Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - I Got PUNCHED By UFC Champion

Episode Date: April 14, 2022

Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a quire then welcome to The Flagrancy. Join the Patreon Asshole Army: http://bit.ly/2xQwHYf #Flagrant2 #AndrewSchulz #AkaashSingh New York native and internationally touring stand-up, Andrew Schulz is known for his hilarious and unsafe comedy. He has starred in the sitcom BENDERS (now available on Netflix), can be seen in Amazon’s SNEAKY PETE, HBO’s CRASHING, and on MTV including GUY CODE and GIRL CODE. In the podcast realm, Schulz can be heard on the wildly popular THE BRILLIANT IDIOTS — co-hosted by nationally syndicated radio and television personality Charlamagne tha God — the hilarious sports commentary podcast FLAGRANT 2, and the film and TV analysis podcast WESTERBROS. He has made major appearances on The Joe Rogan Experience, Bert Kreischer’s BERTCAST, Joey “coco” Diaz The Chuch of What’s Happening Now, and Theo Von’s This Past Weekend. He has even done solo interviews with the likes of Lil Duval and many others. Andrew’s online presence has touched hundreds of millions of people across the globe and his unconventionally funny approach to the comedy world has launched him into stardome. His shows Dropping In and Inside Jokes will rack of hundreds of thousands of views weekly. Nothing is off limits for Schulz, from sex to race, and even the occasional audience heckler roast, Andrew is hungry to be the best. He can be seen in New York City performing regularly at New York Comedy Club and the Comedy Cellar.

One plus from the champ, Alex Wacanowski. Okay. Okay, here we go. Alright, let me line it up. I'm just gonna line it up. Oh! Oh, fuck me. I think I swallowed my tongue.

I'm gonna get that. I didn't get it. Good. Push it down. Push it into it. Good? Yeah. Oh!

Jesus. Come on, man. Right in the middle. Don't move prize fighter, you need to be great at jujitsu. You need to be great at boxing. You need to be great at wrestling, Muay Thai, other shit I don't even know. But there is one thing that I think you're lacking in, bud.

Trash talk, bro. Trash talk, yeah. You can help me with that? I just happen to be a master at trash talk. Okay, so if you have a coach for all these other disciplines, I think it's only right if we're going to make you the perfect MMA fighter that I come into the camp and I am part of the camp as your trash talk coach so we can hype up all these fights.

I reckon that sounds good, mate. Okay, because then... That already sounds good. I thought I was going to have to convince him. I'm convinced. I'm already convinced. Because there is a video of you doing some early trash talk. Mark, can you bring up the output?

Oh, shit, I don't even want to fucking see it. Oh, he's gone. This is pre-Flagrant 2 Valk, okay? Hit it. Did you guys have Spotify results? You know, people were tweeting out all their Spotify results of what music they listened to and what were their top. Do you guys do that?

Sounds like something a nerd or a virgin would do. Nothing wrong with being a virgin and a nerd. So while that is true, there's nothing wrong with being a nerd or a virgin. We need to sell fucking fights. It's not punchy enough. It's not punchy enough. It's got to sell fucking fights. Yeah. Okay? It's not punchy enough, you know? It's not punchy enough. It's got to be punchier.

So what I've done is, you know, I've organized a little trash talk for some other guys out there. So I'm just going to give you the jokes, okay, the trash talk,

and then you can just deliver them. Yeah. Just read them. That's all you got to do. Just read them. Just read them. Luckily,

it's going to be hard because I'm not even a good reader. We'll get through it. We'll get through it. Just bear with me when I'm out there. Don't trash talk yourself. We'll get through it. We'll get through it. Just bear with me with that one, all right? Don't trash talk yourself. We got a big font. We got a very big font, okay?

Okay, here you go. All right. Conor McGregor. Yeah. All right, Conor McGregor. Conor is still competing. I guess an Irish goodbye is when you stick around six years after your prime.

Damn, Conor! Let's go, Volk. Take that, Conor! That's right. Damn, Connor! Let's go, Volk. Take that, Connor! That's right. You fucking smirk. Okay, okay. Here you go. Here's another one.

I'll try to make it more punchier as well. No, no, no. This is when you're saying it. You don't want me to say it. Say it every time. Connor McGregor. Connor, you whiskey dick. Oh, I like that.

Your bones break faster than a retainer case on Epstein's Island. Nice. You're killing him, Bull. Okay. Isn't that better than Nerd and Virgin? I think. Yeah, he's got it. I think it's moving.

Okay, here you go. It's going to be funny. They're just going to cut just me saying this. It's going to go out. Khabib. Oh, shit. Here we go. Okay, here we go. Khabib oh shit here we go Khabib

whatever your last name is Khabib I'm jealous of your hair you've got a lot of it Khabib looks like the first person to OD on Rogaine

was it Rogaine was it Rogaine that's a good one okay ready that's not the best reader okay we got there at the end. Here we go.

Nate Diaz as well. Some people think Nate's racist. I can assure you he's not. It's just everything he says is a slur. Oh. That's a good one. Okay, here you go. There's a lot of them.

There's a lot of them. Oh, we got you baby I've been saying that I need to do more reading too Two for one Colby Covington I'm going to like this one Yeah

Colby Covington You're a piece of shit How's that? Let's go That's all you need to say Colby Covington Colby you're faker than the tits

on the strippers you pay in your videos Oh shit Oh shit Okay Oh fuck Let's go Now here's the thing

Everybody can get these jokes Even our friends I just want to let you know You know what I mean So here you go This is a good one Israel Adesanya Israel is a spokesperson for Puma

And stake.com. And for just 75 cents a day, you can sponsor him too. Why did you have to do it like that, bro? Why did you have to do it like that? You're going to edit this part out. It wasn't me, I swear. It wasn't me, I swear. Okay, the glue came off of this one.

Israel Adesanya again. Okay, yeah. You know Israel's full name is? Nah! I was like, was I meant to do something after that? That was a good one, Volk. But this is how you do it. You look like Jason Statham if you got left in the dry a little bit too long.

Still tough, though. Still badass. Okay. Okay. I think we're good. I mean, if we want... Come on. You want to go after Cejudo?

Because I know Cejudo's been talking a lot of shit. Yo, let's give it a crack. You want a little something? I need to practice my reading. Okay. We give just a little one for Cejudo because I know Cejudo has been talking a lot of shit let's give it a crack you want a little I need to practice my reading okay we give just a little one for Cejudo

Henry Cejudo oh shit let me let me let me oh fuck this one's good

I don't know why I didn't fucking read them all then I could deliver it a bit better I should read it first Alright here we go Because I'm not just reading it and trying to understand it

As I go But now I'm going to read it And then fucking go My trash talk is getting better When I read these lines I'll read them first And then read them out Henry just threw his... Start with the homing.

The champ is on the head. Henry Cejudo. Henry Cejudo. Go ahead on. Henry Cejudo. Henry just threw himself in the testing pool. Hopefully it's a shallow end. Oh, shit.

Beep, beep, beep, beep! Oh, yeah, I'm not paying up people that are smaller than me. It doesn't happen very often. And then we obviously have to do one fun one for the big guy. Oh, shit, this is a big one. For the big guy. Yeah, I need you to read that first. Yeah, read the whole thing.

Read that and then let us know when you're ready. This is going to give me trouble. Dana, why this one? Oh, whoa. I feel like we pop-quizzed him. Dana White. Oh, whoa. I feel like we pop-quizzed him.

I'm going to butcher this one for sure. You got this, dude. You got this. We got this. I'll just read this one out. Okay. I mean, yeah. I won't try and be punchy with it, right? Okay.

I'm going to butcher that. All right. Dana White. You were able to see the future of the UFC when no one else was. I was able to see my future as a UFC champion when no one else was. And that's because our heads look like crystal balls. I like that one. I couldn't get a better joke right there.

I'm going to take the blame on that. It was gentle because you don't want to go too hard on the guy who writes the text. Exactly. I don't want to get him fired. I appreciate that too because I was getting nervous. That's why I was like, oh, fuck. I'm going to throw it away. Listen, guys, I think that was great for the first day of training.

Fantastic. Legend. Beauty of editing. How you doing me a solo video? I didn't fuck up once. Not a single time. Maybe we'll leave one fuck up. Actually, I just realized we have one more bit of advice.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, we have one more bit of advice. Because I want to reach out to some really good trash talkers to see if they could help out and maybe offer something. So we have an absolute expert trash talker from the fight world. Mark, can you bring that up? Yeah, I'll pull it up right now. Okay, cool. We got a little advice for you.

Alex. What up, brother? Good win the other day. Keep on killing it, man. We got to get this shit talk going. We got to get this shit talk going. So you want to be authentic, you want to be cutthroat, and you want to be savage. So if I were you, I'm just going to give a little example.

I'd say something like this to your opponent, my opponent, whatever. Your wife is so ugly, I wouldn't let my kangaroo fucker Okay, maybe don't say that Shout out to Jake, man. Thank you, Jake. Okay. Appreciate it. Right?

I think we're on your side here. I think that we can build something with this. We can work on some stuff here, maybe. Okay, good. Might be my geek from here on. Yeah. I want to chat with you next time I go out there. There we go.

Write some more lines. Guaranteed. I'll study them first. You got to do it. Short line. Impractical jokers. You got to put an ear earpiece in him and then you just tell him what to say. And then you just tell him what to say. That's it.

I was curious. Now, before your life as a UFC fighter and as an MMA fighter, you were a rugby player. I want to know, are there any crazy rugby stories you're playing? I told him about some footy box stories. Yeah, there's some crazy stories. Yeah. What kind of stories you want? I don't know.

I just know the Aussie guys get down. Yeah, I'll be honest. With rugby league, it's, mate, like we're a bunch of grubs. I'll be honest with you. No way, Ash. Like, you know what I mean? And I can say that because all my friends are rugby league and like, yeah, mate, we'd obviously get on the piss

and Mad Mondays. Mad Mondays, this is what you do on a Mad Monday. So after your grand final or whatever, the end of of the season you just go on a massive bender okay and a proper bender right like i mean like yeah going nuts yeah but i mean i've done plenty of stuff i'll tell the leech one i don't know if i tell them about the leech oh come on so yeah we're going on the way to festival so we're're going to the festival and again I was the type of guy like I wasn't even going to go

I'll jump on the bus and I'll come up with you and then I had a couple of drinks I'm like ah fuck it I'm coming to the festival I wasn't dressed for it or anyway

and then we went there and we're all hanging a piss off the bus you know you do it in the bush and we all come out back in the bus with leeches on our legs

oh my god and like it was just like what the hell everyone's got leeches and then me I'm already in a state I swear it was like half an hour to an hour in,

I was already in a state. I'm just sculling drinks. But then I end up being like, ah, fuck it. So I end up just eating it. So I end up just eating it off someone's leg. I ate the leech off my mate's leg, but I swallowed it whole. Oh, my God. So I swallowed it whole and I was like, you know,

and then I started thinking about it. I'm like, wait a second. These things like suck your blood, right? This motherfucker's in my gut sucking my blood. Who knows what he's doing there, right? He's drunk as shit right now. He can't do anything. And then I was sitting there thinking, shit, what do I do?

I started freaking out. So I'm like, maybe if I have more alcohol. Drown it, right? Exactly, bro. Alcohol. So I was like, I have more spirits. You know what I mean? Spirits.

So I ended up having vodka, skull and vodka, thinking the alcohol would kill the leech that's in my guts. Just shit shit like that mate like you don't even want to know these this is my stories all right that one's mine i'll tell you some other ones just for a bit of a laugh but this ain't me i swear yeah i believe you it's not you yeah yeah definitely not you yeah yeah i mean you have you heard of the bubbler no you don't know about the bubbler no that's like a

that's a it's just a thing the rugby league players do so it's just literally you just piss in your mouth but you do it what do yous call

what do yous call what do yous call what do we call when we pee in our mouth sounds like fun let me explain it we call it a fetish so what do yous

what do yous call like you know the water fountains? Yeah. And, you know, the water shoots up? Yeah. We call them bubblers. So, you're like, you know, you're drinking out of a bubbler, out of a water fountain.

Okay, yeah, yeah. So, that's what they end. I didn't do this, I swear. I haven't done this before. But guys on your team, they pee into your hands. What? Like, I would have multiple mates. This is why the British sent you guys to Australia.

Yeah. We don't want to see you. We just want to see some funny shit go on a on a tour with a rugby league team I'm going to explain this

yeah this is white boy and a white boy I'll put other stories too Alex there's not a lot of black people in Australia there's another I remember

because we end up like we've got a couple of crazy mates so we had another mate that shit on my face he did this he did this all over

I haven't seen that one but I mean it's a ice cream machine it's a disaster it's a disaster so remember these aren't one stories I'm telling other people's stories

and I won't mention any names but I mean there was a guy that like man I've seen him do it all like this guy's like he's eating pubes he drank his own piss

and he done that and then this guy just did it for the fun and goes oh yeah he done that I'll do all all. Like this guy's like, he's eating pubes. He drank his own piss and he done that. And then this guy just did it for the fun. He goes, oh, you done that? I'll do all that at once. So like he ended up doing that, eating pubes, drank literally, all he had to do was drink a little bit. He drank the whole bottle of someone else's piss, I think it was.

But I mean, you name it, man. Some of the shit you see on Mad Monday, it's crazy. Even spew, I remember a guy that was drinking a beer. Spew. I'm still in this story of one of my mates, actually. He's seen this. Yeah, someone else. So he drank and then spewed back into it, drops it.

And then one of the guys, because again, it's like they want to top each other. So it's like going like, you know, it's like a competition. And he goes, he looks at people, just gives them a look. Grabs a spew in the water and just. No. And then he goes up. and then just walks off that's just the way you see some pretty gnarly shit

the nature is my story the rest of it I promise it ain't my story the aboriginals wouldn't have it I totally understand the lockdowns now the government's like lock him up immediately this is disgusting and you don't even have to feed him anyway

you just eat your own shit it's perfect that is something that I haven't seen though I haven't seen the there's a couple of look man there's many more trust me go go go

what else do you want to talk about before I get into some of my own stuff couple of so look man there's many more trust me what's the gayest thing that happens on the road i'm glad i'm not mentioning names. He probably wouldn't care anyway. I've got a mate, right, and he's straight as straight can be. Yeah, yeah. And we know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he's that straight that we didn't even question him after he did this. Okay, go, go, go, go. So he's like Ash. He's sitting there. I didn't want to mention any names. I didn't say you. What did you do? I don't even want to say it, hey. I didn't say it. I't even want to say it.

I don't even want to say it. I'm joking. I'm joking. Go, go, go. A mate was there and he's like sitting there. And again, like this is because you said, you know, the gay thing. So he's there and he's like um i don't even know what what happened but i mean again random she was on a mad monday we're all sitting on the field absolutely cooked

we're all cooked and just sitting around the corner uh like heaps of us on the grass and on our chairs wherever yeah and then uh one of the guys i don't know what happened and then like i think he goes i can like he literally goes i can lick his dick and you just couldn't say a fucking thing about it he goes i'm that straight i can lick dick And you just couldn't say A fucking thing about it Like this is how it is He goes I'm that straight I can lick his dick And you just couldn't say Nothing about it What

That's how straight I am And he's saying this sort of stuff And I'm not lying He goes And our mate just pulls his pants down And goes go on that He's like I'm telling you

So many shit we've seen But hey But do you know You want to know the worst part You want to know the worst part You just said it You want to know The worst part was like,

every single one of us, everyone there was just like, yeah, he's got a point. And we just moved on like nothing happened. You know what I mean? Wait, wait, wait. The shit you see on Mad Mud, you know what I mean? Trust me, there's a lot of rugby league players watching me going, yeah, yeah.

But the guy Okay so they're sitting down And he goes I'm so straight I could lick his dick And you guys can't say anything about it I don't know how that conversation Come about

But it did But what about this guy What about this guy Like was he You know what I mean No he's just He's the same He's like oh yeah

I don't know how to tell you I don't know what to tell you I'm trying to just Yeah whatever Right now I believe you You know what I mean It. At the time, I just met him. Yeah, whatever. Right now, I believe you. You know what I mean? It's like Burning Man. Yeah, it was pretty full on.

And mind you, that's a bender too. You could imagine all night as well. Just alcohol? It's not the best either. But would he like, you guys still don't believe me? Was he trying to do other stuff? Again, he literally was like, you got a point? You didn't try'm not i don't you didn't try to one-up him though right no no that's it now i didn't i don't try and one-up a lot of the guys you can't did anybody else you

know try to to get their dick licked by that guy i don't fucking believe you you're trying to get as much information out of me i even said i've got some footy bulb stories i got some i got some more i don't mind because half of mine but the Leach story's mine but I mean I'm happy to let you in on that The Leach story

is kind of a bitch ass story relative to everything that there is I've probably done some worse stuff but you don't need to know about it

visit and then get somebody else I love this rugby shit man bro mate honestly come over and I'll get you on a mad Monday

I'll lick your dick let's go that's why we had to do this Wednesday yeah Matt, honestly, come over and I'll get you on a Mad Monday. Let's go. That's why we had to do this Wednesday. Yeah. Because Monday is a little busy. Do the rugby dudes, like, are they just at the pub with everybody else or are they such celebrities they can't just go out? Oh, no, they can go out.

You know, there's not too many. But, I mean, obviously, it's big. It depends on which area you're in. Yeah, yeah. Back home, like, they can go out. You know, there's not too many. But, I mean, obviously it's bigger. It depends on which area you're in. Yeah, yeah. Back home, like where we're from, you know, rugby league is massive. You know, you go to Melbourne and not many people would, like, you know, in Melbourne and things like that because it's more AFL. But, I mean, they could go out.

Obviously some people will get photos. But, I mean, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But, I mean, like, yeah. But, I mean, like there's, yeah, you see always fucked up videos of rugby league players getting caught out and shit. Like, you know what I mean? Like, there's, yeah, you see always fucked up videos of rugby league players getting caught out and shit. Like, you know what I mean?

Like what? The bubbler. Like, we've got. The bubbler is big. Like, and our role players, like, you know, like doing the bubbler and it's caught on film. Like, you know what I mean? Like, just, you know, they're getting banned from sports

from pissing in their mouth. You know what I mean? That's not fair. That's not fair. It's not fair. Dick, you're pissed. It's his own piss. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe, you're pissed. It's his own piss. Yeah, well, yeah.

I don't know. Maybe do it in your own house, not in a nightclub or something like that. Yeah, maybe that's a good idea. There's other ones too. Remember the guy with the... No, I won't even get into that. Yeah, say it. I'll let you say it.

Ash, remember the one with the dog? Yeah, yeah. When he was jerking off the dog. No, no, no. It's fine. I ain't telling it. Which one? Ash Cooper. Jerking off the dog? No yeah, when he's jerking off the dog No no no It's fine, it's fine I ain't telling it Ash come here No no no

Ash come on mate He got in trouble, he got banned for good, so he should have Yeah yeah but what was he Forced the dog to do like this Anyway Where have any of these conversations gone? What have you done mate? What do you mean?

What have you done? I'm a fucking family man, what are you doing to me? I found a photo of the bubbler, if you guys are interested. Yeah, I'd like to see that. Wait a minute. Rugby League. Please. Hey, Todd Carney.

That's Todd Carney. What a legend. You know the guy? He's a famous rugby league fan. He's a legend, Todd Carney. Oh. Yeah. That's the guy he sat next to on the bus.

Yeah. Oh, dude, that's hysterical. Oh, that is hilarious. Oh, my bad. It's a... Blur them out so we can actually show that yeah that's what i mean like an mma fighter trying to get bad raps and then i sit there and i'm like yeah these guys are tame yeah that's why they do shoeies like what's a shoeie compared to a bubbler yeah that's nothing they probably named that something piss in a shoe

and drink bro it's probably a probably a thing. I've seen that though. That's new, right? I just started a whole new phase in fucking Australia now. Yeah. You got to do the bubble to celebrate your next fight. Yes. So it's like Ty has the shoeie. You have the bubbler, bro.

What about it? What about it? That's your trash talk. I'd be like, I'm such a good fighter. That's your name. That's your new nickname. I'll stay away from that. Can you knock someone out?

Even the spitting in the shoe what are you like even like obviously you seem fragile you knock someone out that's pretty full on right that's cool but again

you ask him and you get you hear the stories we've all seen these stories more than once bring the stories dude make the

you knock someone out you stand over them and you just pee into your mouth and some gets on their and still exclusive to your show you know what I mean there you well. Oh, I'm still. Exclusive to your show, man. You know what I mean? There you go.

I mean, dude, you'll be a worldwide sensation if you do that, 100%. That's your next line of trash talk. I'm such a great fighter. I'll lick your dick, and you can't do nothing about it. Real talk, because Mike Tyson said,

I'll eat your kids. I'm so good, you wouldn't judge me. Dude, say that next fight. I'm going to lick your dick. Say, you better not get knocked out. Your dick's getting licked. Say that shit. It will strike fear in the eyes of your opponent.

Also, sales through the roof. Oh, we're watching that fight. Who's not buying? I'm buying that fight. Yeah, well. Connor. You go, Connor. Look in the camera right now.

Say, Connor. Connor, if I knock you out, your dick is getting licked, bro. Dude. Guaranteed you'll have a fight. Imagine that. Like I just say that and then it's just cut. Just cut out edit. It won't be all over the internet.

That's the first line of the podcast. If you just look in there. Your dick is in me DMs. Oh, fuck. Oh, that's gold. Oh, fuck. Your dick is in me DMs. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Connor, your dick is in me DMs. Bro.

Yeah, I think we got to take it to the next level, man. I think you got to use rugby tactics with everybody that you're fighting against. 100%. I'm going to stick my fingers in your giggy hole. Yeah. Yeah. In your what? Your giggy hole.

Well, is that a thing? I thought it would be like An Australian thing A giggy hole Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah What do you call a doodoo hole?

Like a shit What is that? Don't you have a fun Australian term? P-hole I don't know Whatever You call your butthole Your pee hole

Oh you're talking about your butthole Yeah What do you call them? Nah You always have a nickname for something Yeah we do Ash what do you call it? Shitter Sh a nickname for something. Yeah, we do. Ash, what do you call it?

Shitter. A shitter? A cobber? Would you call it a cobber? A cobber? Nah, cobber. What's up, cob? We say cob.

Your ring? Your ring? Yeah, your ring. I'm going to stick my fingers in your ring. You get a ring of sting. Oh, the ring of sting, yeah. Yeah. Can you say that?

Huh? Who do you want next, bro? I did say that. Who do you fucking want next? Hey? What fighter do you want next huh who do you want next bro i did say that who do you fucking want next hey what fighter do you want next who do it and i'll just call them out you get no i'll do that yeah yeah yeah or you tell them there's enough stories that it is dude i like this dude we gotta live a little yeah we're boring over here i also like calling out fighters when i don't have to fight them huh oh yeah i like calling out fighters When I don't have to fight them Huh? Oh yeah I like calling out fighters That I don't have to fight Who have you called out

And who will you call out I'm going to call them out for you Like Conor McGregor He's going to lick your dick I'm going to off the card Let's go off Let's go like Just bang

Right now You just got to It's Conor Conor You got to go I want to see your trash talk Oh what I'm going to say Conor

Okay ready Conor I'm going to take your chili ring What is it called Conor Chili ring I'm going to see your trash talk. Oh, what I'm going to say. I need to put a promo. Okay, ready? Connor, I'm going to take your chili ring. What is it called? I'm going to take your chili ring and I'm going to pull a bubbler right there. Yeah. What is it? Connor, I'm going to pull a bubbler and I'm going to spit it all over your chili ring.

What? What are you saying? And then I'm going to dip me knob in it. Fire him, bro. Fire him. Dip me knob in your chili ring after I bubbler my lips, Connor. Yeah. Nice.

There you go. Nice. Very good. Yeah. You killed it. You're not waiting for that press conference guarantee, dude. Imagine that. I just sit there and just do a bubbler on the press conference.

Oh, that's what I'm saying. If every press conference is you just sexually threatening. From under the table, it just starts coming up. And Dana's like, hey, what you going on? Oh, fuck. Come on, Paul. Put that in the way. Yeah. That's not my gig. Not my gig. I'll tell you some better stories, it just starts coming up. And Dana's like, hey, what you going on? Oh, fuck. Come on, Paul. Put that away. Yeah.

That's not my gig. Not my gig. I'll tell you about the stories, though. Okay, go. No, that's it. I've told you. I feel like you're holding something back, dude. You're holding back when the dog sucked a guy's dick.

No, that was actually NRL. You can look that up. No, it was a guy sucking a dog's dick. You can look that up. That was, again, another famous footy player. Guy sucked a dog's dick. You see crazy things in sports over here, but that's some of the shit that's happening in the sports in Australia.

You know what I mean? You see rugby league anyway. Here I am, I'm touring. I love rugby league, but you see some shit. What type of dog? Because that matters. If it's like a German Shepherd, that's fucking great. You shouldn't say it.

Obviously, it's wrong, right? It's fucking wrong. Why is it wrong wrong dog don't feel good about it well no no is he sucking the dog's dick or is the dog sucking his dick dogs can't suck dude they don't have the ability to suck but you can fuck their mouth can we get a job if we're just talking about this or what? Ash are we good? Are we good? Good mate. Good mate. That's your gauge on what's cancelable? Yeah. You might ask the guy, is it stories I'm talking about? It's his stories and I'm asking if it's okay to talk about it?

Ash just tell us, how did you fuck the dog's mouth? Well what I did Ryan. Why do you think he always says dog's cunt? Why do you think he says that? That's why I don't get back and wet up. Yeah. Fucking hell. Roll over and wet up.

Oh, God. Okay. Yeah. Joel Monaghan. Oh, there's not. I thought there's videos of it. Oh. Not videos, but like photos.

But I mean, yeah, but it's. Yeah. I don't have the photos. That's what I mean. I went around and you're like, what the fuck's wrong with you? Like, man, like, fuck. And who's got the camera around as well? Like, fuck. Yeah. Right. got the camera around as well like fuck yeah all right so they're doing this like you said mad mondays and benders that's what it is

yeah what do you think it comes from why do you think australians are just wild like that drugs it's just there's no drug testing no coke testing on the rugby oh well yeah probably but i don't know if they would recreational like i don't know would they test like they would yeah yeah so we obviously get tested for everything but like we'll get tested for recreational like i don't know would they test like they would yeah yeah so we obviously get tested for everything but like we'll get tested for recreational like yeah when we're competing yeah but um and obviously performance enhancing all the way through but i don't know how they work but not leeches you don't get tested for leeches no what about performance blood they're sucking first yeah that's true it's like blood doping the natural way you get half these buds

but like i said just scald a shitload of vodka And you sort it out You'll kill the leech Dude you need to do Performance enhancing drugs For the bubbler bro Just Viagra At the press conference

And then just start Fucking ripping Bro that's the pee test You know what you do Like anyway Cause you do You go do the piss test right Yeah yeah yeah

Bubble and then spit it Into the cup Yeah that's what I'm talking about that's fire fucking hell he's gonna get me in trouble i fucking knew what i was like i'm gonna get myself in trouble we don't think you did only the good type of trouble my brother this is crazy how long until how long until you're retired and you're a full-time chef? Man, I just love it. I love the cooking. I love this show.

I can tell. Obviously, I'm not the best cook or anything, but I love it. I cook a mean steak, though. Yeah. I cook a fucking good steak. You just come back from a good steak. Action Brunswick just took us for a good steak. It was actually really, really good.

Yeah. It was really good. How long are you guys in town for? We leave after this. So here's the last one. You should have hit me, man. I would have got you. Yeah, I would have got you guys some good resis.

Yeah. Stay one more night? Maybe go to a place? We'll go back to back. Yeah, man. Oh, okay. Where's next? L.A.

L.A.? Okay. Any good spots over there? Yeah, yeah. We'll organize something for you. What is your least favorite food? Least favorite food? Yeah, like you do not eat it?

Oh, shit. I eat anything, man. I eat everything. Yeah, he'll eat anything, dude. Trust me. You hear his story? He'll eat anything. He'll eat anything.

He'll eat anything. He'll eat anything. He'll eat anything. He'll eat anything. He'll eat anything. He'll eat anything. He'll eat anything. He'll eat anything.

He'll eat anything. That's the next episode of Cooking with Volk. Yeah, that'd be fire. Volk would have chopped. Alcohol-flavored leech is the next one. Now, old man, look, I don't know. Vegetables, obviously, you need the vegetables, yeah? Yeah.

But I mean, when I'm in camp because I've got to eat shit loads of vegetables and a lot of times it's like already packaged and all that ready yeah

so you just got to just force it down so that's something that like again you can obviously if you do vegetables right it's all good

but sometimes you get over it just give me a steak steak and salad you need your veggies you need your greens yeah you got to trash talk someone you need your greens yeah you gotta trash talk someone

in the chef's room what don't you like say again cilantro I can't fucking eat it it's absolutely disgusting I love it dude I don't get it

cilantro we call that parsley yeah no no no that's parsley parsley's parsley no no no what do we call that cilantro

no you guys call it fuck there's another name for it it's called coriander or something yeah coriander is it coriander yeah coriander yeah that's what name for it it's called coriander or something yeah uh coriander is it coriander yeah coriander yeah that's what we call it yeah yeah but uh pasties pasties you

right yeah yeah that's it um now i love that yeah i love that i can't a lot of people ask about the pineapple and pizzas what do you like with that why you don't i like it i don't know we're a little bougie with our pizza here in new york it's actually not that bad but i think new yorkers are kind did you have good pizza when you were here yeah i did yeah okay where'd you go well uh yeah you probably uh it's obviously just a tourist thing yeah we went full touristy went to joe's pizza no joe's good we're not in new york when it comes to pizza there's a reason why it's touristy is because it's that good okay joe's is the fucking shit yeah man like it is good 100 is good but whether it's the best i don't know it's one of the best you reckon uh yeah i think it's one of the best in the city there's some other places that are

also good yeah yeah yeah now the thing is like i'm always worried because it's like pizza can't be that bad but it also can't be that great you know like a steak can you can bite into steak you're like holy shit what is going on here whereas like pizza kind of operates in this range like even if you do frozen pizza you're like it's pretty fucking good solid it's solid right so i i always worry that people come here going i'm about to have the best pizza in my life and they're like a bit disappointed because their expectations they put to it's bread cheese and sauce at the end of the day yeah i'm hearing i know i know exactly what you're saying, but fucking pizza was good. It was good?

It was good. I've had it a couple of times anyway, so I know it's good. But I mean, it's good. Yeah. I love pizza. But I mean, I don't even usually like thin pizza. Yeah. I like thick crust usually.

What temperature? I love the thin pizza here in New York. What temperature piss is the best? Temperature. Just like a steak when you cook your steak room temperature that's how you

want your piss cut I promise I swear I've never done that as well they are not my stories

the leech is mine just remember you're going to edit that out anyway but hey no all of your

teammates are going to DM me pictures of you drinking your own piss guaranteed from random

Monday it's full of shit it's going to be doing a bubble you drinking your own piss. Guaranteed from random Monday. It's full of shit. It's going to make you do the bop like. Guys, let's take a break for a second because this episode is brought to you by Diet Smoke. Diet Smoke is absolutely brilliant. All right. They got the Delta 8. Get you high, but it's legal.

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Let's get back, baby. Watching you in there like when it was coming I think it was like the fourth round I think you walked up to the Korean Zombie and you were're like are you sure you want to yeah that was the most fire shit ever dude i looked it kind of looked in your face when you were like i mean the third it looked really like you were like somebody's got to stop yeah man that's exactly what it was so that's exactly what you heard because i think it is doing the rounds where

people are saying what i said i did say something i remember looking at i'm like telling the ref i'm like he's done man like yeah because i could i can tell by looking at uh people when they're defeated right and they're even looking for a way out you just see it in their eyes yeah they're like you know warriors aren't going to sit there go i'm done put the hand up and let the world know that i'm done yeah but they're gonna you know wherever they're like pretending they can't see which sort of happened with the ortega fight as well oh i, I saw that. Yeah, so little things like that. There was a moment in that Ortega fight where he literally said, I can't see.

Yeah, exactly. You don't tell a ref that. Because if you tell a ref that, they've got to stop the fight. You don't tell a doc, they're going to stop that. So for you to say that, you are already accepting that they're going to stop it. You know what I mean? Or you're accepting that it's over, and if they stop it, whatever. You wouldn't tell them that put it this way

if I was in that position I am poker face 100% all the way and you're not going to know but these are the reads that I was getting I was like man he's done

and you know he was never going to give up and like he even stumbled to the centre and then at the start I'm like I literally put my hands down

and I go you really want to keep doing this like you know what I mean and he's like he probably didn't understand me he let me do it I'm sure you thought you were talking that, you know what I mean? And he's like, he probably didn't understand me. I'm sure. You thought you were talking that shit.

Like, really, I don't think he understood me, but he's just like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like,

I'm like, are you sure? He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But even if he did understand me, he probably would have been the same thing.

He's not going to say, oh, I'm done. He's not going to tell me that. But I'm like, all right. But then it was like, yeah,

a couple of seconds after that, I finished. Do fighters ever have a safe word? I've heard of you. Hey? Do fighters ever have a safe word with their... It's not. Hey? Do fighters ever have a safe word with their- He's not sex, bro. Wait, wait, wait.

Have you ever heard of winking? Yeah. Have you ever heard of wink? No, no. I mean like- A little tickle on it. Nah. You're just tapping out immediately.

You just bite the pillow, man. Yeah. No, I'm saying with their coaches, like you're in the corner and you say something like, oh yeah, it's fucking watermelon. And that means like, yo, I can't go on. I can't. Nah.

Nah. That's a problem, right? That's what i think is a big problem right now is uh there's that that sort of uh you know the relationship with the coach and the the student where the coach probably wants to stop it but then they're like he's probably gonna be that angry at me if i stop it like you know at the end of the day that shouldn't matter yeah safety for you know safety first yeah it's a tricky one where i feel like uh they do need to have these conversations yeah i don't know if this watermelon is going to be a secret word but i mean now everybody's going to know you're just screaming pumpkin in the corner and people are like what the fuck is at least have that conversation right yeah so if i if i don't look like i'm looking for an answer and

things isn't going my way and i'm just fucking getting punched in the face yeah um you know maybe you know we're gonna do this this is gonna be what we do i'm gonna give you one more chance we're gonna do something if they're filming you in the corner and you know you got cameras on you and the coach is like i'm gonna stop the fight you can't be like yeah yes please yeah i think you're right yeah you have to say no yeah you have to fight they always will yeah everybody's looking and that was the same with the ortega one and like i said that he was looking for a way out and i don't mean that in any disrespect no no i mean it was just it was yeah exactly it was like bringing to come back and all that and and for him to think about it being in that mental state right well you're done yeah i'm

done i'm cooked that's it i want him to stop this then they don't give you that out and then you have to go back in there and just be like oh fuck it let's just keep going then and then just try and turn it back around which you've got to give him credit for so i mean dude that choke i just i've watched that choke maybe like 40 times i still don't know how you got out of the choke and i want you to tell me but before you tell me my suspicion is somehow you lasted long enough where he got tired is that right yeah yeah that's it's pretty much it so obviously those techniques to to literally like at least make space lean into the what is it lean into well like i was obviously pulling on his arm i was pushing on his hips to you know get his hips high and to change the angle on the neck and uh yeah obviously trying to turn the the chin in and

things like that just enough and the lights were dimming that's a that's a something like that's what i've been like how i explained literally the lights were dimming quite couldn't hear a thing no i'm like oh fuck this can't be it right like i was uh thinking this belt not coming home to my family like this can't be fucking it and uh then i just kept doing what i was doing even though it wasn't working at the start but i was just i'm persistent i'm a stubborn cunt so i'm like oh no fuck that i'm gonna keep going. And then just slowly the lights started coming. I'm like, he's going to gas out. His arms will gas out before I go to sleep.

And then I just felt it. And I'm like, oh, I'm going to fucking get you now. That's what I mean. That's literally what I was thinking. Once I get out of here, I'm going to make you pay. It's over. Because he's going to be fucking exhausted. 100%.

And I could already feel it. You know what I mean? And then even the scrambles, he was going for other chokes. I knew I'd get up. And I'm like, he's going to be drained now. I've got to better pour it on. And that's exactly what I did. What's the dream fight for you?

Dream fight? Man, I'll say this enough. You sound like everyone says it, right? Conor McGregor. Everyone's going to say that, right? But I'm thinking that that's the fight. You guys are going to strike. Yeah.

Right? You're going to go at it. You can come up to whatever weight he wants. That's going to be crazy when both of you guys are at the what is it called i almost called it the debate the press conference the press conference the debate the debate yeah when you guys are at the town hall it's gonna be amazing i'm good at debating but i'm thinking that's the fight man well like uh yeah man just remember i've fought every other champion i beat every other champion in my division right he's the only other champion that i haven't beat so uh you know

beat aldo uh max holloway and uh connor's the only other champion in my division and i've been saying i want all the legends of my division all the all the top guys in my division i want to take them all out that's why uh zombie i mean well he won't make featherweight ever again so what do you think can he make 155 fight him at anything 170 don't matter even 170 that's my that's why uh zombie i mean he won't make featherweight ever again so what do you think can he make 155 fight him at anything 170 don't matter even 170 that's my that's what i've been wondering you were obviously 200 pounds before ufc how comfortable are you high going up and still fighting it i probably couldn't get uh higher than uh 170 now 170 is probably my number okay but i mean i could do it but i mean he could obviously go down lower. So we wouldn't have to do a 170. But if that was the, oh, it has to be this, whatever, let's do it. So, and as his comeback fight, or do you think he's not ready for that?

I think he's dumb to take it as his first fight back. Whatever. I know for you. Whatever. But I mean, obviously I'd want him in good nick. Yeah. I don't want him to have excuses. Do you think he looks good on the pads?

Have you seen any of those videos of him like hitting? I haven't watched too much. I think I might've seen a little bit. What did he look like? No good? i don't want him to have excuses do you think he looks good on the pads have you seen any of those videos of him like i haven't watched too much i think i might have seen a little bit what do you look like no good i don't know like his hey back for me the thing about connor was like wow you have legit speed and head movement that's the thing was always impressive to him is like to be able to like move his head off the line four inches you know a lot of guys are making these like big dips and it's so hard to recover from a big dip but it's like that counter left that he would always throw that he would catch people early on yep he's moving his head off barely and i just see him he's now he's kind of like stocky and big what the fuck do i know i'm the

fighter but like you're onto something yeah i'm hearing you you know what i'm saying yeah i'm hearing you and i think i think it'd be dumb of him to take a first fight back against you i might also be trying to play into his ego so he plays, you know. First fight back coach. Let's go. Subversive trash talk. Worth every penny, eh? Now, but don't you think?

I mean, I don't know. I think that's the one. Yeah, man, for sure. You know, again, you've got the circus and all that around it. You know what I mean? It's a no-brainer for anyone to want that. But again, we've got a bit more on top of that, the fact that he's another champion of my division.

So, and yeah, I think things are going pretty good. So I think it could be maybe not next. Like you said, I don't know if he's coming in anytime soon. I want a couple of fights this year, but later in the year, we'll love it. Who else? Who else? I mean, the max fights were

incredible dude you fucking dug down in that first one bro when you just started taking them down and what was it right i love the second one you meant the fight island no i think the first fight remember it was in the fourth or it was in the fourth or fifth for the first one was uh in vegas the second fight was uh well that way that's when i took him down in the in the second one but it was just like max was having success and you were like i'm gonna do what it takes to win this fight yeah that's kind of what it seemed like yeah it was yeah obviously it didn't start well yeah it didn't start well but i mean uh that's just the type of guy i am you know i mean i think look at all the adversities have been obviously the the chokes we're talking about yeah uh and then being behind

and then having to be like, oh, shit, dig deep and then outwork guys. They're known for their cardio too. Max is known for his cardio. You know what I mean? So when you've got to dig deep and do things, I'm showing so much range in my capabilities with things like that. You know what I mean? That's a thing.

I've shown even with the chin where, you know, we see even Chad Mendes catching my chin and all that type of stuff but i go back up and yeah right back in his face and crumbled him straight after that yeah that's the thing about like beating legends is max goes on to continue to be great because he's a legend too and the better that people see max the better they see your wins over a guy like max you know what i mean like it's it's interesting it's like your legacy also lies on the legacy of the people you've defeated history works in hindsight so it's always looking back what do they do and yeah i mean i just love max i think he's fucking i think he's fucking great but i'd like another one of that what else though what else

well that's uh that's something that was meant to happen yeah yeah that was meant to happen at the that's this fight that's why zombie got it because he got injured yeah so that's a big fight and that's always going to be there as well and uh again we just need i don't know the situation i don't know uh how he is with his injury or whatever but i mean uh that's a fight that people still want to see what about colby again it's the right decision for the right time and a lot of people still want to say colby we're gonna say colby i'll fight colby 170 do you make him come down? Maybe a catch? I'll do it. You know what I mean? But I mean, whether they'll be like, well, you know, welterweight and featherweight,

they probably wouldn't make it happen. But I'll do it. Yeah, you would. I guarantee I would. Yeah. So it's, with fights like that as well, you go up and move up two divisions. It's all a win-win anyway. You know what I mean?

You go there, even though I think I'll do, I could still do all right, even against these big boys. Yeah. You don't. Yeah, nobody's mad. I'll go back down to lightweight and featherweight against these big boys yeah you don't yeah nobody's back down to lightweight and featherweight you know what i mean like that's why you got a lot of guys that want to move up they think they're like you know but i mean they're doing that because it's a there's no no they can go back to the vision like oh you know they i took the risk

by doing this so it's a win-win for them they win soaking it up they lose i'll go back you know look i was one taking massive risks and stuff that's just how it is I'll do that too before you go we need to see the belt yep we know we got the good shit

and this is a legit one this ain't a replica no this is the real shit my goodness nice look at that dude this is so fire

this is so fire yeah did you get the diamonds tested? hey did you get the diamonds tested hey did you get the diamonds tested i have a name we should do that there's a ruby yeah it'd be so funny well the rubies aren't there because they're actually putting obviously putting another ruby in right so i just got it they let me see and they're like oh like don't we there's no point having it because you might be getting another one right yeah like all right because the rubies are for defenses yeah yeah so i'm uh so they've got the plaque it's got my name got the

flags yeah and uh they got the ruby so i've gonna have a they're putting the fourth one on so wait they're gonna put four more on well that one's just a temporary because they've got the actual plaque that usually goes there oh wow putting the rubies on so oh this is so cool wrecking them rubies up, baby. Ah, dude. All right, brother. We love you, man. Too easy, mate.

Thank you. Hey, make sure you go check out Alex. Support Alex and hit him up on Instagram and tell him how much you enjoy his antics. Yeah.

The bubbler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What emoji looks like the bubbler? What can we put on? The sprinkle? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just go flood his fucking Instagram with those sprinkle emojis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just go flood his fucking Instagram with those sprinkle emojis.

Alex the Bubbler Vulcan. That's what I'm talking about, bro. That is it. Can't be stopped. All right, guys. This has been Flayin' 2. Peace.