Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Matteo Lane Isn’t Gay Enough For Netflix & Italians Are The Best Whites

Episode Date: July 4, 2023

Whats up people, we the the very funny and very handsome Matteo Lane in the studio today. We go over Matteo's new boyfriend, why he wasn't gay enough for Netflix, and why Italians are The BEST Whites TIMECODES 00:00 INTRO 10:21 Matteo’s friend is unimpressed by EVERYTHING 20:39 Upper East was boring + gay bashing? 29:43 Barbara Walters Beauty questions + New Money, New Fact 38:12 Gay Lingo that women will steal + Drag culture 49:35 The Special cost a LOT + incredible growth 56:05 Calling Nick + starting a podcast 01:04:59 Tyra Banks + Kodak OnlyFans collab + Rabies Memes 01:09:40 Trying to sit next to Tyra Banks 01:10:41 Friendship with Chelsea Handler + loving Seinfeld 01:12:21 Impact of Kathy Griffin + Joan Rivers 01:20:15 Italians are WEIRD + French intolerance 01:24:08 Matteo’s defends Trump on one thing… 01:25:05 Italians are particular + European racism 01:31:41 Kobe Bryant + “Growing up Italian” 01:33:02 understanding Italian dialects + stereotypes 01:44:45 New special + Touring + First class

What is the big purchase? My special, actually. I put my special up on YouTube. Like, I paid all this money. How much? How many hair plugs? It's 2,700 grass. I wanted to call it Matteo Lane.

Netflix said no. Mike Cannon actually said to me, he's like, it's beneath you. So many people say, well, soon Netflix. When is Netflix coming? You're going to get Netflix? Netflix. And I was like, they said I wasn't right for their channel. They think that queer people can only

communicate through our trauma. Yes, that's an important part of where we come from and our pain and growing from that. They want to hear the story about how your dad hated you. They don't want to hear the story about like your family supports you. They don't want to hear me talk about my hair plugs. They want to hear another thing.

Welcome to Flagrant. Today we are joined by the newly not single, Oh yeah. Matteo Leigh. Hey. Big Flagrant favorite. Obviously, a lot of things happen in your life. Hair plugs look phenomenal.

Thank you. I have more hair. Heartbreak, we could talk about it. Hair plugs and heartbreak, the special on YouTube. Go watch it right now. Yep. Massive tour, but most importantly, love. I know.

And I need to ask questions about, okay, so what are your rules in the relationship? Like, rules? Alright, any of my friends that are gay in relationships. Yeah, but even within open and closed, there's like specific rules that each couple has. Well, gays, we love rules.

No, we're monogamous. Fully? Yeah. So you won't bring anybody in and then? I mean, you know, not. Okay, see. I mean, we're together for like two months. Usually the way gay works is like, it's like, all right, we'll be like dedicated to each other for an extended amount of time. And then when we're totally trust with each other, we can maybe open up if we want, if it feels natural.

But like neither one of like I found someone who has quite similar motives that I do in morals. We just kind of... Total peace, by the way. Get this guy up on Instagram. Oh, yeah. He's hot. Just a dime.

Rodrigo. Yeah. And he sings and he dances. He's hot. I'm like, whew. It's like I get warm thinking about him. I can tell. We're going to Italy together and I can't fucking wait.

Is he here right now? No, he's in Mexico City. He's from Mexico. Look at how cute he is. Wow. But you also have to look at the next picture. Okay, go. Don't worry about it.

Just go look at his page. Oh, what the fuck? What the fuck? What is that, an anchor below his belly button? Yeah. Whoa. Anchors away. Hey, yo. Whoa. Come on. No, they? Yeah. Whoa. Anchors away. Hey, yo.

Come on. No, they can't show that. He leans to the right? Take another picture. Is that accurate? Does he lean to the right? Yeah, yeah. Really?

Is that a Mexican thing? Is that south of the border? I don't know if it's a Mexican. I mean, I'm Mexican and mine leans. I guess mine does lean kind of to the right. I don't know. But he's, I mean, I love him. Based off these photos, you wouldn't know, he's i mean i love him based off these photos you wouldn't know like

how he is but he's like the nicest most caring person very into mental health doesn't do drugs hates carbs like no he eats he won't stop eating he's like i'm hungry i'm hungry again i want to eat again i'm like it's enough have you eaten already what is that picture right there top right wait this one? Yeah. That's him singing. That's when he first met Mateo. Yeah. Yeah.

That is. Also, look at his jaw. Oh, I can't. Yeah, he's a dime. Okay, so you guys are fully monogamous. That means you're not bringing anybody in. I have a couple friends, and they are fiancé'd up, and they allow other people to be brought into the relationship. I'm not going to say names.

I don't know if they want their business out here. But one of the rules. No, they basically were like, they allow people to come in because they're both kind of tops. Oh, I see that. So they like reluctantly bottom for one another. Yeah. So they bring in a hole. I wish there was like a video series.

That's kind of crazy, right? We need a hole. And then you go to the gay bar and then you find the hole. No one's going to gay bars anymore. That's done? I mean, yeah. Because they started killing people. No. My God, you're so dramatic. No, no, no. I was at one. I went with them to this gay bar. And you watched someone

get killed? Well, I was the murderer. You killed someone? No. I would go kill the gay guys at the gay bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was that one. I went with them to this gay bar. And you watched someone get killed? Well, I was the murderer. You killed someone? No. I killed the gay guys at the gay bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is for Jesus. No, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah.

On the way in, I thought I told you this. The bouncer on the way in. No, you were at the boiler room. No, no, boiler room is, I know where they all are. Uh-oh. Hey, now. I almost said, no, boiler room's downtown. No,oh. Hey, now. I almost said, no, boiler room's downtown.

No, no, no. It's in... Hell's Kitchen. Hell's Kitchen. Fuck, what is the name of it? Industry therapy. Hardware. I love these names. I'm going to figure it out.

I'm going to figure it out. Oh, the Squat and Gobble? The Squat and Gobble. That was a place in San Francisco. Wait, that was a real one. Yeah. Holy shit.

Yeah, it's a real one. It's awesome. Not even a gayble. That was a place in San Francisco. Wait, that was a real one. Yeah, really? Holy shit, yeah, it's a real one. Yeah. It's awesome. Not even a gay bar, that's how gay San Francisco is. It's a sports bar. Squat and gobble. No, I was going in, the bouncer said, hey, make sure you put a napkin on your drink. Oh, yeah.

And I was like, what's up with that? And he was like, ah, somebody's been drugging dudes. Oh, this is at Chili's. With the fajitas? Chili's isn't a gay bar, but your ass hurts when you leave. Well, that onion blossom will do wonders for your asshole. No, but did you hear about this? I heard there were gays being attacked or whatever by other gays in the city. There was a serial killer for gays.

I don't know if I got that memo, but I don't doubt it. I mean, New York's a big city and gays are kind of. Let me tell you about gays, okay? Let me just teach you all the things about gay culture. Actually, I could afford to learn from you because I feel so far removed. Yeah, but what was I saying about him earlier? No, no, they basically said that they'll bring in somebody into the relationship and that's okay, but they can't do it more than once with that person and they both have to be present.

I have friends like that. But, I mean, I wish they did, like, a video series of, like, tops who reluctantly bottom because their faces are so... It's like dragging a kid to church. It's like that kind of a vibe. You don't know how right that is. Yeah. I didn't even think about it.

You're the best example. I don't want think about it best example I don't want to go mom on your knees squat and gobble oh my god and it's so funny I didn't think about that we're both very like versed you know

so sexually very compatible yes very compatible so that's interesting then that's like a huge privilege for straight relationships is when you meet someone that you really get along with and you love and you vibe with, the sexual component's already worked out. Right, right. They have the whole women. We have the thing that fills a hole. You guys could meet your love, your best friend, and you both want to be filled. Now what do you do?

You go to a Broadway show. I mean, for two bottoms, that's what's happening. You're like, fine, we'll go to Cats again. How they get it out. Yeah, no, we work. We're sexually compatible, and he's really nice. You'll meet him. I'll bring him by the cellar.

What's funny is I was trying to explain comedians, because I was like, oh, I want to meet your friends. And I was like, you start to panic because I'm like, how do you introduce him to Keith Robinson? How do you explain? He's like, no, I can handle it. I can handle it. No, you can't.

I'm like, no, but Keith is, I can't explain Keith. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going to go through it. Who's the nicest comedian I can bring him in front of? Brian Hamilton. Yeah, you're right. You're right. I should bring him in front of Brian first.

He's got to. He's got him. But everyone wants to meet him at the cell. Esty was like, I want to meet him. Bring him here. I want to meet him. I was like, okay, I will. Is there like an excitement? Are we excited for you? Because I feel like as long as I've known you... I haven't really been in a relationship.

In the past three years on this show, I'm like, date me! So, you know, I don't know. It's nice. Do you think it's random that this happened at, like, the height of your fame? Like, do you think you're like, I can't be out there in the streets right now. It's too crazy. Like, I need to settle down and be with somebody.

You know, I will say New Year's, I was like, I never go out because I just do shows. And I also just want to play Fortnite. Like, I'm kind of a homebody, you know, or I just want to work at the cellar. So I was like, my friends were like, What a waste of muscles you are. That pissed me off. I just want to be at home.

If I had a body like this. I'm literally at home eating, like, broccoli, playing Fortnite. Disgusting. My trainer, Dame, I see my trainer five times a week. I just want to play video games all day. I do. I walk around shirtless, nonstop. My trainer, Damon. I see my trainer five times a week. I just want to play video games all day. I do. I walk around shirtless nonstop.

I'm pretty close. Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah. Yeah, you're beef, dude. I know. Well, now that I have money, I have a new face, and I hired a new hair, new face, and I hired a trainer five days a week. Wow. Yeah, and he put me on a diet.

Is he a Mexican guy named Rodrigo? No, he's Australian named Damon. Damon Bell, everyone. And I love him because he's so, like, looks like he eats rocks. Like, scary, you know? But then he's so gay and Australian, I'll be like, Damon, how was your weekend?

I think my dog is sick and I'm really upset about it. You know what I mean? So not, like, there's Damon, that's my trainer. Any jealousy between you and Rodrigo about Damon no not at all that's another thing about like Rodrigo's he doesn't allow me to be anything but honest so I'm not like past relationships I feel like I'm fulfilling the fantasy of someone's boyfriend like fulfilling their fantasy yeah like what's the best version of a boyfriend I can be for them? And Rodrigo's very much like, just say what you're thinking and what you're doing and how you're feeling.

That's that people pleaser thing that a lot of comics have. Yeah. So instead of, yeah, that's not satisfying yourself. You're like, how can I make this person feel good? Right. But now I'm like, oh, he's a friend. I didn't know you could be friends with the person you love. Yeah.

Did you realize that? Bro, that's the whole thing of being gay. We're jealous of it. You get to have every single thing in common. Is he good at Fortnite? No. He's like, I want to learn. I was like, it's such a high learning curve. He's like, no, why? I just want to learn.

I'm like, I can't even. Oh, you got a girlfriend. You got a boyfriend. You got a woman in your life. Let me play. It'd be like that, bro. Just give him the control. Just go turn it on. You're doing so good.

You're doing great. You won. If my friend Nick can play, then Roderick can definitely play. Nick is so funny, bro. I did meet Nick at the cell that one time. That's right. He was like, I don't know, then Roderick can definitely play. Yo, Nick is so funny, bro. Nick, you gotta... I did meet Nick at the Cellar that one time. Oh, that's right. He was like, I don't know who that man is. I was like, that's Andrew

Schultz. He's one of the most famous comics in the world. If that man was alone in a room and they said, where's Andrew? I'd say, I don't know. I was like, ah, you live in this world. He doesn't know anything or anybody. I remember making his voice up and then I met him and I was like, oh, that's how it sounds. My friend Donnie was blown away. He's like, I can't fucking believe Andrew Schultz came to you and you stared at him like he was a stranger.

And he's like, and like Donnie was freaking out that you came by the table. But that's what's so great about it is like he's so unimpressed by everything. This is great. You guys would do these vlogs and I hope you continue to do them because they're great. And one of them you went on a haunted house tour. This shit kills me every single time. All right. So they went on a haunted house tour. This shit kills me every single time, all right? So they're on a haunted house tour.

Nick is not afraid of nothing. He's like, what are we doing here? This is goofy. And then all of a sudden, a guy pops out of nowhere, gets like this close to his face and just goes,

ah! And Nick goes, ah! Your breath! That was when Chris filmed that he was horrified, Nick was screaming and I was having the best time of my life because Nick had, like he lost his voice

he was screaming so loud at everybody at one point he said to this girl, he was like you again, we saw you already he was dressed like Woody and Buzz it was so funny his bit in the special is hilarious. You doing him. I do 10 minutes on Nick.

I'm like, Nick, did anyone hit you up? I did 10 minutes on you. I mean, maybe. When he got to 10,000 followers on Instagram, he goes, I'm at 10,000 followers. Delete my number. You're such a monster. Does he have any aspirations to be in entertainment?

Not really. I mean, he just sells real estate and wears women's blouses and kind of just has an attitude. But then he fell into a very famous group of gay people, me and Bob the Drag Queen and Monet X Change. And now he's my burden. But we do have a good dynamic. We did our first video of going to the olive garden together and like it could not have gone better like the way to recognize me got nervous dropped all the plates in front of us nick is screaming it's like oh my god we're at war this is a war it was so

funny do you think gay dudes get to be more sassy and we're okay with it? Or rude? Like do we give them a little bit more, and why? Because it is entertaining. Oh, it's funny. Yeah, if you can have an attitude as long as you're funny about it. So when you're being rude, as long as there's like jokes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess they're-

Because Nick even said to the waiter, he was like, can I take your plate? And he goes, you can just throw it on the floor. If a straight person said that, it would be so like... It's kind of a New York thing, too, a little bit. Like, they say New Yorkers are rude all the time, but we're kind of funny about when we're rude. So we get away with it.

That's an interesting way of looking at it. But I wonder if it starts to become like an archetype where we almost expect it. But Nick's been like that since he was five. Really? He grew up in a town of 600 people and just has not changed his personality at all. He talks to his mother that way. It's hysterical.

Wow. One day I'll bring him on this show and he'll tell you his hemorrhoid surgery story. Oh, he got the surgery? He had to. He had a hemorrhoid so big that he said his doctor gasped. No. And he had to get surgery. And he's death definitely afraid of needles and he he's like they're like okay we're gonna put the anesthetic needle in you he goes no that's fine I'm hydrated they're like I don't think you understand like how this works and then they he would the needle wouldn't go in because he was so tight so they just strap him on the table and put him upside down and then after the surgery he went straight to work and he was selling real estate and started shitting his pants and like yes it's all true what the needle wouldn't go in because he's

so tight he was so like a hulk yeah but he looks like yeah he looks like stretch it doesn't look like announcements as you already know we are coming to London, Glasgow, Dublin, Manchester. If there are any tickets left for those cities, you can get them at dandrashawls.com. Thank you guys so much for your support. I cannot wait to bring the life tour to you. It will be epic. I promise. Happy Fourth of July, guys.

You know what I found out on this Independence Day? promise. Happy 4th of July, guys. You know what I found out on this Independence Day? Some ticket resellers are reselling tickets to my special taping for 5x what you should be paying. I can't let that happen. We got to free ourselves from the tyranny of those heartless, money-hungry, price-gouging monsters on this Independence Day. So my hat fell off. What are you going to do? I still look American as fuck. What I'm going to do is find a way to release as many tickets as possible. We're going to find the smallest, best equipment we can find. We're getting rid of any unnecessary bullshit we don't need. We're going to open up more seats. Buy your tickets right now at, but now it's a different level of notoriety across the world, but specifically within your community. Do you, how are people- Italians. Yeah, Italians.

Literally, my third largest following on Instagram is Italy. That's so funny. Are people interacting with you differently, and is it uncomfortable when people come up to you on the street like, Matteo, Matteo? Look at this Barbara Walters question. Oh, thank you. Well, yes. No, it's been, yeah. Oh, that's what I was going to say.

Like, to your question is I went out on New Year's to a gay bar. It's like a dance party or whatever. And I could not walk. Oh, really? I was stopped every two. It was like, I was really like kind of like, whoa. Because I'm so used to just seller airplane show fortnight yeah and then all of a sudden i went out to a gay bar and you're not existing in life no much yeah it was

really nice was that everyone's had so many nice things like thank you so much and thank you like a lot of thank yous we're all high but i mean it was still nice you know what i mean so that was like the first eye opener of like because i don't know i guess it hasn't sunk in yet you do a show for 4 000 people in your head you're like did this joke work am i getting the right response like we're just not reacting to what's happening in your career but i don't know if myself i don't i can't quite like i when i get a standing ovation i i almost run off the stage i don't quite know how to accept that yeah why is that i don't know i was talking to my therapist about this the other like i walk out and they keep cheering and i literally say, I haven't done anything yet.

It's almost the same energy if I don't celebrate my birthday because I'm Jehovah's Witness. No, because I don't want that kind of attention on myself. I want attention when it's for something I feel I've earned. You want to earn the attention. Forced attention. I agree with that with the birthday thing. Birthday gives me anxiety because I feel like it's forced attention. Forced attention. I agree with that with the birthday thing. Birthday gives me anxiety because I feel like it's like forced attention. Like, you're like, you must celebrate me now because I was born here. Where for a living, we earn attention, right? We come up with a cool idea, a funny joke, and then people react.

And you go, okay, that feels like a fair exchange. Yeah, there's something about the birthday that's forced. How do you accept it? 10,000 seats in Toronto. How are you going to accept when you walk out and everyone's screaming? I mean, listen, you know, they're right. No, it is an awesome, it's an awesome feeling, but you,

I think it's one of those things where it's like they're maybe clapping and excited for what you've done to get them there. You know, like in the same way that we cheer like the Knicks when they're coming onto the floor. We need a different example. Okay. Let me get a good floor. But we need a different example. Okay. Let me get a good one, let me get a good one.

Okay, you know how like- Mariah Carey changes her outfit. There it is, Mariah changes the outfit. You know what I mean? Or when a new DJ comes on around 2.30 at the Boiler Room or whatever. Mitch Farino, everyone, great DJ. Who, what?

My friend Mitch, he's a great DJ. Oh yeah, never seen him there. But this is sick. So you're like a bona fide super famous, the famous gay guy on the planet maybe? No. I'm just a well-known gay person, which that has a different connotation with the gay community. But in this sense, I'm well-known for. But we said this in the beginning.

It was the coolest thing where like it's very rare you see gay dudes coming out and support other gay dude performers. You see it with female artists. You see it with singers, Liza Minnelli, Lady Gaga, Madonna. But it's rare that you see them coming out for dudes. It feels nice. It feels like it's a nice celebration. Bro, I don't know if this is your effect, but I've seen way more gay guys coming out to comedy shows. Really?

Yeah. Maybe they think you're me. I invite them. I invite them when I'm in fucking Hell's Kitchen. When you're in the boiler room, you're like, come check me out at the cellar tomorrow. I really wonder if it's the effect of social media and just seeing a little bit more

representation and then going, going oh this is kind of fun i'm enjoying watching comedy yeah let's go check out a comedy show yeah but like very regularly three four gay dudes coming out when i was coming up when you were coming up i did not see that gay dudes were coming out maybe if there was like a gay person on the bill. Right. Or Margaret Cho. She's not? No. If she's there, gays will show up. But is she gay? I think she's like pan

or I think she's sort of like, I don't think she has a quite specified sexual orientation. I really do. I think she's pan. I don't know. What is that? Pan.

Pan. Just you're having a good time. Just a good time. That's a very diplomatic way of answering that. Yeah, yeah. I like pan. Yeah, it sounds like gay kind. I don't fucking pan, though.

I don't know if people say pan anymore, or they just say sexually fluid, or... Fluid. You know? Yeah. There's a lot of sort of, I don't know. Yeah, yeah. No, but I hope that... Pivot!

Pivot! Pivot! I can't, but I can't think of, like, I don't know. I don't know. I'm just, like, old school gay. You are old school gay, pivot. I can't, but I can't think of like, I don't know. I don't know. I'm just like old school gay. You know, I'm so not interesting. You are old school gay, dude. 10 years ago it was interesting.

Now it's like, get out of here. You guys are the most boring of the alphabet. We are. Wait a minute, lesbians are almost forgotten. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like gay dudes still got a little mystique, but the lesbians are like, I think they're straight now. I think we brought on lesbians. but the lesbians are like, I think they're straight now. I think we brought on lesbians.

I think lesbians are us. I think they're just raising all the children and adopting all the cats. I thought that was Jamaican women. That's if you live in the Upper East Side. That's a good point. People are wild in the Upper East Side. I used to live there for four years.

Where do you live now? I live in the village. I live really close to here, actually. Oh, nice. I love it. Okay. Yeah. Okay, Rodrigo moving in soon.

I hope so. Wait, why didn't you like the Upper East Side? It was stuffy and bad restaurants and felt chaotic and everything shut down at 6 p.m. It just didn't have the vibe of the village, the village, like New York, like going out. Yeah, there's no energy. Yeah. It's safe. Like, it's safe, but there's no energy.

No, no, no, no. Yeah, maybe not safe for you. Is that a thing still? Do you worry about that? Outside of Manhattan, yeah. I feel like I get all my gay questions out to you. Like, you're on the road. No, for real, you're on the road,

and, like, you're probably seeing, like, the week before some news report where it the road, no, for real, you're on the road and you're probably seeing the week before some news report where it's like, church boycotts whole foods for selling gay candy or whatever. Good, less assholes in whole foods. Okay. It's like anyone who's like, you're not gonna go to, anyone who says they're going to heaven, I'm like, well, send me to hell. Way more interesting people than sitting in heaven with you.

Depending on the rules, I wonder. Let me think about that. Of heaven and hell? More interesting people in hell. Right? Yeah, probably. More interesting people, yes. You can get a tan.

Yo, no, heaven's going to have sun, dude. I don't know. It sounds boring. You think? Yeah. What if heaven's Italy, bro? No. Well, Italy. I'm going in four hours. You think? What if heaven's Italy, bro? No. Well, Italy. I'm going in four hours.

I know. What if heaven's Italy? We need to go to Italy together, by the way. We've been trying to plan this forever. When are you going back? The beginning of July. We're going to pop in real quick. If you come earlier, I'll be there. We're going to go to Turkey. Why don't you come to Turkey? To get my hair done?

It's done. To flex on all the new people. This is a Manhattan hairline. It is a Manhattan hairline. It's your generic Ikea forehead. This is a real bonafide Manhattan hairline. How did you not have to shave it? I thought that was the whole thing. So when you pay more,

you don't. You know, by the way, I spent all my money on my hair, my face and the gym. That's it. I love don't spend on anything else. I live in a one bedroom. I love new money so much. Like what I spend it on.

It's like, well, hair. Yeah. But I wanted hair for so long. Yeah. I mean, so I don't know. It was nice to like the consultation was great. I thought I opened my special. I do 15 minutes on the consultation the hair surgery losing your hair

What it was like afterwards Nick was my emergency contact with a terrible emergency contact. I said it was I don't know. Yeah Obviously was there to pick me up because he's the only man in the office with a purse But yeah, it was crazy I mean, I just I didn't want to go to Turkey, you know, because it's too far. And then what's the difference? Turkey's like what? Four, six grand or something like that for the hair. It is cheaper, but it's, it's.

Here it's expensive. Here it's, you're talking about like what? 30, 20, 20 grand? At least I'll be ugly at home. Because you leave looking like the alien from Mars Attacks. So I didn't want to go through customs and they're like, what did you bring back? I wanted to be ugly at home. I shot my advice special two weeks

after the surgery. You heal quick. Really? And you don't have to shave the side of your head. I can show you the picture. Should I put it up? What? I'm already doing it? I look like you before the surgery.

Can I have nothing? You have a great hairline. Thank you, bro. It's thick. Scotland. Yeah. And finasteride. And finasteride for 15 years.

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Mark is all up in your pictures. No, I see some fucking Diego meat or Rodrigo meat All right, this is me right after my surgery. So that's you so the long I know I look like the alien from Mars attack So the long hair I'll send this to you guys if you want to put it up. The long hair is my natural hairline. I've seen this POV so much in my life. Imagine this at the boiler room. You'd be like, get away from me. But the five o'clock shadow is like what they

added. You see what I'm saying? You're saying bringing it down. So they brought my hairline down. They filled it out. Yeah. And then it falls out in two weeks. So all the hair they put in, it just takes 10 days for it to latch onto your bloodstream. And then that's what helps it grow. So after 10 days, wash it, rip them out, whatever.

You can't change it. It's going to grow. And then it's four months. Your hair just goes back to the way it was. And then in November, late November, I was like, I washed my hair and I pulled my hairline back and it was like, cha-cha-cha-cha.

Like I could see like hair coming in and then each week it got thicker and thicker and thicker. And then it was so fun to go to my barber and be like,

let's do something different. Yeah. He's like, those grits. You know, he's Russian. But yeah. And so I think now it's fully in.

And do you ever have to do another one? Or you want any of the pills to make sure? Minoxidil. Minoxidil. And just topical? Yeah. But I might go back and fill in just a little bit on my crown because it's a little thinny-ish, but it's not that.

I mean, you can't really notice it. Are there bald people in your family? No, I'm the only one who's, only one. You've got to have a joke about this. I do. The doctor said, you know, who's bald? I said, no, my brother, my dad. He goes, what about your mom's dad?

I said, my mom's dad is a Mexican with a one-inch forehead. It starts there. I mean, it's like, you know, so I, yeah, I mean, all my cousins, 34 first cousins, no balding. My dad's side, no balding. My mom's side, no balding my mom's side No, balding all Mexicans with huge heads of hair and then me losing my hair, dude, but I can sing Talk about the skincare So break down so you got you said you got filler you go I sound like a my song Joan River. This is good

This is what happens I sound like Joan Rivers. This is good. This is what happens. Yeah. I'm going to start giving you real Barbara Walters questions. So you got surgery. Tell us why you were ugly before.

She's obsessed with people's beauty. And I've talked about this before, but she literally said to Celine Dion, she's like, Celine, when you were younger, you were not beautiful. You had vampire teeth and the kids called you vampire girl. I was like, what do you want Celine to say? Like, I'm so sorry. I should have been better looking for you was like, what do you want Selene to say? Like, I'm so sorry. I should have been better looking for you. Like, what do you want her to say? Dude, have you seen Barbara Walder's best moments?

Bro, she might be the greatest interviewer of all time. I've only seen the Sean Connery. The Sean Connery. Oh, my God. She's like, yeah, I'll hit a woman. Sometimes you got to slap them. Bro, he says a joke at the end of it, and then breaks her. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

I didn't keep watching the interview, but he says a joke after the whole slapping thing, and then she kind of laughs, and she goes, anyway, so making men in black, like, she just goes back to the interview. Yeah, she's like, I lost. Yeah, you got me. She's, yeah, a lot of pioneering,

but maybe not the best question. Like, if it was Michelle Pfeiffer, it was just like, you're gorgeous, tell us. Do you wake up and feel gorgeous? Tell me. And then Barbra Streisand, she's like,

so you look this way. You know what I mean? It's like, what? So, your nose. Explain it. I love Barbra Streisand because Barbra Walters said to her in a 1993 interview,

she's like, you spoke at Harvard about gay rights. Do you regret doing that? And Barbra's like, no, why would I regret that? Have you been to a show of mine? Your son's gay too, you know, whole thing. But yeah, I did, I just, I mean, I get Botox.

Okay, okay, so tox, filler, what's the deal? It doesn't look like you have work done. No, you get very little done. That's the trick. Okay. But just small stuff. I just, I don't wanna look like a person. What is filler? What is that? Filler's like, you know, you get very little done. That's the trick. Just small stuff. I don't want to look like a person. What is filler? We want the tips here. We're not saying this from a critical angle. We're saying

how do we get it? I can give you a number. Tell me what you do. I went to a plastic surgeon. You should go to a really good plastic surgeon for filler. Botox you can get done by. What is filler? I don't even know. It's like a chemical that they put in. I know that the girls do with their lips, but I

don't know what the actual thing is. Like, why does it create structure in your face? I don't know. Is it like Botox where it freezes your face? No, it's just you're adding volume. So they added it onto my cheeks, under my eyes, and then my nose. Oh, because you lose

volume as you get older. Yeah, so it looks like it's sinking, but you're just losing the stuff underneath. Yeah. And once they did it, you can see immediately. I was like, wow, I look immediately better. Do you see how people can get addicted to it? Oh, yeah.

It's like a tattoo. But if you get a good plastic surgeon, like I did that, and she's like, okay, we'll see you in a year. And they'll tell you not to come in. They'll pump the brakes on your... Like the girl who does my Botox. One, I was like, can you do filler on my nose?

She goes, no, you should get that done by a plastic surgeon. How do you get filler on your nose? It was going down, and I wanted it just to look a little straighter. Just fighting gravity. I'm just being honest. No, I'm just trying to... Mine is going

out. I feel like it's growing. You want to do a transplant? You want to just give him some? If you need nose, bro, come to me, dude. I think you have a nice nose. Listen, it's been... It's pronounced.

Do you think you have a big nose? I really don't think you do. I think I have a big nose. I've broken it's pronounced. Do you think you have a big nose? I really don't think you do. Yeah, I think I have a big nose. Yeah, I think so. I've broken it a bunch. Like, I've got weird dents in it. Really? Yeah.

From what? Everything. Basketball? Elbows? Boiler room. Yeah, boiler room. Boiler room was one of the most difficult ones, yeah. But I ran into a chair.

Like, I've just broken it a lot. You ran into a chair? Yeah, I got punched broken it a lot. You ran into a chair? Yeah, I got punched in it. There's just a lot of broken things. I've never broken a bone. What? I broke a toe once. That was it.

How? I walked into my bed. Fortnite. Bro. I was playing Fortnite. So it was Fortnite. Yeah, I was playing Fortnite. You've got to break a bone, dude.

No, I don't want to break a bone. You've got to get out there,, like start skydiving or something. Oh my god, skydiving. Do you have any like risk? Are you like risk averse in that way? I feel like being a comic is pretty... Yeah, I guess it's kind of risky. I feel like we've already done...

We're so used to what we do, but it's like in reality, we're crazy people. Yo, dude. I don't... The joke is probably in your new special or it's part of your new stuff, but the one that we were talking about the other day that's so fucking funny. Can, I don't, the joke is probably in your new special or it's part of your new stuff, but the one that we were talking about the other day that's so fucking funny.

What did I say? The one with the Oh, yeah, that's a my, I'm If you're doing it now, keep it. I'm doing it now. I'm doing it now.

Bro, that shit. And it's true. But there's a, whatever. When that comes out, we'll have another conversation about it, about what I told you.

It was like, you got to tell people. And I did, by the way. That night, I was like, okay, my friend Andrew Schultz, and then they all clapped. I'm like, he told me I should let you know this, and then they were all laughing. Off camera, we'll tell you guys what it is. Yeah, it's a funny joke. I love that you love that joke. It's just so funny how it like, it's very clever,

but also you just leaving them on the cliff and then going back into other things and everybody in the audience wondering, you know. I got to tell them so they're not wondering. Yeah, of course. And then we'll cut it out of the episode. Okay, you tell them. Basically, I was.

Can I say, though, it's interesting writing new jokes because in my head, I'm like, okay, I'm piecing together all these things, and one of them is, like, about an escort, and one of them is about HIV,

and one of them about this. And, you know, I go in front of the seller, and it's always kind of a mixed response, and I'm like, I wonder, like, because I know they're funny.

Like, I know they're working, but I do feel like people not knowing how to respond to stuff like that. And it's something that's really interesting because who you are to strangers is very different to who you are to your audience. Right. And I think that it's great to work out the jokes initially in front of strangers and they have to crush in front of strangers. Yes. Because that's how you know the jokes are great. Yes.

initially in front of strangers and they have to crush in front of strangers because that's how you know the jokes are great but there is a transition period to making it the most honest and authentic to your audience because you don't have to explain yourself to your audience you do have to explain yourself to them to the the strangers that are at the the uh the cellar and i'm sure they're going to be less and less strangers as you continue to grow right like there are more people in the audience are familiar with you and they notice by claps now. I'm like, Oh, I think people, but it is an interesting thing that like we have to do is acting like they don't know you or performing as if they don't really know you is inauthentic to your audience. So the act has to transition a little. It doesn't mean you have to only do inside jokes with your audience. You should work them out for the

strangers, but you're a hundred percent right. Like if it doesn't exactly you have to only do inside jokes with your audience. You should work them out for the strangers, but you're 100% right. If it doesn't exactly work for those people, they don't know everything about you. And that joke might crush in front of your crowd because they're familiar with your history. Right, yeah. But unlike you, I want it to work out in front of every audience before I'm officially dedicated to these jokes. Are there jokes or tags you only do at your show? Yes, sometimes, yeah. I mean, there's certain tags you only do at your show? Yes. Sometimes, yeah.

I mean, there's certain vocabulary which straight people just are not going to get. Right. Like a joke I have about Oprah. I met Oprah in Rome. Wait, you literally met her? Yeah. I was at a restaurant with my friend Daniela Gattano, great comedian, and she walked by

and he's freaking out. He's like, And it's just a random black woman?, Mateo, Oprah, Oprah, we need to go, Oprah. It's just a random black woman. I turn around, it's just Gayle. It's Michelle Obama. I'm like, that's Michelle. Anyways, I saw Oprah and I made eye contact and I was like, what can I say to her that

encapsulates everything that I am and that I'm thinking, I'm a gay American and she looks great. So she walks by, take off my glasses, we make eye contact and I go, you better work. And she laughed and she goes, you better work. Now, when I say that the seller, a lot of women laugh because they're familiar with RuPaul's Drag Race. They understand that when I say that in my audience, it's like I gave birth, like they're screaming. So it's that kind of stuff where I'm like, I do know this joke works, but I have to understand that like there are just some things that will not work as hard at the cellar. Now, my joke about the gym, I have like a 15 minute bit about the gym that works because

I'm talking about the perspective of a gay guy working out at a gym with straight people. And so all the straight people are now like kind of like, oh, like gay people watch it because they're like, yes, I agree. Oh, my God, I feel this, too. And straight people watch it going. I never thought about it like that. So there's a different response, but same, you know, energy. Yeah, yeah. What's some of the gay lingo that women are going to steal and act like it's theirs in two years?

Yeah, yeah. Any prepositions, verbs, anything like anything like anything right now? I don't know. I mean, I didn't even understand. Like everyone's like you're at a hard launch with your boyfriend is that like tiktok oh yeah hard launch the thing i'm like hard launch what i'm not like in florida like and 10 9 like i need to put a picture of me and my boyfriend yeah so i don't know as opposed to the soft launch you know the soft launch no what's the soft launch this is like holding a hand or something yeah like you post in your story like the meal and then there's someone in the picture that's

gay why would i here's the meal people take themselves that seriously yeah it's a soft launch so gross where does it's giving come from uh i think it's either drag culture black women something in that those realms yeah giving it's giving a lot of drag culture and gay culture takes from black black well black queer drag trans culture from harlem all the way back to the 80s. So it's like, there's a lot of shade and reading and all that stuff. It comes from there. Reading? Like when they read to the kids? Which you can't do in Tennessee

anymore. By the way, no drag queen. I guarantee you the percentage of drag queens that get in drag to read to children is probably negative 5%. Like, no drag, most of the, like, I fucking hate fucking hate grow up Tennessee.

You've got to judge those drag queens a little bit and be like, what are you doing? You're going to read for kids? They can't even tip. That might be a Bob the Drag Queen joke. I have no idea. That's Bob. I want a Bob to come on your show. I want him on.

It's a he. We do he, right? Yeah, yeah. He's in Long Island rehearsing with Madonna. He's going on her world tour. Oh, no, you told me this. Fucking crazy. But he's in Madonna's show.

That's crazy. And you had him open for you here at the Beacon, right? How was? Unbelievable. And they knew who he was, the crowd? Are you kidding? Okay. They were losing their minds.

Yeah. Every show, New York shows and L.A. shows, I had friends of mine I knew the audience would know, but I didn't announce anything. Oh, so surprise. Right. So Nick walked out first. I said, Nick, you can do two minutes. And so Nick's like, fine. So he walked out.

He's like, I'm sorry everyone bought tickets. This is your chance to leave. But they even knew Nick. They all clapped for Nick. And then Bob walked out. And they said Bob the Drag Queen. I mean, the audience lost their minds. They're like, oh my God,

we're seeing Bob the Drag Queen here? It was so great. LA, I had Nicole Byer, Joel Kim Booster, River Butcher, Sydney Washington, Miss Coco Peru. But Joel, we were backstage

and Joel looked at me. Joel Kim Booster is such an accomplished, funny fucking comic, writes movies, he's in movies, he's a star. He goes, I think I'm a little nervous. I go, why?

I was like, and then what happened? Joel walks out, they're losing their minds, and he murders. Nicole Byer couldn't even talk for five minutes because the gays wouldn't stop clapping. Really? Yeah. And why have the gays, why do they love Nicole so much? She's a drag queen.

Thank you, I didn't know that was true. Nicole so much is she's a drag queen. There's no other way to describe Nicole. I've never, every time I talk to Nicole, I have to remind myself she's not a gay man. It's shocking. I have to be like, oh, that's right. Nicole's not a gay man. But she is. We love you, Nicole.

Bro, that is so funny. She's a gay man. That is we love you nicole bro that is so funny she's a gay man that is so her house is so like shocking color like gorgeous like she's got wigs she knows she gets she's hanging out with trixie mattel like she's just like she yeah nicole gets it have there been people that have come to the show like now that like it's's big theaters, your manager comes up and is like, hey, this person's here. They want to meet you. No, I've not had Bill Gates come to my show. But I'm sure there's people in your DMs.

Maybe a couple OnlyFans guys. I'm like, oh, we bring him back. But no, not really. Are the Gays killing it on OnlyFans? Oh, my God, yeah. OnlyFans is great for Gates. Do you buy some? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

How many do you subscribe to? I think six. You're paying how much a month? It's like 49 cents or something. I don't even know. Like only in Mexico? That's how you met Rodrigo? You're like, this guy has a future.

What's dick trading at on OnlyFans? It seems like it's lower. No, there's a couple guys I follow on OnlyFans. Really? Yeah. Why? Why is that weird? It's not weird at all. I was just wondering because, I mean,

it feels like at least the stereotype within the gay community is like you can get laid pretty easily. I'll be honest with you, I'm not You want to support the artist. I do. I'm a supporter of the artist. I want a chair dedicated in my name at a theater, but it says OnlyFans supporter Mateo Lane. I support

sex workers, everyone. Yeah, I'm not that kind of um uh i i think i'm more i will hook up with someone if i have a really good connection with them i'm all about like safety yeah i feel trauma uh so you know i prefer i prefer a few people this is before i was dating rodrigo and people that I trust and know, that I could have a conversation with, or that if something should happen, you could say something to them. We were talking yesterday about just the rise in popularity of sex work

and the normalcy of it. Like the, what is it called? I think the new show The Idol. It's on HBO like American Idol? No, no, it's on HBO. American Idol contestants who've only, open and only fans.

Way better show. That's the show I would watch. Way better show. But even Euphoria, there was a girl who did porn and then she was on there. And now you have a girl who is an OnlyFans who's on The Idol. And I wonder if when we were younger,

women especially were like, I can't be a stripperpper i can't do porn because then i won't be able to be a famous singer or a famous actor or something like that there was this like hard line that you couldn't cross and now it feels like you can and i wonder if young people i wonder if young people were having this yesterday i wonder if young people just feel no concern whatsoever about having an OnlyFans now because they're seeing people rise to the top of the industry. Well, I think, one, if you really want to do OnlyFans, like my friends who do OnlyFans, it's

really hard work. Don't do this. No pun intended. But it is. It's not like I'm just going to get naked and get money. It's like setting up collaborations and videos and editing. It's literally what we do, but with sex and trying to keep that momentum going because a lot of people will pay for a month of only fans and if it's like four videos and like they already saw it and then they're out so how do you keep that going so i have friends who do only fans and they work really

hard at it it's lots of times editing lots of times going back responding to every single message. It's lots of time, you know, they make private videos for people. Oh, they're responding. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Usually an agency will just have like. What agency? No, this is how a lot of the girls do it. Yeah. Well, that's straight. I don't understand that role. Okay. Yeah. Men got to work for it. Men. So it's hard work. So I think, yeah, you can make a quick cash grab if you're hot and you wanted to like, I don't know, if I wanted to do OnlyFans for a month and just cook pasta naked, I would make a lot of money.

Really thinking about it. So, Andrew, if you want to support me, thank you. You better work. Bro, you can't walk by, like, a construction site and say that. Do you know that right as I was walking in, a UPS guy looked at me and he just goes, muscles! And I was like, thanks. Never felt better in my entire life.

What did you say to him? I just laughed. I didn't even think about that. I didn't even think about that. You had it. He was definitely straight, though. You sure? Yeah.

UPS guys have to be straight. Bro, there's a UPS guy in Soho, guarantee he's gonna hear about this, that is, he's a male model, jacked, okay? Black dude, he wears the shortest fucking shorts that he can get from UPS. He's getting stopped in the street by people nonstop, and they're like, do you really work for UPS?

Like, I've saw like five or six girls do it, and I think he's the hot UPS guy in Soho. I think they work in Soho. We saw the firefighters. They're all jacked, handsome, and they're all just like, yeah, this is the best station. I'm like, what? Oh, do you think they're casting it a little bit?

They must, bro. Soho, yeah. It's like a Magic Mike audition. Let's see you go down the pole. The fucking genders go up to Harlem or something. The Italian stallions go to Staten Island. Yo!

That's actually a good idea. If you're branding firemen, you kind of have to think about it. You're going to have all these tourists coming in. You've got to keep up to the... Go to an agency, get a UPS guy, be like, hey, you want to deliver packages? We'll pay you this much.

He's like, all right, fuck it. It's like OnlyFans, except you're saving people. But you know what? Maybe with OnlyFans, you are saving people. You are. So you're saving a lot. Got that connection. I don't know if it's a connection so much as a... Hey, dude, they're really sending the messages, bro.

Yeah. They are. Do you ever message that because you're a famous person? But you should on there it's not like mateo lane it's like some username one seven seven five whatever oh you should have it as you would be such a compliment to be like dude you really beat that nice today or whatever great great stroking bro i don't know you'd be too embarrassed yeah i'd be shy i'm really shy when it comes to talking to guys.

I don't know how to, like, I don't have that kind of chutzpah. Wait, so you don't have any game? Not none whatsoever. I keep telling Rodrigo, I'm like, you're like the coolest kid in school. Like, that's who I feel like I'm hanging out with. And he's like, Mateo. Like, I'll do, like, funny faces when we take pictures. He's like, why don't you smile normal?

He's like, you're a handsome man. And every picture I'm like this. Like, I'm making weird faces. Oh, that's funny to me that you don't have, because you're such a good talker. You're such a good conversation with comics Interesting the comedy cellar table. I love it because I'm we're stimulated and we're arguing and we're asking quite, you know It's like we can just be totally free to say whatever we want. But then with men it's like how do I look? It's all about that. I get really insecure. Oh Does a compliment mean

more when it comes from a straight guy than you? It means less, let's be honest. It's just worthless. Flip, I think, is what Alex is going to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if a gay guy gives you a compliment, this is outfishing for a compliment about his outfit.

You haven't said anything about his outfit. He looks like he's fishing. He looks like he's going to boycott your show about his outfit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You haven't said anything about his outfit. Well, he looks like he's fishing. Yeah, he looks like he's fishing. He looks like he's going to boycott your show in Tennessee. I can't,

it's like Blossom on the head. He doesn't like it. And then like early 90s like R&B with the glasses and then I guess you're going to hide in a jungle at lunch and then you're also

shopping at a mall in 1993 from the waist down. So, you know, you look great. You do. Yeah, it means a lot, right? I look like a dad in the 80s who hasn't come out yet. I do love that despite you getting more money, you dress the exact same. Yeah.

It's just beavis and butthead shirts. I don't like nice clothes. I don't like suits. I hate wearing suits. Like, Artie Fiqua is always in a nice suit. I'm sure it costs like a million dollars. And I'm like, get, I do not, even as a kid, I never liked to dress, I want to just wear like a t-shirt and jeans.

Well, what is the thing you spent money on? Yeah. My face and my hair. Okay, besides that, what is the big purchase? You must have been like a dumb thing. My special, actually. Really? Yeah, because once, I wanted to call it Matteo Lane, Netflix said no.

Yeah. I think that was funny, but Mike Cannon actually said to me, it's beneath you. Yeah, don't give them the credit. But it's so funny. You wanna know why? Because people were so involved in comedy that people just don't get it. So I put my special up on YouTube, I paid all this money. It was such the biggest purchase I've ever made in my entire life.

How much? Tell people. This is good that they know. It's not gross to say because you're putting the money up for it to make nothing back. It's not like it's a car just sitting there. You're betting on yourself. It was a lot. $200. A little less than that. How many hair plugs? $2,700 grass that you pay per grass.

Wow! But then people will comment Netflix will come soon. Wow. But, you know, then people will comment, Netflix will come soon. I'm like, no, what is the difference? You're watching the fucking special right now. So many people say, well, soon Netflix. When is Netflix coming? You're going to get Netflix? Netflix.

And I was like, they said I wasn't right for their channel. Which is crazy because every straight dude that doesn't get it is like, yeah, I'm not gay. That's why I didn't get Netflix. Yeah I guess I'm not the right gay. Yeah, what kind of gay do you have to be? They like would I be missing something? Gay people like like our trauma. They think that gays can all queer people can only communicate through our trauma Yeah, and it's like yes Like our trauma. They think that gays can, queer people can only communicate through our trauma.

Yeah. And it's like, yes, that's an important part of like where we come from and like our pain and growing from that. But it's like to think of just a gay guy doing comedy as a, just how comedy exists, you know, for a long time, you know, is like, well, where's the trauma? You know what I mean? That's why they said we don't think. They want to hear the story about how your dad hated you and all that kind of stuff. don't think... They want to hear the story about how your dad hated you and all that kind of stuff. They don't want to hear the story about your family supports you. They don't want to hear me talk about my hair plugs. Yeah.

They want to hear another thing get plugged. That's so funny. That is kind of fucked up. But I wonder if that's the way it is for most minorities, where it's just like there's one idea of who they are and then when you break the mold you're actually more interesting to the

public right because you're standing out you're like oh this is a story i haven't heard before yeah but to the networks who have only created these archetypes for you to satisfy they're like i don't know if people will get it but you think now after seeing like ticket sales and these types of things. Listen, you made the right decision. I just want to let you know. I agree. By the way, Andrew helped me with everything. I will.

You did it all yourself. I always feel so bad, but I'm like, Andrew, should I do this? Remember that Amazon deal? Always ask. They tried to give me a deal. Yeah. And then the name of my title, my name of my special is like, what do you think of these titles?

So thanks, Andrew. This is good. Always, always good. For everything. No, you killed it. I thank you on everything. I thanked you on Tom Segura's, Elvis Duran, Nicole Byers. I was like, Andrew Schultz changed my life.

Not true at all. You did all this. You just needed a nudge in the right direction. Oh, well. But people should know that. You're the great example of someone, because you were editing your own clips and everything in the beginning. Yeah, I was literally- When we first talked, you were learning.

I mean, you're also proficient at a lot of- I'm a good learner, and I'm good at'm at doing tech savvy yeah yeah yeah so but i mean now chris does it but no but that's that's the progression like i was doing all mine and then alex you know started doing them and then we have shifty and then even in the beginning mark was helping and mark helped me too because mark was like you need i mean i was at a point where i was like i don't know i can't like i want to do all these ideas, and I can't do it myself. You need to hire somebody to come on and share profits and monetization, make a business. And I was like, okay.

I'm like, Chris. And Chris and I have been a great team. We started our YouTube channel last May. We had almost, I think, 3,000 subscribers, and we're almost at 800,000 subscribers. So Chris is great. Chris, I love Chris. Chris000 subscribers, and we're almost at 800,000 subscribers. Yeah. Same. So Chris is great. Chris, I love Chris. Chris is like, we have fun making videos.

Chris, you got to film that OnlyFans content, bro. Yeah, poor Chris. You know, force him. Force him to do it. It is weird, because my girl, like, she likes comedy, but I get annoyed when she watches other comedians. And then I came home the other day, and she was just rifling through your TikTok. I mean, just like nonstop.

And I was like, what does he have that I don't have? I was annoyed. I was like, turn this off. How dare you laugh at another comedian? Actually, I think I'm okay if they're gay. Yeah, I'm okay with that. I think I'm less threatened in that regard. But finding someone else funny that also would want to have sex with you.

Even if she did fall head over heels in love with you, I'd be like, you're not getting it. There's nothing that can be done here. You're not Rodrigo. I know. The nice thing about Rodrigo is he didn't know what I... He had no clue? I'm not very popular in Mexico. Although I was stopped a lot

when I went to Mexico City. Yeah, Mexico City. Musos. Yeah, Musos. But he was like, he's like, I know, I was not familiar with you. I'm making him sound more Mexican than he actually does. His voice is kind of like that. Like it's very deep.

Yeah. But yeah, so that feels nice that it's not like I'm fucking a fan. Wait, you guys just met online? Yeah, we started talking in like beginning of March. I just started following him. He followed me, and then we would chat a little more. Who DM'd who first? Me, I'm so desperate.

And then what'd you say? You DM'd him first? Yeah, of course. What was your back pickup line? Just a heart. Oh, you went with love. Okay, okay, okay. And then he had sent one back,

and then we're chit-chatting, and then... Can we read it? Dude, let us read the beginning. Let us read the beginning. You don't look like that. So far, I don't even know how to read it. Dude, I want to see the beginning, bro. I'll find you.

I could see a shot of you. Yeah. But yeah, but then it started turning into like chatting a lot. Then it was like checking in with each other every morning. Then it was WhatsApp. Then it was FaceTime. Then it was, and I was like, okay, poor Paige, my assistant. She's like, I, she's, yeah.

I was like, you should come to New York. He's like, yes, I want to come meet you. So you haven't met yet? No, we've hung out now a bunch of times. No, no, at this time. Oh, at this time, no. This is now end of April. And so I was like, I was, it was funny because the vibe when I was going to pick him up from the airport, I was like, oh, what am I?

I don't know if this is a stranger I'm letting into my home. What the fuck is, what do you do, Mateo? The oh what am i don't know this is a stranger i'm letting into my home what the fuck is what do you do mateo the second i met him i know this sounds so cheesy but i literally thought to myself i'm like this man's gonna be my life for a very long time really and nick likes him so that means he's not that's crazy yeah nick doesn't like anybody i'm actually concerned yeah yeah that's a red flag. Huge red flag. I know. Oh, Nick. I told Nick to be on standby in case we call him for a story today. Oh, dude, let's call him. I also feel like you're making it sound better with Rodrigo.

If you say you have a terrible game, I would love to see what you actually said. He thinks I'm funny, which I like. You know what I mean? Matthew. I'm on Andrew Schultz's podcast Flagrant and we were talking about you And I said well I'll just call Nick and see what he's up to Did you just call me from an unknown number before? No

What unknown number would I have? I don't know if you let one of them call No What this isn't the radio I'm just calling you from my phone It's't the radio. I'm just calling you from my phone. It's basically the radio. Nick, when are you fully going to come out as a comedian and start doing stand-up?

I decided to push it just to give you all a chance. That hat you is going to take the world by storm, I'm sure. And I don't want to take away from any of your guidance audiences. Hey, I really appreciate that, Nick. Thank you, man, because we were concerned over here. We were nervous. Of course. I mean, your audience clearly will be the same audience as mine.

Nick, we're leaving. We're going, okay? Why don't you call me? Bye, Nick. We all make fun of his voice, too. We're like, your voice sucks. You sound like Squidward. And then he's like, I'll have you know, a woman told me that my voice was lovely. You know what's crazy about Nick is that he, okay, I'm going to show you a clip.

Nick is a trained professional opera singer. And his singing voice has nothing to do with his speaking voice. So this is literally, Nick is going to kill me that I'm showing this. Random connection between the two of you or that's how you know him? No, I know him through Bob. So Bob the drag queen. But where the fuck is Nick Smith opera? Well, I don't know.

I'll find it at another time. But it's... So one of the voices he's making up. No, that's his natural voice. Oh, here it is, okay. But this is how he sounds singing. So it's a choice. His voice is a choice.

Yes! I mean, if he's just saying it, the listings, I feel like they would sell more. Right, if he opened the door and he was like, you... Yeah, by a mile, dude. Oh, Nick. I think we're going to do a podcast together. Really. Yeah, by a mile, dude. Oh, Nick. I think we're going to do a podcast together.

Really? Yeah. But I mean, I can't do an everyday thing. So we're going to try and do like seasonal, like 12 episodes. That's smart. Yeah. So we're meeting with a bunch of like podcast people right now. That's a good idea.

Is it going to be centered on a topic or is it just you guys? We want to call it I Never Liked You. And then we have each week about something that he likes that I don't like or I like that he doesn't like and then we basically argue about it. Because our whole YouTube series is that. We just sit and argue with each other. Yeah, it's great.

I mean, I wanted you guys to come to that UFC fight. Do you guys remember that? I would have loved to do that. And we should really set that up because that would be, Nick would be screaming at the top of his time. That's really fun Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah a UFC fight. Yeah, we have to pull you guys into the random shit that we're doing I will show up Mateo's down

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Now let's get back to the show. The last time I invited Matteo, he was like, immediately. Yeah, I'm always down. Do you remember what I invited you to the last time we talked? We came here and played video games? Oh, the one, no, no, no, the most recent one. I texted him. Oh my God, yeah. I'm literally, I get? Oh, the one, no, no, no, the most recent one. I texted him. Oh, my God, yeah.

I'm literally, I get a text, my phone is buzzing, and I'm like, it's Mark. I'm like, what? He's like, can you come to Paris tomorrow? What? Obviously, there was a dropout, but I'm fine. I'll take the gig. I don't care. And he was like, can you come to Paris tomorrow? We'll put you on a private jet.

You, Stavros, Theo, Andrew, blah, blah, blah. No dropout, by the way. No, I think there was. No dropout. I think it was a booking issue, blah, blah, blah. No dropout, by the way. I think there was. No dropout. I think it was a booking issue. Oh, okay. It was, put it this way. There was no dropout.

There were... Non-confirmation. Non-confirmations. Do you know what I mean? Yes. But the non-confirmations were quite non-confirmational. It was never going to be confirmed. That really was a fever dream.

I can't believe. I also sound way cooler in this story. I was like, I put you in a private jet. You did. I mean, it was, I couldn't even believe it. The next day I'm sitting in a private jet having a steak with Theo Vaughn. I was like, what is going on?

Yeah, I did. Well, you know. Crazy. Me and Andrew Santino shared a bed together on the flight and then you know stavi's there and then but i love andrew and stavros because they're very down like us three like we saw paris and we saw like the sort of like paris stuff you know and um that was my favorite my favorite andrew schultz memory of that is that first of all we had some stage director this french guy who was absolutely insane. I'm sure

he's in a mental institution now. This man was unwell on every single level. He's trying to explain to us what we're doing, but he's explaining to us on stage like, and then we will go slide. And of course, we are all dying of laughter because we're comedians.

We don't give a shit. And so my other favorite thing before I get to you is that comedy and fashion do not mix because backstage it's vogue it's this it's louis vuitton it's baba it's kids super like everyone's running around and we're all there in these giant outfits going should i do the vagina joke like none of us like we're all it's so like you know what i mean they don't make so anyhow we're getting ready for this stage blah blah blah and i see andrew and andrew we're backstage and we're andrew's looking at the tv and i just see him and then he starts pacing and then he goes these lights need to be fixed and i go what he goes mateo go out on stage right now stand in

the center stage andrew takes over the production. And I'm standing on stage as a stand-in. And Andrew's up there. He's like, these lights need to be here. Enough with these back lights, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he was right. The show looked so much better. And I was like, that is Andrew Schultz in a nutshell.

We got it. That we're in Paris at a Louis Vuitton fashion show with Kid Super. And Andrew's like, I got it. It's not right. In a full outfit. He's dressed like a stepdad. He's just telling the audience, like, hey, we got to change it. I was the last fitting, by the way.

I was the very last fitting. And when I walked in, they were like, we are so excited to dress you. I go, why? They're like, we're very excited to dress you. Because they had a picture of me shirtless and stuff like that. And then Kid Super goes, because Tyra Banks was hosting the show and in front of everyone he goes do you know that tyra banks invented america's next top model and i said do you think i turned gay yesterday they were dying that was so fun that was so nice what a nice night did you talk with tyra at all

oh yeah i saw her in the lobby and i just just walked by her. I go, Tyra. And she looked up, and I was like, we're on the show tomorrow. See ya. She's like, okay. What a professional. She showed up on time. She looked great. She was nice to everybody.

She memorized all her lines. She was easy to work with. She took pictures of everybody. Then afterwards, she came up to us in the hotel lobby, and she was like, oh, my God, I just went to a Five Guys, and they had the best milkshakes. we're like, it's Tyra Banks talking to me about milkshakes right now. This is a fever dream. Yeah, that was fire man. Shout out to kids super. What a fun time. I was so excited. And then I, one girl in my gym, this like, I think

she's Russian. She like a couple of weeks ago, she was like, can I ask you a question? I go, sure. She goes, I recognize you. I think she's gonna say i ask you a question i go sure she goes i recognize you i think she's gonna say comedy go oh okay she goes were you in kid super fashion show i go i wasn't a kid super fan do you remember what bits you did for it i did my french pastry bit oh that's smart because i knew it was being recorded so i didn't want to do any of my new stuff exactly and i was like oh i'll just i sang and then some rapper clapped for me in the front row. Oh, Kodak. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Kodak Black was there. That's right. He gave me a standing ovation. And he got up, and he was going crazy for it. Kodak loved it. So I did my, Call me a puppy. You know, that joke, and he stood up.

And I had no idea who he was. I was a little bit like Nick in that situation. Oh, no, Kodak is the man. And super musical. I think a lot of people don't give him enough credit for that. I think musical savant genius. So it was really cool to see you get up there, and he was like, okay, this is fire.

Yeah, dude, you guys are just mine and half French. You got to collab, you and Kodak. Oh, dude. As a what? On a song. Only fans. Only fans. Yeah, that would be actually kind of fun.

I would do that. We got to do some wild shows like that. That was one of the cool things, bringing comics together. For a fashion show, of all places. What a wild, wild, wild time. Were you excited to meet Tyra? Is that someone you grew up and you were like, oh, this is what I want so much to the gay community? And not as in a charity thing, like the insane memes she's created and the wild things she did on America's Next Top Model.

Every gay knows by heart, we were rooting for you. We were all rooting for you. How dare you? We have memorized that scene. Oh, she just doesn't stop giving when she pretended to have rabies. Yeah, the rabies shit.

I think she said f*** on the show once. Wait a minute, wait, hold on. What do you mean she pretended to have rabies? She did. She Googled Tyra Banks rabies. Yeah, the rabies shit. When she, like, I think she said fat ass on the show once. Wait a minute, wait, hold on. What do you mean she pretended to have rabies? She did. She Googled Tyra Banks rabies and she, like, goes on her show and she's like,

I got bit by a dog when I was running today. And she's, like, crawling over her... Like, she does... She's so uncomfortable. Oh, yes. Being dead serious about it?

I'm dead serious. Yes, this is it. Look at that outfit. Yes. Oh, no. No fucking way. Obviously this other woman's not in on it. Oh no.

Oh no, no, no, no. So that's what she's given to the gay community. We can't get enough of it. I don't even know how to describe what I'm feeling right now. You've never seen her yell on America's Next Top Model? I think I've seen the meme that you just said before. We were rooting for you. We were all rooting for you.

How dare you? But that was crazy. And that's like the tip of the iceberg with Tyra. She is just entertaining in every way possible. But it's the type of entertainment where she doesn't realize that people are laughing at her. That's called camp. Wait, is that?

I think that's very camp. It's like she's taking something very seriously and it's seen with a really funny eye. Oh, you think she's in on it? No. That's why it's camp. I think she thinks she's in on it, but gays are like, you eye. Oh, you think she's in on it? No. That's why it's camp. I think she thinks

she's in on it, but gays are like, you're not in on it. Yeah, and it's even funnier that she thinks she's in on it. Yeah. Tyra pranks! And you're like, oh boy, you're out of your mind. You're out of your fucking mind, lady. Wow. She dressed up in a fat suit for about, I think, an hour and a half and then literally was like, I know what it's like.

Like, brought herself to tears. Then she pretended to be homeless and slept under a bridge for 15 minutes and they shot her trying to ask for money. It's so... She's just done so much for the gay community. Why do you guys like it so much?

That just feeds our soul. It's fodder. We're going to get Tyra on the podcast. Yeah, we might have to get Tyra on the podcast. I'm sure she'd show up. She'd come, and I need to be here when she does. You got to Barbara Walters her, dude. Yeah.

So tell us, why are you crazy? Yeah, you should have Nick here to sort of interrogate her. When we were at the Louis Vuitton show show we were supposed to sit next to each other and i guess they overbooked it and it's just benches right and some people were like sitting in her seat and she came over and they would not budge i was shot tyra banks dude i was like what is going on right now and and then she ended up kind of like going somewhere further. But I couldn't believe it. I figured within the fashion community.

Yeah, she's a star. Yeah. Is that or is it something where like the fashion community is obsessed with what is the hottest right now? And if you're not hot right now. I mean, that's what it means to be in the fashion community. Yeah. Actually, Marc Jacobs sent me clothes. No way.

He was like, hey, my husband and I think you're really funny. What's your address? And then sent me clothes. Wow. Isn't that crazy? Do you like the stuff? Yeah, it was awesome. Wow.

It's not a tank top. No, it's a crop top. He knows his audience. He's no fool. Anybody else reach out that you really admired and you're stoked that they're um into your stuff you know i've become really good friends with chelsea handler get out of here yeah and i really that's like it's so like it's crazy to think now me her and nick are all on a text thread together but um i it's that's so crazy because i fuck she won't let me compliment her

but i can do it here like i was same gay i watched chel Chelsea lately. I was obsessed with her show. I've read all her books. I think she's hysterical. And so it's so weird that I'll just get a random text. She just texted me right now, have fun in Italy with your boy. I'm like, what? Chelsea Handler? That's crazy. Is it hard to act normal? Yeah, well, Chelsea's another one

where she doesn't allow you to bullshit. That's the thing. It's almost on the more famous person to establish the rules of the social relationship. If they're weird or they're uncomfortable, they don't call out your bullshit, then you will bullshit. Yeah. Because it's so hard to be comfortable around someone that you admire so much or you looked up to or you built up to be this person they might not even be. I've heard this and I always compliment Seinfeld on this. Seinfeld will

tell people how to be a human being with him. Which is so wild. But you need to because people are terrified to even say hey, you want to get coffee? I saw him the other day. And? It was at a get-together somewhere and he walked in and I was like, I gotta go. Immediately. Yeah, because I'm too nervous. That's too crazy. Wait, did you look

up to him growing up? I love Seinfeld. I mean, I love Elaine. You know to him growing up? I love Seinfeld. I mean, I love Elaine. You know what I mean? I love Seinfeld. He's like, yeah. You've got to tell him that when you talk to him. I love Elaine. What was it like working with Elaine?

She's great. No, I like Seinfeld a lot, yeah. But I didn't look up to him the same way I looked up to, like, Kathy Griffin or Joan Rivers. Because Kathy Griffin, you have to remember, the first time I saw a gay man do stand-up was Kathy Griffin. Actually, it was Nicole Byer. No, I was 23 years old. And I know there were gay men doing stand-up,

but it wasn't available to me. Who was it? Cantone? It was Bill Cruz. Bill Cruz is a local Chicago comic who now lives in Los Angeles. Really funny comic. First gay man I ever saw

do stand-up comedy. Never saw him before. First person I heard speak positively about gay people was Kathy Griffin. I was 16. it before. First person I heard speak positively about gay people was Kathy Griffin. I was 16. That was the first time I heard anyone say anything nice

about gay people, especially in stand-up, which is so homophobic. So it was wild to like- Like Joan or anything like that? I didn't catch, I didn't realize, I didn't watch Joan- Until later. Until later. Remember, this is like, there's no YouTube.

It's whatever comes on TV. It's almost like with people who, like myself, I found Eddie before I found Pryor. And like people who came up on Pryor is like, there's no YouTube. It's whatever comes on TV. It's almost like with people like myself, I found Eddie before I found Pryor. And like people who came up on Pryor are like, well, what do you mean? Like this is, Eddie's a newer iteration of what Pryor started. And then maybe that's the same thing

with like Kathy and Joan. Yeah, very similar. I mean, Kathy made me love standup and I still think her first three specials are some of the funniest specials ever. I mean, her stories are, fuck, anyone would laugh. You guys would all laugh at her red carpet stories. Half of it you can't even say anymore,

but like really fucking funny. She just goes for it. But when I saw Joan, I was 22 or 21, and I remember like pencil down watching, and that's when I realized it was my calling. I was like, I want to do stand-up. That was the first person who made it aware to me that I wanted to do it, was Joan Rivers.

Wow. I just never saw someone with that kind of, she wielded it as such a power. You know what I mean? I love Pryor, I love Bill Burr, I love Ellen, I love all the, but Joan, you could tell she was in battle. And she's 80 in heels, running around on stage saying, if you're old, get out, I hate old people,

I hate ugly people, if you're a lesbian, out. I hate old people. I hate ugly people. If you're a lesbian, leave. Gay men to the front of the room. You are ugly. If you are ugly, just get up and get out. I'm like, what the fuck am I watching? Yeah, she was a menace. Did you ever go to a show?

No. My biggest regret is that I just started stand-up comedy, really, when she died. And I remember that was, you know, I don't cry when celebrities die, but I was upset when she died. I got to see her in Montreal. Really? Yeah, just for laughs. She had like a gala or something like that.

And I remember she went up and like the first joke, I'm sure it's a bit that she had done before, but it was like, I couldn't believe it. Yeah. She was like,

she was like, all right, let's just be honest. Mexicans are ugly or something like that. Not Rodrigo. No, but it was something like, she's like, nobody's, let's just be honest. Mexicans are ugly or something like that. Not Rodrigo. No, but it was something like, she's like, nobody's ever been to their plastic surgeon.

Make me look like Guadalupe or something like that. But she was, it was, listen, it's an edgy joke to do, but to open with it, not give a fuck. And she knows what she's doing. She's not actually hateful towards a group of people. She's like, what would be. This is a woman with multiple plastic surgeries who is criticizing herself. Yeah. Yeah. What is the edgy thing that I can say in the moment?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mexicans are hot. Yeah. Yeah. If you watch the weather channel down there, there's some talent. There's some talent.

Yeah. How did we get weather men? No. Did we have weather men here first? Probably some talent. Yeah. How did we get weathermen? No. Did we have weathermen here first? Probably, yeah. Yeah, because they really figured out weather. What? What do you mean?

Like, the weather girls in Mexico, like if you watch on TV. Are we talking about, it's a rain in Mexico? Isn't that the weather girls? Yeah, the weather girls. Yeah. Okay, so I didn't make that up. No, I'm talking about like. This is why we speak different languages.

You're literally talking about weathermen, and I'm like, huh? See, in America, we got dudes that are telling you if it's going to rain today. And in Mexico, they have like these... Oh, they're like naked. They're like, and they're these beautiful fucking chicks in like the short skirt or whatever. Are you bringing that? Look at this. And it's the same temperature every day.

I mean, that's why. Like, the better the weather, the hotter the wind is a bit. Yeah. You can have anybody up there. Like, it's nice again. Viento. It's the same. Humidad.

As soon as there's, like, a lot of complicated weather patterns, you got to have, like, some fucking nerd that studies all the shit. My favorite of her name is Janet. Janet. That's amazing. Italian TV is the exact same. I mean, what even is it? That's not real. There's no way, dude.

It's real, dude. She's dressed like she's going to a cocktail bar at 9 p.m. in the meatpacking district, but it's 7 a.m. and she's trying to give the temperature. It's windy today. You can tell by my hair. That's amazing. Good for them. I don't know if you want to talk about this part, but have you and Rodrigo done Molly together?

No, we've not done Molly together. Do you do drugs? No, I don't know if you want to talk about this part, but have you and Rodrigo done Molly together? No, we've not done Molly together. Do you do drugs? No, I don't. You don't do drugs, right? I've only done Molly once. He told me that. Every Blue Moon I do. You're just such a homebody that I was surprised that you were like, yeah, I did Molly.

And you loved it. I did. I did have a good time. This is the Brooklyn, when you were in Brooklyn? Yes. Yeah, yeah. I did have a good time. You know what?

It wasn't even like a sexual thing. I remember talking to my friend Daniel Slung Lee about PS5 on the dance floor It's not sexual. It was so fun. I feel like Molly is, yeah, it's pure.

I barely drink. I don't really, I'm not interested in drugs. Yeah. You know, I smoked weed with Rodrigo the other week and then we got way too high and we both woke up

the next morning like, well, let's never do that again. Really? Yeah, because he was like, Mateo, calm down. And I was like, I feel sick. Like, I'm not good at it. I couldn't even walk. Oh, so you would never do, like, psychedelics? Are you out of your mind?

I'm already a synesthete. Like, I'm seeing color all the time. So I'm like, nah, I don't want to. Is there advice for you? Is there anything where you're like, addicted to it enough where you have to set some limitations? Um, I guess stand-up, I have to limit myself. In what way? I guess stand-up, I have to limit myself.

In what way? I don't really have that. No, I don't know. I don't really have that kind of like... Addictive personality? No, I do not have an addictive personality.

So you're not worried about it, like getting caught up in a drug or getting... It doesn't interest me. There's actually a vice that's coming from the panel. Okay, pasta. Really?

I'm obsessed with pasta. That was the angriest potato that's ever been in me. What's that? I was asking coming from the panel. Okay, pasta. Really? I'm obsessed with pasta. That was the angriest potato that's ever been in me. What's that? I was asking about pasta. I was like, do you not eat pasta? You're in such good shape. And I was like, do you ever do chickpea pasta? And the look on your face.

You just turned away. You didn't even say anything. You just looked at the wall. Dude, it's funny. My friend, Daniel, I'm going to read his text. Because Rodrigo wants to eat chicken on top of pasta in Italy, which you're not supposed to do. Wait, why not? Absolutely not.

They would never put chicken on top of pasta. Why is that? They just don't go together. You would never do it. Can you explain that? They say that those textures don't marry each other and so that the chicken has to be eaten separately from the pasta. So you would never do it. So I told my friend, Daniel, that Rodrigo wants to eat chicken. We've got to talk to the Cheesecake Factory about pasta. So you would never do it. So I told my friend Daniele that

Rodrigo wants to eat chicken. We've got to talk to the Cheesecake Factory about this. Yeah, I know, right? That Louisiana chicken pasta is about a little dish. We should talk to them about a lot of things. That's a great corporate restaurant. Cheesecake Factory? No, I'm always excited to go to the Cheesecake Factory. To me, it's like... Avocado egg rolls?

Yes. Unbelievable. To me, it's like if the TSA decided to make... Don't do it. Don't do it. It is. Everyone in line has some kind of ailment. There's a lot of oxygen tanks. It's really expensive. It is the TSA restaurant. I need you and Nick to go to Cheesecake Factory. I need you to

go to P.S. Chase. I need you to do a corporate restaurant. We should do that. Should we do that? Let's go to Cheesecake Factory, Nick. Oh my god. Because Nick loves, he absolutely, he's obsessed with chain restaurants. Nick eats like shit. He eats Chipotle

five times a week. He got kicked out of Chipotle a couple months ago. He got, well, I got kicked out of Chipotle. I'm like, why? Well, I was waiting in line and this person in front of us ordered 50 burritos for a kid's birthday party. So I got everyone in line to turn against him. And the manager came up to me and said, miss, you're going to have to leave. So he specifically moved to a place in Harlem to be near his favorite Chipotle.

Wow. That is wild. He eats like shit. He's like, I'm dead on the inside. I mean, he literally, like, he eats pasta with butter and then chipotle and Dunkin' Donuts every morning. Have you cooked for him? Yeah, he does like my pasta,

but he doesn't compliment you, but he'll ask me to make it. That's the compliment. So that's the compliment with Nick. Okay, explain something to me about Italians and their, like,

connection with food. Why does it seem so offensive to make suggestions about food that don't work with what they believe is the right way to consume it? You know, I actually don't have an answer for you. I think it's there in that peninsula. But that's a common thing, right? Like, if you were like, oh, what about pesto and having a Diet Coke? They'd be like, oh, you can't have Diet Coke. And I'm trying to understand why it's so ridiculous. Every other country in Europe has a bordering country to tell them you're acting ridiculous.

But the Italians are in a peninsula and mountains on top. So nobody's ever said you guys are acting weird. So we're just a weird group of people who became upset. Look, we never colonized. I mean, ancient Rome, but whatever. It's like we never colonized. I think you colonized the world. Well, with food.

And war. What war? The Roman Empire, though. No, that's what I'm saying. Besides the Roman, besides 2,000 years ago. We're not like France that's colonized or Spain. Oh, I got you. You haven't gone to Africa.

No, we tried in Ethiopia. Well, you did it first and everybody copied you. What? You guys did it first and everybody copied you. That's true. We did set the Africa. You haven't gone to the area. No, we tried in Ethiopia. Well, you did it first and everybody copied you. What? You guys did it first and everybody copied you. That's true. We did set the standard. You did. That's why I always say, like, Paris is a knockoff of Rome.

If you go to Rome, it is a knockoff. The French are so mad at me. Wait, go on. Have you said this before? No, well, I kind of, yeah. Good. People should know. I've said some disparaging.

I like Paris. I love Paris. And then I went to Rome and I was like, why do I want of, yeah. Good. People should know. I've said some disparaging. I like Paris. I love Paris. And then I went to Rome, and I was like, why do I want this? Yeah. Paris is the Cheesecake Factory of City. Listen, it's nice. It's nice if you grew up in Hoboken. It's impressive.

But once you go to Rome, you can't enjoy it. I know. It's hard. It is hard. But I think the Italians, you know. No, you can't enjoy it. I know. It's hard. It is hard, but I think the Italians, you know... No, you were about to say something. They're upset at you. The French are upset at you. Oh, I did a video about ordering a cheeseburger in France, and it now

is, I think, at 15 million views. Wow. People are... First of all, as if no one reads the comments. That's my favorite thing about comments. Every comment is the exact same, but in my joke about saying how the French are not accepting of other people, no matter how hard you try,

in the comments, they are not accepting of you. Like, they're just so French about it. That's what my joke was like. In Italy, like, if you try and speak Italian, they're so nice to you.

They appreciate it a little bit. Yeah, and the French, it's like, I'm like, I'm sorry I wasn't born here. Like, what do you want me to do? Like, go back in time and get born here and grow up here so I can order this croissant without you yelling at me?

It's insane. Yeah, they do such a fucking attitude. They really do. Although everyone in France, the kid super show was great. I will say this. The French kick Italians' asses in dessert. They kick everyone's ass in dessert. They have the best dessert.

And I think it's because they're using butter and the Italians are using oil. Yeah. And they really know how to cook with the butter. Where you guys aren't really using the butter. So the sweet stuff... Northern Italy cooks with butter. Southern Italy cooks with butter. That's a little weird.

Maybe you took some ideas from over there over the mountain. It's kind of strange. Yeah, no one tells us what to do. Except when we make good desserts. The most popular food in the world is pizza, so... Yes. Where's your fucking pizza?

Yeah, where's your pizza? And bread. They kill it in bread and desserts. They kill it in bread and dessert. Nobody touches that. And the Italians kill it with fashion, cars, opera, food, you know, pretty much everything. Listen, we're not competing here. I am.

We're not competing. Well, no, no, because there's no competition. We're not competing. We're just pointing some things out. But we have to give credit where credit is due. But come see me in Paris in October. I'm doing four shows. Just throwing baguettes at you.

I'm like Trump in Puerto Rico or whatever. The paper towels? Yeah. Puerto Rico. Oh, he's so insane in Puerto Rico. The paper towels? Yeah. Puerto Rico. Oh, he's so insane. Puerto Rico. But what did he do that made you bust out laughing, though? Be honest.

What? Trump. Oh, you know what? Well, I will say, I will defend Trump on. I was trying to make this a joke, but it's too late now because the special's already out. But I wanted to be like, he's an asshole and I hate him. But leave him alone on the hair. That's not how it works.

I do sympathize there. Because there was a moment where you were trumping it up a little before. Girl, I was desperate. Yeah. I had a sculpture on my head that Michelangelo would blush at. It was like, I couldn't believe it was getting so much harder

to try and cover it up. And now I have a lot of hair. A beret would have been nice, you know? Maybe. The Italians don't really have hats down. Yeah, no, the hat game is a trope. Because they don't go bald like the French problem. Yes!

Oh! He's Mexican. Okay. He's not all Mexican. Yeah, I know. But do you want me to seriously answer a question about that? I do think Italians, like, I don't know why, but I do know, like, they have really specific rules about, like, this kind of pasta should be made with this kind of sauce. And you should, you know what it is?

They really care about their food in the sense that, like, you go to any other country and it's like you're just eating food and they don't know where it comes from. They don't know where the ingredients are from. There's a religiosity with the food yeah the italians are like well this milk is from this cow yeah i know the cow the japanese are kind of like this too japanese and italian culture are wildly similar especially it's sort of like island life i don't know i think it's like uh when i don't know i think when god is reflected in whatever you're working on then you're gonna hold it up to that standard and i i don't know, I think when God is reflected in whatever you're working on, then you're going to hold it up to that standard. And I don't know, for Italians, it's always seemed to me that like the food is a manifestation of what it is to be them.

So you have to treat it at the highest level. Yeah. So it's like, and they've dedicated themselves to this for so long and it's become like, you know, the exact same thing as the identity. So of course they would know that the texture of chicken and the texture of pasta does not go together. Where we would just taste some sauce and we need some protein, we go, yeah, throw it in there. They'd be like, no, no, you're gonna get your protein. But there's a protein that works better for this.

Well, oh, Katie Parla, who's a great Italian author, she told me that Italians are really obsessed with digestion, healthy digestion. So it's like you'll have- See, that's levels, bro. That's the other thing. Like we're not even thinking about. But they're not really doing anything else.

Well, let's talk about that actually. No, no, I want to talk about that after because that's something that Italians will even criticize about themselves. What? About being a country that is lost in the past and not creating new things and like dominating culture for thousands of years. And now most people go there to view it as a museum. Yeah. And there's Italians that are like, no, let's keep creating. Let's make new things.

Like we have this legacy of creating things that the world loves. Like, why have we stopped doing this? A great comedian named Francesco Di Carlo, who's moving to America soon. He's like the most famous Italian comedian. He's making comedy, how we do in New York and Italy. And he's unbelievable comic. He and I had this whole conversation because I was saying exactly what you're saying. Like, I love coming to Italy and I feel like, you know, it feels like tradition and peaceful and da da da da, like the chaos of New York is gone. He goes, yes, it is beautiful, but the problem is we're stuck in the past. So he's like me wanting to

do comedy the way that you guys do it is almost impossible because people refuse to budge from their past. And when you have a past that is so old, right? When you have thousands of years of wisdom that turns into not only religion, but turns into pasta, turns into everything. It's like, you can make the argument like, we've perfected it, we figured it out.

And then going against that is almost like insulting or stupid. You're like, but in order to create new things that we like, we have to go against the grain. In America, it's kind of easy, right? We're here for 400 years. If we do a, what is it? What are those?

A gastropub restaurant. It's like where we flip a burger and make it a little interesting. We're welcoming of it. We're not going, how dare you disgrace a hamburger? How dare you disgrace a hot dog? You know what I'm saying? We do that every day. That means you're American. Exactly. But in Italy, you have 4,000 years of making a fucking pasta in a specific way. Italians, Fran Lieber would have said this, Italians have a culture. We don't have a culture.

Well, we're developing it. We're developing it. Our culture is an idea. We're young still. It takes thousands of years. And that's why, I don't know, that's why I always look at Europeans and they have such an interesting relationship where like race and culture intersect. Because I think that there's a lot of times where there is racism that is masked oftentimes as a cultural elitism. Yes, very much so. And this is all throughout Europe. Whereas if there was a kid adopted by a French family or adopted by an Italian family

and raised Italian and raised a French, they might be more accepted and still deal with racial shit, but they might be more accepted because they're continuing that identity. Right. Whereas in America, we're still figuring out what it is to be us, so all we got is race to be like,

you're bad, you're good, or whatever. My friend Tadzeta, she was born in Ethiopia, and then her mother moved her and herself to Italy when she was three, and then she was raised by nuns in a Catholic church. So her whole concept, you know what I mean? She's this beautiful Ethiopian girl walking around as the most Roman woman on the face of the planet. So she deals with racism on a whole other level.

It's interesting with Italians, though, because Northern Italy is so genetically different than Southern Italy. I mean, in Sicily, it's so Arab North African. It's in the architecture. It's in the food. It's in the language. It's in the people. Even thinking about Italy as a country, what is it? When did Italy become a country?

1857? I think it was united under the Vatican for 1,000 years. I think it was like United under the Vatican for like a thousand years. But I think it's literally the modern version of Italy is post-World War II, I thought. Yeah. You had to rebrand a little. But they did a great job.

Honestly, amazing job. That's how great Italian food is compared to German food. The Germans are like, these fucking Nazis and Italians are like, it was a mistake. It's the wrong side. That's just how bad you guys are at war. That's all it is. You guys are so bad at it.

It's like, we're like, yeah, Germany, Japan, those are the bad guys. And you guys just didn't do anything. No, we killed Mussolini. You did. We brought him in, we just murdered him. You know, Italians, they love murder. And yeah, it was great.

Jiminy Glick asked Eddie Falco once, he was like why do italians try not to kill so good but um yeah i mean the 1960s was great for the italians they really rebranded and it was like you know roman holiday and pasta and vespas and you know they just became italian disco and romance to the culture yeah well, well, the language. It's crazy that that tiny country has affected the entire world. Well, the most famous TikToker now is an Italian kid. Who? The kid, Kabi Lane.

Oh, I didn't know that he's in Italy. Yeah, he's a black dude, immigrated, but he's Italian, like, fully raised in Italy. Cool. Have you seen him? No. He's the dude that, like, he'll play someone doing a dumb DIY video and then just be like, this is how you're supposed to do it. So he doesn't ever speak.

This is his thing. He's an Italian kid. And then you listen to him talk. He's just fully Italian. But it makes sense, though, because all of his content is him just being like, you guys are so stupid. What? Watching Kobe Bryant in Italian interviews was my favorite.

Here comes Italian. Yeah, a woman, he's so American. And then the next one, he's like, And I'm like, where did that come from? Because you can't not do this when you're speaking Italian. Do you get along with, like, New York Italians? Oh, yeah. I mean, look, I did this great podcast called Growing Up Italian.

Yeah, it's great. And it's so funny because, like, being Italian, I forget, like, how I'm used to, like, I walk up to this intimidating group of Italians outside Anthony and Sons, right, where they film the podcast. Anyone else would be like, oh, God, those scary Italians. I walk up and like, oh, my fucking God,

I didn't know it was going to be Matteo. And they're like, hey, buongiorno, Matteo, am I going to do you want coffee? And I'm, like, so comfortable in that. So they are, Italian-Americans are still really connected to Italy. But I will say a lot of Italians who follow me on Instagram always say the same thing. Like, Matteo, thank you for representing Italy of today. Oh, good.

I'm like, oh, okay. Because I think the Italians there are a little tiring to hear. Like, we get it, the mafia and the corno and the malocchio. Like, we get it, we get it, we get it, we get it. You know, so they have a lot more to offer, I guess. There's an interesting thing about Italy specifically, which is, like, there are so many different, I guess, almost like kingdoms in Italy. Like, uniting it as one country is pretty recent. There's 34 different languages in Italy.

Uniting it as one country is pretty recent. There's 34 different languages in Italy. Okay, so when we look at Italy, we just go pizza, maybe some mafia, definitely pasta, and Vespas, right? That's the idea, and fashion or whatever. But each one of these little areas, like the Venetian Empire was a fucking empire. And these people, their roots are ingrained in what that is to be Venetian. Katie Parla's boyfriend is a Venice glassblower. In order to enter this guild. Oh, what is that?

Yeah, what is that famous one in, it doesn't matter. There's a famous known glassblowing. He's born and raised Italian. Could not work there until he learned Venetian. Wow. Actually, if you look up online, type in YouTube. This is a great example. Type in Italian.

It's okay, this is the difference between Italian language and the language in body. Okay, which is a completely different language. This girl is gonna be, oh my God, Nick, why are you calling me? This girl will do it in English, the woman on the right does it in Italian, the guy on the left does it in body.

And body is where in Italy? Puglia, that's the heel got Italy. Yep What He left up to a fat a fly Not some bean keep it Fly. Una zanzara. Una zambena.

Chip it. Chinatillo. Chinatillo. Did you get to play? Hai giocato? Si, si, quet. A bird. Un uccello.

Watch it. Wow. Pause. Le olive. So you have that in all these different regions. Every town has a different. So Naples is different than Badi. So people in Naples and Badi can't communicate in their dialects. They have to speak the standard language, Italian.

Yeah. So when I went to Naples two months ago, it made crazy because my nonna's from Naples, but I don't know the Napolitano language. Yeah. So I'm there, and I'm in this cab with this cab driver who's like in his early hundreds. He should not be driving. And he's only speaking Napolitano with me. And I literally kept saying to him in Italian, I do not be driving. And he's only speaking Napolitano with me. And I literally kept saying to him in Italian,

I do not understand you. Then he thinks another cab driver is a bad driver. So he takes his car, drives in the middle of traffic, stops it, stops traffic, rolls down his window to tell this guy

he's a bad driver. But all I hear in Napolitano is like, I'm like, I have no idea what's going on. It's crazy. I have to ask people sometimes in Italy, I'm like, I'm so sorry. You don't want to be disrespectful, but I'm like, I have no idea what's going on. It's crazy. I have to ask people sometimes in Italy. I'm like, I'm so sorry.

You don't want to be disrespectful, but I'm like, I just speak Italian. I don't, you know. Did you eat the pizza there? The San Michele? Yeah, we went to. San Michele? Yeah, Da Michele. We waited two hours.

Me and Ted said to win. And it's fucking work. It's unbelievable. And it's only, you wait two hours and it's five euro. Yeah. That's it. And they only have two types of pizza. Yep.

And then they're all arguing with each other. Pizza is all arguing with each other. Yeah. But it was, the pizza's unbelievable. Fucking cigarettes. Bro, there's a ashtray right by the oven. They're just smoking it. That's the seasoning, baby.

Let's go. Dude, but unbelievable. It's rare that you go to one of those hot spots or whatever where everybody talks about how amazing it is and it blows you away in this place. And they opened one here, you know that. They did? Yeah, they opened one here in where the fuck is it? What was that club in like a church or something? No, no, no, no. I forget it.

Temple gym. I'm going to get dove, dove knows what it is, but the same people, they opened one here. And apparently it's really good, but it's a different thing when you get there. Are there Italians you don't get along with? Like from an area, from a region? What about the Milanese?

The Milanese, the northern Italians. They're like Germans. A little bit, right? Yeah, the joke is that they say they sono freddi, like they're a little cold. But they're very like corporation and business. And they keep the money pumping into Italy, and it's important. They do. But I'm used to Sicily.

That's how it is in Spain, too. Like up in Barcelona, they think that they're cheap. They think that they're a little bit colder. And then you go down to the south of Spain, and you're basically in Morocco. Yeah. It's like everybody there is just giving you that welcoming love. Come into my home. I don't care if I even know you.

I love Madrid. I love Madrid. I love Madrid. I love that city so much. What do you love about it? I don't know. I fell so in love with Madrid. Barcelona, I'm not that, I mean, it's fine. You need a little bit more of that Italian love.

Yeah. Barcelona feels chaotic, and the streets all kind of look the same, and I don't know, I didn't quite connect with it the same way Madrid was like, gorgeous, look at Madrid. Madrid is a little bit more ancient, and I don't know. I didn't quite connect with it the same way Madrid was, like, gorgeous. Madrid is a little bit more ancient, a little bit more majestic. I don't know what I'm talking about. You pointed this out with Italy,

because it's so culturally fragmented, or at least used to be, that's why they are so diehard with the soccer teams. Oh, yeah. That's the only way they can fight. That's their expression. Yeah, and they've been connected to that culture for... And I think you see that a little bit in Oh, yeah. Like, that's the only way that they can fight. That's their expression. Yeah. Yeah, like, and they've been connected to that culture for, and I think you see that a little bit with, uh, in England, too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think that's why it's hard for us to understand soccer, right? Because, like, we're... It's also boring. No, but it's the thing, it's like, it's boring when, like, your whole identity isn't out there. Right, but I mean, the soccer players are at least hot.

You know what I mean? Like, they're the hottest of the the sports athletes yeah yeah i think hockey players would be hot but they're like all covered up yeah you can't really tell me and nick went to a penguins game in pittsburgh and he was he was screaming at the ref why he got so involved in the game he's like come on you oh this you, oh, this is ridiculous. Like, and he was in a fur coat. Like, it was, people gave us a lot of looks. Yeah. But I think soccer players are the hottest. No question. Nice butts, nice thick legs, like. Yeah, they're best looking

probably. I'm trying to think. Who else? Football? Stop. Now, football is like, I don't know. It depends on the position, bro. I think across all sports. Tell me about it. Soccer players gotta be the best looking across the position, bro. I think across all sports. Tell me about it. Soccer players got to be the best looking across the board, bro. Yeah.

Sleek haircuts, you know. They're the ones who care the most about the way they look. That's for sure. Basketball players, now that the shorts

are coming shorter, I'm like, oh, they're hot. But I'm used to like, I'm used to 90s basketball players where like, everything is long.

The dick would hang out a little. Fantastic. I really, I just don't. I sound so stereotypical. I just don't care about sports. It's a billion-dollar industry. I don't even see it.

Really? I just don't care. What about when the Olympics come around? Well, the Olympics are different because that's for gay people. Okay. Specifically, the Winter Olympics are for gay people. The Wintour. Ice skating. The Anna Wintour Olympics. people okay specifically the winter olympics are for gay people the winter ice and a winter olympics

um it's uh it's nick actually i could call you nick is obsessed he doesn't know anything about sports when it comes to the olympics he's like are you out of your fucking mind this woman cracked her knee trying to like he just knows everything have you ever seen selling sunset yeah this is i've never seen the latest season nick called me me. He goes, what are you doing? I just finished Selling Sunset season six. Okay, what happened? Well, I'm going to be honest. Some people are born leaders.

Mary was born a potato. She's absolutely born. Davina, at this point, is a plant that shouldn't even be in the show. They got rid of Christine. I mean, it really, Chris Shell is now some sort of bisexual lesbian. Who the hell knows what's going on with her? None of them are selling houses. Dude, you gotta get him on Selling Sunsets.

If there's nothing else you do in your career, if there's nothing else you do. Why don't we get him on one of the real estate shows? He would be unbelievable. He would be perfect. He'd be the villain. He'd be perfect TV. I mean, Nick would be. That shouldn't be that difficult. Who does he work for?

I think Compass maybe. Compass? I don't know, actually. Yeah, we should. That could be funny. Nick, on those TV shows, he would fight with everyone. Nick. Can we prank him?

Can we send people on listings with him? That like are there to rile him up. You've got to film that. That is fire. Just there to rile him. Like a guy just goes film that. That is fire. Just there to rile him. Like a guy just goes and takes a dump during the list thing. Nick's done that. Diarrhea to his pants.

At Chipotle. At Chipotle. There's an emerald in the toilet seat. The doctor leaves it. It's for you. Yeah, it'll fall off. He's like a bad move, bro. That's crazy.

Yeah, we need to start pranking Nick. Nick should, at the end of this year, think that he's living in, what was that Jim Carrey movie? The Truman Show. The Truman Show. It should be half reality, half Truman Show. A million percent.

Like a guy came to him on the train and goes, are you Matteo's boyfriend? And he goes, I don't know, circumstances. Are you one of these Italians that doesn't do New York pizza though? I love New York pizza. I love Joe's pizza. Even though it's different than Italian?

No, I like New York pizza a lot. What's your best pizza? Joe's. Okay, give me top three in the city. Well, we're Baltic, but that's like Italian style pizza. Joe's pizza, John's pizza. What's the one that's on like Spring Street? What is it prince street

what else i mean those are my i mainly go to joe's though yeah ben's pizza has good grandma slice what the one on the corner yeah the grandma slice pizza is really good okay um i love new york pizza i love the white slice what about ruby rosa you ever go to Ruby Rosa? Watch your mouth. No, I've never been to Ruby Rosa. Dude, Ruby Rosa is incredible. Really? Where is it? It's on... Where is it? What's the next one over?

Bowery? It's on Mulberry with Broadway? Mulberry. It's on Mulberry. Literally? Yeah. Oh, work. Yeah, well, it's a little bit up.

More like Nolita, but yeah, Mulberry. It's fantastic. Really fucking good. I mean, most New York pizza's great. What, well, it's a little bit up. More like Nellita, but yeah, Mulberry. It's fantastic. Really fucking good. I mean, most New York pizza's great. What about pasta? That's harder to find. Now we have to have... What about Misi?

Ever do Misi? No. The only good pasta in New York, the real pasta in New York, is at a place called Piccola Cucina on Spring Street in Thompson. Okay. And they're, like, from Sicily,

and they make it the way it's supposed to be made. Cigarettes and all. Cigarettes and all. Like, here's your alla norma, you know. And then ribalta, which is a pizzeria, but they do authentic pasta as well.

Okay, okay. You said the most controversial Italian take I think I've ever heard on this show. What was it? So Andrew obviously, if you go into a mall, he sees himself,

I think it's culturally Italian. And then he came back. I used to teach you Italian. He came back and he goes, you couldn't tell the difference between ice cream and gelato. Is that a true thing you said? Out of your mind? No, you couldn't. You said you. You couldn't.

You said you. It's literally two different things. Oh, I have a great ice cream shop for you. Cafe Pana. Have you been there? No. In Rome? No, this is here. But she trained in a gelateria in Rome. Is she from there? No. In Rome? No, this is here. Oh. But she trained in a gelateria in Rome. Is she from Italy? No.

I go to Figo for gelato. We'll go, they have like savory gelato. And you can tell the difference? Bro, they had, fuck you. Dude, I had just vanilla with whipped cream and then olive oil on the top and like some salt. It was fucking unbelievable. Anyway, Caffe Panna, go check it out. Okay. But we'll go, we'll get some ice cream. But you can't tell the top and some salt. It was fucking unbelievable. Anyway, Cafe Pano, go check it out.

Okay. But we'll go. We'll get some ice cream. But you can't tell the difference between gelato. It's two different things. You're addicted to sugar. It doesn't matter. I hate to eat Snickers.

It doesn't matter. Don't give me this I like. Two opposite things. No. One, they're so distinct. No. The idea that you think people couldn't tell the difference is absolutely absurd. No.

People. You. You can't tell the difference. Also, he said you. Why can't you tell the difference? No. They're two separate things. No. No. It's't tell the difference. Also, he said you. Why can't you tell the difference? No. They're two separate things. It's like the difference between bread and fucking lobster.

He just started eating good food like two years ago. He grew up in Florida. I grew up next to a gelato. You grew up in Florida, bro. I grew up next to a gelato place. You grew up in Florida, bro. Jeremiah's Italian ice. God.

Are you going to let him disrespect me? Yeah. He's doing a good job himself. There's nothing more incriminating I can say about him that he's already incited on himself. A gay compliment is nice, but a gay insult hurts way more. It's a dagger, right? You insult like southern people,

dude. Bless your heart. Gays are pretty vicious, I think. Really good at comebacks and insults. That takes practice. Okay, listen. You have a flight to takes practice, yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Okay, listen, you have a flight to catch.

I do. So you have to get out of here, but before you leave, Hair Plugs and Heartbreak on YouTube. Yes. Several other specials on YouTube. Mateo Lane Comedy.

Yes, MateoLaneComedy.com. I'm on tour. We're almost sold out with the Chicago Theater. Yay! That's exciting. Hometown kids.

I know. And I'm doing Vegas. I'm That's exciting. Hometown kids. I know. And I'm doing Vegas. I'm not doing any shows this summer, but I am doing The Win at Vegas. Oh, that's beautiful. And if you want to come to that. Yeah. So that's exciting. When are you doing that?

I'm doing it July 29th. Okay, great. Are you going to gamble? No, I don't like gambling. I have no vices. No vices. You've got to try. You've got to practice.

Last time I gambled, I was like, I might as well just take my wallet and throw it on the table and keep walking. Yeah, I don't see you being good at gambling. No, Jessica Kirsten was trying to teach me how to gamble, and she ended up just doing it for me. I want to be the hot woman who sits with the boyfriend of the gambler who's like, you know, like making faces and stuff. Blow on the dice. I'm good at that. Are you flying private to Italy? What? No, I'm not doing the kids super fashion show.

Well, let me know. But I am flying first class. Hey! There's no going back. No. There's no going back. You tasted it. I have to keep this going just to keep flying first. But I know it's going to be one of the old Delta flights where it's like when you're going down, it's like. It's going to be Hawking chair. Literally.

Last time I was on a flight, I've told this story before, but it was like the TV was so small. I was like, do I have cataract? Like, did I pay? And then the equivalent of giving you the meal, they just stand at the front of the plane and throw the meal at you. Yeah, yeah. But this one gay flight attendant, you know, he of course recognized me. He was like, he's like, Mateo, is there anything I can get you? And I was like, I'm so sorry, but like my TV doesn't work and my chair doesn't work. He goes, I fucking hate these old planes. They're fucking awful.

And he just kept giving me snacks and like, he was so nice. Oh, I got a discount from you, actually. What? Yeah. I was at a vintage store, Upstate, and the guy that was checking me out, not checking me out, I mean, he was gay, but also... He was max high. But he was checking all of our stuff, and he was asking, he was like, oh, you're a comedian.

I was like, yeah, and he's very gay. And I was like, I just peppered in there. I was like, yeah, we actually just had Mateo Lane on the podcast. And he was like, oh, you know Mateo? And I was like, you know, we're friends. We were on a private jet, whatever. 20% off the whole thing.

Oh, really? That's good. I better work. I better work. You knew he wasn't going to say it? I'm not myself. Mateo Leigh, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.