Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Flagrant Crew's CLOSEST Near Death Experiences | Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh

Episode Date: September 24, 2021

Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. Join the Patreon Asshole Army: http://bit.ly/2xQwHYf

What up people, Shultzy here, and you guys are about to listen to a clip from our weekly Patreon episode. If you want to sign up to our Patreon, support the flagrancy, support what we are doing, completely uncensored, flagrant content, you go to patreon.com slash flagrant2. With no more interruptions, here is the exclusive clip. What do you think was your closest near-death experience in your whole life? I almost drowned. That was it? Yeah.

Really? Yeah, I thought it would be better than that. I mean, I should be dead. It's pure luck I'm alive. I don't think people realize how close I was to death. Yeah, I'd still die. I'd still die. Yeah. I thought you were under maybe like five seconds.

No, I took a breath of water. I had no more air. I went to take a breath and then water went into my body. And then you got free. And then a wave washed it free. Were you coughing like crazy when you came out? No, I was just... This is so weird, but I kept thinking

like, oh my god, I can't imagine what Emma's going to think and feel. She's just going to keep looking and notice I'm not coming up. And I kept playing the scenario of her going, oh fuck. Like, do I run out there and get him? Like, how do I get attention? There's only one other guy in the water. Like, what the fuck?

And I kept seeing that play through my head. Your ego kept you alive. You're like, I don't want everything on pussy. Drinking all this water. Basically. I think that was the closest. I don't know. What about you guys? What was the closest life or death? I have a few.

What's the closest? When I had a gun pointed at my face point blank range. Hypothetically, you had a gun pointed at my face point blank range. Hypothetically, you had a gun pointed at your face. Hypothetically? Well, I don't know if you want to. All right. Okay.

So what happened? None. It was just like two gang rivalry situations. Stupid shit. I didn't even have any beef with the guy. He just came up on you? No. It was like we were together like group on group.

Okay. And like, dude, take out a gun. I happened to be like close to the front. So it was like pointed right at me., group on group. Okay. And, like, dude took out a gun, and I happened to be, like, close to the front. So it was, like, pointed right at me. And then nothing happened. Nobody took a shot. What did he say? What did you say? Nah, it was like, nah, we're not taking it there, whatever.

Chill, chill, chill, chill. It was a whole bunch of just, like, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill. And then, like, one person was like, oh, cops are coming. And then we all just ran. On both sides, it was like, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah.

And why do you think he picked you? No, I just, I have circumstance from where I was standing. Like, he would have been pointing at anybody. He was just pointing at the group, and I just happened to be, like, right there in front of him. Oh, shit. Fuck. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Okay, Mark? I think my closest was driving back from a soccer game. Oh, no, driving back from a soccer game oh no driving back from a baseball game on the highway like 12 o'clock at night and then two headlights coming at my car in the opposite direction on the highway and so literally like probably six feet of distance like swerved out of the way like the minivan almost like flipped like i like felt the whole shit like go crazy like all the shit in the car flew.

Oh my God. And then I almost swerved out of control and then just kept driving. And then the woman was in the car, like on like off meds or whatever. And I'm like crashing into like the side of the wall and died. She died. Yeah. In that interaction.

I mean, I didn't see it. I didn't see it, but it was like half a mile down the road, but like going the wrong direction on the highway. Yeah. But it wasn't because you swerved. No, she was just going a mile down the road but like going the wrong direction on the highway yeah but it wasn't because you swear no she was just going full speed down the highway oh my god i'm like around the bend you killed the lady bro i guess i mean i if i hit her maybe i would have

stopped her exactly hitting the wall so yeah i you could have slowed her down you killed her, dude? I mean, yeah, I was in my van. Van life. It's van life, dog. Holy shit. Marky Landry out here, dog. This is crazy. I didn't mean to beat the dog up. That was good. But yeah, that's a true story.

Coming back from Fort Myers. Now, did she die because of you swerving, or did she keep driving for a while and then another she drove for half a mile and then like the road turned and she just like swerved off so she didn't even notice that you were driving right into her no she was like out of her mind like debilitated i don't know what oh i almost ran into a car straight once on what on vegas it was a two-way highway i was going from la to vegas and you were on the wrong way. I told you this story, right? No.

Oh, I went to the left lane because I thought, I was like, wow, there's way less traffic on this side. And then I was driving straight, and my friends are kind of passed out. And one of my friends is next to me in the front seat, and he hears me go, and he hears me go, that's weird. He's got white tail lights

so right and then my friend goes huh yeah that's just weird that guard's white tail is I didn't know you could like customize your tail lights and and you know if you're both traveling at 70 miles per hour shit gets what do you quit quit yeah yeah I mean like so all of a sudden i was like am i speeding like i'm catching up to this motherfucker like oh my god and he goes bro what the fuck are you doing and then swerved back into your lane there's no other cars there so it was easy it wasn't that close yeah but it's shocking how quickly the cars meet but You're such an idiot. But I was just, I knew nothing about cars.

Both times. I didn't even have a license. Both times. He almost killed himself. Yeah, a person tried to attack me and a gun got pointed at your head. You're your own worst enemy, dude. Both times. You gotta protect yourself.

I put myself in this situation. I really did put myself in this situation. That's a great point. Dude, other life or deaths experience i have another time uh i was in costa rica with friends and we were like in the town we weren't in like the commercial area which uh i don't remember the town this is uh back in college okay this was i know we were in the surf park tamarindo probably tamarindo but it was a

bunch of surfers there. But so we rented ATVs and we went out to like one of the beaches that was a little bit far away. And they told us like, yo, you have to get back before sundown because there's no lights. You won't be able to drive going back or whatever. Of course, we stayed later than we were supposed to. And so it's like a convoy of maybe like four or five of us, all ATV. And then we started to get a little bit too far apart. And so the person in the front was like, he stopped so then we could all regroup. And so when we stopped, like, oh, mind you, there's like dust flying up.

So you really can only see the person's brake light. That's it. You're just following brake lights. No, no, you're just following brake lights. And so it's like, as long as you're in brake light, you're good. Brake lights are off. No, no. You're just following brake lights.

Oh, yeah. And so it's like, as long as you're in brake light, you're good. When I stopped, we're on a cliff. My wheel was this far away from the edge, and it was a straight drop down. So had we not stopped maybe like a couple seconds later, I would have been gone. Whoa. Yeah. That shit was wild.

And you didn't even notice because it was so dark. I had no idea Like you can't It's pitch black All you see is just Dust And brake lights You didn't even know You were near a cliff

No I mean I didn't know what I was That's how the Segway guy died Wait what happened The guy that founded the Segway Died because he was like Segwaying around a cliff

And literally drove off a cliff Yeah It was wild Son When I was going to look at colleges in california this cliff thing makes me it reminds me all right guys we're gonna take a break from this exclusive patreon clip because i gotta tell you how to keep your dicks hard and this is how you're gonna do it with blue motherfucking chew i'm telling you your girl isn't getting the dick she deserves and that's

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Join the asshole army. See you soon. I was going to look at college in California with my dad. And you know the highways? Have you driven on like the, I think it's called like the PCH or something like that? It's the highway. Pacific Coast Highway. Yeah.

So it's like it's right on the water. Yeah, it's far. It's beautiful. It's a little more inconvenient, but it's just stunning. And you're driving along these cliffs, right? And these huge cliffs. So we stopped because there's a couple lookouts. Is that like that big highway in Europe that everybody says you can drive really fast on it?

Oh, the Autobahn? Oh, no, no. This is not speed. It's specifically scenic. It's inconvenient. On the coast, on the cliff's edge looking at the water oh yeah and you're probably going slower for that reason you're like let me just look at this you're at the edge of the world right and just hundreds of feet down straight into the water right you're dead if you've fallen because there's just rocks and that

kind of shit so i went to the lookout and then i wanted to go on the rock part, right? And you know how the rock part, essentially, it's not just straight like that. It kind of like tilts, and then you're over. So I was on this part right here, and I slipped. And once you slip after a certain gradient, there's nothing you can do. Yeah, you can't hold on to anything. There's nothing to hold on to.

There's no branches, nothing. It's a slow slide until you're deaf. Oh, shit. So I slipped, and then I kind of sprawled because I felt like if I had the the most surface area possible it would be harder for me to continue sliding and i just slid i just kind of like spread out i picked my feet back up and i slowly pushed myself back but it was one of my dad didn't even realize really what was happening but it was one of those moments where i was like fuck like if i if i was maybe a foot further there'd be nothing i could do and i would slowly

slide and pick up momentum until i just fell off the side of the fucking cliff oh that's great kind of am i describing it yeah i'm picturing you like almost like starfish starfish yeah yeah yeah inching your way back yeah yeah yeah oh and you already have a fear of heights terrified you ever see the videos of the kids in russia that like hang off this edge of the skyscraper you saw the chinese kid right that died doing what the chinese uh there was like a chinese influencer that was doing a campaign for something and he had to go off the side of the building and uh i guess they're not the best at gymnastics. So like he goes off the side of the building and he's just hanging off the side of the building. That's part of it.

Yeah. And something happens where he's hanging off the side of the building and he's used to doing it off of a window or something but where his feet can't grip and get enough traction to pull himself back up? So he tries and his feet slip, his feet slip, his feet slip. And then he's just hanging there and then runs out of strength.

And you just watch. And then he just falls off. He just lets go and then just goes, falls to his death. Holy shit. That's great. That's worth watching. If you can get that. No. I don't want to see a guy die. I mean, that's worth watching if you can get that up. No.

What? I don't want to see a guy die. I mean, you don't see the death part. Yeah, you see the start of it. It's like Spider-Man. Nah, that's not worth watching. That shit, I can't take it and shit like that.

I don't want to see a guy struggling for life. Is this it? No, this is the parkour shit. This shit is so dumb to me. Oh, my God. I can't look at it. Oh, my God. Yeah, you can god i can't look at it oh my god i can't oh my god

oh my god i mean they got fire outfits too yeah they do super hypey right like this is the one white person activity that i think is kind of lit like y'all have really stupid shit and actually no this is stupid but it looks lit all the other stuff y'all have really stupid shit. And actually, no, this is stupid, but it looks lit. All the other stuff y'all do, surfing, camping, getting kidnapped, that shit is stupid. Oh! Yeah. Oh, oh, shit! Yo, these white boys are crazy, bro.

Yo, this is wild. This is a lot. If you guys are listening, you have to just watch a video for this part just to see it. Oh, my God. Huh? Huh? Like, it's not worth it. Oh.

I mean, this angle is absolutely phenomenal. Mark wants to do this shit right now. Yeah, man, it's kind of hard. I want to do the heights. The heights is too much. Please don't do this. Don't do this, please. The angle is absolutely phenomenal. Mark wants to do this shit right now. Yeah, I mean, it's kind of fire. I want to do the heights. The heights is too much. Don't do this. The heights is too much. Not a heights.

It's fire. Oh, we might have to. I mean, it's just insane. Oh, my God. Oh, my god. My balls. Oh, that was fire. That was super fly.

All right, now we're inside. Now we're good, right? I mean, this is a video game. We're watching a video game. I mean, people really did this. There's no way this is all one take. Oh, that's lit. They definitely got a fucking burnt hole in their pants, though.

Yeah, I mean, unfortunately, no one went in there. Son, that was lit, bro. Oh, my God. Let's do this. We're going to Brooklyn, too? Where are we going after this? You guys in some parkour? Yeah, we're in parkour.

We're just in parkour after this? Yeah, let's go. Son, you shot the special now. You can get crazy. You can get crazy now, bro. Yo, I'm with that, man. I'm with that. Also also i just saw the thumbnail uh everybody go check out shane gillis's special man we love shane man shane was great came out to the taping show support and uh go check out my man shane great dude

and deserves this success walked through the fire over a million views we forgot to mention on the last one but he's coming on the the pod either next week or the week after. Oh, that's dope. Yeah, so I figure we blow it up extra big then. Let's give him the Alex Jones treatment. Yeah, we got to go all in. Get him sauced up. Duck sauced up?

No. Okay. But yeah, but check him out, man. He's a great dude, great comic, man. And he walked through the fire. I was telling him, bro, I was like, listen, now when you start to blow off of this success, I was like, this is the worst metaphor for it

or the worst comparison, but just hear me out. Like, you know how Mike Tyson came back from the rape? Like, he went to prison for rape. Yeah. And now he is invincible to anything. Because we've forgiven or accepted or don't believe that happened. So now there's nothing you can pin on him. Now he can say whatever he wants, do whatever he wants, be whoever the fuck he wants, and he's uncancellable.

Because the worst thing that was stuck on him, we've moved past. You know what I'm saying? So he's being rebirthed, right? Whereas like, so it's like Shane, it's like we already, people already thought you were the worst type of human being. And then they found out who you really are. And they're like, like oh now you say any fucking racist joke or anything people aren't gonna go well see he was right they're gonna be like no he was just joking he's actually a really funny guy we got him wrong so there's this extreme

freedom that comes with not apologizing your way back in walking through the fire and coming out the other end do you feel there was a moment in your career where that happened? I think that like, I think I didn't, I didn't have like cancellations and that stuff, but I think I was like labeled by certain people in wrong ways. And I, and I,

but I think that by sticking to my guns and never apologizing for it and just continue to do the comedy that I, that I do and then finally releasing comedy. And then all these people who saw me say wild shit and then they saw it justified do the comedy that i that i do and then finally releasing comedy and then all these people who saw me say wild shit and then they saw it justified in the comedy all of a sudden they start to see me when i said those things differently yeah and they're like oh no he's and people come up to me and be like bro once i saw your comedy i started to understand you want to pause shit now i understand it's just jokes and everybody gets these jokes and like i went from guy a guy

who had like the crazy labels to a guy that from you know all people from different like cultures walks in life are like please make fun of our shit oh wow right yeah right by just continuing to do the thing that I was doing that is funny so I'm looking at Shane like yeah you are continuing to do the shit you do you're just making fuck up jokes that are really smart really brilliant

and funny most importantly and now they get it yeah and it's just really cool to see that happen man I'm stoked for him.