Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Bobby Kelly On The Most Ruthless Gang In Comedy (Bill Burr, Patrice O’Neal, Kevin Hart)

Episode Date: October 11, 2022

Bobby Kelly talks about his OG Flagrancy days of doing stand up with the legends, his weightloss journey, and some crazy stories of past roommates. INDULGE

and we would pick somebody. You came in with a certain jacket or a hat. I remember Patrice came in, he looked like he sold his own barbecue sauce. I mean, Billy Burr one night, one of the greatest smashings ever was when he was doing comedy on a bus to get World Series tickets.

Like a tour bus? No, on a bus to Yankee Stadium. So he would jump on the bus, and they'd do stand-up. And then some people in the middle of his joke that Stunt would pull the line. These are wide, bro. These are girthy. This is my favorite. This is my dick right here. they do stand-up. And then some people in the middle of the show that stopped would just hold it up. These are wide, bro. These are girthy.

This is, I like this. This is my favorite. This is my dick right here. This is, if I was going to say, go get a cigar, this is my dick. Yours looks like this,

you're saying? Now it does, yeah. But before? When I was a little chubbier? Yeah, yeah. It looked like a nub. Yeah, dude. It is true.

It shrinks, right? Buddy, you don't even understand. When you get fat, your stomach gets big, but you have a dick stomach. Yeah. I didn't know there was a dick stomach. Yep. Until all of a sudden, I used to jerk off with one hand.

Yeah. And now? Then I started jerking off with just two fingers. No. Dude. So you were just losing digits. You were like King Viserys. You love that show, don't you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You a chick watching it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a fucking nice night in, isn't it? It is, it is. The music. Yeah, yeah. Bunch of ladies crying about being pregnant.

Just kill it. You're going to die at 23 anyways. You know what I mean? Nobody lives, nobody lives, nobody outlives their kids back then. Your kid's gonna catch something, cut his thing

on a rusty nail, get fucking sepsis, die by a river. Dude, your dick gets smaller when the fatter you get, your dick goes away. And when you lose weight,

like I was jerking off. Are you back to full fist? I'm back, I'm back to one and I can do this. Wait. Oh my was jerking off. Are you back to full fist? I'm back to one and I can do this. Oh, my boy! My boy! He's fast! There's a little asterisk

next to it. I have to push down. Yeah, of course. I gotta push some of that. Of course, of course. I lost weight, like Chase said the other night. I was like, yeah, you look great. I was like, thanks. I lost the weight. He was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Not the weight. You didn't lose the weight. You lost some other night I was like yeah you look great I was like thanks I lost the weight he was like whoa whoa whoa not the weight you didn't lose the weight

you lost some weight I was like okay wow I was like good point wow lost 100 pounds though yeah that's a lot of weight and you gained about

three back in your dick so you lost 103 pounds yeah that's amazing think about it I think I have a perfect dick really but my dick here's the thing

when you're fat yeah it's almost like when you're in a car accident or you get some type of cancer. You need a few months to get your dick back. You need to get some vitamin D back into it because it was away for a while. It was hiding out. So my dick is coming back. It wouldn't get as hard, you're saying?

It doesn't get as hard. It's like a darker color from living in a cave. That's a good thing sometimes. No offense. You got an Al-Qaeda dick. Hiding out in the cave, getting darker. I do have a nice little tan helmet now. Guys, if you don't already know,

we are here with one of the greatest comedians alive, one of my favorites, Bobby Kelly, is joining us here on Playgrant. Finally. It's been too long. I can't believe that this is overwhelming. I mean, what you've created here is fucking amazing. Listen, we all did it.

This is a team effort. I said we. I didn't say you. You did say you, but it's fine. I'm not going to correct you. I'm not going to correct you. Rewind it. See if I did.

I meant you as a whole. I got you. He did say you, but it's fine. I'm not going to correct you. I'm not going to correct you. Rewind it. See if I did. I meant you as a whole. I got you. The royal you. Now, you used to. The royal you? No, no, but this is something really important while we're talking about this. Because you used to let special needs kids jerk off to you. Can you go into that?

Whoa. First of all, that's a lie. They were elderly. They weren't kids. Sorry. And it wasn't a they. It was one. Okay. They were elderly. They weren't kids. Sorry. And it wasn't a they, it was one. Okay. The royal one.

The royal one. The royal kids, that's what I meant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there was a special needs adult that you were looking after. Okay. They would rip it out. No, no, no, no. No, no.

And you would just pose for it, right? No, no. It was like art class or something, right? No, no, no, no, no, no. No. Wait. No, that's a different story. Okay. No, no. It was like art class or something, right? No, no, no, no, no, no. No. Wait. No, that's a different story. Okay.

You're mixing stories. To make it more fun. Right. Look, so, no, this is true from my understanding. I lived with six, when I was starting comedy and going to college for art, I was going to be an art teacher, right? So I needed a job that let me do my shit. So my ex-girlfriend worked at this place where I got a free apartment,

free room in this place. I got paid $100 a week, and I got all my food for free. I just had to be there from 11 to 8, five days a week. To get jerked off on by retarded people. No, not to get jerked off by retarded people. To get jerked off on by retarded people. No, not to get jerked off by retarded people. But I live with six elderly, mentally challenged. What is it now?

Retarded. Retarded. We went back to retarded. And not in a disrespectful way. We did go back to retarded. I think retarded is. Okay, so we went back to. We're making a push.

We went to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I live with them. They were elderly though, 50 and up. Okay. And my first night there, I- Your first night?

My first night there, I heard Barry, who was my favorite, by the way. Yeah. Looks like me now. Yeah, yeah. Back then, but this was sexy Bob. Yeah. This was- Oh, God, we got to get the old picture.

Sexy Bob. Stunning. I don't even know if there's- Stunning. I don't even know if there's a picture of me at this stage. No, there is. I have one. I already know it.

It's in my head. I was in a comedy calendar in Boston. You have an old picture up at the cellar? Dude, with the hair. Better than that. I don't think it gets better than that. Dude, it's way better than that. There's a comedy calendar out of Boston.

Yeah, dude, that's Puerto Rican Bob. Yep. Oh, shit. Look at the eyebrow. Look at the eyebrow. Look at the eyebrow. Look at that Bob. That's the worst photo ever taken of me. Look at that top one.

That's you? Yeah, no, that's not me. That one right there. That's at Comic-Con, Hall H. Wow. And the guy took the photo underneath my neck. Ugh, I look like a manatee. I look like you should pat me and throw me a fish.

You look like the bad guy in Daredevil, really. Kingpin. Oh, you have a little kingpin? Yeah. I mean, dude, fucking kingpin. Yeah, this, no, it's not up there. Look at that sexy with the scarf. Can you go back to these mentally challenged adults?

So Barry. Barry. Who looks like you now. Was in the room. Yeah. And I heard, mom, mom, mom, mom. And I'm panicking. i'm supposed to be watching these guys so i run in yeah in my uh canary yellow uh jeez you know bikini underwear yeah that's how

hot it was yeah yeah and uh i run in and he's jerking off to me and he's like bob bob bob and i'm like what are you bob not mom i thought you were saying he's saying my name bob he's like, Bob, Bob, Bob. And I'm like, what are you? Bob, not mom. I thought you were saying. He's saying my name. Bob. He's calling me. Bob, Bob. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bob, Bob. Come get it.

So I'm like, well, I didn't know it was come get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I walked in. He's like, get out of here. Leave me alone. And I'm like. He was imagining you and jerking off. I was hot at the time.

So I don't. But who screams names when they're jerking off? What, you're not a screamer? Yeah, come on. Come on. You screams names when they're jerking off well you're not a screamer yeah come on you never talked when you jerked off no you never like fuck don't you fucking like that no that's an act of shame you do that in silence really that's an act of shame yeah what are you doing aren't you catholic don't you understand guilt yeah yeah fucking yeah but i mean i also understand perversion and priest molestation did you get get diddled by a priest? Nah, I was- No, he got diddled by an ordinary priest.

Almost, almost. Almost. I can say this because he's dead now. When I did, you know, I've been sober for 37 years. God bless. I got sober when I was 15. You know, juvie hall, all that shit. So I had, when you get sober,

you have to do like steps and stuff like that. And when I was doing my fourth, it was my fifth step. I forget which one it is. I have to, you know, to fourth, it was my fifth step, I forget which one it is. To God, another human being, and yourself, you have to admit all the exact natures of your wrongs. So you have to go

and sit with somebody, whether it be a sponsor. I knew this priest who was in the program. And I sat down with him in the rectory in his room, and I told him all my shit halfway up i looked up he was literally sleeping i'm literally talking about the most devastating shit of my life all my secrets and he's would you say this is your first bomb my first fucking bomb in front of a priest then

when we get up to leave, he gives me a hug, and I give him a hug, and then he, oh, I can still feel it. He soft kiss the side of my neck. Whoa. And not once, twice. Once, I could be like, ah. Second time, I was like, I pulled away. First time, I froze.

People are like, why didn't you do something? When somebody is about to molest you, you're like, what the fuck? You literally freeze. And I was like, oh, shit. What about fight or flight? I thought that's what it is. There was no fight or flight. You get frozen.

What about at 15, you just did hard time? He's just about to do some more hard time, I think. I mean, I stayed. I jerked him off. I have to 100%. He just listened to me for two hours. At least he could do. I wouldn't blow him, but I let him jerk off in my palm.

Is that disrespectful? I threw it on his Jesus pillow. Is that the most disrespectful part, that he slept and then tried to fuck you? Dude. That's the craziest part. I pulled away. That was boring.

Let's make this a little more interesting. Yeah, I know, right? No, he's probably not even into it. I just bored him so much, he was like, I'm just going to suck this kid's dick. He needs joy in his life. He was doing it for you. Yeah.

Wow. I pulled away. Yeah. And then it was awkward. Like, it wasn't it wasn't like if there was tongue like

yeah yeah but he went oh wet lips wet lips yeah yeah but they were little Irish priest lips

they really weren't they're not like your lips or my lips yeah yeah yeah everybody's got good lips we got great lips you think you have good lips let me know

Andrew's lips are terrible no we have great lips he's got a great bottom are you crazy dude look at that bottom this guy got no lips lets me know Andrew's lips are terrible. No, we have great lips. He's got a great bottom. Are you crazy, dude? Look at my lips. This guy got no lips. He said a great bottom. He is a great bottom.

You're a fantastic bottom. Look at those fucking pants that don't go all the way to the bottom. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, he didn't... He looks like Billy Squire, doesn't he? Shout out Billy Squire didn't he shout out Billy Squire who gets no respect

these guys have been calling him gay for the first 30 minutes we were recording while I'm defending the guy one of the greatest

rock and roll musicians ever that is the most outrageous shit I've ever heard in my life I had to teach you who the fuck

Billy Squire was oh my god are you gonna lie are you gonna lie yes I'm gonna lie in the beginning of the lie? Yes, I'm going to lie. Are you going to lie at the beginning of the podcast? Oh my God.

I literally sit here like, listen, turn on this We Will Rock You shit. It's true. He told me the whole history. And you were like, well, is this the guy from fucking Bohemian Rhapsody?

You were like trying to act like you don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. Wow. You're acting weird nodding out. Wow, you're doing it.

Get fucking little Wiesel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, this is how priests get away with it. Wait till I tell you about the cult. It is weird that you're switching it up. That's little weasel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, this is how priests get away with it. Wait till I tell you about the cult. It is weird that you're switching it up. Oh, that's funny.

That's funny. That's funny. Bobby, you're going to love the cult, bro. I'm telling you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to put you on a rock music. Okay. Okay, so what happened?

It's an awkward moment. He takes his lips off of you, right? He was 100% sure you were going to be about it too, right? Dude, I think he was because here's the deal. We would hang out all the time. Yeah. Right? Oh, so he slow played you. Dude, he's the deal. We would hang out all the time. Yeah. Right? Oh, so he slow played you.

Dude, he was grooming me. Big time. But I didn't know that. Like, he'd take me to like, there was this Kelly's place. He'd be like, you want to go get some fried clams and French fries? And I'd be like, yeah, let's go. You understand, we were in meetings together. You know what I mean?

So, I mean, this guy helped me a lot. Yeah. He helped me a lot in early sobriety. Sexual frustration. Yeah. Yeah. He helped me a lot in early sobriety. Sexual frustration. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he really did. And then later on, I learned that when all that stuff went down, he had to go somewhere.

You know what I mean? Yeah. But I was kind of mad that he, you know, he gave a couple tries and then he just gave up. It's like, I'm not worth a second shot. Yeah. It's not like that was the last time I saw him. Yeah. You went back.

Well, we were friends. Of course I went back. I mean, it wasn't a... You stayed friends with him after he tried to molest you? I mean, dude. Yo, Bobby's loyal, bro. I'm like a fucking pipple that gets beat. You still hang around.

I'll still help you out. Yeah, he actually... I got in my first car accident at a Gran Torino, coming home from banging this chick at Bentley College or whatever, and I was so happy. It was such a great, I was just in this fucking, yeah, and I slammed into the Jersey barrier. I had just taken a turn getting on the highway, and I fucked up,

and I didn't know how to drive. I had my license for like, I don't know, five months or something, and I just went this way, and I just up and I didn't know how to drive. I had my license for like I don't know, five months or something and I just went this way and I just went that way and I just slammed. He came and picked me up in the middle of the night. No way. Yeah. He was trying to nurse you back to health. No. I had to suck his dick the whole way home.

The whole way home. He finished and then he just went like this and passed on. He never got to, after that, we kind of stopped hanging out. It freaked me out a little bit. Yeah, I think that that was it. Yeah, it was a little like, dude, because you couldn't, I couldn't say. That he actually wanted to.

You couldn't say that he actually wanted to. It's not like, this was the first time. I worked at a juvenile lockup. One of the places I was actually in. Yeah, Tom really liked you there. Tom? Yeah. Who's Tom? Tom, the guy. Oh, shit. Tom really liked you there. Tom? Yeah. Who's Tom? Tom, the guy. Oh, shit. That ran it. This went bad. No. Who's Tom?

Didn't Tom run it? Who's Tom? Tom, the guy who ran the juvie place. No! No, that was my rehab, you fucking asshole. Oh, the rehab. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, this is fun. I'm trying to help you here. I want to go with you. Everybody's here like, what's he doing? What's happening? There's been a few moments in your life where you thought guys were going to molest you and then they didn't well tom was the best

tom when i when i went to rehab yeah um you know i i had a opportunity to go to a co-ed six months or a all boys year and i it was the first time i asked for advice to somebody i was like what should i do how gay are you that you needed advice about this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, dude, I was going to fucking die. And it was like, if I went to a co-ed, I would have been drinking again. I would have been trying.

I needed to get, I needed to get every, I needed to be away from it all. All my addictions. So when I went to this place, it's in a house. They called it normalization. So they would have it in a neighborhood

in this big houses and the whole house would be rehabs. There'd be groups and meetings and then they had the vans and they'd take you to AA, NA meetings and you went to the mall together. You couldn't fraternize. But my first day there,

they took me into the room and there was this kid going, fuck this place. I'm fucking out of here. Fucking, you know, and I was like, Jesus Christ. And all of a sudden, this guy comes down the stairs.

Old guy, fucking gray beard, smoking little misty cigarettes. Yeah, fire. And he... My favorite. He comes down and he goes, where's this fucking... Where's this fucking... that wants to get the fuck out of here? Where's this pussy? Where is he? Raise your

fucking hand, you piece of shit. And all the counselors are like, what the fuck? And the kid goes, me. He goes, you want to fucking go? Get the fuck out, you little cocksucker. You little piece of shit. You fucking pussy. Get the fuck out.

There's the door. Get your shit. Get the fuck out, you cock fucking sucker. You know how many kids need that spot and need that chair who are dying and you're fucking bitching about a little fucking thing, get the fuck out. And the guy, one of the counselors, new guy, was like, Tom, I think, goes, fuck you, you're fired.

Get the fuck out. Oh, shit. Wow. And the guy goes, you want to leave? The kid starts crying. He goes, I just, he goes, listen, I'm trying to save your fucking life. You're going to die if you walk out that door.

If you stay here, give us a shot and we'll save you. Okay? And the kid starts crying. He goes, all right, come here. Gives the kid a hug. You sit down. And then he goes, where's Kelly? I'm shitting my pants. So so he goes up in my office I'm like I gotta fucking suck this guy's cock too this is nuts but

one of the most I got up to the office like a grandmother one of the most gentle guys ever he used to be in show business his wife was a

famous opera singer he had money he had a jaguar he had it all boozing lost it all and he opened up this place called the road back uh to save kids save young men from fucking going down the path he went and um

i mean believe me though because i'm i really did he would like every once in a while he'd go all right let's go and he'd bring a couple kids back to his house yeah yeah yeah and you're like ah shit here it goes. Yeah. So you were literally thinking, now's the time where he's going to molest me. Well, he would be like, he'd be like, all right, you know, they go to his house, these kids.

Yeah. And I'm new, but all of a sudden one night he brings you to, he's like, all right, Kelly, come on, you want to come? And I was like, yeah, I guess. Ah, fuck, I'm going to have to fucking, I love this guy. This guy is saving my life. Now I got to go, I got to go yeah, I guess. Ah, fuck. I'm going to have to fucking. I love this guy. This guy is saving my life. Now I got to go say, fuck you. I'm going to have to fight him, beat him up, run.

I'm going to be homeless again. I'm going to be on the street again. Get to his house. He's making fucking Stouffer's pizza. And then he has us put these, he has us put the stereo cabinet I us put the uh like uh stereo cabinet ikea units together because he's too old he can't do it so he goes yeah you put this together for me and he makes us this pizza and all this stuff and then he's showing us uh his wife as an opera singer and

he's telling us about how his life then he comes out with all his old clothes because we don't have clothes we have what we and he And he has cashmere everything. Brooks Brothers everything. And he's going, grab whatever you want. And you're grabbing these fucking Brooks Brothers cashmere sweaters. Yeah. And these clothes. And he's like, all right, take it home.

And then the van comes and picks you up. He goes, all right, guys, have a great night. Yeah. And then you go back and you're like, that was the most amazing night I've had. I've been on the streets. I've been in jail. I haven't seen my family. I got nobody.

And this guy didn't try to do any weird shit and then opened his heart up to me and opened up his life. And it made you a stronger for a few days. Kind of believed in people, believed in humanity. It made you believe in yourself. It made you believe in other people. And it gave you the strength to go a little forward with that. Where did you get the confidence to think that all these guys wanted to fuck you? I'm sorry, dude.

I know right now you're fucked. I know you're the guy now I know that you're wearing extra thick corduroy shit I get it you're not asking anybody anything anymore you're not going does this look good I get it

like should there be a space between my socks and my pants I get it brother I understand you know what I mean Like, should there be a space between my socks and my pants? I get it, brother. I understand. You know what I mean? You're not asking anybody anything anymore. But believe it or not. I just get dressed like, oh, this looks good.

You, right? Yeah, you put on weird shit now. It just doesn't matter. Oh, yeah, you're fucking nuts right now. You're going crazy. But when I, but back then. Corduroy's okay, but extra thick. How thick does a corduroy

need to be dude I remember one time Colin Creek came out of his house with brown corduroy converse I go you gotta take those off

he's like why I go take them off he took them off I threw them on the wire he had to go get new shoes I'm like you know I'm not I won't allow it

I love you you're one of my idols get those off we came back they were gone somebody fucking climbed up and took it I'm like, you know, I won't allow it. Oh, fuck. I love you. You're one of my idols. Yeah. Get those off. Yeah, yeah. We came back, they were gone. Somebody fucking climbed up and took it. Yeah. But yeah, dude, back then I was fucking smoking, man.

I was smoking. You know, you guys, all right, so when I'm coming up in stand-up, I'm coming up at what was probably the end of what we know the back table as. Yeah. Yeah. And the back table, like, informed everything. It formed, like, my idea of comedy, my idea of camaraderie. It doesn't matter.

It does. It's on my brand new fucking New Balance. I'm worried about my fucking floor. Well, dude, it's a floor. Are those New Balance? Dude, listen. Bring them up. Oh, man. Listen to me. Bring them up. No, dude, it's a floor. Are those New Balance? Dude, listen. Bring them up. Oh, man.

Listen to me. Bring them up. No, no, no. 1080X 12s. Jesus. I wish those had laces so I could throw them on a wire. That's the most comfortable. First of all, listen, that's the most comfortable shoe.

You're not fat anymore. You know what to do with this. Stop wearing the fat sneakers. That's a comfy shoe, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a comfy shoe, bro. It is. It is a comfy shoe. I have a wide foot, yeah. That's a comfy shoe, bro. It is. It is a comfy shoe.

I have a wide foot. They don't make the fucking nice sneakers in white. All right? I'm saying. They don't want guys like me wearing nice fucking cool shoes. They don't make it in the white.

I got to plant the fasciitis. Okay? You guys, I'm 51. I know I look like I could be maybe 10 years old. I'm 51, you cocksuckers. I look like I could be 10 years old. He still thinks he's getting the lesson. This guy can't let it go. Still got 51, you cocksucker. I look like I could be 10 years old. He still thinks he's getting molested.

This guy can't let it go. Still got the, you taking him back? This is the best part. Look at this shit. Okay, what? You crossing your legs for the first time in three years? Three years? It's longer?

Dude, I've got, listen, I would. People don't know how much weight you've lost. You've lost a significant amount of weight. 100 pounds. Dude, I've got to, listen. People don't know how much weight you've lost. You've lost a significant amount of weight. Dude, I lost, I was, it was at one point I was 350. Yeah. Did you film before you lost the weight? Yeah. You asshole.

Dude, what are you talking about? I didn't know I was going to have a fucking life moment. I didn't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What am I supposed to do? Wait and see if I got my shit together? Yeah, yeah. Happened during a pandemic?

What? Low weight loss? No. Because you said pandemic saved your life. Well, no, it really did. Honest to God, dude, because I'm a recovering addict. I mean, I'm addicted to food, sex, drugs, whatever. Whatever the fuck it is, I will obsess about it

and try to fill a hole and try to make shit okay, you know? But the pandemic took everything away. Yeah. It took it all away. I built this whole thing with Creeps with Kids, me and Ron and Florentine and Voss, and this thing was happening, and I finally had some steam going where it was like,

this is, we're touring. And every theater shuts down. I mean, I was on stage, got a text from my agent. They're all gone. I'm like, what? All your dates, they're canceled. I was, I was on stage, got a text from my agent. They're all gone. I'm like, what? All your dates, they're canceled. I was 54 dates. It was the first year of my comic life where my agent called me up a month before that.

Went, dude, I can't book it. You're booked for the year. So I can say no. I can say yes. I can go where I want, buy what I want, get my family what they want. I can go to bed at night and not worry, not have that thing over my head. In one night, all gone. And now my identity's gone.

What the fuck am I if I can't do this? You can't provide for your kids, so that's probably even more fucking. Well, I have fucking friends call me who are millionaire comedians. They do. We're all in the same boat. It's like I was panicking. You can't provide for your kids, so that's probably even more funny. Well, I had fucking friends call me up, you know, who are millionaire comedians. They do, we're all in the same boat. It's like,

you got a boat? You got a boat. Dude, I'm, I don't know, you know what I mean? I'm not that guy. Yeah.

I mean, I went from doing this to fucking gone. So, but it made me realize that I was, I was spiritually bankrupt, man. I just didn't have it. I was waking up looking at this instead of fucking sitting there and thinking about,

what am I grateful for? Let me take five minutes to think about what am I grateful for? My family is healthy. My wife, I built a family from where I was in jail, rehab, getting kissed on the neck. My kid's never going to get kissed on the neck by a man. You know what I mean? And all of a sudden, the smile- He's not that cute or what's going on? He's adorable. Oh, he gets it. He's a cute kid. He's a cute kid. But it's- He can get it.

I'd have to worry about him. If this was the 70s and 80s, I'd have to take him everywhere. Be like, yeah, nah, you're not going... What do you mean 70s and 80s? You don't think kids get fucked anymore? Not like the way...

Not back in the day. You ever go to a park? When I went to a park... There's mothers everywhere. I mean, it's so hard on pedophiles now. There's just mothers everywhere. Go to a park, dude. There's no kids.

That's true. His mom used to take him to the park and leave him. That's true. When I was a kid, when I was younger than my son, who's nine, I used to go to the park by myself, which was, you know, 15 minutes down the road. And it would be me and other kids by ourselves at a huge park where, I mean, you're a pedophile. You're walking up and you're like, nobody's a fucking rapper. You go to a park now. I mean, we learned our lesson about letting our kids you know

I mean it sucks I still let my kid do stuff I trust them because our generation my generation grew up with depression because we were

fucking hit beat fucking molested you're an idiot asshole so we grew up but we grew up tough this generation

grew up with anxiety because they were like don't do that. No, no, no. They didn't do anything. They didn't climb a roof or a fence. They didn't go somewhere by themselves. Whose fault is that?

That's your guy's fault. It's not my fault. My kid. Your generation's fault was trying to protect the kids from what you experienced. Yeah, because we were getting fucked in vans. We were scared. You know what I mean?

Kids were just getting snatched. Yeah. That's kind of the point of Russell Peter's new hour is like we complain about kids and they are annoying, but it's our fault. We made them like this. We made them like that. But now, like, my generation is starting to correct that. You know, like, my kid, you know, I was on the roof the other day,

and he's like, Dad, can I come up? Yeah. Most parents, no. How did you get up there? I'm skinny now. It was the other day. How did you get up there? I'm skinny now. It was the other day. It wasn't like, I got a cherry picker. I thought it was a sleigh.

I thought that's how you get up there. I love this guy. He's great. Dude, he's fucking just waiting. This is the guy in the building fucking 200 yards away. On the grassy knoll, baby. The grassy knoll. He's been there for three days.

Just fucking sitting there like this. Woo! The slave! You didn't even say Santa, which makes it better. We had to figure it out. You made these cocksuckers do the work. Glad you got there, bro. Good for you, dude.

Okay. Yeah. Can you take us back to this time in comedy history? I mean this seriously. Seriously. Can you take us back to this time in comedy history? What was the back table of the cellar? What was

that? Because there's probably a lot of people who know of it but don't really understand the influence of it. Well, you're going to understand this, that back when that happened there wasn't as many comics. Is it just because you took up so much room at the table? Jesus Christ. See, this is the thing.

I was gorgeous back then. Yeah. You understand? So that joke, if you look at the cellar, it was gorgeous. But I've been fat three times at the cellar. Yeah. So you know what I'm saying? I've had six fats.

Three of them were at the cellar. But I've also had two gorgeous at the South. Okay. Because I'm trying to understand what's going on this time. Like, what year is this? This is 90s? Late 90s, probably. Late 90s, early aughts.

Is this after comedy boom that you hear about in the 80s? No. Because the stories I hear from you guys are, it sounds like the dirt. Have you read the book, The Dirt? Molly Crew. Molly Crew, the documentary. It was like that. It was like that because comedy was dead. The cellar was dead, dude. You understand the cellar was

dude, nobody went to the cellar. It was the strip was the club. The strip was the club. Gotham was the club. Oh, they had Live at Gotham, I remember. Yeah, dude. That was before that. The. Gotham was the club. Oh, they had Live at Gotham, I remember. Yeah, dude. That was before that. The other Gotham was- Strip was Eddie Murphy.

Gotham was like the champagne club of the, you know, but the Cellar and the Boston Comedy Club, it all started at the Boston Comedy Club. That's where me,

Burr, Patrice- Chappelle. Yeah, all of us. Jay Moore. I mean, dude, my first month there, I finally got a spot and I got bumped. The guy,

he came out, dude, Chappelle's going up. Then he came up, I got him, Jay Moore's going up. Sorry, Jim Brewer's going up.

Sorry, Red Johnny in the round's going up. I mean, dude, I got bumped by all of them. And then they put me up last in front of five people. Yeah. And then you went to the cellar and there was nobody there.

So when we started going to the cellar, I mean, dude, I had the 145 spot every night. It was near Godfrey. And you'd be in front of four, five, six people. And you would give a show like the room was packed. You know what I mean? To put things in perspective, now the cellar has, what, five different rooms that are sold out every single night, multiple shows a night.

Yeah, it's just ridiculous. Unbelievable. Yeah, and Noam was a big part of it. His father was great, but Noam took it. Noam, Noam was brilliant. Noam, Essie, Liz, took it to another fucking level. But back then, dude, it was the love of the game. Yeah. And then you'd go upstairs,

so you'd get there at nine. The show was from nine until two. And it's one show that's just running. One show running, crowd comes in and out. Yeah. And you'd go there and you'd hang out all night because you got paid in food.

You got food and that's how you ate. So that's what creates the back table. Yeah, yeah. So we would sit at that table waiting and there's nowhere else to go.

There's no other show. There's no other club open. You went to the cellar and that was your spot. Or you went to the Boston, and you came back, and we would just sit there until the sun came up a lot of times. We'd hear birds chirping again. And we would sit there, and you would just,

it would go from argument to philosophizing to just, and we would pick somebody. You know what I mean? And you came in with a certain fucking jacket, you know what I mean, or a hat. I remember Patrice came in with a hat. He looked like he sold his own barbecue sauce. We smashed him for fucking 45 minutes.

And it's just everybody just trying to come up with jokes about his stupid hat and outfit. I mean, Billy Burr one night, one of the greatest smashings ever was when he was doing comedy on a bus to get World Series tickets. Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean? Dude, he was going to do comedy. Like a tour bus? No, on a bus to Yankee Stadium. So he would jump on the bus and they'd do stand-up.

And he came in and we found out about it. And I'm pretty sure I didn't do it. Like, we smacked, we were like... He was going to do it, and then you guys bullied him at it. Dude, it was so fucking brutal. Like, we would just... Every joke you could make about doing comedy on a bus, we would do it at the fucking line.

You know what I mean? Next stop to the yellow line, you'd have to fucking open the door and fucking chikang. And then some people in the middle of his joke that stunk would just pull the bus. I mean? Next up to the yellow line, you'd have to fucking open the door and fucking chikang. And then some people in the middle of his joke that stunk would just pull the plug. I mean, every joke you could do, we did. Dude, I got smashed. I got smashed so, I mean, it was just what we did.

Yeah, yeah. What was your worst smashing? My worst smashing? Oh, God. The Vespa? Nope. The Vespa was, they smashed me out of my Vespa. I showed up with a white Vespa one night.

I sold it a week later. I don't know what I was thinking. I showed up with a, I had a white helmet. I showed up. And Keith, Keith Robinson was outside. You had a helmet to match?

I had a helmet. Yeah, you have to wear a helmet. I showed up with a white Ves white, I called it the white unicorn. Okay. Dude, sold to a Russian lady a week later. Done. But the worst pun I ever got was Keith and Patrice. We went to Amsterdam for the first time.

Oh, yeah, the Raymond Is Lot shows. Yes. Yeah. And. For whatever reason, back in like the 90s, Amsterdam was like obsessed with New York comics right

they love comedy and there was a late night show there yep and this guy Raymond I think no this was before this was Franz oh okay

this was before but they loved like New York comics yeah because yeah because they're the best there was no Netflix there was no comedy before the internet

comedy there was no comedy yeah yeah anywhere some of the earliest stuff I saw from you were sets on that show oh fucking yeah that was They're the best. There was no Netflix. There was no comedy. Before the internet. There was no comedy anywhere. Some of the earliest stuff I saw from you were sets on that show. Fucking yeah. This was before that. Okay.

Right? So we're going to Amsterdam. I'm fucking flipping out. I'm going with Patrice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the first time we traveled abroad. So the night before, I remember I went on 8th Ave. 8th Ave was all full of these clothing stores, like Bang Bang or Zip Zips or whatever.

You know what I mean? Just random shit. And it was all, at that time, the polyester shirt, the bowling shirt was in. Okay. But also polyester pants. Believe it or not. So I went in.

I bought this outfit for like the Saturday night show. Black on black. And I bought nice shoes, like slip-on fucking shoes. But I didn't know. We got there. We check into the hotel, and it's a boutique hotel, and it's literally a prison cell. There's metal bunk beds. The bathroom has no shower, just a drain in the floor.

And the window, we had a square window that you opened up into an alley with prostitutes. So if we opened up the window, dudes would look in the window, like, see if they get their dick sucked, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Patrice and Keith, the hotel snobs, they're like fucking, they're complaining, bitching. I'm just happy to be there, Bob, you know? So they call up the guy, this bullshit. The guy's like, oh, if you want to leave,

it's a half hour outside the city. I'm like, I'll just stay in. This is fine for me. I love this fucking grungy shit. And they were like, you bitch. You're fucking, you're just out. You want to come back to Amsterdam. You're just fucking, you know, being a bitch trying to ass kiss this fucking guy so he

likes you more than us. Yeah. Absolutely true. A hundred percent fucking true. So I'm in this place by myself and they're going to come pick me up the next night. First of all, they go to the hotel. It was 10 minutes down the road in the country, duplex. They had a baby grand piano.

They had fucking swans in the backyard. It was an amazing hotel. I put this outfit on. I didn't realize that the pants, it was a black polyester shirt with black polyester pants. I didn't know the pants were bell bottoms. Oh, shit. So I'm like, there's nobody there to go, dude, you're cool.

So I'm just like, this is all I got. So I step outside, and I'm waiting for them to pull up in the van. And as the van's pulling up, I hear, through the glass. Motherfucking daddy! Fucking ah! There. Oh, God.

You got Franz. Patrice or Keith? Keith. Patrice. Keith? Keith's buckle's over. You can't see Keith. He's over.

Patrice is just. The whole house flapping in the wind. They can't even say anything for five minutes. They're like, what? And I'm like, are they laughing at me?

Patrice rolls down the window. Bobby's wearing a fucking evening gown. Meryl Streep wore that to the Oscars, you fucking faggots. Right? Dude, I got no other. I got to go. I'm in the van with them. They're smashing me.

On the way to the filming. Dude, not the filming. We had a theater They're smashing me. On the way to the filming. Dude, on the, not the filming. We had a theater show. Packed. On the way to the show, I'm taking my heads against the window.

It hurts. It actually was hurting my feelings. Like I couldn't even laugh at it because I was- Evening gown. The fucking guy who was driving us, who hated us, he had to pull the van over.

He had to pull the van over. English second language. Second language. It was such a bad fucking pounding, dude. It fucking hurt my feelings. I had to figure shit out after that. I had to go on stage. So I'm on stage.

I'm trying to keep my legs apart so it doesn't look like a dress. That was the worst pounding that I've ever gotten. Bombed? No, I killed. I murdered. Fucking murdered. They had a show called The Bounce. It was a black show after our show.

And I wasn't on it. But the black girl comic, she didn't get her passport in time. You know, it was late. Will you be late sometime? The cigar move. Oh! I need a passport? Yeah.

Anyways, it was late. I need a passport. Yeah. Anyways. Okay. It was late. Patrice and Keith were like, put fucking Kelly up. Because at the time, I'm going on at the Boston. I'm doing Sunday night, which is ruthless. You know what I mean? They put me on at Sunday night after, you know, talent, everybody.

And I remember one night, they turned the lights on. People started getting out. No, we got one more white boy. And I had to go up. You know what I mean? So I had to learn. They were like, put him on. And finally, they're like, all right, you sure? And I went up in my evening gown.

And I fucking, I was so like, fuck you. I just went and went fucking. And I bang, bang, fucking boom, bah. I went, thank you, good night. They were going, Bob, hey, Bob. And Keith had to follow me. So Patrice, after, was like, he literally, as I'm walking off stage, he just pushed Keith out of the way. Mr. Kelly, this way.

Just pushed him. Mr. Kelly, this way. Great show. He goes, go back out. I had to go back out. I got an encore. No. Because they were going, Bob, hey, Bob.

Was it that retarded guy just jerking off? Bob, Bob, Mama. I miss those guys. Yeah. Dude, they were the, they were probably, dude,

I became friends with those guys. Yeah. Because you think that they're the most gentle, funny dude. Yeah. They made me fucking laugh.

Yeah. I used to sit with Barry on the, like in his room and watch TV. Yeah. Oh, you're talking about,

you're talking about Patrice. I'm talking about Patrice. I'm talking about Patrice and Keith. Yeah. No, you're talking about... I'm talking about Patrice. I'm talking about Patrice and Keith. Yeah. No, we're real. They're fucking assholes. Fucking sucks that they're my friends. I'm glad one's gone.

One's hanging on. Yeah. I want a new friend. I want to be friends with you guys but I think I think so much of that I don't know I was coming up

and I was like in the middle of these two worlds right I would come hang out at the table and you guys it's you Voss

Norton Keith and then you guys are just fucking obliterating each other and I'm watching this and I'm like yeah this is how I grew up

kind of hanging out with my friends and there's another generation that's I guess after me that was a little bit like softer and kind of kinder yeah and i was in this weird place where i was like i can't tease these guys too much because then they think i don't like them and then i'd come hang out with you guys and i'd be like i don't think there's anything i could say

to offend these people no because you you were one of us and i would fuck with you we all fucked with you too it was the best we'd all fuck with you because you were like us. You know what I mean? Listen. That's how I know you like exactly. We didn't like you. We didn't talk to you. We didn't fuck with people that we were like, hey man, but if you were in,

you were getting a smash in too. You know what I mean? Because the thing that the fans don't understand, some of them, but they never saw the love. It was fucking real deep. Like, I love you, man. You know what I mean? We really cared about each other.

You're spending fucking like eight hours a day with these people. Eight hours a day. Every fucking day. None of us were headliners. Yeah. None of us were. That's right. We were in the city seven nights a week.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were hustling. Yeah. And hanging out until the birds chirped. So there was a fucking family. We were a family. And so if we brought you in there, look, man, come on in, but this is what we do. We're trying to help you check your ego a little bit.

Do you remember the first time you met him? Don't ever touch me. What were you saying? Do I have to talk to him too, right? Is it you three? Welcome to the team, Jack. Welcome to the team. All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second

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who's a booker at the cellar, his DVD, and you guys were all at the back table, and then Patrice, he was like, oh, yeah, give it to me, I'll give it to him, and then he took it out in front of him and then just snapped it in half on the table? Yes, yes. Well, it's true. I mean, Voss came out with his first CD,

and that was big back then. He had a CD. That's huge. And I remember we were all front, and he's like, I got my first CD, and we're like that, and Norm's like, dude, I want to buy it. I want to be your first sale. And he's like, I got my first CD. And we're like that. And Norton's like, dude, I want to buy it. I want to be your first sale.

And he's like, really? And I was like, yeah, dude. And he goes, how much? He goes, it's 20 bucks. He goes, dude, here. I want this. I want this. And Voss's like, yeah, sure.

And Norton took it. And as soon as he got it, he just put it on the ground. We all stepped on it. Fucking asshole. Nobody wants this shit. But the thing is, the boss was laughing as much as anybody. Oh, yeah, dude, the best.

Yeah, I mean. The boss is ruthless. He's absolutely ruthless, but he can take a fucking joke. I've never seen him get, like, offended, like, pissed off or anything like that. He can take a joke. Well, you want to see him get,

say Andrew Schultz does better crowd work than him. You'll see him get fucking offended. No, I'm kidding. Hey, boss. You're really great at crowd work, man. And'll see him get fucking offended. No, I'm kidding. Hey, boss. You're really great at crowd work, man. And I stole sitting down from you. That's fucking great.

You stole his essence? I stole his essence. Yeah. Who said that? Dane. Was it Dane? Said it to Kyle Cease. No, said it to Steve, right? Steve Byrne. Steve, yeah. I don't know. Maybe I romanticized. He said the joke wasn't the same, but the essence was the same.

What is the thing? Yeah. And people, if you look at comedy. They've influenced the fuck out of people. That's the thing. You can't, everybody's, listen, you become who you are. You see, yeah.

Absolutely. Like I stole Rogan's essence. I remember being in Boston at the time, evening at the improv comedy, Caroline's comedy half hour, all seven minutes of clean comedy. That's what everybody told you to do. Seven minutes of clean. You got to be clean or you won't get on TV. And then all of a sudden I see Rogan on TV and he's on MTV comedy half hour talking about, you know, pushing a girl's head down to get a blow job. How much pressure do you

apply? And I'm like, that's it.'s me i'm yeah i'm not i'm not a clean guy my i say fuck i'm from boston i yeah i i i my life's been fucked up i gotta that's my what i talk about i can't talk about shit that and i was like that's it so you kind of go up you kind of take and then you evolve into who you are yeah yeah so you know taking somebody's essence i mean steve burn is steve now yeah steve silhouette that's the thing that one thing that And then you evolve into who you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, taking somebody's essence. I mean, Steve Byrne is Steve now. Yeah. Steve's silhouette. That's the thing that, one thing that all of us had back then is we were all the same,

but we silhouetted. You were all, you knew who, what Patrice was. Patrice did something different than Norton and Voss and Billy and me and Dane. We all had similar, but we were all different. We all had a thing that we did. Yeah, I never saw you guys as very blended. Like, I know, like, I remember coming up and seeing, like, the influence of Dane on so many different people,

seeing the influence of a tell on so many different people. Fuck, yeah. I mean, there was a moment where it was, like, inescapable. Big Jay, but now look at Big Jay. And now Big Jay is completely himself, and then there's Big Jay's influence on people big jay right now is one of my favorites yeah yeah i mean i i i did a couple shows at big jay's brilliant so big jay is fucking you want to talk about brilliant crowd work big jay is fucking unbelievable boss is gonna fucking cut his hey hey

boss hey boss hey boss hey boss big j J's still talking into a microphone on stage. But besides that, you're the king. He's still sitting down. Yeah, yeah, sitting down. Standing and sitting, we all got from you, boss. I mean, boss is one

of those guys, man, who, you know, he's a club comic. Yeah. He is a fucking club comic. And he, there's only certain people that can go up

and kill for an hour. Yeah. There's not a lot of motherfuckers that can go up and fucking step on their necks for an hour for an hour yeah yeah yeah that's like the special yeah when louis came to me yeah yeah i was talking to him about he's like i did i um i did a show with my tour with him a little bit yeah he came up after one of my sets and he's like why don't you have an hour yeah I go, dude, I have more than an hour. Just nobody will give me, nobody wants me to do it, and I don't have the money. It wasn't where the, you know, I didn't know how to, this all the shit that you guys are doing now, right?

It was harder to self-produce before. Well, you know, it's a curve that I didn't understand. I came up in the generation, you became as funny as the fuck. You became so funny that you couldn't host. You became so funny that you couldn't middle. Headline is, you know, I remember Headline is saying, I'm not following this. I'm not following. And then you became a headliner when it doesn't matter what the fuck was on before you.

You're the motherfucker. You're changing the weather when you get up there. Yeah. Right? And then somebody goes, you get a special. Yeah. You get your shit after that. Do you feel like there was more justice back then with it?

No, I don't. It was just. Did it feel like the funny guys got their due though? I'm trying to think of like of your generation, like who didn't get a shot? Well, there's a lot of guys from Boston that didn't. But maybe they were in the big cities because that's another thing. If you're in a small city, especially back then, it's like nobody even knows the truth. Well, I think that, you know, look, I got-

Yeah, it's kind of a choice. If you stay in that city, you're kind of making a choice. Now you can do it. That's how I understood it. I'm much younger, but that's how I understood it. It's like, you stay in Boston. There's funny-ass guys stayed in Dallas. You made that choice.

Now nobody's coming to Dallas back then. Well, we were the first group. We were one of the first groups to leave Boston. We all left like i was the last one to leave like right billy dane left then billy then gulman then patrice and then i came up from philly he came from philly took big j de rosa little kev yeah um you know so kevin hart little kev little kev yeah yeah yeah you guys would bully that man but that's why he got so good. Dude, he was funny though, man. That motherfucker.

I remember one night, Keith and him were driving me back to Jersey City when I was staying there. When I was trying to move back from LA. Yeah. And, because I was in LA for two years. Yeah. You know, because I act. Yeah. So I went out there and I got-

You're actually like a really good actor. You are too, man. Well, thank you, but... That is acting right there. No, dude, I did a pilot with this kid. We did things together. I did a pilot with this kid. I mean, it bugged me. But you're like a dramatic good actor, too. That's the thing that's like, we expect comics to be

funny a lot of times, but you like to throw down a little tension. I love acting. The reason why I didn't, I was two years after everybody got here, I actually quit comedy. I didn't know that. Back in Boston, I quit. I actually got, I hooked up with an acting teacher, Peter Kelly, and I started taking, he was an acting coach that worked at College of Pikmin, the casting agency, and he taught,

he handpicked students to come to his, he had a theater in his house, kind of in the ghetto too in Boston. Yeah. And it was an old firehouse. And he had this theater and he would handpick like the best actors he thought in Boston to work with him privately and then produce stuff. And I went and worked with him.

I got on this class and I- Did he also try to fuck you? No, I wish he did. He was a fucking good looking guy. But he would, oh dude, he was a fucking good looking guy but he would oh dude he was like the coolest motherfucker

yeah but looks and personality he was fucking he was just the best acting teacher ever I remember he would

the first day this girl was he goes stop acting and they were like this girl was like what? he's like you're acting stop listen

and I was like that's what I can do. I'm not going to go to Shakespeare and all that, but I can listen. And that's why I was like, this guy's for me. But I got a movie called The Koala Bear Kid. And from that, I got another movie. And then from that, I actually did a play called Four Dogs and a Bone by the guy. The guy who wrote it was the guy who wrote Moonstruck.

And it was off-Broadway. So you were like acting actors. Dude, I was doing, yeah, script readings with famous people. I was in that community. So then what brings you back to New York? I did all the stuff. It was like a year and a half, maybe almost two years. And I went and did a guest spot one night.

And you're like, nah, nothing compares. And I was like, dude, I went up and fucking, it's something else, dude. It's something else. When you're up there, when you're doing a play, a comic play, you have to wait for the laughs. And you have to do what this guy wrote. You can't, you know, your instincts, you have to cut off. Yeah, yeah.

You have to cut them off. And you have to learn how to read these lines and deliver these jokes the way he wrote them. And that's a hard thing to do. Yeah. But when you go on stage. Freedom, man. It's like the Hulk.

Yeah. It's like all of a sudden, how does his superhero, he has to get mad. Yeah. It's like comics. You can write a joke. Yeah. We could all write a joke for somebody. They could go perform it and get mad. Yeah. It's like comics. How does your, you can write a joke. Yeah. You can, we could all write a joke for somebody. They can go perform it and get laughs.

But how about when you just get up there and you're funny or something goes wrong? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The real funny motherfuckers. That's pure. That's the authentic shit. Your superhero power. It's the only honest moment up there.

That's why, it was weird when we were coming up, they used to really shit on like crowd work. Like, oh, the industry doesn't know what to do with crowd work. Right. But to me, that was always the only honest moment up

there every bit i've done i know this works i'm kind of an actor who wrote my own script right crowd work this won't happen again this is honest it's pure something goes wrong this is pure well you see you see like i guess we would talk about this sometimes at the back table but it's almost like when things go wrong you kind of see where where somebody's true comedic instincts come out. Well, the trick is, though, that I learned, because you can get too good at crowd work and then you go back to a joke. What I did at the cell when I was hosting there,

I would do crowd work and murder and then go back to my joke and fucking, they wanted nothing to do with it. And they'd be like, what's going on? So I had to make my jokes. You have to make it so they don't know. They don't know which is which. They don't know what the fuck which is which.

They think you made the whole thing up. And when you get that compliment, when they're like, did you make that all up? Yeah, yeah. Or this. How much of that is improv? That's what people say. That's when you're doing it, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I like, yeah, it's almost like that becomes the magic of it. Like, I want people to not even know, have no fucking clue, because then it's just as exciting for them as it is for me almost. Yeah. Now I'm getting lost in this bit. I don't know where this is going to go. You don't know where it's going to go, but as soon as you,

as soon as something you hear that goes into a bit, it's like you're fishing. Dude, as soon as you hear, you're like, yeah, this, that, and then they say this, you're like, boom, there's this bit. They don't even know what's about to happen. Boom.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That reminds me, and you go into that bit, and it's just bang, bang, bang, and then you boom, and what the fuck? to happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That reminds me. And you go into that bit, and it's just bang, bang, bang. And then you boom. What the fuck? And you're like, okay, cool. That's when you can mix those two.

Tell me the story. You're going to Jersey. This is with Kevin Hart. Kevin. Oh, Keith. I just had my girl. We were moving in together. Yeah.

And we were driving. Kev's living with who? Patrice at the time or Keith? Yeah, something like that, right? They're both driving a shitbox. Yeah, yeah. with who, Patrice at the time or Keith? Yeah, something like that, right? They're both driving a shitbox. Yeah, yeah. Just Keith's shitty car at the time. And it was Kev's garbage.

It was a Toyota or some shit. And I'm in the back. And I just got the two New York newspapers, right, for the next day. I got the papers to read. And I'm in the back. And I was like, yeah yeah i just got a joint bank account and they were like they just silence yeah me and my girl just got a joint bank account they were like what the fuck did you just do i'm like we got a joint bank we're gonna be sharing

a bank account you fucking idiot i'm like what and they fucking drove me seven blocks past where they were supposed to drop me off intentionally. And it was in the ghetto, too. And they took my papers and threw them out the window. And they made me get out. And it was like midwinter. It was fucking freezing. So I have to go. I don't want to litter.

So I'm kind of picking up. I'm not a savage. I'm not just going to fucking let the papers fly around, right? So I'm picking of picking up. I'm not a savage. I'm not just going to fucking let the papers fly around, right? So I'm picking up these papers. You see, they're going, ah, you fucking pussy. They were just mad that I actually made a connection with my chick, you know? I heard a story of you guys throwing phone books at Kev when he was on stage. Yeah, he was on stage.

I heard that was Patrice. Yeah, we'd throw phone books at him on stage. There's people in the crowd. When somebody was killing, we wouldn't, it was like fucking whatever. But we heard one of us was bombing. Everybody was downstairs. Oh, yeah, that's the best. But in the cellar, that hallway, you just see all of them just looking at you.

And it just did something eternally where you're you're everything all your confidence all your ego yeah just died yeah and you're that little kid yeah you know what i mean and the crowd sees it yeah and then like we did it to vos uh i think it was last year maybe two years ago yeah uh nikki glazer was lost your grade at crowd org. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And comedy in general. You're an absolute legend. One of my favorites. He is. I absolutely love you.

But Nikki Glaser's murdering. Yeah, yeah. With like the most disgusting, funny fucking jizz. Yeah, yeah. I mean, really, kid. It's all young girls. Yeah, yeah. And she's fucking murdering.

Yeah, yeah. And Voss is going to go up after her. He's 63. Dresses like a fucking nine-year-old right he's in a ska band right yeah so he goes up he sits down wrong move so me and Keith run over I go on one side of the stage he goes on the other Oh. Oh. No, no, you start crying. The crowd just, oh. The whole crowd turns on him because of me and him. He's on stage so violently angry. He's like, she just was talking about guzzling cum.

How is that worse than that? And then as soon as he said that, everyone, oh. One girl turns to Liz and goes, why is he up there? Why would you put somebody like that up there? It was fucking great. The first night that I auditioned at the... I have to piss, I'm sorry. Go, go, go.

First night I auditioned at the Cellar. Where's he going? He's going to piss. Sorry. I thought you quit. The first night I auditioned at the Cellar, right? If he doesn't come back, do we stop and look for him? No, no, no no we just keep going

keep going okay well the Friday I think Rock shows up the Saturday I think Chappelle shows up so it's pushed

like the Sunday it's a Sunday it's a late show and I think Keith was hosting right and Voss just happened to be there

and so Keith is hosting I'm about to go do the first spot because that's the audition set so I'm just waiting by the exit door ready to be there. And so Keith is holding, I'm about to go do the first spot because that's the audition set. So I'm just waiting by the exit door, ready to go on. I'm so fucking nervous.

My entire time in comedy, I've been thinking about there's going to be a moment where I get to audition at the salon. And Voss starts heckling Keith, right? And then for like 40 minutes, they're going back and forth, just being racist.

The crowd doesn't even know what the fuck is going on and then Vosha's like he's my friend it's okay you gotta have one you just get one F and then

and I'm back there just melting because I have no fucking clue how to follow this shit and I went up and I bombed my fucking ass off did not get it yeah you didn't

no yeah but that's but SD let me let me try it again well the funny thing is that moment I bombed my fucking ass off. Yeah. Did not get it. Yeah, you didn't. No. Yeah. But that's- But, Estee, let me try it again. Well, the funny thing is that moment. Yeah. Because I wasn't authentic. I wasn't pure.

I should have gone up and just said something about it. You shouldn't have watched. That's true. I wouldn't even have fucking watched that shit. That's true. That's true. But those are the moments that the next time it's like, okay, that next truck up that hill that you're making yeah that's with you

yeah so you're like i fucking i'm i knew i went up there with the energy like that didn't happen instead of acknowledging what i was fucking feeling in the moment it was like this great lesson like i just tried to do like a late night set right after this amazing friend reaction instead of instead of being a comedian and And being a comedian. And being funny. But you saw this amazing friend reaction or interaction that was so authentic and pure. And everybody there, even if they felt uncomfortable or they were laughing, they were like, this is real. And then I went up there and I just did these jokes that I'd been planning, which was so fake. And they could fucking feel the difference.

That's why this special we did with Louis. When is it? The special's out the 12th. No, it's October 8th. Sorry, October 8th. So this is coming. October 8th, Saturday, louisck.com. So this is, you said for this to come out the 11th.

Yes. Okay, good. So it's already out right now, Louis CK. Go to louisck.com. There's a link on my website, robertkellylive.com. Louis CK, it's on his site. Yeah. But we talked about this this like this is a killer

club set that's that's what i've seen the set it is fucking hysterical but then we left in there's some shit happened dude like like we left in the improvs we left in the crowd work good we left in and we set the cameras up so you can see who I'm talking about. Good. So there's moments in a club. Yeah. You do a theater show. Yeah.

You're doing your set that you rehearsed. Yeah. And you do it. And they're all going, you can hear it's like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you do a club. Yeah. You hear that late.

You can hear in my special. Yeah. There's one lady who's losing her shit. And you hear her constantly. You hear her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I love about clubs constantly that's what I love about clubs that's what I love about stand up

you're affecting somebody different a lady almost died dude 20 minutes into my fucking set you fell on her? what happened? well this whole thing was a very quick build up

I told him my concept. And his concept was, I just want you to murder in a club. And I said, well, let's create this kill box. Like the cellar is a kill box. Yeah, yeah. Intimate, tight. Right? And I wanted, Elvis' 68 comeback special to me was the greatest thing Elvis did.

The Christmas special? No, it's not the Christmas. It's the comeback special. He's in the greatest thing Elvis did. The Christmas special? No, it's not the Christmas. It's the comeback special. He's in the leather suit. Okay. And I couldn't get a leather suit to fit me so I just got this jacket

that kind of fit. It's a leather so I kind of look like Elvis just fucking at the end. Yeah. You couldn't get a leather suit that fit? I was going to get

a leather suit like him. It comes from cows. You know what I mean? I would have to learn like 70 cows. Peter would have fucking been outrageous. It would have been stitches. You know, you would have saw patches of cows.

But so we created this room. It was a blank space. Coastal Creatives in St. Pete. Fucking, dude, these guys are fucking amazing. Because they're like, dude, we'll help you. We believe in this. Build what you want yeah and it was amazing so they built this thing it's all tears like people go it's this square box yeah with people all around so you can see everybody everybody can see each other every camera yeah has crowd i love it right so um we created this

fucking thing so where i kill but so we're doing, I walk out. You build up to this moment. Mike Kalta. Yeah, shout out to Mike. Number one best friend. His band opened up Pitbull Toddler. We're in fucking Tampa. We need a fucking chubby rock band.

So they're above me on a balcony fucking. That's great. And they're killing it. And then if camera comes down and Mike intros me, I'm going to walk out onto the stage. It's only fucking 12 inches high. Thank God. Everybody's fucking right here. Yeah. Nobody's waiting, you know? Yeah. And I get on stage and as I'm walking out, this fucking drunk fucking bitch who went to the bathroom, thought it'd be a good time to go to the bathroom. fucking bitch who went to the bathroom,

thought it'd be a good time to go to the bathroom, and they say my name, she runs in front of me. Oh, God. And I'm like, you fucking, ugh. She's like, sorry, right? I get on stage, my knee gives out, because I'm wearing stupid Nikes and they're flat bottoms. Yeah, yeah. So my knee twists, I'm like, fuck.

But anyways, I get into it, I'm killing it. Yeah, that's why. Yeah, yeah. You're right. Yeah, yeah. All right, right, fucking point taken, you scientist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. Point taken, you scientist. You're an asshole. Those are the factors.

It's not the flat bottoms. It's the fat bottoms. It's the fact that I'm shaped like an egg on fucking toothpicks. You're right. So I go out. I'm 20 minutes in. I'm finally like, I got it. We're doing it. I'm fucking in it. And then I hear, help her.

Holy shit. I'm like, I didn't hear that. And please help her. I looked. There's a lady going, second row, center stage. And this husband's like, please help her. Somebody, the fucking, I'm like, what's going on? The room shuts down.

Fucking chairs are being ripped out. The lights go on. I'm on stage. I'm like, what's going on? The room shuts down. Fucking chairs are being ripped out. The lights go on. I'm on stage. I'm like, give her some water. I don't know what the fuck's happening. All of a sudden, I'm off stage near the back door. There's chairs on my stage. I was just killing.

Everything was perfect. And it's over. And Louie and everybody's out. And it's going on. They're trying to get this lady out and everybody's out and it's going on. They're trying to get this lady out. They don't know what's going on. 15 minutes goes by and then I see Louis go, we're good. We're good.

Go ahead. I'm like, I'm not fucking good. I got to go back on stage. And that's where the... You could go back to the jokes or... If I don't acknowledge this, if I don't fucking say something about this, right? This is going to be, you know, so I go back on and I get back into it

and we got to go and we get them back and then we do it. Right. But that's going to be like an extra thing we put in. Yeah. But yeah, shit like that happens. Like I'm fucking with this guy in the crowd and the rule that we have when he edited this, if it's not funny, it's not in.

Mm-hmm. If it's not funny, it's not in. Crowd work. If it's funny, it's in. Yeah. I don't care if we have to take a joke out. Yeah. If it's funnier than that, we're going to leave it in.

Yeah, yeah. So those moments are in there. Yeah. So it's just a really killer club set. I love it. This is what we do in New York City, on the road, before the theaters, before the fucking arenas. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all fans.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is what we do. This is where we find. Make sure you check it out. LouisCK.net, I believe. Dot com, baby. Oh, dot com. Dot com.

LouisCK.com. LouisCK.com. Make sure you check it out. And by the time you're watching this, you can go buy it. Make sure you support. Yeah, you know, there's an interesting thing. buy it make sure you support um yeah you know there's there's an interesting thing like when we did when we did my last special we we built the stage out into the theater right and they were giving us a lot of pushback like we have to remove chairs and we were like it doesn't matter

because one of the issues with i think theaters is especially if you're going to be interacting is you can't see someone else's reaction from the crowd. You're just looking at the back of the head. So we created the sides. Even though it was a few rows, it was enough where if you're an audience member, you get to see someone else feeling joy, feeling anxious, feeling nervous, feeling happy.

You just get to feel part of it, which is what that club, you know what I mean? Club is. Comedy is jazz. Comedy is jazz. We're to, comedy's jazz. We're artists, bro. Oh, man. We're fucking artists, dude. No, but 100%, it's like you have to listen to them.

The weirdest thing about comedy, I think that a lot of times it's often lost, especially when comedy's being taped, especially with the late night set, is that there's not any listening to the audience. And by listening, I don't mean what they say, I mean how they feel. And one of the great things about like coming up in New York

is like when you're performing for fucking six people or eight people, you can't ignore how they feel. 2,000 people, maybe you can move on. But six, you have to acknowledge it. So we developed this different style that's like we're paying attention to what you're communicating even if you're not saying it. You're upset, you're fucking feeling weird, you're not saying it. You're upset.

You're fucking feeling weird. You're groaning. We're aware of it. Yeah, what's up? What the fuck is wrong with you? You see her face. What's wrong? If you're going to go out and deliver your jokes, okay, fine.

But if you're going to, how did that bother you? And then something comes out of that. And then not only that, everybody else in the room goes, oh, shit. We're present. This is not TV. Nope. You are here and the way you react is important. Right. And I think that heightens the state. I think it makes things funnier. You don't feel like you can just relax and chill. It's like, you got to be on your P's and Q's too. Yep. As an audience member. 100%. Is that

why you moved back from, because I'm thinking you could do comedy in LA. Why'd you move back? This is funny. You want to hear why I moved back from LA? It's Patrice O'Neill. in LA? Why'd you move back to New York? You want to hear why I moved back from LA? It's Patrice O'Neal. I was out in LA. I knew that, but I need you to tell the story. And I'm not going to clubs. I'm doing...

You're a thespian, bro. I moved out there. I booked a role. I did pilot season. I booked a sitcom that a year and a half later I thought they still were going to pick up. They never did. You know what I mean? And I'm doing clubs here and there, going from seven nights a week, doing stand-up with the best comics of my generation, and then the ones before us, right?

And the ones coming up after. I mean, the best. And then I'm out in LA doing a fucking coffee shop. Or some lady with a stopwatch going, all right, that's time. What? Yeah. What the fuck do you mean time? Yeah.

And Patrice came out and we were doing, who's the guy that hosts the game show now? It used to be Fat. Drew Carey. Drew Carey. Drew Carey was huge at the time. And they had a deal with Showtime where you went and did a show at the comedy store. And then they, you know, they did a competition. And the ones who won got to be on Showtime.

Or Showtime, I think it was Showtime. You know, Gary was in it. Patrice was in it. I was in it. And I got washed out second round. I made the first round, washed out second round. Patrice came, was staying at my house. And I remember, this is when I learned

what friendship was about, too. He was like, yo, man, I gotta go down tonight. You gotta give me a ride. And I'm like, dude, I'm not in it, dude. I'm fucking the fuck. I'm not going down there, dude. He goes, you gotta drop me off, man. You gotta pick me up. I'm like, dude, I ain't fucking, what the fuck am I, your chauffeur?

I just got douched out of that. I want to go to, he goes, no, you're not my chauffeur. You're my friend, motherfucker. And that's what friends do. And I was like, absolutely, you're right. And I remember I drove him there, had to drop him off at a thing, a dream of mine that was, and then I had to go pick him up, take him home. And we were home the next night.

And I remember this is when I learned about Patrice because he got it. Him and Gary got it. Yeah. And he was staying at my house to film this thing. Yeah. And he came home one night, and I know I'm kind of going a little before it, but he came home and they taped the first night

and he snapped at everybody. And, because the sound was off. They were filming it for the people, they could hear it in the booth fine. But not for the people in the crowd, yeah.

The mics weren't loud enough. Yeah. And the sound was off. It wasn't, they didn't set it up for comedy. They set it up for filming a TV show.

Yeah. He was like, no, you gotta, and he was fighting him tooth and nail. And I remember he came back and he was, I forget who it was, whoever it was, was saying, Patrice, can't you? He's like, motherfucking no. to, and he was fighting him tooth and nail. And I remember he came back and he was, I forget who it was, whoever it was,

was saying, Patrice, can't you? He's like, motherfucking no. They were going to bump him off this. They were going to take it away from him because they were so fucking like, this guy's such a pain in the ass. And he hung up the phone and he was like, Bobby. And he started crying. He was like, I know I'm supposed to just fucking go along

with these people I know I'm just supposed to say yes fine and deal with I know we'll probably be fine but I can't be up there as a comedian and fake it I can't fake it because they it's good for them

I need it to be good for me I need to be able to fucking be funny and I remember tears were in his eyes because he had to make a choice to say go fuck if you don't fix it I ain't doing it and they fixed it

damn right and the next night it was better for every comedian on that show the show was better everything and that's him you know what I mean

that was like a moment of where I'll be honest I probably would have took it a lot of people I mean I stayed in that shitty hotel and put a dress on they were with swans and a baby grand getting buzzy yeah yeah and so i remember we had i i barbecued chicken that night because i was home yeah five six nights a week home with my chick and i started cooking. And I remember I put the chicken in front, barbecued this chicken and I had this technique.

It was five, five, three, three, two, two, one, one, flipping it. And you made the perfect juicy barbecue chicken, right? And I put the chicken down in front of him and he took a few bites and he looked at me and he's like, Bobby, you have to move back to New York. I was like, yeah, yeah, I know. No, he's like, I, you have to move back to New York. I was like, yeah, yeah, I know. No.

He's like, I'm not fucking around, dude. You need to move back to New York right the fuck now. Get the fuck out of here. Get back to New York within the next couple months. I was like, what are you talking about? He goes, this is the best barbecue chicken I've ever had. He's like, you're not a comic. comic you're a cook you're a cook fuck within a month and a half i all my shit was in a u-haul and i moved back to new york

i moved back to new york i told my wife now yeah my girlfriend at the time i'm leaving if you want to come you can come but i gotta go and she's like, I'll come. And we drove back. We stayed in Jersey City. We finally got a place in Manhattan. I remember. Is this the same Jersey City place? Yes. Okay. And then what did Patrice start doing?

He started doing barbecue chicken at his Labor Day party or whatever, right? Well, yeah. That's why I see, boss. A lot of people steal things from friends. Patrice cooked good, though. He could? Oh, it wasn't barbecue chicken. What was it?

It was like a whole cow. It was great. I remember his barbecues were the best. Okay. It was the fucking best. Yeah. Because it was, you know, he had townhouse. Yeah, yeah.

So it's like every people, you know, it's just in his driveway. Yeah. He's, I think, he's my favorite. I think he's the best ever, right? Everybody, yeah, everybody. But everybody who I think has seen him and like witnessed it, especially like in real life. Unfortunately, a lot of people haven't.

And I think a lot of people haven't because he probably stuck to his gun so much about the artistic side of it. And like, that's one of the things that's always stuck to me is like, I never wanted to sacrifice that. So I was like, I got to find a different way where I can do the thing that I love doing.

And we're very fortunate we have the internet. I'm really curious what Patrice would be like in a time with the internet. I'm curious to see how far he could go. Because you see all these people that are able to go independent and have all the success doing themselves. Being like authentic computers. He's the first one to do it. He did the fucking web. The Patrice O'Neill show coming soon

it was so fucking funny no no the web junk who was he did the web junk then he did his own show but they fucked him

because they fuck you all the time right and then he just went and did his own thing and he was doing his own shit

he had an episode of that where he was running for president and then he just started roasting Will for no reason Will's

shout out to Will Silvins Will Silvins so funny but he was roasting and that shit had me dying that's what I'm saying I just and then he just started roasting Will for no reason. Shout out to Will Sillavance. Will Sillavance, so funny. But he was roasting, and that shit had me dying. That's what I'm saying. It's one of those things that we maybe take it for granted right now that we can post clips and we can do these types of things, but there's a time where people are coming up

who are artistically pure, and that purity would not allow them to have the commercial success that we have. So I see a lot of times comics complaining about having to post clips and all that kind of stuff, and I'm like, shut the fuck up, you whiny little bitches. Like, everybody back in the day was conforming their seven-minute clean set in fucking Boston or this, that, the other.

You had to fight with a production company to get the sound in the room to sound good, and now you're complaining that you have to like post a real, young comics as he complained about that. Yeah. And it's just like, bro, take a fucking beat. You get to do the comedy you want to do. Yeah. And if it fails, that's on you,

but at least you're doing the shit you want to do. That's why I love Louis because, you know, whatever the fuck, you know, he gave opportunities. Yes. He took his opportunities. Like, you guys are helping each other. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Adam Sandler does. He took his opportunities and gave it to everybody who he saw something in. Yes. And, like, this special, and he's a fucking, he's beyond comedy. Like, I'm. He doesn't have to do this for you. Doesn't have to do it for me at all it's the right thing to do he he he's like you you need a special

yeah you should your stuff should be out there but i remember like when we came in and this is why he's beyond like his brain sees shit that i don't we They did the room. Like, I mean, guy's a fucking award-winning set designer. He gave me his crew. The crew that does his special, he didn't give me some, you know, whatever, local guy. He gave me his-

The people that do Louis specials? Emmy award-winning, Grammy-winning people that does, that's who I got. And he walked in, they set it up, and then I was,

they were like, what do you think? I'm like, this is awesome. This is fucking, this is it. He walks in. He goes, that's wrong. What is that? Move that.

Bring that over here. I want 40 more chairs. I want, give me 75. Everybody's like, we're fucking, showtime is in three hours. He goes, we need to sell 75 more tickets. Get on the internet. Put out tickets. Tell everybody we released more tickets.

Love it. And he changed the whole thing. And it was so much better. Of course. Because as a comic, you get it. They don't get it. As a producer. And why would they?

It's not their fault. They didn't spend 30 years of their life doing comedy. Yeah. He's on another level. I got on stage after he set it up. And it was different. And it was different. It was like, fuck me, dude.

Yeah. I mean, what the, like. Yeah, yeah. And I was just like, okay, so that was a learning moment for me. Like, take a minute, absorb this. Yeah. And say, ask for what you want. Yeah.

And just ask the question, could we put something here? Fight for it. Fight for it. Fucking fight. Yeah, man. And I just came in, I was like, this is great. And I showed it.

When he came in, it was like, no, this could be better. Even when it's great, I'm still upset at it. What do you mean? Like, every theater we go to, it could be great,

but it could be better. It could be. Everyone, it could be better. Yeah, because. Everyone. It could be better. Yeah, because we're comics. Yeah, and then we'll switch it all, and it was better the first way? Well, at least we know. Well, that's the thing.

People don't understand us. I'm married to a square. She doesn't get me. We'll go to fucking. Yeah, don't marry a headshot. If I can give every comic, please don't. If you marry somebody with hopes and dreams, fucking it's not going to work. If they have the same aspirations as you, fucking leave now.

You know what I mean? There's only room for one drama mama in a relationship. You need someone to balance you. It's fucking me, right? So, you know, I'll go out to eat with my wife. And I'll be sitting there. The waitress will come over. Okay, yeah, what do you want? All right, yeah, I'll go out to eat with my wife, and I'll be sitting there. The waitress will come over. Okay, yeah, what do you want?

All right, yeah, I'll check. I'm like, what the fuck's wrong with her? She'll be like, what do you mean? She was fine. I'm like, no, she wasn't. What the fuck's wrong? What do you want? She's got an attitude.

And nobody else gets that. I haven't done that shit. But comics, we are hypersensitive to tone, an eyebrow, little micro ticks. This doesn't like me. That's why this guy, yeah. Right? And they'll never get it. That's what we're hypersensitive to.

Yeah. This person doesn't like me. That's what makes us funny. Yes. We need that hypersensitivity. I think it was, who was it? Rock said it. He's like, if ignorance is bliss, being a comedian is the opposite.

Yeah. A hundred opposite. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. And the thing, like you said, what I went through the last three years, I had to stop trying to be, you know, I was afraid if I stop being miserable, if I enjoy my life, if I get happy, am I bugging you? No, sorry. Are you bored? I was just sending him a little notice. See how hyper

white chick in the front row second show on saturday am i not hot enough for you i uh but you know uh i'm all fucked up what was it make him feel better Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob

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Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob I thought if I got happy, and this is what a lot of comics think, if you, the hustle's dead, everything's, if you get happy, if you enjoy your life, if you start to love your wife or your family and start to have real relationships, your funny's going to die with it. No. But that's the way I felt.

And it's the exact opposite. I feel the same way. It's the exact opposite. You do, like right now, I'm'm finding in the last three years i fucking love my i love my family i created a life always you've always been really i don't know you're one of the guys that i looked up to in that in that way because like you you have this amazing relationship with your kid and like i know what your childhood was like so when i see that i'm very impressed that's to be honest the most impressive thing that you've done to me. Outside of, even with

including comedy. It's like you broke like a fucked up cycle a lot of people can't break. 100%. And like, you're like super dad and it seems like you just love that part of your life. I love being a dad. And that to me is like the ultimate achievement, right? It's like you had no father figure

and then these random father figures kind of like in your life, in and out, constantly. Right, 100%. Terrified they're going to fucking molest you. Yeah, for real. And then you have the opportunity to have a kid, and then you like pour everything into the kid. And I don't know, to me, that is-

But usually my MO would be run from that. Run from the intimacy. Run from the realness. But now, I wake up in the morning, and I don't touch my phone. I sit on the bed and I think about... Ice cream? No, not anymore.

I've done that. I've done that in the middle of the night. That's my favorite joke. Now, there's two that I love in the new special. The one about going to sneak the food

and your wife giving you the nuts. Oh, yeah. I get my little snack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, fucking A. Worst thing in the world is asking your wife for help. I'm going to help you Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, fucking A. The worst thing in the world is asking your wife for help.

I'm going to help you, but you got to listen. Go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself. But, you know, that— You broke a cycle, man. I broke the cycle, but now I found out in the end I can still be funny. I can still be who I was, but also I can go home and shut that shit down and go fucking

jump on a trampoline now not then before you fucking say the joke like a baby elephant baby? baby elephant's big alright fair fair so you have this you know how I can tell you love being a dad?

Because the way you came in teaching Mark how to light a cigar, and I was like, yo, this guy fucking loves being a dad. Do you think that comes from not having a dad or not having a good dad and then being like, I'm going to learn to love this? I'm going to say this. I've had amazing father figures in my life. The thing that was hard for me to do, and I've done it in the last few years, is to, you got to be careful because you, you, my, my therapist said to me one day, you don't get a dad. Boo hoo. You are the dad. I'm sorry. You don't, other kids get dads. You don't.

You're the dad. So I had to stop when a problem arose, when something came up, stop reaching out to these other older comics and saying, hey, what do I do? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sit in it. Yeah. And maybe fail. Yeah. Sit in the pain.

Sit in the fear. Yeah. And go, fuck. Let it go. Yeah. Be grateful. Know you're going to be all right. And make the decision, what am I going to do right now?

And be the dad, be who you are. So that was what's happened. And especially in the last three years, you know, I want my kid to grow up with fucking love. I kiss my kid more than the priest kissed me. You know what I mean? I love him, and he feels that. And now, dude, I've made mistakes.

Don't get fucking wrong. I've made mistakes. I'm from Boston. My thing was, knock it off, you fucking idiot. You're smacking the head. I don't hit my kid. I'll never hit my kid. There's no reason to hit a kid.

People are like, you got to get him. No, you don't. You really don't. There's other ways to do it. And one of them is fucking loving him to death. Yeah. And he'll respect that and respond to that. All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because let's be honest, okay? Some of you out there, you playing your games, you doing your activities and you getting snoozy and there's no reason for it because you should be on the sups. Gamer sups, the best energy on the planet. I was about to say the best powdered energy on the planet, but we all know that that's not true. This is the best energy drink, okay? Mix this in with some water. When I say best, I don't just mean best in terms of keeping you up.

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Now let's get back to the show. Also, upcoming dates, October 14th and 15th next week. I'm going to be at Virginia Beach, Virginia. Don't pretend you have better things to do. October 27th through 29th, Philly, Helium Comedy Club. It's a cool city. You got things to do, but you're all miserable. So why don't you just come laugh at Helium Comedy Club? Also, quick announcement before we get back to the show. The improv shows we have in December have been postponed. We will get a new date, and I will get it to you. I know a bunch of you bought tickets already, but we will find a new

date for you guys. For the three shows I named and the rest of the shows for the Big Dizzy Energy Tour this year, go to akashsingh.com. Get your tickets before they sell out, and let's get back to the show. I was watching you run the hour before at the Cellar, and it was at the show where your kid was there. Do you remember this one?

I love it. Dude, my kid's a nut. And then at one point you were telling a joke, and I think it might even have been about him, and he just goes, that didn't happen. He just walks on stage full of confidence, I think takes the mic and be like, dad, I didn't do that. That didn't exactly happen like that.

And then you had to be like, we're actually practicing something like that, little buddy, so I love you so much, but you're going to have to go over here. But, like, that's a kid full of confidence, right? He's got a lot of confidence. He's great. And, yeah, he's fucking great. But it's, you know, even, like, you know, the kid stuff that I got out of it, the stuff, like, okay, I love my kid.

And then all of a sudden jokes started coming out about that, you know, about, like, you know, I got to teach him a whole new way. So maybe that's the transition because, like, I know when we were down in Miami, I was, like, so fucking happy. You went to Tampa, I maybe that's the transition. Cause like, I know when we were down in Miami, I was having, I was like so fucking happy. We went, you went to Tampa, I think during the pandemic and we were in Miami and like, I couldn't write a fucking joke. And I, and we, we moved back up here. I was like, no, I need to be in my element because at the end of the day, I think comedy is like complaining, but we just do it funny. Right. So the audience has something, but like I had less to complain about. But in retrospect, I look back

and I was like, no, I just didn't dig deep into the newer things. And that's what happens is like you evolve. And if you give yourself some time on stage to like change what you've done, and we should always be doing that, you know? So yeah, I could do it in Miami. I can do it here. You can do it happier. I do also think that success makes an interesting thing happen where the anger and bitterness kind of subsides. And then all of a sudden, this sounds weird, but the more successful that I've gotten, the more I really want the crowd to have an amazing fucking time at the show.

It's not like me filling the void. Yep. It's like, how can this be spectacle? How can they leave here going, that was the best. Yeah. And that's, I think that's a cool thing about feeling a little bit more fulfilled. Right. That you want to kind of give the experience to the people.

I just did the Soul Joe thing, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm outside in the middle of the- Explain the Soul Joe. Soul Joe's is a fucking thing that happened in the pandemic. This kid just, you know, the rooms were all closed. Justin Joel. Yeah.

Hustler, hustler, hustler. He fucking put sand down in a field and put a tent over it. Made an outdoor venue. Made a stage. And then we went. I mean, you build it, they will come. It's literally that. And we all fucking went.

And you're out there in front of people who brought their own booze, brought their own chairs, sat in fucking sand in a field in the middle of Pennsylvania. You hear a train going by, fucking, you know, you hear the Ku Klux Klan fucking doing a rally in the woods. No, I think they actually came to my show. That's what I said. I was like, this is where real comedy exists right now, in the woods of Pennsylvania.

Because you can say anything. And if it's fucking funny, they're with you. And then at the end of that, you can just go anywhere you want because they came to see a comedy show. And I said some fucked up shit. I talked about, that's where

new jokes are allowed. It's like, I bought that tiny house up in New Hampshire. I had this whole thing. It just happened. I don't know how to be funny again. After you put out an hour, it's like, I don't know how to write a joke. I lost my funny. You've been doing it for 30 years.

You're like, do I know how to do this stuff? And then you get in front of one of those crowds, and all of a sudden, it's just you talk. And the whole bit came out about trying to fuck in a tiny house. And it's terrible. I mean, I'm talking about my wife's fucking pussy and varicose veins and fucking I hit my head and I'm bleeding and I just drooled on her back. Old, young, everybody dying. And then at the end when you say goodnight

and you're like, and they stand up in sand, you know what I mean? In the woods where there shouldn't be a comedy show. Yeah. And they're fucking, it's like, that's. It's great. That's the crazy feeling you get. And then you did some new stuff.

There's nothing like when new stuff comes out. I think for a lot of comics, they think without the void, you're not going to be funny. And maybe it was easy for you because you was always confident. And maybe it's because you had a great dad. But like once you get confident and funny and successful or happy, there is a feeling that, oh, when I'm full, there's a fear that without the void, I'm nothing. We're doing comedy because we're empty. The void is what made me funny. The void is how I got accepted.

At the beginning, you're doing comedy because you're fucking empty. And it fills that void. Yeah. So how do you transition to my life i made a life it's full i'm happy as shit but then that's when you're fucking you that's when you go up on stage and you your your honesty comes out and if these people like you they're with you yeah forget that i feel like you can almost be like your most pure and authentic self because it's not anger coming out nope it's not hatred it's not bitterness and i's not hatred. It's not bitterness. And I'm not as like, sorry, go.

I was going to say, I'm not as tied to your reaction because my void isn't as dependent on, I have just more confidence in, oh, I'm funny. So if you're not laughing, I'm not angry at you as much. I'm not whatever. It's okay. Well, let's just go. Let's sit in this and then let's get there and dig. And I think a lot of times, you've seen a lot of comics that like use a lot of drugs and

stuff like that or maybe they're drinking or whatever but would produce like pretty amazing comedy yeah but when you really think about what drugs do is like they fill the void right so then after it's full yeah you get this performance that these people can really enjoy right so it's like they're almost filling first so they can give right before that they're angry they're curmudgeoning yeah pissed off it's like how do you settle that shit they're angry, they're curmudgeoning, they're pissed off. It's like, how do you settle that shit? I don't know. I'm really-

I had to fill, you're right. I had to fill that first and then I could go on stage. My next hour is going to be on food addiction and weight and being a fat fuck. And I can go on stage and point to a fat fuck and go, how many fats you on? And he doesn't get offended. Because he knows exactly what the fuck you're talking about.

He knows exactly what the fuck, and his wife isn't mad. Everybody's laughing. Even the skinny people get it. Like, we get it. Because that's some, I'm like, dude, this is my sixth fat. You know what I mean? Dude, that's the thing that, I don't know. I just think I just love so much about comedy is like,

you find a way to say the things that make people uncomfortable. Yeah. But instead of being comfortable, they actually laugh. We all want to talk about it. Right. You all see that big fat guy in the front row. Right. You're addressing it in a way where not only do they feel comfortable.

Right. But the people around it have been watching that person feel comfortable because he doesn't feel bad. But then you also go into a joke that relieves that pain. Yeah. There's nothing. What comedy did for me when I first saw it,

I was like, you do that too? Ah. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how you handle it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I was like, fucking, that's why, you know, look, I lost weight and I talk about it on stage because I need to make this funny.

You know what I mean? Yeah. It's funny. Yeah. I need to make that funny so that people will mean like it's funny yeah i need to make that funny so that people will you know people come up to me after the show it's like dude dude you fucking helped me a lot oh you fucking helped me a lot dude big motherfucker's like dude i've been trying i'm doing this all right i keep fucking doing it yeah i keep fucking doing it yeah and you know a little love yeah i just i thought you were waiting i didn't know i thought you were gonna hit me in the back be quiet for a while oh he's locked and loaded

stop flexing your awesome fucking legs you don't use the uh electric part of the bike you use the pedals shit um yeah dude fucking it's it's a wild thing, comedy. And you got, dude, you, all you guys, the comics that are coming up now, I feel bad for you. Okay, go, go on that. That's interesting. Dude. Do you consider me coming up now?

Because you've seen me for so long, that's what I'm wondering. Listen, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You, of course, I consider what you did is you went, not only did you do what I did, being funny, going on stage every night, you had to figure out a whole new curve. Social media, how to do it, how to get the, I can't do that. Can you do that?

Help me do that. All right, you do that. I'll help you do this. It's more of a unit thing now. When I was coming up, we didn't talk about jokes at the table. Really? That's interesting. Dude, we didn't.

I didn't go to an amen. I mean, once in a while we would. That's legit how we became friends. You just went up. You were funny, motherfucker. Interesting. And you just didn't come up to me and go, hey, with a thing of notes. What did you think about that joke? I didn't watch you, you fat fuck. And she didn't come up to me and go, hey, with a thing of notes, what'd you think about that joke? I didn't watch you, you fat fuck.

I'm going on after you. I'm worried about fucking, you know. Yeah. I think the new generation kind of, you know, you had to figure out social media, algorithms, YouTube. Yeah, yeah. You know, how do I get around the gatekeepers? Freedom.

That's all I've ever wanted. Freedom. I want to do the jokes. I want to do exactly the way that I want to do them. And I guess maybe one cool thing that happened is when we were coming up, you remember, I remember us talking about this. I remember you being frustrated that Comedy Central wasn't giving you an hour or something like that.

And then I remember this moment where I'm like, wow, all the people I find hilarious are feeling the same thing right that's good right that means the people I see killing every night are are not being given the opportunities that means the stuff that's out there yeah is not reflective of what the people laugh at right Because we all know who's funny and who's not. Yeah. Regardless of who gets shit. Right.

We all know. Right. So if the people that I'm watching, and we're going up on the same shows as the people maybe getting shit. Right. And we see who struggles after people. Right.

So I'm like, oh, wow, there's not a place for the type of comedy that we know fucking kills. Right. And that gave me all the confidence. I was like, if we just put out the comedy that works, that people gravitate to it. Yes.

And you're not in competition with anybody. That's the beauty of the internet. Before it was like five specials a year. Yeah. And you and your buddy, your best friend that you fucking live with are competing for the one special. Yeah.

Now it's your buddy's putting something out. You're like, how can I help them get as many views on it where everybody's going on each other's podcasts and shit? I don't ever hate Netflix, all these comments. It's like you can't hate these people. They're business. They're trying to make money. Dude, because here's the thing.

Yeah. My first special I did, the Live from Village Underground, nobody wanted it. Yeah. Everybody said, fuck off. Yeah. So Jim Serpico was like, I'll do it. Yeah. And we did it at the Village Underground. Nobody wanted it. Everybody said, fuck off. So Jim Serpico was like, I'll do it. And we did it at the Village Underground. We were the first comic to do a special at the Comedy Cellar. And we did it at the Village. This is when you had to turn the cameras on and off

after 15 minutes. So we had to have people at every camera going off on, because the technology wasn't there. He figured all the shit out. And then we just, fuck it, let's just do it and see what happens. Yeah. That's the thing. Yeah. We know you're funny. We'll do it. Let's do it.

And then as soon as we did it, Netflix bought it. Comedy Central bought it. Yeah, yeah. And it's on Amazon now. Yeah. So it's like, you know, that stuff happens. You're not in control. The funny is the unique thing.

You're not in control of that. And if it is good, people will want it. You did that with Netflix. Yeah. You're like, I'll do my own thing. All of a sudden, it's like, eh, Netflix called me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, cool, all right, we're in business.

The way I always look at it is like, we made it, so you called me. Like, you didn't do me a favor. Yeah, but. We put you in a position where you had to. That's like hating comedy clubs that didn't use me. Yeah, yeah. The only comedy club that used me was the Cellar and Boston Comedy Club. Yeah, yeah.

Every other club told me to go fuck myself. Yeah,, too this, too edgy, you're too loud, whatever the fuck it was. I never hated them. Never was like, fuck you, I'll never work. That shit will kill you. That shit, that draws negative shit to you. Yeah. It motivates me a little bit. I ain't gonna lie. I remember it. I got a little bit. I remember when the deal comes in. I remember who was nice to me and who wasn't i mean i didn't do that i never did that i was a seller comic and i was happy to be there yeah and i'm one of those guys what happened

to all those clubs yeah what happened to them yeah they shut down with the strip yeah all the where the fuck carolines yeah what club What club am I at? Seller. What's that saying? Sit by the river long enough and the bodies of your enemies will float by. I've never heard that said. I think you made that up now. You made that up a lot. Yeah. I might have.

I think I heard that. I think I heard that on a Rogan clip or something. It's true. Art of War. You know, is that the Art of War? Yeah, it is something. It's true. Art of War. You know, if you don't... Is that the Art of War? Yeah, it is. But it's true.

How many people... That's a good thing to do. Like, when you make up a quote, just go, Art of War. I heard it on Rogan. That's what I was going to say. That's good. I like that.

Rogan will help you out through some jams. Trust me. Oh, yeah. Those clips. The house that Rogan built. Tell you, one of those clips, you're at a fucking, you know,

you didn't sell the second show. Yeah. Listen to a couple, this is funny too. After, I'll tell you real quick if I can bop back. Go, go, go, go, go. The lady dies on stage.

She's dying, right? Yeah. I got to go back up. This is during your special just so everybody knows. I got to go back up during the special. I got to go back up.

She died though? She died. No, she didn't die. She's alive. I got an email from her husband. Yeah, yeah, yeah die. She's alive. I got an email from her husband. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She lived. You got an email from her husband.

Thank you. This is the same one that interrupted, right? That walked. No, this is a different lady. Wow. So she's okay. But I remember, I'm fucked, dude. I immediately got an eye headache.

I got the stress of my thing that we've been working for so long. Can you put your tongue in? Don't just sit there with your tongue out. It's freaking me out. You're going to kiss my neck. I'm excited. All right, dude. So, dude, I'm fucked up, dude.

I'll be honest. I went through, I killed it. But I got an eye headache. I'm fucked. The first show, anybody who films a special you know the first show is where you get it

the second show is like let's have fun everybody says that Louie even said that like you know I come back I'm fucked I'm fucked

I'm like I fucked up what the fuck I didn't do that I didn't do this and Louie had to come back and he's like Bobby we got it

he's like don't worry got it dude he's like we got don't worry i'm like dude my i got a migraine all this shit i'm like in my head i'm backstage they cleared my my wife got the kid out everybody and i'm like dude what the fuck i'm panicking after the first set yeah and louie wound up he gave me he he gave me a Martin Luther King speech, a fucking Elon Musk speech. He literally broke out a video of Tom Brady. He had to go to Tom Brady. Tom Brady's the GOAT, though. A video of, you know.

He's the MLK of our time. That's what I heard on Roman. Literally pumped me back up so that I was like, fuck it, let's go. Because my confidence was done after that. Yeah, yeah. Because, you know, dude, it just-

Am I going to fuck up this opportunity? Dude, if I fuck up on the next show, we don't have another night. Yeah. And he had to give me all this stuff.

He goes, watch this video. Because you knew all these things, the quotes he was giving me and telling me all this shit. Yeah. It wasn't, I was like, fuck. And he gave me that,

he pulled up that Tom Brady. It's that one where he's like, they didn't want me. They didn't think I could do it. And then they just fucking one ring. And he's like, I didn't listen to those people. Two rings. And then he's on seven fucking rings. I'm like, fucking let's go.

And I went out and murdered the second show. Love it. Yeah, man. It's pretty fucking wild. Yeah. Even at that stage of the game. You've had a wild, just the whole career, man. Fuck the career, just the life, I think.

Yeah. I don't know. I think more and more about as I get older and want to have kids with my wife. Achievement is outside of just career. It's like, who am I becoming as a person? Yeah. Am I keeping the good things my parents gave me? Am I changing

the things that I wish they maybe did different? And I don't know. I've always looked at you and I've always admired you outside of being a comic. I feel like you've been on this cool journey to become a good man. Right. I appreciate that. That's a big achievement. Thank you, brother. I appreciate it.

There's a lot of great comics who aren't good men, people. Yeah. And that's the nightmare scenario for me. And that's the problem with us is because we love comedy so much that we forgive them for that. Yeah. Right?

Like, there are guys that we know are fucking assholes. But they go on stage, and we're like, God damn, that asshole's funny as shit. Yeah. He's funny. He's fucking hilarious.

Right. And, but at the same time, it's like, they might be bitter, and they might not have friends. They might not have somebody there for you, but I have a feeling like if you needed something, you could call a bunch of people, and they would ride for you. Absolutely. It is important.

And that's why when I saw you getting married, like at that stage, that's usually when guys go out and go fucking bang everything and live all the shit. And at that moment, when you hit that, you were getting married and all your friends were around you. And I was like, he's got it. He's fucking got it. He's got it because he's happy in life. Not just all this shit.

This shit's gravy. That's true. This shit's gravy. You're happy when you go home. Yeah, yeah. The better, yeah. I mean, we always go home. Yeah. Yeah, the better. Yeah. I mean, we always say that here is like the better this is for all of us, the more fun we get to have.

Right. Yeah. We're so, I guess, I don't want to speak for everybody, but we're like super inspired by that time at the cellar. And I think that's what we carry through here. Like we have this really close, intimate relationship. Like all these guys, like we're not like work friends. Like this is family. So we can be as ruthless right because we know it's family when it's work friends is different man like yeah you

feel the energy is different yeah i mean i mean it doesn't i mean that jacket should be thrown on the track either that or put it back on the couch i thought we were family i mean jesus i thought we were a fucking family pretty sure edunker, that was what a chair was made of. 12 years old. He's not going to know Edith Bunker. Edith Bunker? What is that? I have no clue what Edith Bunker is.

What is she's family? Archie Bunker's wife. Oh, my God. You don't know all in the family? No, all in the family. I've never heard of it. Go fucking put these kids to school. Go back to school.

All in the family? Fucking Archie Bunker? No, I've never heard of this person. Go back to school. All in the family? Fucking Archie Bunker? No, I've never heard of this person. You fucking meathead. Coming from you, bro. God damn it. God damn it.

Andrew, what the fuck? There's a picture of Archie at the Flagrant Studio in Brooklyn. Oh, really? On the wall, yeah. I've never seen this in my life. Funniest sitcom ever made.

Broke the rules. Was racist, insulting. Sexist. But not to everybody. And it was all on the main guy. He was the fucking idiot. Eddie Murphy, delirious. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've heard of him. Hummin' on, hummin' on, hummin' on, hummin' on. No, that was Honeymooners. The same thing. 100%. So different. So different. I just was like, what the fuck is he talking about? Oh, that is the fraud. Is Eddie Murphy delirious? thing you know what he makes fun of oh fucking who was it ralph brandon that's

that's the archie bunker literally a hundred years played archie bunker red fox was in it yeah red fox was not in fucking yes he was oh my red fox was not in fucking Honeymoon. Yes, he was. Oh my, Red Fox was not in the Honeymooners. The fucking, I'm a Cuban. What? Desi Arnaz?

Red Fox had his own show. And then it became I Love Lucy. Are you fucking? I Love Lucy is the House of Dragons of Archie Bunker's show. You are fucking,

it's a sequel. You guys have to let this shit happen? Billy Squire. He's gotta get it out. Billy Squire of Archie Bunker's show. You are fucking... It's a sequel. You guys have to let this shit happen? Billy Squire. He's got to get it out. Billy Squire is the greatest American rock and roll star

in history. Do you agree? 100%. Thank you. At least we're on the same fucking page. You know, the Jeffersons, that's a spinoff

of All in the Family. George Jefferson was Archie's neighbor and they used to have these little race jokes. What are we talking about? Tell me about the war. What happened in the war? You remember that? I don't understand what's going on here. Yeah, civil. race jokes. What are we talking about? Jefferson's is that guy. Tell me about the war. What happened in the war?

You remember that? I don't understand what's going on. Yeah, civil. Civil war. What happened? Listen to me. I'm going to. I'm going to.

Listen to me. You need to go back and watch All in the Family. Okay. Okay? Watch All in the Family, and you'll understand where TV changed. They stopped being Brady Bunch. The Brady Bunch was, the father was gay.

The son was fucking the mom. It was phony, right? And then all of a sudden, Norman Lear was like, we're going to make, where we are, we're going to make real comedy. And that's when that show came out. And then the Jeffersons and Sanford and Son, all these shows came out that were just dealing with real shit.

It was the flagrant of that time. You know, misogyny. It broke the mold. They were flagrant as fuck, racist as fuck, sexist as fuck. One of the funniest episodes, I'm going to probably smash it and not do it, but Archie was in the elevator with a black dude and a Puerto Rican guy. Yeah. And the elevator got stuck.

Puerto Rican fix it. No, no. That's a Mexican. Puerto Rican would be like, I don't know what to do. Puerto Rican would try to finger fuck your chick while you're there. But they're on the elevator, and he's talking to the black guy, and he's talking about the Spanish guy, right? And the Spanish guy walks up to him, Mr. Bunker, I am equal to you.

And Archie Bunker goes, equal to me? You're not even equal to him. And the black guy went like this. So this is what I love. Oh, that's good. So what year is this coming out? 20s, 30s or something? 20s or 30s.

That's black and white, you fucking lunatic. When were you born, dude? I was in the 70s. Okay, okay. I'm just making sure. 20s and 30s. It was Prohibition. Right, right.

That was the Great Depression. That was the Great Depression. They didn't have color TV. They didn't have TV. We don't call them color. Some people do. Okay. No, but what I like is, like, they're aware that they're being racist.

I think that, like, young people go back and watch this stuff. They're like, look how awful TV was back in the day. They're like, no, no, they know it was awful. Yes. They're making the joke about how people are. And that's how we fucking come together. That's how we come together. Now, did everybody feel that way?

Were, like, black people watching the show, Puerto Ricans? Dude, of course black people. They did a spinoff for black people. Good Times, Jeffersons. Black people love this show. Because black people were represented in the show for who they were. Right. And they didn't like white people either.

Less than a white, but more than a Rico. Yes. But when they did the Jeffersons, the Jeffersons had money. And they had a white door guy. Yeah. Moving on up, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was, look it, we're all the same.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're all the same. We all have the same shit. We all fucking think the same thing. Were people trash in the show? Was there like a woke? Were people woke even back then? Oh, of course, yeah.

But you can't fuck with the ratings until now. Because look at Roseanne. Exactly. Roseanne was the same show. And the worst thing they did to me, and look, I'm not fucking, I'm dumb, but the worst thing they did to her was take her off the air. Look, I'm not fucking, I'm dumb, but the worst thing they did to her was take her off the air

because you have a show that 24 million people are watching of all race, creeds, and colors, and we're laughing together. And we learned from that. We learned about racism. You learned what you can't say, what people are offended by.

What you learned is that you learn that you can't be honest. You can't be real. You can't be truthful. Now what she did as a comedian, that's why, that's the bad part

of social media. As a comedian, it's got, you can't go, politics are religion now. Yeah. So for some reason, comics,

you have to be, you have to say meaningful shit. Yeah, I don't think you have to do that. If she didn't go on Twitter and didn't say, she looks like this, fuck. We don't care.

Fuck your political views. We want to laugh. She was trying to be funny, by the way. I don't think she was trying to be racist. She fucked up because she's fucking old and didn't understand it. But there's a way to get to that joke. You could have said something else about that lady. Yeah.

But, you know, she fucked up by going on the social media. The Twitter and feeling that you have a responsibility to fuck it. Yes, I said the Twitter. We would let you go, too. We would let you go. I'm trying not to say anything. We're putting a thud for everything, bro. Put it on the line.

Tell us about the Instagram. Dude, I felt like you guys were vampires. And you guys all went. I suck. The Twitter. Yes, the Twitter. It's just, guys, you know, man, I post what I want. The Twitter. Yes, the Twitter. It's just, guys, you know, man, I post what I want. Yeah.

But you don't need, look, back in the day, at the table, no politics, no religion. Yeah. Let's just have fun. Was that the rule? No, because you guys would bicker over politics. But it wasn't, it wasn't, fuck you, I'm never talking to you again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get the fuck out of my house.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was never that. It was a friendly debate. And, you know, in my house, I'm from Boston, Irish Catholic, the Kennedys. My mother would, I mean, would suck Robert Kennedy off and JFK in front of my father, my stepdad. My first stepdad, the one who beat me up and abused me, fuck him. But the second guy, Larry. Yeah.

The best. Italian. Yeah. You come over, you're making fresh chicken soup. Yeah. And playing Frank Sinatra. Yeah. But Republican, right?

Yeah. We would sit down and people would start talking. Yeah. It was all friendly. And all of a sudden you hear ding and the chicken soup's ready and we'd go all have chicken soup. Yeah, yeah. And talk about something else. Yeah. It wasn't personal. It wasn't religious. It all of a sudden you hear ding and the chicken soup's ready and we go all have chicken soup and talk about something else. It wasn't personal.

It wasn't religious. It wasn't the way it is. You know, fuck you. You know, it was, you were different than me. You had different views. Just like those sitcoms. Meathead was a diehard progressive liberal. Yeah, they had like a big liberal.

His son-in-law was like a big liberal and his daughter. Both of them, big liberals, which represented a big part of the country yeah and then you had archie who was a fucking subtle sometimes not racist yeah you know what i mean but he learned through this shit you know uh you know and and the next door neighbor's son would come over and he would just treat him like a buffoon. And he didn't know it. Yeah. So we all were represented in that.

And that's the way it was back when I grew up. Yeah. You know? I mean, look at it. JFK, God bless him, he was a pimp. Yeah. That guy was a pimp. Yeah.

So if you're holding up certain people to this standard, you better take the photos of him off. Yeah. Because that guy was fucking banging Marilyn Monroe. take the photos of him off. Yeah. Because that guy was fucking banging Marilyn Monroe. Yeah. Banging starlets. Yeah. And I mean.

What a monster. I mean, yeah. You know what I mean? So that's why they loved Clinton so much. He was a pimp. Yeah. Also a rapist.

Women loved. Clinton also a big rapist Epstein's guy. But nobody cares. Nobody gives a fuck. Hillary doesn't care. The rest of us care. Dude, you might, but all the women, dude, my mom loved Clinton.

Fucking played the saxophone. Her pussy got wet. You know what I mean? Like, you know, I remember, you know, it's just. Can you tell me about, because I've heard you mention Larry and the chicken soup. Yeah. Before. Yeah. As this, like, moment in your life. Where's that lighter? Can you tell me about, because I've heard you mention Larry and the chicken soup before. Yeah.

As this like moment in your life. What was that letter? I get it. Thanks, Bella. So Larry's this. Dude, sorry. He said, I'll get it, and he didn't even move. He said, I'll get it.

The royal eye. But I said, thanks, brother. I assimilate. Yeah, yeah, that was good. That was good. I really do assimilate. It's good. I start, what's up, man? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I assimilate. Yeah, yeah. That was good. That was good. I really do assimilate. It's good. I start, what's up, man?

Yeah. I was in Maui. You wore your cool sneakers? Yeah. I fucking defend this shit. Hold on. You were in Maui? You did what?

Please don't tell me that you. We were in Maui. We got married there. And the next day, we were at a gas station. And this Hawaiian dude pulled up. I was asking him for directions. My wife almost left me I was like oh cool bro

thanks my wife I got in the car this is what I saw my wife was like this and I was like what's up she goes

did you just give the hang loose sign you fucking loser my wife's from Boston too she's like fuck you larry chicken soup larry's the second stepdad who's actually great with your mom they're still together no he's he passed away a few years ago okay yeah very quickly too very sad oh sorry he was and it sucks to me because he was the dad. That you always. I mean, he was the guy. He loved John Wayne.

He's the one who got me into Westerns. He got me into Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra. He was a man's man. Like, you need a deck on the back? Well, go build it. Yeah, yeah. And he's the one. When I have a job, I get up right away.

I get up before. I'm early. I don't like to be late. And when there's a job to be done, I'll do it. That's when I moved up to, when I got my house up in Westchester, I needed a fence. There was a stump in the back and I'm going to build a pirate ship. And I was like, what? I built a fucking pirate ship. And I'm like, where did I get this? It's from him. Just go and do it. I put a fence in. I built a pirate ship. And I'm like, where did I get this? It's from him. Just go and do it.

Go build. I put a fence in. I built a pirate ship. I put a garden. I did all this manly shit because Larry, you don't think it's being in you, but these things are being put in you that are going to come out. Yeah. And he was- But he invested time into you.

He invested time into me. He invested hard work into me. And it sucked for me because when I had a son, you know, it was hard for me that he passed away because it was getting to the point where I was calling him up and saying, hey, man. Because my brother and sister, my younger brother and sister, are fucking beautiful people, really great. My mom and him did such a great job.

And I was going to, you know, it sucks that I want to, these moments where I was like, hey, Larry, this happened. What do I do? He helped me a little bit. But he was great because he'd be like, you want to let that go. You don't want to, you want to pick. I remember he said to me, pick your battles. Pick your wars with your kid.

You don't want to fucking, you know, well, let him go a little bit. And when you give him a consequence, don't take away his iPad for a month. Because you're going to want to nap in two hours. You know what I mean? You fucking idiot. Take it away for 20 minutes. So that way, when you want to take a little nap, he's on his iPad. You got it back. Go back. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Take it away for 20 minutes. Yeah, yeah. So that way, when you want to take a little nap, he's on his iPad.

You got it back. Go back. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. He was that guy. But the one thing I realize is that he's in me. Yeah, of course.

Things that I do and it comes out and I'm like, that's from Larry. Yeah. That's from fucking Larry. You know what I mean? I've thought about this.

How many things do I really remember that my parents told me? And I can only remember maybe like a handful remember that my parents told me and i can only remember maybe like a handful of things that they told me to do but every single day i am repeating behaviors that i saw them do when you have a kid you're gonna be fucking blown away because they just mimic exact just in you yeah it's there and all of a sudden it comes out yeah how you want to how you want to respond to certain things.

And you weren't listening. You didn't think you were listening. You didn't even think it had sunk in. But all of a sudden, it comes out. You're like, oh, that's him. That's him. That's where I got that from. You think he saved your life?

Well, in a way, because Larry, what happened, I started drinking when I was 10. Which is so crazy. I started doing drugs. And I got arrested, I started drinking when I was 10. Which is so crazy. I started doing drugs and, you know, I got arrested for the first time when I was 12. I went to jail for the first time at 13. And it sucked for Larry because he came in right at that spot. And I always said to him, I go, dude, if you came in three years earlier.

You'd just be. I wouldn't be here with you fucking losers. Thank you, Larry. You know what I mean? I would not. But, you know, he came in at that point, and he loved my mom so much and loved me so much that he was there. Yeah. You know, and I remember I went in and out of jail, in and out of foster homes for years.

Yeah. And I remember the last time I got arrested when I was 15, upstate New York. And I remember I stole gum. And I was drunk. I had a half a bottle of white label scotch. I had a rack of talls. And I was doing whippets.

Nice. Yeah, I was fucking nuts. And I remember we stole those gum machines. The cops chased us, put a shotgun to my head. He's like, if you move, shoot him. I was like, it was gum. You can chill, right? 15, dude.

You're in fucking geometry. This is crazy. I'm in the thing. I'm in the police station, downtown Rochester, or wherever the fuck it was. And I'm in the room, and Larry was there, 3 in the morning. And he's there, and he's just fucking fucking here I'm

again am I here and I remember they were like you confess and we'll cut you some slack and I was like I didn't do nothing fuck you you know what I mean and he goes those other two kids you're with are gonna confess and these are the two hardest kids up there I'm like they ain't gonna fast fuck that he goes all right you lost your shot he opens the the door. They're crying. No. Oh, they're crying, signing shit away, ratting me out. And I went to jail that night. They took me away because I was a ward of the state. When you're a juvenile, they just make you a ward of the state of Massachusetts. So anything you do, there's no court.

You just go back to jail. Yeah, yeah. They figure it out later. So I had to go to jail that night. And it was a bad—Rochester was the worst juvenile hall I went to. Why? Because it was like a real jail. It was like bad boys.

Oh, okay. You know what I mean? And you went in and you had a fucking room with a steel door and a fucking little, you know, the pillow was like a cement bag.

The mattress was a cement bag. You were a number. And I remember I got on my knees that night and I just prayed. Oh, thank God. And I sucked everybody off. No problem. I'm sorry. I just prayed. Oh, thank God. And I sucked everybody off. No problem.

I got all kinds of stuff brought to me. Yeah. Oh, thank God. I love that it was concern you had. All of us were like, is he is he gonna do it he finally did it that's the thing with juvie jail everybody's like dude you have to suck dick in juvie jail you're only in juvie jail for like three months yeah yeah so if you're sucking dick you're gay you want it yeah it's like dude i'll suck your dick for some socks dude i'm you're getting out

tomorrow you just want to suck the dude's dick. You know what I mean? But I remember I was like, it's not people, places, and things. It's drugs and alcohol. That's the night it rang. I was like, I need help stopping this. And please help me. And the next day, him and my mother showed up and they were behind me for some reason, they were like, we believe you this time. Whatever you need, we're going to help you. And he was there. They gave me a big box full of stuff because I was going back to Boston. I was getting shipped back to Massachusetts.

And I didn't see him for a year, 14 months, because I went to jail there. Actually, over 14 months, because they lived up there. So I had to go back. I had to take a plane back. This was back, dude. I was 15. You could smoke on the plane. And I remember they had a smoking section,

which was the whole fucking plane. But I remember I had a pack of Marlboro Reds, and I asked the flight attendant, do you have a match? And she just went and got me a match, and she lit it for me. I lit up a cigarette. 15 on a plane.

That's the times we were in. I remember that. I was just smoking next to a dude smoking. And then when I got off the plane, there was two state troopers and they just handcuffed me right at the door. And they were like, what the fuck? And I went to jail for a couple of months in Boston, NFI shelter care. And then I went to this rehab. That's what Tom Tompkins stepped in. I didn't see them for a year but then when i got out at 16 you know i was sober i was living the life of a recovering alcoholic drug addict and uh you know i uh i had to move out because my mom and me still fought we she still treated me like a

an alcoholic like i was i was out till two in the morning at a Bickford's getting pancakes talking about God and spirituality. And I would come over. She's like, you've been fucking drinking? I'm like, I wasn't fucking.

So I had to leave. She's probably traumatized too. Like, oh, she had to deal with it. 100%. 100%. And there was no therapy back then.

Yeah. You just dealt with it. You're Catholic. Stuff it. Yeah. And go. Still that way, to be honest.

Is it really? Even with Catholics, yeah. Oh, you guys are Catholics? Big time. French-Canadian Catholic. Yeah. Deep-seated. He was actually sucked the day in.

Mark will come in here and shoot all of us one episode. Yeah. It's always the happy one. And it will be like the best episode. We'll be like, ah, this is so funny. Insane views. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a ticking time bomb.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do one more joke time bomb. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do one more joke. Do one more joke. Talk about dice. Looks like it hasn't blinked the whole episode. Yeah. So, yeah, you know,

he lives on through, you know, my kid. Yeah, of course. Which is, you know, makes me happy. Yeah. Yeah, it's sad. It's sad. It was very sad. Yeah. You know, but that's the thing that, you know, my kid. Yeah, of course. Which is, you know, makes me happy. Yeah. Yeah, it's sad that it says that. It was very sad.

Yeah. You know, but that's the thing that, you know, people who die, you ever have somebody die? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Did you feel it?

Not in the way that you're talking about, but I had someone who had, like, a profound effect on me pass, but not so much that, like, I see it through me as much. Right. Because that makes it, like, my parents are still around, and I didn't really know any of my grandparents. Right.

So, like, you know, but obviously when one of them goes, I mean, it's going to be. Yeah. Yeah. But I feel that with my father. Like, I feel that, you know, just having, I'm very lucky. I have, like, a moral compass. Right. Like, every time I'm like, what would I do?

I just go, what would my dad do in this situation? Also a Larry. Larry. Larry's are good. But literally, it's just like, and we were talking about this the other day, but like, I think you kind of see like Americans have moved, I'm going to say moved on past religion, but religion isn't as much of like a foundation of like the fabric of society. Right.

And there hasn't really been anything to replace it. And I was raised with no religion, but I was raised with this dude who was just really pure, so I at least had somebody to where I could go, what would they do in this situation? Okay, Andrew, you do that. You'll be pretty good. Yeah, I even have a joke on my special about that. It's like, you need a religion. You need a guiding light.

You need, yeah, yeah, yeah. What religion is? People, you know oh did he really walk on water did he really do this yeah okay fine fuck all that yeah but a positive perspective yeah don't do this do this yeah is all religion is based on every religion is love rather than love be kind don't fuck your neighbor's wife yes you know yeah you know um be there for other it's all a positive perspective. So do you have to go to church every Sunday?

Maybe not. But I don't, people who do, I'm like, you're trying to have a positive perspective on your life. Yeah. So I don't know why it gets such a bad rap. And, you know, and dude, let me tell you something. You need some type of spirituality when shit goes wrong. Absolutely. 100%. You know what i mean

like you know that rubber breaks it's like please god yeah let me get away with this one i love my wife i love my kid please i swear to god i'll see you sunday just let my jizz die bobby kelly um I love you, man. I'm so stoked for you, and I want everybody to go out, support. Make sure you get this special. It's already up. By the time you see this right now, it is already up. LouisCK.com.

LouisCK.com. I swear back in the day it was.net. Maybe he bought.com as well. No, Rogan was.net. Okay, Rogan was.net. Rogan at the beginning was JoeRogan.net, I believe. Okay. But LouisCK.com, make sure you go get it.

And I want everybody to go support. You're the fucking man. I love you, buddy. I appreciate it. Love you so much. Absolutely, man. Thank you, bro. Thank you.