Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Bombs Away

Episode Date: February 21, 2020

This week on Patreon Andrew, Akaash, and Alexx discuss: buying your girlfriend gifts for forgiveness, the easiest way to dodge a cannonball, getting wedding RSVPs, what it means to get carrots at dinner, the use of Black History Month, hooking up at your parent's house, and much more. INDULGE!!! Want to hear the rest of the episode? Become a PATRON! www.Patreon.com/Flagrant2

so i bought my girl a bag yesterday that's how she felt really that's funny well i'm so glad you touched this until the start of the retail therapy if you will that's funny oh what kind of bag i know all about the bags now i don't even want to get i don't want to get into it i don't want they didn't have it in stock and i thought i was out i was so upset i thought i thought i was out clean i was so upset when i walk in the store you think not in stock is a problem you know how i'm thinking his footlocker you know if they don't got 11 you don't get it right bro even footlocker would search the whole got 11, you don't get it, right?

Bro, even Foot Locker would search the whole fucking country. Son. You don't think Gucci gonna search? Son, I wasn't in Gucci. It was YSL. Oh, shit.

Yo, I caught my girl on YSL this weekend. That's what I'm talking about. We gay, you know what I'm saying? We all here maggotting. Maggot life. So, I'm in there. Mag life.

Mag life. It's not magga. It's maggot. Yeah, yeah. So, I'm in there. I go. Mag life. It's not Magga. It's Magga. Yeah, yeah. So I'm in there. I go into, I walk into the store tight. And I walk in the store.

They know I'm not supposed to be in the store. I'm dressed all stupid. Right? Like, and I walk in and the lady goes, can I help you with something? And I just look her in the face and go, I'm just here to pay. Right? I go, where's the place where we could sit and then she gives me that do you want me so do you want some water or something like that i'm like all right fine i get some water i'm just chilling in there probably texting you guys or something like

that my girl comes through uh she picks out the bet she calls me monkey it's really funny because i have i have big ears but it's funny when it's just between us. When it's like in the whole store and she's like, monkey. And then you come running. Pay for bag. Right? So I'm fucking, you know, she gets a thing. She doesn't have it.

They want a different one. She's all, well, you know, okay, well, maybe we'll get another time. And then this fucking bitch. This fucking bitch. Right? I love it. Not my girlfriend, y'all. Y'all crazy.

I'm not talking about a girl. You think I want to buy another bag this week? How many bags are there? I'm not the salesperson. I know. I'm not talking about girls. You think I want to buy another bag this week? How many bags are there? I'm not the salesperson. I know. I'm not the sales bitch. Okay? This sales bitch want to hit us with, well, we can order it.

We can have it to you by tomorrow morning. Tomorrow morning, son. They don't fuck around, yo. Son. That's today morning? That's today morning. Yo, she already got the bag, yo. Already got the bag.

So I got to pay for this fucking bag. And I'm in a bad mood so I couldn't milk all the fucking affection out of her for it. Because you paid for the bag? No, because I was like

in a mood and I had like other shit to do. I had like videos to look over. Why are you standing? Oh, turn on the light? Yeah. Oh, okay. Thank you for waiting for that,

but come on. Come on, turn on the light. It's okay. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Gobble, gobble, gobble, go okay. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Whatever that sound is, I can't make that sound.

How do they make that sound, bro? It's my animal noises, man. You've got to Always be killing it Anytime we got a challenge In the podcast I don't know we're singing It's so annoying Fuck bro

You good at paying for shit? No but I needed you yesterday The funny thing is that I'm getting better every day Pay him son You got You got

Like that's when you know You're making money. Because the way I deal with my shorties, man, are just like, whoops. Yeah. So I'm not going to lie. I used to whoops, right? Yeah, just the whoops. Yeah, but and then they're angry for, like, a certain amount of time.

Yeah. And then eventually they get over it. But purchasing things speeds up that. I understand. It's Amazon Prime for moods. For moods. I'll pay this membership.

I don't want to deal with this. That is exactly what it is. With all due respect to my girl, she actually took it well. She thought it was funny. She thought it was funny. She thought it was funny. She said she was laughing. So then why'd you need to get the bag?

Say what? Why'd you need to get the bag? I said pretty well. I said she took it pretty well. Oh, pretty well. No, no. It was for her birthday. It was her birthday.

We were in Mexico City. Oh, happy birthday. But my sucker ass, I said, your birthday present? I'm such a hoe. You are, son. Son, happy birthday. My sucker ass. I said, your birthday present? I'm such a hoe. You are, son. Son, I realized how parents work. Like, I used to manipulate my parents. You know, like when Christmas is coming up?

Yeah. You know, and before Christmas, you go, well, why don't we just get it for me now? And then we get it now. And then your parents not going to let you have nothing under the tree for Christmas. Exactly. So that's what I did for the Valentine's. I was like, all right, boom, Valentine's, Mexico. That is your present.

We're going to Mexico. That's the gift. Now I'm looking at my presentless girlfriend. Yo, but you went bag, dog. You went bag, yo. I like spooling her, bro. It's not about me nothing. Look at how I dress.

Do you know what I mean? But Christmas, she got you with the same shit, too. I know Bruh But I get myself Egypt was the gift And it's like Yeah but what am I unwrapping

In Egypt Like you're right She's good That's how I got I'm the opposite of his girl So you ain't getting no gift Shut up He tried to get on that

He's like Yeah that got me too right That's how i got i got or something but it wasn't on the day by the way i can say whatever i want about our cautious girl now because i got my invitation to the wedding if y'all can see on the video she wrote it out herself i get no invite son oh please shut up right now before... Okay. You know what I mean? It was about to be on.

It's crazy. You know what I'm saying? Can you act like I wouldn't make sure that... Eddin even got a fucking... She even wrote the turkey on your fucking... Oh, dude. Eddin took the picture. Son, Eddin almost took out all the cameras when he leaned over to get that shit.

Do you see him about to make a diving catch and take out the entire studio he don't know his own wingspan fuck y'all he went to fly he realized he was a fucking turkey oh I hit it

that was hot that was hot that was hot you That was hot. You got to hit that Shakira. All right, boom. So let me check out this thing. Is this a magnet? Yeah.

That's a magnet. That knit at the end of that, that's a little risky. That's a little risky right there. Son, why don't they make magnets? Like Trump 2020 magnetsets Like a sweater Oh magnets No like a magnet Oh

That's hot Son I've been having Ideas Look at you marketing For the other side I've been marketing You know what I mean Can't help himself

Why you gonna come out With some magnets Can't help himself Watch Trump make Bags illegal I'm gonna vote for his ass If Trump makes Buying bags illegal

He gonna get my vote dog let me tell you something no don't because then what are you gonna do when you fuck up word learn to deal with it yes literally never literally never you gotta save your fuck ups for like thursday because then you hit the road friday and those three days go by son that's what you gotta do that's girlfriend bookings what you know the bookings when you get arrested on a friday and those three days go by son that's what you gotta do that's girlfriend bookings what you know the bookings when you get arrested on a friday you got to be in jail the whole weekend boom right but now you just gotta deal with your own feelings for the whole weekend yeah it's like i'm gonna text you while you're in pittsburgh oh well

what will I ever do?