Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - AOC: The Hunchback of Notre Bronx

Episode Date: October 20, 2020

This week Andrew, Akaash, AlexxMedia, and Mark discuss Trump exposing state secrets for a milkshake, Taylor explains how much sex is enough, AOC could do better than her man, Schulz explains how he got funny, Cardi B takes Offset back, and much more. INDULGE! Want an extra episode a week? Join the Flagrant Army www.Patreon.com/FLAGRANT2 Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a choir then welcome to The Flagrancy.

Taylor started the podcast with a very interesting question. She said, how many times do you have sex per week? And we were going to begin the show with that question because I thought it would be very entertaining. Get into the sex stuff is always fun. But then Taylor out of nowhere said, because our AC ain't working. Okay. And our guy goes, it's kind of hot in here. And then Taylor goes, y'all think it's hot?

And then we were like, yeah. And then she's like, nah, it only gets hot if there's a lot of black people. I said it was going to be hot because there's so many people in the room. And Taylor said that only applies to black people. No, no, no, no. I'm saying if you guys were black too, then it would be hot. That's what I was saying you were saying. So two blacks aren't enough to heat up a room.

And why is it only black people? Yeah, what about Akash? Why are white people so much colder? What's happening? Now explain this to us. Actually, you might make up for some of the heat. So Akash is black enough to increase the temperature in the room but are you like are we white walkers are we like just what are we to temperature explain what mark and i are

the temperature what are we making the room colder i don't know because y'all don't like this is no offense but like i don't think y'all know what like cold is for us white people because i see y'all walk outside with shorts on all the time when it's like 30 degrees. It's clearly not. Yeah, that's a thing. Why is that? What is going on with that? We don't wash our legs so enough dirt builds up that we can't feel any type of temperature at all.

We don't feel cold. We feel nothing on our legs. That's why we don't wash our legs. We're smart. You guys are out here with cocoa butter, super shiny, clean legs. We're freezing. Okay, you're freezing. You got to wear Ugg boots up to your thighs like Mary J. Blige in the winter.

That's what you got to do. Actually, we contain meat. I'm talking about Alex. Well, you're freezing. You got to wear Ugg boots up to your thighs like Mary J. Blige in the winter. That's what you got to do. I'm talking about Alex. Remember when Charlotte came in with the fucking knee-high Timberlands? Were you on Brilliant Names for that episode? What?

You remember this? Yo, we got to get this episode. Charlotte came in once with knee-high Timberlands. That's crazy. People don't know how to wear Timberlands. It's so easy.

You know what I mean? It's so easy. It's so easy. You know, you just buy some standard Timbs. We in New York, guys. Figure it out. Bro, this shit was so funny because Charles was already small. So at first I was looking at him like, I was like, yo, is his leg so short that the regular

Timberlands come up to his knees? Like a little kid wearing giant Timbs or whatever. Yeah, like you're walking in your dad's boots. I was like, yo, you want fly fishing later? What the fuck is happening? He's shorter than me, but he's like a size 14 shoe or whatever the fuck. Yeah.

So it makes sense that she would go mad high. Well, he did actually tell me that I guess for his Halloween costume. I shamed him out of ever wearing those shoes again. He's about to get boots like this,

but high up too. Nah, we're not going to allow that. That's what he said. We're not going to allow that. Mark, stop playing with the AC. I'm tired of it.

This is going to be the temperature. It is what it is and us whites will do the best we can to keep it cool around here just for you, Taylor. Okay? But now I know that you have a prejudice about white people. You think that we're colder.

Mark, give me the goddamn fucking AC. I swear to God. That was a terrible throw, Yamos. That was a terrible throw. She's throwing around the fucking technology all the time. Throwing around the technology. Yo, son, I'm not good at technology. That's fine.

All right? But you don't got to embarrass me about this shit. No, no, no technology. That's fine. All right. But you don't got to embarrass me about this. It's one thing we play games. You know, obviously, I'm not the best at technology. I do my best to learn. OK, took me 35 minutes

to put a goddamn Instagram video up on Instagram. It wouldn't go into bigger. You know, when you hit the two arrows and it goes to IGTV. Yeah, I kept hitting hours right in front of you. What you did? you just stood there it's your phone son what about my phone it's just fingers they're so shaky so you just kept hitting it twice i was double

tapping am i turning into my mom anyway point is this is the thing this is the thing you can make fun of me that's fun that's how you know you're the goat that's right you got them goat hands yo uh all right so look here's the thing you think when ollie was like i'm the fastest man on earth standing still yo that's it he's just slowed down like back in the day ollie was so fast he was like a hummingbird where it just looks like it's floating in front of the flower because the wings are going so fast and then later on we were like

damn Ali's kind of shaky he got ice bucket or whatever that disease did he have ice bucket? you know if Ali was white no he had Lou Gehrig's disease if Ali was white

Lou Gehrig's it was Lou Gehrig's right? he had some sort of disease which disease did he have? Ali? Parkinson's what? what?

Ali? back to the future disease? a minute parkinson's ali yes parkinson's right i thought he had ice bucket no no ice bucket is like mad debilitating like ice bucket you're fucked so parkinson's is the one where you're doing uh like yeah you're doing a little uh breakdance battle why would you dump ice water on a guy with Parkinson's? Is he already shivering? Maybe he's trying to make him feel normal. Maybe it's like you're walking out shivering all day.

I'm solidarity. Solidarity shivering. We're all going to shiver a little bit. God, this is horrible karma. I hope none of us get any of these diseases. It's all your fault, Al. That's why we got to make it hot in here, bro, so we don't shiver. We're not shaking at all.

Okay, so the point being, right? My girl's in the studio The other day She takes his new bike Okay She takes his new bike And I'll sit right the fuck down Doesn't matter if the angles Are fucked up

Who cares Okay How fucked up is Akash He's too low Okay I'm low bro I'm 5'7 What you gonna do

Point is My Don't do that Don't do that Don't do that Don't do that I never I never don't do that taylor taylor done taking dicks bigger than you don't ever let her owe you again okay i just never met someone that you know said their size they said their size okay so i could see what i could do with my life so so i i'm here at the studio.

My girl comes. Everybody's over here. We're working on a little thing. She brings her bike, okay? It's a fancy bike. It's by VanMoof, all right? It's an electric bike. Yeah.

You also got a pedal. I don't know why you would have to do both of them shits, but it's just whatever they do. I put it together myself. Okay. Whoa. I put the bike together myself. This guy's a man. That shit must have been heller easy.

It was easy. He's no improvement over here but i was doing it i used all the wrenches all that kind of shit oh you use wrenches i was using wrenches i was using allen keys i used the whole thing i scratched up the whole fucking fender bending that shit over okay i damn near ruined her bike before she ever ruined but but i did put it together okay she rooted it okay wrote it whatever she comes and says There's some problem with the bike What problem did she say there was The gears were messed up

The gears were messed up Yeah Now It's in front of everybody You can't say that in prime That's what I was wondering It's in front of everybody You said the gears were messed up

Right It's in front of everybody I walk up to the bike I go Alright baby I'll fix the bike No that's a bad move on your part No no no

You did not say that Hold on Let me set it up guys Let me set it up boys I set it up Don't worry I go, all right, baby, I'll fix the bike. No, that's a bad move on your part. No, no, no. You did not say that. Hold on, hold on. Let me set it up, guys. Let me set it up, boys. I set it up. Don't worry. It's just half fate.

I walk up to the bike going, all right, babe, I'll take care of it. Knowing damn well I can't take care of no fucking gears on this bike. I didn't even know the bike had gears in the first place. Okay? I hear them start laughing at me. You guys were laughing. I wasn't here for this. I was laughing.

Who else was here? Everyone else. I was in the back. Oh, okay. You were here, but you weren't here. Oh, I didn't even know this happened. Yeah. All right.

So you start laughing. Other people start laughing. You're blowing my cover. Yeah, that's fucked up, Mark. What? That's fucked up, sir. But can I explain my side, though? Yeah. Because you walk up, and she goes, yeah, the bike, there's something wrong with the gears. And you walk up and she goes yeah the bike there's

something wrong with the gears and you go oh yeah yeah there's something wrong with the gear and she goes yeah it's clicking you go oh yeah it's clicking yeah yeah yeah she goes yeah every time i pedal it makes like a weird noise like i feel like it's gonna fall apart you go yeah weird noise gonna fall apart oh man yeah that's bad it seems like it's the gears yeah if y'all want to know how much how little i know about fixing shit i went up to the bike and i literally grabbed the pedal and i just rotate the pedal in a circle i rotate the pedal 360 degrees right and my girl just look at me she's like what are you doing i'm like yeah sometimes the clicking comes to the pedals these pedals can get all messed up but it might not even be the gears in the first place i literally am

looking for the gears on this bike okay i pressed one of the buttons on the top the horn went off i didn't know she had a horn on this bike everything's like hidden in this goddamn bike okay what i was just trying to do is get her back to the city once we get back to the city not in front of you guys i can go take it to the bike specialist and the bike specialist can fix it 100 yeah that's how we do you don't gotta laugh me in front of my girl okay you know what i'm saying taylor that's disrespectful she knows I can't fix shit. Okay? She got, I almost called him henchman. Handyman. She got handyman. I don't even know the name of the people that fix the shit.

She got handyman in and out of the building disrespecting me in my own home. Hanging fucking paintings. I can't even hang a goddamn painting. And the fact that their names are handyman makes it so much worse. Why? Because it got Andy in it? No, but literally she's in front of you being like, I need a handy man around here.

You ain't handy or a man. Yeah, I need a man that can fix it. You're dead weight. Oh, and I just got the handy. Yeah. Now you high, Taylor. You are fucking high. Listen, my point is,

you know, it's a rough patch in our relationship that we're trying to get through. Okay? This idea that we're not going to be able to do everything. I can't do everything.

She can't do everything. You know what I mean? As simple as that. I'm not going to be able to fix everything, guys can't do everything. She can't do everything. You know what I mean? As simple as that. I'm not going to be able to fix everything, guys. Hey, sometimes you got to order takeout. You got to order takeout. Well, no. She can kind of chef it up.

I'm not going to lie. She's pretty good at shit. I'm not going to lie. She's pretty fucking good at shit. Hey, let me tell you this. Thank God you're rich. That's what I'm saying. I get rich so that I can afford to pay people to do shit I can't do.

Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? She got to be skilled. You know why that handyman ain't so handy if she messes up some of them skills you ain't a handyman you a wallet man and what would you rather have at the end of the day what would you rather have at the end of the day the guy who could fix shit or the guy that could pay somebody to fix whatever he needs i'm not gonna buy you a gift in a rough economy you know when the american dollar might not be worth the same as it always is.

But you win silver money, so what's that? I put a little money in silver. That shit doing horrible. Nothing's worth anything anymore. It might come down to a time where we need to be a little bit handy. Right. Okay. Let's have a conversation about what Taylor brought up this morning before her crazy other question.

I don't even know how she got to. Which is, how often do we have sex a week? That to. Which is, how often do we have sex a week? That's what you asked. How often do we have sex a week? Now, I'm assuming you're asking this because you either want to be having sex more or less per week. Is that correct?

This is a reflection of your relationship, potentially. No, it's not. I think you are projecting. Oh, my God. I think you are projecting right now. Now, there's nothing wrong with you. How exhausting it must be for your boyfriend to fuck you with that huge dick

that shit is a workout yo he probably gets a sore pelvis afterward right here these muscles exhausted it's like battle ropes at the gym we gotta do that shit you know what I mean I'd be exhausted too yo that is crazy

have you ever played Mario Brothers 2 I don't know you you ever played Mario Brothers 2? I don't know. Maybe. You know the one? Y'all know the one, Mario Brothers 2? When they're yanking like the turnips out of the ground. Have you guys seen that one? I thought you were talking about the vine that grows all the way to the sky.

Yeah. That's your man's dick. But anyway, so the point is, you want to know what is the average amount of sex per week. How often are you having it and i'll tell you if it's below or above this is personal you asked me you brought it up well technically doesn't it depend on how busy each yes it does so average we're going with the average that's why we said average you're at a happiest to agree. Yes, it does. 100%. 100%. Okay, so we're going to say Monday through Friday, right?

No, no. That's not the week. What do you think a week is, Taylor? What the fuck? What do you think a week is? What's wrong with this girl, yo? What's wrong with this girl? I want to be up six for a week.

I mean Monday. Yeah, a work week. Just Monday. Nine to five, Monday to Friday? No, I'm just saying Monday through Friday. No, no. And then the weekend. The whole week. That's some black shit you gave Friday. And then the weekend. The whole week.

That's some black shit you gave yourself three-fifths of a week. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's self-loathing, honestly. You deserve the full seven days. Coat. Probably. Like.

Sorry. She was thinking about the dick. Go! Four to five. What the fuck? i'm gonna play under on that one because it depends you're talking about twice a day oh my god monday to friday a day what two times having sex in one day in one 24 hour day are you talking about you have sex at night and then you have sex like lunchtime the next day are you talking about each insertion yeah okay that's a little

bit that's within a 24 hour period i'm not going crazy okay so when i look four to five times a week right that is above average is it yeah how long have you guys been in a relationship almost a year almost a year okay yeah i think that's above average how often do you have sex a week i'm gonna be honest when she said how many times with an S, I was like, I'm in trouble. I'm in trouble. What am I going to do? How am I going to fix this, guys? How do I skate out of this one looking cool?

Once a week? Probably. It's tough to have an average, but if we're averaging, less than once a week. 0.75. 0.75. Wait, wait, wait. Time out, time out. Dude, I'm a sex addict over here, too.

You boy is a sex addict. How do I get anything else done, bro? Hold on. Once a week. Less than once a week. So you go sometimes. Nah, realistically more than once a week. But it's time 36.

You know what I mean? Like, it's a lot. It's a lot. Times a week? Bro, I need it. It's not every week. How often are you having sex a week? Damn. It really depends. How often do you have sex a week? It really depends.

Yo, I hate all these depends questions. Yeah, it depends. The weeks you have sex more, you have sex more. The weeks you have sex less, you have sex less. Ain't no depends, though. On a good week, I'm four to five. Four to five? Shit. That's record setting. And on a bad week, it'll be just once.

Nah, bro. Two. Your boy's out here with two. That's how I do it. And on a bad week, it'll be just once. Nah, bro. Two. Your boy's out here with two. That's how I do it. Tuesdays and Thursdays. I pull up to Magnolia Projects. I'm not playing games over there. But that's why I said Monday through Friday. Date night?

Tuesdays. Okay. I got to give dick. So two times a week. And that's great. I love that. Because I don't want sex to ever feel like a chore do you know what i mean pencil it in yeah no say it

is that what i said that is fucking ridiculous is that what i said bro tuesday and saturday is what i meant but there's uh no no, no. What I meant by like chore meaning like, ugh, we gotta fuck. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would rather be dying to fuck,

starving for a fuck, and then we do it, than be like, ah, we just gotta have sex, like get it over with. Does that make sense? That's what I'm saying, though. I intermittent fast on this bitch. When I said Monday through Friday, as in like maybe once, Monday through Friday, gotta have sex like get it over with does that make sense i'm saying though like i am fast when

i said monday through friday as in like maybe once monday through friday throughout that week and then on the weekend it's on and popping like i told my man this past week i'm like we're gonna have i haven't seen how old is your man 33 i'm okay with that how old about you he works out a lot he has stigma but he's I'm 29 well technically 28 because I didn't count this year but you know

wait you can't just not count okay sometimes you just gotta let shit slide I finally realized this sometimes you can't just comment on everything she says the whole podcast just becomes this okay

I don't even know where to begin. Mark, how often do you have sex? Well, that's, okay. All right,

we're done. Mark 23, Brock. Yeah, he's a young buckaroo. You should be having sex. Well, that's the thing

that's different is that you, like, you come twice a week. You do. Yeah. Whereas like, so all sexual interactions

probably like three to four a week. Okay. But then also like, you know. Oh, stop it. Stop it with your little fucking shit. Get out of here. This guy's gay, dude. No, no, stop it.

I didn't want to go into it. How are you doing that when you married? It's just so stupid. Well, he was about to say, sometimes I'll just go down on her. No. Oh, that's what you said? Oh, excuse me. What's wrong with that? Get nothing in return? No. Why did you think he was going to say sometimes I'll just go down on her no oh that's what you said oh excuse me what's wrong with that

get nothing in return why did you think he was going to say that yeah well what were you going to say jerk it off I was going to say

yeah oh jerk off yeah that's even crazier that is crazy how do you three to four times and jerk it off

yeah you're a maniac hold on you're a maniac dude that's crazy he fresh out of college this is what he would do that makes perfect sense nah he's a nympho. That's crazy. You're fresh out of college. This is what he would do. That makes perfect sense. Nah, he's a nympho, son.

That's nympho level right there. That's crazy, son. Most college age guys are jerking off once a day. I'm not saying it's right, but that's what they're doing. No, they're not, dude. I was in college, bro. We all showered together. We jerk off every other day.

That's true. We had a dorm room. We would all shower. We'd all be talking To ourselves in the shower One dude would just Drop out of the conversation For no reason And we'd be like

Ow No one how You got it No one how You got it It's different from women though Yeah you grew up In a different time dog

Yeah what do you mean Pre-Instagram Now like Now There's way more things To jerk off to you're saying College days guys Are just like chilling

They're scrolling Instagram And they go Oh yeah this will be fun i am bored i do want dopamine hit me hit it yeah exactly that's how it is whereas like i feel like when you went to college it was like oh yeah i'm gonna go like go fucking well we had facebook dog you know what i mean we had people and we had like real life women that we could talk to and that wasn't weird you can just go as you you weren't out there getting, you know, fingered a girl or shit in college? Nah. I think you said you fingered a girl in college. Yeah, yeah, yeah, nah.

I must have lied to you. Yeah, I'm sorry. Hold on a second. I must have lied to you. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. You didn't finger a girl in college? Didn't you have a girl in college or some shit?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you didn't hit her with a hump. Oh, you hit her with that dry hump? Yo, she got that stroke. That denim on denim stroke. Hey, that bitch's left arm

must have went numb the way she was getting stroked out. Hey, you might need an aspirin, bitch. Because you finna catch this stroke. You got Levi

stroking her, bro? Hold on. You didn't finger her dude did you dry finger oh yeah you got that dry finger you know you came to that dry finger no bro like i was looking for a stain where you at i don't know check the inseam on my pants, please. That's what you were doing. Bruh, dry humps.

Yeah. All day. You couldn't stop me from dry humping this bitch. She still probably feels it. I feel you, bro. What do we got, man? What's going on? I don't know.

This podcast went all the whales, bro. Never let Taylor start a podcast with a question again. I think... Ever. I think we I don't know. Ever. I think we opened up more. Nah, I'm just teasing you. All right, guys.

We're going to take a break for a second because your girl deserves a night of her life. And honestly, I just said that. I don't even know if she deserves a night of her life, but you might as well give it to her. Or maybe it's a girl that you don't know. Okay? Maybe it's a girl that you're about to date. Maybe it's a girl you just matched with online. These girls deserve the best dick that you got.

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impression or middle impression. You're going to make tons of impressions in them ovaries if you got that BlueChew. Okay. BlueChew.com. Flagrant is the promo code. $5 shipping and you get it free. Let's get back to the show. All right. So we got a bunch of stories we can cover let's talk about there's some rapper nuke bizzle who was arrested for illegally obtaining a 1.2 million in jobless benefits like corona relief stuff whoa whoa yeah i think you're gonna see a lot of these types of stories man you're talking about like ppp loans i think no PPP. No, unemployment apparently, right? Yeah, he was also accused of like faking identities

and collecting those checks as well. Oh my God. Yeah, that's like. I think this is an important story. Okay. I think. There's a lot of people that fuck with that people.

This is black people doing white people crimes. Declaring the government. It's kind of funny though. Fake identities. And it's interesting. This is a sign of progress, I think. He's bragging about this kind of crime

and that's what fucked him up. Like if you're a rapper and you're like, yeah, I mugged some guy, I robbed someone, I broke into someone's house, stole jewelry, it's like, oh yeah, that goes with the territory. As soon as you're like, oh yeah, I defrauded the government out of millions of dollars. Fuck you, man.

It is. That's the rap territory. No, that's a very interesting point, right? That's the rap territory. We always hear about the rap police, right? Have you heard about these? Not necessarily. So the rap territory. Is that subtle racism? We always hear about the rap police. Right? Have you heard about these? Not necessarily. So the rap police, apparently these police that just listen to rap albums all day and

waiting for rappers to talk about fucked up shit that they did so they could arrest them for it. Right? Right? Not a lot of rap police arrests. A couple. Bobby Shmurda. But was Shmurda arrested because of that or were they already following him and they tried to use

the lyrics in the song as justification I think they were already following him I guess my point is you see these rappers get arrested for flexing on a gram because there was somebody else as well was like flexing that they got some crazy PPP loans or something like that

but it's interesting that this is what they're getting clipped for. When people are like, yo, I'm out here, I'm selling drugs, I got money, put the money in it, nobody really gives a fuck. What do you think it is, boys? I think that's where the government is like, no, no, no, now you're stealing from us. Well, the IRS just don't play games. I don't think you could brag. I think they got Kodak for that.

Didn't Kodak have a, or weren't rappers putting a lot of money in their, they're putting a lot of money in their, they were putting like a lot of money in like their Instagram posts and all of a sudden they were like, yo, this is, somebody was like, this is fake money.

I just want to let everybody know. Yeah, that was these guys. They tried to put it up but they don't know if they put it up after the video was up and they were getting heat

or if it was before. But they said, oh, this isn't real money. These are props. But some other rapper did that as well. I just want to let everybody know

this is fake money because they were coming for them. That's interesting. A whole division of the government just to look after people flexing on the gram, making sure it's legit. Yeah. You know what, though?

Trump did say, I paid $700 in taxes because I'm good at the rules that you guys made. Yeah, he didn't do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get good at it. Get a good, what is it called? Get a good accountant. He says I did it legally. This guy's like, nah, I'd just be defrauding y'all.

You see what I mean? He's not like, I played by the rules rules he was he was so blatant about it he was like posting about it on his instagram and then made a music video yeah and this guy's trying to get a song is called edd which is which is like i was like the money that he got it's like the loan that he was able to fraud out and made a music video about him bragging about he got rich off of stealing money from the government who's that who's the other guy uh first day out or some shit like that oh yeah t grizzly made a music video about him bragging about how he got rich off of stealing money from the government who was that who's the other guy uh first day out or some shit like that oh yeah t grizzly yeah no no the other one he was like rapped about the guy he murdered oh and he was on the run yeah take it he was another one but that was actual some real shit though like he murdered somebody

and then he rapped about it then he was on the run cops were after him and he was like on the run a couple weeks right that'd be a fire ass album while you're on the run. You put that shit out. It was wild. It was called The Race. And he was literally rapping in front of wanted posters of himself. Oh, that's ill. It was like cowboy shit.

But then they got him. Then they got him. They're always going to get him. It was kind of a sad story. He's like 18. He's in jail forever. He kills some guys. It's kind of wild.

Ah, that's funny. But yeah. But the song was wild. And the chase, everyone loved it. But this kid did the same thing. He made this song about stealing money from the government. I don't know if it's good, though. I listened to it we gotta bump it anyway um y'all saw what happened with cardi right i'm getting back with yeah i never understand this man i think we probably talked about the podcast before but like

and i know there's a comic that had a joke about it i'm not sure who it is but like if you're a girl that says all men cheat you can't really break up with a guy for cheating on you that's true because the replacement guy according to you is also gonna cheat because you say all men cheat yeah so you're putting this you're putting yourself in a situation where you got to accept cheating because that's all there is. Right? I mean, you could be perturbed by it, but if you want to live your life with a man

and your belief is that all men cheat, you're going to get cheated on. So when it happens, why are you so shocked? And whoever you get, you ain't gay, you're going to get cheated on. Yes. Any man you get with get cheated on because all men cheat.

You could get a girl if you don't want to get cheated on, if's the number one clause now i don't believe all men cheat because i know i don't cheat okay i've cheated not on my girl but i've cheated in the past you know what i'm saying so maybe they do i don't fucking know you know i was out here dry humping girls back in the day that's why they got assless chaps exclusive dry house though i was behind girls in texas just rubbing up on them to them butt cheeks. Consensually. Faithfully.

Faithfully, though. Back in the day. Back in the day. I'm saying back in the day, right? What? I said Akash would make assless chaps. He'd be grinding up on you in a club. You walk home, butt cheeks just hanging out your jeans.

That's what they do in Dallas, bro. That's where they came up with it. That's what I just said, Mark, if you were listening. I'm like, no. I was thinking about Akash rubbing his dick. So, point is, can you be mad at Cardi

if she has that belief? No. Because no girl wants their man to cheat. I'm not saying any girl wants their man to cheat. And I don't think all girls have this belief system.

I think there's a lot of girls that believe that guys will be faithful, but they also believe think all girls have this belief system. I think there's a lot of girls that believe that guys will be faithful, but they also believe that guys have cheated, right? And I think there's guys that believe that girls will cheat. A lot of times people are unhappy in relationships, they cheat, right? But if you're one of these girls who's like, yo, men ain't shit, they all cheat, and you decide to be in a relationship with a man, you can't break up with him for cheating.

That makes no sense. Especially divorce, because where are you going to go? You married this guy. Now you get divorced, get with another man who's poorer and cheats. Now you get cheated on by a poor guy. Would you really get cheated on by a rich guy? Well, I mean, that's what she did. She took him back because he bought her a fucking Rolls Royce or a Phantom or some shit like that.

What is that? She said it's not why, but it didn't hurt. Come on, Tom. It didn't hurt. You gotta say it's not why. Come on, Tom. It didn't hurt. Everybody saw the Kobe ring R.I.P., but that was a big ass rock that he gave to me. He gave her an infinity stone

out of nowhere, bro. And that's what you gotta do. The time stone, you just reverse that shit. But this is what you're missing, though. She's definitely gonna take property. She took Off just reversed that cheating. But this is what you're missing, though. Like, she's definitely going to take property. She took Offset back before cheating. It's just like, when do you... So if you're Offset...

But when do you stop, though? So here's the question. If you're Offset, and you know she's going to take you back, what reason are you going to stop cheating? You took me back for cheating. So what is it? You cheat five times, and then you don't take me back? Well, here's the thing.

The inflation gift cost is rapid rising. You know what I first time he cheated on no fucking rolls royce this time is a rolls royce next time is the fucking kobe ring then it's a hot like it's gonna it the cost just keeps going up you think who they cheat on also affects the price no i don't really i don't so if you just cheat on like some random group yeah we know as if you look make them look embarrassed that's all they're embarrassed every time you cheat that's gonna they're just gonna be embarrassed

but maybe if you cheat maybe it's all about perception because publicly you get this Rolls Royce so now you look better whereas before and he looks a little like

simpy or whatever the word is and before you look like shit you got cheated on you get disrespected but now you're getting a Rolls Royce in front of everybody and now your perception

is a little bit saved maybe it's just how am I perceived by people I don't want that to be fucked up I think that matters I 100% agree with you You got cheated on. You get disrespected. But now you're getting a Rolls Royce in front of everybody. And now your perception is a little bit saved. Maybe it's just how am I perceived by people. I don't want that to be fucked up. I think that matters. I 100% agree with you. I think that that's huge. And for everybody. Yeah.

But especially the girl. But it's just a weird thing. Like, what reason do you have not to cheat if you want to cheat in the future? If she's taking you back a few times. Now, I'm not against taking someone back for cheating, though. Because, like, i think a lot of people don't realize a lot of people that judge that not taking someone back for cheating are in like high school relationships they're not adults that have a child it's different bro it's different

like one night where you fuck up is gonna dictate the rest of your child's life yeah it's also the nature of the cheating if you're in like a 10-year affair with some other random person. Boom. If you get your dick sucked in the back of a pizza hut, I don't think that that's something that's maybe like completely break-up-able. Now, if my girl did that,

obviously I would break up with her and she could die somewhere, but that's fine. And I'll steal the child. I will steal the child. It'll be Amber Alert. You'll see Andrew Schultz, Amber Alert. Amber Alert.

I'm in an Uber. I'll Uber Amber Alert Real talk See that's the bias though Uber XL Little more room for my kid That you tried to take away from me By sucking dicks at Pizza Hut

How y'all forgive us For cheating yo Real talk I'm going through it right now That's crazy Because men It's different hormonally You better be in a whole relationship Nah real talk Girls are like i don't want you to be in a whole other relationship

and have a whole thing if it was just a one-time you know little hookup i could maybe forgive that but if you had another family on the side i could never forgive that i hope you got a family on the side if you cheat on me yeah because then i get free time you just found a silver lining but not only do i get free time at least you love this motherfucker you suck in his dick. Yeah, that's true. Not you lust him. Imagine you lusted a dude.

You just look at some guy you don't even know and now you suck in his dick. I'll throw up just thinking about that. Nah, but as a dude, what if you cheat? I'm starting to dislike my girl. She didn't even do nothing.

I'm literally building up a story of my girl doing that and she didn't even do it and I don't like her now. This is how girls feel when they wake up from a dream and they found out that you cheated in the dream.

Oh, shit. This is what you're doing. That's what I feel like. I'm not even going to watch The Bachelor with her tonight, bro. I'm supposed to go and watch The Bachelor.

Hey, let me tell you something. What is it called? I'm watching Love on a Spectrum instead. Let me tell you something. Hey, Drew, man to man, don't punish yourself. Don't beat yourself up.

You know what I mean? That means I would not watch The Bachelor don't take that away from yourself they got this prehistoric bitch trying to get married on that show what is she doing she cheating on all these guys

mature mentally of course you are you 38 she's 39 bro tiktok tiktok let me say something time's up

she got a whole omelette with them eggs down there bro let's be honest on the single digits they got granny bachelorettes on there they say covid postponed the what did I just say?

COVID. I know. Was that a loan I just gave you? P-P-P-P-P? No, but COVID postponed the Bachelor, what? Two months or some shit like that. She don't got it. No, bro.

This is valuable time. What you doing on her? I know. And she trying to run a PPP scandal on the Bachelor. Really? Y'all didn't know about PPP scandal on The Bachelor. Really? Y'all didn't know about what's going on The Bachelor this season? No. Allegedly, she got a relationship with one of the dudes already.

The dude's on the show. And they're like, yo, we're just going to work it out. And I'm going to choose you. I've never been more ashamed of this guy in my life, son. Well, I can corroborate the story because I watched the whole episode. Yeah, son. It was pretty good, dude. What's his name?

What's his name? Dale. Dale, bro. Yeah, Dale's a pretty motherfucker, too. Dale. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, son. It was pretty good, dude. What's his name? What's his name? Dale. Dale, bro. Yeah, Dale's a pretty motherfucker, too. Dale. Yeah, I don't blame her, bro. Dale could do better. Honestly, I was saying that the whole time, and then I started to look at this girl.

She kind of, as Trump would say, she kind of, she's really, dude, she's, she's got the milkshake. Can we pull a picture up, please? Yeah, get a picture up of her,'s, she's got the milkshake. Can we pull a picture up, please? Yeah, get a picture up of her, yo. She's got the milkshake, bro. Yo, she got the malt, bro. She got the malt, the best malt. Yo, Trump got to stop being so likable, bro.

Saddened. It's a problem. Yo, it's a problem. Tell me this isn't likable. His first security briefing, this just came out. His first security briefing, he's sitting down, he's in like Mar-a-Lago, like his hotel or whatever like that. He's sitting with the security advisors and they're giving him all the secrets yeah right

it's a to get in you have to have a code it's like a secret code meeting you can't get to the meeting it's just the motherfuckers who know everything know who we got to kill know who we already killed know what happened to jfk know about ufos all that shit everything two-part okay know exactly where he is in cuba yeah alive okay he's in the meeting in the middle of the meeting he stops it he waves a waiter in to the security briefing meeting and goes guys we've got amazing milkshakes okay the most amazing milkshakes you ever had do you guys want them all does anybody want them all do you guys want them all anybody want them all i'm gonna have a milkshake orders a fucking milkshake in the middle of the security meeting i tell you for sure

i would have been looking around if i'm security like i could kind of go for it i want a milkshake i'm a little i get thirsty when i do this briefing nobody ever asked me you know how many times i've done this briefing i never had a malt who wouldn't love a malt i'm saying you're laughing now because you know a little part of you is in that meeting like all right the country's gone but it's going away in a fun way i'll be like yo can i get the extra can i get the extra that you don't put in the guy bro bring that 10 bring that 10 i hate it when they try to keep the 10 don't do that to me that's disrespect guys like make that milkshake fit so were you with me were you with me when i called him out bro you'd be doing that on the regular on a regular they try to bring me the motherfucking milkshake and

then not bring the tin, right? I go, hey, bro, they got the tin part. What's the tin? Okay, so they have a metal mixing thing that goes into the milkshake blender. Okay? And the reason it's metal is because that milkshake blender is made out of metal as well. You could cut some shit up. You could break glass. Okay? So, you make the milkshake and then you pour it into the glass.

And then you bring the glass to the people at the table. Sometimes you make too much milkshake. Oh, whoa, whoa. Sometimes. All the time. Yes. Oh, so there's extra milkshake this extra milkshake this bitch gonna say to me uh no no that's how much was there i go what about the tin is it the left of the tin she goes no that's all there was i go i go are you telling me you made the perfect is that you saying that you eyeballed it and you made the perfect amount of milkshake. What'd she say to me? Yes, bro. Yes.

She stuck to her guns, dude. White woman, right? I kind of believe that. I knew it. I wanted to be able to do some shit like that. It was a white woman. She didn't give you the milkshake? She didn't give me the rest of the milkshake.

God bless her, though. God bless her. Fuck. God bless her. You ever been to a Jamba Juice, though? They be getting that shit perfect, though. Nah, there's always extra at the juice. You don't think I know about the Jamba, bro?

There's extra, bro. That shit be perfect. Nah. There's extra, bro. That should be perfect. They pour you in and look at the blender next time. They're not giving you what you deserve. Real talk. God damn. But I don't want no more Jamba juice. Why? I don't know, man. Jamba juice I don't trust. Why? I just don't

think it's good for you. I think it's all sugar. You talking about milkshakes right now. What the fuck you got? You're getting the extra milkshake. Hey, we going to them for different reasons, bro. You know what I'm saying? I used to go to John's and just think it was a protein shake. I was like, man, this tastes miraculous. That's on you.

That's on me. That's on you. You're like this fucking dumb lady that was giving her kids Nutella every day and then sued Nutella because she was like, I thought it was healthy. I did think it was healthy. Nah, they used to market it as healthier. But it had the nuts on it. It had the nuts on it.

I thought it was just peanut butter. I would eat that shit with a spoon. I would literally spoon it. Can I be honest with y'all? I would eat it with my fingers, bro. I would go like that. I'd scoop it out with my fingers. That's pre-corona.

That's pre-corona. That's pre-corona. Did you ever think like McDonald's was healthy? No. They never marketed it as such. Yeah. But Nutella is chocolate. No, it's not.

It was marketed as such. It's hazelnuts. It's marketed it as such. Yeah. But Nutella is chocolate. No, it's not. It was marketed as such. It's hazelnuts. It's hazelnuts spread. I thought if I got the chicken sandwich at McDonald's, I was being like, oh my God. That's a classic move, yo. Nah, you never. Yo, you're lying to yourself if you didn't choose chicken sandwich to be a little healthy. You are lying to yourself.

That is a fact. Because chicken, what could be bad in that? It's just chicken and the bread. And yo, have you ever done this move? You have something unhealthy, like a burger or a chicken sandwich. And then you go, let me get lettuce tomato on it. And then you think it automatically made it healthier. Oh, absolutely.

It don't make it healthier. Nah, I do though. But in my mind, it's like, it's salad. It's nutrition. It's nutrition. It's salad. I turned it into salad. I turned it into salad and the bread is crouton.

I just added vitamins on that shit. That's facts. This kid grew up with. I turned it into salad and the bread is crouton. I just added vitamins on that shit. That's facts. This kid grew up with Google so he could always look shit up. Yeah, you knew what things were. You had information, bro. There was a time

where old people were valuable to us. Like, that's why old people just want to die from corona now because of y'all. Y'all never ask him any shit. No, I ask him stuff. You never bought something

like from McDonald's and then you wanted to get water to make you feel more healthy? Oh, no, I do. What? Hold on, Taylor. What? Taylor, what the fuck did you just say?

You said water makes you more healthy? Yeah, I don't. I understand this part. No, as opposed to soda. Or juice. Yes, as opposed to soda. I thought you thought like, we were talking about what you did to the actual burger to make it healthier. She extrapolated it.

I think I'm with you on this. She tried to make the point clear. No, because that's because I know the McDonald's is unhealthy so I get the water. This is a very important point that we got to make and I didn't realize

why old people want to die so bad from Corona. That's a great point. It's because your generation doesn't make them feel valuable. Our generation didn't have any information. We weren't going to

encyclopedia botanica that shit. We were put up with all the racism because they're the only ones who knew things. They knew things. They knew that we go ask them questions. What was the war like?

They would tell you. It would be racist, but it'd be very entertaining. No, but could their stories compare to- You ask your Asian friends to just step outside so you can figure out the history real quick. Hey, we're studying for a World War II test. Can you tell us what happened? Your grandpa come lumbering in real quick, one foot missing because of that Asian dude's grandpa took that shit off of him.

It's a fucking souvenir. It's not a rabbit foot. Why do they like feet so much? That's a great point. What is it about the feet, Asians? Binding them, rabbiting them, painting the toenails. Why do you guys like feet so much? What's happening, Asians?

What do you know that I know, too? Ninjas are always wearing sandals and shit. Oh, my God. Easy access to the feet. It's an open-toe culture. It's an open-toe culture. They'll always be analyzing feet all day. They can't help it.

And you know what? I'm kind of with them. I like it. I like a foot, too. I like the good feet out there. The bad ones can stay locked up. Put yourself in that motherfucking stocking. Have you ever seen a bound foot?

Nah. You never seen a bound foot? I don't stop saying it like that. Yo, let me tell you something. A nice bound foot. That shit wrapped. How does that look? It's wrapped up like Creed's hands or what?

Honestly, it goes like this. Say that's your foot. These toes come under. Yeah. Yeah, the Missy Elliott. Makes a nice little lollipop Turn that foot into a lollipop Nom nom

That's a little dumpling Get up that soup dumpling You got a nice little foot Look at that Don't act That's a Kit Kat Break you off one Break you off one.

Break you off one, bro. Look how delicious them little feets are. What, Taylor? Don't judge other cultures. Why? That shit look like cauliflower. Yes. I can't do it, yo. Nah, that's beautiful.

You the one talking about you don't like second toe longer. Guaranteed. They really don't like second toe longer. Look at that girl's feet. But why? Why? Because they're trying to grab onto a vine. Vine?

Yes. They're trying to grab onto a vine. Yo, they're going through the jungle, bro. It's crazy out there. They're nice at jungles. Why do you think we lost Vietnam? Great point. We don't know about jungles.

Yeah. We don't know nothing about jungles, Akash. What are we supposed to know about jungles? How are we going to win a war in the fucking jungle when we don't know anything about jungles? Yeah, we're prairie people. We're prairie people. We're plains people.

We're city people. We're out here in a fucking jungle. How are we going to win a war? Yeah. Name a jungle in America. Name one. It doesn't exist. Hey, that's disrespectful, bro.

They say you're on the jungle. There's a high concentration of Vietnamese out here. They don't mean it's a fucking jungle, Taylor. Goodness gracious. You have one bowl of, what is it called? Pho. What? You don't know what Pho is?

No. Pho? You ever heard Donald Trump? How would he order at a Vietnamese restaurant? I'll just have one bowl of... You look so lost. That's what happens when Donald Trump is banging out little Thai boys. Like, what would you like to do, Donald?

I want to... Donald. Donald. I'm doing my Rudy Giuliani accent. Donald. Donald, what would you like to do, Donald? Is that a good accent? Good Vietnamese.

You didn't think that was a good Vietnamese accent? I don't know what Vietnamese sounds like. Well, then how the fuck could you judge the accent if you don't know what it sounds like? Yeah. Taylor. Taylor. Taylor. Taylor. Did you work on radio today? Come on. Robotic. Taylor. learn. That's the robotic people. Yo, y'all know what they were talking about? Oh, you ass think they gonna win this war? This is the jungle, baby.

You're gonna win. You're gonna win. Dude, if anybody else is thinking about Guns N' Roses. Please sing it. Please sing it. Welcome to the jungle. We got fun and game. He sounded like

Love on the Spectrum. We got everything, and we know the things. We are very sexy, girl. Oh, boy. If you got no money, honey, we got no disease. Call it yellow fever

You sound like miss swine from Mad TV No, what's the disease was it? What was that fucked up shit when we did chemical warfare out there was a yellow What typhoid no yellow fever no, it's called yellow mustard gas or something. Mustard gas. Mustard gas, yeah. We did some fucked up shit to the Vietnamese, bro.

Yeah, I can see that. You know what I mean? So this is why I'm talking to your grandparents. I'm trying to protect myself. This is why I'm talking to your grandparents about history sucks. Y'all don't talk to your grandparents anymore about anything. Okay? Because I could listen.

That's why they're tongue kissing in fucking retirement homes. That's why there's mad herpes in retirement homes because you don't utilize them nothing better to do better dude just sucking wrinkles off each other dude they send you 25 once a year what the fuck else they can do with the other 364 days probably just pound puss oh that's actually a thing though yeah no we know you know the villages we know it's a fact bro we know you know facts yeah okay we gotta talk to more old people. Have you spoken to your grandparents? Yeah. I don't want to risk it.

I don't want to risk it. I call her mom mom. You call her mom mom? Yeah. You know what that means in Vietnamese? Do you know what it means in Vietnamese? No. What the fuck?

What does it mean? I can't believe you don't know what that means in Vietnamese. That's wild. That's a really bad word. Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't believe you don't know what that means. That's wild. That's a really bad word. Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't say that to your grandma. Yeah, don't do it. Wild and disrespectful.

Mum mum? Not good, dude. Yeah, like, don't get your nails done and say that out loud. Yeah, do not say that. Don't be like, what color do you want to get mum mum? You can't do that. Okay, I don't even feel comfortable saying that word. Yeah, we might have to bleep that.

There's one word. To protect you, we might have to bleep that. Mark this time. Mark that time. Please, please, please. Please mark the time because it gets a little tense. Mum, mum. What the hell?

What does it mean? It's not good. It's not good. Can you text it to me or something? I don't know. I can't even text. I don't know how to write. I can't believe you call your grandmother that.

That's so disrespectful. You call your grandma mum, mum. Okay. Oh, my God, dude. I think we should just move on from the whole topic. Let's move on. Slurs in general, I just don't fuck with, and that's just, mum. Okay. Oh my God, dude. I don't like. I think we should just move on from the whole topic. Let's move on. Slurs in general, I just don't fuck with. And that's just too much.

Yeah, absolutely. We didn't want you to bring this racist ass element into the podcast, but too bad. You've already done it. Okay? Word. Yeah. Wow. I feel like y'all fucking with me.

What do you call your granddad? Dum dum? Yeah. Is that what you call it? I know. I shouldn't have said it. Oh my God. We're all thinking.

You don't have to say it. What do you call your granddad? What the it. What do you call your granddad? What the fuck? What do you call your granddad? Pop-pop. Pop-pop. Yeah, that's a little crazy. I mean, that's not anything in Vietnamese, but it is a little crazy.

It's the sound of the guns, probably. Yeah. Yeah. In the jungle. I didn't want to say it, dude. I didn't want to say it. He passed away. He did?

Yeah. Oh, I'm so sorry. From how long ago? A couple years ago. Two? A couple. No, no, not two, but longer than that. Longer than that?

Okay. So more than two. Six years. That's way more than a couple. Like if you said to your boyfriend, like, yo, we're a couple, and then you told him, but I also have four other boyfriends. He probably be like, yo, chill, chill. That's not a couple.

That's not the couple that I want. You know what I mean? I can have a competition with you. I never met any of my grandparents. Now who feels bad for who? Now who feels worse? Now who made the podcast more sad? Yeah.

Andrew's mom? Actually, I met my granddad once but i was so young i don't remember it but apparently he liked my mom so much that he told my dad that he would have smashed it out if he was okay guys what that's white family right there i have some white ass shit right there he's like that's respectful yo low-key i think it's kind of like a yo you did a good job but your grandpa told his son. He said, if I was 20 years younger, you wouldn't have a chance with this woman. Like told his son that.

My dad. No, that's charming. That's like saying to the girl, you're pretty, but in like a not over the line creepy way. What? Yeah, it's not over the line creepy. You wouldn't have had a chance doesn't mean I'll smash her out. Yes, it does. Yeah, it does.

That's exactly what that means. I'm taking it to the farthest place. does. Yeah, it does. Wait, what did he exactly say? He said, if I was 20 years younger, you wouldn't have a chance with that woman. In other words, he was going to be the one dicking down my mind, man. Yeah, that's kind of sounding like that, actually. How would you feel if some guy was like, oh man, if your girl was here, you wouldn't have a chance.

What would you think that guy means? I don't really know how the fuck I'm holding on, to be honest. Stop that shit. We're not simping, bro. We're not simping, bro. You know I left her luggage in Newark Airport? I was so happy when I heard that. Alright, guys. We're going to take a break for a second because I'm tired of you guys drinking and

feeling like shit the next day. You don't have to do this. This is a choice. This is a choice nowadays. We have a miracle vitamin that's going to clear all that up for you, DHM. DHM detox, this is the thing you do. You take it out with you. You pop a couple of these pills when you're having your first couple drinks. You pop a couple at the end of the night as well, and you wake up the next day feeling way better. I could go into the science a little bit. I'm no scientist, okay? To be honest, you already know. I'm reading the

copy there telling me. I just know from experience. It's what I do when I go out and I drink and I feel so much better the next day. Simple as that. What it actually does is it breaks down these toxins that are built up when you drink. Who gives a fuck? All I know is it works. DHM Detox. You go to NoDaysWasted.co. Use that promo code flagrant. It's NoDaysWasted.co slash flagrant, but use that promo code flagrant. You're going to get it for 20% off. Simple as that. Do you want to drink?

Do you want to not feel like shit? Yes? Then go. Let's get back to the show. Perfect place to drink is at my comedy shows. I am going to be at Acme Comedy Club in Minneapolis, Minnesota this Wednesday, the day after this podcast drops, through the week, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. I'm also going to be at Atlantic City Comedy Club. Shouts to Emilio, owner of New York

Comedy Club, we talked about last week. I'm going to be there Thursday, November 12th. Both of these dates can be found on my website, akashsingh.com, A-K-A-S-h-s-i-n-g-h.com now let's get back to the show you know i left her luggage in newark airport i was so happy when i heard i cannot tell you how happy i was okay you i saw on the instagram story there's a picture of just you yeah and you're doing like a, how would we describe the smile? Like a smirk, maybe? Like a Jim to the camera from the office? Yeah, it was maybe a little something like that, but I knew there was something behind it that was not to be smiled about.

No, it was dark. So I read the caption, and then in the caption it said, I left my fiance's luggage at the airport. We're going to O'Hare. I'm at EWR. She had the dog. I had her EWR. She had the dog. I had her carry-on. Somewhere along the lines, I just dropped that shit.

Maybe it was when I went to buy a kombucha. Anyway, we got to Chicago. She's like, where's the bag? I'm like, that's a good question. What are we going to do? So what's the punishment now? Ain't no punishment. Nah, what's the punishment?

Does she get mad? He's behind the phantom. He's got to get her back. He's got to go full Cardi B on this shit. That accord is actually not. How did to get her back. He's got to go full Cardi B on this shit. That accord is actually nice. Now, how did you get her back on your good side? Hey, whatever clothes you need, we got that. Just go get them.

Couple days clothes. Shopping spree. Oh, she lost her own bag, son. She did that shit herself probably, bro. You got set up. You got set up. I'm going to be honest. That shit was on me.

No, dog. No. She kicked that shit away. She knew you were going to forget because you were too busy staring at her because you think

she's so beautiful you never want to take your eyes off her that's a good ass point you know what I mean who cares about that stupid ass luggage it's not as beautiful

as she is you're just staring at your girlfriend that you love so much meanwhile she was taking her bag launching it out the fucking window

so she can go to goddamn Prada that's it and think about that a brown person leaving their bag in the fucking airport you know how terrifying that probably was for everybody else yeah the thought has crossed

my mind if you see unattended luggage they say that shit every 50 seconds if you see unattended luggage this guy's just leaving his luggage at kombucha yeah that almost sounds like how you say explosion you just love her luggage you got your luggage listen this is a this is a big problem yo i'm not going to Newark no more. Where's TSA? You just got bearded browns leaving their luggage all over the goddamn airport getting weird tea beverages? Yep. That's a problem.

I would really cuss you the fuck out. What do you mean? We're talking about the safety of American lives here. They're just leaving luggage all over. This is terrifying, bro. Who found that luggage? Oh, my God. We did just leaving luggage all over. This is terrifying, bro. Who found that luggage? Oh, my God. We did have to pick it up. Well, my brother-in-law picked it up. I had my black

brother-in-law go because I was like, this is going to be bad for you. Yeah, if it was a brown one. They go full Hurt Locker on that shit. Jump on top of the case, bro. That shit was straight in TSA, though. Checked in, probably sniffed around. 100%, I hope they did. We're in safe hands. We're in safe hands. Where did you leave it at?

I don't know. I don't know. Everybody keeps asking me. Everybody keeps asking the craziest questions I've ever heard. Did you retrace your steps? Everybody keeps asking me. I don't know what Ross meant. Here's the thing.

Why didn't you check before you got on the plane? Why didn't you look at your hand and then walk with the bag though that's so I don't understand I will say this though whenever

yo whenever I've forgotten a bag I think we did it when we were in LA once or some shit yeah stupid you know what's funny let me tell you this

whenever you forget a bag yeah did you go think back to like when you were walking around without your bag and how happy you were and then how happy and easy it is. Like you just stroll with your kombucha, taking your sips like Donald Trump at a security

clearance meeting. I mean, it's just beautiful. I didn't want a kombucha. We got the best moochas. You got extra hands for shit that you don't even realize. You look at your phone. You can just do everything so easily. I was thinking.

I was like, yo, this shit mad light. Yeah. And I think I thought she put the fucking suitcase in the overhead. Ain't no way she put the suitcase in the overhead. That's hilarious. I was like, yo, my girl did light. Yeah. And I think I thought she put the fucking suitcase in the overhead. Ain't no way she put in the suitcase in the overhead. That's hilarious. I was like,

yo, my girl did that shit for me, huh? Uh-huh. Good for her. She's struggling carrying stuff. You're like, you need help?

I got to explain. When did she realize? When did she realize? She didn't realize until we got off the plane. Uh-huh. We're walking. She's like,

oh shit, my bag. And then we go back to get it and then they asked the pilot to go to our seat and then I'm in my mind like, oh my God. Yeah, at what point? That's when I was like, did I not bring the motherfucking bag? And then what do a pilot to go to our seat. And then I'm in my mind like, oh my God. Yeah, at what point?

That's when I was like, did I not bring the motherfucking bag? And then what do you start doing? And what do you start doing? I buy time. I hope I'm wrong. Hey, who knows? Maybe they checked it in. When they're like, we didn't see a plane on there.

I'm like, hey, maybe it's at checkout. Now, here's the question. You know 100% it's not going to be at checkout. I'm praying that somebody is like, because I thought maybe I left it by the gate and they're like, there's probably somebody's bag. Throw that shit in there. But really,

that's the hope. That's how desperate you are. That's how desperate you are. That someone's going to find your bag, bring it to your gate with them. I have never had a longer walk in my life than from that gate to the fucking baggage plant. What type of energy are you getting from her?

What type of energy are you getting from her? There's no energy. She's so far ahead of me. She's so upset with me there's no energy but she knew it wasn't going to be there either a little bit

she knew it wasn't going to be there and then when it wasn't there what was the first conversation that happened oh bro what'd she say after the tears oh she started crying

yeah yeah yeah is she still holding all her stuff that she was supposed to carry that she didn't forget nah I had that I got this for you babe don't worry about it

that's how you know you didn't have it because you're like I don't need any hands. There's no bag there. There's nothing there for me to carry. Okay, so what is that? She starts crying.

That's fucked up. She's super sad. Yeah, super sad. That's not as funny. It'd be really funny if she just ripped you one. Yeah, it was like sentimental shit. And then she ripped me a new one. Okay, well.

And I overheard her talking to her sister. Wait, sorry. Overheard her talking to her sister in tears. And she's just like, why would you not bring a fucking bag that you came with like your sister tried to tell her like it's gonna be okay don't get too mad at him i think her sister's like hey don't be too hard on him she's like how do you not be hard on somebody who leaves a fucking bag how do you not know you got the bag and she's yelling i'm in the

seat next to her and i'm just like better her than me now Now, did you guys smash it out? Did you, when you were in Chicago, did you go for it? That night? No. That night? Yeah. No. I'm going to be honest.

I don't think we've ever slept further apart than we did that night. Did you sleep good, though? Nah, bro. A little bit good? Because I know what's coming in the morning. Yeah. I was like, oh, fuck, here we go. I literally, I never pray.

I'm a religious guy, but I'm like, hey, God gonna take care of what God takes care of. When I tell you I prayed that night, I said, God, please find this motherfucking bag. To every God, bro. Otherwise, I'm gonna have to hear this for the rest of my life. Every God possible. So I threw some shit up to Allah just in case. Hey, send me to hell, but don't put me here now. I mean, I don't need to be here now.

Wait till I die okay when they find the bag she's cool everything's great she's like i just thought i lost it and there was some shit that she cared about in the bag she knows i'll be losing shit yeah but she thought it got stolen and then she's like this is the fucking worst yeah that was hell then once you found the bag great vacation all right i'll buy you some new shit. Well, let's go. Nordstrom. Rack. Nordstrom. Rack. Yeah, rack it up. Rack it up, girl. Let's go to the discount section of the Nordstrom Rack and kill it. Bro, I did not notice a difference between Nordstrom Rack.

I know every motherfucking discount retailer. This is an aside. Do you remember when you told me to go get pants from Nordstrom one time? This is back in the day. When I very first came through, you were like, yeah, I need you to go pick up pants from Nordstrom. I went to Nordstrom Rack. And it was like goddamn Black Friday. It was like a hurricane

just went through. There's fucking shoes on the fan flying around. I need shoes or whatever. I need pants or whatever. Then they're like, no, you got to go up the block. I walked into Nordstrom. This place is like heaven. It's a little bougie. It was beautiful. Especially after you go to rack.

Rack is a little different. You feel like I rack, bro. It's like, what happened here? Hey, bro. You get you a personal shopper at Nordstrom, that's all right. Yeah. You got motherfuckers that just help you shop. And then they hooked it up, and then you were good?

Yeah, then we were good. Once the bag wasn't lost, we were good. But I'm telling you, before that, I was searching on Google. This is how I knew I fucked up. I'm searching on Google. I is how I knew I fucked up. I'm searching on Google. I left my luggage at the gate. Google didn't even have anybody who related to me. There was no Google result.

You just gave me the suicide prevention hotline. It was like, call this number if you're having tough thoughts. That's when I was like, I really did some shit. Now, I lose everything, but it's normally my shit, and I don't panic because I lose so much shit. I'm used to it. She don't lose nothing. That's why we're together.

She normally keeps an eye on it. And she was just like, you went back to buy some shit. Who the fuck would think you would forget the goddamn suitcase on your way back? And I was like, well, what are you going to do? Are you married to me now? Wait, did she go back to get it? No. No, they had someone else come pick it up.

Shout out to Drew. Weren't you across the street from the Chicago man that was hanging? There's a Chicago man that was in custody after dangling off Trump Tower, demanding to speak with the post. Donald Trump. So I'm at the hotel. Did you ask him if he had your back? No, I thought that was going to be me if I didn't find that. This guy's got a great idea.

My girl was throwing me out there by my neck. That's what I thought was going to be me if I didn't find that fucking tag. Yo, this guy's got a great idea. Brilliant. My girl was throwing me out there by my neck. That's what I thought was going to happen. Dangling. But nobody cared was the crazy thing. I'm in Chicago, right across the street. Shouts to Kirk, the hotel employee's an asshole. So he was like a fan.

He was like, yo, this wild across the street. Go check this out. People are just walking by. Nobody gives a fuck. I see 60 cop cars. Everywhere else in the world, you see 60 cop cars. People are like, yo, what's going on? I think so much shit happens at Trump Tower.

People are like, yeah, it's another motherfucker trying to kill himself. So much shit happens in Chicago, man. It's fucking 40 deaths a weekend or whatever in Chicago. Yeah, it looks like Nordstrom Rack in there, dude. Really? South side? Hey, this Trump Tower, though. I don't know.

I don't even know. Nothing surprises me anymore the guy just sat there for hours nobody cared oh he was on like a harness yeah oh get out of here

with that shit I don't want to see any of that that's why nobody cared it's like this mad uneventful I went out there thinking it's some big shit took a little video 15 seconds in

I was like ah nobody gives a fuck yeah you're not gonna fall you're not gonna talk to nobody do you want to see them fall though it's a little uncomfortable I wouldn't mind seeing that guy fall

yeah oh my god you didn't hear anybody go like jump jump like nobody was that's not new york man new york would be like man stop wasting my fucking time do it pussy we really want to do it though new york ain't playing in chicago just like that's a guy trump let's go i did see mad black people the night before partying at trump towers and i was, yo, y'all wilding right now. Partying in what way? Just like, you know, coming out of Trump Tower like it's a club.

You know, you see people hanging out outside. Yeah. Trump Towers, fancy. Mad black people. And I was like, huh. Hmm. What do you think? That's Ice Cube and his people?

Oh, must have been, yo. Must have been. They platinum planning. What you got for us? What you got for us, Al? So this married father of three, he wears skirts and heels to work because he feels that clothes shouldn't have a gender. Here we go.

Copy, honest with you. So this is like different because it doesn't fall under cross dresser. No, he's a transvestite, it's called. He's a cross dresser. Oh, it is? He said he doesn't think that they should have. Oh, no. So he's like removing gender

from clothes. Yo, I want to talk shit about this, but at Burning Man, I dress way crazier than that, so it's like I really can say absolutely nothing. Yeah, but that's Burning Man, yo. You're burning your manhood. That's nothing. That's really what I do. I just purge all that shit. Set that shit on fire. Get the gay out. I get all the gay out of my system for one week a year.

Oh, it's like the purge. It's like the purge, but with dicks in his mouth. I've never kissed no dicks, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the purge. With dicks in his mouth. I've never kissed no dicks, bro. There's no gay shit out there. You did get your feet rubbed by a man the first date. You got your feet rubbed by a man. And he asked to sit on your feet.

He was wearing tights. At least the foot rub feels good. Them tights are probably uncomfortable. Walking around with a boa and shit. Tights feel great, bro. We do the foot rub feels good. Them tights are probably uncomfortable. Yeah. Walking around with a boa and shit. Got the boa in the heat. Tights feel great, bro. Yeah, nah, we do dress like ladies, bro. But it's fire. But it is fire.

Okay, what else we got, man? So this was a story a couple weeks ago. What's his face? Mel Gibson is making Passion of the Christ 2. How? The littest part. Yeah, but how how he comes back so it's gonna be just a fictional story

walking on the water wait that was before maybe it's a prequel maybe it's a prequel but it can't be two if it's a prequel well he's doing it like Star Wars maybe it's like all out of order and shit yeah maybe it's Passion of the Christ 1, but it's getting released

second. It's a prequel. Hold on one second. The Passion of the Christ Resurrection. No, he comes back. What did he do after coming back? He just came back, he set it up, and then he dipped. He went to hell for a minute and had to

atone for some sins and he came back up and kicked it with the boys for a little. Why'd he have to atone for sins that's jesus yeah that's the whole point bro he did everybody god so love the world he was like yeah go do that shit for them oh he you know he fixed them i didn't know he went to hell yeah and then he came back up and he had to go kick it with thomas doubting thomas who was like yo you didn't really you're not really jesus and he had to put his hands through the holes what do you mean oh because he didn't believe it yeah i was doubting thomas's like, you're not really Jesus. That sounds kind of fire, to be honest. He came back,

he did all that shit, probably saved some people, and then he went up to heaven. Nah, that sounds kind of fire, to be honest. So it could be a cool scene. Yeah, this is way better than the first part, where he just got his ass busted for mad long, and just straight disrespected like he wasn't a son of God. Yeah. Yo, why would

they even make the first one? Son, but his dad sent him to hell. Yo, dads be rough. You know what I mean? Roy Jones Jr.'s dad

was tough on him. Roy Jones was damn near Jesus in the ring, bro. That's proof that Jesus was black. Keep going. Because white dads, y'all don't punish each other.

That's true. That's true, yo. Hold on. That's true. White dads punish. No, they don't. Time out. Yo, yeah. It depends, yo. That seems so crazy. It's true, yo. Hold on. That's true. White dads punish. No, they don't. Time out. Yeah, it depends, bro.

That seems so crazy. It depends. It depends. There's some tough ass white dads. I would say there definitely are. Yeah, but you're talking about like hipster, like hippie soft, like New York liberal dads. But then like down south football coach dads, you think that they're easy on their kids? Yeah, exactly.

I don't know what to say. Come on, bro. I don't know. Them country whites. How was your dad? My dad was soft as fuck. He was mad. He's a New York liberal, bro.

He's soft. Super soft on us. I think I was scared once on my dad. Really? One time. That was the only time. What happened?

What'd you do? I don't remember, really. He was just walking to my room loud. That's the scariest shit I knew I did. Something fucked up. And he knew I did something fucked up and he was

feet five foot fuming on the way, dog. And he was not gonna be good. When he got there, what'd he do? I don't know. I think I called,

I never called him on his bluff, but I never, what was he gonna do? He was gonna beat me up? And this was back in the day when you could call the police on your parents.

There was like a hotline. Really? What? Yeah, there was a hotline for like a minute. That's crazy, son. For a minute, there was like a rumor going around that like

kids had done it like everybody had a friend who had a friend that was like working for the CDC but back in the day it was like calling up your parents beat you up hotline and I knew the number and I was ready I had that shit down like it was a contra code up down up down

left right A B A B A B select start it was going I was. Up, down, up, down, left, right, A, B, A, B, A, B, select, start. It was going. I was putting them all in jail. I was putting them all in jail. I was like, yo, my dad beats my ass. You're going to fucking prison. And he didn't even get punished and you had the number on cue.

That's why. Why? He came to me and I was like, what? Do some shit. Dude, I'll use the fucking nighttime minutes. Do some shit. You won't? You the fucking nighttime minutes. Do some shit. You won't? You won't?

You won't. But then you realize you really got no leverage, and he didn't beat my ass. Never. I never really got my ass beat, bro. Maybe because you checked him, because you knew the fucking contra codes. I think I might have, bro. Your mom didn't? My mom might have tried to beat my ass. She was a little more rough on me.

She beat my ass emotionally. She beat my ass emotionally by just not loving me for the first 20 years of my life. Mind tricks. Mind tricks. That's effective. Yeah. That's effective. Wait, wait.

My mom's just like a cold ass Scottish woman. What does that mean? She's loving and shit, but she's also cold as fuck. But how does she trick you? Like, I need to know the... No, no, you don't need to learn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you're going to make a comedian.

No, my mom was very sweet sweet but we also drove her crazy like any kid though? yeah I was a little wild ass boy we're not talking about kids we're talking about Andrew he was snitching on his parents at 6 years old I was snitching on my parents but my mom was also sweet as fuck like she would like hide out on babysitters

to make sure they were babysitting. Why did I feel like you act like Chris? I never told y'all this. Wait. She was. I never told you this? She was spying on babysitters. Oh, I think you've met.

One story. Yeah, I think I've seen it. That was dope. But my mom, she would hire a babysitter. And this is when I was mad young. And then she would hide out in the bushes in the park. And just wait and see if the babysitter was doing fuck shit with me. I mean, that's because they didn't have videos or cameras back then.

Exactly. And then she found a babysitter who was doing fuck shit with me. The babysitter would just lead me in a swing. For an hour, yo. What was she doing? Didn't push me nothing. And you know what's fucked up about this? It wasn't even cell phones back then. She was just sitting there doing nothing, too. I was like,

yo, you could have had something fun to do. Push me, bitch. You know, how's the fuck? Not playing Angry Birds or nothing? Right? Literally, I get it if you're on the phone, if you're like this and not paying attention, fine. But you was sitting there bored as fuck as me. I did not see you.

We go bored looking at each other like, yo, you want to play or not? You want to play? I'm not a pump yet. I need a pump. I'm not a pump this way. Oh, I need you. I did not see that flip. Your mom just let

you sit there the whole hour. That's also fucked up. My mom told me the story. She's like, she goes, and I watched her for an hour. You were just sitting there. You were almost crying the whole time. And I was like, that's fucked up. But why the fuck did you not

step in, yo? it's just your mom you and some random chick stared at each other all three of us bored out of our goddamn minds wasted a whole hour of our lives never gonna get back

your mom didn't have a phone either she wasn't playing doodle jump I know tap her on the shoulder after half what you thought someone was gonna change you thought 45 minutes

kicking and she started pushing me that's hilarious it's unbelievable bro it's unbelievable my dad was probably hiding out somewhere else. Just spying on your mom.

Be like, I wonder if she got a good babysitter for our boy. Your grandpa's watching your dad. A whole line of distrust. Not my grandpa watching my mom. Like, damn, look at her behind her bush. I'd like to get behind her bush. That's for sure. Yeah, your dad's probably watching your grandpa.

Like, let me keep an eye on this fucking creep. Make sure you're not trying anything on my wife wow that was a real stand up bro you're in a Scottish stand up bro it was Scottish stand up so yeah love your kids

that's a Scottish stand up just a bunch of people standing around not loving each other that's a Scottish stand up you go first no you do it you do it

oh my gosh oh yeah my loving scotch family we love it's just different we broke that it's like black families I feel like black families have so much love in the culture it's a warm culture at the same time

we give them people's nerves and everything else like you can work this shit yeah my dad's side is super loving. And I'm glad that that's kind of like what we pass down. There are tons of things I got from my mom's side. Like, just like wittiness and busting balls. That's all from my mom. Yeah, Scots are nice at that.

They are. Yo, the women are crazier than the dudes. I mean it 100%. The men in the family were like tough, like union family were tough, union, working class dudes. They're not keeping up with these girls, bro. And now you just knew. Aunt Annie, nobody could keep up. Aunt Edith, nobody could keep up.

Aunt Annie was this big brooding R.I.P., but she kind of looked like Groot a little bit. Oh my God. R.I.P., you know what I'm saying? But she would walk in a room and then just slice everybody up bro she would come every summer and just slice every you walk in a room she finds something and it was like that's where i learned it i really do i was like i had to survive i was survival mode bro yeah yeah interesting because we have that in black people that's why black people that's why black dozens

do the dozens right it's like you need to have somebody that you bust balls with if you're gonna learn it you tell people never like had that type of relationship they just don't know how to do it yeah you know what i mean i'm trying to think like certain people that like don't like they get upset when you make fun of them yeah they kind of shell up or get defensive or something yeah well they can't just laugh at themselves yeah like i'm trying to find who i don't know woke white women yeah and and also like it can come from like a babying sometimes a lot of times it happens with with women is there's like an overprotection i understand that too like you have this daughter that you love so much right you don't want anything bad to happen to her ever right she's your little baby or whatever

it is but in a way you kind of protect her and then stop her from developing these skills which is the ability to protect herself. You're not always going to be there protecting your daughter. You know, and some of the things. She got to get her feelings hurt a little bit. Unfortunately. But you hate seeing her get her feelings hurt. Her crying, they'll probably fucking crush you.

Yeah. But it's important for her to do that. And almost better, she gets her feelings hurt at home from the people she loves the most. Yeah. Because nobody's going to be able to fuck with her the way that you can. I feel like that's a spoiled brat, though. It is. Because I had older siblings they you have older brothers i have older brothers sister i think the most

important thing at least for me like dating but like the most important thing that a girl can have is an older brother yeah because it's because she has one dude and his friends she has men that she has to if she wants to hang out with them, win over without using sex. It's very easy when you're an attractive girl, right, to, like, win over and, like, get guys to pay attention. You know what I mean? Like, if you want a guy to pay attention to you, you can say the dumbest story in the world and they're just going to sit there and they go, oh, that's fascinating. But your brother's friends, it's not like that. Be funny or we're making fun of you.

Yeah, pretty much. Right? So then you learn, oh, shit, I got to be funny. we're making funny yeah pretty much right so then you learn oh shit i gotta be funny i gotta be more economical with these stories this but i have like cousin like boy cousins all the others that's like our guys like our guys you you always tell me all of your cousins are like extended it's brothers sisters yeah we didn't even know what cousins were growing up it's just brothers sisters yeah and it'd be like third cousins i'm like that's my brother. And then Americans would be like, what the fuck are you talking about? How are you guys related? And I'd be like, I'll be honest,

I don't know. But I know that's my brother. That's what... But then you got this big ass family and everybody just shits on each other and that's how you get tough, I think. So it's completely reasonable. It's completely okay. It's like... I think white people are very specific. And this is not even trying to be racist. You're just very specific about how you're related to each other no no I mean like

in terms of how you rip on each other oh you go because it's so funny because when I hear about like the stand up scene which is blowing up in India yeah but whenever I hear about it from like India comics they say that there's like a political correctness there's a political correctness but you can shit on each other as individuals mercilessly

which is weird it's like identity shit like don't shit on my political culture or i guess my religion probably because there's so much conflict built into the history religious religion wise yeah but you don't make fun of a fat person or whatever i don't really see like triggered shit like that maybe like the um uber liberals in like mumbai which is like their new york you know i mean they'll but like the average person you're making fun of how they look damn good fuck okay give a fuck. Okay, good. Yeah, because that was the thing that was always confusing me.

You always say how like ruthless your uncle was to you and shit. Vicious, dog. But, and then when I hear that these people out there saying like, yeah, the comedy is really PC, what do you mean? I thought culturally you guys just go at it.

Culturally we go at it, but weirdly, and I think again, it's just a lot of conflict built into the region, like religion wise. So there's high stakes with everything that's said because you're like on the verge of war.

If you're talking about politics, yeah. And that's where we get sensitive. But if you want to make fun of a fat person, I've never seen that become a thing. You know what I mean?

Al, what you got up here? I know. Akash added this story. What's good? So some Indian teenager possibly creates the treatment for COVID-19. You probably know more about this.

Man, come on, bro. She's from the same suburb where I graduated high school. She's obviously doing much better than I did. But she came up with something that could be a treatment for COVID. Not like a vaccine,

but it like bonds to the COVID-2 whatever, like protein. And then it essentially like deactivates it, I think. And then it stops the negative symptoms of COVID. Bullshit. Yo, potentially.

$25,000 she won as a part of some scholarship. That's all she got is $25,000 To save the whole world I'm saying Yo she needs to get paid You know who paid her

An Indian If that isn't the most Indian payment For saving the world bro Best I can do Is probably $25,000 What Lucky I don't just

Lucky I don't just Take that shit Yo be honest Who gave her that money bro Oh an Indian It had to be an Indian 100% Yeah you haggled with her Or some shit Lucky I don't just take that shit. Be honest. Who gave her that money, bro? Oh, an Indian. It had to be an Indian. 100%. Yeah, you haggled with her or some shit?

Oh, we haggled for sure. She probably didn't feel like she earned it if she didn't get haggled with. She probably didn't even want it like this, man. You're just like, give me the money? Come on now. You know, you got to start at 20 and I worked my way up to 25 and now I feel like I really did something. But how crazy that if she actually fixed this shit, not cured, but fixed.

Yeah. Would you call that a fix? Yeah. Scroll down the article. It says exactly what it does. It was too smart for me to read. We don't need to read, bro. I think you did a good enough job.

It's all good. None of us are scientists out here. We don't trust what you say. But if she actually fixed that shit, she deserved more than 25 grand, bro. I was hoping they would take care of her somehow on a back end. Like you can't just give that shit to her., you can't just give that shit to her. Like, you can't just give that shit to her. Like what?

Is she legal? No, no, no, no, no. She's not legal? No, she's in high school, bro. What does that mean? You mean a citizen? I'm talking about a citizen. You're not here talking about fucking, bro.

Can you just dry hump something else for a second? Bend that chair over, you weirdo. I thought you were trying to disrespect my women. That's why I said no, man. I'm not trying to disrespect them, bro. You're the one sexualizing them. That's a scientist to me. That's why I said no, no, no, no, no disrespect them, bro. You're the one sexualizing them. That's a scientist to me. That's why I said no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, we trying to make her legal, dog. Again, it still sounds weird. You hear what I'm saying? None of our brains went there, Akash. Yeah, you just went there. I'm protective of my women, yo. Trying to make her legal. Hey, she from Frisco, Texas.

Let me tell you something. She got all the citizenship. She rich. Oh, that's a fancy neighbor? You know me tell you something. She got all the citizenship. She rich. Oh, that's a fancy neighbor? She probably didn't even know $25,000. She probably like, we good. I'm good. Wait, she's 14 years old.

She figured this out? Ain't she supposed to be spelling shit still? She moved on. What the fuck is Fauci doing? Having a 14-year-old dunk on him like this? Yeah, where's Fauci at? I couldn't cope with any shit at all. This goddamn fucking spelling bee winner,

Akilah and the Bee, figured it out. In two weeks? What's going on, Fauci. This goddamn fucking spelling bee winner, Akilah and the Bee, figured it out. Fucking two weeks. What's going on, Fauci? In between fucking cheerleading practice, you figured this shit out? Stop doing vanity fair. I guarantee you, you ain't no cheerleading practice.

This is probably part of her academic decathlon homework. Hey, figure out a cure real quick. All right. Annika. Her name is Annika. You've got to say the first part of that name because if you don't, that shit does not sound good, right?

Annika. Not Annika. Yeah. Anna. Take away the first A and then pronounce it. What does it mean? Oh, my God. It's all good, Al.

It's all good. Al, I'm just not saying it. That's how much respect I have. What the fuck? All right, guys. We're going to take a break for a second and fix your brains. Your brains aren't optimized. If you've noticed, everything we do in this show is about optimization.

We want you guys as optimized as possible. And a few of you guys were listening to, I think it was the last episode, maybe a couple episodes ago. Last episode. But we rooted, okay? Your boys got rooted and booted. We took that neuro root and we were on fire. I mean, killing it.

Fire from all cylinders. Is that the killing it. Fire from all cylinders. Is that the term? Firing on all cylinders. Listen, if I took the Nero root, I would know what that term is. I would know what that term is. I didn't take it today. Okay?

I regret it because I don't know what that term is. The point is, Nero root is absolutely amazing. All right? It's got B6. It's got caffeine. That's going to be the thing that's spicy. You're not going to get the down, that like, what is it called?

That little downer that comes after coffee. Crash. Yeah, crash. You're not going to get the crash. That caffeine crash. Even though it does have caffeine in the B6. I'm telling you, it's just a much better version of coffee. Let's be honest what it is.

And it's also pills. So it's not going to stain up your teeth. Look at these yellows. I need to get them cleaned up already. NeurRoot. Not playing around. You go to NeurRoot.com. Use the promo code VLAGRANT.

You're going to get 20% off. Try it. Guarantee. Studying. Going to be way better. You're going to get 20% off. Try it. Guarantee. Studying is going to be way better. You've got class in Zoom. You can't pay attention. NeuroRoot that thing up, and you're good to go. N-E-U-R-O-R-O-O-T.com.

Did I spell it right? Yes, you did. Struggle without that NeuroRoot, though. I know, dude. I really did. Anyway, let's get back to the show. Oh, and while we're getting back to the show, I want to announce something. Apparently, we didn't take enough NeuroR route this week because we didn't we didn't have enough time to go through all the um submissions submissions we didn't have enough

time man we saw some amazing ones that came in so far uh sneeko had a fire son you know films had a fire one um we've seen a couple more pop in we haven't looked them over this week but by next week we'll be ready to go we'll know who that winner is and you guys are making it very difficult because you've been sending straight heat over here we're so grateful and we're so excited to get to work with it maybe we'll get to it by the Patreon maybe that's a great point

maybe we'll have it by Friday maybe patreon.com slash flagrant2 that's where you can see it thank y'all and now let's get back to the show everybody's upset at aisha curry because she became white yo aisha curry really became white she's got blonde hair nah bro she got some work done or something she looked good something looks that also looks like a filter though yo the filter shit is crazy yeah wait is that filter it's gotta be bro i mean she's looking

like a piece of word bro the filter shit is crazy i was literally just the head i was looking at a filter this week of like this little instagram model i was like yo she's so fine and i clicked on the filter i put that shit on my girl and she looked like the model oh no and like literally the same exact thing and i was like oh no way better can we just get that for our glasses that's a good point if you get google glasses and then you put the filter on your glasses yeah you living then you're going to start fucking a bunch of ugly bitches. But it's the same as shallow how.

If you think they're beautiful, that's all that matters. Nah. Come on. How are you going to be a black man and say that, bro? Perception is reality. You got to strut a little bit.

Yo, black dudes will take down these big ass white women, right? Taylor? You've never seen black dudes take down these big old heffa. Or as Trump would say, heff. It's like a lot of corona comes everywhere when you guys say that. Yeah, there's corona going everywhere when we do that.

But the point is, you take down these big-ass whites, them white buffaloes, you be taking them down, bro. Not you, but, you know. A whiter buffalo. Now, they might think they're beautiful, they're shallow howling with it see what i'm saying that is i think that's best case scenario imagine you found a girl beautiful you don't care if anybody else find it you think she's the most beautiful girl in the world that's ideal scenario and then also this chick that might not have ever got any love in the past she goes oh my god oh she don't appreciate it so much she don't appreciate it so much yeah it's going to appreciate it so much.

Yeah, it's like the new turn the lights on. She's like, no, put the glasses back on. Put the glasses on right now. That's it. Yeah, but then you procreate with them and then you have a pre-surgery Kylie. Do it for your kids too, bro. Yeah, and you look at your kid.

Create the world you want to live in. Yeah, perception reality. So just wear the glasses like your kid. Yes, have hot ass kids. And then you go be like Akash and start looking at him a little off. Akash would be looking at him a little off. Akash would be looking at him a little off. A little off.

You have to get rid of that story real quick. Say what? Throw a five-year filter on that bitch. You just add five years. Oh, you add? Well, that's a good point for...

No, hold on. That way she's 25. 25, exactly. But that's a good point. We saved it. We saved it. There you go. But that's a good point.

I almost said 23 but I couldn't do the math. It's all good, bro. You went higher. You went safe. Because with the way this guy is trying to. No, but in all seriousness, as we get older, we can maintain our age in our eyes as well. Our girls can look at us as the young, youthful men that we are.

And we can look at our girls as the young, youthful men that we are, and we can look at our girls as the young, youthful women that they are. When? How long do you think it will be before filters are in contact lenses? Maybe that's just built into Neuralink. Beautiful. You choose your filter. You choose the world as you

want to see it. I love this. Why don't we have a beautiful, sunny day even when it's not? Yeah. There you go. Oh, that'll be kind of lit. Why don't you have a window in your apartment even though you don't? Oh, shit. I got Florida ceilings now. That's it. I could cure seasonal depression. I just fixed the world.

Bro, you should get $25,000, bro. I just fixed the world, bro. You're like a Texas 14-year-old, bro. I really am like a Texas 14-year-old. $20,000 for this guy. You gotta haggle your way up to $25,000. I just saved you. to $25,000. That's disrespectful. You got to haggle your way up. I just saved you. I saved you, dog.

I saved your whole life. And you could put a filter in where you find all other women ugly. So now you're guaranteed faithful. Yeah, you put a filter in your girl has her bag that you lost. You know what I mean? Like it's perfect. That's it. You're like, nah, babe, in my reality, you have all your stuff.

We got to do this. This is brilliant. That might be the move now. Now that you bring it that way. Thank you. That's what I'm like, nah, babe, in my reality, you have all your stuff. We got to do this. This is brilliant. That might be the move now. Now that you bring it that way. Thank you. That's what I'm saying. Thank you, Taylor. You're welcome, everybody.

So Aisha Curry made herself white. You want water? Yes. Damn, girl. All right, we'll stop the whole podcast. You know what I mean? It is what it is. I got to leave a little for me.

So Aisha looks a little bit white. Do you think if she made herself look a little bit more black, then it would be more acceptable? But because she looks so Caucasian, it was bigger. No, then it would be appropriation. But she's black. She's not fully black. Yeah, I don't think she's fully black. I think so. Half and full.

Point is, I think everybody... African American and Polish. African American and Polish. Oh, that's where those cheeks come from. Maybe having like the wide cheekbones. Oh, where do they are? I don't know. This American and Polish. Oh, that's where those cheeks come from. Maybe having like the wide cheekbones. I don't know if this is white women. I don't know if this is white women. I really do know it's white women. Taylor, how do you

feel about that? He knows different white women's facial structures. Do you know how many times you've had to watch cum leak off a face before you know exactly? That's what I'm talking about. Doodrag Al is crazy. come leak off a face before you know exactly what's going on. I got a pumpkin spice latte right here Pumpkin spice Al Yo it's pumpkin spice season

I love pumpkin spice Yeah Come on girl That might be White people's best contribution To the world Ever What about freedom bro

Yeah freedom was lit We invented freedom Uh huh Let's go I'm not trying to knock the other shit I'm trying to I'm trying to say Pumpkin is ill

But do you think freedom is ill? Pumpkin is so ill, pumpkin might be better. Better than freedom. You would rather know freedom. You rather know freedom. And all the pumpkin spice I want. And all the pumpkin spice you want. I might be into that.

Freedom is free. What is freedom to you if not unlimited pumpkin spice? That's an interesting point, bro. That's an interesting point. That shit is mad versatile. Yeah, I don't know what they talking about over there bro what y'all talking about this motherfucker is tapping his foot and it's just shaking the camera oh sorry Taylor

oh my bad I just hear it come from that area Taylor just trying to ruin everything Taylor why you trying to ruin it I just see the camera just like shaking the chair I like when I get people in trouble it's funny okay

so Al what else we got man what else oh no no you wanted to talk about Giuliani son didn't you I just thought it was

a fun time bring it down for us though yeah Rudy Giuliani is doing some press conference and if you've seen the sound clip it sounds like

an Asian reporter is trying to ask a question and then he just starts doing an Asian like accent at her and he's like oh thank you thank you thank you and i just thought this shit was so funny man but an asian reporter's

not asking him a question why is he doing asian accent so the full context is there's a girl that he's talking and he says something like um you're gonna be the hottest model in shanghai okay and then he starts going this is like off camera obviously but he goes they're gonna be like oh we want uh jacqueline wood jacqueline to be like, oh, we want Jacqueline Wood. Jacqueline Wood is the most beautiful mother. We want to hire Jacqueline Wood. That's so good.

Jacqueline Wood. Yeah, it's funny. It's great. Why is everybody so up in arms? I mean, how many people have made fun of his stupid accent with his lisp and shit like that?

Oh, yeah. No, stop. Like, if there's one person that has license to make fun of the way other people speak, it's someone who's constantly made fun of for the way

that he speaks. I'm going to be honest, I think he should be reelected as mayor. Bring him back. Ooh. Clean up the city again. Clean up the city again. It's about to get more dangerous.

We know who cleaned it up the first time. Oh, so nipping in the bud. Second of all, where did this virus come from? China. He could clean that up too. Bang. Oh, or at least communicate. Hey.

At least figure out, get to the bottom of it. He could definitely get to the bottom of it. Interesting. Are you offended when you heard the accent? No. I'm not even offended if people do an Indian accent. It's just not funny if it's not good. But I don't knock y'all for laughing at it.

What if it's comically bad? Comically bad, maybe I would laugh. I usually just don't laugh, but I'm not like, guys, come on. I just don't laugh. And I'm like, I wish I thought this was funny. Y'all have your moments. That's probably how Asians feel, right? They're just like, I don't find it funny.

Yeah, but don't like, how can he? This is so offensive. I get it. It's always white people doing that shit. Yo, I never hear Asians, I don't want to say never, but I rarely hear Asians

complaining about Asian stereotype racism. Maybe you just don't understand their accent. You think about that? No, no. Like, what I mean like, I'll hear them complaining. the only way i understand a chinese

person is you go then i'm like i got you but if an asian is talking to me full like regular diction i'm like oh what's going on right now that's a surprising thing yo i can't understand this but it's funny it's like you hear asian jokes all the time i never hear asians complaining about asian jokes the only time i've ever heard asians complain is when they weren't getting into harvard like they should that's the only time i've ever heard Asians complain is when they weren't getting into Harvard like they should. That's the only time I've ever seen Asians protest anything. Yeah.

And then recently there's been like some like racist acts of violence against Asians because of coronavirus. Yeah. Which is fucked up.

Obviously you don't take it out on Chinese people here. You know what I mean? If you find out one is a spy. You know what I mean? Do what you got.

She's in the bushes watching America on the swing. You know? You know what i mean do what you got bushes watching america on the swing you know you know what i mean no in all seriousness uh no but like yeah

obviously that's fucked up don't do that clearly don't do that i shouldn't even have to tell you guys yes don't do that but the accent but the accent

i haven't heard asians be that upset about that well i know shane garris that guy there was a lot of asians that were upset about that were they i saw some asians i mean they're actors i thought it was like a white kid that started that whole thing it was a lot of Asians that were upset about that were they? I saw some

I mean they're actors it was like a white kid that started that whole thing it was a white kid that started it but Asians hopped on board maybe I saw like Asian actors hopping on board

you know how actors are like anything that gets me attention is worth it so maybe maybe they were just hopping on board to get some retweets but that was when I was like

oh we're doing this now we're all just offended by bad accents yeah I'm not I'm not saying the Asians aren't offended by it but like it seems like that's not the fight that they pick yeah like it's i want to get to the harvard that's the fight that they pick which is a way better fight to pick if you have to

pick a fight you know i mean like white people aren't picking the fight of like well you do our accent wrong yeah right like there's nothing like what what is the fight white people are picking in general yeah guns abortions abortions abortions. Abortions. Karen. Karen. You know what I mean? You gotta pick your stakes. You gotta pick the things that you get upset about.

Death gotta be involved somehow for white people to give a fuck. We need death. Yo, speaking of abortion, are you guys fans? What do you know? Are you guys fans

of Fleetwood Mac? Who is this person? Who? Stevie Nicks? Fleetwood Mac. Break it down. So Fleetwood Mac is a band, right? Yes. And Stevie Nicks? Fleetwood Mac break it down, so Fleetwood Mac is a band right? yes, and Stevie Nicks is the lead female singer

in the band, and she says had she not gotten an abortion there would be no Fleetwood Mac today, you don't know if that's true she says it, but that doesn't mean it's true, she says it, both these points are valid I understand what both of you are saying, he understands she said it,

but he's saying she doesn't actually know if that's the case. Hold on, hold on. I'm pissing off Al. I'm so appalled right now. Are you fucking... Hey, Al. You don't know if that's true. He just fake news you, bro.

He's right. He's right, though. You just got fake news. You don't know if it's true. Oh, you call Stevie? Oh, you call Stevie, bro? No, no, no. Al, you don't know if it's true, though.

That's true. In all seriousness, you don't know if that's true. He's actually right. And I'm right. And Akash knows why I'm right, but you don't know why I'm right. He's right. He's actually right. But soon you will find out why.

Why? Why are you right then? Because if she did have the kid, maybe she still would have had the band. Maybe the band would have been way better. I think it would have been a better band. No. I think it would have been much better. With all the drug use and the way that they were working, she would have stepped away

from the band. Yeah, that's why the band would have been better. Yeah. Yeah, but then you would have no bangers like you have today of Fleetwood Mac. What's a banger? I really don't know.

I'm trying to just go off it. The one with the Mexican guy drinking the cranberry juice. The only thing I know is the Mexican guy drinking the cranberry juice. Al just trying to make abortion more okay.

That's all this whole thing is. It's a big, circuitous route to losing. It's women's bodies, man. It's their bodies, y'all. It's their bodies It's their bodies So as long as we can tell them

What to do with it We gotta put Al On the Supreme Court bro Yo I'll be lit Al for Supreme Court justice Supreme Court justice With a do-rag son

Do-rag Al for Supreme Court Let's go Bro Ninth seat We gotta ask you some cases And then some Bring up like the best Supreme Court cases

And we'll We'll see how you would decide on them. Okay. First, Brown versus Board of Education. Brown versus Board of Education. What is that about? Going brown all day. Let's go.

Next. Hold on. Are you sure you want to go with Brown on this one? I don't remember. Brown versus Board of Education. Okay. This case was about... I don't really know.

Desegregating the schools? Integrating the schools? desegregating the schools right so it was integrated it just so happened to be brown the person's name was you know what's ironic that's an unbelievable connection are you sure i think brown wanted to separate am i wrong let's find out if i was right hold on so brown wants to separate. Wow. Oh, gosh. Are people really going to do that to us? Oh, wow. Word. Oh, wow. I thought we were together on this, bro. All right. Let me see it.

Shit. Let me see it. Let me see. Brown versus Board of Education. Was it landmark 1954 Supreme Court case? No, Brown was black. Yes. Brown was black.

Let's go. Yeah. Let's go. Linda Carroll Brown was the third grader who wanted to go to the white school. Let's go. Come on, son. Supreme Court. Come on, son. Hold on a second.

She's a third grader that wanted to go to the white school? What third grader wants to go to a school without her friends? I mean, it was her mom. Oh, it was her mom. Okay. Wasn't the third grader like, come on. Take it to the Supreme Court. Okay, so. These girls keep making fun of me. They're so mean, mom. What's it to the Supreme Court. Okay, so, Al. These girls keep making fun of me. They're so mean, Mom.

It's part of the white school. It's going to be way easier there. I'll teach them how to hopscotch. You want to be on a worst step team or something? Alright, so, Al. That's number one. You happened to get that one right. Number two. Plessy

versus Ferguson. Yes. Wait, what? Plessy versus Ferguson. Yes. Wait, what? That sounds like a boxing match. Plessy-Ferguson? Yeah, that's the case. Oh, yeah, it's Plessy versus the state of Plessy-Ferguson versus the state of Missouri.

Is it Missouri? What? It's Plessy versus Ferguson, bro. Plessy versus Ferguson. So it's always going to be, isn't it always against the U.S.? That's why you got to get up there, right? Y'all know shit, bro. What is Plessy versus Ferguson?

Hold on, Al. What's your ruling? You don't even want to know the case? Yeah. What's the case? What's the case? What's the case? All right.

So basically, you have Plessy, Homer plessy uh he's like this dude and basically he wants to know if uh if they should uphold racial segregation in public facilities oh come on son and then ferguson was uh some other guy i don't know let's fuck these white women ferguson all day so you were with your ferguson ferguson okay make a couple dark cheetahs. Let's go. Is there another one that's kind of trickier? Because it does seem kind of easy, bro. Son, that's what I'm saying. I think you voted the wrong way. The decision basically upheld racial

segregation. And Ferguson won? Yeah, I think so. Nah, you don't know. Sellout, bro. Come on. That's some real sellout shit. Okay, Roe versus Wade. Roe the Wade, also known as d wade all day baby let's go let's go gabrielle union come on son you can't fuck with d which one is all star wade is the is the person that wants abortion okay and why is it why are you

supportive no wait is person that doesn't want rose the chick that wanted it oh no you fucked that one up son you fucked that one up, son. You fucked that one up. You don't even know how the fucking case went. Alright, so which way? You say women should be able to do it. Yes. Gotcha. Alright, so are we confirming Al or no? Goes without saying. Yeah, I think Al, you can make a good Supreme Court justice.

There we go. Do rag Al especially. Respect. Do rag Al. Respect. I think we need to pack the courts. I'm with Biden, bro. I'm with Biden, Kamala. We need to pack the courts i'm with biden bro i'm with biden kamala we need to pack the courts and we need a young puerto rican black man on those courts imagine the courts for alex media dude that would be hilarious supreme court justice alex media that'd be so fucking lit it would be amazing let's go every fucking decision has a giant decision has a giant decision by Alex Media. Post on that shit.

I think a lot of other people contributed to this. Nah, uh-uh, uh-uh. Decision by one person. Alex Media. I like that. That's perfect. That's lit. Oh, my God.

So you got to run for president, don't you? So if I run for president, I can nominate anybody I want to the Supreme Court, but they have to be confirmed by the Senate. How are we going to get the Senate to confirm you? We run for Senate. Yeah, we got overall majority in the Senate. We got that. Yeah. Taylor, easy as that.

I'm really bad at government, so I don't know which one's higher. You think the government is good at government? Come on, yo. We got that. That's a good ass point. Taylor, you got it. I don't know the requirements needed for Supreme or nothing. Requirements? Alex, AOC was a bartender. You got that.

You got a think pad. With the heavies. Yo, she had the da-dun, da-dun. Yeah, she did. She had the fatty boo-boos. She had the malts. She had the best malts in the house, bro. Mm-hmm. Right. Mm-hmm. With the the fatty. She had the malt. She had the best malts in the house.

So with the tins. Why is that? So why can't she be? Do you think that's an advantage for a congresswoman? What? To have the heavies? Yeah. To have the backbreaker?

You never had that? The spinal bifida? Yo, I cannot stand that. You guys have spinal bifida? Spinal bifida is very funny. Spinal bifida yo I cannot understand you guys have spinal bifida fuck out spinal bifida is very funny spinal bifida why are you trying to cut the a out

it's always spinal no spinal spinal bifida bro yeah she had them spinal bifida she got those biffies dude

she's popping out with the biffs come on bro oh my god dude bro that's an advantage bro it's so true Yeah call one the house

Call one the senate That's all you need Yeah So wait what's the problem With her being a bartender There's no problem with this She just had them Fucking heavy

She had them big She did What's wrong with it You saying there's Something wrong with it No I'm not Yes you did You said that a congresswoman shouldn't

have them lunchable you said that you were judging we're out here just trying to say there's nothing wrong with it you know what i mean if she got that crook back from them big ass there's nothing wrong with that yeah she's a hunchback of the Bronx that's what they call her she's the hunchback of no trip Bronx bro yeah yo

the hunchback of no trip Bronx yeah let's go fuck out of here Jeff Bezos yeah that's all it was

she's just jealous cause Bezos' head looks like one of her butt ass yo yo far too many people let him put a yarmulke on

and that shit is perfect perfect replica real talk I want AOC to run for president uh huh I want her to run anywhere alright in slow motion

but is that crazy to have a million people listen to this podcast and we're talking like this I think we don't realize how popular this podcast is. What do you mean? Like, it's crazy. Like, AOC's like, um...

I think she's listening? She might be listening, bro. Yo, Alexandria. Yo, AOC. What's up, baby? Hey, AOC. What's up, shorty? We got Supreme Court Justice Alex Media right here. You know what I'm saying? With the gavel. I'm ready to put the gavel

down. Knock, knock. You know what I'm saying? We got Mark Gagnon. Yeah, the plaintiff. Yada. Big play. That's what they call me. And then we got Akash Singh.

I'm here Exactly Ain't doing nothing You know what I mean And then we got Schultzy In the motherfucking building How do y'all know If you have a boyfriend

Is she married It's the wild boy hour It's the wild boy hour And we're gonna be Jesus Christ Jesus Christ Jeez you got me all wet With your motorboat boy hour. It's the wild boy hour. And we're going to be getting some flying dust. Jeez, you're getting me all wet with your motorboat. It's too crazy. Hey, if you're drowning in that motorboat, AOC got a couple

of flotation devices. Oh, we're not drowning. We don't need a piano jack. We got the heavies That's why Leonardo DiCaprio Died in Titanic Cause she didn't have the He-he-hevies

Real talk She built like a plank of wood bro Yo what? She just built like a plank of wood That's all she had That's it Yo why was that bitch On the couch

On her side But she couldn't get on her side when she was on the door? Oh, selfish ass. Right? Like, when he was down there, you don't think he was looking at her like, remember when I was drawing you, bitch, and you were on your side? You couldn't do that as well? Like that?

It ain't hard. Remember that? It ain't hard. Yeah. Hey, right here. Look. And then we both live. Twice as much room.

Exactly. We both looking at each other like that. Simple that it was mad selfish it was selfish no titty having she left aoc would have made room if she i don't think she could have be honest with you she not making room bro she not making room yo shout out to aoc bro is she in the senate or the house say what is she married probably got a white guy somewhere. Yeah, she does. She got a white boy. I know she's not, you know, part of the LGBT community. Because she got a white man. She got a white man. Why do you think she's part of the LGBT community?

She might. Maybe she's like puss. You think she like that poon in there? You think she really like that poon in there? Do you think she does or what? I don't think she never tried it. But do you think if she tries, she might like that? You are about to be so tight.

Talk to me, dog. You want to see you want to see her man? Super synth. Riley Roberts. What? No. Looking like a proud boy, bro. He's about to kidnap the governor of Michigan.

That's a bet. That's a bet. Son. Oh my god. Can you bring that super simp up onto the picture right there? No. Fucking knock off Angela Prince Harry. Yeah.

What's that chick's name? Prince Harry. What's the girl? Angela Robert. Meghan Markle. Meghan Markle. I. Meghan Markle. Oh, my God. Where the fuck did you get Angela? I don't know. I'd be like that.

He was thinking of power. I think. I guarantee you he wasn't thinking of power. I thought he was thinking of power. Of all the things Mark was thinking about, I don't think. Mark's watching power. There's a different kind of power I can believe he's interested in. I was thinking of Wikipedia and shit like that.

I was thinking of Empire, I think. All right, hold on. Can we go back to this guy? He kind of looks like Seth Rogen's cousin or something. He looks like Ginger Rogen a little bit. Like the middle pitcher. That Ginger Seth? That's an AOC. I cannot believe that. You look like a swagless Ed Sheeran.

Yes! Ed Sheeran had no swag, no musical ability. He might be you know what I mean? He might be heavy dicked. You don't know. I don't believe that. You don't think he got the big one? He got the low rise, bro.

He got the low rise? Bro. He's probably not the low rise. That's fire. You think that should hang like a cholo? The low rise? Yeah. Yo, his dick should be like this.

Side to side. What's that dance? Yeah. You know what the deal was yo do you think can you go to another picture is this pubic hair orange too then

say what is this pubic hair orange too usually is that what happens I think yeah I think sometimes fire crotch in there

where that comes from yeah I mean go to my man's on the right okay wow come on bro he might listen to the podcast no disrespect

if you listen to the podcast Al can you get the picture when he's in a blue shirt it's bottom right that one right there that's that's not that's not a flattering picture

son I don't know dogs I don't know bro looking crazy she could do better she looks like she Brigette's dating him

in that picture she's like what am I doing I gotta see him walk why because yeah you could tell a big dick. Why? Yeah, you could tell a big dick.

I believe this from Taylor. You could tell if a guy got a... Or, August, would you like to finish? I got jumped on that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When they walk,

you could tell how big their penis is. Nah, because I wish I had this ability. So, you could tell. Go, go, go, go, go. Because I'm about to fix my walk now.

Go on, go on. Hold on. Hold on. you know should we all walk check out my walk taylor yeah real talk okay all right you you shall we all walk all right all right let's go let's go actually it's an audio podcast too so we're gonna do that another day but you can tell a guy's schwanze it by how he walks Now, what about the way that that guy's neck and chin are the same thing? Can you tell anything by that? This is wrong. This guy probably listens to the podcast.

He honestly might eat puss good. Maybe. Possibly. And why do you say that? I mean, he has to do something right. Yo, Taylor, that was vicious. For real, unless he fingers, you know, good, but... Yo, those big beards don't hurt when they eating puss, Taylor?

No, first of all, wait. That's not a Philly joke. That's not a Philly joke. I'm sure she's been with a big beard. No, I haven't, actually. I like mine. It's like, I like them like a nice trim. Like, never like bushy.

That Christian beard. Yeah, nah. What about what Akash has? Like a beard like that? Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, that's good. All right. Chill, Taylor. Jesus Christ. I wasn't making it like, bushy. That Christian beard. Yeah, nah. What about what Akash has? Like, a beard like that? Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, that's good. All right. Chill, baby.

Jesus Christ. I wasn't making it like that, guys. Jesus, Taylor. I wasn't making it like that. Come on, yo. You know what I mean? Faithful. Come on, bro.

Look at this guy over here, man. But, yo, he don't got no lips either, so I don't know. He might just be a finger. Yo, be honest. Who got the fattest lips on this podcast, yo? Come on, bro. What? Yo, who got the fattest lips? Come on, come on bro yo who got the fattest lips yo be

honest yo don't make me uncomfortable right now we'll be honest yo because they think that they got fatter lips than the kid who got the fattest lips on the podcast my lips so fat you think it's a vulva yo that's my car no. A vulva is the top pussy part. Oh, okay. The vulva. Isn't it called the vulva? Yeah. That's a car.

Yeah. That's also that. I've been inside neither. I got to say something real inappropriate about my clothes. Okay, but in all seriousness, who got the fattest lips? Just squash this once and for all. I do. No, you're not counting damn she got

go son i'm being regular hold on can i just be regular son y'all trying to you you licked yours to make it more wet you over there trying to make yours fatter Go Who got the fattest Who got the fatties Who got them fatties Taylor don't say me Please don't say me Who got them hookah suckers

Who got them Well then definitely goes to the fucking Alex Fuck Taylor know what time it is People are gonna be like that Who got the fattest ones? Yeah, of the whites. Who's got it?

Of the whites? Of the Canadians. Of the whites and browns. You know, they separate. What do you do? I got the fattest ones. Yeah, take that. Thin lip.

You're talking to Mark and Mark only. She said of the whites. Yeah, yeah, that's true. No, but I got thicker lips than Akon. You think his lips are bigger than my lips? Nah, bro. I got way thicker lips, dude. I was annoyed this at first, but now I'm actually annoyed. No, I got thicker lips, bro. Y'all bigger than my lips Nah bro I got way thicker lips dude I was annoyed this at first

But now I'm actually annoyed Nah I got thicker lips bro Y'all are dead ass a tie It's crazy No you know what's serious though I have more total lip than you What Your lips are

I have more real estate of lip No I have thick lips You have thick lips But your lips stop here Yeah It's just like an angry bird Yeah And that looks like an angry bird

That's true But my shit be like that. You got no top lip, son. That top lip gone, bro. I do have top lip. Son, that shit just looks like a little bit of gum. I have top... My top lip is on the underside.

It's an underside top lip. You're an angry bird. Look at you. Look at you. I should be calling you off a catapult. You got half a lip, yo. Lower your mic. Lower your mic so they can see your fucking angry bird mouth.

Look how tiny his little anteater of a mouth is, right? got half a lip, yo. Lower your mic. Lower your mic so they can see your fucking angry bird mouth. Look how tiny his little anteater of a mouth is, right? It's a tiny little... Honestly, Donald Trump could drink a smoothie out of your fucking mouth. That's how small his mouth is. Hey, I'll be trying to widen it up.

Oh my God. Don't work. So I have technically more lip. No, that's false. I have more lip. There's more volume in my lips. You got half a lip. Say what?

You got half a lip. That's not true. You have lip. You don't have lips. You have lip. I have more lip. There's more volume in my lips. You got half a lip. Say what? You got half a lip. That's not true. You have lip. You don't have lips. You have lip. That shit is lip. Oh, God. Okay.

Listen, I think we got to end this. Can you just give us something, one last thing so we can... Oh, I need to do this shout out. I wish I did this earlier. I'm going to talk more about this but man i had the coolest experience i was able to go to uh the scoot and surf park in uh the american dream mall in east rutherford new jersey shout out to jersey and there's a surf pool scoot and surf s-k-u-d-i-n surf man they took me and a couple of my homies from back in the day like i'm talking about since i was child a child and we went and we surfed in a wave pool in jersey and it was un-fucking-believable

how was that mall the mall is massive yeah i didn't really walk the mall because i went at nine o'clock at night yeah so most of the things are closed but like the mall i think is just starting to crack open they're still doing some of the oh you got some of the videos up but it is so fucking cool man and i had the time my life and i literally was paddling around in there and i literally was like i'm the luckiest person on the planet i love surfing growing up surfing and i just thought it was so cool and i just want to say thank you to those guys man shouts to will and jay and everybody who's you know just allowed us to have this cool experience and um if you're into surfing you want to learn how to surf right

now so go there especially now that we're in winter. It's freezing to go in the actual water. Go to this wave pool. Fun, safe, cool environment. My boy Jameel went, and Jameel popped up the first time. You know Jameel. Yeah. And he killed that shit.

So it was just so cool to do. And I just want to say thank you to those guys, man. They just made my fucking day. It was so cool. And that's all. All right, guys. We're going to take a break for. They just made my fucking day. It was so cool. And that's all. All right, guys. We're going to take a break for a second. You need to gamble.

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This is a no-brainer. Why would you do anything else? Free money to gamble with, and they're going to throw in a free future bet, these $10 future bets as well. All you got to do is go to MyBookie.ag use the promo code flagrant that's it this is a no-brainer you like to gamble well now here's more money to gamble with go do it you're welcome let's get back to the show anything else you want to talk about no all right guys man thank y'all so much man for listening to the podcast we hope you all had as

much fun as we had this was a crazy one it hot in here. We need to fix these fucking ACs. I feel like now. Right? We need to. We need to. Even though there's not all black people, you have to admit

it got pretty hot. Really debunked your theory. What does that tell you that we're all the same? It's not as hot as it could be though. Okay. Taylor,

there's only one race and that's the white race. I mean the human race. I mean the human race. I meant human. I meant human. I meant human. I thought you were going to say master and I was buckling race. I mean the human race. I mean the human race. I meant human. I meant human. I meant human. I thought you were going to say master and I was buckling up.

If we had cut out the part earlier, I don't know if we're going to have that part in, but just to give some context to that, Taylor was saying that rooms are hotter if they're with black people. The only way a room can elevate temperature, no matter how crowded, is if it's black people. A thousand white people in a small space don't matter. And she does not, yeah, she just doesn't believe in white hotness. Yeah. Which is quite interesting.

No, I see the white hotness. Girl, keep talking. Keep talking. White hot. Anyway, guys, thank you so much for listening to Flagrant 2, man. We'll see you on the Patreon this Friday. You know, we do an episode on Patreon every single Friday. Patreon.com slash Flagrant 2. It's the biggest comedy Patreon in the entire world. I don Patreon this Friday. You know, we do an episode on Patreon every single Friday. Patreon.com slash flagrant2.

It's the biggest comedy Patreon in the entire world. I don't know if you guys know, but now you do. You know what I mean? We got to brag a little. We got to stunt a little bit. Asshole Army. And if not, we'll see you next Tuesday. So second episode every week on Friday.

Go check that out. Join the Army. And yeah, we appreciate y'all so much. All right, peace. God bless.