Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Juices and Vigs feat. Paul Virzi & Alex Pavone

Episode Date: February 4, 2020

This week Andrew and Akaash are joined by comedians Paul Virzi & Alex Pavone! They discussed: washing away gambling debts, who’s gonna win in the Super Bowl, Ari Shaffir & Kobe situation, Italians are over-tippers, bringing back cool slang, and much more. INDULGE!!!

My dad is fucking over the top racist Italian. Oh go. Put the phone down now and here we go. I'm talking about a new hour. My father grew up in the Bronx in the 1960s. He's a good dude. He's just old school Italian. He's got that.

That's how you know the story's gonna be good. When you start with the good dude bad things will follow it's not malicious racism it's how you grew up yeah it's how you it's how you grew up

right right right it's the bubble of not traveling they didn't mean to be Nazis it was just the culture no not he just grew up they drank from different fountains

that's his time cool no he was like like my father's hilarious though he still can't believe Obama was president. He talks about that shit like it was Katrina. He talks about that shit like it was a natural. Yo, my father,

he said, you know what he said to me? You know what he thinks Michelle's name is? My father goes, my father goes, listen, Paul, you know something? I miss my father, your grandfather, but you know what? I'm glad he didn't live to see know what I'm glad he didn't live

to see that whoa mama I'm glad he didn't fuck because that would've killed him that would've killed him no but it's just old school it's not malicious

there's no anger but then I've seen my father interact with all races and it's all love you know I mean he doesn't want to live near him but no but that's

that's it's just it's one of those things where I'll talk to my dad would he have eaten at that soul food restaurant yes yes would he have tipped properly like I said he just wouldn't want to live No, but that's that's it's just it's one of those things where I'll talk to what do you have eaten at that soul food restaurant? Yes

Would he have tipped properly? He like I said, he just wouldn't want to live it out You think white people over to Italians, but is he tip in there? Yeah, you guys throw money around with the tips It's fucking handshakes everybody. I'm a big percent Yeah, I tried giving I was with you honest. I tried giving cash to a kid who helped me in CVS He honest told me you can't do it I mean you can you 100% can do it the guy was like

overly helping me with scissors where scissors weren't and it was Christmas it was Christmas you know times get I get crazy for Christmas I want to give everybody

extra fucking lettuce and you know and this fucking kid went out of his way this fucking kid goes out of his way to fucking get me scissors.

And he was like overly nice. He's like, a matter of fact, if you go in that aisle. So I fucking started peeling off some bills. And Giannis goes, what the fuck are you doing? I'm like, I want to give the kid a tip. He goes, you don't give cash tips for a guy doing it. He made me feel like an asshole. So I did.

Did you give it to him? No. I'm glad, man. Because you guys fucking up people who don't want to do it. You really fucking up everybody else. Yeah, you don't want to do that. That's too much. Italians are like.

It's Christmas, though. It's Christmas. I know, but it's. It was a festive time. Stop acting like Italians don't want to do that. You really fucking up everybody else. Yeah, you don't want to do that. That's too much. Italians are like... It's Christmas, though. It's Christmas. I know, but it's... It was a festive time. Stop acting like Italians don't over-tip, though. We over-tip. We over-tip. You over-fucking tip.

Everybody gets a little bit of grease. And then now you can't get a fucking taxi without tipping the guy who just opens the door for the taxi at the hotel. Italians ruin that. I would agree with that. There used to be a guy at the hotel and his job was to open the door so you get in the taxi and you didn't have to give him nothing. And then you guys are so guilty.

You're so Catholic and guilty that when anybody does anything nice for you, you're like, I got to give him some money. I got to tip you for opening a car door, bro. Do you not? I over tip. Yeah. So you tip that guy. And that's why blacks and Italians are so similar, because blacks do that at the strip club. It's make it right.

Just Italians do that with the service industry. They don't do it at the strip club. Yeah, not at the strip club. It's make it rain. Just Italians do that with the service industry. They don't do it at the strip club. No, that's very true. You're like black people at a strip club in the service industry. You're making it rain. Bus boy gets a little something. Yes. Right?

Bring you water. Italians, that's very true. Is that a flex for you guys? Italians, if the restaurant. No, because they use it later. They'll give a guy $2 and then he'll go to CVS after it's closed and he'll look at the guy like I gave you $2

because you opened the fucking corporate branch of CVS so I can get some Listerine strips. I was the scissors guy. But you will do that. No, but you hit it right on the head when you said like Italians in restaurant

and dining experience is big. Big. A dining experience. If you make my dining experience, they fucking, that's, it's, yes. So you're peeling it off. Oh, dude. It's 20% tip to the waiter,

but the host might get a little something for the right table. Yes, or I'll go always above 20%. I never tip 20% unless the service is bad. Go, go, go, go. My dad, my dad. 20% for bad. I'm sitting down go go go go my dad my dad for bad service no no no that's mental no that's mental 20 it's got to be bad service for me to go under 20 if it's service is bad average bad like just what do you get that wasn't good 15 20 if the service is

overly bad definitely under like what but 15 yeah you're not going lower than 15 yeah yeah i just can't your anxiety lower and i can't handle it yeah what if somebody completely disrespected you what if somebody no they disrespect you they disrespect your beautiful wife what'd you call her under 15 the smoke show a smoke show your smoke show of a wife i would go under 15 oh no he would just have him killed by a couple of his big cousins i would i would go under 15. Oh, no. He would just have him killed by a couple of his big cousins. I would go under 15. You would go... Okay, let me just get this straight. I know, but actually, if he disrespected my wife, I'd actually go higher.

I'd go above. I'd go over his head. I'd complain to an owner. But you'd still tip. You'd take it to upper management. Hold on, hold on. You'd still tip. Bad, though.

Someone disrespects your wife. Someone disrespects your wife someone disrespects your wife you're like you're getting 12 you're getting 12% but at that point you're looking after the rest of the establishment this tip's going to the cooks it's not just this one man I'm gonna say to the owner listen I left something just cause that's how I was raised

listen to me he's not wrong though I left something because that's how I was raised but this fucking guy's gotta go if I'm. I left something because that's how I was raised. He's right. This fucking guy's got to go if I'm ever coming back in here. That's what they'll do. They'll get the whole place fired. You're getting fired.

I'm not coming back here. My fucking sweet wife likes this place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We come once a month. It's a wrap now. This kid's fucking here next month. It's a wrap. And what will you do?

What will you do if they're there the next month? Oh, no. I'll just go to the owner'll go to the owner go you fucked up i go i go on podcasts okay you fuck i go on stage with a mic you fucked up and then you'll trash you'll trash the restaurant i'll be like this fucking place used to have great veal okay and now this fucking guy comes out and disrespects my fucking wife okay the veal's not that important to me my wife and that's what you do oh man the veal's not that important to you the tip is the tip is very important now now the respect thing

that exists in italian culture different italian though i have to tell you what type of italian my parents are off the boat. So it's a different. But it's different Canadian. From where? No, it's not different Canadian. What part of Italy? My dad's Abruzzese. My mom's Calabrese.

Abruzzese? Abruzzese. So from Abruzzo. And then Calabrese is from Calabria. Yeah. Now. That's the gambling side. Yes.

That's where I get it from. Well, the Calabrians, if I'm not mistaken, and the Sicilians, quite similar culturally? Yes. They're both. Mafia exists in both? Yes. My father's 100% Sicilian. I was always taught growing up because of my dad

and who he is and how over the top in the character. Oh, we're the elite. That's the Cosa Nostra. But the Northern looks down. I was talking to Giannis about this and Giannis knows all that history about the shit and Giannis was saying that the Northern Italians, they looked at the Sicilians like they were fucking

like the garbage the Calabres too yeah even worse the Sicilians because you're on the island over there you guys are all you know alone

the Calabres is the boot we did the mafia man so the mafia we looked like we looked like the criminals because it's like Sicily started because you were the criminals

you were you were fully the criminals they looked at us like we were breaking the law these guys I can't believe it 100% the criminals. The Calabres are the criminals too, and so are the Napolitans.

All three of those. Are there any Italians that are not? Or is that just a criminal culture? You just named five cities. It's like three. Three major ones. When you talk about gay neighborhoods in New York, it's like, yeah, it's Soho, West Village, Greenwich Village, East Village, Chelsea, Hell's Kitchen.

It's like, is there any not fucking gay place in the city? Once you get North Anopoly, they become less organic. They become German. If you go up. No, for real. If you go up north. They do. Dude, Austrian.

If you go to like. There are fucking Germans up there. What's that? An Austrian, for sure. It's a bunch of Germans in Milan. For sure. They're not Italian. When I was in Milan.

Turin. All the architecture the buildings true soup there's nothing like beautiful about the city when you go to german when you go to northern italy though they'll cover the green part of the flag and make it white and red and they're more austrian than anything really yeah man it's you know canada's like some parts of quebec are like that right with canada okay they don't yeah they don't really they don't rep canada what i need to understand is why does this respect thing where does this come from what what is the um we take ourselves a little more you know what is the importance of it like because every time every

time like a culture has like an unwritten rule it's to keep people alive like the unwritten rule for you know japanese people you know how they're so polite to each other yeah it's because they used to just take out that sword and cut each other in half there was like a real problem with samurai shit back in the day so it was like okay now we have to over correct with bowing and i'm i'm going to look at the ground i'm not even gonna look you in the eyes when i see you because it was so crazy so where does this fucking respect thing come from you know i i just was kind of born into it where my father would be like, you know, there's like a little taking yourself seriously. That's why Sicilians, if there's in my family too, they would, they would let, they would

go months without talking. They would know a lifetime without talking to each other. If they loved you and you hurt them, they would go, you know, I don't want them at my funeral. Oh yeah. No, that's a real, that's a real thing. My a real from a funeral that's a real thing i swear to god families if there's a if there's a disconnect or there's a beef or some sort of drama within the family that you love you could be it could be a brother it could be a cousin oh yeah and you go listen to

me if they are not permitted at my funeral, they're dead to me. And that is that shit. Yeah, man. My nonna got booted hard from a funeral. That was a tough day for our family. She went in there and she started throwing shade at someone in the line, you know, when you give the condolences. And we all got booted. And my uncle was still parking the car at the time.

And we were shocked, bro. You ever get booted from a funeral? It stings. It stings a lot right yeah yeah and my nonna you know she's old so she's playing dumb

and stuff like that she knew what she was she knew what she was doing bro she brought us there saying she had no issues she knew what she was doing so she came for the smoke bro she came

she pinched the lady's cheek I was like sort of close to her the dead woman no not the dead woman no no in the line in the line

and she said I don't know who you are but she knew bro she knew and i sort of said she said it's sort of an italian oh yeah she was in yeah it was like the dead's like daughter-in-law and then they they booted us in the line everyone got see you later and then my uncle was still parking the car at the time because it was like a big you know big funeral and we were shell-shocked and we were in the lobby because we were all looking at each other like what the fuck did nona do and then my uncle came in we didn't we just didn't tell him and then he got booted too he got the old heave-ho he got the heave-ho buddy uh he you just saw him go in

and then you just heard oh like the you know the noise yeah and then you just heard, Oh, like the, you know, the noise. Yeah. And then he ran out of the room. Like what the fuck happened? And we're like, no,

no, no, no, it's weird. Do you find yourselves when you, when you operate in society outside of, uh, like you're the Italian structure,

do you find people significantly different than you? Yes. Absolutely. Yeah, I mean, I didn't grow up in it because my father was not in my life that much. They got divorced when I was five. So my visitations with him, that's when I got it. So do you think the racism is genetically inherited? My mother's Greek. Do you know what I mean?

My mother's Greek. And Greeks are actually silently racist. So Greeks will kind of just like Look out the window And be like Yeah you know We don't You know

Where Italians are like What the fuck is that It's just So Greeks got a lot of beef eh They got Greeks They got beef with the Macedonians The Turkish

The Albanians Oh dude I don't know how silent it is Giannis' mother Wouldn't know how silent it is. Giannis' mother wouldn't go and do it. Like, me and Giannis went to a Turkish restaurant, and it was delicious. And he's like, my mother wouldn't step foot in here. Yo.

Step foot. Apparently, Giannis did 23andMe, and he's like 60% Turkish or something. And he said he was devastated. He said, he said, I will let my mother die before I share this information with her. And I won't come out publicly with this information. And you know what? If he did share it with her, she would deny it. She would deny it.

She'd go, no, that's wrong. Those tests aren't right. I do. I don't think they're right, but I also think it's hilarious. Do you think? How can they be wrong? I don't know.

I just don't believe it. I really just don't. I don't believe that either. They switch, too. They switch so quick. Dude, I feel like they just make up shit. My girlfriend gets updates, and she's like,

oh, I'm 3% Romanian now. I'm like, no, you're not. What are you talking about? They do it with dogs, too. So what do you think they're doing? Oh, you could get your dog. You could find out what breed a dog and like four things come back. And you're like, that's a fucking lab.

You know, it's like, I think you never know if they're telling you. And then they tell you all this stuff about your life. What are you, Andrew? Huh? What are you? Like, nationality wise. My mom's born and raised in Scotland. Okay.

Your last name's German, though, right? My last name's German, yeah. So you're German and Scottish? My dad's like and raised in Scotland. Okay. Your last name's German though, right? My last name's German, yeah. So you're German and Scottish? My dad's like Irish and German, but we're talking about like 1800s in America. So not really attached to his Irish and German side. So what are you mostly? Scottish?

Yeah. Culturally? You want to get away from that German side. Not really because we came here before. Yeah, but you're also mostly Scottish. Bro, my grandfather fought for the Axis. What is it? Oh, yeah, that's right.

You're like Mussolini or something. Oh, buddy, big time Mussolini. Yeah, that was the most impressive thing about World War II. Mussolini fucked everything up. Well, no, no. You had all these Americans that were German and Italian, and somehow we convinced Americans whose uncles, cousins, fathers, grandfathers were all in Italy and Germany

still. We're like, yo, we gotta go fuck them up. And then the boys were like, alright. Like that is... Some conspiracy theory shit? If the US government knew about Pearl Harbor and just kind of let it happen, is that why? Is it like this is the only fucking way they're gonna... 100%. You need to find... This is the only way they'll go after it. You gotta get

pushed somehow, right? Yeah, you need justification. But it is pretty amazing right all of our if you're white in america chances are you got some at bare minimum german and every white person is yeah german irish or italian and the one yeah so culturally i mean but my dad was like a new yorker you know he's born born manhattan like yeah his family's from chicago and then um and then my mom is like straight from scotland but she didn't really she didn't really like um she loved scotland and that's part of her but it was also like a place that kind of like held her down in a weird way there's like an oppressive okay it's like when you come from a small town and you grew up poor there's this sense

especially in like the uk of hey don't be better than everybody else you are yeah who you think you are like you know don't forget where you came from that kind of stuff and my mom's a fucking dreamer and that kind of offends people in like really working class poor areas really yeah because it's almost like it makes someone go well should i there's something wrong with me for not dreaming the Scottish are praised in Canada because of how no one fucks

with the Scottish oh yeah they are the toughest craziest group of people ever because the Canadian soldiers on the front line they were all Scottish and they were animals

yeah no one fucks with the Scottish yeah the English didn't want that nothing yeah like it

really oh they're tough then they bodied us. But that's the whole Braveheart idea, right? It's like an army of like, what was it? Like 3,000. A small army. A small army.

Yeah, I'm still tripping on the fact that the Canadian army intimidates anybody. Yo, son, I don't like admitting it. We tried to invade. Yeah, in 1812. They pushed it back. My favorite tweet of all time. Somebody was saying that shit, like some Canadian. He goes, America, never forget 1812.

We busted your ass and it sent you back. And then some guy goes, y'all want to try running it back? That's fucking great. We were technically still in England at the time. You want to run that shit back? You want to run that shit back? No, we want the smoke. Yo, to run that shit back? You want to run that shit back? Nobody wants to smoke.