, the... Slow piece. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the... So in this one, I think she's in the Avengers. She's the blue chick, I think. I think. Who?

Gamora's sister. You know, like, Gamora's sister. I think it's the same girl, I think. But in the new one, it's a video game and they all go inside the video game and have to beat the video game. And it's great. And like, the Rock is played by, in real life, the character that... The guy that becomes the Rock in the video game. And it's great. And like, The Rock is played by, in real life, the character that, the guy that becomes The Rock

in the video game, he's like this scared pussy, so you're seeing The Rock completely flipped upside. And then the jock football player becomes Kevin Hart, so they like flip everything. And then the hot girl becomes Jack Black. So it's like, and it's great, it's so fun. Watch it, great movie. I like these murder mystery movies so much,

like White Lotus and shit, that I'm like, I think I would like a murder mystery party Oh, I did one. Have you? Have you really? Yeah, I did one recently. Is it fun? Have you heard of these? Like this is one of those things on my... That was the saddest shit I've ever heard on this podcast. I know! Dad, my mom had a heart attack and dad made me sadder. Recently? No, like five years ago. Oh my god. This made me sadder. No, it's fun five years ago. Oh my God. This made me sadder.

No, it was fun. It was a fun social engagement. Okay. What happened? These trans plants keep New York going. Don't call us trans, bro. Bro, come on. No, I got invited.

It was like 30th birthday. How did you get out there? Was it an escape room out of the murder mystery party? Upper West Side, Jewish 30th birthday. And it was really fun. The two people that put it on happened to be a couple of years old. They were in the same room. They were in the same room.

They were in the same room. They were in the same room. They were in the same room. They were in the same room. They were in the same room. They were in the same room. They were in the same room. They was like 30th birthday. How did you get out there? Was it an escape room out of the murder mystery party? Upper west side. Jewish 30th birthday. And it was really fun. The two people that put it on have to be committed and they have to be like super flamboyant. It's like flappers 1920 shit. And the more that they're fun, they're like actors that can't get spots in like Broadway shows. Oh, these are your gay friends. Yeah, these are straight. They're all straights, dude.

A lot of straights. I'm like so confused. Have you heard of this? So you go into your boy's house and there's some bitch with a martini glass and like short heels and she's like, welcome darling. Yes, exactly. Boy, do we have a mystery for you to solve tonight. Yes, and then you get given a card and then you're that person and then they give you money.

I lowkey think it might be fun, bro. I don't know. I'm swinging on a bitch. I know that's about to happen. First thing. Yo, I'm like, yo, shut the fuck up. That's cute, bro. Come on. You can give me a fucking drink during the music. Oh my God.

Shut the fuck up. It's fun. But how does it go? Like, is it quiet the whole time? Will people try to solve the mystery? Or like? Drinking and talking and then like the characters play the roles. So like there's a guy and a girl and the guy will come in

and he's this big flame-point gay and he'll just like scream like a woman and fall to the ground so you're in the middle of this party and now there's like a gay guy flailing on the ground and then the woman now knows her role and she's like oh no someone poisoned his drink and then the guy like dies and then he runs out puts on a different outfit so now he's in another person that like they're they're moving the story along and you're playing along Yes, it might be fire bro. It's not going to bro. Just pay a couple He's stabbing the back at every turn and you support him on murder mystery dinner who done it look at Go watch go watch a play. See some real talent

This is some shit that I imagine you do because you're afraid of having political conversations. Right? Well, everyone there was Jewish. They were all on the same team. And the Palestinian did it, so it was very political. It was extremely political. That was a clean.

If you're just with your boys, you just talk shit about whatever's happening in the world. You talk about the Algerian box, so you do like, there's no time for murder or mystery. We gotta get hot takes out. We have a limited amount of time, we need hot takes. So I imagine this is an environment where it's like, oh, the hot takes is gonna make this thing

devolve into a problem and people are gonna be offended and someone's gonna say, oh, you're privileged and shut up, so we just ignore these things. Maybe it's like this first date where you don't have to just have conversation where it's a little bit like maybe too intimate and this gives you something to do to distract you and then you can warm up to each other in the meantime.

I get that logic 100%. I hate that shit. Or be the person throwing it and you're socially awkward and you want a reason not to actually have to make conversation with people but you have a script that you go off and you're just performing the entire time. That's probably what that should like all the performers don't really have to engage and have a regular combo they just have

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Canada, the United Kingdom, Europe, and Australia. So it's available in many places. Guys, let's get back to the show now. You ever played Werewolf or Mafia, the car game? I played that once in India. And? It was fun. It's fun! I was wrong as fuck, convinced everybody.

It's the greatest game ever, bro. So basically, you sit in a circle of people, everyone gets a card, and it either says you're like a citizen, you're a watch person, or you're the killer. So it's like a kindergarten game? Type shit. Okay, like you don't play it as an adult. No, you play you don't you played an Indian Yeah, sit on the ground. I'm already out. You can be at a table You can know we're said sit on a go on go on and then basically everyone everyone So no India on the. On the ground? You're in India? On the ground? You ain't sitting on the ground.

We're playing on couches. Yeah, you're playing on a couch. Do they have couches there? You're just sitting. It's an old Indian folklore game. It's fun. Everyone puts their heads down and then the watch people put their heads up and then they can't talk the whole game. Or some shit, I can't remember the exact rules. But then basically you've got to figure out every round who the killer is.

And the killer kills someone every round. And if the killers win then they win the whole game and then if the citizens win they win by telling the people who the killers are. But like they could pick the wrong person to be a killer and then they get kicked out. Nah, Playbuns was actually fun. The shit is fire. It's just a small group and you're all interacting with each other. Exactly.

And we're not having to like play roles or you're just talking shit arguing being like nah that's why this motherfucker is the guy. Just drink. Yeah. Yeah. If you want to play a game do maybe taboo or some shit like that if you really want to get a game going. Bro come on.

Bro who the fuck is taboo? That's worse. Yo taboo's good. That's the game like you have to like. Fucking gang. Miring shit. Nah that's just sucks. You're an idiot bro you're a dumb idiot.

No. No. I mean I see taboo's lit but that's gayer. It's called taboo. You're talking about uh scatag a dumb idiot. No! Taboo's lit, but that's gay-er. It's called taboo. You're talking about uh, scat-a-gories. Or charades or some shit like that? Gay or gay-ist. What's charades?

Scat-a-gories. Gay or gay-ist. Wait, what's scat-a-gories? I don't know. Now I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. This is shit. You do a family reunion so your parents don't fight. Yeah.

You're talking about charades. Charades. Oh charades. What's scat-a-gories? That's an easy answer. Scat-a-gories. That's Dan Bilzerian. Scat-a-gories are similar. Yeah It's just a more like structured version of it and draw shit out taboo is you got the word and then you got a Guess what the word is, but I can't say like I like that. I like that Al earlier said that's a kid's game and then goes No, I love taboo Seven year old taboo gets kind of crazy. If you are the sauce, that shit gets competitive,

and motherfuckers go in. What's that one where you hold the phone up to your head? Same as Taboo. That shit is fun. That shit is fun. That's a good game. That's fire when it's like you're competing boys versus girls.

Yes. The same way Taboo is. You're playing against your wife, and then you're telling the boy that she's wrong. Boys versus girls is fire for them. Taboo is the same way here. Tabs always demolish it. They start arguing.

You can make anything fun boys versus girls. I'm sitting here 40 years old. Yo, let's play boys versus girls. You're dead serious. Dead serious. You can make anything interesting boys vs girls. They still arguing with each other. Shuffle board.

Boys vs girls. Fire. Girls can't shuffle no boards. So gosh will say one clue that has nothing to do with the thing and we just get it. We just know boy. This is the bitch that... They do argue. They do argue too much. Those little games are fun. That's why I'm like a murder mystery is just an organized game.

It's just the being in character that is too much. It's too theatrical. You're a musical theater guy. You want to be a theater kid. That's why you love this. You just sort of dress up a little bit. You're a musical theater guy, like you wanna be a theater kid? Exactly. That's why you love this? You wanna be in community, Mark's biggest dream is to be in community theater, I think.

I can't, I can't. Not even Broadway, community theater. That was crazy. That was crazy. That was fucking insane right there. You should punch him. You should punch him right now. Why, you oughta.

Mark is gonna have dates booked at the garden and then his friend is going to be like, hey there's a play in Orlando if you want to go be... Local players theater. George of the Jungle. Mark is like, I got the hair. How'd you go do this? Bro, my grandma was in community theater. She did that for a while. Really? What was the role?

Come on now. What was the role? What was the role? Come on now. What was the role? What was the role? She played Scarlett Lettter. No way. She was Hester Prynne. I thought she was Debbie Does Dallas. You know who that is? What is that? A musical? Yeah, some music. Oh my god. That's so funny. You would love like Shakespeare, what's the one that... No, the one that's interactive with... Yeah, I went to that shit.

Sleep No More? Yeah, that shit's fire. Yeah, I've heard it said. That shit's fire. Did you like it? If you liked that gay shit, you would love it. He loved it. When I tell you he loved it, he was like, yo, heard it said. That shit's fire. Did you like it? It'll be like that gay shit you would love. He loved it. He loved it, bro. When I tell you he loved it, he was like, yo, this is crazy. Can I tell you what I didn't like about it? Oh, when you had to leave.

You could do whatever you want, but it all leads you to the same shit. I'm trying to find the other killer. You know what I mean? I'm not trying to find, don't tell me I could go wherever I want but all the doors start closing and leave me in the same place. Tell me there's one way to get there.

I'm following this one bitch around, she don't even work there. I'm like this bitch did it, I know she did it, I'm following her. She don't even work there. This bitch looking for security, she's like yo this guy keeps solving stuff. She did it, she's getting nervous. This shit girl's getting nervous. Chinese lady with a selfie stick? Yup, yup she's solving it. She did it, she's getting nervous. The shit girl's getting nervous. Chinese lady with a selfie stick? Yup, yup, she's on it.

Oh, is she filming? Uh-huh. I went to sleep no more, shit. It's the most showstick I ever heard. You can do whatever you want, you can't fuck them. You can't fuck them. What? No, you can't.

I was trying to get some pussy in there, though, I was. I think I went with my wife. I think I did. I'm almost positive I did. I'm almost positive I did. That shit is fire, that's my point. No it wasn't firewall. It was bro.

Did you do it? Never. Did you do it? Nah. I did it! You gave it, Ash. You're so fucked. You think I did it for me?

Fucking homo. You think I did it for me? If you bring it to Shorty now, you get a pass. He would show up with the boys, bro. I know he would. He would. I'm going alone. The Miles, Mark, and Lucas tranny hunting.

I can't sleep no more. We all gonna sleep no more, bro. That's gonna be awesome. Oh my gosh. Nah, for real though, that shit is whack. Bro, you went to that? I went to it. Followed around every actor, actress.

Got no pussy. I got none. Whack. Whack. You can just walk around, I lost the story because I'm trying to find another story. So I didn't even know what the fuck was going on in this shit.

And then we get to the final point and then somebody kills somebody, I don't even know who it was was going on in this shit. And then we get to the final point and then somebody kills somebody, I don't even know who it was, and I was like, yo, we out, come on. This dick ain't gonna suck on himself. I don't think I was with my wife. I don't think it was. If I was, I wasn't thinking that.

If I was, I definitely wasn't thinking that. If I wasn't, I was like, I'm the luckiest guy in the world to be solving mysteries with my baby. You want to assault on mysteries with your baby. You want to solve mysteries with your baby. And hopefully this dick can suck itself. Hopefully, hopefully, but I wouldn't even put that in the world, you know? I think the corniest thing I did,

I went to one of those blinds. Ah! I know you would like that one. I know you would like that one. I ain't gagging on it, son. I ain't gagging on it. I know you would like that one. I know. I know it. I know it.

I know it. Come on, man. Come on, Al. That was the point of your shit you did. You think I'm a gag on it, son? Come on, son. Take that shit down. Come on, Al.

But now, one of those are blindfold dinners. Oh, you did that? Yeah, I did that stupid shit. Yeah. What? It's a blindfold dinner, so it's like pre-made menu, you don't know what you're gonna eat, you're blindfolded the whole time. What if someone put some weird shit on the place?

I mean, it is what it is. Shut up, Miles. You know what? Thinking what we all thinking. Yeah. How dare you think what we all thinking exactly out loud. That's crazy. The food was so trash.

Really? Yeah, it was trash. No way. That shit is so dumb. And they marketed it like it's this pretentious experience. Like let your taste buds take over. Eliminate your eyes from influencing what you're gonna consume.

I hate eating in the dark. Oh, food we're not allowed to see? I'm out. I'm out? What? What kind of thing is that? Yeah, that shit is dumb. For sure, it's just like Chef Boardi, like trash.

It was really basic shit. And how much was it? It was like, I think 150 a person or some shit like that. And whose idea was it? It was Shorty. Yeah. But I got some pussy though. Ah!

Blindfolded or no! Come on, Todd. Blindfold or no? Blindfold or no? I mean, she's blindfolded. Did you? No, I got some pussy. I ain't blindfolded. We had enough of that blindfold shit after that.

Yeah, I was like, let's see. What do you think I actually left before Dirt Kid? I was like, I ain't doing this shit no more like we are. Cause the food just sucked. Wow. You got a blindfold, Todd. I just was like, hey hey you wanna be out? Nah, yes.

It just sucks. Crashing the tables on the way out. It's still wine-pulled. That's wild. I'm trying to think of like good. What is like, I mean Broadway's fire. Yeah, that's just like. It is, it is fire.

Yeah, bro. I saw Wicked and I was, I was like this is actually fantastic. Yeah, I saw that one that the South Park dudes did. Oh, that shit was crazy. Wicked and Mormon is so good. I even saw Spam a lot. I saw the dude that the South Park dudes did I even saw a spam a lot. I saw the dude taking out Ariana Grande. How was I? He's great He went to hate watch I'm a following around the country I saw the one tour. At the end of the show, when coming to town, I'm like, yeah, let's go watch. And afterwards I was just poisoning the well,

I was like, who sucked the most? Ariana? Don't say it, how dare you? How dare you, that age? And then you ask how he come out normal, like. He ain't fully normal, he ain't fully normal. There was someone steaming watching a Broadway show. Is he homophobic?

Nah, just only one of them. Was he talented, the kid, at least? Remarkably talented. Wait, really? He played three characters. No way. How do you do that? That's lit.

It's unbelievable. And he sings as well? He's a great singer. Yeah, he got it. Wow. Communic relief. He's the funniest guy in the show. No way.

Damn. That hurt a little. Yeah, that had a sting, huh? Alright, so she got a good taste then. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. God bless it. You can't look like that.

What was his stature like? How was his stature? Because I feel like we judge. What was his stature like? How was his stature? Because I feel like we judge him based on his stature. He was lean. Yeah. He was lean. Big dick.

He wasn't tight. He did have tights on. Did he have his dick showing? Yeah, he has a small print. Yeah. Does he? Yeah, he had a print. And I was in the Raptor, I was in the nosebleeds, broke ass,

watching his dick print. With my bitch ass in the Raptor. Oh my God. nosebleeds broke ass. Watching his dick from my bitch ass in the raster. He was like, Oh my God. He would come out and say, I'd be like, yo, y'all can go to the bathroom. That's what's gonna happen. You took his whole family to the nosebleeds.

They got the tickets. They're like, we're gonna go. Oh, they chose Spamalot. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, but I would have gotten nosebleeds. I'm not, come on. It's eight people. We don't need to be front row for Spamalot. Yeah, but I would have gotten those please. I'm not come on It's eight people

We don't need to be front row for spam a lot. Yeah. What would you be front row for Broadway? Realistically, I would want to see wicked from her. I see I saw a Hamilton basically from her. That shit was awesome I Hamilton's fire. Yeah Like a like a banger. It was actually good. I did not like it was be good. Lion King was great. Lion King was awesome. I used to love Broadway. I used to go all the time. I haven't gone in a minute. Ever since you started painting your nails, you stopped going. I know. You would think I would go more. Wait a minute. Yeah.

Alright, so then Broadway fire, comedy fire. Like I'm talking about objective fun nights in New York for entertainment. Jazz. Jazz is fun. I need to go to like good jazz. Yeah, if you go to a good jazz show, it's fun. What's the idea? They just sort of like riffing and shit? Yeah, they just play good music. They riff. The food is solid. You just go. It's a nice time. Couple hours. I don't know about fun. It's enjoyable.

Do you know? It's not fun. There's a place, Minton's in Harlem. Alice wouldn't know about it. It's great. Like it's one of the original jazz spots. It's like Grateful Dead for black people. Okay. It's a jam band. Yeah, it's a jam band. You know what I did?

This is like... It's impressive. You know what's fun? It's amazing. Dueling pianos. Oh, that's just... That's just far. That's white people's jazz.

Not if you're in New York, but if you're in like... Nashville? Oh, yeah. If you're in like some like country place. Doing pianos. That shit is gonna be lit. If you're at like a casino for whatever reason they have doing pianos, that's always crazy.

It's like white people strip club. And they just start throwing money to get this. Like whoever tips more, then the last person gets to cut off the song. For real? Yeah. I was black out in Asheville, North Carolina. I spent hundreds of dollars at dueling Fiat.

Same song? Just trying to get songs. Just cutting people off. Just cutting people off and shit. And my boys were like coming over like, yo, you gotta stop. Play YG, my... I lied, it was my boy's bachelor party.

Like I'm doing lies to get other songs cut off. It was, that's sick. Wait, so you get songs cut off by tipping? Yeah. So you gotta tip to get the song. Okay. And then if you wanna end that song, you tip even more to the other piano.

And there's two pianos. Oh, okay, so you tip the other guy to get him to stop, and then you tip the other pianos to play the same song. Crazy loop piano. Oh, those guys have brightened up. And a bunch of these white boys over there. So that's crazy. Miles had an ATM hammered black out.

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You know, ATMs done? No, I went to one. No, it's not. Yo, sometimes. I went to one a week ago. It was fine. Sometimes. I think it's done, bro.

Sometimes. ATMs are done, I think. ATMs are done, right? You just have your account and wire you $100,000. That's what we do now, right? That's fine. That's what we do now, right? I think ATMs are done, though. That'sMs are done, right? You just have your account and wire you $100,000. That's what we do now, right? That's what we do now, right? I think ATMs are done, though.

I think ATMs are going through their payphone phase right now. You are so disconnected. I think ATMs are going through their payphone phase. What if you go to a cash-only restaurant? Huh? What if you go to a cash-only restaurant? I think those are done. I think those are kind of done, though. Look at Lil Nicky. Hey. Whatever. I think those are done. I think those are kind of done.

I think those are done. He will be right eventually. Eventually he will be right, but they're not done yet. But he's going to be in the group chat going, told y'all. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm about. That's really what I'm about. What you just said is what I'm about.

But aren't they done though? Because think about like if that was your business to have like an ATM machine, that's all we did back in the day. You had to pay your boy back, you had to hit the ATM. But now that they're done, what do you do? The ADHD is unbeatable. It's unbeatable. Your AI is unbelievable. It is. Also, think about the business.

There are people who have been in the ATM business probably for decades as family business. Family generations. Those people are broke. Who the fuck got an ATM besides some Dominican guy in Washington Heights and his bodega? I don't even know where ATM is. I mean, the strip club at ATMs, they do good.

Yeah, that's a good one. They upcharge, crazy. Now you're right about that one. Casino ATM, Casino ATM. They can make money. People going broke, they need it. Now you're right. There's a couple of little ATM situations.

I will say though, bodegas now, everybody takes Apple Pay pretty much. Yeah, that's part of it. So. Yo, credit cards? Credit cards are done. Credit cards are done. Credit cards are done.

Credit cards are done. Low-key, they're done. How often are you taking out your credit card and booping? Almost never. Five times a day. No, you go credit card? Yeah, yeah. I do Apple Pay for everything.

You don't, Apple Pay? I mean, technically that's a credit card. Like a nice, any restaurant, they're not commenting with the thing. Do you think your phone likes looking at your face more? Why, because I can't see his eyes? Like when you face some, you got a little pretty ass eyes and shit? Do you think sometimes you got a little pretty ass eyes and shit

do you think sometimes you get a little discount like like do you try to flirt Cute ass little motherfucker. Hey, your teeth are looking fantastic right now, dude. For real though. Yeah. But that is a good question. That is a good question. Are ATMs done? Yeah. Y'all really haven't answered yet. Have they been significantly reduced? Can we say that? I haven't seen...

I would say that. Yeah, I don't know if I've seen less ATMs though. I don't know. Really? Yeah. They're still in every single deli. Really? Yeah.

Yeah. Alright. And they're risky. People get robbed at ATMs and shit single deli. Really? Yeah. Alright. And they're risky. People get robbed at ATMs and shit. That's the thing. Yeah. You need a passcode. That's all. Yeah, remember that. Do you use your credit cards?

Or do you have them all attached to your iPhone? If you go to a religious thing and you need to give cash for whatever in the collection plate, or in the month they just have like like each statue you can put money. You can't Venmo them? They losing money on that. I know, I know. Some churches do that, they have a little square reader in the thing.

They need to do that in more religious establishments, yeah. They have QR codes and shit like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like Schultes, you drop all those spot pay into the thing when it comes around. Damn, they got me. The church has to be calling you and be like, hey, you wanna come back?

By the way, you know we got a kid, they're trying to baptize. They're trying to baptize. Ooh, are you going to do that? Probably. Emma wants to do it. Which church? Greek Orthodox? Probably, yeah. Russian Orthodox.

There's a Jesus one. Nah, but does it matter this sec? No. I don't know, I should ask, no, not to her, no. I think the one that she goes to is non-denominational. You gotta be careful, bro. Russian Orthodox. I know they've been putting in a good bid to get you. Yeah. They do full dunk, I think, for the babies.

Oh, we'd be dunking our baby. Full dunk? Yeah, we should do full dunk. Why would you not do full dunk? Not because you just crisp in the head. You just take a little bit and you just go, shoot. They do cornice. No, that's not even... You wanna do full dunk for your baby?

Yeah. Are you about God or not? Yeah, you gotta get a little water in the... They're about to see God. They're about to see. Look, I'm about to... We dunk her already now in the water. Like a swim class? Yeah.

As part of you gotta teach them to close their mouth and eyes. Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What the fuck is that? What the fuck is going on, dude? What the fuck was that? RKO! What the fuck is going on? That is a little... From the top run, it's Randy Orton! I mean, this is crazy. Nah, you gotta go to Black Church, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to Lake real quick, you know, take a little. Black church, you just be like, boop.

Yeah. They're like, yo, how tall is this water? We go three feet? Three feet? All right, we good. This is crazy, dog. That's what I'm saying. Thank you.

And y'all say we abuse children. Come on. That's awesome. Son, you guys shaking baby syndrome like that. Yeah, that is wild. Yeah. So I'm just saying. Do you think baptism was invented so they were clean for you to rape them?

Babies? Come on. That's all, take it up with them. That's actually, that's their fault. Yeah I was doing it, the baby's doing it. You heard Peter Thiel on Rogan said 80% of uh. Jews are. Peter Thiel on Rogan said 80% of... Jews are? Are Catholic? No, 80% of cardinals are gay. You can't become a cardinal if you're not gay. Oh yeah, my mom believes that. Then why isn't it 100%?

Well, some of them lie about being gay to become a cardinal. That's wild. Wait, does your mom really believe that? I mean, more or less. She's never said that fact, but she's like, yeah, the whole church is overrun by gays and pedophiles. So then how is she still down with the get- fact, but she's like, yeah, the whole church is overrun by gays and pedophiles.

So then how is she still down with the get down? Because she's like, the institution is right, but it's been infiltrated by evildoers and Satan. So she gotta get the motherfuckers out of here. Exactly, she's trying to take down the ne'er-do-wells with her Facebook posts. The ne'er-do-wells. The ne'er-do-wells with her Facebook posts.

Yo, son. You don't think she's fighting the good fight? What? What a dark side. You got one sibling. You only developed that shit growing up with seven siblings. Cause you got limited time to come back. It got to be sharp to the point.

Whoa! What a crow flies. That shit was good. Take down the major new Hills with a Facebook post. Woo! That was good. Come on now. Good gracious.

NoFap. That's how she does it. Her Facebook is just bars. What's your mom's feeling on NoFap? She probably would've. She probably loves it, yeah. She probably would've. But not for too long,

because then you get gay and you fuck kids. That's fact. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's a NoFap? NoFap is a social movement where men try not to masturbate. Yeah. Oh. But I assume it comes in general, right?

Yeah, in general. I mean, there's different denominations. They just try and not jerk off. They think they're losing their masculinity, losing their power. The only time they can nut is when they have sex. And basically having that extra testosterone and energy in your system is gonna make you go out there

and get the sales. I be no fap in her. I don't fap. I mean I gotta say it, man. I don't fap. I don't really fap. You region A's Regis no faps. I started this movement.

I fapped the other day though, I ain't gonna lie. I did fap the other day. I fapped. How was it? Man, your boy's a shooter still. Straight to the chin. No, for real. I don't shoot up anymore.

I don't know if I got that. But I got, it came out of my peephole. How was the trajectory? The trajectory was kind of cool. It was good. Solid? Yeah, that shit was fire. Played a classic.

What's the distance? What are we talking about? I want brag, bro. I want brag. The only one we caught you was fired, bro. They did. I know Dub got range. He always talks about his range.

No, he acted like he got range. I don't believe anything Dub says about sex. We need a video. Not a single word he says about sex do I believe. I don't even think he comes. I think when he's ready to come, he just goes. He spits on their back. He spits on their back and goes I'm good. That's all for me. So yeah I don't believe it. But yeah that's it. Yeah. Y'all fapped recently? No. Fapped off my game I'll be honest. I had a wet dream last week.

Damn D. That's cool. I missed those. I had them while my wife was pregnant. I had them. I missed them. I'm still upset I never got to have them. Okay, in the dream, did you actually get to pumping or did you not prematurely? I'm always not prematurely in my wet dreams. That's just embarrassing. And now, now I'm at the point where like in the wet dream, I know it's going to be a wet

dream. Now I'm at the point where like in the wet dream, I know it's gonna be a wet dream, like for a second I dream lucidly, and I be like, all right, let me get in real quick. I'm like, half awake, I was like, oh my dad, and then I wake up. That's what I did on my vacation. Just wake up, burn my underwear, and then I get back in bed. You gotta burn your underwear. My wife does the laundry, she put her hand in there and a fucking melted jolly rancher comes out.

Oh my gosh. Come on, bro. That's what the nofap does. Sometimes you get that nocturnal image. That's a prize. Surprise, surprise. Oh hell yeah. We got feeling amazing. Oh my gosh. Hell yeah. I'm about to have one tonight. I think I'm gonna do that tonight.

That's not fair. I never had one. You never had a Nocturnally Mitch? You can learn how to lucid dream. No, no, not lucid dream, Nocturnally Mitch. Yeah, I mean that can lead one thing to another. Oh yeah, if you wanna have a lucid dream. I can teach you how to lucidly dream.

I don't know if I want you to teach me. Nah, he taught me. It's very easy. When you're dreaming, just be like, am I dreaming? And then you just start loosely dreaming. That's what I do every single time. Every time I'm dreaming, I'm like, I think I'm dreaming right now. Oh, fire.

And I just jump and I fly. Yeah, I feel a little different. Can't you control the ones where you prematurely come? I do control them. He gets more pumping. Yeah, I get my pump. I don't get a pump. I know it's a dream. I'm not trying to impress her. It's not premature for come. I do control him. He gets all pumpin'. Yeah, I get my pump. I don't get a pump in.

I know it's a dream, I'm not trying to impress her. It's not premature for him. Yeah, it's true. Facts. It's exactly. She's the one that. Yeah, it's true. Is frustrated by this.

In the next dream, she's like, ah, we're doing this again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. I don't even know who the girl is. Yeah.

Yeah. Right, though, I got you? Yeah. I don't even know who the girl is With my wife and my dogs yeah, he's slut sneaking into my subconscious suck my cock up Yeah, this is crazy, right I'm glad it wasn't you because I don't want to disappoint you even in a dream. That's how I knew that it was a dream. Because I didn't hold back. You boy just went for bust. You boy went for a bust. You ever went down on a girl and lose a dream?

No. That's prematurely ejaculated from going down on a girl and a lucid dream. You just went for a bust. You never went down on a girl and lose a dream? No. That's prematurely ejaculated from going down on a girl and a lucid dream. You just went for a bust. You never went down on a girl and lose a dream? No. That's prematurely ejaculated from going down on a girl and a lucid dream? No. Gosh. Yo, prematurely ejaculate from going down on a girl in a lucid dream.

And she was fired. And you just lick as a mangled Algerian box. That's nuts. Yeah, a little sand trap. Oh my God. Yeah, it was fire. So wait, what happened? So you went down on a Schwarm's?

I think I actually, that wasn't Schwarm's, but I think I actually did go down on a girl in a lucid dream one time. No. Yeah, I was in college. You're dream one time. No! You're a fiend. You're a fiend. That's the whitest shit I ever did. No, that's the most Puerto Rican shit you ever did. That shit is crazy.

I'll be fucking in his lucid dreams like, okay, when is it my turn? I always wake up in a lucid dream though. Oh my God. I've never had one. Well, then it's not lucid. Yeah, I know, but like I'll be in a dream and I'm like, oh, fuck, I'm dreaming. Let me fly. I'm awake.

Oh, I've had that. Now you just got to not do it. Like, yeah, I've had lucid dreams only after Burning Man. Good. I think my brain chemistry was only after Burning Man good the Brain chemistry was so fucked up from all the drugs and if a couple weeks after I'll have lucid dreams I can like wake up go back to the dream and keep it keep running. That's it. Yeah Oh, yeah, sometimes you can get back into the same one. Yeah, but I'm thinking to myself

I never thought to fuck there is time if I can get everything. Yeah, I never thought to be the only time You ever thought to not fuck? I know, right? That's crazy. I was in a dream. That's crazy. Come on. That was nuts.

That's the only time. What did you do instead? The flying shit. The flying shit is awesome. Flying fire? When you can control, yeah. That shit is lit. That's sick.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess. What do you mean, yeah, I guess? But I'm like- You never did it. I flew in an airplane and I'm like that's pretty close to flying. You didn't fly. You sat down. What are you talking about, dude?

I never hit out on another girl. Oh, I forget how exciting... That's more flying. That's more flying for me. What was the box like? Was the box good? Wait, wait, wait. You were in college? Oh, I forgot theories. Oh, I was in... Who?

I'm listening. Oh, tell us who. Wait, was it an actual girl? Did we not? No one that I recognize. Oh, yeah. I hate when that happens. High school with them giant ass tits. She's still posting like crazy. The one. His mom.

That's the Facebook post. My high school teacher. That's for the narrative. The Catholic Church is bad. Oh, man. Bang. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not teacher. As for the narrative, well. Yeah. The Catholic Church is bad. Oh, I'm fine.

So it was just a random girl, it was like a collection of girls, mashed into one. Yeah, AI. And then did you take off her panties before you ate her out? You pulled them to the side. Supposed.

Yeah. Wait a minute, so she was just sitting with her legs open, did you have to at least separate her legs and watch the meat separate? No, I was just there. I was just ready to go. Wait, what? So she was just sitting with her legs open? Yeah, I was in a dream.

I just popped in. I was like, all right, bet. We here. Not to really miss. It's like that clothing brand where it's just like a leg, a girl with the legs on and shit. Oh, fuck. That's what I did. Da Kind?

Da Kind? Yeah, I forgot what I did. The kind? The kind? Yeah, I forgot what it is. I've never heard of that one. I hope you bailed me out of that one. It doesn't look like a girl's like that. It looks like two people back to back. Oh, I have seen that one. But if you cover the top, it looks like, yeah.

Oh, really? Come on, yo. Is it a sport brand or what? It's like a surf brand. Kappa? Is that it? Oh, I think it's Kappa. Yeah.

Fuck. Oh, shit. Good job. I didn't know that was leg. I didn't know. I thought it was just brand loyal. I didn't know it is. Let me see. If you cover their faces, it's a girl with her legs open. I've never... This?

Just cover their faces. Oh! That's how y'all beat off in the 90s? That's crazy. What is the most or the least technologically advanced thing you jerked off to? Did you jerk off to magazines? Guinness Book World Records. What was it? What was the record? Oh my God. I read 75 books in one day!

Guinness Book of World Records. If you look at the Guinness Book at my house, that shit is sticky. Okay, what did you see? I can't even find it. What color? I bet you I can find it. It's like the biggest tent in the world. This was the 2000 edition.

I had every Guinness Book. I had every Guinness Book. I bet you I can find it. The biggest tits in the world. This was the 2000 edition. I had every Guinness Book. I had every Guinness Book. I had every Ripley's, believe it or not. And the Guinness Book 2000 edition was like the world's first artificial model. It was like the world's first AI model. And it was like a photorealistic woman in a bikini.

And I was like, fire. Didn't have a phone. Jesus Christ. Didn't have anything phone, didn't have anything. This is before I got my high touch. Get her up, that might be the girl you went down on. This is crazy, his generation had internet, bro. And that's crazy. That's crazy.

That's some us jerks off shit. Yeah. The fuck? And it was a full spread too, they knew what they were doing. Let me see it. Did y'all have this one? Yeah, this is shiny one, this is the shiny one. This is the cool one.

This is the fire one. I just remembered the blue one. I was 16 when this came out. Yeah, that's a good point. That's prime time. It was like... We didn't have it in our houses. It was like one of these, it was like this girl's...

This is your coffee table? No, my mom got it for me. It's not that girl at all, because that girl is a very famous model. It was like, forget who it was. I can't remember. I gotta find the book. But it's in there for sure. First artificial woman.

And it was like a computer generated woman. It was like made a record. And they were like, boom, put it in the book. No one's gonna turn off to this. And you fucking did. I made it work. I made it work. But back in the day, it was so, it was just a,

it was hair trigger. It was. What do you mean it was hair? Dick was hair trigger. You know what I mean? It was. Dick was hair trigger. Really? Yeah. I caught him beating the back of my minivan one time with my mom driving. No, no, no, no.

That's fucking nuts. It was. It was. Hold on, hold on. This thing's not normal, son. Don't tell her. Don't tell her. Holy shit. Don't tell her. It's not normal, bro. You remember being 19? Hold on, hold on. This is not normal, sir. Don't tell her, don't tell her. Don't tell her. Don't tell her.

Normal, bro. You remember being 19? Hold on, hold on, hold on. Y'all remember being 19? Come on. Hold on, hold on. You jerked off in the back of your mom's minivan while she was driving?

Yeah, that was a shame. She's just up there, and she's just like, the Jews control the roads. They can put some more red lights on this street. Yes, mom, keep going. So how many of you are in the car? Just her and then I'm all the way in the very, very back. She didn't find that weird...

Driving Miss Daisy. Bro, it was a 20 minute drive. Driving Miss Daisy type shit. It was 20 minutes. She's like, why are the ropes so bumpy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, hold on. Hold the fuck on.

Oh my god. You don't think she could see her shoulder? No, no, I checked. I checked all the angles. I checked, I triangulated. I knew what I was doing. Okay, she's gonna text you after this and be like, I knew. Wait, wait, so true.

Break it down, break it down. It's just the two of you. Where are you going or coming from? It's like an eight hour car drive from a soccer tournament in like Alabama or some shit. It's just the two of you, where are you going or coming from? It's like an eight hour car drive from a soccer tournament like Alabama or some shit. It's just the two of you. Yeah. Did you guys win or lose?

I think we probably won. This is on the way to the KB6. Yeah, this is on the way back because we've been in the hotel for two nights and then we had a tournament for a whole weekend. It's been days, it's been days. You're sharing the hotel? It's coming out of my eyes.

You're sharing the hotel room. I think so, yeah. Just have a nice nocturnal omission, like a sensible, four and a half. I wish. Let him set the scene. This is the craziest thing. I didn't even have an iPhone.

I just had like a shitty Nokia, but I was able to get Google images. So I would just go to Google and type in boobs. That's not even close to the craziest. Of all the things that are crazy about this, it's not what phone you use to get the images to jerk off. Okay. It's that every time you open your eyes while you're checking up, you're staring them back at your mom's head. I face the other way. I face the other way. How do you face the... Okay, set the scene. Set the scene. It's two seats, and then three seats,

and then three more seats. So I'm all the way in the back. Facing forward. No, I'm facing back, facing into the thing. Facing into the back. You're not taking him, I knew what the fuck was going on. I had a whole blanket on me and a pillow. I had a blanket and a pillow,

she's listening to Rush Limbaugh, she doesn't have time to catch the sun, dick, and a mini-git. Checked out the Rush Limbaugh. Yeah. I tell you what, folks. Rush Limbaugh. Yeah. I tell you what folks. Rush Limbaugh had a huge impression on me. My mom would go into Home Depot and leave me in the car for like

25 to 30 minutes just with Rush Limbaugh on and I'm tied in my car so you're just listening to it. He's getting hard. Yeah, this is what made me this way. I'm 8 years old getting fucking inoculated. How old are you at this point? I've got to be like 12, 13. Okay, so at what point do you realize that you need to get this nut out? I think going in the car, I was like 8 hours, 13. Okay, so at what point do you realize that you need to get this nut out?

Like I think going in the car is like eight hours. I can last eight hours It's like having a pee but it's come At that time his hair trigger bro, you're 13. I was getting in the car was like man I gotta I gotta let it rip soon. So I was probably I was probably two weeks online to coming. I was like pre-release on coming. It hasn't even really been out yet. You know what I mean? Like I just got it.

I just got the fucking download. And so I was like, alright, when can I do that again? You know what I mean? So you're in the car. Do you ever calculate, oh it's kind of weird because my mom is in the car with me or no? Well yeah, of course. Okay. You have a locktie in the rear view mirror.

Ha ha ha! Keep driving, bitch! That's what I said. Okay, okay, okay. It sounds weird when you save out of the context of being the horniest child alive. But then all of a sudden you pop up with a Guinness book, and you're like, all right.

What did you use to jerk off? That was the phone with the Google, with the boobs. So you cover yourself in the blankets. Yep. You make sure that. And I'm sleeping for a little and then I wake up and I'm like. And then.

And so you sleep for the first couple hours and she's just driving, having a grand old time. Yeah. And then, yeah, you wake up just in a sweat. In a panty. In a panty, yeah. And then you pop it open and then at that point his hair triggers so you're three pumps away at any moment.

So it's like. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What? It's hair trigger, I'm telling you bro. But now with your mom there and Rush Limbaugh. It could have been my dad sitting with me. It doesn't matter. Like why are we having to like,

you've never been horny before. Why are we acting like horny is not? I wasn't that horny, bro. No! I was definitely not horny. Alright, alright. So you nut. Where do you nut into?

Oh, my God. Oh, bro. It's the ceiling? Well, I think it was like I had an old jersey or some shit in my soccer bag. Oh, my God! And I was like, let me just grab it, mummy it up, and then king tut it. You know what I'm saying? Like...

You've always been dirty. Yeah. You're so fucking mad. And then afterwards, it, you know what I'm saying? You've always been dirty. Okay, and then afterwards what do you do? I just sleep and wake up in Florida. I'm like, ah, I'm home. It was just amazing. Oh, so you went right back to bed. It was a little zanny.

It was a little natural zanny. And I just woke up. So you didn't have like a combo with your mom to cover it up afterwards? What? You were like, hey, how's it going up there? Like, I'm not jerking off back here. You know, just to make me a throw off the trail.

No, no, no, you just go right back to sleep. Right back to sleep. And she goes, how'd you sleep? I go, hard. That's all you say. Yeah, that was it. And it was uneventful. Wow, dude.

That's a crazy story. Yeah. That's the thing, we're gonna find out all of our kids are jerking off and they're not gonna think we know what we know. And then we're gonna have to figure out how to deal with it. I told my dad the first time I did. So he knew.

So I guess he knew, right? I had to sit down after we played basketball to play a little hoops. Man to man? I was like, man to man. I was like, dad, I just wanna let you know, I jerked off the other day. While you're playing D?

No, no, no. I remember my dad just being like, wow. He didn't wanna say, why are you telling me this? I remember my dad just being like, uh, wow. Like he didn't want to say why are you telling me this? Like he saw it as like me sharing something that I thought was like- Vulnerable and important. Yeah, yeah. That is the best dude. What a gem. He's like, wow, okay, cool.

What a gem. Hit you with Eddie Murphy, yeah. Yeah. No, I think I felt guilty. I was like, am I not a kid anymore? Wow. That is white people's bar mitzvah. It really is. It is our bar mitzvah. Hey dude, Johnny got his nut off. We did it.

Damn, bro. My mom was in the room when I first jerked. I mean, first came. She was in the room. I know what I was doing now. That's why we like MILFs. So it was my bedroom. Wait, what? The computer was in my room. So she would like come up and use the computer or whatever.

But it's a fairly large room or whatever. And it's nighttime. I got a sign filled on. And I'm just like under the cover just like. You and Aziz, what is it about sign filling? It makes y'all need to come. But this was like when I was maybe 11, 12, I don't know. Just playing with myself but not even knowing what I'm doing.

Not like going like that. I'm just playing with myself. but not even knowing what I'm doing, not like going like that. I'm just playing with myself, all of a sudden, boom. Like what the fuck just happened? I didn't know what I was doing. Oh, that's funny. Slept with it, just like that. I'm like I can't get up, so she's right there. Mom's in the room.

Yeah. Slept with it. I slept with it, I had to. Nah, sleeping with it was crazy. I had to. Now that family room computer is sketchy. Yeah, the family was crazy. That family room computer is sketchy. That family room computer is wild. It was in my room.

That shit would suck. Yeah, that shit is really just setting you up. Yeah. My parents put the computer in my bedroom as a kid. They were like, you can have it. I was like 12, 13, bad time. I got so many viruses on the computer that I came out and I put it on the street to throw it away while the trash guys coming real early.

So my parents wouldn't notice I threw their family $500 computer away. My parent, my mom comes home and she goes, why is the computer out in the yard by the street? I said, it broke, we gotta get rid of it. She goes, no, we'll get it fixed. We'll like, you know, we'll take it somewhere. I said, nah, you just gotta get rid of it. She goes, no, we'll get it fixed. We'll take it somewhere. I said, nah, you just gotta trust me, it broke.

Riddle with porn, riddle. Yeah, she knew it. I couldn't explain to him why it wasn't working. She knows to this day. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Oh man. Yeah, that shit is wild, bro.

I would've buried it. I was desperate to get rid of that thing. All right, y'all, we'll see you next week. Peace.