Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Jimmy Kimmel FIRED, & Charlie Kirk Reaction w/ Mark Normand

Episode Date: September 18, 2025

YERRR – the boys brought in the assassin Mark Normand and things got hilariously unhinged real quick. BUT FIRST, Akaash, Alexx and Mark discuss Jimmy Kimmel's indefinite suspension from TV and what it means. All that and way more on this week’s episode of FLAGRANT. INDULGE. Want 🔥 YouTube title options for this one too? 0:00 – Intro 0:10 - Reaction to Jimmy Kimmel 16:57 – MARK NORMAND JOINS THE POD! escaping to Europe + Whites dominate 18:54 – Making anything funny 21:02 – Is Mamdani gonna work? 22:08 – Conspiracies around Kirk + Fake texts? 26:06 – Stop calling people N4zis + Milk drinkers 29:27 – Mission corrupted him + Incels + Trans 34:00 – Distractions + People not f**king 36:06 – Material changing + Easy to be lazy 39:55 – TikTok bought by US + Foot Fetish Algo 47:02 – Spicy Kinks, Ruining the mood + Molly infused 55:59 – Breast milk, you made my day + Loopholes 58:25 – Hannibal Buress + Meeting comedy heroes 1:02:47 – Famous people & Family in the crowd 1:09:35 – “I can’t act” + Woody Allen 1:15:07 – Carlson x Sam Altman + Revenge of the Nerds 1:21:51 – Right level of Luddite + Watching death 1:26:07 – Nothing to celebrate, Desensitized + The Amish 1:31:29 – Dame Dash vs Charla + Bill Burr’s appearance 1:36:35 – Best heckle response 1:39:53 – Roast of Will Smith, Men’s skirts + Circed 1:49:44 – Brooklyn muggings + Little Brother 1:58:48 – Tennis lovers, Mike Vick + Animal lovers Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We got to stop calling people Nazis. I agree with that. Sidney's got called a Nazi. Like, well, we're here. I call her Tittler. Have you had this moment of having a kid here where, like, you've tried to be intimate, and there's also just a baby monitor in the room? Oh, I'll fuck my wife with a Bjorn on.

Come on, what are you talking about? I mean, how do you splice with it? What's the secret? It's awkward. I totally get it, because it's your wife. But I think you've got to just get over that hump. Also, not for nothing. You know, you and your wife, you get a little angry at each other,

the baby can wear on a marriage. If she likes some crazy shit, you can get that anger out. You know who had great sex? Chris Brown and Rihanna. I mean, you know, he's got a lot out. I can't act. I've auditioned for 9,000 roles. I've never gotten one.

So you would be behind the scenes of a movie, though. Yeah, I'd rather do Woody Allen and, you know, Asian. Too soon, ye. But, yeah. Well, you're having a good week. Charlie Kirk died and Canelo a lot. What's up, guys? amazing episode with Mark Norman, but we just found out that Jimmy Kimmel got fired

after we finished recording. We wanted to address it. First things first, we have to address Charlie Kerr getting murdered. Nobody here condones that behavior. That's horrendous. You cannot kill anybody for what they say. So just so you know our beliefs, we're going to have a lot of laughs after. But then the Jimmy Kimmel thing just broke, so we have to address that. So is this crazy? This is crazy, right? What exactly are the facts of what happened? Jimmy Kimmel, as well, I'm not the fat guy. I read it to you I forgot it already

Jimmy Kimmel You got it? You got it? You're facts Miles' facts Jimmy Kimmel said something on the Kimmel show about like the MAGA people

trying to make the Charlie Kirk shooter a leftist but we all know he was MAGA That's essentially what he said Yeah FCC chairman says Hey you guys should watch your

fucking mouth essentially because there could be consequences then two big affiliates I think next gen Gen and Sinclair Media both say we're taking Jimmy Kimmel indefinitely off the air. So like if you live in, I don't know, Poughkeepsie and your affiliate

is Sinclair, you're not going to get to see Jimmy Kimmel. That's just what it is. Because there's all these little local affiliates that control the channels. And then ABC eventually just says, you know what, we are pulling Jimmy Kimmel completely off the air. The thing that is interesting is, I think NextGen is trying to go through this huge merger with another company, and that merger requires FCC approval. So if the FCC is putting pressure on them, like, hey, there could be consequences. That's going to prompt you to be like, you know what, let's just pull Jimmy Kimmel off the air. So this seems like a big attack on free speech.

And, yeah, I think we've been pretty staunchly in favor of free speech. And it is funny to watch right-wing people just become left-wing people. Because I said something about how you're a snowflake, if you think you should be. If you agree with this, that's some snowflake shit. And somebody was like, you clearly don't even know what the First Amendment means. And that's exactly what left-wing people used to tell me. Freedom of speech doesn't mean freedom from consequences. Right.

So y'all have just switched. Yeah. Now, again, this has nothing to what happened to Charlie Kirk. That's a fucking horrendous thing. Let's get that out of the way. But in terms of censorship, freedom of speech is more under attack now, honestly, than I think it has ever been. I don't know if that's me being hyperbolic. Maybe.

I mean, as far as what Jimmy said, I think it's untrue, or at least unfair. I don't agree with what he said. I don't like what he said. We should also say that. I don't agree with what he said. I don't like what he said. he should be allowed to say it in this and what happened to charlie kirk was worse charlie kirk should have been allowed to say the things we didn't like jimmy kimmel should be allowed to say the things

we didn't like that's just what america is yeah and freedom of speech i've seen it truly under attack in india where it's like you can go to jail this is closer to that than i think what the left was doing yeah which is like the fcc as much as we didn't like left wing shit like far left policy or follow for whatever thoughts it wasn't like joe biden was putting pressure on somebody to get canceled for saying retort you see what i'm saying yeah that's what makes this different and scarier to me and closer to what india has then that's what makes it an actual attack on free speech to me yeah um jimmy's comments were inaccurate but that was recorded on monday when we weren't still clear yet um all of the motives i think things are still unclear but he shouldn't have

he should have said it he shouldn't have said it that's i think we'll just say that you then don't rush to judgment but we all make mistakes. Every one of us has said a thing that's stupid or whatever. That is part of doing this thing. Jimmy Kimmel's been on air for decades. Of course he said multiple stupid things. I've said multiple stupid things in eight years of doing a podcast. You should

be allowed to say stupid things every day. We're saying stupid stuff on this episode. Yeah. There's things on this episode and Miles is just stupid. So it's like Miles gave me the worst fucking we're like how do we do this? How do I address this? Miles gave up halfway

through, he was like, just be like, hey, guys, no emergency announcement, big things. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Yeah, you said, what the fuck is going on here? Yeah, I mean, again, I do think it's important to delineate, like, the free speech thing like we did whenever people on the right got canceled, where it's like, yeah, you have oppression from the government. It's like what the First Amendment protects, right? Yeah.

Where it's like, okay, you can't, the government can't stop you from saying what you want, but private companies can do whatever they want to, which is what people on the left said whenever people on the right got canceled, right? As long as you're not invoking violence, you have the right to say. Right. So like, but in this case, it seems like if the FCC, which again, I don't know if this is the case. If the SEC is applying pressure, like, it does feel... They did say there could be consequences, and they found some work around.

They essentially made us public servants because we're on the... Jimmy Kimmel is not... And he shouldn't be as political as he is, but he's not a political correspondent. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. I don't care. So the FCC saying there could be consequences off-rip. That's a fact.

They said that. Yeah. You can't do it. Yeah, I don't like that. That's a big, and if, look, if you are a staunch Trump guy, you should be upset about this. And it's okay to be wrong. I was charmed by him when he had him on the podcast. Even if I didn't vote for him, I liked him.

Okay, it seems the motherfucker lied about everything. And that's what it is. We'll eat our crow or whatever. But also, if you're a staunch Trump guy, I think you should really look at, oh, this guy said in the inauguration, I'm going to pass an executive order to ban government, to end government censorship and, and make speech. free again or whatever was it he said you said that in your inauguration what happened and we got mentioned so after stephen colbert got fired trump did say oh and jimble is next to go he said that publicly hey guys when we act like hold on the guy can get shit done

everybody's like hey he does nothing he does he gets shit done yeah that's true that's true he was going to get rid of abortion got rid of that shit he said he's going to get people fired God, people fired. So I just didn't know what he could get done and what he couldn't get done. That's on me. But the guy could get shit done. Now, he's taking away amendments.

So it's like, he's good. Hey, I don't, again, I don't... I wish we could make more light of it. Again, this literally happened last night and then we were like, we have this episode coming out, so we just have to address it. Is there anything else you guys want to say? I just think it's fucking crazy

and we should all be a little bit upset about this. Talking to my conservative friends, like, there is a feeling of getting even. So you mean talking to your friend. Yeah, exactly. Talking with myself in my head, there is a feeling of getting even where it's like, okay, yeah, like Jimmy Kimmel said something. It wasn't really a joke. It was kind of just like a statement of fact that was just erroneous or misleading. And so now he's feeling what we have felt for the past eight years. And to me, I'm like, sure. And my friend's like, well, you have Roseanne, you have this person, this person, this person, and all got canceled for their political beliefs. And I'm like, yeah, that was dumb and wrong. And this is also dumb and wrong. But I don't have any. interest in getting even. Like, I think the idea of getting even is, like, vengeance-based, and I just see that as being more destructive. And to me, it indicates that, like, back when the left was trying to cancel people on the right, you don't really care about living in

harmony with these people that you have to be in this country with. Yeah. The left and the right, we're not going to go away. Like, you're not going to have a civil war. You're not going to get people out of the country. Or at least, I don't think anyone should be wanting that. We don't want that, yeah. So to me, I'm like, you got to live with these people. Let's figure out a way to make it work and not trying to have this vengeance-based, like, scorekeeping where it's like, no, you guys canceled 10 of our guys, so we're going to get rid of 10 of your guys. Sorry, real quick, you know, getting even is to me, getting to say whatever we want. That's getting even.

We can say retard again or whatever the fucking thing that they think that's all we cared about. But you can say retard again, where even free speech is free. Yeah. What are you going to say? I don't know. I don't want to cut you up. Yeah, to me, that's getting even. Getting even is now we can all say what we'd ever want to say, whatever we want to say.

And I bet you have way more fun on the left. I bet people on the left are going to really enjoy things and now look at that, we were right. Isn't it better to be right than get even? Well, I mean, yes. I love being right. Yeah. Hey, I was right about XYZ.

Huh? You like getting even. No, but not as much as I love. How happy do I get when I say a guy sucks and then you guys finally realize it? And I'm like, I fucking, don't I sit up in my seat. I love being right. It's my favorite thing.

But you also say, oh, I'm going to get that fucking guy. Only about one guy. Well, maybe you're saying it a lot about this one guy because it seems like it's often. There is a human inclination, a human desire to get even.

And I think that that's what's happening here. Okay. And I would just implore anyone that feels that feeling to get even like, hey, let's just try to work together. Which is very gay. Like, no one thinks that's a cool position to take. Like, hey, guys, we can all live in harmony and just create a better for that, right? That's not going to get me.

The right is in power So I can say you're a big For that We will believe it Okay Because the liberal FCC Is gonna come for us But I just think like

Yeah dude Can we not just try to figure out How to like work? I don't know We're in scary times Like I don't Like people are Maybe not taking this

As seriously as they should Hey well This is scary At least he only has three years And three months left I know Why do You know shit was calm

When we just had This fucking brain dead Motherfucking Brain dead Biden back. No one was happy, but this is worse. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. The motherfucker was getting shot. Like, come on. There's a way to get unity.

I'm like, I don't know. I was talking to a guy who was like, after MLK was killed, RFK, Bobby Sr. Was running for president. He was like making a bid. And he had a huge portion of the black vote and black people really trusted him. And he came out and was like, hey, guys, let's just all bring the temperature down. He didn't try to like antagonize like the black. Worked out well for him.

I worked out really well for him. That's what happens to peacemakers. You know what I mean? He got shot so hard in the head, his son's throat got fucked up. Damn. That is wild. That is wild. Think of the transitive property of that headshot.

That your son's throat is fucked up. Think about that. Is that not nuts? Maybe you shouldn't call for peace, right? Look what happens to the people that try to make peace. I was like, kill shot right? I apologize in advance the FCC. Suck my dick.

Yeah, dude. Gandhi, Jesus. Gandhi, honestly, can I? So do we have to watch out now? If you want peace, if you just want vengeance, then I think you're fine. If you want peace, then they, they kill you. So, I don't know. Take your side you want.

So it's good time for you, right? You only want to be celebrating. Hey, no, I'm not celebrating this. No, I know, but it's time to go to war. Oh, I'm ready. I'm ready. Now, the other caveat I want to make is, is there a world where they were trying to get rid of Jimmy Kimmel for years because the show's not making money.

The numbers don't really make sense. And then he slipped up with this thing and they go, oh, great, this is our chance to get rid of him. Again, I don't know, but I'm trying to cover all the basis. Partial of that could be true. I think it sounds like another Steve Colbert situation. So the parent company wants to do this big merger. The FCC has to approve the merger. Kimmel says something that, you know, Trump administration doesn't like.

And so they're like, hey, he has to go. Sorry, just to push back on that. not the parent company wants to do a merger. It's the broadcasting owners that wanted to merger, which is separate from Disney. They were putting pressure on Disney. I think Disney went, oh, yeah, we can... So, yeah, I guess NextGen, who has

a bunch of ABC affiliates or whatever that company is called. There's two, yeah. There's also a great... Sinclair have a bunch of ABC affiliates. They were putting pressure on Disney. And the FCC chair was putting pressure on Disney as well, I think. Yeah, I'm not mistaken. Yeah, he was. He openly mentioned Kimmel a few times, ABC and Disney. That's crazy. The day of...

Don't we have bigger shit to worry about? It's a global war about to break out. I don't, I know your FCC, that's kind of your job, is to focus on it. But like, just focus on just the fucking global war that's about to happen, everyone. Yeah, but they got a multi-billion dollar merger that they're trying to do. Like, that's the only thing they're caring about right now. So I understand that from a business aspect, but it's scary that that wasn't even that bad of a comment. To take somebody off air for it, it's crazy.

Yeah, I mean, it wasn't a good comment, but it wasn't, if you're on the right, you hear that and you're like, dude, what this guy. Here's what I'll defend the right with this. The stuff that the left was canceling right people for five, eight, ten years ago, whatever, 12 years ago, we were like, that's not. Shane Gillis, that wasn't bad. Oh, that's true. You know what I mean? So like they are, here's what I'll say. It's the same thing, but the far left was poor.

They were losers who lived off their parents as baristas. They had no power. The far, seemingly, these people who are canceling now are powerful, dog. If you own multiple affiliate news stations, if you could put pressure on Disney, that's power. So I think it's similar, but what's a little scarier is these guys have a lot more power than these guys. And then, I mean, Schultz even came on the story. Oh, yeah. Sheld said a great take.

He said basically this. Like, people on the left will say fascism is wrong, unless you kill one of our political opponents and then we'll celebrate it. And then people on the right are saying cancel culture is wrong unless you cancel the shows of our political opponents and then we'll celebrate it. And then his next story says, do you think Charlie Kirk would support the canceling of people for exercise in their free speech? That's a great point. That's a fucking great point. I think far left and far right is what he meant more so. But that is a fucking Charlie Kirk would not. Charlie Kirk got destroyed on South Park and thought it was hilarious.

Yeah. So. It's his profile picture. Yeah. Seeing the South Park, not to derail us. I heard that they just canceled their episode or postponed it. I think they released a statement that was like, hey, the episode just wasn't ready. This one's on us. But that does seem a little weird.

It does seem a little. For 25 years, you've been ready. They also didn't pull their own Charlie Kirk episode. The cable providers pulled it after his death. Okay. But South Park had no choice in that. It was a Comedy Central, whoever runs their thing. Got it.

Okay. And that is, I think we should, because I don't mind that as much, and I'm trying to think why and i think because that's not a cancellation that's taking out like a thing that is it'll probably it's also gonna probably go back on the air so we had a joke we didn't like in a special or that ended up being very poorly timed we would just hopefully take the joke on a special keep the special that's what i think south park is essentially doing but um yeah south porch not doing it is his distinction yeah yeah fair fair but either way i don't feel like that's if a network was like if i sold a special on Netflix and they're like hey can you take out that joke because

someone just got killed assassinated i'd be like i get it yeah i don't think that's i think that's in the gray area. But I think what's happening here is it's objectively fucked. You want to have some laughs with Mark Norman? I think we should. Let's just find peace.

Shout out to the FCC. You're great. Alex said it. I don't believe it, but Alex said it. We're going to stay on air. I tell you what I'm. Guys, in light of the assassination of last week, we had to bring on one of the world's

foremost political experts, voices on all tragic events, Mark Norman's in the building, I'm giving out for it. What's up, baby? Good to be back. I can feel the warmth of Buttigid. That might have been fully. Dude, you're leaving America to go to Europe at the perfect time.

This shit is all falling apart, and you have a European tour. I'm bringing free speech to Europe and debate me. Prove me wrong. That's open now, right? I can use that. No, I can't wait. Yeah, I got to get out of here. It's too hot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, wait, where are you going? You're doing the Saudi shows? You're doing Athens, Oslo, Helsinki. These are all awesome places. Yeah, a lot of whites. Yeah. Very exciting.

Dude, in Saudi Arabia, you're playing the Muhammad Ali theater for a roller. Look at that. Oh, that's fire. Is that the same? No, that's not, that's not O.E. No, no, I think it is. I want to really shake things up. Oh, okay.

But, yeah, can't wait. I had a little hunch. I was like, oh, shit. It might be okay for me over there. Well, you're having a good week. Charlie Kirk died and Canelo a lot. That's his name. Crawford.

And the shooter was white. Yes. Yeah, that's the best. He wasn't, he was Mormon. We've talked about this. He was Mormon. That's not white. You got to claim you're white.

I would say that's the ultimate white. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Can I be honest, I think if he was black, I'd have less faith in him being a long-range shooter. I feel like that's one of the few, like, sporting events where white people are really dominant. You can't hold a rifle sideways. Yeah. Yeah.

A rifle out of a car. Yeah. There's no D.I. from that shooter. When they said 200 yards, I knew. There's no way. That would be nice to see more black mass shooters. You know what I mean?

I just feel like DEI-wise. It'd be nice to see you guys represented. I think that you just want the heat off of you, but that's fine. That would be nice also. That's D-I-E. Wait, so you had, you said you had a clip that you weren't sure if you should put out. Can we talk about it? You don't have to say what the clip was.

Sure, sure. It's coming out. I'm going to put it out tomorrow, but I did a show in Canada. So I was like, let's talk about how fucked up America is. And it went well, but now I'm just, I don't want to shit on the death, but I still want to make it funny. Yeah, yeah. So it's a real tightrope, but I think I nailed it. Oh, I'm excited to see this.

Yeah, it is a thing where it's like, look, it's horrible, this guy died. Yes. You shouldn't die because of what you say. We say whatever fuck we want to say, but our job is also to make it funny. Exactly. So what do you do? And that was just something someone called out or were you cooking that up beforehand? I was cooking it out.

Any big event, I try to have somewhat of a take on. Yeah, you turn over material incredibly quickly. I'm always very impressed. Hey, thanks. You're filming another special. Yeah, next week. Yeah, in Colorado. Ooh, nice.

So I'll try to sell that to, you know, 4chan or whoever I'll buy. Let's see what happens. It's a whole different game now. But I think the short clips are really would pop, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does anyone want to watch an hour anymore? I don't even know. No, I know.

But then you cut the hour into short clips and then there you go. It's nice to have like a piece, you know what I mean? Right, right. So we'll see. But the hour's cooking. It's tight as a drum. and I've been running it for two years, and it's ready to get out. Yeah, you took a good time.

That's good. You took two years with it. Everybody's putting specials out every 10 minutes. I'm like, hey, slow it out. I agree. Put out one good one. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you take time off between specials, or you just hop right back in? I go back in. I'm a psycho, and I got a kid now. I got to get out. I thought you'd be taking time on now with the baby boy. I'm joking. Yeah, I love the boy. He's in an Uber.

Yeah, yeah. No, it's great. I'm really having a great time with this fat little homo. He's cute. You know, I have another, Matt McCoy is a comedian in front of ours. He thinks his son is gay. His son's like, you're an apple. And he's just, there's pictures of him, like, leaning like this.

And he's like, that kid is gay. It's okay, but he's gay. Yeah, yeah. Do you feel like your kid is? No, I was just joking, but I don't think he's gay. But you never know it if he was. I live in Brooklyn, so he'd be the mayor. He's going to be gay.

Yeah. Or trans. Right. Right. Yeah. Well, who knows. You know Mom Donnie. I assume

Are gay, is that allowed? I think that's encouraging. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is he practicing the, what is it called? The Laquia? No, no, he's... What's that called?

Teke. I don't know. I wish I knew. I should know. It's a Muslim thing where you pretend to like gays. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And then you, uh, give that a goog. Tekea, I think is the word.

It's called socialism. Muslims will do this in order to blend into hostile environments. Thank you. So they kind of pretend they're not really, Muslim until the time is right. They're not like for Sharia, and then... Right, right. Sleeper cells. Yeah. You think that's what Zoran's going? He fucking

loves Zoran this guy. I like him because he's brown, but Alex, like, loved him. Really? Yeah, I just like that he's trying to shake shit up. I like that he's different, you know? I like shake it up, but I feel like he's the Trump of the left where he's like, I'll say they, oh, yeah, we'll build that wall, we'll make Mexicans pay for. Yeah, he's like free buses and

grocery stores or whatever. I'm like, is that going to work? Yeah. He seems nice. Yeah, let's give him a try. It's four years, and then if it's don't work out, we'll go right back to the status quo. Oh, there you go. Have you seen the conspiracy theory that Trump had Charlie Kirk assassinated so we could get the heat off of him and Epstein? I did see that. If he did that, it was effective.

Because I've completely forgotten that letter existed. Like, we were talking about that. What letter? Dude, we recorded an episode right before Charlie Kirk got killed. We talked about the letter. Since that happened, we haven't, no one's brought it up. We haven't, in our group chat, nobody said a word. Oh, pretty genius chess move, if it's true.

But I think he liked the Kirk. And I know Baron Trump loved him. Yeah. Sometimes you play chess, you got to sacrifice your favorite piece. You know what I mean? Sometimes the Rook got to go. Well, nobody loves Charlie Kirk's death more than the Charlotte stabbing guy. Oh, yeah.

He's like, oh, thank God. It's all me. Which one is he? You know him. Oh, that guy. The Ukrainian woman on the bus. Indian who got beheaded in Dallas. Nobody cares.

I feel like Charlie Kirk took the credit, like took the attention away from this guy. Beheaded, machete. No. This is insane. What? Machete. Machete.

Holy shit. Over a dispute because he, I guess he was talking to the guy, this Mexican dude, or I don't know where he was from, but he's Latino. And then he was trying to use a translator. And that guy was upset that he felt he needed a translator. And then just beheaded him. And then started playing soccer with his head or some crazy shit like that.

It's really crazy. Wow. Yeah. You can see like the CCTV is just like holding his head, like fucking Aztec shit. Just like walking around. Oh, like Catherine Griffin. Horrendous. Wow.

That's a good week to murder. I guess so. Just get away with everything, yeah. Exactly. As long as you're not the main story, you're cruising. Yeah, it's a good week. Oh, man. Did you see the letter from the killer, or the text that leaked?

Yes. Oh, yeah. Do you have any fun theories on this, or are you just kind of like letting it all happen and then? The text felt phony to me. Yeah, it felt very forced. It felt like two pulled the text here. It felt like Chad GBT wrote it. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

And it had no Gen Z. He's like a big meme. furry, queef this kid. So you think there'd be a little, a couple more... Yeah, he's a griper. Yes. I gotta pretend I know what that means. There'd be more emojis and like...

Yeah, no emojis. What do you call? Abbreviations, you know, like WTF or whatever they say. Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude, a machine gun emoji or something. Yeah, and I text a lot of children. They don't use... They don't use punctuation kids now. They're like, what time should I meet you?

And there's no question mark. There's no commas. Yeah, I'm also wondering maybe they took this and like, maybe like changed it for the brief because they don't actually have the test or something because it feels weird they're covering their bases a lot too they're like oh yeah I buried the gun here and oh yeah

I definitely did it exactly who texts their voice exactly what you want nobody's dishonest with a significant other about anything much less I killed someone that's true that's good point every time I hang out with my friends I tell my wife I left 30 minutes before I actually did and I'm like traffic I just want to have fun

for 30 more minutes just got killed someone and he's going to be like well no I This is how I did it. This is where I left the weapon. No chance. This is why I did it. There's no exclamation points from the person like what? Right.

Yeah. Right. You fucking killed someone? Why are you texting me? Yeah. I don't want to be an accessory. Yeah, true. Now, I've also heard the theory that this guy did this knowing that it'd be found in order to frame the left.

This is a left-wing conspiracy going around. Wait a minute. I like this. So he put these texts in there in order to frame the left to make it be like, yeah, this is why I did it because of left-wing. Oh. So he's going to go to jail, though, but he did it? He actually did it?

This is the theory. Nobody cares that much. He planted the text himself in order to be found and gives like a motivation, yada, yada, yada, yada. To hurt the left. Yes. I see. Mafia members snitch on their fucking brothers if they're like, if there's any chance of getting out of the crime. This guy's going to commit a crime, go to jail, get murdered, so he can make the left look bad.

Start a Civil War. That's an accelerationist. Shut up. Yeah. I don't buy it. Not you. The mental gymnastics people go through for their side to win and all this, it's all sad. And we all got to get off the line.

And we've got to stop calling people Nazis. Yeah. I agree with that. Sidney got called a Nazi. Like, well, we're here. I call her titler. But yeah, it's like, come on. We just, the fashion, I don't think people know what fascism means anymore.

If Cindy Sweeney is a Nazi, sign me up. Hitler was right. Not about the Jewish shit, but about a master race? That's the master race. A bunch of Sidney Sweeney's, that's not masterful to you? Yeah. And I don't even normally like milk, as they say, about white women.

But Sidney Sweeney, Margo Robbie, these women are ice cream. Everybody likes it. It's delicious. Let's not act like it's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think all of us here like white women? There's definitely attractive white women. They're my least, they're the lowest on my ranking.

Lowest? Wow. Yeah. What's top? Indian, obviously. Okay. second i don't know man black mexican asian they're all kind of in there interesting what about you i mean dude i'm married i'm married so you can't answer no i'm married so i'll take whatever i'm fucking out dude yeah i'm not discerning at all like as long as like there's not like a

full mustache but even if there's a little one i'll do it you know i don't get a shit you know yeah bring on a greek whatever you're a new orleans guy you have like a new orleans guy you have like a you hook up a lot of black girls? I hooked up with four in my life. There we go. But three were here. Oh, really? Yeah. I feel like the black women here are more open-minded than down south. Downs out is like

you know, you're white boy. Yeah, but I feel like you could work with a black girl somehow. You're just like so disarming and so different that they'd be like, I fuck that guy. Yeah, yeah, I'll take it. I'll take it. One time I'd banged a black gal years ago on the road, and I looked on her fridge and she had a picture

of her boyfriend with like a heart around it, and he looked exactly like me. And I was like, oh, my God. But they had just broken up or something. And I was like, oh, she's doing like a revenge honky fest. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Pretty hot.

Did you wear his clothes? Did he get into character? It's go method, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Al likes white women the most in this room, but outside of that, I like Latinos. You can't go wrong with Latina.

You can't go wrong with Latinos. The problem with Latina is intimidating, the gyrating and all the stuff up top. You're like, I can't, I can't keep up. up. Like they're twerking and popping and locking. Yeah. Yeah. There's too much. A lot of energy. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not even concerned about

satisfying a woman. It's not going to happen. Yeah. Why do you concern with things that couldn't happen anyway? Right. Well, you want to try. You want to give it a go. But yeah, it's not in the cards. I think we need to try trans. I think we need to give it a whirl.

Because if this guy got radicalized from it, it might be. I think you said trains like we all fuck a girl and I was like what just happened pencil that because that's also a good idea we can try to do we can look into that as well I can look at the house giant dick dude he'll go last I've been talking about

yeah you go looose yeah exactly dude back of the train yeah I think we just need I think if this guy got radicalized from it it must be worth you know giving a second look at

son he went from Trump to trans yeah he was Trump yeah he comes from like a mag of family it seems like so people are presuming our theory that we were talking about before is that he might have gone on a Mormon mission

and we think maybe he went to Thailand and then when he's in Thailand oh there it is right he met a couple of them he was like wait a second this is to die for

yeah yeah yeah literally how about that that was the moment dude we should call Norton he's the only guy I know who's married to a trans woman oh yeah

yeah they're married dude how long they've made a while right two three years yeah God bless dude huge hog on this trans Oh, yeah.

Wait, really? Is he like... Everything. Wow. He's a fan. Oh, shit. I thought you guys were joking this whole time. This is for real.

That's her. Yeah. Oh, wow. She's a pretty lady. She's, uh, what do you call it, Nordic? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You think... Emphas on the dick.

Hey, how do we all miss that one? Yeah, she's cool as hell, and they are madly in love. Remember when we talked to Daisy Taylor and her boyfriend? Yeah. And the boyfriend was like, yeah, dude, I've done gay stuff, and I've been with a trans woman. It's different. His words. He goes, this is a lady's dick.

Interesting. Yeah. We're like, all right, I'm listening. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, as you know, I've been blown by a man. Oh, that's right. We talked about the last time.

Yeah, I do remember this. I remember that. I've forgotten and I'm recoping. Well, I didn't know it was a man. I was fooled. Yeah. Okay, okay, okay. He was a magician.

Yeah. Yeah. It was David Blaine. No, yeah, so I got a lady of the night and got the beege, and then boobs were rock hard, wig was falling off. Dick was rock hard. Yeah. And put a condom on, still finished in like eight seconds. Nice. New the equipment.

Oh. Yeah. Oh. That should have been telling. Yeah. Yeah, dude, I didn't even think about that. Oh, yeah. Maybe, yeah, maybe they are the best at, like, at least head.

Yeah. Exactly. Definitely. Yeah. Very good. Definitely. I'm like yelling my wife. Like, come on.

Be a man. You suck that dick. I'll tell you. Incells and trans are the best combination. Like nobody wants to fuck them. They can just... That's genius. That honestly could solve all shootings.

Yeah. Exactly. I mean, it cost one just now, but... Yeah. Oh, that's true. That's a good point. That's true. But not mass shootings, at least.

This was a single. This was a single shot just lowering the number. Yeah, that's it's progress. Yeah, we're trying to get to zero. Yeah, yeah, but you can't get to zero immediately. Yeah, exactly. Does this count as a school shooting? Because it is on a campus.

That is a fucking great question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there was another one that day. You know, we got probably, we have two in a day now. Yeah. And one trumps another one. Yeah. Crazy.

What a country. Yeah. I don't know. Catch this guy in Dublin. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Guys, special. announcement, huge flagrant announcement. We are doing the first ever flagrant live show. It is going to be at the Dubai Comedy Festival on October 7th. Buy your tickets. You can go to the Dubai

festival website. You can go to Akash Singh.com. You can go to the Andrew Shultz.com. It's going to be fucking great. I'm so excited to do this. We've been talking about doing it for years. We're finally doing it October 7th Coca-Cola Arena. We're doing arenas, baby. Right out of the gate. Come through. We'll see you all there. Also, guys, date September 25th through 27th. I'm coming to Cleveland. I'm going to be at hilarities. Dubai, we added 600 seats. We sold out the 1,200. They're moving shit around.

I don't know how they're doing it, but they're adding 600 seats. October 17th through 19th. I'm going to be at the Comedy Connection in East Providence, Rhode Island. All those dates and more at Akash Singh.com. Also, San Jose, hurry up and buy. Those are selling out.

Also, I announced that I had invested in that chai company, Fontanius, and they opened a second location called Fantis in the West Village. Guys, thank y'all so much. There was a line so long on Saturday. They literally sold out of food. So I just want to say,

thank you. If you have not been, It's the best jai, maybe in the country. Fonty's in the West Village or Fontaneas in Brooklyn, hopefully all over the country soon. Shows to my people. Love y'all. Hey, guys. Really quick dates announcement. I'm going to be at the Coca-Cola Arena in Dubai. I'm also going to be in Nashville, Tennessee, a mobile, Alabama, New Orleans, Louisiana, Denver, Colorado. You could suck a stick in any of these cities. I'm also, I'm also going to be, uh, can you scroll down miles.

I'm going to be in Hoboken, Philly, Fort Wayne. A boc in a lot of whores out there in Detroit. his dick. Anyway, thank you guys so much. You can get your dick and suck his dick. I'll see you guys there. But yeah, another school shooting in Denver that day, and those poor kids

are just like, it's like when Farah Fawcett died. Same day as Michael Jackson. That's so crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Totally usurped it. Yeah. Well, she died of colon cancer, which I'm kind of

okay with. If I died of colon cancer, I'd be okay with y'all not thinking about. I'm just some sex symbol and then I die of ass cancer. Yeah, yeah. Keep it hushed a little bit. Yeah, yeah.

Let's remember the way I live, not that I don't know. I just feel like it taints the hotness of her. Really? Yeah. I didn't even know she had colic cancer. Yeah, right? How do you know that? I know things, dude.

I don't know. I love white women. Yeah, yeah. Damn, all right. Farrah Fossa was a joint, dude, back in the day. She was an absolute joint. Smoke show. Yeah.

Yeah, that's, that's iconic. Beautiful woman. You know, it's wild. I just look it up. You're saying very kindly colon cancer online you Google cause of death anal cancer I said it kindly

it takes a little bit of the spark out of that that's crazy that one's a little cancer my two favorite things I would fuck her in the ass hoping to get anal cancer if you knew it's contagious still do the world I mean it's just absolutely beautiful girl

the city sweetie of her time the Nazi of her time and natural you know it weird like kids aren't fucking anymore they say young people don't have sex whatever it's way down but yet women are fat tits fake ass

they look the best they've ever looked the best they ever been and we have blue chew coming out of the fucking vending machine and we still can't get laid back of my day you couldn't get it up and women aged like milk and you still did it though and we still did it and we were happy to do it and you battled

yes you're gonna tell your kid then you're like back in my day we're fucking dogs yeah my grandma was like we had to walk eight miles up hill through the snow And I'm like, we couldn't get it up. You guys had to fuck natural women. Yeah. Disgusting. Exactly.

Our women didn't have penises. You know what I mean? You had nothing going for us. That is true. Oh, yeah. Here's a stand-up question. We're talking about kids. Has your material changed at all having a kid?

How? And how have you changed? Well, I don't want to be, I do have baby stuff because you can't not. You got a baby. Yeah, of course. The material coming at you. It's crazy. Like, you get the whole Louie thing.

Yeah. Yeah. But you don't want to be the baby guy. You don't want to be like, I love my kid. I'm sappy now. I'm the sentimental guy. So you've got to still make it funny and with some edge. I say it's no problem being a sappy guy, but that's who you are.

I can't do it. I can't do it. If you're becoming a sappy guy, isn't that more honest? I guess, but it's less funny. If it's only sap. Yeah, you don't want to be only sap. Then you're doing a one man here, you know? Yeah, yeah.

So you've got to still keep it silly and fun. dark a little bit so i try to walk that line as well yeah because i think louis did a good job of being the family guy while not being corny yeah i mean he literally said i understand the baby in the dumpster thing yeah that was one of his great bits yeah which is weird he said women would come up to him after like i needed to hear that you know all these sad moms are like that meant the world to be yeah yeah yeah no i absolutely i think that makes complete sense but yeah i was just curious so you do have baby stuff but you're still working all the time because I know you, dude, we, I, Mark's one of the first comics I met in New York that, uh,

wasn't a loser. It is funny, Mark Maren talks about how non-inclusive we are. That time when they ran things, they hated me. Mark was always nice. But so many people were just like, why are you talking about race? And I was like, I don't know. I'm an Indian dude, five years after 9-11 or whatever. Like, I'm going to talk about it.

I got the same shit. You're like, whoa, what's all with all the dark shit? I'm like, have you heard prior? Have you heard Carla? I thought that's what we did here. They police comedy. Way more than we did. Way more than we did.

Oh, yeah. Also, they'd be like, don't punch down. I'm like, you're mean to me. Yeah. You're like way above me, and you're fucking punched down on me. Yeah. So, yeah, that was hypocrite shit. Having known you, you're a for a me.

You're a workhorse. You never stop. And then with a kid, you made some good money, I assume. You're not, you feel like you still got to be out there? Well, I'm a weirdo, and I feel like if I start, get up my foot off the gas, I'll just hit a wall and collide and I'll never be able to get it back. Yeah. Ever take four days off and you go back on stage?

You're like, how do I do this again? What am I doing? Yeah. But you get it back pretty quickly. You get it back quick, but I also like to work, and we're so lucky. Yeah, we are a janitor. I move furniture. I was a construction guy.

So, like, talking on stage and writing jokes, it's just like, if I get to do this, I'm doing it. Yeah. You know, I feel like. You used to be Mexican? Yeah, I switched so I could stay. Yeah, I just felt like, I feel like we got it so lucky. We're so, like, the comics. It gets real easy to get lazy.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. And because we have that, those opportunities. Like, I can take a night off here. I can take a weekend off there. I can go out on a trip. So I think I just want to curb that a little and still stay working.

Because other people have to go to nine to five every day. Absolutely. Absolutely. What's the longest break you've taken? Probably COVID because I had to. So probably like a month. Oh, that's it. And that was tough.

But that is when you really blew the fuck up. You and Shane, you hit out to lunch. Shane had the special in Austin, and both of those went crazy. And that's when I remember seeing you just start really selling, like... Oh, thanks. Yeah, that was a big one for me. I couldn't sell a ticket to save my life, and then that came out. I think 10 million views during COVID or something like that, it hit 10 million, which is crazy. And that was when YouTube was a failure.

You know, that was back when, like, no one will buy it. We've got to put it on YouTube, and then luckily people needed content. Yeah, yeah. And now I think YouTube's kind of oversaturated. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So you're grateful for China, is what you're saying. Yeah, COVID costs a lot of...

Shouts to Wuhan, dude, change your life. Yeah, exactly. Is TikTok going to go away? What's the word on that? No, it got bought by Larry Ellison, the Oracle guy. Yeah. Yeah, 80% he owns. I do think that's actually good.

I think so, too. Yeah. Nobody wants to give Trump credit, but this is a good thing. Okay, well. For America, I think. So China won't get our information? I guess... Oh, they'll still get it.

Yeah, they'll still get it somehow. Separate algorithm from global TikTok. You know, it'd be funny if they still... got our information, and we had to use the dog shit algorithm from where. That actually would be the worst case scenario. Yeah. Damn, because they're not allowed to use it over there. China's weird. They won't use Facebook, Instagram.

We can't have our shit, but we'll take theirs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Apparently their TikTok, Andrew said it and not knowing it was true, but he was like, I said it as a joke, but it's apparently true, they have a different TikTok. You get fed a different algorithm for kids and stuff. Well, apparently, my wife had a friend from China, and she was like, no, our TikTok is like educational shit for kids. Yeah.

We don't get the dances. Wow. Yeah. And we bitch over here, oh, everything's censored, da-da-da. I'm like, that's fucking censored. Yeah. That's crazy. Absolutely.

Yeah, but is it better, though? I don't know. I don't really see all this stuff that's on my algorithm. That's true. All this stuff, I'm like, I don't want to see. I don't China to know all of our stuff. No. I just, that's it.

That's my only thing. Why not? Because they're going to take over. And I think we're going to miss the U.S. when China takes over. I'm not saying the U.S. is perfect at all. But if you think China is going to be better, it's not. I get that, but I mean, you're worried that it's like you're promoting a show and it's like,

oh, man, they see my fucking... No, but they don't see just what you post. They see everything you scroll on. They get everything. Doug, every... How's it? I'm just saying... Every foot I like. China just knows about every foot that I like.

I don't want China to know about every foot that I like. Then they're going to just break their feet and mold them to the feet you like it. Yeah, you get you more of it. All right. Yeah, you got to trust them, dude. Yeah, we got to text. from Schultz in Australia.

He got a foot fetish. I do too. But he just said, someone take my phone from me, what the hell is happening? And it was just a video of a girl crushing an egg with her feet. Whoa.

And I was crying, laughing because I could see myself falling down that exact same rabbit hole. I'm just like, I didn't even, I scrolled off the video as soon as I could because I was like, I'm going to get into this shit.

Wow. I can't. I can't. Damn, look at there. This is like a Chinese abortion. Oh, my God. This, God, you feet guys haven't made. That's not even an ideal foot to me, but I can see myself finding the foot, searching for the foot that I like.

Wow, but you go to a pool. Now I'm out. That's too much. No, no, no, no. But girls are wearing flip flops, sandals all day long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I got to do to see a tit? Yeah, no, I thought about this.

We're very fortunate. You're very fortunate. Yeah. Oh, my God. I got to, like, put on a lab coat and find a lump. You can just go to the pool. You know, they say, like, you can't kink shame, though, and, like, all these things? I will say that since I everybody, my foot thing was way suppressed because I thought it was weird.

Now that I know so many people got foot things, I'm way worse about it. You can't just be like, hey, don't think. You got to shame that shit to keep it to a healthy level. That's a good point. It's a good point. My foot fetish has gotten way worse now that it's free. Right, right. Well, that's the beauty of the internet.

You're in the furry. You're in the feet. You're in the farts. It's all out there. And there's a full forum. You can talk to other. weirdos. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude, we should be unallowed, we should just

be weirdos in, like, isolated. Isolated weirdos, not encouraging the weirdness. It's weird that I like feet. Well, I guess. This is why China should get all this information. They won't want to fuck with us after they say how to fucking finish it. Maybe right about that. Maybe right about that. But also

footbinding. You talk about, oh, yeah. They're the feet guys. I think it was Japan, but still close enough. No, that was an oriental or it was like colonial China or some shit. Back in the day. we need to talk. As you get older, you start losing hair. It just happens. I had a full head of hair. Now look at the shit getting thin up here. So, you know what you got to do? You got to get on Hems. I'm getting on the monoxidil, and Hems is the place to do it. Hems offers convenient access

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That is h-imms.com.com slash flagrant for personalized hair loss treatment options. Hems.com slash flagrant. Individual results may vary. This is based on studies if topical and oral monoxidil and fanastriide prescription is required see website for full details restrictions and important safety information all right guys we're going to take a break real quick to talk about crackin crackin is your one stop shop for everything investing they have over i think 11 000 ets they got 15 million users they've been around longer than all these and pretty much all these other uh cryptocurrency platforms it's like what bitcoin is to crypto this is that for crypto platforms it's been around it's trusted guys we've been on crackin we're all we're all we're all

out of here doing it. I learned that I cannot pick stocks, so I just put all my money in Bitcoin. I'm up a little bit. Bitcoin is at an all-time high, $116,000 as of the time we recorded this ad. Damn. How are you all done? Shulse is up the most, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Smart thing, dude. He just outsourced his money. Yeah, it's being handled by Tanya. Dude, we should give all our money to Tanya. Be like, hey, figure this out. Pretty sound financial philosophy. Yeah. Right. Your money to Tanya. The accountant. Religion doesn't matter. It has nothing to do with anything.

She's Jewish. But I'm like 15% up. Really? Yeah, but I was dumb because I put all my stuff in ETS. I should have just gone triple down on Bitcoin. Well, I did triple down on Bitcoin. How much is it up, David? 10%.

But it's the only thing I can trust that I believe will win in the long term. And I've lost so much Bitcoin that it's nice. It'd be able to get some value back. Right. Now, I will say with the ETS, I got paid like a couple hundred bucks. So I just took that money and put it back in. Al, how are you doing? I'm about even.

Okay. Bitcoin. Just fuck. Stop fucking around. Yeah, I know, I should have. Just go Bitcoin or Tanya. Tanya's our Bitcoin. Fiat.

Guys, join in on the fun. Cryptocurrency. It's fun. You have a diverse portfolio. You want to buy ETFs, do that on Cracken. You want to buy stocks. They've got some stocks on Cracken. You want to just do anything financially.

You can do it on Cracken. But join us. Have a little competition with us. And if you sign up now and use the code Flagrin 50, you get $50 in free Bitcoin. Who knows what that could be worth one day? It could be worth $10 billion. I don't know. If you want, you go to Crackin.com slash Flagrant.

You use a code flagrant 50 if, again, you want to claim your $50 in Bitcoin, which you do, and start trading with the best in the game. Also, disclaimer, none of this was investment advice. Crypto trading involves risk of loss and is offered to U.S. customers excluding New York and Maine to Payward Interactive. Let's get back to the show. Kinkshame, you mentioned. No one kinkshame like the ladies. Back when in my single days, I had a weird kink and women would flip out every time. Go ahead.

Well, I had this thing where after I ate orgasm, I like to leave. You know, they'd be like, what the hell? Lo, whoa. I'm like, whoa, kick shame over here. Geez. I like fresh air after I come. Yeah, yeah. I can't walk.

Right, right. I didn't know we had the same kinks, man. How come yours is okay but mine is? You wanted to be choked in Spain? I did all that. Please get an Uber. Are you kinkless? I guess so.

I like a little ball grab. Oh, I mean, come on. Standard things, I think. It depends how much, like, how hard. Well, the guy always gets mad when I do it. When I do it is, that's what makes him a great joke, right, the guy gets mad when I do it. That's great.

Okay. Thanks. But, yeah, it's, I guess I'm pretty meat and potatoes. It's kind of like stand-up where I was so happy and grateful to be getting laid that I was just, I was, you know, I was in it. Why fuck with it? Yes, exactly. I got you.

That's fair. I feel the same way, dude. I don't know. Especially ever since getting married, it's like, Kings are for other. women, I feel like. You know what I mean? When you're with your wife, you can't you can't try out crazy shit, you know?

We should be. That's what you should be doing. Yeah. That's the opposite. I hope to only have sex with this person for the rest of my life. Let's have some fun. I'm out of the trying out stuff. 21. What the fuck how you've done? Yeah, right? This is the age

you're supposed to be trying shit. That's that Catholic shit. Are you Catholic? Nah. Die-hard Catholic. This guy. I don't know. He's a big, born-raised, still. Catholic. So I think he's got that like, this is all weird and shit. This is the mother of my kid. I'm not going

going to workshop. Between you and me. Between you and feet. So they're just like one level past like the sheet with the hole in it. Yeah, truly. Yeah. That could be fun actually. That's kind of king. Right? Just make sure it's not quilted. You know, I don't need any more

echinches lost. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want down feathers and shit. No. No. You got a goose feather in your gooch? I got bad news for you, gag. Give me a chipole napkin. Yeah, exactly. She's dying for you to do that freak shit, I think. Yes. And you talk to? Yes.

Yeah. Well, you're going to be together. You got 50 more years with her, whatever, not 50, but 40, whatever. So, like, I get crazy. And I get it's hard. It's awkward, but you got to do it. I don't know. Have you had this moment of having a kid you where, like, you've tried to be intimate, and there's also just a baby monitor in the room? And you're like, oh, this is weird. You got to, like, turn it the other way. You're like, I don't want to see that. Your baby sleep in the same room as you? Now, yeah, but then we've got to go downstairs

and move the baby monitor, flip it around. Oh, I'll fuck my wife with a Bjorn on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, what are you talking about, dude? The kids should be in the room. He should know we fuck. No, no, no, no, no, come on. You can't do all that.

All right, let me talk to her. I want to talk to your wife. I bet she would be down. That's what you're saying. Guaranteed. I bet she'd be like, yeah, I would be down for all that. It's like that Chris Rockett. And I say this about any wife, not your wife.

I want to make it weird. Any wife is probably like, yeah, I'm a fuck to the rest of my life. If I'm a good, faithful woman, let's have some fun. Wait for the kids to be out of the house, you know? Out of the house. Yeah, exactly. That's, you know, your kid is 10 months old. Exactly.

So we're running Mish for a while, you know? Oh, my God. What are you doing? I tell you, bro. Wait, what should we do? Do you have any advice? I'm going to tell my, I'm going to text my kids when I'm fucking their mom. Ew, stop you.

Don't do that. Now you're getting paid. Hey, your mom's about to get fucked. Don't come home for a bit. No, come on now. I need six minutes. Don't go home for six minutes. Just put the sock on the doorknob.

That's it. That's what you need to do. I hope they hear it. Nope. You need to know your parents love each other. What does it sound like? For her? Hurry up.

Thank you. Come again. Oh, man. Damn. Yeah, I don't know about all that. No, but get in there because my friend's a personal trainer And he's like, dude, the amount of married women Who are just dying

Because he's like a ripped hot, tall guy And he's like, personal trainers are pieces of shit Oh my god Fuck everybody's a girl Yes Yeah, it's really bad Mom's wives with kids like everything They're all dating these

Or married to these finance guys Who are like on the road, they're busy And these personal trainers The women are like Yeah, all over him So he doesn't take advantage? He doesn't He's too scared of them

suing him or killing him or something and he gets he does fine on his own but he's like it's wild out there the amount of women I also knew a guy was an Uber driver and he said drunk chicks were just like cheating on everybody getting in the car all over him then they'd be like my boyfriend's dick doesn't work

what do you got working here and they'd like you know wow yeah yeah I've heard I've heard stories like that Uber drivers will be like yeah girl got drunk da da da fellas eat your wife's ass yes do it get in there it'll keep her Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Dude, dine in. You need to try a little Molly one day and just spice it up. You know what I fear with that is that? You're just going to want to start something to do. How do you, after that, you probably got to keep doing it, right?

No, it's like you'll both be loose and then like you'll try something different and then you'll be like, oh, I kind of like that. And then when you're normal, you keep doing the thing that you like while you're because right now you can get you. Yeah, basically. Yeah. You can't get out of your head right now. Yeah, that's true.

You've got to open the door a little way, and then you'll be fine. But then you've got to go back to being a parent immediately after. That's true. The kid wakes up and you're like, well, what has got to go up there? So. Who? What is that mean? On Molly?

What are you saying? On Molly, you're going to go take care of your child. You're going to love your kid the most. You're the ones that tell me to do Molly. You have sat there and said, you should do Molly. Alone. That's fucking weird. Now you're an addict.

With your friends at a party, at a rave. You don't want to be in your apartment. If you love your friends the most when you're on Molly, you've done it. So why would you go love your kid the most? You're going to go deprive him with that pure love, you fucking monster? You're going to go do it with your homeboys. You're going to go give them all the love in the world and come home to your son with this muted Catholic version of yourself. What is that, dude?

Can't give my kid too much love. You know what? Hey, he just wants to be a good white parent. Get on Molly, do some freaky shit, go hug your son after. Yeah, all right. Keep bringing up the son. This is the Catholic in you. It's the diggling.

That's what it is. you, but you can't get away from the priesthood. I'm trying to repress it, dude. I think all my priests were on Molly. I think that was the issue. That was really the problem, dude. They were too excited. Nah, dude.

Mark Norman is absolutely right. Do freaky shit with your wife. Who cares about your kid? What does that even mean? How do you spice it up? Mark, what's the secret? It's awkward. I totally get it because it's your wife.

You know, you love her. It's serious. It's sacred. You got the kid. But I think you've got to just get over that hump. You just got to do it and just grit your teeth and say that crazy shit. Dirty talk?

Anything else? Dirty talk. Put a finger up there. Eat this. Lick that. Pull that. Yeah. You know.

It's like a... It's like a bop it. Yeah. And that's what you should do. Bop it. Yeah. Twist it. Also, not for nothing.

You know, you and your wife, you get a little angry at each other, the baby can wear on a marriage. If she likes some crazy shit, you can get it out. Get that anger out. Joke. I hope she likes choking.

Yeah. Get a lot out with some choking. That's honestly, PhD level shit too same. You know who had great sex? Chris Brown and Rihanna. I mean, you know, he got a lot out.

It's probably true. Yeah. Up to a point. I thought it was awesome. The pie was there doing when they weren't fucking. Yeah, yeah. That was a problem.

Right. In the bedroom, my bed was phenomenal. Yes. That's a good point. I see how he takes photos. with fans. I'm like, he's probably pretty good. Oh, man, that was crazy. That's why it's got to suck to be

a boxer. You know, boxers always beat their wives or whatever. And you're like, well, I get it, because I try to be funny at home. You know, they're doing their job at home. Oh, man, you're good, dude. You're good. Yeah, that's fucking good. I'll give it a try. Give it a shot. I'll give it a shot. Send me the video.

I'll name our next child, Mark. Okay, there you go. We don't need to know what happened, but can you just do some freaky shit and just let us, just text us like, it's done. it's happened and i just want to know how i felt i bet you'd be like that was great and ask her and i bet she'd be like yeah that was like i'm a hit man exactly the job has been taken care of yes yes yes you keep making light of it i'm being serious do some weird shit have you have you tasted breast milk yet

many times right it's nice it's great and i had a hangover and i ate some and i was good that shit is magic it's like an elixir it's all nutrients if when i have kids i'm having my kid on one tit me on the other. There you go. I believe this, dude. I think it's, and it is the, I'm not, the first person who said this at all, but like, it is weird that we will drink cow's breast milk,

and then if somebody drinks a human's breast milk, people are like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Interesting. It's a cow's breast milk. But you would eat a cow, but you would eat a human. Good counterpoint. I guess, but I don't fully see that. Well, you're sacred, do you, right?

Yeah, I don't need a cow. You don't eat the cow? No. What about the milk? I'll drink milk. That's part of why we don't eat it. I think we feel like we get so much from the cow. Oh, what about Swade?

That's where Indians are all not shit, because we'll all wear leather. We'll all have leather everything. There you go. Love leather, love leather. That's a Hindu real, like, hypocrisy there. We just love leather. Right. It's like the Jews where they hire a guy to turn the TV on.

Yeah. Loopholes. Yeah. Love a loophole. Yeah. But I still feel like you're drinking a cow's breast milk. that's weird that's objectively weird

sustenance I can understand eating another animal for substance or sustenance eating your own animal your own that's weird

your own species like a dog eating a dog is fucking weird dog eating chicken is not right if a dog started sucking on a cow for milk

and not his own mom you'd be like that's weird well what about a human eating a dog well that's you just don't do because they're awesome well right

and now we're back to China but yeah yeah it is weird how we pick and choose You're allowed to eat a cow, but not really a horse. Yeah. You know, or you can eat a, I don't know what, a chicken, but you can't eat a pigeon? Yeah, that's true.

But then the French lead pigeons. Oh, really? You know, like the Italians lead horses and shit. You know, people have, that's true. They bend rules based on culture. Cultural, yeah, yeah. I think it's how much the animal means to you, but pigeon is an exception. But, like, horses, they like Americans value horses.

Right. In India, they value cows. So you don't have any cows. You know what I mean? Exactly. But the pigeon is like, I get maybe disease or some shit. Yeah, because we live in New York. You just see those pigeons just eating horse shit and, you know,

it's all the filthy and stuff. They're saying the N-word. Random. New York pigeons are wild. Yeah, they are. You know what random bit I think about all the time is Hannibal talking about kicking a pigeon. Oh, yeah. I want to kick pigeons all the time.

Yes. I can't explain it. Every time I see a pigeon just walking like, he can't get kicked. I'm like, I'll kick the fuck out of you. I'm like, I think about it all right out of my way. I think about it all. All the time. I think that bit kind of broke him.

He was like a struggling comic, and that bit hit, and then the pickle juice. Yeah. He was two bits, like, propelled him. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah, he's great.

We need him back. I know. I think he's back doing stand-up, I think. Yeah, he's got to spawn Brooklyn. Oh, that's right. He bought Knitting Factory. Yeah. Oh, yeah, dude.

You got a sick venue. When we were coming up, the Knitting Factory was the hottest room in the world. Oh, yeah. There was nothing like it. I would get claustrophobic walking to where the comics hung out through the crowd, because it was standing room

and it was so tight together I would like hyperventilate a bit just trying to get through that's nuts it was so cool there was nothing really in Brooklyn's got a million shows but that was like

the show and Hannibal was like the cool guy yeah you see Nick Kroll on it or Barbiglia or Malady Robin Williams

drop in what? Yeah yeah really amazing yeah holy shit and I feel so nice to me and this is one of the few times

I regret taking a picture with someone not because he's not because he is but he was really nice we talked a little bit and I was like hey would you be cool getting

he said yeah But then I looked at the picture, and he just looked like frowning almost. And he was like, I think he didn't want to take this. And I regret taking that picture with him. I have it. And I could post it, but it's just like he don't look like he wanted me to take that picture. Well, meeting you is what killed him. Yeah.

The dementia started, dude. That was the moment. He wanted to forget so badly. Damn. That's crazy. That's great, though. You got a photo with Norm, like, you know, right before he died. And I'm so glad I have it.

Yeah. He complimented me on one of my bits, but I don't think it was because. He didn't go out of his way to do it. He did it with another comic, Joyelle Johnson. But then I came up to him and said, hey, he's honored me, you, whatever. That was awesome. And then he said something about my bit.

It felt like he's saying it just to be nice. But that's so cool that Robin Williams is that nice. That's amazing. He's like, I should compliment this kid on a bit. Yeah. And then we talked about the bit and it was like, what a crazy fucking thing. That's incredible.

It was this bit I had about how Art was like fake and it didn't really mean anything. And he was like, it is all pretentious bullshit, blah, blah, blah. Wow. That's why I hate, I think he said, L.A. or something. Everybody's just pretending there's something or not. It was just like, this is so surreal. But then we had a little conversation, and I was like, what a nice guy.

And I wish I had just left it at that. Yeah. And I asked for the picture, and I'm like, I did that completely for me, obviously. But I wish I had just been like, this is enough and I'm out. Yeah, but you got the photo. Yeah. That's cool. Pretty great.

Right? Yeah. It's also nice when a depressed guy completely agrees with your point. You know what I mean? You're like, yeah, dude, art is stupid. He's like, right? Everything means nothing. Right.

I feel like you're reading too much here. Yeah, yeah. Did he do time on stage? He did. Oh, how was it? It was great. I mean, he wasn't doing the full Robin Williams thing, but it was still awesome. It was just, like, so surreal.

I don't remember a single joke, but you're just watching this absolute larger-than-life legend on stage, and it's just such a surreal. Yeah. That's so cool. That's the biggest person I've ever seen do comedy. There's no disrespect to Rock or Chappelle. It's just like Robin Williams is a different thing. Yeah. That's fucking the genie.

That's the cool thing about this business is like you'll see Robin Williams at a bar show. Yeah. You know, like if you're Mick Jagger, you're not really going to pop into some bar room with the guy's playing guitar. We're still kind of close to these legends. Yeah. Like we see Chappelle all the time at the cellar or whoever. Jimmy Fallon just did the VU. I had to go on after him.

Whoa. I mean, it was great. But it's just so fun to watch the audience see him. Yeah. That shit never gets old. They're like, oh, my God. Their heads are melting. Oh, yeah, it's great.

We're standing outside McDougal and we're like, oh, hey, I think Chappelle's about to go on. And everyone's like, did he go on yet? I don't know. And then all of a sudden, you hear just an explosion. Yeah, everyone cheering. We're like, oh, I think you just went on. Yeah.

And it was like three minutes of just cheering. Of course. It's crazy. I started right after he left Chappelle's show, and I remember, he said it. I'm comedy Bigfoot. Because you would, people would text each other. In L.A., it was spread out. I started in L.A.

It was like 45 minutes away from every spot. The comics are Chappelle's on stage right now. And you would just have to go. That's it. Yeah. And people like you, because he's in Africa, he's this, he's that. You never think you're going to see him. And then he drops in.

Holy fuck. Now you know it's a possibility and you hit the lottery if it happens. But then it didn't even cross your mind. And now he's just stopping in. Wow. Yeah. Have you ever got famous people coming to your shows? Or like, people tell you like, oh, by the way, this person's at your show right now.

Just, I've had some athletes. I had Josh Allen coming to a show in Buffalo. Yeah. I just had some like hockey players, some football players. They all know Shane. So Shane will text me and go, hey, this, uh, some crazy name, Lamar or whatever, what's to come to your show?

And I'm like, great, I'll put them on the list, you know? But I'm not a huge sports guy, so I don't know. But I've had a couple of UFC guys, stuff like that. I hate knowing they're there. I know. I hate knowing. And the way I describe, anytime I know a person that's at the show,

I hate it because it's like we can all have off nights. Every comic bombs throughout their career. It's like if Steph Curry can have an off night shooting a basketball, I can certainly have an off night doing comedy. But you watch Steph Curry 82 times a year. You see me once. So if I bomb, you're like, oh, that guy sucks. Right.

Steph Curry, you're like, well, there's 81 other games a year. I see him absolutely dominate. So I know he's great. Yeah. You're like, no, well. And that's just always hanging there. Yeah. This could be the off night.

And that's, Deb, you're just Curry. But yeah. No, you're totally right. Off nights, they are out there. And the whole time you're like, Volkanowski's here. Volcanowski, that's all you're thinking about it during your set. And even if it's going well, how did that land? Did that land as well as it could have?

because Volcanovsky's watching, blah, blah, blah, blah. Exactly, exactly. Yeah. And then, like, your family going. That is my all-time worst. Yeah. I hate that. I'm doing a show in Hattiesburg, and I'm from New Orleans.

So it's like a two-hour drive, so my parents are coming, and the whole night's ruined now. Yeah. How do you perform for that? Oh, not as little as I can. I think I've been doing it 20 years. I've gone up in front of them five times. Once, yeah. Really?

I remember thinking, I just want them to say they saw me in case they die. I don't want to walk away being like, I never. even let them watch myself what was that doing they watched one yeah you are your parents robin williams you know what i mean you like him once we took a photo he didn't like it at all he's depressed yeah my dad just came to the show in montreal and i was i was stressed the whole time because like my dad lived in montreal for many years and then left and now i'm going to montreal to do a show and like he loves comedy he's the reason i do stand up so now i'm doing a show in his city where he was just like a poor kid like trying to make it work and now i'm doing a show there

and he's there with his sister. That's great. It was like a whole, like, cosmic thing. And I was like, dude, if this show sucks. Yeah. It's a nightmare. Did you change any of the material? No, no, I didn't.

It's also like, you're in a different spot because it's like, y'all are successful. You know what I mean? So your parents can be like, even if you were a bad show, they're like, yeah, it wasn't good, but like, you know, look at all the numbers. Right, right. For me, it's like my parents

and then, like, 70 other people. Yeah. Oh, come on. You're not a ticket. But you got to hope that it works. Yeah, of course. But then they're a lot like, oh, this was a huge mistake. We need to reel him back in.

We need to do an intervention. You know, I didn't even think about this. You started off opening for Schultz performing four famous people. Yeah. Like, Maggie McConaughey has seen you do stand-up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, McConaughey came to a show. Yeah.

Dax came to a show. Who else? Fuck, I forget his name. He's in a bunch of movies. White dude. He was in the new Twister movie. Oh, I know. Friend Powell.

Yes. Glenn Powell. Yeah, Matt Damon. Are you not as fazzed by it? Well, the good part is that I don't watch any movies. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, McConaughey and Dax came backstage after the show in Austin. Yeah.

And I was so excited to meet Dax. Yeah. Because of his pod. Yeah, because I listen to his pod all the time. And I really like Dax. And I obviously respect McConaughey as, like, a legend. But, like, I've never seen a McConae movie. Yeah.

So I was like, this guy's cool. Like, he's, you know, all right, all right, all right. Yeah. But that's, like, basically the extent. But I was like, Dax, let's talk about fucking this pod you did with this guy. Right. Way more excited. He's what a dweeb he is.

He likes experts on experts. He doesn't even like armchair experts where they talk to celebrities. He likes the one where they talk to the virologist about where COVID started. Exactly. Oh, wow. So I want to talk to him about that. And then McCona is there just cock blocking me. You know what I mean?

Just telling an awesome story about banging awesome women. No, no, no, not the time. All right? I'm trying to talk to Dax about nerd shit. He was in punked, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's what we got to start, I think.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, but it was awesome. But, like, that happens all the time. We're like, I'll be hanging with Derek Because Derek knows every movie ever Posting every question. And then, like, someone will come backstage

And I'm like, oh, who's this guy? And he's like, oh, he's, it's Matt Damon. I'm like, oh, all right. Does he know, all of he's like, that's two girls one cook for it. Yeah, the parents thing is tough because my parents are very honest. Like, they're kind of blunty, autistic-y.

And so, like, I went to film school. You don't say. Apple doesn't far. I'll fall far. But yeah, I went to film school. school and I had to make a big movie at the end. That's the, how you graduate. And I played the movie for them. They're like,

all right, let's see what we paid for here. And my mom was like, that sucked. Wow. That's like, damn. That's brutal. Did she cut it with anything? Like, oh, but you were good in the... She, not real. She was like, no, that was a...

I didn't love it. She said, I didn't love it. That's brutal. What was the movie? It was a bad movie. I'll give her that. It's like a 20 minutes short about making a movie. I tried to be meta, which like everyone has done. So it's the hackiest idea. But she was like, yeah, I don't know, I feel like I've seen

stuff like that before. And, you know, I didn't love it. By the way, what's for dinner? Like, she'll just cut, get out of there. And so I started doing stand-up. That's why you started? Yeah. Dude, you're all your mom your career. I guess so, yeah. But stand-up, you can't defute, refute because it's people are laughing.

So you're like, you might not like it, but it's killing. So, yeah. You can be offended. People are like. Yeah. Exactly. When my mom came to show. She came to a show at MSG when I was opening for Shultz. Wow. I did a joke about my mom having autism. Oh shit. And then after the show

everyone's like hanging in the green room. It's like a big celebration. Everyone's super excited. And my mom, I see her for the first time. I didn't tell her I was going to do the joke. And I was like, oh, God, I just humiliated her for all these people. Let's see what she says. And she just walks up to me and goes, I was in the show. She was so excited. And then the whole night, she wouldn't drop it. So like, I'm talking with like,

spurious people I'm talking with like that. Yeah, literally. And I'm, like, hanging out with, like, some, like, very prominent athlete we're talking about whatever. And then my mom just comes up, and I'm like, oh, this is my mom. And she goes, hello, I have autism. Oh, wow. And then the athlete would be like, what? Because she's like, oh, remember from the opener set, I'm the one.

And he goes, oh, I got here right after the opening. And she goes, ah, you missed it, whatever. But, like, is that the most autistic thing in the world? Totally. To interrupt a conversation and be like, I have autism. Yeah. You know, truth and comedy. Yeah.

She's awesome. awesome. But also, if your mom was super normal and loving, you might not be doing stand-up. No, no. So, yeah, give and take. Do you think about going back to movies? I'm sure the opportunity's there for you at this point. I'd rather make a, I can't act. I have

auditioned for 9,000 roles. I've never gotten one. Really? People like, this role is made for you. It's a retarded kid in Brooklyn. He wants to stand-up, and I'm like, I got it, and then I blow it. Do they ever let you just improv and do your, like... I've tried everything. I've done improv. I've stuck to the lines. I've rehearsed.

I rehearsed. I got a coach. Nothing. Oh, wow. So you would be behind the scenes of a movie, though? Yeah, I'd rather do Woody Allen and, you know, fucking Asian. It was too soon he. But, yeah. He's doing the podcast rounds, by the way.

You see him this? He just did Bill Maher. He just did Barry Weiss. Let's have him on. Let's ask him about fucking these kids. All right. Totally. Yeah.

They weren't kids. I don't think that's going to help. They used to be kids. I'd like to even explain that. Yeah. That'd be awesome. I think he's innocent. Explain this to me.

There's a lot of white people who say he's innocent, a lot of minorities who don't know anything about the case, but think he's guilty. Well, he's our Michael Jackson. Yeah.

You know? He's a brilliant artist. I don't know if he's innocent. I'm just fucking around. But basically, he was married to Mia Farrow, started banging her daughter, or her adopted daughter,

Asian girl, and then she flipped. So I think she goes, hey, he was, he was molested everybody because they have like eight kids. Ah. So some of them,

the kids say yeah he's a piece of shit and some of the kids say no he's innocent but when he was with the daughter the adopted daughter soon ye she was of age yes 21 which is probably and he was 50 something yeah for sure so obviously it's weird but it's not criminal illegal yeah and he went to court twice for the molesting dismissed both times wow so that's how good annie hall was yeah the judge was like yeah let's get him on the pod let's see what's up brilliant guy yeah like who knows what he did but can't take away from the movies it'd be nice to have a guy on and ask him about this sex yeah and you know it's funny he was did bill mar and bill marr's like how was that cancel was horrible was that him holding her right there that's their kids that's their kids oh okay

that'd be crazy that would be crazy grow up fast but yeah yeah he did bill mar and boom marr's like that cancel you were like the beloved darling of show business and then you got canceled what how's that feel he's like i was older i didn't care what are you going to do i made all my shit i live in paris i don't give a shit yeah he's like kids in paris that's like their thing yeah it's true paris is not give a fuck about me you know midnight in paris is actually about a girl turning 12 see you want to get him on the show yeah which one's like playing both sides i would love to have him on the show and ask him about this i'm being very honest i think he's

excited to come on yeah i know he's excited to come on a 12 year old that joke was there that's your fault honestly don't blame me for this had to take it guys let's take a break for a second so we can talk about talk space talk space is the number one rated online therapy you can get help professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can talk to anytime anywhere look psychiatrist's office therapist office they got office hours talk space makes getting help convenient you can take your appointments from the comfort and privacy of your own home. That's nice. Just go to a little quiet room, have a therapy session, and you can even talk

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That is S-P-A-C-E-80. So to match to the licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com slash flagrant and enter the promo code Space 80. Now let's get back to the show. Guys, you see the blue lights. You know what that means? That means it's hard dick time.

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What happened there? Oh, that was where Carlson called him out for not donating to Ukraine. Oh. It got pretty ugly. So this is unbelievable from Tucker. Sam Altman, head of OpenAI, Chad GBT, all that. Someone that was an early employee there, I think, got murdered. And Tucker Carlson, we can watch the whole thing and we'll cut it out if we need to.

But Tucker Carlson, the way he does this is honestly, whatever you think of him, this is fucking, he's good, dude. He's nice. Do you think he committed suicide? I really do. Does it not look like one to you? No, he was definitely murdered, I think. There was signs of a struggle, of course. surveillance camera, the wires have been cut.

Have you talked to the authorities about it? I've not talked to the authorities about it. And his mother claims he was murdered on your orders. Do you believe that? I'm asking. I mean, you just said it. I haven't done too many interviews where I've been accused of like... Oh, I'm not accusing you at all.

I'm just saying his mother says that. This is what I think is so fucking good. He plays so dumb. Yeah. The whole time. And he's just like, I have no idea. I don't know. What do you think?

And the guy's like suicide. And he, again, This is coming from a guy who said he knew nothing about it. He's like, well, it can't be suicides. Right. In multiple rooms. Security cameras, the wires have been cut. Like, he knows everything.

Yeah. And then he just lets it up there. Are you accusing me a murder? I'm not, I'm not. He just goads him in with like playing like such a fucking idiot. And then he knows everything about the case. Can you, I don't know who got murdered? Like, who is this guy?

So there's an early employee, I believe, if I'm not mistaken, at OpenAI, which is Chad GBT's company. He left the company. I don't think he left on great terms. And then he winds up. I don't know if he's trying to. to start another company or what, but he winds up getting murdered. Can we look at this real quick? Weeks after...

Yeah, he became a... Oh, he accused Open AI violating copyright law by training its AI models on copyrighted data. So he's accusing them of shit that they could get sued for. He became a whistleblower. He's a whistleblower. Okay. And then he gets murdered.

Well, then he dies, and it seems like it's a murder. And then Sam Altman is ahead of the company. And then Tucker asked him basically point blank, did you murder this guy? Wow. Yeah. Why is that guy doing interviews? If this shit happened to my company, I'd be like, I'm not talking to anybody.

I don't think he thought he would get accused of being a murderer. This guy's doing Theo's pod. He's willing to talk to people. Sam Alvin did? Yeah, he did. Oh, I did not know that. But you get to make your company's reputation very palatable to the public. You know what I mean?

Sure. I also think the way that these, like, tech companies work and, like, really any major, like, earth-changing company, is that, in my opinion, again, I don't know what happened. The higher teams that kind of handle shit. So I was talking a friend of mine that consults on a lot of these big companies. And at one point, there was a company that had hired a team to basically be like, hey, whatever I need to get done, you guys handle. And they basically create, like, insulation. So I don't think Altman knew anything. Or, like, I don't think that they would be so dumb as to directly implicate him some type of, like, a line that could be subpoenaed.

But I do think that they probably have teams internally, these massive companies that get shit taken care of. This is the way I see things. I don't know. Can we pull that guy up? It's just weird. This guy, if you look at, if you don't know anything and you look at Tucker Carlson and Sam Altman together, you're like, No, look up Sam Altman. The guy on the left is clearly the more famous, richer, world-shifting guy.

These guys, they look like they work at GameStop. New Balance and a sweater. That guy's in charge of like a seismic shift in technological advancements in the country. Changing the world. That guy. Look at that guy. That's crazy. And he's at least wearing a blazer.

I mean, the tech oligarchs I find very funny. I was listening to the thing yesterday about the way the tech is shifting things and how every different political faction has their own philosophy on tech. But one of the things that he pointed out was like, these tech guys are, they were bullied. All of them were bullied. And that they have no connection to, like, their physical form. Like, they're not physically domineering in any way.

So as a result, they see themselves as just their IQ. They're like, they exist as their IQ. They exist as their brain and they're trying to change the world to where everything is just brain-based. And so being in touch with nature, like, your physical, like, reality doesn't really matter because to them it never mattered and the thing that got them out

and got them success is ultimately their brain. So like basically trying to create human beings in a way that you can get rid of all the physical shit that you are just ultimately productive, hyper rational

and operating as a computer and then ultimately finding symbiosis with the computer. It's like the big dick energy that's big brain energy. Like let's just go all in on mental shit and technology. But we're letting nerds form the reality

in the future we live in. Thousand percent. And it's hurting it. I mean look at like fucking all the outrage goes to the top you know that's not helping the culture war and the infighting it's it's all bad like when ticot might have gone away i was secretly a little happy yeah maybe it'll go away i like ticot i make money on ticot but it's for the best it's like when you go to your your shroom drawer and it's empty you're like

probably for the best you know what i never for me oh i love a good groom me too i fucking love it oh really yeah oh nice yeah it's my favorite thing uh you won't eat a fucking steak but you'll eat Yeah, a thousand percent. One drink a beer. I have shrooms. Because a steak is God, you know what I mean? But if you take shrooms, you see God. You see a guy.

I do. Yeah, that's good point. I do. But yeah, these tech guys are just, again, not Allman alone. I don't think it's just, but it's just all of them. Zuckerberg, all those guys. They're kind of nerds. And then they are the ones that make the world.

Yeah. Murder Charlie Kirk is what you're the ones. Indirectly, maybe. Well, I listen to his, uh, Theo. And he's like, Theo's like, don't you think this could take all our jobs and ruin people's lives? he's like, it'll probably take my job eventually. And you're like, and you're still making it? Yeah.

Like, imagine introducing a hot guy to your wife. Like, this guy will probably fuck her eventually. What are you doing? Stop. You got to stop at some point, but they can't. They're addicted. Yeah, dude. I think they don't even see it.

I think they just see it as progress. Yeah, exactly. You're like, well, no, this is progress. If we get replaced, then that's what's supposed to happen. It's progress. It's really crazy how, like, emotionally removed they are from the will to survive or, like, the desire to survive. Yeah.

Totally. Well, the ultimate, I don't know, the ultimate. reality that could happen is just like the transhumanist shit have you heard of this yes like basically we just like form in with computers and our consciousness exists you know on a server somewhere and that is ultimately what you are yeah and that's kind of i think how a lot of transhumanists see things are like yeah you are your brain and so if your brain goes to a computer that's still you know but then normal people would be like well i'm not that i'm also like my love and i'm my my emotions and my irrationality and i don't want to just be up with meditation would say like you're not you're the brain

is the worst thing. I think a lot of religions would say that's something that's you're in trouble. You're supposed to come back to this. Exactly. You're supposed to come back to your soul. Yeah. Interesting.

But it's like a, it's an interesting little paradigm. This is another thing. This guy, Jreg, was like the YouTuber that did this video I said. But he was like, he made me appreciate cognitive dissonance and hypocrisy. They're like, we're constantly trying to get rid of cognitive dissonance. Like, no, be perfectly rational. But I'm like, that's kind of what makes it human. Yeah.

So anytime there's a dude that's like just being dumb and irrational, I'm like, isn't that nice? But then are we the guys in the, the, who know, the 1800s who were like, cars, horses are the way. We've got to stick with the animal. This is a, you know, it's a mammal. This is where it's real. The car is a machine with pistons and gears and levers.

Like, are we those people who are like, hey, stop the production. That's a good part. I don't know if those guys are wrong. I just don't think the car could replace a human. That's the thing. It's like, to me, this is, this will replace us. I've never looked at a piece of technology and thought, well, and now we're all obsolete as a species. Yeah.

Yeah. Isn't that weird about the phone? The phone is obviously this amazing invention that's improved all our lives, but I'm also glad I grew up before it. Oh, so glad. Isn't that weird? So glad. You would never say like, oh, I'm so glad I grew up before the car. Yeah. But the phone, you're like, oh, I'm like, thank God I had a childhood. I had a great point. God, I had a childhood. I had a great point. Yeah, there's no other technology I would think that with. Yeah. Like, oh, I was born before penicillin. Hoo. Yeah. But the phone, you're like, who I had a fucking thoughts and played and imagination. Playouts a road a bike. Yeah, exactly. I mean, we're outside. Yeah. But then sometimes ignorance is bliss because you grew up with the phone, and so you don't even know what you're, what you missed out on. I have an idea.

You know what I mean? Like, I'm awful with directions. I don't know anything. I can't get around New York, and it's a grid. You know what I mean? Right. It is the easiest place to navigate in the world. Also, this guy's whole thing is getting back to.

He sleeps on the floor. Like, I think he knows what the phone deprived him of. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. But maybe I'm nostalgic for a thing I never experienced. And maybe if I actually lived in the 80s or 1880s. Yeah, you wouldn't be as fucking weird today. I sleep in a bed I was outside

I camped I reckon They say that's the future Like young Like gen alpha Is gonna be like We love nature We love

Like a brick phone I hope so They're gonna go backwards Like that'll be cool Miles The producer His dad has a flip phone It was so fucking awesome

To watch him Open a flip phone It wasn't a flip Motorola smartphone It was a flip phone He's making a call I thought it was The most fire shit ever

Yeah Yeah, and now they're giving those to kids. He also doesn't carry it, but he's in New York, so he has it. But he generally doesn't even carry it. That's awesome. Wow. Good for him. And I sit there and I go, how does he do it?

Yeah, I know. You can do it. We did it. I printed out maps for him. Wow. Here at the studio, I print out maps. He, like, gets around. It's different, but he manages.

It's very weird. I remember I had my phone stolen when I was in New York at a comedy club by some gay dudes. And one dude walked up, he's a village. lantern you could just walk up on so one dude walk up to me and he's like being like hitting on me or something's like i don't know what's going on man i had my phone out his other homie swiped the phone they went they left and i looked down my phone was gone and then they were gone but i had no phone for like three days i couldn't afford another one and the first day was miserable second day was like oh this is kind of nice by the third day i was like this is the best i felt in

years wow it's great and then you guys get mad of me what i don't you feel your brain like it's it's all tightens interesting well i mean just see like Charlie Kirk shit I wouldn't let my wife watch it I was like don't watch the shooting it's just another thing that we don't need to be seeing yeah yeah yeah like when I was a kid you have to seek out faces of death yeah my friend's older brother's got a tape and it shows a guy getting hit by a train let's check it out we'd all get together and watch it at a sleepover yeah it's a community event yeah I didn't even get it off my phone you feel this thing where I'm like I can't see it I was like oh shit really that's it that should I still see it right now

Same. Like, I wish I didn't see it. I didn't see, there was angles where people were like, it looks really fucked up here, and I wouldn't watch those. But that distant shot, I was like, oh, that's crazy. That's a guy dying. It's insane. It's crazy.

And, like, if you saw it in person, people would be like, oh, you're traumatized. Yeah. You need to get a therapist. You need to go see someone. But if you see a 1080 or 4K video of it, people go, yeah, it's fine. Walk it off, Pousy. You're like, no, I've also, there's got to be some type of collective fallout from everyone seeing the most graphic shit ever. Yeah.

And then the people celebrating it, you're like, really? what are you doing like politics aside that's weird to celebrate something like that vile it's awful it's i am seeing some republicans be like he never said a single thing rooted in hate which is like that's not true but i don't think he was as bad as what he will say or as good as what people are saying but either way celebrating it is so fucking gross so strange still a guy who died in front of his kids yeah yeah oh dude that was i was actually like i'm not feeling super i don't know why i'm not feeling super like sad about it or happy i just don't feel much. Then I saw a video of him on set

of his show or whatever and his daughter run for him. I saw that too. That was fucking brutal man. Brutal. Brutal. And then I know people who celebrated who also have been offended by like a Jew joke I've told. And I'm like crazy. Your priorities are out of whack. Yeah. It is crazy. Are you worried at all?

Like a crazed fan comes after? Nah. I don't think I... Because people did this after the Will Smith slap. They're like, it's going to happen. People are going to come on stage. And Chappelle had that dust up. with the transhumanist. But I feel like I'm not big enough or important enough, which is one of the perks.

You've got to be kind of a certain level. Yeah. But I've had just crazies attack me, but they were just like guys I've fucked with in the crowd. Oh, really? But never a guy like, I'm going to go hurt him. Like, I'm going to go to the show to get him. Yeah.

I feel like you'd be almost kind of disappointing at this point. If you got attacked by a guy and you were like, oh, well, he's obviously, he knows me. And he's like, no, I've never hurt you. Yeah, exactly. You just did this for no reason? Right. Maybe he's also charging admission.

The assassin's got to pay admission. Like, come on. Oh, yeah, that's a good point. Dude, you're going to buy a ticket to the fucking Wilbur to go shoot this guy? Exactly. The backro seats are the most expensive. Yeah. That's what you've got to do.

500 bucks a seat. It's like the guys you yell at Seinfeld. They're like, free Palestine. He's like, you bought a ticket? You paid to do this? That's crazy. My ticket's like $300. Yeah, I don't know.

I think we're too desensitized to all of it. Totally. I think getting off the phones. I don't know if it's ever going to happen. if it's possible. I don't think so. But it would be nice. It'll be a choice.

It'll be like sober people, you know? Mm-hmm. You're sober. Oh, okay. I thought you were sober. Hopefully, Gen Alpha will be like, fuck these phones. Yeah, a little bit, for sure. But their whole lives are on there.

The texting and the memes and the Discord chats and Snapchat, it's all they know. That's how they interact now. Yeah. But it is a rich person flex. Like, all the rich people flexes now are just going back to how people lived in the 90s. True. Like, a rich person flex is like, I own a home. I have a kid and I don't have a cell phone.

You know what I mean? Like, this is how rich people will flex now. Yeah. And then all the poor people are renting. They got no kids. They have seven iPhones. Right. I guess we did that too because we're like, we'll do a dinner by candlelight, like horse and buggy around the park. That's kind of just going back. Yeah. Exactly. That is ultimate flex. If you want to really show out on this. Yeah. In the Hamptons, they purposely buy those shitty-ass 90s cars. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. That's a real thing out there.

And you start to after I was there for two weeks And by the end I was like Nah that shit is awesome It's really funny Now we all just work like that With this fashion is just Who sees what?

I hope we go all the way back And just like everyone goes Amish Yeah We buy our groceries now Let's not go too far back No I'm telling you I think we would like it When you grow up with phones Is what you do

We would like We had a healthy place just now We're like maybe we'll get a flip phone And he's like What if you just were Amish And build your own home And turn your own butter And you and all your friends

Would get together Build a farm Like a fucking crazy beer lives. It would be nice just as a group, just everyone doing the same thing. You know what's weird about the Amish? You ever thought about this? Their whole thing is they don't use electricity. Everybody knows that.

But before electricity, they were just another group. You know what I mean? Like they weren't. What was the point? Yeah. Because now we know them as the non-electricity people, but before electricity, they were just... They made their own furniture, I guess? Yeah, that the thing?

They dressed funny. Apparently, it's great furniture. I don't know. We buy produce from an Amish farm. Oh, really? But we have a delivery thing, and an Amish guy comes into town, knocks on our door. It's so fucking annoying. It's good food.

What do you want me to do? Where else are you going to get? High Valley produce at a low cost. Is it true? They have no autism, no diabetes? Like, they're, like, superhuman because they don't use pills and all that? I profusively know it. There's something, like, genetically, all of them are skinny.

Like, all their women are skinny because of... No preservatives. No drug like that. I mean, yeah, they're making all their own shit. They're building all their own. homes i i see that but i think they've got to have some autism i think they have a lower incidence of autism okay they probably throw retards on a river or some shit like whoa yeah they're probably right yeah they know of my house with the produce like you want this

luckily they'll never hear this yeah i would imagine a couple cousins of fucking each other no it's a misconception yeah oh okay never mind yeah yeah there's no way that was real I heard there's a lot of incest in the Amish community Yeah, it's like a real problem Yeah, we don't have to only talk about the good stuff I'm sure they do bad things too Of course, of course

An incest Oh, I thought that was, okay Oh, I see what you were doing, my bad My bad, my bad That was, you know, that was all completely on me Completely on me Sometimes having a smartphone is good You can call 911 when you're getting fucked by

Yeah, good point That is true Did you see the Dame Dash in Charlemagne? I've been dying to talk about it No, I'm aware of Dame Dash. Oh, dude. So have you seen him on Breakfast Club the first time he came on? No.

He came on like five years ago. And Charlemagne is just like, he's the ultimate troll. He's the best at fucking, I've never seen anybody better at, like, fucking with people than Charlemagne. But now he's been on this evolved kind of like therapy. I'm growing. I'm healing from my trauma. And it's all great. But I miss that guy.

Yes. And this is vintage. We're going to pull up some clips. This is vintage Charlemagne. and Dame Dash, who, it seems a little like chip on his shoulder, maybe insecure, maybe whatever. Yeah. Dan Dash, he's stuck in the 90s.

Got it. He's one of those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's just, he tries to go out Charlemagne and it's just masterful. Ooh, I can't wait. Your whole existence is gay. Sounds like you've been paid to do what you're doing. You should be objective on the radio.

You need to get paid to do something. Then you wouldn't be in debt. That's his new name. You should start a new label called Debt Jam. That's what you should do. Wow, well, I got to hand it to you guys. We got a lot of range. We have from the whitest pod to the blackest pot.

Dude, that's what we try to do. We try to cover it all. And we talked about Indian guy getting beheaded. We hit it all. We hit the trifecta. And Chinese eating dogs, which they're still doing. So there you go. TikTok, we covered all of it.

So what do you see here? I genuinely don't know anything about Dame Dash. So Dame, there's better clips out there of Charlemagne. Like, Dame Dash, his whole thing seems like he's projecting. And it's like he's very insecure. Because Dame and Jay-Z had Rockefeller. feller they fell out j z goes on to be a billionaire dame just kind of stalls out and then dame came on that podcast like five years ago and just kept going at charlemagne all you guys do is gossip which is funny

he calls him chatty patties he's like if you don't have your own business i can't respect you then this pot he's like you guys are feminine because you talk about other people that's feminine behavior everything they do he's like that's not masculine to me i i'm only masculine and it was just very and charlemagne the genius of charlemagne is he will just laugh when he gets made fun of and then hit you. He said something about Charlemagne being gay, and he's like, what's wrong with being gay? He wasn't like, I'm not gay, because what's wrong of being gay? And then he goes, well,

it's gay if you're whatever, and you act like. He was like, all right, well, I'm gay, you're broke. And it just, he's, I truly he's like Floyd, where Floyd is like this the whole time. And you can punch him, but it just kind of goes off of him, and then he's going to jab you. He calls him debt dash, because he's in debt, he's broke,

everybody's saying, and he says his label's going to be called debt jam. And it's just constant jabs. And it's like the most masterful trolling I've ever seen in my life. Didn't break a sweat so effortless. Because it's hard to be in the pocket like that sometimes when the guy's coming at you, but he didn't

even flinch. He doesn't get emotional. That's what, when I lose in these things, it's usually because I get emotional. I start caring. He just laughs and just goes. Yeah. They want it to leave like 10 times. You know you're losing when you keep getting up, he keeps sitting down. Charlotte made obviously we love, we love because of brilliant

idiots and all that. But like, when I watch him do this, this is my favorite version of him. Yeah. The therapy and anxiety, good for you. Right. I love this guy. Yes. That was great radio. I mean, can you imagine driving around, listen to that? It's fantastic. I listened to the whole hour

on the way here. It's just like, what a fucking just shot after shot. I think you're broke. I think you're a liar. Just like so unaffected by the whole thing. Well, it also shows how good Bill Burr is. Did you see what he went on? I don't know, maybe like a year ago. And he got the best of Charleman. And Charleman's like, all right, all right, Jesus.

You're like, damn Bill Burr is vicious. Because Charlemagne said pause or something like that or, hey, yo. Because Bill Burr said something like, I've only seen one other person with my wife's energy as a dude that I met. And then Bill and then Charlemagne goes, hey, yo. And then Bill just like, can you not fucking do that? Can you not do the thing where it's always gay and blah, blah, blah. And he just cuts the legs out from him. And then Charlemagne just laughs and he moves on.

That's the thing if you get the best of Charlemagne, he's not going to take it personally. He might be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, but he's never going to take it personally. He respects, like, the craft of, like, banter. Yeah, yeah. And Bill's so good that he was like, all right with your manicured eyebrows. Or when he said something like that where you're like, damn, that was specific. I don't know how you teach a kid that, you know what I mean? Because, like, I don't know if I have, I don't got that.

You know what I mean? Like, just be able to sit there and just, like, dodge fucking insults. But I'm like, I feel like I should teach my kid how to be able to handle himself. It's incredible. You've got to let him run around with other kids and just have them do it with each other. It's the only way. The only way. It's like fighting.

You're not going to teach someone how to fight by talking. You've got to just let them fight. You're either going to get bullied or learn how to just get back at the book. Exactly. But I was good at that, but I would still get emotionally like, I would make it a point to be like, well, I'm going to beat you because that hurt my feelings. Charlemagne is like, I'm going to be you, but that was great. What you did was really good. And I'm still going to be you.

That's like, to me, just like I love that. With the crowd, the most fun I have is if they're trying to get me and I can just laugh at it and then come back at them. Those are always my favorite moments. Like if somebody says them about me that I laugh at and I'm like, that's good. And then I give it back to him, great. Yeah, what do you think is your best, I'm putting you on the spot here, your best heckle response where you're like, damn, I'm actually kind of proud that I got that out instantly? Like somebody said something to you and you're like, uh-oh, and then you zinged them back and it killed.

Yeah, I don't know if I have a one, I think one girl, a black girl at a show said something to me about how there's no other Indians in here or something. I said, well, listen, you might not have. Indian but your hair is. I remember a dude started standing up and he was just like, that's awesome.

Damn, but that clip up. Yeah, I don't have it. It wasn't recording sets back then. This is when I was a young and that was all I was good at is arguing with people.

That's a great, great retort. Yeah. Have you had any singers like that? I had one. I was a new com. I was at the Fort Lauderdale Improv opening for somebody.

I was just there two days ago. Yeah. Yeah. Great club, but I was green. They were, they were ganged up on me i sucked and this lady this big fat lady yells out boo and i said ma'am are you saying boo or moo her friends died everybody she was like all right all right all right and that that felt

pretty good especially when you're up against you like i'm losing this whole set i'm bombing yeah yeah oh and that can get you back on now oh you what a wow i don't remember that forever yeah that was big yeah yeah i've only had like a handful of like people mean like heckling like fuck this guy and uh was your dad yeah mocked through all never

or Mark's dad yeah you're a mistake yeah but I uh I don't know I never had like a like a like a like a

banger I think of him in the shower later yes that's the worst no I've seen I don't remember what the fuck it was in Kansas City it was kind of going

it was a show during COVID you me and Andrew and then somebody was just yelling something I don't fuck I forgot what you said but he just flipped the whole thing on him I don't even remember.

I try to forget those things. Anytime, if someone's at it... I could tell you didn't... I could tell he hated it, but he got him and got out of it. Yeah, I actually, I remember. I don't remember what it was up. But anytime someone leaves a show and they are mad,

I always feel bad. Yeah, same. Like, even if someone's being an asshole and they're like, fuck you, there was a guy one time of Salt Lake City. I did, like, a joke about, like, TikTok and how, like, it's making, like, kids sexual. I was like, I don't like the TikTok is doing all this. And it was, like, very much, like, an anti-tik-tok kids dancing joke.

And the guy was like, man, this is, fucked up all y'all laughing at pedophile shit and then walked out and I had like a zinger afterwards and I was like but after the show I just walked away and I was like I wish I could like say sorry to him I felt bad that he had such a bad reaction yeah I don't like that he would leave

like you're just so disgusted I know I am disgusted by it's like get over it you He paid money he got a babysitter probably his kids getting diddled right now God he's a loser Yeah he's shitting on your act Yeah

I know stop taking a joke so personally You fucking loser Yes Jesus Christ. You're a fucking loser. You're Dame Dash. You're getting up and walking out. Whoa.

He's just a loser. That is true. You're walking out? Come on. Yeah. But like if someone walks out pissed, I'm like, oh, man, I feel bad about it. Well, you think Chris Rock felt that way? He's like, ah, Will Smith.

Yeah, he's pissed off. I feel bad. No, that guy was a dick. Yeah, true. By the way, how about his career? That is really, he did that weird rapping in the street that no one liked. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm one of the few comics that still just really makes it a point to hate this guy publicly, Will Smith.

And we're all just kind of acting like what he's doing is acceptable. It's not acceptable. It's embarrassing. It is. Yeah, he got a movie come out and flopped. I mean, he's... Which one? It was like a slave movie.

It came out right after the... Oh, that flopped. But then Bad Boys hit after that. Oh, that's true. Yeah, because we argued with Charlemann about this. He insisted on defending Will Smith, which is a funny take. But no, it's embarrassing. Yeah, that's left.

I like girls, girls. It's like, what are we doing, bro? He used to be good at rapping. You're almost 60. What are you doing? How old is Will Smith? 55 at least, 53? Yeah, it's doing, I like girl?

No. 56. 56. He's 56. Oh, really? Wow. They're toying with a new rose because the Tom Brady one did well. And Will Smith is one of the ideas they're throwing out there, which I think would redeem him.

Yeah. Like, oh, you're the guy who couldn't take a joke. Now let's take a joke. That would be good. And comics would go extra hard. Oh, yeah. It would actually be epic television. It would.

It would be. We're all good. Yes, exactly. Yeah. You sat there, you took all the jokes. You proved that it's okay to get made fun of. People are going to go super hard on your wife. And Will, I think, is desperate enough for fame and acceptance to do it.

I think so, too. And then it's like, all right, you got your punishment. All good. You're good. Yeah. It's actually the ultimate way to redeem. Yeah. That would be...

I think it would be good for him. I don't think it saves him because I think most people don't care as much as we care about that whole thing. Sure, sure. Not giving these as much, obviously. But I think even to the general public, it'd be like, oh, good for him.

He did that. Good for him. He took the jokes. Exactly. And the jokes would be the best of ever being. Oh, be great. Be great. Hey, you did a slave movie.

Haven't you had enough backlash? Netflix, hire me. That's the dome. That's good, man. He's good. Jada would get it too, though. She would almost have to sign up as well. Well, she would say no to him.

Right, right. She don't care much about his careers. But she has to be there. Like, if you really wanted to be fireworks. I don't even, honestly. Because she'd be so sour-faced a whole time. It would just be fucking... I was thinking about the Brady thing is I was like, who do you get after Brady?

It would be so massive. This would be massive. Yeah. Yeah, it'd have to be Will Smith or like Putin or somebody like that. It'd be some huge, crazy villain. Yeah, especially after Brady after the... roast was like, I didn't like it. Like, he was a little bit like,

I would have, I would have reconsidered some things or something like that. Because we kept going on to his kids who he tries to keep relatively out of this. Exactly. Yeah. Relatively. He did that Facebook thing and they were like kissing him on the mouth and that was weird. Oh, yeah. But Will makes it a point to put his whole family front and center and that's different

and it's like, now you're, you're on, we're on, let's go. Yeah. Willow Willow? Is that, Jaden? Yeah, they would get it too. Yeah. So, Jade and Jessica got named a creative director for Christian Lubiton's, like, men's line, I guess. Oh. Mm-hmm. So.

Okay. The guy dresses like an absolute woman, though. So I'm going to be the men's clothes. We're going to have suits? We're going to have skirts, I mean? Oh, geez. That's going to be the men's line? Yeah.

Thanks, you never know. Or maybe you'll be doing it for both. I would rather see him in charge of the women's line, to be honest. I think it'd be better at that. Yeah. But you can't be. Come on. Damn, dressed is like Magic Johnson's kids.

That guy's wild. Yeah. I mean, women are... Holy shit. Men in Atlanta are wearing skirts now. You know what I mean? Is that right? Yeah.

I mean, the fashion paradigm has changed. Well, Atlanta's also one of the gay cities in America, statistically. So that makes actually... And those guys in skirts will shoot you, so... Exactly. It kind of balances out. Right? What does that mean?

It, like, bounces out. You're still wearing a fucking skirt, bro. Whoa. That's wild. But it's harder to hide a gun, so I actually think it's good. Whether I'm dead or not, you still look like a fucking idiot. Yikes. Yeah, I'd rather be alive

I think that's a scort He's not even really committed to it Yeah Is it just because like My best friend Used to wear Tennis fit Is anyone else confused

My brain is like Oh the nice legs My best friend used to wear Like really goofy clothes And he played in basketball And he's a Chinese kid He was actually nice So he's like

It's so embarrassing for them To like get crossed up by me wearing these Like is that what that is Getting shot by a guy in a skirt is the most embarrassing way to get shot. Right. That's kind of smart, actually.

If a guy's wearing that, I probably wouldn't fuck with him, you know? Scott does got nice legs. Yeah. And is this Scottish appropriation? Oh, that's a valid-ass point. Yeah. That's appropriation. You're appropriating gay Scottish things.

Scots are the first gays. Yeah. And they even got a gun, so they'll get killed. Okay. I was a French. I like that, dude. I like it. The Scottish didn't wear underwear, by the way, under that thing.

They did? No. Oh, yeah, that there was a whole thing, that they're fully just balls out. Yeah. Yeah, I went to Tom's wedding and balled out. No way. Yeah, it did. How long was the kilt?

No, it was long. It was a ballroom. Yeah. It was long. It should be super long. But it's actually, it's nice. Right? Oh, breeze.

Yeah. Worth trying. Yeah. How was the, did the balls not smell as much? No. My ball stink. It's like crazy. Like crazy.

Really? It's a turmeric or something? Like, wow. Huh? Miles just goes, well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The rest of me doesn't. But the balls, dude, really?

Just brutal. But it's a fun brutal. And then sometimes you'll get like a... Oh, yeah. You get a hit, you know? It's like a snuff. It's like, damn. It's like spelling salts.

Yeah, exactly. If it's your balls, it's like a fun. It's awesome. Before you deadlift, just... Yeah. I don't mind. it, but I know they stink. Of course.

But it's like a good stink to me, but I know to the general public would be atrocious. Oh, bless our one. I've had, like, you jog and your wife's in the moon. You're like, all right. And she's blowing. You're like, whew, you're a fucking saint to that. Bring that up. Yeah, that's love.

That's love. Because there's a real schmegma going on in a film. Who knows? You remember when he was talking about, like, taking the aggression out? That's like a nice, you know what I mean? Like, all right. He was pretty mildly all week. And that she's dealing mustard gas?

It's a chemical. weapon? Yeah, exactly. Right. There you go. Now we're even. Wow. Oh, yeah, he's uncut, too, so it's even worse. Oh, you are? Yeah, dude. I'm intact. What do you mean? I know. That means you got the smegma on the head. If you don't wash, you just got to clean it. I don't know. My friend, Indian guy, he got circumcised at 33. That's crazy. He kept getting infected. I got certified. I got certified at four because I got infected. There you go. You got certified at five? Yeah, nobody told me how to wash my dick. And so my dad and I don't talk anymore.

How does that never come up? I think it's come up. You've got circumcise of five years old? Yeah. Do you remember it? I remember afterward being in a lot of pain. Whoa. Holy shit.

Yeah. That is crazy. Maybe I was four. Four or five. Something like that. Dude, I never knew about you. Maybe I was four. And the culture is that the norm is to not.

No, norm is to not. Yeah, yeah. Well, I had to. I had to go Muslim with it. That's why you stopped growing. You would just traumatize. Yeah. Stop growing up.

And they used a curvy soul. that's crazy I never knew this about you yeah I didn't know what was happening I went to sleep, woke up part of my dick was missing fuck man that means your parents had to notice it

go to the hospital oh yeah I was fucked up dude it was all fat oh yeah fuck do a little samosa do you not want to try to get it back do you not feel like no I'm good dude I didn't realize

that this was like a it was like a lost leader or whatever you know what I mean like things ended up being better in the long run. Yeah, you're the weirdo. Yeah, now you're the weirdo. Before, I would have been like, oh, I guess. This is the way you were born. This is what God wanted.

This is the way your dicks are, dude. Evolution put it that way. And then you guys are getting rid of it. Did you get your son, sir? Yeah. Of course he did. That is tricky. You guys are signing up to get a piece of your son's dick cut off.

Sure. But so your parents. Yeah, but I had to. That's true. This is a problem. Yeah. I was going to be 28 years later, I was going to be that guy. Right, exactly.

You guys are more trans than that. me. That's all I'm saying. We're closer to trans. That's true. That's a thousand percent true. Objectively. I can't argue with that. Your dick is horrendous looking, though. You don't even know. You don't even know. I might have like a little scully, like half, you know? There's different types of foreskin. Mine is long. Mine is a shirt.

Mine looks like a wizard. Mine looks like an old man going to sleep in like the 1800s. Have you looked around at the urinal? Like at the troth? Oh, it's my favorite, yeah. Do you see what's the numbers? It's mostly cut up. Yeah, yeah.

Europe is uncut, though, right? Exactly. Yeah, they keep it natch. Yeah. I'm telling you, I think you feel more. That's true. You get more sensation, you know? Yeah.

Keep telling yourself. It's true. It's statistically true. I mean, yours is rubbing against your fucking jeans all day, getting all desensitized. Oh, I got underwear on. I'm good. Exactly. It's rubbing up in there, too.

I'm telling you, don't cut your kids' dicks off. It's crazy. I don't know why you would do it. You live in Brooklyn. You should love cutting your kid's dick off. That's like your whole thing. Yeah. You guys are building the whole burrow off of that.

Yeah, that is true. That is true. Yeah, the tunnel folk are cutting them off. But I don't... Increased sensitivity. There you go. Yes. I don't need more sensitive to five seconds anyway.

Yeah, that's true. I had sex with last night with my wife, and she was like, that's it. True story. I treat it as a game. I'll go with like 35 seconds, like personal best, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I feel like you're saying bolts. Hey, I'm fucking crushing.

Have any burrow gone through a rebrand as embarrassing as Brooklyn? That's a great point. It was the toughest, before your time probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it was the toughest place in the world. Yeah. And there's still pockets. But the branding of Brooklyn has become you.

Yes. Crunchy, hipster. It went from Biggie and Jay-Z to this. That's true. I mean, that's also Manhattan, though. You know? It's also funny. It's the wokenest group, but they're, like, pushing black people out.

Yeah. It's just weird, a little irony. Yeah. That's what doing shows in Brooklyn would always be so funny where they were like, wouldn't want to hear a joke about race. And it's like, you're actively. forcing black people out of their homes right now. Yes, yes.

It's like diversity, not here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It used to be Brooklyn now. She's just like, Brooklyn? Yeah.

It's just a girl's name now. Yeah, it's true. It's true. Or a small dog. I got mugged twice in Brooklyn. When I moved here in 0708, I got mugged twice. It was still dicey. Yeah.

It was just started. It was Williamsburg was the one pocket. Yes. And then it just grew like herpes. Yeah, I got mugged. In Canarsie, fell asleep on the train. Well, yeah, Canarsis. Yeah, you might still be able to get wild.

Yeah. Yeah. I was in the Big Brother's Big Sisters program. I went to my little brother's baby shower in Canarsie. Son, this guy got a girl pregnant. He had a record. And they were like, would you be okay having a little brother with a record? I was like, yeah, sure.

And then we did a couple things together. And he's like, hey, man, I can't. I'm having a kid. I can't really. So I went to the baby shower in Canarsie. Wow. That's so weird because you had a little brother. already? Why don't you need to rent

a little brother? Who's my little brother? Don't you have a brother? I have an older brother. But you have a brother already. Why did you need to rent a brother? It's a big brother. I wanted to be the big brother. I want to help a kid. Yeah. Maybe you don't like helping out young black kids. It's a thing for me. I was trying to make the world better. Canarsie, though, you got off the train and you felt

the energy is like angry. For sure. Yeah. It's different over there. I've never been out there. If you feel it, it's crazy. You get off the train. And it's like, oh, the people are angry here. I went, this was like 2009, 2010 probably, but yeah. Yeah. You felt it. Whatever happened to him, your little brother?

Never talked after you had a kid. We couldn't get a hold of him. I tried to call him every Wednesday. I had a calendar notification on my phone for six years to call him. And every time I would call him, I'd just get nothing. Damn. He's probably raising his kid, you know? Probably doing well.

You did your job. He was a sweet kid, dude. Yeah. What was his record? He was fucking before I was. Ain't that crazy? I'd ask him, what's it feel like? Do you know what his record?

what his crime was? I didn't ask. You didn't ask? No. That would have been day one for me. Yeah, I don't. Right? No, it's the past of the past, dude. Let it be the past. You can rob me. Why not? I'm broke. You might not be broke as well.

Eight dollars at the time every time I walked around. I made my living off the tip bucket at the Village Lantern. You got robbed me for that? Good luck, dude. I mean, if he's a 12-year-old criminal, you know what I mean? He was a long way. He was 15. He'd to fuck me up. Yeah, right? Tall kid. Tall kid, dude. Six-something.

Damn. You'd fuck me up. This would be a great movie. This would be a great movie. Right? Yeah. Like you being his big brother. Dude, you could make this movie.

I love it. You could direct. I'll direct. Yeah. Let's do it. That will be my little brother. Yeah, that's funny. That would be hilarious.

Who was at the baby shower? His baby mom, his mom, a bunch of other people I never met, never talked to again. Nice environment. I looked fucking out of place for sure. There's just a bunch of black people and some Indian kid just sitting in. a corner 30 years old or whatever I was 28 years old Did you meet the parents and be like man

We're doing such a good job No no I met the mom but we didn't talk about How we had fucked up collectively Was he in a Burberry shirt That used to be the typical Yeah I don't remember too out I don't remember to be honest I remember he wore a lot of like aeropostal and shit like that

Oh weird Yeah that was like a thing black kids in New York Would wear like not Abercrombie but like American Eagle And Aeropostle all was like the less Yeah Hollister maybe Yeah it was weird That was like the hood outfit back then Trying to get the name of the movie here

But I need the N-word So you say it And then I'll finish it No, start with it It felt weird It feels weird It was gonna be N-word masala Like take a

Or maybe Nisi-sissippi masala There you go Maybe I have no remorse for the record It could be sorry, not sorry Oh That's good But I think the girls wear sorry, right?

Yeah, yeah, it's fine. It's close enough. Oh, that's good, dude. Yeah, second bugging, Crown Heights. Ooh, what happened there? Hasid Jews, Beach, up? It was Jewish, Hasidic Jew, and then Eastern Parkway, and then all black, like Caribbean black. I lived on the black side, and I would always drink too much, go home, and I would get lost.

And then I just saw a bunch of guys shooting dice on the corner, so I went across the street to dodge them. And then a big guy, like an older black guy, saw me with an iPod, pick me up, slam me against the wall. And those five guys shooting dice ran over and beat the hell out of them. Really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's fire, dude.

I think they figured we can't have this white kid getting fucked up in the area. So he brings the cops. Exactly. So we'll just beat the old guy up. Wow. Did you keep your iPhone? I didn't. I just, he dropped me and I just kicked him once and I ran.

And he ran off about the iPhone? Yeah. I was too flustered I got the hell out of there Oh damn You got one kick in though I got a little kick in He was on the ground

They were just wailing on him And I think I kicked his thigh And ran out of him But I was listening to like Uptown girl The guy fucking be up Oh man Yeah dude

Brooklyn has changed I mean if you go to Williamsburg now It's just like a mall I know It's like a shopping mall I know it's Apple stores And it's all that It's all like rich stores

Whole Foods Yeah Yeah right? Hermes just opened Hermes, yeah, that's it. That's crazy. Wow.

That's, I like that better than what you guys try to make it. The granola thing. I mean, you got there in 2019. I had nothing to do with this. You're responsible. You are, you become it.

What do I bring? You really are the problem. You're exactly the problem. I was wearing Birkenstocks before. You just got there late. That's the only black thing about you. Yeah, that is true. That is true.

Yeah, this is, uh, you look like the white liberal. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, I can see it. I do fit the stereotype. Yeah. And I also like all the amenities. I like a smoothie. Sure.

The smoothie's fantastic. I don't mind these things. I just mind the forcing of your ideology upon me as if you guys are living this, like, wonderful, racial, like, diverse life. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, no, it is true. You'll meet kids that are, their parents do work for, like, military industrial complex. And they're, like, artists.

Yeah. Great Colin Quinn joke. He's like, I grew up in Brooklyn. It was terrifying. No one went on the L. Now you go on the L, it looks like a ski lift. Yeah, absolutely, dude. That's so fine.

Yeah, just rich white people with those big goose coats, you know? Yeah. But isn't that Lower East Side now? Like, Lower East Side was like a seedy neighborhood. It's still got some stank on it. Yeah, it's still very Puerto Rican. Yeah, yeah. You can still get cheap Peruvian chicken.

Really? Oh, yeah. God, that's wonderful. A $5 chicken. I mean, like, what pockets of New York still have, like, that old New York vibe, you know? LES is probably one of the last ones. In Manhattan? Just, I mean, anywhere, like, around Manhattan.

What do you call it? Washington Heights. Yeah, Washington Heights, probably. I don't go that high. No, me neither. It's just too far. Harlem. Yeah, Harlem's still Harlem.

Yeah, Harlem's so Harlem. Spanish Harlem is still South Bronx. I think Spanish Harlem, I lived in Harlem as it was starting to flip, and I assume it's changed more because I was there 2009, 2010. And you could see it starting to cut. I think they didn't like me because they knew what was about to happen. Right, right, right. I was a Harbinger.

You're like the transition to white. Yeah, yeah. But the whites in Harlem are whites who just can't afford Williamsburg. Yeah, right. That's what I'm saying. They don't change the neighborhood very much. But aren't they doing the same thing that Williamsburg did? No, not really.

Williamsburg also was. Just as broke as people living there. Historically black. Williamsburg. It was or it wasn't? Was it Jewish or? It was Jewish and Puerto Rican. Jewish Puerto Rican and Italians.

Bushwick. Bushwick was a hood as fuck. Oh, yeah, I lived in Bushwick. That was still wild. The roosters walking around. I'm not saying it wasn't. No, Bushwick, though, but I'm just saying. And it just spread through all.

Like Bedstoy was historically, I think, a black neighborhood, comparatively to Williamsburg. Fort Green, too. Yeah. Spike Lee. Oh. Still there. That's where he's from? He's still got his spot there in Fort Green.

Really? Do the right thing. Where'd that take place in Brooklyn? Bedstai. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Boy, this is good regional material here. Some guy in Denver, like, great.

We're talking about what the hell is Bedstai. Okay. All right, you know, let's do some sports because you're a sports fan. I don't get to talk to sports people very often. Just some fun. You're a Knicks fan? I like the Knicks. The Pelicans suck.

I know you're a Saints fan. Yes. Yeah. And that's about it. I don't really watch a ton of sports except UFC and tennis. I like individuals. He loves tennis. I've recently got into it.

I love it. That open this year was unreal with Sinner and Carlos. Did you go? No, I wish. It's also funny with the U.S. Open because it's like a two-week event. Yeah. And the celebrities get better and better. Like the end is like Taylor Swift and Trump.

The beginning, it's like, is that Jason Biggs? they really progress yeah yeah i'm i always want to go to the final i've been to night matches i saw jockovic like 10 years ago he beat some guy in the quarter final and he lost a set but we knew it was just he obliterated it's just not fun right right i would love jockovitch now would be great because he's on the tail end of his career but like i want to go to a competitive match at night that'd be awesome yeah i'd love that but i think you got to go to the whole tournament was pretty good carlos and who and center that was incredible oh that was a good final that would been fun he went to the final yeah

I couldn't go. Oh, no, I thought I was going to have shows or a wedding or something, and then I couldn't make it. And then I couldn't go, but I would love to go to a final that's good. Or a night match is good. Either one. And I just never caught that. I've been three times.

No, no. I have a racket and I have a court, but I just can't get myself to do it. Why? I just know I would suck and then I would hate myself. But I'm going to do it. I'm going to put pranks on the wall, you know, to be on the wall. It's so much fun. Really?

Yeah. I like pickleball. Okay. So you like Pickle. Yeah, yo, look. Okay, I'm in. How'd you get into individual sports? That's later in life?

Because that's, I think I'm starting to try to do. Oh, really? Well, I think stand-up, I relate now. Because, like, you know, UFC feels like you versus another guy. It feels like you versus the crowd. Yeah. You know, and then tennis, I just like the mental part of it, you know? Like, just you and this guy, who's better?

Let's go. No coach. You play a lot of matches, I assume? Yeah. There's nothing as mental as tennis. Yeah. Not to say, I mean, UFC's violent. It's a whole different thing.

but, like, in terms of getting in your head and having to battle your own mind, tennis, I've never experienced anything like that. Yeah, Netflix, did they do that untold or whatever it's called? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, Marty Fish. Yeah. He was unbelievable tennis player.

He got the yips, and he couldn't shake it, and he had to quit. Yeah. He quit the whole business. I'm pretty sure he was a double-handed forehand, though, which is just nuts. Oh, really? I think maybe I was somebody else, but it was a tennis player that had double-hand forehand, you know, the backhands normally.

Yeah. He was double-hand on, it was like, what the fuck is going on? Has he ever talked about it? Like, why he couldn't compete? Like, after he's retired? Just couldn't get out of his head. Really? Yeah, golf, I assume, is even more mental.

But, yeah, tennis, you're still, you're competing against another guy. Yes. It's just me and this guy, and it's so momentum heavy. Yes, exactly. Before every point, I'm coaching myself. Like, I'm repeating mantras like, oh, loosen up, like, extend, like, follow through. And then when you make a mistake, you got another point. So you can either climb out of it or climb in deeper and deeper into it.

And you're just in this fucking hole sometimes. And you just need one thing to break. break your way and then it can flip yes you hit you know ball hits the net and it bounces on your side fuck me everything's going wrong but if it bounces on the other side and he can't get to it oh okay i caught a break now i get a little confidence and now i start playing it's just a crazy there's nothing like it yeah no no i like that i like the mental component like i've always found my friends that were the best at like being cool in those kinds of high pressure situations were not really phased by anything yes in life they were like charlemagne yeah yeah but like

just anything would happen they'd kind of Like, yeah, whatever. Like, we'd be, like, before, like, a big game. It's, like, the state championship. Like, you worried? They're like, no. Like, just, like, but, like, and not, like, they were putting it on. They weren't projecting how cool they were.

They were just, like, yeah, it's not a big deal. I'll be good. If you watch, like, the way-ins, not the way-ins brothers, but, like, way-up. And you see, like, one guy's, like, I'm going to fuck you up, and he pushes him. And, like, other guy's, like, we're just doing, like, a photo. Like, we're nose-to-nose. But, like, what are you pushing me? That guy always loses.

Yeah. The loud guy always is, you know, overcompensating. Yes. Yeah, I don't know. There's always, like, a sense of, like, yeah, they're just not. They don't, it doesn't seem like they're thinking about every other thing that could go wrong. Yeah, you ever see like a chihuahua and a Doverman Pintra? And Charles, like, bha-e-h.

My dog's a little dog, and he barks to these big dogs. The big dog don't give a fuck. Exactly. Because he's not worried. Yeah. I saw Pitbull do this one time. And I grabbed my dog. I was like, that dog will fucking kill you and he's just letting you know right now.

That's all it takes. Yep. Yep. And this is a word for Michael Vick. Yeah. Oh, dude, did you see the Kyler Murray? No. No, this is so good.

Kyler Murray took some kind of picture for some, I don't know, dog shelter or ASPCA thing. And look at the fucking jersey he's wearing. Oh, that's a great touch. With what looks like a pit bull. I mean, this is the craziest shit I've ever seen in my life. Damn. That's like doing a Me Too protest while wearing a Cosby sweater. I'll sit.

It's so good. That's most PC thing Akrush's ever done looks like a pit bull. You did the thing that they do at like animal shelters. I'm just saying

he could be a mixed breed. Yeah. No, that's a pit bull. Like Alex. That's a terrifying dog. Yeah. It's always ripped.

Yeah, the dog could be ported. You don't know. Dogs are jacked, dude. Yeah. These dogs are terrifying. They're beautiful, but they're terrifying. Is that an homage to Vic? Or like a troll.

It has to be a troll. I do you not think about this. That's great. And they even got to, let's get an extra. photo. It's insane, dude. Was Michael Vick running the dogfighting ring?

I'm pretty sure he actively was killing dogs, if I'm not missing. Really? I think that's what I've heard. And he, look, he's served his time. I love dogs, but he served his time. Fine. I get it. Now he's doing, he works as a butcher in China.

That was the last Chinese dog dog. I hope not. Let's give me one more. Okay. It's impressive. I don't know. I wouldn't want to see it, but I would watch cockfighting. I've seen that.

Really? It ain't pretty. Really? Yeah, I went to Puerto Rico with the wife as a vacation, and I was like, I wonder if they still have cockfighting. Still legal. We went to this weird ring. It's like a circular arena.

There's guys in wife beaters waving cash, like out of a movie, and like two, they opened the cage, two roosters, peck, one wins, and he keeps pecking them, pecking the eye, and they have to pull him away. Like an angry guy who's like, let me out of me. No way. Pull the other, yeah, it's brutal. Did they have the blades on the foot?

Yes, yes. That's the crazy part. They put a blade on the foot of the chickens. So they have an extra little, like, do it faster. That seems no fun. It's no fun. Yeah. Have you gotten more, like, animal, it might take a couple years.

I'm more like animal rights, I guess, not rights, but, like, I feel a lot more for animals post having a dog. Yeah, I'm a little bit more. Still, I'm, like, cumin overdog, but, you know how, like, some people are just, like, they love dogs more than they love humans but I'm getting there my wife showed me a video like one of these what puppy mills or whatever it's like 400 like little dogs in this one thing and they're all

dirty and I'm like yo that owner should be fucking shot or that guy that runs there should be shot in the head yeah agreed what I like fuck that guy shoot him in the head I truly like that now yeah I mean that's how I feel of veg like I like I like I kind of in the head like I sort of agree with them

like I was a vegan would be like have seen this video of this thing where like they take all the pigs and they fucking shoot them in the head. And I'm like, you're right. They're right, but I'm not going to change. Yeah, I'm not going to change. But you are right. And I kind of just, like, I'm just like, yeah, I'm inconsistent. Exactly. Well, what do you guys think? They say

in like 50 years, we won't be, meat will be illegal. I think because we'll have 3D printed food or whatever other alternatives that are the same. And people are going to be like, no, it's not, and it's going to be the same. You think? I think so. Well, they say it's going to be like, we look at slavery. Yeah. The way we look at this.

I think, I don't know about slavery, but they're going to look at it being like a really brutal thing. Like they used to have slaughterhouses. Exactly. Yeah. That's crazy. But if we have a civil war over it, I think the media is a win. To be energized.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, Mark Norman. Anything else you want to plug? You got a Europe tour coming up. You're filming your special. Great luck on that. Were you filming it?

He said Denver? Denver, yeah. Well, Boulder, Colorado area. Amazing. Yeah. The best comedy fans, I think, in Denver. 100%. Can't wait.

And, yeah, Europe. and I'll see you guys in Saudi. Yeah! Mark Norman, everybody. Thank you. Thank you.