Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Flagrant 2 is GAY! Feat. Matteo Lane

Episode Date: July 27, 2021

Flagrant 2 is GAY! Feat. Matteo Lane by

stereotype of lesbians of course is like the hi my wife and i make our own water you know like just just sort of this is the first time any of you have met a gay person dance studio bro they do no that's what they did growing up but i don't know yes what's up everybody and welcome to flagrant 2. It's your boy Schultz. I'm here with Akash Singh, Alex Media, Mark Gagnon. The Truffle's not here, but we have a special guest. Very, very special guest. Hilarious comedian, amazing artist,

best kept secret in the comedy world. The art is incredible. And by far the most immaculate body in comedy. Also operatic singer before we get to Al Hadid. That's right. That's right. That's right. But I want to get right to Al Hadid.

Yeah. Okay. Because we, a couple of weeks ago, we came back from Akash's wedding. And Akash has one of the most stunning cousins you've ever seen in your entire life. Like, he was so handsome that it was actually uncomfortable. Does he have the same eye color? Yeah. It's better.

It's better. Akash thinks they look similar. They don't look even close. It's not even fucking close. Do you have a photo? We're going to show you the photo. But what I'm saying is you're shitting on him. We're here with Matteo Lane, everybody. Matteo Lane.

Best body in comedy. I know you're not going to go to his Instagram right now at Matteo Lane and check out the best body in comedy. know you're not going to go to his Instagram right now at Mateo Lane and check out the best body in comedy Mateo Honestly Mateo is what you think you look like

Son Can we talk about this? Remember when I had a mustache? I'll never forget it Okay I had a mustache for like what

a month? It was a little longer than a month but there was you did have a mustache Don't play it down you had a mustache It was a little like an instagram filter mustache

until you had a girl you loved enough to shave it yeah no that's what got my fiance really the stash wow she loved the stash but go on go on no i liked it first i was i would look i don't when people like giving you shit about it i was like what do you think about my mustache like we have a very similar look we have a similar look but i didn't think about it and the second i got the mustache i'm getting tagged in every one of mateo's pictures right stop every i was i was and that's when i I'm okay, I'm doing fine I'm better than these guys I'm better than these guys You better than this guy I'm better than these guys It's 10% body fat tour

If y'all want to stay on the tour You gotta get under 10% This is serious I start getting tagged in your pictures And I didn't realize You were stacked I didn't realize it were stacked, bro. I didn't realize it because I'd never looked at the Instagram before.

We've known each other for years. And then I go to Instagram and it is like, it's a problem, bro. Yeah, I know. It's a problem. I've pulled it up on a flight, middle seat. And the first picture Instagram just pops up and there's just two dudes looking at me just lusting over your shirtless pics. The bigger problem here is you're in a middle seat.

Why wouldn't you take an eye? I was trying to be humble, guys. I was in first class. I was just trying to be humble. You were Delta first class getting your meal. Sure. I know.

I'm sorry. I feel really bad about that. Nah, you were the meal. I'm talking about my little snack box. It's true. Okay, so Matteo, is it okay that we're objectifying you like this? I don't care. Yeah, it's fine. Nice. I'll take anything. I'm desperate.

Okay. Are you on roids? No, I'm not. I actually talked to my sister. My sister is an IFBB pro, an international fitness bodybuilder. Her whole life is that world. Okay. And of course I'm very,

um, insecure. So I was like, what, what, what, what, what,

what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what,

because it seems to me like every single gay man, not every, but like, there's a lot that are just doing steroids. Like it's nothing. Yeah. And I was like, Oh,

um, what if I did steroids? And she's like, it does this, it does that. You'd have to hormone replacement, but it also changes your voice. And you need the voice.

And I was like, oh. I wish I said because of health reasons or I'm not like Zayn, but. Wait, just the voice? Yeah, the voice. Have you heard this guy sing? I sing and I do, you know, so I was like, yeah,

it would be really dumb if I did three months of steroids to look good at Mykonos for one Instagram pic and then ruined years of my voice. Like, it's just not worth it to me. So, right now I'm not. Just a lot of eating.

I'm not that big. I'm just sort of tall. No, you're cut, dude. Can I ask you a question? Do you fluff before the pictures? What do you mean? Oh, like do push-ups? No, no, no. You know what I mean. Oh, oh, oh. You know what I mean.

I should have known that over you. Oh, oh, oh. You know what I mean. I know. You know what I mean, bro. I should have known that over you. Bad boy. I'm just Italian. No need. Natural fluff. So you never, like, so you'll do push-ups so you'll have, like, maybe veins and shit going for your arms. Sometimes.

Sometimes it's just lighting. My friend Sam, who's a really good photographer, it's, honestly, it's just lighting. I don't like the humility. Yeah. I don't like it. I'm looking at you, buddy. This lighting ain't that great. It's pretty.

This is very bright. It's very Kathy Lee and Regis Philbin in the early night. It's very bright. Al? Yeah. Kathy Lee. You're welcome. Okay.

So, Mateo, we have you here. Yeah. Kathy Lee. You're welcome. Okay. So, Mateo, we have you here. Yeah. One of the things that, like, comments I'll often get, like, on Instagram, right? Like, especially if I'm doing, like, you know, some stand-up or even on YouTube, they'll be like, how does this guy know these, like, nuanced things about these specific cultures that he should know about? Like, as a white guy, I'm not supposed to know anything about the world, you know? Right. cultures that he should know about like as a white guy i'm not supposed to know anything about the world you know right and i think one of the reasons is like when there's somebody who knows about like a niche culture i really start to ask questions some of them are stupid some of them might be a

good question but i'm i need to know and i'm very curious sure okay i i cannot understand for the why gay dudes are like so fucking, you know, well put together, the outfit, the fucking body. There's like, imagine this immense pressure, like whatever women talk about, like the pressure that they have to be, the standards they have to keep. Right. Like, is it even crazier for gay dudes? Right? Sure.

Maybe. We don't have to compete, but you know what I'm saying. Sure, sure. Yeah. And then, and then lesbians. Sure. Maybe. We don't have to compete, but you know what I'm saying.

Sure, sure, yeah. And then lesbians. I'm not trying to trash, but it's like Post Malone. They're just trying to be Post Malone. And I don't understand the thing, right? Because when women are straight, they're pushing each other who can be skinnier, who can be. Seems like the problem is men. Yes. Is that it? Yeah, I think so. Who can be skinnier? Who can be... Seems like the problem is men. Yes! Is that it?

Yeah, I think so. So we keep women beautiful? Or people beautiful? I feel like... First of all, there's many different sets of lesbians, right? Okay, break it down. The stereotype of lesbians, of course, is like the, Hi, my wife and I make our own water.

You know, like the kind of... Just sort of like, you know what we're talking about. Like, am I wrong? Like, you know, like the stereotype

of a lesbian. Like, I'm going to get shit done, you know. Artisanal lesbian water. They are. Well,

lesbians, you know, they go to bed and gays are just waking up. It's 4 p.m. It's just like, here's the thing too,

like, gays and lesbians don't really change no matter where we go. I was just in Italy and there was and there's one gay bar in Rome, and they're not very open about being gay in Italy. But, of course, this one's called Coming Out, and it's next to the Coliseum.

It's the gayest culture in the world, I feel like. Well, what's funny is Italians, they look gay. The straight dudes in Italy just be acting the gays. No, dude, they sexually harass the women like crazy. But I look like I'm crushing pussy in Italy. Like, that's a problem. Yes, you fit in straight. No one believes.

I'm like, oh, no, I'm gay. Guy. You know, it's like, yes, I'm gay. I'm homosexual. You know, like Romans. But I saw there was a gay bar, and there was a bubble machine they put outside this bar And I will get them in the bed. Oh by the way, Italian tacky so

There these gays are trying to figure it out by the way the gay voice doesn't change in any language We're like gay accent in every language, so it's a gay accent Charitama die my pet k no party. I'm okay. See die. Yeah, it's every Spanish to every accent. There's a gay accent. I'm really curious about that, but finish this story. Oh, so they're trying to figure out this bubble machine is not working, and they're basically just mincing around this bubble machine, and nothing was happening.

And then literally like 15 minutes later, a lesbian with a ladder came out, fixed it. They celebrate it. And I was like, this is so, like, we just don't, we're not, we're no different. Like any language culture, like gays are the exact same. So, but anyways, lesbians. No, that's, I think that's a huge stereotype, but there's like, there's like, you know, there's so many hot lesbian couples and it's Sydney Washington is the hottest lesbian on

the face of the planet. Oh my God. She's such a funny comedian. You know, Sydney Washington. Oh yes.'s such a funny comedian. Do you know Cindy Washington? Oh, yes, yes, yes. Super, super funny comedian. She's beautiful. Super funny.

And she's like, every time she FaceTimes me, I'm like, are you Mariah Carey? She's just gorgeous with gorgeous hair. So I think it's just like an old stereotype. So that's an old trope. But also, too, there's not many, like, lesbian bars. There's one up the block. There's one up the block here. Yeah, and they're pulling up in Harleys and shit. Like, they're, like, leaning in big to up the block there's one up the block here

and they're pulling up in Harleys and shit they're like leaning in big to the stereotype Carl's Jr. that's the bar it's like a burger they love a fast food spot dude the McDonald's in West Forth

oh my god it closed down I know but that was like home that was like Shredder's Lair for lesbians that was like home. That was like Shredder's Lair for lesbians. That was like the watering hole. It was Shredder's Lair. That's true. It did feel like a 90... Did you see that video of that guy with the crowbar there?

Oh, and he was fighting. Yeah, there was girls yelling and he was an employee and he walked in the back and got a crowbar and just beat them. And I was like, yeah, that's just a Tuesday at that McDonald's. What is it about that McDonald's? It's like a nice neighborhood, like trendy. It's too many drunk people. It's just everybody gets drunk, and then you're drunk at 3 in the morning.

You're going to go to McDonald's, and it's just the most trashed human beings at McDonald's. And it's close to like an old historic gay neighborhood, right? Sure, the West Village. Yeah. Stonewall. But is that almost like Times Square for gay neighborhoods now? Like, is it almost like...

You know what I mean? Just way less of a budget, yeah. But if a gay guy was like, let's go out on a date, like over on Christopher Street, you'd be like, oh, that's adorable. Should we go to Applebee's? Like, yeah.

Are you new to this? This guy just came out. Yeah, I guess so. I don't know. It was so funny as I don't go came out. Yeah, I guess so. I don't know. It was so funny as I don't go out anymore. Really? No, I just do shows

and play Fortnite. That's it. I'm so not the typical fag. He dropped it! He dropped it! I probably don't get it. Don't blur him out.

But go on. I don't know. I know I look a certain way, but I'm really just like at home listening to Sarah Vaughn playing Call of Duty. Or, you know, I'm not very like going out. Okay. Break down the gay voice to us. Sure. The history of it.

Like, what is, you know. Is this a choice? It started with that magic mirror in Snow White. I think that's where it started. I told y'all, bro. I told y'all I'm in for it today, bro. That is the gayest character of all. First of all, that was my entire existence in high school.

You know how we look at black people and we're like, are they just more athletic? Are gay people just funnier? Yeah. Let me explain why gay people are funnier? Yeah. Isn't it like – Let me explain why gay people are – This is my friend Nick who's a complete monster of a human being, and he has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

But he – During the – I hope you get this reference. If you don't get it, you're all straight. But bear with me. So in the beginning – This is the kind of person he is, right? So we were talking about customer service

when you're dealing with the automated message. So I said, when you finally get to a person, be nice to them. Because they've been dealing with such assholes all day. And Nick goes, oh, not me. I go straight for the jugular. I was like, what do you say? He goes, well, this woman from Verizon, after 40 minutes of waiting, she picks up, this is Sally from Verizon. How can I help you?

I said, Sally, you're going to have to get your manager because I can already tell you're not going to be able to help me. Yes, you should. I was like, Nick! How to create a homophobe. Yo, he's not a good advertisement for us. The Trevor Project's not getting him on this.

You know, but I will say, when the pandemic hit, I was worried about it, because he has no life skills. He can't do anything. He can't cook. He can't clean. He can't... Nothing. He has no life skills. So I was worried and I said, Nick, you know, you're going to have to go grocery shopping because they're closing

everything down. He goes, well, I don't grocery shop. And I said, okay, let's make a list. We'll start with breakfast. What do you have for breakfast every day? He goes, Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee. I said, well, they're closing Dunkin' Donuts. with breakfast. What do you have for breakfast every day? He goes Dunkin Donuts iced coffee. I said well, they're closing Dunkin Donuts. You're gonna have to make your own iced coffee He goes I'm not Laura Ingalls Wilder She's from Little House on the Prairie Which by the way in a gay room kills Guys were straight.

It's proven. What if Wallace started crying and laughing? What are you going to tell us, Wallace? There's a bit I'm working out right now that does not get a laugh with straight people. Go, go, go. Because I went to Spain and Barcelona three weeks ago, and I went to do this whole rendezvous with my ex. We were going to sort of have this, see if we can work out, blah, blah, blah. We hadn't seen each other in two years. So we planned this whole thing.

Can we see a picture of this guy? Yeah, I'll send you'll send you well no because he doesn't want to be talked to i'll show you privately i just want to know what you're dealing with you know i want to know what you're taking that he's railing me so um i mean he's so hot so wild boy wild boy he's hot wild boy oh sometimes i talk about gay sex on stage and straight people get uncomfortable and I'm like What do you think gay people are doing having sex? Holding hands, watching Friends? It's brutal. I think they do think that. It's brutal. After three weeks they are.

But you know, the first three weeks. But anyway, so when I... They're just dudes bro. At the end of the day. It's like dudes are gonna be dudes. Oh, monsters. Like three weeks of crazy sex and then they're like, why am I fucking this thing? Meanwhile, lesbians meet

in passing and they're like, I'll marry you. So that is a true stereotype. But anyway, so he lives in Barcelona. So I had a flight that went from New York to Paris first and then from Paris to Barcelona. I don't like this Italian shade.

I'm annoyed by this. So I call him when I get to Paris as a layover. I had not seen him in two years. I said, hi. I said, I'm coming to Barcelona. I'll see you in two hours. He goes, amore. I have COVID. And I was like, but

I douched. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. I like that. That's some outshits. That is some outshits. Yes. 90s Mateo. 90s Mateo, bro. I don't know how we got

from gay voice to here, but I'm glad. To me, it's parallel. I'm like, it's the same. You anally swabbed. Look, I was so pissed. What are you going to do here, man? Come on.

It's a COVID test. Oh my God. So I was pissed. Audiences don't get, by the way, audiences don't get that. I tell that joke. Are the kids too young

to know what douching is? Well, gays do, but like when I'm on the road, the audience get, but like the seller, they're just. Yeah, they're like 19 year old white kids. They're like,

what's douching? Yeah. Douching is how women used to clean their pussies back in the day. Well, in the 80s, they had those commercials that was like, they're not trying to disguise

any kind of naturalness of the vagina. They're like, make it smell like lavender. I'm like, that's not natural. That's okay, though. Lavender is cool. They had a douching commercial in the 80s.

It was a mom and a woman walking on the beach. This is literally the commercial. She goes, Mom, I have a question. Yes, honey, do you douche? And I was like, uh-huh. I was like, I don't think any mothers had that conversation with their daughter. Definitely not. In that way, too?

Yeah, that'd be a little odd. On a beach in Connecticut. Okay, so you're douching it up. Douched, already douched. Had a clean asshole on the plane, which, honestly, I don't know. None of you seem like you've had clean assholes before. Never in my life. I have a bidet.

I have a bidet. I have half a roll of toilet paper balled up in my asshole right now, guaranteed. What's your asshole? I have half a roll of toilet paper balled up in my asshole right now. His is the most atrocious of all time. I feel like straight men just don't know

what's happening back there. I just have so much hair in my ass and then when I wipe it gets shredded and it's awful. When I wipe it's like a cheese grater.

That's what the toilet paper looks like. Blue cheese. Have you ever thought of just trimming to make that process which you do daily easier? I just started trimming my pubes. Just now?

Well, no. I've been using Manscaped. I do use Manscaped. It's great. No, my balls don't get cut. But not my hair. Nothing's happening to my hair. I feel like you should try it and report back to me.

I had it waxed once. That's horrible. It was great. It felt really good. Why is that bad? Because it feels so painful to wax your ass off. I didn't feel it. You said it felt good. You are super stupid? Because it feels so painful to wax your ass. I didn't feel it. It felt good.

You are super stupid. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. How is it? Wait, what? What's painful? I'm sure you've had way more painful things with your ass. There's no way a waxing is going to be helpful.

It depends on the guy. Yeah, I was going to say, you might be a natural bottom. I think I might be, dude. Yeah, yeah. I think I might be. I am not. None of you really. Did you smell?

Did you smell but Sorry just you know you look great See we've been telling this for years Okay, wait. Two natural bottoms. We don't fit. So here's my question, because a stereotype about gays is that, like, it's down any time, right? You're at David Barton Gym. It's fucking down, right? If you're at the library, what's going down? Going down in terms of sex.

The library. Who knows? You know what I mean? Yeah. But you're dignified gays. You're not gas stations. Sure. Dignified gays don't exist, but go on.

It's just in the movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just straight people's portrayal of gays. Right, right, right. Making gay sex, like lighting a candle. No, no, it's rough. But it's great. So my question is, it's like, isn't there some preparation for this?

That's why I don't understand the stereotype. It's not like you're just throwing dick in ass. Like, I've put dick in an ass before that's not easy it takes time, it takes fucking lube like you said, you might want to douche before it happens so this idea that you just see somebody at a bar and you're like, I want to go to the bathroom and do it

does that really happen or is that just a gross stereotype? I guess it just depends on your state of mind going out, like if you think you're probably going to get fucked you probably want to douche beforehand and douching doesn't take hours. I mean, it can be pretty quick. Is there like a rapid douche? Yeah, like a neti pot.

They have a neti pot. They have like a drive-thru. And sometimes I see guys' assholes in porn and I'm like, did they hire a firehouse to clean out that asshole? I mean, sometimes

if it's too pristine... Look at Al's face. Al's face. Al's face. I said what I said. No, no, no. He's locked in. Huh? Get that log over here.

And you've never seen anal? I'm just hearing this over the first time. I'm like, okay, let's go. This is the first time any of you have met a gay person. Yes. Okay. No, no, no. My parents are in a dance studio, bro.

They do? No, that's what they did growing up. I'm a faggot. But I'm a faggot. Yes. No, no, no. My parents were in a dance studio, bro. They do? No, that's what they did growing up. I'm a faggot. But I'm a faggot. Yes! We've been trying to tell it! I mean, girls. Take that, Akash! Take that! Akash! More gay points for me today! Alright? Oh, look at you drinking your water. I got a waifu. Do you know what a waifu is? Is it like, drink this much water in a day kind of thing. No, no, it's like what is a waifu again? Where's the where's shifty? It's some like gaming thing like it's like a Japanese anime chick. It just seems hot Yeah, it's like lonely guys that will buy like they'll fall in love with like these anime characters. Oh, yeah Yeah, and then they'll buy like they'll buy're a gamer. I don't buy, I'm such a bad gamer. I mean I'm not like, I can barely understand technology.

Like on Twitch I just, what did you just bring? Are you douching? What is that? That's a CBD pipe. We're gonna get lit here buddy. It's the freeze pipe. We're gonna get some smoke, some CBD. If you got weed we'll do that and we'll get fucked up and have a good time.

I gotta go to the gym after this. Buddy. Okay, so gay voice. So one thing I was always curious about gay voice is, like, my voice is obviously influenced by the people I'm around, right? And people think that I'm faking it at times. They'll be like, oh, you sound black, or oh, you sound Italian, or all these. But when I grew up, I grew up around black people. I grew up around, like, you know, Irish, Italian people italian people so like it affected the way that i spoke sure but

at a certain point it's a choice when i was in spain i didn't speak with like a new york accent right spoke spanish with a spanish accent or at least as close as i could get so how much of the quote-unquote gay voice is a choice and how much of it is just like natural because these are the people i'm around like when madonna was was with guy ritchie and then she started speaking with english yeah look at it this way in my mind i sound like yeah like in my mind i sound like gaston i sound like it's true like i sound so manly and then i hear my voice and i'm like well i was um i missed the mark but i think that's the thing too is like i just we i most gay people you talk to we just don't know we just think we

sound until you hear yourself and and i i don't i don't know if i have an answer do you think it's a genetic thing or do you think it's a it's a choice well it's not a choice when you're seven you know what i mean like you just don't know what you're doing. So I don't think I really realized I sounded like a complete homosexual until I was in middle school. What? What are you laughing at? Are you born that way? Or is it, let's get to the fucking bottom of this. No, I know you're born gay.

Well, actually, do you think you're born gay? Yeah. 100%. Of course. Now, do you think any people are, like, diddled into bi? Diddled. You know what I mean? Like,

like that, like some fucked up sexual experiences with a young and it kind of warps their idea of what sexuality is. No,

I think the same way, like, I would, okay, like, diddled into bi? Not diddled into a full gay,

but diddled into bi. Are you trying to convert? Is that what it is? Say what? Are you trying to convert? I'm fucking ready, dude. I'll start slapping my man pussy right now.

You're a man, you're a pussy My pussy I made it of age It's not a boy pussy bro it's man Sure I don't know I just think it's the same way When did you know you were straight That's the thing that Okay this is a whole different conversation

But that's the thing Understanding identity this is a whole different conversation but like that's the thing understanding identity you know like there's so much conversation about like gender and stuff with identity and i'm like when do you know what you are and how do you know what you are like when did you know you were straight when honestly guys i'm gonna interrupt myself speaking to tell you guys about something incredibly important and that's the infamous tour damn right charlotte will come to you next okay then we getting it cracking Dallas Houston Tucson we got some amazing shows we added at cities okay LA we got four shows I think those are pretty much all sold out we added another San Francisco show we added a Vegas show we added

another show at the Chicago theater I mean that is absolutely legendary go check out these dates dandrushulz.com we are coming to your city guaranteed so go check out the full list of dates get those tickets early i cannot stress this enough do not wait because we are not going to add more okay go now dandrushulz.com go check those out i'm telling you we'll be there soon we got philadelphia that we're going to come to very excited we had another one in washington dc as well that san francisco show i mean're going to come to. Very excited. We had another one in Washington, D.C. as well. That San Francisco show, I mean, is going to be fun. In Florida, we're coming back down there in Jacksonville. Shit,

Fargo, we're coming to you in Boston for New Year's Eve. Very excited. Theandrewshows.com. Get all those tickets. Cannot wait to be out there in these fucking theaters, man. It's going to be absolutely crazy. Akash Singh, tell them what you got going on, man. Yo, I am coming to Naples, Florida. We back, baby. Off the Hook Comedy Club, August 5th through Akash Singh tell them what you got going on man yo I am coming to Naples Florida we back baby

off the hook comedy club August 5th through 8th get your ass out there then September 23rd through 25th I am at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival

in Austin back in Texas October 8th and 9th I am at DC in the Comedy Loft October 15th Toronto I'm finally coming up there

y'all better buy these fucking tickets Grand Girard Theatre we fought with them got the link live earlier than they wanted to. But I know that shit is going to sell out, so come through. November 5th, Atlanta Red Clay Comedy Festival. And November 11th through 13th, I'm in Indianapolis at Helium. Also, something we started doing at the end of the last show of the night,

I bring the other comics on stage, and we do like a question and answer, have fun, fuck around thing. And we've been streaming that on Twitch. Tried it for the first time in Baltimore. It was super fun. So twitch.tv slash akashsinghcomedy if you want to check that out. Alex. Oh, it's dope.

So, guys, also, if you're in the tri-state area looking for a dope studio to film your podcast or you're looking for a place to do a photo shoot at, head over to wtfmediastudios.com. We also give advice, consults for how to get your shit started. Head over to WTFMediaStudios.com. And Drew, this show is brought to you by... This show is brought to you by Keeps. Some of y'all going bald when you don't have to, and that breaks my goddamn heart.

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you were straight when Honestly, preschool. What happened? These girls would kiss me on the cheek, bro, and I was like, this is lit. And I would go to school, and I was like, if she kissed me on the cheek, then I would feel really good, and it'd be really fun, and it'd be awesome.

But at the same time, at that age, I just wanted to grow up and live with my boys in one big house together. Which is also the gayest thing. That doesn't go away until you're about 30. Yeah, that is kind of true. I mean, I just told him, I was like, what if we all lived in Italy for a month together in a big villa?

I mean, great. I'll call Diane Lane and we'll recreate Under the Tuscan Sun, which is an awful movie. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, just, I wish I had a better answer for you. And I want to keep things funny but i mean it does come down to like well i i didn't see gay people when i grew up so and you couldn't talk about it yes you couldn't ask people about it so you kind of just internalize everything and it it really fucks you up so i think now you know we're seeing this surgence of

people who are really young coming out as non binary or gay or, or trans. And I think straight people are viewing that as like, this is too much. And this is, I'm just like, no, we just finally have, people can finally see themselves at a young age and,

and can relate to that, which I, I had C3PO. I mean, I had like nothing. I had like, that was it. I had,

I had Jafar. I had Jafar. These are gay icons. That's the gay people I saw on TV. Always had Scar. These are gay icons or something? That's gay people I saw on TV. C-3PO. Why C-3PO? It makes so much sense. First of all, he's gay, right?

I've done this as a bit because he got gayer in each Star Wars movie. The first one, he's very subtle. He's just like, oh my. But then like by Return of the Jedi, at one point He's just like, oh my. But then like, by Return of the Jedi, at one point,

he's literally like, dear lord. And R2-D2's a lesbian. She's a full-blown lesbian. Why? Why is that? She's smart. People need her and she came with a tool belt.

Also, like most lesbians, she gets shit done with a Millennium Falcon break sound. They're not calling 3PO. They're like, R2, get in here.

3PO just acts like me. She got the ladder at the nightclub. Yes, sheium Falcon break sound. They're not calling 3PO. They're like, R2, get in here. 3PO just acts like me. She got the ladder at the nightclub. Yes, she did. She did. Yes, that is right. But then, you know, Jafar, who's like very gay. Nah, Jafar gay. I see it.

Is Jafar gay? Man was too pretty. Prince of boo-boo. Sure. He said boo-boo. Ursula. Ursula's lesbian? Drag.

She was based after a real drag queen Named Divine I've heard of Divine Of course She was very popular in the 80s Yeah yeah yeah So This is Okay keep going on this

Because then I want to talk about RuPaul's Drag Race Because you said the most interesting thing About drag race I've ever heard Oh what did I say? You were like It's the first time A gay show

Was made for gay people Yes I would? You were like, it's the first time a gay show was made for gay people. Yes. I would say, you know... It wasn't trying to like create this idea of homosexuality for straight people. Right.

Queer Eye or something? Yeah, Queer Eye is like... Exactly. What is Queer Eye? It's a television series. You gotta be polite. And they're offering me a role. And I wish...

Are you kidding? I would be so horrible on that show though because they're so nice, and they want to, like, be together and work together. They are. I've met a lot of them. The first part of the show, though, this fucks with me. They just go through the guy's stuff and just shit on all of it.

They just bully this guy. Who would wear such a thing? Ugh. But that is the role for gay people in television for, like, the last 50 years. Yeah. Well, yeah. And also, too, like, the first iteration of the show was the first time you saw gay people in living rooms that weren't like, you know,

Philadelphia, you know what I mean? Like it was like something cause people that, you know what I mean? It was like something nice kind of, even though we were like middle America's like, where's the bruises. Right.

I don't even recognize these guys, but we were a little like captain planet of gays. Like at that, you know, remember captain planet, they had like all their ring, like earth fire, which they Like at that, you know, remember Captain Planet? They had like all their ring, like earth, fire, wind. They were like purse, you know, but it was good. I love cars.

Like that was a, it was a great show. But then, you know, as time moved on, it's like, I think they've adapted the show so that it's not just like, you know, queer people walking and being like, this sucks. But it does feel like we've done, gay people have done everything for you people. And it's like, it's enough already. We've done your weddings, your hair, your makeup, this sucks. But it does feel like gay people have done everything for you people. And it's like, it's enough already. We've done your weddings, your hair, your makeup, your movies. And we show up in the middle of Indiana, and this lady's like, my husband can't put his pants on.

I'm like, why is that our problem? You've had years to know how to do this. You figure it out. That show should be five gay men on an island smoking, being like, we hate you. That should be the show. But you said Drag Race. Oh, so hate you. Like, that should be the show. But, yeah. But you said drag race.

Oh, so drag race. You remember where we were? We were leaving some gig or something like that. And, like, you were breaking down drag race to me. And you were just like, yeah, we love it. And I'm like, why? Why is this any different? And you're like, we're finally not explaining what it is to be gay to straight people.

Right. We're just being ourselves, super nuanced, like niche jokes that only we get, and they don't care if nobody else gets it. Right. And the coolest thing about it is it's, and again, you know, don't let me speak for you here, but like it is authentic. And because it's authentic, the world gravitates to it by not trying to appease everybody. By just going, this is who we are. All of a sudden that like voyeurism kicks in. my fiancee loves it her friends love it yeah and it i think there's

something in us which is like when you actually get to see people being themselves enjoying themselves laughing you want to know what's so fun right like what's happening well it also i think it demystifies even for gay people i mean when i came out back in my day, when I came out I was 19 and I didn't even know really what a drag queen was. I mean, I knew who RuPaul was because of the Brady Bunch movie which is still, do you guys remember that movie? No. Yeah, vaguely.

There's such a great scene where Jan's talking to RuPaul who was the school counselor. And she's whatever and then RuPaul at the end, she's like, Jan, come back when you're pregnant. I mean, it's a very good movie. But I remember the first time seeing my first drag queen because I had not been exposed to it.

It wasn't on TV, nothing. I didn't know what to make of it. I also was, at that time, I was coming out of this idea of femininity. Being effeminate was bad. And I had to sort of reject anything that made me look gay or this or that, you know. And that slowly melts away the more you come to terms with who you are and what that is and why that has nothing to do with you. And so the show, when it first started, it was just on logo and it was low budget.

And it was just a bunch of drag queens, kind of like a mix of Project Runway and America's Got Talent. And it's evolved into something that has meant so much more to a lot of people. So now it's very popular with white girls who take over everything. I want to talk about that, too. Are people having fun? We now own it.

But no, it should be something that should be enjoyed by everybody. But yeah, that show really helped me melt away my own internalized homophobia. And even the way I tell jokes is different. Really? Yeah. When I first started doing comedy, I've never seen a gay comedian on television with an hour special ever. It just hasn't existed.

So I had nowhere to look. And so I went to Kathy Griffin and Joan Rivers and Margaret Cho. They were the ones that were speaking closest to me. And, you know, I love Kathy Griffin and I love Joan Rivers, but they've said a lot of disparaging things about women and other celebrities.

And so that was my idea when I started doing comedy. I was very misogynist and make fun of how people look. I mean, it's not humor I partake in anymore, really. Also, I'm a better writer as you evolve. But hopefully we start seeing more gay comics of all varieties so that other people can see us. That's an interesting thing, though. Like, you've often seen the fan bases for gay celebs be majority female. Right. Right? And then the fan bases for female, like, comedians be majority gay.

Correct. Can you explain that phenomenon? I think it probably has to do with the fact, I'm sorry if this got so serious. No, no, we get serious here, and then we'll get flagrant in a little bit. If you want, I can talk about juicing again. No, no, no, no, no.

We want you to be serious, man. Okay, I think a lot of it probably has to, this is also my experience. I hate now that nowadays everyone has to take on everyone else's experience. Yeah, yeah, we get it. It's your experience. It's my experience.

Relax. So I think maybe part of that has to do with the fact. Look, if you're 19 watching this, you have no concept really of what it was like in the 1980s, 70s, 60s, 50s. When you were gay, like in the 1960s, for example, when bars were raided by cops, it was illegal to be gay. And not only were they raided, but they took your ID and they posted it on the front of the New York Times. So you were fired immediately, whatever your job occupation was.

So it just took a really long time for people, for this idea of effeminate men, which is not typical to all gay men or queer people, but that was the stereotype, to sort of be accepted in entertainment. And I think gay men saw themselves in these extravagant women, the Liza Minnellis, the Barbra Streisands, the women that were out of the mold, so to speak, and made it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because there was no example of who they were. so the closest example of who they wanted to be maleficent yeah that was a horned cunt we were like god i love her like that is yeah that's interesting yeah because you're gonna gravitate to who you see yourself as and because they weren't basically allowed to exist the women

ended up being that role and And that's where like, who was the woman who, Somewhere Over the Rainbow? Oh my God, you are such a monster. Judy Garland. Judy Garland.

He got so mad at me for not knowing who it was. How's there a woman from Somewhere Over the Rainbow? Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere

Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere

Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere

Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere

Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere

Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere

Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere

Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere

Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere Somewhere What did I say? We're at a show, having a great time. You said Judy Garland. I look at him and I'm like, who is that? And he's like, oh gosh, are you fucking kidding me? He was so mad. He's like, you don't fucking know Judy Garland. But you do. I was like, bro, I don't.

I never saw that movie. I never saw Mary Poppins. The Wizard of Oz? Oh, I saw that. Bam boom. See, you know. You think you don't know and you know. I know her from The Wizard of Oz, of course. She was the Wicked Witch of the West. Yeah, she got crushed by a house. I'm going to take up that chair.

Until you said that, I thought Judy Garland was Julie Andrews. Until just now. That's an acceptable answer from a straight person in this dress. Was the Tin Man. In this dress. Yes. It is acceptable because Julie Andrews is also a gay icon. Not as big of a gay icon as

Judy Garland. Why? Well, it was the... And why did you let her drink herself to her death? She didn't. She was at 11 years old forced on diet pills. Yes, 11. She got into MGM and her mother beat the living shit out of her.

Forced her to do because she said you were too fat so they put her on diet pills and sleeping pills. But she's 11 who's feeding her just don't feed her. MGM and they had a woman who followed her to control what she was eating so she would give her a pill to wake up to be on set and then she would say well I'm too awake we'll take

these sleeping pills to go to sleep at 11 so by the time she was like 27 she was in a mental institution. She never really fully recovered, but she was super talented. But I think the sort of downtrod, is she going to make it? She's going to pull through, you know,

that kind of story very fits with gays. And so we just, we wanted her to win so badly, you know, and when she died, the next day the Stonewall riots happened. Oh, shit. The gays were pissed. Was that it? Was it like you were furious about that and you transitioned it?

I think that's like a rumor. I don't know if there's any truth to it. But, I mean, it wouldn't shock me. Like if Beyonce broke her nail, this city would burn down to the ground. Just throwing that out there right now. Okay. So, wow, I didn Just throwing that out there right now. Okay. So, wow. I didn't realize that's what it was.

So now, are there any gay icons that are supported by gay men that are not in drag? I think Lil Nas X is great. I wanted to ask you about Lil Nas X. What is the relationship? I just love someone who just doesn't give a shit and doesn't placate to what he thinks other people... I mean, he's doing... People who think there's no more homophobia just go to his Twitter.

I mean, it's wild. I love him. Even people like Todrick Hall. But Todrick goes back and forth in drag, but he's such a great songwriter and such a performer. I mean, there's lots. And even with gay comics.

I mean, I think of my favorites, which are like Joel Kim Booster, Solomon Georgiou, or Julio Torres, performer and yeah i mean there's there's lots and even with gay comics like yeah i mean i think of my favorites which are like joel kombuster solomon georgio or julio torres or tim dillon or like there's so many talent alex english like there's so many talented gay comics i just i'm it's really a cool moment right now to watch yeah it's kind of interesting because like we were talking about this a little bit the other day when we were on the phone, but as there became this like push for diversity,

I feel like they almost use homosexuality as like a smokescreen to get straight people more roles. Wait, what? Well, like this happened with me. I don't know if I ever told you this, but like I did this sitcom, right? Or it was more of a dramedy.

And two weeks before it started, I get a call from Paul Reiser, and he goes, hey, buddy, we gotta make your character gay. So I played a gay guy. And that's when you grow out the mustache. Yeah. He's like, what do gays look like?

It's on Mateo's Instagram. What do gays look like? Hmm, Mateo, got it. Tank top mustache, done. Done, check it out. What does gay look like? The's on Mateo's Instagram. What do gays look like? Hmm, Mateo. Got it. Tank top mustache. Done. Done. Check it out. What does gay look like?

The only one I know. But what happened was all these closeted roles would come out. And this is when it was hard to cast, not hard to cast, obviously there's going

to be tons of them, but casting the straight white guy as the sidekick. Of course, the straight white guy is the lead. But now the sidekick can't be straight white anymore.

We have to have diversity. So it's a black guy. It's an Asian dude, whatever. But if they wanted a white guy to be the sidekick. Of course, the straight white guy's the lead, but now the sidekick can't be straight white anymore. We have to have diversity, so it's a black guy, it's an Asian dude, whatever, but if they wanted a white guy to be the sidekick, his B storyline was he's actually

a closeted gay, and all of a sudden, I would get all these auditions from my agents, he's a closeted gay, and I'm like, what the fuck is happening? It was really weird,

and I talked to my agent, and I was like, do you guys think I'm gay? Why do you keep on giving me all these roles? They're like, oh no, these are just the ones that come in that you my agent. I was like, do you guys think I'm gay? Like, why are you giving me like all these roles? They're like, oh, no, these are just the ones that come in that you fit. And I'm like, holy shit. They're using gayness as like fake diversity to just keep on getting the straight white guys the roles.

I could never do a closeted audition. Can you imagine? Like, there's something I have to tell you. I could never in a million years. Like, I only have so many roles that I can audition's something I have to tell you. Like I could never, in a million years, like I only have so many roles that I can audition for because I have gay boys. Like I can't audition for like,

hey. Like I can't. But you can sing opera, you can't talk straight? Yeah. How the fuck is that possible? I don't know. I speak five languages

and I can't talk straight. That's interesting because he's done impression after impression this whole time. Except a straight guy whole time except all women and gay dudes I mean my best impression is Liza Minnelli

and it's like we won't get it we won't know it no none of you will get it not a single person here but I do recommend all of you watch Liza Minnelli

on the home shopping network it's four minutes some gay splice together the best of it and it is gay, straight it is wildly entertaining

why what's her thing? She just doesn't give a fuck? She's the daughter of Judy Garland. Judy Garland is... Oh! That's why gays love her! Yes, and she was in Cabaret, and she sort of took the torch from her mother,

and the gays ruined her, too. But, you know, yeah. Is she a singer? Amazing singer, amazing dancer in 1977. But yeah, I highly recommend you all watch that. She's in Arrested Development, right? Yes, she was in Arrested Development. That's how straight people know her.

She was in Arrested Development. Huzzah. No, that's not what we were told. What are some things that straight people do that we don't even know that we've gotten from gay culture? Oh. Everything you're wearing. Also, yeah, we never explained our outfits.

So people watching are just like, did they dress up for Mattel? And the answer is yes. They did. No, we're going to Robbie's wedding. You guys know Robbie. He was one of the writers for the Netflix special. Robbie Slovic and Casey Balsham are getting married.

Also on an episode of Inside Jokes. Yeah, absolutely. Did an episode of Inside Jokes together. So we're going out there to the wedding right afterwards. Mateo is not invited. I'm not. And if I was, I'd wear this. But yeah, so what are some things that we don't even realize that we've gotten from the gays?

I feel like everything. But bring it down for dudes, because a lot of times dudes don't even realize. Black people say the same thing, so you've got to parse for us. That's a good point. The most obvious one is peanut butter. That was black. It could be both. We did the jelly.

Okay. We did the bread. That's perfect. Women contouring. A lot with women in makeup hair dressing yeah contouring specifically is from like drag queens and then that's kind of like moved its way into like kardashians and kardashians are drag queens yeah they're fully and i by the way kardashians i know we all talk about them but when you watch them they're so nice oh yeah just do not but i love like i don't watch the show but like every

time they're they're very hateable in the sense of like fuck those women they're saying they're the kardashians and then you watch me like oh they're actually not that bad they're so nice yeah they're so pleasant i really kind of like them okay so break it down what are some things I, hair, makeup, clothing, food, architecture. Architecture? I mean, oh, yeah. Give me architecture. What? Manhattan is a city of dicks.

Ah, the skyscraper you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I can't, I really, I guess I don't know. Like, music, a lot of music, a lot of popular music is. I'm sure there's a homosexual somewhere in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was talking about things that we even do, like how so often you'll see influence. I think you brought up the best thing with black culture influencing pop culture,

if you will. And then some people aren't even aware of the fact that it comes from black people. Of course. Most things come from black people. Most things. Literally. Like music, all music today is derivative of... You guys are the closest to gay, actually,

now that you think about it. That's a great point. Very influential. That's a great point. I'll take it. That's a great point. That's a great point. Alex is gay.

I mean, the suspenders aren't helping, but I think, you know... No, you look great. Waist up. Waist up. I like with the shorts, too. It looks good. Thanks.

Don't do this. He's so uncomfortable right now. It looks like he works in a beer garden. Yeah, yeah. Like a black beer garden. That's what it is. The only sort of Hennessy. It's like Indiana's,

what people in Indiana think is fashion. You know what I mean? Like you're in Indianapolis and they're like, I'm in the big city. You're like, all right, girl. Cool. Patrice O'Neill. I love him so much. The greatest.

The absolute greatest. I'm curious. You brought this up before. How much do straight girls ruin gay bars? Well, I mean, there's so many jokes. You brought this up before. How much do straight girls ruin gay bars? Ooh. Well, I mean, there's so many jokes. Say it. Say it.

You're on player two. You can say whatever the fuck you want. I don't think it's straight girls. I think it's a specific type of straight girl. Just say it, bro. Just say it. You know what type. You go to a gay bar, everybody's welcome.

But you're only welcome if we're not your fucking petting zoo. The worst thing I would hate to hear when I was 21 is you go to a gay bar, which anyone's welcome, of any gender,

of any orientation, you are all welcome to have fun. But when you go in there and you see these bachelorette parties and the first thing they would say is like,

we just didn't want to be around any men tonight. I'd be like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, like, I don't know what you thought. You know what I mean? Where you're like, wow. Okay. Wow.

Cool. Just like assuming gays are just sort of like a pet in a handbag. You know what I mean? Like just sort of their apprentice, their little accessory. That kind of attitude. Like I hate when I talk to anyone. It doesn't have to be a woman.

But usually women, like I'll talk and they'll be like, you know, my best gay friend. I should hook you up with him. Or you're gay. You get it. Or just assuming I know about fashion and things like that. It's like these sort of like tropes and stereotypes. It's kind of exhausting. But that is not every straight woman. I will say

we're all comedians here, so when we do shows, the worst audience member are drunk white women. There is no worse audience member. They have one sip of a rosé and they're like, tonight is about me. Like that is, they just everything, everything,

ugh, the worst. But they would be your biggest fans. Yeah. You're just saying that sometimes they're treating you guys as if you're like a toy

instead of like a human being. Sure. A very specific white woman. So white woman listening, if you're upset, that means it's you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're not upset,

you're cool. You get it. So they'll go to the bar because I remember once I went to this gay bar, the you're cool. You get it. They'll go to the bar, because I remember once I went to his gay bar, the Boiler Room. First of all, this is my first time at... Are you familiar with it? He's very familiar with it.

It's on West 2nd Avenue and 4th Street or something like that. Thank God you didn't go to the Cock. The Cock is hilarious. The basement looks like a renaissance painting of hell. I have been to the Cock. I went the cock is hilarious. Oh, the basement looks like a renaissance painting of hell. So I have been to the cock. You have? I went to the cock because I didn't know. I thought it was fun.

Tell the story. This is a real story. Go. I was with my homie Shasta Rohit. Me, him, and our other family friend were all out. He's drunk and he wants to keep the night going. And he goes, he points to that thing. He goes, I got a good feeling about this place.

We're going in there. And we were like, come on, dawg. He's late. He's like, no, no, no. My this place. We're going in there. And then we were like, come on, dawg. He's late. He's like, no, no, no. My gut is telling me to go in there. And we're like, bro, we're tired. He's like, fuck that. I know this is going to be the place for me.

And then we go into the fucking gayest bar we've ever been to. Yeah, super gay. Super gay. You go to the basement? The cop. I didn't go to the basement. What happened is it's right around the corner from what's now New York Comedy Club was Eastville Comedy Club.

Right? So we're like, all right, let's go out for a drink. I grew up in East Village. So this is my neighborhood. I've seen this sign. It's just a sign. It's a red rooster. So I'm walking, and I'm like,

let's go to the rooster spot. I don't know what the fuck it is. It looks like a bar. It doesn't have a name. I'm like, you know what's going to be cool? It has no name. They have an old Irish woman as the door person yeah right i don't know we go in and it's just fucking dudes everywhere and they're having the time of their lives

and so at first when you see people being so joyous you're like ah it's a vibe you know everything's good and i remember one of my boys goes bro i don't think that was a rooster i go what are you talking about he goes that was a cock and i just turn around and there are dudes just like tonguing each other down, like making out, blah, blah, blah, just going for it. Now, across the street up the block is Boiler Room. I went to, the first time I went to a gay bar was there. It was my friend's birthday.

A girl wanted to go to the Boiler Room. So we go. We're in there. When I tell you, the takeaway that I got from this is that in order for guys to enjoy themselves out, you just have to remove women. And it's not women's fault. It's that we're constantly posturing, constantly competing. There's like an aggression towards one another.

Like, oh, that's a hot girl. Oh, is he talking to her? I got to try and get her from him. There's just constantly, like, we bump into each other. Now there's beef because there's a girl watching. Sounds like open mics. Literally, that's what it is. It's a fucking open mic, bro.

So it's brutal. I'm in there and I'm looking at all these guys. Dude, everybody couldn't be nicer, hanging around. Bro, I saw these guys playing pool. I've never seen pool played so gay in my entire life.

The guy has his fucking leg up on the table while he's doing the shot. And not one ball has been put in yet. That's later tonight. Right, right, right. They're getting all been put in yet. That's later tonight. Everybody's having a time in their fucking life in this place. I'm like, wow, when you remove scarcity, because I think that's what a lot of times like dating for a straight dude is, is like, you know, as again, as like a straight dude, right? Like we're down to fuck like pretty much anything. And I'm sure gay guys, more or less, we're just guys at the end of it, like male sex drive. We're down to fuck like pretty much anything. And I'm sure gay guys, more or less,

we're just guys at the end of it, like male sex drive. We're down to fuck. Let's go. Let's make it happen. Right. And thank God women are there because you stop us from just fucking anything. Women are like,

they have decency. Yes. They have a little decorum. You know what I mean? Let's just not fuck anywhere. But then when you remove them from the equation, no guy's going into that bar. I imagine going,

I might not get laid tonight. It's more like, do I want to fuck in the restroom right it's where right like do you go out going i might not get laid this weekend no i mean the option of getting laid is always available always yeah so i wonder if there's like this ease that kind of comes with it and that's what allowed guys to just enjoy themselves i could not see people happier and maybe it, and that's what allowed guys to just enjoy themselves. I could not see people happier. And maybe it was drugs. It's drugs. Okay, maybe it's just cocaine. You just need cocaine. It just hit me right now.

I was like Burning Man was pretty happy too. And I was like, oh, Molly. Oh. It was just drugs. That's the only white lady you need. By the way, the Renaissance painting of hell is a Lisa Trager line that we talked about once. I just remembered. So Lisa Trager.

That's a comics comic. Great, great comic, Lisa Trager. Look her up. Super funny. He used another comics line. He was like. So, Lisa Trager. That's a comics comic. Great, great comic, Lisa Trager. Look her up. Super funny. He used another comics line and he was like, I have to get shredded. Well, we talked about it together

because I had said that once and she was like, that's funny and then we talked about it again and it worked with this bitch she had. Right, right. So, that just hit me. Lisa Trager.

Very funny. Check her out. We're going to cut that whole part out. Great. Great. Great. But, yeah, I don't know. There was just this joy to it, man.

I don't, that's because you're going in there as a straight guy so there's also no competition for you you're not going in there to go get laid or hook up I was on defense I was like yo they ain't gonna come for me and these motherfuckers ignore me boy bro ignore me

that didn't make you insecure I was feeling away bro I kept going to the bathroom Like maybe if I'm by myself on the way to the bathroom Like I literally was with my other boys. I think that's my man. Like let me separate and see nothing drop your pool ball Where's it called? The Q ball? I think it is. Is it a pool ball? Oh, maybe.

The Q ball? Who the hell knows? Eight ball? I don't know. Do y'all just ignore the straights when they're in the... I don't think I noticed. I mean, I don't know. Why do straight dudes have so much anxiety like gay guys are going to try to fuck them every second?

Because then they will realize how men treat women. Keep going on that. I said what I said. But keep going on it. I just think it's like men are afraid of being objectified because that's what they do to women so they're afraid of feeling uncomfortable and having to watch their but it's a position that they've not been in before and so when they go to a gay bar they're afraid of they're afraid of not of not being quote-unquote masculine i

suppose which is this biggest fear of straight men. You're so fragile about your masculinity. You can't handle, it's like, there's always a constant, I have to prove I'm a man. And it's like. When you see a guy like that, aren't you kind of like, dude, nobody's trying to fuck you. Yeah, yeah, that's most of it. That's how we feel about women.

It's like, I just don't want them to fuck me. And it's like, you're a monster. You know what I mean? Like they have one tooth, no ass. It's like Jabba the Hutt sliding in there and they're like, don't fuck me. That's how we feel about women who are like, everybody's trying to fuck me.

We're like, nobody. No, but we are. We are. We would. Somebody would. Somebody would. I think straight people and gay people have, it's hard to date, but for different reasons.

Go on that. Well, gay people, it's like, there's too much fun, too much freedom, too much, it's like every, especially much fun, too much freedom, too much. It's like every, especially in New York, you're spitting and gay men are hit everywhere.

And it's like, you know, there's so many options that I think fidelity and I think it's hard to, I don't know how long relationships really last when there's that much distraction.

It's hard to emotionally connect when it's just constant other options. Yeah. Especially in a city like this. Like if you're in some like rural city in Indiana and it's like you and three other gay guys, that's who you're with. You two and the priest, yeah.

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show what's the beef with the gays dude can? Can you explain that? I don't know. We've really left everyone out of our business. We've left everyone. We're kind of nice and easy to get along with, but people just don't like us. Yeah. Maybe it's too much snark. I mean, you don't even see gay terrorists.

There's not on the news, like another Macy's has gone up in flames again. It's like we're just sort of like minding our own business, and people are like, get him! And it's like, oh, God.

Yeah, you don't think terrorists are all gay? No, because they, Joan Rivers had a joke. She's like, there's two people

that should not be stopped at the airport for terrorism, gay men and Jewish women. Gay men would be like, should I bring the bomb or maybe I'll meet an extra guy so I'll bring an extra sweater if I need it.

I love Joan Rivers. I miss her. Yeah, shouts to Joan, dude. Do you think that she's underappreciated? Absolutely. Kind of, huh? The most underrated, most underappreciated comic. They tried to cancel her before she died.

I don't remember why. Yeah, but how can you cancel? How can you cancel a woman who was banned by NBC, had a husband who committed suicide, was the only woman working in comedy for 30 years? You can't really cancel her. She said everything.

She's a perfect example of someone who you can watch and say, okay, there's certain jokes I don't like or not have aged well, but these ones i do like i i feel like the problem with you know the way we sort of view everything as a whole is like well have you ever seen a movie and not liked certain parts yeah but as a whole you can be like but i see what's happening we're just so black and white we're very unforgiving of of the artist

yeah and i think there's a difference of someone really coming in with bad intentions and someone who's at the center trying to make somebody just laugh yes and like look where the contextually where it's coming from but people are very they they really you know it's like arguing with a painting like that's what how people feel with comedians is like they don't understand the art that goes behind writing jokes and wordplay i mean words are our medium that's our paint and so sometimes you put certain words together and it does create a reaction and that's what we're going for we're trying to get people to laugh and we don't always view it as like the 360 sort of how does this affect everyone around me because we're just trying to make 24 people in a club laugh yeah And I think that, you know, again, like if you're looking at a painting,

comedy works as the way a painting does. You don't argue with the painter. The painter makes the piece, and you argue amongst yourselves what you do and don't like about it. And if the painter is smart or the comedian is smart, we'll listen and try and elevate that for the next time. You know, comedians are supposed to, I feel,

be ahead of the conversation, sort of view, react, and be ahead. Yeah. Ahead of the conversation. Right. You know, we're not creating the conversation. Yeah. We are reacting to it.

So I feel people are so, I mean, you must know. I mean, come on. You're like, you go in territories that I wouldn't go in. I remember one time you did your joke about trans people on stage. I wouldn't do that joke. I don't necessarily like that joke, but I don't go in. I remember one time you did your joke about trans people on stage. I wouldn't do that joke. I don't necessarily like that joke, but I don't hate you. I see where you're going.

I see the intent. And instead of lighting you up, I talked to you about it. I said, why would you say that? How do you feel about that? We had just a conversation about it. But I don't know. I guess, I don't know.

People seem really upset. I just thought she was so brave, and i thought she was also doing comedy from a place where it's like not every joke has to be this poignant observation on society right like right sometimes we say something to be absurd sometimes we say something to be offensive like right if i'm making fun of a friend of mine i'm not trying to go here's some cultural nuance for you. I'm trying to make you feel bad. And then we all laugh about it. I remember I saw her at JFL. This was years ago. And she opened up

with this joke. She was like, I was down in Mexico a couple weeks ago. Ugly people. Wow. Just hideous. I mean, seriously. They're ugly. They're ugly. I mean, no one's ever went to their plastic surgeon. Make me Mexican.

My God, Jonah. Dude, brutal. That's brutal. But I'm crying, and she's literally just going, what's the craziest thing I can say? Yeah. How will I just be crazy? Does she hate Mexicans? I don't think so.

I mean, has she had a history of hating Mexicans? I mean, that joke sounds not great. But no, I'm kidding. Of course. Just because you hating Mexicans? I don't, I mean, that joke sounds not great, but no, but I'm kidding. Of course. Just because you're making fun of something doesn't mean you hate or love it. You're like, what would be the most ridiculous thing to say? Or was there like a little shred of truth? Right.

You know, and then you just kind of. Well, I think to your point, I think a lot of times now there's been a lot of comedians where the reaction is more of applause than laughter. So it's refreshing to see something it's not applause worthy right and i think sometimes you know it there is there is an argument for do we have to create look and i i'm someone who doesn't i'm i'm not the most pc person in the world but i'm also um i'm aware of what i think i in my own understanding like what is the intention of this joke and yeah i hear gay jokes all the time. Yeah. All the time.

And I can't spend all my time getting mad about it because it's not my business. Best gay joke that you heard from a straight guy or girl? Best gay joke that I heard from a straight guy or straight girl. Not girl. Girl doesn't count. Guy. Straight guy. Best gay joke.

Because girls know too much about gays. Yeah. Oh, I have to think about that. You have to give me a minute to think about it. I was thinking about Joan and people like that. I feel like it's to not make fun of groups of people, you're not seeing them as equal. So if you make fun of everyone with the same energy and consistency, like if you make fun of everybody, but you spend way too much time making fun of black people, it's like, that's

a little weird. But Joan went at everyone with the same style, the same energy, the same- And went at herself. And at herself. So how can you look at that person and say it's a hateful person? That's a person that makes fun of everyone, sees everyone as equal, and you all get the same work. Also, we view comedy now in 30-second clips, not the hour. So there is a kind of contract that we're signing when you go into a room.

I understand what I'm about to hear is out of my control and let that hour sort of fill it in. So contextually, when you start getting into those darker areas, you've already proven your worth as a human and your ability to feel other humans and not, you know, I mean, yeah, we all know comics

who I think do things just for the sake of doing things, which to me isn't comedy because if anyone can say a bad word for saying a bad word, then anyone can be a comedian. You're brave, but you're not funny. Sure, exactly. You might be, though. I even give pushback on that. Like, Joan did that.

But there was always a joke. It was always a written one. Your punchline just can't be the N-word. It can't be hate speech. I hear what you're saying and then hate speech in the guise of comedy or like,

oh, look at this. I can speak freely on whatever I want. Exactly. You need some sort of... And audiences change and I think the conversation is changing about words

we accept and don't accept. I mean, there's a comic, I won't say his name, but he's been around forever and I was at the Cellar right before the pandemic and I hear him saying fag on stage and audiences close up. Interesting. I won't say his name, but he's been around forever. And I was at the Cellar right before the pandemic. And I hear him saying fag on stage.

And audiences close up. And I think that should be a sign that's like, look, this is now time for you as the comic to understand this word isn't used that way anymore. We don't view this that way anymore. So better yourself. You know, you can maybe say that word if you can figure out a way to say it that's not in this context but just to call some guy a fag how do you view that because i've had that in bits i've had the f word in bits but uh how do you view like when a straight person says that word at least let's start with comic and then how do you view it when like you hear it when you're gaming or some shit like that? Well, gaming. Everything's a faggot in gaming.

Everyone's a faggot. And MWAR, too, right? Oh, the first people to get thrown under the bus in a video game. Blacks, gays. Adios. Fucking fag. Because in Call of Duty, you can hear three seconds of them when you kill them. So all you hear is every time you kill someone, just faggot.

Fucking faggot. Faggot. Do you ever kill someone and they say it, and you're like, oh faggot, fucking faggot, faggot. Do you ever kill someone and they say it, and you're like, yeah, they were right? They're not wrong. That's the thing, too. I'm being bullied in high school and getting called a faggot, and as an adult, I'm like, well, they really weren't wrong.

They were ahead of their time. They picked up on something. I don't believe in controlling people's speech. I don't mind challenging one-on in controlling people's speech I don't mind challenging one on one to a friend but I don't and also

if I don't like something I just you know there's so much content today I mean there's so much content I can't worry myself

about being angry about the small if I'm gonna get worried about a comedian saying fag then I really have to start worrying about everything that's happening

globally too it's just like I can only handle so much you can also have your personal feelings on things yeah if you talk to me as a friend and said yo this this bothered me i'd be like oh bet i would appreciate that i'd be like okay i probably would if i felt yeah with you two i'd feel comfortable because for me it's just like um if you're gonna tell me that i'm gonna go oh shit what if there's like this gay dude that's a fan of mine and he really loves my comedy? And then he hears that and he's like, oh, man, I really looked up to you and you made me feel kind of shitty. And then I can take that and I can go, oh, man, maybe I should switch that joke.

Maybe I can find a funnier word. Maybe there's something more nuanced. Especially if you're coming at it from a place of not harsh aggression and criticism, but almost like empathy. Like, hey, you don't know what that could be making someone feel like. Right. And I feel like that's the most digestible form of it. But it is hard for comedians to know the things we say.

We can't, you know, audience members will say, you said this about this and that. Someone's going to be offended by everything. Right. And that's intriguing. But I didn't have you. I don't know you. I didn't have you in mind.

I mean, it's nice to know now that there's a different perspective. But, you know, if we wanted comedy to be saved We'd all just walk up and say I love water. Yeah, and that would be the show Yeah, sometimes they're just there needs to be a space to say that thing that you know I don't know. I guess everything can be argued. I guess everything's an argument today There's gonna be somebody offended by everything yeah Yeah, Al, go. How long into dating a new person do you have to tell them if you're a top or bottom?

Because I would think that's a deal breaker. Let me put it this way. I've had sex with men, and as I'm closing the door, I'm like, what's your name again? Tom, have a nice day. I mean, that is where gays stand. No, I don't know. You pretty much just know, I guess.

Well, I mean, you go under a bridge, find a troll, answer his question three. No, you talk about it. What are you into? You know, verse, top, bottom, what? Yeah, so I'm saying, like, how? Like, is that first date? I don't know. Maybe, like, in a Lifetime movie.

But I feel like if you're meeting on Grindr, usually the conversation is into. And when you say into, they're implying are you top or bottom verse? What are you into? And then the picture exchange. And then three months later, you actually do it. But Grindr at this point, which I'm not on, it's too stressful. It's just like Candy Crush. But why is it too stressful?

It's so stressful. You are crushing, buddy. I've gotten rid of Facebook and Twitter. I don't like either one of those. I think they consume too much. I like Instagram because I have to promote my shows somehow. Yeah. But Grindr wants your attention now.

And people are very sensitive. And there seems to be a lot on the line for these guys. Because you get on, they'll be like, hey. And then if you don't respond within 10 minutes, they're like, well, fuck you. You're ugly anyways. And then they block you. You're like, I was getting dinner. I was showering. Dudes will be dudes dudes are sensitive men are

very very sensitive yeah oh my god i mean sometimes grinder can be nice you'll meet people well now i keep when i was on grinder last time i was on grinder was maybe i don't even remember when but i do that when i was more getting recognized people would say you're not really mateo you're catfishing. And I kept getting my profile deleted. So I finally messaged Grindr on Instagram. I said, it's me. It's me.

I'm trying to get fucked. And they were like, oh, we're sorry. Okay. And then they did something. But now I've gotten rid of it. Really? Yeah. I'm too sensitive.

To people rejecting you? It's too distracting, too sensitive, and too many, too much, too much, too much. Grindr should be called Broken Promises. I have a question. Okay. AIDS. How worried are you about it? I am on something called. Yes, PrEP.

Yeah. Which is a prophylactic, which, first of all, AIDS, it's called HIV. I mean, AIDS is the final form of HIV. My bad, son. But HIV positive, I'm very happy to say that I feel in the gay community, I mean, the queer community will say that being HIV positive is no longer something. A death sentence. Not even just a death sentence, but I would 100%. I have had sex

with men who are HIV positive really of course and I would date I would date and I would marry someone if they were HIV positive so this is just so we can like explain this the prep medication it stops you from being able to contract HIV correct and they daily thing you're taking take it daily right yes it's like a birth control but HIV correct control, right? Correct. Instead of giving life, it's death. You know what I'm saying? So as long as you're taking

that, even if you do sleep with somebody who is HIV positive, they're not going to be able to transfer that to you. That's right. And if you're HIV positive, and you speak to your doctor, and you're aware of your status, and you're on medicine, which the medicine is very good these days, you are undetectable, which means you're unt of your status and you're on medicine, which the medicine is very good these days, you are undetectable, which means you're untransmittable.

So I could potentially not, on PrEP, have sex, bear back with someone who's HIV positive, and if they are undetectable, then I would not contract HIV. Okay. Have you spoken to older gays about what it was like during the AIDS epidemic? Yes. Because I remember remember i have all my gay bar stories i'm just telling you when we were in san francisco remember we went to that to that gay bar yeah remember we what was it called again i forget san francisco was that the name of the bar chili's no but we were at this gay bar and i saw like there was a few older guys there right and i remember when we walked in, I looked at the older guys and I was like,

what you guys must have went through in the 80s, 90s? It was called the Grinch. Yeah, that was the first. They called that at first. Late 80s, mid 90s. All your friends. They seemed like war veterans.

They were sitting in their bar like, ugh. Yeah, just grizzled and shit like that, dude. And I remember looking and I was like, man, imagine all of your friends, this like tight-knit community. You first come out. You go to a place where you can finally enjoy. Like imagine like the 18-year-old kid from fucking Kentucky leaves Kentucky, goes to San Francisco, and he's like, I have a community. I have friends. I can be myself.

And then, boom, people start dropping like flies. We're talking about in that community, what percentage of people were dying? It seemed like everyone. Unbelievable. Yeah. Have you spoken to older gays about that? Yeah, yeah. And what did they say?

First of all, it was lesbians who were the only ones who took care of us. Really? Oh, wow. Well, we were kicked out of hospitals, and religious people were the first, and politicians to completely let it happen reagan didn't even speak about it and the one time he did he laughed no and there was a there was a huge epidemic pandemic and i think um lesbians were the first in our community to take care of us to hold on to us to and and when you have like conversations with the older gays about that time

what like what was it like? Were people terrified to even be intimate with one another? Yeah, there was a fear. I mean, you didn't know. No one knew what it was. No one knew what was happening. And all they knew that they called it the gay disease. And it was just fear.

And it didn't help that your whole life, politicians, family, religious figures, movies, everyone was telling you that this is a curse. You're going to hell and you deserve it and everything else i mean the fact that even the people that not just surviving it but mentally surviving that time you know and and and i do feel that younger queer people um we need to do more recognizing of the people that survived that time and and really because you know and fran lebowitz brought this up it wasn't you know we were closeted we were forced out of the closet at that time that's when the gay revolution really started to happen because because we couldn't hide it we were dying if you're sick yes we were dying at such a high rate that we were forced out of the

closet and it forced us to to to get ourselves together and to really start fighting for our rights. That is really interesting because you've often heard like when people compare the black struggle to the gay struggle, right? An argument that you hear. I don't believe these two are parallel, by the way. I'm not saying you do. Right, right. A lot of times you've heard from black people going, we can't pretend we're not black. That's a time

where you can't pretend you're not gay. Because at that time, if you had HIV, the assumption was you were gay. Even with Magic Johnson getting it, they're like, oh, he must have been gay. There had to be some relief when straight people started getting it, right? Finally they'll do something about it.

I mean, on a certain sense, you don't think the politicians are going to respond when it's just gay dudes getting it. They don Like, you know, finally they'll do something about it. I mean, like, on a certain sense, like, you don't think the politicians are gonna respond when it's just gay dudes getting it. They don't give a fuck. But that's when politicians responded. Once straight people started getting infected with HIV, suddenly they give a shit. Bro, that's the same thing with civil rights. It's like, once they start sending, like, young white kids

to Vietnam, all of a sudden people are like, whoa, whoa, whoa. My dad, he was a helicopter pilot in Vietnam. He was 19. And I'm complaining about Tinder. Now your brother's also gay? Yeah, and my cousin. So just gay sperm in your family. Or gay egg.

We think it's from gay egg. It's gay egg. So my mother's Italian. Your cousin determined this, I think. I'll tell you, we figured it out, right? You traced the guy like it's a vampire? We did.

Because my dad is very white American. He's a helicopter pilot. He's a lesbian. He was a cop. I only have six cousins on his side, maybe four. My mom, I have 36 first cousins right she's italian mexican so we there's a lot of the boys on my mother's side from the mexican side three of the five are gay yeah and we think that my grandpa his brother was gay and this is the thought behind it

so um the okay first of all let me tell you my mexican grandpa he he had five kids with my grandma she's italian but he also had five kids with another woman at the same time boy and named them all the same names not to confuse them wow that is legendary so um but we i my grandma divorced and remarried to sicilian i grew up as an Italian however we did we created a relationship with him again later in our life and he was forgiven however we

my aunt Cindy was like I think that my uncle was gay because he was a man in the 50s who owned a women's hair salon beat up in high school did musical theater and it's like look we can't say he's gay because of all these stereotypes, but like, hmm. Yeah.

It's like a genealogy. You get to track it all the way back. And then me, my brother, and my cousin, gay. I have a question about that. So you talked about not being able to come out of the closet until you were 19 and not feeling comfortable until you were 19. Yeah. Was your brother, did y'all know you were both gay, and did you get to share, like, you didn't have to just be alone in it no we didn't get along for a long time and i think

specifically my brother was older and so when he came out i feel like at that time it was the 90s and so his response like any other gay person was to sort of exit from the family and have his own life and where i was very integrated in the family with the cousins and my aunts and uncle, you know, we were like my big fat Greek wedding and he, and when I came out, I used my sense of humor.

My family is a very funny family. So using humor was, was a way that I could make it acceptable for everybody, you know, to come around. My brother doesn't have that. He's very reserved. Yeah.

Very smart. Very. Yeah. So he just sort of like it was almost like batman like exited just like left and we had a we we didn't talk for many years and as an adult i mean now we're close but like as an adult realizing like oh that was him protecting himself from rejection or from being made fun i get it you know but my coming out experience was different i went to art school and uh you know

i just was a lot more flamboyant than him i was doing theater i sang i was drawing kind of know that's what i was gonna ask you you say you can't do straight voice so you sound gay your whole life you're not coming out to your 19 everybody like we've seen this before yeah i mean it wasn't a shock i feel like everyone had to and i was like, I'm gay. They're like, oh. But was there extra pressure for you to not be gay now that your brother's out? I didn't find out until I was older anyways. He came out early. I think he was 14.

He came out pretty early. And I don't know. I don't remember. You know, I didn't feel any pressure. Yeah. My family is very close. My cousins and I are literally like a wolf pack. Like, we're just constantly together.

That changed that at all? No. My God, I felt very... Because it shouldn't, because there's nothing weird sexually between relatives. Right, right. It's only, like, with the straight guy that they feel like, oh, is he going to try something on me? But you're not going to try something on your cousin. No.

And my best friend is my cousin Brian, who's also gay. And him and I... Holy shit, dude. Yeah. Yeah. And my best friend is my cousin, Brian, who's also gay. And him and I. Holy shit, dude. Yeah. Yeah. And we were like very, you know. Is there anything straight? And you're like, yeah, right.

No. I used to come out as straight. You'd be like, guys, I'm straight. And I'm like, what? I like pussy. Sure you do. My aunt Cindy even says, she's like, you're gay until proven straight in this family. And you're a fan.

Yeah. I mean, that's what I love about my family is my uncle Mike. I remember, you know, him, what I love about my family is my Uncle Mike, I remember, we all make fun of each other. My Uncle Mike is very Irish, South Side Chicago, and he just didn't know how to word things, and so he'd be like,

my cousin Brian, he'd be like, Brian has his special friend coming over, and my Aunt Cindy's like, it's a boyfriend, special friend, you sound like an idiot. He's like, well, please special friend you sound like an idiot you know he's like well please Cindy I don't know what to say so we have fun

one time this is how he supports he can't because I draw and he was like Mateo I've got a great idea we'll make gay greeting cards and make a bunch of money

and my aunt Cindy goes what are they going to say happy birthday from a gay and he's like no please Cindy so I was very lucky I actually and I always get emotional telling this story,

but I was doing shows at this gay bar once in Chicago, and my whole family would come to my shows, all 40 of them. Like my grandparents, everybody, they all come to the bar. Yeah, they're insane. And I love them. And I remember after the show, this older gay guy came up to me and shook my hand and goes, I just want to say you're very lucky that you you know you had your family here and i said oh they're so crazy and he like squeezed my hand and looked at me and he goes i just want to tell you

that you're very lucky that you have your family here because he really would have loved that, and he felt so alone. That is super fortunate, man. Wow. Yeah, I can't imagine that, feeling completely isolated from the people that you feel most close to and having to choose between who you are as an actual person and the people you love most. And you either lie to yourself about who you are so you can be around the people you love most, or either lie to yourself about who you are so you could be around the people you love most or you lie to them or you just get to be yourself in like these little small pockets of

time and you can't like share with anybody wow and did that like after you were already grateful obviously but after that were you like well it puts into perspective you know i was only like 25 or something yeah so i guess i just, you know, yeah. It just put into perspective. I always think about him. Really? Have you met someone recently that's from a country where it's illegal to be gay? Great question.

Like a place like Russia or some other place like that. There's, I think, 72 countries. Right. Most religious. 72 countries right yeah um most religious uh but um yeah actually i am friends with this guy who is i don't want to give away too much but he's he's from the middle east and he moved to paris and we we were chatting about he's so nice he's like a photographer and we were just chatting about our lives and it's so hard for me to complain because he basically is exactly that where he's like i can't go back home yeah i can't see my family

i can't be who i really am he's like i don't like living in paris he's you know because parisians but um he he's like but this is the only place that i can find myself and be myself and so i've never had that experience of dude think how rough it is for gay people that he's muslim and is in paris like this is better he can't catch a break fuck man yeah it is weird it's like there's such a focus at least when you're in the United States, about what you don't have. Every group, I don't care what the group is, thinks that something is being removed from them. You look at even-

Usually straight guys. Well, no, straight white dudes, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Losing the country. Yeah, we're losing our country. We're losing our culture, right? They actually believe it. That's something that they truly believe is being taken away from. And I feel like we're like so privileged

in America that every single group is just focusing on what we don't have or we could have instead of focusing on the fact that we have it better here than anywhere else, everybody. Now, we still have to focus on what we can obtain, especially groups that are dealing with oppression to this day. But having that handshake with that dude and him just going like, hey, man, that's really awesome that your family loves you. It's like there's this fight for what you need to have, but there's also this moment where you're like,

holy shit, I'm pretty goddamn lucky, man. You can do both. You can focus on what you need to have and appreciate what you have. You need to do both. You know what I mean? I agree. Yeah, because I think that there's a lot of work to be done.

But yeah, it is also important to sort of sit back and reflect on that. Maybe for your own mental health. Of course. Because it's so easy to get caught up in like how – Just your phone. Our phones – Your phone will make you feel like you have it the worst. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But like if you can reflect and go, holy shit, I got my family. Or holy shit, like I can go outside and I can like be myself. Or that dude, even just the uh the muslim dude like the guy even in paris is like being shit on probably yeah you know and but not because he's gay not even because he's gay like once they find out he's gay they're like what well no they're like welcome you're one of the good ones we created gay here in paris um You're one of the good ones. We created gay here in Paris.

Yeah, that is a tricky thing. I'm curious about that. All three of you guys here, is that when you're a minority group, do you have to be quiet about appreciating how, and I put this in quotes, how good you may have it? Because you don't want the white people oppressing you to go see you got it good huh like like those little moments of gratitude you have to kind of stifle those a little bit i'll put it within the community like even in this moment right now like i'm being interviewed and asked very specific questions about being gay so but when i'm with my gay friends i promise you these things are not discussed i mean of course it's usually us like you i'm at my friend bob's house watching YouTube,

and we're pausing and laughing in this or playing Fortnite or whatever. So in these moments, it's very pointed, the questions. So I have to discuss a lot of trauma. We just make you relive the worst parts of your life. I know. I'm so emotional right now. I love that. God.

But I think there is appreciation in the sense of, like, when I go on stage every night, I am trying. Everything in my life has served me in a way to help make people, strangers laugh. And that's my celebration. Yeah. What a gay answer. No, no. So here's my final question because i don't want

to take too much of your time but like i i've always been curious about this for gay comics specifically from speaking to some gay friends coming out of the closet was one of the most terrifying experiences that they had to do. As a comic, if you're going to talk about things that are gay adjacent, when you go on stage, the audience doesn't immediately know you're gay. You're not getting brought up as you, maybe more so than others.

But there are certain comics, right? Unless you're going up with with what does Mehran have? Mehran Gaghani he has the fan but part of me wonders if he presents as more gay so he doesn't have to go through the most traumatic experience of his life

every single time he walks back on stage and I'm coming out of the closet and just looking to the crowd and seeing if the audience judges you, seeing if they're okay with you. Dealing with that every single time. You don't know if there's going to be some nut job in the audience that just hates gay people and then I roll

immediately. I was in Arizona a month ago and I walked on stage because my opening joke is that. I walk out and say, hey, thanks so much. I'm obviously gay. And then it gets a huge laugh. We move on and this guy goes, what? And I go, oh, I have it recorded. I should play it for you. I said, yeah, do you not like gays?

He goes, no. Oh, this is a good clip. You put it online. Yeah, I saw this. Yeah, and I was like, oh. And it was with his wife. And usually women are a little nicer to gays. So I said, do you like gays?

And she goes, no. And I said, oh. It was a little nicer. It was a little nicer. Slightly nicer. I said, you can leave. And they did. They got up and they left.

No. Yeah, yeah. And all the gays in the audience were like, get out! But, you know, I was,

so you get all the time. I walk on stage every night. On the road, I don't have to. Everyone's gay and I'm, or usually,

and I, I, Or they know the deal. They're there for you. right, right. They saw the ticket. So, but,

which is also with that guy, that guy did no research on me it's like going to see Star Wars in 10 minutes and being like I don't like space

like yeah you idiot like do research so but you gotta be that dumb to hate a guy and leave the show because he's gay

you know what I mean like the guy's clearly a fucking moron he's not gonna pick up Condé Clos I wish he stayed because I don't know what he thought

I was gonna do but I just want to talk about British Bake Off but I but I do that at the cellar. Every night I do walk on stage and say, thanks so much,

I'm obviously gay. Gets a big laugh. But you're wondering a little, right? If I actually am? No. Like, are you gay? Are you doing this? No, no, no.

He just takes a huge turn. It's a character. It's just a character. I think it might just be a character. He's learning the cable game. He's learning the cable game. He's learning the cable game. He's learning the cable game. No, this time didn't feel right.

This time I think I changed my mind. What's that? This time, just one time, you're like, ah, no, I don't, you know what? I'm doing okay today. I don't feel right anymore. I just, I always wonder, is that like a traumatic thing to go over and over again? Could there be a guy? But maybe it isn't.

I'm over it now. Really? Yeah, to tell you the truth, I'm over it now. I would think once you're comfortable with it, then if anybody else is uncomfortable with it, that kind of sucks, but whatever. Yeah. I feel like audiences are opening up now to hearing about gay experience. Like, you know, that's the thing I used

to go through. Is this too gay? Is that not too gay? And I'm like, what am I talking about? I love Streisand. I take it in the ass. Obviously, what I'm going to talk about is going to be gay. If they don't like it, whatever. You know, but I mean, I have lots of different material. Maybe it's some people interpret it as gay. Some don't like it whatever you know but i mean i def i have lots of different material maybe it's some people interpret it as gay some don't but there's just so few gay comics i think people are now like when i go on a show like the audience perks up a little bit because they're sort of like oh it's great it's changing it up it's a different perspective like i like different

perspective yeah i think so much in like comedy is trying to find that unique spin like if everybody's going to talk about this one thing, what is the most unique version of it? You said the most eye-opening thing to me last week when you were like, it seems like that people at first are very interested in gay comics. This is industry-wise.

Can I talk about that? Please. It seems that at first, they're very interested in gay comics. You get a bunch of heat, but then when the moment comes to actually... Put some money behind it. Right. Like, give them a special or give them this...

Gay ceiling. Yeah, yeah. It is the gay ceiling. And, yeah, it's like, you see it initially hit because it's unique, it's different, right? And it's so fun.

And it also, there's like points for diversity. Yeah, it's like a mascotism a little bit. There's a little bit of mascotism, but then when it's time to like, hey, hey, let's do an hour. I Yeah, it's like a mascotism a little bit. There's a little bit of mascotism, but then when it's time to like, hey, hey, let's do an hour. I mean, you did Netflix, you did all these things. I did a 15 on Netflix, which was great.

It was amazing. But since I've been trying to sell an hour, like four different versions of an hour and the response is always the same. Because they're like, oh my God, will people be, it's almost like their bigoted view on people. They're like, well, well guys, Comedy Central is a male channel.

It's like, well, well guys want to watch a gay dude you have to prove it to them so that they don't lose their jobs and I mean I was in the position and I guess this is why I was giving you advice like obviously not a gay comic but like they didn't want to fuck with me at all and I had to prove it and the numbers

back it up right and we went out and we did some pretty cool work and then the numbers backed it up and that's what I say that you should do, because I think you've got it, Merle. And I don't mean that, you know, just to like placate. I really do think you've got it. You know, I don't really shout out a lot of people that I think are I don't do it for networking. I don't care to network. Right. If I if I want you on a podcast or if I think that you're funny, I'm going to try to, you know, share that with as many people as possible. But but you're great, man. And I try to share that with as many people as possible. But you're great, man. Thanks.

And I think you should just fucking bet on yourself, dude. I am. I'm putting my clips up on my Instagram now. Great. And it's working, right? Yeah. It's like shocking. I was like, oh, I guess I should stop with the nudes

and put up some. And you know what you should do? I think it's a balance. I think that you should just have the, because I see you put like a cover or a thumbnail of you in like a sexy pose, and then you're doing the stand-up. I think you should just put you with the mic and close up on your face, dude.

You think so? Yeah, because what's going to happen is like, there's going to be a certain amount of people that aren't going to watch the video, maybe because they see some guy who's looking super gay, right? But I bet you if it just pops up on their Explorer and they're naturally going into it, and then you start talking, and you're like, oh, yeah, Jafar is totally gay. gay like they're like wait a minute and all of a sudden they go this guy's fucking hilarious right and now you don't have that barrier of entry which is a guy's

fragile ego of looking at a dude who is buff with his shirt off right you know you're like tricking like tricking them into liking mateo not liking hot gay guy. Right. Because that's way harder for a straight dude to go, I like hot gay guy. Sorry, I don't know my friend Nick. That's a monster, Nick.

I have no phone. But you understand what I'm saying, right? Yeah, yeah. So I wish you best of luck and I hope everybody that listens just goes and checks out your stuff.

First of all, it's been so long. I love you. Love our guy code, girl code days. I know, I know, I know. This was very fun to be here with y'all. And I'm glad people got to hear you.

I know you were like, oh, I'm not being funny anymore. I'm glad people got to see this part of you, too. Because if you want to know Mateo's talent, just look at his IG. It's all there. But to hear him actually say, like, things that were more personal and maybe a little vulnerable, I thought was awesome. Yeah, this podcast is not just like we have a joke every 30 seconds. Like, I want to have some serious conversation. And then, like, I think the funniest stuff comes from that.

Get to that place where it's very vulnerable, and we're going to find some funny in it. Well, I really appreciate you having me on. We fuck with you, Mateo. Al got another question. Last question. What are you doing Thursday? Mariah Carey.

We're all basically here trying to look like you. What's your workout regimen? Diet, too. Give us diet. Well, all right. So basically, I'm going on a brand new diet because I'm trying to. That's the whole thing. Anyways, but I eat five meals a day and every four hours.

And it's divided between macros. So, like, you know, how many fats, carbs, and protein am I having per meal? You sleep four hours a day? I'm sorry? Every four hours I eat in a day. For my five meals, it's a four hour. You have to wake up in the middle of the night? No. By the time I wake up,

by the time I go to bed, usually it's three to four hours in between each meal. That's it. Five days a week, I go to the gym and I isolate muscle groups. So today I'm going to be doing just shoulders. Yesterday I did back and thighs, and the other day I did

tris and chest. And it's pretty much it. Are you meal prepping? I buy the meals now. I'm too lazy to meal prep. And then what about going out to dinner? That's my advice. When I was in Italy, I'm too lazy to meal prep so now I mean what about going out to dinner like that I mean when I was in Italy I just came back from Italy was three weeks of smoking cigarettes not working out and eating pasta twice a day

yeah but your body needs that you know not the cigarettes but your body needs to like three weeks of not working out in the fucking crazy piece of shit yeah but yeah I mean you both met me when I was wink yeah yeah yeah I was a hundred and thirty pounds I'm 163 now yeah so I've gone through a huge but it's taken me like five years my sister who gave him my diet at first I was like what do I eat for bread she would ask me what do you eat for breakfast and when you eat breakfast when I don't I wake up I have coffee a cereal and then maybe I eat for breakfast? She would ask me, what do you eat for breakfast and when do you eat breakfast? I'm like, I don't know. I wake up, I have coffee, a cereal, and then maybe I eat four hours later, like pasta

or something. She goes, all right. This is when I was first trying to put on weight. She goes, you're going to wake up, you're going to have two bagels, and you're going to have seven egg whites. And I was like, okay. But she was right. I just needed to put... You needed calories. Yes, because my body was just like, magrissimo.

That's like an old school diet, dude. My dad was super skinny when he was younger, and his doctor prescribed him a milkshake a day. I mean. That's like old school medicine right there. But now it's like balanced. I'm eating healthy things. But at first, I just had to put on weight. Brother, thank you so much for coming on.

Thank you for having me. Tell them where they can find you. Grinder. No. Not Grinder. No. Oh, no. You are back on. No, I'm not. Tell them where they can find you. Grindr. No. Not Grindr. No. Oh, no. You are back on.

No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. No more Grindr. But Grindr is great if that's for you. My Instagram at Matteo Lane, M-A-T-T-E-O, L-A-N-E. Show's coming up. Oh, yeah.

Can I read? Please. Of course, dude. Okay. All right. In the meantime, there should be a gay riot. There should be gay riots. There is gay riot.

Is there? No, you shouldn't choose what you're into on Raya. Yeah, it was on Raya. Yeah, everyone's a hairdresser. I will be at the Pilgrim House in Provincetown August 7th to 9th. The Vulcan Gas Company in Austin, Texas on September 10th and 11th. Philly Punchline September 17th and 18th. And then I will be at the Arlington Draft House October 15th and 16th.

Okay. And where are they? MateoLane.com? MateoLaneComedy.com. MateoLaneComedy. Go check it out. Check them out on Instagram. Check out the Ba Day.

Leave some crazy comments, please. Anyway, man, it's been Flaker 2. Mateo Lane. All right, peace. All right, guys. We're going to take a break for a second because, listen, the world is racing to get back to normal. And you want to start meeting up in person again. But after this year, we've all had getting back to feeling normal might take a little bit more time.

Okay? I think therapy is a very important part of a human being's life. There are different ways that people can access therapy. Sometimes it is from friends, sometimes it's from family, but sometimes it's from professionals. And I've been going to therapy on and off for an extended period of time. I think the first time I probably went to therapy, I was in like third grade. Some teacher said that I was acting out and that maybe I should talk to somebody in school. And I did. And I'm telling you, I come from a family that my mom and dad were in therapy my whole life.

And therapy was a very normal thing in my family. I know there's some people's families out there where it's not so normalized and it's very taboo. And what I'm here to tell you is that that's not the case, man. If you want to talk to somebody, it can help you. I promise you that. Even if they don't say a single thing back, just being able to unload everything, get all that shit off of your chest,

it can make you feel so much better. And then if you have a therapist that actually can offer some amazing insight on your life because other people are going through what you've gone through and what you're currently going through, that can be so much of an, I mean, just an absolutely amazing relief and really empowering. Understanding how you feel, understanding your emotions, understanding what you're going through, and understanding why you act certain ways, right? Unearthing the things, the causes of your behavior. So a great way where

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Go feel better. And take your life in your own hands, man. Get a little bit control of your behavior, your emotions, and why you feel these ways. I promise you'll get something great out of it. Go check it out. Use the promo code FLAGER and get that $100 off. All right, now let's get back to the show. The truffle is somewhere in europe right now getting rejected by a polish helicopter pilot he'll tell us that story next week but let's begin um i have a conversation i'd like to to to begin i think it should gain some steam so let's start it right now i think if team usa basketball loses I think if Team USA Basketball loses, the NBA champions can no longer call themselves the world champions. I think that's valid.

And they can no longer call themselves the world champions until we win a world championship minimum or the Olympics. I think Olympics. Fuck all that world championship shit. Here's the reason why it's good. Because this is going to incentivize the best players in the NBA to play for the Olympic squad so they can call themselves world champs when they win the NBA championship. This is how you get LeBron to go play.

This is how you get Kawhi to go play. You don't want to win the Little American championship. You want to win the World Championship. You want to be world champions, do you not? Can you explain the world champion thing? Because I pushed back on this when we were talking about it before. I was like, it's stupid that they call a world champion in the first place because they're playing in America.

They don't play in the country. Yeah, but if you always had the gold, you always knew what time it was. You always knew we were the best. Who gives a fuck? Yeah, we're the best. And we have the best players from around the world. Well, that's the thing. And that's consistent. So technically, you are the world champion. And we have the best players from around the world. Well, that's the thing. And that's consistent.

So technically, you are the world champion because you're beating the best players from around the world. Nah. Because all of them are playing in America. But I don't like this shit where we get like a fucking bronze in the Olympic. It's pathetic, especially if it's one of our sports. We might not even get that this year. No, no, that's disrespectful. Son, we lost to France.

Yo, chill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Son, we lost to France. Son, we lost to France. We lost a lead to France. Fucking Nicholas Batum. We felt bad for the black soccer players, so he's like, ah, let's just give them up. We don't know who the black soccer players are.

I do, I know Mbop. Yeah. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop.

Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop.

Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop.

Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop.

Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop.

Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop.

Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. Mbop. You can't. I thought that was funny, dude.

You could have got another bar in, though. I was grooving. He can't do it all over. He can't take the penalty kick again. I didn't get the joke. Now I get it. See, y'all are dumb. It's not funny because y'all are dumb. Anyway, this Alex dude, he doesn't laugh.

That's what he was doing to me the whole time. I know, I know, I know. When I was killing him on his trash-ass outfit. I was like, guys, what's happening? No, you do. You look super stupid. It wasn't funny. They weren't laughing either.

You look super stupid. You were sandbagging. No, you were sandbagging. You do sandbag, dude. Ah, sandbagging. You sandbag, bro. You're a big fucking sandbag, dude. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What is that? Some kind of racist thing? Yeah, I know. I'm not talking about Vala. You're calling him a sandbagger? Oh, Vala. Look at him. Dog, he, whoa, whoa. What is that? Some kind of racist thing? Yeah, I know. I'm not talking about Vala. You're calling him a sandbagger? Oh, Vala. Look at him. Dog, he's sandbagging.

I just laughed at that. Dude, you look like Peaky Grinders. I'm getting it back, baby. I'm getting it back. Okay, so Team USA, absolutely pathetic. You can't lose to any other country in basketball. Son, we lost. We're one and three.

It's embarrassing, Doug. It's embarrassing. I don't know what you guys are saying. Dude, we lost to Nigeria, and the good Nigerians aren't even playing on the team. The good Nigerian is Greek. Yes. The best Nigerian is Greek. Can we name the Nigerians that are on the team?

Can you name a Nigerian? No chance. Name a Nigerian that plays in the NBA that's on that team. You can't. No, I cannot. How the fuck do we lose to that team? And don't tell me it's because Devin Booker wasn't there or Drew Holiday wasn't there. Yeah, get the fuck out of here.

KD, stop losing. Isn't Bam, isn't he Nigerian? No, he's American team, dog. But like he's Nigerian descent. And he's on our team. Yeah. Bam Adebayo, whatever his name is. Yeah.

Even the best Nigerians aren't playing on Team Nigerian. We're still fucking losing, dude. We lost to Australia. Yeah, this is embarrassing. That's white playing on Team Nigerian. We're still fucking losing, dude. We lost to Australia. Yeah. That's white people. So I guess the question. That's whites, bro. You can't lose to white countries, bro.

You see this in sports, though, right? What? Canada will invent hockey. Look how fucking cocky he is now that France beat America, dog. This is embarrassing. Go on. Go on. Go on.

We see this in sports what? What? We see this in sports what? We see this in sports what? Yeah. Fuck him, dude. Fuck this guy. Go on.

Hello, basically. We see this in sports where the country that invents it will body for a bunch of years, and then everyone kind of starts catching up. Like it happened with hockey, where they invent hockey, and then they start getting bodied. England invents cricket, and then they start getting bodied. Is basketball just in the twilight of American dominance? Don't ever compare America to England or Canada ever again, you fucking French cock.

I mean that sincerely. America might be in his basketball twilight. No, no, no, fam. Cut that shit out. Everyone's catching up. Cut that shit out. Now we have so much anti-American sentiment from over there, dude. Yeah, what is that?

Are you guys not? You China dick sucker, and you, all of a sudden, France gets one victory on America. You're like, it's twilight. France might be the next great basketball superstar. No. Might be the best. You need to chill.

Remember Michael Petras, bro? You remember him? Yeah, the Jordan stopper. No, the Kobe stopper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't make the jokes. Don't make the jokes. Don't make the jokes.

Okay? Keep it moving. We're not making jokes about Kobe stoppers. No, Reuben patterson called himself the kobe stopper so did petrus oh i don't think he just called himself that i think we we thought he was speaking she speaks pure only french pure french yeah he just looks like you don't speak english um listen guys all i gotta say is it's absolutely embarrassing like i was like rage tweeting like i i was tweeting in where like i wanted someone to retweet it so that KD would see it.

I wanted that badly. Andrew was on it, dude. I was so pissed. I hadn't seen him tweet emotionally like this about sports since he gave up on the Knicks. It hasn't happened. Yeah, dude. It is bad. It was really bad. Did you watch any of the games?

I don't even tweet emotionally. That's what gets you in trouble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was so passionate. I said, don't let them back in America. I think if they don't get the gold medal, they don't get let back in America. They stay in Tokyo forever? What if they don't medal?

Stay in the airport like Tom Hanks. I don't give a fuck. But you're not allowed back on American soil, like actual America, if you don't get the gold medal until the next time around, and then you're going to win that gold medal. What if they don't even medal? until the next time around, and then you're going to win that gold medal. What if they don't even medal?

I can't even begin to have this conversation. It would be so truly embarrassing. And it's only embarrassing because of how little respect I have for other countries. If I actually respected other countries, then I'd be like, oh, this is some competition, and we'll see what happens. But since I have no respect for any of the other countries that are competing in basketball uh it would be such a massive shot to my ego that i can't fathom it happening but i remember when i was in europe i would walk up to basketball courts and i just call next even if i didn't have next i was like you're lucky you get to play against me but you're in spain spanking hoop son i would i would poop in

spain and i would just go yo i got next it doesn't matter what you guys think you get to play against me. Buddy, you're in Spain. Spain can hoop. Son, I would hoop in Spain and I would just go, yo, I got next. It doesn't matter what you guys think. You get to play with an American. I felt like being black. I felt like being black around white people.

That's what it was like. When Kobe went to the Rucker. Say again? Like when Kobe went to the Rucker. Yo, he just goes, yeah. It's like, it doesn't matter who's playing. Kobe's here.

Let's go. It's my time. It's my time, guys. I'll teach you how to not dribble up and down like it's a yo-yo. That's how I imagine Europeans playing basketball. Up and down dribbles like Bob Cousy playing for the Celtics back in the day. Yeah.

And the fact that we're getting washed by these teams, by Australia. How do they even win the gold? What do you mean? I mean, do they turn it around? You beat all the other teams and then there's no more games. Do you think they will? Holy shit, dog. Do you think they will?

They're 1-3. Do you really think they're going to get the gold? They got to beat Iran. We got fucking Indian Barbara Walters over here with this line of questioning. How do they win? Do you think they will? Yes, I'm thinking they will. I'm telling you they're not going to. It's called a leading question.

You know what I mean? I see what you're saying. No, they have to. They must. They're playing Iran on the 28th. They're playing what? Iran. They're playing the country of Iran. They're not playing Iran. Yeah.

Dude, if we lose to Iran. They won't lose to Iran. And then they played the Czech Republic. They played a good team in their third exhibition game. And then they ran it up. That was the game I saw where I was like, oh, they're going to be fine. They're be fine they're gonna figure it out yeah and then france they lost they blew a big lead at the end of the game completely stopped missing their shots they don't understand how to play feeble ball they they're used to flopping and getting calls that's not happening i think the ball is different so

all these people that the ball is different all this kind of stuff like that like maybe it is but there's no excuses you're playing teams that aren't America. Do we understand what's going on here? High school kids. When your best pro can't get on your team, Nicholas Batum

isn't getting real burned anywhere. I mean, he got time, but it was like, just trying to fuck things up if you can do it great. When Eric Fournier and his hairline

is busting your ass, that pathetic fucking hairline that could only be accepted in France where they don't care about the way people look as long as you have interesting theories about love and whatever other shit that they care about. When that's your best

guy and he's busting your ass and talking that shit. Where's your pride bro? Is this like a Black Lives Matter protest? Like what's happening? What is the end goal here? Is this the new take in the knee? You just lose in the fucking Olympics with the flag draped around your shoulders?

What's going on? What do we need to do? Wait, so the first two games they lost, that was still during the qualifying bullshit. So they didn't take those seriously. We don't lose any games. We're only 0-1. And then we have to, I believe it's like that. We're 0-1.

Only 0-1. We have no wins. We're winless. We're winless, Al. You cannot lose to countries that we give money to so their people can eat. Yeah. If we are giving foreign aid. I feel you.

I feel you. But the bracket is just like. Take back the foreign aid. There's no more foreign aid. Different groups. Different brackets. No more foreign aid. Come on, son.

No, there's no more foreign aid. I'm sorry. You call pathetic you sound. I'm just saying. But if you look at the brackets, we're actually doing just fine. Mathematically, we're actually doing just fine mathematically. We're not eliminated from anything. It's like when teams just sail it in,

and then once you get to the playoffs. Sail it in. Mail it in, whatever. And then they get to the playoffs, and then they take the shit seriously. So right now, we just have to. Who are those teams that win? Nah, but like how in the NBA? Like during the season, it's like.

Jordan doesn't mail it in. America doesn't mail it in america doesn't mail it in okay we mail fucking nuclear weapons the last time that we were in tokyo for some real competitive shit what happened we delivered some bombs yes that's what we need to do nagasaki hiroshima that's what they should be playing they should be playing videos of fucking what is it captain doolittle whoever the guy was that handled that mission to let motherfuckers know what America does when we go out there to Japan, dude. We don't play no fucking games. This is embarrassing.

This is embarrassing, dude. This might be Vietnam, dog. What happened there? I might be losing this war. Nah, bro, that was a conflict. Come on now, bro, that was a conflict. This is the conflict Olympics, I think. Nah, dude, this shouldn't even count as Olympics.

There was no people in the stands immediately. I started making all these excuses. It doesn't really matter. I hope I'm wrong, but I'm worried, dude. It fucking infuriates me. Because if you had four games, once they won that third exhibition game, I was like, okay, they turned the corner. We're good. To lose

again the next game, maybe you're still picking it up, but I'm like, yo, that's weird. Who did they beat? Who did they beat in the exhibition? Huh? Who did they beat in the exhibition? They lost to Australia and Nigeria. I don't know who they beat in the exhibition, but we don't care. I think they beat Spain.

Did they beat Spain? I think they beat Spain. Listen, it doesn't matter. We should beat everybody. This shouldn't even be close. I hate these ideas. Oh, the world is catching up. No, they're not catching up.

They're not catching up. They're not catching up. They're caught up. No. I hate you all. We're just not playing. Watch. Watch me start playing. They're not catching up. They're not catching up. They're caught up. I hate you all. We're just not playing. Watch. We need to start playing. You're right. We need to start playing. But we're going to turn it up

and this shit's going to be... And I believe that that can happen because I do not want to even consider what else might be the case. Yeah, you're bugging. You're talking like that. No, no, no, no. Dude, the world... As an American, you're not embarrassed, dude. As an American, you're not embarrassed, dude. As an American,

you're not fucking embarrassed. As an American on that team, you're not fucking embarrassed to show your face. Don't even go on Instagram. Don't even go on Instagram Live. Don't post your stupid stories. Damien Littard

with his cryptic messages. Oh, here's my quote from fucking Game of Thrones. Shut it down. Hit a fucking three Where's Dame time? We need some Dame time. That would be the most humility part of your those guys You know every person you're playing against had a picture of you in their room yet. They're wearing your sneakers, bro They don't even have their own sneakers. There's no French team fucking sneakers

They got your sneakers and the bus in your ass with your fucking sneakers. You should be embarrassed. Hold your head down. Bow your head. Bow your fucking head. You are letting down America. This is pathetic, dude. I'm absolutely furious. I want to know what incomes are.

I want to know what the income of the average team is. Like what the French team is paid. Versus what Damien Lillard's salary. Damien Lillard is showing up to that arena in a Lamborghini and these French people are biking there with a fucking baguette in their back do you know how pathetic this is this is embarrassing

it is absolutely embarrassing and they should hold their fucking heads in shame to insult America like this China's laughing right now China's chuckling at this whole shit, seeing us struggle at our sport. Come on.

At our sport? Get it off, dog. If there's a wrap your feet when you're young contest, do you think any other country is going to beat China? Who's better at suppressing democracy than China? Who's better at taking all the muzzies and putting them in concentration camps than China? Nobody. Huh? Nobody.

Huh? Nobody. Don't say Israel. Don't say it. Okay? It'd be close. It'd be close. Don't say it, Mark.

All I'm trying to say is it is absolutely embarrassing. It's pathetic. And these players should be ashamed of themselves. I'm going to cry. I'm getting choked up. I'm getting choked up right now. I'm getting fucking choked up at this. What do you think the Dream Team is doing?

What do you think the Dream Team is thinking? I think they're loving it. Because the Dream Team are the type of guys who go, oh, these youngins, the game isn't tough. Back in the day, you used to be able to rip a guy's tooth out during a free throw. They have all these excuses about how tough the game is and they're weak. Well, they are fucking weak. They're fucking weak. If you're not coming to play,

dude, the Dream Team used to run it up even during scrimmages. You remember that? Run it up. Beating teams by 50 points. Who gives a fuck? What is this? We're going to take it easy

on Nigeria? They terrorized Tony Kukoc because he was going to go play on the Bulls. On their team? Fuck this guy. My teammate. We're going to fucking

make his life hell. Weak. Weak. All these players are weak. Guy didn't even know what was happening. He was like, hey, I didn't know we were taking this seriously. What the fuck is happening? That's the dream team.

That's what happened to you. The dream team. It's your nightmare. But those are the best of the best. Say what? Those are the best of the best. We have half of our best players not playing. So the best of the best can run it up at historic rates.

You can't win. I'm just saying, like, if you don't, we're not sending our best. KD is by many, according to many people, the best player in the world. Dame Lillard is up there. The rest of them ain't really American.

The best of the best who haven't showed up are LeBron and Steph and who else? Giannis. Giannis is Greek, dude. How can he fucking play for America?

I'm just saying, we're not sending our best. Well, we can't send Giannis. So is this part of the NBA's fault? Say what? Is it part of the NBA's fault? For what? Is it part of the NBA's fault? For what?

They're going out Trying to find cheap players And they're going overseas Finding guys They're like Oh yeah we can develop this dude Develop this dude Making them nice

Making them nice And then kicking them back home You know whose fault it is Is this what we did with Like production in America? We're like Alright let's import it Give all the money

Make it pop over there And then they're gonna become a superpower That's what we did with China You still gotta be the best You know whose fault superpower. That's what we did with China. You still got to be the best. You know whose fault it is? That's what we did with Australian actors. We just started hiring all these Australian actors that had all this experience.

They're cheap. They're easy. They're cheap, but they've got a ton of experience because they're doing soap operas out there. Thor, right? The other guy that played the fucking New Terminator. Hemsworth and shit. Hemsworth.

All the Hemsworths and everything like that. They're cheap, but they've got tons of experience. They're handsome as fuck. And we get them over here. We get them to be in our little, you know, our established franchises where you don't really need a star. And then they start taking the American jobs. And that's exactly what's happening, bro.

This is amazing. If we lose right now, I'm going full QAnon. If America loses, if America loses, if America loses, I mean this sincerely, if America loses, if America loses, I mean this sincerely, if America loses, if we lose, we're storming the Capitol. That will be justifiable.

We should storm the Capitol if America loses in the Olympics in basketball. How are you dressing up? Huh? How are you going to dress up for the storm? Viking helmet? I'm not going Viking, dude. I'm not going Viking. I'm going soldier, Doug. I'm not going Viking I'm going soldier doc oh I'm going soldier I'm gonna go soldier but who are you mad at like yeah who are you they stormed it Biden this is weakness this is weakness you think Trump would have let the

fucking American US team lose in the Olympics yeah yeah it's a goddamn mind they don't like him so he would have been like this with the get they're not good nah he would have found a way he would have found a way yeah He would have found a way. Yeah. He would have found a way, dog. I'll be honest. You think Hillary would have let that shit happen? No.

That bitch is a war hawk. Obama would get on the court. Obama would have joined. 100%. Obama would have gotten on the court. He's weak, bro. He's weak. He would have subbed in.

He would have flown to Tokyo. He could use Obama. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Bill Clinton would have been out there smashing their wives. Just sitting in the stands, smelling his fucking fingers. Hey, France. Yeah, mental games, mental games.

That's a nice brie. Dude, that's a nice old brie. Your wife has a nice old brie. She was back in the hotel bed. Single bed, made out of cardboard, broken. Okay, for real, dude. We need to go the extra mile. What's Kamala willing to do? What's Kamala willing to do?

What's Kamala willing to do? Weaken those knees, Kamala. Yeah, a lot of people are worried about her. The players, not yours. What? A lot of people are worried about her becoming president. I think we need it. We need it.

Yeah, we got to put her in there. Come on. What are you willing to do for this country? What sacrifice are you willing to make? My first lady was out there. Who? Jill? Yeah, Jill Biden. Jill Biden was out there. Who? Jill Biden. But for the swimmers, though.

We don't need it in the swimming. We shouldn't need it for the basketball. Nah, we do, though. It's fucking embarrassing. You need mommy there to watch you play? Andrew, what are you going to do for your country? What am I going to do for my country? You lacing them up?

I'll lace them up. I can beat a Frenchman in basketball? Are you kidding me? We're not talking about a cock-smoking contest here. We're talking about basketball. Literally, I don't think there's a French person on this planet that could beat me in basketball.

And when I mean French, I'm not talking about black guys. You're not talking about the black ones. Rudy Gobert? You're trying to say Rudy Gobert? No, he's black. Tony Parker? He's black.

He didn't even know who those guys were. I know, right? I knew who they were, though. I knew who they were. Why can't you go against a black guy? Huh? Because they're not French. Why can't you go against a black guy? Well, they are French.

Not for the sake. Not for the sake of argument. Those guys are weird, huh? They are French, and your race does not determine your identity and yada, yada, yada. Those are French men, bro. Those are French men. That's what you want them to be, huh? They are.

Remember what you were saying about black people have to miss that shot? You remember that? Yeah. Remember that? You didn't even look out in the eyes. I blacked out. You didn't even look. No, you didn't black out.

You definitely didn't black out. That's for sure. No, you wouldn't look out in his eyes, Doug. Why? you wouldn't look out his eyes doug you wouldn't look in his eyes because you were furious at blacks no i was afraid that he was sad i didn't want to hurt i didn't want him to be sad i was a little sad that's what i'm saying he was most bummed about it and with england those black guys he was sad about them too i didn't want to you know i didn't want to intimidate him make him feel bad i was trying to be a good ally, that's all. Well, it seems like the world's black guys are saving their athleticism for the Olympics because we're getting fucking washed right now, okay? But we need some more performances like the blacks in England and like the blacks in French

and fuck this shit up so that we can bring home that gold because anything less is uncivilized. What is the term? Anything less would be uncivilized. Anything less would be uncivilized what is the term anything less would be uncivilized anything less would be uncivilized okay anything else about these olympics dude evan fournier oh he's not he's gabby is gabby he's not he's not he's black enough his middle name is medea he's like he's middle eastern i think oh whatever okay whatever he's a don he's whatever this is the biggest black guy there's no amount of of Simone Biles medals that can overcome.

Yeah. I mean, yeah. Not winning a gold in basketball. We need Simone Biles. I mean, like. Yeah, so that's the question. What if we win the overall medal count? Yeah, we're going to do that.

We're going to do that. That's guaranteed. Right now, we're still trailing. Yeah, but that's because we don't have any of the real races yet. Real games. Like, people are doing stupid shit. Like, taekwondo, which we won. We got gold in taekwondo.

Let's go. Yeah, that's fine. Dude, it was pretty amazing. Skateboarding. But this really is the most hilarious shit, though, where the medal count right now, eight golds is Japan. They're leading in terms of perfection, but not overall medals. Yeah.

Overall medals is China with 18. Goddamn. Jesus Christ. And then America is kind of right in the middle of them where we got 14 We're trailing how many gold we're trailing goals by one. We have seven Japan is eight China has six have the black sports started yet I don't think the track of field seven started. Okay, cuz that's where we start to come shine us on them I know dude that ass when it comes to track. They're winning like weightlifting. They're winning like like I know dude, but then we whoop that ass when it comes to track and field. They're winning like weightlifting, they're winning like, that's where most of the medals are.

No, they're nice weightlifters. All the best Olympic weightlifters are all Chinese. Why? Because they're training, dawg! There's some that have to, I think it's like stockiness. Like they're like kind of shorter, the weights don't have to travel as long of a distance. Ah, legs are shorter, yeah. They're kind of built for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a critical race theory over here. Say again? You got a critical race theory over here. Yeah, that was a critical race theory that you just did. a good way or bad technically it was critical and it was a race

that was critical race theory right there you said that they're built for picking rice out of the patties you did say that you didn't say it but you said it you reached down you tried to roll something into a little ball yeah and throw a little salmon on top and there's a basket you throw it over your head i wonder if there's a way that you know generationally it contributes they're throwing weight over their head all day like you don't think like generations of work is going to turn them into great power lifters yeah yeah yeah this guy's real critical race theory yeah you are real critical race yeah that was yeah dude you're overstepping a little indian farmers bro they don't do shit they don't do shit and they're the worst athletes.

Is that weird? If you have a history of generational farming, I think you're a good athlete. Listen, your hands are going up a little bit. This is a radioactive conversation. What is consent, guys? What is consent? This is wild boy right here. You're a wild boy.

You're just going to have a critical race theory conversation on a podcast? That's crazy. That's nuts, dude. Chill out, dude. Mark.ada's the worst athletes ever oh my god that's critical race theory bro oh my god man an oan news anchor just sliced their fucking throat listening to you talk about this this is nuts dude i don't know what side you're putting me on me neither it's

fucking critical race theory bro it is a topic that's like really tough to talk about okay that nobody really understands what it is but they're trying to make the next controversy so we got to keep on repeating it in the news yeah what's that critical race theory bro yeah oh my god okay let's talk about something else very quickly. I keep seeing this waifu's ass, and I'm like, that's a nice ass. The ass is crazy, dog. She got the fat, high-set ass. Drinking out of this cup, getting fucking bricked up right now.

Hells yeah, bro. My favorite expression. Oh, yeah. Jack Harlow is a king. He said that he gets bricked up watching uh claymation the in the rudolph claymation there's a female deer he was man i used to get bricked up washing that shit and i cannot stop laughing every time i hear bricked up bro bricked up all right guys we're gonna take a break for a second because uh we need to save

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part of the episode this is on did he get bricked up watching that fucking little nas x video did he get bricked up or did i did he um i don't know i didn't ask him but uh i was certainly bricked the fuck up watching that shit dude build a house bro hells yeah dude i love that dude bricked up amazing video say what amazing video it was good yeah Did you watch the whole thing? Yeah. I didn't watch the whole thing. Really? Yeah. I didn't know either. Homophobic.

Yeah, I'm homophobic, dude. I'm homophobic for not watching the whole video. No, I watched Jack Harlow's verse that shows fire, and I watched them naked in the bathroom swangin' dangins. Swangin' dangins? Yeah, dude. Swangin' dangins, bro. It was crazy out there.

Nah, he's an innovator, though. Who? Yeah, he really is. I've never. Nah, he's an innovator, though. Who? Yeah, he really is. I've never seen a naked choreographed group dance. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know if that's why he's so innovative. Nah, yeah. He is, though.

I mean, most group dancing is, like, almost naked. But I think he's absolutely brilliant because, like, he's used outrage marketing perfectly because he's on the right side of it. Yeah. So, like, outrage marketing is the most effective type of marketing it brings you to top the fastest right you galvanize groups of people but you just got to hope that the outrage against you doesn't position you in a way that you don't want to be positioned right so like clearly he's in the good graces of uh the people who um i don't

want to say like are on the right side of history but like he's basically going hey i'm gay and then there are people absolutely furious about it and they're trying to fold it into like religious context like well i don't care he's gay but like that satan stuff has got to stop and it's like motherfucker shut the fuck where's this energy when hellboy come out when hellboy 2 comes out i don't see you at the movie theater picking it i don't see you doing Instagram videos. My kids are going to see this movie. They have a show on ABC called Lucifer.

No. Yeah, no issue with that. It's like the number one show on Netflix, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, they posted the old seasons on Netflix. That shit blew the fuck up. So it's like, cut that shit out. You know it's a smokescreen to just be angry at this guy for basically being gay.

You know what it is. And he's used their outrage to propel his shit to the top, and it's fucking brilliant. Yeah, I thought he did a good job with, like, trying to leverage the sneaker thing into the jail thing. Like, he turned that controversy, knew that there was a lawsuit happening, didn't let the lawsuit, like, get him off.

So he was like, oh, I'm going to make TikToks leading up into it that all go viral, that lead into the video. Like, just strategically, that lead into the video. Like, just strategically, it just works so effectively. It's great. And he's right. He's on the right side. The outrage is wrong.

Like, a lot of times there's outrage with gray area. You know, if we want to do, like, offensive jokes, right? There are going to be people saying that our jokes are just a veil for racism or sexism, that we actually really feel racist and sexist, and that's what these jokes are there for. So now we get positioned as racist or sexist or homophobic or whatever it is, and then we have to push back against that, but the conversation is convoluted. But these people are just like, being gay is wrong. And he's like, no, it's fun. Right? So there's no push back to his side whatsoever yeah unless you hate gay people and now in 2021 the fuck is wrong with you for saying

you hate gay people yeah it's genius i'm curious to know what his next pivot is though because like eventually i think he's gonna realize like okay this thing is not getting as much outrage as it normally gets yes so like he'll go at some award show and like kiss a guy and he'll be like all right this is not getting the reaction and so i'm wondering if he's going to try to pivot like the way lady gaga pivoted where she was like this outrageous icon like a gay icon also that then got into like serious acting and got into like more like artsy stuff and moved away from like the outrageous thing yeah i'm curious if he gets into like movies or tv and like if yeah his rebrand will be yeah i think he just goes mainstream enough

that he doesn't need the outrage it's it's tricky when you're a gay dude and uh i don't know what part of the episode this is in right now but we'll probably have this conversation either before and this is sounding redundant or after and you'll understand why in a second uh or in a few minutes but like as a gay dude what often happens is like people can't make that transition like a gay guy doesn't play a straight guy in movies right like uh neil patrick harris was on like one of the most successful sitcoms right comes out of the closet and then he's got to be like weird things like gay guys can play weird characters they can play like a like a what is that thing uh uh the show he was on on netflix uh oh series of unfortunate events what is the guy's name yeah lemony snicket yeah so yeah so they'll end up playing these like weird characters so if it is straight it's almost like not sexualized at all so he was a

lemony snicket a series of unfortunate events or whatever the fuck it is. But you won't just see him being like a hero in a movie. It'll have to be either a gay person or something odd, cartoonish. So I wonder what Lil Nas X ends up being because he's not going to play straight characters

and the gay characters aren't going to be the leads in the movie. I think he can play whatever. But name someone who has done it. I think he'll be the one to do it. Can we look up when Neil Pratty Harris? I think he has a star power and has like the, there's enough of a financial incentive and like a social reckoning that I think he could.

That's possible. Play whatever. But also I need to be recognized that he would break the mold. The mold is set where that doesn't happen. Which is his thing. So I think it would be on brand for him to be like, yo, I want to be a superhero that's straight or gay or not even

sexually ambiguous, whatever. Yes. And that'll be a groundbreaking thing and then he will be able to position that in this socially active way, the way he's done with everything. And he's famous enough that when he starts doing movies, it's just going to be Lil Nas X in a movie. He's not going to be like a thespian. It's not going to matter what role he's playing.

It's just, oh, Lil Nas X is in a movie being Lil Nas X. Right. You know what I mean? Like, Method Man can act, but he's Method Man. I guess if we're comparing Lil Gaga to Lil Nas X, Lady Gaga became a thespian, right? She became like an actress. Well, the only movie I remember her from,

she played a singer. She did a good job and she acted well, but she was still a singer. Sure, but like, she's not the type of singer that she is. Right. You know what I mean? Like Eminem played himself, even though it wasn't Eminem. It was like the same character. Whereas like this woman, like Elia DeGaara is walking around with fucking slabs

of meat all over her, like being like a weirdo. And then she all of a sudden plays like a normal person that's a singer. So I would love to see that happen for Lil Nas X, but it would be something that breaks the mold. Yeah. He also might be too radioactive with everything that he's done thus far, as far as enraging the middle of the country

that are like, fuck him. And then the movie studios might go, eh, we kind of like it when the middle of the country goes out to the movies and watches our shit. So why are we going to piss them off by putting you in it for five lines in the movie? Is it worth putting him in Transformers? Fuck no. To the movie theater. It may or may not be, but I think

they're going to have to have that conversation. I can see him breaking through. That'd be interesting. He's a smart guy. That'd be interesting. What else we got going on, man? Oh, I have a theory on crypto real quick. Okay, go. I was thinking about this this week. Crypto is actually the most predictable asset on the planet.

How? Because it's not based on anything but human reaction, you can create metrics for that human reaction. The only thing that makes it tricky is when outside influence starts affecting it. For example, government starts saying we're not doing crypto anymore or like a billionaire starts fucking tweeting about it, etc. tweeting about it, et cetera. Outside of that, I bet you could plot the course of crypto and judge it based on a greed and risk tolerance. Two graphs of greed and risk tolerance.

In other words, when crypto starts to spike, you know, Bitcoin starts to make some more money, what happens is people like me go, oh shit, my friends are getting rich and it's just going up. I don't want everybody get rich except me i'm in right eventually crypto goes to a certain point where people go i've made 10x 20x on my money shit i gotta get out before this shit drops it's gonna

get it's gonna drop that risk tolerance you start to hit a wall of how much you think you'll be able to gain yeah there will be a metric for that like my buddy said like the only graphs he's he's made like millions of dollars in crypto he goes the only graphs i look at are the 200 week average of of bitcoin that's the only thing i look at i don't look i don't read all these other things there's one thing i fucking look at and and basically if you see i bet you these fucking big hedge funds, these big like crypto companies, I bet you they have all this, these analytics that just go, this is what humans can tolerate this much positive amount. Okay, it's went up this percent in this amount of time. This is when people are going to start to get nervous again, we're going to sell before that, then it's going to fucking drop down or drop down 30% 50% 75%. Oh, it's down at 75%. The 200 week average is around 25,000 for a Bitcoin or something like that. Ooh, that's low enough where people want to start to get in. And it's starting to increase in its acceleration. Oh, here comes another bull market or here comes another, yeah, here comes another bull market. I just think because it doesn't have to deal on

like the numbers of the business, you can just invest in it because it doesn't have to deal on the numbers of the business, you can just invest in it and you don't have to worry about it. Because we don't understand it, the fear is even stronger. So the fear and greed. Greed is when we all hear NFTs, we were all kind of into NFTs. It was like, oh, it seems like everybody's getting rich. I want in. There's the greed.

We don't understand it. Fear is once it starts to go down, we're all like, man, I knew this shit was too good to be true. I don't even know how it works. Sell all of it. Get the fuck out. Everybody's already's already laughing because i'm losing money andrew's already yelling to me because he thinks i'm costing money i'm not selling i'm gonna keep trying to buy but that shit it takes a lot of fucking discipline to in those moments be like no i'm gonna be greedy when others are fearful that's what they always say be greedy when others are

fearful yeah be fearful when others are greedy that's a hard thing to fight against in human nature yeah i don't i'm curious because like I... But real quick, sorry to interrupt, but just the fact that like AT&T has to make profit in order for me to justify the business going up. Right? If at the end of the day, AT&T is losing tons of money, we can make a prediction and think, okay, that stock price is going down. Because Bitcoin has no value really besides what we place on it. It's actually a cleaner investment strategy because you can judge it based on human risk tolerance and human greed, right? All these other companies have to show some sort of growth or profit. And if they lose, we're looking at them going like, oh, this might not go well.

Let's say they're not profiting like an Amazon isn't making money, but they're growing exponentially. You can be like, okay. They own this part of the market share. Maybe they're not making money because they keep reinvesting, but now they own 60%

and last year they owned 40%. I could put my money there and feel safe. Bitcoin isn't anything. All it is is our confidence. So all it is is our insecurity. And as long as you make those metrics based on our confidence and insecurity, which I guarantee these big fucking crypto hedge funds are doing,

they can tell, ah, this shit about to go. There's a reason why Jim Cramer bought tons of Bitcoin, you know, the fucking whatever his guy's name is? Mad money. Mad money, and then sold at 64. He sells right before the shit tanks. Mad money. Mister I know everything about the fucking stock market.

You don't think he had someone in his ear like, fam, it might be time to go. Sells at 64 and a half. When he gets back in, he can buy twice as much Bitcoin. It could also be like, he's so big and influential, when he sold a lot,

it created the ball for everybody else to sell. Akash can speak more on that. I do think there's something interesting about the fact that he can kind of to a level, to a degree, dictate the price of the market. To a degree. Because realistically, there's so many people in so many countries on Bitcoin. One guy saying I'm selling, even if he has, it makes 50,000 people sell. That's not necessarily going to affect Bitcoin that dramatically. No, but I bet you there's a metric that shows when it is bubbling, right?

Yeah. If there's a significant amount of sale in the bubble, the risk tolerance becomes very low because you already know you're making way more than you should. Yeah. So if there's a 10% fluctuation when it's already on the bubble, now you're going to see bear market. Yeah. Right?

Like all these things have to be worked out and because it doesn't have to be based on anything besides our human interaction with the asset, it's easier to predict. And I could be completely wrong

with everything I'm saying. Also, I remember we talked like last week and I think your boy had talked to you about how it is very predictable. It always goes down and then it always rises up.

Usually it drops by 90% and then skyrockets. The only things that are tricky are the skyrocket is pretty short. It's pretty short-lived. And also you don't know how long the thing lasts, but it's just such a severe cascade because we don't know what the fuck it is. And it's just belief. So belief is really easy to lose. That shit is going to plummet when it plummets.

Because it's like, oh, fuck, everybody's losing belief. I knew this shit was nothing. There's nothing to it. Sell fucking everything. AT&T can't go down like that as long as they're making money every single month. Hey, AT&T, there's proof AT&T is a thing right here. There's no proof Bitcoin is a thing. Sorry, I cut you, Mark.

What were you saying? My only skepticism with that is that the idea of modeling economies on a massive scale isn't necessarily contingent on the products in the economy per se. It's just human behavior and trying to map what is going to be the next behavior that someone does. But we're not looking at an entire economy. We're looking at companies. And you have to look at Bitcoin like a company if you were looking at entire economies like gdp and that kind of stuff that makes sense because that spending is going to translate from at&t to verizon or the next cell phone company cricket wireless whatever the fuck it is but i'm looking at all the crypto market all the crypto coins as a market and like trying to map like human behavior in that way is like extremely complicated i think i started interrupting i think in order to uh i think in order to look at crypto you got to kind of position yourself within the dominant coins because there's so many coins

that are like absolutely meaningless in a game where everything is meaningless you have to like hold on to the thing that has like some pseudo meaning whereas if you're just looking at cardano or all these other things it's like that's just a parlay. This motherfucker is going, I want to bet $50 and hope I get 5,000. Right. Where I don't even see them as like part of the economy. You know what I mean? Like my suspicion is that I think there are massive,

like Bitcoin hedge funds that are looking and trying to map it and use analytics to try to get ahead. I I'm, my feeling is that the, the percentages they're getting are like minor where it's like a three percent like better than the average like bitcoin investor i think it's like super minimal because in terms of modeling human behavior humans are like inherently irrational like the way they behave with things like i will push back a little bit because ai has proven i disagree with that i think ai and social media have proven we are way more predictable than we yeah like it's really

easy to figure out every human being psychology yeah and it's like if one thing that like social media showed us is like we're all the same like they literally make subsets like you were doing this on facebook and just getting the data and like hey what is it what is an akash singh fan oh they're these people you push a video or push a promo for shows out to them and then x amount of them is gonna buy a ticket to the show. That's based on predictability of people, not the uniqueness. If there's one thing social media showed us is that we're not these little snowflakes. It was so specific.

I remember somebody, I don't even know if we should keep this or not. It's not anything crazy, but somebody looked at your dad and was like, an Andrew Schultz fan is five times more likely to buy domestic beer or craft beer, some very specific thing than the average American. And it's like, how the fuck? How are you even getting this? Yeah, because we're not liberal cucks. To your point about the different coins, I think I look at all those other little coins like the penny stocks because that's how that market fluctuates crazy.

It's a stock market. People just try to get in, make a little money, get the fuck out. It means nothing. Imagine a stock market with People just trying to get in, make a little money, get the fuck out. Yes. It means nothing. Imagine a stock market with no profit and loss. Like Tesla isn't profitable or some shit like that and people keep saying,

Amazon wasn't profitable. People keep saying, you don't believe in it. But like, no, long term, this is a good product. I believe in this product. Bitcoin,

you can say that with, but most of us don't know. We hear other people say it's a good product. Amazon, you can go shop on that bitch and you're like, nah, this works. There's something there. That's why the swings are so fucking crazy because none of us really't know. We hear other people say it's a good product. Amazon, you can go shop on that bitch and you're like, nah, this works. There's something there. That's why the swings are so

fucking crazy because none of us really understand it. I'd just be having the hunch. No, we understand it. There's just nothing there. There's nothing to understand. You keep using the word understand. Even if I understood what Bitcoin was and blockchain and all this shit, it's meaningless unless we decide it's valuable. Exactly.

I understand. Because it's not that complex a thing. Like, obviously, the math in order to, like, build these blockchains is, and I have no way to fucking understand that. But in order for us to just go, there's 21 million of these, and that's all there's going to be, and I own some,

and some people think it's valuable. Okay, that's invaluable. And the second it starts to dip, it's like, oh, it should dip. It is worthless. Yeah. Like, it's not like we don't feel justified when it dips. Like it should dip it is worthless yeah like it's not like we don't feel justified when it dips like every time it dips i don't go how could it i go

finally people are realizing this is a sham right and then it goes up 10 and i'm like we bet i mean it's worthless but in the sense that like if we artificially create meaning and ascribe meaning to it then it now is meaningless or now it has meaning even if it's artificially created yes like if we socially construct meaning onto bitcoin there could be a point in the future where it is meaningful if it's used as like transactional or like if the fed backs up to bitcoin it now has like intrinsic meaning yeah in a way that like gold is like intrinsically valuable no we put meaning on brands all the time like clothing brands it's just oftentimes those uh articles of clothing don't fluctuate in price in the same way bitcoin has right right like a shirt that comes out from

this like new streetwear brand doesn't skyrocket in value 200 over like a few years that'd be crazy you know i mean supreme shirts still cost 50 bucks if you buy it at the Supreme store. Right. Right? It's not like now if you want a Bitcoin, it is 50,000. Right. Or 33,000. Like, if you had to buy a Supreme shirt and it was 50,000, and then all of a sudden the

next month people are like, Supreme sucks. And it went down to like $50, you'd be like, yes. Yeah. It should be $50. It's a shirt. The fuck were people paying 50,000 for? Right. You know? Like, there's still like a baseline were people paying fifty thousand for right you know like

there's still like a baseline price that supreme dictates for their clothing and then after that the aftermarket goes crazy the difference of bitcoin is like this is the price now yeah but that is the aftermarket though as far as like people like the stock x is the bitcoin like coin exchange yes but there is no way to get it at what the Bitcoin people believe the value is because all it is, is believed value. Right. It's all aftermarket,

right? Like, like we recognize a shirt is a shirt at the end of the day with Bitcoin is like, Nope, I'm Bitcoin. I'm what y'all think I am. Right.

Like I have no identity. You're my identity. Yeah. Cause even on stock X, like you see the retail price and then what it's selling for right now. You're my identity. Because even on StockX, you see the retail price and then you see what it's selling for right now. You're like, is it worth paying this much more percent for something? I see the actual value.

I see it right there. I don't know. It's kind of wild. This is the craziest time we'll ever see, I think. Just the way the internet changed. Life was so simple before the internet. Never when you were 10 or whatever did you think, oh, something might replace

the dollar. What is it going to be? Another country's currency? No, just like a global thing that you can't touch or feel. It's like an algorithm. It's like, what the fuck is happening? I don't think it will replace the dollar. I think it will just be an asset. Whoever wins Olympic basketball, that is

what should replace the dollar. Yeah, it might be the euro. Who knows? KD? KD, back to work. Whether or not it will, just the idea that could be a conversation. And we're just seeing all the sand settle right now. That would be an incentive.

If you say, yo, if you lose, the American dollar is worthless. All your money that you have saved up in American dollars is worthless. I mean, I would murder every one of those guys. They come back to America, they're dead. I'd be having a rifle. All your money that you have saved up in American dollars is worthless. Get to cooking. I mean, I would murder every one of those guys. They come back to America, they're dead. They have to win. They have to win because they have an incentive. They go, I don't want my money to be fucking backed up to the euro.

Yeah, and if they lose, they're dead. Yeah, exactly. So they were late. I like that. Actually, I like that. In countries like Iraq and shit like that. Kick them into gear. Yeah, you lose a soccer match and they just start shooting you.

You want LeBron and Steph to play? Why didn't Steph play? They're soft, bro. These guys are soft. LeBron was hurt. LeBron not hurt. LeBron not hurt. LeBron fucking ready to go. LeBron tweeting.

Steph not even, he didn't even have an injury this year. He had a great year. Yeah, and he's just like, hey, why risk it on something? He already has a goal, right? Did Steph get one? I know LeBron has one. That's a good question. Kawhi, I don't think, has one. He got has a goal, right? Did Steph get one? I know Bron has one. I know... Good question. Kawhi, I don't think, has one. He got hurt, though.

Okay. My thing is, if you have one already, fuck it. Why take the risk? Because it's America, dog. Sometimes you got to do shit for America. It's bigger than you. That's the problem in America right now is everybody's so individual. We actually got too individual.

We care too much about ourselves we got we care too much about ourselves and we care too much about our uniqueness how can you care about something bigger than you exactly and what makes humans special is we can care about fight for things that are bigger than ourselves like we can go risk our lives for people we don't even know that's what makes human being special and that's why we dominate the world because other animals don't know how to do that but if some believe that there are practices in this country that aren't for them or don't benefit them equally yeah you can do both you could do both i'm just saying that's a lot of people that's how they became part of the fabric of this country right they showed up and they're like i want to prove

my worth so i'm gonna go fight for this country now you can't take that shit away from me i mean the irish were coming over here during the potato famine they would literally show up on the shore and then they tossed their asses into the fucking war here's a uniform prove how badly you want to be american yep and then they get back to america and they not treat it so nicely yeah absolutely and then they became cops and they're like well we can treat you shitty too you know what i mean we couldn't cop some firemen oh you want us to put the fire out in your building all right stop calling me a mick you know it's very simple we'll get into positions of power you want us to put the fire out in your building? All right. Stop calling me a Mick. You know what I mean? It's very simple.

We'll get into positions of power. It's got to be the least offensive name. Yeah, it's just your name is short. Yeah, it's a nickname. Irish people don't know

about nicknames. That's the issue. Kevin McCallister, Home Alone. Yeah. Somebody McMullen. This is what you'd be called. I don't think the Irish

ever cared about like bad names or that kind of stuff. I hope not, because that's a great one. Well, actually, it's about as offensive as calling someone, like, Ak. Like Akbar? Yeah, like Ahmed, whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, if that guy's like, oh, don't call me Ak.

Wait, why? Why what? No, why is that offensive? Because you're assuming his name is Ahmed when, like, he, like, grew up in America. His name's Dave. Oh, I thought Ak meant, like, my friend or my companion or some shit like that. Oh, in Arabic? Yeah.

He meant Habibi. Oh, I thought it was short for Ahmed. I think it's short for Akbar. Oh, see, I know. Or Ahmed, yeah. That's what I was thinking. Oh, shit. Yeah, get an ak to make the chopped cheese.

There were some guys. Oh, my bad. I thought that was a friendly way to say it. Hey, buddy. But it is friendly. You don't mean anything bad by it, right? And let's be honest. If there's one group of people that share a lot of the same names, it's Muslims, right?

You know what I mean? Yeah, dude. To assume- He's a Mo. If you meet a Muslim and you assume their name is Muhammad, you have like a 50% chance That's what offends me about Ak. It should be Mo. That should be the assumption.

Yeah, exactly. MD. Yeah. Mo, MD. Just assuming that if there's one group of people that you can assume their name and it's not racist, it's Muslims. It's the most popular name in the world. Exactly. Yeah.

100%. 100%. Have you heard that? The most popular name in the world is supposed to be Muhammad Wong. Wong? Based off of the most prevalent last name, the most prevalent first name. That's funny. That's funny. I just think it's hilarious that you can't draw a picture of Muhammad,

but you can name any fucking retarded baby after him, like no question whatsoever, right? You draw a picture of Muhammad, that's fucked up. But you have this kid who's an absolute dipshit. He's walking around with a fucking doofus dipshit, and he's walking around with the holiest name in the world. That's crazy, isn't it? Yeah, it's a little wild.

Like, I know a lot of Moes not really worthy of the name, you know what I mean? That's what I'm saying, bro. Yeah. And imagine your name is Muhammad, and you're not living up to that man. That's next level, bro. You don't want it at all. You ain't shit. I don't know a single Jesus that lives up to Jesus neither, bro, when we talk about it.

Bro, Jesuses, like Latin Jesuses, Jesus, they the worst Catholics, bro. The worst. Have y'all met one Jesus that's in the church? I don't think I've actually ever met a Jesus. You never met a Jesus? No, I've never met a Jesus. No, you've met a Jesus. No, I've never met a Jesus.

Really? I've met a bunch of like on hells and other shit like that, but never a Jesus. But that is funny, right? There's no Father Jesus. No. You would think that they would kind of push them in the direction of the church, but you never met one priest named Jesus.

I don't think they want the shine to be stolen. Ooh. You're stepping all over our shit. We already have a Jesus. Give a middle name. Nah, Father Jesus, man. It's all one. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

Jesus and Jesus. Now two of them actually line up. There you go. I don't think they want the competition. They're like, man. It's all one. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Jesus and Jesus. Now two of them actually line up. There you go. I don't think they want the competition. They're like, no. Dave's, Peter's, that's fine. All right. What else we got, man?

We got a couple other things. These are quite intéressants. We got Dr. Dre. Oh, this is an important story I want to talk about. Dr. Dre got to pay his wife 300K a month for... Spousal support. Spousal support. They're divorced.

300K a month. The kids are 24 and 20 or something like that. Like, the kids are out the house. It's just 300K a month so she can continue living the life that she's accustomed to living. How do you guys feel about that? It's tricky with her because she's been around since the jump, right? No. Yeah, it's fine.

Yeah. No, didn't you have the other girl they made the Lifetime movie about? No. She didn't get nothing, bro. That abuse victim got jack shit. She got some beats by Dre. Yeah. Literally.

That's it. But no, she was around from the very beginning. He wrote the letter to her, that whole thing, right? Yeah, she's been around for 24 years or something like that. She's been around for a while. Just the idea of a monthly payment bothers me. If she wanted half, okay, you get half. You were there.

Now we're done. You want out, we're done. I don't want to keep paying you. Even if half is more than what he's paying now, half to me is like, all right, you guys built that together. You can make the argument, whatever. Now you're done. But they had a prenup.

And the prenup, this is the agreement in the prenup, by the way. So it's not like she's getting more than what she deserved. Exactly. I should have prefaced that. So this is the agreement per the prenup. And I'm sure the prenup said something like, even if we do get divorced, you have to maintain my lifestyle up to a certain extent.

She was asking for $2 million a month. That's what it was when she had that initial $10,000, $15,000 a month for laundry or something. No, charity. $10,000 a month or $100,000 a month for charity. I think Akash goes, bitch, you're charity. Yeah. That's what she was about to say. You charity, bitch.

Yeah. But that's her attorneys. That's them playing this legal game of get the money. You ask for $2 million. You're going to settle at $300,000. Yeah. But that's like her attorneys. That's them playing this legal game of like get the money. You ask for $2 million, you're going to settle at $300,000. Yeah. And basically, I think Dr. Dre won the suit, which makes it go down to $200,000. So he's worth so much that $3 million a year is. It's not much for him.

And it's actually $3 million a year isn't the craziest settlement I've ever heard of. Just the idea of spousal support. Yeah, it seems wild. You are not my spouse. Yes, it's actually, $3 million a year isn't the craziest settlement I've ever heard of. Just the idea of spousal support. Yeah, it seems wild. You are not my spouse. Yes, it's wild. Legally, we have dissolved that term from you. You want half. All right, we can have the whole Eddie Murphy joke, half, et cetera, fine.

But, like, fine, you guys built that together. I got to keep paying you when you leave. But if that's in the prenup, like, bro, you agreed to some of that. Yeah, that's the crazy thing. Dre agreed to it. I think there's another thing that also goes with and i understand your point like i think on some people might be digesting your shit bad because you're basically saying give her half if she was there from a jump but they had the prenup so this is the agreement based on the prenup that's what you got to do that's fine

exactly so it's fair because that's what they agreed on yes we see it seems like an egregious amount of money to just give somebody that you're not even fucking or not even with or not even taking care of your kids because they're, I think, 20 and 24. Yeah. Right? But that being said, if you're there from the jump. Yeah. And apparently the. Sorry to turn you off.

But if you're there from the jump and like you gave up your life to support what he was doing and raise the kids, I think they deserve it. I know it sounds crazy, but if you give up what your passion is and you give up the thing that can make money for you, like if you give up your career, let's say she was going to be a lawyer or some shit, and then they basically had a conversation. She's like, listen, I'm going to take care of these kids, but I need some assurances from you that I'm not going to give up my career

and my way of feeding myself, and then if it doesn't work out between us i'm done what's interesting about that is i think i agree with you but you said it's so cucky i i'm out now i really am just like what dreams did you have bitch what you talking about you had a three million dollar a year in your dream bitch and you could keep dreaming i mean what you talking about it wasn't going to happen. You weren't going to make it. I wonder if they take the average of like the, let's say, to calculate his income. They took like the average of like the last three years.

And I think it was just bad timing. Yeah. Because if the year when that Beats by Dre situation happened, his income looks crazy. Yeah. But right now he's back to a normal year. I'm sure he's still making great money, but not like that. So if that year was calculated in averaging his income, it's probably over. But the attorneys know that. Like, the attorneys are doing, like, I'm assuming all the legal shit.

Like, they've been trying to file for divorce for, like, 10 years. They told him the best time. Yeah, the attorneys are like, wait, serve the papers on this day. Hide this money over here. Put this money in a charity or this money in a, what are those things called? Like a foundation or something. Yeah. Shell company.

Shell company, et cetera. They know, listen, when you get divorced and you're rich, that shit takes two years before you even go, yo, we're getting divorced. Yeah. You're moving so many things around so your wife don't get it. Yeah. And she's doing shit to try to get what she's got to get. Like, yeah, it's all a game.

And that's why it's kind of wild because I think he accused her of, like, stealing money. Remember this was happening early? And I didn't even think about this early on. Like, I'm thinking they're happily married and all of a sudden she's conniving and trying to, like, take money out of the accounts and, like, put it in her account.

Right? But this whole time, I'm sure she's like, oh, this motherfucker think he's going to hide all our money before the divorce, and then I ain't going to get shit. Fuck you. I'm going to hide some money, too. She also accused him of moving money around. Oh, she did? Yeah. See, I didn't see that because I only look at things through the

man's perspective. We're always right. Interesting. But yeah, and apparently her agreement is in place until she remarries or enters into a new domestic partnership. Which she will never do. But yeah, and apparently her agreement is in place until she remarries or enters into a new domestic partnership. Which she will never do. Or until further court, or until further order of the court. And that's the other thing that I do find annoying is you find guys that aren't Dr.

Dre income that pay spousal support who the wife will have a live-in boyfriend and be like, well, I'm not getting married because then I lose this free check. Yeah. You know how much she got to love a man to not get paid $300,000 a month to do nothing? If you fucking some dude on the side, you can't make it official or else you lose $300,000 a month. And he got to be rich enough to say, fuck that, we don't need his money. Very few guys are that rich. Dre wants the monthly payment.

He doesn't want to give her half. Yes. You give her half, he's giving her half a billion dollars? Yes. I almost think even then, as a rule, you get half if you're married and spouse support in the thing. Even if it costs the guy more money. Listen, I was actually thinking you make decisions together.

She's a part of this. If you got a wife that you trust intellectually, probably that's why you married her. Yeah. All right, let's do this together. Let's build it. We lost it. I i know i did more but let's just get this over with that is the dumbest thing he's ever said what you're a numbers man yeah i know i know a month instead of half a million i'm not a numbers man i'm a man of principle clearly i'm a man of principle clearly not principal on interest because i'm not that good with money so half of everything

half of all the investments? You're crazy. Take half. We're out. We're done. Half the house? If you're that rich, you're probably still fine with just half to be honest.

How do you get half the house? We sell that. Who wants to live in this fucking hateful ass house where we fought the last two years? You know we're talking a possible difference of like say 40 million

or 500 million. I'm not talking about what he should do. I'm saying what the law should be. No, this guy invests in crypto. He's a fucking idiot. He is a fucking idiot. Can I tell you what this guy's first text was last night on the group text about crypto?

Somebody hit, Bitcoin is booming. And I was like, oh, I just put in yesterday. Thank God. I had to take a month off for wedding. Andrew's first text was it, you guys are all idiots. You guys don't know anything. Or was it, should I buy more question mark question mark you it's just me it's just me oh yeah that's all it is i'm not buying

more bro i gotta wait in to pay for i got other things i gotta do but i want to know what was popping yeah i looked at my coinbase that shit. I was like, what the fuck is going on? And then, yep, yep, yep. Open it up, Al. Bitcoin up 12%. Yeah. Big time. Big time. And then I spoke to my boy Niels yesterday. And like, I don't know.

He's more convincing. I just know you know nothing about it. So like when you try to convince me, it doesn't work. I didn't bring it up. You brought it up. What do you mean? You do this. You're like, you'll hate some shit shit But you will use someone as a conduit

To hate it and then you'll just hate that person Without knowing That's Andrew You didn't know that That's how I live my life You can't hate things, you gotta hate people You're not against Bitcoin I'm not against it

He's against Akash Pretending to know what Bitcoin is. Yes. A hundred percent. And Pompliano. I'm against the pizza boy and I'm against Akash Singh. We got to have Pom back. Let's get the pizza boy back, dog.

You got to defend all my hunches. But I don't want to have him back on while this shit is booming, bro. You know what I mean? We got to have him back on when there's a bear market to see if that confidence stays. I need that confidence to be sturdy. Because he stopped tweeting his inspirational tweets and shit when Bitcoin was around $29,000. Nah, he still would. Hey, everybody, let's get after it.

He still would. And I knew it was driving you crazy. I was like, you must be kidding me. His shit would be like, it always goes down and then comes up. It's up 200% over the last 12 months. Name another asset like that. He was backtracking. But he was, no, he definitely did that too. He was backtracking.

But he was still doing, let's get after it. And I was like, motherfucker, tweet about crypto. I don't want to hear this fucking. Yeah, tell people to buy. Yeah, dog. Like me.

Hey, let's get up and have motivation. Shut the fuck up, man. Why should I buy? Yeah, knead your dough, cock. You know what I mean? We want some Bitcoin pizza, Pumps. He has to come here with a full pizza next episode. Pompliano, you come here with a full pizza next episode.

Okay? Okay! Okay, what else? One more topic. Oh, did you see Nancy or not? Who was it? Sarah Huckabee Sanders or whatever called it the Trump vaccine. She said something like, thank you.

She had a think piece. I was like, why I decided to take Donald Trump's vaccine or something like that. And liberals were really just like clowning it and making so much fun of her. Why? Why? I mean, yeah, she's promoting the vaccine.

Your whole goal is to get the vaccination numbers up. This will, without a question, if Trump gets credit for the vaccine, numbers go up. Liberals have already been vaccinated. We had this conversation, I think, last question, if Trump gets credit for the vaccine, numbers go up. Flippers have already been vaccinated. We had this conversation, I think, last week, right? We're like, if Trump was president, would more people be vaccinated? The group of people that are not getting vaccinated are either Trump fans or black people.

Yes. So he would at least get the Trump fans. Yep. Black people would double down, not do it at all. For sure. Corona would just take out black people, which Trump fans might fucking love. It might be the ideal situation for the MAGA. For sure.

They found a way. Apparently, there was a counter-argument to that that I was reading. Some people were DMing me saying that Kamala said that if Trump tells us to take it, she isn't going to take it. No, I think the full context of the quote was, I will listen if Fauci and science says it, but I won't just listen if Trump says it. I think that was the full context of it, if I'm not mistaken. But who cares who gets credit for it? Do you want people to get vaccinated or not? Biden should call it the Trump vaccine.

100%. Because then if it kills anybody, it's on Trump. Yeah, it's the Trump vaccine. Yeah, and if everybody takes it, the economy's on you. So you get the benefit of the economy, and any bad, it's on Trump. This is a no-brainer. Call it the Trump vaccine. Trump vaccine.

We're calling it the Trump vaccine. I got the Trump vaccine. I got the Trump vaccine. I got the Trump vaccine. I got two doses. I was like, I'm back. Are you trumped up? Hey,

I'm trumped up. For sure, dude. Trump got reelected in my body. You did. I got, yo. They stormed the Capitol

as we speak. Storming your Capitol. Yes. Antibodies filling your blood. Yeah, bro. No Delta over here. Beat out my Indians.

Oh, dude. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know about this. Beat out my Indian dudes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know about the Sarah Huckabee Sanders shit. I just think liberals get in their own way a lot. I think both sides do, but they think they're the smarter side, I think, which is a little annoying.

And it's like, how do you not see past your one little hate here? Yeah. Which is this is a pandemic. Hey, we all got to do what we got to do. You wear fucking masks in a restaurant, but you won't give a guy credit who, let's be honest, the vaccine was released while he was still president.

Yeah. It's just a fact. Yeah, you know, I think it's never about the issue. It's always about scoring points. Yeah, dude. And we use these issues, but we don't really care about them.

And when I say we, I mean like people just in general. It's like whatever can serve me, I will use no matter how hypocritical I am. it's sad because people are dying like there's someone that was scared to get the vaccine and died of covid because they're that would have got it if trump was president yeah they're a fucking idiot yeah that person anybody that dies of covid now that refused to get vaccinated that's on you dude yeah i knew what you were doing but if someone was like yo it's the trump vaccine like get vaccinated blah blah and then they would for that and they're a fucking idiot for only doing it because yeah that's what i'm saying i'm not saying they're not stupid but

i'm saying there's politicians that are trying to score like democrat points when they could be helping people yeah they they yeah yeah they don't care about people they don't fucking care about people okay but when we're talking about vaccinations the nfl taking a hard line yeah how do you feel about that because Because this is really interesting. They're like, you get vaccinated. If there's an outbreak on your team, your team takes an L. And you forfeit game checks. And you forfeit game checks.

Yeah. I think it's like $15,000 a day. I think there's a separate one that's like, I have to find the article, but I think it's like $15,000 if you test positive and you are not vaccinated. $15,000 a day you miss from practice. You might get fined just for being unvaccinated. I also heard

vaccinated and unvaccinated players can't fly on the same plane. If you're unvaccinated, you're not flying on the team playing the games. I don't know if you've got to pay for it out of your own pocket or what. So you're just going to have a coach's plane and a player's plane? Dude, there's a coach for the Vikings who the games. I don't know if you got to pay for it out of your own pocket or what. So you're just going to have a coach's plane and a player's plane? Dude, there's a coach for the Vikings who sat out. He's just

sitting out. He's not coaching this whole year because they want him to get the vaccine and he refuses to do it. I get the NFL's perspective because you're fucking up our money. Yeah, we don't care who gives a fuck. What's funny is NFL players are now like, no, this is about my health. And it's like, dude, you're playing a game that kills you.

Literally, you're getting brain damage every single second. And you know that. And everybody knows that. And they're like, hey, man, that's what it is. But the vaccine, you're drawing a hard line.

You have 12 concussions every year. Yeah. It's really interesting. And I like the fact that, like, the NFL is basically saying this is not about health. It is about money. Because there's one game a week.

Let's be honest. If nfl game is canceled yeah that is tens of millions of dollars yeah right they cannot literally afford it's not like the nba with the bubble they cannot literally afford to lose one of this what is it 17 17 games they can't afford it. Yeah. So the only way that they can safeguard against that monumental loss of cash is to take a super hard line about vaccinations. Yeah. Wow, dude. My question is if you get the vaccine and you get COVID, what happens to you then? You don't get the loss in fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're not getting punished. It's for unvaccinated people. Even though the outcome is the same. Well, it's not the same because... We'll go. Go ahead. I was saying the outcome isn't the same because... I understand what you're saying.

You can't play with it. Yeah, but you took the preventable measure trying to avoid it, and it just happened. That's unfortunate. If you didn't do that, if you didn't go through that, and you got the whole team sick,

fuck you. Right. You made a choice that affected a lot of people besides yourself, and it should cost you money, because you are playing a game for money. This is a business. And if you've made a choice already, I'm going to shorten my life for tens of millions of dollars. It is a little weird to me that you're going to say, well, I won't get this vaccine for tens of millions, because I don't know what it'll do.

Do you know what CTE does, man? You're killing your fucking family. Not with a disease disease you're not having a three-armed baby you're shooting them in the fucking head and then shooting yourself yeah you made that choice but the shot that i don't know what it'll do it's just odd yeah odd choice yeah i'm curious if they just test for forever though like are they going to test for covid just for indefinitely indefinitely yeah maybe businesses might have to again it's a business if you if you don't get the vaccine test for forever though like are they gonna test for covid just for indefinitely indefinitely yeah maybe businesses might have to again it's a business if you if you don't get the vaccine you die whatever in the same way you're gonna feel if i have a baby that's fucked up and you

think it's because the vaccine okay we made our choices but if it's a business we have to keep the business running this isn't about your health this is about financial health um did you guys see any clips from rolling loud i saw a few okay uh what stood out hoyla ray was the one that i saw getting tweeted about a lot that was pretty funny okay why why because she is performing to a deafening silence nobody gave a fuck nobody moving there's a couple people you look at the video like filming and shit yeah it is dead quiet shifty started laughing as soon as I brought it up. I've never seen anybody bomb with this much confidence in my life.

I don't know. I get it though. There was a few performances that weren't great where they were like, oh yeah, they kind of bombed. I heard like Kodak's wasn't amazing. I heard his was great. Academics was like posting about it being like they were turnt up but he wasn't that good. And I don't know.

There's just, like, random things. But I'm looking at it. I'm like, yeah, these guys haven't performed in years. Like, literally in two years. Some of them got famous in the pandemic. Yeah. Never did a live performance. And then now they're thrust on this massive stage with thousands of people.

And they're like, all right, go entertain them. Like, performance and rapping are two very different things. Yeah. That, like, you don't necessarily have the intrinsic skill to, like, run a room of people and control a whole stadium just because you're able to write words that rhyme. Yeah. I don't know, because I think music is such a, like, it's such a movement-based thing.

You hear music, you start moving. Comedy, I got to wait and hear all your words, and then there's a punchline. You said something once that said, like, I think you said music is almost like a virus. Like, it just spreads, and you can't help it. Yeah, yeah. You just get this feeling, and you just start moving. To be dead silent and still while music is almost like a virus. It just spreads, and you can't help it. You just get this feeling, and you just start moving.

To be dead silent and still while music is going on, you almost make a conscious choice, fuck this person. I think that rap is actually the hardest music to perform. Live, yeah. Live rap is rough. You know what taught me that was watching karaoke. Watching somebody sing karaoke if you sing beautifully you don't even have to move like adele doesn't need to move she just gets to stand there

you don't gotta dance you don't get like the worse you are at singing the more you gotta need the theatrics like britney need 15 backup dancers you're doing backflips all this other shit adele just stands there and just breathes and sings and the pipes are so crazy that you're just completely enthralled right um whitney another one like whitney i guess could move but at a certain point in time it's like sweetheart just stand right there and sing that shit we will sit here national anthem performance you stood there it just affects you it penet. Rap doesn't do it. The thing about rap that's interesting is actually what you're saying.

Yes, there is a melody and there is a rhythm to it and you get caught up in the beat and the bounce, but the words mean something to the person. You get to live vicariously through that person. Even if you're not a gangster, even if you get no bitches, saying you get bitches is dope and you feel you want to rap with them, right?

So one, if you don't know the lyrics to a rapper, it's toast. Like if you karaoke a rap song that nobody knows in a karaoke bar, nobody sing along to that shit. It's absolutely useless. So I think the skill of performing to what Mark was saying really comes in handy there. If you know how to move a crowd, really know how to do call and response, handy there if you know how to move a crowd really know how to do call and response really know how to get a crowd active and into the small parts of the song that they do know the chorus or even if they don't know the song you're just like left side when i say this you go to right side when i say this you now they're engaged and that takes real fucking skill man because rap is boring live

yo that shit is mind-numbingly boring live. I'm going to give you a pushback on that. Okay, go. It's boring to watch a live performance when you're not there. I think everybody who's there at Rolling Live... The energy you get caught up in it? Yeah.

Because when I watch live rap, they sound nothing like their track. They're like screaming the fucking voice and they don't sound like their track. They're screaming the fucking voice and they don't sound like the track, but you're still having an amazing time. You're having an amazing time because everybody around you knows the lyrics. We're vibing out. This is our song that we played alone in our room

a bunch of times. Now a bunch of people I'm surrounded by all know the fucking lyrics. I'm vibing more with the people in the crowd than I am actually with the artists. I think when you're there, it's way different than like we're watching clips of it. So it's hard to really gauge how impactful the performances were. Interesting. Okay, you were saying?

I was going to say that. That's a fair point. Also, if we can all agree, typically rap is the hardest to perform live. Maybe it's the worst live, whatever, generally speaking. That means people have accepted that and they'll still vibe out and they'll still rock out and have the time of their lives so when someone goes out there and nobody gives a fuck it's almost more of a more damning that it's like nah we'll fuck we'll fuck with a lot of bad live music i'm not doing this yeah that's true that is true like there are certain songs from a band that again if you have an amazing voice i can tolerate i'd be like wow this fire with rap

honestly it's not even the bars because i might not even understand what you're saying for the first time i hear the rap especially live it's not crisp but it's got to be the beat yeah like remember when we were watching fucking um the baby the baby and uh schoolboy q you didn't know a single song prior to watching that. But that's why rap is so seductive to me. Because it's less about necessarily what you're saying, but it's like attitude and energy and demeanor and swag. But for me, it was like Schoolboy Q.

He didn't have much swag. It was more just like... He was kind of swaggy. Say what? He was kind of swaggy. All right, all right, all right. I'll be honest. He was kind of swaggy. Say what? He was kind of swaggy. All right, all right, all right. I'll be honest. He was a really good dancer.

I was shocked at his dancing ability. I was like, oh, wow, this guy can actually move? He was hitting some shit. And I was like, oh, this is surprising. But the beats were crazy, dude. And maybe it was because I was high, but it was crazy, dude. He talked about the beats for weeks. Son of a, the beats were insane.

But that's, I'm saying, that's the feeling. And then DaBaby's beats weren't that good. Remember? I feel the audience was turning up more for him. Only you were turning up more for Schoolboy Q. Schoolboy Q's beats were crazy, dog. I think whoever produced those beats, that's the greatest producer in history. The beats were crazy.

It was unbelievable, those beats. What did you enjoy about the performance? The beats, bro. The beats were fucking about the performance? The beats, bro. The beats were fucking insane, bro. Crazy beats, bro. It was amazing. But I think they were at peak high during Schoolboy Q. Yeah.

And they're starting to come down for the babies, so they didn't enjoy it that much. Man of the year. Man of the year. Yeah. I'm the man of the year. Yeah. That's me. That part?

No, I was like, it's you. Whoever made this beat is the man of the year, bro. Man of the year. Yeah. I was like, it's you. Whoever made this beat is the man of the year, bro. Man of the year. Yeah. Rap live is great. It depends, dog. It needs more. Like Jay-Z brings out the whole orchestra for a reason.

Because just listen. What are you talking about? You haven't been to a Jay-Z concert? It's just him and usually Memphis Bleak on stage. You've clearly never been to a Jay-Z concert. What are you talking about? I've been to like five Jay-Z concerts You've clearly never been to Jay-Z live. What are you talking about? I've been to like five Jay-Z concerts. You clearly have never seen Jay-Z live.

Jay-Z travels with the whole Rock Nation orchestra. He's there every single show. You've never seen Jay-Z live. He doesn't know one Jay-Z lyric. You have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. Did you go to when he was at the Barclays? When he headlined those shows? Clearly you didn't.

Not at the Barclays. Of course you did. You're not a fan. You saw him in like 4040. He never goes to Barclays. He rapped one song over like it played on the fucking speakers. I't. Not at the Barclays. Of course you did. You're not a fan. You saw him in like 4040. He never goes to Barclays. He rapped one song over like it played on the fucking speakers. I see him at the Garden.

Yeah, he only goes to the Garden. He ain't seen him at the Garden. He went to fucking second hand. Did you go there for Justin Timberlake? Who'd you go there for? No, I went for JT. You went for JT. No, the Black Album.

What? The tour he did for Black Album. So I went to that one. I went to the tour he did for... Lil Baby and Jay-Z are the same to him. He doesn't even know. He doesn't know the words. Al goes,

yo, Lil Baby is our artist. He starts going, Al is saying Black Al. That's our artist. That's the people who we resonate with. Y'all don't really understand him. You don't understand him.

I go, I go, I go, Al, name one lyric from Lil Baby. He couldn't name one lyric. He could name a line,

but he couldn't name what rhyme it is. He's calling you trash. Couldn't name one full lyric, son. Chifty, but he couldn't name what rhyme Could it could it name one full lyrics 50? What's a little baby bar? Bitch, I'm a baby. No you did. Yes. I did. I said that you did I knew that one I said I knew that one. I know more little baby lyrics. There I go. Where where where we said that next? No, you never said that one. We said that. Next. Little baby, little baby, little baby. I'm from Atlanta. I'm from Atlanta.

I don't got no tattoos. What? I don't got tattoos. I don't got tattoos. I got no tattoos. I'm from Atlanta. Yo, for real. You lied about that.

And you're lying about Jay-Z. You've never been to a Jay-Z concert. No, I can believe he went to the Black Album Tour. That was the last time he probably felt black was 15 years ago. Sure. I think that was it. You just said done. Game over.

That's it. Done. Went to one tour. Honestly, I think now if you would know that Jay-Z travels with the Rock Nation Orchestra. You're so stupid. Google it. Look it up. He's known for actually being a great performer because he controls the stage.

He makes eye contact at people like he'll call somebody's out all the way in the back what they're wearing and shit like that It's a fucking he's actually a rap is far alive Minimal like yeah, he's actually he's actually excellent performer He's low energy, but he commands the stage from having low energy. Yeah. It sounds like his songs. Yeah. It's actually really impressive. But that being said, you've never been to it live, so you wouldn't know. Only I would know.

And he does travel with the full orchestra. No, he doesn't. Does he not? I just Googled it, yeah. No, he doesn't. Yes, he does. No, he doesn't. You don't even have to Google it.

You don't have to Google it. You can't capture it. I'm standing right here, son. No. You don't have Google Earth. You can't capture me. I'm standing right here, son. Nah.

Yeah, I got trumpets, saxophones, trombones, bruh. You don't know his brass. See, that's him with the orchestra. That's him every night. Yeah. Memph League, Rock Nation Orchestra, Jay-Z. This guy, son. Yep. Y'all don't know, dog.

Y'all really don't know what it's like, did you see any of the clips from rolling loud uh what i thought was really interesting is like uh the little uzi vert uh situation what happened so little uzi vert uh didn't uh rock nation said that there weren't streaming his live because you could watch uh rolling loud stream right and i think that's all game i think that's all like building this mystique of uzi uzi is like mystique right like everything about him is like interesting wait is it a 20 million dollar diamond on his forehead is it not is he out here doing shows is he gonna drop an album like does he have a bugatti worth three million that he got fucking wrapped in some weird like anime paint like what is going on with this specific guy and then you find out you know from academics he's selling 3 000 tickets and that's it when he does shows because people aren't coming out for the shows so i think everything about uzi

is building this mystique yeah and he's a spectacle it's a spectacle and he's a really interesting like an engaging guy because of it and he he leans into it. Is he straight? Yes, he is a girl, but he leans into like the femme stuff at times. Like you're like, what the fuck is going on? He'll pull up on another rapper with his goons and like,

they got guns and shit. Like what, what is this guy? And I think this just lends itself to the mystique. I don't think there's any rule with rock nation. Like we don't stream his music. I think it's literally just let's build mystique, get people talking about it.

And here we are fucking talking about it. I thought it was a i thought it was a money situation really i thought he just doesn't have like good relations with them and so they're just like oh fuck it we're not gonna fuck with you and this is gonna hurt you by not streaming yeah maybe i mean there's also like that doesn't uh jay-z put on a uh um a show what is his show born in america or something like that? Made in America. Made in America? In Philly, yeah.

So maybe like I want to save my streaming thing for Made in America Philly. You know, Uzi's from Philly. Maybe. Oh yeah, that would make sense.

That's like a big fucking deal. Philly shuts down for a little bit. Maybe they do like a big one and then he's one of the headliners and everybody goes crazy. If we starve them out now at Rolling Loud, start the conversation, then it'll be even bigger

that he's actually going to be strong. Let's go to a Schoolboy Q concert. That's the takeaway. The beats are fire. Just get some headphones, man. It's unbelievable. I'm going to get high. No, no, just listen to instrumental.

You don't even need to be... And when I say that, I mean I'm going to smoke CBD in that freeze pipe because it hurts my lungs otherwise. Hit that freeze pipe and then put on that goddamn schoolboy cue. And then I'm going to fucking go to that concert.

I'm in harmony here. Man of the year. Man of the year. Okay. What else? We Gucci? Yeah, I think so. Alright, man. Guys, thank you so much for listening to Flagrant 2. I don't know if this is going to the beginning or the end of the episode, but we had an

absolutely eventful episode. We fuck with y y'all we love y'all we'll see you on patreon this friday patreon.com slash flagrant 2 we gotta get the fuck up out of here because we gotta go to robbie's wedding that's why we're dressed so elegantly uh we love y'all we appreciate y'all subscribe like comment do all that good shit uh it tricks the algorithm and just exposes us more. And that's the best way that you can help us. Obviously, word of mouth, but also the algorithm don't hurt either. So we love you all.

We appreciate y'all. We'll see you in a few days. Peace.