Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - How Old Them Titties Though

Episode Date: January 7, 2020

This week Andrew, Akaash, and Kaz discuss: checking breast age, being forced into moving in with your significant other, doing pilates to not get raped, Patriots being out of the NFL Playoffs, World War III, Akaash in India, Epstein ruining island purchasing, and much more. INDULGE!!! Want an extra episode a week? Become a PATRON! www.PATREON.com/FLAGRANT2

what's up everybody you hear that that's clear isn't it that sounds good doesn't it right there that's nice crystal clear audio okay now i have to admit i failed takes a big man for you to admit that it a big man for you to admit that. It does. Big man for you to admit that, yes. I failed. I had an idea, and I thought it would change podcasting forever, and an innovation I thought that was necessary.

And I promise you, will happen in podcasting in the future. We just got there too quick. We got there before the technology would allow it. What we tried to do is remove what I thought was the most cumbersome part of a podcast, which are these big microphone, the big mic arms. Some of you guys are watching this right now on YouTube. You can see them. We have these mic arms.

We have the microphone. The table kind of looks like a spider. It's not the most beautiful thing. You have a gorgeous studio that we've built out thanks to so many people who made this happen i could go through the whole list but we'd be here forever um but i'll do it anyway because now i feel like a dick ben some of them are here we got bobby there in the back um i got shots out my boy marco who actually laid the groundwork and built out this whole space to start with. And I forgot about him before my bed. Now, I wanted to get rid of the microphone with a podcast. So we had this tile you guys couldn't see, but essentially it was a tile

that hung from the ceiling. And it had these nodes that would automatically find the people that were in the room and then listen to them record their volume automatically. It was unbelievable. And the goal with it was to have a guest walk into the room, start talking to him casually. He doesn't even know that we're recording. And he goes, so when are we going to start recording? I go, buddy, we've already been recording. Okay. I thought it would change podcasts in forever. I thought it would make it just this conversation. Reality was the audio wasn't good enough.

Sounded a little tinny. We tried to work it. We flew Bobby back up. We tried to work even more. And nothing right now compares to these microphones. Now, I promise you, we're going to do something with these mic arms to make them purposeful. We will change the game in that regard. And one day, podcasting will get to the point where there's no microphones at all. that's going to be pretty cool and we know that we were on the right thing but what was most important to me and i made a big business mistake and i realized this is that

i cared about my competition not my consumer and the leg up that i've had in any field that i've been in especially comedy and podcasting my life is I always cared about the consumer, right? Like why they make the clips because I was like, oh, people don't want to watch an hour of something they don't know. They want to watch something small. Give them something, you know, tiny, something that is like a little taste, right? A little nugget that they can just chew on and then eventually we get more to it. So that was always consumer and I had this advantage because of that. And for the first time, I started thinking about the other people that were doing podcasts, my colleagues, and I was like, how can I have an advantage over them? I care about the competition,

not a consumer. And what suffered the consumer experience, the sound suffered. So I learned my lesson from that. I'll never go back from that, but I appreciate you guys for riding with us. Thank you guys so much. This is our first podcast of 2020. I'm very excited, and I'm very excited to start the podcast. So we got to start it up. We have a little bit different intro right now, but let me introduce everybody. What's up? This is Flagrant 2, No Easy Buckets, the number two recommended podcast by Apple Music for people from the African diaspora.

When I said I was a black man, when I said Spotify, when I said I was a black man. Spotify. Spotify. Spotify, not Apple. Spotify. When I said I was a black man, I fucking meant it. And I meant black, black, black, square, double black, Africa black. Okay?

We are from the African diaspora. Am I pronouncing that right? Yeah, you're close enough. I'm Andrew Schultz. I'm here with Akash Singh. I'm here with Real Life Kaz, also known as Kazim. We got Alex Media,

Eddin in the building, Mark Gagnon in the back, and then Bobby motherfucking Big Stick! Okay? Big Dick Bob! Well, I didn't say that. I called Big Stick. I thought that... My bad. Big Stick Bob. It means that. Bobby Big Stick is

our AV guy who flew back up here so kindly, on my dollar, but so kindly flew back up here. Has spent a lot of my money in the last few days. Back in Bobby. Dude, say what? Back in Bobby. Back in Bobby. Okay.

In my pockets, Bobby. Hand out of my pockets, Bobby. Has been doing a lot to make sure this happened. A lot of late nights, but we fucking did it. We pulled it off. Oh, yeah. I'm very excited. I'm very excited to start this new year yes audio question yes did you get your money back for the tile so here's the thing about these tiles yo i knew this is gonna piss you off you motherfucker there's a reason i pay for things now you are okay so um the the thing about the tiles is this is how next level

of tiles were and bobby cut me off if i'm wrong they're not even available for consumers because the technology is so delicate they're like if some idiots buy it and they put it together it's not going to work and then they're going to complain about the product yeah so they only would sell it to audio visual companies like bobby right Right. So that's what I thought. Good job, sucker. That's it. Big stick Bobby couldn't swing. Couldn't hack it.

Struck out. No, but we did a risk. It was a gamble. We knew it was a gamble going into it. And I gambled with a lot of fucking money. And I lost it. And I had to spend even more money. Okay?

Put it this way. I wish I could buy my girl a watch now. Because I would feel good about it. I would feel like I saved so much money if I could buy my girl a watch now because I would feel good about it. I would feel like I saved so much money if I just bought my girlfriend a watch again. Wow. Okay. By the way, if you're looking at this set and you're looking at the wide angle, we're getting our money's worth for this car today.

We are getting our motherfucking money's worth. Yeah, I get the mileage out of that son of a bitch. I'm like, yo, the gift bag is kind of nice though. The gift bag is nice. It does accent the room very nicely. We're developing the room. Yo,

we got boxes in the room. I'm sorry, not boxes, we got books in the room I've never read. I never read a single one of these books. So we've faken

on all the books that are in the room. Okay. I read some of Braindropping's the Carlin book. It was good? It was cool. I mean,

it's just their standup. Right, right. That's what they do. They just put out the books. When I was in high school, I was like, weird, I was like into standup books. Yeah. I read That's what they do. They just put out the book. When I was in high school, I was like, weird.

I was like into stand-up books. Yeah. I read the Ray Romano book. I read the Chris Rock book. Yeah. I read Damon Wayans' Bootleg, which is all just act-outs in a book. He just writes out the act-out. And you're like, I was like, what the fuck is going on?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I read Bernie Mac. And the funniest part of that is he called Karl Malone this big mountain climbing N-word. And I just thought that was the funniest way to describe it. If there's someone who could climb mountains or move them around. Wait, did he fuck

young girls too? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo, we gotta, dude, okay, I don't know if we should get into this too early. What are we getting into? You can never get into it

too early when you're talking about R. Kelly. Oh God, even worse. Jesus Christ. But okay, basically just to finish up the audio thing, here we are. Oh, God. Oh, God. Even worse. Jesus Christ. But, okay. Basically, just to finish up the audio thing, here we are. Thank you guys very much.

We took a risk. I've realized in my life that you're going to have losses. We're going to have losses, but your wins will always out-gain your losses. Good for you for taking the risk, for real. Yes. We have to. We have to take risks. I mean, it was a cool attack.

It was fun. It was sick for a minute, but I be honest i saw it felt uncomfortable yeah when i was recording like with the mic you know we're used to this this is you just know it's getting recorded with that you're like moving around you don't really trust it yeah in that moment i couldn't really lean back or be you know i mean in the shit because they're all don't move and there's markers here and all that shit yeah anyway so we're back we're here flagrant to 2020 i don't know if we should even talk about this this is like a very uncomfortable thing for me to talk about and we might cut this out but i just have to say it and we might get edited emily raddick to whatever her name is i don't know what you're talking about. I sent you the picture.

I know when you sent me the photo, I was like, Andrew, no. This isn't the hell. Let me tell you something. This ain't the fucking hell. There was a joke that Dave Chappelle did back in the day. It was, how old is 15 really? How old is 15 really? You need to change it to 14.

Emily Ranikowski put up a picture of herself at 14 years old. Okay? The picture is being displayed on your video right now. Okay? She wrote some shit in a caption. I've never read one of her captions in my entire life. I don't even know if she can write that shit. Let's be honest.

Are you really writing? Come on. Jesus Christ. I got to 14 after I completely objectified this picture right here yeah so this is 14 years old

she's still got an outie belly button that's how young she is the umbilical cord is left in son that shit ain't gone away yet so wait a minute right here

14 years old 14 years old yeah who's liking this Right here. 14 years old. 14 years old. Yeah. Who's liking this? It's got 1.8 million likes. You know who's liking it. I mean, I'm sending it around to you guys. You know who's liking it.

I mean. I sent it to everybody. I tried to do a group chat. I don't know how Instagram works really, so I don't know how you do it. I don't know. Did you dislike it? No, that's not, yo. Who like it?

It was you or Ed. It was you or Ed. Ed is bugging right now. Yo, Ed is wallet. That's a crime in at least 35 states. You know that, right? Let me tell you something. Bro.

Okay. So this picture, you go to Emily, her, I don't know, Mbrada is her Instagram. There's a picture of her. Go to that one just so we can cleanse the palate. The people who don't know Emily Radjastowski is one of the most followed people in the world. She was the main chick in the Blurred Lines videos.

Her titties have been on literally every movie she's ever been in. Yeah. She's a bonafide sexist. She married some guy I used to play ball with. Really? Yeah. Good for him. Good for him.

He came up big time. Hell yeah. I love seeing shit like that. I love seeing regular motherfuckers bag. Look. Hell yeah. Disco right shit like that. I love seeing regular motherfuckers bag. Look. Hell yeah. This girl right here. Go back to the other one.

Wow. Posted a picture of herself at 14 years old. And she yapped about some nonsense about how messed up it is. What is she yapping? I used to like showing people. Go back. Go back at it. You got one job.

You got one job. I used to like showing people this photo of me at it you got one job you got one job i used to like showing people this photo of me at 14 to prove my body is natural nobody wants to see your body at 14 nobody wants to choose your body at 18 to show it's natural what you are doing with this picture is saying i looked hot at 14 yeah and you're making me feel uncomfortable because I agree but you don't look 14 that's what makes me so uncomfortable you look 20 years old minimum in this picture how old does she look Al no comment

how old does she look this goes back to my thing dude Akla said the funniest thing I don't know if you want to say it right now just say it which one he said if you get locked up for this before you're the people in jail with you try to rape and kill you you should be able to show them a picture of this girl if you get locked up for having this child you should people should get to know what

the child look like when you gotta go knock on everybody's house in your neighborhood for the megan's law shit you should be able to knock and then go, yo, I hit on this girl. And then they turn to you and say, yo, can you come in and tell us how to push her? This is like, what? But she knows it. That's what she's doing. Yo, she's being fucked up. I think this should be illegal.

Take it down. Al, change the picture. What are you doing, Al? This is child pornography. This is child pornography. I'm on content. This is child pornography. I love that. You're cheating. You're cheating. You're cheating.

The tiff can't be. God damn it. The tiff can't be. You try to drag everybody into this. No. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no.

I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no.

I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no.

I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no.

I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no.

I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no.

I was like, no. I was like, no. I was like, no. Let me tell y'all something. We all going to the volcano. That movie was Joe and the volcano. It's all about us and the volcano. Let me tell you something. Not after this weekend. Not after these Lifetime specials. Stop it with these old ass pictures of her.

Old ass? No, see? No, no. Get that old ass shit. Get that old ass geriatric. I see gray hair. Yo, yo, yo. Go back, go back.

That's your boy? Go back. Eddie, you're doing too much go stay on one picture okay so look this one right here just right here is good so we can focus on it but then look at other shit real quick okay this one picture right here i have a theory on this picture it's just the tits that make us think that she's of age that's not a theory yeah no no but wait for it wait for it like you didn't really crack the dimension code just now there's three things you can see on this photo i think the titties are why are why we're looking at this picture

and we're a little bit sexually attracted. It's those titties. Stop saying we. Stop saying we. Al sent me back. Tell me what you sent me back. Al sent me back. No.

No. No. No. No. He said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, He said He said He said He said Red shirt Alright

So Look I got the I'll put it on the headphones I gotta see I'll clear this audio Come on No wait for it

Wait for it Now Look Here's the thing about the titties Here's the thing 14 years old Right Okay

What age do girls Start growing titties. Here's the thing. 14 years old, right? Okay. At what age do girls start growing titties? Teenage. Probably around 14. By the time they're 18, they're registered weapons, right? I think she started growing titties at 10. Technically, the titties are of age. Four years of titty growth. the titties are of age four years of titty growth

I take I take four years of things grow at different ages you know how a chicken's ready to be eaten by six months so titties are like

she's aging in chicken so titties age like presidents yes that titty's been in office hey let me tell you something four more years buddy four more years no term limit titty

have an ass bitch oh FDR ass titty have an ass bitch oh Trump Trump 24 oh my god my goodness this fucking dickhead what a dickhead this girl is Oh my god Damn My goodness This fucking Dickhead

Those are gonna be some heavy breasts What a dickhead this girl is bro By the time she gets older Them titties gonna be fucking Going through the legs Like Harry Irving Bro Those are some heavy breasts

That's another thing How they're not saggy Bobby put your dick away Yo she female LeBron She's what? Female LeBron Oh my god Female LeB my god hold on she's wrong you know your friend this is great i had a friend named mike i had a friend named mike uh nah i got it okay i had a friend named mike in high school balding right balding in high school. Okay. His dick was probably ready early.

Right? Hey, if we're keeping it a buck, if we're keeping it a buck, Mike was balding at 18. You don't think he was ready to go by 16 or 15? King Tut was king at like 13 or something, I think. Oh, shit. I'm just saying, she got Mike titties.

Oh, man. God. I can't. What? I can't. Not after this weekend. Hold on. To cleanse the palate? Yeah.

To cleanse the palate because we have to be fair? You ready? You ready, Eden? Give me Salma Hayek. Give me new Salma at the Golden Globes. You want to see Golden Globes. Give me Salma Hayek. And don't say how old she is because I'm going to ask you guys.

You want to think we judge age. You want to think that we're some pedophiles. Let me tell you something. I know exactly how old she is. Hold on. Look at this picture right here. You don't ever call us pedophiles. This old bitch

53 years old What the fuck 53 53 third world You know when they come over and play Little League World Series She could be 60 years old That's 53 years old

Those titties Those titties are 1000 older than me them benjamin buttons she was them benjamin buttons i don't think she had titties like that when she was young nah you seen desperado yeah she's had this yeah i feel desperado right now i want them titties summer hikes been hot hot my entire life She's one of like five people who's just Always been fire Look at her Like no down year

Let's keep it 100 When did your moms fall off? Let's keep it 100 It's 2020 It's 2020 There's no fucking way we're starting this year We're talking about my mama's titties. At all, bro.

1993. I'm good. 1993. I remember the year. It was 93. I was 10. I look at my mom, I was like, Ma, you ain't got it.

It's a lot of varicose veins on them. A lot of varicose veins on them thigh veins, Ma. It might be a wrap. It might be a wrap. You might have to go stocking like a flapper. We need to be serious for a second. Because my mom ain't never fallen off a horse. Facts. It might be a wrap. You might have to go stocking like a flapper. We need to be serious for a second. Because my mom ain't

never fallen off a stocking. Facts. You beat me to it. Facts. She's too bad. Son. Our mother's got melatonin, so.

They laughed a little bit. You're in it all, bro. Our college mom got nice feet. Not gonna lie. I've been noticing her feet with nice little plum nail polish.

She go for a nice plum. She go for a plum nail polish. She go for a nice plum. She go for a plum. Yo, she go for a plum, bro. Yo. No, now it's uncomfortable. Why? 14-year-old titties is fine. The line's been crossed.

She has a nice plum, usually, and a nice foot. Am I wrong? You got your dad's feet. You right about that. You right about that. Or trash. You right about that. She don't wear no plum nail polish, but you right about that.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. I know my polish, bro. I know my polish. I'm aware of my polish. Huh. Plum. Nah, bro. It's red. I think we might my polish. Huh? Plum. Nah, bro.

It's red. I think we might have to FaceTime your mom. Yo. Nah, now we're getting weird. Please, God. Just do this, because she knows. Yo, Alex, you're a fucking monster. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

He went into it. You're a sick man, my guy. Hold on, hold on. We, listen, listen. This is, listen. She going to be wearing sandals. Right? This is what we do.

We FaceTime, we go, hey, I just want to prove a point. I want to prove a point that we got wooden floors. I want to prove a point we got wooden floors. I can't do it. We got the whole system in it. I can't do it. I can't do it. We got the system in it.

I can't do it. You know if I call my mom and say, Andrew thinks he knows your toenail color. Say it. That's even better. Go for it. Nah. Go for it know if I call my mom, I'm going to say, Andrew thinks he knows your toenail color. Say it. That's even better. Go for it. Nah. Go for it. I'll call my mom.

You can see. Oh, if we want to talk about toenails. Oh, my God. Did I send it to you? Oh, my gosh. I'm at the airdrop at the computer right now. Look at Sam right quick, though, in Desperado. Unreal.

How sweet is that? Studios iMac. I'm going to show you something. I want you to zoom in on this. This is my father. This is my father getting his toenails cut. It's unreal. That's your dad's toes?

This is brand new. I just want to say, my dad's toenails come off of the toe and then touch down like a dinosaur. You know how they have those little hooks, like the little talons? Oh. Now, look at the talons. Now, I want you to look at this. He looks like his toenails are wearing grills. He's painted gold.

He got toe grills. Give me two parts. That was Air Force One. That was a wrong belly song. Now, I want you guys to, he's getting his toenails cut out. Now, I want you guys to zoom out. Zoom out. Do you notice anything different about this nail salon it's not a doctor's office it's a fucking surgery office he had to go to the hospital to get his nails cut because the skin

underneath the nail grew with the nail oh my god so he's getting like just you're different that's because what that's because that we don't wash our legs bro we don't notice these things that's what happens when you don't wash your legs as a white what's the last time you cut your toe i bite them I've seen it give me two pours I've seen it I've seen it I can buy my toenails look

it's actually impressive at 36 that you can do this oh my god we wanna work together and shit sharing drinks that's impressive

at 36 can you do that no bro my girl made me do a Pilates workout today you know my girl teaches a Pilates class that shit ain't no joke

these bitches is strong have you ever done a plank right oh yeah no no it's wrong or easy planks right yeah when you gotta dip your shoulders in it yeah son i'll be struggling in my girl's class so my girl right next to me is just me and her. She's beating me. I refuse to let her beat me. I took years off of my life to finish these planks today, yo. I did a side plank. Have you ever done that one? Yeah.

I'll be in these classes. Son. I'll be in Pilates. How do these girls get raped? I don't understand. Son. You know how strong they are? Son, what are you doing? You know how strong these women are, bro?

You can't keep that shit out. Tighten your core. Look at that. Look at that right there, bro. I was so struggling just to even lift the leg. Bro, I can't do none of it. You do the starfish joint where you lift the leg and the arm. Come on, son. You can do that. Son, son you can do that son i couldn't do it i couldn't do i had to make up mad excuses

son i was making my girl i was i was farting so my girl would laugh and then she would stop i'd be like are we stopping it was this has been a, 2020 is a weird time. 2020 is a weird time. Son, I think I moved into my girl's house. Wait, what? I can't. I think I moved in.

Yeah. We back. Son, we back. I think we were missing our mics. I think I moved into my girl's house, bro. I really believe I moved in. And for the first few days, I didn't tell y'all this. For the first few days, this shit was y'all this for the first few days this shit was going so well she cooks breakfast okay mad dry mango i finish a bag it's more dry mango yeah this is

like pez you know you love dried mango dog groceries i love dried mango i love dried mango son okay mad dry mango my laundry all she's always doing laundry always laundry being done I love dried mango, son. Okay. Mad dried mango. My laundry. She's always doing laundry. Always laundry being done. It's the best situation in the world. Right? Is this your first girlfriend, son?

Yeah, I was about to say. I had some lazy ass bitches in the back. I wasn't getting the full experience. So, imagine if they got legal. Son. We were. the whole experience back then. So, imagine if they got legal. Son. We were. We were just doing it. Not that type.

Not that type. That's crazy. And I'll be honest, they're not that good at housework. Oh, you need to chill. Yo, Adam, take the picture on the screen. So, look. What are we doing? This is not a Patreon episode. Take the picture off the screen. So, look. Mickey's got a housework chore. This is weird, yo. This is not a Patreon episode.

It's all good. We got this. We're a sports podcast. If there's grass on the field. Oh, my God. Unload balls. Okay. Oh, sweet Jesus. Everything. unload balls okay oh sweet jesus everything everything's going amazing i'm like how am i not living my girl before right right we fuck a few nights ago right i'm like we go home we fucking everything like that right then we fuck uh uh two nights ago? I'm like, it's lit. Everything's good.

Then in the morning, she gets on top of me, right? And I'm a little hard because I was hard. It's morning. It's morning. It's morning wood. And she's like, oh, you want to have sex?

And I'm like, no. It seems like that. It's science. It seems like that. It seems like that. I know you would think that. I can see how my erection might be misleading. Yeah.

You know when girls be like, not knowing that they flirt with people? You know, they say, thanks, babe. And then a Puerto Rican would be like, oh, she called me babe. She's trying to fuck. She is? That's it. Your dick is flirting. So my dick was flirting. Right, right. So I was like, oh, she called me babe. She's trying to fuck. She is? That's it. All right. Your dick is flirting.

So my dick was flirting. Right, right. So I was like, oh, no, no, no. But we like, I was like, well, I don't know. I didn't know what I said. Yeah. I probably farted. So then that night, she's trying to get it again.

Oh, God. Did you do it that morning, though? No, no, no. OK. Because I did two. I did two in a row. That night, she wanted it again, right? And right and i was like no but we just had sex we just had sex yesterday we had just had sex yesterday so why would we why would we do this again yeah and then

the next morning comes right i feel my dick hard my girl puts her leg on top of my leg son i gotta hide my dick son i got this boner that i gotta hide from my girl remember how like the jews would hide their gold from the nazis you had to and frank your dick my dick was in the attic i put my dick in there tuck it up there okay listen i she want to hug before she goes to work. I hip hug her like we're doing a swing. I Charleston hug this dick, bro. Because I know if the boner's there, she thinks that that means it's okay. Just because I get hard like this.

Yo, not for nothing. Just because I'm dressed this way doesn't mean you can take advantage of me. Not to make it uncomfortable, it sounds kind of rapey. What? It's a little rapey. She's trying to rape me. She's kind of raping you. A little bit. Yo. Yeah, but you can't report that shit. You'd be like, some bitch

is getting raped. I mean, you can. Nah, nah. But that's female privilege, bro. Nah, you gonna fuck with these hard-working policemen and firemen? You know what? You report a rape, son, the fire truck come to. Imagine. That's why men don't report rapes, son.

What do you think happens when people call the cops? That's why men don't report rapes, because you can't be calling that, yo, my girl just raped me. And then you hear. How it goes? How does that? I think it's a European ambulance. By the way, that shit is. You can make it sound like Bobby Valentino.

Four fucking masculine ass dudes pulling babies out of fires. What's going on? There's a rape here? They're getting ready to arrest you and you're like, now I'm the victim. You're like, what? All my brothers died in 9-11 and I gotta tear a fucking girl off of you? How dare you

motherfucker? You want some dick, sweetheart? We got some dicks for you. Oh, man. Oh, my God. You know you can take advantage of the morning wood. How? Because that shit just stay up. Do it?

For the most part. So you let them ride, and then you'll be the man the rest of the day. You'll be like, oh, yeah, I'm done. I'm going to go pee. So now they feel like, oh, they didn't get their nut out of you, so now they overcompensate for the whole day. I don't do this, but I'm serious. I didn't see his face he got so sincere you could if you wanted yo now here's the question when you do that and then you drop

them off in middle school you didn't make me a sandwich for lunch. You left the crusts on. You don't get them on Crustables, Al. I love how it started with me. You see, you called the shit. She's dragging you into the volcano. It's coming at you next, guys. I'm saying, I'm like, y'all can have that song, bro.

Not after this weekend, bro. Surviving R. Kelly 2? I'm straight Y'all can have that song bro Not after this weekend bro Surviving R. Kelly 2 I'm straight bro R. Kelly got no smoke This week we had Bro Son I didn't want to give a fuck About that sequel

We're getting two weeks off Nah cause I ran with the smoke son Bro We already talked about Iran On Patreon But we made sure that Kaz got the top 10 memes From the Iran shit.

I don't know. Y'all want to bomb Iran? Do I? I don't think we want to bomb them. I mean, like... I don't want to bomb the people. Best case scenario, it's over now. I don't want to bomb the people. Nah, I don't want to bomb the people.

But? But? Y'all tripping, bro. Yo, because you know what? They could have some 14-year-old Emily Radcliffe. Son, if you see the baddie online, son, that's the only reason. I saw this tweet. I'm out.

That shit is so funny. Hopefully you got it. Hopefully you got it. Bro, she was fired. Son, son. Nah, I don't want to bomb them. But that being said If we do go to war with them

We'll kill most of their men And then those women Will need able bodied men I mean It worked in Russia Nah Religions are different Cause whoever stays as a man

Can just wife all of them You get multiple wives in Islam so you just have like 12 wives each so the people who don't fight they're the ones that are going to

luck up the best maybe that's why they're doing it I got 12 wives now maybe that's why they're doing it they need to clean out some of the dudes

so there's not as much competition think about it right that's why the Native Americans took them blankets There was one bitch I don't know

I don't know about y'all But I don't only know One Native American girl I don't think there was A lot of them My girl's Native American No she not Come on

She is Come on That's how few Native Americans there are Why would I lie We were literally Just talking about She's not full Native American.

Yeah, she's not like fucking, you know, What percentage? Navajo type shit. She got a casino? A strong enough percentage to get a scholarship. That's literally one eight. Elizabeth Warren got a scholarship. I takes it.

That's fine. Is she more Native American? She's definitely more Native American than Elizabeth Warren. Is she more Native American than, wait, did Rory go to a black school? Did he? Is she more Native American than Elizabeth Warren. Is she more Native American than... Wait, did Rory go to a black school? Did he? Is she more Native American than Rory is black?

This is where y'all stop talking. He keeps trying to pull me into a fucking volcano all of a sudden. I'm like, not touching that. But no, she's very Native American. Say again. If you see her dad and her grandfather and the hair and all this stuff, I'm like, oh yeah, that is there. Maybe I'm Native American. Shut the fuck up. No, you're not.

Is she Native American? Yes. How much? How much? Does she have a casino? I've never asked her the exact percentage, but like... How would you not? I know.

Nah, I'm Native American. I'm Native American, though. Because when I get hot, my skin gets a little red so is she half what that means you're Asian I think she's like that means the Asians

oh no when they drink what's her grandparents think grandparents Asians drink they get red the grandparents the black side

the grandparents hold on hold on hold on I'm like whispering with this there's not a bike Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Tiga tende. I'm like whispering with this. Tiga tende. There's not a bike right in my face. Hold on.

We're having two different conversations. That's all I'm saying. Hold on. He said the grandkids. Can I get everybody on the same page here? Yes. 13-year-old girls. What about them?

No, no. We should just do titties. It's just titties we're talking about. We're just titties. Go on. So three-year-old titties. Cass, how's that Nick's job looking? That's what we're going to do.

We're just going to get Cass fired so he doesn't have to miss episodes. God damn. You're going to get fired from all your other jobs. Okay. Go. Chiquititende. You were lying about your girl being an Asian. I'm not lying.

I'm not lying about that. That's a lie. But you just said her grandparents are black. Father's dad side. Very black. Yes. Other. But you just said her grandparents are black. Father's dad side, very black. Yes. Other side, that's what Native American

comes from. I know her mom's not like full fucking Native American, but it's up there. How's her mom's immune system? Honestly? Not that great. She's not that good?

Not that great, no. She might be Native American, bro. Nah, I'm just kidding, bro. She might be Native American. Is that like, I'm just kidding, bro. She might be Native American. Is that like a... What happened? What's the issue? This is Alex's...

3% Native American. Hold on. Let's look at this. You're more Irish than me. Hold on. This is Alex's ancestry DNA. He did an ancestry.com. Okay.

The ethnic groups. 31% Cameroon, Congo. Big dick out. Do they have big dicks? They got big dicks. Really? Yeah. Okay.

Do they have anything else? No. They've got a lot of dicks. Ivory Coast, Ghana, 19%. Nigeria, 10%. Ireland, Scotland, Wales, 8%. You white motherfuckers, dude. You are white, bro. That's how I'll be white-boying on the road.

Alright. Ireland, Scotland, Wales, 8%. Native American, 3%. And then the rest is 11 other reasons. So what is a Puerto Rican? I think it's a mix of all that shit. No, it's not. You're not a Puerto Rican, Alex. Hold on. Migrations, Puerto Rico. We've been doing this show for three years. You've been screaming

to the high heavens how Puerto Rican you are. And that shit ain't even in the top. Look at migrations. That shit ain't even in the second round, though. No, no, no. Real quick, real quick. Here's Puerto Rico. I know this because your mom has a French tip toenail.

I know that. She does. She does. I'm totally on ice in this fucking chicken tent. I know these things. Plum, call her right now. Plum. Call her right now. Plum. Call her right now.

Dead ass, she got plump. Yo, Drew. Yeah. Don't look at my boss. Don't take it. Once was enough. Okay. So back to the Native American thing.

I haven't seen a lot of female Native Americans. Have you? In the textbooks, do you see them? My theory was always there are so few of them, that's why the men wore the braids. They have the ponytails so that it would be like a little tranny kind of situation. Have you seen a lot of Native American females?

Have you seen them? Nah. What do you even call a female chief? Fam, none of y'all seen Pocahontas? She was the only one. That's why it was such a big deal. What do you mean? Because the one is going to be popping.

But they had other Native American dudes that we all knew about. Just because Pocahontas is the most popping one. We don't know any other girl named Americans. Name the other girl named Americans. I actually never met a female Native American. They don't exist. I met like two males. There's a few of them.

No females. That's my point. So can we all agree on this that Native Americans were using the blankets to them to get out the men so they didn't have to

start sharing these females but there's like none left that doesn't make any sense wouldn't there be more it backfired not everything works do you know what I mean sometimes

sometimes you make a really big investment in something and you think it's going to work out. And in the long run, it doesn't. Bobby Big Stick. Oh, gosh. I'd rather go back to talking about 14-year-old titties

at this point. Oh, yeah? Quote that. I think we have our Instagram clip for the week. Yo, anytime there's a quiet moment in the podcast, can you just have past that? Yo, we need a board. We need one of those

board words. A soundboard. A soundboard. And I'll just hit them shit. Every time Kaz is late, the second he walks in, man, sorry, I was just

looking at some 14 letters. But the titties aren't 14. We have to age titties different. That's what I believe. The titties had to be

like three years. The titties were of age. At least. They were of age. How old does a steer have to be before it can reproduce let's not go to animals and people like you what is a steer those can reproduce a cow like a year and a half what do you call them women but seriously a steer is a bull it's a male cow it's a bull

you know what i'm saying bro we out here dog everything changed bro tackle it every single topic of the week listen we got to discuss some things. It's very important. Iran, did we figure it out? I think we did. We might have. What is the plan? They're trying to make heaven on earth

to have their virgins. Right. What about this? What if we say, hey, wait, what? If you take out the men,

you have more women and then you have more virgins. It's a whole thing. They want to make it do it. Here's the thing. 72 is the number? I don't know or whatever 72 virgins it's a whole thing they want to make it do it here's the thing 72 is the number i don't know why they love that it's the thing here's an idea just an idea we told you we used a sports pocket. We brought it in.

We brought it back. Put the Jordans on the table. Put the J's. Let them fucking know. It's the 72 wins. That's the... Oh, shit. The Black Cats.

Were they from the 72 win season? I think so. Look at the synergy right there. Look at that. It always comes back around. God damn it. Okay, so the goal is... Black Cat 13s.

We got to... We have to some way find... We have to find a way to get the iranian people on our side no for the women for the women no just in general just in general right how do we get the what do you think give them laser wax no no what if the planes were flying into the towers and the pilots were like

I see I see what you're talking about fucking chicken tender you bro I knew I was the one wanting to say it. That's why I was happy to do it.

Holy shit, man. You went for it, dog. Oh, my God. Dude, you went for it. You know what I'm saying? I had some worse. Dude, you went for it. You go, go.

Give it. I had some worse. Give it. Give it, Kaz. Go. Run this game up. Take the heat off me. Yeah.

After the seventh one, it hit the jordan shirt the seventh one like building number seven i think what was it tower seven oh building number seven oh fuck Bulls vs Blazers, Jordan Strong, nobody I got that part of it I didn't know which we were referencing ok Edden go on 3 back to back titles

back to back planes come on Edden Edden stopped the whole show for that one, bro. God, you puns more than those puns. I'm not a puns fan!

Listen, alright? If any of you are angry, go watch Ricky G gervais speech ricky ricky gervais said what we've been saying on this podcast three years oh my god that's the beauty of having like the right message the right the right uh messenger and the right platform yeah it was so perfect because he said it right to their fucking stupid faces my favorite part was and i love how he said it right to their fucking stupid faces. My favorite part was... And I love how he didn't let any joke breathe.

Oh, I don't care. He didn't care about the reaction. I don't care, that's your friend. But two things, two lines I really loved. Obviously, I loved the thing about you're all so fucking, you think you're woke, but you're not. And Akash has been saying the thing about the cell phones forever, so he said it right to Tim Cook's stupid Botox face.

It was so funny, the cutaway to Tim Cook, all proud of himself and smug. His lips in the mood. Getting the applause, and then bam was so funny. The cutaway to Tim Cook, all proud of himself and smug. His lips in the applause and then bam! Fucking hammer. The hammer. And then I love the line he goes, he does the Epstein joke. He goes, I know he was your

friend. And then they kind of grown a little bit. This gets no laugh. I thought it was a great line. My favorite line goes, he goes, he goes, I'm sorry. Some of you had to fly yourselves here. So good. So good. I didn't understand how they didn't get a laugh. They didn't get it because they're too self-absorbed.

They're fucking idiots. But he was saying the plane. They've all been on that fucking plane. 100%. These phonies. Anyway. Weinstein. Look at us judging Epstein

when we didn't make it. You're judging. Oh, Jesus Christ. Son, you think that Clinton looked at that Ratajkowski picture and he was like, they fooled me too. I'm telling you, they're good. Hey, I think we're judging. Why do you think we work so hard? Max.

Trying to buy me an island. Listen. Oh, man. Look. Yo, Epstein really ruined buying islands. Son. Like, you can't ball out and just be like a billionaire. Like, yo, I want my own island.

Now everybody's going to be like, oh, you fuck children on that island. That's really good. It's going to be half a homeboy. Well well richard branson gotta invite everybody to his fucking apparently richard branson's island is just a hotel he's not even there you can't be because if you have your own little island cover bro not a cover it can't be inviting people i mean that's probably why he wants to go to the moon that's why these rich people want to go to the moon they want a place where they can fuck kids. You know what? Ain't no rules on the moon. In the name of progress.

Emily Ratajkowski, get on NASA immediately. You got some work to do. Listen, not for nothing. If I was rich and famous and there was the opportunity to get some pussy on the moon. Yes. You know what I'm trying? What are you, floating a little bit in it? No, but that's, dude, I can't even fuck on a memory foam mattress.

You think I'm going to be able to fuck with no gravity in space? There's no reverb. You need to bounce back on that shit. Bro, you know what I'm saying? This is probably terrible on the moon, now that I think about it. 100% awful. I had this thought that weirdly... Can't get no head.

You know that one-inch punch that Bruce Lee had where he goes like this? Yeah. Do you think he developed that from fucking? Huh. Huh. like this and then yeah do you think he developed that from fucking oh gosh yeah wouldn't it be crazy if the if the greatest progress we've seen in the last 50 years was all made so guys could afford to buy an island to fuck kids? Son, that's what these billionaires want to do. That's why they're going to space.

Someone got to check Elon Musk's dungeon, bro. Elon Musk might have some joints in there. Some joints? He got a couple pieces in there. He got a lot of red shirts in that bitch. Got the whole Sierra Canyon cheerleading team. Like the Rivals Top 100. John Calipari's in there like...

John Calipari Who's the John Epstein was the John Calipari Of sex trade Bro Oh my god

Oh my god Oh my god Bro Holy shit How much time You think Epstein Spent on TikTok bro The whole fucking

Was Oh man How much time do you think Epstein spent on TikTok, bro? The whole fucking room. Room, room, room, room, man. Oh, fuck, yo. I'm sweating, dog. Yo, think how much you love Vine. Say what? Vine. Just go through the top 100. Six minutes, I've seen 100 bitches. I'm scouting. Fuck, dude.

Legendary. That's like the all 22 of fucking little girls. I can't believe we went this long without talking about R. Kelly. Bro, we did. This is the most progressive We got way better

pedophiles to talk about. I'm about to say like R. Kelly's hat. R. Kelly's all news with the pedophilia, bro. Like he's like fucking he's like what's the motherfucker

that went ahead of Jordan? Sam Booey. He's the Sam Booey. Like you even got your own island, my nigga. You got bitches from Chicago and McDonald's? Come on, son. Epstein and Weinstein probably look at R. Kelly like, come on, G.

R. Kelly is the Sam Boone. Domestic pedophile. Get the fuck out of here. 16. That's like a Chris Brock bit. Fucking bitches 16. What you waiting for? Yo, what about pedophile Chris Brock?

In America. You fucking young bitches on the river. You fucking young bitches on the Miracle Mile. Oh my God. Make all that money. Don't taste the honey. What's wrong with you? They're probably looking at R. Kelly how people look at like Mitch Richmond now.

It's like, you only get two threes a game. I'm center shooting that shit at this point. No, that's right. Mitch Richmond is a trash player if he was in the league now. Back in his day, he was a fucking sharpshooter now it's like gee

Damien Leonard takes like 12 in his game R. Kelly don't impress you in the analytics age of rapists the game passed R. Kelly by bro

he's like Mike McCartney pedophile money ball pedophile money ball dog R. Kelly is money balls money balls R. Kelly not going Money balls. Money balls.

R. Kelly not going to be on the Boston Red Sox. Not going to be on the Oakland Athletics. R. Kelly getting recruited by those scouts who are like, I like grit. I like grit and heart. Oh my gosh. Play the right way ass motherfucker. He's recruited by Larry Brown and shit. Oh, my Lord.

Okay. Set screens and rebound. Okay, guys. Boy. Well, we came out hot in 2020, yo. Wow. We came out extra spicy, extra fiery. Kaz, we asked Kaz to get the top 20 memes of Iran and Trump.

No, 10. Yeah. Top 10 memes of Iran and Trump. No, 10. Yeah. Top 10 memes of Iran and Trump. You have them ready to go? Yeah. Give us number 10. All right, so boom, number 10. I mean, obviously,

here's the thing about Twitter fucking humor. Don't cop, please. I'm not copping, please. I'm like, you know, all right, boom. That's why all my takes, I really try to just go by myself. Are you mentally stable, bro?

I can have some. I'm in the studio with everybody. And I got content. Can I cue these up before you fucking play them I can have songs. I'm in the studio with everybody. And I got like context on it. Can I cue these up before you fucking play them? Yes. Damn. Fuck. You're just going to play a...

All right, fuck it. Go to number nine. Anyway. Go to number nine. So here's the thing. All right, pause that. All right, so the great thing about this tweet is scroll up just a little bit. It's a reply to, I guess, one of the Iranian military leaders or whatever.

Yeah, he says it in all their script-looking language. Yeah, like, when you see shit that looks like chicken scratches, like, I'm gonna just assume it's, you know, those guys. So it ain't clear they still write like the caves. So, they still live in those caves. If you go live in them, you go, Can you read what he was writing though? Go back to the Yeah, click the blue link

It should transcribe Don't click any fucking link No, no It'll still explode We just built a studio Just read it It'll transcribe what he's saying. Just read what that says.

No, don't transcribe it. Just read what you think that says. Go. I didn't say pronounce Akash's name with a list. You sound like Charlemagne inviting Akash Hart to dinner. All right. All right, go. But yeah, see,

these are some of the replies that motherfuckers sent to the Iranians. All right, go to the beginning. So here's a reply to the Iranians who talked next to him. That one concerns me a little bit,

you know what I mean? But, you know, I packed that thing, too, so you come around this way, you will get caught. All right, next one. Go to eight. These are terrible. These are terrible. Oh, okay. All right, next one. Go to eight. These are terrible.

Okay, all right, boom, I love this one. All right, so. Yeah, this is eight. These are people, obviously, when the bombs went off, motherfuckers was trying to avoid the draft and shit or people dying and shit. A classic look from Chappelle. It says, me when I get captured during World War III

and they ask me if I have any final requests. Rule number seven. Boom. Laughing at all the World War III memes. Stop to wonder why the sun is coming out at 9pm and it's the white guy. Oh yeah. Looking mad confused or whatever like yeah it's a nuclear bomb joke yes all right here's the one you'll love andrew okay woman we deserve equal rights hashtag world war three happens women and it's back so i had a joke about

this yeah years ago years ago and it's and then when this came out obviously it wasn't my joke that everybody was tweeting but right when this came out it became like a social meme a lot of these memes got a spike yeah but it was cool to see other people just kind of like come with it and run with it and basically the idea that women ain't shit say what

did Kuzma get traded? Kuzma got traded? yeah I heard he was about to go to Sacramento they'll look at that differently man I heard he was about to go to Sacramento. Just look at that. We'll look at that differently, man. I'll check ESPN. You go back to the memes. Yeah, go back to the memes.

Yeah, stay on the memes. Fortnite kids dancing in the plane. No, they're about to. Fortnite kids dancing in the plane. Knowing they're about to drop into World War III. All right. A whooping. Or you wanted to dance.

You said dance. you said dance. Get to dance. Wait. Fortnite, huh? If y'all can't see it because some of y'all are listening, it's a kid crying while he does the floss

and the fucking, what is that shit called? The folks. The shoot dance. The shoot. Mad reluctantly doing it all. Tearfully reluctantly. Why don't you go jump to the top three? Yeah, let's do that because these are only four.

Who started this war anyway? Who started this war anyway? And Soulja Boy says. Good point. Crackers. Technically, it wasn't crackers. I mean, that's not who got bombed, though.

They started it. They broke into the embassy. Come with the king. Best not miss. Next one, I guess people were talking about, like, oh, you should be making jokes about this. Who the fuck is that?

That's Malik? This is when she was in Precious. Who the fuck is that? That's Monique? This is when she was in Precious. Yeah, but I feel like that's what she really is. But like, whoa, dude. Have you seen? Yeah, she looks. Dude, there's a video of a bullfrog eating a mouse. If you go to Hungry Hungry Hawaiian's Instagram,

Monique looks like a bullfrog, bro. This giant bullfrog that just devours a mouse. If you dangle a mouse in front of her mouth and just say, hey, Netflix has a special for you. Just dangle that in front of her and then just hum. Oh, my God. What is this hungry Hawaiians? Oh, you got to follow it. Don't worry about it then. Go.

Alex, who did you get tagged at? Oh, I don't know. Yeah, I bet you did. We don't log out much. Oh, gosh. This really isn't funny without Twitter context, is it? Nope. Now let's go to number one.

Just go to number one. It's okay. Everybody got to have their bomb. Okay? All right. I guess this is people replying to Trump. After he tweeted the flags, motherfucker tweeted Chief Keep Little Reese

about that action video. Yada, yada, yada. Got a lot of tweets. Oh. Stop the video. All right. Okay, because we don't want to get that audio thing. Anyway.

Okay, listen, Cash. This was great in theory. Listen. This one is funny, though. Hold on. What is it? When the World War 3 Won the recruitment office

During the psych evaluation For World War 3 Doing the psych evaluation For World War 3 And it's Barney Mac Doing the retard act out I love it In Kings of Comedy

He was making fun of me Yeah Great Okay listen Kaz You tried Hey It was great in theory You know what I mean

We gotta give it up for Kaz Give it up for Kaz Just This is This is a memorial for Kaz's segments. This is not a sport. What is it called? Sports? What is the shit that you're on on sports?

What? Sports. SNY. SNY. It's not SNY. This would have been a top ten on SNY. This is a great top ten on SNY. For sure.

Damn. You got to come with more flagrancy. That would have been fire, bro. You got to come with more flagrancy. That would have been fire, bro. You got to come with more flagrancy in this. Listen, these aren't jokes I made. Yo, go to that little picture of Adam right there, bro. Go to that. Son.

Son. Son. Adam right there. About to take out Christopher Columbus so his cousins don't get murked. Look at his asshole cop laughing behind him like this. Change is too fast. I can't look at this no more. I can't look at this no more. Get that out of here.

Get that out of here. Look at that old man, bro. Why you got stairs in your house? Oh, God. All right, boom. What's wrong with this? I guess that's him going to hell for laughing at this. All right, we're too video right now.

We're too video right now. Oh, yeah. All right, before we move on, very important, all right? You guys know I'm shooting a special in April, April 11th and 12th. All three shows are sold out. Thank you all so much, man. I really appreciate you guys for getting those tickets real quick. The road to the special.

Over the next four months, I'm going to be grinding out this hour. I'll be on the road and getting it ready for the special. I'm coming to a bunch of different cities. I want to let you guys know so you can pop in, show up, show out You can party, have some fun Tampa Bay, Florida The 10th and the 11th of January I'll be in Tampa, Florida

You can get all these tickets at theandrewschultz.com Then the 18th I'll be in New Orleans The Joy Theater January 18th, New Orleans, Joy Theater, then pop-up show in Atlanta, the 24th of January at the Laughing Skull, all right, then the 25th of January, we got Atlanta, Georgia, the Center Stage Theater, 26th of January, Birmingham, Alabama, then the 31st and the 1st, I'll in Tempe Arizona then February 8th we're in Honolulu

and then we got Pittsburgh Miami Portland Orlando Virginia Beach Richmond Charlotte New Brunswick New Jersey Milwaukee Minneapolis and then Los Angeles go to theandrewschultz.com for all the details on there get those tickets get them early before they sell out appreciate y'all so much um now another very important announcement with the show very important announcement we officially have a cbd sponsor finally okay radix remedies okay um i gotta get i gotta get the guys stuff for this, but we have a CBD sponsor, Radix Remedies, telling you I've used the products. They sent products for Akash, sent products for Kaz, and sent products for myself. I think they even sent products for Alex as well.

I used them all. None of them got them. That's my bad. I stole from my friends. RadixRemedies.com. It's R-A-D-I-X remedies, R-E-M-E-D-I-E-S.com slash flagrant. Okay. This is the flagrant to asshole army CBD. This is what we're using. This and only this, nothing else. Let me tell you something about this. They don't only just have regular CBD oil. Okay. What I thought was really

cool is they have the flour so they roll joints that look exactly like weed smoke exactly like weed but they're cbd i've heard about this yes so you get and i think we should have akas do it because you don't smoke weed but you do cbd yeah and it's no different you all the benefits without the you don't get high i Yeah. I'm down. Reduction in stress, reduction in anxiety, reduction in all these things. I've done it. It was fucking amazing.

Now, they also have this, a few of the products. They have these tinctures, right? And they come in multiple levels of CBD concentration, 250 milligrams, 500, 1,000, 1,500. And you basically put them under your tongue. Okay? thousand fifteen hundred and you basically put them under your tongue okay what they're gonna do is calm your ass the fuck down all right you i'm telling you all these products that you're gonna have it's a calming effect they have this lotion i think it's called a salve so basically it's like an icy hot you put it on your knees and toes or my toes get fucking filled with uh whatever that shit is arthritis or whatever horrible both of my feet are getting bunions anyway i rub it on them it's

amazing they also have this um it's it's cool it's called neuro root right first of its kind cannabis nootropic with uh fight whatever the fuck it is basically it's used like a tincture it improves mood memory memory, cognitive function. You get all the effects of colon line in 15 minutes as opposed to an hour and a half to settle in. So it's like fast acting. Has the regular benefits of CBD plus the benefits of colon.

Anyway, flagrant is the offer code. You get that, you get a 10% discount on the entire store. This I think is really cool that they're offering. Flagrant free flower giveaway. If you guys go, you go to the special splash page they made for Flagrant 2. That's the Radix Remedy slash Flagrant 2.

You can sign up. And a winner, sign up for their newsletter, and a winner will win free flower for a year. Oh, shit. So you basically get an eighth a week. All you got to do is sign up, which I think is pretty sick. Free flower for a year. They also got these two flagrant get an eighth a week. All you got to do is sign up, which I think is pretty sick. Free flower for a year.

They also got these two flagrant combos. You get the coffee and the cannabis. So it's eight ounce bag of coffee and an eighth of flower, the tincture and salve combo. Those are the two most common products that they get purchased. And you get a five pack of pre-rolls. A bunch of these things. You get them all there at Radix Runways.

Point is, this is our asshole army. This is our CBD. I'll try it. Guarantee it's going to be better than any other CBD that you use because I've tried them all. It took me months of trying all these different CBDs before I decided to double down on one for the asshole army, flagrant two. I'm going to bring some when they send some to the studio. We'll check them all out. We'll try them all now, et cetera.

They have this thing. It's dangerous. But it's a CBD gummy pill mixed with some melatonin. Ooh. Be careful with the melatonin. Yes. But it was for Akash. I use them.

Sorry. That shit puts you to bed beautifully. I need that. Full night of sleep. I need that. I will puts you to bed beautifully. I need that. Full night of sleep. I need that. I will make sure you get them. Full night of sleep. Out.

I need that. Out. Bruh. Amazing. Yes. But don't get too addicted. Obviously, use them sparingly when you need, but out. And you wake up nice, refreshed.

I would take these other gummies that don't have the CBD. They're just gummy. Yeah. You wake up calm. Right. There's something to it gummies that don't have the CBD. They're just gummy. Yeah. You wake up calm. There's something to it. I like to take them right before I go to sleep. It's not like I'm getting high, but I felt like I woke up calm.

I don't know if I'm sleeping better. I was about to say, because I used to take melatonin gummies before, and I would wake up a little groggy. I would sleep well, but I'd wake up a little groggy. You don't wake up groggy? These, the melatonin, depends. Okay.

You're going to get a full night of sleep. Okay. If you try to wake yourself up early from it you're gonna be groggy gotcha okay but it's you're gonna get a nice night for me it's just when do I have to pass out

I gotta pass out now it's more about controlling when you sleep you know when it's beautiful it's on the road that's it close them fucking curtains dark room done

night night every flight night night melatonin are those curtains for your head yeah like yeah it's over anyway go check this out radix remedies.com slash flagrant that's that that's our shit man run with it we want to know how you feel let us know which things you like uh the best from the store and now

it's time to get back to the show peace all right boom so all right. All right. We had a crazy year. Okay? It's a very, very crazy year. We could talk about next year's goals. We could talk about Ricky Gervais. We could talk about some of our travels. We could talk about all these things. I was very fortunate enough to go away for the break, the Christmas break,

and I went to Egypt, and I went to Morocco. Okay. I went to Cairo. I saw the pyramids. The pyramids were the single most amazing thing I've ever seen in my entire life. Rami was right. Again. Did he say that in his thing?

No, but he went to Egypt in the show and was like, it was this beautiful little episode he did about going to Egypt. Well, I mean. Won the Golden Globe yesterday, right? Oh, yeah. Shouts to Rami for winning the Golden Globe. That's why I wanted to bring it up. Shouts to Rami, man, for winning the Golden Globe.

Shouts to Awkwafina, too. Awkwafina won. Awkwafina got one, too. Exactly, man. Guy code the Golden Ring. Shouts to Akafina, too. Akafina got one, too. Exactly, man. Guy code gang, girl code gang. Cairo,

the pyramids, unreal. I mean, speechless. I literally couldn't talk when I saw them. They were so fucking unreal.

How? Why? Magnitude, weight, like literal weight, size, the weight of the bricks themselves, the rocks themselves, like the density of the bricks themselves the rocks themselves like

the density of the structure and you see them all three of them because the great pyramids of geese are like lined up and then there's three like lady pyramids they're like super small because they don't care about the wives and shit but like the big man pyramids are just gigantic how'd you get there by the way like to the actual um it's literally on the edge of town oh imagine so it's not far. It's Central Park. Oh, no shit. But instead of there being the west side,

there's just nothing. You're literally just at the end of Cairo all of a sudden the pyramids are there. The most amazing thing I've ever seen. Cairo the city itself,

absolute dump. Total dump. And there's no way in hell that the people that built the pyramids built Cairo. No way.

Impossible. That the same group of people that built the pyramids built Cairo. Well, they lost their slaves. I was about to say, do they still have the benefit of slave labor?

Probably not. I don't think it was slaves. It was definitely slaves. No. It was definitely slaves. I was looking into this. So I got super fascinated by the pyramids, and I couldn't stop thinking about them. It was definitely slaves. No. It was definitely slaves. I was looking into this. So I got super fascinated by the pyramids. And I couldn't stop thinking about them.

It was like so just fucking unreal. Like when you see the structures, what's fascinating about them is they have these massive bricks, right? Imagine our carpet that we're sitting on right now. You go to the wide angle. Imagine the carpet and then go up to like maybe six, eight feet in the air. Maybe even bigger. Solid brick limestone. Oh, like one brick? One brick. Is that big? Tonsestone oh like one brick one brick tons of them that were that tons of them that moved 17 kilometers over a river

to get there it's not like they built the the pyramids with bricks that were in that area they actually chose the highest plane that they could the highest not the lowest highest okay that they use everything about it it changed the lowest. The highest that they used. Everything about it. It changed the way I looked at human progress and all these things. We can get to that. But it's just so remarkable what they were able to accomplish.

And it made me realize, I think that we've been looking at human progression linearly, and it's not. Okay. In other words, I think that certain groups of humans throughout history have progressed

at rates that are faster than we thought and then those groups have just died out. And because we didn't live in a global society at that time, you're really only connected to those people

that were around you. Once that... So you didn't know those guys existed and how advanced they were? Exactly. And once your civilization died out, for whatever reason, famine, a plague, or something like that, so was your technology. Yeah, every advancement died with it. Gone. I think those pyramids have been there

way longer. Do I think they're aliens? No. But I think what you saw in Mexico, you see these pyramids pop up out of nowhere and maybe they're look maybe they're uh alien structures right or maybe the reason why they're that shape is because you couldn't build straight up without things falling over yeah like that's that makes logical sense that's the logical sense right but we still want to build right we want to go closer to the heavens right like everything in that moment like if you go to any part of the world like with when you get out of when you get out of buildings and shit and you're just in nature

you realize the power of the sun right you're like oh my god i'm freezing at night and all of a sudden the sun comes up you like compare the size to it's like something i would have seen like in real life let me show you like is it as big as like the statue of liberty or it is let me show you just so you can see but you can you can go some comparative things okay but um it's it's un-fucking-real so here's what i think happens we'll get it we'll get it up there's pictures i have a picture of me on but here's what i think happened the the where it is cairo like where it's situated is like really interesting so the right is an impenetrable forest so the left is the desert in the middle is this one river

the one river in the whole world that flows north and when that river overflows which is happens natural flood season yeah food starts growing out of the ground at like an unconscious rate okay so now you have humans that fall upon this land nobody can get to them they have no reason to leave because it's so harsh all the environments around and they have all the food when i'm looking at experiments the only thing i was thinking about is how did they have enough time to make that in a row think about america every x amount of years we're in a war with somebody yeah shit gets complicated shit gets tricky right

these people had to have tons of time and tons of money or food at the time was money essentially to erect these structures what's that Dan Brown book

Da Vinci Code Inferno the Inferno yeah the idea was the renaissance happened because so many people died out there's all these resources for whoever's left so they advanced at a much higher rate The Inferno, yeah. The idea was the Renaissance happened because so many people died out.

There's all these resources for whoever's left, so they advanced at a much higher rate. Can you break that down to me, the timing of that? Because I want to... So this is actually something you explained to me, and then I read the book, because you read it first, I think. Yeah. But basically, the Renaissance came right after the bubonic plague. The Dark Ages. The Dark Ages and the Black Death.

Yeah, the bubonic plague, yes. Black Death wiped out a third of Europe. Right. So all of a sudden, a third of the population is gone. Yes. Black Death, it's not a police thing. No, no. It was a plague, right?

It was the bubonic plague that killed a third of the population. We've never seen anything like it in terms of illness. Like whatever AIDS is. Caused by the Chinese, by the way. I believe it. Honestly? They probably still have it. It came, like how we wiped out the Native Americans. Yeah. I believe it honestly they probably still have it it came

like how we wiped out the Native Americans because we just it wasn't it's just like these human beings have never existed with each other

so we're not used to each other's diseases same should happen when we start trading certain immune systems weren't built up we start trading with China rats from those boats

and those like ships or whatever that came from China started to come to Europe and then white people couldn't handle it gone could not handle it.

A third of the population is gone. Yeah. Now two thirds of the population is left. You got the same amount of resources for those two thirds of the people. You got the same amount of food. You got the same amount of whatever. You have abundance. It's Thanos, dude.

Thanos was fucking right. These Chinese snapped him. We've seen this the whole time. That's why he's the greatest bad guy of all time. That's why he was such a great villain. Everyone was like, you know what? This shit is good. Son. even towards the beginning of Endgame Captain America was like

you know I saw some whales over at the East River it was actually kind of nice he was like if you're going to tell me to look on the bright side of this I'm going to hit you with the sandwich whatever yeah

yeah like there's too many people here I was pro Thanos for sure yeah there's too many folks but essentially that's kind of what you're saying about this river where all of a sudden they have an abundance of food.

Nobody can really get to them because it's an impenetrable forest. So if you live in that forest and you got tons of food, I can advance the way they advanced in the Renaissance. The way society, all of a sudden, the greatest art we've ever seen, the greatest whatever, because I have all these resources. I'm good. I don't need to worry about survival. Now let's thrive.

If maybe that's what they were doing in the impenetrable fort, like they just got all this food, they're thriving, they're not surviving, nobody's attacking us, you can't get in here. Yes. So let's build some miraculous shit,

we got time. Yes. We got resources. Yes, 100%. Did you ever see Bill Burr's bit about population control? Wait for it, because of that, right?

Yeah. Because of that, you're in the situation where you can create and you can flourish. Correct. And you see tons of progress happen in a short amount of time right so this we can look at as an egyptian renaissance if you will what happens if nobody ever knew you were there and then that renaissance goes away let's say

there's a drought for 10 years we have no idea what happened you run out of food maybe some the only evidence you existed is the pyramids yes eventually people come back they find these pyramids let's say they get credit for them these people that came 4 000 years ago 4 500 years ago right biblical times right the jews wandering around egypt and wandering around the middle east and christians that were in that area etc right jesus's family everybody came through Egypt. I literally went to the church where Jesus' family rested and drank out of the well. Like you see the well that's there. I went to the temple that is down the block

from where fucking they found Moses in the river. It's crazy. There's a Jewish temple there in Egypt, right? So I went to all these places, a lot of history. But in my mind, the pyramids and the Sphinx and that shit that happened way before right way before maybe 30 000 years ago something crazy a group of humans that had this amazing circumstance and progressed because of it and then just fucking died out and then someone later came upon the land and i think the same thing

happened in mexico with those people and I think it happened throughout history in these different places. Makes sense. Yeah. It's just crazy to think about that, right? Like that can never happen again because we're a global society. But imagine in the Amazon, there's a tribe that we don't know about because it's so deep. They have all this technology about like nutrients in the trees and animals that can like cure diseases, all that shit. It's not technology like a phone, but that's technology.

There was a time where horses were technology. If you knew how to mount a horse and ride a horse, that's technology. Right? They die out. We never know anything about them. And they're not technology. I don't know if this fits exactly, but we sell fat loss supplements like this all the time. Garcinia cambogia from some tribe in the Amazon that we never had contact with. They always had access to this miraculous thing.

We didn't know until just now. We're not connected. They're not connected. Yes. So we believe. Oh, they have this fucking acai. We don't know what acai is. It's so full of antioxidants.

But we didn't know because we didn't have access to them. The internet is the craziest fucking invention in the history of the world. Connected everyone. Right. And have you noticed a difference since traveling? This is interesting. What do you mean, the internet? The difference from traveling because of the internet?

Yeah, with countries. It feels closer. Fuck, it does. Yeah. Everybody feels like they get it more. Yeah. On some level. India used to be so different. Yep. so different yep and it's still different but like

you would like if i talk with an american accent to my cousins the first time i went to india yeah they would be like what the fuck are you saying yes but now they watch tv shows they got netflix they hear the american accent so when i speak like that they're trained they're like oh like that basic thing before i used to have to try to do an Indian accent when I spoke. Just so they could understand. It was crazy because I could only do it in India. But the first time I went to India, I was speaking in Indian, I was speaking English with an Indian accent

the whole time I was there. Yeah. And then when I tried to pop out of it just to see, I was like, what do you think I'm saying right now? And they're like, you don't know. Yeah. Wow. But now they're trained to it.

I even noticed that as a New Yorker. Go on. Like I used to, every year I would take trips with my friends when we were younger. This is like maybe 10, 12 years ago. Yeah. And every time I went to another state, they're like, oh, you're from New York, right? Just from the way I talk.

Okay. And like now I get that a lot less. I don't know, maybe my vernacular changed, but. But you think they're so familiar with your accent that it's not this like stark change. Yeah. And I think also. I think that's something to that point. That even happens in like music too.

Like there's certain artists that like perfect example is 50 cent 50 cent first popped off people first started listening they thought he was from the south but because the internet was such a thing and we all know what houston people sound like in atlanta people sounded like because that's wrong he got when he got shot in the face he sounded like fucking um he's a husband i'm a keel huh yeah like he sounded like fucking Huzzah Makil, huh? Yeah, like he sounded like Juvenile. Juvenile, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, so. That's how Kanye popped off too, bro. Maybe mumbling is the key.

Yeah. Cool. Saw dudes from Brazil. What's his name? Conway. He got the fucking, what's the shit that he got in his face? Buck 50 or something like that.

I don't know. Not West Side. I don't know what they look like. He's got Bell's palsy or some shit. Yeah, he's paralyzed. He's got shit in the face. Yeah, yeah. Whole left side of his face is paralyzed.

It makes him sound like a fucking ghost face killer. Yeah, yeah. But he also looks real angry when he's like... Yeah, because this shit doesn't move. He's screw face. He's talking about one side. But anyway, you were making a point. Yeah, I think we're just not as insular now in general.

So then you go have this experience. And it's like... For me, when I travel, I travel for a truly authentic experience. And it's harder and harder to get that. It's really hard and hard. And you can. Like I'm sure. Go.

It's a new authentic. Authentic is a new thing now. And it will be ever changing. But there was a time when we were younger and people listening right now that are young will never understand this. But when you went to a place and nothing about that place reflected you. Nothing. Or your life. The shows were not there was no

mutual consumption of anything and when i talk about go to some place you don't have to be far there were places where you could go and the only thing you had in common was coke coca-cola and the coca-cola tasted different it was the fucking label on it yeah he's the actual like cane sugar and yeah that mexican coke they didn't have a bottle they didn't have factories to mass produce like the high fructose and all this yeah oh sugar okay we got sugar why do they reuse those bottles is that not the glass bottles yeah they reuse the bottles what are we doing are we recycling yeah but are you washing them how do we know we get the coke out it's like with the saliva it all gets smashed up anything about saliva they crush the bottle and then it's like it gets crashed up reprocessed all that shit you know how recycling i thought they were just

cleaning that shit out son i thought they were taking that little you don't remember the big help that little brush and they put it inside are you sure they didn't take the brush and put it inside i think the only reason i know that because because I used to go to the fucking supermarket with my dad when we were young. Collect the bottles. Yeah. And put it here and get crushed in the machine. Was that like take your son to work day? Fuck.

Come on, bro. His dad didn't have a job. Yeah. No, but. Did he just leave you at the grocery store jesus christ like moses yo that's another thing moses got left he did all right some of my greatest people in history. Moses the original Brenda's baby. That's weirder than not more black Jews. That story should resonate.

You see the Israelites? That's why they're so fucking violent. Go to Harlem, bro. You will see them. You cannot escape those motherfuckers. They are loud and angry. You ever get into an argument with them? I would do that back in the day.

Years back when I was dating a Dominican girl, she kind of looked like kind of fair skin, so they thought she was a white girl. So we were walking down Harlem, and these motherfuckers were legitimately like, hey, brother! I see you with this white woman, brother! It ain't no brother. You only walk with that white

devil! That white devil on your arm no they don't hate white women though they fuck them no no no they hate white men no they hate they hate

two of my roommates in college they hate you for being with them even more they probably hate you more than they hate the white

nah two of my roommates in college were Hebrew Israelites but and then they just kept fucking white girls and acting like that wasn't a problem they would only blame

white men for shit they were still a little mockable. Yeah, they were still getting their... You got to go to Harlem. You got to go get the official tissue. The source. Fucking the real black...

But that's what's up. As long as you're not here to ridicule. They're wearing fucking big like Magneto dresses. Like fucking in the summertime and shit. They got like 10 layers on. All black. Loud as fuck, bro. Glad you brought that up.

That's another thing I learned few observations about the Muslim world because I was in Egypt and Morocco one they don't understand temperature

did we talk about this in Patreon yeah okay then we don't need to talk about that now don't understand temperature did I talk about their songs

yes how their voice sounds beautiful but until they talk yeah Until they talk. Yeah, until they talk. Okay, good. And that's it?

Oh, shit. Is that the outfits? I mean, that's close to it. You got to, like, type in, like, literally type in black Israeli atar. They're Mortal Kombat characters.

See, I'm not... You can hide that one out, guys. I see these motherfuckers. You see these... You in Jersey now. You ain't seeing these guys. Yeah, you're right. I saw a new black couple move in down the street the other day.

I was so happy. Hey, if they heard me say this, why are you listening to a podcast headed up by a white man? With a last name Schultz, they probably think you gang. I'm one of the teams, son. What's up, y'all? L'chaim. You know what I mean? L'chaim James, bro. Oh, man. L'chaim James? L'chaim You know what I mean? L'chaim James bro

L'chaim James L'chaim James L'chaim James L'chaim James No he's not Can you say it? Black Israeli Israelite

Hebrew Israelite Buraq Buraq Buraq Israelite. Israelite. They are... Oh, wow. Hebrew Israelite. Broker. Broker. Broker. Broker. Broker. Broker. Broker.

Broker. Broker. Broker. Broker. Broker. Broker. Broker. Broker.

Oh, gosh. Yeah. How was your trips? Huh? Yeah, guys. How was... Oh, we talked a bit on Patreon. It was dope.

I mean, I went to... Stop lying, bro. There was mad Jamaicans trying to fuck Kaz's girl. Oh, right. You went to Heatonism? Bro, that's just Jamaica. You went to Heatonism? No, I was in the grill.

I was on, I was by, you know where Kenny's is at? It was in your girl's grill. You've been to Jamaica before? Yeah, yeah, but I was there only. Fuck you. Yo, yo, son, let's be honest. What's up? You go to Jamaica and these Jamaicans are trying to smash your girl.

Big old Jamaican dicks. Danglen. Son. Danglen. Danglen. First of all, we don't leave the room. That's it. You just get a drink. We stay in the room. Why would you not leave the room?

You pussy? I mean, you go to the pool. Oh, shit. I mean, bro. The only thing about Jamaica. Watch out, my wachy boy. The last thing I want to be is another pussy around a bunch of Dominican dicks. I mean, Jamaican dicks.

That's a lie. They just hoard it bro They just test you Against them like Just to see if like You're going to say something Because if you don't do it Yeah like Because if they don't

Like they will try To bag your girl But as long as you Get them with the like I appreciate the compliment So what do you say to them Like when they're like Trying to bag

Oh your girl's hot We want to take your girl You got to roast them too Right You're like Why are you using A shoelace as a belt? I mean, you know, there's just one person. How'd you clap back?

How'd you clap back? I didn't clap back. You got to thunder clap back, bro. I don't know how to thunder clap back. But you got to understand, like, Jamaicans, there's only like you say Bolt's like the only big Jamaican yeah not just like in popularity I mean like

Jamaicans are usually like either short and fat or like skinny so like you know I'll talk to them like hey listen alright I appreciate the compliments

okay my bad that was it but we're just testing your gangster Kaz out here calling all Jamaicans pussy remember that when you see him on these streets he's calling gun finger gun finger gun finger Yo, real talk.

Akash, what do you say to these Jamaicans when they come for your girl, bro? What do you say to them? I'll fuck up any Jamaican. Oh, shit. Big dick Ak in the building. Talk that shit. Tell them. Y'all. Big dick arc in the building. Talk that shit. Tell them. Y'all eat pussy and you know it.

I'm acting like you don't. Wait, wait, wait. They don't eat pussy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That was a big thing growing up. Why didn't you just say that to them? Why don't you be like, she only likes her pussy ate.

They're like, me don't want no blood clod pussy. Me don't want no blood clod pussy. We got the Red River coming down the blood. We got the blood coming down. The only red stripe I drink is beer. I love red stripes. That's just the fucking delicious. Bro.

No, but in serious. What were you going to say if you got fuck these jamaicans up to try and come for you bro that's right come for you let's go they're not like you want to smoke right away right away yo not really trying to be like akash akash they coming for your girl they yeah i see you man enjoying the beautiful beach without the beautiful mind mind that you have. son, you're getting into this stupid ass, so illiterate ass English. What the fuck are you talking about,

boy? Get a job, boy. You want to impress my girl, buy her something. Buy her some shit, motherfucker.

We were colonized too, we don't speak dumb. Y'all wear sandals because you poor. We wear them because we like them. Oh, gosh.

Boy. Damn, see, that's how you got to handle it, bro. You can't do that soft shit. Well, thank you them. Oh, gosh. Boy. Damn, see, that's how you got to handle it, bro. You can't do that soft shit. Well, thank you for the compliment, sir. We really appreciate that. What are they really going to do? Son, you got to. I'm paying these motherfuckers.

What the fuck are they going to really do? If you're paying them, you got to be like, listen, get off your donkey or whatever the fuck they get around in. What are they doing around those donkeys, bro? How do they get around? What are they riding on, a Haitian? Oh, God. I love Jamaica, bro.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, oh, oh. It's uh-oh. Uh-oh. Haitians are uh-oh. We know ours. And Africans are uh-oh Uh-oh Haitians are uh-oh And Africans are uh-oh Oh gosh Me no horse Me no donkey

Me no donkey Me no donkey Uh-oh Let me ride you like a donkey Come here A-chan Let me ride you like a donkey Come here A-chan Oh boy

Cats can't walk in no hoods I'm good everywhere bro Now that posture you can't walk in no hoods after you talk all that shit about Jamaicans all that shit about Haitians Hebrew Israelites you talking about the Hebrew Israelites

I'm not going to walk in Israelites we cannot say it we cannot honestly be honest, yo. Imagine the Black History Day talk. Imagine it to you.

And then you start running away from him. And then you just hear one of them go, get over here. You gonna duck like Sub-Zero? Gonna throw some shit at Scorpion? He's throwing some shit at you? Be honest. You gonna do a duck out of there? Get over here.

Oh, Jesus. Okay. Let's talk about some sports nah no we don't play off games this weekend son akash went to india son this is like weeks ago we've talked about this out like he still smells like it so we have to address it all right akash talk to us about that double dabble shit double dabble son i doubled that shit was great weeks out there so akash went for like a month almost to india two and a half weeks it was it was it was one of my highlights of the year that you headlined in india because i remember early in comedy we would we would talk about what we want to do in our goals yes one of those goals that you want to do is go back to india and headline yes sir so back as often as possible but yeah that's the thing yeah it was a thing and like

to do it i was mad nervous first couple shows i was talking to somebody you were a pussy i was a little pussy you were a pussy but then what happened second show is a hard body second night i was like, all right, I'm not going to be pussy no more. I'm not no body boy. I'm a rude boy. You're a rude boy. I'm not a rude boy.

I'm not a rude boy, man. Put your dick out first on her forehead. Mash it up and push it up. Big up, big up. Big up, big up. It's a road thing, Alex. It's a raw ting, Alex. It's a raw ting. Take some mac and cheese with your fork.

Put it in your mouth. I don't really care what people say. I don't really want what them one do. First show, pussy. Second show, you said, I'm Akash motherfucking Singh. Hard bodies. Hard bodies. You had some Twizz Hot in one of the shows I heard.

Threw that bitch out. Tossed her. Actually, she started to walk out because she just didn't know how comedy works. Explain. So we did four shows. What was she doing there? Cleaning? Dude, honestly, no.

She couldn't. If she was cleaning, she wouldn't be able to afford the ticket. So there's four hosts that I have one for each show yeah she thinks the person who's hosting the last show is on this one and she thinks he's the only person performing so they just have no idea how comedy works i'm saying they don't double enough in stand-up comedy they don'tble in the comedy world. They're not dabbling in it a little bit more. I'm sorry to cut you off. What style you got over there, son? Son, I got my jewelry, son. What style you got over there?

I got my jewelry, bro. I got my jewelry there. What is that? Icy? Son, I'm icy, son. What you got over there? Talking about your girl got you up for Christmas? Is it Jesus, Keith?

No, that's not Jesus. It's a penguin. That's a girl. Your girl got you that? She got you that? That's cute. That is cute. Oh, shit.

What's your girl got you for Christmas? Something less gay. I'm kidding. That's cute. That is cute. What's your girl get you for Christmas? Something less gay. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Penguins are the gayest animal. It is the gayest.

No, they're made for life, dog. They're made for life, but they all look the same if you fucking something that looks just like you. That's kind of gay. But that's just

her wedding ring right there. That's her saying we'll be together for life. Let me show you what her... Let me show you what is we're going to take some time with this. When we get married, I just say, why don't you tell me what time it is?

How long we've been together? Why don't you look at that watch? Is it in there? Is it in there? No, no, I got it. I got it. That's your body shot to a relationship. You got a buy time, bro?

You got a buy time? You literally bought time. I'm looking for that opening. My girl got me this Apple Watch, which I'm using a relationship. You literally bought time. I'm looking for that opening. My girl got me this Apple Watch, which I'm using a lot. It's very nice. That's just trash, bro. I love it. Fuck you, bitch.

That shit sucks, bro. That shit's beautiful, bro. That shit sucks, dog. Shut up. It's all baby chain around here. That little bitch ass penguin. No shots to the lady, but that little bitch ass penguin. Andrew opened the box.

He's like, yo, what a rest of that shit. That little bitch ass penguin. So Andrew opened the box, he's like, yo, where the rest of that shit? I know, it's at least a cent. Be real, be real. On a scale of one to like 10, I know how much a Cartier watch costs. Yeah, yeah.

Young Thug raps about it all the time. Yeah. I've never bought one. From a scale of one to 10, how pissed were you when you opened up that penguin? I wasn't pissed. He can't answer that.'t answer he can't answer that this nigga trying to set you up

it's a dangerous question it's a dangerous question you Captain Tycus you got a lot of Jamaicans you're on the girlfriend every single day I'll be moving to Jamaica neighborhood of Eastfield Parkway.

I don't care what they call it now. You're like, I'm not going. You're like, what? Nah, because in all seriousness, there's expectations you have, right? There's expectations. You ever see them old judge scales? Like if you put one on each.

Watch. Y'all expect your girls to get you something nice? Cash just projected because he's looking at a fucking Apple watch. Yo, he's like, this is gonna be

a new generation. You see him like, and it's a fall for a gift. You know why she got me to give? Because she needed to lose weight. That's one.

Count your steps, motherfucker. That's one. That's why I didn't get her a Peloton. That's one. Because you always late, motherfucker. That's why you gotta watch. She was like, anytime I didn't get her a Peloton she was like any time I watch the show like you always like looking at your phone and

it's kind of rude so like some bleach I'm like thank you what so bleach oh time and shit that was bad Eddie McQuinn Eddie McQuinn that was shit that was bomb back

yo that whole episode was bombs over back that whole episode was just bombs

over back that was a good time we be shooting we be shooting

we really need that fucking nerf gun so we need the fucking

nerf gun bro that was the idea I had on patreon what we're gonna have is the gladi fucking Nerf gun. Yo, we need the fucking Nerf gun, bro. That was the idea I had on Patreon. What we're going to have is the Gladiator Nerf gun. And anytime Edwin says some dumb fucking shit, y'all missed the Patreon episode where he corrected me on how to say crustacean.

He hasn't said nothing the whole episode. I say, yeah, there's this thing about a crustacean blah blah blah blah and he goes um it's actually it's actually he doesn't say actually he goes um it's crustacean I go

I go I go I look and I look back and I realize what just happened I go I go I go

don't you ever correct me on English ever again I don't care I don't care what correct me on English ever again. I don't care what I'm saying. If it's in English, I'm right, I promise you. Crew station. And then I try to go back to what we're talking about, and I am dragged back into it.

I am dragged back into it. I go, crew station. Crew. I go, what do you call the end of the pizza that doesn't have any cheese or sauce on it and he looks at me and he goes the cruise the only answer okay where were we you didn't answer one to ten It would have been better if she bought you an apple, honestly. Because an apple you could throw away after a few days.

Y'all need to shut the fuck up. I know I'm projecting when I see this shit, bro. Baby, I love my gifts. I love it. Jazz, listen. So thoughtful. Jazz, listen. We know we busting balls out here.

We just joking around about your shitty ass gift. What is it? It's your trash ass gift. Look, it's all good. Jazz, get. Look, it's all good. Guys, look. It's all good. Guys and jazz, you know what I mean? You know what I'm saying?

My shit, blang it. Yeah, you know, I didn't ask you what was on your wrist. I didn't ask you what was on your wrist. You're out here milly rocking the whole episode, hoping someone comments on it. Nothing. I just had to take my shit out the whole room.

Do we need to reset the white balance? Hey. Do we need to reset the white balance? Hey, do we need to reset the white balance? Because this shit out here, zoom in right here. Look at that shit. Bling bling bling bling bling bling. Where's Lil Wayne? This shit came a wheezy, bro. This shit might have came a

wheezy. Oh, God. Checking my circles, bro. Checking my circles, bro. Checking my little circle. Got my, got my, my miles in, my steps in.

Son. I'll catch what you got. I love it. Yo, what'd your girl get you? Nothing. Some peace and quiet. See? See?

See? See? That's how you get uninvited from the wedding. I don't care. It's the new year. 2020. Just because you couldn't name a number from 1 to 10, this is what he does, bro.

Just flames everybody else. All right. For real, what'd you get? Nothing. She was like, do I have to get you a Christmas gift? And I was like, i have to get you a christmas gift and i was like yeah and then and then i got pneumonia and i haven't followed up

i can't tell you the first half that really sells it. Oh, I got something to tell you about Mark too. Okay. We're hanging up. So I get to the studio and I knock. Mark, you know from dropping in, he also opens for me on the road. If you haven't seen any of the live me on the road If you guys have seen Any of the live shows

On the road This is Mark Go on Oh no but They know Mark also From him Leaving you a gift In your shower

Jerked off in my bathroom Yeah So Y'all know Mark I forgot y'all know Mark I get to the studio I moved out of that apartment That's why I moved in with my girl

I was tired I was fucking heel toned And Mark spurred Every time I slip in with my girl. I was tired of fucking heel-toeing in Mark's... Every time I slip in the shower, I'm like, Mark! So the doors are locked and both locked. So I was like, oh, okay, nobody's here or whatever. So I go to walk back to the elevator because I left the

keys in the car. And then I hear the door open and I'm like, the fuck? Next thing you know, just Mark pops out. He's like, open the door and then I see him walking back to the couch. It looks like the TV was just changed off or something. I think this motherfucker was drinking. Did you drink all the way to the studio, son?

What kind of animal are you? What is it called? Making your territory? Marking your territory. Marking your territory. Mark. You're marking your territory. Marking your territory.

This piece of shit, sir. You get a new boat, you break shit in it. No, no. I don't know about that. Why would the locks be on? You're the only one in here. You locked yourself in to jerk off on the fucking TV. For the safety knock.

You want to make sure you get all shit on. Yeah, I do the safety knock on. This motherfucker is wild, son. Dude, okay. Let me tell you how wild he is. Mark is, how old are you now? 23 years old. Okay.

23 and a half. That's some young nigga shit. He's 23 and a half, right? 23 and a half, okay? He's been with his girl for a while, okay? Five years or some shit, okay? No, no, I'm not blowing anything up. We love his girl for a while Okay Five years or some shit Okay No no I'm not doing I'm not blowing anything up

We love his girl over here Okay For some reason When we're talking about Lady shit Yeah This motherfucker will pipe him With his advice

About lady shit Right With his Fucking grown adult Advice about lady shit He actually did that shit Right before we started Oh no

I know I'm bringing it up Because I know I know We out'm bringing it up because I know. I know. We out here 35, 30 years old. How old are you, Ken? 32. You look like shit. Girls should have got you some lotion, motherfucker.

Yo, fuck you, motherfucker. Fuck you, goddamn. That was great. You know how Nigerians age, motherfucker? Stressed. We met our parents. It stresses the fuck out, yo. I look great, but there you two. Nah, I'll fuck with you.

I'll fuck with you. But, yo, you think that she got you that watch to see how much time you got left? Oh, my God. Anyway, so we back. Maybe we back. Oh my gosh Anyway So we back Maybe we back We back Angels and girls Okay

Shout out to you Okay Yeah they came for your chain babe I mean They came for your chain I didn't want to do this I'm just saying Oh I thought it was

Usually you got some chocolates with it What'd you say? I thought it was an ankle joint You thought it was an ankle joint. You thought it was an ankle joint? So I'm coming in with this gold rope and a live penguin next week. I'll do the roll. A live penguin and a gold rope. I don't care.

It's over, son. But keep the same pace. Oh, man. Oh, fuck. But keep the same. So we got we got jacking off Mark. OK, so to Mark Masturbation Mark over here like that. Masturbation Mark is is giving Like that. Masturbation Mark is telling us how to train our women. Right? He's telling us how to train our women.

Right. Right? I don't even know if I can share it. Can I share it? So Mark, come here. You share it. Go over here, Mark. Get over here, Mark. Get over here. Get over here, bro. Mark, come over here and say it. That's the whole point.'s a whole point but the second

part of the story you take my mic mark come here just sit right there is he afraid yeah that's mark this is mark i'll do this mark go give it a go okay all right so what what advice do you want we can start there right what do you want to know you were telling us how to train our women right yeah so mark you had a good thing about because i think we were probably complaining about our women being upset about stuff yeah and then you had a solution to your girlfriend being upset yeah and then what was it well the trick is that you said you met your girlfriend young yes right around the age that you that's an interesting theme that we have going on with the show. Right? Okay. Yeah, so I found her when she was 14.

No, she was 17 when we met. Yeah. How old were you? 17. Duh. Right? I don't believe that. That's gay, yo. That's gay.

Hold on, you're having consensual sex with a 17-year-old? Dude. Well, I'm age dating ass motherfuckers. Same age dating ass. Or motherfucking old boy. I'm obeying the law with pussy ass motherfuckers. Technically, I was 18. Same grade ass pussy ass.

Can't even pick your girl up at high school. Y'all want to ride home together? You need to get a pedophile to pick you both up. We're both getting kidnapped. Oh, hey, babe, can you buy me some liquor, motherfucker? Yeah. Okay, go on. Okay, so we met young, so I was able to condition her to believe.

Okay, that's not a good word. He already changed the word. All right, that's not a good word. That's not a good word. He already changed the word. The wording's already different. It was, what was it he said? Trained. Trained, he said trained, but condition is better. I mean, condition is like smooth.

It's like moisturized. You know what I mean? Like what Kaz needs. So I trained her from a young age, okay, to do the things that I think she should do, okay? But it's all like good stuff it's all like it's positive almost but we'll get to the no it's positive it's i really think this is bulletproof yeah i hear you guys talk about your girl problems i think that i could help so

yeah she will complain so what i did is i just delineated her emotional feelings and how she acts okay so she would tell me she'd be like, I'm feeling really angry because you did something. And I said, okay, that's fine. Your feeling's valid and it's real and it exists and that's important. But it doesn't matter. So that's pretty much it. I basically figured it out. She's white, right?

That's exactly what I said! That's exactly what I said! Hey, it don't work with all of them! It don't work with all these whites, bro. It don't work with all these whites. Drew, you found the wrong one. I got an ancestry.com, my girl, bro. You did.

She's Native American. You got an Elizabeth Warren-ass bitch, bro. So Mark was basically giving us all these tips on how to train our girl and how to condition them and how to make it work and how to get it right. Okay. Okay. Unbeknownst to Mark, he later tells us this story. Okay.

Yo, my Uber's outside. We'll say it. Don't go nowhere, Mark. He later tells this story. He goes, he goes, he goes, so like this other day, this is how I know he's young. He goes, I guess he goes, yo, so like this other day, like I just went down on my girl for no reason. Right. I said, what?

Not for no reason. Because I want her to be happy. Yeah. What? They don't get happy. That's how I know you young, Mark. You can't make them happy. Happy.

Girls don't get happy they just get not mad so he's really 23 he's really 23 I miss those days I know I'm just like how do you think I do that on Valentine's

all the Jamaicans turned off the podcast we don't want to listen to more podcasts with this impulsive attitude okay he was right with training them okay so he goes i went down to her to make her feel good right this is then the story goes crazy went down to her just to make her feel good and then she was going to return a favor right but then he said hold up hold, hold up. Let me shower first. That's something I don't understand. You a wild boy.

What happened? Okay, don't ever say, oh, shit, out loud again. Just ruin the whole momentum. Oh, shit. They pronounced the word wrong. So she showered or he showered? Okay, so he goes, hold on. Let me shower first.

Okay? So let me shower first so you can do your thing, and I'll be freshly cleaned. As Cam'ron would say, she lick my balls right after I play ball. No wash them, no nothing. Hear what I say, y'all? Okay, y'all. I turn the baddest bitches gay, y'all. That's some stinky dick right there.

Where a girl sucks your dick and is like, I like pussy now. That's the next level, Cam. Come. Oh, yeah. All right, right so that's probably what happened to her so mark gets out the shower you're standing there naked right this is fucking how to train a dragon mark this is mark Mark conditions his women. Mark lets his women know exactly what to do and when to do it. He goes out there, and this is how he tells the story. So I was kind of just standing there naked waiting.

And, well, just standing there, and I was like, did you say anything? He was like, well, no, I didn't want to, like, you know, imply that she would have to do that or anything so i just stood there she comes into the room and then what did she say mark oh oh yeah and then she finally came to the room yeah and then she looked at me and she goes hey mark i said because you think you're about to get your dick sucked because it's clean no i'm going to i don't think that i am i'm going to you know it and she goes hey mark i need you to get up right now i said oh yeah a standing dick i do need to stand up you know how to train these girls yeah i'm about to train my i'm telling you i was about to train my dragon, dragging my balls. Anyway, so she goes, you need to stand up right now.

I said, okay, why? And she said, because we are late for my going away party, and we got to go. Son, washed his dick for no reason, got no blowjob, and felt guilty implying that he should receive one in the past. Now, Mark, now that you're here, the young man, you're going to get some real advice from some OGs. Oh, he said now that he's here, you're going to really get some advice.

Now that you're here. Stand up. Stand up right now. I was like, wait a minute. Son, son. Stand up. All three of us go capping it. It's everybody's Christmas, bro. Out to Rolex.

I get my dick sucked. It's for you, babe. Andrew provides, bro. Okay. First of all, always get your dick sucked first. That's a rule. After you get your dick sucked first That's a rule After you get your dick sucked It's over That's it

Y'all ever do that one? Yo, I'm gonna get you right after Yeah And then you don't Well, like later But later could be tomorrow After's always later Exactly

Time is relative It's a flat circle. And you put it out, it goes in a circle. It's a circle. So we good. Like an engagement ring, which you're not going to get

if you keep talking about this pussy here. You know what I mean? Right? It's a circle, like the ankle bracelet around my neck. I got an ankle bracelet, son. Get the fuck out of here, bro. Yo, Mark. Good luck on that blowjob, though, Mark. You got bracelet, son. Get the fuck out of here, bro. Yo, Mark.

Good luck on that blowjob, though, Mark. You got this, bro. Yo, I'll be rude for you, son. Yeah. Right here at IOU. How Indian is Akka? Akka's won his end of the deal, son. Akka's not having this, bro.

You said it in a voice like, I was told to be dick sucking. Yo, you really need to get a Christmas gift, man. That's foul, bro. Even're gonna send an invoice like, uh, I was told it'd be dick sucking. Yo, you really need to get a Christmas gift, man. That's foul, bro. Even if it's an anklet. I'm gonna get one. What do you think

it's gonna be? I don't know. You not. You not. I didn't even like, I don't care about Christmas. I don't care about gifts. But the fact that she didn't

think she needed to get me one. That's so weird, niggas who don't get gifts who don't care about gifts. I'm your witness. Gifts are really a social construct. It's like I'm proud of her.

We save money. We got a wedding to plan. That's my gift, babe, marrying you. No, I want the gift, but not because I want the gift.

I want the gift because you didn't think you had to get me one. Nah, you got, if I'm giving a gift, you giving a cheaper gift. That's how this works. I give a gift, you give a gift. You don't got to give this. What'd you got, if I'm giving a gift, you giving a cheaper gift. That's how this works.

Giving a gift. I give a gift. You give a gift. You don't got to give this. What'd you get her? I got her some shoes. What, from where? Nordstrom.

Nice. Nah, not the. This got crazy, bro. This got crazy. Prada? What'd you have for dinner? Vegetables from the store. What'd you have? Meat. You said where? Prada? What'd you have for dinner? Vegetables from the store. What'd you have?

Meat. You said where? Prada. Prada. Prada and I got her some Tom Ford perfume. So you got Prada, Tom Ford, and you ain't getting no gift back? I'm saying. And the idea that she didn't think she needed to get me one, I was like, I didn't try to

be like the masculine and be like, no, it's cool, whatever. I looked at her in her face and I was like, yeah, you need to get me a gift. And she was like i didn't try to be like the man masculine and be like no it's cool whatever i looked at her in her face and i was like yeah you need to get me a gift and she was like really and i was like yeah you need to get me a gift i can't believe you don't think you need to get me a gift she didn't think no but no disrespect did you at least get your dicks out wow that's Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I'm sorry. Hold on. Hold on.

That's a good question. I'm sorry. I was wavering when it came out. Did you get your dick sucked? Hey, let me tell you something. She ain't getting in the ring for no reason. Yeah. Good save. That's a no.

That's a no. That's a no. Yo, y'all on three, y'all going to be in some heat tonight. Y'all going to be in some heat tonight. I'm not going lie bro let me tell y'all something let me tell y'all something yo you ever see a kid playing with some shit and then he breaks it

and then realizes he was in trouble that's me that's me. That's me. That's what I saw with I'm not gonna lie, y'all. That's what that was to me. I think I'm in the clear.

I'm not in the clear. No. I'm good. I'm leading in the league in like going home to arguments because of this podcast. I had sex with my girl

so many times this week, bro. She probably not even going to remember. I don't need to know that. You can't fit any more memories inside your head? After all the dick I done put in you? Ain't no more room left, bro. Oh, fuck.

My goodness. Yo, come on, bro. I'm out here. Moved in, dog. And y'all living together, too? Yo, Mark, that's what I was going to say. You and your girl might have a spot. You could have my old spot, maybe. I mean, you'd have to rent it.

Oh. You'd have to rent it. But, um... You can get that money at the same time you get some blowjobs. So that's how you mark your territory. Say what? Marked it, and now it's his. That shit was effective. Oh, shit.

Damn, bro. Oh, my God. Mark just bullied me out of my own spot, man. That's foul. It's the cum. It's the cum, dude. Your shit is dense, G. I saw a couple of them swimming still.

I saw the tails moving and everything. They all had little ponytails in there. Bro, it was crazy because some of them congealed. But it was like, you know how a fish gets frozen in a pond? You ever see that? Where they get frozen? Wait, say pond again? Pond.

Pond? Pond. Pondy replay. Pondy bunk. Yeah. Anyway Anyway it was like The tails were sticking out still It was wild It should look like a brush

You know a hairbrush That's what it should look like I examined it Hey guys How much better is the podcast With microphones It's so much better though dude Isn't it

It's a lot more because we know we know you know it's not a lot to think about uh can we please talk about some playoff football oh yeah the football playoffs have no we didn't talk about india we'll talk about india and then we'll talk about this okay go headliner other thing outside of headlining in india you have wedding stuff to do you have family stuff to do it was mad hectic every day we were like because of things to do because of culture so much so many things to do like we're doing a ceremony for the engagement where she's from doing a ceremony with my family where i'm from yeah we're going to another family member's wedding of mine then i got shows we're traveling

we're doing wedding shopping while we're there because you can't get like good like good indian wedding clothes in america anywhere so like you got't get like good Indian wedding clothes in America anywhere. So like you got to find everything for the wedding here. How can you not? Don't you just wrap yourself in that fucking clothing with silk? It's not an outfit, right?

Isn't it just like ice cream? What? You know when they just go like that on the soft serve. So you just stand there and surf all around. Isn't that it? I'm being 100% serious.

You've never seen Charlotte's Web? They're not fucking mummies. He goes to Egypt one time. Everybody's a mummy. I mean that 100% sincerely. The sari, the woman's outfit, is wrapped. No, there's like a lot of work can go into each one. And like when you've seen enough of them, you notice.

Your girl's going to go shopping for stuff for our wedding. Probably yours too. Is she going to have to dress like in a sari? Yeah. Or something. Indian clothes. What am I going to wear? Who gives a fuck?

I'm not invited to talk. Do we have to wear like suits or? Indian attire is encouraged. I'll probably help you out. I'm wearing Indian. What is it called? Adabal. Adabal. What is it called? I'mal? Adabal. Ebert.

No, what is it called? I'm going to probably get you one as a groomsman. What is it called? Kortha pajama. Kortha pajama. Pajama, son? Yeah, the pajama is the pant. But is pajama a Hindi word?

I don't know. Is kortha one word? I don't know. Is it two words? I don't know who it's from. Is it two words? Kortha? Yeah, kortha is the top.

Kortha pajama. Kortha is the top and then pajama is the top and then Pajama's the bottom. The pant. I'm going full Hindi on this. Listen, I got love from my Punjabi brothers. It's the same outfit. All right, well, I'm going full Indian and Punjabi and Hindi. Sandals.

You good. Are we doing sandals or are we doing shoes? Whatever shoes you want. Is there a slide on? Yeah, I'm going to probably have slides. Nice. I would do a slide. Wait, we keep them on?

Definitely do a slide. Not when you go to the Gurdwara and we do the ceremony. Yeah. You'll take off your shoes there, but then for the reception and stuff. Oh, you get it. All right. Yeah, when I'm coming in and we're dancing. I want to go barefoot.

All right. You were going to go barefoot? I'm going to walk you through the whole ceremony thing. When is it? October. This year? Yeah, 2010. 2020. Are you you gonna get her a gift for your wedding let me tell you something the gift is the wedding son

paying for a wedding will grow shit up real fast should I just buy you a gift should I only buy you a gift I mean that no I'm serious like

no think about this no this is serious you should only buy her a gift my gift is she stops hating you. That's my gift. She doesn't hate me anymore. Yeah, I know. So shut the fuck up.

You're not doing any good job. Who let you ahead, dog? Dude. Who let you barely ahead? Oh, okay, dude. Dude, I didn't know that I was down. Was I down? Brad, when you been up?

I haven't been up. You just got back in the game, yo. Son, I didn't know that I was down. Was I down? When you been up? You just got back in the game, yo. Son, I didn't know I just got back. I'm on the bench still. You on the bench. You in the game, but like... Look at Kaz around Texas going to stupid-ass watches. Dumbass fucking trinket. Old little mermaid-ass gifts. He pressed like three buttons every time he did that.

Big ass finger hitting all the letters at the same time. I love my gift, baby. I don't got to tuck my shit in. Who got the flyest chain, though, for real, though? Probably Alex. You can't do the usher with it? I can do that. It's not a shame you can't do the usher with it. I can do that. It's not a shame you can't do the usher with it.

I can't because the thing won't fit over the... The piece won't fit over the... The clasp won't fit over... It got stuck in the clasp at one point. It got stuck. The paint went and got stuck. It was wobbling. It was wobbling in the clasp, bro.

It couldn't get out. That shit was stuck. Oh, my God. It got poached. Oh, my God. But not for class, bro. I couldn't get out. That shit was stuck. Oh, my God. Got poached. Oh, my God. But, nah, for real, though. Yo, for real, your girl got to get you a gift for Christmas. That's foul.

Yeah, we're going to get that. We're going to get that. But what do you think it will be? I don't know. Something. She's actually good at giving gifts. What? What?

Sports. Sports. All right, y'all want to talk about playoffs? Yes, we do. I don't know what happened, but let's talk about it. Cowboys got a new coach. I'm sure Akash has a lot to talk about that. Might be Brady's last game as a Patriot.

You know what I mean? Akash. Akash. Akash. It goes from bad to worse. It goes with bats or worse. It goes with bats or worse. I'm sorry. What'd I do?

What'd I do? I thought you were talking about the Cowboys coach. Man, that's what I was saying. Oh, that's what you were... I thought you were upset at the present shit. No, no, no, no, no. I'm trying. I'm trying.

My girl got me a gift outside the machine you put the corner in. Oh, my God. You know what I'm saying? Why are you upset? Why are you upset? Yeah, we good. You know what I'm saying? She didn't give me a gift outside the machine you put the quarter in. Why you upset? Yeah, we good. She good at giving gifts. I just can't take no more of this slander.

Okay? Shit. Alright, we got a bar. You hear that? We got a motherfucking bar out here. Akash. That's good. I can't reach it. 2020, a bar you hear that we got a motherfucking bar out here akash yo 2020 i'm gonna be an instant thought you're gonna be instant yeah

akash thought he put his foot down no i put my foot down would you like me to get you a gift? Yes, I would. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. She was trying to make me. I put my foot down. No, no, no. Don't play me like I'm. She thought I was going to be like masculine and be like, no, I don't really care about gifts.

I was a bitch. I was like, yes, I would love to feel appreciated. Actually, it's not even. I swear to God, it's the thought that counts. I swear to God, it's the thought that counts. I swear to God, it's the thought that counts. When you don't have the thought? When you don't have the thought, bro? You're going to become a bitch.

She was trying to get me to be like, no, I don't need, no, I'm not that masculine. I want my motherfucking credit, yo. Tell me you love me. You want to rap? You want to rap? Sure, fine. Why not? You want to rap? Nah, just give fine you want to rap nah just give me something

that lets me know you gave me half the joy is just unwrapping it like how at that point she got you a fucking m's coupon book. I'd be fine with it. Because I know you used to be the shit. Monopoly jerks? Tell me about it. Yo, I just got a craving for that apple pie from McDonald's. Remember that apple pie? You remember that apple pie with the ice cream? I had it recently.

Don't hit the same like you used to. Whoa. Whoa. They changed the recipe or something? Yeah, I think they did. It's kind of like how they- Where are you 30, man? You can't eat that shit no more.

Very true. What the fuck are you talking about? I was high, bro. He was trying to drink milk after 30 years old. That was the issue. Bro, I will eat anything after I'm home and I smoke like a joint. Me not eat no pussy after this smoke, man. Me never have no money shit for no pussy.

Oh, boy. Anyway, so India. Remember you on Wendy's, bro? for no pussy oh boy anyway so india i'm proud of akash man he goes to india and finally hits puberty because his voice is deeper about a week i got i had pneumonia i'm just coughing you got you got pneumonia You know what I got Son I can never say that word Pneumonia Pneumonia I can't say it

Pneumonia Yeah There you go I think so I'd just be asking doctors I don't have health insurance But they were like It sounds like you got pneumonia

Yeah Yeah you've been sick For like a couple weeks Yeah I was You're fucking it up though That's why I thought it's puberty Honestly though Because it's stuck

This is why I need to drink alcohol, bro. This is why I need to drink alcohol. You have like a little bit of tequila. I can touch it right out, bro. Yo. Do you want to drink some alcohol? I'm telling you, it'll help. I'm good.

It'll help. Yo. It's too late. Are you sure? I think I'm good. Yo. Yeah. Do you want to kiss some guys?

That I do. Yo. Yeah. Do you want to kiss some guys? That I do. Oh, gosh. He's just thinking about tomorrow. He's stuck in the middle, bro. He know it's come out tomorrow. Oh, I ain't getting in trouble. What happened? You're not going to get in trouble?

I'm chilling. I'm chilling. I'm chilling. I love it. I love my girl. You can talk about that. You can talk about it, bro. You got to do the usher slide with it. Oh, gosh.

But in all seriousness, going back to the motherland, you feel, you always said this about India, you would say that that is home. Yeah. And I always told you.

But they view you. They see me, and this was more evident when you're performing, they see me as American. I'm told my whole life here, I'm Indian. Yep.

Then I go there, and they're like, look at this American motherfucker. Why when you're performing? It's just more in your face, because you interacting with strength you're not these aren't family members these are motherfuckers who don't know you and usually when you go home most of your interactions it's family so you feel at home yeah oh welcome we've been waiting to meet you we've been waiting to see you we don't see you that often what's up let's feed you you're a guest of honor everywhere yeah when you're doing a show For strangers It's like I don't know you

You fucking American That's an interesting thing though You're gonna be on the Indian Mount Rushmore Bro of comics It's gonna happen No 100% We're gonna make it happen

I already put you there Fuck it It's like you And like two other niggas I don't even got Four to fill it up You there by default It's like you

Like Russell Peters He's at the end right Russell up there. Aziz. Aziz. Yep. And Akash, bro. Right there, bro.

Yo, but. That should be named me a special. Me and two other names. Service. But, yo, that is an interesting thing you're pointing out about, like, why maybe people overestimate their um sense of acceptance when they go to their mother country because you're told here your whole life you are not american yes you're indian i identify as indian yes you identify as nigerian probably

when you go back they're like oh yeah that's that american boy not even when i go home like when i'm one of my other relatives and shit like i'm super super, I'm Akata, is what they call me. What does that mean? American, like you're an American dog. I don't think that's what that means. What do you think of me? That actually sounded like the F word. Yeah, I think they let a maggot fly, bro.

Nah, the curse word is a loriburuku. A loriburuku? Yeah, that's like- Sounds like you're gargling on some cunt. Like a loriburuku. That's like you motherfucker. It's like you motherfucker. It's like the... It's the...

What they say in Spanish all the time? That curse word? I didn't even know the one. Pendejo. Pendejo. There you go. There it is. Not for gays.

Wait, what's the one for you, Eden? For gays is marica. Maricón. Maricón is the strong one. Yeah. When you add the O-N at the end of it. Not like the hard T? The hard T foricon is the strong one. Yeah. When you add the O-N at the end of it. Not like the hard T?

The hard T for us? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Maricon. There's a boxer. We could leave it a soft G for us,

but the hard T is, yeah. I think there's a boxer named, you look this up, Emil Griffith, I think his name was. And he was a Cuban boxer.

I think he was gay. And the guy, no. Emil Griffith. Mm-hmm. I think he was gay And the guy No Emil Gertha I forgot Look at death Die I think I heard about this I think you talked about this

I think I might have talked about this But Say that again Kidney failure What? Kidney failure Oh kidney failure. No.

Something happened. I believe it was with him and one other person. I don't know who. He called him maricon or something, right? And then he got killed, some shit like that? Yeah. Go killed. Killed.

What is it? The night the boxer answered gay taunts. Ah, Emil Griffith was gay. Okay. And he was called a maricon by, um, who's the other guy? Benny Parrott.

Uh, yeah, maybe that was it. Maybe that was it. And, uh, he killed him in the ring that night. Oh,

he died. Uh, Benny, the kid, but it was a Cuban and he called him Maricon called Emil Griffith, Maricon and Emil Griffith, uh, killed him in the ring what did he like not

respect the bell or no he just he just laid such a severe ass whooping on the guy that he died oh well they're about that life bro those are the breaks Boba Weave if you got killed in the midst of the fight with nothing illegal happening, it wasn't

like, it's not like pro wrestling where they're hitting you after the bell. Like, oh my God, stop the fight. Yo, isn't that interesting about fight sports? If you kill someone, it is legal. Yeah. You can legally kill somebody boxing or do an MMA or any of that. Like in MMA, if you want, you can twist someone that kind like in MMA if you want you can twist someone's head off their shoulders if you get in the right position and they don't tap and you do

it real quick you can snap their neck Jason Bourne style and that is a hundred percent legal snap the neck really there's no rules that say you can't you're just trying that's on the rough too yeah I mean if you're quick enough yeah wow roughs got to get in there and stop you from dying that's the job that's intense yeah jesus anyway um but but this sense of home you go there you feel it but you also feel it's it's interesting like the uh you need their acceptance performing there is crazy because it's like you validate my authenticity yeah so that that's why i couldn't understand the first show or two and then after the first night i was like okay i'm good here i'm the stage is i'm a comedian like i identify as what i did whatever i'm a comedian you can't fucking change that and you own that stage that's my stage i'm home there more than you are exactly so and then they would get like weirdly anti-pc

or like anti anytime i did anything anti-woman at all, they would like really tighten up. Like so whatever. And then the second night I just called them out because paid labor there is very cheap. So I was like, it's funny. Y'all are like big feminists here and you're going to go complain about me. And right now,

most of you probably have a bitch doing your dishes at the house. And then I did like an act out of it. And I was like, I'm the sexist, but you got to dishes, bitch. You know what I mean? And then that, loosen him up and whatever.

And that might be a moment we'll put online or something. But like, it took a night for me to be like, oh fuck, how do I do this? Yeah.

The pressure must have been insane. Yeah. I was, the way I related to it was like performing in New York, right? Because you want to do well in front of your people

but I get to perform in New York all the time. And you grew up here and you're a New Yorker. No one can take that from you. Exactly, yeah. You were performing for your fucking identity. Yeah, dude. It was nuts. And I grew up here and you're a New Yorker. No one can take that from you. Exactly, yeah. You were performing for your fucking identity.

Yeah, dude. It was nuts. And I didn't realize it would be that crazy. Because I did a set there, here and there, whatever. But headlining is different. It's 45, it's my show,

I carry this whole thing. Yeah. If you don't like me in 10 minutes, I'm out anyway, who cares? Yeah. If you don't like me, you don't like this show, like, that's me.

And the most I can give you, me. Yes. So it was nuts. But it ended up being great second shows went the second night i was much more like in command of everything went great fourth show was the best one and then i flew out after that oh my god that just happened yeah jesus christ joel and b dislocated his finger we are looking at his finger right now he's brittle anyway but uh that's um yeah that's a that's an interesting thing man it's just an interesting thing that to go through and like who used to have that kind of like duality have those two homes you know yeah did

you feel that like you earned it i did and i felt like i kind of felt that way last time I performed there too, but more so this time is like, y'all can think what you want. I am Indian. Like, you can think I'm American. Maybe I'm American to you, but in my mind, I'm Indian. But you might see me as Rachel Dulles also, who knows. Right. Yeah, but like to me, whatever. Now here's the question.

When you go to these places. Sorry, real quick. I'm Indian enough. Indian enough. Yeah. now here's the question when you go to these places sorry real quick i'm indian enough indian enough yeah when you go to these places you find out how abundantly american you are too yeah is that a weird feeling when you go to the place that you call home that is supposed to make you feel like you're in your place yeah to all of a sudden go holy shit i'm kind of i'm a yankee a little bit yeah okay well 100 every time i go i am slapped in the face with how american i am what is the first notion of it you can't live like they live

like like what i've complained about poverty here all you want to i'm not shitting on anybody's struggle but the level of struggle and poverty there is just you can't comprehend it like anybody right now that's poor you have a phone that you're listening to a podcast on yeah and an internet connection yeah you're doing all right you're doing all right i mean just the level when you go to these countries it's like oh fuck this is different everything about it is different their existence is fundamentally different than ours and i grew up in this one and i can't like just from the fucking taking trains overnight and people everywhere and like just cows walking on the street like in every way and that these are the biggest differences but just like every single

step you're taking you know you're not an american why not fly i fly i flew the trains overnight thing why not fly it's much cheaper for a lot of people but then i flew when i could and then that night we just couldn't get the flight in time or whatever I don't remember why oh cause so in India you can only fly direct from Mumbai to other cities or from Delhi to other cities

like two and a half so if you're not in one of those cities so we were going from a city in Punjab to a city in UP where my family's from so instead of taking

a layover in New Delhi and then flying we're like let's just take the overnight train how long does it run? 11 hours Jesus Christ so like make

the toilet is literally just you go into a bathroom and there's a hole in the train oh gross How long is the run? 11 hours. Jesus Christ. So like make... The toilet is literally just... You go into a bathroom and there's a hole in the train. Oh, gross. And two steps. And you shit on the tracks. And you shit on the tracks.

Can you like Americanize that travel as far as like from town to town? Like what would that price be? You could rent a private... Oh, everything takes longer because roads aren't great. Okay, so it's not terribly far. It's just the infrastructure

that makes it take so long. Nothing. India is one-sixth the size of America. And five times the population. So that gives you an idea of the density of it. But the infrastructure is just,

they're getting better, but it's still fucked in so many places. Goddamn. So there's something like, India's, I guess, they just announced that they're going to send

a summit of the moon. Did you see this? Maybe you told me this. Yeah. And it was interesting so like we were having this conversation i think a few weeks ago on here about like these and i dude i felt this when i was in egypt and morocco as well but like the the incredible like tough decision making you have to go through as like a third world leader.

Yeah. Because every decision is just deciding how many less lives will die or how many less lives will die. And they're deciding to put someone on the moon while their people,

their kids starving and dying. And it's a tough decision. When I was in Egypt and Morocco, I was thinking about the same thing. I was like thinking about being a king in one of these places we think about being like royalty or like a dictator in these places like there's a king in morocco what a fucking horrible awful job that would you have to compartmentalize millions of deaths every day in every decision you don't see poor kids here i saw so many poor kids probably you too seeing poor children it's

different it's different it's not even same it wasn't like that jamaica but i did see a lot of like poor kids as well and it really does fuck it fucks you up but it also lets you know the level of poverty is like oh there are i'm seeing scores of poor kids dude and and and seeing them like on the same street that was the most fascinating thing about like egypt not the most but one of them is like you will see a nice car let's say a fucking mercedes-benz and on the same street someone traveling by donkey yeah that is a wild thing to see i mean we have a bike messenger here in a car but at the same time it's like that's a choice that bike like the bike probably got a fucking motor in it facts it's

just easier to navigate with traffic they're doing it because it's easier there's no parking by the pizza place in the city so they're like fuck it we'll go by bike seeing a person whose life is is traveled by a donkey. That's what he does every day for his life. And in the same town, there's a guy with a fucking Maserati. That's a crazy thing to like pull. And I wonder if it weighs on them.

I wonder if you can get used to that. I think you do. Can you? Yeah. How do you get used to seeing fucking starving kids? Bruh, Indians will turn away and i remember i gave some money to like a poor kid or something oh i i so i didn't want to give money so when i was in mumbai some kids asked me for for like food or whatever i was like let's go to the store i'll get you water no they didn't ask me for food they asked me for money i said

let's go to the store i'll get you food i'll get you water they were like trying to buy mints and i was like no i'm getting real food in Hindi. I'm telling them like only real food. I'm not getting you this shit. They're kept asking for the mints, kept asking for the mints. I was like, no.

And then I finally went to the guy, I said, Hey, um, just give me something filling for these kids and some bottle of water. They take the water and they look at me like, and I have a Coke. And I'm like,

are you fucking kidding me? And I imagine if I did that every day, eventually I'd be like, yo, go fuck these all. Fuck all these kids. Fuck them kids. That's a small level, but also just like, kidding me and i imagine if i did that every day eventually i'd be like yo go fuck these all fuck all these kids fuck them kids that's a small level but also just like if you see it enough you're like what are you gonna do why do you think they were felt entitled to that or i don't know

blows my mind i mean i think it has a lot to do with how we're raised too i mean like you're raised in this country i think they might also think sorry they might have thought he's an american i can get him that too can i you gotta think about like how we look at poor people especially in america like when we see poor people we don't necessarily see them on the street we see them with like fucking susan sarandon singing in the background and talking about like whatever the fuck same white lady you just have like sarah mclaughlin's a actually. I think it's some other girl. Is it? Whatever. Anyway. The poor kids are very like, you know. Wow, that was actually kind of.

I was almost Alex level. Oh, you lost it as soon as you got complimented. I can't go high, dude. I got to start lower. You would be a good baritone. I'm a baritone. Yeah, it'd be a good baritone in this scene. That's too much No? Too much, too much

Okay, sorry Anyway In other languages I can sing higher Singing Spanish Spanish? Yeah, that's easy Okay

Okay No? Ready? Go for it That's easy. Okay. Porico Moreno. Dominicano. Oye, Millano. Okay. Ready? Go for it. Nos quedamos en la esquina del parking lot, girl. No?

No. He would have got a nerve run just then. I caught my bomb today. Bomb on the bank, man. I tried, yo. I thought you were the last man standing No no no What were you just saying?

I was just talking about how That's why I interrupted I'm back No how we look at poor kids Is like you know the way we've seen it Is probably way different than what people in India See poor kids where they're just kind of like Oh they're just whatever it's there yeah dog we saw a kid i thought we thought

he might be dead he's laying on the fucking concrete flies all over him no shoes no socks just laid out looks like he's selling some kleenexes or something like that we're trying to wake him up he's not waking up finally we get him to wake up we give him some water whatever but like nobody else gave a fuck what is that kleenex hustle dude i don't i asked them in egypt about they got the same kleenex hustle same fucking kleenex hustle they must be able to buy them for cheap or something they're so you know how like in mexico they sell chiclets they sell gum right in egypt and i guess apparently in ind, the hustle is those little plastic packets of Kleenex, the tissues. Like the dry ones or the wet ones?

Dry ones. Dry. Like you blow your nose. A little personal pack. But it's just interesting how cultures choose a different thing to sell for being poor. It must be dictated by price or something. You get a lot of cheap. There have to be like the government gives out something to make money.

There was something that's interesting with culture wise and the limits of culture. One thing I didn't understand when I was in Egypt and more abundantly so in Morocco because there's this amazing, like they're called souks, but these places where you can buy merchandise. It was like,

you're out of fucking Aladdin. These like little crazy little streets that like bend and turn and doors open and doors close. And like, I mean, they're impossible to navigate without like years and years of knowledge. I mean, like out into song and dance while you ran from the guards.

No, cause I didn't steal bread. Come on. I would have gone for it. Like that's, that would have been one step. But point is, there,

there's this thing where like they told us they're basically like hey if you want to buy something in the souk you want to buy a rug or you want to buy any of these things

I mean like Moroccans are merchants you can buy these amazing just let you know they'll settle around half of the price that they ask you for right

is this in Egypt sorry everything's negotiable everything's negotiable but they're going to give you this price and then they'll settle about half and i'm like oh so why do they do that and they're like oh that's their culture it's a whole thing so oh so your their culture is being a dick and like lying and trying to steal your money that's not an excuse for culture like how

does allah reconcile that shit is what i'm trying to say like these people are all like devout Muslims right don't drink but they're totally okay not stealing it's what can you it's lying trying to make money it's lying broke his phone they lie to your face they go I can't possibly go lower than I can't like they're lying to you I got this from with a certain

place is the only way the price poor Allah provides they put yeah but it's the same thing when you walk into a store and then you see the same shirt 50 off the next week same shit it's like a cultural it's like a cultural game that is i want to see how low i can get this for this is why indians are cheap and we love negotiating and they want to see how much they can get it for and we both understand what's happening i think so anything anything you words you say i think we're just like okay cool i'm gonna say words too and then the the buyer will be like i've seen 10 of these

on the way here you ain't seen none bro i come from the first world yeah i flew here right business yeah you're gonna make me haggle over what ends up being five american dollars that's their that's why they're like what do you need five American dollars for? Oh, yeah. I was about to say, that's probably more on us. Dude, I just give it. I think it's...

So there's two ways to look at it. I think the culture, I think that part of the culture sucks. I just don't think it's like a cool thing. Like there's amazing parts of these cultures that we are there, we got to experience. I just think it's like,

it's just gross to like mislead and shit. And we talk it up to culture. We're like, oh, it's just part of this thing. It's like like it doesn't have to be that thing like we could just give an honest fair price for shit you know what i mean that's fine it's fun but it's like a game that's short that's short it's a game but i can't knowing what we're coming from and where we're coming from i can't haggle with someone who is like selling shit on the fucking street i can't do that in my heart it doesn't allow me

to do that I tried once when I bought this rug and I fake walked out and then the guy goes oh okay come back we can do something I'm like what do we do

for three dollars I saved three dollars it's just fucked up that's a big three dollars to them though man but I would I would rather that happen

and you're all you're misunderstanding what I'm saying is like he's saying he'll just pay the high price but what I'm saying is I would rather you happen. That's what he's saying. You're misunderstanding. What I'm saying is like. He's saying he'll just pay the high price. But what I'm saying is I would rather you give me an American price. But don't lie to me. Oh, I can't possibly do it. If you just said, hey, man, listen, you're from America.

Shit is cheaper out here. You want to just. I'd gladly. I'll buy two. Whatever you want. I bought these glasses and shit. Yeah, but you can't assume that works for everybody. Because other people would be like, no, fuck you.

But those first world people are dicks. It's like you can't assume that works for everybody because other people would be like, no, fuck you. Just because I'm American, I gotta pay more? But those first world people are dicks. It's like you're going there to get shit for cheap. You're already taking advantage of the fact that their life is way worse than yours so you can have a nice

fucking grandiose vacation. Yeah, so then they don't know who's gonna be the dicks and who's gonna be the nice people. Yeah, I guess you're right. It's just, I would go into these things

and they'd start it and I'd literally be like, all right, do we have to do this whole rigmarole? Like I would say that out loud. I was like, come on,

just what is the price that's fair? We had different reactions to it because I will, if i feel like you're hustling me because you think i'm american i get like fuck you let you don't think i can let's go let's play this little game and you're just like yo don't you yeah i don't don't i don't need to do i hate this don't lie to me i'll just pay you grateful to be in your country and enjoying this authentic experience i will overpay for your fucking glasses and whatever that is because of this experience that i've been provided with i'll gladly overpay i don't know if i told you about you just don't like the you just don't

like the lie it's it's like that's a very different reaction than most people have to the hustle that's fair but it's the same I have the same issue with woke people. Don't lie. You're lying. When I went to Cuba, Cuba has two forms of currency. Love that. And so it's basically like a currency for tourists

and a currency that they use. And so you can, depending on the restaurant you go to, you can either spend $100 on a meal or you can literally spend like five bucks on a meal depending on which restaurant you go to because the locals

all eat at certain places and then all the tourists go to the places Obama ate at and stuff like that. So it's like that's how they do it. They just have

different currencies that you operate in. Because here's the thing. We're still going to get a lower price anyway. Even the American price is going to probably be lower for what you're getting.

Maybe it's relatively similar. And on top of that American tourism is still kind of very new for Cuba. So they're probably just trying to get as much as American tourism. It's a tourist price regardless. Yeah. Maybe it's relatively similar. And on top of that, American tourism is still kind of very new for Cuba. So they're probably just trying to get as much. It's a tourist price regardless. Yeah.

But here's the thing that I'd rather. It's like, you know, when you go to some of these countries, you have to buy a visa. Like oftentimes you buy it at the airport. Yeah. Right. And all that is,

is like a tax to enter the country that goes to the government. Maybe some of that trickles down to the poor people. I don't think it does. Yeah. Right. I'd rather pay that tax to them. Yeah.

Don't. I'd rather not pay a single tax at the airport but you give me an american price at the fucking everything's more bizarre america i mean i feel for the same way about charity happy or it's like i don't like donate into the salvation army or the red cross and none of that shit like i'd rather just get some money give it to the gang find the. Find the guy who's like out there, like on the ground, like doing shit. Like here, I see what you're doing here.

Take this and do what you do with it. Cause a lot of that shit, like you said, like you don't, you never know what that trickles down to. And you don't want to feel like you're being fucking disrespected. Like that's the worst way. And you feel like you're giving money to something.

That's a good cause. That's how rich people feel about the government. Really? They're like, I don't want to pay high taxes. You don't know what to do with money. That's 100% what took me over from being much more left to being much more like center i guess and we used to talk about this all the time when i lived in texas taxes were low things seemed good

i go to california taxes are much higher the roads suck the schools suck i was like what do you all this other infrastructure like what are you doing with this fucking money it's you're always broke how are you broke you're taxing me so much. Oh, maybe you don't know what to do with my money. Maybe I could just donate it and then that'd be better. Yeah. Now, you know,

some people might be listening and they might be going, well, California doesn't have the natural gas resources. Yep, and that's nuanced. Sure, absolutely. But you know what? They might develop some

if they weren't just being funneled money by the fucking people. Yeah, also it's just, I don't think it's any mystery that New York, California, But you know what? They might develop some if they weren't just being funneled money by the fucking people. Yeah. Also, it's just I don't think it's any mystery that New York, California, these blue states, they're not great with money. Government's not great with money. It's too bureaucratic. MTA.

How is it broke? Perfect example. It's always full. How is it broke? How is it broke? They're hiking up prices. I had to pay more for toll today than I did on Saturday because they hiked up the bridge toll. To what now?

How much did it cost you to come to New York? It was $16 to cross from GWB to New York City. How you always broke? I remember when that shit was $5. And if you take Midtown Tunnel, that's another. Oh, no, no, no. And what's crazy is that they fired so many people because now they don't even have toll workers anymore. It's all E-ZPass.

Yes, they fired bad people.'s all E-ZPass. Yes, they fired mad people and everything at E-ZPass and fucking, what you call it? There were police and motherfuckers hopping in turnstile.

Like, you spending more money on sending police officers to arrest motherfuckers trying to hop the toll that they can't afford because you hiked the prices up.

Right. Like, makes no fucking sense. MTA is a joke. Nah, they hopping that shit in Jordans. They could afford it. I never seen a homeless person get arrested for hopping.

I've been arrested. I got arrested. I should have. I got a ticket once. I got a ticket. I got a ticket. I should have. I could afford it.

It was fun. Nah, I've never done that. Where we at time-wise? 220. Oh, wow. We hard. Okay. Guys, we haven't talked about sports. Oh, wow. We hard. Okay. Guys, we haven't talked about sports.

Oh, wow. We hard. You want to do a quick one? Yeah. I mean. Playoffs. Playoffs. Okay.

Real quick playoffs because we still got to do something. Real quick playoffs. Go. You guys, I watched the games on Saturday. I watched the first half of the Bills game. Okay. And then the first drive of the second half. And this is when I realized the Bills were going to lose.

First of all, they're the sixth seed. They're the lowest seed in the playoffs on the AFC side. So they're underdogs. They're playing Houston, who's a pretty good team. They're up 13 to nothing. And they have the ball at the end of the half and they're driving. So you score here. That's great.

You put more distance between yourself and the other team. The way they managed the clock, it became abundantly clear to me they're not trying to score a touchdown and go up 20 to nothing. They are very happy just kicking a field goal and going up 16 to nothing, or whatever the scores are.

And right there, I was like, oh, I don't think you're going to win. And then sure enough, at the beginning of the second half, they're driving again, 16 to nothing, fourth and five. They have the ball on the Houston 45. You could go for it

and even if you don't get it, Houston gets the ball on what, their 42? It's not that bad. Nothing on the board. And if you get it, now you can put more points on the board.

Fourth and five is still long, but go on. Still long, but they punted. I would think five and lower and you're in the other team's fucking... It's understandable.

Fourth and two, go for it. You go for it. Fourth and five, I think if you are playing to win. Also, Josh Allen. What's Josh Allen? Josh Allen. He can run. You have options.

They're running back. Big boy. He was playing well the whole game. Forget his name. But they punt, and I'm pretty sure it's a touchback. So you went from having the ball on their 45 to giving them the ball on their 20. You just gave up the ball for 25 extra yards of field position.

You lost a chance to score. And I had to leave to go do some stuff with my girl's family. But I was like, I don't need to watch. They lost. I know right now you lost. If you play a better team and you play it safe like that, you will lose. And I don't know what the life lesson is in there, but there's one in there. Which is if you are the fucking underdog,

you go for the win. You take your shots, you go be great. Well, the Texans, they made... Josh Allen fell apart, didn't he? Josh Allen fell apart. He was doing some bullshit fucking plays. Sean Watson, I saw his highlight. That was fucking insane. It was amazing.

But Josh Allen, there was one time... He lost like 25 yards on a fucking play or something. No, he lost 17 yards on a play. He basically got sacked and then put themselves out of field goal range that would have won the game i was jj jj watts sacked him on third down he lost 17 yards or some shit like that and that was that was literally the game comes back i think he made a couple big plays made some plays in overtime he making a run, and he tried to do a fucking... Lateral.

Fucking lateral. Oh, was that it? Yeah. I don't know what the fuck he was... I don't know what he was thinking. Yeah, he tried to do a lateral to one of his teammates, obviously. Yeah. It lateraled over the guy's head, and the guy batted out of bounds, and then they got

a five-yard penalty for intentional... Yeah, you can't knock a fumble out of bounds. Right. On purpose. on offense. But they kept the ball, which is, I guess, the right play to do if your quarterback's a fucking idiot who's going to flip the ball. But he fell apart. What about that? Does anybody know about the Saints game?

Something crazy happened? What happened? It wasn't that crazy. People actually think I ripped off again? You could have called it. You could have not called it, but typically what I understand, whenever they would throw a flag for offensive pass, so the Saints played like shit all game. They're down 20 to 10 in the fourth quarter.

They come back. They tie it up. They go to overtime. They also, I thought, fucked up the clock at the end of the fourth quarter. Right, yes. But in overtime, Minnesota gets down to like the two-yard line

of New Orleans on a great pass by Kirk Cousins, finally. Oh, I saw down to Rudolph. Yeah. Amazing. No, no, no.

To Adam Thielen. It was Thielen. Rudolph caught the touchdown. Thielen caught the 45 yarder to get them. To the two yard line. That was Adam Thielen. Long bomb. Are you sure that wasn't Rudolph?

Yeah. 100%. Rudolph caught the touchdown. The game winner. So first and goal on the two, they get stuffed. Second goal, second goal on the three or whatever,

they lose two yards. So it's third and goal on the five. If Minnesota scores a touchdown, the game is over. If they kick a field goal new orleans gets the ball back and they can match or win so this is the game and kyle rudolph catches a touchdown pass but he does shove off now what i've seen whenever they call a flag for offensive pass interference every commentator says anytime a receiver's arm is extended they're gonna you're they're gonna to call that. Now, it's the end of the game. You could quite possibly just let them play.

But nobody reviewed anything. Nobody said, oh, we have defensive pass interference review, offensive pass. Let's review this. Yeah, that's why they got pissed. Because literally the rule was you review every scoring play to see any of that. And that's because of what happened last year with the Saints shit. You review scoring plays regardless. Right.

But then you also can challenge pass interference. Yeah. No, I mean, like, you couldn't challenge pass interference last year. It had to be something that the referee called or whatever. So rule of thumb with referees, they'll usually just let plays play out so they have the opportunity to go back and look it over. You can't really do that if it's a goal player or you call it in the middle of the game. So it could have been called, could not have been called.

It wasn't that. But it sucks if you're New Orleans. If you remove the New Orleans history of bad calls, then it's like an iffy call. With the New Orleans history, it's like, God damn, y'all cannot catch a break. And on top of that, Drew Brees didn't play that well. I think it's time for him to.

So this is the interesting thing. Brady and Brees, what happens? Brees comes back another year for sure with New Orleans. They're going to give it one last shot. They were 13-3.

If Russell Wilson can get into the end zone against Seattle, they're not even playing this week. I mean, against San Francisco, they're not even

playing this week. They've got to buy. So I think they're going to run it back. I don't think Brady's coming back to New England. I don't know, man. Tastem Hill, bro.

They really like that motherfucker. Bridgewater played really well when Breeze wasn't playing. And, I mean, if you're Sean Payton... But wait, we're talking about Brady. Brady and Breeze. Yeah, I know, but Brady you don't think is coming back. I don't think Brady's coming back to New England.

I think Brady's gone. I think they should move on from Breeze. I don't think they will, but I think Brady's gone. I think he's... Where do you think Brady's going? Chicago, maybe. I don't think Chicago does it. I think he's... Where do you think Brady's going? Chicago, maybe? I don't think Chicago does it. I think the Chargers, maybe. I think they kind of don't fill rivers.

Yeah, but you're just getting an old guy for an old guy. Who are the Patriots going to have that's as good? They'll find somebody. It's time to develop a quarterback. Draft one, whatever. So then have him develop one year under Brady. Brady's a free agent is brady going to be down for a one-year deal he might be he might be i don't know

how many years of a deal is he going to get anywhere else nobody else is going to give him people will give him money because it's like why not if you're the bear the bears you have a good defense pretty much every year you haven't had a good quarterback pretty much you had a good quarterback for one year and you won the super bowl that's the bears history as far as i know you got a great defense you always got great special themes why don't i get tom brady if i'm the bears you know what i would do if i had if he fell to me i would sign tom brady i would draft tua and i would say listen tua sits all year maybe two this is your team right now whoa this is your understudy you know what this is you know you're 45 teach this kid make us great this year maybe even next year we'll sit him a year maybe two and let's go yeah

you can do a comeback to a declare for the draft today no i saw that but like he didn't he didn't have crutches today so that was a good sign but from that injury it's yeah it's tricky i've heard it's a hip injury because i heard someone say he had the same injury. Our boy Damaris had the same injury and had to get surgery down the road, and he's never been the same. But he had a very similar injury, if not the exact same. And on top of that, he's had other little injuries throughout the season. He had, like, two ankle surgeries. Yeah, he's been beaten the fuck up.

He's been beat up a little bit. I mean, Kuyper was talking about today, like, it was kind of the same thing with Drew Brees. Like, that's kind of why he fell. Right. Like, he was injured a lot, you know he had injury history and he got hurt one time in los angeles or san diego when they were there and they were like fuck we can get phil rivers and ship them out and then he hasn't really been hurt like that bad since until

really this year it's a different injury he's had a shoulder that was apparently fucked but this is a hip thing it's it's a kind of like what took bo jackson out that's what i was wondering so it's tricky it's not so straightforward but i still think you pick him because if he's right he's a fucking he's a guy yeah him and joe burrow are guys he doesn't need to be as mobile as bo did no right bo's whole career is over with that hip injury yeah i mean two has still got a fucking arm on him yeah makes all the throws accurate everybody loves him a little bit yeah fine he's mobile he's not like a runner but he's mobile tough kid yeah and you got to be mobile now like the like you look at everybody every team that won this this past weekend mobile you have to be mobile like the the days of the bradys and the breeze and even the mannings like they're like

fucking dinosaurs at this point right you don't want to fucking go in there when you got to play fucking lamar jackson and rus and Sean Watson and Josh Allen even. Like all these guys that can fucking get it and go and get it and throw. So, you know, you got to get those guys. And the reason why I think Tua came out this year is because next year's quarterback class is loaded. Also, get your money. Like you'll still go. People will always draft QBs.

Why? Get paid to rehab. Don't go back to the program that got you hurt in the first place. Yes. Yeah. To maybe make more money. Probably not. Yeah.

Well, look, look, guys, we've been going for a long time. I'm happy that we're in this new space. I'm happy you guys can actually hear us clearly. Thank you to everybody who made that happen. I'm excited. I want to start out the year with a banger of an episode. I think we fucking hit that. I might be out of the wedding again,

so I might have some work to do, but I love you. Do they know your girl's name? Yeah, you can share. Okay. I love you, Justine. Just want to let y'all know. We all love you, Justine.

Jazz, you know I love you. We love you too, Jazz. Jazz, you know I love you. You know what I mean? I'm not telling you motherfuckers my girl's name. I'm not the same. Are we going to? Whatever, yeah. Anyway, you know I love you. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm not telling you motherfuckers. My girls love you. I'm not the same. Are we going to?

Whatever, yeah. Anyway, but for real. It's all love. It's all love. You know it's all love. It's what we do over here. But Flagrant 2, man, thank you all so much for supporting us. And I'm excited for 2020.

We had a big 2019, so I'm excited for what we're going to cook up in this new space. Very, very excited, man. And so thank you, man. As always, we love y'all. Keep it tight. Peace.