Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Coronavirus - Your Phone Is The Cure

Episode Date: March 20, 2020

What's up people, Schulzy here with AlexxMedia to bring you another fireside chat. Here's what we got for you today: A way to stop the virus from spreading, spring break is canceled, how to dodge the quarantine, and how much government overreach is too much. INDULGE!

What's up people and welcome back to the Still Unnamed Podcast Show Informational Fireside Chat Quarantine Chronicle Corona Chronicle Corona Teen I think someone called it Oval Teen

Oval Office Cigars in your Puss I don't know what this thing is going to be Alright But we'll figure it out Say again Oval Teen or Nesquik? Say again? Were you Ovaltine or Nesquik?

Nesquik, dog. Come on from Manhattan. You know what I mean? Yeah, I was on a Nesquik. Let's go. Sometimes we splurge a little bit. New York City boys out here, you know? We splurge a little bit.

What's up, everybody at home? First of all, I remember I said last episode that we're going to start this out with a little sip of something. Okay? It could be coffee. It could be tea. It could be water. I don't give a fuck what it is, but we got to do something together. We got to cheers.

Now, I know some of you guys are watching like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm not going to do it. I'm just going to wait to get to the information. No. Pause the fucking episode. Go pour something. Okay?

We're all sipping this shit together. I don't give a fuck. So here's to it. What are we drinking? Some Classy Azul today? Show them that bottle. Okay? I would show, but listen, we're not sponsored by anything.

I just want to let you know. This was given to us by the Tempe Improv. Hopefully they're still in business at the end of this. But let's have a little sip and then get right into it, okay? Delicious. They canceled spring break everybody did you hear that they canceled spring break finally finally florida the governor uh i think rich desantis or something his name is i'm not exactly sure but uh he said okay spring breakers go home um and people you know have been reacting to this whole spring break thing lately on the internet. I've been hearing this.

Why aren't they worried about corona? Do you think any kid on spring break is afraid of an infectious disease? Do you think that even goes through their mind? You must not know what spring break is about, okay? Spring break is about debauchery. It's about regrets. It's about doing the things that you will never tell your husband or wife in the future. I remember once on spring break, we were in, I believe Rosarito, Mexico. And, um, I was in a jacuzzi with about 12 other people, and this girl made me finger her in front of those 12 other people.

Thank God for the bubbles. And by made me, I mean just asked me to finger her, and I did it. She didn't force it in any way, shape, or form. It was Mexico, baby. It was spring break. That's what we did. Mexico, baby. That's what it is, okay?

Clase Azul. You know what I mean? I knew we had tequila here for a reason i didn't know what was gonna come full circle but it came full circle and by full circle i mean like that you just rub it um but yeah so the crazy thing about about uh spring break is if you were like an evil mastermind and you had to find the perfect way to spread a pandemic, you would do it at spring break, right? Because what spring break is, it's people from all around the world, especially or specifically America, but all around the world, people come and they go to one specific location and they all just rub bodies and exchange bodily fluid for a week straight. And then they

fly back to their respective cities, countries, et cetera. Okay. So now they've all gotten Corona and they go spread it to those places who may not have Corona yet. It is the perfect recipe for a pandemic. I'm like shocked that they even let it go on in the first place.

And I think the only reason they stopped it, because there was enough like drunk white kids going, I don't give a fuck about Corona. I just won't drink the beer or whatever that joke is that we've heard a million times um so we'll see what happens with uh with the pandemic when all those kids get back home i seriously think you're gonna see it pop up in places where it doesn't exist just yet like i think virginia or west virginia doesn't have it i was reading that and um i think it has something to do with like if you fuck your family members it goes away

I think that is the cure most people aren't willing to test it but your mom's not as hot as mine it's disgusting bro it's that clase azul I don't know what to tell you but yeah so that's happening and yo some great news

actually some big big big, big news. This might be breaking news. Matter of fact, we got tests, baby. That's right. We got Corona tests. They have, there's this company called Everly Well. Everly Well. And they've developed a test.

And it's an at-home test. You get the results in 48 hours. But essentially what they can do is they can pre-screen you online, right? So you go online. Excuse me. I'm burping. Pre-screen you online.

You go online. You go to everlywell.com, and we'll put like a link somewhere in the bio, or we won't. I mean, if you need the link in the bio, you don't care about your corona just misspell it a few times until you go to the website with the test that is right it's not like you're dying of corona and you're like everly what dot or ah fuck it breathe or don't breathe everly well you'll figure it out uh but basically they're pre-screen you for the symptoms online

make sure you think they think that you have what, you know, you need to have Corona. And, and then they'll send you a kit. It's no different than getting like boner pills, right? You ever got boner pills online?

You know, you got some blue chew or something like that. Or you ever got some hair stuff and that's right. Same stuff. You go online or back in the day when you would have to get like a prescription to get weed. Remember that you could like go online to the doctor and the doctor, but do you have headaches?

You'd be like, yeah, only with corona and dying are you dying yeah you don't get it so uh you can do that right now and uh usually they don't allow this type of stuff it's easier with like the boner pills and then uh and weed or those types of things because uh it doesn't have any like in vitro testing. That's what I was always wondering. I was like, why don't we just do this with every single drug? And the reason is because when you have more serious drugs or more serious illnesses, you actually have to like do something. You have to swab yourself for this.

And when it comes to prescribing a serious drug or like giving a serious medical kit, they can't just give it to anyone because I could go to Alex's nose. I could swab it and then send it in his mind. They could be like, oh, yeah, you do have a big black dick what yeah and to all our new listeners alex is black we need to every once in a while flash you so they know anyway glasia cheers again ladies and gentlemen but uh it's 135 bucks so for real if you think you have it if your parents think have it, if your parents think they have it, if your grandparents think they have it, if they're still alive, make sure that they go to everlywell.com. The fucked up thing about this is that the people that this could potentially kill, those people 70, 80 years old, will never be able to go to a website.

So somebody young, please help them. And I meant that when I said that about people in the building, man. We've been reaching out to people in my building, trying to get them groceries, get them whatever they need. And also just checking in to see if they passed away and we can get their apartment for cheap. There are ways that you have to take advantage. We're coming in hot today, bro. We are coming in very hot today. I don't know what it is. But yeah, so there's that.

There's also another really cool idea that came out as a way to like try to control corona. And there are reports of this coming out for different places. I think Israel was trying it. But it requires giving the government complete access to your phone. Now, I know that freaks a lot of people out. You get into this government overreach discussion. We can have that a little bit because I think that's an interesting one. But I thought it was a pretty brilliant idea because what they're trying to do is this.

They're trying to see who has corona, and once they confirm someone has it, they'll use their phone and your phone and other people's phone to see who that person with corona has come in contact with right so corona is much different than like a sexually transmitted disease because you can't use your phone to prove you have had sex with somebody right you can use your phone to prove you've been around someone and all you need to do to get corona is be around someone right yeah so if we know that there's somebody who has it, we track their phone and we say,

oh, they played in a basketball game with these five other people. We should text them and say, yo, you've been around someone that has had corona. You should get yourself checked. And then we could expedite your test because we know you've been around someone with it. So the probability that you have is much higher

than some random person on the internet that says, I have the sniffles, I think I have corona. What are those people called? Hyperchondriacs or something that always think they're sick. So I think it's a kind of brilliant idea. I'm also the type of person that really doesn't give a fuck if the government has access to my phone. And I know there's plenty of arguments

about why they shouldn't have access to your stuff. And there's a lot of validity to those arguments, you know, because people are right to say, hey, that is government overreach. And I think the problem, I'm not about to make a defense for government overreach or not. defense for government overreach or not i'll give both kind of arguments i understand people's um desire to to be free or have freedom right and i think if you look at this thing from both angles you'll find good people and bad people on both sides so it's basically people versus government people want to be free right and the people assume the government wants to be tyrannical. They want to be dictatorship. They want to control everything.

That's one way of looking at it. The government's way of looking at it I think is, hey, we don't want chaos. We don't want to be tyrants, but we don't want chaos. So we have to exhibit a little bit of control over the people, right? So the people don't go crazy. And then they say things like, hey, how about a little bit control? How about like guys aren't allowed to pull their dicks out in public? And then the people go, well, I don't want you to control me, but all right, fine. No dicks in public. You know what I mean? That, well, if you got it like that, you won the show.

You never see any dicks in Chinatown, no. But yeah, so we agree there's certain rules that you just shouldn't do. There's certain things you shouldn't do, certain behaviors you shouldn't do. You shouldn't be completely free. We agree complete freedom is wrong. But on the other hand, complete control is also wrong. So the conversation really isn't between freedom and control. It's between the middle ground and where we want to end up, right? If we're on the 50-yard line, everything's probably good. If we get to the 40 to the 30 over here,

maybe it's getting, eh, we're pretty free. If we get to that 10, oi, oi, oi, dicks are coming out, right? And on the other end, if we get to the 10, if it's too close to tyranny, now you're in one of these dictatorships where they're just killing people who say anything bad about the government, right? And the reason why access to your phones is so important is because let's say the government wants to control not good groups, bad groups. Let's say they want to control white supremacists and like other hate groups, you know, let's say they want to control school shooters, that kind of stuff. They can make the argument, hey, if we got access to your phone, we could, we could stop people who are trying to do terrorist acts, we could stop people trying to, you know, join, you know, organize a hateful killings or those type of things, or any killings in general, they might

think like that, right? But then if you're part of the freedom side, you're part of the people side, you're like, well, what if I want to organize to rebel against the government, right? There's been times where the government hasn't acted in a good moral standing, right? They've definitely pushed back against integration of the races, right? The government did not support the civil rights and civil liberties of certain people in this country, right? Alex, you know? So you had groups that were organized individually that were rebelling against the government. What if we got to rebel against them again?

And then they got all the information that we have in our phones, and then they find ways to kind of circumvent our rebellions, right? And manipulate that narrative because they know what we're trying to do. If they had access to our phone, it would make it incredibly difficult to push back against whatever, and I'll put this in quotes, tyranny they might try to put on us. So I completely understand both sides um and maybe i'm short-sighted by like hey just take my phone because maybe i'm looking at this like hey we're not fighting back against something right now but you never know we might have to you know we really really might have to so we'll see what happens with that i think for the time being the corona thing maybe we do something where it's like while corona exists certain rules can be put

in place but they only exist as long as we believe the pandemic is here and they have a limit of two years no matter what they have to be renewed you trust the government that much i don't i don't i don't trust the government that much because i think they're like no we still got some flu it might be it that's why we put like a two-year limit on it yeah right or we could treat it like a contract like we're nba players you know we have a collective bargaining agreement you know you can see my phone for three years we should do that with our girlfriends right like you get one month valentine's day that's it valentine's day i give you the password then i switch it up but maybe there is something there because we're gonna have to change shit up even for those home tests the reason those home tests are okay from a private company

is because we're in this pandemic. The government basically said, okay, private companies can create these tests. Prior to that, it would have to be government regulated, all this, yada, yada, yada. But because they're in the interest in saving lives and a lot of lives fast, they're like, okay, private companies, go get that shit. So times change when you're in a quarantine or times change when you're in a pandemic. And rules have to change with it. Talking about quarantines, matter of fact, as you've seen, some cities are on full lockdown, right?

San Francisco, obviously you've seen Spain, Italy. There's a lot of these places that are going full lockdown. We've been talking a lot about whether it's going to happen in New York or not. I believe it is. But for whatever reason, it seems kind of chill in the last few days. Yeah. Did you feel that? Yeah.

But I also think it's Cuomo and who's the mayor? de Blasio. de Blasio. They're bickering because that's race. Cuomo doesn't want it. Yeah. But de Blasio does want it. Right. It's a little bit of a dickering because that's right. Cuomo doesn't want it, but de Blasio does want it, right?

And de Blasio, I think de Blasio's political career is completely dependent on how New York comes out of this. Whereas Cuomo's political career isn't completely dependent on New York because he's the government of the state. So as long as the state's good, right, he can look at New York and go, well, yeah, that fucking idiot de Blasio is there. He fucked up New York a bunch of times before this. We should have had him out of there. Right. Some Italian on Italian crime. The way we like it.

Right. So one thing that's been interesting is enforcing the quarantine. How the fuck do you enforce a quarantine? Like, what do you do when you see someone outside? How do you punish them? How do you make people stay inside, you could tell me to stay inside, that doesn't mean I'm gonna do it, right, you could give me a curfew, that doesn't mean I'm gonna obey it, you're literally gonna have to have police on the streets, or National Guard, or somebody enforcing in some way, do you, like, send people to prison, do you lock them up,

what do you do to enforce quarantine, And apparently what they're doing in some places is fining them, right? So policemen will come up to you and be like, oh, you're out here? Do you work for the hospital? Do you do any of the other things? No, you don't? Okay, well, then you get a $1,000 fine, right? At which point you're an idiot if you don't say you're homeless. There's no way they can prove that you're not homeless.

That's smart. Okay? homeless. There's no way they can prove that you're not homeless. Okay. Homeless people can't quarantine because they're always home. Okay. When they look at you and say, go home, just lay down, literally lay down on the street or grab a cardboard box from somewhere and be like, actually, this is my home. And it's kind of insensitive that you'd be putting me through this right now. So there is a way that if you need to leave your house, you can. And there's no way in hell they could give you a ticket or prove that you actually have a home, unless they want to follow you around for the rest of your day.

And Alex, you used to be in law enforcement. They will. We're not talking about you driving home in your Tesla. We're talking about a person just walking around the streets. But maybe they will. Who knows? It would be an interesting thing to try. That would be my go-to before I pay $1,000.

But we'll see. We might have to do that. It might cost me $1,000 every time I got to come do this podcast. That's a real option if I have to get from Manhattan to Brooklyn. We still got to see. We just move in the studio, man. I would if my girl wouldn't go crazy because there's no shower. There's no nothing.

You know me. I don't got a shower. I don't got to wash myself. Look at my fucking hair. I look like a bassist from a punk band. I mean, I said you. Just leave my shorty by herself in the head. She's going stir crazy right now. She got the dog. She got the dog she got the dog so uh it is an interesting thing we'll see what's going on um i think that uh you know we've been

talking a lot about the economy and people have been talking a lot about the economy and if there's going to be a recession and what's going to be like the global impact of this. And I don't think a lot of people want to say it, but if I was to call out like sociopathic leaders of countries or even like the sociopathic elite, they might not run a country, but influence how a country is run through, you know, putting incredible amounts of money behind certain politicians while they're campaigning for their positions. I would say that some of these sociopaths are looking at this as a positive for the economy. Now, let me get there. I know that sounds crazy.

How can a global economic meltdown be a positive? Have you seen Avengers? Yep. For every reason Thanos said, Al. Everybody at home, go watch Avengers. Thanos lays it all out. He's like, look, with half the amount of people, everybody's going to eat lovely.

Everybody's going to have parking. He didn't say that, but that would have been the most, I think, New York way. There's not going to be any double parking. No, like, Tuesday, Thursday shit. Just park wherever the fuck you want. Traffic in L.A., gone. Right?

You always have a seat in the MTA. A, always have a seat on the subway if we ever ride the subway again. Knicks games, you can get a seat. Matter of fact, you have been able to for the past 10 years. We've sucked. That being said, there are other teams that have probably sold out. Aakers game you can get there now i'm not saying this is good but if you really want to talk about like economy economy right and why the coronavirus is like eerily perfect and i'm talking about what a sociopath would think i have old people my parents i don't

want to die i don't want this to happen. But if you're a sociopath, right? The coronavirus takes out the most burdensome group of people on an economy, right? Which are old people, right? Old people are not working, so they're not generating income. They're not really spending that much money because they don't have that much money. They use health services the most, right? They rely on pensions, which also are a burden to business, and they get Social Security, right? What do people always complain about right now, right? They're like, you know, yes, we're paying Social Security to the old people today, but how will we pay Social Security for the old people of tomorrow? You won't have to, right, because they're dead. have to, right? Because they're dead. All these old people that are currently, you know, I don't want to even use this terminology, but like a suck, a drain on the economy will be out of the

way. When you look at Europe, right? Europe's been fucked by the coronavirus. Socialism is not built for old people. It's built for a society where everybody is working and everybody is contributing. old people. It's built for a society where everybody is working and everybody is contributing. If people are living in 90 and they retire at 60, that system is not built to support people for one third of their life without contributing to it. Right? So it'd be very interesting if you saw some of these global elite sociopaths looking at this coronavirus like, hold on now, hold on, some of these global elite sociopaths looking at this coronavirus like, hold on now, hold on, don't jump to curators yet. Let it get out there.

Let it knock out some of his dead weight. And then in a year or two when the economy rebounds from this, we'll be flourishing. You look at the black plague or the bubonic plague, is the politically correct say it? Appreciate that. Yeah, I got you out. You know what I mean? Bubonic sounds worse.

Doesn't it? Sound like some European power forward? Bog down, Bubonovich. Okay. All right. It's not going to be all winners. Another sip of the class has all, everybody. And just remind the people one more time

that that's the ideas of a sociopath, not you. That's not me. I have old people I need to live, okay? That I have to take care of. And are a drain on my economy. No, just joking. So, no, but... Oh, shit.

But where was it? The, i don't know something uh the bubonic oh the bubonic plague yeah so the bubonic plague if you notice what happened in europe we look at uh what the bubonic plague did wiped out one-third of europe right what happens after the bubonic plague everybody's living in luxury the rena, baby. People eating grapes on their side. There was so much room in Europe. They didn't sit down to eat. They laid down to eat. That's how much room there was. They were painting ceilings. They were so bored. They had so much luxury. Michelangelo's like, fuck it. I guess I'll just paint the top of this thing. They never painted the top of anything before. That's all they did. Life was great. Now, I'm not saying that I want this to happen. I'm saying that there are sociopaths

out there that are like, it might not be that bad. And look, they could be right. They could be incredibly wrong. We'll see what happens. We'll see what happens. I hope that we get this shit figured out and fixed immediately okay what i'm saying is vanessa hudgens thinks differently hmm yo that's a shot fired here's another one wasn't she hotter yeah but she was like at home no makeup and wasn't really done be out come on with all that don't say the worst thing that you could possibly say without some blush the word you know what i mean put on some mascara get yourself dolled up so we could look at you and be like that's one hot cycle bitch last thing we need is some pasty ugly broad

talking shit about people dying we're like fuck out here. You weren't hot enough to get away with that shit. Okay? Me, on the other hand, show the dent in my nose, Alex. I'll be looking at myself in 4K like, man, this shows all the blemishes. We need to drop this down to 1080. I look good in 1080 now.

But yeah, there's a lot of sociopaths out there don't think the sociopaths are only in europe there was this one senator uh richard burr this crazy motherfucker was he's on the he's like uh what the chairman of the intelligence committee so he has all the intelligence that uh the country is getting not all the but a lot of the intelligence the country is getting before the rest of us get it and he was swearing to us that uh america can handle the pandemic and we can handle coronavirus and we're going to go out there and get it. All the while, this motherfucker sold between half a million and one point five million dollars worth of his stock. Wow. So he cashed out while he was telling us everything was good.

He's basically, guys, keep your money in the market. Keep your money in the market so I can get my shit out real quick without losing all the value. And then you guys can get yours out when it bottoms out wow that's all i'm saying you got to be careful you trust out here motherfuckers is legit psycho son they're fucking psycho um talking about psychos we've been talking about a lot of psychos son it's a lot of site well here's not psychos in in the words of Deezus. Twitter philosopher Deezus. Great modern Twitter

philosopher Deezus. Avoid the bookings beloved. Preach. Shouts of tax on as well. I believe tax popularized beloved. Oh yes. Oh no I know he's locked up but he can't avoid the bookings

he's booked you know but uh that's my guy but there's a there's a big issue and nobody's really talking about when it comes to uh the prisons bro and i actually want your perspective on this albies a lot of people don't know this but you used to work uh as a court officer yes right so you know about this a little bit so what what they basically told, and nobody's really talking about this, but they basically told everybody that the courts are now no longer in session, right? For the next eight weeks or whatever it is that we're going to be shut down. I think it was initially two weeks and maybe it's going to be more, right? Now everybody's like, okay, that's fine. So there's no more juries, right? Judges will still come in, but there's no more juries, right? So nobody's really looking at what the fuck that means,

that means, if you get, let's say, for example, Al, some woman accuses him of stealing some shit from her purse, and Al was like, I wasn't even there, what the fuck are you talking about, but that woman's like, ah, you're a black guy, and black guys steal shit so you probably fit the bill you get brought in right you get charged for that crime there's no jury of your peers if you can't bail yourself out you are locked up until this whole shit is over when they can get a jury of your peers to actually have the trial so there are people like people on. Remember when Meek kept violating parole? He smoked some weed or some shit like that and then gets locked up. But then he could get bailed out or have these conversations. There's no bailout.

Right? Like, if you're not getting bailed out, you're locked the fuck in. So there are going to be people that end up getting locked up and they can't get out for weeks. And it's for some bullshit, some little crime. I mean. One thing, though. Yeah. it out for weeks and it's for some bullshit some little crime i mean one thing though yeah um so right now most courthouses are down to what they're called a skeleton crew so they just have maybe a couple of courtrooms open yep and they only are uh arraigning people who've done big

crimes yes so that's the other thing this is interesting so if you haven't done a big crime or a lot of times they'll do is like send you home like we'll deal about we'll deal with this later yeah right boom which is great but uh obviously certain situations where it is a big crime or you're being accused of a big crime right remember you're in the accusation stage you don't know if it's actually happened but they can't let you out correct right yeah so you're locked in there when normally you would be on the street yep so you're fucking locked in now it gets crazier you're locked in if you don't think there's going to be a corona pandemic within the prisons you're out of your fucking mind have you never seen a

zombie movie imagine that okay one person gets it you're all you're in a cell interconnected a lot of these people aren't even in cells have you seen those rooms that house like uh i believe they call them um uh they're not like a suite that'd be the wrong i know what you're talking about but it's basically a bunch of beds bunch of bunk beds yeah it's like a fucking sleepaway camp yeah right and 12 14 tiny little space all those guys are getting it prisons do not have medical facilities to service 12 different inmates okay that are there for coronavirus maybe some sort of like rectal scarring but not coronavirus okay corona is completely different they're not going to have ventilators or anything in there

so what you're going to see is entire prisons possibly this is possibly if it gets real bad have the symptoms people need to go to the hospital they can't do it at the medical facilities at the jail they'll have to go to the regular hospitals regular hospitals do not have the ability to like handcuff and police all these prisoners that are going to go to the hospital they'll probably have to do an off-site pseudo jail like hospital facility for the uh the the what's it called the prison inmates for the for the inmates yeah like this is a real fucking problem normally if there was an inmate that needed to that needed medical two officers would have to go so at the very least two officers and right now they're down to

they're down to a skeleton crew already so and those skeleton crews right if they get if a co a correctional officer gets corona and goes to work without even knowing it boom everybody in the prison got it it's something that people are ignoring ignoring but is going to be a huge fucking problem. And another thing I heard that's happening in California, I think it was Chicago, they're just sending inmates home. If you have like less than a year left on a nonviolent crime, they're just sending them home. Wow.

Because they know it's going to be a fucking problem. So one, that's pretty cool. You get to get home early. Or if like your sentence was less than a year And you have Less than that Amount of time left They'll send you home But People are ignoring The fucking calamity

Cluster fuck That the prison situation Is gonna be I think it's gonna be bad Yeah Like do you feel it already Like we saw in Brazil Son

What'd they say 1400 people out 1400 inmates That was what they said They're like fuck it We're no longer doing this prison shit It's gonna happen here I saw a crazy thing

About sanitizer You know how Hand sanitizer We don't got none Yeah You know that they make it in prison They're like, fuck it. We're no longer doing this prison shit anymore. What's going to happen here? I saw a crazy thing about sanitizer. You know how hand sanitizer, how we don't got none? Yeah. You know that they make it in prison. They're making a hand sanitizer in prison. Word? Yeah. And you know what prisoners can't use because it's considered contraband?

Oh, my God. Hand sanitizer. Wow. So here they have the antidote to the coronavirus. They have the ability to not get it, and they can't even spray it on their fucking hands. They got to make it and then move the fuck away from it and i guess it's because it has alcohol in it or something like that there's like you can't have any access to alcohol whatsoever or maybe they could make some form of acid with it you know throw it on the ceo's eyes or whatever

but um they're finding ways to get around that it's that's going to be the next big fuck up i think in the prisons i think that's going to be the next thing where they're like what are we gonna do how are we gonna contain this and how do we help these people um and yeah yeah that's it besides that oh did we come up oh 31 man we're so close we're gonna get it down to 30 i promise you there's um there's a video on the internet if you just want to get enraged right celebrities let me tell you this celebrities take this one off okay nobody wants to hear from you motherfuckers nobody wants to see you quarantined on your 10 000 acre ranch you piece of shit okay there's a video going around with these celebrities singing um john legends imagine john legends john lennon's uh imagine right imagine all the people and they're

doing it it's supposed to be this communal thing where we all come together and feel togetherness. We don't feel any of that. We feel like you are living the same life you've always lived. Celebrities self-quarantine. That's what you do. You stay on your real estate. You stay on your massive mansion. You stay in your Hollywood Hills home that has five fucking acres, right?

That's where you quarantine. That is your normal life. Nothing has, you know, five fucking acres, right? That's where you quarantine. That is your normal life. Nothing has changed for you, okay? Stop acting like you're struggling and stop acting like you're helping us. We don't want to see you at all. No, we want to see some girlfriend and boyfriend screaming at the top of their lungs at each other because they're going fucking crazy from hanging out every single day, 24 hours a day. That makes us feel good inside. When you feel like shit, okay, you don't watch the Kardashians.

You know what you watch? Intervention. You watch some girl sucking dick for crack underneath a bridge. That makes you feel good because you're like, you know what? I'm not addicted to crack. I'm not sucking dick under a bridge.

Okay? You want to make us feel good, celebrities? Get Corona. That's the only thing that makes us feel good. When you guys get Corona, we're like, oh, it happens to them too. Thank you, Idris Elba. You are beloved. Thank you, Tom Hanks.

Thank you, Tom Hanks' wife. I won't learn her name. Who else has it, Al? Thank you, Kevin Durant. And thank you to any other ones that have sacrificed. All right? Thank you guys very much for listening. You know, I loved it.

We've been able to do this every single night. We're going to keep on doing it every single night. I hope you guys are keeping up with your new thing a day. I've seen you guys get into your little bags, man. I like saying that it's so good man keep sending us the dms man keep sending us the images man this girl said she was uh this girl said she was learning how to cook indian food right okay and uh i told akash i was like yo there's a girl she learned how to cook indian food and akash looks at me he goes man she gonna

run out of toilet paper real quick i was was like, shorty, you fucked up. Indian food, Mexican food, any of that diarrhea food, you save that for after the quarantine. Yeah. Okay? You got to cook some shit that's going to slide out effortlessly. Sushi. Japanese food. Ooh, I think that might be my next thing.

Get Japanese food. No, I'm going to try to make sushi. Oh, son, it's already made. It's the easiest food to make. Yeah, but I mean, like, roll it. You just let the fish be the fish. Yeah, but the fucking... Oh, to roll it? Yeah. Oh, son, it's already made. It's the easiest food to make. Yeah, but I mean, like, roll it. You just let the fish be the fish. Yeah, but the fucking. Oh, to roll it?

Yeah. Oh, son, that's light work. Just go to school for years. To learn how to roll? Yes. Son, with your meat. You're going to have them hand rolls looking lovely. Your girls are going to be like, this is a little girthy.

You'll be like, I know. All right, I'm talking enough about Alex's dick. This has been another episode. I promise you we're going to get a name soon. Y'all let us know what y'all want, man. And again, thank you guys. So many of you guys have been sending me information, cool stories to tell, and just cool things that are happening around the world with this,

just giving me updates around the world. And we've been able to share with these people. And it's a crazy time where people don't even trust the fucking news, you know, where they're coming to us to give us this shit. And that means a lot to us, man. And we take on that responsibility and we literally want to give you all the possible information that we can and deliver it in the most, you know, flagrant and fun way possible. So, um, let's make the best of this quarantine, man. And as always, peace, love, and you're.