Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - CRACCENT

Episode Date: May 7, 2019

This week Andrew, Akaash, and Kaz discuss being stuck behind a bus, Picnics, Andrew being a black man, Harden having an actual good playoff game, Jokic being the best big man in the NBA, and much more. INDULGE!!!

What's up everybody and welcome to another episode of Flagrant 2 No Easy Buckets Analysis by Assos Water Cooler Commentary for your sports needs. I'm Andrew Schultz. I'm here with Akash Singh, Real Life Kaz, Alex Media, Eden. We got my man Louis Spears from Australia chilling in a cut. Shout out to Louis Spears. All you Australians probably know who he is Very funny comedian No longer referred to as a YouTuber But we need to embrace this YouTube moniker I'm not afraid of YouTube I should have given you a microphone I fucked up

I was about to say We should have given you Kaz's motherfucking microphone Fuck you Alright But listen This episode has been brought to you by manscaped okay we've gotten great responses from manscaped man i gotta be honest with you that lawnmower 2.0

is moving like crazy you guys may see them starting to pop up all over the place with you know models athletes starting to get behind the company and the products they're doing big tings big big tings um they're growing. I strongly believe it is because we are here. We are pushing it. Flagrant 2 Push is real. We've seen it happen with other brands. Right now it's happening with Manscaped. The Asshole Army in full effect.

And those asshole hairs are looking nice and trim when you get that Manscaped sponsorship going. So if you guys are still interested, which I believe many of you are, just go to manscaped.com. Okay. Use our promo code flagrant. You save 20% off anything purchased and get free shipping anytime you or anyone you know uses our code at checkout. Yes, you could spread that code around. There's absolutely no reason that you should be shaving your body and your balls with the

exact same razor. That's disgusting. You get that trimmer, you get that manscaped on, you get that lawnmower, and you keep it tight down there. All right? Think about this shit, fellas. I mean, it's absolutely gross. It's just gross.

Just don't do it. We don't know where you were. We don't know where you've been, and you don't want to put those two things together. That Lawn Mower 2.0 is the truth. You've got the SkinSafe technology for a smooth shave every single day. Tell your boys, tell your family members to go check out

their anti-ice chafing deodorants and moisturizers for your balls as well. They feel great after a shower. Have your balls nice, lathered up, and smelling phenomenal. Ladies, if you're listening right now and your man is not manscaped or he's not trimmed up or his balls aren't smelling beautiful, you know what to do. is not manscaped, or he's not trimmed up, or his balls aren't smelling beautiful.

You know what to do. That's manscaped.com. Offer code flagrant. It's for y'all, too. All right? Free shipping. Leave reviews. Show support.

All right? This offer has been brought to you by the Flagrant Media Group. Shout out to my guys at Flagrant Media Group. Devon bringing in the business, changing the game. Yes, sir. And doing it because he's a responsible adult. A responsible adult that can show up on time

for things. You know when this ad was delivered? What was that? On time. It was delivered on time. Okay, so Kaz showed up late once again. How many latenesses do we have for Kaz? There's a lot of latenesses. So first off... We'll get there. We'll get there, Kaz. We'll get there. No, no. I want you to give your time to speak. I just want to set the table.

I want to give your time to speak. Why don't you just speak late? A little bit late, right. So Kaz has this fat... You have an amazing ability. I have to give this up to you. You have an absolutely uncanny ability to show up the exact amount of time late every episode.

It's 15 minutes every episode. So you know exactly how much earlier you need to leave your crib. If you just left your crib 15 minutes earlier. I'm not coming from my crib. Wherever the fuck you're coming from. It doesn't matter. If you just leave 15 minutes earlier. Because in your brain you think it takes X amount of time to get here.

What a whack excuse that was. Yeah, but I'm not coming from home. It takes X minus 15 minutes. Okay? So if you give yourself 50, I would give yourself 20 so you could be early. I mean, that'd be a lot to ask for. But if you want to be early, it's X minus 20, and then you will be here early every single time. You might even get here before Akash.

I'm never going to get here before Akash. Just real quick, I think Kaz would say Eden is an impartial scorekeeper. Eden, I think Kaz believes this is an unfair narrative we have given him. No, I don't think it's unfair. Why don't you announce tardies real quick? Numbers for each. I know I have one. 5-0-1, I came in one time.

So Akash only has one. I was a minute late. Alex and I are tied for two. Andrew has three. And Kaz has two, four, six, eight, nine tardies. Whoa! Kaz! Nine tardies!

We got to call your parents. See if there's a problem at home. This truancy. Whatever that means. Oh, God. All right. What does truancy mean? What is truancy?

I wasn't... I missed out. I got to watch a Game of Thrones. He's using Tyrian's vocabulary. It's like a medieval word. I was like, truant. Like, truant. Let me say one thing real quick.

Your teeth look great. Thank you. Yo, the SmileDirect shot. Yo, it is fixing it up. Real talk. I bet you... One month away, bro. Let me ask you a question.

If those SmileDirect trays came in late, would you be calling them upset? Yo, that tooth is really straightening up, man. Yeah, yeah, bro. Because you had one snaggle. Yeah, the snaggle was like all the way like this way. Oh, we know. We had to look at it every single episode. That's why I had to pose this way because it was posting that.

There's a reason I sat you there with Akash blocking your face. I appreciate you, man. Thank you. I was very thoughtful. I was very thoughtful. Like when I was sitting this way and the snag was not good, but thanks for that. What do you think about next week? Should we put a little wager

on for showing up on time next week? Is there something that's... Now, here's the thing. Maybe I'm wrong. And maybe Akash is wrong. Maybe we're being a little harsh. We know that you have another job. Oh, no, you don't. I do, actually. So there's no reason.

Oh, what's the other job? Station head. I don't know what that is. Is she related to chicken? No, it's not chicken head. What is chicken? I manage a bunch of other shows on this app that it's like

you broadcast shows from your cell phone. So the studio's out in Brooklyn and usually I'm coming from there. Oh, you work from your cell phone. I can see why. No, definitely.

Okay, and you have to be at the office. Not all the time though. Okay, do you have to be there Mondays? Mondays at 10, yeah. At 10, when can you leave? That's the only day

I usually leave. When can you leave? Whenever I feel like it. Whenever you feel like it. Yeah, but I had to record something before I got here. That's why I was late

and then I got stuck behind the bus which made me later. Okay I had to record something before I got here. That's why I was late. And then I got stuck behind the bus, which made me later. Okay, but there's going to be buses out there. Honestly, I was- Let me ask you a question. When you drive here, you think there's going to be nothing in front of you? I left at like 4.20. When you start driving and then there's other cars, they're like, yo, people wanted to drive today.

I left at like 4.20. This is crazy, guys. From Williamsburg, which is not a far drive. That's honestly not nearly enough time. What do you mean from Williamsburg? You should at least, at the latest, you should, 4 o'clock you should be like, yo, fuck. Son, if I'm in Brooklyn, I leave three hours before to get into the city. I don't know what could happen.

A whole bridge could get shut down. You never know. That is true. That is true. So I think minimum, you leave by wherever you are. If you leave an hour before, I think you get here. I usually budget for a good five to ten minutes lateness. I'm like, if I'm there, 5.05 will be a good five to ten minutes lateness. I'm like,

if I'm there at 5.05, we'll be alright. 5.05, 5.10. Yeah, yeah. But today, I was just like, I was right on time. What do you mean by we'll be alright? What does that even mean? I try to budget out how much time we're usually here. If we say five, I'm like, alright, if I get there by five, if I'm taking a train, for example,

if I'm taking a train, and I get here at like 4.55, 4 something. That's like a five, ten-minute walk from the train. So you budget for everybody else setting up and doing all the prep work, and then you waltz in late, and that's not a big deal. Because usually Ed and Alex are prepped, right? Usually you send up the text. Ed usually sends up the text like, yo, you guys need water, you need this, you need that. Like half hour in there. Everybody preps.

Okay. Everybody's here early prepping. I'm just trying to understand this. So you, because it's almost like sociopathic. And I'm trying to wrap, are you the Circe of flagrant too? You just admitted to all of us

that you calculate in us doing all the setup work but you said it as if we were supposed to go oh we should set up for you no we should set up for you that's not how I said it at all actually but it is it's literally what you just said

I'm not trying to be late guys you just said it you literally are. I'm saying I budget out time. He just explained to us how to be late. Did you hear this long-ass explanation? When Cash was talking, I was like, Cash, shut the fuck up. So this is what you do if you want to be late.

We're going to make a clip out of this. So this is how you be late, right? Is you go, yo, they're going to make a clip out of this. So this is how you be late, right? Is you go, yo, they're going to do all the setup and shit, right? That probably takes maybe a little longer because there's one less person doing it. Maybe that's why the setup

is taking a little bit longer because one less hand is there to help, right? And then you walk in with a stupid excuse. We need to start the recording every single time so we have his Kramer entrances with his little dumb ass excuses. Every single time there's something like, guys, I was caught behind a pelican. There was a pelican feeding downtown. There's buses everywhere.

Jillian was out there feeding her baby. I don't have the bed pass to Alex. I got to find an actual garage. So last week... If you got a car, you leave earlier. No, last week I asked Alex, I'm like, Alex, where do you usually park? Oh, you're not gonna put this on Alex. No, I'm not putting this on Alex at all.

I'm just like, yo, Alex, where do you usually park? He's like, oh, I park right in the front. I'm like, oh, damn, let me see where you park at. He literally parks like, if anybody's been to New York City, he parks like right in front of fucking Bowling Green. Wait, you're about to snitch on me too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can snitch. All I'm saying is Alex has a better excuse than I do when it comes to parking. So I gotta park and you know. So how do we rectify, or maybe we should help, maybe Akash and I should help Kaz learn how to show up on time.

So like, how do you show up on time? You're coming from a different style. To be honest, today was a little bit more egregious than others. But sometimes I'm like, what, like five minutes late? Is that really a fucking... We set up before the show. No, no, guys, guys, guys. This is a fascinating cultural experience here.

This is why black people are late. Did you guys see this? I used to do that same shit. No, no, but this is fascinating. I'll fuck you with this. Fuck you with this. No, no like. I used to do that same shit. This is fascinating. I really used to do that same shit though. I used to be like, it's a great experience. I used to really walk it in class even to work. I'd be like, come on.

India's always late to social shit. Always. But if we gotta set up that's very diva of you to be like, I can skip all the setup and be late. So not only do they set up and then they wait on me. Today was a little egregious. Andrew's doing a live read.

I want you to play the fucking clip from when you're doing a live read, making us money. I'm writing down topics. Kaz on his phone. So you show up 15 minutes late. I'm taking notes too. I'm looking at the topics. What notes? I see scrolling. Yeah, scrolling through topics looking at the topics What notes? I see scrolling

Yeah, scrolling through topics What topics have you sent? I sent the top Well, you already had the topics The real card shit that nobody understood I'm going to have shit to talk about afterwards No? Is that bad?

Is that not good enough for you? We set up pre-show No! Alright, I got it then I think this year We have down what cause and effect is going to be And I think that Season finale next week what cause and effect is going to be and I think that season finale next week

is it is it really is it over is it because you were late is that why revolt was like we're not doing this anymore nah season not series

season nah I know apparently apparently some good things are happening over there revolt I heard I heard deals are being renegotiated

oh shit I heard I heard some deals are being renegotiated I heard they want more cause and effect. They do. They want lots of it.

Until they know. And on TV. Until they have to produce it. I'm like, where the fuck is the talent? You motherfuckers. Why don't we just turn this into a game?

Just make bets. Oh, we did that. No, but I mean like- And he's been late nine times. No, I'm talking about- That's why we started paying attention. That was the game.

You know how we did... When we reached a certain number and we had to do something stupid? Like you guys had to have the feminine shirt and him with the red hat. Why are you throwing me under the bus, Alex? No, I'm saying let's... Why are you behind the bus? At least if you were under it, there'd be a reason for you to be late. But let's just make something funny.

Let's just do something funny. Whoever is late next time has to do X, Y, and Z. That's the right way to go about it, right? But we are just acknowledging the frustration at the intervention. Imagine there was an intervention for a drug user, right? And then the drug user during the intervention was like, no, basically the way it works is I ruin all of your lives and I take your money and I just do the drugs.

Hey, y'all don't know how to be a drug addict? So I'm going to live with mom and break her heart. And I'm just going to steal money out of her purse when she's in the bathroom taking shit. And I'm going to do some meth. And then she's going to accept me back. And then we go, that's fucked up. And then he just goes, all right, whatever. You got this.

All right, fine. I just did a little crack. I wasn't like a crackhead. I was just doing a little crack. I'm budgeting my day for a little bit of crack. I'm budgeting my day for crack. You know what I mean? That's what it is.

Y'all black scent is very racist right now. That was a crackhead. I was just doing a little crack. I'm budging my day for a little bit of crack. You know what I mean? Y'all black scent is very racist right now. That was a crack scent. That was not a crack scent. That wasn't it. That was a crack scent and all crack heads have the exact same voice. Ask Joe Budden. Oh.

Alright. Alright. Oh, Jesus. How was Dallas? Dallas looked good. Dallas looked fun. Dallas was hot. Nah, man.

Don't say that. Dallas was hot. Coming out hot, yo. Anyway, we had to give you that hot heat, bro. We had to come out hot. Today was egregious. I'm not going to lie. Today was too much.

The idea that it was because you got stuck behind a truck. Famous. Four o'clock in New York. You grew up here. You don't think there's traffic? You're right. You're absolutely right. The idea that it was because you got stuck behind a truck. Famous. Four o'clock in New York, you grew up where you don't think there's traffic? You're right. You're absolutely right. As soon as I was sitting behind that bus, I was like, you don't know how many times I was sitting. I know how many. Nine. I know exactly

how many times. I feel like he missed a few, to be honest. I literally know the amount of times. It's nine times since we started counting. And you know when we started counting? Nine weeks ago. Now you know that's not true Anyway But you're not certain He wasn't 100% confident

I'm like, is this true? You guys, god damn it Anyway You know it's funnier Because it's only been like six weeks But we can record two episodes I was joking, I was joking I tried to get that punch in

I'm good I like that hoodie, bro What is that? It's alright, bro That shit is hot Nice or nice. It looks sexy. Nice and CE.

Nietzsche. Good tones. That's why I wore it. It's a little close to what? It's a little close to Ennard. That's why I wore it. How do you pronounce it? And it's like almost black.

You know what I mean? It's like close to black. Nietzsche, I guess. Nietzsche. Yeah, it would be. You know when them Nietzsche's move into the neighborhood, bro, it's like everything's going down. You know who's really great at fashion?

Yo, it's not Patriot. Nietzsche's move into the neighborhood, bro, it's like everything's going down. You know who's really great at fashion? Yo, it's not Patriot. Nietzsche's. I was about to say, why not? It's too bad I couldn't get this show to lay away. All right. All right. You know, Nietzsche is great for lay away. There was an episode of Brilliant Idiots, right, where Taylor, Taylor's so sweet.

I love Taylor. But Taylor goes, Taylor literally said, this was so funny, bro. But Taylor goes, Taylor literally said, this is so funny, bro. Taylor literally said that white people should not be allowed to use any word that ends in IGGA. Anyone. IGGA or IGGER? Both. That sound is just for black people.

So bigger is not cool. Bigger, no. And I was like, what about figure? Right? Like, you know, figure it out. I ain't gonna hold you. I'm a little uncomfortable

right now. No, come on, guys. Come on, guys. So Gary Owen goes like this. Gary Owen goes... I was like, what about figure? And then he goes,

yeah, like the movie Hidden Figures. He goes, there was a lot of talented... Actresses. A lot of talented actresses. A lot of talented actresses. Beautiful, talented actresses. But that was the line of thinking.

Like, that is wild to own a sound. Bro, what's a figure skater? That's the furthest thing from black. A figure skater? Yeah, on ice, skating all dainty. I can't say that. That's as white as it gets. Can Akash say the N-word? I donty. I can't say that. That's as white as it gets.

Can Akash say the N-word? I don't. I'd be less mad at him. Oh, for sure. Like, if he said it, I'd give him a look. I'd be like, oh, okay. Yo. Like, I won't be mad.

I was like, word? You can say it if you own a corner store. I feel like that's the rule. That's the rule for brown people. Like, if you own a corner store and I feel like that's the rule. That's the rule for brown people. If you own a corner store and you got- That's a solid rule. Right? If you got a 13-year-old black dude cursing at you because you don't got hot Cheetos- Call you Ock?

You don't know my fucking name, bro? Yo, pull chop. Where the hot Cheetos at? I've seen countless Indians say that in the word, especially that Ombudu. It makes me very uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable, too, but you know what it is? It's actually not Indians. It's Yemeni.

No, Indians do it, too. I'm telling you, Indians do it, too. And it's like, bro, you from the suburbs. You got two parents. Chill. Yo, chill on this. Why can't people be from the suburbs? And it's a word I associate with gangster rap music, because that's where I grew up hearing it.

And rappers talking about doing gangster-type shit. So for me, an Indian using it is like, this is not. Even a black suburban kid doing it a lot. I'd be like, it's more like growing up in the culture. That's why Puerto Rican said it. I think that was even Takashi's point. He was like, this is how we grew up talking. But okay, but what were you saying?

No, no. I was just about to say what you said. Like, you know, if you're reciting a rap song and we grew up together and like, I know your heart and it's just like, oh, you let the M word slip through a couple of Dr. Dre songs. I'm like, oh, yeah, cool. Fuck it. I ain't going to be mad at you, but you, no.

No, I haven't said it. I was telling Alex how impressive it was that I've been in entertainment. I've been doing podcasts. It is kind of impressive. For as much hate as you get, it is mad impressive. I've never heard you say that in a word. Yo, yo, think about this. Literally for like six hours a week, I'm around people that are saying the N-words in front

of a microphone. Of course. And never once have I slipped. Like, that is wild. Shouldn't we get like, there should be like a white awards. No, no, no. A white awards. They go too far.

A white awards. No, no, no. What about like a Cacoskers? We'll just do a Cook Oscars. The Cook Emmys. We'll do a Cook Oscars or a Cook Emmys. Can we do a white award show here? We got to do a white award show.

You know what? Maybe June. Instead of a fucking like a cookout invite. I thought you said maybe Jews. I thought you said Jews too. I like that better than than a cookout invite. We just give you an award for being an okay white guy. Who wants to go to the cookout?

Y'all over... Nah, cookouts is shit. I gotta go to a public park? No. There's way cooler shit to be invited to than the cookout. Cookout is dope. Let's you guys sign all the cock Emmys. I'm thinking June 19th.

Just off the top of my head. I don't know. I'm going to throw it out there as a potential date. You guys get to award him. Yo, the cook Oscars are on June 10th, bro. That is crazy. Now we got to do it. Okay.

Now we got to do it. We should discuss the cookout. Okay. He's invited to the cookout thing, right? I hate that shit so much. Kat has never been a fan. And I want to go into why. Okay, before we go into if there's a better thing to be invited to,

you tell us why you don't like that he's invited to the cookout. Because it's always like the fucking bare minimum of like, all right, like Chris Evans, he dated like Captain America. Like he dated a black girl one time. It was like, oh, my God, he's invited to the cookout. And like Gary Owen. He probably got invited to a cookout when he was with her, though. So like he probably was invited to a cookout.

I mean, like the metaphor. If he was with her on Independence Day, I'm sure he was invited to the cookout. Of course. But I just hate the metaphor of like, oh, yeah, this white guy, he's okay with us. He could come hang out with us because he's not one of us, but he's all right. So, yeah. You think the bar is too low for acceptance. It shouldn't be about acceptance, though.

It's just like, all right, you're a cool white dude, bro. What would you rather? The car chemis, bro. No, no. Think about it. What would you rather? The car chemis, bro. No, no. Let's get the man a little certificate. Think about it. The bar is so low and there's 60% of these motherfuckers and barely

any of them are invited to the cookout. That's why the bar has to be that low so any of them can be at the cookout. Yeah, but you guys are invited to the picnic.

You know, no matter... Nah, see, see. You guys are invited to the picnic no matter what. You don't have to do anything cool. It's not like white people are like, oh, he's allowed. Yeah, because we make our cool when we come to the picnic. Now you got the cool picnic when we come to the picnic. matter what. You don't have to do anything cool. It's not like white people are like, oh, he's allowed.

Yeah, because we make out cool when we come to the picnic. Now you got the cool picnic. We're not going into that. I'm just saying. That's why we call it cookout. You can't even picnic anymore? No, I mean you can, but that's why we call it cookout. That's the specific reason why it's called cookout.

I've never seen a picnic where they're grilling at the picnic. I think that's why it's called a cookout. Because you're grilling there. It's a barbecue. You're cooking outside. Well, I think that's why it's called a cookout. Because you're grilling there. It's a barbecue. You're cooking outside. Yeah. Well, picnics are just like they bring sandwiches and shit. Pick it in the basket.

There's no way to make a picnic cool. I've never seen a real life picnic before. No, you're going to have cool picnics. No such thing as a picnic. Are there cool picnics? I'm going to be honest with you guys. I've only seen picnics on Yogi Bear cartoons. Yes.

So here's the thing. The cookout, I'm just saying, if you want to make it a thing where white people really want to be involved and like- Just come. No, no, no, no, no. What I'm saying is we don't want to go. This idea of a cookout is like, it's not very exciting to me. It seems like a shitty wedding.

Why do I want to go? What do I want to do? Cookouts are fun. I'm not saying they're not fun. I'm just saying that's not the ideal event for white people if you're like hey white people you get to be accepted into this black world what would you want to do you get to go you get to be part of it nobody's going survey says cookout all right so what would it be for you for andrew essence fest essence first of all i've i've i'm of Essence Fest. That was a dream come true.

Honestly, it was a dream come true for Essence Fest. For me, it was one of those things. Say again? We really should go to Essence Fest. No, we're going to go.

I'm going to take you. I'm dead ass. At this point, we got to. You're going to be my plus one. I got free flights now, so it's good. Do you?

Kat's got the motherfucking hookup. You do? All right, we're going to talk about that because off air. I'll take that over cookout in a minute.

So what is the thing that you think white people would really want to take part in? Outside of, you know, N-word privileges or any of that kind of stuff. What is that? Oh, white people would love that. I mean, if you really. Not me, because I don't say that word. Never said it. What's a real black experience?

I got years in the game not saying it. That like white people would want to be at? Yeah. I would say. Hey, you're invited to the. Damn. I don't need invited to the... Damn. Y'all need to step up your experiences. No, we're thinking of you.

We want to make sure you have a point. We would go like, yo, y'all are invited. What is it? You can be opinionated in black Twitter. Okay. I like that. Y'all invited to black Twitter without repercussions You're invited to Black Twitter Black Twitter immunity

Black Twitter immunity Without repercussions Black Twitter immunity Black Twitter immunity See that's what you want Yeah That's the hot shit That's better than a fucking

Cacosker bro I trained all my Cacoskers For a Black Twitter immunity There you go Are you kidding me Now we're talking You're invited to the Black Twitter immunity If you guys come in And say Nicki Minaj Now we're talking. You're invited to the black Twitter immunity.

If you're going to come in and say Nicki Minaj is whack with no repercussions. Oh, we've been saying that for years. With no repercussions. Beehive immunity. Oh. That's the highest. Oh, shit. That's the highest.

I don't even got that. I don't even got that. What? Nobody has that. Oh, my gosh. Taylor Swift don't got that. Hell no. Whoa.

Okay. Now, what would you guys want to be invited to? As black guys, what do you want to be invited to in the white world? We don't have the picnic. What would you guys want to take part in? Politics? Good credit? You're the president, stop.

We got that whole one president. You say credit? Good credit. You all want to see what it's like to hit that 800? 800 is a motherfucking number. it's like to hit that 800? Oh, my gosh. 800 is a motherfucking number. Would you like a loan, sir? Zero down payments?

What? We could change our name. Okay, so that's it. Okay, so you invite us to the Black Twitter. Immunity. Immunity. And we invite you to. The Banks. The Banks.

The Banks. Yeah Banks. The Banks. Yeah. Yeah, definitely the Banks. That would be... What about Father's Day? Fuck you. That's good. I'm upset I didn't think of it.

Fuck. Fuck, I'm upset I didn't think of it. Fuck. So good. A lot of people laughing, some of y'all crying, but it's what it is. You know what I mean? We're just out here doing what we do on PlayGrid to keep it tight. Maybe that's why they do Juneteenth right after Father's Day so you have something to celebrate.

You know what I mean? Like, you had a bad Sunday this week. Wait seven days. Stop. Can you tell me what? Listen, this is just because you don't say the N-word, this is not any better. I'm trying to celebrate Juneteenth over here. I'm the only one of us who gives a fuck about Juneteenth.

What did we do for Juneteenth last year? Did y'all say anything to me? Did I say anything to you? I know what I did for Juneteenth. Cass, you talk about black folks all the time. Yeah, because I'm black. You know what picnic means. Yeah, you don't know what a picnic means, motherfucker.

You're throwing everybody's fun, sunny day. Who sounds like that? You. Fuck you. You, just 20 minutes from now. Oh, gosh. All right. Y'all got it.

You keep saying that because you got nothing else to say. Because. You got it. Think of something else. Motherfucker. You know what I'm telling you? You had all that time behind the truck. You think of clever lines and you think of shit.

I'm telling you what a fucking picnic is. You're like, oh, what the fuck is a picnic? I'm like, motherfucker, I'm telling you what a fucking picnic is You're like Oh what the fuck is a picnic I'm like motherfucker I'll tell you what the fuck it is You're saying Nat Geo If you want to know why people say Oh you get invited to a cookout This is why we have cookouts Cause

Nevermind Fuck it Why because you can't say picnic I don't get it I'm confused I'm still I don't even know what Juneteenth is To be honest with you

I know Akash just told me it So you know Juneteenth But you don't know what picnic comes from? What the fuck would I know what picnic comes from, man? Because they used to

pick niggas and hang them on trees and they would eat food and watch that shit. You know that. That's what it's short about. Where did that C come from at the end? Why would they make it

a C at the end? I don't know. That's just what it was. Look it up. Google that shit, bro. Your shirt is starting to make a lot of sense. I'm trying to fucking tell. You've been wanting to let that out for a while. In Italy,. Google that shit, bro. Your shirt is starting to make a lot of sense. Yeah. I know.

You've been wanting to let that out for a while, yo. Son, in Italy, they call that piccanice. Piccanice. You are wilding it, Topshop, bro. God damn. All the people at Topshop are like, yeah, this is it. Who the fuck knew a picnic man? Be honest. I'm going to be honest.

I don't believe, Kaz. Who knew a picnic man before this? Google it, Eden. Alex, you ever heard this? That's Topshop's version of the... The noose collar? Yeah, the noose collar. It's the Gucci ski mask.

They're like, we're just going to get our toes wet. Let's start with the Pekingese. We started with the Pekingese. Oh, my God. Alex, had you ever heard this? Yeah, I did. And you just sat there and just let me go. All right, Alex, thanks.

But picnic is changed, B. Picnic is a thing you just do. Of course. But I'm just saying, I wouldn't do it. Like, that's why motherfuckers really- Damn, Kaz just ruined picnic for all of us. Who ruined picnic? I didn't make this shit up.

Y'all did. Yeah, but you didn't have to let us know that's where it came from. Not y'all. Not my white folks. Nobody even has picnics picnics though like nobody has picnics yeah but like like i don't even want to have one y'all thought i'll just make this up like just to run a good joke hold on hold on hold on you don't want to have a picnic no exactly that's why we don't want to go to a cookout a cookout is just a standing picnic no i I wanna stand more There's music There's barbecue We have music too

We eat better food Out longer There's no fiddle Music We got a fiddle bro Sometimes you bring a flutophone Or something like that It's just music for just

The food not hot Y'all bring food Yeah cook food Fucking They have like cold sandwiches and shit We cut them into little triangles Trash sandwiches too We have a little cheese sandwich

Hey would you like a little cheese sandwich? No Here you go That's a little cheese sandwich We got a little cheese sandwich. Hey, would you like a little cheese sandwich? No. Here you go. That's a little cheese sandwich. We got a little thermos. They got picnics in Australia? Yeah, yeah. See, our food is so bland in the thermos.

That was our food. Y'all would. I'll take the cheese sandwich and the tomato soup. That's it, bro. We're out here, man. I'm telling you, the picnics were dope. We get out in nice little fresh air. White people love fresh air.

It's on cookout. Yo, I'm inviting. Listen, I can't even invite black people to the picnic. There's no weed at the picnic. Say what? There's definitely no weed at the picnic. Are you familiar with white people? There's mad weed at the cookout.

White people always got weed. There's way more duchess being broken up at the cookout. Yeah, but we're not doing the duchess. That's bad for your lungs. Vaporizer or whatever it's called. I do the vape and I do the papers. That's it. I don't do blunts.

Listen, we bring a bong. Duchess, none of that shit. See, that's too much. A bong. Some bitch brings out a giant and I do the papers. That's it. I don't do blunts. We bring a bong. Dutch's, none of that shit. See, that's too much. A bong. Some bitch brings out a giant bong. Y'all use contraptions to smoke weed. Australian picnics got meth. Wow.

For sure. That escalated meth. That's how you get people to clean up the park. You do the picnic, you hit the meth, and then you start picking up all the little shit that everybody left. It's too hot for real ice, so we have to make our own. So that's how shit works, man.

I'm just saying. We got to reclaim picnic. We got to reclaim picnic. White people got to take that word back. You can just call it anything else. Like what?

A gathering of... Nietzsche. Son of a... Come on. All right. All right, all right, Akash. What? What did I say? I didn't say nothing.

What is it? I didn't say nothing. Akash is a wild boy. I'm about to feel like you want that line right now. Rock it, Akash. Yo, you saw how quick I threw him under the bus?

Like, y'all reacted to what he said. I was like, yo, our coach was wild, bro. What has he been saying, this guy, bro? You on that thin line right now, bro. What did I say? I'm like, yo, am I supposed to punch you right now? You see how the whites do you? You see?

That won't happen at the cookout. You act like I like white people. You the one with the white girlfriend. You're right, bro. Wouldn't happen at the cookout. I've been not liking white people. I just defend them. Just make you a plate and shit.

Who are you calling white, son? Alex. Yo. I'm a black man, Alex. Backstory. Andrew been saying that to Alex all weekend. Yeah, I love to say it like that.

Yo, we've been waiting. Yo, we've been waiting. So this one. Everyone. Yo. I need a backstory on this one, please. This is Dallas, right? that to Alex all weekend. We've been waiting. I need a backstory on this one, please. This is Dallas, right? This has been two weeks set up. It's been two weeks set up, right? Anytime Alex and I will be talking or something, and we'll get into a serious

debate about something, and he'll make his point. It'll be a really good point. He'll probably be right, and I'll be wrong, and I'll just look at him and be like, I'm a black man. I'm a black man. That's i'm a black man out of jail free so so he just when he hits it though it's just fucking hilarious but i've been waiting i've been waiting so we're in best buy we're going to get a card reader so we can sell merch right and this girl is this girl is like she kind of gave me some attitude right and actually she's trying to help me i thought it was attitude she said you want to do a price match okay i didn't even know what that was so i

just said no right and then we're signing it she's like you should have price match it could have been cheaper i was like oh that's what that is she's like yeah and she's like well you should have done it and i was like why don't you just run it back and give me my thing and she said well i can't do it anymore because i already did it and i said i'm a black man is running out the best buy and all the employees like yeah what's going on Yo, Kaz, her face She was be I was like Y'all was dodging I'm like And then we're at the IHOP We're at IHOP

Oh, we wilded out And he's talking with the waitress About, what was it? Horoscopes and shit? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah I was like I go She got a little thing on her

Her Leo Like a lion on her thing I was like, what's that tattoo? She's like, it's a lion But she don't want nothing to do with me I was like, why you got a lion? That's your favorite animal? She's like, no, I'm a Leo. And I was like, I bet you can't guess what I am.

She goes, I don't know, Sagittarius. I go, I'm a black man. Loud. Being loud in the eye. People turn around and they're like, what? I guarantee you Logic does that in real life. I guarantee you he does that shit. Oh, it's so good.

Every song. Every fucking song. Every song, this guy is like, by the way, did you know I'm black? Did you guys do a song with Eminem? No. Literally the first. Chris D'Elia's on it. Shout out to Chris, yo.

Shout out to my boy, man. Which is dope. Like, literally the first line, he goes, nigga! I'm like, yo! That made me feel uncomfortable just right then. Dog, I was mad, taking it back. I'm like, alright, we get it. You're biracial. You don't need to shove that.

He's really shoving it down. That's that white half of him. That white half of him yelling the N-word, man. Every time he says that, the N-word is white half of him. You know he wrote that song at a picnic. yelling the N-word, man. Every time he says the N-word, his white hat is just fucking shot. You know he wrote that song at a picnic. He ain't invited to no cookout.

He ain't going to no fucking cookout. He'd be calling his picnic cookouts too, right? Guys, we're doing a cookout. We're still sitting on that plaid blanket. Bring the cucumber sandwiches to the cookout. That was fucking his peach basket. He had the whitest wife ever, bro. Oh my God. Yo, Lodge is a wild boy, dog.

He really is. God damn. So he's not black. He's not invited to the cookout. He can get a cock Emmy though or a cock Oscar or whatever. He can get a cock Oscar. Nah, I don't think he can get a cock Emmy. A cock Oscar or a cock Emmy, but they're different. A, I don't think he gets a Cock Emmy. A Cock Oscar or a Cock Emmy

but they're different. A Cock Oscar. Cock Emmy is for different things than Cock Oscar is. Cock Emmy is for white TV show actors? I guess.

Like Jon Snow get a Cock Emmy. Jon Snow for sure gets a Cock Emmy. He's got to get the best acting Cock Emmy every single year.

Best male Cock Emmy. Best male Cock. Outstanding Cock cock. Outstanding cock performance. Outstanding cock performance in a TV show. Who's best female cock? Best female cock? Adele.

Yeah, definitely. Well, she's got a cock hammy. Oh, she gets a Grammy. She gets a cock crammy. Yeah, a cock crammy. She gets a cock grammy. Who's that singer with the ponytail that looks like she's Tony? Ariana Grande? Yeah. Oh, she's Spanish, though, right? She's like Italian

or something. She could get one. She could get what? Yo, I could never. She looks like 12, bro. She could get what, bro? She's good looking, but she looks so like... What could she get? She could get a cucumber sandwich

Couldn't she, huh? Hasha, you had to make A cucumber sandwich Oh, man Oh, shit We really came out firing today, bro Y'all motherfuckers, bro Goddamn

Man I gotta start taking out Them weekend trips with y'all Y'all came back lit Yo, man Son I wish you got to hang even more. Akash was able to hang with us for the shows, but you had a birthday party.

Housewarming was it? Yeah, yeah. My, yeah, whatever. It was also Akash's birthday. Yeah. I found out on Twitter. Wait, what? Wow.

It was your birthday? You didn't know neither. Yeah. Still. You didn't tell nobody it was your birthday? Nah. Do you just not celebrate it Hold on You see

Alex trying to throw me Under the rug right there I go I found out on Twitter Alex goes wow I was like I was with you When we found out

We were together That's my Alex and I have been friends For two years Holy shit yo Y'all know each other For fucking ever bro Can I be honest though

Can I be honest though Like When I forgot Alex's birthday, that was wild disrespectful. Okay. Because every week I put in his birthday into the Expedia when I buy the flights. And I did not commit that to memory. And I put his birthday in... Yo, real talk.

Right now, I don't know where you're going, fam. I don't know when. I think it's February. Appreciate you. Your birthday's in February? No, it's March. March? He told me. Leap year? What? I don't know when I think it's February Appreciate you Your birthday's in February? No it's March March He told us

It leap year? What? Sometimes that's March No that's February No it's always February It's leap day February 29 What if you're born February 10th

29th You don't have a birthday? That's the leap birthday I think that's Ja Rule's birthday No shit Then you just go Every February 28th I think Yeah

Wow Do you think that he grew According to birthdays? That motherfucker's really nine, bro. I'm almost positive. Can you look that up? It's Akash's birthday. It was Saturday. Akash did the show.

How you been telling nobody, bro? I'll tell people on my birthday.'ll be like yo it's my birthday If you say happy birthday I'm cool Yeah but we want to celebrate you dude Happy birthday man Andrew had everybody sing happy birthday to me I did do that at the show What did you do Alex?

I did nothing I did absolutely nothing bro You got invited to the tandoor No longer Alex Absolutely nothing, bro. He's like, I'm snitched. You got invited to the tandoor. No longer, Alex. Invited to the tandoor. Y'all not invited to shit in a hole. Wow.

We got to do third world like real third world shit. That's funny, dog. We got to do real third world shit. That's funny, man. Y'all not invited to the beheading. Wow. It got dark real fast. How Caucasian did Edwin just get, bro?

Did you hear Edwin's reaction? He's about to say, oh, my stars. He didn't even hit the ideal meal, bro. That was in a white man came out of Edwin. Yeah. Oh, my god. What happened, bro? What are you looking at on your phone?

Your alarm clock? Y'all knee chase is wild Oh god damn it Oh man It's crazy over here Oh my god Oh, God damn it. Oh, man. It's crazy over here. Oh, my God. Oh, gosh. He's gone. Yo, he really ran down the line.

He really had to take a piss. He timed that baby. He timed his baby bladder door. He timed that baby bladder perfectly. Bro, I'm lightheaded, bro. I'm lightheaded from laughing this hard, bro. Oh, my God, bro. Yo, thank you to everybody in Dallas that came out to lightheaded, bro. I'm lightheaded from laughing this hard, bro. Oh, my God, bro. Yo, thank you to everybody in Dallas that came out to the shows, man. That show was so dope.

That show was fun, man. You got to come with us one weekend, Kaz. I need to. Real talk. I need to. I will. Pick a weekend. Pick a weekend.

What's the next time we're heading to? We're going to Nashville next Saturday, but it's a quick one in and out. Okay. And then we got a bunch more. We got St. Louis, India. Well, Toronto. Toronto is going to be dope. Toronto is going to be dope. Come to Toronto, and then let's try to do the got st louis toronto toronto's gonna be dope come to toronto and then let's try to do the whole weekend yeah i'm with that i'm with that um yeah we'll go

up on a friday matter of fact toronto that early show sold out man thank you so we got we got we uh got another show as well go gobble up tickets for that one too yeah yeah man it was unbelievable man 1200 seats i mean it's fucking crazy, bro. Big show. Very big show. So, yeah, I want you to come, man. We had a fucking great time, bro. We saw the Wild West. Have fun in North Carolina. I felt like North Carolina was the last time I was out with y'all, right? What do you mean? Also again? North Carolina?

Come on in, man. Come on. Sit back. You went to pee, didn't you? Yeah. But we were just talking about Dallas. I wish you got to hang out with us in Dallas, man. I know, man. That was fun, though. It was a fun little trip.

It's a good crowd always in Dallas. I love Dallas. Good comedy audience. They were cool, man. It was really dope because every once in a while, great sporting events match up with shows. And you have a green room that's got some seats in the TV. So we got to watch that four-overtime game. Jesus Christ.

So you're just with already your best friends. You're watching the game, and you're doing what you love. It was a pretty cool moment. I was quite grateful for it. Man, it's been some great fucking games this weekend, man. Jesus Christ. Great games. Jesus Christ. Without LeBron James. No, you's been some great fucking games this weekend, man. Jesus Christ. Great games. Jesus Christ.

Without LeBron James. No, you don't need him. You don't need him. Are we going to be fine? I'm enjoying LeBron-less playoffs. You know what? You're going to get him for a while. Exactly.

Oh, you don't think he's back next year? I don't think he's back next year. They're hiring Ty Lue, apparently. You were right. Give Andrew credit. We said he was not going to happen. Apparently, he's a frontrunner. Someone find a clip.

This is how lost the Lakers are, is they're hiring Ty Lue before they hire a GM. You always hire a GM and let him pick his guy. You're letting LeBron pick his guy. Is that the conventional wisdom? Yeah. Usually, yeah. The GM usually picks the coach. GM is going to put in a system that he likes and then get a coach

for that system. Ooh, that's interesting. So you're basically saying LeBron, here are the keys and then we're going to find someone that will orchestrate what you want. And LeBron, not good at driving. No. If we've seen anything from the rosters he built, he's not the best at driving. They got one in Cleveland.

They got one. They got one. Cool. Pat Riley got two. He was undeniably the best. He was undeniably the best player on the team and he carried them on his back. Did y'all get to see The Shop this week, or? No. No. What happened?

Big shots went out towards Magic, right? Yes. Yeah, break that down. So they talk about when they first found out. By the way, everybody who's listening, maybe you're not from the States. The Shop is a show that LeBron James does where they're in a barbershop, and he's with his business partner, Maverick Carter. Yeah, this episode was really dope, though.

It was Maverick Carter, Pharrell, Lonzo Ball, Travis Scott, Don Cheadle, Seth Rogen. Oh, my. There's nine people? Yeah, it was a good one. They filter in and out. Oh, okay. And this is the interesting idea is the idea is unfiltered talk, like the way guys talk at the barbershop in the States.

That's your comfort zone, whatever. He invites Lonzo on, and I'm sure it never came up that LeBron was willing to trade him for Anthony Davis. So, so much for the unfiltered part. It was kind of fucked up because there was a really poignant part when Pharrell's, and I posted on my Instagram, Pharrell's giving him fucking life advice. To Lonzo. Yeah, to Lonzo. He's like, yo, you might feel like everything's crumbling around you, but right now is the

beginning of everything you built from scratch. LeBron's like, yeah, that's what I told him. That's what I told him. I'm like, bro, you're trying to get him traded with five other guys. I love LeBron, but this motherfucker's phony, man. Yo, bro. Yeah, is that the case? Yeah.

He's a politician. He said it. He's a politician. Politician's always phony. I'm like, my G. You want me to set up? What happened? You good?

No, no, no. He was fixing the thing. Keep going. Yeah, no. Like I was saying, I don't know if he's phony, but he just comes off like such a politician, though. Yeah. Like, why in the fuck?

All right. So long story short, they talk about when they first found out about Magic Johnson, right? Yeah. So LeBron was getting stretched out. Yada, yada, yada. The game was about to start. And then I guess his business partner comes out and was like, yo, Magic just stepped out. about Magic Johnson, right? Yeah. So LeBron was getting stretched out, yada, yada, yada. The game was about to start. And then I guess his business partner comes and tells him,

like, yo, Magic just stepped out. I was like, what, you mean like stepped out the car? He said, no, like he just like stepped down, like he's leaving. And then like LeBron's like, oh, no, this is bullshit. He's basically saying like he didn't respect that he didn't fucking come to him like as a man and like tell him like, yo, this is what I'm thinking about doing. He had to find out. Oh, is that like when you left Cleveland on national television and didn't fucking tell

them? I mean, come the fuck on. Again, I like Braun, but we got to take this motherfucker to task. That's a thing, bro. We can dump shit like that. If you're a real Braun fan, like, bro, I've gotten checks from LeBron. Like, you could, you got to be able to call bullshit sometimes, right? All the time.

And the only person that kept it real was Lonzo Ball. What did Lonzo say? So Lonzo was like, when they asked Lonzo the same questions like I found out from Braun. And he was like, damn, that's crazy. Cool. What are we doing today? That was it. So they was like happy that that man didn't care. Oh, so that was a sentiment. Yeah. That was my next question. Lonzo was looking at LeBron's like, damn, that's crazy. All right. Cool. What are we doing tonight? And it was just gone. So you guys got the feeling that neither LeBron

or Lonzo were fans of Magic, which is understandable for Lonzo and Kuz because they were going to get traded. I don't know about LeBron. I haven't watched the episode.

I just saw, I read what happened and I saw he had Lonzo on there and I was like, I guarantee you they're not going to talk about Bron trying to trade him. So the whole idea

of this show is just like, what are you doing? Yeah. I mean, you know, Braun's about to be a Nike guy now, so that's probably, you know. Sure, sure. It's one of those things. But the idea of the show is this is the safe space to talk about whatever. Right. And I guess the second question I have is like, how much of this show is a...

Come on, bro. You know how I do. You know how I do. You know what I mean? So move to the beehive. So what's the beehive? I see you. Beehive? Beehive.

That's the real beehive. That's the real beehive. That's the beehive you do not want to get stung by. Fuck, man. Yeah, shout out to like Stance Stocks or whatever like that. They sent me some stocks trying to get me killed. Yeah, nice. Give me a hand.

Ant Stocks or whatever like that. They sent me some stocks trying to get me killed. Yeah, nice. Give me a chance. But yeah, I guess I wonder how much of the show is like a marketing vehicle. It's all marketing. Right? It's all marketing. Yeah.

It's like you got to – that's the reason why you go to Los Angeles. It's the reason why you have all of your production companies out there. Oh, I mean a marketing vehicle for like the narrative LeBron wants out there because, okay. Oh, okay. Because here's my question. Like you said, Kaz said he controls his narrative.

Yes. He's very good at that. Yes, so like, I guess I want to know, is this show shot in real time or do they bank episodes? In other words, did this conversation happen last week

and now we're seeing it or did they film 12 episodes and now we're seeing them play out throughout the next few weeks? I saw them post the Instagram picture like a week ago. So this is recent. Magic stepped down like two, three weeks ago. Okay, boom.

So that means they're operating in real time. So that means the topics that they choose are curated. That means the agenda of the episode is potentially curated. And this is part of the LeBron James marketing vehicle, which is like I think you maybe brought up before, is different than any other athlete in history. Of course. And, yo, more power to him. No, we're not knocking the power. So my question for you guys is can you see through the lack of authenticity when you're watching the show?

I think there's certain points of it. Like I think the fact that LeBron curses so freely, that gets blurred out. That you're like, oh, man, he's just cursing so freely. Like this has to be unfiltered. This think the fact that LeBron curses so freely, that gets blurred out. That you're like, oh man, he's just cursing so freely. This has to be unfiltered. This has to be that. But when you break it down like that and you see like, yeah, well, you're not talking about the fact that you almost got Lonzo traded. You're not talking about this.

That's a good point about... There's certain elements of the show that makes you think it's really super unfiltered and gritty and all that type of shit, but it's very constructed to make sure LeBron looks a certain way. Cursing is an interesting tool. Of course. Because it's really super unfiltered and gritty and all that type of shit, but it's very constructed to make sure LeBron looks a certain way. Cursing is an interesting tool. Of course. Because it's rare to see anybody that's a professional's figure, especially even in

sports. A guy that popular. But a guy that popular using curse words. I don't think anybody that popular. So you hear some curse words, right? And you're like, oh, this must be the real. Yeah. It's a, you know, like that Tony Rob robbins guy is very interesting but like he says he uses

language on purpose in a certain way because you can set a tone in the room like you can be the person who gives the least fucks with language or ideas and uh but it brings the guard down for everyone else too but it's a great way to mask inauthenticity yeah i'm a curse about some shit but you know exactly what we're going to talk about. You know the opinions you want to have, et cetera. Interesting. It's still an entertaining show. Like, I look at LeBron's Instagram, and I don't know what is authentic LeBron. What do you mean by that?

Every single post of his, for the most part, looks inauthentic. Curated. Yeah. Yeah, I get that. Like, when he's doing the music shit, it looks like, oh, okay, somebody paid him to do this music shit.

I believe that. Am I being naive? I'm believing all this stuff. I don't know if he's getting paid. I believed he was pushing his narrative, curating his narrative with every post. Wait a minute. Bump up. Go up to the top. This is interesting. Is he getting paid for that? Absolutely.

Yeah. Every post. Every post. Yeah, this is for his network. Kim Kardashian gets a million. Well, this is supposedly. Kim Kardashian gets a million per post. Yeah, this is for his network. Kim Kardashian gets a million, well, this is supposedly Kim Kardashian gets a million per post. So, somebody at LeBron's level is getting

money per post. So, everything he posts, there's a reason for it. Oh my God. So, I don't really know, I don't know what authentic LeBron is. I don't think I've ever seen authentic LeBron. No. I think very few people have. So, then he must have been doing a pretty good job.

If I'm fooled, am I naive? No, yeah. You think the majority of people... That's part of the reason I don't like him. No, no. But do you think the majority of the people are aware of this? Or do you think this is you because you're in the entertainment? I think a lot of people who dislike LeBron, that's one of the things they dislike.

That he's clearly phony. I don't want to say he's phony. I think he's very carefully crafted. There is phoniness to him. He's a walking fucking conglomerate. He's a business. He's a business. He's calculated. Yeah, he's calculated. He's not just going to throw shit out there. Everything is out there

for a reason. I didn't know he was making money on all this shit. Even if it's a post like this. The sneaker is there for a reason. Always aware of the sneak dissing. Everything. All his kid stuff seems authentic. I don't see anything. Of course he loves his kids.

But it's also to make his image like, oh, look at me. I'm a loving father. I'm a family man. I think it's marketing also for his kid. It's like, I want my kid. Oh, true. I think he's doing some Lonzo bullshit in his way. I want my kid to be highly touted,

so you're going to see all the highlights from his videos. You're going to see him splashing jumpers. You're going to see him dunking in a parking lot. You're going to see all the good stuff so that Coach K can call him up and be like, okay, I'd like to see your kid play. See, and that's why I love somebody like Jay-Z, because Jay-Z's at the same level as LeBron that anything he does is going to be scrutinized.

So what does he do? Stay out the limelight. You barely see pictures of my life. You barely see anything from my life because I don't want to have to be fake for the camera. But Jay-Z's also 50 years old. He don't know how to use a phone. I don't think he knows how to use Instagram.

Jay-Z sees everything. No, but I'm saying he's old in that it's stupid for him to be on Instagram. He was established pretty much as one of the goats when Instagram came around. Yeah, but look at 50. 50 right now is killing on Instagram. Look at the rock.

Because 50 is not nearly the status as Jay-Z. Jay-Z has created the larger than life legacy already. So now for him to post a lot would take away from that. Jay-Z's created the aura brilliantly. I like this of being larger than life. You don't see me out. Yeah, but there's people who are larger than life. I think The Rock does it best. The Rock does it? The Rock probably does it the best. Will Smith does it?

Taking Akash's point, I think it's very poignant. He's not saying that these other people aren't good at it. He's not saying The Rock isn't good. He's not saying that. What he's saying is anything that Jay-Z posts isn't going to live up to our image of Jay-Z. And 50 hadn't ascended to that

level yet. While 50 is an absolute genius, seeing what he's done recently. 50's a troll. Trolls are best online. Yes, and it worked for him, but 50 also wasn't secure for life within a lifestyle he wanted. And he had to reinvent himself in TV. And it's genius what he's done or film, TV

film entertainment. But Jay was set for life and anything that he does to post on the gram could absolutely shatter our image of how fucking cool he is. There's a reason you barely see him talk. You don't even see him slip up. There's whole photo threads

of Jay-Z doing anything athletically. It looks so bad. It looks so bad. Anytime Jay-Z tries to do any, like this picture of him throwing the football, riding a motorcycle. Riding a bike, jumping in that pool all awkward. Just the most awkward dude when it comes to any physical activity. It's like, ah, this is why. And then he'll address it with one line in 411.

He'll be like, I'm a billionaire. You've never seen Ugly Billionaire. Whatever. I'm11. He'll be like, I'm a billionaire. You've never seen Ugly Billionaire or whatever. I'm cute. I'm cute, yeah. Everybody talking about. Bro, he looks like he's catching it. This is my favorite one, the jet ski. He looks a little Franken-Beans in both those pictures.

Have you seen my jet ski? See, that looks better. That looks better. It's a little Wanda. I respect the God, though. What's interesting about... I got to say something crazy. Oh, man.

How do you look that goofy holding it? All you got to do is hold it. That's not Alex talking. I say it's exactly. Y'all got it, bro. Look, so here's the thing with Jay-Z, though. Maybe Jay-Z recognizes his goofy, and he's trying to hide that from the world. Yes.

And because he knows that if you just turn the cam on and follow Jay-Z, he's going to come across goofy. That's what I'm saying. He's worse. The more you see Jay-Z, the worse it is for Jay-Z. He's calculated his fuck too he just knows if i stick to music and i stick to performing i'll i'll have this cool aura he doesn't even really put out that much music and perform like that anymore he's just he's just jay-z but those were the things that he did right and i'm gonna be a businessman i'm gonna maybe drop a little line here drop a little line there but i imagine even

in the podcast that he put out, there's a lot of chopping. He has to approve everything. Yeah, but you don't think that he has the capability of having people around him to curate his social media in a way that he doesn't want Corny? Why would he? What's the advantage for Jay-Z?

His wife does it. His wife is still- Super curated, but that shit still looks authentically her. And it's not just Beyonce and Jay-Z. She does it in a way that it looks- She comes across authentic. Her fans are 14-year-ically her. And it's not just Beyonce and Jay-Z. She does it in a way that it looks, she comes across authentic. Her fans are 14-year-old girls. But what's, so what's the upside?

Jay's fans are older dudes. Yeah, what's the upside for Jay to do it? Just because his wife does it? No, but I'm just saying, so he doesn't, I just respect the fact that instead of having a curated social media. I think that's also curated, though. Can you see, my point is, I think that's dope, too. That's what I would prefer to do. I fucking hate social media. I think that's also curated, though. Yeah. Can you see? My point is, I think that's dope, too. That's what I would prefer to do. I fucking hate social media.

Yeah. But that's also curated in a way of like, I'm off. To keep the mystique. Y'all on this shit. 50 on this. Let 50 chase me. I'm above this. I get you, Jay.

In the same way Beyonce follows zero people, she don't need to follow nobody. That's the image she's putting out. Not even Jay. I'm not even going to follow Jay. I don't need to. Jay's image is, I don't need to post. Y'all do that. Y'all beneath me.

Can we acknowledge how fucking corny it is those people who don't follow anybody? You fucking egomaniac. They just have a second page. Beyonce got that right. No, no, no.

I'm talking about, I'm not saying everybody has the right. I'm just saying it is a corny thing to one act like you're not finding out what's going on Instagram.

People are sending you Instagram links all the time and you're looking at it. You are finding out what's going on Instagram. People are sending you Instagram links all the time and you're looking at it. You are finding out what's going on. You're seeing what's hot. You're seeing what's popping. You're not detached from the world. You're doing it as a marketing tool. I'm not a follower. I don't follow nobody. They got finsters.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You got a whole other Instagram to do all that following. This shit is so inauthentic. It's all marketing. Admit you want to look up you know that's world star all the other stupid shit the rest of us do yes that is part of the allure though if you're queen b it's so corn queens don't follow nobody they're queens that's just marketing it's just marketing follow jay you know what you can follow jay follow jay jay's not on

there to be followed i don't follow follow Jay. Does he have Instagram? No, he doesn't. Nah, he has Twitter. He barely uses it. He tweets like every once in a while. He had like one tweet storm when he went to the Songwriters Hall of Fame and he was like shouting out all the rappers he thought he thanked and shit. Left Kanye out there, bitch.

He did? He did? Yeah, I remember that. I'm pretty sure he left Kanye off. He left one or two people off noticeably. And there was a couple people. He shouted out like Mac Miller and shit. Yeah, there was a couple people that were just young, little rappers.

And I feel like they didn't deserve a shout out yet. But maybe he has a stake in them. He was trying to prop them up. Absolutely. Yo, shouts to all the Muslims celebrating Ramadan. Ramadan just started, yo. Word. Oh, say that shit one more time.

Ramadan Mubarak. Ramadan Mubarak. Ramadan Mubarak. M-U-B-A-R-A-K. Mubarak. That's not how you spell it in their language. How do you spell it? Like that. And then like that. See?

It's a slippery fucking slope. What? What are you doing? What do you mean the black jokes aren't? I'm leaning in. I'm saying don't lean in. Why? You worried about a kaboom? Yo, that's a stereotype, Kaz.

You don't gotta be worried about it, bro. That's a stereotype. That's mad small-minded of you, dog. Come on, bro. You gotta be more progressive, bro. That's mad small-minded of you, dog. Come on, bro. You got to be more progressive, son. Yeah. What you think, all Muslims are terrorists? No, that's not what I'm saying. Your name is Kazim.

We should be worried about you. That's an Arabic name. Yeah, it is an Arabic name. As-salamu alaykum, my brother. Yeah. Alaykum salam, bitch. Oh! He's one of them.

That's why you were late. You were praying. No, but for real, man, shoutouts to all the Muslims out here doing Ramadan. Ramadan is lit, dude. I did a day last year. You know what fucks you up is the water. The water is the tough part. Yo, so here's the thing about Ramadan.

So you can't drink water? No, no, no. Sun up to sundown. Sun up to sundown. And summer Ramadan is worse. That's what I was about to say. It's more light. So basically, when all of us, I'm 35, right?

So everybody who's around that age, when they were kids starting out Ramadan, because you don't have to do Ramadan until you're at a certain age, right? Like obviously a little kid needs to eat during the day. But all of them, when they were kids, they had winter Ramadan, right? Because it changes a little bit every year. Winter Ramadan is easy, right? Yeah, because there's not a lot of sun. You wake up at-

Or at 5 p.m. Exactly. You wake up at 7.30, well, at least in New York, you wake up at 7.30, right? You chug some water before that sun comes up. And then by 3.34, sundown. Yeah. Right? You know, sports story.

Boom, that's easy. That's how I learned about Ramadan, through Hakeem Olajuwon. Hakeem Olajuwon. Yeah, because he was fasting during the playoffs. Yeah, but everybody makes a big deal about that. Like, you play at 8 o'clock. Yeah, no, that's what he said. You can do that fast.

He was like, I was fine. There was a football player. Sunday games. The day game is crazy. The the FS. He was like, I was fine. There was a football player. Sunday games. The day game is crazy. The Sunday games when he was like, this is rough. No water is crazy. Granted, it's Minnesota, but there was a football player for the Vikings. Ramadan during training camp.

Wouldn't drink water during training camp. I mean, unbelievable. Two days, right? It's wild. Probably two days. Dude, it's unbelievable. The water shit is a bitch. That was the tough thing when I tried it.

I did a day of it last year, and that was definitely tough. But the food, it's weird. I'm one of these people, I get hangry. I get angry when I'm hungry, and I want to eat every four hours. The first four, you're really hungry. After that, bro, you're good. It's like homeless, you're not that hungry. It's like a runner's high, but when you're hungry yeah like once you get past that first wall of hunger yeah

I'm just like alright that's what I'm saying only Alex caught my little shot at the homeless people I thought you said hummus I was like he said the homeless

they don't have hunger I'm like the homeless ain't that hungry I thought you said hummus they're just intermittent fasting when you get down to it that's it they eat a few hours every day

yo why don't they just be Muslim this month like if you're a homeless you already are Ramadan-ing it They eat a few hours every day. Yo, why don't they just be Muslim this month? Like, if you're homeless, you already are Ramadan-ing it. Ramadan-ing it? You're Ramadan-ing it. Yo, we got to do the Ramadan-skers.

The best and the Ramadan-ies. We got to do the Ramadan-skers and the Ramadan-ies. Real talk, this month. Rami Yusuf, clean sweep out this motherfucker. Rami what? Rami Yusuf. Rami. Oh, Rami's going to kill it.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shout out to my boy Rami, man. I saw that movie. Yo, the show. The show. He got a show out. And HBO special coming out. He got the HBO special coming out.

Hilarious comic. I was going to talk about the other dude. The dude that played Queen. Oh, he's good, too. Rami Malek. Rami Malek. He's a Christian. He's a Coptic Christian from Egypt.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's a talented motherfucker, man. He's intense, bro. He's got big eyes. He came to one of my shows, man. Same word. Yeah, we did a long, intense handshake. He has very big, deep eyes.

I feel like everything he says is very serious. Very serious. Very serious. Was he trying to fuck? Nah, nah. He had a shorty with him. Okay. He just said long, intense handshake.

I didn't know what that meant. Nah, nah. I wasn't like that. Not what you call the handshake. He could get us on though. He a good actor. You let him hit? I wouldn't let him hit.

For his talent? Not personally. Nah, nah. I would slap soft dicks against each other. Yo, where do you get this? Is that gay? Just do that?

Like a horse's, not a horse, what, an elephant trunk? Just do that little game? Why was it? The Golden Company. game yeah we missed you on this week's episode I know um but yeah man have a good Ramadan yell kill that I mean I mean don't kill anything I don't know why is it kill cuz you said kill Sebastian killed the only black girl

On the show My bad To be fair There was only one I know They killed her She lasted a long ass time She didn't die first

That's for sure To me I've only seen five episodes So I'm just like Ah man So she made to five They killed that red headed bitch Last one

They did Yeah I didn't care about her They killed Patch Patch What's his name Patch That pirate looking ass bitch last one they did yeah i didn't care they kill patch i had a question i'm sure there's some comic that has spoken about this there has to be but just how we haven't improved the eye patch at all in literally 5 000 years like as long as we've had missing eyeballs it's literally been you little blacker it was a glass eye we're not good with that?

I mean that seems fucking crazy here's a piece of glass sticking in your eye how would they make it round? I mean yeah they do Stuart Scott had one I would rather you have a glass eye than that stupid patch give me the patch dog that eye just not moving no matter where I go

it's windy that shit pop up and then you got a fucking hole in your head. That's the other thing. Why don't they just take a little string and then tie this eye to that eye. Take a little string. Look, when you're in the car, right? He's about to try a man's plane eye surgery.

I got this, right? When you're in the car driving, right? Crazy person's plane. Keep that away. Don't look at the thing. It's too distracting. you're in the car driving, right? How does this crazy person explain it? No, no, no. Keep that away. Don't look at the thing. It's too distracting, right? You're in the car driving. You're on the left side. The steering wheel's on the left side, right? When you turn that shit, it turns the left wheel and the right wheel.

So what I'm saying is whatever we got in the car, put that in your head and then attach the glass eye. Put a chassis in your pocket. Yeah, put the chassis. The glass then attach the glass eye Put a chassis in your Yeah, put the chassis. The glass eye is the right wheel. That shit turns whenever you turn the steering wheel. Power stealing for your eyeballs, bro. Tell me I didn't figure out eyes. You got these fucking idiots with their stupid glass

eyes or their patches, okay? They can't even say nothing smart. You ever seen someone with a patch say anything smart and you're looking at them like Nah, the patch isn't for intelligence. The patch is badass. What? The patch is like intimidating. Yeah, it tells a story.

It's like he's been through some shit. You know what's badass? I was on a cruise in Australia. Right? No shit. This is the most alpha shit I've ever seen in my life. This dude was walking around. He was missing an eye.

No eye patch, no glass eye. This dude was walking around the boat with a hole in his fucking head like a man. I could see what he was thinking. He just had the hole. Children looked at him and cried and he didn't give a fuck. That's what's up. On a cruise. That was so alpha. Where does it go?

The cruise. No, the eye hole. Like, do you see the brain? No shit. I really want to know. You ever seen some crazy anal porn? It looked like that in his head. Oh, where it see the brain? No shit. Like, I really want to know where there's like a little thing. You ever seen some crazy anal porn? It looked like that in his head. Oh, where it's just open? So it looks like an asshole.

What was that called again? Gaping. Gaping. He was gaping. Favorite category. After that cruise. Yeah, for sure. I almost came.

Did you turn on when he was like, I'll put my dick in that. Yeah, that's nuts. All I'm saying is we could do better than that. Yeah, that's nuts. All I'm saying is we could do better than that, bro. That's funny. I can't believe you can't just put an eye and connect it to the other. And even when I see cockeyed people, have you seen cockeyed people? We can't fix that?

That is a little wild. Like, that shit's been around. I was almost, wait, cockeyed is lazy-eyed? Same shit? What's the difference? I don't know. All right, good. I'm not the only one.

I thought it was the same shit. I thought a cockeyed was one just slightly off. So then that's lazy eyed. No, lazy is like Forrest Whitaker, where your shit don't want to be open. Oh, so it's more the lid, not the eyeball. Oh, it's the lid. I thought it was the cockeyed. There's a funny David Tell joke where-

No, I heard lazyazy Eye was eyeball too. Oh, no. Lazy Eye, it's looking the other way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then that's cockeyed. Yeah, Lazy Eye and cockeyed are the same. David Tell got a funny joke like, that eye is not lazy. It's working overtime.

Like it's looking in the other direction. It's constantly looking. Anyway, go on. Go on with your story. You were almost cockeyed? Yeah, so I was slapboxing with my cousin when I was like maybe 12 or something like that. Yeah, that's not how you become cockeyed. No, no, no, but it was like he caught me in a way where when I looked up, my eye was looking the other way.

He started panicking. He grabbed my face and just started rubbing my eye really hard. And the shit corrected itself. But dead ass He was like I looked up And I was rubbing my eyes I got people out there

Have you tried this? Yo Why don't you just try this And then your eye Will be straight Okay Take it from the Puerto Rican school of medicine

They probably ain't trying that Oh my god Honestly If you What if we really just figured out How to fix coccyx Yo Alex might be on it bro

You got five minutes To just rub your shit back together. How has that not been fixed? I cannot believe it. Oh, gosh. How has it not been fixed? That's a good question. We're wasting our time on cancer. These poor motherfuckers look in two directions.

Bro, and which one do you look at? Which one do you trust? I look at, to be honest, I look at the away game. I look at that one. That's the peripheral. I look at the peripheral because I feel like... Nah, that's fucked up. How you walk straight, dog.

It's fucked up, though. Because then they see you looking at the fuck that way. They know I know their cock eye, but you got to fake like you don't. No, they see out of both. No, but the one good eye, they see you looking at the bad eye. No. Right? No.

But if the other eye's to the side, how can they... Maybe he just wants them to know he's not like uncomfortable with their cock eye. Yo, you know what you shouldn't do? This is what you shouldn't do. I learned this art way. Rub it real hard? No, no, no, no. But that also... So it's like when Isaiah kissed magic on the mouth. This is what you shouldn't do.

I'm not scared of you. When they're talking to you and you're looking at them, don't look off at what you think they're looking at. No, because there is this friend in the family, right? Shout out to Dick. He was this friend in the family. His name was Dick and he cock-eyed?

Severely cock-eyed. That's funny. Severely cock-eyed. And I would catch myself. We'd be talking and I'd catch myself. I'd be like, what's good? Whatever. And he'd be like, like Nah just look at that one

And everything will be okay This one's just a little cockeyed You're a dick I'm not a dick I thought we were both Looking at something I thought there was A deer

Trouble over my shoulder Yeah I thought like That's somebody who's coming for me Real talk It could have been anything Do you think they had an advantage Back in the day When we were in the forest

Like now we make fun of them But back in the day They were like Yo put him in the front Cause he could see All the Jaguars. Right? Wouldn't you have done that? Yeah.

Yeah, of course. We're not looking at 12 o'clock. We're not looking at three. Boom. Jaguar. Watch out. You're not sneaking up on nobody, Jaguar. Who are you sneaking up on?

Yeah, two cockeyed people. You good money, bro. You put two cockeys in the front. That's 360. Two cockeys in the front. Done, that's 360. Two cockeys in the back, that's 360. Literally, how you dying, bro? That's how humans made out the jungle. Maybe Moses was cockeyed.

Maybe. Oh, my God. That explains why he was leading them around the desert for 40 years. Oh, wow. Like, maybe we should go this way. Which way? Point, because your eyes are everywhere. This is funny.

So now the Jews and Muslims hate us. Everybody hates us. Moses was Jewish. Oh, he was Jewish. I forgot about that. I never even saw him that way. At least we can unify them in something. Yo, we'll bring them together. What if he's like the key to peace in the Middle East? Like they all just

hate Andrew collectively. We have them united, right? They're finally seeing the same thing. They all just hate Andrew collectively. We have them united, right? They're finally seeing the same thing. Unlike cockeyed people. Oh, man. That should be a sport. We gather some cockeys. We should be like, all right, look straight, go.

Yo, when there's a cockeyed NBA player on the dunk contest and he dunked two balls at once, this shit gonna be... Or when he whiffs both. My bad, guys. I was looking out the left. Let me run it back.

Oh, fuck. This guy is gonna be mad crooked. He's gonna run to the hoop this way. Oh, my God. Okay, what other sports That missed by That's Oh shit I just fucking had a seizure

You okay What You alright Alex I thought you were about to fall out No but the dunk The missed dunk by Steph That shit was

Oh Yo James Harden had a good playoff game Yes he had a good game He did. I gotta give it up, man. I gotta give it up. This is... I watched that game.

Y'all were... I think you were on stage at the beginning of the game. So I watched the beginning. And he starts off like three for ten, shooting fucking threes, trying to draw fouls like a pussy. And then all of a sudden he just starts driving and you forget what a fucking ox this guy is. Yeah, he's a big motherfucker.

If he drives to the hoop, he's so hard to stop. But he's been doing this pussy-ass, fall-away, three-pointer, trying to draw fouls for two years. When he drives to the hoop and then gets his shot going, whole different ballgame. Weird, though. Weird stat I found out, especially after you said that. They said he has the third most 40-point games among active players

or some shit like that. In the playoffs? In the playoffs, in the playoffs yeah I was like where were these games at? I don't remember I can't tell you a single one here's a perfect example

of somebody who needs a marketing leg because the narrative on him is dog shit and he has no way of changing it like if he had a version of the shop if he had a version or if he was more active in an interesting way on Instagram and the way LeBron was, when SportsCenter or Flagrant 2

or any of these other outlets start shitting on him, he could correct the course. Yeah. But he just does not have that. He's just not interesting. Well, he's not interesting, but he also doesn't have, like, a marketing leg that can make him interesting, right? If I'm his manager, I'm like, yo, we need to write the course of this shit

because it's too bad. Because I was looking up a stat akash and i were talking about this in a green room and before game four it was just a games three sorry before game three so games one and two uh james harden had 64 points on 47 field goal attempts and 10 rebounds and kevin durant had 64 points on 47 field goal attempts and 10 rebounds. And Kevin Durant had 64 points on 47 field goal attempts and 10 rebounds. Now, up until that point, we were all, myself included, riding KD's day. He's the best player in the game, and we were shitting all over Harden. Like, he just can't cut in the playoffs. And I'm like, how the fuck?

We got one thing wrong here. And we ended up agreeing that we were probably letting KD coast on his last series when he wasn't maybe playing as good in the Rockets series. And then we were probably being a little harsh on Harden. But it is – That first game was easy to be hard on him about, though. But it's easy because we're already primed, right? Yeah.

We already went into this like, this is playoff Harden. He always fucks up in the playoffs. Like there was a time with LeBron where it was like LeBron cowers in the playoffs and then he hit a couple game winners. He had some big series. He had some game seven wins. and we're like, oh no, LeBron brings it. It only takes a couple games. It only takes a couple games to switch the narrative. It does.

And you can already see it switching with James, right? Clutch. Like, I see that big three. He's like, Mr. Clutch. I was like, oh, he has six points in overtime? That's good. Solid. And I've said the whole time, I'll give it up to him when I see it in the playoffs.

I saw it in this Game 3. We'll see if it continues, but this is the first time I've watched Harden in a big playoff game. Because I think not all playoff games are big. I mean, they are, but if you're in the first round against a Jazz that you know you're going to beat, it's not that big. Warriors-Clippers is not big. Yeah. This is big. This is big.

And he had a good game and a big game. Yeah, I'd have only taken two or three games to switch. Like, the same shit with stuff. Like, you have two or three bad playoff games and now it's like you are we quietly said this though that we quietly pointed out that steph has no finals mvps yeah that was last year it was debatable if he got it last year nobody's mad katie got it because he had the one that he dotted lebron in the eye for the game when that was it but with steph it was always the finals mvp he would never he was never stinking up in the eye for the game winner. That was it. But with Steph, it was always the Finals MVP. He was never stinking up in the playoffs.

But the Finals, he was never the same Steph. He would always have great playoff runs, and then when he gets to the Finals, he'd be eye. Just eye. 18 points a game. Yeah. Not like bad statistics, but he's not going Jordan. It's also wild if you win a Finals and your sixth man gets Finals MVP.

Iggy got off the bench. Because you played eye defense on LeBron. That's why he got the Finals MVP. Yeah, got it off the bench. Because you played all right defense on LeBron. That's why he got the finals MVP. Yeah, no, it's true. It's insane. And Iggy played his ass off in this last game. Yeah. Iggy was hooping.

He was in those threes. He was very important. It's crazy how in shape he still is. He looks like a basketball player. Bro. Just cut up, still super athletic after all these years, still locking up, can hit a little three before now.

Stop going to them cookouts, bro. It's too many cars. You know what I mean? Come to a nice picnic, bro. Get them cucumber sandwiches. Everything is good to go. We were talking about James Harden not having a personality, but like, Kawhi has no personality, but that's his personality.

His personality is he has no personality. He's a fucking machine. Whether he wanted the marketing to go this way or not, the marketing has gone that way. There's already a narrative. There's momentum in that direction. I think you even pointed out, you were like, is New Balance not the perfect sneaker for Kawhi? It's the most on-brand fucking sneaker pairing I've seen in forever. 100%.

Since, like, I don't know, since whatever. But there's a guy who's lucky, and we want to root for him because he has won, and we know how good he is. I think a guy like James Harden needs a massive PR push, and I think you can turn the perception of horrible into the playoffs into clutch with the right people around. I also think he needs big series wins. Yes. Kevin Durant would have— He needs another game like that, right? He needs to win this series. He needs to win a series like this. I mean, if he wins this series

and he has big games, they can lose in the next round, but I think we'll go, oh no, Harden brought it. I mean, it's like... There's always naysayers, I think, until you win the ring, but yeah, a lot of it would die. I would be like, yo, fuck. I don't even care about the takes. That's what I'm saying.

You take the Warriors out. You take out the defending champions. That narrative changes immediately. He could not win the finals. And it's like, well, they took out the Warriors. And I'm cool. A lot of people would be cool with that. But I don't know.

I still don't think they'd do it. Question. Is Chris Paul the least likable player in the NBA? The least likable superstar? Or the least likable player in the NBA? The least likable superstar? Or like the least likable- Let's go superstar. Yeah. I loathe this guy.

I used to like him. Watching him play just the constant yapping, the constant complaining, the little petty foul shit. It's just awful. He just plays like he's in the rec center. He plays like he's the old man in the rec center. He plays like he's the old man at the rec center playing with the kids trying to bully.

And it was like, it was a nice it was cool when he was younger because it was like, oh wow, look how savvy he is. But now, here's the thing. When you're at the rec center and you're playing the old guy, why does he have to do that? Because he's not as athletic as you. Chris Paul is not as athletic as anybody. Without a doubt. That's why you gotta do that. He is the old man at the rec center and you're playing the old guy why does he have to do that because he's not as athletic as yeah chris paul not as athletic as anybody without a doubt that's why you got to do that he is the old man at the rec center yeah yeah i'm not denying it taller quicker but like the

little shit that he does that's outside of the game of basketball like there was a moment where like he was boxing out kd but it was like a a pretty uh not even boxing out i think he was like trying to fight a pick and roll so it was an obvious foul he gets his little shots it was an obvious foul right and then they called it and then he's like looking at the teleprompter

he's like look at the and then Katie's like come on what are you even doing like he didn't even engage with him he's like what are you doing

there's another moment where they called a foul on whoever was guarding Harden and he starts putting his arms in the air and going yay yeah I saw that

that was so fucking corny shut the fuck up that was so fucking corny. Corn ball. I'm like, dude, put up some numbers. That's it. Put up some numbers, dog. Quietly, you've been stinking it up.

If it wasn't for Eric Gordon. Yo, Eric Gordon. If it wasn't for Eric Gordon, he'd be down for real. Beasted. He'd be down for real. I don't think they win this series. And last year, too.

Last year, beasted. Here's another perfect guy. If he had a marketing squad around him, think about how we spoke about Lou Williams in a losing series, right? Lou Williams, the greatest six man in history. Who gets buckets like this? Eric Gordon going out there every single day.

That's always been helpful to him. With his fucking teenager body. He looks like a fat teenager. He goes out every day. He gives them buckets. He's wet from three. He gets to the basket really well and finishes at the rim. And you hear nothing.

He keeps them in games while Harden bums it up. The best thing Chris Paul is doing is playing so you can rest Eric Gordon a little bit. That's Eric. Chris Paul's biggest contribution in the series is giving Eric Gordon a breather. Yeah, give Eric a breather. Imagine that we told him that he would go crazy. But you are the Eric Gordon insurance policy.

You are State Farm for Eric. And I like Chris Paul because he's little and I relate to small dudes on a court. But, yeah, Eric Gordon is beast in this series and Chris Paul is nowhere to be found. Facts. Fuck, it's crazy, man. LeBron is ahead of the game. You will see other athletes start to do this. You'll see them start to hire these agencies, man.

That's what KD's doing. Ah, yes, yes, yes. That's what KD's doing. Ah, yes, yes, yes. With the boardroom show and the 35 Ventures and all that shit. He needs it too. That's why he's probably going to New York. Just to rewrite his narrative a little more. He knows that we're so abused that it's like Stockholm Syndrome. That's apparently what I'm hearing. He knows

if he gets you guys to the conference finals. I think this year, this past year, he figured out not all rings weigh the same. LeBron, LeBron and Cleveland. LeBron's one ring in Cleveland weighs way more. If KD gets his third one, weighs more than all three of those. That one in Cleveland.

And if KD gets one in New York, fuck it. You are the Mount Rushmore of NBA players if you bring a title to New York. So true. Immediately. I mean, I don't agree with that, but yeah. It would do a lot for him. Immediately. I think it is.

Mount Rushmore is a little wild, but I would see why a New Yorker would say that. Not even just being a New Yorker. I mean, you look at KD's numbers without any bias. He's one of the greatest players to ever play the game. He hasn't even been the greatest player in the game besides the last three weeks. We just gave him this title of best in the league. He's been a top five player

his whole career. He's been a top five player in a time period where the top five players are arguably within the top 10 or top 15 of players all time. He does have some good guys around him. It's like KD's great, but then he came in Kobe's peak.

I'm just saying Mount Rushmore. And then it was LeBron's peak. I understand what you're saying. I think it's reasonable. Mount Rushmore is a tricky one because there's top five. But he is- Isn't it four? Top four.

Sure, top four. But there's immense talent going right now, and he is at the top. He's the top maybe three. You have to say top three. Oh, yeah. going right now, and he is at the top. He's the top maybe three. You have to say top three.

And the other two guys, one of them is definitely on Rushmore. So it's elite talent. He's going to go down as one of the best. And I think that's his mission if he leaves that. And we will fucking suck his dick in New York in a way that they've never experienced. And I know you thought guys could suck dick in San Francisco. Let me tell you about New York Knicks fans the way that we are going to suck dick.

I root for the Warriors like he's already on the Knicks. I root for KD like he's already on the Knicks. Let's go KD! Get these muggies, boy! I don't know why. Here's the thing, though. In New York, he's top of the food chain. One thing I've learned about KD, he don't really like being on top. He's never been on top. Just think about, you know, he's top of the food chain. One thing I've learned about Katie, he don't really like being on top. He's never been on top.

So just think about, you know, he might be comfortable in Golden State. Speaking on that, let's pay some bills. Did you know that Blue Chew brings you the first chewable with the same FDA-approved active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis, so you know they work. Many of you know they work. Shout out to the people in Dallas. Came up to me after the show with their lady.

Gave me the wink and said I'm about to chew it out. And the girl just giggles because she knows what time it is as well. You can take them any time, day or night. And since they're chewable, they work up to twice as fast as a regular pill that you swallow. Why don't we just chew all pills? That's a good question. Man, I've been figuring everything out to science, bro. I figured out eye patches.

Word. I figured out chewables. What else did I figure out? Ramadan. Ramadan. Man, I'm killing it. Picnics. By the way, this isn't just for guys who can't perform.

We all know this. This is a guy who wants to be incredibly functional and efficient. Optimum performance. Listen, we optimize our masculinity over here. Most guys talk a good game, and you're one and done. That's me. That's me. I'm not afraid to say it.

Blue Chew is going to help that follow-up game that round two the punisher right there when you lay that shit the fuck down you're not worried about coming because you already got to come out your balls it's just all for her so she could tell your friends make sure your rep is good by the way no in a person doctor visit is needed all right you just do that shit all online they're gonna send to send it right to your crib. You visit bluechew.com and get your first shipment for the free. For the free. When you use our special promo code flagrant. It's always

flagrant. All you got to do is pay $5 shipping. Worth it. That's B-L-U-E. Chew.com. Promo code flagrant. Try it for free right now. Let's get back to the show. We didn't really talk. Wait, real quick. You pull it up.

We pulled up the Rockets lineup. Who is that? Son, how does that happen? Google is wild, bro. That's so funny, dog. What is that singer's name? Big ass. Macy Gray.

Macy Gray. She looks like Macy Gray. I thought that was the girl that got her head chopped off. Missandei? That is wild. Don't disrespect Missandei like that. I'd be so tight. Imagine if you were him right now.

Stop playing with me. That's so fucking funny, man. I say. All right. We didn't really talk Blazers Nuggets, really. Four overt. All right. All right. We didn't really talk Blazers and Nuggets, really. Four overtimes is crazy.

Any thoughts on it? They were trying to kill Jokic, man. Man, Jokic was out there huffing. I'm impressed by game four, though. Yeah.

To come back and win? Yeah. I'm impressed. I mean. This series is going seven, right? I hope it goes seven. It's been a real entertaining series.

You guys think it's going seven? It's such a yin and yang series. Like, the Blazers are very high powered. They got very backcourt heavy. Right. Fucking Yochik slowed the game down. I feel like the more it went to more overtimes, the slower the game got to, I think that benefits the Nuggets more. I think Jokic, like, they get to slow the game down. Yeah, think that benefits the Nuggets more. I think Jokic,

they get to slow the game down. Yeah, but he was done in overtime. The guys who carry them in overtime, and this is what I couldn't understand, why'd you put Rodney Hood in so late? Because Will Barton was carrying the Nuggets in OT. He should not be carrying the Nuggets, but he had fresh legs. Rodney Hood didn't play since, he played like 20 minutes, and he was playing well this series. Why'd you wait until the fourth fucking overtime

to put him in? As soon as he put him in i'm no basketball expert but i was like yo i think they can win now i think he'll get buckets and then he got buckets because he's just fresh yeah his legs are fresh that's right he hit the three you're not hitting threes yeah four overtimes in your legs that's what killed the rockets in game seven yeah dead legs it is an interesting strategy that you probably don't work on that much in practice, which is your fourth overtime squad. Right? Like, you never come across that situation. But you don't think you're going into that many overtimes.

That's a really good coaching move if the coach made that play in the moment. Yeah. Oh, he said somehow his hand was forced. I don't remember what happened. But still, like, he wanted to take credit. He's like, I can't. Something happened that I had to put in. All right, I respect that.

I started coming around on Jokic, man. Yo, can I make a bold statement about Jokic, which is not that bold anymore? What's up? That's the best big man in the league. It's not that bold. He's going to lose a little weight this offseason. I'm not calling a five. I'm keeping John to the four.

I think he's the best bold man in the league. He's a point center. Better than Embiid? Yes. Way. I like him better. I think he's better than Embiid. I think Emb's the best ball man in the league. He's a point center. It's unreal. Better than Embiid? Yes. Way. I like him better. I think he's better than Embiid. Better passer.

I think Embiid has more talent. Yes. I think Yochik Yochik is way... Way more skilled. Better handle, better pass. It's the passing that blows me away. Yeah. It's the fucking passing.

It's like he plays on rookie. He's the best passer on his team. It's like he plays on rookie. He doesn't do nothing. He doesn't do anything for us. It's like Arvide Sabonis. Yeah. Sabonis. What we heard Arvide Sabonis was before he got team. It's like he plays on a rookie. He doesn't do anything for us. Yeah, Sabonis. What we heard Arvide Sabonis was before he got here.

That's what everybody says. Everybody's like, if you've never seen him before, it's like when people was hyping Sabonis before he came to the Blazers, he came to the NBA. This is exactly what he looked like. Just dominating from the post, crazy passes, scoring easily, just like. Dude, and it's natural. He is natural.

But there is something interesting. When you have a big man that has good hands, and then he can not only dribble but pass, think about this again. He's perched up there at the highest point. He has the best physical vision. If you're 5'11 or 6 feet tall, of course you're going to get a pass picked off as you throw it across because you don't even see the defender waiting. This guy is seeing everything, and he's delivering off the dribble one-handed dimes that's look yo one

of the things i looked at lonzo in college and i was so impressed if i was like oh that's off the dribble he's doing like hook passes yeah i was like this guy's good this guy's cross court this is what he's doing there was one pass that he made that was so insane. Between the legs dime? Not even a between the legs one. When it was like the shot clock was running down, and I thought it was a shot clock violation. And then he had a wide open shot, and at the very last second, he threw it to, I think, Murray or Barton.

He got a wide open layup and won. And it was a no-look pass on that one, too. Who the fuck even has the balls to throw that with less than two seconds on the shot clock? Yo, Denver, this is my first extended look at them. Kind of like Portland. You just don't think about them in the West. They are fucking deep.

And they're going to get better. I think Malik Beasley is going to be nasty. I think Jamal Murray is only getting better. They got Michael Porter Jr. They got Michael Porter Jr. If he's healthy. If he's healthy. And you got a glut of good wings.

Yep. Trade him. Try to get another piece. And you got a squad. I think they're set up. LeBron is an idiot for not going there. Sorry? What's the deal with Isaiah Thomas?

Is he done? Like healthy? They're just not playing him. He's not playing him? They're not playing him. And that was the thing in four OTs. They're like, you're not going to let Isaiah get a little bit more. That's what I thought.

I was like, yo, give him the rock. Yeah, he could have got that let Isaiah get a little bit more. That's what I thought. I was like, yo, give him the rock. But it is interesting. I think Denver is poised to make serious moves in the West. For the future. Not just now. Let's say Michael Porter, he's coming back from a tough back injury, but let's

say it does work out. That was their gamble. They were like, we already think we're a good team. This guy could not be okay and then we miss out on a pick. But if he is, we go from good to elite. If he's anything like people have said he is, they're an elite team. Absolutely. I mean, you already have a potentially pass-first five who has range.

And now you're going to add a six. What is he? 6'8". Porter? I think Porter's taller than that. Maybe. I heard add a six. What is he? 6'8". Porter? I think Porter's taller than that. Maybe. I heard 6'8". I thought I heard 6'8".

Okay, now you have a legit, like a modern three. You have the modern three with range and athleticism. Right. Even in the small doses we saw of him in college when he was coming off an injury, he was a bucket. Yeah. Every single time he off an injury, he was a bucket. Yeah. Every single time he got the ball, he was a bucket. And then, like, you could see him wince a little bit.

And, like, that's – And that getting better is what's crazy. Like, these guys are young. 6'10", right? Yeah, I thought he was up there, too. Yeah. What's his name? Jamal Murray, like I said, getting better.

Jokic, I think, going to lose weight. I think this four-over time game showed him I got to lose some weight. And when you look at a guy like that, it's two things. It's all diet and drinking. Yeah. That NBA body. Because you're getting way more cardio than any human needs. Yeah.

If you're still heavy in the league, you have either a drinking problem or you're just not watching what you eat at all. My theory about Paul Pierce is that he drank a lot because he was always kind of soft. Yeah, he was lushing it up. Yeah, I mean, anytime you see that type of doughiness, it's just a guy who's a lush. It's as simple as that. And some people can function as a lush or some people just have – and I don't blame a dude that literally is working out the hardest any human does for 40 minutes in a basketball.

Like, you're exhausted. After that, you want a bowl of pasta. Yeah. You know what? You can't eat pasta. It's like, if he goes on that Kevin Love shit where he went from dumpy because he was a little bit of a drinker

and he ate some whatever to regimented diet, you could see some scary shit with Jokic. He's already nimble and he's fat. Yo, I feel like Love lost a little bit of his strength in the post. When I saw Clay Thompson guarding him, I was like, you got too skinny. You got too cute. But the cardio went up, and he had his legs for threes at the end of the game.

I think that was the tradeoff. That's what made him lock up Steph Curry in the finals. But it is true. His postgame went away when he lost the weight. He was definitely a three. That's something to consider with Jokic. I think Jokic should just lose a little

weight. Don't lose too much. 10, 15 pounds max. Get in the weight room, get stronger, but just get leaner and in better cardio shape. That's a good point.

Don't get too skinny. Don't get too skinny because Jokic is nice in the post. I just want him to just cut up. I don't even want him to lose weight.

Just cut that up. Yeah, turn it into some muscle. Take that into some muscle and then fuck out of here. You are the best big man in the league

without question. Keying in on Dame, who I love, but he hadn't. I mean, he's trying to find other people, whatever, but at the end of the game, I saw him as a big free throw last night. Yep. That was big. That was rare. That was a big miss.

Yep. Dame time a little late right now. Rough for Dame. Yeah. Rough for Dame and Steph, man. Really rough for the two elite guards in the West. He still had like an ugly 30, Damian Lillard. Damian Lillard.

Oh, he did? He still had an ugly, it was like nine for like 20-something. Yeah. Yeah. It was a hardened line. Yeah. Low percentage, a lot of points. Missed at big moments.

CJ McCollum cooked. Seth Curry had like a huge second quarter. Curry at home, man. I would trust any role player like that at home. Just bury buckets. Yeah, three threes in a row. And I think that's why they lost, because they went away from him in the second half. Curry at home, man. I would trust any role player like that at home. Just bury buckets. Yeah, three threes in a row. And I think that's why they lost, because they went away from him in the second half. 28 points.

Curry was hitting, and he just didn't, you know. When did we start talking about Jamal Murray as an elite guard? Dude, he's good. He's really good. Efficient. I think he's a 90 guy at the free throw line. Dude, he had six free throws in a row to seal the game. They kept trying to get the foul game where you miss one.

He just wouldn't miss. And he came out cocky afterwards. He's like, yeah, I love free throws. a row to seal the game. They kept trying to get the foul game where you miss one. He just wouldn't miss. And he came out cocky afterwards. He's like, yeah, I love free throws. That's where I'm at. I remember watching him in the World Games in high school, when Canada won. And he was the top dude in Canada. Is he the first Canadian basketball player that you want to have the ball

at the end of the game? Name another. Him and Steve Nash, maybe. Oh, Nash. Nash is a killer. Nash is a killer. That's about it. Yeah, yeah.

But the dude, he's got heart, man. He plays with a lot of balls. Yeah, he's not soft. The knock on the Canadian players is they're soft, and he does not play like a Canadian. I'll go this far. He's having the best round of maybe any point guard this round. He's having the best semifinals of any point guard.

Kyrie not doing great. He had a good game one. Now, not so much. What do you think about what Kyrie said after the loss? In game two? Yeah. This is what I live for? No, no. He said I'm actually a genius. Yeah, I'm actually a genius. What was the quote?

I know more about basketball than all these analysts who, whatever, I've played a lot more. I'm actually a genius. I am a genius when it comes to this. Yeah. You know what? There's some truth to that. Because I always feel like the whole, you know, if you can't teach, do teach is bullshit. Like, if you can do, you do. Sure.

And with him, I just think he's a strange motherfucker, but he does have a point. He does have a point. Like, you're not going to tell. Like, Charles Barkley, like, you played a different game than Kyrie played. Like, all those NBA and TNT, everybody on ESPN, like, you could say whatever you want. Like, Chauncey Billups, you're a point guard also, but, like, it was a slow game when you were a point guard. Like, it's not the same game that Kyrie's played.

So, I mean, I could get that. I could see something like that. What is your take on that? I mean, I guess it's like, that's what I would probably say to anybody who's criticizing my comedy, but that doesn't mean that I don't ever have a point. Yeah. I mean, like... Is there something to be said that, like,

a Charles Barkley would be able to play in this game today if he grew up in that? I don't think that his game, what is, you know, idiosyncratic to the style of play at the time... I think he actually could have been good in today's game. He was an uber-athletic, positionless... Dude, he's like... This is almost disrespectful to Charles, but look how effective

P.J. Tucker is. Look how effective this small... Go. Do you want better? Everybody says Zion looks like Chuck in college. Not everybody. I hear that a lot. That was the initial comparison coming out of high school. I think it's one of these things where, you know what?

What is it? Blake Griffin. You know, that kind of thing. I think you end up playing the style of play of your time, but a lot of these athletes would have easily transcended their time. The guys who aren't athletes, the guys who didn't have much athleticism but were able to get by because of the limitations of the game, I don't know if they transcend.

But the guys who are raw athletic, come on, you'll figure it out. But I feel like, you know, you got guys like Mark Price who was good for his time. But if Mark Price played in this year's NBA, he's an easy 20-point guy.

I don't know Mark Price enough to say, but Steve Kerr, I don't think, plays in the NBA if it's now. I think he has the end of the bench role. Yeah, I think he plays. He got that white boy shooter at the end of the bench. Yeah, T.J. McConnell. Yeah, T.J. McConnell. But McConnell's not even a shooter. He's just a point guard.

I think Kerr could actually be more valuable in that sense. But Kerr never had a handle. It was just knockdown. Mark Price had a handle. It was just knockdown. Mark Price had handle. Mark Price was stupid way. He was actually kind of like Steve Nash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just don't remember him playing.

I'm not knocking him. I'm just saying, like, those types of guys, I don't think you see them in the NBA today. I think that that time where, like, a Jeff Hornacek, do you really see him being an effective player in the league? Naming a lot of white guys. Say what? Naming a lot of white guys. Say what? Naming a lot of white guys. Because they're not as athletic.

Yeah, but what about a Redick? So here's the thing about J.J. Redick, which is interesting, right? J.J. Redick transformed his body to get the most out of it so that he could be effective in the league. He had a really pragmatic approach to his NBA game. It was pretty cool. So what he did was he knew he wasn't going to handle the ball and he knew all he was going to do was shoot and run. So he has this insane cardio regimen. Right. So he knows the way I'll be effective

is if I'll get open, I'm not going to break any of these guys down in the dribble. The athleticism is too good in the league and these guys can lock me up one on one without a doubt. But I can run away from him and and I can use picks, and I can get away. And he is catered and leaned into whatever body type allows him to do that. His cardio is through the fucking roof, and he's just knocked down. Have you seen him put the ball on the ground? It's almost embarrassing. I think I have better handle than J.J. Redick.

I mean that seriously. His finishing at the rim is dog shit too. He doesn't really finish well at the rim. He doesn't have to. He doesn't have to. He doesn't have to. And it was a very interesting approach to the game. He knew exactly what sliver he could be effective, and he just went for that. And exploited it.

I don't knock a guy for that. I just think the 2019 versus the NBA, there's just so many possessions in the game. The fact that we've had two playoff games that didn't crack 100 points is, like, wild. Where back in the 90s, 80s, like – It was wild to crack 100. Yeah, exactly. That was the Suns offense.

Sorry, yeah, the Suns, Mavs. Yeah. What are they called? Kings. The running gun. You get, like, 103, 104. What was it called? 17 seconds or less or something like that?

Seven seconds or less, and you were getting like 104, 110. That's crazy. Yeah, you weren't getting 120, 130. I remember watching those like D'Antoni sons. I'm like, wow, these guys are just shooting. And it was like they had like average 110 points a game. Now we got playoff games that end in regulation like 140 to 120. Mike D'Antoni is the worst transformative coach in history of sports.

Wait, why do you say that? Because he really did change the game. Yeah. But he also has never made it to the finals. And I always, every time you can point to your lack of rotation and you never fucking learn. He's Don Nelson. Huh? He's Don Nelson.

Yeah, Don Nelson, I think, kind of led the way for Dan Tony. Yeah. But Dan Tony's the guy everybody points to as revolutionizing. Because Dan Tony's not tipping. And Nelson's been doing it and it didn't really tip. Because they consider Dan Tony an elite genius. No, doing it, and it didn't really tip. They consider D'Antoni an elite genius. No, no, no. It's not the book.

Coaches, GMs, presidents, and that stuff. He holds these summits in the summer where he'll go speak in front of just... We're not talking about kids. We're talking about elite coaches, GMs, and all these people. And they all go. They pay homage. They kiss the ring because they truly believe he is an offensive genius in terms of scheme.

Maybe one of his deficiencies is he doesn't have a deep enough bench or he doesn't believe enough in the bench, whatever. But strategically, how he's changed in the game, they really look up to him. And that's why he'll keep getting jobs because the powers that be in the league are like, no, he's nice. He's like Marty Schottenheimer. Maybe he's a genius and it doesn't translate to wins like Kyrie. Maybe.

Maybe that's it. I would listen to Kyrie if he was given like. Sure. That's a great. Unless it was how do you make your team better. Yeah. That's the one I wouldn't listen to. Right.

And I know you're joking, but like. You're right, though. Like if Kyrie wanted to tell me how to finish effectively at the rim, I'm there listening. Yeah. It's a genius level talent to, like, know how to. He's a genius scorer. Yeah. Genius.

Just, like, the way he angles himself, like, off the fucking backboard and the rims and all that shit. The way he uses it. He does judo shit. Like, you know how they say judo is all about using the weight of your opponent? Like, I'm going to use your weight to help me throw you, et cetera. If you watch the way he gets guys on his hip and then uses their weight leaning on him to position them behind. Yeah. And if you ever watch Kyrie, it's because it's never blinding speed.

It's change of pace speed. Yes. It's like he'll get blinding speed. It's change of pace speed. Yes, he is. Acceleration. Acceleration. Yes. So he'll get you on your back and he'll stop a little bit so he gets a little contact and once he gets the contact and he finishes it, easy and one, easy finish or something like that. He's a master

at that. Yeah, it's pretty cool to see. Yeah. It's pretty cool to see. I still think we haven't talked about Kawhi. Besides him being fun, boring? He looks like fucking Jordan. He looks like fucking Jordan out Jordan. He's the truth. He looks like fucking Jordan out there. He's the truth, man.

My God. I called him good shot selection Kobe on Twitter. That's funny. And I was like, so they were like, oh, so you're saying he's Jordan. I'm like, yeah, I guess. I guess he's Jordan. Like super efficient. I think he's shooting like 70%.

It's crazy. 67%. Some wildly high number. Averaging like, super efficient. I think he's shooting like 70%. It's crazy. 67%, some wildly high number. Averaging like 35 a game. I've said I didn't like Philly's immaturity. I didn't think they were going to get past Toronto. And I think Kawhi is good enough to get a pass. Let me ask you guys this. When you see Kawhi next to Jimmy Butler, I always consider Jimmy Butler a man.

Right. But when you see them next to each other, one is a child, one is a pubescent teenager, and the other is a grown-ass fucking man. How does Jimmy look so tiny next to Kawhi? Kawhi's a monster. But aren't they similar height? What is Jimmy? Six.

They're both like 6'7". Son, Jimmy looks a foot shorter than Kawhi. Kawhi long. Kawhi's got a big fucking head. And the shoulders. Big fucking hands. He's wide as fuck. He's a transformer.

Yeah. He looks like a fucking transformer out there. Everyone's always like, oh, he doesn't do anything fancy. It's because he doesn't fucking need to. He's just. Funny enough, Jimmy Carter is listed as 6'8", but Kawhi is listed at 6'7". There's no way. That's crazy.

There's no way. There's no way. You see them guarding each other. I mean, like. They measure butler's hair. Yeah. It's got to be the hair. It's got to be the hair.

But he just plays the game so smoothly, so in control. He does everything he wants to do. One of the commenters said after the win, Kawhi gave his little speech, and then he walked away. One of the commenters goes, Kawhi is actually incredibly happy right now. His face just doesn't know yet. That's a great line.

So, yeah, Toronto getting out of the series? I think so. I've had them since the beginning. Benny Lowry, though, to step up. Kyle Lowry. I don't even think they need to. They won with the shitty Pascal Siakam game.

And I'm like, I don't think he's going to have two shitty games in a row. That's fair. Pascal's... He's hurt, though, right? What is his injury? What is his injury?

I don't remember. Cap or something? Ankle? Something like that, yeah. Okay, so we have Toronto probably coming out. We think Milwaukee's going to make it happen.

Best out of three. Two of those games are in Toronto. I think Toronto takes it. All right, what else we got outside of basketball? We did a lot of basketball. Yeah, we did a lot of basketball. You guys, you know, we should have talked about this earlier. You heard about these Burger King unhappy meals?

No, you were telling me this, and I refused. I said, I want to hear live. I want to see live what is happening. Ed, pull up the article, please. And if you can, let me know if I say something wrong after. But basically, Burger King's response to McDonald's Happy Meal is, hey, people aren't happy all the

time. You don't have to be happy all the time. There's no pressure for you to be happy all the time. So they created meals that aren't happy meals. They have six boxes. They have a sad meal, a salty meal, a DGAF meal. What is that?

Don't give a fuck. Don't give a fuck. A pissed meal and a yas meal. Wait, say that again? Yas. Why would anybody sell any meal called pissed? I just don't. Damn. This is what happens when you cater to the cucks this is it some idiot marketer was like yay mental

health is a big deal let's get out in front of it we'll look cool we'll look progressive don't try to look progressive you look like an idiot and if you see the commercial the commercial are you telling me there's a there's a meal called sad meal so i have to go up i have to go into a fast food restaurant called blue meal sorry blue meals okay blue meals better but like i i have i would rather do that than myself to go into a fast food restaurant yeah clearly clearly i'm already frowny face depressed right If I'm walking into a fast food restaurant to get a pre-organized meal and then I have to order a meal that acknowledges my depression.

Any stranger that works at the fast food restaurant? I'm already being judged by someone who makes $6 an hour. Someone who works there is looking at me like, why the fuck are you here? And then I go, I'll have the blue meal. And they go, yes, you will. Dude, this is brutal.

This is insulting. Salty. Actually, it kind of sounds cool. I want to know what's in the salty meal. Yeah, I was about to say, what's in it? Do you know if the meal is correlated to that? I don't know. And the quietly fucked up part about it is, especially with the cuck comment you said,

they're not doing it because they care about mental health. No. They're just throwing a shot at McDonald's because they have happy meals. Of course. And they're not happy all the time. So they don't really give a fuck about people who are blue or pissed or sad or whatever. You just want to take one more fucking shot at McDonald's because they still slap you all around for all these.

Burger King going out of business, yo. I kind of like when these little companies take shots at each other online. Yeah, this just failed. I don't mind the idea. This is corny. But this is just mad corny, dog. Who was the other one? Paul McDonald's.

I'll just lean into it. Because you can't take shots by taking a fake high roll. That's not taking shots. There's no rat beef with the guys. Like, I do more community service than you. You don't care about anybody. That's not taking shots. Like, there's no rap beef where the guy's like, I do more community service than you. You don't care about anybody. That's not bars, dog. Drop bars.

There was a... Wendy's was like, oh, if you like this comment or something like that, we'll bring the spicy nuggets back. And then some, I think, Burger King already has spicy nuggets and like, oh, been there, done that.

Like, they were just like talking beef. Oh, the Twitter beef where the companies do that? I like that shit. I kind of like that shit., they were just like talking beef. the Twitter beef when the companies do that? I like that. I kind of like that shit. Yeah, but that's like funny.

This is- what's in the meals? Do you get a blue chew with a blue meal? That would turn that front upside down. Turn a lot of things upside down. I don't know. It doesn't look like

there's anything specific in each meal. No, it's just, that's even lazier. So it's the same meal, but they just have a different box. So you just want people to know how you're feeling that day.

We know that you don't give a fuck. You're eating fast food. I was about to say, I've never felt good about myself after eating fast food. Or before. Ever. I never felt good going in. Nobody eats Burger King out of happiness. I mean, they're just promoting mental health on a real meals campaign.

Oh my God, not everybody's crazy. I'm getting annoyed with this whole mental health kick. You're supposed to feel things. There's this idea like you're not allowed to feel anything. Feeling is natural. Just because you feel anxiety it does not mean that you have

an anxiety problem. Anxiety actually keeps you alive. Of course. It's a very important tool in your life. We all get anxious at times, and usually it's at times where we should be anxious. So don't, like, we're doing this thing, but maybe it's important to understand mental health if we start, like, understanding our feelings a little bit. But, like, I think we're all starting to diagnose ourselves with these issues that when we have that are completely normal and completely okay you're supposed to get a little depressed sometimes you're supposed to be down supposed to be up this is the ebbs and flows of life you know

why because it's easy what is that it's easy to just be like oh it's easy yeah it's easy to just lean into like some sort of oh yeah yeah i mean like it's easier to do that then just be like just to confront a lot of things. The reality. Or the reality, or to speak out, or just know, like, hey, like, shit ain't going to be sweet all the time. All the time. And we don't want it sweet all the time. No, you don't. You need those fucking low moments, man. I was talking to Lewis earlier today about, we were just talking about how, like, you know, people in paradise do a lot of meth, right?

Yeah. Like, in these different places of paradise, right? And, like, in Hawaii, for example, there's a- There's a lot of meth, right? Yeah. Like in these different places of paradise, right? And like in Hawaii, for example, there's a- There's a lot of meth, bro. There's a huge- Bro, you should come to Australia. You'll get into it too. So like in Hawaii, there's a big meth problem, right?

And the reason I feel like there's a big meth problem is we are not built for paradise. We are built for problems we are built for things going wrong around us that we use our anxiety to help us solve right oh shit we got to find shelter oh shit we got to find food oh shit there's a warring tribe oh shit cunt our life should be oh shits and now you're just relaxing on a beach with a fucking mai tai and everything's good you got food you got shelter you got water and your brain starts to go i need some distraction i'd hate it make me imagine you felt bad in paradise i'd hate it you think something's wrong with you i'm saying like i would hate i would hate to live in paradise all the time like i could never that's why i love being in new york like

all my friends are moving out to la and like oh it's sunny in it like all right what happens when that gets old boom what happens when you know that what happens when you get used to that you get used to that shit it's like nah bro like i'm a new yorker like i need this shit you know like that's true like i came to when i came here someone at the uh at the cafe was like oh why did you come here when it was raining it's like because it doesn't rain in australia i want some fucking shitty weather yeah i see puddles, it fucks up my shoes. I'm like, cool. That's great.

Well, it makes you appreciate it. There's a part of it, it's like you need to, you know, anytime you travel. This place sucks. I love it. There it is. It's great. I love where I'm from. Like, I think, you know, people say go travel.

Obviously, go travel and you'll find all these great things about other places. But it also gives you perspective on where you're from. That's why you should travel. That's it. I want to force people away. Literally, every year, or not, I would say once in everybody's life, they should be forced to go back to where their people are from, wherever you're from. You've got to go back to Costa Rica or Nicaragua, wherever the fuck you're from.

You've got to go back to India. You've got to go back to Nigeria. I've got to go back to Scotland, and I promise you, we will have an immense appreciation for America. And we'll stop bickering about little shit because we know where we could have been. Absolutely. You know? That's going to be my first trip. I'm going right back to Nigeria.

Yo, go. And then you're going to come right back here like, all right. So long, little racism. So long, little racism. Let's celebrate with a picnic. We in America. Take a little racism.'s celebrate with a picnic We in America Have a cucumber sandwich I just don't want fucking Burger King Patronizing me like that

I'm not a fucking idiot man No one is happy all the time and that's okay I need fucking Burger King to tell me that You losers Have a fucking burger shut the fuck up Stop pitying me I hate fucking Burger King to tell me that. You losers. Yeah, have a fucking burger. Shut the fuck up. Stop pitying me. I hate motherfuckers pitying me. You know what?

It's okay to feel like, I know, bitch. I need you telling me. Yeah, yeah. Who the fuck is you? Yeah. That's all. I'm out. I got it out.

Oh, gosh. Hey, guys. I got some dates that I want you guys to come to real quick. I got some dates, too. Nashville, May 18th. We're going to be there. Zany's Comedy Club. By the way, it was crazy.

The merch that we had. Ill merch. Thank you, man. That shit's sold out. Yo, I was about to say, like, it's sold out. I got to get you. That shit's sold out. I need the fucking anti-Souls, the hoodie.

So we got three different pieces. We got one I'm wearing right now, which is the stay sleep. Not stay woke, stay sleep. So y'all can see what it looks like right here. Damn. And it's a nice little play, but whatever. You'll see. And then, oh, Al, you got them?

Oh, shit. That'd be dope. You got some? And then, no, so we can show them. And then we got the, oh, good throw. And then we got the, this one is fucking dope. This is the shit. This is the joint. Right? So we got the... This one is fucking dope. This is the shit. This is the joint.

Right? So we got the... That's getting copped. Anti-social justice warrior hoodie. That shit is hot. And it's in the same vein as the anti-social social club. So it's dope. That shit went real quick.

Don't sue us. And then we got one more. We got the Hezzy. We got the Hezzy Amador Tour long sleeve. Now, here's the thing. We sold out in Dallas pretty quickly. My bad to all the people that didn't get it, I hope. But what we're going to do is we're actually going to mix it up.

You can only get the stuff at the live show. That's the way to do it. Right? And I know there's a lot of people who are like, yo, you might not be coming to my city, this, that, the other. And hey, man, say lovey. That's just how the fuck it is sometimes, man. Supply and demand.

Those are the bricks. You know what I mean? Those are the bricks. But I feel like you're going to come into the show, you're going to gonna get it but i think what we're gonna do is a little special drops as well so it might be something different in your city but it's only gonna happen at the live show so um go there go there early cop it up man i'm stoked about shout to mark agnon man he was the one who um who put these together man and they're so fucking cool man. I'm really excited. And he's also opening on the show. He's doing some very funny stuff.

Funny dude. Very funny dude. Very funny dude. Actually, no, he's whack. We need to bully him a little bit more, huh? We can't be too nice to him. I told him that he's still a rookie on the crew, so he's not going to get any compliments.

No, but I mean, that's a cute mark. You're not going to get any compliments. You're not going to get any reinforcement, none of that shit. You've got to earn your keep out here, you know what I mean? First weekend, you're not going to get any reinforcement, none of that shit. You've got to earn your keep out here, you know what I mean? First weekend, you're not going to get no compliments. Anyway, so shout out to Mark.

So, yeah, we got Nashville, May 18th. Then we got Columbus, Ohio, Funny Bone, 24th through the 25th of May. I love that club. Chicken Tenders. Amazing club. Say what? Chicken Tenders. Oh, the best Chicken Tenders. Oh, it's the same. Chicken Tenders. In the fucking world, man. I love that club. Chicken tenders. Amazing club. Say what? Chicken tenders. Oh, the best chicken tenders. Oh, it's the same.

The best chicken tenders in the fucking world, man. I cannot wait. They better not change that recipe. I'll be so embarrassed. But I got to do a deal with a club. If you order chicken tenders, you get something or make it cheaper so everybody goes orders. Anyway, then we got St. Louis, Missouri. We'll be at the Helium Comedy Club out there.

Then we got Ann Arbor, Michigan. Then we got San Francisco Saturday shows are both sold out There's some tickets left for the Sunday show Get them real quick because that's about to sell out Then we got Indianapolis Liberty Township which is Cincinnati Then we out there in Denver

One night only in Houston Toronto, first show sold out We added a second show Get the tickets for that right now First theater show sold out. We added a second show. Get the tickets for that right now. That one's going to go. First theater show sold out. Man, we cooking, bro. That's going to be nuts.

We all got to go to that show. That's going to be wild. Everybody coming up to that. Washington, D.C., Chicago, get the tickets quick to that because I think all the VIPs are sold out for that. Then we got Boston. Get on that. And then New York City, man.

New York City, step the fuck up, yo. Toronto shouldn't beat you to the sellout. It's my people, my home. Y'all gotta be there. You gotta bully Toronto on that shit. Speaking of New York City. TheAndrewSchultz.com. Go get them tickets. D'Ussé Palooza, May 27th. DJ lineup is out. DJ Steph

Cakes wears nasty. DJ First Choice, Mick Boogie, Austin Mills, OG Chase B, all DJing at the Brooklyn Mirage. May 27th Memorial Day weekend that's a Sunday that's a Monday Monday yeah

what time oh shit it is starts at 2 o'clock 2 o'clock all night and we announce our leave early you don't get caught behind a truck

leave I was about to say that shit too and we announce our headliner next Monday a week from today well I guess it'll be tomorrow so in 6 days we announce our headliner so Monday, a week from today. Well, I guess it'll be tomorrow. So in six days, we announce our headliner.

So get it now, because once the headliner is announced, they're going to fucking fly. So don't say I didn't fucking warn you. It's a big, big, big get. So please come through. Get them tickets. It's going to be nuts. I just want to give a shout out to the patrons, man. I talked about it in the last episode.

A good friend of mine who's also an asshole a patron his name is Brian Gwinner he lost his baby girl Hannah she was 22 months old she had a liver complication had surgery was healing well we thought then some basically shit got crazy and she passed away last Monday and there was a

GoFundMe that was started to help cover medical bills and and funeral costs and we went from friday the episode came out there had thirteen thousand dollars and then it literally has doubled since then twenty six thousand dollars and if you read the most recent comments it's pretty much all love from the asshole it's kind of fun it's fucked up it'll be like yo the asshole army got you yo assholes unite assholes forever read about this online. I'm really sorry to hear about your daughter. Assholes stick together.

Listen, man, I hopped in that Discord this weekend, and it was nothing but support for Hannah and the parents. It was beautiful. That's the beautiful thing. We all might be fucking assholes, but when we all come for a fucking common cause and to support our own especially, it's fucking dope as fuck, bro.

And it inspired me. I'm going to start doing more reaching out. We talked about this. I'm very uncomfortable talking to fans and stuff like that. But, like, this isn't fans. This is family. It's family. And I'm going to reach out and I'm going to make sure, like, I'll drop in the Patreon

page once in a while. If I'm going to eat somewhere, a couple assholes want to come through, come through. Like, I'm going to do a better job. I did that shit a couple weeks ago, man. That shit was mad dope, bro. Stole the idea from you. Andrew took 15 patrons to go see Avengers. It was dope. Like, I'm going to be more proactive about that I did that shit a couple weeks ago, man. It was mad dope, bro. Stole the idea from you. Andrew took 15 patrons to go see Avengers. It was dope.

I'm going to be more proactive about that and get over this little weird thing I got. Good, good, man. I think it's amazing. Got to touch the people, man. What we did, supporting. I mean, it's really the reason why we wanted a community-based Patreon, not a content-based Patreon. There is a difference.

You know, we're not just giving people a few clips every week or a podcast every week, right? We're inspiring you guys to connect with each other, discuss the things that we talked about, share your hot takes, share your jokes, you know, and hopefully share your assistance and help. And you guys did that for Hannah. I mean, that's unbelievable to

raise thirteen thousand dollars in a fucking day i mean that's i can't tell you what type of relief that probably is going to give you know uh brian and his wife during this really tough time man so it's just so cool that you guys did that and so cool to see the assholes kind of come together especially at the shows man and talk to each other and y'all should do that you should build this up and it's crazy to see people giving out hbo go passwords on the patreon like bro that's how i especially at the shows, man, and talk to each other. And y'all should do that. You should build this up. And it's crazy to see people giving out HBO Go passwords on the Patreon. Bro, that's how I watch Game of Thrones. It's really how it does.

It's like my Wi-Fi on Delta. No, it's how I get my Delta Wi-Fi as well. At the T-Mobile joint, they give you an hour free. It's like the idea with the Patreon is when you have a community, you have people who are helping each other. And I've always wanted people to get way more out of this than they give. It is between $5 or $10 or $25, whatever measure you are on the Patreon. My feeling and my hope is that you are getting way more out of it than you are giving into it.

And that would definitely make me happy. So for those of you who are Patreon subscribers, the Asshole Army, we will see you guys and speak to you guys on Friday. Oh, real quick. If y'all still want to donate, the link I think is still on your Instagram. If not, I'll post it. I'll have the link for the GoFundMe. It's on my Twitter too.

It's pinned as well. Brian is one of the best dudes I know. So if you guys raise $500,000 or some crazy shit like that beyond what he needs, he will pay it forward. He will do the right thing. I know this dude.

This is a good dude. So all love to Brian, man. Thank you guys for supporting. Thank you guys for, you know, doing exactly what you do. And we will speak to you guys Friday. And if we don't speak to you guys Friday, we'll speak to you next Tuesday.

Keep it tight. God bless.