Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Drunken Slomosexuals

Episode Date: May 17, 2019

Drunken Slomosexuals by

Yo, how Irish guys got little dicks, bro? You heard that rumor? They got little dicks? You heard that rumor? I didn't. Yeah, Irish guys got little dicks. Yo, they got mad little dicks. Aren't you part Irish?

I still am. Yeah. Not that part. Say, I'm top half Irish Nah that dick is William Wallace That shit is Braveheart So you know how big dicks Scottish guys gotta have

Scottish guys gotta have such big dicks They didn't even wear pants They wore kilts They literally wore skirts Because they tried to put Their dicks in the pants They were like This don't fit right Slapping them thighs

Real tall I got hype When I saw my ancestry And it was 30% Congo And then I looked up Congo And they had the biggest Big dicks The biggest

But not as big as Scottish Nah we got the biggest ones Fam You didn't know that The Scots are basically like The Africans of Europe Hair and cuffs I'm being serious They were walking around With face paint The Scots are basically like the Africans of Europe. Here it comes.

I'm being serious. They're walking around with face paint and shit. Tribal people. Always trying to fight for their freedom. You sure it's not black people? You know what I'm saying? They hate the English. They hate colonizers. Son, we are the motherfucking.

Real talk. We are the African. I'm a black man. There's no way you would have a drink of alcohol for your whole life. I'm good. What if it guaranteed that you were going to have a son, not a daughter? Oh, shit. Gun to your head.

Gun to your head. Guaranteed. One sip. Don't even be drunk. Like you thinking about this, Jared. I still don't think I do it just on principle. Akash Singh, the name continues. Your family name continues. Yeah.

You continue your lineage. You continue to patriarch. Oh, continue to patriarch. Yeah, I might have to do it. Like, when you put it that way. All you got to do is have one sip of Tullamore Dew. Tullamore Dew. Tullamore Dew.

I mean, I guess I would do it if it's the case. What would you prefer to make sure that you have a boy to carry on your legacy? One sip of alcohol or you just suck the bottom of a dick? Dick? What are we talking about? just suck the bottom of a dick. Dick? What are we talking about? What's the bottom of a dick? Just along the vein. Just one of these.

Just one of these. That's all you're these. It's just one of these. I'm sorry. Oh, God. What's the time on this, Adam? This feels like it's been four hours. We've been talking about probably sucking dick for the last 20 minutes, but we're at 149. That's a long ass 149. Fuck.

Pour some out. We out here pouring it out for the homies. I'm just was gonna smoke a weed in here. We come here and it smells like fucking weed and shit. Anything else that we gotta plug? I mean, it's mad sports shit we didn't get to. Yeah, let's get to it. We didn't. No, we gotta hit the patrons.

We gotta go to some patron questions. Shout out to the caps, yo. Shout out to the caps. We really gotta shout out to the caps, man, for holding us the fuck down, yo. I appreciate y'all. Whenever I see the caps of the show, they let the shots the caps man for holding us the fuck down yo i appreciate y'all whenever i see the caps of the show they let me know we got a little salute you know what i mean and it's part of the it's part of the gang man i really appreciate the caps dude because you're throwing it down for us thank you man that was kaz that said that Just clarifying So let's see what the Caps had to say

Ryan Butterfield wanted to talk about That's my boy Ah Butterfield Yo my boy Ah Yo you didn't know about Yo you don't know about You don't know about Ah Yo Ah

What up When I'm drunk that's Ah Yo Ah Yo Ah Ah What the Caps gotta say Oh is that cause that's Ack. Yo, Ack. Yo, Ack. Ack. What the cats got to say? Oh, is that because I didn't even pick up on that? That's what y'all call brown people at the bodega.

Yeah. Ahmed. We do? It's short for Ahmed, yeah. It's either that or Habibi. What more thing we got to talk about? Habibi means beloved, so I get that. We all use Uber, right?

Oh, that's what I mean. Uber just rolled out the new Uber Black. They have a quiet mode now. So you can turn on the quiet mode for Uber. Shut up. You never new Uber Black. They have a quiet mode now. You can turn on the quiet mode for Uber. Shut up. You never order Uber Black. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Uber, shut up. There's division

amongst the blacks on the show. Uber Black is where Kaz gets a ride to somebody. I'm cheap as fuck. Come on. We never order that shit. I order Uber Black. Will Cavs get to ride to somebody I'm cheap as fuck But come on We never order that shit I order Uber Black I actually drive We can drive too Yeah

We never order Uber Black All I'm saying is They have a quiet mode For Uber now Alex's and Andrew's Uber Black I'm not going back You want to give me a ride

Hum That's Uber Black So many layers Deadass And you want to give me a ride Hum That's Uber Black That fucking never gives me a ride So many layers Deadass I ordered Uber Black One time This is the funniest episode

We've had in a while No bullshit I don't know if it is Or maybe I'm drunk I'm curious Hey deadass I ordered Uber Black One time right

And I'm not going to lie You know how like Sometimes when you order Uber They got little Poland spring bottles You got some gum or some shit This motherfucker had Hennessy buffalo wings No

This motherfucker had Hennessy buffalo wings In the Uber He had kids in the back seat He had a great head I felt like I felt like I was like no way

Yo he had Magnum condoms At least He had Magnum condoms and he never used them? It was crazy. It was crazy. He took me right to a Dallas BBQ. That's the shit. I was like, I didn't put this as my address.

He's like, nah, this is where we going. I was like, what? Shit was crazy, bro. Yo, why do black people love Dallas BBQ? I don't understand it. I love that shit. I love Dallas BBQ. I don't understand it. I love that shit. I love Dallas BBQ. And I don't know why it's not even that good.

I love Dallas BBQ. Son, I love that shit. The Hennessey Wings? Son, the Hennessey Wings. Bro. The Hennessey Wings. Son. No bullshit.

You go Uber Black. I'm about to go to tonight. There was a 48-ounce. I'm about to break my veganism for that shit tonight. I'll see you there, son. I'll see you there. Tonight, soon. Wait, what's the fucking, the pina coladas, the big joints?

48-ounce slushies. Texas-sized. Texas-sized slushies. Black people going to be there, bro. If you want to keep black people out of an establishment, don't offer 48-ounce slushies in a martini glass. Don't do that. Yeah, maybe you want to exercise. You want a double shot?

Yeah, I want the double shot. This is how much black people don't trust, right? They be like, don't put it in. I want to put it in. Just have it hanging on the glass. Hang it on the glass so I can see. Because, you know, initially they just put it in and they were tasting like, this don't taste like

there's extra Hennessy. Or we just take the shot straight to the head. I gotta give it up. That is true. Son. I know these things. I order a double. I'm like, they say this not strong enough.

This not strong enough. Dallas BBQ is the only place you paid before. Oh, fuck. What do you mean? You paid before. No, you don't. I swear to God,

all my life, I've been to more Dallas BBQs than everybody on Instagram. Nigga. Dead ass. You go in at a certain hour. You have to pay

upon entry. Go to the Dallas BBQs on 42nd and then there used to be one on 8th Street and University but it closed. Now there's one

on 8th Street on 2nd. Dallas BBQs used to be our shit. We would go every single Friday. They make you pay before.

Yo. Make you pay before. Yo. Akash. What up? He is a black man. Make you pay before. Yo, Akash.

What up? He is a black man. Yo, what's up? This is Akash. That was a preview of our Patreon episode. If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrant2. Join the illest community on earth. Unless you're a social justice warrior, then you're just going to ruin the fun.