Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Andrew Schulz NEW Studio Reveal & Fat Shaming

Episode Date: May 25, 2022

Andrew Schulz & the boys are in a NEW studio... and we get FLAGRANT. #TrendingNow Episode Chapters incoming... Intro Song by Vishal: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6VY8ibjGZU

I'll see you on the other side. Go ahead and help yourself. Hello? Up here. Who's that? I'm a voice programmer. What do you think? Where are we?

What's going on here? This is the future. What the fuck is that supposed to mean, buddy? This is the future. I just walked through a light tunnel. I come out in a different outfit in a brand new studio. Can you explain to me? Take a seat. I'll explain.

Why'd you pick that? A little presumption. No, I just thought that... Oh, yeah, you're supposed to play in the studio, huh? I'm joking. So, what do you think? What do you mean, what I think? It's unbelievable.

I mean, whoever paid for this probably is poor now and hasn't told their wife yet. And she's going to be furious when she finds out. But Flavor 2 is done. What do you want me to do with this? The Flavor 2 podcast is done. What does this look like, a podcast? No.

It doesn't look like a podcast at all. It looks like box seats to the Squid Games. That's what this place looks like. I mean, it's like a casting couch for the Vatican. It's beautiful. Look at the ceiling. Dude, this place looks like the Ninja Turtles hosted The View. Thank you. That means a lot coming from you. I mean, you have experience with the universe, obviously, but it doesn't change the fact that Flagrant 2 is over.

And thank me that you suck. This isn't even a sports podcast. Every time you hit an athlete on, you just talk about pissing in their own mouth. It's called The Bubbler, okay? And it's funny. We don't want to just interview people. We want to hang out, bust balls, show their funny side. Exactly. And that's why we watch. This is one of the few places on the planet where we can all get together and laugh about the bullshit going on in the world.

This is real friendship. And when I hang with you guys, that's when I feel like the truest version of myself. Wow. I had no idea. God is he's gay. Jesus, bro. I'm the truest version of myself. What the hell is that? What are you talking about, gay? You listen to a harp. It's the gayest instrument ever.

Did you call your own face? What's gay about that? It's my own face. You know what's gay? It's watching me do it. That was pretty gay of you to watch. See how much fun this is? You need this.

The boys need this. The people need this. The boys need this. The people need this. This is your destiny. And from this day forth, this show shall be called Flavor It. You're so gay, bro. Dude, it's unbelievable. Hey fellas, come in here. I'm just going to answer the question right away.

Too expensive. Too much. Okay? That's how much it was. Too much. Okay? It got to a point, I don't know if you guys are aware of this, but where I just told Doug to stop telling me how much things cost.

Months ago. Months ago. Months ago. He bought a forest today yeah yeah i got charged for four thousand dollars for plants live plants set the venmo request immediately yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah if dove bought anything with his credit card not 30 seconds would pass before i got a venmo charge 30 seconds. Does he charge for tax too? Dude, everything's locked in. He has my credit card on his Uber.

I said to him he could take three Ubers if he goes on one date with a Jewish girl. Yet to be used. How's it business to get stood up at a restaurant? I don't understand. Oh, shit. That's expensive. Hold on.

Do we have the ability to get the shade that's on the side of his face? Dude, earlier, what is it? The Phantom of the Opera where they're just wearing half of it? Yeah. That's what you were looking like. The Phantom of the Opera. He's Harvey Dent.

Jew face. Okay, guys. Obviously, we've been talking about the studio amongst ourselves for a while. Is there anything that you've been saving for the podcast to tell the people? This is where we should be now. Brooklyn was where we should have been then. It was the man cave. Conversations that you quietly have. Now this is us.

Classy joint. We weren't quiet, but people weren't supposed to talk about it. Now we made it, but we still us. This studio is fucking fantastic. There we go! It's in the perfect area. Thank you, Vala. Vala did a great job getting the studio together. Yes. Thank you, Vala.

Let's go. Look at this thing. Just absolutely killed it. And Doug, thank you for helping Vala organize all this stuff. Yo, you are a great assistant to Vala. You did a great job with the plants. That was very good. Could you put a price on this in terms of weddings?

I'll put a price on it. No, no, no, no. I'm going to put a price on this in terms of weddings? I'll put a price on that. No, no, no, no. I'm going to put a price on it right now. The other day, Mark set a price that he thought was an exaggerated YouTube title. Yeah, we could do something crazy on the YouTube title like my X amount studio. And I almost slapped him in his fucking face thinking that's what this costs. You know how much this costs. You've worked in the business.

Look at all the lights. Go to the one where it shows the lights go up Go up There you go. Okay expensive my wife doesn't know Went over that on WTF. That's crazy. $1,500. $1,500, dumbass. Google something.

You know what I mean? No, I know she knows it's expensive because she just keeps running up the honeymoon. No, any other thoughts about the new space? Because we've been talking about this. It's not a podcast no more. Yes. We're past it.

We're past the podcast. Yo, you never seen a podcast look like this? This is a show. Yes. It should be on TV, but we're too flagrant for it. Yes. We're past it We're past the podcast Yo you never seen a podcast Look like this This is a show Yes It should be on TV But we're too flagrant for it Yes This is the greatest show

On the internet Don't ever let Akash Prepare something Before he says it again I can't help it I'm passionate about What you spent your money on It is weird

Because obviously We know this was going on Now a lot of people Thought that we were Stopping the podcast And by a lot of people I mean nobody thought that we had stopped the podcast. We really thought we were gonna trick motherfuckers We were like, yeah, we'll put up. What do you put a flagrant sign with a question mark? It took two weeks for them to pick up on it.

They didn't even notice. I think two weeks later, somebody posted on the Reddit. They're like, did you see the question mark? Something might be happening. In the IG stories, like, yo, somebody notice, please. Yeah. Y'all weren't asking enough. Do y'all not care?

You weren't even asking enough. We had to post ourself. It's over now. We're doing thirst traps. Fuck! Like some podcast thoughts. But the real reason why we didn't have the episode last week, we like to front like we were scaring you, we were leaving,

but I was in Los Angeles and I was filming a movie because I'm an actor now. Yeah, you were. I'm a thespian. Also, you got to get some money for the studio. And I also had to make some money for the studio. I had to do that. Are you allowed to say what movie or no? Yeah, yeah.

I'm White Man Cam Jump. I'm a superstar. I hope you didn't flub your lines like you flub White Man Cam Jump. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Hit the super line. You can still see me. You can still see me. Now jump.

Try standing up on your podcast. Try standing up on your podcast. Why don't you? You literally told Hollywood, you said, yo, don't cast me in any more movies. Acting is stupid. No, no, no. Okay, so here's something interesting.

So Cal Maddock, who's directing it, brilliant fucking dude, happens to be a Brilliant Idiots fan. Been listening to Brilliant Idiots forever. And he straight up told me, he goes, bro, I almost didn't cast you in the movie. Well, because you said on Brilliant Idiots, I'm the worst actor ever.

Don't ever cast me in a movie. Like, what are the chances the director is going to be like a fan of Brilliant Idiots, right? And I was like, well, thank God you Idiots, right? And I was like, well, thank God you didn't do it. And he was like, oh, it was really close. It was like really close.

Yeah, yeah. So, yeah. Keep not casting me. Yeah, oh. Right? Reverse psychology. You know what I'm saying? That's smart.

I only know two people casting the movie. Okay, go. You and Jack Harlow. Yeah. Yo, Jack's good, man. I ain't gonna lie. Jack's a cool-ass dude.

He seems smart. He seems like he can get acting. Yeah, but he's good energy. Like, Jack's good, man. I ain't gonna lie. Jack's a cool-ass dude. He seems smart. He seems like he can get acting. Yeah, but he's good energy. Like, he's sweet and he's like, he'll give it up. Like, he's not, like a lot of times

famous people, like at least entertainers are so insecure they don't compliment at all because they're just like, the world is about me and nothing else type of thing. But he was just like,

I'm looking at this young kid. He's in his 20s, right? And I'm looking at him like, going up to people and be like, hey man, you're making this movie better and this is really awesome. I don't even know if he has insecurity. I don't know. It was just a lot of confidence.

Yeah. I have insecurity. Where? I cover it up with extreme confidence. Yeah. That's smart. That's really smart. If you want to see my insecurity, you should have been on the last movie. Hiding in my fucking trailer. Yeah. Cover it up with extreme confidence Hiding in my fucking trailer. Yeah, I did get bullied

He's having a back and forth with a dude. He's doing crowd work. He's doing jokes, blah, blah, blah. He's ripping. He finishes a big joke, big crescendo. The energy's kind of coming down. It's silent in the room. And one guy in a booth in the very back goes, yeah.

Levels the room. Fucking crush, dude. He did it the first time. Fuck you. Fuck you. Hey, Eddie Murphy. Fuck you, dude. Wait, what Eddie Murphy. Fuck you, dude. Wait, what?

Not Eddie Murphy, bro. Wait, what? It was the guy. Why are you giving verses to Eddie? Yeah, but he started that. You started it. I did? Yes, by being a bad actor. God damn it.

My bad, Eddie. You're good. By the way, the funny thing about the plants that people don't understand, those aren't, there's no light, real light coming in there. And we're using real plants. What do you mean there's no real light coming in here? I see a skylight right there. Oh, shit. You're right. You're's no real light coming in here i see a skylight right here oh shit you're right my bad beautiful window yeah well don't say where we are oh shit bleep that bleep that make sure you mark that yeah

but there's a beautiful window there with our gorgeous new view of wherever we are on the planet right now do you know what i mean what exotic locale my bad my bad sorry yeah right we need to change it's a jet lag good too look good, too. Hey, thanks, man. Yeah, it's a good outfit. Yo, thanks, buddy. You really went for it. I thought of Al when I put the shoes on. I was like, I think I'm matching.

I had to check with my wife. I was like, hey, baby, am I matching? They can't see us. She was like, close enough. No, he went for it. Al, you got it. Al, you got it. Mark wore the same thing he's been wearing on the podcast for the last three years.

And you know what pissed me off? Is I know Mark had an outfit on deck that he decided not to wear. What did I have on deck? Oh, oh! You act like, I don't know! I had the backup. You had the backup. I had the backup.

Okay. This is the backup. Nah. Yes. No, no, no, no. You had a backup. Can you say the backup? This is my hottest shit right here.

Say the backup. The backup. The backup was? That would be from my friend Jameel that has a sick, you know, little... Jameel came through with a duffel bag like he was playing basketball 15 minutes before I saw him. I was like, what's in the duffel? He goes, oh, I got Mark's fit ready. I go, oh shit, you brought Mark a fit?

You went shopping with him? No. Yeah, yeah. He went shopping in his closet. Stop. To hook me up. Mark goes, yo, what you wore to Radio City was fire, bro. That shit was fire.

He was like, oh yeah, that was kind of cool. He's like, you wearing that Monday or Sunday? No way. Yes, look, if I don't know what to wear, I text all the black people I know. And I say, hey, do you have anything? Fly. And then they do. Yo, I got that call before Radio City.

Come on. He's like, what you think about that? I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you bring the gloves? Somebody had black gloves backstage. Somebody had black leather gloves backstage. Was that you? It feels Vala.

Come on. Oh, my God. I saw black leather gloves backstage. And I remember thinking, I was like, yo, one of these motherfuckers is going for it today how'd you think that vala was the second choice you went akash you think that that wasn't choice you got black leather gloves you got a crush as an opener yes fuck you hell yeah what did you what were you using those gloves for? Gloves? I can't speak. Yo. Uh-oh. Is it contagious?

It's the altitude where we at right now. Ah, you're right. You're right. You're right. I had to adjust my accent. You know what I mean? Different time zones. Yeah, you know.

You know, what time zone are we in, guys? Yeah, what cup are you drinking? Son, they gonna know where we at. Oh, this kind of gives me a headache. Fuck, bro. Damn it, Mark. Why'd you drink every right when you said it? Damn it. Oh, this kind of gives me. Fuck. Bro, damn it. Why'd you drink every ring when you said it? Damn it.

Son, it's a ceramic cup. We bought those. Oh, that's true. That's true. These are the culverts. Yo, take a lap. Just one time around. Let's go.

OK, I need to walk around. I need to walk around. Hold on. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. But how does he not know any words? It's because we've been sitting too long. That's it. Yeah, but know any words? It's because we've been sitting too long. That's it.

Yeah, but we've been sitting too long. You've been sitting too long. If we don't do this in the morning, it's a wrap. It's a wrap, right? I didn't have my coffee yet today. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap.

It's a wrap. How do we talk for a living, bro? Son, I don't know. Okay. Look, so anything else to say about our studio, my blossoming movie career? Acting is also a talent. Now that I got good at it, I respect it. Did you play ball?

Say again? Did you play ball? No, can I say what I do? No, not in the movie, but like while you guys are waiting. Did you play ball? No, but I had a, oh yeah, I was hooping a little bit. That's what I'm saying. But you can't exactly do it.

So you have to take it to Jack. No, Cinqua can play. No, I give Jack buckets on it anytime. Word. The only person that could probably beat me on set was Cinqua. He played ball in college. Talk that shit. And I beat his ass too.

Talk that shit. I beat your ass too. Talk that shit. I'm sorry, bro. This is what it is. I'll go on this one too. Let's go. I got you.

I got you, baby. I got you, baby. I got you, baby. I got you, baby. I got you, baby. I got you, baby. No, no. I'm giving them all buckets. But yeah, yeah, yeah. It was fun. One scene was fun.

And they were just letting me fuck in. So Blake Griffin and Noah, Noah Weinstein's company, different Weinstein, same behavior. I can't say that. Legally, I don't think it's legal. He makes hit movies. He makes hit movies on a limited budget. Blake Griffin is a production company.

So he's producing films and that kind of stuff. But he was on set, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was on set. So you're not beating everybody on set. Well, he was on a limited budget. Blake Griffin is a production company, so he's producing films and that kind of stuff. But he was on set too? Yeah, yeah, he was on set. So you're not beating everybody on set? Well, he was on set one day. You know what I'm saying? Your boy was doing a wig. Come on, bro.

He's not in the playoffs. I can't give him buckets, bro. No. He wasn't number two pick. No, you ain't giving him buckets. He wasn't the number two pick. He wasn't number two pick. I already beat a number two pick.

I think Blake Griffin was number one pick. That's why you're not beating him. Yeah. Well, he wasn't number two pick I already beat a number two pick I think Blake Irvin was number one pick That's why you're not beating him Well he wasn't number two Fuck was he really number one God damn bro Anyway shout out to Blake So what year was that number two pick drafted Time is a circle that's flat

It's kind of like Shifty's head Time is Shifty's head. Time is Shifty's head. What do you think about it? It really is. Alright, so maybe Blake will bust my ass. But outside of that, nah, I got him. Second best. No, but him and Kenya Barris obviously

produced it as well. And they basically were like, yo, just go for it. Just go, riff some lines. And bro, do you guys know Duno? He's got a podcast on No Jumper, and he does a show with Letty as well. And, but it was him and like two other dudes, two other Mexican dudes, and they were just kind of there in the scene.

I don't wanna say what's happening in the scene, but like they were just go, like go riffs. I interpret that as like make fun of three Mexicans. Yeah. Oh, home game. I had a couple bangers, bro. I called them the wet backstreet boys. I had a couple bangers I called them the wet backstreet boys I had a couple good ones

I'll save the ones that I think that they might use but I think that gave me a little confidence I did not have that shit in the old movie I'm not Mexican that's what I need that is a great point I think you need to improv your lines

I think a scripted thing is not for you. It's very similar to what Seinfeld did. You just gotta let this guy improv. You know what I mean? You just gotta let him go. What did I tell you about when he prepares shit, bro? He just hurts feelings when he prepares shit, man. This is the greatest show on the internet.

Let's go. That's my single. Yeah, we're not used to all this. It's real fancy. Number one short. Who's producing this, man? What are we doing? Okay, boys,

shall we talk about Jordan Peterson trying to act like he can take down no fucking elk in his day, yo? Should we talk about that? He a big game hunter. He's from Alberta. Did you hear about this? Big chicks?

So you know who Jordan Peterson is, right? Okay. We got to ask you about white people. We got him on the podcast? Yeah, that guy. So there's a girl who's on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Her name is Yumi, uh, something. Yeah.

She's actually like the niece. She's like related to Steve Aoki. Oh, really? In a weird way. Yeah, yeah. Um, or I'm just racist. So, uh, but, uh, yeah, so she's on the cover and she's a bigger girl. And, uh, Jordan Peterson writes, sorry, not beautiful.

No amount of authoritarian tolerance is going to change that. Here's the thing. Face. Beautiful. She's a beautiful girl. Body. Beautiful.

It is. It is. Body. Beautiful. It is... It is... Body... She's built like E-Honda, bro. But I don't think... I think that you could still be beautiful. What is beautiful? Is it the perfect package totally?

You've talked about, quote-unquote, fat models before. That's different. How is that different? Fat models can be beautiful. I just think being a fat model is the laziest thing ever. Okay. That's different. How is that different? Fat models can be beautiful. I just think being a fat model is the laziest thing ever. Okay. That was my argument.

My argument wasn't that there aren't big, beautiful people. There's tons of big, beautiful people. My mom? Right? I talk about her big, beautifuls all the time. On this very podcast.

That's a good point. Speaking of which, there's a baby formula shortage. Oh, God. Sandra Cameron! We never talked about that. Yo! We gotta get her out here in the world save the planet You don't want us to talk about your mom. And we won't. I don't have one.

I have nothing. That's more rude than saying your mom doesn't have a beautiful body. You guys are animals. You guys are animals. You guys are animals. You guys are animals. You can't pick up your mom? Yeah. No.

I mean, no. She doesn't exist. There's no one. No. She's not COVID, though. She's real. No one exists. No.

No, come on, dude. Come on what? I mean, just describe your mom in an objective way. I guarantee you sucked on your mom's tits. No, no, no, no, no. I did. Not his mom. My mom. You sucked on your mom's tits. No, no, no, no, no. I did. Not his mom, my mom. You didn't suck on your mom's tits?

What's going on? That's where he got his green eyes from, bro. Sucked them out of a white lady. Jesus. Come on. Come on, man. Come on. Vitamin D.

Come on. Yeah. Come on. Welcome to the. You're the main sucker, bro. Look how good it is. Yeah. I'm also not a triwalla, bro. You can't do that to me. I know you're not a triwalla. I

Touch it shit movie He's just like touching shit Even though now you've created a situation where we need to Like nobody wants to talk about my mom my and you know her big old tits We talked about my crush us with one. Say again? What? She might crush us with one. Honestly, dude? You started. You started. You opened it up. No, everyone stop.

You opened it up. Honestly, dude. Everyone's got to stop. You went too far. You went so far, we might not be able to come back, bro. I just said, I think he opened the door. He wasn't mad at all. Because he was going to just say, yes, sir.

Yeah, and what's wrong with that? Impress if I caught it you can get what my mom got four locals She do not the floor local like you do have the four locos illegal in 49 Hemp sits is illegal 49. Can we talk about this model? Please say again? Can we talk about this beautiful? Why we talk about other beautiful women? Why we always always have to talk about this model please? Say again? Can we talk about this beautiful model? Why do we talk about other beautiful women? Why do we always have to talk about models? That's a good question. Yeah, everybody wants to talk about models non-stop. Let's talk about other beautiful women like our mothers.

Metapositive women with big breasts. You mean nude. Real talk. That's the only thing we can't talk about? Thank God. Real talk. That's what God does. Pray some big-ass titties can't get pregnant. Oh, there it is. Right?

Right, though? That's brilliant. Yo, there it is. Right? Right, though? That's brilliant. Yo, come on, Mark. That's brilliant design, yo. Mark, what you looking at? I'm looking at the other Mark, the guy that the DP is watching is like, what the fuck did I do here? No, listen. It's like when you go blind, but you can hear better.

Is that even true? It must be. You know that marble? Looking at our mom's breasts? Yes. You know the marble fucking thing, Daredevil? Yeah. He's blind, but he can still tell if black people are in the neighborhood.

How is that? He can hear them? I think we can all hear them. It used to be loud in the car. There ain't no spidey sense. He hears it perfectly every time. Okay, guys. Listen, we'll get back to Mark's mom in a little bit.

But now we are going to, unfortunately, have to discuss. It is a... Or one family member. Listen, I don't have sisters. I don't have sisters. Al, you have a sister. But we're not talking about sisters. We're talking about mothers right now.

I think sister is disrespectful. Say what? I think sister is disrespectful. Say what? I think sisters is disrespectful. Sisters is disrespectful. I wouldn't do that to you, Al. But can we talk about your brother's tits? They're gone. He lost 180 pounds or whatever.

Fuck, man. What can we do? Did he give it to Noomi, not the Noomi? Listen, I think if we're going to make the actual point, I think that girl is absolutely beautiful. And you can be beautiful. You can be beautiful, skinny. You can be beautiful, big.

But being a model that's big is lazy. We can just say that. What do you have to do for work? Well, you got to learn poses. You got to walk. Yeah. What are they posing? What is it?

You know, actually, Molly is. That's an actual pose. That's an actual pose. They're like, are you hungry? She's like. well you gotta learn poses yeah what are they posing what is it you're actually Molly is this actual pose they're like are you hungry Yeah, I'm working. Yeah, Yumi's got you, bro. Do you want me to act? Yeah, bro. Do you guys want me to act? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was feeling myself after acting, bro. So we were coming in here just checking out the new studio, and I was like, well, you could just get a version of me walking around the studio. We could just play the first time we walked in or whatever like that. And I decided to make a choice. Bro. It's just so funny. I came down the stairs, but I didn't tell them or nothing. I was like, yeah, we'll just act it it out and I went like this and I went like

How fire is that right like because aren't you thinking about how hot that is With a subtle he made a subtle choice Understated choice. Yeah, I made a subtle choice. Understated choice. I didn't understand it at all. Yeah, that was stupid. Man, this is why my confidence goes away with the acting, because y'all are bullies, bro. Can we talk about Yumi Nu shaking over swimsuit cover reveal? That's what the tweet was.

No, stop it. I didn't like that that's what New York Post wrote as the tweet. Yo, New York Post don't give a fuck, bro. Shouts to the Post. Shaking over Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover Reveal that's not the right word Why can't she be beautiful why is she not beautiful To Jordan Peterson

Authoritarian Overweight is his whole point Hmm Also if you say that shit about a woman like you're Opening up the door for people to talk about your Woman Good ass point yo I'm not saying we gonna do it Also, if you say that shit about a woman, you're opening up the door for people to talk about your woman. Good ass point, yo.

I'm not saying we're going to do it. But someone might. He was getting roasted online. What did they say? People were saying just how ugly he looks. I don't think he's ugly. I think he's not attractive. I think he's a handsome guy. No, he's not.

He's got a vampire kind of vibe. That's not attractive, man. You don't think that guy's attractive? Nah. Can I tell you one thing I know, though? Please. Skinny people hate fat people. Skinny people hate fat people.

Every skinny person hates fat people. Deep in their fucking bones. Do you know what it is? What? When you're skinny, it's not a choice. You just have good metabolism. You grew up eating right. And then exercise was just part of what you did.

Nobody grew up exercising a kid going to the gym to lift weights. They played a sport. They required it. It just becomes part of your life. So when you see someone that's fat, you assume it's a choice. You're like, oh, you want to be like this because this is effortless. Right, right, right. So I think there is a little resentment.

Like, why the fuck? Bro, why don't you just be normal like everyone else? Yeah. When you were big, right? And then you had to fucking lose it yeah what did you do would ever stop? Never. Good camera.

I figured it out. I got it. But no, what'd you do to lose it? I have to do whatever everybody does, but much more so. For example? I have to be super strict with eating. I can't eat any junk food. I can't.

I have to exercise every day. I have like no wiggle room, really. I've never seen you do that. I know. We live together. That's why I've been gaining weight. No, you look good. You've always looked good when we lived's why I've been gaining weight. No, you look good. You've always looked good when we lived together.

Oh, no, buddy. Listen, whatever you eat, I always eat half. No way. Yeah, I used to eat a lot and I was heavier. I would eat like a lot of healthy food.

I couldn't even do that. You've seen my family. Everybody's overweight. That's not true. Not anymore. Not my brother. Your brother lost a fucking 100 pounds, dog.

That's a whole lot. 100, 130, 140. That's a whole that's a whole that's a whole ass you dude 130 140 I'm crazy let's fucking go keep that shit up yeah

absolutely proud of him but he was overweight for a while my dad overweight my mom most of her weight in one place

but it's you know it's a lot of weight you know what I mean what dude what dude what is son it's crazy I can't praise my mom

yo what you think your mom got no body that's disrespectful dog nah let's get back on Mark don't bring him on way

both your moms both your moms got bodies yeah Mark Mark Mark thought when we made

this whole studio it was gonna like up the level of discussion on the podcast no Mark no no no we gonna talk

about you and yours we gonna talk about you and yours. But now you're close enough. We're going to talk about you and yours, too. You know what I'm saying? All right, come on, bro. Can we, let's have a real discussion. Yes. Can we have a real discussion?

Thank you. What do you think of Jordan Peterson? I think that he's, like, gets drunk and goes on Twitter. And then says stuff that he. Low key. I don't know if he's actually drunk but you know it's coming. He gets impulsive. He said he's suffered from addiction in the past. He starts tweeting

crazy and then wakes up the next day and he's like I don't know. Who gets drunk and thinks fat girls are uglier? That's true. That's a good point. Point counterpoint. That's a great counterpoint. If you're drunk, you're on the internet feeling yourself. Trying to get into Twitter spaces with that girl. You want me to chop it up?

I must be drunk. Shorty's bad right now. Yo, she's a pretty girl. Give it up, girl. Give it up. We're trying to act like, stop it. Like there's one dude out there who's only slept with skinny girls. Come on, bro.

I mean. Oh, that's right. Y'all are. But we got gotta have a number for one away from gay what is it like what is it

us yo no but there's like a name not a number we have to have like a name for you guys cool guy yeah cool guy

cool dude cool guys yeah yeah wow that's crazy you guys have never slept with a fat girl yeah that's true

but the fact that you keep saying it feels like you're you know, trying to get in front of something. I've slept with hella fat girls. I'm proud of that. Rooster. Yeah, I went through like a phase.

Like, I was into it. I was my shit. You were into it? Hell yeah. I had one of those beds that like the wine glass wouldn't move. Tempur-pedic? What is it called?

Tempur-pedic? What's the wine glass bed? Why? Tempur-pedic. No, it's like memory foam. Yeah. Oh, they could be at one side and I wouldn't roll into them.

That's how you put all them elephants on it because they got the memories. Conceptually, that was great. Yeah. That was one of the worst deliveries ever. But conceptually, it was good. I could never forget. I was like, how do I word it?

I was so excited to get it out. I didn't have time. That was really good. That was amazing. I could never forget. I was like, how do I word it? I was so excited to get it out. I didn't have time. That was really good. That was amazing. I'm surprised you just didn't go. Okay, yes, I had some elephants on the bed, but like, it was fire, dude. Yeah.

Yeah. Did you get the bed on purpose? Say again? Did you get the bed on purpose knowing like? No, no. I was just coinciding. I just thought it'd be a really comfy bed. God's plan, yo.

Yeah. And then it just worked out. But for real, yeah. What age were you when you were in your chubby chasing run? Late 20s. Wow. Yeah, late 20s. Yeah.

Mine's more mid. Mid 20s? Yeah, mid. And what was it? I don't know. I don't know. Right, but you felt it, right? It was hot.

And then you get with a skinny girl after you're with the big girls, and you're just like, what's going on with all? Like, I turn into an old black dude at a barbecue. So I'm like, I need some meat on these bones. That's what I'm talking about. For real, there's something off, right? Yeah. Thank god my girl got the wagon, bro. What do you transition to?

What? What, you mean, you want to transition back to white girls with fat dumps? Oh, here's a fun combo we can all knock on into. What I mean when I transition back to white girls with fat dumps Here's a fun combo we can all I was ready to jump in immediately. Stop. Okay. I can swim now. Are we talking? Okay, we're not talking about it.

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back to the show. Okay, Mark, can you bring up something? Can we talk about this dude that left his wife for a Ukrainian refugee? Yeah. This British guy takes in a Ukrainian refugee and then just dips out on his girl. Go. I blame the girlfriend.

Go. The arrogance. The absolute fucking... This is a pretty girl. The utter arrogance to think, I'm gonna let this attractive person live with me and my significant other. If I'm taking in a refugee,

that better be an ugly motherfucker. Is it arrogance or is it like, oh, I'm so a refugee, they better be an ugly motherfucker. Is it arrogance or is it like, oh, I'm so trusting of my husband? Arrogance. That's dumb as fuck. You also don't get

to pick the refugee. It's not like they do a lineup or a Tinder swipe. They were talking on Facebook for a minute. This is all set up by dude. And if you look at dude,

he got like face tats and shit. He's a wild boy. And his girl is kind of fine. They got two kids though. But they were basically talking on Facebook for a minute and then brought it over and you get paid by the government. You get like $3.50 a month for taking in

the... Really? So he's getting paid to pound that fucking... Why don't we have refugees? Say again? Why don't we have refugees? That's a good point. But let's re-up on the new ones. Let's get white ones. Yeah, exactly. White refugees get paid for. White refugees are sick.

That's a great point. Let's do that instead. White ones. Yeah, exactly. White refugees you get paid for. White refugees are sick. Yeah. That's a great point. Let's do that instead. Yeah. Okay, yeah. He was trying to catch a trizzy. Of course. Yeah.

Of course. He's like, oh, she's here. Helpful. Used to getting invaded. The trifecta. 22 years old, though. so here's something interesting. I remember when I was a youngster, parents would have babysitters from like Sweden or some shit. Au pairs.

I've heard of those. Sometimes like Costa Rica. And the dad... Always. Always, bro. Always. Why keep doing that? Yeah.

You heard the same story. They made a fucking movie about it. Why are you snitching on Larry like that, bro? Why would you do it? How is it, bro? I know he said as a youngster

as if it was his life. At the end of the summer he's like, I forgot. I don't know what you're talking about. See TV. Something happened. See TV.

No, no, no, no. We never had an au pair. My dad knew what time it was. But isn't that crazy? Like, why would you? Did have a babysitter you the I have my aunt Edith and the lesbians. I had the lesbians when I was younger Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was fire. The hot nanny is the dumbest like they were not to be faithful That's the dumbest thing possible. Hey, let me watch this hot woman. Take care of my offspring

Hmm while the girl that actually made the offspring off doing whatever the fuck she wants it you don't think you're gonna Biologically want to fuck this girl? Yeah, but you could also just not, though. You could not. You could not. Break out. You could not, and you should not. But it's arrogant of the wife to be like,

no, nothing's going to happen. Yo, these wives, huh? Yeah, trust in you. Yo, yo, yo, yo. Talk that shit about your wife. Arrogant. No, I'm not saying it's okay what he did. Yo, talk that shit.

But that'll make her not arrogant., yo, yo. Talk that shit about your wife. Arrogant. No, I'm not saying it's okay what he did. Talk that shit. But that don't make her not arrogant. Fuck them, man. Fuck them, man. Yo, if I got some... Spent some ass honeymoons. You remember what you said? How many places we need to go in Italy? All of them?

Remember what you said about having a male bodyguard for your wife? What? You said, I'm never going to have no male bodyguard for my wife. Yeah. Just some other dude protecting her? Well, sometimes I like to be robbing my wife when she don't know like she'll walk the dog and i'll come chase after her like give me that shit and then she's just like give me my shit i gotta see how she reacts in that moment you know what i mean that's a repo dog that's not a robbery yeah you're right you're

right you're right you get a little outlandish i gotta return some shit i bought her some nice buy her some nice chan Like, that goes back. Yo, that's a good business. Rob your wife. Oh, you should start that. Buy your wife some shit. Okay,

talk about it. That's super expensive. Dude pulls up, robs her. You don't have to do it scary. You don't have to. Yeah, not even scary.

Well, you just said, dude pulls up, robs her. Well, how do you do it less scary? Like, she could leave it at the park, and then it's like, oh yeah, maybe I left it.

Or like... She's gonna leave it at the park? Yeah. Like you, like I think you do it more like coincidence. Like a pickpocket as opposed to an armed robbery. Yeah. Like you don't have to do the scheme. She pulls up, yo give me your fucking money!

And she's like, no don't. And then he punches her one time and then he takes the bag. It's like, you don't gotta do all that for her. Can I be honest with you? No, please don't. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Be honest.

Be honest. I like where you're going already. Marcus is on to something, bro. Because if she gets violently robbed, she don't have to feel bad about it. But if she leaves it. Negligence. Yeah, yeah.

At the park or at a restaurant, not only do I have to not pay for it, I don't even have to pay for shit I get to be upset at her and also Oh you want some a robbery yeah, we can do that we didn't rob we move culture we Civilized yeah, we gave them clothing and shoes yeah, I mean and rickshaw's Yeah, we got Rick in the name, dude. It's extremely white. When is Rickshaws our shit?

It has to be. Did you have wheels? Did they have meals? Did they have wheels? They had wheels? We invented the wheels. You did not invent the wheel, dude. In this valley civilization.

God damn, fuck you. You an Indian son of a bitch. You an Indian son of a bitch. You ain't even know that. I thought you didn't know that shit, bro. Guess what's up. Nah, dude. Mahanjo Daro.

Mahanjo Daro. What is this? Yo, you gotta step your Indian. Okay, around 1880, rickshaws appeared in India. First introduced by Simla. In Simla by Reverend J. Farside. Four dice. It's stupid.

Stupid. Four shots. Like, what are you talking about? Four dice. Four shots. I said four dice. It's hard to read in this new studio, bro. Nah.

It's hard to read in this new studio. I just left out a whole word. I'm not used to reading English all the time. You know what I mean? Where we are in the world. All right, but can you go and see who invented the wheel? See who invented the wheel. Google search for this.

There's no way Indians invented the wheel. Yeah, that was in Mesopotamia. Yeah? That was in modern... That's the Middle East. It's Middle East, bruh. Go spend more of Andrew's money. Africa.

Africa. No. Yeah, who invented the wheel? Well, it's fine because I'm from there. The Sumerians, bro. Come on, dogs. What does Sumeria even mean? Modern day Mesopotamia.

Iraq. Iraq. Sumer. That's me, bro. We out here, dude. This is technology. Okay. What did Sumerians look like? What did Sumerians look like? You don't have to look what I'm typing. What did Sumerians look like?

You don't have to read what I'm putting on the TV. Go, go, go, go to that one. Go real close. Before the flood, before the flood. Dove, they all look like me. They look like Louis C.K. How do you? Yeah, there's no way.

Yeah, that's who invented the wheel. These guys. Okay, good. So we invented the wheel. How's that you? Okay, hold on. Loub is trying to send me Okay, good. So we invented the wheel. How's that you? Okay, hold on. Lube is trying to send me something. Duff, can you read what Lube is showing you? Ship Knight.

No, no. Lube is way better. Ship Knight is cool. A nickname shouldn't be cool. A wheeled vehicle, but not the wheel. A wheeled vehicle. You guys had a vehicle. Yeah. It's a rickshaw. It's a wheeled vehicle. No, that's 1880s. Oh, it's still one. Jack jackass that was the 1880s by dario and horace you didn't even know shut up i don't gotta know you know i don't gotta know it's almost not knowing when you're only black holiday right now it's almost like that who's the biggest sellout okay i'm down for this i'm down

there is something else that our cautious people invented what is that? I Comic Look it ride that thing Up on that day it doesn't need water for two days Our cars people Venice something important. What is it? They claim that monkey pox has been found in a gay rave in England, and now it's spread across the world. Wait, what?

That didn't even make sense! Yeah, it does. Gay people started monkey pox. I think you pronounced the word rape wrong. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. That's what I was waiting for. I was waiting for you to Google rape. No, no, no.

So apparently monkey pox is spread around. Okay. So my gay people, not my brown people. No, no, no. Yeah, your gay people. Got it. Noted. That's what they're suggesting. Yep.

And that's like now in Miami and people are suggesting that it might be time for a little lockdown. Yeah, this shit is interesting. This is going to be. This is just more that COVID fucking fear shit. I think only like 90 people got it. You know what, though? I think this will be more effective. I think more people will get this vaccine than COVID

because it fucks up the way you look. And nobody wants to... You're walking around as a leper. Like, almost literally. That's a good point. So I think with this, you're going to be like, nah, I'm going to get the vaccine. I will get this vaccine.

I saw Jordan Peterson tearing apart some girl. You didn't see it? You didn't see him ripping his little pock hand, bitch? I'll never find these monkey hands sexy ever again. You didn't see Jordan Peterson making fun of the monkey pox, girl? You didn't see that? Go hang out at your gay raves and destroy the nuclear family, you pock-handed bitch.

He was more like, go hang out at the go hang out at the monkey pox festival and share your monkey aids. Go, go. I think you're thinking about it. My question is, does this shut down the world the way COVID is? No, I don't think it does, but I do think it's very interesting how they're just doing the same AIDS treatment. When AIDS came around, it was like, oh, this is just a gay thing, and it just happened to gay people.

It's because they have all this crazy sex, and that's why they're getting AIDS. And a new virus comes around, and immediately they're like, them gays has added a gutter. They're not even thinking that what they're saying could be insensitive. I think they're like, we gave you a break with COVID. We didn't blame you for that. We blamed China. Didn't they call AIDS monkey virus or something? Didn't they call it? No, we gave you a break with COVID. We didn't blame you for that. We blamed China. So how about this one? Yeah. Didn't they call AIDS like

monkey virus or something? Like, didn't they call it like... No, it was called gay grid or something. Gay-related immunodeficiency or something like that. But didn't they say that it came because, like, someone had sex with a monkey? That was, like, the myth. Oh, they tried to say that's a Chappelle joke. Yeah, that's, like, the myth around it. And now this one's literally called monkey pox? That's your point. I'm just trying to say,

don't you think this will be looked at as insensitive in the future? Well, I guess it depends. And have the British ever done something that in retrospect they go like, oh man, maybe we shouldn't have done that? No. Is there any historical precedent for that with the British at all?

I don't think so. Brown people laugh loud in the background? I just got PTSD actually. You just blocked it out? Yeah, I just thought about it for a second. I was like, fuck. I don't know. What do you guys think?

I think it's the same bullshit. They're like, we need something to be afraid of now. Nobody's afraid of this. I've thought about that, and it could be, but I do think this will be more effective. And they're trying to say, like, the things I read are like, yo, this isn't that contagious.

Don't worry. They're a little worried because it's happening more often. Maybe it's mutating or something. But I do think you don't want to walk around with them fucking legions so you're I think people are taking much more seriously and I read something you get from like contaminated sheets oh that's right cuz it's got to exist yeah you see for you to do it yeah no but if you get they say contaminated sheets so if a hotel didn't

clean their sheets properly somebody slept that had that shit, you're, you know? I think this is nothing. Like, in the way that, like, there's new viruses that pop up every three months that, like, the WHO was watching

and they go, oh, yeah, there's X amount of cases here, X amount of cases here. And now that we're just in pandemic, like, panic mode, these are just gonna pop up for the next few months

until eventually it's just nothing. I think, yeah, there used to be nothing. Bird flu, pig flu, we didn't care. When are the monkey tits gonna come out so we can see them? Sad.

Just sad. Google that one. I want to know that one. Can you look up, yo, do you think they're saying monkeys with like firm tits? Because most times when I've seen monkey tits, they're flabby. Could you do a blue job on like a chimp? You didn't hear Mark.

He goes, I'm trapped. No but for real like are there any like Gorilla tits. No but the high set ones. You could do a boob job on like an orangutan perhaps. Yeah they did that I think Khloe Kardashian did that. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. That is funny.

What? What? Guys, let's be, can we be serious? We're in a new studio. We have to up the level of the show. Finally, I got my speech back. That was a little studio. We have to up the level of the show. Finally, I got my speech back. That was a little crazy.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You're back. Here's a Kardashian question for Jordan Peterson. Isn't that less healthy for girl self-esteem than any imperfection you think you have? You just surgically take care of it? As opposed to a girl who's just a little bit bigger. She's not like morbidly obese.

I can see if you said it about a girl 50 pounds heavier than her. But she's just big and she's cool with it mmm isn't that healthier for girl self-esteem then hey anything that's wrong with me let's just carve up my face was carved up my body do whatever we got to do yeah she's probably below nothing about the car she's probably below the American average this girl what what do you think the average American way let's find out average American woman yeah because there's women Come on, guys. Y'all are crazy. Who's going to edit the audio?

Wait, you're not that far off. 166. Say what? 166. You're not that far off. Exactly. And it's summer now. Girls always lose a little weight in the summer, you know?

Wait, so 166 is the average of women? Yes. Women. Men, it's like 200. Men is 197. Men, we're some big boys. Wouldn't you rather be the fattest country than the skinniest? Yes. Women. Men, it's like 200. Men is 197. Men, we're some big boys. But wouldn't you rather be the fattest country

than the skinniest? Yeah, absolutely. Fuck yeah. But wouldn't you rather be the middlest than either? Yeah. Which is pretty good. Especially after COVID.

Say again? Especially after a pandemic. Yeah, after a pandemic. That kills 100 people. Actually, that's an interesting one. Should Sports Illustrated, or is Sports Illustrated by rewarding a girl

who is overweight, are they being insensitive to, like, COVID concerns? Okay, that's interesting. Yes. For real. Yes. This reminds me of a point Uyeda brought up, though. Okay, go.

Which is about these, like, new media types always getting, like, upset about things these legacy media things do. Okay. And it's like, with Jordan Peterson, Uyeda was Peterson, Jordan Peterson has a bigger reach than Sports Illustrated, Swimsuit Edition. So you can espouse what you believe, and it will impact more people than Sports Illustrated. We do this thing all the time when we get upset about what legacy

media does, and it's like, yeah, but we have more influence in them. Why do we care? So if you don't want people to say it, don't talk about it. Yeah, how many people purchased that edition of Sports Illustrated thing before? Y'all and I might have. If I was 28, 29.

Maybe it was a few pages. Those are just ones that stuck together in the woods. Who knows? Nah, that girl right there, I put an apple in her mouth, bury her under the ground for a fucking four hours, dude. That'd be a nice one. That's a hula right there, boy. What'd you say?

That's a hula? A, boy. What you mean? That's a hula? A hula? Hey, we'll try. We'll shoot it, all right? Yeah. Yeah. A hula.

That's a hula TV right there. That's a hula right there. He's so confident. Oh my god, dude. Ugh. But objectively beautiful. That's why I don't think big jokes about a girl who knows she's big are a problem. She's acknowledging she's big.

She's confident in it. She's calling herself a big, what are they called? Big, beautiful woman. Plus size model. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like us also saying you're plus size, that's not offensive. We're saying you're beautiful. You're fine.

You have to say plus size jokes. I just did. Plus size joke. Okay, yeah, yeah. You can't do fat jokes though. She probably doesn't identify as fat, you know? Well, what is plus? It's like, you know,

CNN plus. It's just a little extra. Oh, is LGBTQ plus? Is plus gay? Yeah. Is it? I honestly don't know. Is that what the plus is?

Yeah, that is actually. So they get to be gay because they're fat? Yes. Or trans. What? Or questioning what they're gonna eat next I don't buy as hungry dude that's not really what plus is no I think plus just they're like yo there's a lot more shit we're at and we don't even know really what it could be bet oh it's an umbrella all inclusive

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Speaking of which, the guy that attacked Chappelle apparently said that he was bisexual, and that was the reason that he attacked him, is that he was frustrated by the LGBTQ plus jokes that he was saying. Hate crime. Wait, which way? Towards Chappelle. Wait, why?

Why? Hates him for his views. That's not what a hate crime is. Not what a hate crime is. Hates him for his views. By definition, not what a hate crime is. It could be. OJ killed Nicole because he hated her.

Hate crime. Hate crime. Crime of passion. Not a hate crime. Hate crime. Okay, that could be a crime of passion. What about that fucking Jewish guy that he killed that was fucking her?

He didn't have any reason to hate him He didn't have any reason to have passion for him Why you bring him up being Jewish? I didn't know he was Jewish at all I'm trying to inform Al. I can't help Al be a little cultured about past events Al knew that. You didn't think that was going around the community? I just thought he was the pool boy. That's why we don't like to swim Oh really?

I'm going to fuck a white girl if I get in this pool. I don't care. You see Al in that pool with four floaties on. Get the fuck out of here. Hate crime, bro. But he didn't do it because he was black or any other minority status about him. He just did it because he was annoyed at his jokes. That's hate crime.

Okay. Chappelle identifies as a comedian, and he was attacking him because he's a comedian. Now, okay, now we're getting somewhere. It's a hate crime. Okay. Chappelle identifies as a comedian and he was attacking him because he's a comedian. Now, okay, now we're getting somewhere. It's a hate crime. Hate crime.

Now we're getting somewhere. So if you attack someone because you don't like their jokes. That's actually one of the plus sign labels is comedian. Oh, comedian. Yeah.

That's a hate crime. He should go to jail. Oh, he's already going to jail. Did you hear the joke that Chappelle made? When? That was funny. Yeah.

On Mulaney's show, there was like the whole, oh, I don't know, this is kind of a task. So Chappelle went up and opened for Mulaney. Oh, yeah. And Mulaney was doing a show in Ohio. And the joke he said, he goes, the guy who attacked me had a knife, but it identified

as a gun. Oh, yeah, that's funny. Or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think that was the big tram joke that everybody's all upset about. People are tweeting about it. They're like absolutely furious. big tram joke that everybody's all upset about people are tweeting about it they're like absolutely furious and uh my question is do you think mulaney is at all embarrassed of his audience

because i'm sure mulaney is a comic admire chapelle and then he brings chapelle on to his show to open and then people in the audience start attacking chaappelle. From a comedian's point of view, if Dave Chappelle can open for you, that's the biggest flex in the fucking world to say, Chappelle opened for me. You don't, like he don't say no to it. Yeah, I mean how often is Chappelle open for anybody? Like he'll pop into shows,

but he's not specifically going, I'm gonna open for this guy. That's legend shit. I just wonder, it's like's like oh fuck have i curated an audience that doesn't love the type of i think everyone is ashamed of some percentage of their audience to at specific times you know what i mean so like i don't know there's just stupid people yeah exactly the bigger you get the more people you get there's just gonna be some stupid people and i don't know so i can't imagine melania sitting there being like,

oh, all my fans hate Dave. It's like, oh yeah, there's a small vocal minority and that vocal minority is embarrassing me in this moment. That shitty person or those few shitty people

in your audience don't represent your whole audience. Yeah, exactly. And the worst people in your audience you probably don't appreciate or you might be embarrassed of.

Yeah. But they don't define the collective. And you also recognize, oh, some of these people aren't comedy fans. They're me fans. But they don't define the collection. And you also recognize, oh, some of these people aren't comedy fans, they're me fans. And they go to a comedy show and they get exposed to the greatest comedy ever, Dave Chappelle, whoever else,

and if they don't fuck with it, it's like, yeah, this is not what they're fans of. And if they're being vocal and trash with someone that I fuck with, then maybe Melania can draw a line in the sand like, yo, if you don't fuck with Dave, then you're not my fan, you know what I mean? But I don't know if I would. I like how he didn't come out like a fucking Ratatouille and go, oh, I'm so sorry don't fuck with Dave, then you're not my fan. You know what I mean? He didn't come out like fucking Ratatouille.

He'd go, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm friends with the funniest guy ever. How can I do this? Take a picture over my shoulder as I write this note. Do I look like I'm in thought while I'm writing my apology to my fans? What a fucking loser that guy is, dude.

Ratatouille was good, though. It was good though it was good yeah you like Remy you love Remy nah that was fire we're back we're back I know right

and I probably would've loved it even more if I didn't know that he wasn't there okay or whatever I tried to say you know what I'm saying I would've loved that shit

if he wasn't in it if he wasn't in it or I didn't know that he was the guy who plays Ratatouille love that you should you should have been a ratatouille bro i was in raccoonui that movie was fire it was incredible that movie was amazing everything everywhere all at once yeah yeah did you see it remember raccoonui i haven't seen it yet raccoonui no the raccoon

oh okay yeah yeah all right i fell asleep i'm ok I fell asleep Asian people are on TV like subtitles I'm not watching this shit 100% that's what happened ok can we talk about Elon's meat and how bad I want to see it I love seeing famous guys dicks

how many have you seen I saw Brett Favre 100% I saw you guys didnre's do you really hundred percent? Yeah out there. Yeah, I saw senator reporter dead spin got all guys in time about this That's the saddest part of it all that's actually pretty cool They're dick than Brett Favre Pretty awesome, right? It wasn't on soft or was it full Schmied? I don't know. I doubt you're sending I mean it that also area as dudes will do't know. I doubt you're saying it. I mean, that's also arrogant.

Old-ass dudes will do that, though. Like, they'll send soft dicks. 100%. They don't know. You think on accident they don't know how to work the iMessage? Yeah. Or they just don't understand what exactly is going on. But yeah, I saw that.

I saw his meat. Who else did I see? Greg Oden had the fucking hammered off. Oh, yeah, the stupid hog. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hammered. Real tough. Actually, it's one of those Jesse Williams oh shit. Oh he was

We're sitting you're not even in the combo we're just like sitting off to this From the bag room Rose, bro. He's hard Great dog, nah, bro, I skin got like that a big old When you saw that thing on song that was was crazy. We would have known about that. Nah, it's regs. That's my favorite thing. That's my favorite thing. When a bunch of dudes see a huge dick,

and then you gotta wait to see who acknowledges size first. My dumb ass is like, that's just huge. You're like, oh, oh, yeah. I get it, maybe. This is big. For some people. When you ask them, tuck up, niggas like we don't do that out. Oh, yeah, he's still on this me and miles Took so long to say He's suggesting that if you tuck your dick up and put in your waistband Yeah, jet lag. Jet lag. Yeah, jet lag. Jet lag. Jet lag. Okay. Where's my camera?

He's suggesting that if you tuck your dick up and put it in your waistband, that means you have a smaller dick than the type of guys that have their dick in their pant leg. Yes. I don't think that's true. That could be true for me. There we go. No. Don't do this to us. No.

If you have a lot of... My bad. Y'all are not supposed to know. Yeah, I know. That could be true for us. Yeah, exactly. How do you have missionary sex if your dick won't come up like this? It's not that it...

Missionary sex, you're on top of each other, so it needs to come up. Boom. It's not that it doesn't come up. It's just when we're hard, it hangs straight. It don't go up. That's weird. Because it's too heavy. You don't have enough blood flow.

Heavy. No. It's a weak heart. It's a weak heart. It's what it is. It involves heavy. It involves heavy. Could you hang a weight from your penis? Yeah, how what type of weight I got a strong dick Don't even make sense

I even have no ass big dick. That don't even make sense. It went all to my dick, bro. It went all to my dick, bro. There's no way, Al. Son. That's why I got tiny legs. It went all to my dick. So you're saying you're all dick?

All dick. Let's say, for example, you had like two lattes in your hands. Yeah. Hard dick. You trip and fall. Would you just let your dick catch you so you could hold on to the latte? Or would you drop a latte? The dick's going to slurp all that up.

There's nothing hitting the ground, son. It just does crazy things. That wasn't even part of the hyperthesis. It invented that part of it. Yes, Andy. I do think Al's dick is probably big in comparison to his chopsticks. I think in comparison to his tiny legs, his dick is

actually probably proportionate. How big is your dick in comparison to the t tips of someone It's funnier if you don't say hold no wait to a monkey All right. So Akash's parents. No, Elon's meat, bro. Oh, yeah, you think it's real?

You think he actually sexually harassed? He forgot what's real. We're trying to get off the topic, bro. We're talking about Elon. Monkey tits was mad disrespectful, bro. That was mad disrespectful. What's disrespectful? Monkey tits?

But we don't know who we're talking about. Monkey tits is monkey tits. OK, fair enough. Do you know what I mean? It's Coco. Fair enough. Remember that sign language ass, big titty ass? What?

What? Sign language. I'm so glad we both struggled today. Sign language, bro. It was just me. Nah, me too. Remember sign language Coco? Yeah.

What'd she say? Well, she was signing, dog. I didn't know what she was saying. I'm hungry. Let me out. Okay, I thought you were going to say that. Do you think Elon Musk actually flashes, girl? What do you mean?

Do you think he actually flashes? I'm hoping he's back, yo. I'm hoping he's back, yo. I'm getting better. I'm getting better now. You got it? I'm getting better. Okay, good.

Do I think... Hold on. Can you move your head out the way? Do I think that Elon Musk... Okay, so what is the accusation? So the accusation isn't even coming from the woman. It's from Business Insider. It's from the woman.

Who don't talk about business that much? Right? That's true. When does the last article about business come out of this place? That's true. It's business adjacent. Why is it business?

Because it is. What if we call it business inside her? Hey! I was going to shoot one, Mark. Why'd you say that? Why'd you say that one? So basically... You got a big laugh out of him.

Oh, fuck. So this girl is basically... She didn't even come out and say it. It's like her anonymous friend... Anonymous. ...who is leaking the story that said that Elon Musk exposed himself to her and propositioned her

for sex, allegedly. Then they settled for... He asked for an erotic massage. She was hired to be a SpaceX stewardess. Then I guess they asked her to be a masseuse while on the flight. A SpaceX masseuse. This is their corporate

jets that they use to fly around to all their destinations. And you love stewardesses. Big fan. Big fan. I'm so glad y'all explained that. I thought it was like, they getting massages on their way to space? Like what? Masseuses on a ship?

We'll be better actually. So they're like, what's up with the massage? What's up with the massage? And then how come she basically got like a... Like a severance? Like a severance? The friend also said

when she walked in, when Elon was... She was gonna give Elon a massage. He was hard and exposed himself to her. And that's when she was like, that's the rapey thing about it. And then she...

Her hours got cut. And then she... That's why she sued. Yeah. Because they weren't hiring her anymore, basically. And she was like, yo, I need some bread. And she felt like she wasn't getting hired because she said no to Elon. So then he hit her off with $250,000 to not talk about it.

But apparently she talked about it to her friend. Yeah. So should she lose the money? Are NDAs done? Like, what's the deal? Well, also, is it illegal to tell your friends something? Also, if it's... Yeah, if it's part of the NDA's done? Like, what's the deal? Well, also, is it illegal to tell your friends on? Also, if it's... If it's part of the NDA.

Apparently in California, if it's harassment or like, I guess rape, there's no NDA. NDA's don't apply. Which makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense.

Where are they flying? Why do you know that? Because I did research for the story. You can't get shit. That's what I'm talking about. You can't prepare, haters.

Yeah. Didn't you hear my monologue at the beginning? Prepared, dog In all seriousness though Do we think it's bullshit? Everything I think comes out of Business Insider is bullshit Yeah, he had two good points Okay, go He said one that was like

If I've been a CEO or whatever for 30 years And this is the first time you've ever heard about me having sexual misconduct, that should count for something. That was the one that stuck with me. The other one was just, there's way more to this story. You haven't heard it yet. And that was like, alright, I guess I'm willing to listen. But the thing where he's like, this is the only... But the also part where you own Tesla stuff, remember that?

That's the third part of the story. No, but here's the thing that's kind of weird to me that undercuts a lot of that, is he finds out the story's coming out, and then he puts out the tweet that says, I'm going to vote Republican. I've always voted Democrat, and now I'm voting Republican. Watch, I bet they start a smear campaign. He was told the story was coming out, and then he tweets, and then the next day the story drops.

I thought that that tweet could have been a little manipulative. For sure manipulative. And I think it's not just this story. There's other stories. One dropped by the Post today. I forget what it was. But I think it's not just this story. There's other stories. One dropped by the Post today. I forget what it was. But I think there's a bunch of critical stories

coming out about Elon. And I don't know if this is because they all want to take him down. I just think he's like the new Trump replacement figure now. It was Rogan for a minute

and maybe they're moving on to Elon. Whatever's going to get the most clicks, whatever's going to get the most views. So maybe part of it is this organized attack, but there's also part of the people

that are just grifting off of it, right? And you don't know exactly which direction it's coming from and who's doing it for what reason, but it feels like an organized attack because overnight, all of a sudden, you are the topic of discussion on every single fucking channel. CNN's gonna cover his ass.

It is new Trump. It is new Rogan. But it was fishy, the timing. And then he had another tweet that was like, oh, they're doing all this just because I tweeted that I'm voting Republican. Yeah. So that's, now, it was actually a brilliant way of handling it because it's like, any negative story that comes out, we just get to go, oh,

this is the campaign against Elon. When in reality, he knows there might be a few things out there. Yeah, and I think Tesla and SpaceX have been sued for sexual harassment and a toxic work culture, which doesn't mean he did anything. But I don't know. It just seems like it seemed a little...

I would believe it more if he didn't tweet that. Sexual harassment is fucked up, but toxic work environment, it's like, I don't want my astronauts taking casual Fridays or whatever. That's fair. Like, scientists got to be worked to the bone. That's fair. Like, why? Because they got to be sciencing.

You're saving the world. Yeah. I mean, not according to you. Remember when Marie... It's saving the world, actually. Fucking Marie Curie. Remember, didn't she get polio from being around irradiation? Monkey pox.

She got monkey pox. Do I have monkey pox? Yeah, both of you guys. No, but like, remember when that dude went blind trying to figure out the sun? What? One of them scientists back in the day blind trying to figure out the sun? What? One of them scientists back in the day was trying to figure out the sun. I believe him.

So he was looking at the sun through a, what is it called? A telescope. Kaleidoscope. Kaleidoscope. Kaleidoscope, yeah. A telescope.

And he would look at it for a second and he could see like sunspots and little things on the sun and he went blind because he was staring straight into the sun with a fucking magnifying glass, stupid idiot. And that's real science. But he figured out the sun and he went blind because he was staring straight into the sun with a fucking magnifying glass stupid idiot. And that's real science.

But he figured out the sun is there. No one questioned that. It's hot and don't look at it. That's science. Okay? Who was the person

who developed the vaccine for polio? Jonas Salk. Jonas Salk. Where did Jonas Salk die from? I don't think polio. Are you kidding? I don't think polio.

Got the Ralph Lauren edition, bro. Did he really? Yes, dude. Oh, that's Polo. I'm like, what?

I'm like, what? I mean, lost. Look it, look it, look it, look it,

look it, look it. Congestive heart failure. What are we talking about, bro? Now that it wasn't, what did Marie Curie die from?

She got it. She got it, right? Yeah. She got what? Radiation poison. Because? Being around radiation. Thank you.

Mmm. Thank you. Don't say mmm. I'm just saying. That's so good. Other scientists who were fixing Chernobyl, what'd they get? Who's to say? Chernobyl.

They did. They got Chernobyl. Scientists need to die? Who's to say? Chernobyl. They did. They got Chernobyl. Scientists need to die from the thing that they're researching. Honestly, it is probably the only way to be great. That's the highest stakes. If this shit don't kill you, what did you do? What if you were a fertility scientist? Didn't we talk about this on the pod once?

It's like, if you really want to cure a disease, give it to all the scientists. Yeah. Give every scientist some AIDS, bro. Well, not every, because just in case they don't figure it out in time. We're real fucked. We're going to make some new ones Once you get a doctorate You get a disease

That you gotta solve A random disease Random disease The second they hand you You tassel AIDS But then you're only Fixing diseases

You're only fixing diseases then Say again You're only fixing diseases What else is there? What else is there? Lip injections You know what I mean? That's fine

That's a disease. Yeah. Having no lips? Andrew would know. Andrew would know. I got Sahe now. Look at my new angle. Yeah, go ahead.

Yeah, ultra wide. Your lips got smaller, dog. Small. Say it really, y'all. Say it. Your light. Your light. Your light.

Your light. Give me a good light. Give me a good light. It's distressed from the studio. Al, get him the injection. Give him my sex light. Give him my red sex lips light. Home. Hit that. So your lips got smaller from the profile literally black on half

it's unbelievable dark side of the moon works for me my whole life it's crazy dude isn't it crazy? it really is Shifty's gone where's Shifty? joining a militia in fucking Michigan?

that funny camp's just pointing it Yo, how did he get out of here though? What say what how does shifty get out? I think he might just be sitting right there What's the camera point then now? Nothing at all. Nothing this son of a bitch. Yo, bob do something Come on He charges by the hour. Want to know what Bob makes an hour?

Yes. Actually, no. No. I don't know numbers. Okay. Mark, so what do we think this is? What do we think this is? At the end of the day, you think it's bullshit? I do. I forgot what we were talking about, but I do. Elon Musk. Elon Musk and his meat. I think there might be something to it just because of the way he got

in front of it. It seemed like he's covering for something. Made me a little suspicious. He seems like a wild boy. Yo, here's the crazy question. And this is, I mean this sincerely. Is Elon smart enough, effective enough, and important enough where the public would look the other way about this

some of the public but like he's powerful enough that he can still operate in this world that's a yeah and there's nothing you could really do true you're not gonna not buy a tesla well some people might some might but i think a lot will actually who do you think is digging this up now let's get into the let's get into the people that buy subarus aren't gonna buy a lot will be up. Actually, who do you think is digging this up? Ooh, ooh, now let's get into the real conversation. But people that buy Subarus aren't going to buy a Tesla all of a sudden. Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. What is coming out this year? Electric vehicle from? Ooh.

Oh, Miles! That was risky because if you fucked it up, we would have fired your ass. But you didn't fuck it up. That was fire. Yeah, but now you get into it. Conspiracy theory. All these other car companies are coming out with their electric vehicles. GM.

GM. Mercedes coming out with electric luxury. A few others have had some successful ones. I think Hyundai came out with like the EV or something like that. The electric vehicle market is about to be competitive. Not the autonomous driving. Obviously, Tesla has so much more data and all that other shit, but just electric vehicle. Right?

We've seen movies. There's been tons of conversations about the automotive wars in the past. Would you put it by a Mercedes, a GM, any of these other companies to start slandering Musk so people go, I don't want to drive

the car of that guy who's like assaulting women. Better yet, who was Musk just in a beef with? Who is that? Another billionaire. Bezos?

Who's that? Jeff Bezos. And does he own a company, a car company? He owns Blue Origin. Space travel. Not only is he competing what car company

did you think that was I thought he was going somewhere with this I was throwing it out I was like is he a big investor

the trucks though because Alon's going to have the trucks Bezos trucks the trucks are going to be shipping all the packages

but that helps Bezos so Bezos better be good friends no but he'd be the trucks are going to be shipping all the packages yeah and space but that helps Bezos so Bezos better be good friends no but he'd be feeding in the eel if you can get GM get off the shot

thank you but they have beef okay so not only does he have like beef on the blue origin ship but they're dick swinging about being the richest man in the world

who's got money and leverage to try to push a little story you know go be old Jeff oh but this has nothing to do with the car thing that I just brought up who's got money and leverage to try to push a little story, you know? Go be old Jeff. Oh, but this has nothing to do with the car thing that I just brought up. So, like, I said something to you,

and then, like, you took in the information, and then you were like, hey, that was too stupid to even respond, and I'll say something else? I didn't know what I was thinking. Okay. That's quite interesting. That's quite, what a piece of fucking garbage that is.

That's why he tried to tie it to the car. Yeah, I was like, what's going on? What does Jeff Bezos own, bro? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think the car thing maybe, but I'm also like, who's the other billionaire that's got a people?

They were like talking back and forth on Twitter, like, oh, don't fall. Yeah, yeah, I remember that. The beauty of being, there's probably like a name for this, but like when you're essentially like a superstar CEO, what is that like

when the the CEO of your company is also famous and synonymous with the company celebrity CEO celebrity CEO something like that so the beauty of being a celebrity CEO is you can use that celebrity to build the company the shitty part uh bad publicity can take the company down and there's only one kind of bad publicity that can do that and it's this. Miramax. Yeah, same exact thing. Miramax is Weinstein, right? Yeah, exactly. And I don't know necessarily what their numbers are

but like the company in my opinion just for me personally has like, its stock has gone down. If I were to see a Miramax film I'm like, oh, it's Weinstein, yeah.

It feels uncomfortable. Who's the dude who was buying Virgin Airlines? Richard Branson. Did he have any scandals or anything like that? I don't think publicly.

He hasn't had any public ones, but that's a wild boy. Yeah. But you think about it. You hear someone has like a sexual assault thing and all of a sudden you're in a fucking Tesla

getting a back massage and you're like, it doesn't feel as good. No, honestly, honestly on that, I saw like Travis Scott was at a concert or something. It wasn't a concert.

It was like a live DJ event and he was like, you know when they give the mic to somebody while somebody's DJ something. It wasn't a concert. It was like a live DJ event. And he was like, you know when they give the mic to somebody while somebody's DJing. It wasn't like his live show. But he was like hyping the crowd up. And it kind of felt uncomfortable. Yeah. Because the more he's telling people to go wild, the more you're thinking, oh shit, the last time people went wild, things didn't go that well. It's hard to separate him from this thing, from that tragedy.

Especially when his behavior and his performance art is go insane, go dumb, go crazy. Michael Richards, same thing. Oh, yeah. His whole persona is like, wacky, crazy neighbor, and then all of a sudden he's saying the N-word all the time. Now every time you're wacky and crazy, you're like, is it going to go down?

That's how great Seinfeld is that Al still likes it. Ain't that fucking crazy? No, I don't fuck with Kramer. No, no, no, but you like the with Kramer. No, no, no. But you like the show. Oh, you never had a neighbor like Kramer? That's how great Seinfeld is

that you still watch the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you forget. You had to remind him. Kramer might have been a better character if he was more racist. I think that's what

the show is missing. Imagine every time he walked in the door he just dropped the M-bomb. That's my point. Imagine that. That would be a show. Dude, that story arc.

You could have been Al Seinfeld and Martin. Bang, bang. Kill it show. You could have been on Seinfeld and Martin. Bang, bang. Kill it. That actually is a knock on Seinfeld if people bring it up. There was like three black people on the show. Yeah. And like the history of the show.

Who were they? I don't know. One of the girls he dated. Okay. Was black. And that was like a stick there, right? She was like half black, half white. But was it?

There was one where Elaine dated a guy. They didn't know if he was white or black or whatever. Gotcha. And it was the same thing with the girl? Did they make a big deal about the fact that the girl's black? Okay. So there's only three in the whole history. I don't know. I mean, it's a small number. To be fair, Upper East or West Side

Jews in New York do not have a lot of diversity in their group. Oh. Like, yeah. Like, I think that was a pretty authentic representation of the Upper East Side West Side.

TV also in the 90s was just kind of like segregated in that way. Like, Will Smith, Fresh Prince was all black people. Marvin was all black people. Then there was Friends that was all white people.

Fresh Prince wasn't all black people. He went to the white school. Yeah, I guess so. But you always said the white person is that thing. Kellogg, Weaver,baum, whatever the fuck. Like, none of them are bringing home white girls,

taking them on dates. Unless it's like a shtick, like you're saying. I don't even know that Will ever had like a white girlfriend on this shit, never hooked up. I think I remember an episode

where he danced with one white girl, but that's it. That's interesting. Yeah. It just, TV was that. That was like, that's what the 90s was on TV. It was just like this.

Hey, there's a black TV show and there's a white TV show. Yeah. Living single, friends. Yeah, they just made counterparts. I mean, it just wouldn't be as believable if he had this culturally diverse group of friends in Seinfeld, but they were also being extremely Jewish about everything. Yeah.

Like the show is, hey, this is how Upper East Side, Upper West Side Jews operate. Yeah, that's true. And the rest of the world saw it and they were like, holy shit, this is hilarious. Jews saw it and they were like, hey, this is how Upper East Side, Upper West Side Jews operate. Yeah, that's true. And the rest of the world saw it and they were like, holy shit, this is hilarious. Yeah. Jews saw it and they were like, man, this is Jews. Right? Like you didn't see anything like shocking about it, right?

No. It's like Italians watching Sopranos. They're like, yeah, this is authentic. Right, right. And then everybody else saw it and they're like, what? Yeah. What's going on? What, they really talk like this?

Yeah. You know, they're really going into restaurants and you know slapping people and not paying for meals Yeah, hmm So all good no, I'm not paying for a meal partner I mean didn't Tony didn't pay for anything the whole time. They bankrupt that guy's restaurant The one guy had a gambling addiction and he like fed into it took his whole business. It's fucking a son of a bitch. Okay One more question? One more question, then we've got to wrap this up.

We have things to do in our new life, wherever we are. I think what this Elon story has told me between this and Deshaun Watson is there's a big white space in the market for erotic massage. How is nobody exploiting this? Son, you could charge Elon $249,000 for an erotic massage. He'd save $1,000. It's Robert Kraft out here in these fucking orchids of Asia.

And erotic isn't even sex. You can just be erotic about it. You can just be, hey, yeah. Yeah, whisper some stuff, just go up and down a leg, like, boom, erotic. But I think they want you to beat dick. No, no, no.

I think they beat dick. No, that's a different thing. What's that word for one woman, guys? Because they doing it right now. They doing that very close to gays. Erotic. We're erotic guys, dude. A lot of sexual energy.

How's an erotic massage gay? No, he said, what's an erotic massage? Whispering in the ear? Yeah, conversation. By definition, that's just erotic. What if you accidentally, oh, I can't help it. I'm massaging. I accidentally stroke his dick.

What can I do? It ain't no accidental. It's plausible deniability. It ain't no accidentally, bro. It's plausible deniability. It ain't no accidentally, bro. Plausible deniability. Oh, oh, oh, oh. We're lying. As a business idea.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a brilliant business. But I also want a menu of shit. You know what I'm saying? Like, I want a menu of shit that, you know, I can get when I go in there. Like, how you can jerk it off. Yeah, but that's just, you just order off menu when you get the massage. You just order off menu.

Yeah, it's always off menu. But I want a menu off menu. Yeah, but that's just, you just order off menu when you get the massage. You just order off menu. Yeah, it's always off menu. But I want a menu off menu. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I want to be able to say certain things that I like. With pictures and shit? No, you got to hit it

with the hot tui. You see what I'm saying? I want some saliva. I don't want just straight lotion. I want part of you there. Massage oil? You wouldn't be into that? No, no, no, no, no.

God, God. Give me the nectar. He wouldn't be able to order, like, plus size or normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, God, give me the nectar. He wouldn't be able to order plus size or normal. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I prefer a bigger... Of course. Stronger hands.

Yeah, I prefer a bigger masseuse. Turn your body to memory foam, baby. The old fuck, dude. I like it. Actually, no, I'm not built for massages. I had a couple's massage the other day. Yeah. My wife had a fucking dude doing a massage. No, no, no, no, no.

I told you it was going someplace else. It was crazy. We walk in the room, it's a dude and it's a chick. You take the dude, bro. Fam, I thought about it in that moment. Hold on, hold on. What do you do? I wasn't sure what I was more insecure about.

Was I more insecure about being gay or this black guy with dreads massaging his face? Yeah. Yeah. You're gay? Would you rather be gay or a cop? Wait, Pazoo, what are those Instagram massages where they'd be like really rubbing on the chest?

What is that? Listen, and my wife was on point because she didn't make a single sound because she didn't know the second she did, I'm up off that chair. And dude was asking her too. Dude was like, dude was like,

is the pressure okay? And she was like, yeah, it's fine. I was like, yeah, it better be fine. It's not going to be a harder in front of me. But yeah,

Shorty was rubbing me up and I was feeling all types of pain but I couldn't say shit. But why did you moan? Because my shoulder's mad tight, bro. You should have moaned.

Say again? She does your shoulder. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Why? Take the dude, yo. Say what? In retrospect, I wish I did. I wish I backed him up.

I was like, over here, homie. Yeah, get over here, Wex. Let's go. Get in there. Start on the glutes, man. So now I got my face in this fucking donut. And no conversation, nothing. I'm just in my head In my head is already a bad place for me to be

And now I'm in my head while some dude is massaging down my fucking wife And Shorty Was taking liberties with me bro She was all on the cakes Bro is this happening to you Every time I get a massage from a girl I'm like oh she's into this She's into this Are they doing a job

No for me though And then up on the thighs so I'm thinking oh shit Is my man going full down on the cakes up on the thigh. So I'm thinking, shit, is my man going full down on the cakes up on the thigh? Yep. Yep. Yeah. Yep. Yeah.

He did that. Here's a fun combo. Here's a fun combo we can all get in on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on a second. What do you know, Spy versus Spy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, But I'm serious every time I get him a suit anymore I was kicked out. Do you remember this? Yeah, Mark is so You really he found the most disrespectful way to give strippers money without touching them I didn't know it's disrespectful that I was wildest. I didn't realize you were doing it. So you wouldn't touch them

Like in the moment, I thought you're like man, he's just trying to dog out these women, so he thinks we're cool. So we think he's cool. But what he was doing is balling up money. Oh, my god. And then doing fadeaway shimmy jumpers and hitting the strippers. He's throwing money and hitting them.

So I'm like, yo, this guy hates women, bro. This is crazy. Did you see when he wound it up like a baseball? Oh, yes. The knee went up and everything just chucked it at him. He was like, change up. She didn't get any signs, bro. She went like this.

He's a wild boy. That's a speedball. But now I realize he was doing it so he didn't have to touch him. That's what he said. That's respect. So it's actually, I respect women so much. Yeah. Yeah.

I didn't realize what I was doing. I'd never been to a strip club before. Say what? Did you just call a fastball a speedball? It's a speedball. You never done that in baseball? No. Fastball?

Yo, do you just fuck up your words? Fastball. Yo, do you just fuck up your words? Speedball, slam ball. There's like, it's baseball. Shut up. No, there's none of those. 45 seconds.

Make fun of him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo, yo, yo. Yo, yo. Make fun of him. Yeah. Young man. Young man. Kill him. Talk to me about cricket or whatever. I've never been to a strip club before.

You didn't think it was disrespectful to throw money at another person? It's kind of, it's kind. They had a bucket. I've never been to a strip club before. They had a bucket. You've never seen a movie. They had no bucket. You've never seen a rap video. You've never seen a movie.

You've never seen somebody just go and put money in there. I don't listen to that type of music. No, I bucket. They had no bucket, bro. You've never seen a rap video. You've never seen a movie. You've never seen somebody just go and put money in their head. I don't listen to that type of music. No. I would never do that. That sounded weird. I don't listen to that type of music. That type. I don't. It's objectifying women. This is crazy, bro. I would never. They had a bucket.

And also, this is Nashville, where they don't take their clothes off. So it's more just like a Hooters. Mark, you've got eight sisters. You're describing your house. You think your sisters would like it if you pulled their clothes off there? Jesus.

They're naked. He pulls up toilet paper at his house. He's just chucking it in there. Put some clothes on. Get out of here. Buy a tank top. Okay.

Okay. One more before we leave, boys. Okay. Parents in India are suing their child for not giving them a grandchild. Do we want to guess Akash's response before he makes it? Yes. Okay. Say it one more time.

Okay. Parents in India are suing their child for not giving them a grandchild. Okay. How old is he? I have no idea. I mean, that's important. 31-year-old daughter-in-law and 35-year-old son. Ooh.

Okay. I have an idea. Very obvious what my responsibility is. Okay, just go, Akash. Fucking legends, yo. Fucking legends. Should you have a lawsuit? Absolutely. I've been trying to get, Akash. Fucking legends, yo. Fucking legends. Should you have a lawsuit? Absolutely.

I've been trying to get my girl pregnant all the time, yo. Wait, really? Are you guys trying now? We're going to start trying soon, actually. Why do you need catapults? Catapults.

Why do you need catapults? That's just what he thinks sex is. He's like, yeah, I'm trying. Okay. No, this is dope. My parents should, so get my ass in gear. Yeah?

You know what I mean? I'm ready. Let's go. Now, what is dope. My parents should still get my ass in gear. Yeah? You know what I mean? I'm ready. Let's go. Now, what I'm curious about is if they win the lawsuit, the people have a kid and it's a daughter, they're going to be like, yo, get a refund on this shit. I ain't trying to have no fucking granddaughter.

Yeah. Why the hell you not live with that girl? You better be a super wide right now. Of course, I got you baby. You're a bad guy. Oh my god. Damn. Damn. Damn.

You're a bad guy. Watch how much he got from the news anchor. Yo, we never talked about that. Oh, fuck no. No, we're a bad guy. That's how much he got from the news anchor. Yo, we never talked about that. Fuck no! That was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I hit up Akash immediately after seeing it. That was one of the funniest things I've ever fucking seen.

Akash was on Fox 17 in Grand Rapids, Michigan. And he had this awkward ass conversation with this fucking interview lady. It was awkward for her. He killed it. She wanted nothing to do with me. Really? Nothing to do with you? She was offended by your first response. From the fucking beginning, she didn't like me. Go watch it, man.

There's a video clip. It's on your Instagram. Did you clip it shorter, or is it the whole thing? Yeah, I cut it down a bit. I watched that whole shit, man. That was fucking hilarious, bro. This girl hated me from jump. And I had a choice.

I could try to make her like me, or I could just enjoy her hating me. And I chose the latter. And I just had whatever fun I could in that interview. Yeah, she didn't break, though. No, no, no. She was a professional. She goes, I just love having comedians. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Looks like it. I said, I can tell. Yeah, that's what it was. I mean, we just acknowledged what it was. Yeah. At the end, I was like, I'm promoting the shows. And I'm like, I have a feeling she won't be here. And then she was just like, nope.

Yeah. Holy fuck. Yeah. But you had a good weekend, though? Yeah, I had a great weekend of shows, yo. What was your favorite one? It was either. Either the show or I.

Great transition. On the news or I was on the news where I said we haven't sold any tickets to this and then I went into a fucking bowling alley and had to set up

the show with myself or the ones that we sold out but then I was telling the waitress she was asking where I was performing and I said the name

and she was like oh yeah I got roofied there and I was like okay. Wait a minute that's the same place? Different place. The bowling alley? It was a different place each night. Thursday. Our I was like, okay. Wait a minute, that's the same place? Different place. The bowling alley? It was a different

place each night. Thursday, great. I was fucking heated. You had me in a rapist lounge and a bowling alley.

Yeah. I flew out for these. I flew people out for these. Yeah, he almost fired his agent right there, bro. Really?

Yeah. I almost fired, the agent Andrew got me right there. Oh, wow. Yeah. I said,

fuck it. But the bowling alley is a little wild. It's not my fault. You got to set his parameters. If you want to perform in a bowling alley, you got to say that shit. I thought these were unwritten rules. I don't know.

Maybe it's just me. Nah, bro. Sometimes you're up in bowling alleys. What's the worst show they booked you on, this agent? Shit. I was a little further beyond. I think when I was doing it. I think it was mostly

comedy clubs. But early on, I did fucking Elks Lodges and like random back of restaurants. No. That's the thing. I could have got that myself. I'm not flying to Michigan for it. Gotcha. But the funniest part is the suffering.

I wish I was there when you saw the bowling alley did you hear the pins get hit by the balls no no we're driving and then big Kev Hodor's he's telling me is like yo we're in Muskegon Michigan he's like this is Hodor loves bowling doesn't Simple games like that Big rock Rock roll I bolded this guy roll wood slide. I bolded this guy he takes the heaviest ball Accidentally grabs our car just rolls He took the heaviest ball and just threw it halfway Lance halfway down the lane Strongest motherfucker ever met in my life. But he told me, he's like, yo, this is not like a great part of Michigan.

I'm surprised to have you performing there. And then we're driving, driving the Kia minivan, obviously. And then he drives by a bowling alley and he goes, yo, we had a Kia Sedona. Yeah. I bet. Why do you not believe that? No, we believe you.

We believe you. We believe you, bro. What? No, we believe you. We believe you. We believe you, bro. What a weird lie that would be. We believe you. We believe you got the Kia Sedona. Tell us more about fucking Hodor. When he walked into his birthplace. He drives by the minivan and he goes,

yo, that's where the show is. And I said, what are you talking about? That's a bowling alley. He goes, yeah, that's where the show is. And then I was like, oh, back alley comedy club is literally the back of a fucking bowling alley. Wait a minute. You don't look up where you're performing. Oh then I was like, oh, back alley comedy club is literally the back of a fucking bowling alley.

Wait a minute, you don't look up where you're performing before you go? Oh, that's the alley. Oh, that's kind of clever, actually. Back alley.

Oh, because it's an alley. Yeah, like a bowling alley. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they hit it well. That's why you know a bowling alley sucks. You should look up the clubs that perform.

I will now. Lesson learned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's kind of on you. Like, you should know where you're flying to go perform. Yeah, this is the first time I've ever done a show where it's three cities, three different venues, one a night. This was odd.

The whole thing was odd. So much to Google. So much. So much. There's no way you can Google all three of those things in a row. It's exhausting. I mean, now it takes so much time. How much time would that take?

I also took it back. Should we look it up? I took it back in, like, October when I was just like, give me any gig. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. And then now I'm like, I give a little bit of a fuck. Yeah. You ain't performing no fucking bowling.

At least I shouldn't have to plug my own microphone in that I brought from New York City. Yeah. Because they don't have one at the venue. They didn't even have a microphone? No. The girl that was working there was like, hey, we got fired today. This is under new management. So like, this is my last time working here.

We were like, are you, this is real? She's like, yeah. We're like, all right, well, do you know where the microphone is? And she was like, no, not really. Was there like a stage you just go on to hold our shoulders? How did you?

Well, I wanted to sit, so he carried me through the set. He just held me. I fucking love Hodor. He's the best. He's the fucking greatest. He really is. Shouts, Kevv shouts to Kev

look go check out that clip it's a hilarious clip and you're fucking brilliant thank you man you're just so great you just are unfazed this girl's giving you nothing and you don't give a fuck

I have to stay in it there's no other option I loved it I loved it okay maybe you should plug some shows my boy

oh did y'all have another topic or something like that? Zanies. Chicago. June 16th through 18th. 16th and 17th in Chicago. 18th in Rosemont. Yeah.

And Cobb's Comedy Club. I'm coming for one night only, you. Cobb's Comedy Club. I'm coming. You won't get it down. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. It's a different place.

You know what I mean? I'm coming for one night only. June 30th. And then July 1st. Canada Day. Vancouver. I'm telling you these tickets will sell out. Make sure you buy them right now.

Vancouver. And more. Come on out, Vancouver. AkashSingh.com. Now let's end the show. Come on out. Come check it. You know what I mean?

What's the venue you're doing in Vancouver? Yeah, which arcade? I'm trying to think the worst venue. Mark, if you're lucky, I'll let you over. I actually need that. What's the worst venue? Did we do something horrible? I truly mean this is the worst venue I've done.

And that includes... I've only done restaurants and shit like that this is i would take a restaurant okay listen i had to i had to christen the room with one it's a mazel cute dude um are we gonna end the uh are we gonna end the podcast on the great uh george w bush's uh do we want to call it a gaffe do we want to call it truism what do we want to call it or on the great George W. Bush's recent... Texas Vogue. Yeah. Do we want to call it a gaffe? Do we want to call it a truism? What do we want to call it?

Or we just want to play the video? Freudian slip? Yeah. Freudian slip? I mean, he's still got it, baby. He really does. Ready? Press play.

Fucking hero. Fucking king. Russian elections are rigged. Political opponents are imprisoned or otherwise eliminated from participating in the electoral process. The result is an absence of checks and balances in Russia and the decision of one man to launch a wholly unjustified and brutal invasion of Iraq. I mean, of Ukraine. Iraq. Anyway. Fucking hero, y'all.

75. I'm a hero, dog. Comedy's powerful, dude. Yeah, man. Comedy's powerful. He just made a joke about it. He admitted that he fucked up in Iraq. He admitted it was his fault,

and then he makes a joke about it, and then you're like, ah, he's not that bad. Yeah, I love this guy. He paints Iraq. He admitted it was his fault, and then he makes a joke about it, and then you're like, he's not that bad. He paints now. He's a painter. He's not bad. When has a painter ever done anything bad? You know? Is there another? No, I don't think there's any. Is there another painter that turned to leader

of a nation that did anything bad? No, I don't think so. Bush went the other way. He became a painter after. That's what you gotta do yeah save your painting for when you retire yeah i really do think bush didn't he was just like led to doing all this fucked up shit and he was just dumb to know any better which isn't necessarily like exonerating him i mean you're not too dumb he was just i think manipulated into it or whatever he was like i don't know what i'm doing y'all want to handle this i also think he grew up in like a class of uh you, I don't know what I'm doing. Y'all want to handle this? I also think he grew up in a class of political family

where they know how shit really works. He knows how the sausage is made. He knows that these decisions are made by more than just the president. There are special interest groups that are manipulating the fucking CIA to overthrow some government. Dick Cheney. It goes. Like Dick Cheney.

Not only Dick, it goes way beyond Dick Cheney. Like, there's just a lot more people that are in on these decisions. And, like, to us, we're like, oh, this guy's president. He makes all the rules now. And it's, like, not even close. It's like you get all the criticism when the decisions fuck up. But you don't just get to walk in and make all the rules. And I think he was just privy to that because his father was president.

And he'd probably have dinners where he's sitting down and his dad's complaining like, these motherfuckers want me to go bomb these people. I don't even know how to pronounce this fucking country, but we just gotta do it. So it's not shocking to him. They know what the fucking world

really is. I think he feels guilty about it and that's why he just fucking paints war bets now. Because he's like, I had these guys in a war they shouldn't have been in or I was a part of that.

And it's some weird way to, not that it's good enough, but I think that's why he does it Yeah, I really do think he doesn't and I think he wanted to get that out on like a Freudian level There's a great Robbie Slovic drop to anyway. Oh, yeah, that's great. Yeah, because he paints wounded war vets That's what he does and Robbie's like while you're painting them. Do you ever wonder how they lost their? Shouts to shouts to Bush, though, man. Do you know what I mean? Hey, 75. Nice little rebrand.

75. He has the best post-presidency of all presidents. Like, complete. Not complete. A lot of people still hate him, I'm sure. But rehabbed his image a lot. For how hated he was? You know what I mean?

Like, consider where he was in 2004, 2008. Yeah, he's almost unanimously charming. He was the biggest fucking dumbass while he was president. He was a racist. Remember, George Bush don't care about black people. And he was a murderer and, you know, war for profit, all this other shit. And now he's the cute guy that gives sweets to Michelle Obama during speeches. Yeah, they're such good friends.

Gotcha. Yeah, I're such good friends. Gotcha. Yeah, I agree with you. He was loved, though, during his presidency, right? Like, with the 9-11 shit. I forget how young you were during that. Yeah, I was. He was loved for that year. But then that was the first year of his presidency.

He wasn't even loved, dog. It wasn't even loved. I mean, again, you're in Texas, so it's a little different. But, like, in New York, it was like, yeah, that's that dumbass. Yep. Really? Yeah, yeah. There was no love at all. I think they make a big deal about him, like, throwing in the first pitch. I was in New York, it was like, yeah, that's that dumbass. Yep. Really? Yeah. There was no love at all.

I think they make a big deal about him like throwing in the first pitch. I was in New York at that time. That didn't even pop up on my radar. Like ESPN did a 30 for 30 about it. I didn't even know he threw out the pitch. We didn't even know he was in New York. He threw one of the best first pitches. That motherfucker had heat on him.

Yeah, he's throwing a speedball. Strike. Strike. Strike. Speedball. Okay. Anyway, listen, guys, we love you. We appreciate you. We hope you like the new studio. okay anyway listen guys we love you we appreciate you we hope you like

the new studio this would not be possible without all of you we're so fucking grateful and just thank you guys so much and as always we're going to keep on trying to deliver the best content that we possibly can keep on pushing the game forward keep on changing this fucking game we cannot do that without you spreading

the word for us and making the show as big as it is. So I know that we are all incredibly grateful that you have provided this opportunity for us and we hope that we provide the most fun fucking hangout that could possibly exist on the internet or in the universe or wherever. Yeah, that is our goal over here. So enjoy, indulge, and spread the fucking word.

We love you. Thank you so much. This has been Flay Green. Peace. God bless you.