Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Just Pee On Me | Patreon Clip

Episode Date: March 6, 2020

This week on Patreon, Andrew, Akaash, and Alexx discussed: no chickens in Africa, Kylie Jenner's feet, Shaq's hairline, Schulz's girl sleep talking, Trae Young embarassing other players, getting peed on when high, Stylebender's upcoming UFC fight, Spike lee boycotting MSG and the Knicks, and much more. INDULGE!!! Loved the snippet you just heard? Become a Patron! www.Patreon.com/FLAGRANT2 for even more sports commentary!

Big coronavirus news that it was just telling us that all games in Italy all soccer games in Italy are going to be played without any people in the audience any attendees so but what's the news though oh the news is that luckily there's going to be no bananas thrown at the black players. That's been the, that's been, yeah, they're really upset. Like the Italians are like furious that they have all these extra bananas that they were going to throw at their black players. I can barely speak. Don't ever let an Italian European tell you that Americans are racist any European

but Italians in particular exactly we don't throw bananas at black people that's wild that was a scene to remember the titans that's a waste of food

this is America okay we eat those goddamn bananas that was a scene to remember the titans that's how not racist we are we waste the most food and we would never

do that shit all we do is waste food do we waste food here we waste a lot of food food and we would never do that shit all we do is waste food do we waste food here we waste a lot of ain't nobody wasting nothing no we really yeah explain this to me i thought we were the one i thought we ate all the food nah we fat okay but we still throw away mad food you're saying that like the end of the day or something like a starbucks throws away bagels like if you got the wrong order to burger king they just throw the whole shit out you know what i mean like yeah just the amount of waste is crazy and we still won't throw a banana at a black so if it's

so easy to waste our shit why can't other countries just make that food what i'm just saying that's a crazy logical leap you know if the food is so cheap that we could just throw it out we so rich what we so rich but also the food is cheap because no one's just throwing out a porsche now we balling out here right they're not i know we're balling but like a hamburger how much does a hamburger really cost oh 12 cents at mcdonald's 12 cents at mcdonald's i'm starting to not believe this this starving shit nah but you know what's Yo son Starving though Like I understand hungry But Starving to death

That's a stupid Nah bro I don't believe I know you're Indian I know you people Be doing that shit That's what I'm saying That's what we be doing

That's on y'all Y'all got cows Walking around That's valid That's burgers That's 12 That's burgers That's valid

Yo It's a billion people If we If we decided to Make hamburgers out of cows That's like. That's valid. That's 12. That's burgers. That's valid. Yo, it's a billion people. If we decided to make hamburgers out of cows, that's like three days of food. There you go. That's a start. You start with three days. But why don't the starving people just wait at the side of the restaurant for when they throw out the food and boom, now they're not starving anymore.

They don't throw out the food where they're from. And you can't tell the difference between if it's eaten or it's not. Have you ever seen Indian food? That's true, yo. I want to act like it ain't true. I mean, it ain't untrue. Bro, whenever you see throw up on the ground, you're like, is this chicken tikka? Or is this vomit?

You don't know. I mean, can they really be that picky? Who, Indians? That's another point. Can y'all be picky? But that's what I'm saying. We don't throw out food. We're not picky.

Oh. Y'all be throwing out food y'all finish black people in America are so rich I'm tired of hearing about how fucking poor y'all are over here

you know we have laws y'all got McDonald's money yo you know how crazy that is to me y'all got McDonald's money you got so much money McDonald's will

specifically advertise to y'all you know how fucking rich you gotta be nobody advertises to poor Indians. Nobody. They don't got TVs. One help getting that stomach less extended.

Come on down. Get a value meal. Nah, dude. That's a great point. That's a great point. You got McDonald's money. You hear people complain all the time. We can't eat healthy.

It's only fast food in our area. It's food. It's food. It's food. And you get it fast, just like y'all. Who say you got to be healthy? Maybe that's why you're so fast. Was that in the concept? You are what you eat, right?

Now you agree. Oh, shit. Can you imagine how fast black people would eat if they didn't eat chicken? Yo. If they ate fish or elk? Oh, I see what you're saying. Imagine how fast. They're eating slow ass chickens that

any of us could grab and tell everybody on the patreon right now rogan gotta hunt and eat fucking elk every day just to look like a normal 50 year old black guy exactly real talk every day jalapenos okay yeah and he looks like not fit he looks like a 14 year old black kid he's ripped he's fucking shredded right he looks like a 14 year old-old black kid. He's ripped. He's fucking shredded. Right? He looks like a 14-year-old black kid that's just wearing basketball shorts and no shirt and biking around. Okay. Shredded.

Shredded. Okay. Oh, he got a body. Got a bod. A bod. Body. Now, black people. Joe Rogan, he's a boing.

He's a boing. He's a boing. He gives you a boing. He's a boing. He's a boing. He's a boing. He gives you a boing. He's a joing. So look. So then you got. Now you got a situation where you guys are eating chicken. Okay.

If you were eating fish or elk, imagine how fast you would be. No. So we're fast because we eat chicken. That's why you can't catch one because they fast. There's no chicken. Can I just say something? Can I just say something? You worked it.

Can I just say something? How many times you see National Geographic in Africa? How many times? All the time. All the time. Okay. What animals you see featured in that? Rhinoceri?

Lions. Lions. Tigers. Tigers. Tigresses. What else? Antelopes. Lions. Lions. Tigers. Tigers. Tigresses. What else? Antelopes. Elks.

Elks. Zebras. Elephants. Zebras. Some zebras. Some zebras. And once in your life. Learn how to say something.

Learn how to speak. And once in your life. Okay. You've seen a chicken featured in National Geographic Africa. Now, that could be because y'all like it so much you ate them all. Boom. That's a possibility. Boom.

You could have made the chickens go extinct. Oh, shit. That's why there's no chickens on Africa. That's how much black people love chicken. If they had chicken in Africa, what would be more valuable, chicken or elephant tusk like ivory? You know how they'd be killing elephants? Son, do you know why they take the elephant tusk? Why? They feel like they could dig the chickens out the ground with the elephant tusk like ivory. You know how they be killing elephants? Son, do you know why they take the elephant tusk? Why? They feel like they could dig the chickens

out the ground with the elephant tusk. That's how much they love the chickens, bro. Real talk, you know that language? They're trying to speak chicken. They're trying to... The clicks in the language, they're trying to bring the chickens back. It's ancestors like Black Panther. Remember when you spoke to the

ancestors by the tree? They go to the tree of life. So they dig for the chickens and then every once in a while they get a diamond. It's like, oh, fuck this stone. And it's like, it's not a chicken. Where do you think those fucking diamonds come from, bro? It's just from the chicken surgery, right? It's chicken surgery.

They're serving a chicken sewing out diamonds. Nobody want this shit. No, it's a chicken bone. They finished that shit in over thousands of years. After they took a fucking buffalo wing and that shit got processed in the ground

for thousands of years. You know what would be a funny- Look how upset Eddington is right now when I talk about turkeys. We're going to get to your bird, okay? We're going to get to your little shitty ass bird. All I'm saying is maybe

that's why black people came to America. We need an Eddington camp too, real talk, but yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yo, wouldn't it be funny if, you know, it'd be a funny sketch, highly offensive, but like. What, if we plucked Edin? Just completely plucked him?

We did a Black Panther spoof, but like the Wakanda is like a Kennedy fried chicken right when you walk in. Basketball courts everywhere. Like, a bunch of stereotypical shit. They celebrate Valentine's Day. The library. The library stuff is on the middle R. So that's what white people thought when they went to Black Panther.

Like, those racist white parents who had to go because their kids aren't racist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like, well, let's see Black Panther. They're like, ah, fuck, here we go. There'll be a bunch of fucking dunking from the free throw line.

A bunch of shit that they have. People walk, they dribble everywhere they walk. Nobody's just walking. A bunch of kids, no dad. Where the women? Where the dudes at? Where the fathers at? Even I'll forbid.

They're coming right back. Anyway. Come on, guys. This is brought to you by Newport. Alex is silent. You can't leave us on this. You're going to die on that ledge. Come on, bro.

Okay, we'll make fun of Indians now. And their starvingness. So here's the thing about starving. Do you think people starve in America? No. Yes. Come on, B. There's laws that

restaurants can't give their leftover food to people. But there's like soup kitchens and shit like that. That's what I'm saying. You don't starve here or there's options to not starve. I don't know if you starve anywhere, B. I don't know if you starve anywhere. Even Tom Hanks

on the island. Okay. He found food. Naked and afraid. Yeah. I'm just saying. Have Indians been trying? Have y'all been trying? Imagine you spend as much time. If there's one thing we do, it's try.

No, but imagine you spend as much time looking for food As you did studying Right like That might be the thing Real talk That's all we do Is we eat and study That's it

Ain't nothing else That's why we're not good At anything except Eating and studying Eating and studying Dude You ever seen a 40 year old Indian Fucking engineer with a belly

Yo that's a great observation Indians not good at nothing else. You can't tell the difference in bellies between a starving Indian kid and a 40-year-old Indian man. They got the same body no matter what. Same belly, yo. It don't matter. They're going to be built Indian. The starving kid on the street.

It's fun when you make fun of yourself, Al. Damn, Al. Make fun of your people a little bit. Son, I'm Puerto Rican. There's a lot there. Yeah. Let's talk about them, okay? They can't hear this. I still need to charge

my phone. I'm still trying to charge my phone, but the electrical grid is down. How long that grid gonna be down for? That's enough. Son, they don't need it. Tell them that. Trump out there trying to give them some fucking paper towels. Yo, I'm saying. They don't need it. Tell them that. Trump out there trying to give them some fucking paper towels. Yo, I'm saying.

They don't need it. Why was he giving them paper towels? Because you can't see the spills you make without electricity. You don't wipe up a hurricane with paper towels. That shit is the funniest thing. A hurricane comes through. It's wet. And he's like, now we got to bring some paper towels to soak this thing up.

He's got to dry that real quick. Bounty that whole hurricane. Dropped a bounty? Yo, you guys said you wanted a bounty. Son. You didn't say food or paper. I don't know. We gave y'all the bounty.

Son, how did no one talk about this? That's the most hilarious shit, bro. Hey, that's a show of America's strength. If we can show you how brawny we are. Bro, he brought paper towels to the hurricane. Son, that's like if it's a tornado and you bring a fan to blow the wind the other way to calm it down, bro. Don't worry, we got it. Here's some little fans that can stop the hurricane.

Nah, it oscillates. It'll spread the wind. Outwards. Let's get one of them cheap Chinese umbrellas and just like, oh, just, you know, block it. Yo, what's up?

This is Akash. That was a preview of our Patreon episode. If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrant2. Join the illest community on earth. Unless you're a social justice warrior, then you're just going to ruin the fun.