Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Jay-Z Stole Toilet Paper | Patreon Sample

Episode Date: May 22, 2020

This week Andrew, Akaash, AlexxMedia and Mark discuss Jay-Z Steeling toilet paper from UK artist The Bullitts, how Schulz' girl was not happy him breaking up Call Her Daddy podcast, Joe Rogan and the Spotify deal, and much more. INDULGE! Want a new episode every week? Become a Patron! www.Patreon.com/FLAGRANT2

okay um what are we thinking yo did you guys see this artist accusing jay-z of stealing his toilet paper no what's this so um this was jay-z's engineer young guru he was on instagram live he was talking to this artist that they work with in the uk okay and the artist is like losing his yeah bullets and he's like the artist is losing his mind like you can tell he's like kind of off with it yeah and guru's trying to help him out as much as he can but the guy's just insisting on speaking to jay-z and asking him about his uh toilet paper it's fucking hilarious and then jay-z starts to oh yeah damn is it the echo i don't know how how amazing your your your memory is i appreciate that i appreciate that

you told me that though i appreciate that okay so so do we lost james i don't know i have no idea what's going on the reason i'm talking the reason i'm saying that j Jay, is because you've got an amazing memory. So don't feign a bad memory when I tell you, you stole my leather backpack with my aloe vera toilet paper in it. It was you. It was you. Jay, it was you. It was you. You stole my aloe vera toilet paper. Look, here's the thing thing what do you get the billionaire greatest rapper of all time that has everything homemade by his mom aloe vera toilet paper it was you Jay it was you I went through all the suspects that that from the gold party all food such as Jay is with the engineer but he doesn't show his face on a screen so basically

it's like this guy has wanted to speak to Jay-Z for the longest. Jay-Z ignores his calls, everything. The one time you get to speak to Jay-Z, they happen to be at a party together. And so at the party, he had homemade aloe vera toilet paper inside of a leather book bag, and somebody stole it. And he has spoken to every single person at that party except Jay-Z. So his one opportunity to speak to Jay-Z, he asks him, did you steal? He accuses him of stealing.

I think he stole that shit. Real talk, maybe. Think about it. You get to a certain level of success and wealth where you could steal and people go, nah, he wouldn't steal. That's what happened with those bitches in LA, all those actress bitches. Remember, they were going to the department stores and stealing all this

there were all these rich girls that would go around and they'd rob these fancy department stores because literally you could walk out and your bag beeps and then you look at the security like i'm brad pitt i'm winona rider like i'm not stealing anything what are you talking about and they let you go with all the merch j Jay-Z saw that fucking toilet paper. He saw that backpack, and he's like, that's mine. And it's a big deal to steal toilet paper now. It's probably just started getting to him. He's probably shitting, wiping his hands.

I wish I had my aloe vera, too. Oh, toilet paper. It's homemade aloe vera toilet paper. How do you even make that? I don't know. Only his mom knows. Son, I think he stole that shit. Dead ass.

Dead ass. Maybe she passed away. Maybe that's the last thing he had of hers. You know what I mean? How dare you, Jay-Z? Oh my God, bro. Jay-Z stole that fucking toilet paper. Jay-Z stole that fucking toilet paper Jay-Z stole that fucking toilet paper Why would he not?

He don't even care about the backpack You know back in the day People would break in your car Just to get the stereo That's Jay-Z with the toilet paper 100% I'm taking the backpack It's for this toilet paper

You think he knew the toilet paper was inside 100% He smelt it 100% That big ass nose He got a nose on him. Is that my aloe vera? Where's that coming from?

And he probably didn't talk to anybody at the party because he was on all four like Scooby Doo just sniffing around for the aloe vera. Dude, that is. Damn. What? Somewhere in the video, Jay-Z's like, wait, so you saying you haven't wiped your ass since this party? That's great.

That's fucking great. Was the party recent? No, I think it was like back in Christmas. Well, it had to be before the, you know, pandemic. Yeah, it was like around Christmas time. Hey, real talk,

this shit was recent. Like right when Corona's popping up in China. Yeah. And now it's a thing and then by February everybody's fucking freaking out. There's no toilet paper.

You probably think back like my mom made me fucking toilet paper. And you stole it from me. You son of a bitch. Why did you bring toilet paper you probably think back like my mom made me fucking toilet paper and you stole it from me you son of a bitch why did you bring toilet paper to the party his mom made it for him he probably stopped at his mom's house before the party and he probably doesn't like to wipe his ass

with any other toilet paper so he carries around his own toilet paper that's another thing you want to carry around your wet wipes because you don't know if at the party they're going to have that shit you don't want to wipe your ass with some dry ass toilet paper. You know they're not. Matter of fact, it's your mom's homemade aloe vera toilet paper.

Do people walk around strapped with toilet paper? I think they do sometimes. They should. I think they wear the wet wipes. They would not wear them, but they bring them. The wet wipes are very important.

I carry wet wipes. Do you really? Yeah. When we travel. Here's the thing that I'm curious about. Mark only uses wet wipes in place of bathing.

What? You're going to use your shower on your ass? Like the fuck? Guys, guys, we're all missing something very important here. What is, what does aloe do? Moisturize? No, actually. Cools?

Cools. And heals, right? But cools, you put aloe on a sunburn right aloe is the main ingredient anything that's a cooling sensation right healing sensation it's healer it's a healer as well aloe right a natural healer go there what is happening when bullet shits that he needs aloe on his toilet paper or is there something else happening in between shits that he would need to heal and cool down his asshole? Oh, that's different.

I was going to take it a different way. Okay, go. If you need to cool down your asshole, what kind of food are you probably eating? Spicy food? Spicy food. Who do we know for a fact carries hot sauce in her bag swag? Oh, my God.

Oh, shit. That was fire. Corona slaps on that ass. Yo, Jay-Z needs that toilet paper. I got hot sauce in my bag. Swag. And then Jay-Z goes,

I got bullets bags. Swag. You remember when he said that shit in the remix? I got aloe in my bag. I got aloe in his bag. Swag. That's it. Oh, my God. Teepee with in his bag. Swag. That's it. Oh my God.

Teepee with the Aloe. See me on the channel. Bro. Jay-Z stole that fucking backpack. Yo, Jay-Z stole that shit, yo. That's foul, bro. Yeah, it's kind of funny. You know how Jay-Z likes to like hold down rappers That's foul, bro. Yeah, it's kind of funny. You know how Jay-Z likes to hold down rappers that are on the rise?

Mm-hmm. Maybe he saw bullets coming. Maybe he was nervous. He saw that UK rap really popping off. He's like, this is someone I cannot compete. Watching that top boy, he's like, I cannot compete with this dude. I need to throw him off his game. I need to chop up his ass.

How does Bullet rap? Say what? How does Bullet rap? Say what? How does Bullet rap? Fix up, look tall. Fix up, look tall. Fix up, look tall. On these streets where we share a gun. Whole community share one gun.

Yo, freestyle by Allo, bro. Do a diss track on Jay-Z Okay About stealing Aloe Okay I go into African Freestyle I don't believe you

I sound like a warlord At the end of this Idiot, I mean hop on this track How do you do English accent again? What is it? Fix up, look sharp Oh Okay, okay, okay

Okay, okay, A okay okay oh yeah right me want no that's it's immediately jamaican jay-z stop my aloe oh yeah he's a very mean fellow I can only wipe my ass shallow Because I don't have the toilet paper with my aloe Put a beat on that Fire I come from the street I come from the street Yeah I come from the street!

Yeah we got welfare and everybody has something to eat but it is really tough! Yes it's really scary! JZ took my beats and he took my teepee! Then he take it take it! I cannot stop! I have to eat some crumpets and some biscuits with my tea. Crumpets, tea, tea, tea, tea, tea, tea. Crumpets, crumpets, crumpets, crumpets, tea, tea, tea, tea, tea. And biscuits.

Deep, deep, deep, deep. Dark back. That's hot fire. Jay-Z's asshole, bro. Here, bro. Fire. Hot fire like his asshole. That shit took it out of me, bro.

That was bars, though. Fix up. Look sharp, dog. of me, bro. That was bars, though. Fix up. Look sharp, dog. Come on, bro. Fix up. Look sharp. What'd I say that they rap like? Like Kim Jong Il getting ready for work or something?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like Kim Jong Il. Hold, hold, hold. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They got no rhythm. Oh, man. UK rappers got no rhythm. You can't rap if you got no rhythm, huh? Yo, what's up?

This is Akash. That was a preview of our Patreon episode. If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrant2. Join the illest community on Earth unless you're a social justice warrior.

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