Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Kung-Flu feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas

Episode Date: March 10, 2020

This week Andrew, Akaash, and Alexx are joined by New York's very own History Hyenas! They discussed: finding a new name for the Corona virus, Schulz having constant catch phrases, Chris bombing his Jimmy Kimmel set, the state with the most rude people in the US, liberals being the true white supremacists, finding out which type of transgender person we would sleep with, and much more. INDULGE!!! Want an extra episode a week? Become a PATRON www.Patreon.com/FLAGRANT2

What up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of Flagrant 2. I got some news. Very important. Before we start the show, we've got a great episode today. But I know a lot of you guys have been asking me how you can get tickets to the special. All four shows sold out. Well, we spoke to the production company. We asked them to move around some gear and possibly create some more space for people. And they accommodated.

So we've added more seats to every single show they will go up today as you're listening to this right now i think at 9 a.m they go uh on sale theandrewschultz.com go get them as soon as you can i think there might be like 80 seats a show or something like that um go get them asap spread the word tell your friends tell the world thank y'all so much for selling out these shows man we're doing everything they can to make sure every single one of you guys is able to get there um so go do that and spread the word thank you so much now let's start the show what's up everybody welcome to another episode of Flagrant 2.

Schulte here, Akash in the building, Alex Media. We have Ed and Ted Turdeky and we have some hyenas with us, fellas. Yes. We have the history hyenas, Giannis Papas, Chrissy D in the building. Chrissy fresh off of a podcast. What do we call it when we go to the West Coast and just kind of indulge in the podcast run? I was on a podcast blitzkrieg.

You were on a podcast blitzkrieg. Yeah, which is a German term. My feed when Chris goes West Coast to do the podcast is, you know when a Tasmanian devil is... That's what my Instagram feed is. It's just like you on Theo, like, I got warts. And then it was chainsaws and it was just cutting people's heads off. It was just every fucking wild story of your childhood where your father was clearly not around at all.

I just let those. When I go out there, I just let stories rip. Reality is suggestion. It's a suggestion when I go out there. I just think of shit to say before. And there's people that are like, hey, that story had a different ending last time. And I'm like, well, it's what it is. It's a different fucking reality, guy.

That was 2019. Now it's 2020. Bro, it's so much fun. What do you want me to tell you? He's swinging for the fences. No. When I go into those LA podcasts. Championship rounds.

Like, I literally go in there and I take deep breaths. Like, literally like I was playing ball. Like, Brian, when I went there, Brian Callen and Brendan were like, we're going to start. I was like, let me just go to the bathroom. I said I had to pee, which I did. But I did take deep breaths like literally like I was playing ball like Brian when I went there Brian Callen and Brendan were like we're gonna start I was like let me just go to the bathroom I said I had to pee which I did but I did 10 deep breaths hit my chest and then I just go in there like I'm worse

and then I'm just ready to go and whatever it is sometimes I'm hyper gay sometimes I'm hyper straight I just don't know but I am fucking swinging for those fences you're like a method actor you feel it in the moment and you just run with it how else am I supposed to sell tickets out here But I am fucking swinging for those fences. You're like a method actor. You feel it in the moment and you just run with it. I'll tell you. How am I supposed to sell tickets out here?

Chrissy, you are, I think, the best podcast guest right now. I appreciate that. I really think it, dude. Who was I talking to? Was it you that I was talking to? Maybe it was Mark and Alex or something like that. But it was just like, you swing for the fucking fences. It's no holds barred approach.

You don't care what anybody thinks about you. I couldn't give a fuck at all. I mean, that's why even with your podcast, your podcast isn't the same thing. It's like you come in here and you better have shit to say. Like I just went. Here we go.

Yeah. I just went. Chris watched the death before. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He literally texts me. Yeah, I'm just watching this guy die. I'll be about 30 minutes late.

I tell you what, this story gonna end the same. Yeah. Reality and podcast. Yeah. Yeah. There is one ending. it doesn't get any more 2020 than when you're visiting someone

who's on their deathbed and then you're like I gotta go I gotta do a podcast I was like I gotta go I was with Kunal Aurora was also in there and I was like I gotta go do a podcast with the better version of you I was like listen I gotta go you Kunal 2.0 um and i said

um and and but yeah it was one of those things where it's like you know every time he would stop talking or he would like go to like you know like literally like spit up blood i would just check my phone and it's just you know i'm sorry to do that but it's just a symptom of 2020 reality i mean i love that guy you know i was there fucking tickets to sell i was there buying so it's like you can't you gotta leave some people behind buying a ticket yeah i mean you're punching his if you're out in 2020 reality. I mean, I love that guy. You know, I was there. We got fucking tickets to sell. I was there for him. So it's like you can't, you got to leave some people behind. He ain't buying a ticket. Yeah. I mean, he punching his.

If you're out in the bush and you know. It's true. If you're out in the bush and a kid goes down, I mean, you assess whether he can be saved and if not,

you got to make it all the way to Brooklyn to do the podcast. Yeah. You can't slow down. You got to time. We got to be here. Schultz Studios,

take your socks and shoes off. Let's get Asian. Yami Pappas. Yeah. It's an Asian I can't believe you don't have guest flips yet they're coming

we have the fashion flops coming and it's gonna be you guys will be the first person the first people to get a pair as long as they don't have your face on it like Mao I'll be happy

that'll be wild if you give us flip flops and it's just his face on it wait a minute which Mao Mao he put his face on it he probably did

I imagine because it was the most relatable face. I just feel like if- You think maybe, yeah. You think that other Asians put it on, like, I could see myself in this? I think he put it on his face and everyone was just like- He probably thought it was them.

Yeah. He probably just, you know, it's Mao, but it could be any older Asian guy on my flips. How the fuck- It was hard enough to tell Asians apart before. Now with the coronavirus mask, how do you even know? Yeah. You can't tell me you can notice who your mother or father is if it's just the eyes and a mask no you can't there's no way you got to give me a little bit of lip or the bottom of their nose that's the only thing that's a little different about them sometimes asians got different

lips but the fucking top of the heads is all the same yeah so if you want to commit a crime and you're asian right now yeah i would say now's the time there's no way the fbi can find you if they got those masks on. Absolutely. I'm not being a dick. They've been wearing those masks for a long time. They've been wearing those masks before Corona, so it's like,

what did they know? You know what I'm saying? They've been wearing those masks for a long time. Or does it work? Clearly it doesn't work. Yeah, that's a good point. The Corona masks?

I don't think it works. Are you fucking kidding me? The masks are made in China. They're fucking dipping the masks in Corona to spread it around. 100%. That's something that was made

in a lab, dude. That's not from eating bats. Those fucking people eat things way more disgusting than bats. You don't have to fucking read Breitbart feed? You see that, bro? What fucking news are you reading? We're on the real shit. Dude, have you ever seen a-

Breitbart.com. Yo, actually, I was thinking about that because the disease only kills old people as of now, right? Right. And who has the oldest people? Chinese. Yeah. And these people will not die.

They have a problem. They got too many old people. They have an actual problem. Maybe they're trying to get rid of people. I personally think that they, because under a microscope, it looks the same as HIV. That's what they say.

So therefore, it had to have been made, right? That's something, nature doesn't do that. Man does that. Man sees something that kills and then, so I'm not saying that they actually meant to do that, does that man sees something that kills and then so i'm not saying that they actually meant to do that but they somehow made that in a lab and then it got out in wuhan klein i don't know how it got out but it got out yeah and and now it's causing problems but i can't fucking take seriously you talking science with where's waldo socks

candy cane socks on lemon pants on yeah and it's pants on, guy. And it's just, yeah. Just, I can't look. I got Lulu's on. If, can we put something over his socks? Like a fucking, does anyone have a washcloth we can drape over him? Yeah. Because I can't concentrate looking at his fucking Where's Waldo socks. I got Lulu's on.

And. Did you say son? Because you're here at Schultz Studios? That's what that is. It's the first time I've ever heard you say son. If you tell me to pull up, I'm out of here. Yeah. You've got to morph.

Listen. I'm like, Schultz, can I come through? He goes, pull up. I said up I'm out of here you gotta morph listen I'm like Schultz can I come through he goes pull up I'm sorry I didn't phrase that right Schultz anytime when you call me for the next week

I'm just gonna say talk to me yeah talk to me is that what I do yeah you go say talk to me I don't say that you start conversations

with talk to me or one hand the main one though is there's a world where have you guys have you got the world where in you yeah we've got them all.

Yeah. There's a world where. No, I got insecure about that because someone told me that I say that a lot. Probably me. So it was probably you. Maybe my girl said it. But basically a lot of people. Probably everybody, you know.

Yeah, I had an inside joke. Everybody was having an inside joke. So I've been trying to, like, rephrase that. And I'll be like, there's a situation where. There's a situation in which. I like there's a world where. Yo, there's a world where there's a world where it's good man we gotta talk about the world yanni p bro so tell us there's something that's very

important if any of you guys follow yannis on on twitter man um we gotta support his special man because you know he's been because it's not doing great no no he's been going through some things it's because you're a fucking tough hang guy he's been going it's because you come out too hard with too you get too serious with your comedy we're fucking fucking around this guy's making me think too much what did you say when you came in today what was it i don't i don't remember i was in a blackout what i say i don't know but it was something super heavy what was it i don't know i don't remember i was in a blackout what i say i don't know but it was something super heavy what was it i don't know i don't remember i personally love it yeah i love the heavy stuff yeah from you yeah you know what i mean yeah um it's part of who i am yeah but you're coming from the woods

you were looking at horses this morning yeah what did i say when i came in here and you came in heavy right what i say chris literally came from a dead body yeah and he was like in light yeah well i mean i'll tell you right now this is what I deal with on an everyday I've coined a character called Yanni Longdays and it's just

you know you gotta deal with stuff like this every once in a while you know listen this is three o'clock in the morning actors stop boasting

about your virtue you're getting so over being rich and famous for a job a child can do for a job a child can often does he always has spelling mistakes yeah smart criminals know to lay low during after a robbery not bring

attention to themselves shut the fuck up like keanu yeah or we'll start to figure out the hustle son we're gonna bring back the character yes this shit is got to add on it yo then he says or else your jobs will go to criminals that make license plates and drunks like in shakespeare's day yeah is that right criminals used to be the ones that did drugs they would give them to drunks like yeah yeah they'd throw like hey you want to make a couple pence they'd star in his shakespeare shakespeare was famous and nobody knew who the actors were the tweet is basically saying like we know what it's basically saying you get it you just took four minutes to read the fucking thing yo you know what the whole point of twitter is to basically say in the first place you know what's

the best part about Rome? One of the good parts about Roman culture that we figured out while we discovered once. So they used to, if you were a criminal, right? You committed a crime, you were fucking by jury or peers, whatever. They would put you, you would get to act in a play, like a stage play that the emperor would go to. And if there was a scene where you got killed in the show, they'd kill you for real. That's how you die that was your death sentence you would get killed on stage in front of everybody

for the art yeah it's kind of cool just get beheaded you would get eaten by a lion that's what's next I mean we're heading there that's real that's a real thing but why would you agree to do it well you have no choice you're in jail that's what you have I'll just stay in jail you kill me in jail you're not going to kill me in front of the whole city

I think that they would just do it because they had respect. I don't know. They would. I don't know. It's just a thing that we read that we discovered. We are like one guy did it.

Hey, one guy's good enough for me from my stories for Chrissy's world. Yeah, it's good enough that the whole people did it for thousands. When Chrissy tells a story, you just it could be could not. You just got it.

Whatever reality is a suggestion. It's a suggestion. You never know. OK, have either of you guys been to Portland? Yes. Oregon. Not me.

Okay. So we were in Portland doing shows this past weekend, and I have never experienced ruder people in my entire life. I was absolutely baffled. We went to this place called Pine Street Biscuits. Pine State Biscuits, Al? Is that the one that all lesbos own? They're all lesb lesbos yeah because there's one that's all fucking lesbos they're all lesbos yeah and i and we go in there and there wasn't really a seating area there was like a

kind of like some bar stools or some shit but i want to like sit down i want to like have like service you know no it's voodoo donuts i go up to the girl i go who's at the counter and i go hey just out of curiosity can you recommend like a diner or something around here we just want to have like some like you know seated table service something like that and um she goes she goes uh do you have a smartphone i go yeah she goes you might want to try typing that in. Wow. I could not fuck. Dude, I wanted to grab her by the back of her skull and just slam her forehead. Slam her purple-headed head. Yeah. Into the fucking counter, dude.

I could not. It was so much. You know how, like, as a comic, you expect yourself to have a witty retort? Yeah. You were flabbergasted. I was flabbergasted. What did I say, Al? I go, did that just happen?

I started laughing like halfway into her statement because I know where it was going. I was like, I can't believe she's saying this shit. When she said, do you have a smartphone? I thought there was an app for good places to eat in Portland that she was going to recommend. I was like, yeah, I do. I took the bait. You took the bait, yeah. Like an idiot.

I took this bait. Yeah, like a fucking idiot I took this bait yeah I do and then just type that into your smartphone and then fucking walked away do you think she recognized you the walk away bothers me cause then

cause she didn't sit in it yeah at least I can have a chance at a witty retort if you sit in it I had nothing or tell you fuck you I had fucking nothing

what a bitch they're all like that dude it was unbelievable it's cause you didn't bring your sword you didn't expect you didn't expect for a duel to happen.

I didn't. You were just asking for a place. It started on the way. I'm on the flight over there. The flight attendant goes, we have two options. We have oatmeal or a Creole omelet. I go, what's in the Creole omelet? She goes, eggs.

Is there something about my face where people think they could be rude to me? I'm like, there's a lot about your face. Is that it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. rude to me? I'm like, there's a lot about your face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that it? I couldn't fucking believe it. That's a question totally different spot. Here's the thing I realized while I'm out there is that Portland is white people without God, without religion. That's a dangerous white person.

Talk to me. That's a dangerous white person. Because, go, go. They just need something to check you. We need a check or person. Because, go, go. They just need something to check you. We need a check. Yes. Or a fucking balance, dude. And when I mean religion, it could be like-

I don't know if you guys heard about the Crusades, but they had a god and they did some- Oh, shut the fuck up, dawg. Come on. Yeah. I'm not some shit from 400 years ago. Dude, that's what everybody did back then. The Catholic Church did. Everybody killed each other back in the day.

They did a few boo-boos. Do you know what I mean? A couple, but they did way more good than bad. They molested a few kids. They fed like the whole world. Couple hundred thousand. Just really think about it. It's true.

Would you trade those kids for the millions of people really think about it. It's true. Would you trade those kids for the millions of people they fed? No. It's charity fuel. Billions. Billions of people they fed. Thanks, Chris. I'm a Catholic. Listen, I've taken a few off the fucking nose. You know that. It's charity gasoline. And I don't mind it. Say again? It's what fuels charity. It's what fuels charity. It's the kids.

Ask Epstein's. Ask all that kind of shit. Anyway, point is, it's science. Chris is so Catholic, he got molested by friends. By friends, yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. Other Catholics.

Yeah, bro. I got tattoos all over my back. Yeah, and I'll still go to church or support it. Yeah. There we go. It's just indoctrined in you. I respect Catholics

the way they can sort of create a safe place for themselves. Right. Like they can push down the truth and live in a place. Yeah. Well, why do they have to be perfect? That's i understand like why does every single aren't people don't people sin isn't it baked into religion that people fuck up it doesn't have to be the catholicism that's

wrong it has to be the people that touch the kids that are wrong yeah but that's the whole method that the priests use to win your confidence like you said no they're molesters that go what should i do so i can take advantage of kids oh be a priest that works exactly right it's like a cover for a pedophile yes i think the whole thing is it is an elaborate not the whole thing i think the whole thing is an elaborate operation what about the art i mean look at what about cyo basketball if you were to build cyo i never got molested by cyo what do you mean you track kids you attract kids. You do basketball leagues. You do schools. No, every religion

gets into the kids because the kids are the most malleable. You call me father. You call me father is funny. Well, you don't fuck your dad. No, but whose authority can you never question?

Whose authority would a family never question? Someone you call father who talks to Jesus. Leave your son with me. We're going to put him in school. Yeah. We're going to him he's gonna be he's gonna be with me he's under my guidance my tutelage right how do you think they were able to get away with it for so long it only came to life you know this is a comedy podcast right what the fuck is this i mean but it's like that's what

they've been doing he's playing molestation to us on a grand level welcome to my fucking life i woke up at four o'clock in the morning. I thought I was going to have a fucking great day. And he had a tweet that said that the wheels of history are greased with blood. And I was like, what? Yeah. You say this shit like no one knows it. And then it was 630 in the morning.

And I'm like, oh, Yanni Longday. I'm telling you, the purpose of the Catholic Church is to molest kids. Yannis. It's a cover for it. The buildings. Yeah. Gargoyles. Evil gargoyles.

Yes. But what about the buildings? What about the churches? What about the cathedrals? The Vatican. If you kids don't care about art, kids don't care about marble, kids don't care about sculpture, that is in their dark souls. The architecture is a manifestation of the dark Lord that runs that place.

See, now I feel like you're doing the thing that you're saying they're doing. You're creating this place just for them. You got to admit there's a few good Catholics. I'll be honest with you. Is Chris a molester? Look, I got Catholic tattoos all over my body. He's a Catholic. I got scripture all over my body.

And I'll fucking be 100% transparent right now. Yeah. All I had mostly great, great, great experiences being an altar boy, playing CYO, going to church, growing up in a Catholic family. There was a couple of instances where I told you I would go ask Father Bill. Father Bill asked me to get his cloak from the upstairs part of the church, and I blacked out. So that, I don't know necessarily what happened, but it was a blackout.

But I'm telling you, even me going through that, and I did get – But that's even charitable that they make you blackout and forget about it. Like most molesters, you've got to carry that shit for the rest of your life. You don't remember anything. I don't remember it was a blackout and but i do not i won't have my daughter in catholic stuff and my mom touches the girls yeah girls are good i do think my daughter's a lesbian though that's another thing though why is that i don't know she just acts a little gay but it's fine you know yeah yeah it's fine i don't mind at all she's just i don't know

mind at all she's just i don't know she's just scissors the other kids no no i'm kidding no i'm kidding no we just maybe she like had one of your podcasts on in the background and she was like men are disgusting men are disgusting i don't think my there's no way she was she's not she was gay i don't care she's gonna be sexual you're sexual she's gonna be sexual i don't care if my child is gay at all and i actually don't care if they're trans. As long as she votes to the right. Yeah, well, she's going to the right. I mean, she already knows because she's Puerto Rican. She already knows we're going to be Puerto Rican on college applications, white on job applications.

That's how that's going to work. When we're 50-50, 100%. That's not going to change. I know it's going to 50-50. Elizabeth Warren. Yeah, it's not going to change. That's, by the way, we should have did when that Portland lady said what said use your smartphone you should have just said trump 2020 you should have said that right yeah you're right she would have fucking right i didn't have that she just said listen

bitch you got four you got your smartphone bag four more years are those your deep america great socks what is that what they are these socks yeah these are uh yeah these are this is laundry day socks i don't know why i put these puppies on. There's this thing that happens to us, and I don't know what the fuck it is, but we need some sort of purpose because otherwise you just go like this. You go, well, why should I be nice to this person if life is pointless? Yeah. You need some sort of driving force, at least in Seattle where they're like real hippies. You have to be nice as part of that hippie culture.

You have to treat someone with decency and they buy into it Portland they're not hippies they're also fearless they just don't care people who are religious fear God white people who have

no God fear nothing except black people and that's where Al comes in handy you gotta ask all the questions

in Portland they'll suck your dick if you tell them they were super nice to Al super nice super nice to him they feel bad.

We were having this other conversation too while we're out there, right? Because I'm really trying to understand what the fuck Portland was. And you know how like there's this like alt-right bastion of like alt-rightness in like Oregon. Yeah, because it's surrounding. Yeah.

It's not in Portland. But it's like right in Oregon. It's very red. Very red. Yeah, like Mount Hood and all that. KKK, all that kind of shit. And I can objectively say this as a white guy objectively say this those are not the best whites exist they do make better audience members than people in portland though i will say they'll laugh

more at your jokes they're not good people can i tell you something but you'll crush in front of them can i tell you something audiences were amazing in portland amazing and this is always how it is the more annoying a city the better the people that come out you are catharsis for them they fucking need it yes because nobody's saying it and then we go there and we say they're like thank you yeah somebody fucking understands so they were incredible this is no uh it's nothing about the people that came out but there's something about um the people there right they're like these white people are like oh we're white supremacists or some shit like that they're like 140 pounds there's there's way

better whites out there in the world we know this for sure people from fucking netherlands six six fucking white behemoth the best whites yeah the best whites probably right i would say norwegians norwegians or no no no not swedes swedes are weak they're a little beta but norwegians or if you have you seen a fucking uh dutch uh speed skater body, or have you seen a fucking Dutch speed skater body? Good bodies. Have you seen that body? No, but I'm curious. Yeah, no, no.

Please, get this up. Where do you check out speed skating Norwegians? Winter Olympics. No, no, no. I'm a Norwegian. Oh, sorry. Dutch. Dutch.

Go Dutch speed skating. I don't get specific with my fucking Scandinavians like that. I mean, it's not fucking European, my brother. Norway, Scandinavia. Germans are still the best whites though. Look at these, look, no,

that's a female. Oh my God, look at that girl. That's a female, go to male. Wow, look at that, holy shit.

That's a white ass. That's a white ass, Chris. That's a white fucking muscle ass. Go to male, go to male, look at the thighs on these men. Yeah,

I want to see a hot, a nice, just Dutch cock. That is a nice bot. So, so, we're figuring this out, right?

Okay. Okay. We're in Portland and we're having this discussion. I'm like, why the fuck, right? You see all the like,

the most racist whites. Sure. Right? The most racist whites are not white supremacists. Right. The most racist whites are not white supremacists. Right. The most progressive whites are actually white supremacists. Of course.

I'll make this point, right? I got you. So because think about it. The most racist whites don't feel like they're supreme. They're fearful. The Mexicans are going to steal our jobs. The black guys are going to fuck our women or take all our basketball fucking positions, et cetera, like that.

They're fearful of minorities. They're afraid because they don't believe they're supreme. Those Norwegians, they're like, yeah, welcome. Come to our country. Black people aren't going to learn how to ski. Come, hey, Muslims, come to our country. We don't fucking care. We don't think you're a threat because the progressive whites really believe they're

better. And they shroud that shame. And progressive American whites, progressive American whites, not only do they not see you as a threat, they're better. And they surround that shit. Progressive American whites, not only do they not see you as a threat, they pity you. They pity you. And that's why I fucking hate them. Don't pity me.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Because you want the smoke. You want to go toe to toe. I'm better. I have to prove it to you now. And if you're giving me the win, fuck you.

And that's bullshit. So on some level, when you look at like those racist Southern hillbilly whites, you actually have to look at them like, they actually see if you're not a white person you gotta be like whoa they actually see me as better yeah it's a compliment yeah yeah they don't want to compete with you yeah feel bad for them yeah but the people who it's like if i'm playing basketball with somebody and i'm not good but i'm much better than i look like i would be if you just let me like if you're not playing actual defense, I'm gonna be like, what the fuck? Who the fuck are you?

Fuck you. I'm not some fucking charity case. I'm just fucking, I just had, are you just laughing at the idea of him playing? No, I just had this, I just had this image of this like bunch of like white racist chasing a black guy and

a black guy going like, I'm so flattered. These guys are so fucking into me. Oh, you know, I know. But now, you get to prove. He's getting chased out of the country. He's just looking over. Thank you. You're a debutant. On some level, you into me. But now, you get to prove

that in the country, you just look at her, thank you. On some level, you got to. You got to though. The beauty of that scenario, Giannis,

is now as a black dude, you get to prove how fast you are. That's true. That's why they catch him with the truck. They know they're not going to win a foot race

with a black guy. That's a compliment. You got to get in your truck to catch me? Yeah, I think we just have white people who just, they recently found out that white people are the only people on the planet that have like two to 5% Neanderthal DNA.

This is just a fact. Maybe we're just evil. Maybe we just have a vitamin D deficiency. So it's an easy sell. Breach. It's an easy sell. You weren't here for this, Chrissy, but we were having this conversation before um the three of us and we're talking about like why america

like why we're such savages here right and it's not just whites it's just we're all fucking savages here in america and we chalked it up to like people that wanted opportunity or whatever it is right but it's not that we're a country of fucking sociopaths we're a country of people my mother included left her entire family the only people that loved her in scotland to never see again unless she flew them in she was totally fine not seeing her mom ever again that's a sociopathic sure mentality We have an entire country of these people. And that's why socialism or communism doesn't make sense. Because when Europeans go, well, don't you want to take care of them?

And it's like, I don't even want to take care of my mom. Yeah, I don't even care about them. I care about nobody that's related to me. Yeah, that's why all the psychosis and the crazy shit is in- Is here. Well, it's here, but it's in Los Angeles specifically. Because then even a smaller microcosm is this craziest ones of those americans yeah go to los angeles and then they create and then they run the media so now you think all that there's

all these problems when it's like all those people want us to fucking fuck your children and suck your blood you said the same thing you gotta be careful because you just you're you're flirting with the line there because they're running they're running the media and just coming from that face in ridgewood you're just going like alright just let's oh yeah because they're Jews yeah let's just take it yeah you were on a rope like this I just saw you like this

and I saw Wind Gus come and it went like this but you stayed up I stayed up yeah no I'm doing better because my friend is dying you know what you know what's funny

about German kids in Ridgewood we were talking about this because is Chris German now yeah I'm German I'm German for the bit bro

Chris is Chris is character you know what he said he's a suggestion this is character he'll remember when he said he's okay with his girl being gay reality's a suggestion yeah these are all he'll be whatever you want but the truth is he's mostly german from a german neighborhood i am wood that's the ancestry.com yeah he's mostly german and ridgewood is a traditionally mostly german neighborhood you believe this shit oh i know it for a fact. The Italian sitcom fails and he's got to find a new identity. Okay?

So now he's the German wild guy that says the crazy shit. This guy's genius. He's a fucking sociopath like the rest of us. Don't believe it.

He's not a real person. You keep moving. You keep moving. Just keep it moving. He's here for the pleasure of everybody. Whatever you need, he will provide you

with fun and good. Whatever you need, babe. Yeah, I don't care. When I go home, I fucking unzip my skin. It's what it is. And I just step out into something you've never seen before. But here's the funny thing about Germans. Here's the funny thing about Germans. Alex will get kissed on the lips.

There we go. You too, Eddie. If you can prove you have a passport. But think about this. Did Germany kiss US citizens? think about this. The German. Because you are citizens. The fucking Germans. Hold on.

Hold on. I'm trying to get the German point out for fucking 10 minutes. To your point. And Chrissy just. He's trying to just steamroll it. I would have been honest. You said something. I just steamroll it.

I'm so fucking. I approve. I approve of this method. I approve of this method. He's getting two history hyenas on us. Let's take a break for a second and let y'all know about some shows that we got coming up. Obviously, those tickets are available for the special. We just added those seats or made those seats available, so make sure you go get those at

TheAndrewSchultz.com. Orlando, we'll see you this weekend. The shows are sold out. Thank y'all so much. After that, Richmond, Virginia, those tickets are sold out thank y'all so much after that Richmond Virginia those tickets are sold out but you can come to Virginia Beach I think we still got a few tickets left in the Virginia Beach show

Charlotte North Carolina which will be that following Sunday that we still have a few tickets left for that go get those then New Jersey Stress Factory sold out Minneapolis we had a second show. Some tickets available for that.

Milwaukee, we got tickets available for that show as well. And so do we have tickets available for Tucson. And Tucson will be the last show that I do before the special. TheAndrewSchultz.com for all these. Spread the word. Spread the flagrancy. Come on out and enjoy your damn selves. Akash, what you got, man?

March 12th through 14th, that's this week, I'm going to be in Montreal Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Come through. Let's pack that bitch out. I want to destroy all the Canadian markets. I know there's mad Indians there. Montreal, come through. Let's do it.

The day before that, I'm doing a college gig in Canton, New York at St. Lawrence University. Every time I do a college gig, there's always some assholes that hit me up that's like, hey, I live there. If I'd have known how to come message me, if you hear this, I'll get you in. We'll figure it out. Don't worry about it.

Also, March 27th, I'm going to be in the Den Theater in Chicago. Let's come through. Let's sell that bitch out. And May 7th, Vancouver. I'm coming. Every Punjabi in Surrey better be in that bitch. Let's go selling it out. Theaters.

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This is what's funny to me about the Germans. You fucking old man bore. The Germans. He took the Amtrak here. He's been thinking about this all day. He's letting Jeff fucking point out. Did you hear that? He goes, what'd he call me? What'd he call me? He couldn't hear it.

I can't hear it. What? What is that? What did you say, Shani? I'm sorry. I can't hear. Go, go. The Germans.

Germans like. How many times has he said Germans? Because of how many Germans. Let's get a German count on the phone. Go ahead, go ahead. Germans. Ding on the video. Ding, ding.

Germans like. There was a big Nazi rally here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At Madison Square Garden. Ding, ding. Germans, like, there was a big Nazi rally here at Madison Square Garden. How many people was it? What was it like? Whatever Madison Square Garden holds, 18,000. It was like 18,000. Do you know how many times? Talk about this.

They sold out the garden. They sold out the garden. Sold out the fucking garden. And then- I don't understand. When is this? Did you get tickets for this? No, this was in the 30s.

Oh. 1930s, yeah. So the question still stands. And then- You guys, yeah. 1930s, yeah. So the question still stands. And then... You guys... Look, I'm only... What am I, nine years older than you guys? When you guys are my age, you're going to look like shit.

Both of you are going to look like shit. Yeah, yeah. You didn't say all of you. I look fucking good. You're going to look good. I'm going to look fantastic. Yeah, we got a little... 35.

Yeah, the Northern Europeans, you guys fall apart after 40. Oh, yeah. You're Scottish. You're fucking done. But I say sun. Yeah, yeah. It's true. It's baby. 35. Yeah, the Northern Europeans, you guys fall apart after 40. Oh yeah, you're Scottish. You're fucking done. But I say sun. Yeah, it's true. It's true. And you're a skinny kid.

Yeah, but Northern Europeans, I mean, your veins start to show. You can actually get away with using sun because we'd be like, maybe. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, for fucking 44, I'm a cute fucking kid.

You really are. Yeah, I'm aging like a black kid. And you got a Tesla now. And I'm about to get one you got that Tesla no I haven't got it yet so here's my point that's funny about Germans

they didn't like they didn't bro I'm not letting go he wants this fucking point I want it I want it he's relentless

I'm fucking fighting for this one I can tell dude let's go they didn't like learn anything he's been trying to get the lessons before the podcast they didn't learn anything

wait wait just start over go so the Germans were like Nazis like they all supported They didn't learn anything. He's been trying to get the answers before the podcast. They didn't learn anything. Wait, wait. Okay. Just start over. Go. Okay. So what happened? Germans were like Nazis.

They all supported them. Not were. Hold on. We are. Hold on. That's my point. That's my point. That's what you were waiting to fucking tell us.

That's what you were waiting 30 minutes to say. That Germans were like Nazis. Every single one of them is a fucking secret Nazi. Because they never learned anything and said like. Jesus, Catholics are all molesters. You know when you get caught? You know like when Louis C.K. got caught? Are Greeks all gay? Huh?

Absolutely, man. Every single one? 10, 15, 20%. 100%. Wait, why'd you knock it down to 10, 15, 20? Because it's like, we gotta reproduce. So nature kept us 75%. But anything that's evolved and smart is a little gay.

Let's be honest nobody goes to a fucking neighborhood because all the jocks are moving there it's like the lesbians are there buy a fucking house that's actually a good point I bet you gay men

or gay people have higher IQs 100% across the board why? because I think it's a more evolved thing I think when you start to get evolved like Giannis was saying

you start to think why can't I just have sex with everything isn't that devolving? no no I think it's evolving I think it's evolving because there's more holes what's the point of life well the point of life is to have a fucking cute time and to make sure everything matches i think so epicurean of you i think i think after you i'll tell you this i'll tell you

this i've procreated right i have a beautiful daughter yeah and i've said this before now you've stopped living now i've stopped living but i think the first 50 years of my life, I'm straight. I'd like to go the last 50. Why the hell not? You would really go gay. Would you really go gay? Reality is a suggestion. I don't know.

I'll tell you. Have you ever hooked up with a tranny? I've never hooked up with a tranny. Never once. My boy, Paddy, fly balls did. Paddy? You're just calling out Paddy? Paddy, I know.

He's a part of it? Yeah, Paddy, you know. Is he a little fuck your mouth? Paddy McGee. No, no, no, no. No some other guy some other kid those are brothers yeah yeah hold on but so never never once no tranny i've never done with a tranny i'll tell you this yeah i've said before that i i you know romantically i'm physically attracted to women but emotionally attracted to guys like we can have a good conversation i want to fuck a girl for sure

yeah i've never i've never done anything physically gay so So I don't know that I could ever receive a dick or give a dick in an ass, in a guy's ass. Mouth. Mouth or mouth. But I could certainly, I think, find myself in a relationship with a guy. Yodeling pee? We're holding hands or we're doing, you know, like I would let a guy nibble on my earlobe, no problem. But I think once it starts to get to sex, it needs to be a vagina. And it needs to be I have been born a vagina.

That's not gay, man. I got to be honest with you. That's really not gay at all. Yeah, you're describing straight. You're just describing dudes hanging out with a little bit of weird stuff. You're describing friendship. You're describing being African. Just walk around holding hands with your boys and then go fuck a vagina.

Don't you guys hold pinkies and walk? Indians will hold hands, yeah. Well, the thing is, in Ridgewood, where I grew up, it was so, I'm always asking Giannis, is this gay, is that gay? Because literally, if you did anything, if I would let you borrow my basketball shorts, it'd be like, yo, it's fucking gay, my dick was on it, what are you, gay?

Or if I was like, yo, I got a B plus from sucking cock, and it's like, whoa, good grades is gay? So that's why when I found Giannis, I was like, yo, dude, you can talk about history and you can talk about your feelings, it's not gay. But I came from a neighborhood where it's like, whoa, good grades is gay. So that's why when I found Giannis, I was like, yo, dude, you can talk about history and you can talk about your feelings. It's not gay. But I came from a neighborhood where it's like, yo, if you're not-

And he wanted to try to kiss me. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no. No, not like that. Yo, you pushed my head down. Because he thought he was gay. I said, it's okay to like art and like history. And then he just assumed he was gay.

And he tried to kiss me. And I was like, no, man, it just means you're smart. Because he comes from a neighborhood where if it it was smart then that means it's gay but even in Greek culture right where there's a lot of promiscuity amongst men my sexual tastes are like a Turkish sultan okay like I like all levels of woman okay so it's like I'll

take a full woman and then anything that looks like it's getting banged out oh you if you can pull it off I'm fooled credit to you salute so you'd have you hooked up with a tranny? No, but I absolutely fucking would. But you would? A hot one. Hold on.

I've watched tranny porn too. Hold on one second. I don't believe it. I absolutely would. You would hook up with a tranny? Yeah, I don't care. What do I care? I don't know if I do anal.

I don't like anal. If you were single, you are happily married. Yeah, I'm happily married. You're happily married, but you're saying? Two women for now. For now. You would hook up with a tranny? Yeah. 100%. I'm happily married. But you're saying... To a woman for now. For now. You would hook up with a tranny. 100%.

I'm sorry. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. 100%. I'm trying to understand it.

So dick still attached? Just wearing makeup? I prefer the dick. Here's why, Andrew. No, Andrew. I prefer it. I prefer it. Is this because Maurice is coming back?

What is this about? Is this a marketing ploy? What is this about? Okay, so we watch the documentary. If it is,'s why, Andrew. No, Andrew, I prefer it. Is this because Marisa's coming back? What is this about? Is this a marketing What is this about? Okay, so we watch the documentary. If it is, it's fucking clever. We watch the documentary on this Marisa's back.

Oh, that's how you get away with doing Marisa. You're like, I'm about it. I'll even do it. No, no, no. If I see someone and I'm attracted to them,

right, like, you're attractive. Do you eat fake fruit when it's on the bowl and the table? I'll eat a Beyond Burger. I love a Beyond Burger. But will you eat fake fruit, like a on the bowl on the table. I'll eat a Beyond Burger. I love a Beyond Burger. Like a plastic piece of pear?

No. I don't think it's fake. I think it's more Beyond Burger. You take a plastic banana and shove it in your throat. You gotta wipe that plastic. Dude, you gotta wipe the MW. They're real people. You're calling them not real.

To me, they're real people. No, they're real people. Some of them are sexy as fuck. That's real plastic. Say again? Some of them are sexy as fuck. Who? Who do you like?

Who's your fave? I don't know any fucking name but I mean like have you ever seen Bailey J Bailey J's kinda hot yeah pretty she's kinda hot

yeah I mean she's hot would you take it down she's taking estrogen would you throw it she's got tits would you throw it I don't know if I'd throw it that gets a little weird

but you're asking me hypotheticals if I'm in the moment and I'm horned up and like she looks like a woman I mean you know what's the difference how can you look like a woman with a huge set of cock and balls that part looks like a man I'm not know what's the difference how can you look like a woman with a huge set of cock and balls

that part looks like a man I'm not going to argue that part but you said you prefer that huh no I'm saying if I'm hooking up with a tranny I would prefer that over a kind of

if I knew it was kind of a created over a perfect pussy right no no no over a literally perfect pussy that one's kind of like not a real pussy

so this is Bailey J who was born a man and it's a woman. And then what's the man? You guys are just fucking lying. You're just like, you can't tell. What's the person

who was born a woman and then became a man? Remember? He's like the jacked guy but he was born a woman, buck something. Yeah, so let me ask you a question. If you had the choice,

if you had the choice, there's a ton of them. Maybe seal thing. That's a trans the other way. I don't think you understand me. If you had the choice yeah yeah yeah there's a ton of them maybe Seal thing that's a trans the other way I don't think you understand if you had the choice to hook up with a male to female trans

yeah or a or a female to male trans yeah like Buck Angel his name's Buck Angel yeah we just put him up Buck Angel

which one would you hook up with if you had to so this is a woman you understand you don't have to no no no but this is hypothetical this is white boy fun

let us indulge this is a great one. Oh, this is one of my favorite hypotheticals ever. I've never played this one. Try it. You're saying you have to hook up with male to female or female to male. You can't say you can't because that kills it. Because I'm picking a woman too, but you're asking me.

Huh? The female or the male or female. No, everything is flopped. Everything is flopped. The woman has a penis. The man, what looks like a man, has a vagina. Sean Buck Angel, are you attracted to this? This man was born with, this is not Aaron Burke.

It's a woman. It looks like Aaron Burke. It's not Aaron Burke. It's fucking Heisenberg. Now that was a woman. You can't say neither because you get out of it that way. So here's the thing. So who are you banging?

Her? This is what's tricky. Does he have a vagina? He has a vagina. Post-op. And the other girl's got the cock. No,'s the thing. So who are you banging? Her? This is what's tricky. Does he have a vagina? He has a vagina. And the other girl's got the cock. No, no, no. No post. No, he was born with a vagina.

I'm sorry. He was born with a vagina. So we're keeping parts. Let me just set the parameters. We're keeping original parts. Everything else has changed. Yeah. So.

Holy shit. So here's Bailey J. We're just people from a time that's going away. Pretty soon. So this is a. She has a penis. She's just going to be third sex people. She has a full cock.

Now, here's the thing. She'll get cracked. This is the thing. There are certain things that I don't like if a girl or a guy has it. Yeah. A penis is one of them. Penis is one of them, but also hair. See, my rules are just not as strict as yours.

Feet. So, hair is a big no. If there's a chick, there's a chick who was working at the comedy club. Did you notice? At Helium Portland, one of the girls who was taking, or the dudes who was taking pictures after the show, tranny, but had facial hair and everything. Kind of portly, egg looking like. Did you see her?

Those are invisible to me. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Alex, did you fuck her? Be honest with us. You're like, I don't know who you're talking about. I don't know who you're talking about. Let me see your phone. That is a really interesting one

because I bet most people would rather Bailey J than Buck what does the guy know I know they would everyone's lying well we talked about this on our podcast

I said I'd rather fuck Buck Angel everyone's just lying why because for me for me it looks like a guy I'm supportive of it all

that's what you want for me it's actually perfect it looks like a guy but it has a pussy. It's like, yeah, sorry, dad. This is the dream. Some people may prefer that because they want, but either way, who cares? I don't care.

Well, we watched the whole neuroscience documentary where we saw if even us, we don't even realize we do this. It's subconscious at times. Men, straight, heterosexual, straight men will click through porn where the girl is hot it's a porn woman and the man's penis is flaccid they'll click through that what you want to see sexual your brain is sexually aroused by hard cock and big tits so that's why a transgendered woman is excitable to straight men and why they can jerk off to because they have the big cock and they have the big tits and those are the things

so in other words a hard dick excites a heterosexual man more than a wet pussy in porn gay guys gay guys do not like trans women

no no trans women and also here's the other thing that they know is that trans porn is one of the most searched here's the thing porns by straight people

so people are just lying we did this on this podcast it's like lies but uh and Instagram actually took down a clip but I was made the argument

that tranny porn is straighter because it's just more tits it's the same amount of dick and pussy but two more mathematically you can't argue with the math

100% yeah but the hard dick is about you imagining yourself as the person in the porn yeah and you don't want to imagine yourself soft

what the neuroscientist was saying it scrambles a bunch of symbols. Neuroscience are gay, dude. I mean, neuroscientists are gay. They're gay, dude. Why would you be that?

You're gay. It's been a long time. What are they saying in the hood about it? Say again? What are they saying in the hood about it? I trust that more.

Get that gay shit away from me. Neuroscience is gay. That neuroscientist is gay shit. But they're saying it's scrambling a bunch of can we go back to Germany Doug yeah sure

have we still not had the Germany thing here's the German point that we didn't learn anything India India a very homophobic place right yeah

a little bit yeah a lot of homosexuality happening I'm sure yeah in the Muslim world it's the same thing like it's very homo

it's a you talk to anyone who's been there it's like it's a very taboo thing whatever's taboo is gonna make you gotta admit at least when it comes to that when it comes to the homophobia and stuff like that that's that's a white people problem in the sense of we're the only ones that get in trouble

for it because rap songs are people in india i mean they fucking go wild and they call everyone homos and this and that and everyone's like we love you Eminem you're yay but it's like this is we live in actually one of the most progressive places on the planet that's because liberals

are afraid of black people they won't criticize a black person ever ever ever unless they know everybody's behind them including other black people

that is true but also white people operate in extremes so we're probably the most terrifying and hateful but also by far the most progressive right there's no other group of people cares about let's just say what it is we're just the best we've got the best and the worst you know what i'm saying it's the best of worth it's like nobody i'm kidding no no you're not

you're not at all my daughter's half-port. I'm sure she is. You're not at all. My daughter's half Puerto Rican and I have license to say anything. They don't have that button here. They don't have it here. My daughter's half Puerto Rican and I have license to say anything. You gotta sit on that.

Diversity. Diversity. Think about it. Think about it. There is this thing about environmentalism and all this. I mean, Native Americans care about that shit,

but that's baked in. They gotta care about it. Do you really think they give a fuck about environmental shit like modern Native Americans? I don't know. Modern day. Maybe back in the day because they were like living off of whatever.

But it doesn't matter. You were connected to your food. Native Americans were also like, they did fucking horrendous shit to their people too. It's tribalism. Well, some of them didn't. Some of them did. I mean, they used to fucking scalp their own too and go wild. The Comanches were fucking wild.

But it's like, oh, the white man gave you smallpox. Yeah, we did, guy. I really feel like- But you also used to cut out your fucking, your rival tribe's organs and eat them for dinner with your buffalo skin. I really feel like the only reason you know history is so you can say white people aren't that bad. Listen, guys.

Why do white people are bad? This is my favorite argument. That goes back to the German point. You never let me get out. We're going to get to the German point. Yeah, we're going to- I got a lot to say about the Germans. We got it.

On Patreon. I got a Puerto Rican daughter. That's a Patreon episode. That's how it does. My daughter's Puerto Rican and I voted for Obama twice. Yeah. You can say whatever I want. You know damn well you didn't vote for Obama.

I actually did. I swear to God. I swear to God. That's the biggest lie you've told on any podcast. I swear on my daughter. Okay, go. Which I would never lie. I voted for Obama twice and I voted for Hillary, but make no mistake, come November,

Trump is getting my vote. You voted for Hillary? There's not a single thing in this fucking world that can change me from the fact that Trump is... I wish I could vote right now. Yeah, but wait a second. I want to put in vote for my friend who's going to die. Just like, Bubby, he said Trump.

Can we edit that out, the Hillary part? That's going to hurt our numbers. I did vote for Hillary. I don't know, Hillary's just... I did vote for her. Wow. I we edit that out, the Hillary part? That's going to hurt our numbers. I did vote for Hillary. I don't know. Hillary's just- I did vote for her. Wow. I wasn't enlightened yet, but now it's like, now I get the liberal fucking- I don't judge you, too.

Now I get what's going on with the bullshit. Now I'm like, okay, Trump- I'm not going to sit here and judge people for who they vote. I don't judge people for how they vote or their sexuality. We're too judgmental now. You think so? It's a free country. Everyone wants-

How do you feel about Catholics? Huh? Catholics are pedophiles. No, Catholics are innocent victims of a system that is set up for pedophilia. There's no question that if you were a queen

of the dark lord, what would your castle look like? Dude, Greeks were literally the first pedophiles. Literally on the prentice ship. So you could fuck little kids. It's built into the culture to fuck little kids.

That is a great fucking point and you got me it's so funny it's so funny what Giannis when Giannis and I talk because it's like you know we talk all the time

you know on the podcast we talk all the time and he's always like the same things like the Greeks did this the Greeks invented that the Greeks did this and I'm always like

yeah but nobody cares it's like people don't care about the Greeks at all I know you created everything but it's like it's all about the Irish and the Italian what have you done

for me lately bro we live in a what have you done for me lately city no we are the Al Bundy of countries we just talk about the glory days all the time

now we sell shoes you it's parrot it's for the French the same way and Egyptians all three of you guys are living in the past

you're museums dude you're fucking museum cultures and it's really weird and Italy's about to be there. It's an interesting thing. Welcome to the club, dog. The Italy pilot didn't get picked up. So now we're trying to teach Germany.

It's funny though that he went with it because his last name is DiStefano because his dad is like 6% Italian. But like when you look at him and then you find out he's German, you're going like, oh yeah. Chris, you gotta start doing all the bits about your father

but switch the accent. Don't tell anybody. Just get up at the cellar and do it. Yeah, so my dad is going to the fucking bread store, right? Let's sit closer to the field and he was with my son.

I said, just act retarded. Act like a hurt little Jew. So it was with my son. I said, just act retarded. Act like a hurt little Jew. So it was 9-11. I go to the school. And the principal says, no. And he says, guys, there has to be something we can work out. There has to be something we can do. No, he goes, you listen to the authority.

If the principal says it, you do it. You don't question anything. This is how our culture works. He didn't pick up a chair. That was in the Italian version. In this version, he pushed him into an oven. Make sure you wash your hands if there's juice in here. We'll just wash one of them.

I mean, you are a German, German kid from Ridgewood. All right, let's take a break for a second. We got to pay some bills here. We fixed cereal. We fixed it. We fixed cereal. Now, when I say cereal, I'm talking about breakfast cereal, that thing that we ate in the morning that had so much sugar and carbohydrates that we would go to school and then the school would say that we had ADD when we didn't really have ADD. We just had so much sugar and carbohydrates that we were just literally methed out at school. Do you remember that? That's why we couldn't learn anything.

Okay. They took all the bullshit out of cereal. Magic Spoon. It's a company. You might have heard me talk about before. They sent me the four cereals that they have. They're fucking delicious. They're healthy.

They're keto. They're keto. Okay. There's no gluten in these things. Let me get all the different things. They have the cocoa flavor, the fruity flavor, the frosted flavor, the blueberry flavor, all right? Zero sugar, 12 grams of protein, only three net carbs in each serving, okay? You know me. I'm off the bread. I eat this cereal. Absolutely delicious. Keto friendly,

gluten free, grain free, soy free. So men, you're not growing no titties out there. Low carb, GMO free magic spoon is where it's at. Absolutely delicious. I love the fruity one. I love the frosted one. And I love that cocoa. That blueberry ain't bad either. If you go to magicspoon, M-A-G-I-C-S-P-O-O-N dot com slash flagrant, they're going to send you the variety pack with free shipping. You go get that free shipping. Go get this cereal. If you got kids, make sure they're eating decent stuff.

Okay? That's what's most important. Make sure you know what's going on in your kid's body. If you enjoy a nice bowl of cereal, put some good stuff in your body. This sounds fantastic. It's absolutely delicious, bro. Yo, my girl still loves the sugary cereals, and I started eating them. I'm like, I'm 35.

I can't do this. Bro, you can't have that much sugar, dog. But it tastes so good. It tastes so good. This is perfect. I found a way to get around that, bro. This is perfect. Magicspoon.com slash flagrant.

Go get it. Now let's get back to the show. I didn't know Ridgewood was a German neighborhood until I met you. This is crazy. Remember when The Rock was like a bad guy and then he became like the hero? Yeah. That's what you're doing, man. You even got the hair, dude.

This is amazing, man. I like to just get out in front of here. Yeah. Like I tweeted the other day that I fucking bombed on Jimmy Kimmel. Oh, yes. I did, baby. And I just, people are like, why would you do that? It's like, because what am I going to do?

Fucking fake? Like that didn't happen? So break down this story. Okay. So for everybody who's listening, because again, what I've noticed a lot of times we do on podcasts, especially comedians, is we act like everybody listening is in our tiny little bubble of a fucking world. Most people don't even know Jimmy Kimmel has standup on it.

Good call. Okay. So break down. You go out to LA, Kimmel has stand up on it. Good call. Okay. So breakdown. You go out to L.A., right? I go to Los Angeles. Do all the podcasts. You're killing it. Do all the podcasts.

I mean, I'm on a run. You're on a high. I'm having good. I mean, yeah, like I'm swinging. It's just. Left the honest here. Yeah. Just left.

Left it behind. Why'd you leave him behind? I was just. Literally, I got in the Uber. I was like, just take me to Rogan's studio now. Just get me there. I just got stopped by Israeli security on the way. Yeah, yeah.

Did you? It's American security. No. Oh, Tim Dillon said they were Israeli guys. No, no, no, no. All Navy SEALs. Okay. Tim said they were guys, Israeli guys.

He just had food in his mouth. We didn't understand him. Yeah. There's a lot of Masadas out there. Let me know. Pocket ball over here. There's a lot of masadas out there. I mean, not a parking ball over here. He's like the fucking

fat cookie monster. You mean the cookie monster? The skinny cookie monster. Give me a fucking, give me two in a body. We're going to fucking work here today. Yeah.

We're fucking, we're going to make him work. Okay, so. Not good. You're out there. Not good. You go to Jimmy Kimmel to do the stand-up. Now, most stand-up, most late-night shows, you do stand-up in front of the audience that the late-night show is being recorded at.

Yes. Not Kimmel. Not Kimmel. And you're at the end, usually, of the show, like any type of other late-night to tonight show, Jimmy Fallon, whatever. You're at the end of the show. The audience is warm. There's been a whole show. And then like, hey. You're at the end of the show. The audience is warm. There's been a whole show. And then like, hey, we're going to have some standup.

It's been great. This is in Las Vegas at Jimmy Kimmel's Comedy Club. Right. So they will pump the standup into the actual show when it airs. But in the moment, you're at Jimmy Kimmel's Comedy Club. Now, it's 300 people packed, sold out show. Of course, they're free tickets to watch it a taping tv taping you do five minutes you have to do the five minutes that you already got approved okay so you can't

really deviate the first just to just to let everybody know the late night five minutes is highly scrutinized every single word every single word and there are these bookers that will they will quote unquote help you with your set so people who have never done stand-up comedy before in their lives will be like, hey, maybe you should try this word. Yeah. Maybe you should. Do they do a lot of that editing of your set? All that.

Yeah. They edit your set. Yeah. You can't say this. You can't say that. Right. It's a very unnatural environment. That's why people don't enjoy it usually.

We don't enjoy it. But usually, I've done other late night sets. It's in front of a hot audience. They are told to laugh and they know what's happening. This show is at a comedy club so it's already one strike against. It's at a big cavernous comedy club. Jimmy Kimmel's comedy club. It's a nice enough room but it's cavernous

and big high ceilings. Just not good for comedy settings. Jimmy Kimmel who's never done stand up I assume has his own comedy club. Maybe he had. I don't know if he had. I never knew him to be a stand up. I don't know. I don't know actually. From the I never knew him to be a stand-up. I don't know. I don't know, actually. From The Man Show. Jimmy was really funny

before he did the late night shtick, I gotta be one. The Man Show? Like, he was funny. Adam Carolla is a stand-up. Yeah, yeah. You know Adam Carolla does stand-up. Kind of does stand-up.

He's not like even a real, Adam does it, but he's like more of like a radio guy. Right. That's his like background, background. But he does stand-up as well. And you can tell he's doing bits. Like I've heard him on radio interviews

and you can tell this guy's working on material. He's got, he's a comic. He operates in bits. Even when you talk to him person to person, I could definitely do it. It's kind of odd. Yeah.

So, so this one, they don't have a warmup comic. Yeah. Or they had a warmup comic who did like three minutes. Right. And a warmup comic is usually like playing games with the audience. Hey,

we're going to have a TV taping. Just to get the audience, exactly, warmed up because at the beginning of a comedy show. But his sister does it? So what happened was the little warm-up comic guy went out, three minutes, whatever, bombed. Then his sister, who I had no idea does stand-up. Jimmy Kimmel's sister. She's great, actually. She's a sweet

girl. I did a show in Tempe with her. Really? Jill Kimmel. Yeah, she opened for me. I didn't realize jimmy kimmel sister i was like oh she's really nice and then i found out later as jimmy kimmel sister yeah she goes ate her dick yep just took a hot one and then and then so and then and then brought me out to right up chrissy right up to the you've noticed podcast the hyenas of history so so as i'm going out as i'm going out i kind of just know that this is going to be as it was one of those when you clap when you go out uh on stage you know like they stopped clapping

before i even got to the mic on a late night show yeah you know it's a problem yeah it's gonna be big problem yeah yeah so i'm like yikes so i come out and i had a thing in my head i was like maybe i should just do crowd work and just then maybe i should warm them up and then do the separate i was like they were specific about five minutes and i said real to be honest with you the truth of the reason why i really didn't do it is i was taking a red eye flight to get the fuck out of vegas in two hours so i was like i kind of don't want to miss my flight so your travel plans are why you bummed yeah well because i already knew that the views on theo vaughn's podcast and fighter and the kid were going to be twice maybe three times as much as jimmy kimmel and i knew that the views on Theo Vaughn's podcast and Fighter and the Kid were going to be twice, maybe three times as much as Jimmy Kimmel.

And I knew that I had done the work while I went out there. I'm like, I did the work that benefits me. This is like, I don't want to bomb and I don't want it to be bad, but I kind of don't care. I mean, I care, but I don't care. Also, for those of you who don't know, doing late night sets back in like the 80s couldn't make your career. Johnny Carson could change your life. Now it's almost polar opposite.

Now they're just an inconvenience. You're going, oh, fuck. Yeah. Here's the worst version of myself. Right. To an audience who doesn't really care about Sandra. Yeah, here I am dressed like I would never dress, telling jokes how I would never tell them.

Yeah. And you've done a lot of late night sets. And what have you realistically done for your numbers of ticket sales? Zero. Zero, zero, zero. So why did you do this? Not a thing. So you go up.

You decide not to do a minute of crowd work to warm them up because you would miss your flight by a minute. So I go out there. I go out there. That one minute, bro. First joke bombs. Yeah. What's the first joke?

The first joke was, well, first of all, I kind of played it down. I was like, yeah. I was like, give it up for Jill. I said that like, give it up for Jill. And then it was just like, and then nobody clapped. And then I was like, and then I was like, oh, that's the best when you think like, and now I'm about to turn it up. And then I was like, I'm on Jimmy.

I was like, Jimmy Kimmel, cute like that. Zero. And then I was like, so I was like, do you think more people need to get punched in the face? Nobody said anything. And I was like, okay. And then I just, and then I did the so I was like do you think more people need to get punched in the face nobody said anything and I was like okay and then I just and then I did the bit and it got okay and then I did a bit about

the next bit was about a cousin of mine having a peanut allergy and that really ate a dick and then three minutes that's actually a great bit thank you as much as I'm having fun with you bombing with you taking the bombing jokes instead of me yeah three minutes three minutes three minutes into my late night tv set i said you guys fucking suck i said that curse word curse word

use the curse word i'm sure they'll edit it out right but i was like you guys fucking suck so then that bombed and then i continued the. And then I just got off in the middle of kind of like half a fucking laugh at what I thought was going to be. The big closer. Well, I actually wound up doing my closer from my hour set that I'm going to do that wasn't approved by Kimmel just to be like, they're not going to let me just try something. And that bombed. Right. So I was just like, wow. So then I get off stage and the producer is

like oh man he was like don't worry he was like how was it was like that crowd fucking stinks and he was like don't worry we'll pump laughs into it i said you better air that thing as the bomb that it is love it i said the last thing i ever want is you to pump laughs into that i said it's got to be truthful i said this is why this format fucking blows yeah i was like because yesterday i was able to tell the truth about myself for two hours and it was great and it was great in my own world and it was in my own world and now your truth isn't the truth so it is your truth yeah it is my truth yeah so it's like so it's like so it's like five this five minute bullshit that i just had to do

I said I regret even doing it and he goes the first comic always says that who makes up more stories you or Theo it's a tough one dude I need to listen to that podcast just so you guys can go back and forth

one time I was catching a monkey with a Chris is telling me I just enjoy it that's what it's for I mean you know it's either that or you know or I fucking tell you the truth and then it's just sad that's what we mean it's either that or you know

or I fucking tell you the truth and then it's just sad that's why we balance each other it's either I sell the tickets or I don't you know that's why we balance each other out so well it's because I think I come too real

right right and he balances out with just fun just fun it doesn't matter if it's real or not right because like I just it's like my sometimes I'm too real

and he's sometimes he's not real at all so it's like it's a fun balance on our podcast yeah all right so about the germans by the way i want to say real quick if jill hears this i mean you're great i just it was just a situation where i was just like everybody ate a dick but you were saying brad williams oh yeah he did it can i say he claims he didn't need it yeah chris say what you said to me? He claimed he didn't need it. Chris said the funniest thing to me. He goes, I call him from the Adidas store in Portland, which fucking blows. Do not go.

And I'm like, Chrissy, what's going on? Is everything okay? Like, I was concerned. I was a little bit concerned. Sure, sure. And then you're like, yeah, you know, I did bad. And Jill had a hard time. Everybody sucked.

Brad Williams called me and said that he fucking killed. And I was like you know what buddy I don't want to hear that you killed right now what I should have done is bowled you down

into the audience Brad I love you babe I was just angry like a fucking armadillo just curled him up I should have fucking went to the green room and got my slingshot and threw you off the

back wall. Jail, beat it. I'll take it from here. Yeah. Swam dive. Yeah. I mean, it was just, I mean, it was literally one of those things where I hope it goes so bad.

It's one of those things. First of all, I tweeted it out and it's the most favorited retweeted tweet I've ever had. Twitter let me know that. So now it's like, I actually have a chance of people maybe watching this set. I told them, the best case scenario is that you bomb on one of those things.

Right. It's the only thing, if I crush, nobody's going to care. At least now they'll be like, oh, I'm going to watch when this guy comes out. Yeah.

I mean, it's just, it takes, yeah, it's just, I mean, that's the way to kill a late night set now. Yeah.

Just eat it. Bomb funny. Yeah. And then they'll be like, is he actually this bad? Let me watch other clips of him. And then you go see the clips and the clips are all hilarious.

Dude, that's the beauty right now of clips. And I'm not trying to like tap into whatever the fuck. But when you have proof that you're funny out there, a late night thing doesn't matter as much.

Back in the day, you had one thing on the internet. It doesn't matter anyway. Even if you have a good one, who cares? No, but back in the day, there was one thing

to decide if you were good or not. Right. The late night. For the average person. Yeah. Now you have a million things, right? So somebody, if you have a good one who cares no but back in the day there was one thing to decide if you were good or not right the average person yeah now you have a million things right so somebody if you have this shitty set doesn't matter they go check out the 9-11 story they check out these different things like oh this guy's a funny dude we have so much more control of like how we're perceived out there do you remember when our friends would have a bad late night set dude it's like that's just fucking ended funeral dude who was the guy who had like a twitter that did Kimmel? Rob Delaney.

And you can't find that anywhere. He got scrubbed out of the internet. Why the fuck are you leaving on? He's in London doing stand-up. He does well in London now, though. Yeah. Well, they're boring as fuck. They love that.

They love when you just talk to them. How did he get it expunged like that? Say again? How did he get it expunged from the internet? Christopher, do you have any ideas? How did he get it expunged from the internet? Chris? Yeah. I don't know. From the internet? Chris? Yeah.

I don't know. There's no way to tap into the powers that be. Christopher, I'm your father. I'm your father, Christopher. Do you have some sort of final solution for how you can get in? Yeah. Yeah.

You gotta take it off. What is it, Chris? What is it? Tell us. He told me there was some Jew on his set. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. It's just a German joke. I don't fucking know. They, I don't know it's just a german joke i don't fucking know um they uh i don't know but mine's gonna be loud and proud it's gonna be good i can't wait to see now i i'm more excited to see we should have a watch party yeah the only problem that i'm more excited to see it the only problem that i'm thinking about is maybe it didn't go that bad as i thought it did in my head and it's gonna be like now it just looks like a mediocre set did in my head and it's going to be like, ugh, now it just looks like a mediocre set. But in my,

I felt the bomb. Mediocre is worse. I felt the bomb. If it's mediocre, it's not as good as a bomb. I'm hoping for a bomb. I'm hoping it's a bomb too. Yeah. You need to have,

if you have people, I don't know if you have people, you need to have them make sure they don't pump in laughs, they don't do anything. I told them to make sure not to. Because if you see a comic not getting laughs, he bombed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and I hope that they leave. I hope they just bleep out, you guys fucking suck, as opposed to editing out completely. Yeah. Yeah, it's so funny that if they try not to air it and you call them and say, come on, give me this. Give me the bomb. Let me give you the bomb. You're fighting for a bomb.

Yo, everything is on its head right now. We live in a reality that's kind of on its head. Everything is wild right now. Yeah. Like a bomb on late night is a success, and it really is. Yeah. Because it is so fabricated. Right.

And they could make anything look good that you want to show them the truth because that era is over. It's so transparent that that era was contrived now because you have something to compare it to, which is this. How do you shine through, man? It's all about shining through. Yeah. What are you doing that shines through? Sometimes bombing is more authentic and authenticity is always going to do it burr's uh burr in uh philadelphia that like dude it was a perfect thing i mean like even you know i use i

use your uh 9-11 uh story as an example for a lot of time for comics about like like creating a funnel for yourself on the internet yeah you know what i mean it's like you never had a funnel you had things but nothing really drew people in no and then once you get a funnel all of a sudden there's one thing that pulls everybody into your life and now you have these other things that they can go digest yeah and that's what i've always tried to create with myself on the internet it wasn't just like clips there's a reason why i told you not to put out the whole special yeah you know it was if you was, if you create the clips, there are just other opportunities for a funnel. You know, Chris D'Elia has a joke about these drunk girls that, and he tells me every year it goes viral again.

Yeah. So new groups of girls find this joke and then there's another funnel. I remember him doing that joke. I started in LA, 2007. I remember him doing that joke. And it's crazy. And it was like one of his first bits. And I remember being like, that's very funny.

The act out is so strong, whatever whatever but hearing that goes viral all the time now 12 years it continues to it so it's like now you have the funnel and you know you know for me maybe it was uh the women and food joke that i had you remember that yeah that was one and then like 441 or like the crowd work special but that was really the thing that opened what you're what you're talking about the funnel everybody wants a funnel but what you need more than a funnel is other things for them to go to after you get them in. Sure.

That's why the podcast is so important or putting out weekly content is so important. Because it gives them a place to go to check out with you every week. And you see it instantaneously. It's like, I bet right after that story hit, you started selling some tickets. Hell yeah.

Right? It was almost instant. Well, he was selling tickets before too, from Girls Gotta Eat. You sold out. Yeah, but I wasn't selling. But it's different. But adding theater shows and all that, that's 9-11 shit yeah and i'll tell you the comedies i did

that story on my comedy central hour special and it kind of just came and went because i had to do it their way you know the camera angles and oh can't say this we don't want to offend you know but then i did it drunk at the comedy cellar on 9-11. Yes. And fucking with their camera and it went viral. And because it was... So wait a minute. You owe your career to brown people? Yes. Thank you. What bothers you more than owing your career

to the Muslims you think I am? Dude, I told you. Wait a second. You're not Muslim? Dude, I've told you. This fucking... Bro, my literally number one woman on me is chubby Indian women. I fucking love chubby Indian girls. That's right. You have told me this.

I've told you. I'm always with the chubby Indian girl. I love Indian people. I fucking love you guys. We paid you back. Absolutely. I appreciate it. Yeah, I love it.

Point is, you had a- The food I can't deal with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I mean, every time an Indian restaurant opens in Bay Ridge, I'm like, what are we doing here? Nobody wants this shit. Just put up pizzeria or bagel store.

I mean, what is this? Roots? Get the fuck out of here. I'm actually scared to live in a world with no racism. What's that going to be like? What do you mean? We'll find it. You guys are doing German and Italian.

I'm not even making a joke. I really don't give a fuck about German and Italian. But to you guys, it's like a big deal. As we become more like, I guess, homogenized or whatever, we'll still find the German Italian thing. Indians do it. Y'all don't give a fuck about german and italian but to you guys it's like a big deal as we become more like i guess homogenized or whatever we'll still find the german italian thing indians do it y'all don't give a fuck when you have no enemy it's like when you have no enemy it's a you don't know what to do with yourself look at the people who have no enemy they create an antifa creates an enemy you're always going to create an enemy good okay we'll find it we'll do it with eye color we'll always do fucking hairlines look what girls do to each other. Because racism is like hack now.

You hear it and you're just like, are we still doing that? What, racism? Yeah, it's kind of like fucking boring to me. Not to me. You haven't heard some good old racism with this coronavirus dude? That shit is popping again.

Racism is back, baby. I want to bring this to the podcast. What was trending on Twitter yesterday was people were calling it the Kung Flu. I love it. I love it. That's hilarious. That's hilarious.

That's so title done. What are the funniest Corona nicknames you've heard? The Kung Flu is number one. Kung Flu is fantastic. Coronavirus. Dude, look at us. See? We're not going away.

Everybody goes through their shit. Someone's like, yeah, I can't go there because the oriental lung or whatever. But I'm saying what? The oriental lung. The oriental lung. Which is great. That's good. someone on the ticket called it hong kong flu-y and i thought that was good fantastic good i'm talking about jokes you're great i'm talking about like actual real racism kind of like what do you mean it's like when someone like truly like killing people because i truly hate when they're trying to give you their mantra see how we're doing a bit and then you come in with no like a killing minority.

You see how that was happening? We were having a good relationship. See how you just 9-11 that fucking fuck. Chris, make it a clip. I'm always like, I'm gay. I know people are always like, why do you always do the gay jokes? I'm like, I'm just saving Giannis.

Second Giannis gets into some long diet, I'll suck someone's dick. I'm like, I mean, bring it over here. My dick is eight inches, nine rewards. Just yelling. I'm like, oh. Yeah, our podcast is just a constant me saying something too serious and him just yelling I'm gay. Yeah.

You got it. It's a good podcast, but we also talk about history. Yeah, we talk about history as well. Yeah. I don't know, man. It's a good point. Fuck everybody. See how you did that, man? What was the point?

We're having Hong Kong flu, Kung Fu, Kelowna. I took the air out of the fucking room. Everybody goes through it. It's just what it is. I got one. What about Gukinkoff? Oh my God! Oh my? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Giannis. Giannis. Save him. I'm letting it go. Save him, Giannis. No. Good one or no? Nothing.

Zero. Nothing. There's got to be something. Let's think of something. Let's do it. All right. How about this? I feel a little chopstick. Yeah, yeah how about this? I feel a little chopstick.

Yeah, yeah. Chopstick. I'm a little chopstick. Go. Yeah. I can't think of any good racism right now. Come on. There's got to be something good.

Yeah. Slanty sickle cell. Slanty sickle cell. Okay. Keep going. Keep going. Are we just doing any different? All right, let's go. We got this.

Let's do this. Guggenkopf was fucking good. It's good. Guggenkopf sounds like a German anime character. Yeah. Close that cold. What is it? Close that cold.

And we can get better. All right. I'll take that well we're starting with Guggenkopf it's all gonna go downhill from there walk and roll Wuhan

no cause the walk and roll is the Asian what do we got Asians but we're getting too far away from it Guggenkopf was good it's gotta be punny

right right Chinese Chinese Chun Li flu fucking it's a brainstorm meeting for

Yeah Ronnie Chang Is there a play on Orient Express? Orient Express Oriental How about Chopstick is pretty good I like Chopstick Hong Kong Flu-y I like What was the one? Kung flu.

Small light, small pucks. Yeah. All right, guys, let's take a break for a second. There is a company that we've been talking to for a while. It was a product that I had to try before I okayed it for the podcast. I had to have my expert, my PhD, give it a try as well to make sure it was legit because it seemed almost too good to be true but the company's called power dot and essentially i'll let the doctor here explain dr singh what what do you uh say about this power thank you

for having me on the show of course absolutely now uh i'm gonna be honest when you talk to me about it i very indianly was like i'm skeptical and i legit did research okay and there's two kinds of technology there's ems which is like electro muscular stimulation or something and then tens and tens is the one i looked into first and foremost because that's about recovery and in any workout you do you recovery is the most important thing right one of the reasons i never get any bigger is because i'm fucking sore after every workout for like two three days right right right right this is clinically proven i literally looked into my insurance plan they approved 10 stimulation for pain management and recovery and stuff like that

yeah if you're in pain you can use this kind of technology tens one of the two technologies to help you not be in pain it works for muscle recovery, chronic back pain, any of that kind of stuff, this works. Now, these are the dots. You put these on your muscles. You attach that thing. And then this is the power control. You also have an app that controls it. So you just turn this on.

It's like the old electromagnetic stimulation thing that Bruce Lee used. But the difference is they combine that with this T technology and that's what separates it from okay so basically we work out our muscles get torn apart in order for our muscles to build they need to recover what are all hgh those performance enhancing drug all those things are just speeding up recovery recovery aids their recovery aids that's all they do they just speeding up recovery. Recovery aids. They're recovery aids. That's all they do. They just increase cell growth. Now, some people go get massages after workouts. You see a lot of athletes. Russell Wilson.

Russell Wilson. Yeah. All these athletes, you always see them on the massage chair, constantly massage. And it's literally trying to massage those muscles back to health. This thing, the PowerDot. Same thing. That's what it does. It stimulates it.

But even faster because it's using electricity. Yes. Which for some reason is better than hands. It's always faster than manual. Anything electric is faster than manual. Great point, Alex. Tesla. Exactly.

Damn right. Facts. And a cool thing is when I got injured when I was in law enforcement, when I went to physical therapy, they used that on me. That's what I'm saying. This is a TENS technology, and I had to look into it. Power Dot, it's called, by the way. Don't look up TENS.

That's a strip club that they have, I think, in Queens. Is that a strip club in Queens? I don't believe so. Maybe not Queens, but it's in the city. Starlets. There's a strip club in TENS. You can look into it. Research it.

Power Dot, though. But keep going. Yeah, if you look up that technology, it's legit. Studies say it's legit. The insurance companies, they're not covering anything that doesn't work. I mean, they're not just handing out money at health insurance companies. Right. So this is a legit thing.

It must be legit. Look, guys, go recover faster. We got an offer for the US customers only, 30-day trial plus an additional 20% off for our listeners. Okay? Go to power.com slash flagrant. Power.com slash flagrant. Okay? Use the code flagrant at checkout, 20% off your order. Again, that's PowerDot.com slash flagrant. And use the code flagrant for 20% off. Let's get back to the show. Bubonic Plague. I think there's something there.

Something in Bubonic Plague? Yeah. I think it could be, but it goes back to the Gookin Pub, but it's Gookonic Plague. Can I get canceled for Gookin Cough? No. Okay. It's a pun. I think it could be, but it goes back to the gook and pub, but it's gookonic plague. Can I get canceled for a gook and cough? No. Okay. It's a pun. I'm just chilling.

Nobody is canceling you. We stopped at Shane Girish. Shane Girish. Dude, that's what I was telling Shane. I was like, bro, if that came out a few months later. You're too deep at this point, man. Oh, yeah. You're like Donnie Brasco for saying things like that.

You're in too deep. You know what, though? It's weird because I keep going out on dishes. You don't Donnie Brasco for saying things like that. You're in too deep. Yeah, but you know what, though? It's weird because I keep going out on dishes. You don't have to worry about this one. No, but I keep getting TV. I have a cartoon in development now with Comedy Central. They're all like, yeah, no, we know the podcast. It's fine.

Why? I'm like, really? I say wild shit. No, I think it's good. They're like, it's fine. If you landed something, then they don't dig back. It's like some guy, some independent guy digs back. But I almost feel like we're past that too, where it's like,

all right, I mean, what do you want me to tell you? Yeah, I hope so. You know? Yeah. Why,

why do a cartoon with comedy central? Um, because they told me that I don't have to do like, give up anything. They're like, you keep doing the podcast, keep doing the internet stuff. Like we're just,

it's really no, it's minimal work for you. We wrote, we had written the script. The script was wrote, written last year. So like when they bought it, gave me a full 22-minute pilot. The thing is with TV, there still is some money in TV.

So I still can cash in at least with Comedy Central. It's just one season money. It's not an inconvenience, though. You just get a check. Well, that's the thing. It's not an inconvenience. It's all in New York. New York or LA.

No Atlanta or anything like that. And they told me the most you'll have to do is if we get this year is the most you'll have to do is two hours, two to three hours twice a week from a sound booth in New York. Oh, no, no. The work is going to be great. It's just like if it's a passion of yours to have this show made and you want to have multiple seasons, Comedy Central is not the place to do it. Well, the thing is, though, I know with the money, it is interesting because the money

is like even when we're talking when I was on Fighter and the Kid, like,'s like brian callan said it on his own podcast he was like yeah man he was like i mean i like doing abc shows he's like but it's not even comparable to the money i get in podcasting and the fans i get in podcasting yeah he's like i'll sell a thousand tickets wherever i go plus it's only fighter and the kid fan 100 it's very very true it's a wild thing to think about it's commie central shocks me how fucking retarded they are because they have two shows that work on that network, right? And they're the most edgy shows, like South Park and Tosh. Tosh, yeah. They're the two shows that are literally-

Decades long. Decades long, but sexist, racist, homophobic. 2008, 2009. They're literally all the fucked up jokes. The most flagrant shows that would exist on that network work. Every other show sucks. The Comedy Cellar Show gets a.03 rating. Really?

That's 30,000 people watch it. That's crazy to think about. That's crazy. You would think that they would go edgy like the other two shows that work on the channel. They refuse to go edgy. But the people who picked it up probably aren't there anymore. The people who greenlight it's just a bunch of dorks hanging out. But they're leaning into internet stuff. They bought Sam a real special.

They're pumping it out. I think everyone's just a little late, but they'll figure it out. Well, all is on the internet. I mean, why would you give ads to a TV show anymore? It's like, just give it to the internet now. I went and saw Book of Mormon, by the way. Yeah,

that's great. And let me just say this about the South Park guys. Yeah. No comedian should have an ego at all because the South Park guys are so much better than everyone else who does comedy. Right. They fly above everyone.

I mean, that thing is a musical. Doug. And I was dying, like, I was barreled over laughing. They're number one. They do that for 22 years

of being a cellmate. Bro, I watch Book of Mormon, right? After watching Book of Mormon or while I'm watching it, I go, there's nothing I say that should get me canceled ever.

Yeah. They have a baby rape joke. Yes. That is recurring and called back to in that. That gets an applause break. It gets,

by all Jewish women. Yeah. That's the only people who watch Broadway. Right. Or musicals. Yeah, but young people cancel, old people don't cancel.

That's a thing. I guess you're right. Maybe if young people actually saw it, but the young people are so infatuated with South Park because it's a smart show, satirical, whatever, it doesn't matter.

The point is, if you're not willing to cancel that, you're not willing to cancel. That's, that's brings, I forgot to mention this. The guy who is dying, who I went to cancel that you're not willing to cancel that's that's brings i forgot to mention this the guy who is dying who i went to go see right before this 65 year old dude should we call him he's dead we could i don't know he might be dead that's what i'm thinking yeah yeah

he so he was saying he goes what i've noticed about people laying on my deathbed is how much of this world and specifically this country is all talk he was was like, some of our friends that we started with, like you mentioned some names. I don't want to fucking shout them out. He's like, all they do is write on Facebook about how much they love me and about how much this and that. He said, and they live in New York and not one of them has come see me. He was like, you didn't write a single thing.

And he said, and I bet you people would say if they – he said they could say because he was like, out of all of us, he's like, your career, the one that has a career. He's like, they may say, oh, wow, Chris doesn't give a fuck about you. He didn't donate to your GoFundMe or whatever. And he's like, you came and physically saw me? Yeah. He said, and that's what our – he got enough strength to get this – because he could barely hear him.

But he was like, this whole country – because his son was there. His son is 25 years old. He was like, I hope when I go to his son, he was like, I hope you don't talk. I hope you do. And I was like, wow. Because he was like, I feel like all your generation is talking. Nobody's doing anything. That's the dark side to this era.

I hope you don't talk. I hope you do. That's exactly what he said to me, and it fucking gave me the chills. That's the dark side to the internet. I'm surprised. Giannis is talking about the dark side of something. What a shocker. It's the truth, man. It is. Because those people- That's the dark side to the internet because everyone I'm surprised Giannis is talking about the dark side of something what a shocker it's the truth man

it's the because those people that's the dark side of the internet everyone's pretending to care and they don't and they don't they don't care

everyone's lying it's like nothing's real and it's like so when you say something real it just seems yeah it seems fucking like what's that

the beauty of it for us is say what the fuck you want who cares well the story don't fear these people it's a story about my dad that is like it's not fabricated. This is just it's not even funny. When Hurricane Sandy happened and the Staten Island got destroyed, my dad lived inland

and on the coast was all like the bungalows. It was like mostly like Hispanic families that got their fucking shit rocks. And my dad would rent a U-Haul truck or a van every day and go help them load their stuff in and out, take the kids to school. He had one family live with him for like a week. But my dad is my dad, old school guy from the Bronx. When they would load – when they were staying at the house, like the guys, the father's name was Jose. He would call him Juan.

He would tell the kids like, don't steal my silverware, all like little jokes. He's like, you play baseball. How do you play baseball? Like all just things where like a woke warrior would be like, you cannot do that. Like Sean King would be like, do not. Yeah.

But you're not doing shit. You're yelling a lot. But my dad was like, I'm physically taking these people in. You know, he's like granted, like every time

he came in the house, he was like, let me see your passports and whatever. But he was like, still, he was like taking them in. You know what I mean?

I mean, they were, he kept them in the garage. They could have come in the living room. We live in this weird time where we don't value he built an extra room to put behind the wall just put a space heater there he said you can sleep in there but i'll give you a fucking donkey to go to school yeah interpersonal relationships mean nothing now

no it's it's an all-time low like It used to be back in the day, right? It was, I know that person. He said something wild one time, but I know him. Sure. He's a good guy. There's context. He probably didn't mean that. Now it's you say something one time that defines you as an individual, no matter what you did with the rest of your life.

Right. Do you know what I mean? Like, Schindler probably said some fucked up things. Sure. Schindler at the said some fucked up things. Sure. Schindler at the beginning of the movie didn't give a fuck about any of it. He didn't. So imagine we just judged Schindler by the beginning of the movie. There would be no movie.

Fucking babe. Gandhi had 12-year-old girlfriends and wives. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Mike, you're people. Halo was a vegetarian. Was he a bad guy? No, I'm kidding. Whoa. No, it's true. kidding no it's true Gandhi that's true

he didn't have 12 year old wives no he had but he did he cheated right he had some girls right Martin Luther King used to beat the shit

out of his wife do we know that for a fact same with the Gandhi thing oh we can't say that no he didn't do that he cheated oh he cheated he beat his wife

put me in blackface what he just said is a hundred times harder than anything Beat it. He's sorry. Beat his wife. Edit that out. Put me in blackface. Jesus Christ. What he just said is a hundred times harder than anything I've said, but the kid has charm. He just fucking,

he throws it in here. I'll fucking wiggle out. I'll wiggle out my fun socks. I say something, you guys are going, whoa, whoa, what are you,

what are you, you're killing the room. He's going, Martin Luther King killed his wife with fucking his fists. And you guys, we're all just going, we're all just going,

we're all just going, that's what he did. Now you're going to get clipped. You're just an idiot. You just can't say it. Killed his wife with his fists. Giannis, just let me say it. No, no, but my point is

that everybody's got something bad about them. I mean, you could do such an atrocity. No one's perfect. Like Hitler, that's such an atrocity. I don't give a fuck what he did.

It's like what he did, he's out. But normal people are like, you can find one thing bad or good about them. Everybody forgets that they have grandparents when they're on Twitter, right? If you just ask yourself,

if your grandfather or grandmother has said anything worse than the person you're canceling before you cancel them, you will know the answer very simply. Yes, my grandma or grandpa said some wild fucking shit i still love them they're still good people i'm not gonna cancel them simple as that yeah yeah you know it's just it's a weird time where like you just can't know somebody it kind of sucks you know what it is you know what i think again really sucks being a father it only sucks when

you get something though they can't cancel you if you're not trying to get something commercial. Well, if you're on this world. Yeah. But I think like being a dad, because you always think like, what am I going to teach my child? How do I set examples for my child? And it's like the world gets smaller when you become a parent. And I think a lot of people, they don't have kids or like they have a lot of time on their hands where they're like, look. Like when – how old was your mom when she had you?

35. Oh, she was older. Okay okay so my mom was young when 21 like she didn't have time to be like i'm mad at everything because she was like i got this fucking child to raise it's like when you become a parent you're like yo honestly that sucks that that happened to you but all i tell my kid when my daughter asks me stuff when we have real conversations i'm like anybody wouldn't matter what they look like what religion are you treat them with kindness and respect that's all you do so i feel like if i'm doing that and we make it small like that it's like yeah i know there's atrocities happening in fucking syria and i'm sorry i didn't tweet about it today nanette but i'm fucking teaching my child that anybody who comes in contact with her should you know you treat them with kindness and respect unless they're asian not wearing a mask anybody else you treat them with kindness and respect yeah and then so i'm

like so what am i doing wrong then so you can you could say i said that i said that but if i'm telling my kid to do and i'm making her life smaller what's the problem then yeah but but but if i said that to some somebody who wants division would be like well no that's going to solve the problem so fuck you here's why you suck. Click, click, click. Blog, blog, blog. Money, money, money. So it's like it's all bullshit. Anybody who's loud with stuff like that that's not a comedian, I'm like, I don't trust you at all. When you're going off about like this, you know, shitting on whatever race you are, being like, this is the problem.

It's like, shut up. Why do you want the attention again, guy? Why do you want me to care about you? The dark side of the internet is the extremes flourishing both sides we can't forget the other side too it's like those patriot prayer people and like those people they're just as much

they're snowflakes too dude I still get messages about like people don't like my politics trying to like cut me down from the right wing cause I lean left it's like they're the same fucking person except they carry AK-47s. The other ones carry milkshakes. It's the same fucking shit.

You just like, there's something wrong with you. My father has an eighth grade education, literally eighth grade fucking street education. When Twitter came out, whatever, 2008, 2009, when I first started comedy, that's when I think, I think it was 2009. He was like, you see this Twitter bullshit? And I was like, yeah.

He goes, this is going to be the biggest problem ever for our country. And I was like, why? He goes, because not everyone's supposed to be talking. He said, not everyone's supposed to have a voice. Not everyone's supposed to have a voice. You have to be in. You're not entitled to an opinion. Yeah, that's what he said.

You got to earn a public opinion. Yeah, he was like, I'm not supposed to hear from everybody. Now all these idiots are going to start talking and we're going to have problems. And nobody's tuning into like a well-reasoned tweet or person. Because that shit is boring. Let me ask you a question. What's weird is boring. No, it's just boring. Let me ask you a question. Yeah.

What's weird about Germany? Oh, yeah. About Germans. Yeah, what? You never actually got to it. No, I never got to that point. Yeah. Let's finish on that.

All right. So this is what's fascinating to me about Germans is like, like Louis C.K., he apologized, but he apologized because he got caught. Right. Like he didn't like, he didn't like evolve before that and be like hey you know i'm pretty you know i shouldn't like if i'm in the world can i tell you something hilarious yeah it'd be funny if we finish this episode and i never get to it let's do that no this is really hilarious yeah if you go to the cellar and you go to the stairs that

we walk down to perform right and there's headshot pictures of all of us. Right. The headshot picture of Louis that's on the stairs. I know he's another one that's probably down, but on the stairs. It's actually close to mine. Is of him in a hotel room. And he's sitting on the bed, kind of like weirdly looking at the door.

Dude, it is so fucking hysterical. Next time you go to the cellar, just take a pic. It's so funny. Anyway, go on. Germans. Thanks for listening, everybody. Guys, check out History Hyena.

Let's do it. Let's do it. That'd be great. No, no, go. So you think the Germans are not remorseful? No, it's not that they're not remorseful.

It's like they didn't, like, you know when you get caught and you just, that's why you're like, hey, let's just pretend. Like, it just stops. It wasn't like they evolved't like, you know, when you get caught and you do, that's why you're like, hey, let's just pretend like you just it just stops. It wasn't like they evolved past and they were like, wow, that was really wrong what we did. It was kind of like everyone just kind of went quiet.

Like all of Ridgewood was like, you know, they hit all their Nazi shit. They like put it away. Yeah. Like they weren't like, you know what? That whole thing was just erroneous thinking. We were wrong. They were going like we got caught. Yeah. But like they still, we got caught. Yeah.

But like, they still want to do it. You think? Like, Louis doesn't not want to jerk off in front of girls. That's for sure. Yeah. I mean, it's like, he got caught. I feel like the only reason he's back on stage is to get big enough that everybody knows and he can just do it.

Yeah. I mean, what he did is innocuous in the grand scheme. That's the dream. The dream is now you're aware of it. He doesn't have to explain everything. He goes and sits on the couch. I guarantee you that girl is ready to get jerked off by like, I will watch him jerk off right now. But that probably takes away some of the pleasure because they're into it.

Do not disturb sign on the outside of the hotel door. It's interesting too. You know what I was – it's just like what's in the realm of like what's socially acceptable sexually? Because it's like jerking off. He's six feet away jerking off. We're like, you can't do that. But I'll let you come on my face. Yeah. So I just don't understand. It's like Iking off he's six feet away jerking off we're like you can't do that but i'll let you come on my face yeah so i just don't understand it's like i'll take one off the islands but if you're jerking off over there that's inappropriate it's like lady i just fucking lit your corny but it was it was very consensual you know it's all consensual

right i think there was a there's a little bit i don't know a person but there's a little bit of like i was the naughtiness of it like not the girl doesn't want it a little bit. That's kind of like a little bit of a turner. No, no, no. Don't put that on him. I don't think that's fair because I was at JFL, and I'm not going to say which female comic, but I had a couple of female comics telling me that they were there in Aspen when it happened.

That's one incident, though. The other incident where he was jerking off on the phone without her knowing. Let me just say. That's not cool. What do you mean that's not cool? You know how many girls have been fingering themselves on the phone with me and then they just start going hey want to know what i'm doing right now yeah but that's fingering yourself don't but that's it's the same shit different no no it's not different why is it

different it's kind of like if you hook up if you're a 16 year old kid and you hook up with a female teacher it's like guys are creepier than girls would you leave your kid with a guy babysitter or a girl babysitter i would never have a guy babysitter. Nobody ever would. Of course. Because it's different. Actually, I had one when I was a kid. Really? And I confronted my parents as an adult about it.

I was like, why? Because we're called and we're from Scotland and we left our family. And I'm here for money. I don't care about raising your shorts. I want the fucking money. But yeah, there was a female comic who told me she was there in the Aspen and the other girls were telling her that that weekend in aspen at the comedy festival they were all laughing about it yeah it was not this tragedy where they were like victims they were laughing amongst the

girls together do you oh my god do you know what happened blah blah blah i mean i heard other things where like they were like taking pictures and it was funny and she like it was a complete goof and then it turned into this tragedy after the fact so i i think in the grand scheme it's not a big deal listen i know you saw pete davidson special and that you feel a certain way yeah i'm just going on that side now yeah i know you're rocking no i i think i think no i don't i think pete threw louis under the bus for some dues huh boy he did yeah pete is the number one don't give a fuck comic maybe ever maybe louis don't give a fuck about none of it inside at snl isn't that the most reasonable fucking thing it's the office i'm a 50 year old man coming to work i don't want to fucking have

weed all over the place as i'm about to do all this uh what i'm about to have a fucking what is it called medieval medieval monologue. I have a monologue on myself. Maybe one of the biggest moments in his fucking career and you're coming in and there's weed all over the place. You're like, can you just not have weed? It's a really reasonable fucking thing. It is kind of funny.

It is kind of funny going, really? That's where you draw the line? That's first of all. It's kind of funny. Oh, the joke is great. The joke is great. He went out of his way to snitch on him and nobody likes i think the joke took a little too long but if anybody doesn't like snitches it's louis ck if there's a guy on earth who doesn't like snitching it's gotta be louis all i'm saying is if you're a 50 year old man or however the fuck old louis is i can understand if you don't want kids smoking weed when you come to fucking work.

That completely makes sense. Yeah. Now, who do you tell about that? I don't know. Do you tell Lorne? Do you tell? He told Lorne. I'm the type of guy where I go directly to the person.

I'm the type of guy. That's what I do. But not everybody's going to do that. Most comics are fucking pussies. Let's be honest. How often have you seen comics confront each other? To your point, Louis doesn't even like direct sex with the person. He would rather do that indirectly.

So maybe that's what it was, but that's still some snitch shit. I'm with Pete on that for sure. We don't even know if it's a true story because even if Louis came out and was like, it's not true, everyone would be like, shut the fuck up, you fucking pervert. Nothing's true, is it? Nothing's fucking true. Would you take your dick out? You know, it's like nobody cares.

Well, but it's interesting how the world has changed because he wasn't saying this to me, but I heard him say this. And I'm sure he's fine if I say this because it's it's a positive thing yeah he was i heard him say when when this whole shit went down he would be sitting on the train and people would fucking say awful things to him like accusing him you're a rapist accusing him of shit that's like whoa whoa that's fucking not even remotely true yeah that i didn't be accused of that but people are so crazy he said nothing's changed now all i've done was gone away and world the world has continued he said and now people come up to me 95 people come up on the train or in public and say i'm sorry that happened to you or welcome back happy to see you again he said it

may be the same people so it's just like this mob mentality one way or another all right the mob is idiotic you know dude we were at the patrice O'Neill benefit. He did a pop in. He had a standing ovation when he walked on. I believe you should. What he did in the grand scheme is it's not even a crime. It's not. It's not that bad. It's not a crime.

But let me ask you this. Let me even pose this. This is just this is just a question. Yeah. We have a justice system in this country, right? Yeah. We believe in we pay tax. And I know it's unfair to certain groups. I don't know who those groups are. No kidding. I know it's unfair. I know what is unfair and I understand all that. Let's take a guy like Bill Cosby, right? What he did was heinous.

He was in our system. He was put through the service of the law and all that. He does his full 10 years, whatever it is, 10 years full. I believe he should be allowed to come back and start doing stand up because what prison is is you pay your debt to society I agree with that you've done that

now you are welcomed back in even though whatever if we thought it was so heinous we never want to see you again we put you in jail for life we put you in jail

for 10 years the victim it sucks what happened it's horrible you paid your debt now you come back you are allowed to come back that's how I felt

about Michael Vick when he did his time people didn't want about Michael Vick. He did his time. People didn't want him in the league. No, he did his time. That's the whole point of the fucking prison sentence is now I can return. Right. If you felt like, and especially if you felt like I can be paroled or I can be let out, whatever, then you've decided I'm rehabilitated.

If I'm going to be blackballed forever, then what's the point of even letting me out of prison then? Well, yeah. So that's what I feel like is unpopular what I just said. No, it's not because you guys tell people. No woke people no no i know but you basically you gotta tell them is you gotta be like your issue is not necessarily with cosby or michael vick here your issue is with the justice system so you need to lobby the justice system to make the punishment for killing dogs or fighting dogs more the punishment for rape more i think i don't think there's any of us in here

that wouldn't agree that you could punish rape by the highest thing in the law. You'd kill them. I don't give a fuck. Sure. But if the punishment for the crime is 10 years or whatever it is, and they do that, you have to let them back. You don't have to go to their show. No, absolutely not.

You don't have to go to the show, but he paid the price. I'm not saying the victims need to go. You don't have to do anything, but they shouldn't be blackballed anymore. And that's my point with Louie. And that's what we get into this weird thing where he was at trial by Twitter because he didn't actually commit a crime. Oh, they didn't press charges.

If it's a crime, press charges. So why was he black? Why was he outlawed ever? Why was he outlawed ever? It's a mob mentality. You know what I mean? He didn't do anything that our governing system says that he should be taken out of society for.

I also believe this about Louie and Aziz. And Aziz did it more, I think, because Aziz aziz was like woke bay that's what they called him he's the woke guy louis there was a piousness about louis that was like oh i'm a great father i'm this great guy always on the right side of everything morally and i think when you see that guy fucking up you're like oh fuck you extra and that's why those guys fell the hardest sure if you found out i said if schultz got accused of the same thing as these everybody be like yeah of course what's going to happen when you went to andrew's house yeah that's what it is yeah yeah yeah he would just go long live the frequency yeah if you say if you say some racist shit everybody's gonna be like of course

chris said some dude i heard this whole brand i say wild shit and What do you mean if? You mean people of that? Dude, you know how many times people, I'll say something fucking nuts. Like some Asian person will say, hey, Gook and Koff was funny to me. The only time I've ever gotten somebody, the only time in my whole career that I've ever gotten somebody angry at me has been a white woman. Of course. Or two white women have gotten angry about things that I've said. When did that show the ultimate beast master was only white women or white men there goes fong wong into the duck sauce because the asians are like this is 10 out of 10 you know so it's always white women trying to fucking white knight it and it's like you're you're the most

racist as we said in the beginning yeah so i know i'm aware of that so now i'm just very much like shut up but that's why i think having a child is like i'm not trying to sit there and think about ways to tweet at somebody i hate because i'm like i have to fucking watch record ralph for the third time and make sure my dog doesn't stick her hand in the nutribullet great great movie oh god sarah silverman oh you know what else we didn't finish is what would you guys do buck angel we conveniently didn't answer that question yeah i think we'll save that for the next one yeah i think we'll save that for the next one and the germans we'll get back there yeah uh guys thank you so much for coming on make sure you check out yannis's special um it's on youtube right now he finally fixed the thumbnail yeah and uh it looks way better

it's a hilarious thing that's gonna do it well i think it helps because now people at least know what they're clicking on true it's all about the advertisement right if you're advertising a movie but it doesn't look like a movie then people aren't gonna go see it all right i gave it a try that's the thing i realized about you you will fucking do the work yeah you will do any amount of work i mean but you will not put any time whatsoever into what works and what doesn't like your whole work hard not smart yeah your your whole thing is like i will throw shit against the wall and if it sticks i'll fucking run with it you know what i mean yeah but what i think is valuable is going all right what's sticky yeah and then throw that yeah yeah against the wall yeah do you know what i'm saying yeah but it's hard to know yeah i mean it's hard to know

what's sticky until you fuck up and then you fuck up you're like oh that doesn't work let me try that yeah but you can you can you can sit down you can think about then you fuck up and you're like oh that doesn't work let me try this yeah but you can you can sit down you can think about things you can create theorems you know your people are good at that and you can figure out how to use those

to make it work every single time be like Pythagoras bro yeah yeah yeah anyway I love you make sure you check out

History of Hyenas guys go give it a listen great podcast Chrissy D go check Chrissy on Kimmel and Bomb City it's gonna be good

it's gonna be really good love you guys man what up people I know that we didn't get to uh any hot topics today uh flagrant thoughts etc but we had the hyenas boys on and you know uh the flagrancy is palpable

palpable palpable well it's whatever it is um patreon we're gonna come through with it very excited got a lot of things that we need to discuss um we gotta talk about that izzy fight yo man we gotta talk a matter of fact we should give izzy a call we gotta give izzy a call let's see if he's around if he's's available, if he's still in the States. But yeah, we got to talk about that fight. We got a lot of other interesting things to talk about.

So we will see you guys Friday for Patreon. We love y'all. We hope y'all enjoyed the episode. Make sure you keep it tight. Peace.