Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Maybe It's You ft. Michael Blaustein

Episode Date: November 22, 2019

This week Andrew, Akaash, Kaz, and special guest Michael Blaustein talk about: what that mouf do, Charles Barkey's threatening tweets, bombing on demon jokes, Julia Roberts as Harriet Tubman, Annoying Amanda Seales, and much more. INDULGE!!! Want an extra episode a week? Become a Patron! www.Patreon.com/Flagrant2

Guys, we have a guest today for the Patreon. Our friend Michael Blaustein is in the building here. Blau, one of our first friends in comedy. One of our first friends in comedy. You've heard many stories, and he'll get you what I said. Thank you for coming. You've heard many stories about Blaustein from this podcast. Now, before we get to that

I want to finish this KD situation with Cass It wasn't much of a situation We just hung out Did you say hi to him? Yeah, yeah Did you kiss his mouth? Did you kiss him on the neck? Did you kiss his fucking neck?

No, I wasn't much talking man Did you just bite his Adam's apple a little bit? We were talking about music We were talking about Mello Because I guess he was just about to play Oh shit Just a little bit of that. What music is KD into?

I mean, he was there to see Wale and Tiana Taylor was there too and it was good music. Wait a minute, Tiana Taylor was there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was there too.

How's she looking? Fine. Oh, I'm thinking of Tiana Trump. No, no. That's totally different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Tiana Taylor was there.

Tiana Taylor was there. Okay. Did a few songs together. It was cool. Charlamiana Taylor was there. Tiana Taylor was there. Okay. Did a few songs together. It was cool. Charlamagne was there. Charlotte pulled up. Okay. It was a good time.

Wax was there. It was good. You spoke to KD, though. You dapped him up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How'd the ankle look? Was he walking gingerly? He was walking fine, man.

I told him, you know, get the hill up safe. We want to see you hoop again, even though, you know, I'm a Knicks fan. But as a basketball fan, it would be cool to see, you know, we can't wait to see you get back with cory's like yeah cool thanks out of the other that was it it was cool i know mandy has better stories but i'm not cut that you're not cutting that bro you should have winked at him bro you should have been like yo we got mutual friends. We have mutuals. I don't know, man. I'm ballsy, yo. Nah, no. But he probably likes that. Nah, I was caught off guard. Like, if I knew I was running to him, I'd have more things to ask.

But, you know. Right. I'll tell you stuff off the air, though. Oh, come on, yo. Come on, bro. I can't. Trust me. What?

What happened? Why you even say that on the podcast then, man? Did you guys do that kiss that the guy did to Beyonce? Where you get a little bit of her lips? Remember the guy from Power? Yeah. You said a little bit. Yo, would you go for a mouth kiss?

It's like a Grammy, bro. I'm saying, would you go for a mouth kiss just to throw someone off? You meet them first time, mouth kiss just to throw them off. Just to establish dominance? Yes. Yo, what's up? You'll do anything. Boom, right there in time, mouth kiss just to throw them off. Just to establish, you know, dominance. Yes. Yo, what's up? You'll do anything. Boom.

Right there in their fucking mouth. And then hold them close. Hold them tight. Hold them fucking tight. What'd you do it? Always. Anytime you can establish dominance, absolutely. Really?

Right in the mouth. Yo, Skipper. Kiss me, bro. Don't know. Don't see. Can't give him a. Kiss me. You can't ask for it. That's not dominance. That's not dominance on you, bro. Don't see. You can't give him a. Kiss me. You can't ask for it.

That's not dominant. That's not dominant. Okay. Now you got to dominate back. You got to dominate back. Real talk, you guys got to have a rape off. You know, before you walk, I'm just going to grab his dick. And sit him back down with it.

Sit him right back down. Like a joystick, bro. There's one fucking alpha male in this room. God damn it. What is the word you use to stop your dog? Heal. Heal. Heal.

Not a D at the end. No, no. You mix it up. Heal and yield. Yield is for cars. Heal is the guy who shoots three points. I'm about to say it's the guy in the cage. Buddy healed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds like something you say to a dog. Buddy healed. Buddy. Okay. All right. So we got Blau in the building. Blau, you say to a dog. Buddy healed. Buddy. Okay. All right. So we got Blau in the building. Blau, you're in New York.

I don't know for how long, but I saw you Instagramming that you're on the subway. So you didn't text me. You didn't say that you're in town. Wow. I didn't know where you were, man. I thought you were dropping in somewhere weird. So I didn't, you know. I don't know where you're at these days, dude.

You're all over the fucking place. You know? Too successful, dog. Yeah, this is your fault you're not you're not wrong when you write that's fair okay so i say i say you got to come by come talk to us um we had your podcast co-host trevor wallace on yeah last week last week yeah how was that trevor was very fun i mean these guys missed it because they weren't in town sunday but um but i wanted to get you on.

It's been a while. We've told a lot of stories about you on the podcast. Is there anything that you'd like to clarify? Everything's wrong. No, that's not true. Everything's wrong. I feel like everything's skewed to where they want it to be. What was inaccurate about the story about your bombing?

Remember when you were bombing? Right, right, right, right, right. That was probably pretty accurate. Honestly, bro, in retrospect, in retrospect, it's... It was the dragon act out. Can you do the demon act out on camera? No.

No. No. My favorite part is not only would he... Not only would he... Just tell me the line that the lady would say. I know what it is. I know what it is. I know what it is.

What is it? Tell me what you want. This is my favorite part. He would crouch mad low, yo. He'd get all the way down, right? And Blau always had these, like, Models, Nikes. Like, they weren't cool. They weren't the cool shit, but they look almost like the cool shit.

So you get real. You get real dick sporting goods. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoever Katie shot, look. So he got Madlo. This is my favorite part, right? He would say that line, but he would create a tail for the monster, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tell me what. But the tail made him kill me. You gotta create an accurate You will crack like all the way to the floor. I'm so impressed.

Wow, can you just do it The idea of the joke Come on, you gotta do it. The idea of the joke was What was the premise? It was about him hooking up with a girl

and then she like transformed from being this sweet, whatever, dainty girl, and then in the bedroom, she's like a demon. It stemmed from the idea, I hooked up with this emo chick with crazy tattoos, and during the date, everything was fine, and then when we started to fuck, she got insane.

In the joke, you played up the change harder, the juxtaposition. She was super sweet and soft and then she became tell me what you want it's a little deeper bro

it's a little deeper bro you wanna know Andrew Andrew Andrew Andrew Andrew Andrew

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Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. Just come on. Come on, dog. Hit it. You gotta do this? You gotta do this, right? First of all, my pants were way looser when I was doing it. You know what I mean?

It was like, so you gotta get low like this. And then the thing is, you gotta put the arms here. Because you gotta let him know! You gotta let him know that he's got a little baby arm. Like this, right? You gotta do this. Like a T-Rex. Like a T-Rex. Like a T-Rex. Like a T-Rex-Dragon combo. So it's this, right? And you gotta slip it back. You gotta get low, and then you gotta do the tail like you said before. And then the thing is, you have to move the... Where would the mic be? It's here.

It's in the baby arm like this. It's in the baby arm. You gotta get low. And the thing, the trick is, Andrew Schultz and everyone else, you gotta move your butt with the tail. Like this, right? You gotta do this. Just stay on him, go on. You gotta do this, right?

You gotta move your butt. And then what? And then what? Hit the line, hit the line. Back and forth like this, right? And then you know you do the voice. How you doing? Yeah, you do the voice.

It's not, yo, you went this far, just finish it. You you do the voice how you do it it's not you went this far just finish it you gotta do the voice man and then you gotta start you can't just say the punch first you gotta go there you go do the act out do the act out, though. We don't need the director's commentary.

I'm the actor. You watch the movie, then you watch the movie. I need the movie first. Shut up! This is art, bro! What kind of doing? You gotta go like this. Should we just hand him Do The Bit?

Do The Bit! I'm not a fucking jukebox! Although I am. Okay. You gotta go, yeah? Yeah. Right? Right?

And then you gotta go, and then you gotta go, tell me what you want. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm sweating, bro. Sorry.

When I tell you I used to love watching this bit, I'm telling you, bro. When I tell you I used to love watching this bit bomb, bro. I'm telling you, bro. It was so funny. Now, usually the bit would work. It would kill. I'm not saying it wouldn't kill. It would usually work. Did I get that right?

Yeah, 100%. Way more often it would kill. Way more often. Every once in a while. Did it, bro? And he'd be sweaty and out of breath. Dude, do you remember? Let me say this.

Because if a crowd didn't laugh at that joke, they just didn't like Blau. Right. Because his act is a lot of act outs, a lot of voices, whatever. So they already weren't fucking with him. Yeah, yeah. And this is his closer.

So it's like, I got to get you now. So he'd been bombing, and then he goes into that act out and bombs even harder. And then my favorite part was this. My favorite part was this. When he finished it, and he'd be all out of breath, and nobody would make no sound, and he'd just go like this.

He goes, All right. Thank you. Good night. No. Don't try to spin it like that. No. Motherfucker.

Dude, two deep breaths. He had to catch his breath To say goodnight bro That's how out of breath He was Couldn't even say goodnight Yo what's up This is Akash That was a preview

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