Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Head Bus Boy Ft. Amin Elhassan

Episode Date: June 21, 2019

This week Andrew, Akaash, Kaz, discuss: AD going to LA, the end of the Warriors dynasty, KD going NY, the situation in Sudan, Andrew discovering a Head Bus Boy, and much more with their special guest, ESPN's own Amin Elhassan. INDULGE!!! Want the full episode? Sign Up! www.Patreon.com/Flagrant

dude if your girl says she has a rape fantasy she's basically saying you are a fucking cuck she's saying you're a you're so pathetic physically you couldn't even rape her so she's like i want to i fantasize about you actually having strength you loser that's literally this is literally how it works okay so this situation maybe he's so tiny and so embarrassingly pathetic, she's got to rile him up to feel some sort of like any kind of physical domination. I was going a different way. I was going like, man, this is the only way he gets his dick hard. Is by beating her? Yeah.

That's so much less fun thought. Yeah, bro. It's probably closer to right. Yeah, we were having fun. Do you remember? You think that's why so many Indians hit their girls? The girls was like, you mad little dog. I'm in America.

I'm seeing fucking Vikings walk around this bitch. Can you do something, please? Son, yo, I think we hit the nail in the coffin. How you gonna respect this guy? He's selling fucking pineapples and plums on the street and shit Real talk What He's a fruit merchant On the street

Don't get us confused with Bangladeshi I'm out of here son Disrespect Selling cherries in a plastic bag, right? Motherfucker's disrespecting. Hot ass cherries. Hot ass cherries, son. You got 15 umbrellas to keep the sun off the cherries so they don't go bad in one day.

Man stole the umbrellas from the hot dog man just to keep his goddamn cherries cool. Sabret. You know what I mean? He got the sabret fucking umbrellas. Oh my God. Holy shit. You ha fucking umbrellas. Oh my God. Holy shit. You haggling him down. Oh my God.

You know how much that's going to embarrass his wife, bro? Real talk. You know, Jerry, $7 at the store. You're giving him away for $2.99. $2.99? You fucking pussy. You bitch. Giving him away again.

You weak bitch. You haggle down, you weak bitch. No, he's a... How can she? How can she talk about my charity? Sir. How can she talk about my charity? Sir. bitch I said go for five pineapple. What other fruits you got? I have pineapple. I have cucumber. I have pineapple. Do you have asparagus? I have asparagus.

I have asparagus. I have cucumber. I have asparagus. I have pineapple. I have asparagus. I have pineapple. Three, four, ten. No more deal.

How about broccoli or Brussels sprouts? I'm broke. I'm broke. Come quiet. You guys come quiet. I do not have a comco. We do not have any comco. We do not have any comco.

I have one plump. One plump. Oh, my God. We have red grape. Oh my god We have red grape And green grape You know what's so fitting Is you've taken the fruit vendor And you've made him Bangladeshi and Mexican

It's really perfect It's really perfect That's the superpower You pick them and sell them Pick them and sell them It's really perfect. It's really perfect. That's the superpower. You pick them and sell them. Pick them and sell them. It's called vertical integration. We call it vertical in my paper.

Vertical in my paper. Oh my God. Why can't you slow? I spend all day selling pineapple. All day. Oh shit, man. You got any spices? You got any like oregano or paprika?

We have turmeric. Oh my god. We have turmeric. We have turmeric. Turmeric. Turmeric. Yeah. We have to break. We have to break. We have to break. We have to break.

So we do have to break. We do have to break. For real. One thing we do not have. Oh, my God. For real. One thing we do not have. Oh, no. One thing we do not have. What's that? Lychee.

Because these Chinese benders coming to take all of our business. They come to take all the business with their little lychee. It's on a switch again. It's on a switch again? I was trying to be angry. I was father let you keep rocking. I felt like you'd find it again. Oh my God.

I was almost there. Oh my God. Fuck my head hurts. Did I get pineapple right? How would you say it? Asparagus. Aparigo. No, that's Spanish.

That's Spanish. Aparigo. No, that's Spanish. That's Spanish. Esparigo. The Mexican? Bro, how do you say asparagus in a super Latin accent, Eden? In a Latin accent? Esparigo. Esparigo. Esparigo.

You did a character one time. Esparigus? Esparigo. Esparigo. No, you wouldn't say the S. You're not going all the way to the last syllable, man. Andrew did a character one time for 10 minutes. We were talking about, my friend was trying to hook up at the comedy club we came up, Alex.

And he said he got stopped by the head busboy. And Andrew was like, who the fuck is the head busboy? And then I'm not bullshitting 10 straight minutes of the head busboy character. What the head busboy would say. It wasn't a regular busboy. It was the regular busboy. It was the head. You can't take it in big play. The big play, I take it in big play.

You take the appetizer. You take the little appetizer play. I take the big play. I am a busboy. I am the busboy. No, no. Do you want more water? Do you want more water? Do you want more water? Do I look like regular boss boy to give water?

Maybe if you want more lemon, I give you more lemon, but you don't know get water from A-Boss Boy. I don't even come into situation to the entree. The A-Boss Boy. That was the entree. The head bus boy. That was the dude that cop-blogged. And Andrew Scott is so funny. There was a head bus boy. Yo, hold on. He couldn't get over it.

Take it. He couldn't get over it. Head bus boy. I couldn't take it. How did y'all know? What? He just said he's like the head bus. He just decided.

My friend was like, he must be like the head bus boy. And he's like, what the fuck are you talking about? A special uniform or something? I could not believe it. You know like the tassels and shit? Like a military commander from a fucking banana republic? I think we just saw him the most and he had mad authority. You know what I mean?

He walked around like he really had power. Was he like? So he assumed. Hey, welcome the fuck fest. He assumed, you know. You know, directing the other busboys. That's what he did. He was head busboy.

He was head busboy. And he would treat the other busboys like they were so low. Wait, hold on. I mean, you should have seen it. Hold on, hold on. There are chrome on his table. Take anything that's sweeping the chrome off the table. Take any knife that's sweeping the chrome.

Take any chrome, man, and take any chrome off the table. Take me to when he was first promoted to headman. Yeah. Please. Please. Listen, man, I think you've been doing some really great work. What was my name? Listen, Javier, I think you've been doing some really great work.

It's Jose, but it's okay. You want to talk to me, Patrick? Okay. Well, my name is Michael, but same thing. I just want to say I think you're doing really great work as a busboy. Oh, thank you. Honestly, shining more than all the other busboys. I'm very shiny. Yeah think you're doing really great work as a busboy. Oh, thank you. Honestly shining more than all the other busboys. I'm very tiny.

Yeah, you're very shiny. And I think if you would be amenable to it, we would like to make you the head busboy. It will be a long night. Oh, my God. It will be an owner. Oh, my God. It will be an owner. You're willing to take the position? Okay, my boy.

Oh, my God. Okay, all right, good. I just want to make sure. Start on Monday. Do you know your responsibilities as head busboy? Yes! I've been dreaming all day my whole life. Ever since I became a regular bald boy,

I thought one day I could make it a head bald boy. Do you have any ideas on how to improve the position? Absolutely not. Okay, okay. All right, so he goes home. Tells his wife, I have amazing news. Mamacita everything going to change

our lives are going to be completely different now remember when I was bringing home the money regular money you might say regular money well now it's different because I am a boss boy let's celebrate

Guess what we get to have All the leftover we want From the restaurant Okay Yo They told me Don't eat the chicken tender Off the plate

I say they finish It don't matter But now I am a boss boy I get to take whatever I want home Whatever I want That night in bed Oh my god I'm not a head boss boy. I get to take whatever I want home. Whatever I want. That night in bed. Because he's living on a high now.

He's giving her the... Baby, I'm the head boss boy, so there's one thing I deserve more than anything. I have to spell it out. He's on hay. Fuck me. Oh, man. Oh, my God. He's so hate Oh fuck me This motherfucker don't stop Bro It was relentless It was so funny

It was 10 minutes But the fact that he even Gave it that Adjective Or whatever Head to head busboy But it also The idea that the head busboy

If there was such a position, cock-blocked him. Imagine being cock-blocked by like... You gotta listen, though, because it's like he could go tell somebody, whatever. You know what I mean? Just like, fuck, this guy worked for the Lantern. He was the head busboy. And he said he was what? Fucking in the restroom?

He was trying to fuck in the green room or whatever. Not even the green room. In the room. In the showroom. You know how the show is? Comments who try to fuck in the green room or whatever. Not even the green room. In the room. In the showroom. He was trying to fuck in the showroom. Wade. Wade. Wade.

Look at what we see here. Look at what we see here. It appears to me the two people trying to fornicate. We have some fornicators out here. Well, who do you think is going to have to clean it? Who do you think is going to have to clean it when you finish? Probably the head boy. Probably me.

So I should clean it? Is that it? Is that it? I should clean these worms and the combs all over? Is that what I should do? Oh, my God. Yo. Oh, my God.

I probably shouldn't do this. I probably shouldn't do this. Okay, go. How about him talking to his firstborn? Oh, no. Yo. So, she just. All right.

You just got the promotion. See? And. That's the night of conception for sure. But now the baby's out. The baby's out. So you got, here you go. It's a boy.

Let me tell you something. You will go to school with many other children. And I just want you to know that all the other children, their parents, regular boss boy. Normal people. Normal. Plebeians. Plebeians. Plebeians.

Very replaceable. very replaceable completely replaceable oh you do not pick it pick the dish oh you've done before bye but you you are so you are so you are you are so you are so hey boss boy you know what your name is? Hey. Cerveza. Cabeza. Cabeza. Cerveza.

Cabeza. Cabeza. God damn it. Yo, what's up? This is Akash. That was a preview of our Patreon episode. If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrant2.

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