Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Coronavirus Will Kill College Forever

Episode Date: March 16, 2020

What up people. It's ya boy Schulzy and AlexxMedia back at it. As we been telling you the quarantine is here. Tune in for what's next like the shutting down of colleges.

What up, people? We're back. Another emergency pod. I got some bad news. Unfortunately, we got to start with some bad news. I am rescheduling all... I don't have it. That's probably what people thought when I said I got some bad news. Oh, yeah. No, I don't have it. But I'm rescheduling all my stand-up shows for March and April. And that includes the special taping in L.A.

We'll give you new dates for all those things. It's just the right thing to do. The biggest issue with the spread of this virus is when you have people coming together and possibly transmitting it to each other just by being around each other so we want to limit the big crowds and uh i gotta do my part if i'm telling everybody else to do it i gotta do it uh so that's gonna happen so march and april they'll all be rescheduled we'll give you that at a later date and then most likely may as well we're gonna assess in um in april and basically uh see what happens so so that is a little uh shitty news to start it with and uh but that's just what we got to do everybody's doing

our part uh at least the smart people you know um matter of fact yeah where you know what i'm curious about where are all the uh the twitter uh nerds at Like, all the Twitter know-it-alls? Where are you guys at? Twitter been on fire. No, the Twitter know-it-alls. For example, Elon Musk. Where are you at, Elon Musk? Elon Musk got all the answers to everything.

You still digging fucking holes in the ground, asshole? We don't need holes in the fucking ground, okay? We don't need... He's trying to fix traffic in L.A. You know what's going to fix traffic in L.A.? If everyone's dead, no traffic. Okay? If literally everybody gets this coronavirus and then 10% are knocked out, no more traffic in L.A.

Holes fixed. You don't got to go into the ground. What were you saying, Al? I said maybe that's what he's trying to do because he tweeted out at the beginning of this like, Oh, it's not that serious. Yeah. He was salty because now he don't need his little boring company fixed. Now his boring company is not going to solve no problems.

Oh. Yeah, that's what it is. All I'm saying is you've got these guys that like, and don't get me wrong, I know Elon Musk is doing a lot of great stuff and, you know, the electric cars, Alex drives a Tesla, that kind of stuff. But, like, there are these guys who are, like, condescending on Twitter, right, and they just say how stupid shit is and they're like smarter than everybody like neil degrasse tyson is another one of these people who's just like non-stop has to tell you how stupid things are

all the time do something now nerd if you're so smart nerd put your smarts to use nerd like this is the time where like dorks and nerds that are condescending all the time on social media they got to put their money where their mouth is we need the nerds and we need the billionaires to actually do something because it's easy when times are good to tell people how stupid they're being but now we need the smart people to do right it's easy to make fun of the dummies when everybody's living large but now when stuff stuff is shitty, where you at, Neil deGrasse Tyson? Don't just step down from your board seat at a weird time and not say anything about it. Oh, you're talking about Gates? Yeah.

Yeah, there is a little conspiracy theory going on that everybody's stepping down from their, all these CEOs in the last few months have stepped down from their positions. And all these CEOs in the last few months have stepped down from their positions. And I reached out to my boy, Ben Uyeda. You know Ben, who designed the studio. And he broke that Gates shit down. So basically, Bill Gates stepped down from Microsoft. And Bob Iger stepped down from Disney. And a bunch of other CEOs stepped down as well.

All in the last few months. So I'm like, do they know what's coming? You know how animals know a hurricane's coming first? So they start fleeing into the woods? You know what I animals know a hurricane is coming first? Yeah. So they start like fleeing into the woods. You know what I'm talking about? You think all these motherfuckers got on a spaceship to Mars? I don't think they're on a spaceship to Mars because Mars ain't nice enough yet. But Bill Gates did buy a yacht.

He built. I mean, he bought like a $300 million yacht. Son, perfect timing. Oh, son, they're fleeing, bro. Like, you know, they say this. They're like, when a tsunami's coming at first the water goes way out into the ocean right at first the tide exposed itself yeah animals see the tide expose itself and they're like oh that gotta come back eventually so they're out yeah right humans don't see it we see the tide expose itself we're like yo it's low today

i'm gonna go for a swim I ain't seen it this low So billionaires Are on that shit Apparently all the billionaires Are going out to Martha's Vineyard now Martha's Vineyard is this little island Off of

Off of New England And the Obamas got a house out there Everybody But apparently they're all going out there They usually go out there in July It's fucking March But they're like Yeah we not dealing with these poor people We'll go quarantine ourself with the other riches but um but yeah

that's what they're saying about bill gates and and who else and uh bob eiger but so i was like what's really going on do they know some shit's popping and then ben basically said to me he's like eiger wants to run for president in uh 2024 so he's just trying to like work his whole shit out with that which is fine i respect that and then he said about gates was really interesting is like gates is trying to be one of the five greatest people who's ever lived okay and what he's trying to do is and this is how ben put it was so brilliant is um money ball saving lives okay so you know how money ball is used in sports like you know the oakland athletics used it and then also b how money ball is used in sports like you know the oklaholics used it and then also boston red sox used in different teams they basically try to get the

players that have the most utility for the cheapest amount of money so gates is trying to save the most lives for the least amount of money okay so gates literally turned down aids so he's looking to cure diseases right yeah so they're so he's like okay aids can i save the most amount of people in the cheapest possible way he goes nah malaria is better and they just went out there and bodied malaria and and don't think that's a bad thing it's actually a good thing because if he's going to spend the same amount of money let's say he's going to spend a billion dollars you'd rather save more lives yeah for the billion it's it's a good thing um so he's basically trying to like make himself a saint and who knows why maybe he felt guilty about the way that you know he made his billion so he wants to make up for it by

saving lives who fucking knows right i mean in order to be a billionaire you got to be pretty ruthless to get there all i'm saying is now is the time for the billionaires to show up. Billionaires love to talk about all their philanthropy, right? All these guys love to talk about, hey, yeah, we don't pay a lot of money in taxes, but we give so much of our money away. Now we need it. Now we need Purell, Jeff Bezos. Where's the Purell? You know what I'm saying? You gave us same day shipping back in the day when we were ordering flip flops We need Purell We need Lysol wipes Where you at?

They won't talk about how we're going to save the environment We're not going to need an environment If everybody's dead Not saying everybody's going to be dead, don't freak out But we need shit now So what's going on now? I want the billionaires to step the fuck up. Put that goofy bitch Elizabeth Warren in her place.

Now you have the opportunity to show how stupid these people are who always criticize billionaires. Warren Buffett, mad quiet. I haven't heard a single thing from Warren Buffett. You think they're taking a hit? Hitting in the market? I think they're taking a huge bath in the market, 100%, right? But at the end of the day, everybody is. So it's relative, right?

It's not like all of a sudden poor people become rich and rich people become poor. It's like the money's coming down for everybody, so everybody's equivalently poor, except for Target and Walmart, who are just selling paper towels and toilet paper out there. Charmin, whoever invested in Charmin two months ago, whoever wiped their ass with that Charmin soft and they're like, this is a great company. I need to buy in. Whoever did that a couple months ago, you're a fucking genius.

Okay? Not me. I'm getting a bidet. But that's what I want to see. I want to see some billionaires step it up and I want to see some nerds step it up. We got another famous person with some corona stringer bell bro word stringer bell if y'all don't watch the wire first of all get your life together but yeah idris elva oh motherfucking rona dog got the rona where's he

at do you know where he was i think he's in england some fine bitch. He did some video. No disrespect, Idris, if that's your daughter, but shit. Because I don't know. He just got some fine-ass black chick. I might be Lauren Harvey. Shorty did not see a future with future. Jumped over to Idris. Now she got the Rona, too. Damn, son.

That's crazy. But that's really what it's going to take. It's going to take a famous person dying for people to take it serious. I still got people in my DMs and tweets. I'm sure you're getting the same things too. It ain't that serious. Only 50 people died. This, that, the other.

It's like, y'all don't get it, do you? Fucking dummies. Isn't it? Just look at Italy. Just look at Italy. Italy got 28,000 cases, 2,100 deaths. As we say this right now. It's going to go up even more by the time this comes out.

But that's 8%. We're on the same pace as Italy. So imagine 8% of the people that get it die. 8%, B? That's crazy. That's a lot, bro. That's a lot. That's a lot of goodbye grandma, grandpa.

If y'all don't stop fucking going to these pub crawls. Retards. Son, we had to have a talk with Ed and his retarded ass DJing. We got to give Ed and Tart of the day. We got to have a Tart of the day on these emergency quarantine pods because Ed and was DJing and we literally hit him on a group text like, yo, son, stop DJing. What are you fucking doing?

He goes, I'm staying away from everybody. I got a DJ booth. If you don't fucking listen back to what your retarded ass said, I got a DJ booth. Like some drunk white bitch ain't going to walk right up to that DJ booth and spit all over you as she requests pour some sugar on me. I hope she pours some Rona on you, you fucking turkey. What the hell were you doing DJing? The turkey. He's going to fly away, son.

Son, they can't fly. He's going to gobble gobble his ass over here and infect the rest of us. Nah, but now he's forced. He can't DJ anymore. Son, that's right. That's news that we all predicted, but y'all knew this was going to happen.

All bars, restaurants, clubs, theaters, any group gathering of over 50 people is shut down around the country for two months. Okay? So that's big news. That isn't big news if y'all been watching these because we told you this is exactly what was going to happen. That's the first step before they lock us up and quarantine us officially because it's fucking people up. So some places are getting fucked up, and I got no clue how they're getting fucked up. Like Iran is fucked

Don't they got a lot of hand holding you said? Son, it's not the hand holding These bitches are covered up fully They got garbage bags over them They're walking around literally Pac-Man ghosts And somehow they have the second most cases Of Corona

Yeah So I don't know if corona lives in eyebrows or some shit i don't know how that shit gets transferred but they need to figure something out y'all need to thread those bushy ass eyebrows because i think the corona is just getting stored in there and then sliding down that little uh face slot you got maybe the mosque and all that type of shit well that's the thing that i was thinking about they pray really close together and shit yo muslim culture is so community-based like you go to any of these muslim countries it's like everything is in the mosque listen you're praying five times a day you're praying together oftentimes a lot of people like

there's no social distancing in muslim culture unless you're gay and then they distance your ass off a fucking roof of a building come on y'all We can't be serious All the time Social distancing Real talk But I'm concerned If it enters

The Muslim countries man Because these people They're so close There's so much love In those cultures And there's so much Togetherness in those cultures And

That's what they do they spend time together man they smoking that hookah and they think that little sharing that little plastic hookah piece gonna get them Dominicans I'm talking to you too

yeah you know what I mean you know that's the dumbest shit because we take our hands and take it on and off like I used to look at that shit I was like

yo fuck it just give me whoever was the previous person smoking I'll give a fuck it Just give me Whoever was the Previous person smoking I'll give a fuck We never did that It ain't doing nothing Remember in high school

We would all do like Hookah in high school Yeah Never once We would do this We would get Take it from someone And then just wipe the top

Two times With your fucking hand That's been sitting on these Hookah couch pillows That have never been washed The entire time The hookah place Has been on place makes us

feel better for that but we just take the white right there and put our mouth right back on it how do we not have aids all of us son how do we not all have mono we did i know what white people got that's a white people disease oh yeah yeah from keg stands and yeah it's that's how white people get it y'all don't do keg stands y'all looking like that just pouring the cup yeah we got here deep throwing a keg upside down bro white people's a wild motherfuckers bro we really are anyway um yeah so iran gotta get that shit taken care of literally the only country that's apparently doing well is china that's what you were telling me yeah and that's what i've been reading too and you know what itictatorships thrive when the going gets rough. Because they can just tell people what to do and they do it.

Chinese people are obedient as fuck. Okay? I think it's because back in the day, remember that lady was standing in front of the tanks and the tanks just ran that bitch right over in the middle of the street? Yeah, they don't give a fuck. After that day, Chinese people were like, all right, let's just do what they say. I think they mean it. That day, Chinese people were like, all right, let's just do what they say. I think they mean it.

Chinese people saw one old bitch get run over there like, no, no, we're just going to do what they say. What is Mao talking about? So I think the best thing that they're doing over there is that. Being Chinese? Yeah. But every single place you go, you're getting screened. So like every building you walk into, they take your temperature. They're asking you if you have any symptoms, and then they have different

locations if you are pre-symptomatic, if you have symptoms or minor symptoms, if you have severe symptoms, everybody has to go to a separate spot. So instead of, it's like the opposite of what they're telling us here. They're telling us here to quarantine ourselves in our house, but then you

infect your family, and now your whole family got the shit exactly they're taking you out your house they're separating parents and kids over oh yeah they're doing some border shit yeah yo literally trump was ahead of his time bro i'm not you can't big about that at all because he's fumbling the bag right now no no he's doing an absolutely awful job and we'll get to that in a second but like that what if that was his excuse for the border shit with the mexicans we're like a bag right now. No, no, he's doing an absolutely awful job. He's crumbling the bag. And we'll get to that in a second. But like, what if that was his excuse for the border shit with the Mexicans?

We're like, listen, it was called coronavirus. We thought it was coming from Mexico. We just wanted to separate the kids from the parents because we didn't want the parents to die.

We're doing what we thought was best. So we try to save some lives. We try to save some fucking lives from these coronas coming over. But no, you're right. China did it right. I was reading a little thing about how they handle shit in China.

They basically do a temperature test anytime you leave your community, and your community is your little cluster of houses or apartment building, et cetera. And if your temperature is high, you got to go. You go to these testing facilities. And the testing facilities have multiple different types of tests. They have this mobile CAT scan that can do way more scans of your lungs than our CAT scans do here. So it's like they're basically going through patients every four hours instead of our 24-hour

service. And they know about it because they have SARS and they have all these other diseases because every fucking disease comes from China because y'all can't not sell penguin in the goddamn market. Y'all literally, China, you realize every disease comes with you because of these wet markets. Stop selling weird animals. Stop going to the zoo and going, oh, that looks delicious, and then trying to eat it later that night, okay?

Just let certain animals be in the wild. Y'all don't got to eat jellyfish. You don't have to eat everything. Just leave it the fuck be, and then the whole world won't die. It's very simple. They're just looking for a new food source, man. There's too many of them. Eat yourselves.

You guys, clearly, that one child policy, have a second one. Cook that shit up, okay? Cook that shit up for dinner, all right? Joe Rogan said elk is good for you. You don't think Chinese is good for you, too? Strong people. They're strong people. you never seen a chinese person's calves that's the first thing we eat and if the coronavirus takes over we're going right down to china town we chopping off legs bro they got some strong fucking legs that's a nice drum stick right there nice drum stick i'll tell you whose legs we not eating them fucking ethiopians

they got the skinniest legs I've ever seen, bro. That's all bone and joint. So if we go down to cannibalism, my legs are good. So nobody want my legs. Titty meat, dog? And then biceps? Alex Media, bicep and some titty meat? That's like the big turkey shit you get at the fair.

Son, Alex's arms look like Renaissance Fair turkey fair turkey legs bro fuck edin we in alex we going for you first keep doing them curls see what happens all right keep the curls for the girls nah girls for the rest of us we taking you out real tough but um yeah the china thing they know how to do it and literally that's what we're going towards. And every prediction that we've had here on the podcast so far has been right. Literally every single prediction. So we're going to do this, like, don't go to bars and shit thing for a little while. And then that's not going to work. And then we're going to go to complete shutdown.

And right now they're doing curfew, which is so stupid because it's not like you can't get corona after 9. It's not like corona works like fucking gremlins. Hey't feed people after after 12 you might get corona it's gonna happen no matter what but they at least go in i guess uh what is the term poco a poco little by little yeah like a gradual there's a gradual shutdown but eventually we're gonna go to the shutdown um that's what it is things are gonna change i think i think all schools got shut down you saw that oh yeah yo here's something interesting that's gonna it is. Things are going to change. I think all schools got shut down. You saw that? Oh, yeah. Yo, here's something interesting that's going to happen. Innovation always happens in times like this

because you're forced to innovate. Like, it's hard to innovate when you don't have to. You know what I mean? Yeah. But then when you actually have to do something, innovation comes. This is my prediction from Corona. College is done.

I think college is done in the way that we see it right because you know what we do it's really funny like we got all these jokes about online school like oh you went to online college oh you went to online school oh wow that's stupid you went to you know how we learn 99 of shit now go say it all right all right all live but where did you learn how to be a videographer all right i didn't learn literally you have a job you know what they say now with with stand-up comedy right they say if you're putting out clips you're doing it you're doing the schultz model right and then you know what they say in order to do the Schultz model, you need an Alex Media. So the model and then the person that's shooting and delivering have their own names now.

Do you understand what I'm saying? So you learned all this not in school from YouTube videos. So here's the thing. College costs $50,000 a year for nothing, right? What they're going to do is they're going to tell kids to go and take their classes online. And then we're going to realize, holy shit, I was paying $50,000 to just sit in a red brick building that looks fancy and it's got some like pictures of old white dudes with the powder wigs on the walls when I could learn the exact same shit from home. Oh, wait a minute. So I don't actually need to go to school. got some like pictures of old white dudes with the powder wigs on the walls when i could learn the exact same shit from home oh wait a minute so i don't actually need to go to school the only

reason i go to school so i can you know get drunk with my friends on the weekends where else you're gonna do the keg stance boom now here's the thing what's gonna be exposed is all we're doing at school college is really partying it's spring break but you actually learn a little bit about like women's rights or something right yeah once that. Once that's exposed, people are going to go, oh shit, I can learn all this same information from home at a fraction of the cost. And now I don't have this immense debt for this degree that does nothing to pay it back. I swear to God, my prediction is college is done in the way we know it. It will be all online classes and it will be 10 times cheaper. And then when it's cheaper, do you know what we could do?

Maybe get the government to assist paying for it. You don't need all this land. Look how much land UCLA takes up. For what? You've been right. So it's hard to like be like, nah. But I took a couple of online classes and it's like you just cheat. Like you just cheat and look up all the-

Oh, you didn't cheat in college? Yeah, but you can't cheat as blatantly. Like, you still, you got to learn some shit. Remember when they said you can have one note card in college? Yeah, oh, that fine guy. I'm looking at this teacher like, you sucker. That fine guy. You think I can't write small sucker?

You think I can't print small sucker? Dummy. I would sound like Elon Musk and Neil deGrasse Tyson The way I was looking at those teachers Stupid All I'm saying is it will be exposed How useless Colleges

I think for certain trades Like the trade schools You actually need to be in there and do So that's a great point Let me take that back If you want to be a doctor you still got to be in there If you want to be a women's rights major you don't got that back if you want to be a doctor you still got still got to be in there yeah if you want to be a women's rights major you don't got to be there you want to be a history major you don't got to be there you literally go in a class and then they say hey read this book and you're like motherfucker i think i could have just got

the book at the library yeah like so that i agree with that i agree boom so but really what's happening right now is all those like women's studies majors and history majors and english majors are paying for the education of the engineers. Right. Cause the engineers got to go to labs. It doesn't cost anything to educate an English major. It costs tons to educate engineer. So I think what happens is, and I think there's a good thing that engineering degrees and like doctor degrees are going to go up in price. And then the English major and all those degrees are going to go way down in price. And you know what? You should pay more if you're going to make more afterwards

and you should pay less if you're going to make less. That's a good fucking point. But we weren't forced into this situation to show how meaningless it is. Like if you miss any school at all as an English major during this time, you're a fucking retard. Like literally just keep reading this shit and your teacher is going to go, hey, you should read that. And then you're going to go lecture.

It's not like we could ask questions in lecture anyway. I remember being in these 600 seat lecture halls and like someone asked a question and you literally hear someone in the background go, put your hand down. We trying to get through this, bro. We got cake stands to do and mono to share. I think college is legit going to change forever. And so is fast food fast food is gonna be no more delivery it's gonna be delivery service and pickup i don't think there's gonna be any more seats in the location because right now mcdonald's is really just for

homeless people to sit down in so they could be warm right but what about the ball pit though i used to have mad fun in the ball pit if there's one thing corona gonna kill first that's true that's a corona that is a corona that's a motherfucking corona pit let's be honest you're gonna send your kid in a motherfucking ball kit these little kids been drooling in there's corona all over those balls just like that whole playpen on fire most people don't want to be seen in a fucking taco bell right most people don't want to be seen in a McDonald's. Okay? Being seen by your friends in a McDonald's, it's like being seen in Planned Parenthood. Come on,

son. It's not that bad. It literally... Nah, you talking like an elitist now. Stop it. I'm being serious. I'm not saying you can't eat the food. You can get salads and shit from McDonald's. Ain't nobody getting salads from McDonald's, bro. You in McDonald's with a stomachache just like you at Planned Parenthood. Motherfuckers still eat. Ain't nobody getting salad from McDonald's, bro. You and McDonald's with a stomachache just like you at Planned Parenthood. That's literally the same thing you see when you see somebody. Like, how you doing?

Be like, my stomach don't feel that way. I'm about to empty this out. So, but for real, I think what they turn into is just to-go places. And I think they get much smaller in terms of the space they use, and I think they use way less staff. And I think you just take your shit and go because nobody's really staying in there. You just got homeless people in there just hanging out, or you got kids that are, like, looking for a place to hang out to do mischief.

Ball pit. They need a Purell pit. Just dunk your fucking kid in there Like he's Achilles Just grab him by his ankle And just dunk him in Alright You playing? Come back home

He come out like He look like he was just born in the Matrix When he come out the box Literally That's how cats are gonna be With this Purell Once the Corona really hits He just gonna swan dive in there

That's a good little skit. We literally should have full quarantine. Now fast food is done, man. Fast food is done. You know what we got to do, though? This is big. Netflix, you got to do the right thing. Netflix, you got to do the right fucking thing.

I mean this. Do the right thing and release that Jordan documentary, yo. Wait, so it's Netflix? I thought it's ESPN doc. I think ESPN did it and I think they put it on Netflix. Oh, okay. Which is weird

because ESPN is owned by Disney. So you would think it would go on Disney+. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wherever the fuck it is, maybe it's on Disney+, but I think it's on Netflix. Release that fucking documentary. We need the morale boost right now.

All right? Matter of fact, part of it is going to be about a guy with the flute triumphing over that. right and right now we could use that as inspiration we could see my man jordan get knocked down with that flu but then come back and drop what do you drop on him in the flu game i don't remember neither do i it doesn't matter he won the game won the game that's victorious that's what we need. We need victory. We need that shit. For real.

So they're not dropping it because it's not done, but they can, I'm pretty sure they got some. I'm sure they got some episodes. It's done, bro. Nah, it can't be done. They pushed that shit

back six months. It was supposed to be done out in December. They were waiting for the Rona. But they, I'll actually consider giving them a Netflix special in the future.

Not this one, but in the future if they drop that early for the people. You got to do this for the people, bro. Netflix, listen. You got to do it for the people. Listen, Netflix. Real talk, man. Give the people something to look forward to. Give us something to be distracted with.

Give us something to infuriate our girlfriends. They're so happy that sports ain't on right now, son. They thought. They thought. Yo, real talk This is the perfect virus for your girlfriend Because there's no sports on TV So they gotta watch One Tree Hill with you You know what I mean?

They gotta watch their dumb shit My girl coming up with new shows to watch every single week Just nonsense Y'all both out here drooling over elves and shit. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. That Legolas. Son, get out of here.

Bro, that Legolas. What does a lust mean? Spread? Because that's what I want to do with my legs. That's what I want to do. Hit me with an arrow Where the sun don't shine Like a light

The spreader of legs I think I think if they drop that That would be huge And I think it'd be really cool If companies started dropping Specials early I wish we got a chance

To film the special man Because I would drop it early I would legit drop it early I'd talk to the company that you know we did it for and and uh and i would drop it early for y'all man we would work overnight to edit that shit just get it out i mean unfortunately it didn't happen but that's something we would do for the people but i mean that's something that we're doing right now you know a lot of people have been reaching out to us i'm sure you get dms all the time just about gratitude for what we're doing right now. A lot of people have been reaching out to us. I'm sure you get DMs all the time just about gratitude

for what we're doing, but it's like, that's what we got to do, man. We got to guide y'all through this. Some fucked up shit out there. I know people are feeling anxious. They're feeling insecure about what's going on. I think having some structure and some regularity and some voices

that can tell you what's going on and sharing that kind of information and make you feel a little more at peace during this time, and that's what we need to do, that's what we will do, that's our role for you, and I love the fact that we have that role, I love the fact that we could deliver this to you, I'm fucking honored by the opportunity to give that to you guys and and uh it seems to be resonating man these fucking clips are blowing up on youtube and um and soundcloud and i'm i'm glad it makes me fucking happy man i'm glad that you're doing it with me al yeah thank you man man it is glad to be doing it this is dope i like it just talking to the people real talk it really feels like that fdr fireside

chat shit man it's just like every day just giving y'all a little something not too long but just a little reminder like yo we're going through it too a lot of people feeling what you're feeling and we're here to you know we're here to get you all through this shit and um shulte ain't sick though nah he can still walk but um it's one of those things i couldn't walk right say what it was fdr that couldn't walk right yeah yeah yeah it was one of those things uh this is one of those times. It was FDR that couldn't walk, right? Say what? It was FDR that couldn't walk, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was one of those things. This is one of those times, like times like this, kind of like exposed leaders in a way.

Like Trump is being exposed so much right now. He's just a fucking shell of himself because and he's just bobbling this shit nonstop. Trump, what Trump is, is and I've been very objective about Trump. So don't you ever give me any fucking pushback about this. I'll celebrate the great shit he does and I'll knock the bad shit he does. But Trump is a great leader when it comes to times of luxury, right? Because in times of luxury, you like a roaster, right? You like an insult comic.

I was talking to my boy Tim Dillon about this. But he goes, that is comforting in times of luxury because we can laugh at shit in times of luxury and deep down we know shit is luxurious so it's funny to see somebody make fun of the people that are acting like they're not living in luxury right so like we were living so beautifully a month or two ago right so beautifully that we're we're complaining about stupid shit like pronouns and like bathrooms for transgenders like notice none of that shit exists now right notice nobody gives a fuck about these like stupid i would like to be called um zim or zid or whatever the stupid name is for people who like are non-binary once corona hits everybody all of a sudden is binary right where do the men go take your heels binary, right? Where do the men go? Take your heels off, walking that shit.

Where do the women go? Corona don't give a fuck about your gender. You know what I'm saying? This is the real world you're living in. But when shit was sweet, Trump was just making fun of all these fucking idiots that were exaggerating how bad their life was when it was actually the most amazing life that's ever been lived in the history of the world. And we liked it and it was comforting. he was like that uncle that you had right

one of the things about trump that was so relatable is he doesn't talk like a smart person he barely speaks in full sentences but it's kind of relatable because that's your uncle you got that funny uncle who's just like uh yes people go there, figure it out. We'll have it. Numbers good. Right? It's a very simple way to do it. You know? Your father, back in the day, stud.

Dropping dick. That's what he did. Got your mom. Calm down. Everything's good. We eating dinner? Food. Love it.

Right? That's how he speaks. He's just giving you bullet point information. Right? Son in bullet points he speaks in bullet points but but yo son we need that's such a good but we need bullet points right and when shit is good just give us the bullet points it works and that's probably what he's talking from it's like these are your talking points he's ron burgundy in that shit bro he He's Ron Burgundy in that shit, right? Corona. STD rate.

Welfare. Get people money. Thank you. Wave. That's what he does, right? Here's the thing. Yo, this is crazy. In times of confusion and insecurity and desperation,

you don't want the roaster. You don't want your uncle. When shit goes down you go to your dad. You know what I'm saying. When life is good and you're banging girls. And everything's cool you call up your uncle. You're like yo how do you eat pussy. Your uncle tells you.

Right. When there's a tragedy that happens. Right. When you hurt yourself. You get fired from your job. You call your dad. Dad, what do I do? Obama would have killed this shit right now.

He would have. Because he is a brilliant man and he gives hope. That's what he ran on. He's an intellectual. He's smart. Right now, we're gravitating towards people who know things. We're not gravitating towards our uncle. We want people who know things and people who can tell us things that we believe and we trust. When Trump talks shit right now about the coronavirus,

you believe any of the shit he's saying? Nope. One week, it's not. It's not going to be bad. Truck, corona, China, deal, buying stuff, soy farmers, talk to you tomorrow. We don't need that. We need somebody who's out there And who's actually going to deliver And I think those voices will pop up I really do believe those voices will pop up And I hope that we gravitate to those voices I hope that we can be a voice of that For a lot of you

And basically That's it We don't want to make this last too long But we'd like to I want Trump to step the fuck up. He's got to fucking step the fuck up. So before we get out of here, I always want us to leave on a positive and inspirational note. We're telling you guys to do stuff. I love that people start hitting me up with Photoshop things and flyers and different cool things that they've been cooking up because now they've got some time.

And I want you to use this fucking time and learn something new today. That's what we're going to do. We're going to learn something new every single day, and it can be something online. I don't give a fuck what it is. Go buy some food. You don't know how to cook? Learn how to cook it. Learn a new meal, right?

There are a couple things I want everybody to try out. I know for me, what I'm going to do today is I'm going to install my bidet, okay? I got a bidet. Let's go. I'm installing that shit. Let's go. And I'm going to do it. And you know what it is?

When you decide to do something and actually execute, you get these small victories and they fucking work out. I made an acai bowl for the first time. Yourself? Yeah. You blended everything? Everything, son. And low key, you've made comedy specials.

Doesn't it feel good? That was a feat right there. That was, yo. So it's like, you can do these small little things, right? And it could be learn how to make a new type of food. It could be learn a new exercise. It could be learn how to do a single fucking pull-up.

Put these small things on your agenda and then execute them and you will feel so fucking good, man. I'm telling you, it's so easy to get depressed. Have a date night with your girl. I mean this 100%. I told my girl last night,

I said, put on something nice. She goes, we're just staying home. I go, I don't give a girl. I mean this 100%. I told my girl last night, I said, put on something nice. She goes, we're just staying home. I go, I don't give a fuck. I don't want you in them sweatpants

you've been fucking coughing in all day and a raggy shirt. Put on some sexy ass shit. Paint your toenails. Okay? I'm coming home. We're going to have

a date night. All right? We ordered some food in from Wolfgang's. Nice dinner. We had a date night. I don't give a fuck if it's inside.

Let some candles at the moon. Let some fucking candles, dog. I took her on a ride on a motorcycle. We got an electric bike, gangs nice dinner we had a date now i'll give a fuck if it's inside let some candles let some fucking candles dog i took her on a ride on a motorcycle we got an electric bike but we call it a motorcycle the motorcycle 73 but all i'm saying is like literally have fun with this enjoy this shit have a date night with your girl get dressed up in something nice tell her to get dressed up something nice tell her to do her fucking hair you do your fucking hair don't be a lazy schlep you feel how you look that's what this coach told me back in the day and uh corona ideas like you could have even though black people

don't do this but you can have a picnic inside and even outside like daytime and we've been having pretty good weather in the daytime like don't tell them to go outside now no no look look look it's just two people in a park away from other people having a small little picnic. That's a good idea. Please stop giving these ideas. You want to do a picnic? Do it on your fucking roof. Do it on your balcony.

But stay away from people. Try to be quarantined and stay inside. But seriously, do that shit. Date night. Bust open a bottle of wine. Treat yourself right. Don't treat yourself like a prisoner. Get yourself showered.

Get yourself nice. Make sure you're doing all these things. It's so easy when you don't have structure to fall into that depression, man. That fucking grim state of the world. And we're not going to do that. So we're going to go out there and do something. So that's what we're all going to do today. Everybody's going to learn something new today.

Execute something new. It does not have to be something big. It can literally be learn how to use chopsticks. Learn how to use a yo-yo. I don't give a fuck how small it is. Go on YouTube. Figure one thing out. Figure a little thing about Photoshop.

Figure something you don't know about your fucking iPhone. Learn how to use your new iPod. What are these called? AirPods. Just learn one new thing today. You get that little morale boost and we're going to do it. And we'll be back to you tomorrow because fuck it. We're out here. Actually, tomorrow we got flagrant.

So we're going to deliver that flagrancy tomorrow. You know how it is. But that's the challenge that we're sending you home with. Like, pick one new thing to do every single day. Every single day. Hey, I check my DMs if you want. You can tag me on it. Big you up. I'm going to try to do the same thing. I'll do one new thing per day. Yeah, the new thing challenge.

Maybe we'll find a better name for it, but that's for real, man. And if you need any questions, let us know. Holler at us. DM us. We got you. And if you've got a cool idea of a new thing to learn that's possible to do from your home, hit us up with that shit too because we want to suggest that to everybody out there. Get some exercise.

Don't let yourself fall down during this time. We're going to big up. That's what we're going to do. We're going to have some cool positive changes, and I promise to do. We're going to have some cool, positive changes, and I promise you the next one is going to be shorter than 30 minutes. We went a little long because we were excited. We had a nice little flow today, but we'll be back tomorrow. We love you all.

Peace.