Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Bobby Lee: "My Ex Will Get NOTHING"

Episode Date: September 13, 2022

Whats up people! Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino from Bad Friends came by the pod to have maybe the most insane hour we've ever seen. Strap in and INDULGE! 00:00 - Intro 00:52 - Khalyla is moving out 01:58 - Marrying Rich 05:25 - Bobby Lee bombing 06:45 - Bobby exposing Akaash 09:27 - Bobby sober for 7 months… maybe 24:04 - Bobby would be hard if grew up hard 34:39 - Bobby and Akaash are the funny ethnic sidekicks? 41:00 - Santino is a phenomenal actor… 54:29 - Mark Gagnon can SING 01:00:00 - Bobby Lee can sing… Akaash catches a stray 01:15:28 - Harder performing in front of family 01:28:41 - Happy Birthday, Bobby

Santino is f***ing incredible at acting. Do you think that he's better than you at acting? Just being at... wow. You don't think that Santino just has another gear, bro? Let me ask you a question then, dude. Can you cry in the scene? Yeah. You can cry right now.

Yeah, Bobby can set up for it. Let's set it up. That's your son. Needs a heart transplant. There's no donor. And you realize there's only one heart that can go in your son's chest. It's your own.

You're going to have to kill yourself to save your son and start soon my son i love you so much and i gotta tell you the only heart that you can have is mine thank you daddy but i'm not gonna give it to you what the because there's so many other Koreans I can buy. He's a better actor. He's a better actor. He's a better actor. What's up, everybody?

Welcome to Playgrant. Bobby and Kalyle are back together. We want to put the dudes right here. We're not. We're not. So how did you guys reconcile the whole thing? Why you open like that, bro? I didn't open like that.

Why do you do-do? Why do you do-do? I almost did it back to you. Yeah, yeah. Okay, but seriously, don't touch me. Yeah, yeah, we're not. She's going to move out. Don't touch me.

We're good friends. She's moving out. When is she moving out? We were looking for a place. She's not moving out, right? Santino's like, she's not moving out. She's never going to move out. She's moving out.

Why would she? It's such a nice house. It's a nice house. Did you tell her about your fling with her niece? Dude, she's like, no, she's like my daughter, dude. They didn't have sex. That's a cultural thing. No, Asians don't have a cultural thing like that.

Yeah, you're like a Targaryen. You give it to the family. Oh, that'd be great. Imagine this on Dragons. Yeah. We. That's why you have cats. Imagine this on Dragons. Yeah. Wee. That's why you guys got it. That's why we go wee.

Okay. On Dragons. Right? Just doing wee. Wee. That'd be cool. But you guys aren't together? No.

Okay, that's good. Right. How's marriage? Great. Killing it, right? Dude, having a woman in your life. It's so good. Yeah.

That loves you and you love them. It's rich fads, too. You got rich fads. Oh, dude, like a woman in your life. It's so good. Yeah, that loves you But Santino you're also married poor though Crazy poor it's like when you guys did that fist bump on the rich thing. Maybe so sad. I was like, God, dude. Sad for her? For me. I married poor. Why'd you go poor? You could go rich. Why'd you go poor? Because I had this whole fantasy,

like, you know, when you're like, like a fucking Beauty and the Beast. Cinderella. No, Beauty and the Beast. You know how she's like a poor bitch

who cleans floors and shit. I was always attracted to the poor bitch who cleans floors. Why? Because you want to save them. You want to be the prince. Yeah.

You want to be the knight in shining armor. And they can't go anywhere. It's security. That's actually smart. You got to keep them close. Yeah, you keep them close. I'll put you back out on the streets. Yeah. You want to be able to save them. You want to be the prince. Yeah. You want to be the knight in shining armor. And they can't go anywhere. It's security. That's actually smart. You got to keep them close. Yeah, you keep them close. I'll put you back

out on the streets. Yeah. You want to be able to say, you can't say that to your wife. She goes, good, I'm gone. Can't wait. Yeah, you can impress them easier. Yeah, how?

You take them to Arby's and go, this is a Michelin star. You know what I mean? They go, wee-wee. They don't even know how to say really, dude. They go, wee-wee. Is that how she pronounces it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you go, yeah. There's a chef back there. Is that baby even know how to say really, dude. They go, wee-wee. Is that how she pronounces it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you go, yeah. There's a chef back there. Is that baby talk or Asian talk? That was crazy. I was co-housing. I was niece. What is her name? It's a baby Asian.

It's a baby Asian. Rudy. Yeah, exactly. Rudy. That was Rudy. Wee-wee. Wee-wee. Oh, wee-wee.

Imagine you eating a girl out who's Asian, and you go, your pussy tastes good. She goes, wee-wee. That's hot, bro. You're into that. Yeah, and you go, your pussy tastes good. She goes, weary. That's hot, bro. You're into that. Yeah, and you're like, yeah, weary. Yeah. You got to spit. You got to spit, right?

You have chopsticks in your hand. That is so weird. You like grab the glint. Like a yellowtail. You have to flip it on your tongue upside down, actually. That's how they do it. Yeah, yeah. Actually, pussy with soy sauce would be kind of good.

Why? Just a little bit of flavor. Just a little bit of different flavor in there. Yeah, that makes sense. If you put a little bit on your finger and licked it off, that'd be delicious. Yeah, it's like shark fin. Yeah, I like that.

Little shark fin soups. Maybe ponzu. Soy sauce is a little too much. Did your parents side with, like who'd they side with in the Rodney King riots? Who you asking? We know who's side they were on.

Yeah, like what was their take? Well, you know, Koreans fucked up before that. You know that, right? I lost his mic. Whose? Because you keep fucking moving around. Because the thing fell out.

Because you won't sit still for five fucking seconds. You gotta get a new sound guy. I've never seen an unprofessional sound guy like that. He even told me I'm professional. I go, fuck you. Come on in. Come on in.

You should do movies. Now, hey, now be nice. I love him. You know, it's just jokes, man. Comedy, bro. Yeah, dude. That's going to happen three more times. 100%.

There's no doubt in my mind that it's going to happen again. Okay, I'll sit still like this. Good luck. Can you hear me now, dude? Well, he's not back there yet. Go back to your station, dude. Testing, testing. What's your name?

I don't want to call you dude. Cassetta. I'll call you dude. He fucking... Cassetta. Tom Cassetta. Tom Cassetta? Can I...

Let me tell you something, Bobby. The look in his eye. Is Bobby's underwear inside out? He fucking hates you. I know he does. It's his second day on it, probably. Do you hate me, dude it. Look at his face. Oh wait, stop, stop, stop. Oh shit. Look at his fucking face. He's livid. You know what he wants to say?

He wants to say, Charlie! Like we're attacking him. Like a nom. Remember a nom? Why are you saying we? You're attacking him and you're Charlie. You're Korean, bro. Try that again. Clean in. Get a clean take Korean, bro. Try that again. Try that again. Clean in. Get a clean take.

Clean take. And we're back. And we're back. Come in. Try it again. That didn't work. It didn't work. I'm glad I had that fucking pause.

But we're coming back. Dude, what was up with his face? Santino, do you know something about his face? What the fuck was that? What was on his face? What was his deal, Bob? What do you think he was thinking, dude? Yeah, he thought, he's Mitch McConnell and I'm his wife.

Goddamn, dude. What the fuck? Yeah, yeah. It was fuck? Yeah, yeah. Why don't we? It was a fuck luck, dude. That's what I go to Bobby for, political takes. That's great. You like that?

Yeah, I like it. That switches up like that, bro? That was cool. Go back to fucking Rodney King. Let's go. Let's try that one. Yeah, let's try that one. Let's try that one.

What, Rodney King? Yeah, let's go back to that one. Yeah, let's go back to Rodney King. That's a safe topic. You were on the roof. Weren't you on the roof? Yeah, I was a safe topic. You were on the roof. Weren't you on a roof? Yeah, I was on the roof. You were on a roof?

But here's the thing. This is not a joke, bro. What happened before Rodney King was a year before. It's so funny you're old enough to remember the timeline. Yeah, I was around, dude. I'm old, bro. Relax. Oh, I'm sorry.

My bad. Relax. You know, dude. You do get defensive around Akash. Yeah. Have you noticed that? Can I tell you why, though? Relax. You do get defensive around Akash. Yeah. Have you noticed that? Can I tell you why, though? Why?

Why? Because that's not who he is. Oh, shit. Who am I, Bobby? Oh, you want to know who you are? Yes. Go. Where's my phone at?

Yeah, I'll be honest about this. It's on the table. Right there. Okay. I'll tell you who you are. He planned this last night at dinner, by the way. Yeah, yeah. I'm dead serious.

Last night at dinner, he goes, I can't wait to see Akash tomorrow because I'm going to show his text messages. Yeah, I plan on bringing this up. Hey, show your responses. Okay, I plan on

bringing this up, okay? Okay, bring it up. All right, so this is the beginning of a relationship you fuck. Yeah. I said Bobby Lee because you didn't

have my number, right? Yeah. You open up with love you buddy. Love you buddy. I said love you buddy. Is that new? Yeah, but that's not the vibe you're giving me. You're not giving me a love you buddy. Love you, buddy. I said I love you, buddy. Is that new? Yeah, but that's not the vibe you're giving me.

You're not giving me a love you, buddy. And I'm going to read all of them. You two, you're super funny and you're nicer. No, that was me saying that. For real, man. I said you two, buddy, and you're nicer than Schultz. That's, oh, fuck, my bad. I fucked that up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you keep, dude. I checked you. You keep going,z. That's, oh, fuck, my bad. I fucked that up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you keep, dude. I checked you out. You keep going, buddy. Can I tell you something? I checked out of this guy. Every day, how you doing? No, no, I texted this guy.

And then I show you this, and I send you this picture. What was that? A dick pic. That's my penis. It's a dick pic. Oh, that's a little macaroon. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Aw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you circumcised? No. Yes, he is. Yes, I am. I don't even know what that means. I texted you once a week

I texted him once a week because he had just gotten sober I want to check on him never responded this guy wow what a piece of shit you are

but you're a nice guy I am a nice guy you're empathetic I am empathetic he'll show it constantly very much so you'll get high if you eat that

that's a mushroom that's so wild I've never seen that in my life that was that burning man yeah that was a burning man he just walked around with his dick out

he's like lick lick lick lick lick yep my point is bro so by the way the texting didn't work because everything sounded nice you didn't get any

I'm just saying that's who I like that's who I want to see do you remember when I said you on the podcast if you need anything you call me or Schultz we'll be there for you

no fucking question asked I don't lie about this I know but when I came up the stairs just now, you were like, fuck you. No, he didn't. No, no, no. That's not true at all. I gave you a big hug.

You did give me a hug. I gave you a big hug. That's right. That's my bad. That's my bad. That's my bad. You want to see toxic tech messages between Akash and what he said to me?

Listen to this fucking shit. Okay. Ready? Ready? Yeah. Go ahead. This shit's insane. Okay, go ahead. Sorry me, listen to this fucking shit. Okay. Ready? Ready? Yeah. Go ahead. This shit's insane. Okay, go ahead.

Sorry for getting back to you so late. No problem. Can you do 20 seconds? Absolutely. I mean, that's the kind of fucking... The guy's a scumbag. The guy's a scumbag. It's chaos.

It's a repulsive attitude he has. Yeah, yeah. God's behavior. But he is just a bad guy. When you were going through a really hard time. You're right. You're right. And I came here all aggressive. Yeah. Are you sober now? Yeah. Good for you, yeah. God's behavior. But he didn't care about you when you were going through a really hard time. You're right, you're right. And I came here all aggressive.

Yeah. Are you sober now? Yeah. Good for you, man. Seven months sober, dude. He's not sober. It's not seven months. It has been seven months.

What was the month? I don't remember the date. Yeah, that's a fucking easy one. But it's been seven months. He makes it up. I don't make it up. He makes it up. You think I'm making it up?

I think so. Everyone who's sober remembers the date. No, that's not true. Yeah, it is. When I went to rehab, first one, in 1988, I asked my counselor. You were born.

Interesting you remember the date. Isn't that interesting? You remember the date? You're right. You're right. Seven months, dude. Can I tell you something? You know why he knows it's seven months?

Because I told him it's seven months. Oh, but he is actually sober? It is seven months. Yeah, seven months. It is. You're a sober? It is seven months. Yeah, seven months. It is. You're a good friend, dude. I've been trying, dude. I'm his best friend.

He just doesn't give a shit. I haven't done anything, though. But the interesting thing about you, you're like almost as funny when you're sober. Hey. Hey. Hey, hey, hey. It's okay.

Bobby, that's a joke. That's not real. No, I understand that. I don't know New York shit. He is a New York vibe. He doesn't like New York stuff. Yo, yo, yo, why don't you like New York stuff? He hates New York stuff.

I hate it. He hates the people. He hates how busy. He doesn't like the culture. He doesn't like the fast joke talking. He doesn't like any of that. Does that sound New York? Yeah.

He sounds like a New Yorker. No, you're a New Yorker. We don't like that shit either. No, you walk down the street, you hear, and you're like, what the fuck kind of language is that? You're just in Chinatown. Oh, that's a Chinese one. Oh, it is? It's Tagalog. Yeah. He sounds like a New Yorker. No, you're a New Yorker. We don't like that shit either. No, you walk down the street, you hear Baka Boosh, Baka Boosh, and you're like, what the fuck kind of language is that? You're just in Chinatown. Oh, that's a Chinese one.

Oh, it is? It's Tagalog. Yeah. But you do know the Baka Boosh guy. You do know that guy. Baka Boosh, yeah. Yeah, Baka Boosh. That's down on 14th.

Baka Boosh is great. Baka Boosh, Baka Boosh. Yeah, and then the women don't look at me at all like I'm fucking invisible. Right. You know what he does? He walks like 10 paces behind me when we come here. Because you get all the looks. Well. Okay, my he does? He walks like 10 paces behind me when we're walking,

when we come here. Because you get all the looks. Well. Okay, my boy. Okay, my boy. Okay. This guy's a New York 10. That's a real man right there. No, no, no. But he walks behind me because he doesn't want us to not, he doesn't, if we get recognized, like if he doesn't like it, if I get recognized and he doesn't. That hurts you? It doesn't bother me. If somebody goes, Bobby Lee, and I walk, I don't give a shit. He hates it

when someone goes, Santino, and they say nothing to him. And they don't say anything to you. He hates it so much. Why do you hate that so much? Why can't you allow him to have some fans?

Fuck it, man. See? I don't do that shit. That's a great fucking guy right here. That's fucking mean, dude. What is mean? I don't do that shit, dude. Do you walk 10 paces behind me?

No. Do you walk 10 paces behind me? I do, but check that out. Do you not like it when someone says When somebody yells Andrew Santino, you should see my face. I always go like this. So condescending. I do. Akash. What is that?

That's a pain look. That's a grimace. That's a grimace. No, say Santino. Say Santino. Watch. Say Santino. Santino. Oh, what's up, man? Bro, that's fucking love, bro, right? No! That's pure love, right? No!

Show him the look. Oh, Santino, what's up? Huge fan. Thank you, dude. So much pain. It hurts so much. There is suffering. There is suffering. See? See? He admits.

But there's pleasure, too. It's a combination of things. There is suffering. It is. It is. there's pleasure, too. It's a combination of things. There is suffering. It is. It is. Meanwhile, you call out Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee! Did you see his eyes?

Did you see his eyes? Did you see his eyes? There's something going on behind his eyes. Now, what if it's a white guy? You know what that was? That was, I'm so glad somebody finally recognized this guy. Yes, because it's been all day. That was all day. Now, what if recognized this guy. It's been all day. That was a smug.

That was smug. What if it's a white guy that only recognizes him? Does that sting a little bit more? When? It's happened. It's happened. It's happened. Dude, no.

You know it doesn't. What if it's an athlete? What if there's an athlete? That recognizes him? Over you. Like a famous fucking ping pong player. He thinks he's his only What if there's an athlete That recognizes him Over you Like a famous fucking Ping pong player He thinks he's his only

It's never happened Well that's not true What Who Who Who Who No no no

I only know one athlete Yeah he only knows one athlete Landon Donovan Yeah yeah And no one And no one gives a shit about him He's a great soccer player He's one of the best

But Landon I only know Landon Donovan He's the only one Yeah yeah I know Robert Gronkowski Yeah you yeah. I know Robert Gronkowski. Yeah, you do. Robert. I know Robert Gronkowski.

Robert. The Gronk. The Gronk. His Gronk. I did a TV show with him. He's right. I did a TV show with the Gronk. What was that?

Serena Reno. What was that TV show? Do you think if he saw you two, he'd recognize you and not Santino? A hundred percent. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. But what was the TV show?

It was called Game On. It was like a... It was so good. What was it about? What was so good. What was it about? What was it about? What was it about? What was it about? It was a daytime game show

in the South. It was an ABC game show. Oh, okay. It was one of those things where you're on Rob's team. Cha-ching. It was a check. Ian Carmel's on Serena Williams' team

and you guys compete in games. Oh, wow. And you have green slime. You're climbing up a ladder. It's fucking terrible. Okay. Yeah, but it's different. It in games. Oh, wow. And you have green slime, you're climbing up a ladder. It's fucking terrible. Okay. Yeah, but I do for my mom. Oh, you do for your mom?

Yeah, yeah. I like that. You don't do shit for money? Of course. Sometimes you do, right? Of course. You're out here. You don't do shit for money?

Yeah. What are you talking about? Nobody cares. I would do gay porn if it cost... How much? Oh, dude. How much?

Fuck. A million a shoot? You would pay a million dollars just to do it. Yeah. No, no. You can do it

way cheaper. I googled it. That's how it costs. How much it costs, right? A million dollars? To get in. To get in. To get in.

Right, right. Oh, it's like a membership. It's like Raya. Maybe referrals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You would never do gay porn? No. If for a million dollars a shoot, I would. No, you wouldn't. I, it's like a membership. It's like Raya. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Maybe referrals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You would never do gay porn. No, if for a million dollars a shoot, I would. No, you wouldn't.

I would do 40 in a row. 40 days in a row. My asshole would be fucking grisly and open, right? Yeah. But I would just be like, I would go to Nevada, get a ranch, and heal up for the rest of my life. That's a good idea.

So funny, just to see like a little chained up dumpling and everyone just comes in and just annihilates your asshole. You just have, just like rope, you know, rope your legs and your arms just rope to the wall yeah just coming his dick is pixelated just one pixel no i'd have that same andrew sent you like a million a million you would a million a million is the one scene a. But you have millions. Don't you have millions? How much do you have left? Keep it light.

You're stressing me out. You're stressing me out. What do you mean? How much do you have left? How much did she leave with? We weren't married, dude. Say again? We weren't married.

No, during the process. And there's no common law thing in California. There literally is common law. Not in California. Look it up. There 100% no common law thing in California. No, but like how much... There literally is common law. There literally is common law. Not in California. Look it up. There are 100% is common law in California. Google it. Google it right now.

Somebody Google it, please. Mark has a computer that you are insulting. That is 100% there. The funny thing is, it is. It is. It's not. It is. Google it.

It's not. And what are you going to do if I win? If I win? What do you want if you win? A million dollars? I want you to poke my dick 10 times in a row. There is no common law marriage in California. No chance.

There isn't. What does it say? Does not recognize common law marriage. Even though California does not have common law marriages, unmarried people who have been together for an extended period of time do still get some rights. There is rights. There's laws that protect. Can I tell you what those rights are?

Yes. That's only in situations where, let's suppose I was paying mortgage. She was paying my mortgage with me. Then she has more rights. But I pay the mortgage. Schultz. Schultz. Yeah, yeah.

You know he's looked this up. Yeah, yeah. You know he got scared. Poke, poke, poke. Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, and then you have another circle and those are your intimate three so my mom, my brother and probably Kalilah and then the third circle you're the only one in that third circle but why can't he just get into the

seventh circle it's a tough circle oh what really what circle am I in your circle I don't have any circles man oh everyone's in your circle? I don't have any circles, man. Oh, everyone's in your circle? It's just me by myself.

That's right. Everyone else is just rotating around. You're the sun. You're the sun. Where would you really be? Yeah. You'd be in my intimate, my intimate,

whatever the one that is. Okay, you're in two then. That doesn't feel real. That doesn't feel real. Fucking bullshit. That was worse. That was worse. I've walked you through the fire multiple times.

Multiple times. Why? You lied to me in fucking Mexico? Whoa. What did I lie to you about? What. I've walked you through the fire multiple times. Multiple times. You lied to me in fucking Mexico? Whoa. What did I lie to you about? Because everyone was telling me, don't get me fucking liquor, right? And you would bring me a drink. I'll go, I'll get what you drink.

What's about to happen is great. Please tell this story. Yeah, no, this is great. No, no, no, this is great. This has never backfired with you. I feel like when you tell a story with an accusation. Tell them what happened in Mexico. In Mexico, okay?

Yeah. Look at his face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now he's wondering. Tell them what happened. Look at this face, dude. This acting, bro. Okay, okay, go ahead.

I'm fucking serious. No, you're in Pineapple Express. I know, go ahead. Let me start over, dude. Go ahead. In Mexico. Yeah. All right, in Mexico,

all the people we work with were telling him, don't him alcohol don't get an alcohol right so there was a open bar right and he goes something i already know is to not get and you look at me you go what do you want to drink i'm gonna have the same thing you're having you went to the fucking thing you had liquor and you gave me some weird sprite thing that had no liquor in it. Right. What a fuck. Wow. How dare he save your life? But I'm already in the disease. I'm going to get it anyway. I'm not going to support it.

Not going to support it. Not going to support it. Yeah. If I relapse, Andrew. Bobby. Andy Schultz. Yes. If I relapse.

What do you think? Dude, he got mad at me. How do you get mad at him? So mad at me for not giving him liquor. What do you think love is, Bobby? This is what addiction does. Is that why you stayed in that relationship so long? Dude.

Bro. Oh, no! Oh, gosh. Hold on. Sit down. Sit down. We know how your fucking mic should come off again. I know.

Bro. I love you. That's what you fucking texted me, you fuck? Dude. Did you see? You got up like a transformer, dude. That was a difference. Bro.

Transformer. Modern me, I. Bro, that's the guy. That's the guy going, that's the guy. That's the guy going, that's the guy going, that's the dude going, more than a meter, the eye.

Looking around. Where is he looking? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So proof is in the pudding that I did the right thing

in Mexico, did I not? Yes, dude. And you know why this whole thing started? He got into a fight with me, yelled at me. Yelled at me for not getting him booze. Bobby's the only transformer that's more dangerous

as a car, though. Dude. You're fucking to be funny, dude. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's so fucking funny Watch out He's turning back

into a beetle Oh that's really funny Fuck me Fuck This dude relapsed in Mexico Got mad that I didn't serve him booze And then

The breaking point was Got drunk Got drunk on his own No you started this But in the hotel room Don't talk about no you started this but in the hotel room don't talk about that I'm absolutely gonna tell the hotel room

say it what happened got drunk well he's sober now so we're actually and we're happy we're not using I'm not using this

against him at all and he knows that but he got drunk he got drunk without me yeah you went behind my back and did it anyway because I was trying to like

I walked him to the room and then he left and got boozed didn't you what day of the week was this Wednesday or Thursday Wednesday or Thursday

oh my god and then you threw up all over the place right in? Wednesday or Thursday. Wednesday or Thursday. Oh, my God. And then you threw up all over the place, right? In my hotel room. In his hotel room. And then I came to the door the next day because he wouldn't answer his phone

and what did you greet me with? Poo. Poo. He had shit all over his hands. Oh, my God, dude. But because you were having fun or just having... I have fun with poo.

But you were just having some playtime, right? I have fun with poo. Yeah, yeah. It's fine. He's a fun. He answers the door with poop on his hands. I have a fun with poo. It's okay, I like it. Yeah, yeah. It's fine. It's fine. He answers the door with poop on his hands. And then he goes, there's throw up all over the chair.

Yeah, yeah. It was insane. I was so drunk and I had poo all over. I don't know why. There was poo everywhere. And I had poo all over my hands. Vomit everywhere. I had a vomit beard.

And I came and I go, I have poo. And I was like, we got to go home. We got to go home. So you guys left Mexico. That was our second to last day. Second to last day. We had to do one more show. We kept him there

for the last show. Yeah. But my show was good. It was the money. It was the money. You got it. No, you know what was funny though? That was the last day

he ever fucked her. I mean, he knew that was it. That was it. It doesn't get lower than that. I think he did it on purpose. It does. But I stopped it. Yeah. I just think he knew it was over. I think I knew it was over. It doesn't get lower than that. I think he did it on purpose. It does, but I stopped it.

I just think he knew it was over. I think I knew it was over. I can't continue because I don't want to lose everything. Oh, fuck. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can just feel things just slipping away. And then when I get real serious with him,

would you say, would you say, do the joke again? Would you say, would you say, it's okay, Andy. Would you say, nothing. Okay, Andy. What'd you say? Nothing. Okay, okay, all right. I'm not a good actor.

All right. Okay, but you were saying? No, I'm sober now. That's good. Santino, you were saying when you get real serious. He knows when I'm actually being serious. And then I got real serious in Mexico, and then it was like the end. It was the end.

We both knew it was like, it's not going to happen. But Santino gives you a long leash. He does. Yeah, yeah. He's very patient. He's very patient with you. I want to say something that is not funny. It's real. You know, I have come to understand and feel that he is one of my best friends.

Ha! Gay! It's okay. It's okay. It felt gay. It felt gay. It felt gay. It felt gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I regret saying it, but that's how I feel. It was still kind of shitty. It was, I've finally come to understand he's one of my best friends.

Third circle. Third circle by myself. So this man loves you. I love him as well. I know he knows you love him. Yeah. But do you know that he loves you? I do. I really do.

That's the question. I really do because there's a, you know. You can be loved. I know, and I'm accepting it. I accept the love. Sounds like it. I feel love here. A lot of love here.

We do love here. Yeah, I feel, when I walk in here, when I lock eyes with you, it's like I'm seeing like an old army veteran. Like we're in war together. Against. Against, yeah. Against? Imagine you both pop up with guns and you're like, hey, man.

Still here? See you later. Get down! See the face, Bobby. How bad of a soldier would he be in any war? Oh, my God. These guys are so stupid.

What do you mean? You think you'd be good? I grew up in San Diego, so obviously, you know, I grew up in the middle class area, right? With class courts and stuff like that, right? And surfing, brah, and all that stuff, brah, brah. But if I grew up in an area where I had to be hardened, oh, brah, I'd be hard. But you didn't. But you didn't.

I'm all the way. You didn't. I know, but I'm just saying. We hard. But you didn't. But you didn't. I'm on my way. You didn't. I know, but I'm just saying. We're talking about you right now. You right now is not hard. But if you did, you would be so fucking hard. Right now. Yeah, and if I was black, I'd be in the NBA.

What does that even mean? You're just making up shit. If I grew up in a tough area, I'd be tougher. Yeah, probably. So give me the scenario. You win any war, dead, immediately. I get a call from the Pentagon. From the Pentagon, yeah. I get a cell phone. What number is this? I'll pick it. Yeah, probably. So give me the scenario. You win any war. Dead. Immediately. I get a call from the Pentagon. From the Pentagon, yeah.

I get a cell phone. What number is this? I'll pick it up anyway, right? Bling, bling, bling, bong. You know what I mean? Am likely. Am likely. For Pentagon, you're going to war, right?

Yeah. I would have to go to basic training like everyone else, right? Yep, yep. Right? So I would do the push-ups. Yep. You know what I mean? Yep.

Are you praying? I would do it, right? Mecca's that way. Yeah, you're doing great. I would do the push-ups, right? Yep. This guy knows his push-ups? I would do it, right? Mecca's that way. You're doing great. I would do the push-ups, right? This guy knows his push-ups. I would do the pull-ups, right?

You know what I mean? Legs. Leg lifts. That's good core. Good core, right? And then I would do the wake-up, do the running. Do the bangs. Do the straps. The straps.

No, yeah, there you go. I would do the straps, right? And I would like, how long are you there? Six months? I don't know. How long do you do anything? Eight weeks. Eight weeks. No, no, basic training, right? And I would like, how long are you there? Six months? I don't know. How long did you do anything? Eight weeks. Eight weeks.

No, no, basic training, right? Yeah, eight weeks. Eight weeks, right? That would turn you into a soldier. And then, right? And then they would evaluate me. Right. Would they not evaluate?

Or they'd just, get in there, kid. No, they would evaluate me. No, they probably need you. They need you out there. They called. They need you out there. They called. But it'd be a specific task, like, because of your age, right?

They're not, you can't just. No, you can't just. Keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going. I want to hear it so bad. Don't be gentle. I'm not being gentle. I'm just saying at a, you know, what is it called? A very mature age, there's, you can't just join the army for a regular job.

You can't just start. You could be a general, though. You've seen a lot of wars, you know? Oh, right, right, right. That's right. I would change my name to Robert. So you'd be Robert Lee. Lee, Lee. Right, yeah. Lee Bourne. Yes. though you've seen a lot of wars you know oh right that's right i would change my name to robert yes confederate flag on my fucking chest i think we just found out we're just in the scenario dude you know yeah yeah yeah by the way how easily would he be tricked during confederate times to join the wrong side like you know in civil war they'd

be like you gotta fight you gotta fight on our side. He'd be like, all right. He wouldn't kick back at all. He got out. It is what it is. What do you mean? You don't think you would kick back, dude? I would go with the blacks,

for sure. 100%. 100%. You see the way he said it sounds sus? Yeah. I'd go with the blacks. What did you say

to the coffee guy this morning that annoyed me? There would be communication problems like in Rush Hour. Right? I'm not saying that. There's gonna be, like, a feeling out point of like, what are you talking about right now?

You know what I mean? But I would still definitely join your fucking clan. We would keep him alive. You keep the funny guy there. They don't use the word clan. I told you. They don't use the word clan anymore. They don't say that.

They don't. You can't. Unless it's blue turn. The other side's a clan. The other side's a clan. Yeah, yeah. My bad. I get fixed up.

The coffee guy, he does this all the time. Whenever he sees a black guy, he gets excited. He gets so excited. And the coffee guy, he comes down. I go, do you sees a black guy, he gets excited. Shut the fuck up. He gets so excited. And the coffee guy, he comes down. I go, do you want a coffee? He goes, four shots. This guy knows me, right, dog? And I'm like, don't call him.

No. Yes, he does. You do that? He loves that. Vernacular? Yeah. Do you do that? What, that's not wrong?

No, you don't do that. All right. So what do I say? That's right. Yeah, you just answer like a human. Yeah, like what if it was an Asian? Why would you say that? What type of coffee is that that's like where is that coffee shop yeah i think that's right

do you do you know you don't have to do that with your so i don't know so yeah you're right i don't have to do yeah, you're right, I don't have to do that. Yeah, you're right. But he said to the coffee shop guy, he goes, thanks dog, and I said,

don't say that, and he goes, shut up, you don't know, this guy knows me, and I go, he doesn't like that, he's just being nice,

and he's not going to fucking fuck up his job by being like, and then he goes like this, then he goes, what's better if I say,

what did you say, what's better if I say, what's up player, and I was like, dog no, even worse. I know,

I fucked it up. Come on, bro. I get nervous, player? And I was like, oh, no. Even worse. I know I fucked it up. Come on, bro. I get nervous in New York. He sounds like... You know how an old white guy that meets a young black... Someone's young black friend, and they always go like, what's happening, boys? That's exactly what he does. He's like, are you guys hip-hopping this weekend?

Raise the roof. I do that. Oh, my God. I do this. It's insane Yeah yeah yeah But maybe it's endearing I love it Maybe it's endearing Maybe you win them over

I do I feel it out bro Yeah You know what I mean I'm likable I'm cute You know what I mean Yeah

I'm forever cute Non-threatening I'm still non-threatening at all You know what I mean So it's like I can do whatever I want You kind of can. Yeah, you get away with a lot.

What? You get away with a lot. I do get away, yeah. Like on stage, I can show my dick, and everyone's fine. Maybe they just don't see it. The tension between these two. Dude, I love it so fucking much.

It's so awesome. It's phenomenal. What's so aggressive? Akasha's just waiting in a bunker, and just... He's just lobbing over it. I got too many unresponsive text messages. Yeah.

Welcome to the club, though. He's really upset about that. I know, but am I not getting better? Am I not getting better? He is, but that's what he's been doing for years and years and years. It's like, that's the thing we've tried to work on. It doesn't matter.

I am so much getting better at it. You are. And I've been meeting up with people now. Really? Yeah, and I've been having lunch and dinners with people. Dates?

You've been going on dates? No, not really. He came to dinner last night, which was huge, because usually you go. Yeah, I don't ever go to- He had a friend in town. I went to dinner.

I normally would not go. You came here with a girl? That was pretty cool. Yeah, she's a friend, and I like her a lot. She's a nice lady. See where that happens. And I- I don't like that you think I'm the only a girl. That was pretty cool. You brought a girl here. Yeah, she's a friend. And I like her a lot. She's a nice lady. See where that happens. And I...

I don't like that you think I'm the only one doing this, by the way. What do you mean? I don't like that he says shit and you're just like, yeah, whatever. And then I say shit.

You're attacking. You're doing it in a conversational way out of love. I'm doing it out of love. You are doing it more of a type of violence. He's an ally.

I'm an ally. He's wearing the uniform. Look, I am. I told you earlier, I put this on for you. Yeah. What rank is Andrew's an ally. He's an ally. I'm an ally. He's wearing the uniform. Look, I am. I told you earlier, I put this on for you. Yeah. What rank is that? You know, right? What rank is that?

What am I? Am I a... You're a sergeant. Am I a sergeant? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, dude. In the Ming Dynasty. I thought I was over here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the Ming Dynasty. Okay, that's racist that you would assume that it had anything to do with you. If you had a dynasty, though, if you were the king, emperor, would you have concubines? No. You wouldn't have any? No. Look around.

What do you think this show is? That's right, you have concubines. They're right here right now. Yeah. No, we rule together as a collective. But, but, but. That's not true. But, but, but.

That's not true. But, hey. That's not true. That's not true. Hey, hey, hey. In this crew of you guys are playing centipede, he decides what the collective rule is. Listen, I...

If we're playing centipede, where are you? I'm in the middle. Lies. Am I? Somebody pipe up. If I get recognized in public, he gets mad. Really? Oh, I like this!

I like this! I like this! I like this! This I like! Listen. This is real. Bro, he gets so mad. I get mad because I think Mark is hilarious,

and when they say that he's the Caleb Presley guy, I'm like, that's not fair to Caleb Presley. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, Caleb Presley has his own thing. And I go, what's up? He's Barstool. No, he's Mark Agnon, and then there's the Barstool guy. Oh, man.

But yeah, this is a collective. He doesn't know who that is, but. I know, I know. But you do, do you get a little? When Mark gets recognized instead of me? Yeah, be honest, be honest. Like a family function or something? In what world would that be?

Yeah. Does that happen, actually? I'm sure it's happened. Not yet. No, no, no. It's going to happen soon. Never happened. Well, no, people recognize me, and then they go, where's Andrew?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, you missed him. He's actually over there. See, this is a friendship. This is love right here. See, yeah, it's and then they go, where's Andrew? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, you missed him. He's actually over there. See, this is a friendship. This is love right here. See, yeah, it's all about teamwork here, guys. All right, guys, we need to take a break for a second because I got to make sure you keep your hair.

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Flagrant is the promo code. 20% off. Let's get back to this. Anyway. Wait, let me ask that. I just figured out something going on now. Yes, yes. You analyzed the dynamics.

Two Andrews, right? Yes, yes. There's Akash and I, you're sidekicks. You have to understand, are we the wacky neighbor? I'm getting that sense right now that we're the wacky neighbor. I don't like it. Do you think we would live in the same neighborhood? What are you talking about?

That's true. That's true. That's so good. Do you think I want to walk outside? Let me smell. Dude, you have a lot of hair on that big toe, man. That's true. So good. You think I want to walk outside? Let me smell. Dude. You have a lot of hair on that big toe, man. Yeah, yeah.

Solid foot, though. Dude, that's a fucking rapey, bro. What is? That's my foot, bro. You pull your dick out in front of people. I know, I know. That's my bad, my bad. You showed them all your dick like 20 minutes ago.

He insisted. He wouldn't let me not see his dick. He sent me a fucking picture. Well, can I tell you? I said I love you. I'm going to defend him a little bit. Okay.'t let me not see his dick. He sent me a fucking picture and I said I love you. I'm going to defend him a little bit. Okay. That actually means

he actually likes you. If he sends you a dick pic, it's kind of like his. It's called the Korean hello. You never send me a dick pic.

Oh shit. But you showed him on the pod. This is how he makes you want the dick pic. I've seen you live. That was a photo. I've shown you my

dick live. Oh, that's true. That's so close. No, that's different. That's true. Yeah, yeah. But if he sends you, give him a pic. Oh, it's on my bed. I don't know my dick live. Oh, that's true. That's so close. No, that's different. That's true. Yeah, yeah. But if he sends you, give him a... Oh, it's on my bed.

I don't know how it works. Yeah, you do. Raise the fucking roof, bro. Come on, dog. Thanks, player. I'm like... Yeah, yeah. Drive turkey.

Let's go. But honestly, Andrew, to Andrews, do you think that we're your funny little ethnic sidekick? No, that's... No, no. How do you feel? No, I don't feel that at all. You don't feel? No.

All right. Why, do you feel that way? Right now, I do. Right now, I do. Do you feel like an ethnic sidekick right now? The wacky neighbor in your sitcom. You're wacky. You're more wacky.

100%. But I'll be honest with you. Yeah. Given a real situation. Yeah. He's way more wacky than you. Like if somebody like aggrieves the both of you, you would be normal very fast

and he would be very wacky very quick. Full Kramer. Like if somebody like cuts both of you off, you might be like, oh, you jerk, and then he would follow him home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And put like a sign on their lawn. 100%.

I wouldn't even think twice. Have you gotten out of your car? I have the signs in my car ready. All lives matter! As I was saying, I was like, don't do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta do that. Yeah, I knew it. You gotta do it. 100%.

But that is sad. Yeah, you're not that wacky, dude. No. Oh, really? You're a very reasonable guy. You're you. You're the most you you've ever been. Thank you so much.

That's facts. I love that. And I love that you're free. I'm free. Do you know what I mean? No, honestly. And then you kept all your fucking bread. Yeah, I have all my bread,

dog, yeah. Hey, yesterday? Yesterday? Wait, yesterday? When did we go to Staten Island? And that you're still friends with Kalilah? That's dope.

I love her. Very close. Yeah, very close. We went to Staten Island the other day to go see what? What? What? You don't like them?

Too close. Too close. Is that what you're saying? I'm glad you said it because I had already brought it up once. I was like, Andy, you're so close.

Very close. Yo, that was a thing. That was fast. It was a jump. But it's true. You're very, you're so, you are.

It's true, it's true, it's true, it's true, it's true, it's true. It's true. Oh my God. He did keep all of his bread and he's got a lot. We called his business manager

on the way to Staten Island. Didn't we? Didn't we? Didn't we call him on the way to Staten Island? No, no, no. Yeah, we did. I mean, you're getting

the HBO money. That's no no money. Oh yeah, talk that shit. That money? You know what I mean? That was a setup. That was an initial setup. Here's the deal with...

Reservation dogs. Sex in the city. I know, but here's... This is an interesting point I want to make. It's not even a joke, right? But check it out. You're on the Native American show? Yes, I am.

I play the doctor. No, I play the Korean doctor. I'm a Korean doctor! You know how all natives... You know how all natives have a Korean doctor on the side. No, but when I was there, they said that growing up on reservations, most of the doctors are like Koreans.

I think they'll pay back your medical school loans if you do that. That's a real thing. So like a lot of people will go to like the country or just places where other doctors aren't really flocking to. You know how little I'm going to question you about anything in the medical world? Like any fucking, any brown guy gives me medical stuff, I'm always like, that guy knows exactly what he's talking about. And they also said they're a little indifferent. That's why we hired you, because you're just sort of this guy. You know what I mean?

You have that vibe. You don't care that much about that health. But I want to just say something to a true point that I was going to make that's not in the comedy universe, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But when I first met you in Montreal, right, I was like, to me, I met somebody that has a new outlook on show business and how to do things. And I learned so much from you, bro. I really did. And I have to...

I have to quit. You grabbed it, right? I'm so used to him doing the funniest thing, given the opportunity. I just put it out and he's going... I didn't even purposely do that. I know you didn't. I just put it out and he's going yeah but like quick I didn't even purposely do that

I know you didn't yeah yeah yeah finish you learned a lot from him right but that's not what I'm going to say man what I'm going to say let me get to my point right

good parent what do you call him what do you call him man I just admit you're just so pointed man I know because I'm trying to fucking get a real point out

very close can you get a real point out it's the same I learned so much from you dude but it's like because I started way longer ago, Yeah. Right?

That I still have this weird fascination with old Hollywood. Like acting and getting deals. I see that a bit. And all that stuff, right? But that's okay, too. I know, but it's just like, I don't know why I'm like that.

And I think you have a little bit of that, too. Yeah. You guys also happen to be- You like acting, and you know what I mean, and getting jobs, of that too. Yeah. You guys also happen to be- You like acting and, you know what I mean, and getting jobs, you know what I mean? You guys also happen to be really good at acting.

It's hard to not- You say plural? Guys or- He always says I'm bad. Okay, I haven't- Yeah, you always say I'm bad and it hurts my feelings. And you're lying for the joke of the show, but I've never said-

Then why did you- What did I say to you the other day? Then why did you do the joke? Why did you do the joke just now? Because it's fun. Oh you do the joke? What did I say to you the other day? Then why did you do the joke? Why did you do the joke just now? Because it's fun. Oh, that's right. What did I say to you about Reservation Dogs? What did I really say?

You said I was good on that. Very good, dude. He's very good on the show. That was the same very used couple minutes ago. The same very used. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no. Who's?

Very good. Who's? Now listen. His hero is fucking incredible at acting. So good. No, no, no, no. Do you think that he's better than you at acting? Just being at, wow.

There's a competition there, too? I don't. No, no, no. We're just saying objectively. Because when it comes to improv, you guys are magic. I was sitting there on your guy's show fucking crying when I did Bad Friends the last time when you guys did the scene where the fucking girl gets pulled over. The girl gets pulled over in the desert. Oh my god, that was amazing.

Okay, now, but when you're talking about just acting, like let's say you had to do a scene. Let me ask you a question. And it's you or Santino. Do you not think that Santino just has another gear, bro? Let me ask you another question, alright? Yeah. We're not talking about comedy. We're not talking about stand-up. I get what you're saying? Yeah. We're not talking about comedy.

We're not talking about stand-up. I get what you're saying, bro. We're talking about just acting. I get what you're fucking saying. And you would know. You guys went for similar roles in the past, right? We went for similar roles. He got every one.

And we're actually asking because I haven't seen any of your shows. Whoa. Again with a dagger, bro. Dude. That was sick acting. You can't see my dick and now that? Did you see what he just did? Did you see that?

I saw it. You son of a fucking bitch. Hey, hey, hey, be nice. Here's the thing. May I ask you a question? That's all I'm doing. Can I ask you a question, right? Yes, yeah, yeah.

Do you think he has had more opportunities over the years? You think because he's white. Do you think he's had more opportunities over the years? And I'm going to be honest. It's an honest question. I think the answer to that is yes. I think that you've been alive so much longer that that

that like when you were acting in those movies that just had the writing on it instead of the words like you know when you had that. Am I a crotching tiger? Jesus Christ. This guy. Redo? Yeah. I'm going. I'm going. Redo? It's an angle.

I'm going. Yeah, yeah. What the fuck? Fucking you up. Yeah. Okay. All I'm saying is. I've obviously not had more opportunity.

That's bullshit. Whoa. Oh, that's so fucking crazy, dude. You got on Mad TV like five years into the game. You were literally on a fucking hit television show. Hit. Five years into the game. Hit.

That's true. You barely were in the world of comedy and acting. Every single week. You did Miss Swan or whatever. That wasn't me. Wait were in the world of comedy and acting. Every single week, you'd miss one or whatever. That wasn't me. Wait, what? That was Alex Forsten. Oh.

Uh-oh, hot dog. That wasn't you either? That was me. That was you. Uh-oh, hot dog. That was me. That was you. Not as popular,

but that was me. Okay, so that was so much opportunity. Yeah. This poor guy barely has a single opportunity, crushes it every single time, climbs out of the fucking dirt.

Okay, let me ask you a question then, dude, and be completely honest. Yeah, yeah. How many auditions do you get a year? Whoa. I don't have to anymore. I know, but... Back when you did. Back when you did.

No, no, I'm kidding. Back when you did. Of course I still audition. Back in the day, though, how many did you get a year? Be completely honest. Honestly? Back when you did No no I'm kidding Of course Back when you did Of course I still audition I still audition Back in the day though How many did you get a year? Be completely honest Honestly

Yeah Probably a couple I don't know a couple A few Now how many? A year? I can't really I don't really know

30? Here's the Let's No no no Let me ask you a question 30? Let's go through this And then we'll go through yours

Let me make a point about this Or we'll not do it now Let me make a Yeah Or we'll just do it the way you want I me make a point about this. Or we'll not do it, Tyler. Let me make a, yeah. Or we'll just do it the way you want. I'll make a point about this that you're missing. The missing piece of this is

you're pretending as if I was this handsome, picked dude. The redheaded guy is never, tell me the fucking love story where they go, He just got cut off.

Tell me the love story where they go, oh, the beautiful, her gorgeous redheaded husband walks in. Never was I like the hot boyfriend where they go, oh, the beautiful, gorgeous, red-headed husband walks in. Never was I like the hot boyfriend. No, dude. I had to go out for shit that was like... You would just get that role every time.

It's just me. It's just me. It's just me. You would just walk in. I know it's about three. It burns. It's just me. Here's what it is.

I'll solve this. Okay. We are both good at our things. Yeah. Nobody is better at his thing than him. What is his thing? Wiping the shit on the hands. He's a Jordan.

That's his shit. Oh, my God. That's his shit. Oh, my God. That's his shit. Can I have another one? Nobody's better at their thing, at his thing, than him. That's what I just... It's undisputed.

Yes. There's only one Bobby Lee. Straight up. That's what I mean. There could be another. And I could have to go head-to-head with... You know what I mean? A bunch of...

Zac Efron for a role. No chance. I think the only time that I would have, like... You know who I was jealous of? You know who I feel like I could be the... Who'd you beat out? I want to know

who you beat out on somebody. I don't know. I don't know, but I can tell you that Miles Teller kid. I like him so much and I'm jealous of his shit. I could see him in...

I could see Santino in Top Gun. I could see Santino in Top Gun, man. I want to be in that fucking movie. Could you be emotional though about your dad? Huh? Could you be emotional, though, about your dad?

Huh? Could you be emotional about, could you be Goose, what was his name, Rooster? Rooster, could you do the... And you got to be

all emotional about Goose and angry at Tom Cruise. Can you tap in? Can you cry? You can do drama. Can you cry? Hold on.

You can cry in a scene? Yeah. You can cry right now. Yeah, this is not set up for it at all. I'll set up a scenario. Yeah, let's go. All right. Okay, shit in your face. All right. Different. I'll set up a scenario. Yeah, let's go. All right?

Okay, shit in your face. All right. Different scenario, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay, good. All right, so I'm like, let's, a movie. It's like Philadelphia. Yeah.

But I'm, you know what I mean? A little Nigerian kid. Yeah. So this is a comedy. Yeah. No. No? No, and I'm adopted.

I have Ebola instead of AIDS. That's not, the stakes aren't high enough for this. Yeah. We need high stakes. All right. Ebola's not high? No. I think you instead of AIDS. That's not, the stakes aren't high enough for this. Yeah. We need high stakes. All right. Ebola's not high? No. I think you survive the Ebola.

As long as you're in America. If you fight your own organs, you're dead immediately. That's not true. Okay, give me the stakes then. Okay. This is just, we're throwing a hypothetical thing out? Yeah. Okay.

You're tasked with a mission to go behind enemy lines. Mm-hmm. With your old partner's son. What? Your old partner's son? Yeah, your old... It's a Top Gun? What?

He's Tom Cruise. I think it's similar, but it's not exactly... This is literally Top Gun memory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Different scenario. You want to go a different one? Yeah, yeah. it's not exactly. This is literally Top Gun memory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Different scenario. You want to go a different one?

Yeah, yeah. Let's go Hospital. Okay, you're a hotshot pilot in the 1980s. Just keep on saying Top Gun. You just keep on doing Top Gun. Was that the first Top Gun? That was the first Top Gun. Great mind.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay, all right. Great mind thinking the same thing twice. I'm a sports agent, and I quit, and I want to go solo. Okay, all right. But I want to be in the scene. Huh?

You have to cry because I'm dying. How can we do that? No, wait. I want to act too, though. Well, what if I rep... You're just dying. What if I also rep like Mahjong players or stuff? Oh, okay, okay, okay.

I don't know. I'm a Mahjong? Yeah, you're a Mahjong player. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The problem is, me and him in any movie we'd ever do, it's impossible to cry. It'd be laughter the whole fucking time.

Okay, okay. So I really want to get to a serious cry. All right, all right. So you're going to come in at a later point in the scene. All right. Okay? But is he going to cry because of me?

Yes. Okay, good. Thank you. Okay, okay. Here's a good one. No, no, no. It's so hard. It's impossible. You got this. You can do it. You know you. Thank you. Okay. Okay. Here's a good one. Here's a good one. No, no, no. It's so hard. It's impossible.

You got this. You can do it. You know what you can do. Listen. Bobby, lock in. You can make him do it. This is Korean War. You were over there.

What a time. What a time. You found out, you fell in love with a woman there who literally saved your life behind enemy lines. A white woman? No, an Asian woman. Behind enemy lines. Can't do it.

I just don't buy it. She's half Asian. Oh, I buy it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I got it. She's like Keanu Reeves with tits. Right? Like, you know what I mean?

You don't know. It could be fucking, you know what I mean? Eastern European. By the way, Keanu Reeves. Bjork. Bjork. Oh, my God.

Yeah, Bjork. Not Asian at all, but yeah, Bjork, for sure. Absolutely not Asian. His name's got a lot in it. Like 10%ork. Not Asian at all, but yeah, Bjork, for sure. Absolutely not Asian. His name's got an umlaut in it. Like 10% Asian. 10% Korean. Huh?

10% Korean. You think Bjork's 10% Korean? Yeah, well, she's Asian, for sure. She's Iceland or whatever. Can we finish the scene, please? Yeah, she's Nordic. She's Nordic.

Can we set the scene? Which is mostly Asian. Okay, how about this one? Whoa, dude, relax. Your sense? Oh, God, Tim. Okay, Harvey Weinstein. Who's the producer?

Yes, Weinstein over here. Let's act, people. Finish the scene, man. Budget. Now get in the hotel room and take your clothes off. What? Like that? Yeah.

There's an asteroid hurtling towards Earth, and you and your friends, who are also oil drillers, mostly in the most difficult parts of the world, have to go up, and you have to do it. Do what? You have to split it in half with an atom bomb. What?

Yeah, it's... Come on. It's either deep impact or I'm going to make a choice. The point is, maybe those are similar. All right, look, we're secret agents.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we have the ability, we're sent from the government, there's aliens walking amongst us, we have the ability to make people forget what they've seen. Okay.

Okay. At some point, we're just ability to make people forget what they've seen. Okay. Okay. Is that why we're listing our favorite movies? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay.

I will make up an actual movie. Can you make up an original movie? Original movie. Right, right. Never been done before. Okay, I love it. Here it is.

Here it is. All right. Are you ready? I'm ready. There's two girls, one cup. Okay. What's in the cup?

No, no. Let's think of an action. Let's have Santino cry. Come on. What? It would be so hard. Bobby's in a hospital. Thank you.

He got in a car accident, okay? Yeah. And I'm playing myself. And he's playing himself. Right. That's good. He has five minutes to live, okay? No, no, no. You have to. You notice how quick he went to you in a car accident, okay? Yeah, and I'm playing myself. And he's playing himself. Right, that's good. He has five minutes to live, okay? No, no, no, no.

You have to... You notice how quick he went to you in a car accident? Because of your joke earlier? No, that was a good joke. It was such a callback. You're doubling down, you're doubling down.

It was a callback. In order for you to save... Bobby's your child. In order for you to save Bobby... As he was transforming into a car, he crashes. Might as well trample more. More than me.

All right. Okay. What a funny scene in the movie Transformers. It goes back into a car and he crashes immediately. Everybody else, whoa, zooms away. He hits a pole. Whoa! All right, so I'm in the hospital.

Okay. No, no. That's your son, okay? Needs a heart transplant. There's no donor. I'm listening. You take the hospital hostage, and you realize there's only one heart

that can go in your son's chest. It's your own. You're going to have to kill yourself to save your son. He's getting there. Very good. You love that kid more than anything in the world. He was dealt a bad deck probably from your wife's side. You don't talk to her anymore.

So can we do the scene? And start scene. My son. I love you so much. And I got to tell you, the only heart that you can have is mine. Thank you, daddy. But I'm not going to give it to you.

What the fuck? Because there's so many other Koreans I can buy. Goodbye, my son. Look at his water in my eyes. That's good. That's good, right? That's good. There's water in my eyes. That's good. He's a better actor.

There's water in my eyes. He wrote a different ending and everything. I respect you, bro. You're my inner circle, dude. What a choice. I'm in the inner ring. That fucking impressed me, dude. I got the inner ring. Bro, that fucking impressed me, dude. What a choice.

That was really good. What is the name of that movie? A new one? Q? Get it. Get it. Play a dog. Play a dog. Yeah.

Raise the roof. Oh, man. You're going to have to cut this. Yeah, yeah. Go, go. But get him to the... It's so... It's so...

You got to cut that. You got to cut that. Can we just bleep this? Can we just bleep the last one? I can see it. Get him to the...'s so You gotta You gotta Can we just bleep this? Can we just bleep the last one? I can see it Yeah, go ahead Get him to the Funny remake

But five O's Why five? Just Like it's a ghost? Yeah, yeah, yeah Is it haunted? There's a racist ghost in here.

That was the middle of the movie, this happens. The second half, I haunt him. Oh, he haunts me. Because I let him die. You let him die. With your new kid. He gets a new son, right? But in the house, I'm...

Yeah, what do you think? I mean... mean, yeah. Sold, dude. Yeah. Like, literally sold. And sometimes I'll go, pan face. I'll do some adjectives, you know what I mean? Can you imagine when the ghost hunters come to the house?

Can we see that? And I'm like, did you hear that? Did you hear that on the thing? And if they're replaying it, they're like, I don't know what he's saying. I think we all heard what he said. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he said yeah yeah yeah oh fuck we by the way

we want to do a movie together me and the bobe bad bad bad yeah and we're trying we just gotta I just want like

a really really like acclaimed writer to write us I think he's written a bunch of great scripts just now yeah but I want like

one of those fucking writers to actually like write us a thing that's so out of our normal realm, you know? You know what would be funny is if they wrote

an actual serious drama and you guys did it seriously, it would be like, I'm trying to think, I don't think this is Rocky Horror Picture Show, but like what is that,

it almost comes across as like camp. Like you guys are trying to act it serious, but everybody watching is a fan. Camp is your right. Camp is your right. Hot American Summer, I guess everybody watching is a fan. Campy is your right. Campy is right.

Hot American Summer, I guess. It's a musical. It's like a musical. You have to be in it, dude. Thank you. Who can I be? Mark can sing. You can sing?

Mark is a good singer. I'll dabble. I'll dabble. Let me hear. Hold on. Let him do it. What do you want to hear? It's on the artist.

You pick what you want. You saw me cry. How about this? I know what song. Okay. One of my favorite musicals Is Annie And when she's

In the windowsill What was like When that came out What do you mean Oh I waited in line And everything I was 19 I was 19

Yeah So I had a job I had a job And a car and stuff So I went You know what I mean There was no online So I just waited in line

For two days To see Annie Tell them the Annie song I want to hear the Annie song. So she's sitting in the windowsill, right? Yeah. Maybe far away, or maybe real nearby. That song.

You know that song? Tomorrow, tomorrow. Maybe do that one. That's better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't that? It's not the same one. It's not the same song.

Not the same song, but it's from the same show. I like Maybe That's a good song Let him do it Let him do it Alright The sun will come out Tomorrow

Bet your bottom dollar That tomorrow That's pretty good, yo Be sun Just thinking about Tomorrow There'll be sun just thinking about tomorrow. There'll be sun. The day is gray and lonely.

Try to stick up my chin and grin and say Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you Tomorrow, it was only a day away Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you Tomorrow, it was I love you. Tomorrow. We did it. We did it.

We did it. 30 seconds ago. 30 seconds and lots of fucking. Yeah, very good. Very good. Give him his respect. Give him the respect. Yeah, yeah. It was really good, dude.

Real commitment. Very good. Real commitment, dude. All right, guys. We're going to take a break because I got to make sure y'all are eating good, man. And the only way that you can eat good with your schedule is with Freshly. Let me tell you why.

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That's $150 off at freshly.com slash flagrant. You got to go to Freshly.com slash flagrant. That's $150 off at Freshly.com slash flagrant. Think about that. Freshly.com slash flagrant. You get $150 off your first six orders as long as you order by September 17th. So get on that shit right the fuck now and let's get back to the show. All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because y'all need to see events, okay? And the way that you're going to go to see them is with SeatGeek. Very simple. The best platform on the planet for you to get the tickets to whatever you need to go see.

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You just got a little closer to action. You are very goddamn welcome. Make sure you download that app. And make sure you use that code FLAGRANT to get that $20 off. And let's get back to the show. You know Bob can sing. Bobby, can you sing? Can you sing it? Are there like

any like San Diego songs? No, I know some Korean songs. Who would want that? Sing that. You don't know any like Jason Mraz? No, no, no. Just Korean songs. Let me hear a Korean song. This is a real one. I don't know what it means. Okay. And I don't know how to finish it. Okay. But it's...

Alex is going to laugh immediately. My dad's singing it. Yeah. Ah dee dong Ah dee dong Ah dee so

Oh Where are you? He would beat me with a fucking golf club. That's what he would do? He would beat the shit out of me with a golf club. Really? Yeah, yeah. Bruises all over my body. It was fucking terrible. Wow.

Do the one that we all know. Yeah. San Toki Toki Ya. That's the one. Where are you? Where are you? You know that? That's the one we all know. Love that one.

What about you? Do you know any, whatever Punjabi? Is that a song? Is that a song? Insane. I don't know. What? I don't know the people.

Do the people. Do the snake. Do the snake. Do the rinky dink't know the people. Do the snake. Do the rinky-dink. Do the rinky-dink. We all love the rinky-dink. You were in Annie. You were the one that drove the car. No, you were like the guy. You were in the house. That was his name.

Go ahead. Sing me a song. Look at Akash loading up. Like bullets into a clip. He's just like... Like it's loading in a clip. He's just like. Like it's loading in his head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's so good. Do you have a song?

No, we don't have a song that I know of. Wait, you don't know an Indian song to sing? It's got to be like a lullaby or something. Yeah, I probably know. I don't really know that many. I don't know the rap shit. I can't rap. I've been listening to rap.

I think. No, the old Indian shit. From like. Vala, you know any. I'm not Indian. Are you angry? It's the rap shit. I can't rap. I've been listening to rap. No, the old Indian shit. Bali, you know any? Are you angry? It's the same song. It's Bollywood. Are you angry right now? I'm wondering why you're so angry.

I'm not angry. I'm fucking having a blast. This is a fun time. We're not having a fun time? I think we're having a fun time. I'm having a great time. You're having a blast. Whenever you look at me, I see anger. I don't understand why.

I love you, dude. I kiss you on the lips right now, but you wouldn't do it because you're weird about that stuff. You are a little weird about that stuff. Kissing on the lips, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't understand why. I love you, dude. I'd kiss you on the lips right now, but you wouldn't do it because you're a little weird about that stuff. You are a little weird about that stuff. Kissing on the lips, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, how about on the cheek, like a. Yeah, I'd do that. Okay, okay, no problem.

Steal it. Go ahead. Steal it. Kiss him on the mouth. There you go. No problem. Do both sides, you know? Okay, that's fine. Like, let's do a scene. Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, all right. Bobby, good to see you! Now I have to say the, bonjour, you know? Okay, okay. Bonjour. Okay. No, but you're way too fast. Because No, I have to say that I bonjour now. Okay, okay. Bonjour. Okay. No, but you're way too fast. Because I know you're trying to kiss me in the lips. No, I'm not.

Way too fast. Because I know you're a sneaky motherfucker. No, no, no, fuck you! No, no, no, no, no. Oh, homophobic. I see, homophobic. Oh. Weird, huh?

Weird. So when we see, stop. What do you mean by sneaky? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Dude, did you just get that? I got that too, see, stop. What do you mean by sneaky? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Did you just get that? I got that too. You know how he sent me his dick?

Crafty. He sent me his dick. I said I love you, and then he just sent me a picture of his dick. That's love. That's love. That's not love at all. That's not love at all.

That's a cultural thing. That's not cultural. That's not cultural. Bonjour. And we have to lock eyes. You guys are in Italy. You guys are in Italy. You just bumped into each other on the streets of Rome.

Let's do the bump first. I'm walking down the street. You guys are in Italy. You just bumped into each other on the streets of Rome. Let's do the bump first. Okay. I'm walking down the street. Oh! Oh! Bonjour! Oh! I am figuring out a warning right now.

I figured out a warning right now. I figured out a warning right now. You know what I mean? Very smart. If you in Italy saw that, he wouldn't think it was weird. They're like, oh, that's a thing. No, no, no.

That looked weird. That looked weird. I put his hand here so he wouldn't kiss him. You wouldn't sneak a kiss. Yeah. I didn't trust you. Was that your intention

to sneak a kiss on the lips? Yeah. I know, dude. I know. Do you think that's how that whole thing started, kissing him? A guy was just trying

to kiss another guy and he turned and he just turned the guy. He's like, whoa, he's like, yeah, what the fuck? Maybe that's how it started. And then Duke goes in

for a kiss and he turns and he's like, fuck it, I guess, I guess, fuck that guy. Would you kiss him on the lips? I've kissed you on the lips

a thousand fucking times. A thousand times. Like too many fucking times. Have you guys kissed on the lips? Never. Yeah. New York, bro. It's New York shit.

You know what it is? Yeah, seriously, because the way that we get looked at when we do it, fine, they, it would change a lot of things Have you guys kissed on the lips? Never. Yeah. New York, bro. It's New York shit. You know what it is? Yeah, seriously. Because the way that we get looked at when we do it, fine. It would change a lot of things for this whole show. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Different too.

Yeah, yeah. The two would be back for sure. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 100%. Yeah, that's weird. Yeah, you guys like kissing and shit. No, we don't like...

We do it for fucking laughs, bro. Oh, yeah. It's so funny. Bobby will, Bobby will, to his most high credit, will do anything for a laugh. For the laugh, yeah.

Literally anything. When someone's like... No, I'm telling you the best, bro. He is undefeated. Well, there are rules now. There are rules now. What will you not do? I don't think I can show

my penis on stage anymore, no. Really? You did it recently. Yeah, I can't show my butthole. No, I haven't. I haven't done it in years. You know what he does now? He does the,

he'll like do the fake takeout. Like it never comes out anymore. Yeah, I'll do a like show, like half of my pubes. Right? And then I'll just pull it back up. I dissected this on one of our episodes

over why I think it's okay because, and this is not me being rude, he has a regular, he jokes he has a small penis. It's a regular penis. Nice, nice. It's fine. That's high quality.

It's okay. High quality. I was impressed the first time I saw it. It's fresh. But if it was big. Because I thought it was going to be smaller. If it was big, it's threatening to the audience.

Yes. Right. Like if I had to kill O'Neal's dick, it'd be weird. Yeah. Right? So if a comic pulled out their dick and they had like a nice,

if you had a nice dick and you pulled out your dick, it would be threatening to the audience. Yeah, yeah. But his is playful. It's like a, and he doesn't. The guys all feel like

a boost of confidence for themselves. And the girls think, look at how funny that is. Yeah, it's like a funny little game. It's like a minion. Hmm. Yes, it is. Like yellow.

Yeah, those things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like people go, oh, it's Disney. Yeah, it's like a funny little game. It's like a minion. Yes, it is. Like yellow. Yeah, those things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like people go, oh, it's Disney. Yeah. You do have Disney penis. I have Disney dick. You got yellow dick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so when I do it, I was beat up twice. By whom? By audience members when I showed them my penis. Then they, years ago,

one guy picked me by my neck and slammed me on the ground, which is not a natural response. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then a guy shoved me against a neck and slammed me on the ground which is not natural response yeah and then a guy shoved me against a wall and they had a nail

sticking out of the wall and I got I don't know which how homophobic were those guys wow and it bled all over my arm oh my god

that's when I learned that guy was so mad he's like you know how bad I want to suck a dick don't show me that yeah they get aggressive you know what I mean

so it's like yeah but you don't do that anymore I don't do it anymore. No, I follow the rules. But that's a public rule. I'm saying, what about when you're with the boys? Are there any rules?

No, no, there's no rules. Nothing at all? He holds nothing. I would suck your dick for a laugh. What's the funniest way to suck it? You're just, your dick in his mouth is hilarious. That's the funniest.

I would laugh so hard. If I was sincere, I was locking eyes with you and I was like, that would be hilarious. That's the funniest. I would laugh so hard. If I was sincere, I was locking eyes with you and I was like, that would be hilarious. Yeah, yeah. Like I do tongue work on the whole.

And tricks with your balls. He'd love to do tricks with your balls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I do this. Right? Yeah. Right?

And we locked eyes. You would laugh. If we locked eyes, I would laugh. Al uncomfortable right now. I'm about to show you. Why are you uncomfortable? Yeah, what's up, dog?

That's never going to happen. Yeah, yeah. We're talking about hypothetical. You want to kiss Al on the cheek and see how he likes you? No, no, no. We just got back from Burning Man, bro. Come on.

Yeah, dog. Burning Man changed his life. Come on, bump into each other. One time. When we first met, you tried to kiss me on the mouth. He forgot that. When?

Yeah, when we first met in Montreal. In Montreal? Yeah. Yeah, but you've grown since then. My mouth. He forgot that. When? Yeah, when we first met in Montreal. In Montreal? Yeah. Yeah, but you've grown since then. My bad. Two burning men. I died. No, it was cool.

But the reason why I do it with you is because even if you get violent, I think I can handle it. Nah, that's probably true. Whoa, in a fight, you think it'd be easy? You think you could beat up Akash? I was a wrestler, dude. No, no, no. I'm not questioning. Don't defend.

I'm just asking. Is that what you're saying? You could beat him up? He's not threatening to me. He said he could fuck you up, bro. I'm fine with it. How defend. I'm just asking. Is that what you're saying? You could beat him up? He's not threatening to me. He said he could fuck you up, bro. I'm fine with it. How much do you weigh? Akash, what do you weigh? 190 now? Who knows?

You weigh 190? Wait, how tall are you? 5'7". 5'7", how much? About 155, 160. Okay, and you're 5'1"? 5'4". 5'3".

5'3". 5'2". If you're flat, no shoes. I'm 5'3". 5'2", without shoes. Okay, 165're 5'1"? 5'4". 5'3". 5'3". 5'2". If you're flat, no shoes. I'm 5'3". 5'2", without shoes. Okay, 165. No, you're 170. 170.

Yeah, 170. That's a pretty fair fight. Yeah, it's a fair fight. It's a fair fight. But the thing is that I was a wrestler in high school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would take you down and it'd be over. You wouldn't be able to get up.

Oh, do we need to set this up? I'm not going to fight. I love him. No, no, it's for fun. No, just for charity. Charity. Not now, not tonight though, not today. No, now. We're doing love him. No, no, it's for fun. No, just for like charity. Charity. Not now, not tonight though. Not today.

No, now. We're doing it now. No, no, no. Bring it in. I would do a thing when we were singlets. Yeah. We got a real mad.

I could never fight you, Bobby. I was taught to respect my elders. That's number four. That's the only thing I can do. We should set up a wrestling match. Can you wrestle? Nah, dude. He was a fucking great wrestler.

Yeah, he was a wrestler. Yeah, I actually do think. So what would be a fair fight then? Because wrestling wouldn't be fair to him. You were actually a really good wrestler in high school? Yeah. In high school, he was really, really good. I mean, if you go on my Instagram,

there's wrestling photos. His brother was phenomenal too. He was a champion. My brother was a champion. Stevie was a. I saw this. Like a really, really good wrestler. I saw a video of Stevie wrestling or something like that. He was fucking too. He was a champion. My brother was a champion. Stevie was a- I saw this. Like a really, really good wrestler. I saw a video of Stevie wrestling

or something like that. He was fucking amazing. He fucked up everybody. Really? It's crazy, dude. So are you like a sneaky athlete? What do you mean? Yeah, I'm very athletic, yeah.

He is. Yeah, yeah. He 100% is. Yeah, yeah. It's a bit, people think it's a joke. But he's actually good. He's 100%.

Yeah, I believe it. It's wild. But his, he knows how to harness the, you know what I mean? He has the thing. I'm HRS. Hidden retard strength.

Did that get molested into you by the? Oh, you caught it. No, no. I caught it with the guy that molested me? Yeah, the guy that molested you. He passed it on. Honestly, I mean that sincerely. I think so.

Because a lot of people don't know this story. You told me this story once. No. You told me this story once. No, you told me this story once. Why are we talking about it now? No, but you told me this story about how you were molested by a kid with Down syndrome. A man. A man. Mentally, yeah.

What? Mentally man? What are you talking about? Another way to go. Yeah. He was a man. I think in his 20s. Yeah.

And he went, duh. Just quick. Wait, wait, went, and I went like this. It's quick. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It's quick. You didn't get molested. He asked if you want to suck his dick and you said yes. Yeah, but he went,

and I went, he had to do this. If he didn't do that, I'd be like, what's going on? And right as he came, Bobby's like, and he got the strength. You got stronger.

That's your origin story. That's my origin story. Yeah, you're Spider- strength. You got stronger. That's your origin story. That's my origin story. Dude, it's an origin story. That's the movie. That is it, dude. That's the movie. HRS. Can you play downs?

He's the guy. Can you play downs? Come on, J.D. Let's see the scene. Let's see the scene. Let's see the scene. Can you play down? Come on, J.D. Let's do the C. Let's do the C. Can you play down? Can you play down? Come on, J.D.

Let's do the C, dude. Here's a line. Drawn. This is your Steven, what the fuck is his name? Spielberg. No, I am Sam, I am Sam. Oh, no, you know who the best character that was ever played by a non-Downs person that played mentally handicapped?

I am Sam. That was a long way to say retard. Decaprio. What's eating Gilbert Grape? What's eating Gilbert Grape? Hi, Gilbert. Daniel Day-Lewis. What's eating Gilbert Grape?

My left foot. What's eating Gilbert Grape was so real. Dude, it was so good. It was insane. It was insane. Dude, Daniel Day-Lewis painted shit with his fucking left foot. Oh, that's true.

I want my son! Dude, that movie was so good. That's good. That's good. It was so fucking... He was so good in that movie. He was great. He's been good in so many movies.

That's why nobody cares what he does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody gives a shit, dude. But you know they were dying on set. Oh, 100%. Oh, in Video Village? You think they were like, every time?

Hey, Gilbo, good to see you today, Gilbo. You know, Johnny Depp was like, oh, you got to cut it out. You're making me laugh, Leo. Oh, fuck. Honestly, though, he was unreal.

He killed that. Also, Basketball Diaries, one of my favorite movies. Have you guys all seen that? Good movie. A little intense. Can't hoop. A little intense. Can't hoop.

But you know what? Name a fucking sports movie where you saw the actors doing athletics well. White Man Can't Jump. Oh. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean?

Wesley can hoop. Yeah, Wesley. No, Wesley was athletic. And Woody can hoop. Woody can hoop. I don't know. For an actor? I guess.

Phenomenal. No, you shouldn't have did that, though. That's a purchase point. That's what I'm saying. Wait, wait, wait. It just didn't. Okay. Robert De Niro raging bull.

Pulled off the boxing. I mean, tips of the trade, it's just cuts. That's a lot of cutting. That's a lot of great shots and cuts. Wow. It's just, it's not. Wow. Oh, you know who does a great job?

Will Smith, Ali. I thought it was okay. It was okay. He did okay. You know who did a great job, though? That kid that plays Mike on the new Tyson show. Has nobody seen that? Is he good?

It's actually like some of the boxing is well choreographed. But what's the impression like? I mean, is he the character? Well, Tyson's suing them right now. Yeah, I heard he doesn't look like him.

No, no, because that's, how can you, I mean, it's so hard to look like that guy. Yeah. He's suing Hulu or he's suing one of them

for something about the show. Like, imagine catching a lawsuit from him. That's the least of it. Like, immediately, if they're like, I'm suing you, I'm like, whatever you want. Yeah, best case scenario, you get sued by Tyson. Yeah, I was like, whatever you need. I would stop the show now.

If he was like, turn it off. I'd be like, you got it. We quit. Since you guys know about movie stuff, what is this movie that everybody keeps talking about where the fucking, the guy's spitting on the other guy, the Harry Styles. The Harry Styles and Chris Pine. Olivia Wilde is something. I'm sorry, darling.

Yeah, you haven't heard all the drama around this movie? I have no idea what this is. A movie where he spits on somebody? No, like, apparently he spit on Chris Pine when they were at the Venice, I guess, film festival or something like that. Who spit on Chris Pine? Harry Styles.

Why? That's what I thought you guys might know. Harry Styles, the... He's in the movie, too. He's the lead. With Chris Pine? Yeah. Bro, we're not more famous than you.

We're not in that group. You guys know more about Hollywood than us. Let's stop. We know what happened. Okay, same. I called Harry this morning. I picked up his dress from the cleaners, and I said,

I'm on my way over. I want to talk about the skin incident. Oh, fuck. No, I don't know. I don't know what happened. Did they get into the, they have beef? I don't know.

I find myself like. Isn't Chris Pine jacked? I think he's kind of. Couldn't he fuck up Harry Styles? Am I crazy? He came to a show that we used to do,

the Village Lantern, where you'd get people off the street. It was so cool. He was in fucking Star Trek and then he just came off the street, watched the show,

was a great audience member with his girl, came up to everybody, was like, yo, you guys are funny. Really? Yeah, he sat the whole show. It was a great...

No idea he came to your show? It wasn't a show you were on. Okay. It was like a Sunday show. I remember him. Yeah, he got pretty mouth. So wait, he spit? He spit on him?

He spit on him? That's the rumor. I don't know. He spit on him? He spit on him? That's the rumor. I don't know. He spit on him. When super famous people come to your shows, do you get nervous or weird or no? Are you cool? More nervous like if my family's there.

Oh, right. That's the fucking worst. Or friends or somebody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hands down. Yeah. Whenever somebody's like, do you love playing Chicago?

I'm like, I mean, yes, but also my family's there. It's the most nerve wracking. It's just a different world. Yeah. You're thinking about them. Yeah. And also how many of them are like, hey, where also my family's there. It's the most nerve-wracking. It's just a different world. Yeah. You're thinking about them. Yeah. And also how many of them are like,

hey, where's the thing after the thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I've got to focus on a show. I'm not going to the thing after the thing. Yeah, it's a nightmare. Well, dude, you know what the great thing is? Not like when I did Chicago Theater,

you rent out the basement. Yeah, that's where you do the thing. And like, just go downstairs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I can see everyone say hi, and it appeases them, and then you're done. You know what I mean?

Or the stress of like, you put somebody on the list and it's like you're about to go up and they call their, we have six more people. Yeah, yeah. We're sold out, but can you get,

you know what I mean? You have to deal with other fucking stress. I get why fighters don't like fighting at home. Yeah. You know what I mean? I get why they go to Vegas.

Obviously, there's more money with the gambling, but like fighting at home, it's just nonstop phone calls and shit. And with fighting, instead of stand-up, you really got to prepare for two months. 100%. With stand-up, you've been preparing for a year

as long as you've been on tour. Also, we're not going to get CTE. Yeah. Yeah, our ego is on the line. Their life is on the line. Right. That's very good. That is very good.

That's like the fucking tagline for the film. His ego's on the line. His life is on the line. Stand-up versus boxing. No, but that fucking, that playing at home is tough, tough, tough. I just don't, it's one of my least favorite things. Yeah. Until it's over and you're like, oh, it was awesome.

I did it. They got to see it. But it's different for you because New York, you guys, New York, it's just, that's a different thing. Home is Dallas for me. But yeah, I was curious because you're probably more used to family coming just because you're at the cellar and it's just friends and family can swing, drop in whenever. Yeah. If I go to Dallas, it's like that's the one time that year.

Yeah, that makes sense. It's more like stakes. Yeah. Guys, I know that you guys have another podcast that you have to do very soon. Did you have fun on this one? I mean, you guys. We still have time. We do very soon. Did you have fun on this one? We still have time. We still have plenty of time.

Yes? Yeah, we still have time. I'd like to go. What time is it right now? 3.30. I'd like to go. Okay, so maybe we have another 15 minutes or something. I think we have some more fun. Okay.

What are you going to do? Some of those games that you guys play or whatever? Yeah, we have a game. No, you're like, oh, look at this video. Look at what happened. Let me ask you something. Let me ask you as a friend.

As a friend. Has this been one of the best versions of this show? Oh, it's amazing. Without a doubt. It's amazing. You guys had to come back. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, I'm coming back.

You know how many times he's fucking done my podcast? Well, I've been asking you for fucking years, asshole. You never come here. Why are you being so aggressive when he says something? Yeah, it's weird. It's like he says a word and then you lose it. I swear to God, dude. Just give him a kiss on the fucking mouth. Yeah, yeah. I swear to God, dude. Just give him a kiss on the fucking mouth.

Yeah, yeah. I swear to God, dude. I'm so sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all good. It's all good. Hey, this is aggressive, too. This is aggressive, too.

Oh, dude, you guys ran into each other in France. Oh, yeah. Bonjour, no. No, no. I'm sorry. I know. Hey, hey, hey. I know.

Hey, hey, hey. This is aggressive, too, Bobby. Fuck you, man. See what I mean? Yeah. Okay. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sexual tension this guy's got. This is aggressive too, Bobby Fuck you, man See what I mean? Yeah Okay, alright Sexual tension this guy got Any part of Europe

He's bonjourno Anywhere he goes Well, what do you say that Italian is? No, he acts like we're in France He put on fucking French music He put on a fucking I did that bonjour as a French Right

Is it bonjour to France? Oh, you're saying bonjour and then no. Guys, guys, yes, everybody. No, like this guy has the meaning of no. Yes, it is. In Italy, what do you say? You say oui, oui. Oui, oui.

There it is. That's Italian. I love it. I love it all. German. Well, it's German. You know what they say. All right, all right, all right.

I don't know. I don't know. You can't do those things. Oh, so am I bad, good? Come on. Oh, but I can say. Yes. That's you guys.

Oh, that's right, that's my people. That's my people. You're like, that's it. That's right, I'm right about that. All right, my bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bobby, I was curious, what happened to the guy that diddled you?

Whatever happened to him? I don't know. Because it was in Minnesota, and we moved when I was 10. He owns Amazon or something. Is that true? Yeah. He created and was 10. He owns Amazon or something. He created and owns. That's amazing.

He has downs, 50%. Wow. 50% down? They give you a percentage now. I don't remember. I don't know. Check in with him. It's beneath me. If you're out there listening.

I think you were beneath him, buddy. Listen, I think it's awesome that you were able to get something out of it. What do you mean? No, just like you turned it into... A positive. Positive, you know. Well, it's, you know, here's a serious note. Yeah.

But my therapist always says that because you had so much trauma in your life that you developed like this weird sense of humor as a defense mechanism. And then you chose that one thing that you were able to do. Guys, this has been flagrant. Give it up. Give it up for them. Why do you think it's me, yo? You think it's me. Yeah.

Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the funniest thing to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the funniest thing to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's, you know. That's your defense mechanism. No, but I use that as a career and it's worked out. I think if I didn't have that or like if I lived in Korea and there wasn't like stand-up comedy and comedy in general.

Can we go to Korea? I would love to, dude. Can we do a trip? I would actually love that. Just to have fun? I would love to go with you, dude. But can we all go? I would love to. You want to all go? I would love to, dude. Can we do a trip? I would actually love that. Just to have fun? I would love to go with you, dude. But can we all go? I would love to. You want to all go?

I would love to. I would actually love to go. Yeah, we could do karaoke together. Yes. I do not want to go. I would love to go, dude. I'm being fucking real, dude. I'm being real, too.

I wouldn't have suggested it. I just need to be very sure. Santino, we need you to go. It's my least favorite Asian place. What's your favorite? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Japan. Japan's the best. Japan's the best.

Japan's the best. Japan's number one. Korea is now. Korea, dude. Korea's the number one. They got heart. They got emotion. Let me think about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, it's Japan. Two weeks. I'll go. I'll go. I love Korea. I love Koreans. You would go too?

Of course I would go. I just need to be sure about the meat that we eat. Oh, the dog? Gagogi? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just eat vegetarian. You know what Gagogi is? Gagogi is dog meat, yeah.

And Bulgogi is cow. Big dog. Bulgogi, big dog. Big dog, yeah. But we don't have to eat that. I would never eat dog. Okay. You would never?

I have dogs. Yeah. They're in my freezer. I'm going to eat them later. Hey. Hey. Hello. Yeah. They're in my freezer. I'm going to eat them later. Hey. Hey. Ew. No, I would never eat.

I love my dogs so fucking much. I would never eat them. No, there's no way. Survival. I'd rather eat my cousins. Survival. If you need it, you will. If my cousin Andy died, I'd be sad, but I would eat him.

Instead of my good dog, Gobi. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. What's so funny? You named your dog after the dish? It sounded... Yeah, you're right.

Yeah. That's weird. Yeah. That's a little... That's like me naming my dog Cheese. And that's the one I tongue kiss all the time. Really? Yeah.

That's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, it's not. The behavior he does with his dogs is not okay. You think it's inappropriate? I believe you. It's disgusting. He has no idea what boundaries are, this guy.

No. Like, I kiss my dog on the top of the nose, like on the head, like, I'll give it a little kiss. He'll mouth fuck his dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta give it a kiss. Can I ask you something? Do you think that in your lifetime,

you will be able to befriend an Indian or somebody like that? I really do. I really do. I just didn't believe that. I don't know for some reason. I love you. Ask me again.

Ask you again? Okay. Do you think in your lifetime that you will be able to befriend an Indian? Yes. Yeah. No. And what do you think is getting in the way?

No, I have Indian friends. That's what they say, right? I do. That's what they say. I have Indian friends. Who would what they say, right? I do. That's what they say. I have Indian friends. Who would you name? I can't think of one right now. Name four Indian people.

Shanti. My friend Shanti, she used to open for me. She's Indian. Shanti? Yeah. The rapper? No, she's from San Francisco. She's a very funny comic.

Okay, that's one. She's very Indian. Name another one. Name another one. Izzy Zanzari. That's two. He returns your phone calls? No.

Izzy Zanzari. What's the third one? I'd say Akash. Oh, no, no. Danny from Community. Danny Pudi? Yeah. Love him.

Oh, good. Danny Pudi, great guy. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't he half Indian? What? He's half Indian. Yeah, yeah, still, I love him.

That's why you love him. That's all I know. That's why you love him. Literally all I know. Which half do you like more? Yeah, we Indian. Yeah, yeah, but still, I love him. That's why you love him. That's all I know. That's why you love him. Literally all I know. Which half do you like more? Yeah, we know. We know. The half that thinks Andrew is nice to him.

You know what I mean? How many Indians do you know? None. I don't... I didn't claim to know any of these people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know a lot? My neighbor as a kid.

He actually does the best Indian accent for a white guy. My neighbors were Indian as a kid, so yes, I do know a lot. Wait, you can do Indian? They were only Indian as children. They grew out of it? You do. If you're lucky, you do grow out of it. Wait, I want to hear the Indian.

His Adolf Hitler is great. We'll get that. Dude, his Adolf Hitler. My Indian Adolf Hitler is really good. Go, go, hit it. On the trains ready, we've got to kill the Jews, man. Dead on, dead on. Did I get the sound guy?

Oh, man. The deadest laugh. I didn't know you lit it up when the sound guy did. So good. Oh, my God. You are a good actor, dude. Oh my God. Good God.

Thank you. I do, when I come here, I wish I lived here for a short period of time. Come for like a few months. I want to. Set up a studio.

Do the thing. It's too hard, man. We got a studio for you. He loves LA. He can't leave LA. I can't leave LA. But don't you have to come here to shoot? I thought you were going to be here.

I do. I come in October for three weeks. So then why don't you guys come for three weeks? Do you have like a smaller shooting day? A smaller podcast. going to be here. I do. I come in October for three weeks. So then why don't you guys come for three weeks? Are you touring still? Do you have like a smaller shooting day? A smaller podcast you do

like the offshoot that maybe we can do something? No, but you know what? You can stay in my place. I got extra room. Wow. They give me a hotel. The show Sex and the City

give me a hotel. It's not called Sex and the City. It's called Just Like That. What is it called? And Just Like That. Wait, what? And Just Like That.

That's the name they went with. I didn't title it. I don't work there. What is it? Just Like That. Wait, what? And Just Like That. That's the name they went with. I didn't title it. I don't work there. And Just Like That. There's no season two. Wait, wait, wait. That's what it's called. Yeah, And Just Like That.

Wait, am I stupid? It's called Sex and the City, right? No, it's now called And Just Like That. But the last time you did it, it was called Sex and the City. No, last time it was called And Just Like That. Oh. But is it called Sex and the City hyphen And Just Like That? And Just Like That. Yeah. Oh, so Sex and the City. So it's called Sex and the City called And Just Like That. Oh. But is it called Sex and the City hyphen And Just Like That? And Just Like That.

Yeah. Oh, so Sex and the City. So it's Sex and the City. Sex and the City. And Just Like That. Yeah, but when you tell people I'm on Sex and the City, they go, no. And I say, I'm Just Like That. They go, yeah.

You tell people you're on Sex and the City? You know what's funny is it's not like you're a great actor. You, because the role that you're playing is you run the podcast studio, right? Yeah. It's wild. you're a great actor. I'm kidding. You, because the role that you're playing is you run the podcast studio, right? Yeah. It's wild. You have like a responsibility. Yeah.

Right? So what is it like? True acting. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, you know how to pretend to like be on time and like run things, right?

Yeah. Right? So then, and then what happens when you're done acting? Do you ever go like, I should apply that? No, I don't know. Or try method acting? Do you ever go like, I should apply that to life? No, I don't, no.

Or try method acting. Did you ever go method? No. Let me say you fucking assholes. Can I say something? You fucking assholes. Wait, can I say real quick? No, no, fuck you, man.

I'm tired of this bullying shit, dude. You were late to Tiger Belly on my episode at your house. Exactly. You're not that important of a guest. Oh, wow. For Christ's sake, I'm your house. Exactly. You're not that important of a guest. Oh, wow. For Christ's sake, I'm on time. Let me say something, you fucking bullies. Before we continue, Akash, we love you.

You're a bully, Akash. Just make something brilliant out of nothing. Oh, my God. I want to say something right now. I showed up here on time, right? And I was available. I was open, right? I picked you up from your hotel. I showed up here on time. Yes. Right? And I was available. Yes. I was open.

Right? Yes. I picked you up from your hotel. I know. That's fine. I got there, though. Yeah, I know, but I said be downstairs at this time. Exactly.

If I wasn't there, then it would be like, that would be true. Did you know what time this shoot was? No, I did not. Okay. So if I wasn't there. What I'm saying is that I make it to everywhere I need to be. Yes, he does. I put out the episodes every week.

You put them out? No, other people do. Okay. Yeah. All right. But you make it happen. I need to be. Yes, he does. I put out the episodes every week. You put them out. No, other people do. Okay. Yeah. All right. But you make it happen. I make it happen. Without me,

there'd be no magic. His responsibility lately has been incredible. Really? Yeah, I'm changing my shit, dude. I'm being real. I'm changing my fucking whole thing. What do you think's the difference?

50? It's an age thing. You're 50 exactly. When Saget and Louis Anderson died you thought you were third for sure you thought you belonged

in that group yo yo yo who do you think you are Burt Crusher alright you got me back

you got me back does that feel better does that feel better alright did you think you were gonna die when they died I literally thought like because I was smoking You got me back. Does that feel better? Does that feel better? Right? Did you think you were going to die when they died? I literally thought like, because I was smoking so many cigarettes and I couldn't breathe.

Remember, I couldn't breathe. I was glad you're not smoking anymore. I'm not inhaling this. We're not inhaling. Yeah, I'm not inhaling this. What a fucking livener. But I was getting chunks of blood in my lungs. Oh, shit.

I was coughing up blood because Kaleida's a nurse. I would send it to her. I'm like, I think I'm dying. I can't breathe. I literally convinced myself I was dying. And then when I got out of that, I was just like blood, and I was, because Kaleida's a nurse, I would send it to her. I'm like, I think I'm dying. I can't breathe. I literally convinced myself I was dying. And then when I got out of that, I was just like, you know what? This next chapter of my life is going to be free, and I'm going to have joy and fun and responsibility and connection and all that shit.

It's nice that you finally get to have fun. Are you 50 exactly? 51 in two weeks. In a week. Yeah, in two weeks. Two weeks. Congratulations. He looks at me like I'm his dad. Yeah. I two weeks. In a week. Yeah, in two weeks. Two weeks. Congratulations. He looks at me like I'm his dad.

Yeah. I love it. I love it. He'll say something. 51? Right? That's right, buddy. 51.

Well, can we sing you happy birthday before we finish this podcast? I'd love to. Do we want to do it in Korean or something? Yeah. I don't know the translation. We've done it on our show. Okay, make it up. No, no. Oh, you haven't? No, we really did it. Remember? Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't know the translation. We've done it on our show. Okay, make it up. No, no.

Oh, you haven't? No, we really did it. Remember? Oh, yeah, yeah. I remember. Okay, so. We sung it in Korean for you. Ha-ki-so-na-ka-chi-da.

Remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that. We did it. Ha-ki-so-na-ka-chi-da. Wait, here. Does it have the lyrics too? Yep.

Oh, I love it. Hello, everyone. Hey. Mom? Okay. Today, we'll learn how to say. Look at Al. Happy birthday. Oh, this is just how to say it. Damn. Well, this isn't what we want.

Just do that. Thank you, Nisha. Bobby. Thank you, Nisha. Thank you. Thank you. Guys, we've been here with Andrew Santino, Bobby Lee. They have probably the funniest podcast I ever have been on, the episode. We're like the West Cone Vagrant, whatever it's called. What's it called? Vagrant? Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant. Vagrant like the West Cone Vagrant whatever it's called what's it called Vagrants

you guys Vagrants I mean like I'll be honest I'm trying to compliment you you guys are so absolutely fucking hysterical in your podcast

so I want everybody go check it out Bad Friends you already know what it is but if you are the few people who don't know

what it is please go watch it it's absolutely hilarious they're fucking hysterical when does this come out by the way next Tuesday oh I can't wait come see me I'm keeping my special in Denver oh that'd be sick go watch it. It's absolutely hilarious. They're fucking hysterical. When does this come out, by the way? Next Tuesday.

Oh, I can't wait. Yeah, yeah. Come see me. I'm taping my special in Denver. Oh, that'd be sick. Come see me. Denver Paramount Theater on September 24th. And then I'm doing

Minneapolis and Madison, Wisconsin, 16, 17. Hell yeah. Andrew Santino.com. Andrew Santino.com. Go to Andrew Santino.com. Go check out all his dates.

Go check out the special. Watch Bad Friends. And also, you're going to say it, we don't have it yet. We don't have the numbers, but we're doing a Bad Friends tour next year. Oh, shit.

I love this. Theater tour. Theater tour. And you do stand-up or you do live pod? Stand-up and some pod at the end. Stand-up and live shit at the end. Interesting.

He's going to smoke the whole time. I think you guys are one of the few pods that could do a live pod. Thank you. Effectively. Because there's so many games that you guys play within it that are actually funny. Instead of just going up there and talking, I think people think, oh, it's funny in the room, so it's going to be funny when you do it in front of people.

You need punchlines and shit, but you guys create that within the games, and that could be— Yeah, that's awesome. We don't play games, but fine. I get what you're saying. Whatever. The improv stuff. I didn't want to call it improv. Okay, my bad. Can I say something too? Not really.

But you can. Go, go. I honestly do. I hope you guys cut this part so bad. No, honestly. I just want to say one last thing bad friends make sure you check it out and the episodes come out every

every Monday Monday every single Monday make sure you check it out check out their YouTube check out everything absolutely fucking hysterical podcast

literally one of my favorites love you guys thank you guys very much and also check out Whiskey Ginger honestly I think Santino is like one of the best interviewers out there

so I think that you should check out his solo podcast. Do not watch Tiger Belly. And is Tiger Belly still—I thought it was called Trash Tuesdays now. Yes! It's still a thing. It's still a thing.

And check out Tiger Belly. Obviously, amazing podcast as well. Go check out these guys. Thank you. Okay, now say what you want to say. Because I know I'm going to say it, and then you're going to cut me off and say something crazy. So I'm not going to say it. Okay.

Say it. Say it. Say it. I want to say that I honestly, like, continue you guys' family, my East Coast family, and thank you so much for having me. We love you, buddy. We love you. We love you. Shut the fuck up.

Guys, peace.