Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Honey Mustard Midget

Episode Date: July 12, 2019

This week Andrew and Akaash discuss: Chinese Instruments, Bad Dwarfs, KAT Shoes, Flagrant Thoughts, Flexing with Gap Jeans, and more! INDULGE!!! Want the full episode? Go to: www.Patreon.com/Flagrant2

I'm tired of white people adopting black babies Okay I'm done I'm watching Actually I was trying to find topics Can I give you a little secret? Yeah So are white people

I'm tired of it dude We're tired of it You got all these hard working Asian babies out there That need to be stolen from their parents. Son! What are we doing? Make you an iPhone or something. That's it!

That's a cell phone plan right there. There we go! You could be really mean to them. They do well in school. They respond great to bullying. They love it. You gotta keep it Asian. They just come play a piano.

Just buy a piano. You'll start playing it. Violin, dog. Bruh! Their little hands work better on a violin not the piano piano you need like a German or a Russian

there's like 8 year olds that just be fucking killing it Ajans? yeah I didn't know Ajans played the keys oh yeah yeah yeah yeah

I thought it was all um string my best friend is a China and his parents had him in piano lessons for years him and his brother really?

yeah Gerald yeah but I thought that's like their way of Americanizing him by choosing a Gerald yeah but I thought that's like their way of Americanizing him by choosing a real white instrument nah son that's just like

that's a China instrument I'm no China's be loving that shit bro piano I'm telling you if there's any listeners who are

patrons who are Chinas let me know son you're wrong son I'm telling you right now it's a white instrument

that's them trying to like make their kid adopt maybe like rich white they're trying to inspire like rich white culture that's them trying to like Make their kid adopt Maybe like rich white They're trying to inspire Like rich white culture That's right yeah But it is

It's a thing that They be doing now Son name anybody Who plays the piano Beethoven Tchaikovsky Whatever that Motherfucker's name is

They don't have been dead For 400 years He white though He dead and white Yeah but back then Name one China That plays the fucking piano Bruh I seen a kid

in the fucking subway station 8 years old not Chinese actually he might have been Puerto Rican but I know I seen some look up little Chinese kids playing piano

joy luck club you're not gonna fight what is what is the most Chinese instrument think about it violin yeah I'll give you that

but they didn't play piano too they tried to play the guitar too cumbersome too big so I tried searching up Chinese kid playing piano. And violin came up. The only results I get are four-year-old. Like, it doesn't say what ethnicity it is.

It's just little people. It just says little boy. Yeah, but the name is like Zhang Liyun or something like that. Son, violin, they have a competitive advantage because of the roundness of their heads. They can hold the violin to their shoulder a little bit better. I'm telling you, it's an unfair advantage. Nobody talks about this. That's so funny.

It's an unfair advantage. Look, you look at them play, they barely tilt their head like this much. Can you imagine? Look at a skinny-faced white, you know what I mean, of a super skinny-faced Somali. Think about a skinny-faced Somali. Oh, man. You know how skinny?

I'm the captain now. How he going to play violin like this, son? Like that? He got his forehead resting on the violins and lock it to his shoulder. That's why they're faster, though, because the wind doesn't stop. There's so little face. Straight through. Straight through.

You can't even draft on one of them. You run behind them, you get hit by everything. Surface area. Face is like Nike Pegasus. So that's where they go i think that's you know that's what i was told okay string instruments string instruments okay always string but guitar is a string instrument right yeah what guitar is a string instrument actually technically piano is too what a piano that's keys shut the fuck up eddie god damn what are you talking about piano's got strings now bro underneath the thing there's strings but i don't know if that makes it a

string instrument i thought you had to pluck the string to be a string instrument so did i it's not like a harp who plays harps angels bro dead people that's it that's how fucking whack that instrument is son they gave it to the dead nobody wanted that shit on earth How you pull up to a party with a harp, you know, that's the look when I see bitches playing harps It looks like they're drowning out of sleep That's like an earthy white woman instrument I've never seen a black person play Abigail plays that A bitch named Abigail Right she got like a hemp anklet For sure

She took her placenta And made like cookies out of it Abigail ass bitch There's actually a famous Abigail ass bitch Would do that right Hey come over to my house. We don't have a roof.

We live in a crib because we're all babies of the world. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Fucking Abby. All right. So anyway, so you don't believe in. Nah, man. Listen, I was actually searching for on CNN.com for just like stories we can make flagrant.

Right. First of all, CNN, I don't know what the fuck they're reporting anymore. It's all just a bunch of like- Nonsense. Shaming the white dude who called the cops on the black kid. It's just like, that's not news. I get it, but that's not news. Who should we call?

If not the cops. Protective services. Yo, what if white people were like, listen, we're going to call somebody. We'll just call the fire department. Whatever you want. We're just going to call somebody. Okay? We won't call the cops because going to call somebody. We'll just call the fire department. Whatever you want. We're just going to call somebody. Okay? We won't call the cops because you guys come with guns.

We'll call the fire department. They'll come with fire extinguishers and an axe. Well, they are familiar with the hose. Akash going for it on the no black episode on Patreon. I should have picked that line at a better time. I should have waited until there was at least one black guy in the room. You need double black. You need double black to go into the civil rights one.

Yeah. Yeah. So this is, I see this interview from this bitch from Sex and the City. Yeah. Charlotte. Yes. Is that the character's name or her actual name? Yeah, character's name.

She's tearing up talking to Jada Pinkett on red table talk is a snippet of her tearing up because she adopted two black children in the show or in real life it's a it's a real real life wouldn't that be a funny twist on sex and city that's a charlotte charlotte that's the brunette bitch yeah this she's stupid i believe so and she married her lawyer i've never seen enough to know. I'm like, I don't know the show. I know she's naive

and I've seen enough to know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's crying about... Go on. Go on. Honestly, you guys stop. It's distracting.

It's turning me on. It's just... We just innovated the new banana eating technique. Yo, you gotta stop. It's distracting. It's turning me on. It's just. We just innovated the new banana eating technique. Go on. Go on. She's crying about, you know, I have two black children. And I'm aware of how black people probably feel about my people adopting.

And it's like, already, shut the fuck up, bitch. You gave these people a home. Whatever. And then she's like, you know, somebody said something like, she's going to be quite the WNBA player or something like that. Wow. And she was offended. I thought it was just because the WNBA sucks. But she's saying that's racist.

Why is it racist? Because she's black and WNBA, but also like. Oh, I'm like, how do you know your kid's gay that young? There's no way you can tell your kid's a lesbian. Right? Like, how do you know your kid's a lesbian? At that age? I love lesbians.

That's a great pronunciation. She's a lesbian. Lesbian is very good. Because Anne is a pretty gay name somehow. That's why it's lesbian. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Your name is Anne Ann And you're young Oh my god

You much pussies Like that That sound Go on I was just done I didn't want to hear it Shut up white lady Stop apologizing for white people

Then complaining about racism like it's yours. Stop it. Oh, wait. Make that point. That's interesting. It's just like, it's them going through the racist shit, and now you get to cry about that too, just because you adopted this little black ass kid? Jesus Christ.

She adopted two. You doubled down. I got it. You think she wouldn't? Not you. She doubled down. You think Charlotte wouldn't? Not you. She doubled down. You think Charlotte wouldn't adopt a white kid after adopting the black? 100%.

Why do you think they don't adopt a white kid? It's white guilt, dog. What language did he just speak right there? Why did he do that with the black kid? My accent comes out. That was your accent? Hell no. What's your first language?

English. English. The legal one. Yeah. Okay. You learned English before Spaniel? Yeah. My Spanish is actually really terrible.

Is it? Yeah. Who speaks better Spanish, me or you? I'm not going to lie. He got me pissed off on Monday because he had the ill Spanish conversation. And I was just telling a friend of mine, I was like, how is it that Andrew was speaking to, I don't know who the hell you were speaking to, in Spanish.

It's not like it was like the most perfect Spanish ever, but he was so like confident. If I could sum up Andrew in a nutshell, it's that conversation because it's this white dude speaking fluent Spanish. I actually think... Like local Spanish,

colloquial Spanish to his cleaning lady. And that's Andrew In one sentence Damn right I need my shit clean Ain't gonna be no Miscommunication

About what I need done You know what I mean I need the floors clean I need the bathtub He put emotion into it I ain't going back To my house And my bathtub dirty

And then I gotta Call my cleaning lady And we gotta Oh did you make it Cleaner than the bathtub I was just gonna say Did you make her Clean March comp Cleaner than the bathtub? I was just going to say, did you make her clean Mark's cup?

I didn't know you make it clean in the bathtub. Right? And I'm like, no, I asked you to clean the bathtub. You make it clean in the bathtub. I didn't know you want me to make it clean in the bathtub. Is she the head cleaning lady? I was going to say that. Is she the head cleaning lady?

Oh, shit. I thought that was a responsibility to the hair cleaning lady? Oh, shit. I thought that was a responsibility of the hair cleaning lady. I didn't know you want me to make it in the part of. I clean it in the sheets. I clean it in the underwear. I clean it in the couch. I clean it in the carpet. But I didn't know you make it You make it clean

I got him done Head bus boy is like so like He has great work ethic But head cleanly And he sounds mad annoying Yo Head cleanly Mad and sad

Head bus boy arrogant But he does the work Yo What? Madden's title Head busboy arrogant But he does the work Yo What Yo It's so much fun without the black people What's going on What's happening

That shit was loud as fuck too I don't know what took over me Oh god What took over me right there I almost choked to death on a banana That ain't the gay shit I don't know what took over me right there bro Y'all need to see the video

I'm not even gonna say what happened I'm not even gonna say it Don happened. I'm not even going to say it. Yeah, don't say it. Don't let him in. Can you guys hear me eat the banana on the mic? Oh, I definitely can hear you eating. I know. They're going to hate that.

Yeah, I feel like I'm breathing on a man heavy because I got sick from you and Alex and I'm coughing and shit. Pretty sure. Yo, my immune system is like Randy Moss, though. If some shit is in the air, I'm going to catch it. I'm coming down with it. That's it.

Yo. Grab that bitch. That's stage funny, bro. That's stage funny? Oh, my God. That is. All right, Edwin. Your flagrant thought of the week.

Go. I'd actually fuck a midget. Okay. That's what's up. Wait a minute. You mean there was a time where you wouldn't? Yo, what's up? This is Akash.

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