Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - CoronaVirus Gets You Hotter Chicks

Episode Date: March 17, 2020

This week Andrew, Akaash, and Alexx discussed: solving the divorce problems during quarantine, hooking up with a dwarf, San Francisco starting their 24 lockdown, major NFL trades, how to fix sports viewership during the Corona-virus, Rudy Golbert contaminating his teammates, and much more. INDULGE!!!! Want to hear an extra episode a week? Become a PATRON! www.Patreon.com/Flagrant2

you got it you got it why you think that you got it bro why you think that start the podcast you got it bro you got it start the podcast no you got it bro for real i think you got it start the podcast i'm not joking wait don't put the podcast no for real start the podcast you got it. I'm not joking. Wait, don't put the mask on. Nah, for real. Start the podcast. You got it, dog. Have we started already? Yeah, we started. You got it, bro. Yeah, why's that?

I'm not joking. Why's that? Look at his face, Alex. I mean, listen, it's a good educated guess and I get it first. Hey, hey, hey. I'm looking at you. Yeah. And I can see the guilt in your eyes.

Yeah. Because you feel bad that you're going to give it to us. But you got it. You think I know I have symptoms and I haven't said nothing? You've always had symptoms. Your whole life is symptoms. So you're like,

oh, it's probably just my life. Yeah. Right. You got it. Okay. You got it, bro. Don't scratch your fucking nose and touch your face.

Let's take, let's get a corona test for somebody. Look at everybody watching on YouTube. Look at him right now. Get him on a single. Look at him right now. Get him on a single.

Look at him right now. Look, you can barely keep your eyes open, bro. Your eyes are glossy. Your nose and your face. I'm going to be honest. I just put up an Instagram video, and I don't know if I've ever looked cuter. I mean, I was looking at myself like, yo. You look cute. The lighting was good.

But in all seriousness, you got it, bro. I'll take a corona test right now. What's up, COVID? It looked like he's having some trouble breathing right now. Hold your breath for 10 seconds. Go. One Mississippi. Two Mississippi.

Three Mississippi. Four Mississippi. Five Mississippi. Six Mississippi. Seven Mississippi. How many times did he blink just now? Nine Mississippi. Ten Mississippi.

Exhale. Oh, no. I think he breathed through his eyes just now. That's why he blinked so many times. Uranium bitches. We were talking about this on the Corona report that we'd be doing. We need a name for that shit, bro. I don't know.

Like how we can't believe that Iran got the... Son. I mean, the easiest thing to do is get a COVID mask for your wife right but they have a mask already I don't understand

how anybody out there ever got it you know you think that Islam changes what type of face structure is it becomes a COVID mask what do you mean

because right now it's like a little piece of why are you calling it COVID stop doing this fucking cuck shit it's China flu okay or yellow fever

I'm just going wow they already had one yo somebody called it fucking cuck shit. It's China flu. Sure. Or yellow fever. I'm just going. Wow. They already had one? Yo, somebody called it. Somebody tweeted me, kamikaze sneeze. Kamikaze sneeze.

Good. That's good. That's good. But seriously, what's this COVID shit? It's coronavirus. I'd be using them interchangeably. It's just two syllables versus three.

I just hate that, like, own it. If you did it, you got it, bro. You talking about the beer company? What? The beer company beer company no i'm talking about the virus like china you did it yeah yeah like i don't understand why we can't just say like you got it you sell fucked up shit in your market the china bug the china bug right go chinese dragon the chinese dragon dude

breathing that hot fire okay but go on um I don't remember what I was saying. What was I saying? I don't know. The point is, we're here, everybody. What's up? Welcome to another episode of Flagrant 2. Yep, yep. Akash has been on flights.

You're touching Eden's mask. Eden has been DJing like a fucking retard. Eden threw it at me. Get it off of you. Y'all, are you guys from Florida? You reacting a lot. We're going to get yo no we're not i think that i think we could possibly not get it here's the thing i'm not getting it yeah i really don't think i'm gonna get it you i'm not so certain yeah me neither what you gonna do and i got asthma it's gonna be rough for your boy it's gonna be rough for your boy i need a

respirator what can you do? Okay, so let's just have a little check-in with everybody. Because right now, people have been hearing from Alex and myself, but they haven't heard from you. Yeah. You decided to do shows up in Montreal against my... You didn't have to. Comedy is not a real job. You never have to do it. I texted my agent on Wednesday.

Who's also my agent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do the thing that my brother does does but that's why i don't want to look like an asshole because my brother goes i was talking to my mom yeah yeah i'm not but i'm talking to everybody okay i'm texting our agent on wednesday and i'm like yo do i gotta do this fucking show it's a college the college had shut down the night before. It shouldn't have gone. It's a three hour drive. And he's like, I think you should do it. So what I'm going to say, I don't got specials for seven figures.

So I was like, all right, I'll do that. That makes two of us. I mean, life is a leverage game. My leverage is you don't make much money off me. So you think I should do the shows? I'll do the shows. All right, fine. you don't make much money off me.

If you think I should do the shows, I'll do the shows. All right, fine. I think it's a good point in time to tell everybody real quick that all of my shows for March and April are going to be rescheduled, possibly May as well. We just have to look at how we're doing. And including those shows is unfortunately the special. I'm very bummed. April 11th and 12th i was incredibly excited to go do it but we all have the responsibility of social responsibility in this fucking thing and

you can't be out there you know in basically trying to get groups of people to gather and eventually share the coronavirus with each other so we are uh rescheduling those things once we have the rescheduled dates I'll post them all I have our agent working on that right now Akash has already received a bunch of rescheduled dates so I'm going to have a separate conversation with my agent about the order

of priority in this relationship over here okay oh man but in all seriousness I think my venues just have a lot more availability to begin with it better be the reason hey dj there better be the reason okay i've got my i've got my uh whatever this is my italian mobster fingers going it better be the reason

okay uh man anyway so yeah so so besides that everything's okay okay. Wifey's okay. Wifey's good. We're quarantined up. She's not going to work? She's working from home. Only place we're coming is here. She doing Pilates classes still? Nah. Rap.

Rapski. Okay, good. Very good. How has it been all that time at home together? He hasn't been home or he's been in Montreal. Yeah, I got back yesterday. It's been a great 24 hours. He hasn't started yet.

He hasn't started yet. Oh, it's gone. Oh, it's gone. This week, I got back yesterday. He just got back. It hasn't started yet. It hasn't started yet. Oh, what's going on? This week, I guess, you're going to love it. You know what else is getting postponed? The wedding. Okay, that's what Corona is going to expose. How's the quarantine going for you? Son, I've been in the studio 10 hours a day, son.

I ain't playing no games. I got a motorcycle. Oh, God. You know what I mean? I got a legit, Alex and I got motorcycles so we could get here. How's this relationship going in the quarantine? Oh, me and Al? Actually, we've never been better. I think we just got to get Mark out of here.

I think that's really the key to all of our success as a couple is just getting Mark out of here. Mark divides your attention. Now you got to please two people. Exactly. You're not built for polygamy, yo. I'm not built for polygamy. I just want to be a one-man man. I'm a one-man man. It's just want to be a one-man man. Yeah. I'm a one-man man.

It's amazing Al and I don't have more conflicts. Yeah, why don't y'all? I don't know, man. I love Al. It's a weird love triangle we got that works. No, you know why? Because you got your girl that you'd be spending all your time with. You don't got no time for me no more.

That's true. I hope you both get coronavirus and you fucking wheezing in bed next to each other. That's what I hope. He got it, son. Son, look at his posture, the way he's touching his thigh. No, I'm just gay. That's it! There you go.

Oh my God, I was walking around the West Village wondering why so many Coronas was walking around. Son. Do you know what I mean? Son. Dude, the rainbow flag, the Corona flag. Anyway, guys, yeah, so shit has been okay with me and my lady we've been good

actually to be honest um no fights whatsoever i'm saving a lot of money uh in this whole corona situation and losing a lot of money don't get me wrong i'm still losing where are you saving um we don't have date night anymore oh that's nice yeah that's nice yeah yeah it is good it is good i mean we've created our own date night we We were talking about this on the quarantine pod, but I think that's really important. I think everybody should do that. Absolutely. Create fun things that you can do with your girl, your friends, your roommates, whatever it is.

Don't just fall into the trap of this. What's the trap? Netflix? The trap is do nothing. You could do Netflix, but have there be a goal. The trap is I'm not going to change what I wear. The trap is I'm not going to get dressed up. I'm not going to shower.

I'm not going to do any of these things. And that is, I guarantee it's going to happen to people. And that's when you start getting depressed. And that's when you start breaking down. And that's when shit starts to go bad, in my opinion. That's like in my life outside of Corona, I've thought about times where like that happens. Like when I was off the road. Sorry, real quick. where's my water glass

cause I got something in my throat and I know if I cough you guys are gonna lose your minds no no come on son yeah I think both of them got it they just too cavalier about this shit right now definitely have it 100%

y'all heard that anyway son he just coroned this whole studio. I know, dude. I know. We should have kept them the fuck away. Everything was fine. We were doing fine before both of them came in. We were good.

I know. All the glasses. Yo, you got a flagrant take? Flagrant take, flagrant take, flagrant take, flagrant take. Oh, I did have something. What the fuck was it? I got a little something. Okay, go.

You start. And it sucks. I was trying to think of something un-corona related but this is the first thing that comes to mind so i think the coronavirus is going to significantly lower the divorce rate go on now we're forced to be inside now you have a bunch of millennials learning how to cook, cleaning, doing laundry, binging makeup tutorials so they're not ugly anymore.

Interesting. Divorce rate is going down. Also, you can't get divorced if you're dead. Also, you can't afford it. What? If you're a man, and we're about to get into a crazy recession, I don't got the money to pay her. Oh, yeah when they're broke that's why broke people stay together ah yeah it's like what are we doing here we're already miserable paying lawyers yeah no uh i think it

could happen i like the idea that we're like getting back into our instincts i never understood like women's rejection of like uh cooking or like nurturing or these types of things like literally over the last i I don't know, 10 million years or 20 million years, we've carved out roles for each other. And men, we love being taken care of. Word. That's the best.

It is the best thing. Preach. The Hawkeyes, if you can, try to point your seat out towards there, like I asked you before the fucking podcast started. My man is on edge with the wrongs. You're playing games his corona's blocking his ears everything's happening it takes a lot to block my ears bro let's be real i got them elves i got them elven ears dog andrew done yelled at everybody in this podcast and he's already planning to yell at his agent

our agent oh sometimes you gotta kick shit into gear but we're not playing games out here it's corona season uh but what was i just saying though the worst is carving out things for each other taking care of your man oh oh yeah so like taking care like so my girl she makes breakfast she'll just like tidy up and shit like that. And you know what I do? I take out the trash. Yeah. And I like doing that. Yeah.

I enjoy doing that. Yeah. You just started doing that? Like, who the fuck was doing that before? I was always taking out my own trash, but now that it's both of our trash together. You just started?

I'll be honest, in her apartment when we were staying there, she would take out the trash. Wow. And honestly, that worked good for me. That worked fine. But at the same time, you don't want your girl taking out the trash, bro.

You should never want your girl taking out the trash. I know. Come on, son. That's foul because some dude could be like, hey, can I help you with that? And it's like, all right. That's how it starts. As he should help. You wild.

But I stopped that. I cut that shit out. My girl's taking care of the household. She's making sure that we're cooked for, making sure that we're fed, making sure that we're clean. You know what I mean? So she's doing the womanly things that have existed for millions of years. I guess what I'm trying to say is this patriarchy shit is a product of evolution. It's not a product of men.

I truly believe this. It's not a product of men trying to hold down women. It's a product of what works in a relationship over millions of years. And then we just made it easy for women. We're like, hey, it's easier for you if you kind of cook and clean. You can also work. That's great. But don't give up the cooking and cleaning

because your husband will literally love you less. Son. Anything that's been in place for millions of years is because we've evolved to it. That's it. Or hundreds of thousands or whatever. Slavery's been around for millions of years is because we've evolved to it. That's it. Or hundreds of thousands or whatever. Slavery's been around for millions of years. Come on, guys. No, but a way you can

free to them is an institution. But I'm not talking about rich people. To make the actual point, I'm talking about like people who were trying to survive,

they weren't like, hey, here, let's do, let me impress my girl real quick. They're like, yo, we need to eat, we need to live, this is how we're gonna do it. You make the food, you gather everything, you take care, I'll girl real quick. They're like, yo, we need to eat. We need to live. This is how we're going to do it.

You make the food. You gather everything. You take care. I'll go kill. I'm a hunter. Let's go. And that's how gender roles evolved. For rich people, whatever.

I think what happens also, real quick, I think what happens also is there is a reward system built into the things we're supposed to do. Okay? You mow the lawn. I know this sounds silly. You mow the lawn. I know this sounds silly. You mow the lawn.

Afterwards, you feel good about it, right? 100%. Because you've just done something that has been accomplished. Now, I'm sure there's maybe some evolutionary advantage like clearing out your space. Who the fuck knows, right? But there's a reward system built in. I truly believe there is a reward system built in when women cook food for for men and give them food i think there's rewards i was talking to rogan about this he's like something happens when you hunt and you like

kill an animal and bring it back home there is a fucking reward system what you ready to hunt huh say what you ready to hunt said i'm ready to hunt rogan got you ready to hunt son he got me ready to hunt elk only but no but seriously so it's like he's like something primal happens because i asked him why all these like rich people hunt so i was like what's that about he's like you're trying to tap into your primal reward system right so there's these things that we've built to be rewarded and then i think women and a lot of times men because they're like think gender roles are bad are like shunning these rewards they're actively making themselves less happy ladies if you're not cooking for your man you're actually less happy than you could be.

Yeah, 100%. And as a man, when your woman is cooking for you in that way or tidying shit up, one of my favorite things is when I'm going to sleep at night and I take my shirt off and I just put it on the ground. And then I wake up in the morning and there's nothing on the ground. That's one of my favorite things. I literally see that and I go to my girl. I go, you and i give her a big old kiss i love you and one of your lady's favorite things is when she goes to a store pick some shit out and they go to the

cashier and you just pull your card out she don't even have to ask i hunted it you hunted yo when i swipe my card i'm pulling a bow and arrow and i'm and shooting. Is it shooting an arrow? Lancing an arrow? That's right. I'm doing it. Yo. I'm in my Lord of the Rings bag. Yo. Elven ears, bro.

I got that. Elven ears. Another way you can flex your masculinity, just break something and hire an Edwin Mexican to come fix it. That's the thing. Son, that is the most masculine. First of all, I don't let men fix anything in my house when my girl's around. You wait until she leaves?

Oh. And then you have them come in? Yup. My girl thinks I put up the mirror. I don't let men fix anything in my house when my girl's around. You wait till she leaves and then you have them come in? My girl thinks I put up the mirror. She really thinks I put up the mirror. I was like, don't worry, babe. I'll take care of it. 1 p.m. put up.

Someone's at work. This whole quarantine fucking up my, what is the assistant shit? There was a website. Oh, Taz Rabbit? Taz Rabbit, yo. this whole quarantine fucking up my what is the assistant shit there was a website oh task rabbit task man i had a whole school of rabbits cooking shit up in my place fixing up the toaster fixing up the oven all this type of stuff whatever you need i got it i'm a man you got to get her out the house so you could have somebody come install that bidet and say you did it well that's what i'm gonna do i'm gonna install the bidet because we're on quarantine. So be careful, son. You really? Is it that crazy?

Like, it's a little bit because. I want to see the videos you're trying to put in and it shoots you in the face. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I will do that. If you fuck up, the water's going to go spraying everywhere crazy. But I got to turn off the water. Yeah. So you just turn it off.

But that's like even a simple task for you. I'm not as dumb as our car. That's debatable. Who's the most helpless person here? It's close between me and Akash. It's close. It's real. Like, we be competing.

When it's technology, it's definitely you. Technology, but it's like, if it's technology, it's me. When it comes to manual things, Oh, him.

Yeah, probably Akash. It's very hard to give instructions. I'm really bad at simple shit like the more simple the more nervous i get then i'm gonna fuck it up but if you give me something hard i'm not that bad because i'm like ah there's not much pressure here somebody expects me to get it done i want to on my single do you show this right here show it yeah okay so right here this is how this is supposed to be embarrassing for me this fucking indian retard right yeah i told him to fix the microphone stand right i can't get it this motherfucker bent it back like one of them fat black chicks legs you know you know when the

knees go you know the beyonce fans how they go inside they bend back like the what's that movie avatar they look like the m's they look like like M's. Yeah. Like greater than and less than? He just bent. He bent our whole shit. Broke our whole shit, bro. May it help us. Still love you, dog. May it help us. Still love you. I want to see a video of you putting up this bidet, though.

Yo. No, we're going to make that happen. Yeah, that's going to be interesting. If you really are going to do this yourself, I want to see that. Say again? If you're going to do it yourself, I want to see this. All right. I got this.

Yeah. Because I was a little mad. I can't have my girl see it. It is a thing that she cannot see me in these on the patreon maybe maybe we'll put on patreon okay you got a flag or take fuck i had one i forgot it will come back to me if flag or take is that you're dying from fucking corona that's what it is that might be that might be you're not dying i take literally i've had nothing to do this week and we didn't have a flagrant take.

If you guys all turn off the podcast right now, I'll understand. I'll completely understand if everyone here... Al came through with the flagrant take. Oh, I had one. Here we go. I wrote it down. Go.

Kobe's death is actually what made him... Are we flagrant or not are we flagrant or not are we flagrant or not yeah can you hear me god joy at least can we can we hear me out you got nothing to lose don't step on me come on now put up one picture with a helicopter in the background and then this guy got to do a fucking kobe take go ready go that's what made him the greatest laker ever he always said he wanted to die early right i don't know that he said that but i believe you you said tracy mcgrady said he said he wanted to die early on the jump i think it was yeah so he waited until lakers versus clippers was at its

peak like the clippers are really making a run for it they're the the arena is more it's still a lakers arena but it's more torn than it's ever been okay and colby said fuck that my lakers are gonna stay on top and if i gotta go early if i want to go early this is the time to do it oh so if so you're saying that i mean obviously that didn't happen but uh but you're saying since he died you can't jump ship from the lakers you can't jump ship that's an interesting point you can't jump ship you gotta you're feeling torn can't jump ship from the Lakers. That's an interesting point. You can't jump ship. If you were feeling torn at all, it's not even like, oh, what do I do? If you were remotely torn,

you're like, yo, fuck the Clippers. And we're rooting for LA to win. Oh, you on board now. Come on, son. I got you, son. You my proud son. You on board now, Al. We just need to bully Akash

so we get some evil out of him, bro. He came in too nice, bro. He was in Canada. He soaked up some of that of him, bro. He came in too nice, bro. He was in Canada. He soaked up some of that nice kindness. You came in on edge. Say, yes, motherfucker, we in a pandemics. What we gonna do?

What the fuck you think, bro? Put some money in the market, let it rock. Your immune system is shit on regular. I'm the one that should be worried. I'm worried for you. I got the asthma. You do have the asthma.

I got asthma. Yeah. If I got asthma, then that's a pre-existing condition. If I got asthma, then I'm, that's a pre-existing condition. Son, if you die, who's your mom gonna call? Your other brother?

No. Me. So I gotta deal with all that. Oh, that's a problem? A five minute phone call? Son, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

He don't speak to his own mom. I don't speak to my own mother. My mom called me yesterday and be like, yeah, we're trying to quarantine. I was like, mom, I'm preparing for the quarantine part. I'll you are you safe are you good oh man i did make sure my mom was safe and

good they're straight okay my brother had to wow what a hero holy fuck you called your mom who lives in the same city as you i did i called did. I called her. I called her up. I made sure it was safe. I was like, yo. I hooked my mom up like I help Alex with bags at the fucking J.K. I'm like, yo, you good? I'm waiting for Alex to lift it on his own. And then I go, yo, you good? You got that?

All right, you good? Yeah, you got that? All right, we good. So I just hit my mom. I said, quarantine. You know, Al will take you up on a you good, though. Oh, yeah. That's why I do it.

No but he'll say. No no. You're too proud. I vividly remember your bouncer story was I asked Al you good and Al was like no come over. We got to take care of this bouncer. I'm not getting into this club. And then I learned from that.

I forgot you were pussy yo. Yo. Watch your bouncer. Watch your bouncer. Yo Al. were pussy yo yo yo wash your mouth yo al i think he just said to suck your dick i know right that's what it sounded like this stupid fucking mic stand look how stupid that look dude this beyonce fan mic stand is so crazy bro come on i said i deflect right now son do you say he's Arthur Fleck? No, I said deflect. We just deflected off that heat.

Nah, but what did happen, though? You ran away from that white guy or something? We shooting shots at everybody. We don't care. The one that just tossed you to the side? That white guy? I honestly, now that I think about it, I think Alex pushed me.

I don't think it was just the bouncer. I just pushed you in front of me. I think Al was like, I got it! I think he's like, I got it! And I was like, uh. Come to think of it, I don't think it was the bouncer saying anything. I think it might have been me making that sound.

I was like, did I make that sound out? Did I yelp like a little fucking Yorkie? You know what I've been doing? You know that prank where the guy goes and moans in people's ears? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been doing that to my girl out of nowhere. You got to record that shit. It pisses her off so

she'll just be picking my shit up that I'll be leaving around the whole house trying to give her something to do. I feel so bad for her right now. I'm a great boyfriend. You sound like you're at home being tortured.

Torturester. What do you mean? You just drop a shit on the floor. You're pranking her and shit yo I'll be honest I don't know how that shit get cleaned up bro

what if she has Mexicans come what if she has Mexicans come while you're doing the podcast and clean up how many rabbits

is out there wouldn't that fuck with you these pinche conejos pinche conejo de mierda haciendo todos los tasks alright Eden what did you say

yeah I know, right? I said fucking rabbits doing all the tasks. But in all seriousness, man, I think, no, we have a great relationship. It's all about symbiosis, bro. You know what that is? What's symbiosis? What's chlorophyll? What's chlorophyll?

What's that, Akash? Did you learn that in your Bahamian medical school? Bahamian. No, I couldn't get into the Bahamians. You couldn't get into Bahamian medical school? No, I mean. Yo, what is chlorophyll? Cell implants that does photosynthesis. I don't know. What is it? Yo, what is chlorophyll? Cell in plants that does photosynthesis.

I don't know. What is it? Yo, yo. Is he? Chlorophyll is how photosynthesis happens with plants. I don't know. I forget what it is, though. Okay, what's photosynthesis?

It's how plants give off oxygen. It's the feeding process of plants it gives off oxygen okay it's in carbon dioxide what's a leaf he stumped on that one let's go what's the green substance that sticks off of a branch of a tree. Uh-huh. Or a plant. What's a trunk? Ah! Want to phone a friend? Yeah, let me phone Alex right quick.

Alex, go take these ridiculous questions for a second. I'm just trying to see what type of scientist Yo, you think this guy's even a scientist? Son. Come on, dawg. Just letting your people down, son. Yo, have I been wrong yet, Ed? How are you going to ask Ed? That's true. Because he'd be Googling.

Son, you were wrong about the Nazis. What'd I say? Well, when you gave them that swastika sign. Hey. Hey. They did, bro. That's an Indian one. We didn't donate the motherfucker.

We didn't say, hey, borrow this. Hey, you guys. Oh, Hitler. Oh, Hitler., hey, borrow this. Hey, you guys look at this. Hitler. Oh, Hitler. It's good man, Hitler. We're looking for some insignia to help you with your people coming on. And if somebody asks what's happening, they're like, somebody's going to get hurt real bad.

Not somebody. We know exactly who. And it rhymes with who that's good yo how did if y'all don't know what we're talking about the nazis took their um swastika sign from a uh hindu sign life or prosperity, joy, happiness, something like that. I don't know how they got that. And also, how can you have a white

supremacy race when you're taking ideas from clearly non-white people? That's a good point. That's how you should have known the Nazi shit from the jump. But they didn't have the internet to tell people the world is so disconnected. You don't think Hitler knew that that was some dabba dabba? Hitler knew, but they didn't have the internet to tell people this is a Hindu. Like the world is so disconnected. You don't think Hitler knew that that was some type of dabba? Hitler knew.

But America didn't know. Say what? America didn't know. No, but Hitler knew. Yeah, Hitler knew. But people who believe in his shit didn't know. But how do you say Hitler in an Indian accent? Hitler. So I hung out with Bash in Canada and this... Shouts to Bash, a bash man shouts to bash that's the guy who created

the discord i talked to oh i talked to the discord al we got some questions for you uh but bash first was telling me like i tried to speak hindi to him he's like oh we got some he was like yo can you not can you just speak english to me your accent in hindi is really bad i was like have you heard your accent in English, motherfucker? What, you think this shit is sexy? I didn't know what the fuck is wrong with you. I asked what you were doing. Yo, Bash,

you gotta figure out that English, bro. Come on, dog. You speak English too good. But what's this I hear about, Al? Fucking midgets. You out here fucking midgets? I wanted to try it out.

Okay, he owned it. That wasn't what I thought it would be. Yeah. All right, fair enough. Hold on, you've never fucked a midget? Nah, and I wanna know

what it's like. Oh, son. Oh, you have? Yeah. How is it Fair enough. Hold on. You've never fucked a midget? Nah. And I want to know what it's like. Oh, son. Oh, you have? Yeah. How is it? It's kind of like if you attach some chicken tenders to a fleshlight. That's what it feels like, to be honest. Son, when you do it?

Say again? When'd you do it? I was in Disney World. You lying. You dead ass? I went to Disney World. Yeah. You were in, you fucked in disney

world yeah i fucked a midget in disney world come on no it was your white and the seven dwarves and i took one of the doors so you don't want to know you're not curious was that one of them i don't know i'm not sure about this story i'm maybe not but uh yo but interesting thing about dwarves is their pussies are regular size. That's what I want to know. I don't believe it. Well, that's what she told me, so I didn't feel that. Yeah, I don't think it is.

Eddie Murphy got a joke about how he almost fucked a midget. And what happened? He chose a tranny instead? Yeah. Yeah, he didn't. He said he didn't in the joke. Like, that's the worst thing he fucked. I was just helping him, Jack.

Man, what happens with famous black dudes? They just love picking up trannies, bro. I mean, that's a sign you made it. Maybe they just want to sit next to somebody who will get oppressed more than them in a car. Whoa. You know that Curb episode where they picked up a hooker for the HOV lane? So you could take the carpool lane? You haven't seen't seen that dude that episode freed a person on death row someone was on death row for murder and his alibi was i was at the yankees game dodgers yankees or something and the the police force whoever just kept not believing him he i

think he even had his ticket stub he had all this shit and they just kept being like yeah but how do we know you're actually there? How do we know you didn't get that ticket stub from somebody else? Tries thing after thing after thing and then randomly his lawyer,

he remembered random like, oh, they were filming something. There's a documentary about it on Netflix apparently. I haven't seen it. I read the story years ago. But like, I remember people

were filming something that day. Can you comb through the footage? I read an article. Yeah, I read an article, guys. You be reading, bro. You be reading, bro bro i read that article on my phone sometime ago i'll be checking out five minute reads on your spn yo this motherfucker signed up to atlantic yo speak more spanish speak more spanish

but uh the lawyer looked through footage and there was a that you randomly see that guy like he had to go get concessions or something and they weren't going to let anybody in but they're like all right fine you can come go through and he like brushes by larry david's shoulder so like on a complete chance you see him walk by larry david they know when they're filming and that's how he gets out it's fucking insane in the episode in the episode he's like an he basically just looks like an extra like i think he's leaving actually as episode in the episode he's like an he basically just looks like an extra like I think he's leaving actually

as Larry David or he's coming back to his seat as Larry David is leaving something like that and they're like alright fine go back to your seat you're not supposed to we're not supposed to let anybody do this

but go ahead so he brushes by Larry David and that's what saves his fucking life how crazy is that wow that's dope that's crazy I thought

that they used that as an example like someone was like no i also picked up a hooker in the hiv lane no no no no he saved this episode the tape saved a guy's life was accused of murder on death row now he could have still done it but he also went no because the exact time it happened he was at the game he said he was with his son so like there's no way and even then they tried to make it like you could have it was like a an hour away where the person got killed they yeah whoa yeah that's crazy crazy um but anyway uh maybe eddie was just picking up the hooker so like look if the cops if we get pulled over on the cops to hit someone more than me this is the 80s or 90s or maybe he had alcohol or like drugs in the car oh so he's he was like, well, this hook will distract him.

Or this trans will distract him. I think that like you stop at trans. Like if you're a cop and you stop someone, they got a tranny hooker in there, they're not going to look for the coke. Right. And I don't think you get any time for fucking trannies. No. I don't think you get any time.

I don't think you get any time. What? Do you? I don't know. Oh my God. How does it work? Oh man, I don't think it's illegal legally do that yeah you're an idiot i'm being serious

can you legally do that because there's certain things you can't legally do right like what well you can't have sex with your dog okay okay i see your point. There's a law against that? Huh? There's a law against that? Well, I was young. But I think that we should forgive things that happened a long time ago. Got you. Okay. We're not part of cancel culture here on the podcast. This is also a big dog.

Your dick was dog size, right? And I put the ridge in that back laughter laughter laughter laughter but no in all seriousness I didn't mean it was illegal

because it was a tranny I meant it was illegal because it was a hooker but I wonder if there's a bigger fine because it's a tranny laughter laughter also do you think they get in trouble for lying to the cops Yeah. But I wonder if there's a bigger fine because it's a tranny. Yo, honestly. Also, do you think they get in trouble for lying to the cops? You're not cooperating. You perjured yourself.

Yeah, like the trannies, they're like, I'm a lady. And they're like, please tell us what you are. I'm a lady. He's like, okay, you're lying to the police. If you're lying about something this small. Who knows what else you would. Who would you really lie about? Anyway, guys,

where would we be with this? We had just finished our flagrant thoughts. Was that flagrant thought? Alright, we got somewhere. Thank you for getting us somewhere. Actually, that was a phenomenal flagrant thought, Akash. Hey, man. You got us where we needed to be. We got a lot of time. I just want to check in with everybody.

I hope everybody at home is doing okay. If you need some advice on what to do in the quarantine and you need some advice about what to do, how to prepare properly, et cetera, just go check out the quarantine pods. Alex and I have been dropping. Andrew called the quarantine. Hey, man.

We knew this was going to happen. It is inevitable. What you see happening in Europe and Italy right now is. Andrew called the quarantine. Hey, man. We knew this was going to happen. It is inevitable. What you see happening in Europe and Italy right now is what will happen to us. Plan now so you don't have to plan too late. It is way easier to get all your guests. Can I ask you a question that I wanted to ask you? I understand we're tracking exactly where Italy was tracking. Yeah.

But in a country that's this much bigger with this many more people, not is it as big of a deal, but I guess is it as big of a deal but i guess is it as big of a deal i think i mean if you just look at it mathematically right it's the same but percentage wise like percent of population infected percent of and also just in terms of we have so much more space for this thing that would have to cover right there's so many more remote areas i would assume here than there are yeah i don't think the remote areas will get touched as much but we also have have way more densely populated areas. And that's where it fucks up.

I mean, just think about it like zombies. Yeah. Right? It's just like, yeah, it's easy to be in the suburbs when a zombie apocalypse happens. Maybe not the suburbs, but some ranch in Joshua Tree or some shit. But if you're going to be in Atlanta, if you're going to be in... Dude, imagine how fast those zombies are. Just go right for your ass.

A Kenyan zombie will never stop chasing you. Ever, ever, ever. You get in a fucking Honda and drive to the Congo and he'll still just be right behind you. Dude, Jason got to be African, bro.

Do you know the Jason Voorhees? Oh, yeah. Because that motherfucker's stamina is unbelievable. He don't go fast, but he's just power walking behind you. He does not stop coming. He does not stop coming. Like all you Italians on free Pornhub for the next month. Yo, these guys are singing out on balconies, man.

They're doing it all right. I think that singing shit is cute for like a week, and then eventually you're like, oh, shut the fuck up, bro. They're doing it alright. I think that singing shit is cute for like a week and then eventually you're like, oh, shut the fuck up. They don't get tired. I would have told them shut the fuck up all for it. I think New Yorkers, if someone was out there like, it's up to you. Shut

up, Megan. I think immediately we ain't got time for that. Put some noise canceling headphones on, play some Call of Duty, get your life together. But yeah, why were we saying this? Oh yeah, we just wanted to check up on y'all, make sure y'all good, man. And if it can help in any way, do that.

And I think pass it around. I think that can always be helpful. The podcast, not the disease. Yeah, the disease is going to go no matter what. Yeah disease yeah the disease is gonna go no matter what yeah you're gonna get that no matter what how's everybody doing like exercise wise staying fit since we're all like stuck in the house every gym is down you just gotta start jogging that's all you can do yeah well there's like these like in-home exercises that we could oh that's right and uh i think if you get some like little weights or even those like, what are those called?

Those little rubber band things. I think you can simulate a lot of that kind of stuff. But for me, it's just heart rate. I got to get my heart rate up. Yeah. You know. But yeah, so some interesting things happening, obviously, because of the quarantine and also the fucking coronavirus is sports are done.

Yeah. Good thing we only focus on sports on this podcast. and also the fucking coronavirus is, uh, sports are done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good thing. We all only focus on sports on this podcast. Ahem. Ahem. I want all the listeners that complain, like y'all not doing enough sports.

I'll keep that same energy. Yo. Yeah. Keep that same energy with ESPN. Keep this when they giving you the fucking top five best help defender list. Them bullshit asses, they are struggling for... Bro. Struggle.

They are struggling to keep the content up. Top five broom handlers in curling. Nothing, yo. In curling? It's nothing. Yeah, no, it's bad.

It's looking bad out there. So... ESPN, CNN, the same network right now. All y'all doing, both of you, is talking about Corona. Yes.

That's it. You gotta hope that trades happen. You gotta hope that new guys get Corona. They're hoping every of you, is talking about Corona. Yes. That's it. You got to hope that trades happen. You got to hope that new guys get Corona. They're hoping every day a new NBA player gets Corona or a new NFL player gets Corona. How have more NFL players not gotten Corona? They're not even in the season. I don't know. Probably because they don't see as many people because they're about to be homeless with

this shitty SCBA they signed. All right. Let's stop. Pay some bills real quick. Guys. Radics. Remedies. you at the crib you stressed you're anxious this corona got you feeling away what you're gonna do you're gonna light up one of these pre-rolls that radix remedies got you know radix remedies always got you held down official okay um they got the pre-rolls you know

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make sure you go to sleep. Make sure you get that night-night. Make sure you go to sleep. Eddie wants to tell me something right now. What's up, doggy? I actually want to give a shout-out to a fan. Oh, yeah, let's do it. Michael hates Mike, too.

So he sent me a video. Right. Apparently, Radix is down the block from him. Oh, yeah. Let's do it. Michael hates Mike, too. So he sent me a video. Right. Apparently, Radix is down the block from him. Oh, in Austin. Yeah. And he went to say what's up, threw up the asshole. And they were like, yo, let's show you some love. And gave him a couple of products.

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You know you're part of the Flagrant 2 asshole army and they take care of y'all. Keep it tight and let's get back to the show. Now they signed a new CBA. I didn't look it over. Akash, you've been looking it over. Now I've been looking it over and I'm not the best with

like the actual details. I just know this was a shit deal. Right. A couple of things off the bat. Why is it shit? I'll tell you a couple of things off the bat to let you know it's not a good deal. Yeah. Is the owners were all saying what a great deal it is for the players, which is automatically I'm a little bit suspicious. Right. And then it's a 10 year deal with no opt out. If I'm any human being and I think, you know what? I'm probably giving away too much on this deal. Would I also say, but you can't get out of it for 10 years. The last, they opted, the owners opted out of the last CBA, I think, and then gave, offered

this one. If they opted out, it obviously wasn't, it wasn't like, hey, we're not being nice enough to the players. Right. These are NFL owners. I think disability, they've decreased the amount of disability pay for people. And they said, we increase your pensions for minimum salary players.

That's barely any money. They've decreased disability pay, which is a problem in a game where you risk your life and narrowed the scope of what a disability is. So that's a massive problem. There's a lot of injuries that are gonna be like, ah, it's not a disability anymore. What about low IQ?

Can that be a disability? Bro, you know what? You've been saying it for the longest and I don't feel bad for the NFL players anymore. No, they're retarded. And here's what also is fucked though. A lot of them apparently initially just jumped at increased minimum salaries and they heard increased minimum. Okay, let's

do it. I like that actually. But then Eric Reid had an independent lawyer look at it and he pointed out all these flaws and a lot of them wanted to change their vote and the NFL Players Association said no you can't change your vote. That's fucking foul to me. Demore Smith and to me

he already negotiated a shitty deal. They had 50 something percent of revenue sharing before then they dropped it to 47 and now the owners with this deal are like oh it's going to go up to 48.5. What a win for you guys. And every network is acting like it's such a great deal, and that's another reason I don't trust any of these fucking

network losers. Because the network's in cahoots with the owners. Yeah, and I remember the initial offer was for the 17th gay, well, gay, gay, for the 17th game, 17th gay, if you're... See if you can fit that mic in your mouth. I'll fit that all the way to the wire all right go on uh for the 17th game they said we'll pay you a per game contract again

no i think i said game oh you said game okay 17th i'm a homo you got it 17th i'm homosexual you got a per game pay they just do it but they cap it at 250 yeah so if you made less than 250 a game you'll make the same amount if you made russell wilson money two million a game oh you get 250 000 per game so where does all that extra money go they initially did away with that and now your your game your gay is like per game or whatever now it's like it's adjusted normally but just off rip you're gonna tell me that's a good deal and this is what you are offering me? Yeah. And you're telling me it's fair? Like, no chance.

But you're allowed to smoke weed now. Yeah, that's another thing these fucking retards have jumped at. What? We can smoke weed. Let's go. Like, big deal, dog. Everybody's going to be able to smoke weed in the next three years. Yeah, I think, but I do think it's good because I think they'll be able to play through pain

more. Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah. Sure. That you won't get punished for, but you could have got that regardless. You think they would have given that? They would have given that. So is it legal to smoke weed in the NFL now,

or you just can't get fined for it? You can get suspended for it? You can still get, if you get arrested for smoking weed, then you get suspended for getting arrested. They're just not testing for it, and you won't get punished if you test positively for marijuana, actually.

That's what it is. We'll do drug tests. If you test positively for marijuana, no suspension. Maybe you can get fined. I don't even know about that. I guess what I'm saying is can they smoke weed or not? Yes. If they're smoking weed in their house or in states where it's legal, you're good.

But the team itself, like I don't think the Patriots are going to let them smoke weed. I think if a player gets tested, not like in the locker room. Oh, they're just not going to test. They do drug test, but if you get test positive for, if you test positive for cocaine, that's a problem. Yeah.

If you test positive for marijuana, no suspension. Yeah. That's fine. That's the amendment they made. Okay, fair enough. That's reasonable, I think. That's reasonable.

Yeah, there's one thing that I put together based on this last week, and that is that athletes don't get paid enough. Yeah. When you take away sports, you see how responsible they are for the distraction that we need on a day-to-day basis. It is mind-boggling. So we look and we're like, oh, my God, LeBron making $30 million a year. He's making too much money.

No, he's not. He's making too too little money think about how boring our fucking life people were watching a marble race on twitter did you guys see that no and it was scintillating dude they just let these marbles go down this track i watched two minutes of it straight because there's nothing to fucking watch there's nothing competitive there's nothing and lebron there's a lot of other things you could have watched other than the difference between that's 90 seconds the difference between that and lebron is the marble race is two minutes the playoff game is two hours and the drama that goes around right the conversations the hypotheticals all these types of things um it is just, I get it. If you think athletes make too much money, explain all the people that make their living

talking about athletes. Like there's an entire, ESPN was at one point an empire built on talking about athletes. Yes. I bet the head of ESPN made more than LeBron's salary. Oh, for sure. 100%.

As he should. He has to make much tougher decisions. I'm not saying what's right or wrong. No, but we're saying athletes can get paid more i'm not saying espn gets paid too much we can pay athletes more right right right we could just based on how important they are but i think sometimes you need to like remove somebody to see how they're important they are to you you know what i mean it's like breaking up with a girl like those that first week you see what they really yeah supplied you in your life and how they made you feel um i think we're feeling that now with like

sports like yeah we knew we loved it but i don't think we realized how much we loved it and um yeah i don't know maybe we'll have a different perspective moving on maybe we'll come back and we'll be like way more on the player's side than the owner's side yeah i mean i yeah i was on the player's side for the longer but I just, I respect owners only because I understand what it is to like put up money for shit. And it is different. It's like, I think at the end of the day, not everybody wants to put up a billion dollars and not everybody wants to be on the hook for payment.

And not everybody wants that responsibility. It's easy to be like, I deserve more money. But right now we're, right now we're in the situation of a perfect situation when a pandemic happens or some kind of like you know international tragedy those owners i mean they might not be on the hook for everything but they're still on the hook like those owners gotta do the right thing and pay their staff and they gotta take all these so it's like the players some of them are stepping up and doing that but that's not their responsibility yeah right if you're an owner that's your responsibility so it's like yeah maybe these owners are making all this money and stuff like that but if shit hits the fan they got a lot of people to pay while they're not making

any money yes and people need to put that in perspective because while it looks like you out there getting fat you could get real slim real quick when you're not still generating revenue and you've got 10,000 people to pay. So I don't begrudge any side of any deal for trying to get the best deal ever. I don't think anybody's self, that's what we all do.

That's what you're supposed to do. Try to win the deal. I think the difference is you employ a few people. You have already told, even on the podcast, I think like I've set aside money that if shit gets slim i can still take care of them these are my people there's a heart to it and then you're fired alex he he takes care of you i mean he takes care of the person he loves yes owners the nfl owners don't seem to do that at all they don't seem to

give a fuck nba owners kind of give a fuck. NFL owners don't give a half a fuck. And that's kind of a problem. But also, I'm blaming the players right now. Yeah. And the NFLPA in particular. Y'all are fucking losers, man. Y'all wouldn't let them re-vote. If the deal sucks, let them re-vote.

Yeah. I mean, that's also on the NFL players for just having such like a retarded deal. But when you just don't have a lot of guys who are educated. And yeah, you trust your union. You trust like, there's a lot of agents there are a lot of um contracts we'll sign that we just kind of trust our agents that's our rep yeah if he says it's a good deal we don't know all the fucking mumbo jumbo of it and i get it i mean i hate reading contracts so i can't imagine a guy who can't read so yeah what he goes through like imagine a guy who's just illiterate you

imagine trying to understand a 200 page document with with CTE? Bro, come on. DeBricka Shaw Ferguson, you think he could read? You know what I mean? Parents can barely write. You got an apostrophe in immediately the beginning of your word. You're not French. You know what I mean? DeBricka Shaw?

Come on. But, yeah, that was one thing I thought was um anyway people people getting it tough man all right guys we're gonna take a break for a second uh teach y'all a little something about wearing a shirt and not looking like an asshole okay an asshole in a bad way i mean we could always keep it tight on this show and look like an asshole in a good way of course but um you're out here you're wearing these button-down shirts. I understand. You want to look business cash.

I understand. You got to impress your girlfriend's father and mother or something. You want to look professional, but you don't want to be all tucked in. Maybe you don't own a belt that you're proud of. You have it untucked, but you're wearing shirts that are button-downs. They're not meant to be worn untucked. Well, if there was only a company that could be worn untucked i don't know what sound effect that was but we're going to keep on rolling regardless untuck it untuck it is a company it makes button down shirts to be worn

untucked so you don't look like an idiot when you have it untucked fit your body perfectly they're cut to hang appropriately when untucked you can be business cash whenever you want okay you can go out there in the world without a nice belt i mean honestly who has a nice belt i've got this army navy surplus plastic looking leather it It's horrible. But I drop my shirt over it and I'm good to go. Very simple. Untuckit.com. Use our promo code flagrant.

You get 20% off your order. Go do it. What are you waiting for? You know you need a button down shirt. Okay. I know you're quarantined for a few months. But after that, you're going to need to look professional. Maybe you want to be quarantined and have that date night with your girl. Look professional. Make sure you do it it make sure you take care of business we're not playing any games we're not playing around untuckit.com you

know that promo code is flagrant 20 off i could barely speak and let's get back to business um hoes are getting hit hard these horse why the hoes getting hit hard. These whores. Why are hoes getting hit hard? Dude, imagine you're a stripper. Imagine you're a sugar baby. So sugar daddy has a sugar baby. Yeah. Like, that's over. Sugar babies can't get taken out to dinner no more.

Sugar babies can't get taken to the island on vacation. Sugar babies can't get taken to the game and sit courtside. Like, all these bitches that made their money based on being fucked, right? In certain ways, or at least like being around people that were fucking. Like there are tons of these girls that make their money. People don't realize this shit. Thoughts are going to take it on a fucking head. And I actually don't feel bad. All these girls did.

Ain't they been doing that? They take it in. So all these girls, right? they did like go out to the club to pay their rent yeah right so they'll do like these model houses right we're like 15 girls live in one apartment they all have like roommates and shit and they got to go to the club two to three nights a week and that's their trade so they pretend to be a model during the week or try to be a model during the week but their rent is paid by going to the club at night well the club's closed you think those promoters are going to keep spending 10 grand a month on those apartments that you guys are living in the club's closed you're close

right you want to go to those promoter dinners ain't no more promoter dinners because the restaurants are closed right you remember how you talked about in chernobyl the dudes just took over because like so many guys died. The ones that were left were getting all the baddest bitches. We're talking about Russia after World War II. Okay. Yeah.

It's about to be the same situation? Keep going. Because there's suddenly a flood of hoes looking for dudes to take care of them. Oh, yeah. Not that many rich dudes, especially because a recession is coming. They can take care of you.

That's interesting. So if you know you're one of 16, 15 side chicks, you just got to put up with that yo honestly the level of pussy that that you're getting right now if you're a single guy it's about to go way up it's about to skyrocket because all those dudes all those finance dudes that were spending all the money and having four or five like dime piece chicks in their little rotation they're broke now all their money was in the market that's gone so those girls aren't getting supported by them so they gotta go and they gotta drop their standards down matter of fact you're gonna drop your standards down to a dude who's got guaranteed income you work for the state you know what i'm saying okay policemen firemen garbage men hey they need it they deserve

no they deserve this okay because they out there in streets. Al, you don't work for the state no more. I'm just saying. You work for the Schultz. I'm happy for my people, man. But real talk. Some blue collar motherfuckers about to get some bullshit. They about to get some bullshit. You work for the dictatorship.

I really believe that they're going to step it up because those are the dudes that are going to be guaranteed. Those are the dudes that health insurance is unwavering. Those are the dudes that are going to be guaranteed. Those are the dudes that health insurance is unwavering. Those are the dudes that are going to have that check no matter what. They never live too far above their means. There's a lot of motherfuckers living way above their means, and now their means is getting questionable. Oh, yeah.

Right? So those girls are going to have to go somewhere they want to be taken care of still. They're going to have to adjust their lifestyle. You know what I mean? You're going from red bottoms to flip-flops, bitch. You're going to be flippity-flopping it, bitch. Red bottom to flat bottom, bitch. That's what I mean? You're going from red bottoms to flip flops, bitch. You're going to be flippity flopping it, bitch. Red bottom to flat bottom, bitch.

That's what it is, bitch. Do you know what I mean? Red bottom to apple bottom. Nelly, bring it back. Nelly was talking about bringing back apple bottoms. This is the time. It might really be the time.

They're on clearance right now. The hoes or the jeans? Hey, everything's on sale. It is true, man. It is true. I mean, hookers, how could you make your living as an escort right now?

Well, I mean, they're probably still kicking everybody's home. So you just... But you got Corona. They don't care. You're a hooker. You think they care about Corona, son?

No, I don't think they care. But the person that they're fucking might. Because the person that they're fucking, first of all, they're not going to fuck at home. Think about it. If you're a high class hooker, right? Let me hit you with this. You're a high class hooker. You're not fucking in your crib because your wife and kids are in a crib.

You on business all the time. That's where you turn the tricks or get the tricks or whatever the word is. Why don't you fuck in a hotel? Ain't no hotels. Shut down. Hotels are shut down? They got to. Nobody's traveling. They got to shut down hotels are shut down they got to nobody's traveling they gotta shut down 100 so now these high-class hookers are staying in their nice spot that they can afford by

fucking a few times a week you understand like if you live in a life that way where you're fucking people to make enough money to pay your rent you're not like putting money away in a 401k no right you're like i'm gonna figure this shit out later like a lot of strippers are i'm gonna figure this shit out later some strippers put money away they start a business you know but most like i'm gonna figure this shit out later drug dealers i'm gonna figure this shit out later it's gonna be it's gonna be a very sticky situation for a lot of these people. And they can't lean on the government. If you had a job, you could lean on the government because you have proof of income.

You've been paying into some sort of job security. Yeah. I even asked my business manager today. I was like, because obviously I have you guys all on a form of payroll, but you're getting paid as independent contractors. So I can't lean on the government. Right? If I was paying you guys as employees, like you weren't freelance, then I could be like, hey, you know, shit is different. Can you hook it up? Blah, blah, blah. And that's what a lot of these companies are going to do. So you're going to get bailed out. It's going to be crazy out there, man.

It's going to be, yo, if you got disposable income, dispose that shit in the market just keep putting money in slowly i think they keep going oh no i wouldn't put money in yet put a little money in now i think you keep winning i think you put a little money in at a time because trying to time out exactly when the bottom is you almost never win doing that but if you put money in now it's gonna it's at 21 000 right now as of today or 20 even it's gonna go up to 25 so if you wait till you it goes to like let's say 15 000 which would be really bad you'll make more than you would if you invested at 20 but either way you make money so just keep slowly what when you get in now you could do it i i was told and we were talking about this on a quarantine pod but i was told um you got to look for indicators of when to get in the market. And my buddy was like, the best indicator is if JFK closes, that will be the bottom. So keep that in mind, y'all. And again, this is coming from someone who's financially illiterate,

so take it with a grain of salt. But if JFK closes, that could be the marker. You want to look for big markers, right? Because if JFK closes, that means the economy in the US is grinding to a halt. And it's not going to turn back on until JFK opens back up. That's a great point. So look for the halt. Right now, they're doing everything to not quarantine us, right? They're like saying, you can't go to bars and restaurants. Yeah.

Right? That's basically saying stay home. But if they say stay home, it spooks the market. Then everybody's selling. Everybody yanks. Yeah. Like, how long am I going to have to be in here for? Yeah.

Right? So they're trying to do whatever they can to not spook the market right now. JFK closes, throw a couple dollars in that bitch. You might do all right. Yeah. Well, there is,

even though there's no sports, there has been some interesting sports news going on. There's a big trade in football. Yeah. Can you make any sense of this trade? I can't understand. So, from what I understand, the Houston Texans, they have a wide receiver. This is NFL football.

His name is DeAndre Hopkins. He is the best receiver in the league. He's really fucking good. Yep. I think they were about to have to pay him a ton of money. Now, personally, I think... Franchise him. Yeah, you franchise him. There's solutions fucking good. I think they were about to have to pay him a ton of money. Now, personally, I think... Franchise him. Yeah, you franchise him.

There's solutions. Also, if you have a young... We say wide receivers are generally useless. And to a large degree, they are. I think they're a little bit more valuable than when you have a young quarterback. You think they're more valuable than I think. Also, I think they're definitely more valuable

than the position they traded for. But also, when you have a young quarterback, it makes it way easier in the time while he's learning the game if he has a fucking phenomenal receiver to just throw it up to every once Because he can build confidence. He'll build confidence. And I don't understand everything yet, and this is a nice escape hatch I have. And then as I learn the game, I don't need this guy as much because I know what's going on.

Yeah. So if you have Deshaun Watson, who's good and is still going to be good, it's really nice though to have DeAndre Hopkins. I think that that makes perfect sense. Let me ask you a question. Can I finish the terms of the deal real quick? Go, go, go, go. They traded for a running back who by all accounts is washed on the- Let me ask you a question about DeAndre before we get into Johnson. So yes, it helps Kyler Murray, who's the Cardinals quarterback. Um, so yes, it helps Kyler Murray, who's the Cardinals quarterback. Yes. And he is a coming into second year quarterback.

Okay. Helps Kyler Murray. Here's my issue. What is the biggest problem with wide receivers? They are. They're placeable. Divas. Divas.

Ah, yeah. Usually the biggest problem, right? Right. You have to deal with their attitude. If you have a quarterback that is not good enough to get the ball to Hopkins, what ends up happening? Hopkins might mouth off. Might go diva. Might.

So while the upsides, he builds the confidence of Kyler Murray, the downside, and I'm asking. Apparently, DeAndre Hopkins is a great leader like the thing I was just reading on Twitter right trade just happened is people are like the Houston Texans people are talking

they're like we just lost the leader and you don't hear about Hopkins complaining in the media and he didn't always have a good quarterback throwing to him before Deshaun Watson

I don't even remember who the fuck they had but their problem forever was they never had a good quarterback until Deshaun Watson so he never really mouthed up also kyler murray's the uh backup on the broncos case keenum i think they had another guy but they did have case keenum for like a bit i think um brett osweiler or whatever osweiler and he sucked but we thought he was good

for some reason he looked the part he was like he looked part. He had a good half a year with Denver. Got benched for Manning, and then they won the Super Bowl. And Manning wasn't even good when he won the Super Bowl with them. Yeah, but he could manage. But he could manage. But if you're not even as good as... I don't know why the Texans signed him to a deal. But they traded DeAndre Hopkins for a second-round pick.

And David Johnson, who is a running back that is by all accounts washed. The only position more replaceable than wide receiver is running back. I don't like the Cowboys signing their running back, Ezekiel Elliott, to a massive deal because everybody says you don't need to pay a running back a lot or draft a running back high. Matter of fact, the San Francisco running attack that was so good this year, no high pick running backs. They were undrafted free agents. The Chiefs, no first round,

second round draft picks. Useless position. Offensive line, defensive line, nothing else matters. Yeah, quarterback, offensive line, defensive line. Even quarterback, I'm like, eh. I remember some, this saying that Mikko even said is, number one thing is a guy who can throw the ball. Number two, a guy who can get

to the guy who can throw the ball. Number three, a guy who can catch the ball. Number four, a guy who can cover the guy who can catch the ball. Number two, a guy who can get to the guy who can throw the ball. Number three, a guy who can catch the ball. Number four, a guy who can cover the guy who can catch the ball. That's how you pay people. What about offensive line? Offensive line? Oh, no, that's number three.

Sorry, a guy who can protect the guy who throws the ball. Yes. So lines first and then receiver and then corner. I just don't think you have to be that good as a quarterback. And again, I don't know as much about football as you do. You don't have to be as good. And Brian brought this up. Another reason receivers don't have to be as good is the rules all benefit receivers now. Of again, I don't know as much about football as you do. You don't have to be as good, and Brian brought this up. Another reason receivers don't have to be as good is the

rules all benefit receivers now. Of course, yeah. Every interference call is going the way of the receiver. So you need a more skilled corner because he got more to work against. No, no, I understand that with the corners. I understand paying corners, but my feeling is the better defensive line you have, the better corners you end up having. Yes, absolutely. The better offensive line, the better quarterback you end up having. Yes. absolutely. The better offensive line, the better quarterback you end up having. Yes. Because at the end of the day, these are NFL quarterbacks, right?

They can make a throw. Yeah. We're not talking about some, ooh, can you push that in? We're not talking about like some fucking high school kids who maybe are trying to do their best to figure shit out, right?

We're talking about the cream of the crop quarterbacks in the world. These are the, are the 28 teams? 32. 32 teams. These are the best 32 quarterbacks in the world. Yeah.

Right? They can make an open throw. They might not be able to do it on the scramble. They might not be able to get outside the pocket. Okay, I understand that. But if you can protect them, I think they can get the job done. There's a lot.

It's shocking how many bad quarterbacks there are. There's maybe 15 to 20. But you can make them better with an offensive line. Obviously. So, yeah, I would say number one is quarterback. Number two, defensive line. Number three, offensive line. That's what you pay.

One more thing I'll say on the quarterback thing is Aaron Rodgers is going to be successful no matter where he goes. Yeah. The exceptional are the exceptional. That's it. Yes. That's all I'm trying to say. quarterback thing is um aaron rogers is going to be successful no matter where he goes yeah the exceptional are the exceptional that's it yes that's all i'm trying to say if you're exceptional you can turn a bad situation decent like to be to be fair to him chris paul like he's on a team with all bums right yeah but he's found a way yeah he's exceptional enough to make that team good now he's not going to win but he's exceptional enough to get that team into like play you he's not going to win, but he's exceptional enough to get that team into playoff position. He can elevate everyone around him. He can elevate,

and I think that's what an exceptional quarterback can do. Yes. I think you can put a bum on the Patriots and then do well. I think you can put a bum on certain teams and do well. I think the 49ers are a perfect example of that. I don't know if maybe Jimmy Garoppolo is better than he played this year. Maybe if they actually let him throw it. Maybe.

Maybe. Who knows? Maybe. But I also think you could put pretty much anyone in Garoppolo's situation. So to that point, the best friends of a quarterback are a good offensive line and a good running game. Because you take the pressure off the quarterback. Because he doesn't have to throw as much. Jimmy G can make it.

Or when you do throw, it's five yards. Yeah. You're not doing third and long. But when it comes to winning Super Bowl time, you need a Patty Mahomes. You could make it to, Belichick will make it to the playoffs no matter who's quarterback next year.

Yeah. If he wants a ring, you need a good quarterback. Okay, I'm with you on that. And then you saw that literally in the Super Bowl because you saw Patty Mahomes take the team, put it on his back.

Yes. They were struggling offensively and he's like, I'm going to go out there and I'm going to make some fucking plays. He completed one long throw. He got his confidence, loosened everything up. Done.

21 points in the fourth quarter. Done. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So there it is. That's fair. If you want to make the playoffs, you could do it with a bump.

Yeah. If you want to excel in the playoffs, you have to invest in a quarterback. Yes. Yes. I guess what I would say is I think there's more longevity in that offensive and defensive line. So those are the first things that I would invest in. And I would hope that we start getting quarterbacks. Good, great teams. They always say built inside out. That's exactly what you're saying. You need the quarterback. You don't have the quarterback. It's all pointless. Now, but good offensive line, good defensive line, and then everything else. But, but do you pay

linebackers before DBs? The problem with linebackers is they're kind of like running backs where they get used up very quickly because it's a lot of high-speed collisions. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. So linebackers, a lot of this also comes into who can I replace easier? A wide receiver is already,

or a running back is very valuable. A good running attack, but I can find great running backs everywhere now. That's what people don't realize. You have to look at NFL teams like NASCAR. Yeah. Right? They're looking at the team as a whole car.

And you know what? The brake pads are falling off. The brake pads are those linebackers. Those linebackers aren't going to last long like brake pads. But you know what? We can switch them out. We can get some new ones in there. And the

Patriots and some of these other teams who have managed to be successful for a long period of time, like the Saints have managed to be successful. Nobody talks about it really, but they've managed a decent amount of success for a long period of time. Right? I think they've found ways to replace You know what? Let's take this

all the way. The engine or the lines. You don't have a good offensive, defensive line, your car doesn't have an engine. Done. The quarterback is the driver. Richard Petty or whatever, who's the guy, Jimmy Johnson, who wins NASCAR every fucking year. Jimmy Johnson won like five years in a row. That's your

Tom Brady. That's your Aaron Rodgers. That's what happens when you have an elite machine, elite engine with an elite driver. There are other people that have the same engine. Yeah. But they aren't. Can't do it. They can't do it.

The same driver. Okay. Keep going. The pit crew is the coaching staff. They know exactly how to manage everything that's happening. Oh, this tire blew out. This guy got injured. Here's how we move around it.

And they're building your car. And they're building. They're putting everything together. That's the coaching staff in the front office. Yeah. They. Oh, okay. You got a great engine. Yeah. Yeah. But what are you going to do to maximize? Yes. That's the coaching staff in the front office. Yeah, they, oh, okay, you got a great engine.

Yeah, yeah. But what are you going to do to maximize how we can make the car lighter? How are we going to make the car more aerodynamic? And in this, we have a budget. It's the salary cap is like a budget for the car. So we might have to go cheaper on brake pads. I know they're important, but we can save a little money there because we need to put more money into the engine.

We need to pay the driver more. It's all about balancing it. Now imagine one of the wheels was like, you got to pay me a third of what this car is worth. If the manufacturer said, you got to pay this much and it's a wheel I can replace, be out. That's a wide receiver. Yeah.

Now if Jimmy Johnson is like, I need to make some money. You got to pay Jimmy Johnson. Pay that motherfucker, bro. We can't win without Jimmyimmy pay that mother we can win with different wheels brake pads replaceable yeah yeah right steering wheel we can get another steering wheel pretty much everything replaceable except pit crew you better keep that crew if they're engineers making that car yeah and somehow that doesn't factor into the budget anyway so fuck it exactly just keep paying them. Yeah.

That's it. That's really interesting. I think people understand how replaceable football players are if you can give them a metaphor for other shit that's replaceable. Yeah. Because I think we almost look at football players through the lens of other sports. Yeah. We're like, well, if OBJ is the LeBron of football, then why does he get paid like LeBron?

LeBron, yeah. Because ain't no LeBron. Because OBJ is a wheel. First of all, I don't even have a car without four good wheels. He's like a rear view mirror. Do you know what I mean? Do you know how many Puerto Ricans drive without that? You know what?

Where they got a frog covering the whole thing? You could win without OBJ. You could win without OBJ. Matter of fact, he's never won. You will. Yeah. Matter of fact, he might never won. You will. Yeah. Matter of fact, he might be a thing

that stops you from winning. He might be. He's the disco ball in the rear view mirror. He's a fucking, it's just too much attention he wants, yo. That's it.

Always shining, like calm down. He's the nuts that hang off the license plate in the back. You know, they always have in trucks. It's fun,

but it weighs you down. Now, I've been very critical of Trump, the way that he's bumbled this fucking coronavirus thing. I mean, he's done an absolutely horrible job with it. Absolutely awful. But he did one thing that I think is hilarious. What's that? Because he called it the Chinese virus

during a briefing today. He called it the Chinese virus. Is he wrong? the chinese fire is he wrong no it is he also said the chinese he says the u.s is seeing a potential recession no shit helen keller i mean you got some real fucking foresight to figure out that the u.s is experiencing recession no way There's a potential that comics will have to move their shows. Because it's been happening since Friday. Son,

I just want to point out, this is so funny. All those comics out there that have been rejecting social media. All those comics are like, I'm not a YouTube comic. I'm not an Instagram comic. I'm going to say... First of all, if they haven't already gotten on board, if they haven't already gotten on board, and most of them have gotten on board, people that were talking all their little shit, they're already on board.

Yeah. But if they haven't, knock, knock, knock, dinosaur. It's fucking coming. Okay? Extinction level event for comics that don't know how to use social media or won't adopt social media youtube these types of things it's over for you there's no more spots you're two months without spot pay maybe longer yeah you'll literally starve to death yeah you'll be driving for uber eats or postmates tim dylan said something

funny which is like what is it uh most of you comics aren't talented anyway this is the time to move back with your parents and get that college degree that you shunned for so long. And then he said, for you, the virus is the cure. Yo,

go check out Tim, man. Tim's got a great podcast, the Tim Dillon podcast. Funny motherfucker. Yo, what if, you know, I was wondering,

maybe this has been floated. What if this whole virus is Bernie bros trying to get their man elected but why would that help him because he's the only one right now that seems like he has any kind of any solution in mind which is free health care if health care is free it wouldn't have been so hard to get these tests done all the shit that we're having trouble with by the way i flew in from canada first of all my brother-in-law and sister-in-law went to India before everything got crazy.

Flew back the day Trump announced national emergency. He said, we walked right off the plane. Not just because we're U.S. citizens. There's people behind us where they asked, are you U.S. citizens? They said, no. And I said, all right, go ahead. Didn't do anything. He said, when I went to India, third world country, as soon as we got off the plane,

they checked everybody's temperature. Just to see. Something. If you have something. When I landed from Montreal last night, not only did I not even, I didn't even go through customs. They dropped me off in a domestic terminal and I just walked to the Uber Center. Well, you do customs in Canada. But most of the time I do customs both.

No. When I leave India, I leave from customs there. No, not when you're going Canada to the US. Okay. So Canada, you always do it over there. It's just easier because they're like, well, we don't want to fly your ass back if you actually try to sneak in. Wouldn't this be the time to do something though? So yes, you're 100% right. And yeah, I mean, the check and the temperature thing, it just seems like a no brainer.

So easy. It's so easy. Just check everybody's temperature. I mean,lex had an interesting idea about doing like private shows here and what we just do at the front front door is we just check everybody's temperature if your shit is a little hot be gone fat go away what do you think about that idea i think it's a great idea i think you almost even have to space them out in line though yeah don't line up too close to each other even well yeah but the other thing the problem with the checking the temperature shit is like you could have it

but not show any symptoms that's the scary thing so right now you seem somewhat normal even though we know that you have coronavirus and we're gonna find out a week from now when you start showing showing those i really hope you get it first sorry i really hope you get it i'm not gonna get it first i ride a motorcycle. I hope somebody sneezed out the car window and the shit just flew right in your fucking forehead. I'm going to have a motorcycle helmet by Wednesday. By Wednesday? Yeah.

Son, what the fuck? Do you have a motorcycle or do you have a moped? I need to know. I don't have a moped. I have a motorcycle. It's right out there. You walk by it when you walk there. You parked it.

You didn't see the motorcycles When you walked in You ain't no motorcycle If you can walk it this far It has wheels Akash So does a moped Yeah but it's not a moped I have motorcycles

You got the Mexican delivery bike Man don't Don't say that Much is way more fire I didn't bid on that bike Yo please You said you're gonna buy Ed a bike,

please buy him that exact bike. I was gonna buy him the Don Quixote version. Do you know how Don Quixote is on like a donkey? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so we're gonna get like the donkey version.

You know those little ones with the little wheels and the little CVR bikes the Puerto Ricans were driving around? That's what he's gonna do. Oh, please do. Big old thighs warming it up.

But no, I wanna get him a bike, bro. Edwin says he's leaving us, dog, for the coronavirus. Yeah, he got to. Yo, everybody, are you really going to leave us or are you going to keep coming and just do this? He really don't understand how this goes, bro. Yo, yo, Edwin got you. He got to

take care of a family. You take care of that. I know. You know my attitude. No, no. We're here to support you. We're just trying to give you the best possible situation that you want to do. I appreciate it. Oh, by the way, some news in San Francisco is on complete lockdown. 24 hour lockdown. Bro. Complete.

I like that. Think of all the KY jelly they about to you go through tonight. That's the thing. There's no such as there, not Purell. There's still Purell everywhere. It's just KY. The KY. Hey, can we be honest?

We want to have a flagrant thought. When they said, what US city do you think is locked down first? Yeah. Which one of us didn't think San Francisco? Who? When they said, what city are you going to have the biggest problem from? Wuhan. The Wuhan virus.

Didn't we all think it's going to be San Francisco? That's the fucking Corona. That's the name of the thing. There's too many negatives in that question. Didn't we think didn't we all predict this would happen? San Francisco would be the first city to shut down. Because there's so many Chinese.

Yes, bruh. It's a lot of Wuhan's out there. I wasn't thinking that. Wuhan's the name of probably 13 restaurants in San Francisco. That's a fact of Wu-Hans out there. I wasn't thinking that. Wu-Hans, name of probably 13 restaurants in San Francisco. That's a fact. Wuhan Dynasty. Yo. Yo.

And you know they were stuffing those egg rolls in their mouths. Wait, keep going about the egg rolls. Did I miss it? No. I thought we were going somewhere with the egg roll just because they're like dicks you know what i mean oh god so i fucked up i was like is he caught through egg rolls i didn't know what was going on at the end of the day the bomb is on me so what can you do brown guy's bombing again now uh i keep calling my muslim friends and i'm and i'm like this is crazy right and they're like yeah this is wild now i go

how does it feel about be on the other end of terrorism for once is this considered terrorism i don't know it seems like it is china terrorizing us bioterrorizing i don't know i mean it doesn't seem like they mean to do it but they're not doing much to not do it right like if you keep doing these markets where you're just selling any sort of animal it's gonna keep happening right that's where sars came from mers came from all them shits came from that shit i feel like they're finally gonna shut it down can you shut down anything in china yeah i'm pretty shut down shit in chinatown yeah but that's because they come here and they got

freedom and they act however they want the chinese government they handle that shit yeah in a very not freedom like way they got that dictatorship yeah for sure this ocd ass motherfucker he's like oh oh, it's going to bother me. It's a self-portrait. You got to take care of it. There's a... Excuse me. So they stopped weed testing in the NBA.

You guys saw this? In the NBA. Oh. Did you see that? So they said they're not going to do any weed testing during the quarantine for Corona. It's basically Adam Silver going, all right, smoke some weed.

You're not playing ball. Yeah. Which I think is cool. Because they don't test in the summer. You can smoke weed in the summer if you're an NBA player. The least you could do is give them reasonable shit that they can handle.

They should just let them smoke, period. During the season, come on. That's like that dinosaur mentality. He's the most progressive of all the owners and i i heard this point on the ticket it seemed like all the other owners waited for adam silver all the other commissioners i mean waited for adam silver to make a decision before they followed suit once he said season is canceled then ncaa said we're canceling then hockey said

we're canceling then mlb said we're postponing then is wrestlemania still happening yo they've been doing wrestling without fans and that's the weirdest shit ever. But wait, are they going to do... I know they've been doing fights without fans. I would assume so. Is WrestleMania still going to be on or no? I wish we had a wrestling expert to ask. Yeah, I wish we had a wrestling

expert or maybe someone with a laptop that could look shit up. We're checking right now, Ed. Thank you. Jesus. Yeah, I think it's good. I think it's checking right now, Ed. Thank you. Jesus. Yeah, I think it's good. I think it's the right thing to do. Just don't check. Honestly, how much longer are we even going to check for weed?

Just let them fucking smoke weed. That's what I'm saying. Isn't that a big deal? So they haven't officially pulled it, but they're looking to potentially do it in an empty stadium. WrestleMania in an empty stadium actually could work. You think? Because if you're at home, it's not going to be the same but do you give a fuck if you're quarantined i will pay for whatever just give me the fucking thing yeah we were saying that on the quarantine pod the uh

netflix got to drop that jordan doc son oh espn yeah yeah is it espn espn i think it's through netflix no i'd be surprised if ESPN didn't go through. Because ESPN is a Disney company. That's what we were saying. So they would either go Disney Plus or just ESPN. Yeah, I don't know where you got this Netflix shit. Can you Google that? Sure.

Thank you. Yeah, man. Yeah, it's a tough situation. I think that companies should not just roll shit out give something to the people if you got some stuff locked if you're something like HBO and you have like four

you have some of your shows like already cooked and ready to go two years in advance give them to the fucking people man this is the time this is the time let us binge Westworld

let us binge these types of things it's not even about letting sure let us but also this is the best move for you we have nothing to do right now. Yeah. We will watch anything you put in front of us. Yeah, yeah.

ESPN Films and Netflix, Chronicle Michael Jordan. Exactly. That's why you fucking Google shit. You're welcome. You're right for once. Wow. This guy said,

10 part documentary. What was the guy you said who made algebra? Huh? The guy who made algebra? Huh? The guy who made algebra. I got algebra and calculus wrong. Newton is calculus, right? Yes. He was like Newton made algebra.

What's the difference between algebra and calculus? Calculus way harder? What is calculus? Son, who the fuck knows? And it came after. Algebra was already existed. Wait, what's algebra? Two times three equals six? X's. Algebra is X's and Y already existed wait what's algebra two times three

equals six x's algebra's x's and y's with the letter calculus that's like you need the formulas and all that shit fucking no you didn't teach that in fucking bermuda school of uh of doctors bermuda school of doctors they just they just pointed to a dick and they were like suck that you're like already on it um algebra is used in everyday life while calculus is used by gays while calculus is used in more complicated problems in professional fields like business engineering and science algebra is the study of relations and while calculus is the study of change. I still don't know what that means. It's math shit.

I think algebra is like trans math. That's calculus, right? The study of change? Yeah, calculus. Oh, fuck that. I get it wrong again. Damn, Isaac Newton be hating, bro. Fucking Isaac.

What a dork. Yo, did you guys discuss Rudy Go gobert gobert on the corona pod no maybe briefly but uh yo rudy is a fucking do we oh can we talk about this for a second because i had this theory that uh rudy uh no i had this theory that black people can't get coronavirus no okay go ahead and then rudy gobert and then donovan mitchell got the coronavirus and people were like that disproves your theory. They're black. And I'm like, no, they're on the Utah Jazz.

They're white. You can't be full black if you're on the Utah Jazz. Didn't someone on the Pistons get it though? Say again? Someone on the Pistons got it, I think. I don't know white or black. Someone on the Pistons got corona. Yes.

Do you know what his name is? No. I believe it's Charlie Wood. That's a pretty white name pretty white name yeah christian wood christian wood white or black dude if that guy doesn't go into like religious porn i don't know what to tell you that is the perfect name christian wood i was with you until you know the god idris got it though yeah oh idris gotris got it. Oh, Idris got it, yo. I don't remember my exact top five dudes, but I think I had Idris in my top five hottest dudes, yo. Son, that's a handsome guy, bro.

He look good with Corona, yo. Yo, would you let him? I'd let him give me that virus. I'll catch that bug. Would you let him talk mad close to your face? Hell yeah, dog. To the point where, like, your nose is touched? Yes!

So you guys get real close. Yeah! And then he's like, all right, we're going to get to the bottom of this, I think. I got something you get to the bottom of, Idris. This colon. What, too far? That's what Akash said when he got fucked by him. This is a sad day for black people, for hot dudes everywhere.

Idris Elba got it, yo. So what happens? Do you really think that you would have any kind of relationship with Idris Elba? No. You wouldn't cheat on your girl with Idris Elba? No, no, no, no. No, but his girl in the video, Maskless. I saw that. She don't give a fuck. She recognizes. She with Idris, Maskless. I saw that.

She don't give a fuck. She recognizes. She with Idris, yo. I mean, that's a real one, right? Let's be on it. You're lucky to catch whatever Idris gives you. I got some extreme, motherfucker. You're not playing games with these hoes.

No, son. Can we talk what a great friend I am for what I did for your girl? Oh, we didn't talk about this. I was going to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need my credit, bro. I just do things to silence, bro. That's how bad he felt.

So I pointed out. I felt bad. I pointed out what a bad friend Andrew had been. I'm a great friend. Actually, I felt bad because you felt bad. I was just fucking with you. I know. But I had asked Andrew to connect me with this guy named Humble the Poet.

You never asked me. That never happened. I'm going to find the text message. You've never happened. I'm going to find the text message. Yeah, please find it. The point is, this girl, I found out about this. You just said your girl likes him.

That's it. No, no, no. I asked. You never asked. The point is, I'll find the text. I'll find the text. You will find the text. I found out about this guy because from my girl,

this was like, let me get to how good of a friend you are. Humble was like the first cool, sick dude she saw out there. All right, let's take a break for a second

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he got a father who got a turd and bug and like people always call him a terrorist and shit Indian Flintstones bro yabble dabble dabble

and the car instead of bare feet he got on flip-flops. Oh, God. Fuck. So, anyway, Andrew had Humble send a video to Just Lean. Huh? They actually still have the same cars.

Little rickshaws. Y'all be running around in. No, son. It sucks. Bro. Flintstones, dog. Bro. It be running around it sucks bro anyway go on about it so andrew had humble uh my girl's a big fan of humble early on this is like the first guy she saw represent her religion and culture in a cool way uh so andrew had humble sent her a video i asked humble humbly i asked humble you humbly asked humble humble is not easy for you to be it's not easy for me to be and he humble sent a video fucking camera like that said uh he did that for humble and then humble sent a video to my girl saying basically andrew

a funny video don't invite andrew to the wedding he's a bad influence whatever it was cool i shit on myself in the video huh i shit on myself in the video. Huh? I shit on myself in the video. Yeah, yeah. He had a funny ass line. Shout out to Humble. He goes, she goes,

I understand that like, you got to invite Andrew to your wedding because, you know, your parents don't know that Akash is a comedian and they think that he has a real job. So if you invite a white guy, that's like his work friend.

A funny video. I know, he's a funny dude. Yeah. That was a funny dude. That was so cool was so cool him to do it yeah and he actually sent me two man i was really i just want to shout out him for how nice the guy is he sent me one that was like funny he had the punchlines and shit that was the one i sent you and then he sent me another one's like hey just lean oh sorry yeah um hey just lean uh just want to let you know you shouldn't invite andrew to your wedding have a good one something yeah she loved it though yeah he was just like this is so dope that's right you're in you're in great uh you're you're in good with hey hey i know hey hey i know all right

that's my wedding yo if it happens if all right you don't know what the corona could do corona might stick around until october yo yo that's too real what it might be around till october it might be yeah i know that's too that's too real of a joke yo no i'm just saying and keep in mind if you get it if you get me some corona yeah i'ma hold on to it i'ma hold on to it yeah like a sourdough yeast i'ma have that sourdough mash ready to bake yeah i'ma have that shit run back again i'm gonna listen yeah i'm a religious guy yeah pray to god to protect the people i love i'ma say if i get it please let me get it from andrew to god pray to god damn that's foul if i get it let me get it from andrew that means i got it first yeah exactly that's what i'm praying happens but i don't think there's any way where i get it before

you it's slim to none chances i think it's slim to none slim to none i don't think i did because i'm tall i'm six two i'm above it. I'm going to be lower, dog. Chinese would be sneezing into your belly button. Think about it. Chinese people are mad small. Obviously, how are they going to give it to me? That's a good point. That's a good point. Have you had any Asian waitstaff?

My girl ordered Chinese food yesterday. What is wrong with her? She's white. That's what they do. I told them to go. They feel bad. I told them to go. I didn what they do. I told the delivery guy to go. I told him to go. I didn't accept it. They be feeling bad though.

Nobody's white people. Nobody's soliciting Chinese businesses right now. We didn't feel nothing about that. She did. I didn't feel nothing about that. That delivery man came I said keep it. Keep the food. Did you pay him? Say what?

Did you pay him? Hell what? Did you pay him? Hell yeah, I paid him. Tipped him well, too, out here in the coronavirus. I deliver the food to people. Man, come on. Akash, I'm not a savage out here, but I just can't be eating a full bowl of, you know. All right. All right.

Corona and broccoli or something. Boo. all right all right corona and broccoli or something why can't chinese people have their go dog like everybody got their go did we talk about this on the pod yet no like everybody's gonna have their thing when your people do some fucked up shit right like when brown people are blowing things up, you got some shit from it. Of course. Naturally. Naturally. That's the natural course of things. Okay.

You know, when black people, you guys are robbing everybody, stop and frisk. Right? Stop and frisk. You know? When the Charlottesville shit popped off, right? Yeah. I couldn't buy a tiki torch. I wanted to buy my,

I like my little Hawaiian themed gatherings. Yo, my man had to shave his whole head. Do you remember that? Yeah. What'd I do? Remember you got that low ass buzz cut right out of Charlottesville? You used to have a nice swoop

and then all of a sudden you showed up one day just ha, all gone. I had to let motherfuckers know which side I was on. Yo, so you shaved your head. Word? Hey, when it goes down in a race war, just remember, I got a Caesar. on. Yo, so you shaved your head. Word? Hey, when it goes down in a race war, just remember, I got a Caesar.

I'm with y'all. I said keep it light on the sides. White people, a Caesar is a haircut that is derived from Julius Caesar and has somehow become a thing exclusive to black people. Is that true? I don't think so. You've heard of a Caesar?

I believe it's supposed to mimic Julius Caesar, right? Didn't Caesar have that type? Yeah, but you know black people getting a Caesar? Yeah, the Caesar, bro. That's what we call it, but I didn't know it was called that because of him. I didn't know black people. What's it called? That from Lil Caesar?

I mean, that would make more sense. Give me that pizza pizza. We be loving our pizza pizzas. Give me that hot and ready. Let me get that hot and ready, yo. We say everything twice. He's like, that's funny funny. Yo, you stupid stupid.

That's it. Give me that pizza pizza, dog. What else we got, man? what else we got in that agenda let me see it's good to be back in this rona I mean it's good to be back in this I gotta get used to y'all switching spots oh really

why cause when I talk you start jumping to me yeah I know I just feel different we didn't talk Tom Hanks and his wife. They got released from the hospital. Man, they never had that shit. Fuck Tom Hanks. They never had that shit. Fuck Tom Hanks.

Fuck Tom Hanks, yo. He just got it, son. He just got it. Now he's the more, like, we care about him more now. Before Idris, we cared about Tom. Now Idris. You don't care about tom i mean if he goes as long as he's still open son tom got a hood pass as long as he's still alive yeah that's it

tom good in quarantine son he did the terminal he comfy in a quarantine son terminal's fired wait what's terminal that movie where he was pretending to be fucking Balki and shit? What was he doing? We just wouldn't let him in? Why wouldn't we let him in? Son, that was the whole movie. He just didn't have a passport? He became countryless in that movie.

Why? Because his country went away? No, like went to civil war or something like that. Oh, he was from Yugoslavia or something like that? Yeah, some made up country, I'm pretty that. And then. Oh, he was from Yugoslavia or something like that? Some, yeah. Some made up country, I'm pretty sure. So he just started working at the Hudson News?

I fuck with that movie so hard. So what happens? What happened to the. The movie's trash. But what happens to the. You didn't even see it. That's why it's trash. But at the end of the movie. The wire.

He gets to go home. He gets to go to America for like an hour and then he goes home. So he experiences America. He got exactly what he wanted. And America for like an hour and then he goes home. So he experiences America. He got exactly what he wanted and then he goes home. And then he goes back. And to what country? He just goes back to the country. I think we should have just made him work at Chibo Express.

That would have been kind of lit. If he just started working at that Chibo. Do you know what I'm saying? Do you know what Chibo Express is? No. The little express gourmet, little shitty ass sandwiches they got and stuff like that? Yeah, at the airport. That little bodega that they got at the airport.

Where one Indian bitch always working, but she don't do nothing. Cordova? What the fuck is wrong with you, dog? C-I-B-O. I've never seen that one. Yeah, that's the real thing. Let me ask you. I need to ask a question of Indians.

Indians listening. Yes. Ask your auntie why she don't never do shit whoa the girl at the chibo express or the hudson news it's always some indian lady you ask her for help and she's like that's what's there and she don't ever ring nothing up yeah what does she do uh she wishes she could go back to india probably there's planes there you You're damn close, lady. Yo, that's a good question. Do you get different service when you go into that shit?

No, no, no, no, no, no. Do you hit her with an auntie? No, auntie makes him feel old. It's this weird thing that started happening recently. Don't call me ma'am. It makes you sound old. Oh, my God. That's even in your culture?

It's infiltrated everywhere. Everywhere. It's terrible. So what do you call them? I don't know. I tried to sneak it in there that I'm Indian. Chaiwala? Chaiwala?

Why don't you call that bitch Chaiwala? Chaiwala. Chaiwala. Come on. Double, double. Banana. Granola bar. Or whatever you order. Oh, fuck. Oh, they just announced something. Hey, Banana, Granola Bar, or whatever you order.

Oh, fuck. Oh, they just announced something. Hey, hey, hey, edit. Did they announce to tell you to shut the fuck up? Did they do that perhaps? Did they make an announcement for that? Nah, just WrestleMania will not be held in Tampa Bay. WrestleMania not to be held in Tampa Bay.

So will it be held at all? It says to it, I don't know. That's it. That's all i get whoa they'll probably just hold it in a smaller place so they don't have to rent out that big ass place and then do it somebody was saying they watched it and the wrestlers would still come out and like pretend the fans were there and it was just like a really weird thing this is going to expose how obviously wrestling's fake but it's going to expose how fake it is and i think it's

actually bad for the brand. Yeah. Super bad for the brand. Because you're like, oh, wait a minute. All this is choreographed? Like, we want to believe that you're down for the count and then are cheering for you. Remember when we would go, oh, whatever. Yeah.

And then he would start to get energy? Yeah. What if they do that and nobody's there? I'm coming back brother yeah you look like how you coming back i don't think they're smart enough to adjust the performance they're not smart enough to adjust their performance it's gonna be bad it's a bad look do you know how stupid you look when you do your hair and no one's around they got all that fucking vaseline in their hair for what long ass walk nobody cheering you know how long you ever do a do a show with nobody in it

and they start clapping when they hear your name and then stop clapping before you even get to the stage bro oh yeah that's the longest walk imagine how long that shit gonna be from the top yo come on bro you think they have like a laugh track or like a cheer track? I think it would sound too fake. That'd be even worse because no one's there. They're going to know it. And you know no one's there. Yeah, everybody knows no one's there.

Ay-yi-yi, bro. Yeah. That's not good. Why don't they put like cancer kids that are about to go? Oh, my God. No, think about it. You got like the- They don't have the energy to cheer.

Say what? Yeah, that's enough mic them up mic them up and don't put like you know that can't lung cancer something like that that affects their like uh cheering the energetic cancer kids yeah like foot or knee adhd kids yeah so you pump them up with adderall and then just sit them all around they're out anyway they're in the hospice you take all hospice people give them one last exciting thing. Undertaker comes back to life, something they'll never do. You know?

I think that's a great idea. Take terminally ill people, make them be in the stands for all the games. Especially if your make a wish is to go to like a sporting event. Well, they're all postponed. You want to go to the Super Bowl? How about WrestleMania? How fucked up is that? All these kids with the make a wish? Bruh. Disney World make a wish? All I want to go to the Super Bowl? How about WrestleMania? How fucked up is that? All these kids with the Make-A-Wish?

Bruh. Disney World Make-A-Wish? All I want to do is see Mickey Mouse. Done. Yo, can you ask for a pussy for your last wish? Say what? Can you ask for a pussy for your last wish? Chris Rock used to have that joke.

What'd he say? They used to talk about the Jerry Lewis telethon. And he was like, why can't we get these kids some titties? And then he said, I've been watching the... He said something like, what do you want, Timmy? You want to go to Disney World? Nah, I want some big titties in my face. I wonder

if Ken... Damn, Chris, you fell off, bro. You wonder if what? If they could. If they can ask for that, because I think you can ask for anything, right? Yeah, but I don't know if you can get pussy. Yeah, I don't think you can ask for anything. You can't be like, yo, let me get heroin, and they'll be like, hey, let's do it. Yo, morphine?

Morphine. Yeah, but that's legal. They're probably on that already. But if they're like- Let down heroin. Let me get crack, then I go get you crack. Why not? Let me hit an AR-15.

You know what I mean? Like, it's got to be legal. Hey. You're right about that. You're right. You're right. I was tripping. Don't tell me I ever come from Argonauts.

I was tripping. Hey, hey, don't tell me you ever come from Argonauts. America, you're from Texas. You're Texas boy. You read aboutpping. Hey, hey, don't tell me we're coming from Oregon. This is America. You're from Texas. You're a Texas boy. You read about it. Hey, you're a Texas boy. You read about it.

Now, do you think Texas is going to quarantine and say that people won't go to restaurants? Or do you think they're going to be free about that shit? I think we're going to be the last ones to quarantine. Okay. Guys, any other things that we need to touch on? Do we want to touch on the microphone shit? What? Rudy Gobert with the microphone?

Oh, that's right. That's what we were talking about i mean he's just fucking i don't know listen as a comic i get that sometimes a joke you think is funny ends up not being funny yeah i also don't think it mattered like if you're playing basketball you're gonna be within six feet of everyone at some point yeah donovan mitchell didn't get it because he was sharing a microphone no chance yeah the guy from the pistons didn't get it because of a microphone right and christian wood didn't get it from the microphone yeah 100 yeah i agree i think that like right now there's no enemy when you have a disease yeah like disease is actually very similar to like the kobe thing in the crash where like there was no enemy nobody was responsible no one like did

it yeah so we're like reaching out for anybody who could have been responsible yeah there has to be some explanation yes oh he's touching the microphone exactly look how careless he was let's take all this anger that we have because the season is you know chopped apparently there's like a riff in the locker room now like are you fucking kidding me like he wanted to get the coronavirus like yeah he was goofing around like we all goof around yeah like remember you coughed in the beginning and then i'm saying you got the fucking virus yes we're just both you know busting balls um it's an unfortunate thing and it just it just sucks but again lay off rudy gobert i mean there's way more reasons why you should hate rudy gobert besides this whole coronavirus 100 i mean his game

is awful he looks stupid he walks like one of those um star wars camels that are robots do you know those things i don't know what they're doing but like slow but can you imagine if he got it like two weeks earlier during all-star weekend then it would have been a fucking problem yeah he infected one all-star big deal yeah fringe yeah yeah donovan mitchell that was like a generous all-star yeah he didn't even need to play in that game if he got LeBron now it's a problem if LeBron gets it now it's a problem also last thing

do they cancel the NBA season you think because the most recent report is mid June so how do you do that if you cancel a season if I'm LeBron I'm not into that because I don't have a lot of years left I'm playing at a high level. You're not just canceling the season and making me play a whole other season to get a ring.

It's interesting. I think they'll do everything they can to actually play it. I think you play five to ten games to end the regular season just to get them back and then go whatever the seeds are. I think that's a good idea. Just have it. There's just so much money to be made and people are going to be starved for competition. It's not just basketball. It's competition.

We love competition. It's primal. We love it on a primal level. We love it. You know, it's interesting. I was watching the UFC fight without fans. I enjoyed it. I thought that it would be weird to watch without fans.

I don't know if the athletes themselves um are as excited by it and maybe they won't take it as serious maybe they won't give the same effort because they're not the same stakes uh at hand um but i didn't enjoy it less i actually did you watch it no but i was gonna say watching the i'll tell you how i feel even though i didn't see it at all yeah no i didn't see it at all. Yeah, no, I didn't see that at all. My point was that can be a sport that actually thrives during quarantine because it's literally two guys and their coaches. I think basketball would have been fun to see.

It'd been like watching a pickup game at the highest level. Yeah, I just think that guys wouldn't compete as hard. That's possible. I think that these guys on some level... Listen, we're stand-up comics, so we know know exactly what it is i'm not going to do the same set in front of no people it's just i'm not going to have the same energy granted there's not a reaction that's necessary when you're a basketball player but if you have an audience you're going to operate differently if you had the playoffs with no fans that'd'd be one thing. Here's the problem. A basketball team is

30 fucking people. One of them gets it. That's the problem. A UFC team of trainers, five people tops. Yeah. That's interesting. What are they saying right

now? Make sure you're in groups less than 10 yeah ufc fits in that dude you know what else fits in that tennis tennis you could actually play a couple sports yeah bro you know you could easily play golf yeah so the reason they canceled the masters postponed it is a bunch of european players were calling like how do i get to the tournament you don't get there and you fucking deal with it yeah but then i'm just saying you lose a lot of good golfers you're the reason why we have fucking corona we'll be totally fine nobody was ever watching for joaquin you know perez or whether the fuck these guys are right we want tiger

we want mickelson i think some of them are whatever who cares it's golf who gives a fuck there's um what's the name roy mcelroy is really good nobody cares about him i think he's good though nobody cares okay sergio whatever the fuck we don't care yeah sergio garcia doesn't matter yeah this is the masters okay should be whites only and And tiger. And tiger. No, in all seriousness, I think that you could play golf, and if you have to not make it this type of tournament, just do it. We want to see some competition. And let's be honest, you want to compete.

You don't want to sit in the fucking house all day. Oh, yeah, they're going to love it. UFC, what I was going to say watching the Izzy fight, and I've seen this with a few of the fights I've watched, there's not like a ton of action and the fans start booing. For me me it's like ah let them fight yeah i don't want them to get in their head and that's what i was going to say with no audience if it's a high it was a high stakes fight and you didn't have that i might enjoy it more i don't know but like the booing to me i'm always like that becomes as much of a show almost as the fight itself yeah that's true that's true and ufc in general is the closest thing to a street fight. And I've never been watching

a street fight like, what does the audience think? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? So go for it. This Worldstar fight would be so much better if there were more people

screaming Worldstar. Where are the Irish fans and their flags? That's what I really watch the fight for. Yeah. No, I think you get, I think we can lean

on certain sports. Yeah. Golf, tennis, UFC, boxing. Take away the fans. I understand you're going to make less money, but you will gain so much viewership. I think you were kind of saying that earlier. Because people are going to be drawn

to some sort of elite entertainment at this time. Anything to distract us. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, if it's higher quality, for sure we're watching that. But like, do you remember what it was like when you were a kid and you're trapped at home and you would just watch TV?

Well, you're in New York, so you might not have done it as much. Yeah. Because you could walk around and just go do shit. You're a suburb kid who grew up in the 90s. You need TV. Yeah. Because there's nothing else to do. Honestly, if I'm one of these like AMC movie theaters, what I do is set up a website where

people could opt in, purchase. And I understand people are going to steal it and stream it. So what? You got to it so what you gotta eat that eat that it is what it is the only way you make money you're not gonna make money for two months you're just gonna wait matter of fact you're capturing people you're gonna get way better reviews for your movie you're capturing people when they're at their most bored yes what i always said about podcasts is why they're so effective is because we're here for you when you're at your most bored right you're in traffic right now you're literally rather be doing anything else boom i think you go out there i think if you're amc you start releasing movies at the exact same schedule time just have us watch it online everybody has a smart tv just go for it you

can actually re-release the movie theaters and shit is better if you want but people aren't gonna go um and i think you do the same thing with sports. You just have no fans, at least in the sports where we're able to do it. Yeah. Can't do it in football. Can't do it in any massive team sport. No. But you can do it in the individuals.

Yeah. UFC in particular. Golf, at least like all the golfers come for one tournament. That could be dangerous. Keep them separate. Yeah. I think you could do that. You can keep them separate.

Yeah. You don't even have to have them golfing together. dangerous keep them separate 10 yeah i think you could do that you can keep them separate yeah you don't even have to have them golfing together you could literally stagger the whole thing one per course you don't have to have two and since so many won't be able to come because they're from other parts of the world they don't want to travel yeah not course sorry one per hole yeah instead of doing two per one per hole yeah perfect done wearing a mask i love it we just solved sports guys we brought sports back um thank you guys so much for listening we'll be back of course we got the the corona chronicles uh daily drop every single day uh we also have a patreon uh coming friday so we'll be back to deliver some hot stuff for you

and uh yeah just keep it keep it tight like you always do i promise we'll be back to deliver some hot stuff for you. And yeah, just keep it tight like you always do. I promise we'll make sure that you can endure this quarantine in the most productive and amazing way possible. Thank you all for fucking with us. If you need some more distraction, come on over to Patreon. We're going to come with another episode every single week. Long live the philagrancy. The philagrancy long live and we will see you soon peace