Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Innit

Episode Date: October 4, 2019

This week Andrew, Akaash, and Kaz discuss: veterinarians being useless, white people loving pumpkins, going broke for weddings, Kuzma landing a deal with Puma and landing on an injury, the flagrant thoughts of the week, and much more. Indulge!!! Want to hear the full episode? Become a Patron! www.Patreon.com/Flagrant2

That's useless. I really... Let's go. Are we started? We're already started. Akash's dog is dying. Yeah. Oh, God.

No, it's not even dying. It has diarrhea. Okay? Yeah. And... Diarrhea could kill a dog, though. It's a parasite, probably. It's a what?

Parasite. Your dog is. No, no, no, no. Shut up! I'm trying to understand. The so animals get sick you think they can understand English dogs yeah it'd be really funny if they could because like you'd be calling him happy and he's just dying right now it's like this motherfucker could have named me anything else. You could have named me Cloudy. You could have named me Sunshine. I can't be named I.

That's a lot of pressure for a dog. Decent? You couldn't call me decent. That's a lot of pressure for a dog, man. Okay, so let's start out with Flagrant Thought of the Week. My Flagrant Thought of the Week is I think veterinarian, what are they called? Veterinarians. Yeah.

Are useless. Yeah. I don't even like that they're short for that vets is short because then like veterans and veterans a Vietnam vet that's meaningful right like that Flickr thought of the week over here

sometimes I'll follow up on Flickr thought of the week vets I can't wait to hear your take on this one. Because when China invades, you can be like, well, we're all the vets. We're all the vets. We're all the vets.

Not as honorable as gang members, but they try. No, I mean, there's levels to being a veteran, bro. Yo, Kaz's inconsistencies. We need to do a topic every week on his absolute bullshit takes. There's not levels to veterans. You don't really understand the Bloods and the Crips, bro. They do a lot for the community. There's motherfuckers that call themselves veterans.

They get 13-year-olds to sell drugs. I mean, they really help out. There's people on the field. There's people that work in the kitchen. There's people that really don't enter in combat ever. They just got to collect all the benefits and all that shit. They call themselves veterans. Are you going to get the same veteran

that really sat there all day, all fucking trip or whatever? Hey, let me tell you something. If you're in a kitchen in Afghanistan, you got my effect, bro. Real talk, you want a fucking submarine cooking a piece of... I'm not saying not respect them.

A submarine. Yeah, dude, like... No, no, no. So you don't respect a vet that's a veteran? Veteran, yeah. They have dogs, like, no, no, no. All I'm saying is- So you don't respect a vet that's a veteran? Veteran, yeah. Because they have dogs. They have, like, you know, attack special dogs that have to be treated that go in and sniff out bombs and shit like that.

So they don't get respect. I respect that dog more than that vet. Why, though? Like, they have to be trained. They have to be healthy. I respect the dog that sniffs out the bomb. I mean, that's valid. Yeah, more than the vet that sniffs out the dog and is like- Who teaches them to sniff out the bomb? They don't just come out the room knowing I mean, that's valid. Yeah. More than the vet that sniffs out the dog. Who teaches them to sniff

out the bomb? They don't just come out the room knowing what bombs smell like. They smell! That's what they do! You don't have a dog? I have a dog, yes. You realize it smells shit? Of course it smells shit. It smells everything. So boom. Bombs. Smell. Then I've been...

You gotta train the dog to know what... It's easy to fucking train it. You smell the bomb, then you give it a treat, and then you go, you want a treat? Go find a fucking bomb. That's not that easy. That's how it works. It's not that easy. Dude, why do you think they keep walking on landmines in Asia still?

You see how they sniff everything? Why do you think they keep walking on landmines still in Asia? Because they ate all the fucking dogs, so they can't smell any of those landmines that were laid. So dogs are valuable. They sniff everything. They're valuable.

More valuable than veterinarians. But here's the thing. You just said they sniff everything which means they'll eat anything. And those vets

have to treat those dogs that have to serve our country. Back to uses veterinarians. Do you really believe you really truly believe veterinarians. Do you really believe, you really truly believe? Veterinarians make me not respect doctors, bro. Because if you're telling me this, you're telling me there's no specialization whatsoever.

Like, you could be a veterinarian and someone brings you a dog and you're like, fix this dog. You're like, I got you. Put him under. Let's do some surgery. Yeah, I see where you're going on. It's valid. And then they bring you a gray white shark. Yeah. And they're like, hey, fix this dog. You're like, all right, I got you. Put him under. Let's do some surgery. Yeah, I see where you're going and it's valid. And then they bring you a gray white shark and they're like,

hey, fix this gray white shark. And you have the, you know how gray white sharks work? I think there's a level of expertise. By the way, I'm not wearing underwear today

so anything could happen. I just want to let you know. I don't know how that correlates. I just want to let you know his dick on jean. His dick on jean so we don't get lost. I'm a little irritated right now. I'm a to let you know. I don't know how that correlates. I'm going to let you know it's Dick on G. It's Dick on G. So we're going to get a lot. I'm a little irritated right now.

I'm a little irritated. It's a little red. It's a little red. So my point is, there's no way you really know how all the animals work, right? But here's the thing. Also, my phone better than yours. Anyway, go on. I got the new iPhone yesterday. I got the new iPhone yesterday.

I got the new iPhone. It ain't coming yet. I didn't want a year of Andrew having a better phone than me. Let's go. Dick on cheese, motherfucker. I ain't playing no games. You got that shit in gold.

You got that rose gold? That's all that was left. Come on. Come on, Donald. You got a case to cover the most of it. I got that green shit coming. You don't, Donovan. You got to tap me with the case on the door. I got a case to cover the most of it. That's pussy. I got that green shit coming.

That's pussy, though. You don't believe in yourself. I got that green shit to honor the vets. You know what I'm saying? Better a Mary than this bitch. No! Bro!

Yo, all I'm saying is you don't think it's a little bullshit? You don't think it's a little bit bullshit that they know how to fix every animal? That's valid. There's validity to that. You've got people that are doctors, right? Yeah.

Your uncle doctor. What type of doctor? Everybody? He don't know how to fix Asians. If you bring an Asian to your uncle and say, hey, man. Asians are so broken emotionally that you got to deal with this first. We need a China on this panel To round out the rainbow

Jesus Okay but go But go Going hard to the Asians today So it's like If you go to What? Just cause we talk about the vets

I mean shit It's not like we don't need Asians They're not like 4 billion people I thought you said Asians Yeah And there's more of our Asians Than their Asians Oh y'all

I don't want that smoke I don't know I don't want that smoke I think we had the smoke And it's more of our Asians than their Asians. Oh, y'all want to smoke? Y'all want to smoke? I think we had to smoke and it's called dispelling me. I'm not going to dick other Asians. Oh, shit. Fuck out of here. Take that shit home.

We let a white bitch win before you. Wait, a white girl won the celebrity? It was a tie. They like ran out of words. It was like a 13-way tie, right? It was 12 Indians and this white bitch. So whack. I'm going to be honest. We should have just gone until she was eliminated. I didn't like that she of words. Feels like a 13-way tie, right? It was 12 Indians and this white bitch. So whack. I'm going to be honest,

we should have just gone until she was eliminated. I didn't like that she made it. I'm going to keep it a full stack. This little 13-year-old white bitch. That's a bad precedent to set.

A white girl tied to Indians in the spelling bee? Yeah. This is mind-boggling to me. That's how much bitches like to talk. Jesus Christ.

Yo, real talk? You alright, Alex? God damn, I can't put a place on her, Jesus. Now you don't want to listen. Now you don't want

to listen to my girls talk. You know you'd be on the phone with her like this, like, yeah, spell anti-disestablishment in your head. Anti-disestablishment.

So good. Keep going Oh that's a good one Yeah you got that Oh my god Yeah you got that Yeah you got that shit Yeah you gotta see Alex's Face time posture

It looks like he's hiding From these bitches Hang on Hang on He's not hiding from the bitches He's hiding from you Cause he knows He's gonna tell you

I'm in my bag Trying to be on the lowest shit. He's all in my face. Get out of my face, son. Hold on. Get out of my face. Can we just say one thing? This is very important.

Let's just get back to this point. Your uncle, okay, is not go. Please tell me. Please tell me. Please tell me. Because I'm fucking. You feel that? That's butthole on jeans.

That's butthole on the thread. It's on the fucking stitching. I just fell on the stitch. What? I haven't been home yet. Oh. I haven't been home yet. I'm out here working, bro.

I'm out here working. I was about to say, I haven't been home yet. I know what they call it. I know what they... I haven't been home yet. You know what I mean? Some of us take our sweet time napping.

You know what I mean? Taking naps all fucking sweet time napping. Do you know what I mean? Take a nap all fucking day. Say what? You take a whole bath? I took a shower. I took a shower. Take a shower. Take a shower.

Oh, gosh. I got a lot of flavor thoughts this week. Thank you all for the Patreon. How the fuck Asians can pronounce the same word five different ways? You know how like, like, like, but if you go, no, I don't know. Like they have tones. There are five different tones for sounds. Then each make a different word.

So they have 20,000 characters, five different tones for each one. That's a,000 things. Yeah. But our... I mean, America's got the same shit. It's so tricky, dog. Why that shit is so tricky? Why can't it just be one of the sounds?

Like, these people are magicians when it comes to speaking. They got all the sounds. Yo. I'm wrong. You're right. You remember in Australia, we ate at the Chinese restaurant, and they were taking a picture of us? Yeah. So the waiter decides to take the picture.

Son, before he got to three, I just started dying. Because I knew it was coming. He knew three was coming. He knew three was coming. Son, I just started dying. Son, there's a picture somewhere In my tag photos Of Al not being able

To hold it together Both of us are crying loud But every time No no he was He was counting out loud Yeah yeah he would go He had the phone He'd go

He'd go It was a wrap It was a wrap I was done But that's not peculiar You don't think That's a conspiracy I mean it is peculiar you got 20,000 characters and none of them are our son

20,000 can we get out this is out laughing at the guy's face laughing in his face as he counts well that shit is post it on the patreon page I will put well send it I'll send it over all I saying is that, just give me the math of this. Give me the math of this. Yeah, his phone, son. Yo, son. Yo, that shit is pink, bro. Yo, take the case off, bro.

You know that shit's a pink one, right? Yo, take the case off, B. You know people call that the pink one, right? Yeah, that shit is pink, son. Yeah, it's pink. That shit is rosé. Yo, take the case off. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Take the case off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Back to these veterinarians Bro That ain't shit

Can you explain Two things to me So far I need two shits To explain So if we're talking about my uncle Somebody comes and visits him Just a general Hey here's what's wrong with me

And if it's out of his field of expertise He says I'll send you to this expert And that's how you know Veterinarians Veterinarians Are bullshit Cause they ain't never Turned down an animal How do you know veterinarians, veterinarians are bullshit because they never turned down an animal. How do you know?

You think a veterinarian, if you bring hippopotami into the fucking place. Yeah. Okay. And you go, listen, my hippopotami have come down with a mysterious illness. You think the veterinarian, I don't know how to say that shit. You think the veterinarian. Veterinarian. Veterinarian. There's an R there. Veterinarian. I don't know how to say that shit. You think the veterinarian. Veterinarian. Veterinarian.

There's an R there. Veterinarian. Veterinarian. Veterinarian. You think a veterinarian is going to go, we don't take hippopotami. No, I think they'll look and see if it's a general issue because they know like mammals or whatever. And then they'll say, you know what?

There's an expert in hippopotami and rhinoceri and the like, and I'll send her in, and I'll give her a little real-game. So you're telling me there's a hippopotamini and a veterinarian, hippopotamus veterinarian. Quite possibly an expert. I don't know how this works. But you don't know. Because all I always care about is dogs, G. They want your money, and they're going to lie to you about your pet so that they can

take your money. Have you read reviews on Yelp? I can't talk. You sound like an anti-vaxxer g what the fuck is going on right now wait wait till you see the bill for your dogs huh it's insured insured all covered you got dog insurance yeah you don't got your insurance they can make money you're white son no that is is some white shit, son. That's some white shit. That's why these white bitches taking over Spelling Bee

because Indians became white. Son, you might be right. I don't know, B. You can't have much about this dog. Son, this motherfucker got dog insurance, bro. All my heart, dog. No, that disappointed me, bro.

I love this dog, G. That broke my heart. Yo, dog gets sick. That's a problem. I get sick. He got family. Nobody cares. I don't know. That's a problem if the dog, G. That broke my heart. Yo, the dog gets sick. That's a problem. I get sick. He got family. Nobody cares. That's a problem if the dog gets sick.

You don't see how many other dogs look just like your dog? Nah, nah, nah. Bro, you tripping. That's because you don't love nothing. I do. I love me. I can't replace me. You know what I'm saying?

What are we going to do with Michael? But your dog, you don't think I could switch out your dog? And within a week, you realize you got the same dog? A hundred percent I would realize I got the same dog. Let's play a little game. Let's play that game. Okay. Let's play that game.

What type of dog you got? White maggot. Maltese. You got a white maggot? Is that the name of your dog? You got a white maggot? Is that the name of your show? You think that veterinarians fix insects? Who gives a fuck?

My premise. My premise gives a fuck. You don't gotta cut the legs out. It's a premise, you know what I'm saying? I'm just out here trying to prove a point. You know what I'm saying? That's it. We just keep it in flagrant on the Patreon. You know what I mean?

It's a great shirt you got on, Akash. Thank you, G. Thank you, G. But yeah, so do you think that if I brought in a cockroach, right? Right. You think it evaded these money money grubbing pieces of garbage you don't think that they would fix my cockroach if I brought in a cockroach they would try they would fucking try this is they're the same as the

baristas with the cream just fucking You need some sleep I can see it in your face I can see it in your face I was up all night Jet lag is serious I passed out around 9.30 Woke up at 1 like It's gonna be a long day It's gonna be a long day

Oh man God damn Andrew coming in raw Like his dick right now Son You right bro I'm more worried about my butthole Irritated and raw

Okay So that was my Flare and Thought of the Week I think that we all agree veterinarians are bullshit I hope you don't agree I mean I obviously don't But I'm with it I don't want to cut the premise out again You could disagree

Okay I disagree. But now you give your reasons for disagreeing. Because I don't know what to do. Dogs get sick, they help dogs. The business model would have broken down by now. Son, son, son. You know what they do, son? You know what they do with your dog when you bring it in?

They switch it out. They switch it out. They switch it out, bro it out bro it's like a tesla motor bro that's or the battery whatever it is they just give you a new one bro they give you a new one your dog ain't gonna be your dog all right or i'm being serious i'll be sitting in the room with it no that's what you think that's what you think they take the little fucking bracelet off or whatever that shit is the necklace was it called collar collar They take the collar off

They put it and they go hey your name's happy now Your name's happy and that new dog and my dog been dead many dogs been it's like Shamu You don't think it's weird Shamu been around for 200 years It's like Shamu. You don't think it's weird Shamu been around for 200 years? You think maybe they switched up Shamu's a little bit? In different parts, yeah, for sure.

They got six Shamu's. Yeah, for sure. They got Shamu in Japan? Right, right, right. Shamu? Shamu. They do got that one. They got a Shamu in Mexico City.

Chamu. Okay. Chamu in Mexico City. Chamu. Okay. Chamu. Chamu. Chamu. Chamu in Nigeria. They got the... Chamu.

Chamu. They got the... And they got a Shamu. All I'm saying is you getting a brand new happy, bro. Be happy. A 2020 happy. You didn't get a 2020 happy. You're getting brand new. You got the new model, bro. Be happy. A 2020 happy? You didn't get a 2020 happy. You're getting brand new.

You got the new model, bro. All the upgrades, everything. Like my iPhone. It's got GPS. You know what I'm saying? Real talk. You know, it's funny. A lot of people think I'm gay for having my dog, and a lot of people think you got to

pay for it. You got to pay for my new iPhone. Let me show y'all. I can't believe you're going to have that for many years. No, one year. One year. And honestly, now that you guys are talking shit,

two. Maybe three. That right there is class. Yo, stop hitting, bro. Y'all need to stop hitting, Siri. She knows I'll get you. Listen. She's here.

She's queer. Real talk That right there Is elegance bro That right there Is elegance That shit is gay bro Your shit is a forest Your green shit

Did you I was thinking about Getting a green I was thinking about Getting a green Yeah but you didn't Want to wait for the Straight colors

I didn't want to Wait for them I didn't want to wait You went into the? I didn't want to wait for them. I didn't want to wait. You went into the store? What? You went into the store or you pre-ordered? No, I went into the store. Because when I looked online, they said no stores had any more.

Yeah, I know. But then I got the K'nex. I got my people. Ah, that's why. Because I didn't get the gay color. Yeah. They didn't have any more of the black. 100%.

Can I tell y'all something? Because y'all might be on to something. Can I tell y'all something? Y'all might be on to something with this gay shit. Can I tell y'all something? Because y'all might be on to something. Can I tell y'all something? Y'all might be on to something with this gay shit. Can I tell y'all something? I'm buying my iPhone, right? This is 100% true story that happened to me yesterday in my life. I'm buying my iPhone.

It's a lengthy process to buy an iPhone. Oh boy, isn't it? I go to buy my iPhone. Finally, we agree on it. We're going through all those fucking measures of putting the card in, everything like that. I get my case. All of a sudden this guy comes up to me taps me on the shoulder

he goes, hey can you stop trying to rape me? What? I go, what? He goes, stop trying to rape me. It's wrong. It's wrong to rape somebody. Stop trying to fuck me in my ass. Stop.

I go, all right, buddy. You have a good day. He goes, no, you need to stop trying to fuck me in my ass. It's wrong to fuck people in their ass. That's rape. He's screaming this in the Apple store. I go, yo, you have a good day. You have a good day, man.

He walks away. I think the gold iPhone got something to do with it, man. 100%. Wait, what? That's the story? That's the whole thing. That's the real story?

I wish you cut the legs off that person. I kept thinking that. I'm like, I'm not doing it again. Guys, I wish I had a punchline for this. This is a real story.

I swear to God, all my life, I'm with there. Me, my girl, the guy selling the iPhone. A crazy guy walks out of the bathroom in the Prince Street Apple store in Soho. Now, some crazy people. I didn't realize he was crazy until the second time he said it. Well, what's the Prince Street? I was like, oh, okay. Deadass.

He looks at me, he tapped me. Now, when I was in Australia, sometimes people say weird shit to you after shows. Like, they take a picture, they just

want to make you laugh and they'll reference jokes of yours. They'll be like, I'd like you to eat my ass the way you talk about eating ass or something.

Just say dumb shit. Yeah, to try to stick out. Try to stick out so you remember them, et cetera. But it's their way of just kind of

connecting to you when it was like rich bitch rich bitch yeah that's it okay gotcha so the guy says

so our guy says stop trying to butt fuck me I think that's what he started with butt fuck me he's like you need to stop trying to fuck me in the ass so I turn over

and I was like I was like alright it's kind of a corny joke but what's up man he goes no seriously you need to stop trying to fuck me in my ass that's rape Like, all right, it's kind of a corny joke, but what's up, man? He goes, no, seriously.

You need to stop trying to fuck me in my ass. That's rape. You need to stop trying to fuck me in my ass. And the iPhone guy looking at me like, yo, do you know him? I got my girl right there. She's like, what's up? She definitely looked at you. She was looking at you. What the fuck happened in Australia?

So I swear to god This thing happened And I have no It honestly It's so weird Yeah And in that moment By the second time I looked at the guy

And I was like Oh he's crazy He's a little dirty A little uncomfortable Yeah And he's a truly crazy person Remember Bass Holtz Bass Holtz

Bass Holtz fell off Atlanta Bass Holtz was like Hot in the streets for like three or four summers ago when like motherfuckers were eating faces and shit. 100%.

124th Street was a fucking war zone. Son, down south. Florida. The point I'm trying to say is I had no clue why he chose me of all the people in the Apple store

to say that I was fucking him in the ass and now you guys have brought to light that my phone is gay. There's a chance he walked out of the bathroom saw the gay phone

saw me and then his biggest fear starts to manifest himself which would be me fucking him in his ass yeah

so y'all might be on to something I was agreeing with y'all alright I mean look I'm not saying it's a great story

it's a nice phone without the case I didn't think it was kinda gay I think it's actually great story without the case like I didn't think it was kind of gay I Think it's actually quite nice guys. I should have a rosé colored Is it a cream I don't like y'all talking about my phone Nah nah nah nah nah nah it could survive

Oh shit, you know rich Paul doesn't put cases on his phones you can see it for the new phone It could survive. I've dropped my shit and broke it. Oh, shit. I don't know. You know, Rich Paul doesn't put cases on his phones. Because he can afford a new phone. Yeah. I hate when rich people tell you how about their shit. Because you don't believe in yourself. You believe you can buy another phone, dick.

You didn't even believe in yourself, Rich Paul. You believe in LeBron. Fuck out of here. Pretty good. Pretty good person to believe in. You got LeBron believing in you, then you can believe in yourself. Yo Paul. You believe in LeBron. Fuck out of here. Pretty good. Pretty good person to believe in. You got LeBron believing in you, then you can believe in yourself. Yo, that is so true. Ain't that annoying when motherfuckers who ride coattails give you advice?

Do you know what I mean? Like, literally, I don't need to hear Rich Paul or Maverick Carter tell me anything. What is the key to success? Hard work, dedication, be LeBron's friend. It's be LeBron's friend, and then everything else after that. What about all the other people that are friends with superstar athletes? What about them? They suck.

They're not nearly as accomplished as these two guys. Rich Paul cost AD $80 million to get him on the Lakers. How do I know this guy's a fucking genius? I mean, he did get in the cover of 2K, which I'm assuming made up for a lot of that money that he made a loss in New Orleans. $80 million? Yeah, and he's in Los Angeles now. He's going to make that back like 20-fold.

Are you kidding me? New Orleans? New Orleans, Los Angeles. Like, I think he'll be all right. Didn't Jordan's trainer make tons of money? With Tim Grover? Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. So, you saddle up with the greatest, you're going to make some money. What about like, okay, what about Tom Brady's guy, the trainer? He's like in jail now, isn't he? No, he's not.

He got a whole facility built. The TB12 dude? He got a book out. He got all the shit. Gronk was doing it. Didn't he get banned from the fucking- That's because Belichick don't like anybody having influence over the players besides him. Okay.

All right. Who's a great baseball player? I don't know. I don't watch baseball. Who gives a fuck? Who's a great baseball player? I'm saying it's not that easy. Just latch on the coattails.

It's not easy, but it's not that easy Just a little latch on the coattails A lot of times It's not easy But like A lot of times they leech And they'll get everything back I mean it's a nice It's a nice It's a nice slingshot Darius Miles people Ain't ballin'

It's nice to ride shotgun over there Yeah But you know I got a flagrant thought Okay go We're in Besides that you hate veterans I didn't say that

He was talking spicy This is like Right now this is like the greatest season for like sluts. Like right this second. Fall? Fall. I always thought it was summer. Because you got Ernie? For many reasons.

Okay. One, pumpkin flavored shit. Sluts love pumpkin flavored shit. Has that become a slut thing? I thought that was just a white girl thing no no no so sluts are into pumpkins sluts love pumpkins

sluts love pumpkins sluts love some pumpkin interesting Halloween can I be honest I love pumpkin pumpkin's fantastic pumpkin's incredible

honestly and I say this I say this knowing what I'm saying it's one of white people's greatest contributions to the history of the world and I know y'all did toilets we were nice with that

shit. That was pretty good. And probably some other shit I can't think of. Polio vaccines, whatever the fuck. Vaccines, all modern

medicine. I put smallpox up there. I put pumpkin up there with all of them. No, I put pumpkin up there with the vaccines. I put it up there with

the toilets. I think you're right. I'm not going to lie. It's fucking fantastic. And can I be honest with you? You know how black people be like, well, everybody likes watermelon. Everyone likes chicken. That's how we feel about pumpkin.

That's how you feel about pumpkin? Okay. I can see that. See, but you don't feel like it's a thing, though. It's just like, oh, pumpkin's just delicious. I feel stigmatized as a white person when I eat pumpkin. Especially in October. I feel stigmatized as a guy who's supposed to hate white people every time I eat pumpkin and let me tell you

he's not even fantastic you know what pumpkin is delightful it is delightful delightful you know what it improves anything it's on like if you have a salad

and they're like there's like a little piece of pumpkin in here or pumpkin seeds you're like oh that's a great addition to a salad it's not gonna be

the main course but it's a great addition like I don't like condoms but like if they had a pumpkin spice condom. Well, better pumpkin spice pussy. I'm going to eat it. If your girl said, yo, I got some pumpkin spice pussy cream.

Rub it on her ass and shit. Real talk, I stopped there. Put that on a bunghole. I would like some pumpkin spice bunghole. Yo, if you got your dog back from the veterinarian and that shit was pumpkin spice like it just spelled like pumpkin the whole time What? Straight You think that's how Asians start eating dogs like what dogs always sniffing back there What's so delicious about it, bro? You think that's how Asians start eating dogs? They're like, why are dogs always sniffing back there?

What's so delicious about it? Oh my gosh. Sluts, right? So another reason why this is this season is because of Halloween, right? I overheard a couple on the way over here talking about Halloween costumes and they were like, oh, let's get this

outfit. And it's like a tame little ketchup and mustard type of thing and she was like oh no I can't it's not sexy enough and it's like this is like somebody who you can tell

they're in a long relationship they're doing like the fucking couple fucking costume type of thing type of shit she's like oh no it's not slutty enough

she just openly says it's not slutty enough and what and what other time not summer not spring not winter not fucking spring break, none of that shit. If somebody said, oh, I can't get that.

It's not slutty enough. If you go in the summertime, in the spring, and they got bikinis, like, oh, I'm wearing a bikini because, you know, I got a tan and, like, the tan lines and all that. There's always little caveats to, like, make for the sluttery. I'm breaking up with that bitch, though. But for Halloween, it's just like, though Yo You are allowed to be a slut Not your girl She gotta go

Oh no no No no Your girl gotta go That guy gotta break up With that girl You gonna be ketchup You gonna be ketchup Me and my girl

Was going through like Outfits like for Fucking Halloween and shit I was gonna ask If you guys are gonna do A couple costumes Oh yeah we're definitely Doing a couple costumes

And we're getting A dog costume too That's what's up bro Absolutely Y'all really became gay do a couple costumes. Oh yeah, we're definitely doing a couple costumes and we're getting the dog costume too. That's what's up, bro. Absolutely. Y'all really became gay. Y'all judging me about the great life. Y'all,

you in this with us. You in this with us. I'm literally doing this to relate to y'all. You're gonna be right. I got this phone. I got this phone so I could be like you.

You're gonna be right there with us, bro. Holy. Sounds to me like you butt fucked somebody before you bought it and then just decided to accept who you were. I gave a dick. Let's be honest, I gave it.

I wouldn't want to take it. And frankly, I got very good video quality with my new iPhone. Three angles. It's a little too close. Go to the further back for me. 0.5 distance. Ultra wide. Hell talk.

That's where the bubble was. I pulled out of that shit. Are you and your girl doing that? What if I really did rape him in the bathroom? And he came out and he was like, you raped me. And I was like, this guy gotta be crazy. Like, we would rape someone in an Apple store bet? That's a great alibi.

What are you even talking about? Babe, babe, babe. This guy's nuts you even talking about? Babe. Babe. Babe. This guy's nuts. Huh? Huh, babe? Applephone guy. She definitely looks at you sideways. This guy's crazy.

She definitely looks at you sideways for like five minutes like... Hey, what's any funnier than a Ted Bundy dude raping someone? She has a great dude. You could rape any dude And straight up be like I'm gonna rape him Really Like

Really y'all Like That's enough That's like the Walter White shit From Breaking Bad It's like Oh You got me

It's like yeah I'm the guy I'm raping men All you need to do Is walk to your point And say yo I'm a drug dealer And all your boys be like

Yeah he tripping bro He's not even rap tripping bro i'll bug you on that one you get at least one after two after more than one it's like yo that's a little weird people crazy i am in new york city man y'all decided to move here you knew how crazy everybody was. You're a homeless dude rapist. You can fuck everybody. Real fucking talk, dog. No, you could, if you really, I mean, this is horrible.

If homeless people was your thing, you can get away with that all the time. If you really wanted to rape, you could rape homeless people and they would say that you did it and then nobody would believe them. Kaz, you're only flinching because we're not,

here's what you, everybody understand before you get offended, we're not talking about women. We're raping dudes so it's funny. So it's okay. Yeah, I guess. There's no such thing

as homeless women. Just lazy bitches. Yeah. When y'all, or girls who don't want to sell that pussy. That's really what it's about. Oh, good ass.

Anytime I see a homeless woman, I'm like, you're not trying hard enough. No, she got morals, bro. A homeless white Anytime I see a homeless woman I'm like, you're not trying hard enough No, she got morals, bro A homeless white woman She too proud I'm like, yo She too proud

Alright, you just need to just Cause you know every one of those homeless dudes Would've sold dick to get out of homelessness Oh, listen 50 Cent said it best Like What'd he say? God, what was the line?

He was like I'll go butt ass Must've been memorable He said, if I go butt ass before my records don't sell he said if I go butt ass before my records don't sell or some shit like that meaning

he's like yo if I'm about to get broke and I gotta sell some dick to not be broke I'm gonna sell some dick wow I would sell dick you wouldn't

I'd house you dead broke on your last cent who would buy it that's my question but you don't know bro you don't know nobody buying it. I'm going to tell you something.

My dick is non-refundable. You disappointed, you just disappointed. That's what that is. That's very true, though. The value of dick is just so low. Yeah.

Like, pussies. Dick is like underwear. This is final purchase, you know what I mean? It's like no returns. You get a try on some underwear, realize you hate them, and give it back.

It's like, you have to deal with it. People will take any pussy it's like how old is this pussy yeah yeah we'll appraise that we'll take it it's an antique

a pussy's not worth a couple thousand dollars alright fuck it bring it home alright so pumpkins so you hate pumpkins and Akash what is your flagrant

I don't think I hate pumpkins I think it's slutty I like pumpkins and veterans Jesus god damn how is his flagrant saying he don't like pumpkins

I said nah sluts yeah yeah but y taking like pumpkins I said nah sluts in the fall yeah but y'all never I said sluts embrace the fall like no other season let me ask you

a serious question have you ever made a jack-o'-lantern nah no I haven't no I mean I did once I was really really little

it was like a small ass pumpkin it was like arts and crafts class nah you gotta get a legit pumpkin and then you gotta cut the mouth part out and then you gotta cut the mouth part out and then fuck it. Get that pulp.

You gotta fuck that pumpkin pulp, bro. Pumpkin is really the gift that keeps on giving. White people really like pumpkin. We love pumpkins. I don't like pumpkin that much, dog.

You can't fuck a fried chicken. You can fuck a chicken. Good, son. You could if it's a whole chicken. You know, real talk You know That rotisserie

That's how you stuff it From From Costco Got the little hole right there Real talk Thrust What is the thrust Son

You got thrust in the chicken Try to come out through the top Yo You know Walk into the Veterinarian Doctor Whatever they are, office with the

dick inside the chicken coming out the top and be like, yo, can y'all fix my chicken? Oh, no. Something happened to my chicken. Y'all think you can fix it? And you know what they're gonna say? Yeah, give us five minutes. We're gonna do it because you're a greedy piece of shit. Goddamn.

They're gonna take your money. You wanna come out with me and chicken? Mm-hmm. Chicken's alive and shit. Here you go. We fixed your chicken. Chicken's alive with shit Chicken's alive With the feathers back on it Like yeah we fixed your chicken Alright go

Your flagrant thought of the week I don't know man I just want to know If there's one thing In wedding planning That's worth it I just want to know If one part of a wedding

Isn't fucking me in my ass Financially That's what I want to know Why are part of a wedding isn't fucking me in my ass financially. That's what I want to know. Why are y'all going to London? It's not for you, man. We had already planned this before I proposed. We already brought them tickets.

Yeah. But you know the wedding's not for you. I'm going to try to perform out there, though. I'm trying to work with my boy Travis J. If I get anything,

I'll let everybody know. You're back Sunday, you said? Sunday. Right. But you know the wedding's not for you. It's the big floss It's not for anybody.

I mean, for your girl your girl no it's for the fucking photographer to overcharge me and whatever the fuck the DJ to over every price I look at him

like who the fuck do you think you are who the fuck do you think you are to think you're worth thousands of dollars for one day

I mean they're they're trying to take advantage of you because they know this is such a special day for you. Because they know you're already broken. Because you're already broken. You already got down on one knee. They broke you

like a fucking wild horse. Yeah. And then you're just like, yeah, whatever. Money, who cares? You're like a housebroken man. Like, you just have shame. Why are you paying a photographer?

A photographer was popularized before everybody brought their phone to an event. Yeah. You just are gonna get tagged in every picture try explaining this to any woman on earth yo

y'all need to stop explaining if you explain you losing Tom Brady you know what I'm saying very true the GOAT

that's TB12 that's the TB12 method real talk if you explain and you lose it yo we not getting a photographer but you gotta explain it on some it Yo we not getting A photographer Yeah

But you gotta explain it On some like Emotional shit It's like We're not getting A photographer Cause I want people To savor the moments

Do you know what I mean Like I don't want us To live through pictures I want us to live Through life You gotta hit them With that shit

And then when they say Shut the fuck up Ain't nobody ask you Ain't nobody ask you that's why you gave the dog diarrhea start playing with random shit real talk no photographer no food you don't need food you need food just cut the dinner Motherfuckers coming to the party bro It's also an Indian wedding So it's like three weddings

It's like At least two weddings They have an engagement The day before Oh dude Stop this bro Then you got the wedding Why don't you marry a white girl

They can spell now Real talk She wasting your time for bro He's like White bitches Are you spelling bro White bitches Are you spelling bro

Listen They fuck with pumpkin That's a spice That's true Real talk White girls They got it right now son They know how to yoga

I don't see any reason Why you shouldn't get white girl I just White girls get gaudy right now, son. They know how to yoga. I don't see any reason why you shouldn't get white girl. I just... I mean, white women are kind of diet Indians. Sort of. No? Did you say diet Indians or devil Indians? Diet. Diet.

Diet Indians. White girls diet Indians. The yoga, the spice. Guys, guys, guys, guys. Spice. Can you at least try to hook me up with human beings? Like, come on. Oh, my God. That hurt me. Not fucking animals god that hurt me animals that hurt me monsters jesus christ

damn i'm not mongrels y'all are getting after these white women it's my women's bro the level that i cause to test white women is like kind of admirable sometimes i really want to try to put a ceiling on how many are at the wedding I'm trying to I'm toying with the idea Andrew's girl My white friends You got a white girl That's about where I want it to stop That's literally all my friends' girls

Whoever Alex is He said it out He said it out I'm sorry Why would you just invite random white women up? That's who gets invited to a wedding. There's no white female friends. If I got white female friends, they're like, can I get an invite?

I'm like, I don't know. Let's see about this. I don't really know how you made it this far, to be honest. It's time to just draw the line in the sand. I'm starting to believe that you might actually like white women so much you can't trust yourself around them. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Don't protest too much. you might actually like white women so much you can't trust yourself around them. Dogs protest too much.

I don't want no white women around me. No white women are going to be invited. We can't have these white girls around. I'm going crazy. I'm going crazy. Hey, whatever we got to tell ourselves. I love pumpkin. I love pumpkin so much. I love veterinarians. He loves pumpkin so much. I love veterinarians.

He loves pumpkins, small little dogs. Small dogs. I mean, listen. If it wasn't for this podcast, you'd be like a white woman like hive, bro. Like, you would attract a lot of them. Oh, my God. If it wasn't for this podcast, they'd just do it at you and me. Jersey commutes to Manhattan.

Yo, that's so white. That's Indian. Yo. That's Indian. That's Indian. That's Indian. The truth comes out. The truth comes out. You are a white woman

nectar, bro. Hey, welcome to the team. Don't hate what God provides. Don't hate what God provides for us. He's one. Whatever keeps these hoes away I'm fine with it

I protest too much Real talk Let me tell you How excited does this hat make you bro? That's where they're born and bred bro A white bitch from Barney's That's a white bitch. That's a white.

Bro, dogs. That's Scarface cocaine level white. Son. I think we found it, bro. I think I found it, yeah. Definitely. I think we found it.

Definitely. It all makes sense. It all makes sense now. It all makes sense now. I get it. Listen. A white woman do love you. They'll be in the comments

saying, yo, he's so cute. He's so cute. The hair's nice. I can see that. I'm kind of going through it right now. I'm kind of thinking for the out. I'm kind of about to go nuclear.

I'm kind of like, if I say the N word, am I out of here? I'm going to just say it. I might just push the button. I might push the button because that's the same in my relationship. It's the time. Oh, gosh. He's like, I would do anything to get out's the same my relationship. It's the time. It's the time. Oh, God. She's like,

I would do anything to get out of this conversation. Fuck. We good. I wish I could just sue him. He's already going through like, man,

London gonna be rough. I'm going to London. I'm going to pretend I'm jet lagged. Every time she bring up a fight I'm gonna pretend First of all Episode don't come out till Friday

Hold on Hold on You know what the epicenter Of white culture is Oh it's London Facts I'm gonna keep it a stack I do love London

Facts I do love London Damn it bro I do love London I think we figured this shit out I think we figured this shit out About to go to an Adele concert out there or something? No, no, no.

What you gonna do? You gonna fuck with Adele? All people fuck with Adele. Shout out to Adele. Got herself a black man. She's a transcendent white woman. She's great. She got herself a black man, bro.

She got herself a great black man now, son. Skepta. Skepta. Skepta sucks, yo. I'm gonna keep it. I'm gonna keep it. Dude, Skepta sucks. You don't like, you don't like,

like, UK rap? You don't find it soothing? You like grime? You don't find that soothing? What, what, that, four, five, five, six,

seven, eight, nine, ten. You know what I'm saying? All UK hip hop. They ruined a perfectly good Drake album, by the way. All UK hip hop. Just counting. Four, three,

four, three, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, fourteen, fourteen, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 10, 10. 3, 2, 1. Isn't it? You just watched Top Boy, right? I'm sorry. I took this one out.

Top Boy. Yo, I love that show. That show's hot. Top Boy. The only reason why I'm fucking skeptical is because he's Nigerian, too. Can I give you my impression of Top Boy? This is my impression. Is every black dude Nigerian?

God damn. Yeah, mostly. I mean, if you're successful. Because Nigerians sold all the other ones to Americans. Yo, what's up? This is Akash. That was a preview of our Patreon episode. If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com.

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