Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Butterball

Episode Date: August 23, 2019

This week Andrew, Akaash, and Alexx discuss: Russian Visas, Eddin's fat ass, riding elephants at Akaash's wedding, proper sports management, Conor Mcgregor serving punch, the flagrant thought of the week, and much more. INDULGE!!! Want more episodes? Become a Patron! www.Patreon.com/Flagrant2

What's up everybody and welcome to flagrant to no easy buckets analysis by assholes water cooler commentary for your sports needs. I'm Andrew Schultz I'm here with Akash Singh We got Alex media We got Eden Rodriguez You're getting a different name every single episode Rodriguez. You knew it, too. You're getting a different name every single episode. I saw him make that decision.

I did. But you know what? I didn't know. It was either Rodriguez. It was either Velazquez or Martinez. Martinez is your real name. Yes. Okay. That's it.

That's all I have to say. But I'm not bringing you up as a regular one any single time. That's it. That's all I have to say. But I'm not bringing you up as a regular one any single time. That's totally fine. I just felt the positive. Motherfucker, I know it's fine. I know it's fine. I pay you. I know it's fine.

Okay? You're lucky you get full name. Do you know what I mean? Yo, are you going to start busting guts now that you're engaged? You act like he hasn't. Yeah. No, but like, is she pulling a goalie?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Is she not pulling a goalie? You're not having a little kid yet? No, not yet, no, bro. That's too early. After marriage, maybe, but not now. Wait, is she on birth control?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. What kind of birth control? Oh, you just learned I don't remember, dog. I sincerely don't remember. You don't remember she's on?

I sincerely don't remember. Is don't remember she's on? I sincerely don't remember. Is she on? How can she slap? Yo, that's a dope pass, bro. Y'all seen that, bro? How can she slap? How can she slap? How can she? How can she slap? How can she slap? How can she slap me, son?

How can she slap me, son? Hey, let's watch that video and comment on it right quick. Can you get that up? Let's go with the volume, though. This is so fucking... How can she slap me, son? Yo, pause. Pause.

What's so funny about this video is she slaps him. He duffs her right back. Bang. And still is upset. Right? Like, he doesn't go, how could I have done that? I'm so sorry. It's how could you have made me slap the shit out of you? Would you have also slapped back?

No, no, no. You can't hit women, bro. You got really sensitive about that, too. Come on, Ed. What's wrong with you, bro? Hey, man. God, we're not in fucking We're in equal times right now.

El Salvador, wherever the fuck you're from, bro. Hey, Ed, you'll notice I didn't answer your question. How can she slap? I can tell you how. Open the hand like this. Move your hips a little bit.

Follow through. Wait, play it back. Did I miss? What's he wearing? They cut that shit. It's like a three-minute clip. No, but do they cut out him hitting her? No, no.

Watch it again. You can't miss it. Oh, shit. I missed that. Wait for it, though. No, go back. Go can't miss it. Oh, shit. I missed that. Wait for it, though. No, go back. Go back. Go back.

Go back. You had to listen to the whole thing. Go from the beginning. Go from the beginning. No, this is fine. This is good. First, she says something to him. Yeah.

No, no. Just watch. Go to the beginning. You'll be fucking up. Go to the beginning and pause it. Oh! Yo! Yo Yo It's mad funny When a guy's like

How did I miss him slappers Son Son She goes Why don't you go and fuck off then And then he goes He goes He goes

You go You go Yo In the most Indian way ever. Yugo. Yugo. Stupid ass smirk on his face. Yugo.

And like, he said it like he knew he had the best comeback to what she said. I'm going, fuck off, Daniel. Oh, she's not going to see this coming. Nowhere possible to see this coming No way possible to see this coming Oh my god it's so funny Bro and they were swinging on him afterwards Yeah I saw it No they beat his ass Then he starts crying

And he's through whimpers going How can she slap me sad It's so fucking funny. Yo, shout out to Indians, bro. Yo, shout out. Indians, bro. Y'all really the goats, bro. Y'all really the goats about it.

When you think about it. Alex? Where are you going, Alex? Alex? Oh, he got a phone call. Oh, damn. Alex busy. Fuck Alex.

Fuck him. All him alright that was my oh no my thought of the week about the passports I truly sincerely mean that if there's no if you have no

chance of me actually staying there why the fuck do I need to show you my passport why do I need to go through this whole rigmarole

I should just show you America and then you're like ah you're good that's what I'm saying. Like, like, you know that I'm

not gonna stay. You know that I'm coming back. there's a, there's a, I'm out doing the bit, but there's like, there's like an interview when you go to some of these countries,

right? And they're like, what is your plan here? What are you doing? Like, what do you plan to do? Like, whatever I want. So, you know, Like, what do you plan to do? Like, whatever I want.

Like, when are you going back? When it says. As soon as possible. Look, it's coming back. Trust me. You know, we should just be able to be like, man, I don't want to get too far into it, but it infuriates me. It is childish.

I find it childish. Yeah. When they were asking me in Japan and they were like were like, what do you plan on doing here? What is the time here? Whatever it is. That's it. I'm just going to have the sushi, and then I'm coming back to America. Do you know where I'm from?

It's shocking, right? It's not shocking? They have some nerve to think that we'd want to stay in their shitty ass. That's exactly what I said. Oh, I'm sorry. I missed that. You missed it. My bad.

The whole point is it's offensive to me. It's like you don't get enough in American television or something. You got to stop watching certain shows to think that we want to get out. Do you know what I mean? We're the country that got the walls going up. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Motherfuckers is trying to get in here.

We don't hate Trump that much. People say they're going to leave. They ain't going nowhere. They ain walls going up. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Motherfuckers is trying to get in here. We don't hate Trump that much. People say they're going to leave. They ain't going nowhere. They ain't going nowhere. So the point is, we're going to these countries. We're going to Eden. We're going to where you're from

just to feel rich for like a week. That's it. That's why y'all go. Shit is dumb cheap. Yeah, that is true. I want to feel rich. I want to tip someone $5 And they're like Oh my god

Muchisimas gracias Señor muchisimas gracias Oh my god señor Muchisimas gracias How could you give me $5 Gracias gracias Gracias a Dios I have the $5

Because y'all pray Are y'all mad catholic Are y'all not catholic Do you not know y'all pray yeah you're mad catholic are y'all not catholic son i'm about to build a wall on the other side of costa rica do y'all have the molester catholics also y'all got the catholic priesthood touching kids or that's just not because they let people fuck out there i don't know about all that but mean, that was more of an American thing to me, if anything. What?

To touch little boys? Like little priests touching, like priests touching kids. And girls. You know what that is? That's freedom right there, son. I don't know what that meant.

You got to try to find it just, you got to try to find a way, you know, America got to look all right. That's what I'm trying to say. You can't make America look bad. Man, I got a good Ep good epstein joke bro i can't say it though oh yeah same one so let me just say i got a good one and then not be able to say oh i thought of a different one though oh really yeah or just something else i thought of a different idea about epstein

okay it's a it's a different one though thank you we appreciate it i thought hey i thought of a different idea all right that's a different epstein idea that's what's up maybe i'll perform at one of the live shows oh shit maybe maybe i won't maybe i'll just sit here yo that epstein guy Is a wild boy What'd he do He just wild He a wild boy We can't talk about it Anyway Listen

That's what you should do At your stand up shows Like yo I got a joke for this And then just go on To the next topic That'd be ill That'd be a flex That would be a flex

Thank you guys for coming out I appreciate y'all Once every show though Just one Just one joke every show I got an ill ass bit for this Anyway Yo actually

Oh my god That's a good idea I think that And I'll let y'all in That you listen to it But that's a good idea To start that bit And then be like

I can't really. And then slowly give them a little bit later in the set and then don't answer it. And then ending the set actually finishes that first joke. So there's like a connective tissue throughout the whole thing. That's actually a really good idea. Let's write that down. Thank you. Goddamn, Marcos.

You start posting clips. Now you know things about comedy bro This guy's fucking taking over the game This guy's taking over the game bro Yo let's call on this We just want to sing Akash's praises here For a moment Thank you guys

Thank you for the What? Are you saying sing his I dare you to teach me how to speak English I dare you Are you saying sing his praises on purpose Akash sing Sing saying sing his praises on purpose? Akash, sing.

Sing Akash's praises. I am so in the matrix of comedy. This happens without me knowing. That's how many layers and layers and layers are on these jokes. Okay? Son, you got a Neil-ass outfit on. Like, you figured it all all out I figured this out Eden

I figured this fucking out Okay Do you know how many Different layers You don't even know The type of shit That I'm operating on It's wall breaking

What? It's wall breaking Are you making something About how you guys Do construction Or something like that What is it That's not what I meant at all.

Like I'm breaking down walls? Yeah, there you go. Breaking down barriers. That works too. It is. You were trying to do a wall thing. A wall sticks more to my heart than anything. Listen, the only thing sticking to your heart is the trans fats that you eat on a daily basis.

I knew it. I was doing this. You didn't know I was going to say trans though. You looked at me up and down. I didn't know what kind of fat I was going with. You got to go trans fat. That's funny. I like how you didn't jump on it.

That's funny. That was good. That was respectful. I like how you didn't jump on it. That was good. That was good. That was respectful. That was respectful. I'm learning. I'm growing. Yeah. Then we tagged that shit.

I'm getting views now. I don't need to laugh so much. Yo, I'm telling you. Y'all sleep, man. But our cast is going to bring a whole new audience to this podcast, man. It's really going to blow because of it. I'm very excited for it. Long live the flagrancy. Let's do it.

Long live the flagrancy. We got some interesting stories, but before we get to that, I would like to know your flagrant thought of the week. So I was listening to The Ticket like I always do. I'm like a week behind, been busy, and they're talking about this Don Lemon story. You heard about this? Say the one about how you regret proposing to your girl.

I'm just joking just i'm just joking just joking she knows she knows y'all good but it's a joke um y'all know i'll be fucking around you know what i mean it's so funny so pussy i was in the dog house so i'm trying to go to the wedding. I never see an elephant. Son, this wedding shit is already a lot, son. Son, we're going to see an elephant for the first. We're going to see elephants and women with beards for the first time in our lives, bro. You know how exciting that is, bro? You know how exciting a wedding is, bro? Do you get to ride them?

I don't want one. But, you know, that's like. You have to have ride them I don't want one but you know that's like you have to have it my homie got one you know how much it was how much 50

G's for just the elephant rental like you ride around that bitch for like three hours or what you have for three hours

you ride around for like 45 minutes 50 G's oh but people get to ride it no it's not a fucking amusement park dog it's for the groom

the groom rides around so before you enter the venue. No, it's not a fucking amusement park, dog. It's for the groom. The groom rides around. So before you enter the venue, it's like some king shit. You get to ride it? You thought you had to ride it like a fucking king zoo? No, for the wedding. Bring it to the wedding

in front of everybody to start? Because yes. But we know you're married. I thought you were going to bring it for the kids. You're going to elephant? Yeah. No, son.

You're going to IGP near the elephant? Nah No son you got an IG pic near the elephant? Nah I go to the zoo Bro we gotta ride the elephant I thought it's like when the Jews give you Put you on a chair And they fucking hoist you around That's just for the groom ain't it?

Yeah that's for the groom Exactly that's what the elephant is for Look at this fucking Oh my god they got the elephant Dressed like he's for Burning Man bro You seen that shit? Here Nah nah nah Akash We have to modernize God, they got the elephant dressed like he's from Burning Man, bro. You seen that shit?

Nah, nah, nah. Akash, we have to modernize whatever that word is. What is it, Edwin? Just kidding. What? Oh, man. I know you're about to answer. Oh, man. I know you're about to answer.

Well, the probably witty word is the real word of modern. Oh, man. Okay. So, in all seriousness, I think that we have to make it more modern, the Indian wedding. And by making more modern, you see my man right here, the white man marrying the Indian chick And I got the elephant So anyway I think in order to make it more modern Akash

What's that? If we want to make it more modern I think you let everyone take part in this In this driving or riding the elephant thing I think it's very important It's crucial You want to ride an elephant? At the bare minimum

I'd like to take a picture on top of the elephant. Elephant. Element. Did this motherfucker just correct my speech once again, bro? This guy is outlandish, bro. Son. Holy moly.

You've given out too much confidence on this show, man. Yeah, I gotta stop with that shit. Everybody getting shut down, starting with you, Ed In. Fucking idiot this kid is, bro. Can't even spell his own name right. How do you spell your name with two Ds? It's like Eddie, right? That's what it's supposed to be.

And then why is there an N at the end? Someone fucked up my name And they put an N instead of an E Who? I don't know Your parents I guess my parents Like

Someone fucked up And they were like Who's who? And they were like We're keeping it I was like Alright, cool I have a choice

Does Ed mean something? No It doesn't It doesn't mean anything Do y'all's names mean anything? No, it doesn't. Do young names mean anything? Yes, they do. Jesus, Jesus, Javier. What's that mean?

Not sure. Javier. Javier. Javier. What does that mean, Javier? Look up the meaning of Javier. I probably don't even know how to spell it. It's probably spelled with an H, you fucking retard.

Son. Oh, man. I listened back to the audio of him calling the fucking audience member retards. It's the funniest thing. Do you have it? Please put it up. You got it? Oh, it's short for Xavier. If you drew it, I can put it up. You got it? If you drew a B1, I can pull it up.

What the fuck does Xavier mean? Save it, save it, save it. I thought Xavier just meant black dude who plays basketball. Okay, Xavier, Marias, I mean, they're all biblical names. Everybody there, biblical ass names.

You got biblical ass names. Unless you got the Indian names from the Aztecs and shit, and that's just like Nahuatl. It's just like T's and L's right next to each other for no fucking reason. Are your parents, is that why you have Indian parents? Is that why they gave you Eden? I have no idea.

I mean, every time I search up Eden, the name, it's like some Arabic type shit. What do they say? Why they name you Eden? They have no idea. They just thought I stuck right. Hey, hold on. Keep talking so I can fall asleep. I do nothing.

I know. That's why it's so funny. He's the sweetest guy. Evan, you are the sweetest guy in the entire world. I literally had to scroll through Twitter and see how many- Shut the fuck up. I knew it. God damn it. This fucking guy, bro.

He doesn't learn. He doesn't fucking learn. I'm sorry fucking do it! God damn it! This fucking guy, bro, he doesn't learn! He doesn't fucking learn! I'm sorry I said that. This motherfucker, bro! Evan, I want you to lay on the ground like that and put your arms and feet up, because you are built like a turkey! Evan, please lay right there! Tell me he doesn't look...

I want you to lay. I want you to lay on the ground just like this. Done please Lay I want you to lay on the ground just like this Lay like this on the ground. Hold on. I want you to lay like this on the ground I Swear to God if Edith lays like this on the ground, I will shove stuffing up his asshole. I'm definitely not doing it now. Son, Pilgrim's Pride Martinez. Just Pilgrim's Pride Martinez. Let me see you.

Let me see you on the ground. I have no shame. Okay. Yo, son. Bro, go down there. Son, you're right. You're dead ass right. Just Patreon, baby. It's all locked in.

Yo, what's up get a photo of me. You're deadass, right? Just Patreon, baby. It's all locked in. Yo, what's up? This is Akash. That was a preview of our Patreon episode. If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrant2. Join the illest community

on Earth unless you're a social justice warrior. Then you're just going to ruin the fun.