Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Eat, Prey, Steal

Episode Date: November 26, 2019

This week Andrew, Akaash, and Alexx discuss: Blessings from Thanksgiving, Losing to the oatmeal guy, Super Mexicans, The worst names for condoms, Charlamagne talking about Serge Ibaka's huge unit, Richard Jefferson and the Knicks, the Flagrant thoughts of the week, and much more. INDULGE!!! Want an EXTRA episode a week? Become a Patron! www.Patreon.com/Flagrant2

What's up everybody? Welcome to another episode of Flagrant 2 Yo, we're sorry it's late We're gonna tell you why in a second But this episode has been brought to you by Morgan & Morgan You know the asshole army Law agency

Alright, making sure you get all the money you deserve You ever get into an accident Any type of situation like that They're gonna take care of you And they don't get paid unless you win So you ever get into an accident, any type of situation like that, they're going to take care of you and they don't get paid unless you win. So you have absolutely nothing to lose, okay? You get hit by a dump truck, all right? And you need to sue the dump truck company

or sue the city or whoever pays for the dump trucks. Morgan and Morgan, maybe there's another Morgan out there, but those motherfuckers are going to get you that money and you will receive it. And then you will pay them. You understand me? Zero cost.

So you just got to go to ForThePeople, that's F-O-R, ThePeople.com forward slash flagrant for a free case review. That's right. They're going to review your case for free as well. That's Morgan & Morgan. They support the flagrancy. We're going to support them. Now, let's start the show.

You need to talk to them still about the city, though. Yes. The city. Oh, yeah, about my shit. Now, so let's start the show here. Here's the thing. We understand this episode is late. We're sorry.

We recorded an episode yesterday. We could not release it. Yeah. We could not release this episode. It just got too crazy we were talking about retards playing steal the bacon Akash was fucking a chair doggy style I bought a car

Akash bought a fucking car Akash bought an $80,000 car so his girl would divorce him before they even got married that was the goal shit got absurd during this fucking episode. We tried to get through an ad read. We tried to get through an ad read for 25 minutes. How many minutes?

Exactly. 30 minutes straight we tried to get through this ad read. 30 straight minutes we gave it our all. Could not do it. Could not do it. Could not do it. Oh, boy. It was, we sat there and we go, because before the episode we said, you know what? We're just going to go completely wild, say whatever the fuck we want, and if we have to cut some shit out, we're going to cut some shit out.

And Andrew was in a mood. I don't know if any of us foresaw that when we said let's just let us run. What did I say? I ate something. It was something I ate. Fuck, what was it? What did he eat? Turkey chili. I ate turkey chili. I ate turkey chili. I ate Eden's

family right in front of him. Okay, minced up to perfection. And I ate that turkey chili and I knew once I ate that turkey chili, I had a large. Usually I make sure it's a nice small turkey chili, but I had a large. And I scooped it out of the fucking corners of that bowl,

that to-go cup. And I knew after that that it was going to get real silly. It was going to get real fucking silly. And boy, did it. Oh, boy. We really sat here for an hour after the episode. Yeah. And we said, is there any way we can, what can we do?

And I think it was the 30 minutes on the ad read that took it over. That's when it was done. But listen, here's the thing. I don't want to get it twisted. We don't really edit shit on this podcast. There's very, very, very, very, very little we have ever said, yo, we should maybe think Maybe a person's name. Yeah.

Like a beeper name. Oh my, we should maybe think about that. Maybe a person's name. Yeah, like a beeper name. Oh, my God. I completely forgot about that. We started talking to this girl that Alex was talking to. Oh, my God. Save that for Patreon, please. This girl has CTE, right? Okay, severe CTE.

This girl, we call her up. She's basically saying they had to not talk anymore because she was going to kill Alex in his sleep. She was going to Junior Seau the boy. She was going to Junior Seau him. Joe Van Belter the boy. I don't know who these people are. See, hey, listen. It doesn't matter.

They're not alive anyway. Neither of their family members are friends. Listen, guys. The point is. You can do a favor, Al. The point is it got too fucking crazy. We said this. We finally came to this conclusion.

We said, we'll release the episode, probably the majority of it, as a Patreon episode. Yeah. Even then, even then, I am concerned. It is. It is wild. Just the ad read. Yo wild. Just the ad read. Yo. Yo.

Just the ad read gets. I don't even know if we can release that. Really? Now that I'm thinking about it. I don't think we should. I'm getting high thinking about it. I'm squirming. There might be a Thanksgiving miracle.

There might be a Thanksgiving miracle for you guys. It is. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, God. Just whatever. It doesn't matter. Point is, we had to come back in the studio. It's Tuesday morning.

Legitimately, less than 12 hours later, we had to be back in the studio to record. We agree. We said, we got to get back in here. And then waddled up to the studio this morning with his fucking, with the luggage. Or we left the, I don't know. It doesn't matter. Point is, point is, we're here. We're recording. We had to give it to you. We had to give you something again. We had to give it to you. It was, I mean, it's too much. It was too much. It was

too much. It was too much. It really was. It was too much. We are the last people to say it was too much. This shit. It was too much. It's crazy. You got to know when it's too much. Crazy. Like legitimately what the fuck was going on yesterday? 20-minute retard story. It's a 20-minute retard story. Sound effects and everything. Fantastic story, though. Sound effects and everything.

Fantastic story. I commend the story. Alex walks out of the episode, and then we force him to stay. That's the way I fucked up. I know, because if you walked out, the story would have ended. But the fact that you ended up staying, it was like, oh, we could stretch this out. The only other time you left the studio was Franks and Beans. Bro.

Oh, yeah. Something about retard story, if you're getting this guy moving. God bless a retard story. Word. Yeah. Anyway, point is, we had to come back because we love y'all. Maybe it's about how poorly they walked that makes you want to exercise. All right, all right, all right.

Let's not get into it. Stop, stop. So, we're back. Let's start it up. Let's start it up nice and warm. Flagrant thought of the week. I had a flagrant thought of the week. Deontay Wilder's never hit his girl. Oh, facts. I had a flagrant thought of the week. Deontay Wilder's

never hit his girl. Oh, facts. That's a gentleman. Like, when you really think about it, like, say what you want about, like, you know, boxers and football players beating up their girlfriends and stuff like that. We know with 100%

certainty that Deontay Wilder has never hit his girl. Unless a lot of bitches be disappearing around the man. Bro. Bro. Like, if there's a lot of missing people's report. She'd be dead. Yeah, 100%.

Like, 100% game over or, like, welts, bruises, something. Or 48. So I go, he's never hit his girl. And then I have this thought where it's like if he did she would have no clue like he hits you with the men in black shit yeah i mean like he could hit his girl and then when she wakes up he could be like damn you fell but it's not here's the problem it's not when she wakes up as if if she wakes up that's if she wakes up he could be like, you got to stop drinking. Like he could make up whatever scenario that he wants for his girl. And there's no way that she would know otherwise.

He got to be the calmest guy on earth, bro. It's like the Incredible Hulk just walking around. There's literally one other human on the planet that is trying to start a fight with him. Yeah. Yeah. Just one. One. Tyson Fury. Yeah, yeah. Just one. One. Tyson Fury.

Yeah, that's it. None of the other heavyweights even call him out. Right? They're like, we should do it. It would be a great fight. That's a heavyweight's way of going, I'll get knocked out for a million dollars. Right?

Tyson Fury is the only guy talking shit to him. That's, yo. Dude, it is rare air. I don't even see the MMA guys talking shit. No, That's, yo. Dude, it is rare air. I don't even see the MMA guys talking shit. No, that's a good point.

Even the heavyweight MMA guys are like, if I get hit with that, no glove? If you get hit with that, no glove. Like that fucking mascot? Son,

that's how tough Mexicans are, bro. Yo. That motherfucker was back to work the next day. Bro, that Mexican mascot.

First of all, the mascot's already Mexican. You could throw anybody inside it, but you still chose a Mexican. Put a Haitian in there, put a Jamaican in there. It doesn't really matter who you put in there, but they're like, no, we're going to keep this time square. We employ our own. Son, punches the Mexican mascot in its face, shatters his jaw.

Does anything happen to Deontay Wilder's hand? Nothing. He lets out the Bruce Lee woo! Literally kills a man and then celebrates. And you know it's Mexican ESPN because everyone watching was like, It's so wild. Son! And you know it's Mexican ESPN because everyone watching was like, Andale, cabrón! Pégale!

So wild. Son! Son, my man right here. Son. Oh, this fucking idiot mascot, dude. And the guy said punch him in his face. Oh, my God. No, no, no.

This is just too nuts Anyway that's my flagrant thought of the week Given the time of year I think Thanksgiving Don't make it about Thanksgiving We're going to have a Thanksgiving talk after Oh okay well this could lead into it Alright fine go

It proves white people's racism is not that bad Elaborate I don't know about you it's my favorite day of the year You guys love Thanksgiving Ed and I know you don't it's rough for you guys sorry proves white people's racism not that bad. Elaborate. I don't know about you. It's my favorite day of the year. You guys love Thanksgiving. Ed and I know you don't. It's rough for you guys.

Sorry. Alex, you love it? Yeah, I do. I love it. I love Thanksgiving. My whole family gets together, have fun, watch football. I love football. Okay. And I am literally celebrating a day.

Do the Redskins ever play on Thanksgiving? Yeah. Yeah. That's a little much, right? Isn't that a little much? Bro, Amos, they be losing most of the time. First Thanksgiving day

I ever watched. I would say that's consistent. I would say that the Redskins losing on Thanksgiving might be the most consistently true thing in American history. You know what's crazy?

We'll pardon turkeys every year. We won't pardon the redskins every year. Ain't that something? Here's a casino, Chief Lightfoot. Feet were pretty heavy when we were chasing you. I like because they're finally not shackled as we move you from state to state. I had a fucking horrible joke

that I am not going to say. Do it! Oh, man. Anyway, go on, go on, go on, go on. My favorite day of the year is Thanksgiving, and I am literally celebrating a day white people killed an entire race of people that they thought was me. Now.

Yeah. That's solid. Like, you gotta be pretty nice at racism at the very least that I don't even give a fuck. Like, I'm not giving this up. I'm not sitting out Thanksgiving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not sitting out an entire month of pumpkin-flavored shit. Yeah.

Suck my dick. Fuck that. Son, you wildin'. Yo, but here's the thing. Why are we judging white people's racism? That's alright. This is what annoys me about Thanksgiving. When people go,

we're celebrating a day where white people took out an entire race of people. We're not celebrating that. They were dining. We're not celebrating that. They were dining. We're celebrating the day before. It's the calm before the storm. And maybe if you knew how to cook a fucking turkey, you wouldn't get takeout. I think that dinner ain't slap.

I think the Native Americans built up that dinner and the white people are like, all right, we ain't going to kill these motherfuckers. They come through with the cranberry sauce. You know what I mean? No, but they put y'all on the corn, though, and y'all be loving some corn. Fam, corn is killing us. That's their ultimate payback. That's the long-term payback of Native Americans, is corn is out here giving us diabetes.

It's out here giving us cancer. Play that shit too slow. That's all they did. They did a slow game. Chief Slowfoot. Chief Longview. Chief Longview. Chief Missing Toe.

Yo, but for real, why can't we celebrate the Thanksgiving? The Thanksgiving, everybody was on the same side. These people are fucking losers, man. They're losers. You know how friendless you gotta be to sit out Thanksgiving? You got no fucking family. That's what it is. You are native.

That's why they take on a struggle, because they know it's like to have nobody left they're like I'm trans native shout out to my natives bro I'll be in Tempe Arizona soon I know that's where y'all still at no but for real the fucking dinner was positive

we all loved the dinner that's what we're celebrating when we were getting along, when everybody was having fun. Yo, real talk, though, that's how I know Minnesota sucks because white people put the Native Americans there as punishment. What? Like, there's a bunch of Native American reservations in Minnesota, Oklahoma. Son, that's where we put Ethiopians, too.

Son, we be putting the Ethiopians and Somalis? All the Africans would be fucked up? You can come in. Just go up north. I told you my joke about that? Nah. Is Americans put the women in a place where their outfits finally make sense? It's like, oh, you want to be covered head to toe?

We're going to give you some weather where you need to be covered head to toe. Enjoy Minnesota. It's actually generous, man. You put them up in Texas, they die. They dead. And it's black, son. Black be absorbing the sun the most. Oh, I thought we were talking about blacks. I was like, what? No, if you wear black, that's the hottest color. Yeah, you taking it all in.

Yeah. Yeah, they gotta wear white like them Saudis. Saudis know what's up. Saudis be looking like some ghosts. Don't they be looking like some ghosts? Yeah, they're like Casper, but not so friendly. It's not Casper, it's Akbar. Akbar, the not-so-friendly ghost.

Can somebody name that, please? Watch out, Iran, here we come. Would you like a little regime change? Trump can have some missile. Anyway, back to these natives, yo. All these people, this is what annoys me. All these people are like, we stole the land of the Native Americans. Give it back.

Ain't nobody stopping you from giving it back. That's real rap, yo. You own some land? Give it back. Right? It's mad easy. But isn't it easy? Bro, that's a premise, though. That's a premise. But isn't it easy? Bro, that's a premise, though.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Give it back. Right? Hey, Elizabeth Warren, you worried about Native Americans? Give it back. You got some cousins that could probably use a house, right? Hey, Bernie Sanders. Give it back.

Hey, all these rich ass politicians they talk about reparations repair reparate ain't nobody stopping you from reparating why we why you trying to make

everybody reparate the change starts with you yo be the change you want to see in the world that's what I was trying to say Gandhi yo yo Gandhi said that I think so

I thought it was Michael Jackson pretty sure it was Michael Jackson. Pretty sure it was Gandhi. Heal the world. Make it a... Yo, heal the world. I don't know the lyrics. Make it a better place. Hit it.

Hit it, fellas. For you and for boys to sit on my face. Was that how it goes? I think that was it. Oh, sick. Okay. That shit slaps. Point is, give the land back.

Give your land back. If you got lands, give it back. Right? It's so simple. I have, I own an apartment. You know who's not getting it? Right? Chief have no roof.

Is not getting my apartment. Okay? Nobody getting my apartment unless they buy it. It's so weird. Like, right? Just give it back. That's a great point, man. Fuck, that's so funny.

Maybe I, maybe, all right, maybe I. That's a bit, dude. All right, fine. I'm going to start playing with it on stage. But there got to. Fuck, that's so funny. Maybe I, maybe, all right, maybe I. That's a bit, dude. All right, fine. I'm going to start playing with it on stage. But there got to be something. It's so good. It's so simple to me. It's so simple.

It's so simple. Give it back. Give it back. Like, if I'm Native American, I'm going right to all these super liberal cucks that are talking about, we need to give the land back. We'll be like, yo, we here for the land. Can I have your loft, please? Yeah, yeah, we here.

That daddy pays for? Hey, thanks. How about dad just gives me the money and you go live on his land and you give me your land? This land is your land. This land is my land. It's our land, ain't it?

Is that Michael Jackson? Who's that? No, his was never, never land. As in you never, never going home, motherfucker. The same. Okay. So, I think we're all in agreement here that these people are going to start tweeting the whole thing about...

Columbus wasn't even involved in Thanksgiving, right? That was Pilgrims. I think he was gone by then. It was Pilgrims. Son. Son. How do you lose a war to a dude in fucking high socks and buckles on his shoes? You might have deserved to lose that one.

Real talk, bro. Really? Like, come on, B. You're not fucking wearing walk-around with bibs, yo. You lost to the Quaker guy. The Quakers. Son, you lost to Oatmeal Man. Son.

What the fuck, yo? Son. What the fuck, yo? How do you win a war and you only got oatmeal as nutrition? Yo. Yo, son. Where are you getting your energy from? I you win a war and you only got oatmeal as nutrition? Yo. Yo, son. Where you getting your energy from? I take your moccasins over his buckle ass shoes, bro.

You know how agile you can be in a moccasin, son? You in and out. Yo. No bunions on your toes. No blisters. Jeremiah is all blistered up. Do you know what I'm saying? Yo.

You can't be no motherfucking name Ezekiel A white Ezekiel you couldn't take out Making bread all day You out here light on your feet cause you in that maze This guy beat you This guy One hand holding the bible Come on bro Yo we might need to have a discussion

We might need to have a discussion Everybody talks about white people are colonizers Why don't we talk about how easy it is to colonize you motherfuckers bro how about a little pushback ain't nobody pushing back literally ain't nobody pushing back like literally white people just

walk around the world and we just like Thanos and there was a point in history where white people were Thanos son like you know how Thanos snapped and then half the people disappear? That's what white people did to Native Americans. Right? It was...

I'm taking that. That is so good. But think about that. Like, nobody says that shit. That is so good. But think about that. Nobody says that shit. How completely fucking retarded the rest of the world was that they couldn't push back at all.

Nothing. Nobody. You're saying there wasn't one spot we went to that we were like, it ain't worth it. There wasn't one. That is wild. It's crazy. That is wild. Eventually, you's crazy. That is wild. Eventually, you probably start believing that you deserve to. You know what I'm saying?

Like, if Usain Bolt... Yo, real talk, if you conquer every country and you start to think you're superior, I get it. I mean... I don't agree with it. I don't agree. But I get it. But you got to. I get how you got from thought A to thought B.

Son, you think Napoleon Bonaparte didn't start to believe that he was that motherfucker after a while? Yeah. The Romans. Shit. Muhammad. Muhammad's walking around bodying motherfuckers. Of course he started to realize, yo, I might be that dude. God might be on my side.

Facts. I don't want to agree too hard with Muhammad. And then we start. What's weird is I'm cool with the white people shit. And then Muhammad's like, chill, yo. And then with people like, how could these minorities change their religion and go to this other thing? Who don't want to be on the winning team? Like, you out there praying to your God, right?

Every day like, please stop letting them colonize us. And nothing's happening. You start going, I think I'm talking to the wrong guy. I think I might be talking to the wrong. Let me see what this Jesus guy up to, bro. He seemed to be bodying everybody. Buckle shoes. Son, buckle shoes.

Your wife got a bonnet. This bitch just taking out Native Americans one fucking hiccup at a time? Yo, in retrospect, that shit is embarrassing. Son. Son, please. It came on the Mayflower, dog. That gay-ass ship took you all out? Bro.

That shit is named after a fucking botanical? Son, stop it. It's shocking, bro. It's shocking, bro. It's shocking that y'all had no defense and nothing. The best defense

was the Zulu warriors. They just put their face white so that we wouldn't notice. They'd be like, yo, if we paint our face white, they will think that we are them

and they're not gonna recognize us. All I'm saying is we need to revisit history. we need to revisit history. We need to revisit history. It's a fantastic bit. There's something. I'm upset at how good it is.

And I could never do it, obviously, because I'm not white. It is so good. You don't think Mansa Musa, when he was buying everybody in Africa, you don't think that he was like, yo, we are the shit. Like, nobody can fuck with us. Not nobody. Who, Mansa Musa? He was like the richest guy in the world

Yeah yeah yeah Back in the day Back in the day Way before white people But that motherfucker Owned all of North Africa right Like it was insane You don't think that he was like

Yo this is for me to take Yeah Like you gonna start believing that Jeff Bezos You don't think Jeff Bezos A little bit right now is going Yo, this is for me to take. Yeah. Like, you're going to start believing that. Jeff Bezos. You don't think Jeff Bezos a little bit right now is going, the world's for me to take. 100% he's doing that. That's it.

Him and Elon Musk are doing this together. That's it. He's competing to see who's going to take it. Google? Google. Whoever the fuck is Google? Whoever that is. They're taking this shit over and they feel entitled to it because they keep winning.

Yo, who owns Google son That's the brilliance of Google Is they don't be showing Their faces like that Yo So someone owns Google Dead ass And we don't know Who that guy is

Look it up And does anybody own Google Oh shit The CEO is one of our Yeah for sure What's up we out here Best CEOs Y' we out here best CEOs y'all make the best CEOs

real talk yo we really do and you know what it is it's the Indians from India that make the best CEOs this guy was breaking it down for me that um oh interesting

that there's something about the caste system obviously I don't know enough about the caste system you know a million times more but he was like there's something about the caste system how it's organized chaos right everybody lives within their caste and you could fluctuate in like value and importance but you still exist within your caste so you could be very wealthy but in a poor not a poor caste the idea was like assembly line essentially this was the idea behind it it's

like look we all just do what we do there There's no better. There's no worse. It got corrupted, obviously. But the idea is you do this, you do this, I do this. It's an assembly line. And what is the assembly line, right? Like what does assembly line lean into? Efficiency. Efficiency in corporate environments. Oh, yeah.

Right? So, hey, I understand my role, but I also understand how to manage the people whose role it is to just clean up the Google. The guy who's head of cleaning at Google, he might make $400,000 a year. He might make a million dollars a year. The guy who's- Good at it, yeah. But he's still the cleaner at Google. He's not the engineer.

But the CEO, the Indian guy who understands that, understands his importance, understands his value, but also understands that engineer's value. And they did some study about how because of this ability to exist within chaos and thrive within chaos, when they enter the business, like the capitalist business space, they have like this huge competitive advantage over people

who are just living in America. Because mostly when you live in America you exist within your financial realm. You're not forced to accept that people are poor and that's what they are. Right? We have this mentality of,

well, everybody will be a millionaire. Yeah. Right? Where in India, it's like, no, some people are going to stay there. Yeah. And I think the idea, again, there wouldn't be like,

oh, this role is less than, where here you look at that, the role is less than. Yes. So if you don't, it's like, no, that's what you do. That's what the fuck it is. If you do it well, you'll get paid, but that's what you do that's what the fuck it is if you do it well you'll get paid but that's what you do yes don't

try to do other things and there's honor in that yeah yeah be great at that yes do that all the time you'll get great at it and we'll just run better yeah yeah but i mean there is an astonishing amount of indian ceos yeah in especially like the tech world obviously maybe you guys gravitate to that but it's not just tech right there's, right? It's just like this weird number. There was some article I was reading about it. There's a lot of bank CEOs. I always see just Indian CEOs. Thrive in the position.

It's not for everybody. We don't even celebrate it. Before, that used to be a big deal. People would be like, my brown friends would be like, yo, this guy's CEO at Citibank or whatever, and now I don't even hear it anymore because it's just like,

yeah, it just keeps happening. It doesn't. Does it carry the- It's like the 12th Obama like you know I mean like oh we got another alright cool does it carry the same

respect as doctor or no still having that medical degree for whatever reason yeah yeah no no because that's so many millions of dollars in such a company

everybody knows then that's like rockstar shit that's like rockstar shit a doctor is like a rockstar but not like that that's like

what about like respect within the household? There's not as much honor in the profession. Honor is, I guess, what I mean. There's not as much

honor in the profession. A doctor is healing people and like you make money and you're safe and you provide for your family and you provide for the community and you heal and like I think that's

where a lot of the doctor reverence comes from. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's kind of cool. Right? That like think it's kind of cool, right? That like, it's like, America is super, and don't get me wrong, I love America, but our focus is definitely financial gain.

Right. Right, so when you make a lot of money, we look at you and we're like, great. Yeah. Right? We don't really sit back and like value positions like we should. There was a time where like, if you were an airplane pilot, you were a fucking rock star. Yeah. Right? If you was a time where if you were an airplane pilot, you were a fucking rock star.

Yeah. Right? If you were a maybe if you were a doctor, if you were one of these people in the community helping out, that we put you on a pedestal. And now it's simply strictly financial. Doesn't matter how you get that money. You can sell alcohol to teenagers. You can sell vapes. He's the CEO of that company that gives all these kids cancer.

How much is he worth? 50 million. Numbers don't lie. That's the thing. Yeah. It is kind of a shame. Everybody all these kids cancer. Yep. How much is he worth? $50 million. Oh. Numbers don't lie. That's the thing. Yeah. It is kind of a shame. That's what everybody kind of just throws out there. I went to this sumo wrestling thing with my girl. Oh, yeah.

What was that? We just wanted to do. It was like sumo and sushi. It's like some contrived shit, but they do kind of sumo wrestling. It's all choreographed, but they make it look kind of real. Seems like a good date night thing. But yeah, it was a fun little date night shit. But it was interesting.

The way the guy was talking about it is, you're like a superstar in Japan. Yeah. And there's so much respect and like, honor for the position. Yeah. And, it's just rare in America that we, we don't have that anymore,

that you're not just respected because you are. Yeah. Because you chose a path. That's a great point. It is. What have you done? because you chose a path it's a great point it is what have you done yeah in the path yeah that's why teachers don't get respect you should you fuck they don't make money and they should make more money but like we're just like oh you're a teacher that's rough we feel bad yeah i legit feel bad for teachers i'm like fuck man kids don't respect you nobody gives a shit about you that's tough how do you no money how would you upgrade the respect of a teacher you the only way you can do it here right now is pay them more i think and then we then we would value them i think if even if they got paid like 85 90 100 000 a year which isn't crazy money but good money i think

we might look at it then maybe it's like oh i would like to be a teacher you make good money, I think we might look at it then maybe as like, oh, I would like to be a teacher. You make good money and you help people. Yeah. I think maybe teacher would be. Pay them more and make it harder to become one. So just pay them more, but then say, hey, not everybody gets to be a fucking teacher. So I had a bit about this a long time ago that it wasn't great, so I just forgot about it. But I really think you should make the highest jobs, doctor, teacher, and I forget what the other one was, police officer. And when you pay them more, you make it harder to become one.

Yeah, right. Because more people want to do it. Son, if you pay teachers $100,000 a year and they get the summer off, everybody's going to want to be a fucking teacher. And then you'll get the best of the best. And then you get the best teachers. Police officers, we got a lot of dumbass police officers. You pay police officers $200,000 a year, whatever, whatever,

a lot of people are going to be like, oh, I'll be a police officer. Maybe if you pay police officers $200,000 a year, whatever, whatever, a lot of people are going to be like, oh, I'll be a police officer. Maybe if you pay police officers more, you actually need less because you'll get like the elite Navy SEAL type motherfuckers. Badass dudes, maybe. You know, like they really understand de-escalating situations. Like little Batman. You just have like six Batman

per city. Sick ass belts. Remember the belt? I said if we paid police officers like we paid NBA players, we wouldn't even need, LeBron is Batman. We'd be good.

Like, we're, what are you gonna do? LeBron is a rich guy who could probably beat the shit out of everybody. Big target though. Super smart.

Big target for gunshots. He'll have his little bulletproof shit on. His Black Panther shit? Yeah, he can afford all his, yo, that's Black Panther, dog.

Dude. Keeping everything safe. Real talk. Yo, think about how much money we could save with superheroes. Like, superheroes. Like, nobody talks about this like. That's where his brain goes. No, you made a financial man quick.

No, but think about it like, everybody goes, Batman saved Gotham. It's like, yeah, because you didn't have to pay fucking police anymore. Batman saved Gotham. Millions of dollars. Millions of dollars. There's no more crime. You slash that police budget. You slash the fire budget.

You slash all the fucking public costs. Nobody's committing crime anymore. It's safe. Right? Nobody's getting beat up going to the hospital. Right? Now the trains run good, I think. Right?

It's just like... How did Batman fix the MDA? I don't know. People getting in train altercations or something. Everybody's good. Because they're like, oh shit. Nobody's breaking into the jewelry stores. Nobody's doing this because Batman's around the corner at any point in time.

It's like, Batman is a rapist for bad guys. Do you know what I'm saying? Really wasn't sure where that was going at first. But you know how women are like, oh my god, I'm so scared to walk around at night because there could be a rapist. And Batman

is a rapist for robbers. I'm not going to go there. I'm not walking down this alley for sure. Batman could pop a Batman. Batman could be a Batman. I'm not going to go there. I'm not going to be a Batman. Walking down this alley for sure. Batman could pop out of nowhere. So you need that boogeyman. Yo. I would love some superheroes. We just don't.

Son, superheroes save money. But you know who hates superheroes? Now I get it. Remember how the cops would always have mad beef with Batman? Oh, yeah. They'd be like, oh, why is he coming in? Why is this vigilante justice? This guy's taking our jobs.

He's the Mexicans. Yeah. Batman is the Mexicans stealing the jobs. Build a wall to keep out Batman. Son, we just need a super Mexican. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. Super Mario.

He was Italian. What? He was Italian. Ain't no Italian, bro. Super Mario. He was Italian. What? He was Italian. Ain't no Italian, bro. Super Mario. He was Italian. What? His brother's name was Luigi.

That's the Italian name. I can see where you're going, though, because he's handy, and he's a little fat, and he got the mustache. That motherfucker Mexican, son. And that don't not sound Mexican, but his brother's name Luigi. Luigi. That's like a fucking Aztec name, son. And that don't not sound Mexican, but his brother's named Luigi. Luigi. That's like a fucking Aztec name, probably. Look at that Mexican, bro. Yo, he don't not look Mexican, G.

He got the good eyes, though. He goes, yes, I mean, Mario. I guess that is kind of Italian sounding. He is Italian. Fuck, he's Italian. This whole time I thought he was Mexican. Really? Yeah, I just thought he was Mexican Really? Yeah

I just thought he was Mexican bro I thought that's how He snuck into America Through the fucking plumbing Luigi looked dumb Italian Luigi looked like me Son That is me

Look at that They did call you The yellow version of him No They called me Waluigi Oh okay Which one is that?

That's me they say That's you Son okay. Which one is that? That's me, they say. That's you. What has his nose made out of? That's disrespectful. That's a fucking old Shylock invite. Dude, Waluigi. Yeah, when you got your stash. When I had my stash, I was Waluigi, bro.

I almost went as that for Halloween, son. But I'm too old to even know who that motherfucker is. Yeah, I didn't know which one. So I guess in the Mario series, they went with Wario. That was like the... Yeah, I remember him. Bizarro version of Mario. And this is...

Waluigi. Waluigi. Oh, I got it. So it's like... The bad guy version of Luigi. Bizarro version of Luigi, yeah. Are they good guys or bad guys? I think they're bad guys.

So these are like the bad guy version of Mario and Luigi. Bizarro version of Luigi, yeah. Are they good guys or bad guys? I think they're bad guys. So these are like the bad guy version of Mario and Luigi. Son, Ed, that's you, bro. What the fuck are we talking about? Damn, son.

Oh, shit. Oh, he got that body, though. That's what's up. Lick his abs with your dick. It's happening again. We might be getting silly. What was I saying?

No. Not on the episode. Remember it was like, damn, I'm about to get my dick sucked by you. I said this to someone. I said this to someone. What was it? What was it happening? We were in an Uber going somewhere.

But you said it that exact line. Yeah, I was like, somebody said something, and I was reacting. I was like, damn, I'm about to get my dick sucked by you. It's just such a spin. it's just such a spin anyway so we figured out colonization we figured out

Thanksgiving we figured out Batman what else do we need we figured out Mario we figured out Mario

can we think of other games that we played that were definitely Mexican Sonic Sonic was fast gee how many fast Can we think of other games that we played that were definitely Mexican? Sonic. Sonic was fast.

Gee, how many fast Mexicans do you know? Sonic Black, dog. Yo, Sonic was black. Sonic Jamaican, son. With the dreads and shit. Yo, he had dreads? He loved gold, bro. That ring?

Sonic was black this whole time? He had the ill-ass shoes on? Son, he did. He had some fly-ass fucking Jordans. He did have, bruh. That ring. Sonic was black this whole time. He had some ill-ass shoes on. Son, he did. He had some fly-ass fucking Jordans. He did have flies. Yo, Sonic was black. Jump hella high. Yo, right? Bro, Sonic been black.

And his bitch was pretty good, too. What? He had a cute bitch. Who was his bitch? I think, not knuckles the pink bitch right there edit i'm not proud of this she was all right yo sonic okay had an asian girl that is black i got it bro yo sonic man wow sonic was black what other cartoons do we have video game characters games yeah Wow, Sonic was black. What other cartoons do we have?

Video game characters? Games, yeah. Son, I don't know. Kirby, son? That's the first one that goes to. I mean, you would. Look up just popular video game characters.

I just don't understand how that thought didn't occur to you. Why did you first go to Kirby? I don't know. Jesus, Eden. You fuck. Oh, Lara Croft Tomb Raider?

That's a feminist bitch. She gets the fuck out of here. I don't need this bitch at all in my life. What a use. What a fucking waste of skills. Tomb Raiding. You have karate. You know how to use guns.

You could be out there protecting women, but you'd rather fucking Indiana Jones it? Stupid ass. What a fucking dumb bitch. Right? You fucking twat. Like all the things you could be doing to help women. How are you this feminist icon where you're just stealing artifacts from other poor people? Oh, boy.

Right? Lara Croft. Look at them people. Oh, boy. Right? Lara Croft. Look at them fucking knockers, though. Yo, something I said about Elon Musk's Tesla truck, they were the PS1 Lara Croft Tomb Raider titties. That's our Tesla truck, Akash. Oh, yeah, you're right about it. Oh, fuck, y'all don't know about this yet.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so that was the car that Akash bought during the podcast. We all own Teslas in here except Eden. He can't buy one because he doesn't have internet about this yet oh yeah yeah yeah so that was the car that akash bought during the podcast we all own teslas in here except edin he can't buy one because he doesn't have internet because he's from fucking nicaragua you know um tesla boys yo we tesla boys out here tesla gang you gotta throw it up like that tesla gang tes Tesla gang With the lowercase t You know Big dick Little dick

What? Okay Okay Let's get out of this Cartoon wormhole That we're in right here Should I pay some Billetes?

Yes do that Okay Oh while you're looking it up I had a quick little Flavoring take Oh son yes Flavoring talk I had a quick little Flagrant take Oh son yes Flagrant talk So I was watching Troy

The other day And Alex be testing his sexuality On a regular basis Why does Brad Pitt Look fine as fuck In that movie Brad Pitt be looking

Good I didn't even go there You don't wanna lick his nipple From underneath I mean I did think Son You don't even go there. You don't want to lick his nipple from underneath? I mean, I did think. You want to come up on it like that and just lick that titty? Like a little baby? It was kind of crazy how we kept, we didn't include him in the.

I said I didn't want to use him because I didn't want to be hacky. That's a pretty motherfucker. That guy gorgeous, man. Yeah. But I was just thinking I was like You my Achilles heel Oh yeah yeah yeah

Before we do the bills We gotta talk about Charlemagne Oh yes Wait hold up But finish your flicker I thought No it was Wow

Yeah I know He was wild But it's just a real quick one Cause so the Trojan army Was a super strong army And then the Trojan condoms come out. Is that what you think about fucking Brad Pitt with?

No, it was like the dumbest name for condoms because the Trojan army, they got penetrated, and then all the little men came out the fucking horse and impregnated the city. That's a good point. That's the stupidest name for a fucking condom. You're implying that the condom would break, but maybe they're thinking that you use Trojan

condoms to get inside spaces that don't want you inside. So it's like, yo, if you use our condoms, you would get in all the bitches that don't want you in. That too. But then, and impregnate them? Well, that part sucks. Because I think their logo's a horse too. No, that's crazy.

That's the stupidest Fucking name for a condom That is a stupid name It would imply That they would break Have you ever Broken a condom Sure have You've broken a condom yet

You haven't even used A condom in my life That motherfucker is real Wow never Just for shits and giggles I ever told you When I broke a condom The first time

No And I was like I was so ignorant to this shit I was like Damn this thing kicking in It was one of the Like fire and ice joints You know where you're I was like, I was so ignorant to this shit. I was like, damn, this thing kicking in. It was one of the like fire and ice joints. You know, you're supposed to feel multiple things.

So I start fucking and then the condom breaks. But I think it's the fire. And I'm like, damn, they made fire. This condom feel like pussy. They figured out condoms. Now I remember I was using actually one of those things, the ultra thin joints. Ultra thin joints? Yo, that's, speaking of fire, that's playing with fire. Ultra thin.

You got to go ultra thin, bro. Nah, but the Magnum Thins is the ones to go for. Because they're thin, but they still. This guy has his theory on Magnums. They the same size. I 100% believe that. It's the same size. They just paying money to impress the guy at the deli. They aren't, though, but cool. They the same size. And the% believe that. It's the same size. They just paying money to impress the guy at the deli.

They aren't, though, but cool. They the same size. And the girl when you pull out the wrapper. I know. Son, it feels different. It feels different because you think, that's a wiffle ball bat. That's what that is. Son, what the fuck?

Gang gang. Gang gang. So you get eight inches of length four inches of circumference now pull up a regal condom hold on alright let's see but does it give the inches of circumference yeah what's it

man come on it's in centimeters you keep saying there you go and none of them say magnum where does it say magnum you dumb fuck that's what we're talking about son alright alright I'm gonna put a stop to this right now and pay some bills

and we're gonna try to do it we're talking about, son. All right, all right, all right. I'm going to put a stop to this right now and pay some bills. And we're going to try to do it. We are going to try to do it. Guys, we're going to try. We're going to give it our best. That's what we're going to do. We're going to give it our best. If you want me to just read it. No, I'll get through it.

I'll get through it. All right? Ready. Ready. In the league that moves at the speed of social media and helps define the current sports culture, only two voices can keep up. Ledlow and Parker. Join NBA on TNT's...

Kristen Ledlow and Candice Parker in a new weekly podcast called Ledlow and Parker. They'll talk the hottest storylines in and around the NBA, break down Hoops' impact on the sports landscape, and bring their personal stories and connections into the mix. Let Low and Parker will also talk to some of the biggest names in and around the NBA, as well as some of the most interesting voices impacting the sports and entertainment world today.

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Gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang. Okay, shall we talk about Sharla? Yeah. Sharla was wildin', bro. I got to talk to Sharla this week on this one. This was hilarious. My man was creating moments. Viral moments.

Let's not move on from your meat. Let's talk about you and those gray sweatpants. What about? Was that all you? What the fuck? So stop. So Charlotte is interviewing Serge Ibaka, right? And he asks him, it's a Serge's cooking show or maybe Charlotte's on the cooking show. And he asks, let's not move on from your meat, implying the meat that is that they're cooking.

And he goes, let's talk about you and them gray sweatpants. Alluding to a picture of Serge Ibaka in some sweatpants where his dick had a big imprint. And Serge tries to kind of like move on, not really acknowledge it. And then Charlotte doubled down and he goes, what did he say? The imprint? Is that all you or was that? Was that all you? Pause.

Was that all you? So what I'm shocked by the fact that Charlamagne is surprised that a seven foot African man has a large cock. That seems like the most reasonable thing. Seven foot African man, large cock. Right? Isn't it news if he didn't have a large cock? Yeah.

That'd be embarrassing. Like, how big do you think his cock is? I think that that Magnum condom fits him like one of those jackets that dogs wear. You know, you can see the belly of it.

Yo, his condoms feel like belly shirts, real talk. Like the shit don't roll. Crop tops. You got crop top condoms. Crop top condoms, son. Maybe that's why basketball players get these girls pregnant all the time. They just fall off inside

because they're only coming off, like they're only coming down halfway. Do you think? It's possible. It's possible. Holy shit. Yo, when J.R. Smith offered that girl the pipe, he was not lying. Son, is that his dang-a-lang-dong-ding?

That's a pipe, yo. That was J.R. Smith in the other one, though. Dude, J.R. Smith in the other one has, I mean, that is unbelievable what he is storing in there. I think that was the light. Bro. Whoa. He said, whoa. Son, that is a weapon of deadly force, dude.

My goodness. The thing I was so just disappointed with Charlotte, though. What? He tried to cop please. What he said? He was like, oh, I'll take the L on this one, but my niece, you know, Sim, that girl he always has around him and shit. Yeah. She said, oh, the ladies would really want to know this,

so please ask for me. And he's like, oh, I asked because. Son, come on. I'm like, come on, son. You can't be copping, please, son. All this dick talk got me eating bananas. Yo, this is brilliant from Charlamagne, actually. Yo, it's a viral moment.

Get it. Own it. Nah, he knows what he's doing. Not just that. When the woke warriors come after you and call you homophobic From Charlamagne, actually. Yo, it's a viral moment. Get it. Own it. Nah, he knows what he's doing. Hold on. Not just that. When the woke warriors come after you and call you homophobic because you said some shit 12 years ago. You was asking about cops? Yeah.

I was trying to fuck Serge Ibaka on his own show. I was trying to at least look at his dick. How I hate gay people. I'm trying to suck off Serge. Can't none of y'all handle dick like this Yo My man is getting out ahead of it man Emphasis on that head FaceTime surge

Brilliant Nah you should call Charlotte Oh see I didn't miss that part. all those things yeah you full of shit this guy is so good let me tell you how good this guy is that's how you get all of the women by the way just play clueless no no exactly like I never heard that before you've dated superstars

so let's not move on from your meat let's talk about you in those gray sweatpants so I have women out there that want to know what is that about was that all you

of course that's a wild question for me to be asked yo Charlotte's the realest, bro. Charlotte's the realest. Wick context is so much better. I didn't know he said that. I thought he just came out of nowhere.

Yo, do not throw him dirty, yo. Yeah. Oh, man. Anyway, dude, that is fucking hilarious. God, J.R. Smith got a fucking unit, huh? That motherfucker got a unit. Dude, with the pylon. He got that Randy what? That Randy Johnson, the big

unit. As he's called in the picture back in the day. Was it because he had a big gang? I don't know, actually. Didn't Randy Johnson look like he had that surgery that people who chew a lot of tobacco have where they take a part of your face? He looked like an ostrich.

Like his head started up too high. Like he's chasing Kevin Hart in Astoria. I'm a man who looks heller like an ostrich. Oh, God. Anyway, guys, real quick. I want to talk to you about the New York shows

that we had this weekend. Akash Singh, thank you so much for being there, being a part of it. It's been a very long journey for me to get here and headline these two shows, Town Hall, New York City. We got over 3,000 people out on a Friday night, man, and I'm so glad you were there. Mark Gagnon killed it as well. Alex Media, Ed In shooting it. killed it as well uh alex media ed and shooting it um it was it was a very important thing for me because um thank first of all thank you guys so much for coming out everybody who came out everybody spread the word i appreciate y'all so much man and it was um it was it was it was very

important for me because i felt like new york comedy um you, in a lot of ways, in all the ways it made me. And it had been like a reflection of the people here. You know, like the people here in New York being very blunt, you know, straightforward, tell it to your face, unapologetic. And that's what the comedy has always been. That's what the scene has always been, right? And these are the comics I've always gravitated to. You know, the comics that thrived in New York.

You know, the Giraldos, the Patrices, the Bill Burrs, the Attels, all the legends that kind of came up through here. And they were products of this environment. And then the New York comedy scene got very soft. It just got fucking soft. I felt like it was chasing success and fame and not funny. And it was pandering. And it was going after claps and not laughs. And this weekend in New York City, we killed that notion, right? Because we basically ended that notion.

We ended that really tough, dark time in New York comedy because this was the people saying that we prefer flagrancy. This is the people saying we prefer edgy comedy. This is the people saying that we prefer the comedy that came out of New York, the roots of New York. We prefer what this scene was all about, right? I mean, this had no comedy festival supporting it. It had no television network supporting it. It had no television network supporting it. It had no, I don't know what else even, you know, industry supporting it. This was literally just word of mouth, podcasts, social media, all of us building up and building around something that we had grown up loving and finally got to see again. And it's a type of comedy that I i think that is is reptilian in its reaction right it's like people the reason why the audiences can be so diverse but all get on

board with the same cause is because it's hitting us in our core it's not who we want to be it's who we are deep down inside and sometimes we want to act like we aren't that person when we laugh at something we shouldn't when we find a meme on the internet, something hilarious, but we're like, I can't believe I'm laughing at that. It's because it's hitting you in your core. And we've built up these audiences with this kind of reptilian reaction. And for me to do it at home, right, for me to like have all these people justify what we've known and support what we've known. For me, it's like okay this is this is the moment where we shut down that safe space bullshit comedy that's no longer that dark time in new

york's comedy history is done and now we are back to the flagrancy we are back to the roots we're back to fuck you suck my dick we're back to new york we're back to funny because we think it's funny not doing whatever is going to get the audience to clap. And I just cannot wait. I cannot wait to restore New York as the greatest comedy city in the world. Because it's always been the greatest comedy city in the world. And we had some fucking dark times. And that's fine.

Everything is cyclical. But I promise you, I promise you that we are going to restore it to its greatness. We are building back the empire. The New York comedy comeback begins now. And over the next few months, I'm going to be introducing you and exposing you to a lot of other great comics that have this spirit in them that are in New York City. And if you like them, you fuck with them, go support their live shows. Go out there, enjoy it. See them at the great clubs that we have in the city. New York Comedy Club, Comedy Cellar, obviously. Stand Up New York, The Strip. I'm going to tell you these guys' names. I will bring them on the podcast. Obviously, the Akash Sings, you know,

obviously the Mark Gagnons, but there's plenty other comics in the city that are just absolutely hilarious as well that you guys need to see and need to know. And the comeback begins. And I promise you, I will restore New York as the greatest comedy city in the world as it has always been. And I'm so excited for the future of it. I mean, seeing that happen in that fucking room, all brought together by the people, all decisions of the people this is not manifested by a multi-million dollar advertising campaign this is manifested by group texts one at a time tagging people on clips putting things out there in the ether and what it was was a message for me why it was so important for me, it was a message to all the New York City comics to go, hey, lean into the flagrancy. There's opportunity there. Lean into the comedy that you always loved. Lean into the comedy that's inside you, right? Because there is a career in

it. Everybody went soft and everybody went pander because they thought that was the only way to make it. And I'm trying to show you that that's not. I'm actually trying to show you there's more of a career in this. If you have it in you and it's natural and it's part of you lean the fuck into it because the people will support it and if you do it true and there is I promise you there's justice people have helped me you know the Rogans the Charlemains of the world have put me on and I want to do that for you guys. If you are true to comedy, comics will help you. What is it called? A tale as old as time or whatever it is.

Comedy is our religion. I'm a religious guy too, so I don't say that to disrespect my own religion, but comedy, God gave me comedy in my mind. That's religious to me. It's sacred to me. If you hold comedy sacred, I respect you for that. And you'll help you. I'll help you with that.

We will work together, whatever. Let's work toward this. Because we both honor this. Yes. And I said this on, I said this to you already, but I'm going to say it again. There are only a handful of people

on the earth insane enough with a delusional enough level of confidence to think i can take on an entire industry but for most of them it's delusional because they don't work that hard you're the only person i know hard enough who works hard enough to actually do it and it's been really honestly inspiring to watch it happen i put out youtube clips because i was like oh shit andrew andrew's doing this let's do this and it's the ripple effect is happening not just me not just me though I hear young dude young

told you this in the car young comics call it the Schultz model good it's like bro you did that shit and I was really fucking proud

and I also mentioned this to you earlier but watching you run the intro for a show that wasn't a show you were filming to put out

you're not putting this intro out in a clip. I watched this motherfucker show up to the venue four hours early. Yeah. To run this intro. No shit at least a hundred times. It is one minute that has nothing to do with jokes. It's the minute before he walks on stage. And he treated it with that much care and whatever.

And I was like, this is is i feel like i'm learning right now like that's why god put me here and us like i you watch this and you see how so when you're ready you take this because i was like oh my special i envision my special i'm gonna do some real epic shit isn't every show is a special every show is the opportunity i'm listen i want to bring showtime back proud of you man real talk proud of you, man. Real talk, proud of you. As my brother, proud of you. I love you, man. You're part of this. 10, 11 years we've been working at this and watching him just fucking do it.

It's really inspiring to see. It's for us. It's for all of us. And be inspired and then run with it. And I love that these young comics are inspired and doing it. If I can do that. I think you affect the generations below you. I think that obviously you can affect your friends and your loved ones that are like next to you.

The generations above you, they usually resent change. Some people are smart enough and aware enough to acknowledge change and then change with things. And those people are the ones that stay in business. Yeah. Adapt or die. They get it. Adapt or die. Some people, very few people above you do it.

Your peers, some of them, if they don't have an ego, will adapt and they'll get on board and they'll show love. The ones with an ego will usually just have resentment or jealousy and that those things are really just placeholders for them not wanting to make changes. Them investing so much in one side of the business that they're pot committed essentially to like their career. But I'm okay with that. I don't need to, I, you know, there was probably a time where like, I really wanted that validation approval, but no, I am so grateful that I can inspire who's below me, the next generation and my friends around me and lift us all up and then change comedy through that. Cause that's how you really make change. You're not going to change above you. You can change the sides, but the truest form of change happens below as it grows in.

And that's what happened with us. We got influenced by our own. We love, if we grew up in this generation, we might like some soft ass comedy. You're right. But we grew up watching Rock, Patrice, Burr. Geraldo. Geraldo, Chappelle. Like these are the guys

we saw these are when I was a kid the first specials I watched were Chris Rock Eddie Murphy Raw

like that's the shit so that's what influenced us you're influencing the next generation and I had another I lost it but it's all good don't

it was a dope weekend it was a dope weekend and I'm stoked oh yeah this is what I was gonna say about not needing validation cause we both wanted

industry validation you got a little bit I really feel what I was going to say about not needing validation, because we both wanted industry validation. Of course. You got a little bit. I really feel like I got next to nothing, unless you vouched. But when you get the... I'm seeing this, when your clips are getting validation from the people already. The only reason we wanted the industry was to get to the people. Correct.

You have proven we don't need the industry to get to the people, and so now you can get validated on your own. And so you look at them like, oh, you guys right you don't you're not in the way anymore you have no power over any of this if there's if there's one thing that i i i hope that i have it's like looking at a hot girl who in high school who got fat and had kids and now you're just looking at her like you still think i i care yeah and it's. Yeah. But it's going to be on my terms. I'll fuck, but yeah. Oh, that's perfect.

And that's the transition that I hope to make, right? It's like the long, long-term goal, and I rarely talk about these types of things, but is to turn the comedy market and other markets as well into a creator driven marketplace in other words we have the power right and we can do our own things and we live independently but you know what we can also work with you in the industry but guess what when we work with the industry it's going to be on our terms because we have the control and we have the power of our own careers because we don't need y'all. Y'all can't hold anything over us like you used to be able to. You can't say to me, well, I'm going to need you to say the joke this way if you want to be on late night. Who the fuck wants to be on late night?

You need me on late night. Your late night is going to get one million views. My YouTube channel is going to get four million that week. So you need me. So we're going to do it based that week. Yeah. So you need me. Yeah. So we're going to do it based on how I want to do it. And that's what I wanted to transition. That's what I want to transition to the business. I want comics and creators to have the control to not only do their own shit, right, but also do deals with these networks, but in a way more favorable situation to us.

Yeah. So that's the ripple effect. That's where I see us going. Yeah, we don't not need them at all. We don't need you, but we'll work with you. Yo, business is business, baby. Let's do business. But we're not going to do any more of these deals

where we get bodied. We're not going to be the ones creating because what happens now when you take the middlemen out is all creators market and the best creators will thrive. The middlemen and the closed circuit thing is it's similar to like bollywood in a way like there's a bunch of nepotism in bollywood right or cronyism in bollywood nepotism cronyism mean you basically hire your your kids all family right legacies run by legacies right and then cronyism is you

hire your close friends essentially but so you're not necessarily getting the best actors. You're getting the actors that are part of the family. Yeah. Right? And that was the old Hollywood model, which was, and why motherfuckers were sucking dick to get in movies. Because it was like, well, that's the only way you can get in movies. You gotta suck dick. Yeah.

Simple as that. Like Harvey Weinstein could get all these bitches to suck his dick because they needed to be in movies. And that was the only way in right now if you're issa ray issa ray don't gotta suck nobody's dick yeah she made her own youtube show that shit popped off and then they came to her and she's like all right we'll do this this is gonna be my terms and then this next now i got a record label my terms so it's like if we put the power in the creatives, right, we can influence the markets in whatever way we want and they have to work for us. Yeah. And that is the best system.

If we're working for them, it's trash. It's just not going to be as good. I don't know. We're not going to say names. I don't know if you remember. Can I say one more thing? Yeah. Game of Thrones, the last two seasons, trash, right?

Yeah. Who didn't create them? The creator. Simple as that. Stop. Know your role. Like we need to bring some India back into Hollywood. Your role is not to create execs. Your role is to do what we tell you. Yeah. And as long as you do what we tell you, we're going to create great work. And the second you start creating, which is not your skill set the work will suffer your skill set is not it's organization and execution right get motherfuckers there on time access to access to funds so that we can get other things like that is what you're excellent at just be a

lead at that yeah let our ideas flow and you fund those ideas and that perfect like connection right there that connectivity creates the first five seasons of Game of Thrones. The last two seasons, that's what happens when you create. Yeah. Simple as that. Simple as that. Shots fired. I don't know, but you know what I'm saying, right?

Yeah. Anyway, so I'm excited. Shots fired. I don't know, but you know what I'm saying, right? Yeah. Anyway, so I'm excited. I'm just very excited for this landscape and the new things that we can have coming on. And instead of having one fucking famous person that's independent, having hundreds and thousands of comics that are independent enough where they don't need. Yeah.

And they don't have to do shitty projects that they don't want to do. Like they don't have to do At Midnight. That sad show that comics would have to go on. Holy shit, that was so bad. It's just like

What's sader, At Midnight or Comedy Central as an entire network? They're both really sad. I mean, it's fucking sad. The whole building is sad.

It's just sad. It's like these and these poor comics are so funny and then they make you go on. Like I even watched the show with David Spade. You know what I mean? And it's just like,

these comics are so much funnier than what they get to be. I know them. I see them. They're hilarious. And then they're on the show talking about Kylie Jenner. Who gives a fuck?

Who cares? You don't care. Why are you forcing comics to talk about things they don't care about? Just let comics talk about things they do, which is their jokes. Just let them put their jokes out. You know what I'm saying? And if they want to talk about Kylie, let them do that joke.

Yeah. But stop forcing them to talk about shit no one gives a fuck about. Yeah. I don't know. What do I know, right, guys? Yeah, what do I know about the business, you know? Doesn't know. What do I know, right, guys? Yeah, what do I know about the business? You know? Doesn't matter.

Point is, some interesting changes are happening. I'm very excited for the future. And I keep telling you guys, we got some good announcements to make. And I promise those announcements will be made at the right time. But Akash, I'm just so stoked you were there for those shows, man.

It was dope. It was the way it meant to be. We started the journey a long time ago. A long time ago. People don't realize how long we've been doing this together. Ten years now? Yeah, at least. Just you and I.

Yeah. We've been each doing comedy longer than that, but just you and I at least ten years ago. Yeah. And to, like, have these moments and create this podcast and, like, do these It's just fucking special. The whole thing has flipped. When I moved here, it was probably 11 years ago now, it was the

beginning of... There's always been woke or whatever comedy. It used to be called alternative comedy, alt comedy. When I came here, that was the beginning of somehow that comedy becoming mainstream comedy. It wasn't alternative anymore. It was mainstream. Industry decided it was mainstream people i knew i was from i grew

up in texas i knew fucking america even though i'm brown i know america and i'm like they don't give a fuck about this do they yeah you live here long enough you're like i don't know maybe yeah but in a bubble people live in a bubble now and views from assists and all I was was the beginning of that but like it's showing people oh alternative comedy is alternative the reptilian funny

the yeah the lizard brain funny the funny that comes from your fucking gut and you laugh at and I'm sorry if it's fucked up I don't

but I have to what am I gonna not be happy humans are fucked up yeah am I gonna not be happy you want me to not be happy yeah that's your way of solving things is take away my happiness.

Yeah. This is the beginning of the end of that. Yeah. 100%. So it's cool to watch the full cycle. We're going. That's what it is. Yeah.

You know what I mean? I think there's a reason why we're fucked up, dude. It's like there's a reason why your girlfriend likes you to choke her in bed. We're fucked up human beings. Like your girl will say choke me in bed and that's because somewhere deep down baked into her fucking DNA from millions of years ago having a strong male that could fucking control her would provide her with children that would also be strong and they could survive. It is fucked up the shit that's baked into our DNA. So you think laughing at jokes is fucked up? Look at whatever you do in bed.

It's ten times more. Slap me. Oh, really? Oh, really? Our little man of American jokes? Don't threaten me with a good time, bitch. What did you talk about slap me? I've been waiting for this.

All right. What else we got, man? Yo. What happened with Ramsey and Duvall Oh my god This was so funny So Jalen Ramsey Jalen Ramsey

The cornerback for the now LA Rams And past cornerback for the The very vocal Boisterous Outspoken Cornerback For the Jacksonville Jaguars. Now the LA Rams.

Got his ass torched by Lamar Jackson, of course. Five TD passes. This guy's going to be MVP. Oh, dude, Lamar Jackson is unbelievable. It's unreal. Not all five were on Jalen, but he's still, from what I read, he got torched. I didn't see the game, but from what jalen but he's still from what i read he got torched i didn't see the game but from what i read and he gave up two first round draft picks to stop this kind of shit from happening yeah 100 that's a big price to pay and it didn't work yeah and it's not like it's not

like they're elite wide receivers on no i don't know they have any his tight end is his favorite target and i don't even know the titan's name. So we have a situation where Duvall, who's a huge Jacksonville Jaguars fan, goes and he says, when people think the grass is greener on the other side, and then it turns out it's not. And he calls himself like the petty godfather or something to that extent and he's talking about jaylen ramsey jaylen ramsey the outspoken quarterback he also had a tweet said lamar jackson throw throwing all over ramsey i mean the rams so lamar uh sorry jaylen ramsey who called out literally every single quarterback in the nfl and called them pretty much all trash a few years ago

in Rolling Stone or ESPN or something like that, right? Who every week calls out his team for sucking, the Jaguars, who was acting like a crybaby for the last few seasons when the Jaguars weren't good, who will never bite his tongue whatsoever about an opponent, about his own team, about football in general, about what he can do or his ability, unfollows Duvall because of the commentary. I mean, come on, yo. If that isn't the most bitch-ass shit.

Come on, yo. Unfollowed. Come on, yo. Unfollowed. That's embarrassing, dog. Son, what happened to this big tough guy? I'm going to talk that shit. I'm going to do all this.

Marcus Peters is a real one. I don't think he's a great cornerback, but he's talking that shit to Ramsey. Oh, yeah. He's talking all that fucking shit. Marcus Peters got traded once they traded for Jalen Ramsey. They got rid of Marcus Peters. You know Ramsey kept that helmet on. You ain't taking that helmet off.

Marcus Peters talking all that shit without the helmet on to a guy wearing a fucking helmet. Yeah, Ramsey said something to Marcus Peters too first because Marcus Peters is hugging a Rams assistant or player. I don't know. Because Marcus Peters used to play on the Rams. So he probably is old D coordinator or something. And then Jalen Ramsey walks over and says something

and then Peters is not. He's like, we're not doing this. And then Jalen Ramsey's fake trying to go back out there. Look at this fake. You are literally a football player. You get paid to tackle and run through the greatest athletes in the world today. And you are being held back by your 50-year-old coach with two arms around you barely

leaning into him like stop it for a living you tackle people and get by people and move around people you know what's funny though is this guy took off when he got in the locker room took off his helmet got on twitter and unfollowed duval yo all I'm saying is some real bitch assness of Jalen Ramsey coming out, bro. Oh, yeah. There's some real bitch assness, bro. Oh, yeah. Bitch assness. That's one word, bitch assness.

There's some real bitch assness. And maybe it is that these most vocal guys have the most bitch assness in them. And that's why they need to get it out. That makes sense. Because not everybody built for this. No, no, no, no, get it out. That makes sense. Because not everybody built for this. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not built for it. That's why my shit talk beat.

You said something to me recently. You said you're small enough that before somebody beats your ass, they're like, give you an extra second to reconsider. For you to reconsider what you said. Yeah, for me to be like you know what Akash gets in a lot of almost fights because he'll talk shit but he's so tiny that the guy that is going to beat him up looks at him he's like are you sure and then Akash usually goes nah you got it yeah but it's usually Joe that's the story I was telling this story

we were barking outside of the village lantern like 10 years ago right and then this black guy, I tried to get to walk into the show. And then he says something. And I said something back. But nothing like super shit talky. He just like took it mad personally or something. And he had like a Kelly Kapowski shirt on. I was like, you're acting very thuggish with a Kelly Kapowski shirt on. Or something like that.

And he turned around and got in my face and looked me in my eyes. And then we had a little stare down for like two, three seconds and I looked him dead in his eyes and I go, you got that. Yo, Jalen Ramsey, why couldn't you say you got that? Why couldn't you just say you got that?

Yo, there's no bitch assness in a you got that. That's understanding what you got. And you didn't got it. I knew my role in this he knew his role there's beauty in that no bitch assness i looked at him and i really and i looked at my fucking man thick and i was like oh he ready he ready he gonna eat me oh i gotta say real quick um uh real quick then we're gonna get we'll get back to this

but i just want to shout out real quick uh i want to shout out the gas digital network um and uh skank fest um louis gomez rachel um and and just everybody that's been putting on those those podcasts uh ralph big j all the people over there, and Skankfest, which is this amazing festival, which I consider the New York Comedy Festival is Skankfest. I don't consider the New York Comedy Festival the New York Comedy Festival because it's not at all. It's complete horseshit. It's just a bunch of shows. But there's no camaraderie. There's no feeling.

Comics aren't really supporting it, right? But they have been holding down New York in its darkest time. They've been flagrant and offensive in New York's comedy's darkest time, and they've really kept the spirit of that New York comedy alive. And without them, I don't know where we would really be. So that's a huge shout-out to Christine, Louis, Rachel, all the Gas Digital guys. They've got a bunch of great podcasts over at the Gas Digital Network so check them out

but it's their hard work is gonna pay off because we're gonna take it to a new level I'm telling you this next year

we're gonna take it to a new level the New York comedy comeback begins alright boom what you wanna talk about um Cosby

yo Cosby out here wildin', bro. Yo, my man said when he has his next parole hearing in like eight years, he will not show any remorse.

He doesn't expect to show any remorse. Basically because he's like, I didn't do anything, but that's just wild to say. I don't show any remorse. He calls his jail cell his penthouse.

I mean... Yo, still funny? That's likable, right? That's a great perspective OJ Simpson Bill Cosby Fun Son if Bill Cosby's

Eyes were looking right He'd get parole I think Yo what if his vision Comes back Son What if somebody Fucked the vision into him You think anybody's

Made a run at Cosby Cause No From what I understand About prisoners Yes into him. You think anybody's made a run at Cosby? No. From what I understand about prisoners, they hate rapists. They also probably love Cosby. You think he's going through old material? He's probably the father they never had.

Facts. He's going through all the details. Do you think? He's like, these idiots haven't seen my specials and he'll just do a new special himself dude once a month this guy's probably got 10 hours of jokes once a month he just does a special for everybody 100 oh his crowd work probably on point yo oh no he's doing it son think about all the shit he talked about the black people sagging you think he's sagging in prison right now yo that's where sagging started yeah yeah that's sagging in prison right now? Yo, that's where sagging started. Yeah.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Oh. Or do you think they were like, no, man, you're right. It did start at home. I just think he's a wild motherfucker. He has to do 10 years. No, no, no. His next parole hearing is 10 years from now, I think.

Oh, he's going to be locked up forever. Yeah. He's going to die in that thing, man. Ah. It's a miracle he's lived this long. Is it? I mean, I didn't think he'd make it past blindness and then prison. Son, have you seen the video

of him getting walked into the courtroom? No, that shit is... See, keep going, keep going. Keep going. Don't say anything. Flash, flash, flash. Camera, camera, camera camera and then you just hear hey hey hey have you seen this video yeah it's the greatest video of all time son play play play when the girl was buck ass naked yo no no maybe oh my god oh my god

no no no no what the fuck yo and i Ed, I just... What about this guy, man? God damn. You're getting worse at your job, bro. Son. Oh, God. All right. Man. Here we go.

I'm sending it to you now, Ed. All right, anything else we want to talk about? Any other sports stories you want to talk about? What else we got? Oh, Richard Jefferson and the Knicks. What's going on there? Dude, it was so funny, man. It was so funny.

Richard Jefferson said that he would rather retire. He said he would rather retire than play. He was like, that's when I knew it was time to retire, when the Knicks reached out to me. He said, I would rather call games for the Nets than play for the Knicks. He was trashing. Now, this is how stupid the Knicks are. Yeah, he disrespects the fuck out of the Knicks.

I don't even know if we can play it, because I don't want to get messed up on, like... It's on Twitter. Yeah, it's on Twitter, but will the sound get caught up on anything else? All right, just play that shit, then fuck it. I'll just keep saying it in a different video, because that one needs to be the next one. Yeah, it's on Twitter, but will the sound get caught up on anything else? All right, just play that shit then. Fuck it. Listen. Fuck this place, dude. This has got to be the worst studio, bro.

That's so funny. Listen. Then go through that. That is great. Oh, man, that's great. I just want people to understand that's what a laughingstock the Knicks are around the league. Now, we're getting most, you know, most like Knicks fans and like people are hearing stuff that isn't within the league. But within the league, the Knicks are a complete joke.

The whole organization is a joke. Everybody involved is a complete and utter joke to the point that players only play there if they have to. If they have to. None of these guys that are on the Knicks are on the Knicks because they want to be. They're on the Knicks because those are the only teams that were offering them that kind of money. Yeah. What's the bum that we have?

The lefty? Son, I don't even know your roster. He was on the Lakers. Son, who cares? Julius Randle. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anybody want Julius Randle? Bobby Portis.

Anybody want Bobby Portis? Who else? I don't really want him. I mean, they're not giving him real money. They're not giving any of these people real money. So this is how stupid the Knicks are. This story dies in three hours if you just leave it alone. It dies in three hours.

Yeah. Nobody gives a fuck because it's Richard Jefferson. Nobody gives a fuck about Richard Jefferson. Right? He looks like a brontosaurus. Nobody gives a fuck about him. Nobody cares about Richard Jefferson and what he has to say. That's done in three hours. The fucking Franks and Beans Knicks released this tweet.

For clarification purposes, it is not true that the New York Knicks offered Richard Jefferson a contract in either summer of 2018, 2019. Now it's a story. Yeah, you look like such losers, man. These fucking idiots are so insecure that they created a fucking story. They made a story. They made a fucking story. Now we go back and go,

well, what are they talking about? Now we look at the tweet. It's like you don't have to respond to everything. That's something I learned from Charlamagne. You don't have to respond to everything.

Charlamagne gave Lakeith Stanfield Donkey of the Day. Right? Because Lakeith was just acting like an idiot. Right? And Lakeith tried to drop a rap and come back at Charlamagne gave Lakeith Stanfield Donkey of the Day, right? Because Lakeith was just acting like an idiot, right? And Lakeith tried to drop a rap and come back at Charlamagne in a rap.

And I was like, are we going to go back at this guy? What's the deal? He goes, ain't nobody listen to that. I'm not giving him nothing. He's going to sit in that L. That's great. Because by going back at it, you give buzz to the song yeah and that song was bombing so hard that Lakeith Stanfield was promoting it on Twitter with paid ads and Instagram with

paid ads that's sad dude right I like we're not talking about that's sad to see Lakeith oh no he was great I've been like this he was great in Atlanta but we're not talking about like promoting a date right we're not doing that we're talking about promoting a diss track that's crazy against one of the most famous people in hip-hop usually if people care about you that will get listened to yeah so few listens do whatever point is nicks you fucking retards you don't respond to everything that they say steve mills you're retarded what's the other guy? Chris something. Perry. Chris Perry. Mike Perry.

Something Perry. Scott Perry. Scott Perry. You're retarded. Okay. James Dolan. You're retarded. Oh, he's the king of the retards.

Fizdale. You're retarded for even taking the job. Yeah. Everybody's retarded on this team. That's it. There's nothing more to say. You're retarded say you're retarded you're retarded

and if you want to hear more about retards tune in on Friday okay yo you know how you gotta get doled out oh my god here we go here we go

so this is Bill Cosby leaving court. Oh my God, nobody was calling for it. Son, that shit slapped. You know I didn't see that. Yo, funny is funny, bro. It's so good, dude. Funny is funny. You think that's what he would say when he walked in the room and then passed out women?

How is this not a meme? I don't know. Yo, this is way better than Kawhi's hey, hey, hey. Son, that's how the Knicks front office walks into every meeting. Hey, hey, hey. Oh, man, it's too good. Oh, fuck. Oh, we're in.

Mm. So. Fantastic. Anyway. Zat is zat. God. Patrick Beverly said he'd be the best drug dealer. Yo, Patrick Beverly, a real ass motherfucker.

He said I would be the best drug dealer ever. How? How can you prove that? Yeah. First of all, a real ass motherfucker. He said I would be the best drug dealer ever. How? How can you prove that? First of all, you way too loud and excitable to be a good drug dealer. The great drug dealers, we don't even know who the fuck they are. We don't know what they look like. Stringer Bell. Stringer Bell, right?

Quiet. Quiet. You won't be on the corner like, ain't nobody else can sell drugs. You'd be talking too much shit and you end up in jail. He would be locked up so goddamn fast after Patrick Beverly. I feel like he would, dog. Yeah, how are you going to make... Did he give you any reasoning?

I don't know. I just saw that one line. I thought it was good. Yeah, he texted me that line. I thought it was great, but I thought there was a story behind it. It's just him saying... There probably is. There really probably is a story behind it, but I didn't look into it.

I respect it. In the least. I thought at one time I could be kingpin. The best drug dealer? What was your goal with it? How were you going to become the best drug dealer? Oh, I didn't have a plan at all. I just was like, oh, I could do this.

This seems like it will work. Yeah, I could do this. There's a future in this. How do you become the best drug dealer? I mean, I guess you need to get as close to the source of the drugs as you can I thought I was just going to write everything on paper and then show the person

and then burn the paper after so I was like oh you can't ever trace me because I don't carry a cell phone and shit like that that's insane how are people going to track you down with paper no no no I would burn the paper right after after they've read the message so I don't speak out loud and I never communicate on the phone How are people going to track you down with paper? No, no, no. I would burn the paper right after. After they read the message.

So I don't speak out loud and I never communicate on the phone. So I would be untraceable. So your genius way of becoming the next cartel boss. You just send out orders and shit. Right. Was to have fucking carrier pigeons deliver your messages. Like I said, guys, it wasn't that thought out. It wasn't that thought out. At a certain point in time, you need to scale up.

That's the thing. How do you scale up? Let's think about it right now. How could we become the best drug dealers? You just write on paper, I'm going to fucking murder you and show them. Ah. You know? Why would you write it?

Because you never know when they're recording. You never know when you got recording. Why wouldn't you just murder them? You've got to send a threat, and then they do what you want. No, no threats. You don't threaten. You just act, yo. Michael Corleone just acted in The Godfather. That's the thing about threatening is it shows your pussy.

You just do. Anytime you threaten and don't do, you send a message that you're not willing to do. No, but you, you give them like a, what's it called? Like you gotta scare them. You gotta be like,

yo, if you don't do this, then you know what's gonna happen to you. Well, you gotta at least beat the shit out of them once. I'm watching Top Boy. And the next time they kill him. I'm watching,

I'm on the last season, the most recent season. Yeah, fire. Jamie and Dushane sit down and Dushane has his girl, and then Dushane lets his girl go, I'm like, oh, you lost. You lost, huh? That's it.

Have you finished it yet? No, I haven't finished it, but I just finished that episode, and it's like, oh, that seems like a big fuck-up. Yeah. I want to start this new show, Snowfall. Well, it's not new, but people have been saying it. Yeah, people have been saying it's pretty good. It's so tough, man, because there's a lot of great shows

that are on TV now probably that nobody will watch in history because they're on TV. Snowfall might be one of those shows. But I think eventually everything's going to hit a streaming service. And then we'll recapture it. But here's the problem. They might get canceled before we can fall in love. No, but a lot of people started watching Breaking Bad after it was done.

Nah. Or like it was about to finish. We got $10 million at the finale. I caught on it was done. Nah. Or like it was about to finish. They got 10 million at the finale. I caught on after season four. So, yeah, I saw all of season five live. And then I told a bunch of people about it. Then it got bigger and bigger. They timed that perfect.

So they put all the seasons on streaming services right before their last season. Yeah. Well, the last two seasons. I think the last two. Probably the last two. Because I remember you and your ex were both big fans. Big.

And I was like, I'll give it a chance, man, whatever. I kept hearing Breaking Bad, Breaking Bad, Breaking Bad. And I was like, all right, whatever, let's see. And it just got better and better every fucking week. But here's the thing. What if they canceled Breaking Bad before this shit ever hit the streaming? So we just got three seasons. We were like, yeah.

And it didn't do great ratings at first. It was whack at first. Streaming saved it. So that's what I'm saying. There might be shows that never hit Netflix on streaming because now Netflix is just putting their own shit. They're like, I'm not trying to blow up Snowfall and then I don't have any whatever with it.

No, it's on FX, I believe. I think honestly a better move might be just keep getting, let other people make great shows. You put it on your shit. I'll keep subscribing and then whatever I'll catch that show when the new season comes out yeah yeah I need to watch this Mandalorian shit Alex's wagon says hi so I've seen it it's mad predictable like it's visually beautiful but the storyline is trash it's just mad

predictable like you you can see everything that's about to happen. I've never seen Adam get sensitive before. I did. It's corny. But you like corny shit. You like predictable shit. You like Frozen 2, dog. You want to watch Frozen 2.

Yeah, you want to watch Frozen. How the fuck you have a Frozen 2? I never even saw Frozen 1. You never saw Frozen 1? I thought them bitches froze. The song alone makes you want to see that shit. Let it go. Let it go.

I don't know it. That's what Cosby was singing these days. Let your consciousness slowly go. Let it go. Let it go. No. No, the Frozen 1, you never saw it? No, bro.

Bro, the point of that whole movie is that nobody likes redheads. The star of the movie isn't the blonde bitch. It's the Frozen bitch, right? No, the Frozen bitch is the blonde bitch. And all these kids dress up as her for Halloween. They do like, everybody wants to, she's the evil one. She's a cunt. Why is she the evil one? Because she's the evil one. She's a cunt. Why is she the evil one?

Because she's a cunt. She has these frozen powers. Wait, are you sure about this? Son, I'm telling you and they don't even make that bitch to fuck it. Look, the redhead to the left.

She's the star. She's not even the front page of Frozen 2. Which one is Elsa? Son, so what happens with Elsa? Which one is Elsa? No, one in the middle. Son, so what happens with Elsa?

Elsa is a cunt. She has superpowers, right? Yeah. As she turns into like, like her, what is it called? Adolescence?

Puberty? Puberty, I guess she starts to be able to freeze shit. You know, a bitch angry, cold hands. Right?

Right? Oh, need a blanket ass bitch cold hands right right oh need a blanket ass bitch yeah right give this bitch a blanket end of movie I keep telling them damn vegan son son real talk

real talk so she goes so she goes up to a mountain to be by herself so she don't freeze the whole town up or some shit she just upset

that seems nice that's a nice thing to do that's a generous thing to do I don't even know if I'm telling this right point is her sister loves her and her sister goes to save her. That's a nice thing to do. That's a generous thing to do. I don't even know if I'm telling this right. Point is, her sister loves her and her sister goes to save her. Her sister's a redhead, so

nobody likes her. Meaning the kids that watch the movie, the kids that watch the movie are seeing the evil sister who is killing everybody and freezing everybody and making the town horrible and they're going, I want to be that for Halloween because she doesn't have red hair. Because she got the special powers. Special powers to be a cunt. she doesn't have red hair. Because she got the special powers. Special powers

to be a cunt. She's a cunt. I want the special powers over the non-special ass bitch. Calling a Disney princess a cunt is the funniest thing She's a super fucking cunt. A raging cunt.

I hated her in the movie. I thought she sucked. You finished it? It's good to see that two of us, Thor. You see? Yeah. You had me out on that ledge

like I'm the only motherfucker who watched that shit. I mean, I'm watching. You know details like you see that two of us, Thor. You see? Yeah. You had me out on that ledge like I'm the only motherfucker who watched that shit. I mean, I've watched it, man. You know details like you see that shit yesterday. I don't even remember this movie. You be spending too much time on TikTok to be watching these little kid movies. Son, why you think I got to see these movies? You got to relate to them. We have to have something to talk about.

Son, that would be a nice skill for a molester to do is to learn how to relate to you. Jesus. Come on, son. I'm just saying at least you can have a good conversation beforehand. Let it go. Anyway, so now they got motherfucking Frozen 2 coming out where they demoted the redhead bitch to her natural position, which is side chick, not main chick. And they brought Frozen out front, which is what the people always wanted in the first place. Nah, the redhead just needs a few tats so she can step her shit up.

Oh, so she can be Portland. Yeah, because you know how redheaded bitches, they're usually pale and they- If they get tats. Takes them to another level. Colorful tats, too. Yeah. You know. Alan's got such specific white girl taste.

Son. Son. Son Son he's creating A white bitch Like it's Madden In his head Creative bitch Outside here Creative bitches

Yeah man So how do you make A second one of these films I don't know We're about to see right now It's better than Fucking Mandalorian It set all kinds of

Box office records apparently What Frozen 2 Let me see Wait a minute It's better than fucking Mandalorian. It set all kinds of box office records, apparently. What? Frozen 2. Let me see. Wait a minute, it's out already? I think it's out. I think I read that. Nah, it's not out yet.

I said it is. You seen it? If you went to the movie theater to see that, then you're a fucking weirdo, bro. Nah. Yeah, I think it did huge numbers. Anyway, what else we got, man, before we wrap this up? Kanye got an opera.

The Lakers keep winning. Mason Rudolph might have said the N-word. Oh, yeah. Let's talk about that. You really think Mason Rudolph? Nope. Even, like, woke black football fans I follow on Twitter are like, nah. Because there's no reason you're going to let a guy hold you back if he actually said that

and you're a black dude and the quarterback called you that on the field or that your teammates would continue to support you at all. They'd be like, yo, kill this motherfucker. Who cares?

Son, all the times you've been tackled by a black guy and it never came out and it takes one time and that motherfucker rips your helmet off for you to say that word.

You know how many N-words, if you didn't like Blackpill, you know how many N-words you would fucking say the like black people, you know how many N-words you would fucking say the first time that you got blindsided? Son, yeah. Like, you'd be saying the N-word nonstop if you didn't like black people. It's black people tackling your ass every, you got sacked how many times that game? You waved to that?

And you would just punch him in the face. You wouldn't bother with the helmet ripping off. You just beat the shit out of this guy. Nothing's stopping you. It's bullshit. You know you don't want your suspension, so you jump into that same shit. And you think Marquise Pouncey gonna have his back?

Man, get out of here. Marquise? Pouncey? Yo, come on, son. Stop it. Just tell me suspension. Nah, that's corny shit, but it's an easy go-to.

It's like, if I claim racism, then I don't look like a bad guy. Even though I don't get the suspension, it justifies the action to the people. Even though I will have the suspension, it saves my character and justifies the action to the people because you can do anything you want after someone says the N-word. Which I think is absurd, the idea that we give this one word so much power that it can justify any behavior that comes after it. Say again?

But isn't it absurd? Catch your ass whooping, but that's after it. Say again? But isn't it absurd? But that's about it. Even then, it's just absurd that we empower this word. It just holds down black people. That's what I don't understand. By lifting this word up, you're just hurting you. So I agree with you there,

but it is cool to have the crutch every time you want to beat a motherfucker up, you can't just pull that card. Of course. That's like a girl. Like I. Yeah. No, no. I understand what you're saying.

But like, wouldn't you rather not have that power over you? Like, what do you think? I don't let the word affect me that much. You don't. But like, I mean, we want to talk about like white. You know what white supremacists love? That they have a button they can push at any point in time that you have to fight them if they say it. New pair of Jordans.

Walk right out full locker. Someone calls you in where you got to fuck the Jordans up. They have so much control of you. You gave them a button. And you know what's crazy? They invented the button! Have you ever been called that? Like a straight-up PR?

No, actually, I don't believe so. Yo, the best way to react to inward is like, when someone goes like that, you go, you think I'd let you affect me? Yo, that's the way I like to feel. Yeah, like, just start laughing. Wait, you thought that i was gonna let you have some power over me you're adorable you're adorable what is that that act out natty murphy when uh the black guy is talking the italian after he calls him oh little white man yeah you must

have just seen rocky right like you you are so adorable to think I would let you Have any power You think you're gonna let me Risk my freedom You gonna decide that Aw Yeah I think The only time I reacted Bad to racism Was probably the Sweden

Situation And it was just the way He said pussy He's like Pussy Like That shit got under my skin He said it man

He said it pussy bro He said it He said it in a way Like nah son You wanna talk about Luka? I know that was something. You said he stole the Giannis era. Oh, that's an interesting question.

Van posted on Twitter, but I thought it was interesting. Is Luka going to steal the Giannis era? As LeBron goes away, Giannis was going to take over and then run the league. And Luka is better than Giannis, in my opinion, in terms of he's more well-rounded, he's a better passer, I think he's a more dynamic scorer. He's a better offensive player, for sure. Giannis defensively can be such a fucking force.

Fair enough, he's a force. But will Luka, at bare minimum, he takes a little shine away from the Jonas era. There is a world where he's only 20 years old, it's the Luka era, not the Jonas era. There is a world where he's only 20 years old. It's the Luka era, not the Giannis era. And we start looking at Giannis kind of like we looked at

Dominique Wilkins. An athletic freak, very exciting to watch, but can't get over the hump. If he doesn't learn to shoot, that's a problem in the playoffs. That will most likely keep you from winning championships. Luka won't

have that problem. You can work around a weak defender. The Warriors did it with Steph. You can build around that. You cannot build around just play eight feet off of him. That's all you gotta do. It affects the game too much. Yeah. So that's a thing. And I think he will because he's willing to shoot

and he seems like he's got good form. I think his shot will get better right but if it doesn't it might be the luca era and it's also crazy he's a fucking on my basketball team that i root for like i mean you're very lucky yeah you're incredible dirk was great but like dirk wasn't you didn't watch dirk and like jump out of your fucking seat and like there was one playoff series there was one playoff series where i did the not because it was so uh exhilarating the moves but when he literally put the mavs on his back oh and won that championship unbelievable i have there are few like there are a few playoff experiences that i've seen that are like that yeah i. I mean, one man. I'm really lucky to have seen that too.

And that's why I didn't complain when the Mavs were bad. I'm like, yeah, they're bad, whatever. You got it. But I know if you get to see a championship for your favorite team

and you're old enough to understand what it means, do not. You enjoy that and that's it. Gratitude. I saw the Cowboys my second year watching football.

They won the Super Bowl. Then they won it again. Then they won it again. So I was like, oh, this is just what the Cowboys are. Yeah, won it again. Then they won it again. So I was like, oh, this is just what the Cowboys are. Yeah, you're spoiled. I didn't get it. I was eight years old,

whatever the fuck, nine, ten. If they get one now, I'm going to still root for them and whatever, but I'm not going to act like I deserve another. Yeah.

I'm so fucking lucky I'm good. Yeah. Mavs, I'm good. And then to get Luka is crazy. To have an exciting, like the league wants to see this guy on your team is crazy. Yeah, and you're going to get tons more games that you can see outside. So I can finally watch him because I could never watch him before.

That's right. You'd probably get two games a year that would be nationally televised or something like that. Son, I might split league paths with Kaz just so I could watch him sometimes, like more often. If I don't have shows or whatever. It's crazy. But yeah, this could be his. I thought he'd be good. I didn't think he'd be this good. It's being able to shoot.

Yeah. Everybody thought he wasn't going to be able to shoot. When I listen to Dallas Radio, they say there are still some really bad misses. This one guy that seems to know a good amount about Baz Will said he kind of reminds me of younger LeBron in that he has a better shot, but sometimes LeBron would just put up

these bricks and he'd be like Jesus. Luka will still do that but he's a better shooter than we thought and he's getting better. He's 50% from the field and then he's 36 or something from three or something like that. Take that. 36 from the three with contested

step backs you will take. We're not talking about you're wide open in the corner like you fucking bums. We're talking about you're wide open in the corner like you fucking bums. We're talking about you're shooting off the dribble. Yeah, 35%. 35% from three, 50% field goal, 80% from the line. And the EFG, which I think is effective field goal percentage, meaning if you remove the shots that are like end of the shot.

I think it's remove the shots end of the shot clock. I think it's like, what is his true field goal percentage? Can you go up to 20 or can you go down a little bit, Ed? Right there. Where is it? I just want to see what he was last year, three point percentage. Oh, he went 30, he was 33% and then 35%. So yeah, he got better.

I mean, dude. This kid is the truth, man. Giannis better watch out. And Giannis will put in the work. The question is, there are certain people that are just not built to shoot well. Ben Simmons is not built to shoot well. It doesn't matter how much work you put in. Giannis probably can put all the work in,

but his body might not be built and constructed in a way that is going to give him touch. He might not be a great shooter. He could be? Okay. If he can get good enough that you've got to guard him, then it's a problem. That's not be a great shooter. He could be? If he can get good enough that you gotta guard him, then it's a problem. That's all he has to be. Serviceable. Yeah, get to like the Charles Oakley

range where Oakley could hit his little 15 foot jumper, 18 foot jumper. The problem with Giannis is you want the ball in his hand to affect the game. And will Giannis be able to shoot off the dribble? Can he do what LeBron did is what you're what I want to know I don't think if he does if he can shoot like LeBron developed his

shot I don't think so because I think LeBron always had flow to his shot Giannis has a hiccup you notice like he pulls and he stops and then he shoots a little bit yeah LeBron was never a great shooter until recently he's really kind of developed some touch. But he had flow. He doesn't have the best form. His elbow's all out. But there's flow. And if you look at Luka, there's flow.

Yeah. Giannis, there's the hitch. Yeah. And when you have a hitch, it's very hard. You look at Steph, it is flow. Perfect flow. All the great shooters, flow. If Giannis doesn't handle that hitch,

I don't know what to tell you, man. I don't know what to tell you. It could be bad news. I would love to see him do it, but I would also love for Luka to be the best player in the league, so whatever. We'll see. Yo, we should talk about some dates coming up, by the way.

Yes. Make sure you all come out. We're going to be, yo, we should talk about some dates coming up, by the way. Yes. Make sure you all come out. We're going to be in Seattle, Neptune Theater. First show sold out. A few tickets left for the second show. Then we're going to Salt Lake City. First show sold out. A few tickets left for the second show.

Then I'm going to be in L.A., Shadow Band Show with Tony Hinchcliffe Andrew Santino Tim Dillon Comedy store One night one show only Go check that out Then I'm going up to Where we go Vancouver

We got a pop up show On the 12th That's sold out We have the 13th At the Vogue Theater That's sold out Thank y'all so much For coming out

Vancouver We didn't realize It was such a big market. We thought doing that massive theater was going to be enough. But shit, I guess we need more. We got Edmonton the night after. Come check us out in Edmonton. We also just added Minneapolis to the tour. We got New Orleans on the tour. We got, I on the tour We got

I think Oh we added a show in Philly My bad we got Philly coming up We added a show in Philly That Sunday Because the Philly shows are selling out Just go to theandrewschultz.com Check out all the shows

I'm coming to your city Akash what you got baby Yo Big Desi Energy Tour going international December 20th and 21st Yo, Big Dizzy Energy Tour going international. December 20th and 21st, we are at the Habitat Comedy Club in Mumbai. Then when we get back January 9th, we're at Hilarities in Cleveland. January 14th, Stress Factory, New Brunswick, New Jersey.

Schultz, you're probably going to come through either way. Brown people got to come through. It's fucking Jersey. This is our second India. 15th, January 15th. We're at Helium Comedy Club in Philly. We is you and... Me and Donna should probably come through. We're gonna see, but I'm gonna be there for sure.

128th. January 28th, I'm at Tacoma Comedy Club in Tacoma, Washington. January 29th, Punchline in Sacramento, California. February 6th, I'm at Zany's in Nashville, Tennessee. And then February 8th, this date, just added the Laughing Skull Comedy Club in Atlanta. All dates, all tickets will be available on my website.

Congrats on the Laughing Skull, man. Thank you, dog. An amazing club. I'm excited. Apparently. I've never played it, but it's like this really cool. Have you played it? No.

Yeah. But it's like, it's just like a really cool and very well-run club and very respected club in Atlanta. I'm excited to do it. I think we're going to have to do a 5 p.m. show to kind of prove we can move tickets. So buy these tickets, fellas. Let them know what time it is. Go get them tickets, rock it, and then the next time you're out there, sell out the whole thing.

But Atlanta's an interesting place. I did a club down there. It was one of my worst experiences in stand-up comedy. The club is actually shaped really well and really nice. It's the Punchline. And it looks like a perfect comedy club, and it's amazing. It just happens to be part of a diner. In the back of a diner.

That's why I was told don't do Skull If You Can over Punchline. Yeah. But once you're in the club, it looks like a fucking amazing comedy club. but once you're in the club it looks like a fucking amazing comedy club they just don't create any like separation from the diner entrance like I would have people come in the back entrance

so you don't even know it's part of the diner but they were serving pancakes you can't laugh with itis yo son during my show this was one of the low times in my comedy career during my show a woman in the front row turns around and yells to the waiter, can I have some syrup?

Oh, man. I was like, bro, I need to step things up. I need to do something. Because this is not the look right here. My name was on a billboard outside with a breakfast special. So it was Andrew Schultz will be appearing. Two eggs scrambled with fucking home fries and bacon. I was like, things need to change.

Things need to fucking change out here. And so, yeah, the Laughing Skull is apparently, from everything I've heard, it's just a really cool club. So go check out Akash in that club, man. Excited to do it. And then I'll be there with you on the- 14th.

In where? New Brunswick. In New Brunswick, New Jersey. I'm coming out as long as I'm in the city, and we're not anywhere. What day is it? January 14th. You know what day of the week it is? Is it Wednesday or Wednesday?

Wednesday. Ed and I will be filming. Ed is filming? Yeah. Okay, we out there. We're doing it.? Is it Wednesday or Wednesday? Wednesday. Ed is going to be filming. Ed is filming? Yeah. Okay, we out there. We're doing it. I'm in. I'm popping in.

I'm doing a few minutes if our cops will let me. Hell yeah. All right? So pull up to that show. Go get tickets to that show. We're going to keep it flagrant. Assholes, get your asses out there. All right?

Keep it tight. We love y'all. We appreciate y'all. And for those of you that are going gonna be there with us for the patreon episode