Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - How To Have Total Freedom In Your Relationship

Episode Date: December 25, 2020

This week Andrew, Akaash, AlexxMedia, are joined by The Westerbros' own, Hanny and Marco to discuss how to have total freedom in your relationship, the best and worst Christmas movies, confidence in the algorithm, and much more. INDULGE! Want an extra episode a week? Join the Flagrant Army www.Patreon.com/FLAGRANT2 Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a choir then welcome to The Flagrancy.

What up people, Schulte here, and you guys are about to listen to a clip from our weekly Patreon episode. If you want to sign up to our Patreon, support the flagrancy, support what we are doing, completely uncensored, flagrant content, you go to patreon.com slash flagrant2. With no more interruptions, here is the exclusive clip. What's up everybody, welcome to the Patreon episode of Flagrant 2. It's your boy Schultz. We got Akash Singh in the building, Alex Media, and we have some special guests today. If you guys are watching the video, some of you probably already recognize them. Superstars of this podcast world that have been on sabbatical, but we got them back.

We have Haney and Marco of the Westerbros podcast. Y'all remember a little podcast called Westerbros where we were reviewinganey and marco of the wester bros podcast y'all remember a little podcast called wester bros where we were reviewing movies and tv shows and then motherfuckers got busy and we had to drop it but i figured for christmas merry christmas by the way um we bring back the boys and we have a little discussion welcome back guys what's up excited to be here are you okay yeah i mean listen i fucking hate i'm a civilian so I usually don't set an alarm on a Saturday. But I guess, you know, fuck it. My bad for making y'all wait, dude.

I said, get here at 10. I think it's 1130. We're starting right now. It is what it is. Okay. A couple things I want to get to for you guys. But I had a little bit. You brought something up earlier.

Love Island. UK. UK. Yeah. That's right. There's a little bit. You brought something up earlier. Love Island. UK. UK. That's right. There's a Love Island. Can't watch the American version. It's that bad. It's not good.

A friend of mine hosts that. Arielle Vandenberg, I believe her name. Not familiar with it. She's like a big social media star. Yes. And okay, but I've heard Love Island UK. Phenomenal. Is phenomenal. I've heard. You watch. Phenomenal. Is phenomenal.

I've heard, you watch that, you can't watch The Bachelor. Whoa! And I'm a big fan of The Bachelor and Bachelorette. I'd be fucking with it both. It gets nuts. Explain to me what it is. Like, what is the structure of the show? The structure is you have guys and girls.

Oh, really? Right. Yeah. like what is the structure of the show the structure is you have guys and girls oh really right yeah is it a dating show with guys and girls they are in i believe spain yeah i actually think it's mallorca as we were discussing before okay they all live in a house okay they have to they have like all these events and then at the end they have to couple up yeah and when they couple up can you go like this with your hand for a second? I've been in the gym. I've been tearing it off. Have you been in the gym or have you been putting out cigars? Dude, look at this. I'm sinking, man. No, no, no.

Bro, what's this? What's this? That shit is a melanoma. Dude, clean your hands, bro. It's not clean. It's blood. You got a smoker's lung on your hand. What the fuck is that, yo?

Don't put him in your pocket, bro. What's about this fucking white trash show in England? Dude, your hand looks like that show. That's good. You texted me last night. I didn't have any time. I know. Apparently, he's just fucking...

You put a cigarette right in your hand. I'm coming right over. His fucking hands have been forged into fire. No, that's what a man's hands look like. What's your new workout now? What's your new workout now? Dude, you know how like fat chicks have like a new diet every three months if they try it? That's Marco with workouts, right?

Like every month or two, I'll see him. And first, we'll be like like, Oh yeah, you know, I'm on a, I'm definitely on a keto cleanse, but I'm at, I'm doing this a P90 X and, and then you went to yoga for a while. Then it was just stretching.

Then you told me you bought sets of cones and you were doing jelly drills. Get older, man. Yeah. That shit killed me, bro. Just imagine,

imagine Marco. I know my Instagram algorithm. I can see all these guys and then fucking, I'm like, Oh shit, That shit killed me, bro. Just imagine if Margot and his fancy ass... I don't know my Instagram algorithm. I could see all these guys and then fucking... I'm like, oh shit, I gotta get out there. Dude telling me he's never dunked before. He dunked when he was 38. That's how you get dudes to work out again. It's like, oh, you can play ball like you used to?

Got my knees bulletproof. Bro, I just imagine you in your fancy building, right, coming down the elevator with someone else who's like going to do their job that day

and you just have like 10 cones stacked in one hand. Medicine balls. I got the ladder. The rope ladder. No, you don't. The in and out.

I got the parachute that you run with. Oh my God. And you got to do it outside. So like all these people. You're not going to parachute in the middle of the gym. Dude, we got to shoot that. We got to go to punch fitness with the parachute and just be running.

I'm ready to go, man. I'll fucking eat scrap metal and shit out of Tesla right now. Okay. All right. So go. UK. Love Island UK. Yeah. So they pair up they couple up and then they have like they slowly get rid of people and so you have to make like a you know genuine

connection but who drama ensues we we watch it yeah it's just a little i mean yeah that's just but like we vote them off or they vote each other off uh they it's voted off you the the people audience vote. So this show is filmed live. Yeah. This is the craziest thing I heard about it. Apparently they're filming the whole week and then they turn the episode around in one day. Oh, it's happening in real time.

Yeah. That's crazy. That's wild. That's crazy. I don't even understand how that's possible. Bananas. We've been trying to put out this Netflix special for the last fucking three months. We're still editing it right now. But they go anywhere that's the magic of it they're always

in the same fucking spot it's big brothered like the same routine yes okay are there any people following them with cams or every shot is like on a hidden camera type thing like in big brother uh no they do both they mix them both People love this fucking show. I love it. It is. People love this show, and I'm just trying to understand what this is. Honestly, season three had this like bromance between Chris and Ken, and that was actually probably the most fulfilling relationship. A gay relationship?

No, it wasn't gay. They were just like became little boys. Oh, okay. And then what happened? They were just like hysterical together. And they're just funny guys. Yeah, it was just more. Everyone was more into that relationship than anything that was going on.

And can they win Love Island as a couple? The whole thing is they go on there and they immediately become influencers. So like they just want to get on the show. Yeah. Do five episodes, get a million fucking followers and then you know, push fitness tape or whatever they do. But that's

like their... Hold on. What? Have you tried the fitness tape? Oh, I'm so glad you asked that because I didn't even think about it why do you think i was late today just shitting your brains out from the fitness you just wiped right through the fucking toilet baby that solved my problem you know get out of here thing with the thing yeah it won't be a margo had a margo had a problem um slow digestive system yeah right yeah it was it was a big issue it was a big issue family issue a lot of pasta in the family yeah when a guy like you said the thing with the thing i assume somebody got killed but that's you know but

you know what's really interesting is like that's how embarrassing this is for you culturally what because you can't eat things that you need to eat it's terrible but so you're even like there's a thing with the thing. Most people just be like, yeah, I get constipated. I eat bread, I get constipated. You're like, I think my ass is gay. My ass is a fagiolo. I can't have ravioli.

Low-hanging Italian joke. He hates it. But what happens? So you have this constipation. You get on the Fit Tea. Every other day. Uh-huh. And then just take a drink in the night, in the morning, clear it out.

And now you can eat pasta the way you're meant to. No, I don't do that anymore. I just, I can't, I just. I'm saying, y'all, I can't eat. Because the problem is, is they're in the log jams. I can't eat white bread, yo. He still eats pasta three times a week, though. Not three times a week.

Like, he just doesn't eat it every day. Chickpea pasta. No. Yeah. It's delicious. no he's up he's up it's delicious he's up how do you explain this to your family it's delicious he doesn't it's a thing but the thing no you have to explain this to your family how would you explain this to your family that you're eating chickpea pasta and that you can't shit well they've known about that and with me uh-huh it's been like a decade old issue you're 50 years old i'm younger than you no are you i think we're the same age 37 yeah okay good like a month apart all right fair oh god okay anyway so um look i'm glad we got your shit taken care of everything is good

haney you've been losing weight yeah yo haney looking thin bro yeah you've been losing a lot of weight yeah it's i'm starting to get concerned there's no there's a new development infidelity as of last week that's the only reason a man that's the only reason a man of your age is getting into shape it has to be infidelity of your age. Either you're cheating or you see the divorce coming from her. Hey, Marco, give me the parachute. Your boy can't hang out here. She fed up with my shit, man.

When the time comes, I got to be ready to go. No, no. You're saying there's a new development. Yeah. A few months ago, I started just changing up the diet, whatever. Last week, I went to the urologist because my peeing was weird. What do you mean? Right?

What do you mean? It was like stop and go traffic. Yeah, like when I'd go to pee, regular stream. What the hell happened? Right? The last five minutes this podcast turned 60. Yo, I thought it was old man shit, like regular stream. And then it would stop. I got to eat chickpea pasta.

What is the garden? What is the shit that goes like that? This water is the plant. No, it's one stream. And then I'll stop and be like, I still got to go. And then it's just like, boop. Like little weak streams. But he was throwing out feelers.

Like, hey, is this normal? I was like, yo, this old man. Are you guys experiencing a similar thing? Do you wake up 17 times a night? I was like, yo, this old man? Are you guys experiencing a similar thing? Do you wake up 17 times a night? I was like, nah, man, that's not normal. Then I witnessed it one day. He ran into the bushes to pee, and it was like seven minutes. I was like, yo, man, you got to get that checked out.

Oh, my God. Look at that. So you're just watching him from the back as he's like furiously shaking his chest trying to get every last trip. He was just standing there with his back to me, but I could feel the defeat. And so I knew he had to get that check.

Okay. Putting out the feelings to your boys about anything vulnerable sucks man right for 19 minutes at a time and everyone's just like yo what the fuck are you talking about what happens so you call the urologist where it's like prostate some shit like that it's not he's like yo you have type 2 diabetes no wow amy so all these like kind of changes I made to my diet are now like for life. Like now it's like no choice, go time.

Gotta get in ridiculous shape to, you know, to get my body to process the shit better. Oh my God. Really? Were you scared? When they told me about the diabetes? No, because like I had spent a couple months like kind of changing the diet.

Like I was already on that road. He was on the path. You knew there was a problem. I didn't know it was a problem. I was just like, yo, it's time to like drop some weight. Like you're getting older. Like it's time to just. You have a kid.

Yeah. Right. But you were never crazy fat. Yo, but like I think with the quarantine, I was never crazy fat because I always worked out or at the very least played ball once or twice a week. But then with the quarantine, it was just or twice a week. Yeah. Right. But then with the quarantine, it was just like you weren't doing shit. So I spent a couple months like not working out.

Yeah. And you just felt fucking miserable. Right. So like by the end of summer, I was like, time to get my shit together. I think what's also scary is you don't have to be crazy fat to get type 2 diabetes. You can just be a little upshaped. I don't even understand that type 2 diabetes. It's just diet. It's just too much.

It's genetic. It's diet. Yeah. It's genetic. Yeah. I could reverse it. Really? Yeah. Well, It's genetic. It's diet. Yeah, it's genetic. Yeah, I could reverse it. Really? Well, that's like a challenge. Yes, now it's a challenge.

Now it's like it's on. Let's go. So what'd you cut out? Sugar. Game over. Game over. Carbs, like bread. Game over.

Like rice? No rice? I haven't eaten rice since I found out. Wow. Yeah. So now- I would have thought you lost a little more than that then. It's coming.

This was last week. It was last week. Oh, it was last week? Oh, okay. This was last week. I thought it was a few months. No, no. I was like, really?

Are you having only lettuce for three months? I on my own started changing shit a few months ago, but then last week I found this out and I was just like,

all right. What are the chances that your wife got the doctor to lie to you to get your shit right? Could be. Do you think she's like low-key happy about the diabetes

because you're about to get fine? Like her husband about to become a beast. I don't think she's happy about it. She loves her sweets. My wife loves just sweets. Yeah, now she gets more of them

because you don't eat it with your fucking diabetic ass. You can't go halfsies anymore. Yeah. Wait, what? You can't go halfsies anymore. Yeah, now she gets wholesies. Yeah, but,

yeah, but wait, is she cool with wholesies? Yeah, now she gets holesies. Yeah, but is she cool with holesies? Yeah, she's selfish as shit. You know that. I didn't want to say it. You know what I'm saying? I can't call you white and selfish. But now that we talk about it. You know that.

She will dominate. Tell the story. She'll dominate the dessert course. Easy, easy. It's like, oh, we're going to chop that up together. And she's just got the big spoon. Last night, I'm like, yeah, I got to go to Walgreens. She was like, yo, can you just pick up some cupcakes?

I was like, are you going to send a diabetic mother to Walgreens? Also at Walgreens? No, like there was a spot down there. She knew there was a spot next to it. But tell the story about like the making the order of the food or whatever. This shit killed me, bro. Oh, man. So my role in the relationship. Yeah, let me just clarify i can tell you i have about no no no no they have

a great relationship yeah well no no it's great but in this way specifically he he's uses the selfishness to his advantage yeah he can do what i've never seen someone with a kid and a wife they can do whatever they want anytime they want want true anytime. They want whatever they want and it's because She selfish as shit and I deal with it like she like The food store change her selfishness he leans into it and then uses like be you Maybe means wanting to go out hang out my friends all the time still immature like that, right? So are you being you being you was only worrying about yourself? And I'll deal with that it's fine tell the example though so like have you broken it down to her like that

she knows i tell all the time she's someone who doesn't need anyone to sort of care about you yeah i'm good like i'm not like i'm independent i don't need extra attention like just let me be you know what i mean so she my role in the relationship is make sure my wife gets fucking fed right so whether i'm cooking ordering whatever right so one night she comes home and i'm just like yo i'm going out i'm going to play ball um i didn't order anything right i didn't even say i'm going to play ball i just said i didn't order anything yeah right i'm stepping out she just picks up the phone and orders food like didn't ask she didn't ask what I was doing, how long I was going to be out.

Do you want food? Should I order for you? She was just like, I got it for myself. Well, I'm only ordering for myself. That was it. No. So, like, the food comes, I'm like. She's like, well, I didn't think you'd be.

I was like, you didn't ask any questions. You didn't say when you're going. I just said I'm stepping out at some point. Just giving you a heads up. The restaurant asks you at the end of your order, is there anything else? Is there anything else you would like? And she had to answer no. I was like, so the one time that you actually have to order food, you order for one.

But tell the ironing story, too. That's the best. Oh, man. Yeah. Early in our relationship. This is so good. This is so good. This is so good. I get up.

I got a steamer. Steam the work clothes before we go to work. One morning. He gets up though. Every morning. I would do mine. She'd go. She'd take a shower.

I'd steam my clothes. I'd steam her clothes. Wow. You're a nice man, dog. I've got to do mine. Hers is right there. It's an extra 38 seconds. Whatever, right?

Facts. The one morning she woke up, she had an early meeting. I wake up, her clothes are steamed, and my shit is still on the fucking floor. Wait. Wait. What? Oh, my God. You couldn't just pick mine up and hang it up and just steam it just like I've done for

you? No. But it doesn't even hit her. So how do you flip that to your advantage? Anytime he wants to go anywhere. I literally call him- You bring up the shit? He doesn't have to ask permission for anything.

Yeah. But do you bring up- So she gets to be herself. Yeah. And then he gets to be himself. I don't be a dick about it. I'm not like, yo, how could you not steam it? I like that's you i just look at the point i'm like really and like that's like we just kind of chuckle about it she accepts what it is yeah she appreciates that i

acknowledge that how she is because she'll admit it herself like she's she's just but it's hilarious actually mad mature of your wife to be like yeah i'm selfish i don't care about you know yeah i got a baby but like knows but i can call him at six o'clock pregnant wife and i could be like yo you do anything for dinner and he can be like bringing his wife to like a hospital appointment and he can be like i'm just leave you here you can get home right and then he'll come just get a hamburger i'm out but isn't that perfect but it works get to be you and do exactly what you want to do. She gets to be her and do exactly what she wants to do. That's great. This is lovely.

Yo, but I mean, it's part of the reason why my wife's really successful. It's part of the reason why she's just super driven, focused on whatever she wants to accomplish. Yeah. You know what I mean? Has that drive turned into raising the child? What do you mean? Love the child. Yeah.

Is the child the extension of her now like does is the selfishness included oh inseparable yeah right yeah so the child like her selfishness isn't only about her now now the selfishness is right her and the kid yeah the kid is part of you outside of that but yeah over quarantine when everything's shut down and like we're both home we're both working we're both you know we're responsible for the kid because the kid's home right like that responsibility really fell on me yeah right because she's just like yo i got meetings so you just called me a right like all right guys we'll take a break for a second from this clip because i make sure that you don't look like this guy

okay see how he let his hair go because he didn't get on it early. Me over here. I felt it going. And I said, this is not going to happen. This is not my destiny. I'm keeping all the hair on my head. I am keeping it. And the way I keep it is with keeps.

It's that simple. Balding has been cured. Balding has been cured. Okay. All you got to do is you got to go to keeps.com slash flagrant. Okay. You sign up. They got payment plans for $10 a month.

They started $10 a month. Okay. All you got to do, you get a month free. Matter of fact, if you go right now, limited time, but keeps, I'm telling you, I've been on it for the last decade. It is keeping my hair. If you notice that your hair is going a little bit, you get on it immediately. All right.

If you notice that, um, you've already started balding, but you want to get some back. That back that's what happened for me i got some back you do not have to be bald balding is a choice go get that keeps do it right now at keeps.com slash flagrant now let's get back to the clip if you just go yo i got meeting here's how it would go the night before the morning up you're just like all right yeah i got like an 8 to 10 ten thirty to one one to two it's never what's your schedule it's this is when i'm available figure it out okay make sure she's fed like you know and then like oh and then how do you handle that what do you say you just put up with it you're like that's what it is kind of yeah yeah right it's kind of you're just like i'm just like i'll fucking figure it out this is fucking like i like i'm just like i'll fucking figure

it out this is fucking like i like those are the this was the first time i actually got annoyed mad at like the actual like selfishness you're just like yo this is fucked up no you can't get your rocks off because i'm getting no benefit right i can't be like yo i watched this kid all day and worked and like looked out for. I'm going to hang out. Can't go nowhere. So now I got to be like, oh, we're doing this. All right, so what do you want to watch on Netflix? Wait, wait.

Do you get to say in what you watch? Yeah. Okay. Like I won't watch. If she's like, I want to watch your show. If I don't want to watch it, I won't watch it. I fucked that up in my relationship, bro. Something was happening in the beginning where like I think my girl, I think she just really wanted

things to work out with us in the beginning. And then she would just be down to watch whatever I wanted. Yeah. And I'm kind of a pleaser in that way. So I want the person that's watching with me to really be into the program as well. You're an entertainer. So if they're not entertained, it's like, no, well, fuck. It's not interesting.

It's boring, right? And I don't know what happened but something flipped where I think my girl realized that I want her to be happy too when we watch it and it's ruined now, bro. Every time we go to Netflix,

my first suggestion, it don't matter what it is. We didn't want to watch The Bachelor, guys. We didn't want to like The Bachelor. Right. That shit caught fire. We ended up liking it. It wasn't our choice.

I'm all about British Bake Off. I have not seen that one. You got to get into British Bake Off. We watched What's It Called the other night, and I got a little, here's a little hot take. Macaulay Culkin, Trash, and Home Alone. All right, guys, you just listened to a clip from our weekly Patreon episode. If you want to continue to listen to that episode, subscribe, join the Asshole Army Patreon.

Keep it tight and keep it flagrant with us. You can do that at patreon.com slash flagrant to indulge.