Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Johnny Depp & Amber Heard COURT ROAST

Episode Date: April 26, 2022

Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a quire then welcome to The Flagrancy. Join the Patreon Asshole Army: http://bit.ly/2xQwHYf #Flagrant2 #AndrewSchulz #AkaashSingh New York native and internationally touring stand-up, Andrew Schulz is known for his hilarious and unsafe comedy. He has starred in the sitcom BENDERS (now available on Netflix), can be seen in Amazon’s SNEAKY PETE, HBO’s CRASHING, and on MTV including GUY CODE and GIRL CODE. In the podcast realm, Schulz can be heard on the wildly popular THE BRILLIANT IDIOTS — co-hosted by nationally syndicated radio and television personality Charlamagne tha God — the hilarious sports commentary podcast FLAGRANT 2, and the film and TV analysis podcast WESTERBROS. He has made major appearances on The Joe Rogan Experience, Bert Kreischer’s BERTCAST, Joey “coco” Diaz The Chuch of What’s Happening Now, and Theo Von’s This Past Weekend. He has even done solo interviews with the likes of Lil Duval and many others. Andrew’s online presence has touched hundreds of millions of people across the globe and his unconventionally funny approach to the comedy world has launched him into stardome. His shows Dropping In and Inside Jokes will rack of hundreds of thousands of views weekly. Nothing is off limits for Schulz, from sex to race, and even the occasional audience heckler roast, Andrew is hungry to be the best. He can be seen in New York City performing regularly at New York Comedy Club and the Comedy Cellar.

Amber Heard sucks. Now, I'm not talking about how she gets acting gigs. I'm talking about her as a wife. I would rather be married to a fleshlight stuffed with barbed wire than that aqua twat. There are abortion doctors that have drained less life out of people. She crushed Johnny Depp's career so fast they should call her coochie astroworld. Amber lied about abuse to destroy him. This busty Smollett is more toxic than a two-week-old tampon,

or as they call him south of the border, menstrual-otters. Now, before you go out there thinking Johnny Depp is this innocent victim, remember, it takes two to rango. I mean, being married to Johnny isn't easy. He's a walking wine glass that's had more bumps than a Braille library. And listen, you should never hit a woman, which is why what Amber did to Johnny is so wrong.

That being said, if you're from Kentucky and speak with a fake British accent and dress like a fentanyl fortune teller, you deserve to get punched in your fucking face. Johnny's more full of shit than his sheets. Also, Johnny, quit crying about your bed already. Your wife took a dump. Big deal. It happens to the best of us. So who's the bad guy in all of this?

Is it Amber? Is it Johnny? Or is it us? I mean, they're airing their dirty laundry, and we're sniffing it up like a Japanese businessman. I guess the only thing that we can say is, arigato. Arigato! Now let's start the show! Everybody at home and everybody in this room right now, very important question.

Knowing everything you know about Amber Heard, would you risk it all, Akash? I think you gotta risk it all. the show everybody at home and everybody in this room right now very important question knowing everything you know about amber heard would you risk it all arkosh i think you gotta risk it all i don't think you have to i mean it's pretty clear right you have to elon amber uh johnny depp these are legends you got to fill out the roster james franco james franco get out of here yeah wow she knows how to pick them, huh? Yeah, she does. I don't know why I brought up James Franco. I'm just saying, risk it all. There has to be absolutely something crazy about that woman. Exactly. It's like

heroin. What do you think it is, Mark? Maybe her personality. It could be her infectious personality. He's high right now. I'm high. Fear of nothing in Las Vegas. Whatever thing he's doing. It's her thoughtfulness and her dreams, fear of nothing in Las Vegas, whatever thing he's doing. It's her thoughtfulness and her dreams that are so seductive. Inspiring and seductive?

Yeah, maybe. What do you think, Al? I need more on Amber Heard. I don't know who she is. You don't know who she is? No. She's a very attractive woman. She's an actress.

She was in a bunch of movies. She's like Aquawoman in the Aquaman thing. Is she famous, famous, though? Say again? I feel like she's not famous, famous. She's famous for dating Elon Musk. Which is enough is enough i mean she's famous for being married to johnny depp which is also enough yeah i mean dove you're in the business you or you used to be what what do you what do you feel how do you feel about what is the word on the street in hollywood about

amber heard would you risk it all would you let her destroy your fucking life she's not jewish yeah that's what i'll go on because she's not jewish i'm not gonna risk that'd be the only thing that protects yeah but also like down the list of like hollywood types not for amber heard really i mean yeah she got her her notice in the circles for this like sundance movie all the boys love mandy lane that harvey weinstein bought coincidentally wow And then, you know, just a little sloppy throughout the career. So it leaves me to say that there was some... Wow, Dove saying, step your shit up. So you're not going to sleep with her because of her career?

Risk it all? Risk my career over here? Am I crazy to say her stock went up? Whoa. Yes. Am I crazy to say... No, you're not crazy. Hold on.

You're not crazy. You're not crazy. The stock went up. Absolutely. After severing a guy's finger her stock went up went up how because he stayed he didn't leave shit on the bed stayed he looked at a girl he's being abused no no no he walks into his room and his wife is shitting on the bed okay after he showed up late to her 30th birthday or something like that i don't like that you made it sound like that's a normal thing to do shittingitting in the bed is abnormal behavior, okay?

Yo, shut the fuck up. Sometimes you shit the bed, okay? Listen, all I'm saying is, shit the bed, looked at her, and was like, not, I gotta get out of here. He's like, how can I make this work? How can we go to therapy? How can we figure this out? Because the fucking neck is crazy. He was willing to leave his kids.

It's fucking crazy. What'd he say in the text? I knew the neck was crazy. What'd he say's fucking crazy. What'd he say in the text? I knew the neck was crazy. What'd he say in the text? What'd he say in the text? He said, I have other uses for your throat that do not include injury. That's fine. Yeah, yeah. What are they? I don't know. What are they? I don't know. Let's do a deep dive.

Yeah, we need to do a deep dive. Her shit is retarded and you know it. Her shit is retarded and you know it's super sloppy. You're saying it's a big yourself up Big myself up for what? I'm a happily married man If I wasn't Ruin me No, no, no

You shit in the bed Ruin me You shit in the bed And now you're trying to justify Oh yeah, my dick's fire That's why my girl stuck around My dick, I just pulled my neck My dick is fire

I just pulled my whole neck I'm not even going to be able to do the podcast My whole neck is just pulled I came to be excited That's how old I am Look at that She really is ruining your life. You didn't mention Amber Heard.

My shit is fucked up. She's a sorceress. She's a sorceress. She might be part of that whole thing. Yeah. I just want to let you guys know, though, if Johnny is willing to risk everything. Yes. 600 million.

Son, the bitch is so fire. She thought she could bring dogs to Australia. You know how fire your pussy got to be? Oh, yeah. They tell you you can't bring animals, and she's just like, can I? I can do whatever the fuck I want. I'll bring a fire kitty. I'm bringing this kitty.

What I'm trying to say is I think the stock went up. You know how sometimes UFC fights happen where the guy loses the fight, but he's so impressive in the loss. You're like, nah, I still want to see him fight again. Max Holloway. I want to see her fight again. Max Holloway. I want to see Burns.

The fight against Chemayev. She got a conclusive victory over Johnny. So that's pretty good. Wait, wait, wait. In their fight, yeah. What do you mean? I don't know if it went to knockout, but by points it seemed like she was...

Yo, this guy is crazy. Oh, yeah, yeah. She two-pieced him up? Yeah. I mean, that's also kind of lit. That is kind of lit. But also, no, she didn't punch him. You know what I'm saying?

It's kind of lit. She never punched him, though. She never punched him. What'd she do? She hit him. Which is a difference. That is a difference. Yeah, stop being a baby, yo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop being a baby. That is a little crybaby. Oh, I was being abused. Oh, I don't know what to do. She cut off my fingers like you got 10 fingers you yeah i know you know what i'm saying you played everett scissorhands you had zero at one point that's exactly right yeah you know what i'm saying yo johnny i'm y'all convinced i'm team

amber bro i like the way you think yo son i might have just switched it up out son you're convincing me because any bitch who throws pots and pans, you know her pussy. Pussy. Retarded. Can I tell you something? Suck dick. Suck dick. Suck dick. Suck dick. Drool on the dick. Walk to the bathroom.

Drool still attached to her mouth as she walks to the bathroom. Look back knowing what she's doing. Secret Latina? Shit where you want, bitch. Do you know what I'm saying? She gives head where you go shit where you want.

Where you want. Yeah, she got Jodi Arias vibes. Say again. Jodi Arias. Say again. That's the girl that says shit. Say again.

You don't remember her? Yeah, the girl who chopped up the dude or stabbed him up. Is that another Derek Tranny y'all talking about? No. She hit Derek up. Wait, really?

She hit Derek up. Real talk, I was going to talk about this off the pod, but since we're already moving and grooving, I think we need to connect them both for a pod. I think we need to connect them both for a pod. Don't you think? If we need to see the truth, shout out to

Daisy. Driving Miss. She need to do the truth, shout out to Daisy. Yo, shout out Daisy, bro. Dude, her driving myths. She need to do driving myths to Daisy, bro. Daisy need to come out with a movie. All I'm trying to say is there are certain females on the planet that the throat is so crazy they get to do whatever the fuck they want to do and life just keeps on getting better. He left his kids, wouldn't leave her. After she shit on his bed.

Wow. Think how crazy that is. What shit? What shit? What shit? You can't get what's shit that's what you start doing she sucked your dick and you're like what's shit really i don't even do my own laundry i got a cleaning lady every night i see some shit on him i don't kick me out my house like how's she that different from me you just start you just start listening to everything she's doing. Why was I waving my finger? I gave you the finger.

She took it. Do you know what I'm saying? Don't be giving people the finger if you don't want them to take it. She just deep throw that shit and disappeared, bro. I'm just saying Amber Heard. Amber Heard stock went up. Amber Heard going to get with another dude very soon. You're going to see.

A richer guy. A richer guy, more successful. You think Amber gets more roles after this? Bruh. Bruh. Did she ever get any? If she got OnlyFans though, she did OnlyFans? Oh my God.

That's her future. Fam? Think about how crazy that would go. That's her future. If she does an OnlyFans, she could buy the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. If Amber, she could buy Twitter. If Amber does a fucking OnlyFans, she could buy the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. She could buy Twitter. If Amber does a fucking OnlyFans, son, who's

not signing up for it? One OnlyFans. Just one picture like this. That's all I want to see. I think they put her in that Aquaman. I think people believe she could breathe underwater. I think I think she swallowed so many swimmers. I think that they're think she swallowed So many

Swimmers I think that they're like This girl might really Be able to breathe Underwater I think you're onto something I'm just saying We might be underestimating

Amber Heard We haven't even heard Her side yet We need to save her Yeah Son She about to save herself Mark We haven't heard her side

She about to come With the craziness She's gonna be talking On mic We're gonna get to watch it Seductive as fuck you know johnny depp with his whole little oh i'm cool i'm mysterious i'm whatever wait till the motherfucking throat assassin you know what i'm saying wait till the throat assassin comes out there starts talking the judge will be up there like uh amber so what is your defense say what

what's your defense amber my my defense no higher higher what oh yeah sorry my bad i was just getting so horny i started talking shit real talk switch it up son said i think she's gonna have that little mic you know they got that little bob barker mic oh in the court i think she's gonna have that wrestling between the tits okay i think And I think she can be like, oh, is this where this goes? And I think that. She spits on it one time? Yeah, like that. Yo, she got to go crazy. She's fighting for her life right now.

Spit on it one time. Rub it between the tits. Maybe squeeze it. And just, all she got to do is say that, yeah, yeah, yeah, I did all that. And what? Say that. Go up there and say, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever he said, I did it.

And he stayed. Like that. Last of the Mohicans, yeah. Whatever he said, I did it. And he stayed. Like that. Last of the Mohicans, bro. That's what you got to do. This is the last of the Mohicans right here. This right here. If it's live, can we donate and ask our own questions? Son, I want them to stream. Let's do that.

Bro. Dude, I'm hungry. I'm a happily married man. I'm a happily married man I'm a happily married man I'm not gonna be like Johnny Depp and throw it all away Well, right now you're a pirate though Right now I'm a pirate She got you seasick out here

She do have me seasick I'm a little dizzy I'm a little bit fucking dizzy What? What happens to Johnny though? Say again? You think this is bad for his image? Who gives a fuck?

Yeah, word. Who gives a fuck? That's an abuser, bro. When they call her head hurricane, son. Shit, son. Ah, ah. Son. Real talk.

Real talk. Who gives a fuck? Yo, Johnny had a nice run. You left your wife and your kids. Yo, let her. Let her be Jack Sparrow's. Oh, yeah, yeah. Let your kids. Yo, let her. Let her be Jack Sparrows. Oh, yeah, yeah. Let her be Jack Sparrows.

Let her be Jack Sparrows. Put her mouth on that fucking cannon on the side of the boat. Catch the cannonball in her fucking teeth. You know what I'm saying? That is how you, that's how you start a movie. Just wrap the mouth around it. Ha! Yeah.

Spit it down. What's up, black beard? What you gonna do now black beard yo amber motherfucking what's her last name heard heard why she don't need a last that's amber that's right that's amber honestly you get amber alert on your phone i get excited word word the hurricane coming and then you looked at your phone, you see some ugly ass kid, and like, fuck. Yeah, Amber Alert,

two kids gone, Johnny Depp's. That's the Amber Alert. Is your family's done if that bitch alive? Oh my God. Your family's done. Yeah.

If Amber come around, your family's done. I'm sorry. Does she live in LA? I'm sorry. Amber Heard? I'm sorry Does she live in LA? I'm sorry Amber Heard Say again Does she live in LA?

She live where the fuck she want She live in your house If she want If she live in Your house Your house My house Doves

She don't get doves I didn't say house Does she live where doves live at? That's the thing She dated women too So like She might come through She might steal me Does she live where Dove live at? That's a thing. She dated women too. So like, she might come through.

She might steal me and then steal my girl back to back. She's going to destroy the whole family. Remember that? Remember that motherfucking documentary about the dude who fucked the whole family

and the Mormons? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember? Fuck the mom, fuck the dad, fuck the daughter. That's her reincarnated. She'll fuck your whole family, bro.

She'll fuck your whole family No one ever talks about those men coming in house to try to kill you know Amber Her's gonna fuck your whole whole family period out your girl When Amber comes around, your dog's lipstick is out. When Amber comes around, her lipstick is out. What are you saying?

Yo, it's true. You can't stop her. She's unstoppable, bro. She's an unstoppable force. All right, so.

That's Amber motherfucking Hurd. Wait till she takes a stand. Okay. Wait till she takes a stand. Yeah. I can't even speak no more. Okay, different segment. Throat throat go to the week who do you want to give it to this week you know who the fuck it is wait who is it you know who it is you know who it is don't even ask me no fucking questions bro you know who it is you know who it is bro the one and only the one

and motherfucking only dude come on bro she's gonna yawn once yeah she's gonna yawn once and a grown ass kid going to fall out of her throat. Oops. That must have been lodged in there for a little bit. That's what's going to happen. She's going to yawn on the stand

and a child going to fall out. Oh, I remember you. I was sucking you up down in Arizona in Flagstaff. I mean, she's beautiful, but you're really going to throw it away for her? She is beautiful,

but you don't think... No, no, I'm not going to throw it away for her? She is beautiful, but you don't think- No, no, I'm not going to throw it away. She's going to destroy you, man. It's different. It's not up to you. Oh, you don't have a choice. She destroys. Okay, let's say she walks in the elevator.

You're standing there. What happens? You better hope Beyonce's sister, what's the fuck her name? Salon. You better hope that's why Salon started beating up Jay. Oh, really? Yeah. Amber was coming.

She heard. She was in the city? Knocking some sense in that motherfucker. Oh, you heard the footsteps. That's why I was hurrying, bro. The footsteps was coming, bro. She walks. You can hear the pussy leak.

But if it's so fire, how Elon got away? Say, Elon doesn't have feelings. Oh, yeah. He's the only one that can survive. That's why he needs Neuralink. Exactly. No emotional attachment. The Neuralink's gonna let him fall in love with women. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? You're waving your scissors. That's a good point. I'm saying survive that's why he needs a row link exactly no emotional attachment the neural links gonna let him fall in

Love with women. Yeah, what you're waving? That's a good point. I'm saying that's how he got out You got to be retarded. Yeah, exactly 100% you might have a chance how I fight that bitch off you might You might but she gonna come back chomping away, dude She's a what is that? Missed out. No, no, it's it's it's a miss pac-man back. She's Miss Pac-Man. She's Miss Pac-Man. That's what she is. Like that. She just walks around

and she eats. Damn. That's all she does. Suck the soul out your body. Suck it right out, dude. All them ghosts. Motherfucker acted like Johnny Depp had a chance.

Yeah. His wife should apologize to him. Johnny Depp's wife should apologize because he was going up against a force that they cannot be reckoned with. His son will understand one day. Say what?

His son will understand one day. Yeah! He's going to be like, I get it, Dad. I get it. 100%. 100%. Drool. Lip, dick, bathroom.

Lip, dick, bathroom. So if you're Amber Heard's attorney, how do you phrase this to the jury? What I'm saying is, the bitch does double dutch with her saliva ropes. Like this, like that. And the kids jump inside, they dance.

Yes! And giant dips, don't do that. That's her saliva. I'm cheating on your mom. And then she's like, it's okay, kids. This girl controls you. She has a hold over you. Okay, so if the judge is like, oh, it seems like you're an abuser, as your attorney, you're going to be like, nah. She's never abused's never abused she's gonna look at the judge back i suck your dick stupid and the judge is gonna be like all right all right hearsay

all i'm trying to say is listen watch amher getting off yeah amher getting off i think a lot of us getting off that's right hopefully i hope she stay away from me i'm happily married oh yeah i hope she's staying we need an I'm happily married. Oh, yeah, yeah. I hope she stay away. I pray every single day. We need like a private jet tracker. We got to know what city she's in. Amber Alert, dog. Yeah, we don't go outside.

Amber Alert. If that bitch in your city, stay home. Yeah. Stay in your home. Hide your kids. Hide your wife. Don't even go on your balcony. If she sees you on the balcony, it's over, bro.

It's like Odysseus, bro. She's a siren. Fam, she is a siren. Yeah. Odysseus, he almost got God. Yeah, he had to get tied down. By what? By his crew. By the sound of the siren. Odysseus, he almost got God. Yeah, he had to get tied down. By what? By his crew.

By the sound of the siren. Oh. That's the sound of the hammerhead siren. Oh, my God, you're right. Oh, my God. Gluck, Gluck will come get you. It's the Gluck, Gluck. Yep.

All these other girls talking about they got the Gluck, Gluck. Have you glucked a billionaire yet, dumbass? You know what I'm saying? I don't want to hear you gluck glucking motherfuckers and making, you know, minimum wage. A millionaire gluck. Get out of here.

Yo, minor leagues. Minor leagues. Minor leagues. All right. Respect Amber Heard then. So we got free Amber then. Yo, free Amber, but free Johnny too.

It sucks. Both. Free Amber and Johnny's movies. Yo, I think Johnny should be able to act again. Yeah talk it's like how you gonna judge him if you ain't got your dick sucked by her yet it's mad people like listening to her story it's like sometimes she'll suck your dick yep and i mean this because i've heard this from people. She'll suck your dick and you start going like, I don't even need that piece of my finger, fam. She does that, bro. She does that.

She does that, bro. So it's like you're judging his behavior when you don't know what he's been through. Monday morning quarterback. Thank you. You're not in the game. You're not in the arena. The man in the arena, bro. All these critics talk.

What did Teddy Roosevelt say?velt say yeah he said don't judge man so you got your dick sucked by the girl that fucked his life over you didn't know that i know that sometimes sometimes she'll even let you nut wait really you come and she blows it back in hearsay hearsay is that hearsay that is hearsay that's rumors is out there i believe it though you can't allege that against someone else bro i'm telling you this is a this is a bad allegation there's no such thing as a good allegation okay it's just alleged that's all i'm saying i'm trying to protect you please protect me what if she files a defamation suit and says oh he said my my head game was too crazy when now i can't live up to it dove what do we do

in that case i think you you got to prove you wrong. Is it defamation if you say somebody's too good at sex? Yeah. I think you got to get proven wrong. That might just be formation. I don't know. Just formation. Jews are the only ones that get angry at compliments.

They own all the banks, but how dare you? How dare you say we're so successful? All Jews are rich. Whoa! We're losers. We're idiots. Come on, are rich. Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're losers. We're losers. We're losers. We're idiots. Come on, bro.

Come on, bro. Okay. I've never heard him speak this well of a blonde ever. Say again? You think she's blonde, bro? That girl not blonde, bro? No. What is she?

Say what? She kind of looks blonde to me, bro. Nah, she's an angel. Go look at her. Go look at her. That girlaman literally throat she's a demogorgon bro she's a demogorgon that's all it is she just pulls up to the school opens up her whole face and then swallows you up yup yup yup what's the next topic okay someone else

that's a force nature that dominates everyone talk to us michael tyson oh my god akash the goat akash akash yeah you were you're a shit talker i'm a shit talker you're a shit talker i'm a shit talker you're a shit talker to people that are bigger than you oftentimes yeah mike tyson going through this man's mind no this guy was drunk that's the thing he's drunk as fuck acting up on a plane apparently threw a water bottle at Mike Tyson after he asked him to chill. You need to get your ass beat. You need to learn a lesson. There's a line as a little guy who talks shit. There's always a line

where I'm like, I can't cross this line because I could get my ass beat. You gotta toy with the line. You can't touch somebody bigger than you. You can't say anything too, too crazy. You gotta fuck around a little bit but know your limits. This guy didn't know his limits. He don't know his limits with drinking. He don't know his limits with shit talk yeah it's got to be good natured and you got to walk to the line then walk it back and make it clear i know what

time it is mike tyson let this guy off easy yo fam i was watching the video astonished before he fucked him up a little bit i was like how is bro it's taking all that yeah it's in the same video for anyone that hasn't seen it do you want to play real quick yeah run the video real quick i mean it's it's unbelievable and the best part of the video. Wait, there's Amber Heard's head? What? Yes. No, no, no.

Those videos we watch alone. This is what it feels like, though. This is George Sondland and Mike Tyson, bro. This shit crazy, bro. Mike Tyson. No one's got lit, man. He'll be around for a time. Oh, get out of here, bro.

Mike Tyson's trying to get some shrooms. He don't know how to act. Oh, get out of here, bro. Where the flight attendants at, yo? Remember when the motherfucking mask was below my nose and they were there in a heartbeat telling, where they at, yo? Where they at? No? No, you're right. Nobody wants to talk to a drunk guy.

He came on drunk. So everybody's like, like Ah just let Mike Tyson Deal with him He did He did I'm just saying like Yo flight attendants You gotta keep some order

Face at the end This dumbass Duck lips Fuck that guy Yeah he got f***ed up He lucky he didn't get killed Real talk If Tyson was like

Yo let me come back To your row He'd have killed him Think the restraint he has If somebody pulled a gun At a comedy show Where he was tyson was like yo let me come back to your row he'd have killed him think the restraint he has is somebody pulled a gun at a comedy show where he was and he was like hey man let's just hug and this guy is talking and he was like i gotta beat the shit out of this guy i blame the cameraman go that's his fault he was gassing up like crazy he's like yo this guy's crazy he's talking shit to mike tyson knowing full well mike tyson's about to beat the shit

out yo real that was his friend though he wanted his friend you think that was not his friend that He's like, yo, this guy's crazy. He's talking shit to Mike Tyson. Knowing full well Mike Tyson's about to beat the shit out of him. Yo, real talk. That was his friend, though. He wanted his friend. You think that was his friend? That was not his friend. That was not his friend. I think he knew him. Nah.

He was like a whole road away. He's a random dude, bro. You know they got upgraded. They ain't. Okay. But the seat. That's that guy's fault, bro. You get what you get.

Whatever that guy got, that guy gets one punch from Mike Tyson. He does what he deserves. Oh, the cameraman for sure. He should get at least one hit. Not a hard one, but in the chest maybe. Bro, he was- If I gas you up to be stupid, hey, it's on you for Mike Tyson. He does what he deserves. Oh, the cameraman for sure. He should get at least one hit. Not a hard one, but in the chest maybe. If I gas you up to be stupid, hey, it's on you for being stupid, bro. I'll be gassing you. The cameraman is a black dude?

I don't know. How can I say what he was? That's my suspicion. And this white dude is like, oh, this black guy thinks I'm doing cute shit. You know what I'm saying? You know when a little kid, you can get a little kid to do anything if you say it's a race? Yeah. He's like, all right, go get all your clothes and see if you can put them in a drawer within 30 seconds.

Like that black dude was gassing up. A white guy sees a race. And then he knows. That's it. My time. I'm cool now. He was like, he was going, oh, wow, I'm cool. This guy thinks I'm cool.

So he was leaning into it. And he kind of looks like he's a little like, you know, this is like a country boy. This is a little farm mouse. You know what I mean? So he's not been around black people that much i thought he was a zip zip oh no no no that motherfucker was white yeah there's a country there's a country mouse and he's just out there never been around a lot of black people one black dude hypes him up he's like oh this is like the movies let's go i think we need more of this on planes though what do you mean trying to impress one black dude by annoying another like and the other one is Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson's not black anymore.

He's Mike Tyson. He transcends race. So there's only one black guy you see in front of you, and that's the only one you've ever seen your whole life. And that guy's like, yo, fuck with Mike Tyson. He's like, all right. Also, beautiful moment to not be afraid of him, to not judge him. Yeah, exactly. To assume that he would be fun and sweet and adorable.

And also, he looks like a a bird and Mike Tyson loves pigeons. So I think that's a good point. Maybe he won't be mad at me and maybe he'll kiss me on the lip. And the craziest part nobody caught. Mike Tyson gave the dude mushrooms. How fuck you gave mushrooms on his fight? No, he didn't give him mushrooms. That's what he said.

He gave him some mushrooms to chill out. Yeah, I heard that this time. I didn't hear it before. So he gave him mushrooms. Oh, that's on Mike Tyson. And if you give him the guy drugs and he does some drug shit to you. Yeah, I heard that this time. I didn't hear it before. So he gave him mushrooms. Oh, that's on Mike Tyson, then. If you're giving a guy drugs and he does some drug shit to you. And don't kick it that quick. No, no, no.

He gave him drugs to mellow out. Yeah. Because the guy came on drunk. I'm telling you, we need a Mike Tyson on every flight to take care of drunk assholes. Well, there is. The air marshal. No, not an air marshal. We need an air Michael.

That's what we need. I'm going to fuck you up if you keep talking shit. That's a good point. Not about terrorist threats. Just being fucking annoying. Because this affects me more than terrorism. What about kids? That's on the parents.

If a kid is kicking the back of my seat over and over, parents not saying anything, parent get his ass beat. Parent can get his ass beat. What about a crying baby? Crying baby's a crying baby, though. You can't control that. Why are you traveling with the baby? Or at least give out a snack pack to everyone.

Yeah, you still smack the parent for that shit. Snack pack pack to everyone that's a good solution i like i like that you ever been sitting there and someone's like hey i gotta kill this flight but just you know here's a little some skittles and they give it to you yeah they give it to everybody else on the flight just as an inconvenience bro they're like yo like i got a kid here i don't want to be inconveniencing anyone candy from strangers bro that's like the first rule on a jet blue flight is awesome you know he was homeschooled. They don't teach him none of the rules that you're supposed to do when you leave the house. I didn't meet a lot of people growing up.

If any black guy told me to do anything, I would do it on an airplane. Exactly. That would just happen. Now, but for real though, why do people need to travel with young children? Because you don't want to leave your young children? Yeah. Where do you need to go? Bro, just ask Akash, bro.

He traveled across into a different country with his dog yeah i went with my dog wait what driving yeah we drove to toronto brought the dog and he didn't fly back because he had the dog drove back with the dog drove overnight well everybody drove but me all right guys we're gonna take a break for a second because you know there's times where you're so into what you're doing is you can't think about anything else, the times where you're at your most focus and productive, okay, psychologists call that feeling of being in the zone, the flow state. And Alpha Brain from Onnit is the ultimate way to get there.

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with a dog way better than traveling with a baby no crying no barking motherfucker just sleeps on your lap chilling why didn't you just give it to the daycare we don't want to leave him at the daycare for three days oh give it to white to... What? Our daycare just puts him... White people don't love dogs the most anymore, okay? We lose that title. Our daycare just puts him in like a kennel all night. So he'd be like, I didn't want to leave him in a fucking kennel. That's what they like.

Nah. Where did you leave him? Nah, they're created creatures or some shit. Yeah, they like that shit, bro. Come on, now. Sounds like Amber Heard over here. I know, yeah. Johnny liked it, bro.

Johnny enjoyed it. I know his parents did did to him just lock him in the rooms like yeah they liked that dude no but for real you took your dog yeah it was great don't do this why are you doing this taking the dog you call out bullshit all the time it was not great it's annoying to travel with your dog in the car it's annoying getting them together and all that shit but just having him in the van is great he You call out bullshit all the time. It was not great. It's annoying to travel with your dog in a car for 12 hours. It's annoying getting them together and all that shit, but just having him in the van is great. He's just sitting in your lap. And then pulling over every three hours so they could pee and poop? No, we only pulled over when we pulled over, and then he would go to the bathroom. But if we're switching drivers or getting gas.

If you had the option to fly with your dog, would you have chose flying? Yeah, we could fly with our dog. No, I'm saying, so would you have done flying instead of that 12-hour drive? Well drive we also had so many flights canceled in a row i was like i don't want to know would you have picked flying over driving if you you really gonna do this don't don't look at me like i'm crazy don't look at me like i'm crazy let me understand his question because i could know the questions friday morning why didn't we fly why'd you drive 12 hours To Toronto For a stupid fucking dog Nah well we either Fly Friday morning Or drive Thursday night

I damn near almost Broke up with my girlfriend Driving to Florida With a fucking two dogs bro Are you kidding That shit was crazy She almost broke up With me three times

We had a great trip I was drugging my dog We had a little dog though Robotussing or some shit You had a grown ass dog Your dog almost ate my dog multiple times that's funny yo yo what if you you don't have somebody could babysit your dog ever not this weekend we will if if somebody could babysit we'll do that but if somebody

could have babysitted you would have done yes that's all i need you to say i could have babysat your dog yeah bro we didn't think to ask you dog you only have a place to live yeah that's all i need you to say i could have babysat your dog yeah bro we didn't think to ask you dog you only have a place to live yeah that's a good point exactly why nobody wants to help you bro you gotta stay at our house yeah you wouldn't let him just crash on your place for a little dirty wipe you not without us yo three days why not you want to let him sleep there with you there your dog's there wait a minute hold on you're mr hospitality and you gotta bring people in and shit? Yeah.

How could I give him hospitality if I'm not there? By making it a hospitable place for him. Yeah. Leave a towel. No, no, no. You got to be there.

He's not house sitting. I need guests. I like that. Let me bring you breakfast. You know what I mean? Make a little latte in the morning. Nobody wants you at the crib, son. I'm the only one actively

trying to get Miles the crib. Yeah. You got a spare room. Don't you? No, I have an apartment. I have to get Miles the crib. Yes. You got a spare room, don't you? No, I have an apartment. I have an apartment. I don't want to live with me. That's an office, Sally.

That is an office. He slept in this office before, so he can sleep in that one too, motherfucker. Where the heck? No, my place on, I don't want to say Where it is But my place My old place I'm trying to get him To rent it

Your old place Yeah I know that And I also know You got a three bedroom I know that too He's got the most expensive One bedroom ever Right now

Yeah Nah he literally Told us the last part He's like yeah I didn't make it too nice Cause I don't want My mother to understand Nah I didn't say that

That shit looks mad nice I just didn't want It too comfy Don't didn't want my mother to understand. No, I didn't say that. That shit looks mad nice. I just didn't want it too comfy. Don't be comfortable in my spot because you're going to end up staying forever. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, like you, you know. Yeah. Okay, motherfucker. Dealing with squatters and shit. Miles, I'm actually trying to help you out.

I'm like these sons of bitches. No, I appreciate it. Miles, you want to help him out by helping him pay off his apartment? Yeah. I've got a girl in there. I'm trying to get her kicked out. Is that legal? What?

Is that legal? Sorry. Damn. Son, I'm a good man, bro. Yeah. You're a good man. I'm a good man, dude. You would never have harassed Mike Tyson.

Say again? You would never harass Mike Tyson, ever. Fuck no. Has anyone ever bugged you on the plane? Yeah. Flight attendants? Yeah. No, that zip zip dude. Oh, yeah Mike Tyson, ever. Fuck no. Has anyone ever bugged you on the plane? Yeah. Flight attendants? Yeah. No, that Zip Zip dude.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was the picketer flipper. No, no, he wasn't Zip Zip. He was Akash. Oh, he was? Oh, really? He had a skateboard. Hey, I love this guy even more than I thought possible.

Yeah, yeah. No, he did the picking and flicking. That picking and flicking. He got you, bro. Oh, bro. Can I tell you something? The only way it's funny i'm not gonna say it but you just have to imagine it with the word that i can't say obviously it's the n-word okay okay but so last night we're going to see dumbledore right say what i'm trying to why do you want to slip in here

dumbledore right and it's we're going to see Dumbledore, right? And we're at the movie theater. The seats kind of go down a little bit. I'm getting comfy. I'm letting farts go crazy, right? So it's me, my wife next to me, and on this side is a dude and his girl, right? So the dude's next to me, right? I was letting farts go like crazy, right?

It's the movie, two hours. I'll probably fart an hour 45 minutes bare minimum fart hour 45 minutes right if you can control it not smelling why don't you just not not because i was it was what it was like i was like come on like listen to the music right so you should be distracted like stop smelling my farts and shit so i let go, and I started to add a little volume to him. It wasn't even too loud. But I let one go, right? The dude didn't say nothing the whole fucking movie.

I let one go, and this shit was wild and smelling crazy. And all of a sudden, I just hear from next to me, the dude just goes. No, the dude just goes. Get your finger on the trigger. I got you. I won't say it. I'm going to say something else. But the dude just goes, come, the dude just goes. Get your finger on the trigger. I got you. I won't say it. I'm going to say something else. But the dude just goes, come on, nigga.

So, so, so. He was dying. He was like pleading with me. He was like, come on, nigga. You know what I'm saying? What? He was just begging you to stop. Bro, he was.

I was like, I put him through torture, bro. You're putting him and his girl through torture. And his girl. So now he's looking soft in front of his girl because he can't say shit. Yeah. But what's he going to say? Stop farting? Yes.

Why'd you say it wasn't me? Fuck you. I said it's your girl. Tell your girl to stop farting. Your girl farts a lot in the movies, feeding her all that popcorn. Fart's going to come out, dumbass. Why your girl blaming on me Fat butt slut She had a fat butt

Nah nah nah I wouldn't know that Ugh Damn Yeah I'm never gonna move with you bro Nah you can't do it Alright what else we got man

Alright uh Well do you wanna talk about the weekend Akash stole that mask Yo Akash That he had to drive to? Yo, thank you, Toronto. I've never gotten love like that in any of the cities I've been to. It was so fucking cool to perform.

My first theater show was all sold out. And the first show, it was real crazy because as soon as I walked out, this was the first time people stood up as soon as I walked out, like the whole first few rows. Oh, that's sick. And you feel this pressure like, oh, fuck. Now I got to deliver something that you want to stand up for at the end again.

Otherwise, I'm going to look like an asshole. And then at the end of that show, everybody stood up and it was such a fucking fire feeling. Thank you guys, man. So much love. I celebrated. I got a little bit high.

It was a great time. On what? The cushy Delta 8 joint. I had never been high before. I take a couple of hits and I'm like, this ain't shit. I don't feel anything. Then all of a sudden I take a couple hits and I'm like, this ain't shit. I don't feel anything. Then all of a sudden my lips go numb and I'm like,

I think I'm high. Everybody's eating and talking and they're all talking at a normal pace. I'm like, I want to participate in what's happening right now, but I can't keep up mentally and there's food in front of me, so I'm going to just focus on this fucking food.

I'm just eating while everybody's talking to me for like 40 minutes and then it was a perfect high because it wore off later but now i can finally say i've been a little bit high oh shit i thought it was about to be a pothead i thought you did a who's wax up oh no that was just i was just sick who's actually was way too strong i just felt sick for three days yeah this one was like i was actually a little bit high it was the joint joe rogan told me on the podcast he was like don't do edibles yeah so i didn't do it edibles would get you bro even i didn't think cbd would be bad but cbd fucked me but this was like i was high for like 30 minutes it was perfect i was in and out i just ate food i was just super focused on it and everybody's talking around me and i just kept looking at him like damn y'all still going that's how good that drive was that he had to get high for the first time.

Really enjoyed it. Schultz drugged his dog. I got to drug myself. Yeah, get by how you get by, you know? That's what it is. Now, which of the four shows was your favorite? Second show, Friday, was my favorite. First show was the first show, so you're still a little bit like whatever.

Last show was the most crowd work. I had the most fun. But the second show, I you're still a little bit like whatever. Last show was the most crowd work. I had the most fun. But the second show, I just felt like the most in my bag. Where like I have complete control over. All of them went well, thank God. But that one, you know when you feel like you're just like as firing as fast as you possibly can? Second show, Friday night, I was like, I'm here. Let's go.

Let's lock in. And this is my first time bringing my wife on the road. So I was also a little bit like, you got to worry about somebody else. And I'm doing jokes that she hasn't heard and i won't soften i'm not gonna switch the joke up because my wife is there but it's also like i'm talking shit heard that mark yeah that's dumb that's stupid is that heard that more it was because your mom was there right yeah the whole family my grandma came through really yeah well i did that once i had a less big show if i had a

big show if i'm at radio city and my mom is coming hey we talking about everything yeah so but it was just so fucking fire I love it, man. I love how much you love my mom, dude. You're a good man. You're a good man. Dude, that's fire though, Arkos. I'm proud of you, man. Thank you, man. Ms. Cameron, I know you're probably watching,

so your tits are standing up. She knows. Mom, you know. You know what time it is. Yeah. I mean, I drove back from Atlantic City after the show we did. Good idea or bad idea? Worst idea ever, bro.

That bad? Should have had a little dog with you. Two-hour drive, I was asleep for an hour and a half of it at least no it was just you alone yeah no it was me and derrick okay yeah i thought derrick came back i drove like 30 minutes i was like yo derrick like i might need to have you drive a little bit he just looks at me he's like fuck man and then didn't drive at all. He was like, damn. He's like, come on. Come on. I didn't fart.

He's like, yo, yo, yo, yo. The fact that he said, come on, not damn, made it so much funnier. He was pleading. He was thinking about that shit for at least 40 minutes before he said it. He didn't want to be the one black dude talking to movie theaters. He was like, god damn. He let so many slide. I gotta push this down.

Think of how many he let slide before it finally came out. It's like a helpless. I died laughing when he said it, bro. He said it and I fucking died. It was in the sad part of the movie. He said, come on. I just went... In the middle of the sad part of the movie. Then he was talking to Dumbledore.

You ruined that movie for him. Nah. You did. I made it like 4D or whatever. And then we drove to Atlantic City, from Atlantic City back to New York. Within five minutes of getting in this two-hour Uber, he just starts letting them rip. What did you eat, yo? Say what?

What did you eat? I don't know. I hate when you eat healthy. I hate when you eat healthy. I ate neuters. Yeah, when you eat healthy, it ruins everything. No, I eat neuters. Neuters aren't healthy.

I guess. And that's what fucked you up. We had neuters at the place. Do you remember? Oh, I remember that. Yeah, we did have Chinese food. Yeah. So be honest.

Did you stop after he said, please come on, stop for my life? Stop? Nope. Nope. He does something where he makes them like him and just kept on going. How many more? Be honest. I know you knew how many.

Three. No, I farted one more. I know you knew how many. Three. No, I farted one more time. At the movie. Yeah. Wow. Come on, Jigga. If that guy beat the shit out of you, I'd be like, yeah, it'd be another Mike Tyson situation. Yeah, you deserve that. I don't deserve that. Just be honest. If someone socked you one time

because you farted on them. I didn't fart on them. You did, though. Nah. You could have got beat up for that. You for sure could have got beat up did though Nah Y'all are crazy That is true If you taste a fart there's shit particles on your nose Is that true? How else are you smelling it? What are you smelling?

Gas Where'd the gas come from? It came out of your whole asshole and colon So when I smell strawberry there's strawberries in my nose? Technically yes So if I take mad deep breaths, I can get full? Yes. If you breathe enough.

It'll take you a long ass time. That's why there's monks that don't eat food, bro. You've heard of those monks? They just eat air all the time? I don't believe them. It's very aromatic air. I don't believe that. It is true.

Nah. For this argument, it is. Those monks is talking crazy shit. Most of them are silent. They don't talk at all do we know that they could do all those things they don't be eating they be watching them they don't eat there's just one liar and the rest of them gotta stay silent they're just looking like this yeah i don't buy that monk shit yeah but when you smell when you smell fart you're smelling someone else's shit. And that, to me, that's fighting. That's like scuffing my sneakers.

My shit smells so much different than my fart, bro. My fart smells one way. My shit smells the other way, bro. And what are your fart smells? What is your, yeah, what's the difference? My farts smell how I want them to smell. And your shit? My shit smells like my shit.

That's why that guy should have really farted you. Because you could have had them smell good and you didn't yeah but i was enjoying the movie when i enjoyed the movie my whole body's relaxed you did that to your wife and this couple next to you yo like listen till death do us part yeah you might be dying what's going on that is true rotting from the inside she's probably so used to at this point oh yeah she said i just let them just rip i don't even turn the other side of the bed She's probably so used to it at this point. Oh, yeah, she used to it. I just let that shit rip. I don't even turn the other side of the bed no more, bro. I used to face my cheeks to the outside of the bed.

You don't try to make it just go. I used to pull my cheeks open. Damn, so you'd just be vibrating on a leg, bro? Yeah. Nah, I won't do her body part. Okay. That would be wild. That's too crazy.

Sometimes I'll be like, up, up, up, up, up. Okay. But it's so bad, you got to apologize? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, come on, come on. Like, okay, we're married, but something like,

oh, shit, yo, my bad. Okay, what else we got? Yo, they're trying to get Madison Cawthorn out of here, okay? Why? A rep from North Carolina. What'd he do? A handsome-ass kid in wheels.

Also kind of a crazy uh person but he is seen in these photos wearing lingerie he copying everything i do yo i've been worn lingerie way before him bro when you do that when i was leah thomas on the podcast remember when i was that little so apparently he did this like a few years ago before he ever uh ran for uh congress before he ever ran for Congress? Before he ever did any of that shit. I mean, this guy looks too comfortable in his clothes. Like he's selling it.

Look at the picture on the left. This motherfucker is voguing. This is not new to him. Yeah. Nah, he's probably gay. Don't you think? Yeah, yeah. He's probably a Dumbledore.

He's a Dumbledore? You think he's a Dumbledore? Yeah, he's a Dumbledore for sure. He might be a Dumbledore. He's a little wizardore? He's a Dumbledore? Yeah, he's a Dumbledore. He might be a Dumbledore. He's a little wizard. You think his dick work? Yeah. 100%.

All mental. Nah. What are you talking about? Dick hard is all mental. Yeah, but it still won't move. Yeah. You're paralyzed from the neck down. That means you could just get hard.

Yeah. Shut the fuck up. Swear to God, Stephen Hawking got a girl pregnant after. Yeah, he said this. Well, it might have just been just been amber heard she just sucked it out of his dick might amber heard could get him hard guaranteed amber heard make his legs hard amber heard amber heard if amber is stuck in his dick his legs are just like the whole body 100 he might walk out of there yeah Real talk. He might. So he posted a tweet and said, I guess the left thinks goofy vacation photos during a game on a cruise

taken way before I ran for Congress is going to somehow hurt me. They're running out of things to throw at me. Share your most embarrassing vacation. I don't think they're running out of things, buddy. I think it's a pretty big thing. I don't think they're grasping at straws. Yo, what is he? He's a congressman?

How easy is that shit? A rep? I don't know the difference, really. Damn, like, should we just's a congressman? How easy is that shit? A rep? I don't know the difference really. Damn, like, should we just do it for fun? Yes, I'm telling you. Should we just run for Congress for fun to show how fucking stupid it is? Yes, I'm telling you, just do it. Can we run as a group?

No. Oh, like the Jackson 5 kind of thing? Yeah. Yeah, like we're a collective. Yeah. That'd be kind of fun. Yeah. We'll do that when you run for president.

No, no, no. We're going to be a pack. Okay. No, run for president no no no but like it's ridiculous if a guy like that can win it must be easy to get a congressional seat like an aoc like that's not hard he's i think he's like republican aoc yeah and that's he i think he was 25 when he won he was like the youngest same politics are too easy right how much you make we just have to lose money to do it that's the tricky thing nah but you don't gotta stop podcasting

oh I just keep doing everything I'm doing reveal all the secrets zoom in talk about all the Illuminati meetings and everything didn't he say there was

like a bunch of orgies with politicians maybe he was just snitch nah he's a snitch I don't fuck with him that motherfucker is snitch let them have fun

look how he partying before he even in congress he don't look like he's having that much fun though nah you look like he having having that much fun though. No, you look like he having all the fun. I think that kid's a loser, bro. He tweeted, he tweeted.

He's a fucking loser. He tweeted earlier in the week. There was one guy. He's handsome though. I ain't going to front. He's a piece, bro. He's a pretty little paralyzed motherfucker. From the neck up, he's handsome. From the neck up.

Yeah. The waist up. Yeah. But I don't ever see anybody and be like, yo, he's handsome from the waist down. I mean, you can't. His legs ain't handsome. Say again? His legs probably ain't handsome.

Oh, that's true. But do you describe legs as handsome? Not his. That's for sure. What do you think his look like? Oh, God. That's a good-ass question. Like if he went to outer space for a really long time?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think so. I'm just saying. Madison Cawthorn. yeah he'd be tweeting that goofy shit he tweeted like right before this before this came out there are one god and two genders and it's like okay yeah i think you think there's one god and he made you the wrong gender i think that she kills me yo this is a wild thing this a bunch of people send me this a baby is born with two penises and the larger one is chopped off by the doctor i gotta

know more about that larger dick bro apparently you couldn't pee out of it that's why they cut it off yeah but why cut off either that's my question why don't you leave two penises yeah let me have two yeah run it up this guy could have been the first only fans billionaire yeah it's like it's like if messi's mom cut off his. Why would you do that? This guy got a gift. Let him rock. He got two of them. Let him keep both penises. Yeah. I think you should be able to keep both penises.

I bet if he had to say, I don't want you cutting off one of my dicks. Word. Yeah. Apparently, they both could get hard to an extent. Yes. One was a little more difficult to get hard, and then the other one. It's a baby, bro. Why are you talking about this?

Bro, that's what they were saying, bro. This nigga sucks, bro. What the fuck are you talking about this well let's see if both of them get hard they both have the spongy tissue bro say what they have the spongy tissue we'll say that son don't be like the baby dicks we get in ours. Maybe an Amber Heard movie was on while the baby was born. One is really hard. The other one is semi-hard. Like, you know how hard they get. They started making an OnlyFans for the kid. That's mad weird.

Yeah, but when he's an adult, now he's a child, bro. He didn't specify that. That's what we was all thinking. You talk about this little baby. Why do you think of it in that way? I wasn't thinking about a baby dick at all. Bro, I don't want to think about this, bro. Why are you thinking about a baby dick the whole time?

Because you described it. No, you're thinking about a baby dick the whole time. You described it think about this bro Why are you thinking about a baby dick the whole time? Because you described it No you're thinking about a baby dick the whole time You described it Talk about spongy material Not baby dicks it get hard Yeah also the urethra was too small to pee out of Say what? Yeah it was like too narrow to pee out of

Out of the big dick I mean you could open up a urethra That's my point I was like cut off the small one And then I bet you It'll eventually just go through the big one And be fine Don't cut

We'll add it to the end of the big one Oh yeah just double it up yeah don't fucking cut it off and put it somewhere else yeah yeah yeah that's a good point give me the super dick

yep hells yeah now that's crazy make it like a sprinkler you just have both of them yo real talk bofa bofa

and they were saying that oh they were gonna try to keep the big one in the first place but then because of all these issues and they were like ah fuck

I gotta cut it off I know man that doctor should be sued for malpractice that mom should lose the kid yo that's a lot i don't know what your son's dick double down respect no i like that i like that i think you got to be strict i got three sperm on the side of his head i just realized that shit is a wild looking yeah i don't know what that hat is but cat williams over here here. I mean, this is another story that while I was researching this one, I did a lot of research.

Hold on, hold on. I did a lot of research. Hold on one second. He went down that baby dick. He went down a baby dick rabbit hole. The interesting part is not the baby dicks, the fact there's two dicks. Why are you guys making it about baby dicks?

I mean, every third Indian got 14 different fucking pussies or some shit like that. Seven hands. dude goes in for a uh a surgery on like uh hold on let me pull it up right here okay so he's going in for a surgery right and oh he's going in for a circumcision at the age of like 35 don't don't threaten me this is a threat that feels like a threat oh my okay okay that's gonna sound horrible to bite sorry go all right so he goes in for a circumcision he signs a thing right before and he's like uh the the doctor the surgeon has the right to perform surgeries deemed necessary oh jesus christ so he goes in the doctor performing circumcision while he's down there's like oh man this dick is super weird i bet you it's full of cancer

looks a little closer dick is full of cancer what does he do while he's underneath anesthetic cuts off the guy's dick oh wow this happened in 2008 there's a real thing that happened to a real dude the guy wakes up he's like where's my dick wow and he wakes up he doesn't have a dick and he's tool of the transition if you did it when he was like eight or nine or whatever, the transition, he would look normal. Bro, he was 64. Which, first off, how are you getting your circumcised at 64, right? Oh, 64, he ain't using that thing.

He knew he had cancer in his dick, bro. That's what he... He says that he goes in there, doctor cuts off his dick, wakes up and goes, yo, why the fuck'd you cut off my dick? And he was like, oh, you had cancer and you signed the thing. They go to court, jury sides with the doctor. Of course. And says, yeah. He knew he had cancer in his dick the thing. They go to court, jury sides with the doctor. Of course. And says, yeah.

He knew he had cancer in his dick. He was trying to get a lick. Guaranteed. Trying to get a little dick lick. Not even like that. He was just trying to get a lawsuit going and then get breaded. 100%. Now, that's crazy.

Yes. But what do you do if you wake up and dickless? No, that's fucked up. Fully dickless. That's fucked up now. No dick, bro? Yeah, go do chemo first or something was he single 64 or married because if he's married he only needs his dick anyway yeah that's a good point yeah that

dick is done yeah he's had his fun all right guys we're gonna take a break for a second because uh we got to get them dang-a-lang strong and hard okay and if you have uh both of your penises still because your hating ass doctor and possibly mom uh didn't uh chop off one of them right if you have both of your penises still because your hating ass doctor and possibly mom didn't chop off one of them. If you got that thang down there or both of them thangs down there. You got that prong. You got that prong peepee. You can get them both hard. Bow.

Parallel lines. Especially if you got that blue chew. The twin mother. And these aren't going down when you got that blue chew the twin mother and these aren't going down when you got the blue chew not at all they stand up hard blue chew same active ingredient that's inside viagra or cialis but this is the chew this is the one we rock with okay and we happily married over here so you know what the fuck time it is bluechew.com use the promo code flagrant you can get your first month free all you gotta do is pay five dollars shipping how about that bluechew.com promo code flagrant first month free best dick

ditch your wife girlfriend side chick the new chick you're trying to impress has ever gotten your life thank us now thank us later thank us even before matter of fact thank us when you order it blue chew let's get back to the show. Guys, Infamous Tour has two more shows left. Vancouver, Canada, May 6th. Those are the last two shows. Come there if you want to catch the Infamous Tour. Never to be done again. I cannot even believe I'm saying this.

This is crazy. It is, yeah, I mean, it it's just so unbelievable it's my greatest achievement in comedy so far i'm just so proud of what we all created and everybody in this room created uh yeah just so wild so if you want to check out the one of the last two shows both the last two shows we will be in vancouver may 6th might be a few tickets left might not go to theandrewshoes.com for those tickets but thank you so much to everybody who came to the shows on the tour. Akash, what you got for them? First of all, again, Toronto,

thank you so much. Also, shouts to DJ Different Human for coming through and spinning. It really made the whole show that much better. So thank you guys so much. One of the best weekends of my life. Thank you again. Now, this weekend, I will be in Bridgeport, Connecticut at the Stress Factory. May 12th through 14th, I'm going to be in Tacoma, Washington at Tacoma Comedy Club.

May 19th through 21st, I'm going to be in Holland, Muskegon, and Grand Rapids, Michigan. We added a second show on Saturday, so come through. And also, this just announced, May 22nd, I'm going to be in Houston for one night at the Come and Take It Comedy Festival at the Secret Group. You can find tickets for those dates and all the other dates at akash singh.com now let's get back to the show yeah that baby dick thing you said was really crazy what did i say i didn't say anything you was talking about when you watched the video when they got the baby dicks hard no i never said that remember you describing that i was talking about this how you know the big one isn't uh it's a shower but not a grower that's a good point like you don't know which the... How do you know the big one isn't a... It's a shower, but not a grower? That's a good point.

Like, you don't know which dick is actually bigger. You know which dick is bigger. Well, you talked about them getting hard, so... No, he said they could get hard. Yeah, they could. They got the spongy tissue. Spongy tish. The spongy tissue is what makes dick hard.

Yeah, exactly. Say again? But remember when I proved that shit wrong? What? It wasn't the blood that makes your dick hard? What makes your dick hard? The spongy tish. Oh, yeah, yeah, spongy tish.

Remember? Because I said we got blood in our body, we don't walk around starfish. Oh, yeah, that's true. Right? So blood isn't what makes your dick hard, it's spongy tissue. So they had the spongy tissue in both the dicks,

but we don't know. It's both, bro. Say what? It's both. That's not true. Al was a nurse, he would know. So the blood is going into the... How many dicks you made hard when you were a nurse?

Son, you seen Al back in the day? You seen Al back in the day? Both of them. Did you touch a dick when you were a nurse? No. Come on, bro. I swear to God. You didn't wash a dude or something like that?

Nope. I got all the girls that were crushing on me to wipe all the asses and all that. I would have been a horrible nurse. That's why I didn't go for it. I swear to God, I never wiped an ass. I seen one, but I never wiped an ass. You seen one but i never wiped it you saw one i saw it and then what happened it's crazy for him because it was an adult dick that's just crazy but he was so into the male dick he was like y'all i can't touch this i'm gonna get hard my damn self yo one of these

female nurses got to do it yeah i can't handle myself around these dicks i bet those female nurses be sucking on them damn just like nah don't put that on nurses bro i think they do sometimes hard frontline workers you know what i mean that doesn't negate what he said i know yeah work hard play hard al like the doctors be doing that shit. They do, probably. Just coming in. I'll take it from here. Yep. Okay, what else we got? Shout out to this kid with two dicks.

Hope he's doing good. Yeah, poor kid, man. Yeah, I know. Apparently, he's Jewish, and they did it because they didn't want to do two circumcisions. Get out of here. Yeah, they didn't want to pay for it. They didn't want to pay for the second. Apparently.

I'll allow it. Take it. And they did it with their mouths. Oh anyway oh god is that crazy they really do that shit ah yes they do a moil but they really do it with the mouth like they used to no some okay used to stop they did they did back in the day they did it with their fucking larry david right say what that was on the curb i don't know that's where i learned that shit but a moil isn't that what it's called? Yeah, it's a mohel.

By the way, they do non-Jewish circumcisions all the time. People trust them more than normal doctors. Every circumcision is Jewish, bro. Every circumcision is Jewish. Mine isn't. Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yeah, it is.

I've seen it. Mine is not Jewish. It's extremely Jewish. Yes. I have a very Christian circumcision. That's not true. True. Little tip.

Say what? The babiest amount. No. The babiest amount I would assume would be Jewish. Say again? no babiest amount I would assume would be Jewish say again babiest amount yeah my shit is

fully off my shit is fully off for real they skinned it dude damn that's kind of fire

yeah circumcision is inherently Jewish to me so I'm like nah nah nah I have a Christian circumcision

what makes it Christian is the fact that it's all about the way that I did it i chose to have a dumb christian and you did it yeah and what's christian about it most things nah yeah it is no jews said yo you got to cut it off and you were like all right fine i will i'll listen i'll listen to jewish daddy i'm gonna get my dick cut off technically uh circumcision is not jewish who what is it don't say yeah no it is true if you actually look right tell them in history books it's not jewish really there's no mention of that there's no mention no what about in the bible when when abraham gets his dick cut off

the bible was written at the council of nicaea in like fucking year 1204 or some shit. Yeah, like they put that shit in afterwards. Yeah, yeah, to make Abraham look interesting. He just had cancer on his dick. That was it. Real talk. Yeah, yeah.

No, I have a very Christian pecker. Oh, okay. I have a very Christian pecker, dude. I do. And what makes him more Christian than the Dove's pecker? Size. Yeah, okay.

I got a Catholic pecker. Is that true? Yeah, yeah. Mine's a mad Catholic. What's a Catholic circumcision? They give you wine and the priest sucks your dick? Okay, what's next? F.A. had a hypothetically

wrong button. Okay, bust it. You have to be dead honest. Would you leak a dick pic right now? Okay. Hard or soft? Dealer's choice. Oh. Post it on Twitter.

Yes. Or leak Joe Rogan's phone number right now. No, just leak my dick. Really? Yeah. I'm not going to put Joe through that. So you just put your whole hard dick on the internet? Yeah.

Son. I don't even think it's a big thing, though. Yeah. Like, just leak in your dick. I said it's one day, and then that story's done. Yeah. It don't even last a day nowadays. I don't even think it's a big thing though yeah like just leaking your dick that shit is one day and then that story's done yeah it don't even last a day nowadays I don't know I mean if Elon free speech or what like that's

you know what I'm saying yeah 100% 100% put my dick on Twitter the whole thing well as much of it as possible yeah like 100% but if you put it on Twitter how long is going to be a trending topic though mad long right i would say like eight to nine inches yeah no no i don't know i don't know how long i don't think motherfuckers would even care

like i don't think i think it would be like is that his do i have to say it's mine or is it just a dick face in it oh shit that's a little different that's wild that's a little bit that's why now we're talking that's different joe's number might have to go up sorry joe joe number might have to get dropped baby i give him a heads up like you might want to change your number uh okay mark what else we got okay one one last thing so basically netflix their share price is down a lot. We talked about it a little bit on Patreon, but there's apparently more developments that they're allegedly laying off employees and that there's sort of just investor panic in general

going on at Netflix. Because it's down 70% from the high when Schultz Saves America came out. Yeah. It's probably a coincidence. Yeah, maybe. Probably. Probably a coincidence that literally their high was at when Schultz Saves America dropped.

But you could also say that's also what caused it to fall. Wow. So I mean, there's two ways to look at it. You know what I mean? Whoa. I'm just saying you might want to be careful how you frame it. You know? You're right.

Whoa. Not having anything to follow Schultz Saves America caused the price to fall. Because when you look at content after you watch that, everything yeah so it seemed like everything else was coming out on the platform sucked but in reality you're just comparing it to a masterpiece yeah exactly yeah let's go trying to get a head from a different girl after you had amber yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah i heard yo you you almost pulled that off i was gonna say rose bro that's all the amber i know no i don't know it's changed up it's changed up there's amber then there's amber rose okay that's the rule now no no no so apparently they're gonna like try to run ads like there's conversations internally that they're

gonna do like you know yeah break it up with ads basically create youtube 2.0 what do you think do you think it saves netflix no i I don't think so. Go ahead. I think the main problem Netflix has is they don't have a show that you watch for comfort food. Like Friends is something you'll just put on. The Office is something you'll just put on. Maybe not you, but tons of people will just watch The Office. You used to say this, to just fall asleep. Friends is something you'll throw on because I just want something that's nostalgic,

that I remember from my childhood. Whatever your show is, there's a bunch of those. Hulu has a lot of them. HBO Max has Friends. Peacock has The Office. Netflix doesn't have that. They have like Full House, but nobody does that. They have Seinfeld.

For how long? They pay for the rights to Seinfeld. It's not like... And that's not that many people's comfort food, bro. Seinfeld is probably the most rewatchable sitcom in the world. Absolutely. It's easily the greatest sitcom of all time. Absolutely.

Friends is way more rewatchable. That's how good it is. And I laugh while I'm fucking. That's how good of a show it is, bro. That's a weird guy. That's a particularly weird man. Hey, it's not baby dick. Relax.

I'm good. I'm glad you give it up to another New York legend, Alan. Oh, absolutely. That's nice to see. Anyway. Real recognized. Anyway. I get flattered.

Anyway. So I think your point is 100% right. And I think that you need a couple things for a successful streamer now. Yeah. You need comfort food, which is what they had initially. Yeah. But comfort food is not why people sign up. People sign up for a hot scripted show.

Yes. They're like, oh my God, I need to watch this. Squid Game got really popping. That was fire. but it should never have been like you should not you should have so many other shows that Americans can watch that they don't even know what's going on in Korea the fact that you the fact that like we've we found a Korean show means everything else on the platform sucks generally I agree with you I think it's a little different with

Korea just because kpop and shit is so hot and Korean culture is so hot and what's the fucking parasite yeah so i think there's some but yeah the idea even parasite we're like we shouldn't have seen the idea that americans are willing to read subtitles they're spending hey they're spending hundreds of millions of dollars on scripted shows yeah like hundreds of millions they spent i think a million on squid game total yeah that was not their investment for their next big show yeah they were like oh okay here's something cheap let's put it on maybe we'll pop over there and if it gets over here cool and it's a fantastic show and that's why it won but i think his point is they should have a much higher hit rate the last scripted shows they have before squid game i remember what was the the rapist kevin spacey show that everybody loved at first

house of cards everybody's like yo netflix is kind of doing it then there was another show ozark there was another show in between i'm sure and you're like yo stranger things you're like yo netflix is fucking doing it but they have fallen off since they threw money at everything and very little hit so to the point that i was trying to make it was that you need comfort food to sustain because you can't put a new show out every single week yeah and you need that the thing that people go to sleep to some people go to sleep to seinfeld some people go to sleep to friends some people just have it on in the back mic my girl does it with uh what's it called uh harry potter right that's hbo max so you're sustained exactly in between the good shows and that's fine because it just reruns anyway yeah

so it's just there you don't have to pay you had to pay for seinfeld but you also need a scripted show that captures culture and squid game did that osar kind of did that it never got so big that it was just the only thing people talked about season two yes me too so it's just like and they haven't really had that their scripted department sucks it just does like they're not able to get the good shows hbo is batting a crazy batting average and then then other shows are popping out, like fucking Paramount Plus and stuff that are the conversation starters. And Netflix is just burning cash on these shows like Witcher, where it's like, I don't know what the fuck is going on here with Superman and like Beast and shit, but like, I don't

care. I've tried to get into it. So they're burning cash, not creating anything that's tapping into culture. And the only thing that's really working for them is like we were talking about before, documentaries. They're killing on documentaries. Selling Sunset is a huge... Unscripted. Unscripted.

I mean, that's probably scripted. Low key, it's comfort food. Just throw on Selling Sunset, let it rock. Throw on The Housewives, let it rock. Nah, you watch that shit. Wait, why is it fire? I don't know. My wife watches it. Let it rock. Throw on the Housewives. Let it rock. Nah, you watch that shit. Wait, why is it fire? I don't know. It's popcorn and colorful, but it's so phony.

Yeah, I can't do it. It's popular. People watch it. Globally, it's popular. They've had a million dollar listing that was on Bravo. You go on Netflix, and now all of that pop globally. Is it just going to become MTV, though, where it just becomes unscripted, unscripted, unscripted? Yeah.

Well, also, i will say this like game of thrones creators benioff and weiss they have the rights to a book called three body problem and they have probably full control the series it's coming i think there's a lull to your point for netflix but don't count them out yet they have some massive things i'm not counting them out but the model needs to change this what they're gonna they're gonna make cuts globally i mean no no the number one thing they need to do and they need to do it right now is stop binge culture that they need to stop it you cannot sustain you have a show that comes out and then everybody watches it over a weekend and then the next weekend they're like give me something so you can't afford to keep friends on because you need to create shows for people to watch.

But they watch those shows so quickly that you need to make even more shows. That's why you're putting out hot garbage because you have to maintain so many different things. If you have, like HBO's strategy, a few shows that you put years in development and get the right showrunners, get the right writers, get the right actors, and you have those shows there and they exist we will wait a week for the next episode to come on that's a fact we're willing to do it but right now their whole model is drowning themselves it's immediately stopped the binging the problem is they're not putting out good enough content where we'll wait a week a lot of these shows we keep watching because we get it right right after the show's finished i don't know if a lot of those shows we're watching, if we have to wait a whole week. Oh, they had Bridgerton.

Bridgerton was big. I remember. And then Shonda. Like, Shonda's one of the best to do it. Narcos. Yo, even Narcos. I'm like, oh. Season one, I remember.

They're coming out with another, the spinoff, the Griselda Blanco. That could be big. But yeah, I think stop bin culture. And again, I think the problem with the legacy shows on the other networks there was 22 episodes a season so there's so many fucking episodes to watch there are 200 plus episodes of the office of friends of modern family on hulu with a netflix show it's six episodes a season so even if i'm like oh i can't it's 30 episodes or whatever if it goes five years but also to the netflix thing uh to their model like let's say it's six or eight episodes right the reason it can't create a cultural moment as easy is because nobody's watching at the same time yeah when we're all watching the super bowl

at the same time we're all reacting in real time to that stimulus if we're waiting every week for the show to come out on hbo if it's an episode of game thrones whatever it is you actually give time for everybody to get on the same cultural wavelength. Something can trend on Twitter faster because we're all watching at the same time. So they don't get the Twitter trends. They don't get Reddit popping. They don't get anything popping because we're all watching this

at our own time. But if the show is good enough, it can still catch culture. It can, but that's a squid game. And that's a once in a fucking blue moon for them. To Andrew's point, sorry to cut you squid game and the advantage and that's a once in a fucking blue moon the to andrew's point sorry to cut you off but the advantage of if 10 episodes come out over 10 weeks by episode 8 if i caught it early i've told all of my friends about it and when episode 9 comes on we're all sharing episode 9 if you just binge i've seen the whole thing hey tell me how it is when

it's done yeah we don't all talk about it every moment put your balls on the table bro like if you believe in the show then we'll if you believe in the show then make us wait simple as that put your nuts on the fucking table remember when breaking bad when it first came on none of us knew about it but because of netflix we all found it then by the time the last season rolled around every sunday everybody knows texting each other yeah we are all none of us started watching the show but now that it's every week when that fucking sunday comes on i'm deciding between this and football and nothing has ever made me what if you buy sports something in sports they spend eight billion dollars a year and content thing insane plus bro you guys gotta stop disney owns espn that's the other thing gotta stop sleeping on disney plus bro it's the best

best streaming platform out there i don don't even talk about that. He's not wrong, bro. They planned from 10 years ago what they were gonna do, and then they dropped owning everything. You get Disney+, you get fucking Marvel, you get every Disney movie, you get Jack Sparrow, ESPN, all that shit. Lights out. They bought Fox's studio. They plotted, while Netflix was busy pouring money into everything everything i guess the idea was to build up the

lead it didn't really work disney was like let's just wait let's let's merge with fox i'm almost like only spn let's get marvel let's do that and then they just fucking they came with like whatever the big shit is we got it i wonder if disney tries to buy them on like a liquidation low-key turn stranger things into a ride like you have all these properties you could just flip into like the parks and like add value that way. If. Bail out their investors. If they actually had properties that were valuable enough. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't even know if they do. They got Stranger Things maybe. But Netflix. The thing about Netflix is they didn't make kid shit. Yeah. They specifically steered away from it. Which fucks them in an acquisition with disney

i think cocomelon is i think they have kids they have a kid's thing you just don't watch it but initially the idea was like yo we're gonna make mature content maybe i'm not sure i think they would twofold that cocomelon shit slaps crazy oh okay fair enough so they're making kids shit so maybe they do that and they can do some stuff my understanding is that they were making more more mature stuff but i'm wrong i guess all i'm saying is yo it's something gotta give bro something gotta give i guess we'll see yeah big change is coming motherfuckers gonna get fired you firing all the like the younger execs i don't think that i don't think that's the game changer yeah i i don't i don't think it's done done I think they definitely have a lot of chances to save it

I just think in terms of competing with YouTube if that's what we were asking earlier that was the first question I don't think that's happening YouTube is inevitable it's not it's inevitable like there's no competition the only thing they can do is outspend because YouTube isn't going to buy content

but in terms of like getting your content out to the most people like if your goal is how do i get the most people to see your my shit or it's you put on youtube simple as that now everybody needs to feed their family and change their families lives forever i mean that's an awesome opportunity absolutely so netflix comes to super bag and they go hey would you like to do that yeah i don't do it at all santa but if they get to a point where they can't afford to offer the super bag and they can't provide eyeballs, that's where they're in a fucked up situation. So, boys, that's another episode of Flagger 2. Now, I know people probably looked at this and they're like, wait a minute, just a little bit over an hour.

What the fuck is going on? Well, we always have a method to our madness over here at Flagrant 2. We're trying to something a little bit new and you will have another episode out tomorrow. That's right. Enjoy.