Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Mike Pence Fly was Kamala's Mom Reincarnated

Episode Date: October 9, 2020

This week Andrew, Akaash, AlexxMedia, and Mark discuss the Kamala/Pence debate, the Schitts Creek controversy, Melania vs Stormy Daniels, Madea being the funniest woman in comedy, if the Warriors should trade their draft pick, the Fly, and much more. INDULGE! Go to https://Surfshark.deals/flagrant and use code FLAGRANT to get 83% off a 2-year plan and 3 extra months for free. Protect yourself online today! Want an extra episode a week? Join the Flagrant Army www.Patreon.com/FLAGRANT2 Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a quire then welcome to The Flagrancy.

What up, people? Shulte here, and you guys are about to listen to a clip from our weekly Patreon episode. If you want to sign up to our Patreon, support the flagrancy, support what we are doing, completely uncensored, flagrant content, you go to patreon.com slash flagrant2. With no more interruptions, here is the exclusive clip. Kamala was good. Kamala was good. Kamala was good. But Pence was soothing, bro.

Yeah, man. And Kamala, I guess I just had loftier expectations and she didn't quite meet them. She does this slow talking attempt at sincerity. President Biden and I would really like, and it's like, Joe, just talk. You don't have to feign sincerity by being slow. Well, that's the thing about Pence. The entire thing was feigning sincerity but it seemed authentic yeah he's way better he is way better feigning sincerity like he's like ryan seacrest you know

how ryan seacrest can feign sincerity and it seems authentic and that's why he's the best host that what that's what makes an amazing host when you truly believe the words that are coming out of that person's mouth, no matter how fraudulent they are. And I cannot tell you a time where I was like, ah, he's faking this shit. Now he looks like he unzips his skin at the end of the night.

Like that motherfucker. I thought he was going to eat that fucking fly, bro. I thought he was going to eat that fucking fly. Come on, snap that shit. I never knew what reptilian meant until I saw this guy. That's a reptilian motherfucker.

He was comfy under those fucking lights, bro. Very comfy. He was absorbing all that light. He was just laying there like fucking Josh Gad. You think the fly was trolling him? It was like, yeah, you won't eat me now, bitch. You won't eat me now. You ate my cousins and shit backstage.

You ain't gonna eat me now. Is that guy's hair real? I don't think so. I think it's a weight. I've never seen a single hair out of place. No. Never out of place. He's like a Lego man.

It's Lego. Yeah, he looks like Eminem's dad in like 2002. You know what I mean? He just looks like old Slim Shady, does he? A little bit. I want them to play that shit when he walks in. Well, the real Slim Shady please stand up when he just walks on in.

He does look like old Eminem. Damn, dude. That's crazy. Okay, so this fly lands on his head it don't move it doesn't matter long just sit just like his hair and he doesn't react at all he doesn't know it's there he has no clue it's there that's why i think we're asking if the hair is real right because how do you not know i think is is easy there could be flies on you. You have no clue. I guess. I guess if it's on you. I mean, like, when you get a mosquito bite, you're not like, oh, there's a mosquito on my arm.

Nothing's going to happen. And then you slap it. I mean, like, normally if you move at all. I didn't like that you pointed to hot cars, dude. What, about the flies? Yeah. I'm trying my hardest not to make a fly joke. I mean, like, half of your family got flies buzzing around it.

Obviously, they got no clue it's there. Let me tell you something. We know. Yeah. There's nothing you can do. There's nothing you can do. There's nothing you can do. So that's it. This is easy.

I'm shocked the fly didn't go to Kamala with her Indian ass. That's the most shocking thing. Yo, I didn't like that she tried to convert her mom posthumously. What you mean? She was like, my mom is up in heaven

watching right now. Your mom was Hindu. She in another life, bitch. You better... Yo. She tried to convert her after she died. She's the fly.

Oh my God. I'm saying it. That's the fly Oh my god I'm saying it Oh shit That's the most Indian way That's what we do y'all That's why we don't respond To the flies in India Cause that's just our cousins

Hanging out They ain't nothing But a family reunion bro Hey that's all Those shitty ass uncles That try to molest you Bumping around Wait y'all got molestation

In it did you? Yeah sure We got mad rapes We probably got molestation too Wow dude Even in the past life dude You got fucking uncles Sucking you

Put the skewer in the fly Just when you thought Your uncle was dead And he couldn't suck you Any longer There he is Buzzing around your ears Yo that's like

The perfect next life For a molester huh Yeah Yes Keto Yeah Whoa dude Just walking around Low key Sucking on everybody's necks your ears. Yo, that's like the perfect next life for a molester, huh? Yeah. Mosquito. Whoa, dude. Just walking around low-key,

sucking on everybody's necks. Yeah, that's what God thinks. He's like, oh, you're a molester, I'm making you a mosquito. And you're like, gotcha. You fell into my trap.

Not as all-knowing as you thought, I think. All right, so does this actually help Pence win the debate? Why? Because what do they say? There's no such thing as bad PR or any PR is good PR.

What is the term? There's some term about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All publicity is good publicity. All publicity is good publicity. There was once the Brooklyn Dodgers, before the Dodgers were in LA, they were in Brooklyn. And the guy who made the stadium told them purposely to misspell Dodgers. Right.

Because he knew there would be the first page on every newspaper and it was going to get the publicity so what i think often happens with these events is the the person that controls the internet the person that controls the memes coming out of it actually ends up winning yeah because they control the conversation you know there was a i forget exactly who but it was might have been eliza schlesinger i'm not exactly sure but like it was back when uh's favorite comic or whatever that stupid. Last Comic Standing. Yeah, Last Comic Standing show was going on. I think they kept trying to vote her out.

Yeah. And then she would go to the, do the stand up to save herself every week. Yeah. And then she would get, I guess, saved by the audience. And what ended up happening? The audience kept falling in love with her. Right. Because they got to see more of her.

Yeah. Right? So, like when Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer and them did the kente cloth right they won the internet with that even if it was stupid they still won the internet they controlled the conversation they controlled the news cycle people were only talking about them they weren't talking about anything else that was happening nothing that trump was doing nothing that any of the republicans were doing the internet cycle was consumed by that one source and right now it's consumed the second i saw the fly there,

I'm sure you guys thought the exact same thing. This is every meme. Oh yeah. That's it. This is every meme. So nothing that Kamala talked about,

no side eye, no quick retort, no funny reaction that she gave What's-His-Face Pence is going to be the thing that proliferates the internet. None of Pence's

like ducked questions, nothing. None of Pence's ducked questions, nothing. It's only Pence. So it could lose. It could be a loss for Pence, right? Because maybe some of his good responses don't get any traction, but nothing of Kamala's gets traction. And if you thought Kamala did exceptionally well in the debate, you should be bummed about this because now the focus is fly swatters instead of the bomb ass answers Kamala was given. The only thing, I don't think it actually helps Pence because he came off a little bit aggressive,

but like how Trump came off at the end of his debate, he kept over talking. He wouldn't even kill a fly. How could you say he was aggressive? Yeah, he's the sweetest guy. This is a kind man, a kind Christian man. He actually seemed incredibly passive because of that fly. Come on, son.

Yo, remember when the bird landed on Bernie's? Thank you, Vice President Pence, like a thousand times just to get him to shut the fuck up. Who said that, Carole Baskin? Yeah. I keep calling her Carole Baskin, When the bird landed on Bernie's. Thank you, Vice President Pence, like a thousand times just to get him to shut the fuck up. Who said that? Carole Baskin? Yeah. I keep calling her Carole Baskin, but that bitch looked like Carole Baskin to me.

Yeah, it was funny. Okay, so you were saying? Oh, no, I'm just saying he came across very aggressive so that we would have more sympathy about the fly landing on somebody's head and they didn't know about it if we liked them. But because he came off aggressive, it's like, oh, I don't really have too much sympathy for you because you were over talking her though i also think it's a stereotype of flies which is reflective of our relationship with insects we don't fuck with insects at all remember when the bird landed on bernie's podium when he was giving a speech and everybody was like it was a dove sent from god because bernie's here to save us right when a fly lands on Mike Pence's head,

it's like, well, flies are attracted to shit. I mean, that is the saying, flies on shit. Yeah. Birds probably land on, birds shit on you.

Yeah. Fuck birds. Yeah, catch more, catch more flies with honey. There it is. I like that quote. Catch more flies with honey. That guy's a honeypot.

Yeah. Not that type of honeypot. He's sweet like sugar. There he is. Ooh. Yo, that's a goodpot yeah not that type of honey he's sweet like sugar yo that's a good point we could say catch more flies on honey but instead we go flies are attracted to shit because how we feel about pence and if his what if his hair wasn't so golden white we wouldn't even seen that shit that motherfucker has a perfect head of hair for his age that's perfect it's incredible We all hope that our hair is too perfect. It's too perfect. So you think it's fake?

Yeah. You think it's what? Laid down? I think it's a full wig. A piece of plastic that he can clip into the hole in his head? Yeah. And what is it? Why does he have a hole in his head?

Like a Lego guy. Like a Lego guy. He's definitely a Lego guy, 100%. 100%. Akash, you think we got a Lego vice president? I mean, there's something off about him. This guy is a Manchurian candidate ass type of dude. He was fucking great.

Like somebody who's just putting the answers in his head. Like they're just typing it into a computer and that shit is right here. And he's just spitting out retorts. I was so impressed. Sonny. Like he was prepared for this shit. Yo. I expected from Kamala because I think my expectations are super high for her.

Yeah. Because we keep hearing, yo, she's a prosecutor. She's going to go grill him. She's a beast. She's used to this kind of Debate in a way Isn't that what a prosecution is It's a debate Yep

This guy I'm like To a certain extent Right Like speaking publicly She's gonna be able to do it She's gonna do it comfortably Sure And make accusations

Right And then back up those accusations Piss That guy was ready bro Yo the fly proves That he didn't have a wire Keep going Cause he would've been fried

The fly would've got fried No they would've told him yo there's a fucking fly in your head get that shit up oh that's a good ass point that's a good ass point yo wipe your head there's a fucking fly you know what's interesting about what pence did because everybody was saying he helped his career yeah and i didn't hear that as much about kamala and what i was getting annoyed by was they would say her name all indian bro don't do that you you hear him fucking do that? Is that when you go to an Indian restaurant? Yeah. And you just like put it on, I'll get the Indian butter chicken. How's that going? Is that how you say that?

It's not called Indian butter chicken because all the food in the Indian restaurant is Indian. I was looking for a word. I could have figured it out. I was like,

what is Indian? I'll have the Chinese chicken and broccoli. I was looking so hard for the word. I was like, what could it be? What? I'll have the Indian water with ice. Do you have any Italian pizza?

It's so strange. What would be a better Indian word? I could figure that shit out. God damn. Oh, man. The Indian water. All right, we're going to take a break for a second and make sure that you got internet access all around the world, even if you're not all over the world. Okay. You know,

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Now let's get back to the clip. Anyway, so Kamala, however you fucking said it. So what she would do is always put in her own... Say her name. Say that stupid-ass name. Kamala. What she would do is always put in her own- Say her name. Say that stupid ass name. Kamala. Kamala. What she would do is put her own resume points in every answer.

Oh, when I was coming up in the 70s as a prosecutor, and then I did this, and I was the first person to do this. Bitch, we're talking about abortion right now. Yeah, I think I was smart. Why? To me, it came across too self-serving, whereas Pence didn't do that at all. And I looked at Pence like, this motherfucker is impressive. But what we were saying last time we had a discussion about this shit is like we don't know her we don't know what she's about we don't know anything about her she was

introducing herself to the world and honestly it's really important she introduced herself to the world because this is going to be her presidency if they win yeah so i think the goal was yo these are my policies i rock with joe but when joe ain't there six months after y'all elect him if he gets elected this is what i'm about dude did you see the one part where she's she i mean she okay before all this you good i mean i'm like thinking about how to say dying laughing when i saw this shit is that she goes before all this shit she's like grilling biden for like being a racist and that he has racist policies and crime bills during the democratic primary that's right calls him yeah says i believe all

women he's a rapist and then goes to the bait and says we were raised with the same values yeah what she was hard on biden bro but you gotta do that that's the game it is a weird stupid game where they all pretend they hate each other in the primary and they shit on each other and then as soon as the primary is over everybody just pretends it didn't happen right because we're all on the same team so like ah well whatever what do you do it's like sports you talk shit to your opponent but then if you're on the same team as him next time it's like oh yeah we're buddies there yeah but when you're grilling him for being like a rapist and when you call someone a rapist and then you go we're the same growing up yeah Yeah, that's a little bit tricky. It's hard

to be like, I believe her and then be someone's VP. That's wild. She was trying to win. She was trying to win. That's presidential, bro. I'm not going to fuck. That's what I'm saying. That is presidential. That's what I want in a president. You want a president that will support the person will call out rapists.

You're a QAnon, alright? You want a president that will call out rapist you want a president will call out rapist yep yo maybe she was desensitized to the rape because she's indian so maybe he maybe she was like yo i believe her but like that's what happened you know what as she's getting more successful i do see more and more indian in her so maybe there's something i'm starting to see her as being more and more indian she's mad cute yo say what she's mad cute, yo. Say what? She's mad cute, yo. Yo, she's cute. Again, very Indian of her. Mad cute.

She's pretty, man. The black side of her was strong right there. She was smiling and kind of chuckling a little bit. She would roll her eyes kind of when Pence was saying things that she felt were not true. And she would do this like smiling thing like, uh-uh. Pretty ass smile. She wasn't saying uh-uh boo-boo, but it was like uh-uh boo-boo. Remember when Carole Bin Calls her and goes

Oh yeah Kamala Oh I mean Senator whatever And she goes No I'm Kamala Oh yeah You're relatable You're relatable

I was like Keep talking Okay Kamala I like this Dude America's progressive Barack Hussein Kamala

What are these names bro We doing it yo We might need Mike Pence Just to even shit out you might need one of them john does just for balance bro for balance for balance well we got kamala and joe biden what was the abortion thing that was happening just any question they would ask as opposed to so many times as opposed to just answering which always drives me crazy right she would start with all the things she did what did she

say about abortion? I was just using that as an example. Okay. But does she have something specific about it? Because clearly she's pro-abortion. Like she didn't even have any kids. She went one step further than abortion. Right.

Like I'm not even getting close to abortion. That's how much I don't believe in kids being alive. Maybe she's pro-life. Maybe she's so anti-abortion. She's like, no kids. Never been put in that position. Way. Because I was looking the other way. I was like, based on her record, she's like, does. Maybe she's so anti-abortion. She's like, no kids, never been put in that position. Wait, because I was looking the other way.

I was like, based on her record, she's not like kids at all. She'll put them in jail and she won't even, you know what I mean? She won't even put them in her jail. In her jail.

She won't lock them up in her womb at all. Nine months? That's too short. If I could lock this baby up inside me for life, three strikes. Death penalty

Yo do you believe in the death penalty When it comes to babies That's all abortion is If they phrase it like that She's like oh of course Yeah Oh my god This is a good point guys

We're getting to the bottom of this If a pregnant chick Gets the death penalty Kid committed the crime too Alright Why was she moody Yeah That kid was kicking Why was she moody? Yeah. Yeah.

That kid was kicking. Why'd she steal all that bread? Feed the kid. Feed the kid. Kid was hungry. Whining, bitching. Okay. Just suck on the underside of them tits.

Inside of them tits? Don't they have the inside of the tits? What if that's how it works? Like there's a nipple on the underside? Don't they have an inside on their no i'm saying what if that's yeah hey mark knows i'm saying so when kids breastfeed obviously when they come out of the womb they're sucking on the nipple but what if there was an inside nipple yeah they just go up to the yeah they just reach up to that duck

yeah get that sucking double-sided mirror that what double-sided mirror it's a double-sided mirror you never watch a cim movie you're a nerd fucking idiot i don't know anything about titties come on virgins come on i don't know about the bad why do you think we suck titties in the first place to get that inside city pop up into the big part yeah it's when you get a dender car you gotta pull it out come on dude flex seal we need to interview flex seal dude That's my favorite infomercial Oh that guy that smacks his shit off There's a hole he just takes a little piece of tape Slaps it on no more hole

Oh yo that tape that tape is ill Have you got that tape? You use that for your girl? Yeah I ain't no tape for holding that mouth shit I thought you meant on a period That's the Flex Seal commercial that we all need Listen I need to talk to you. Yo, Flex Seal, asshole army.

By the way, your contributions have been amazing. We've been looking at all these videos. We're looking at all these creators that are putting these videos together. They're absolutely amazing. But if one of you guys finds a way to do the Flex Seal video over the mouth of a yapping girlfriend, and ladies that are making the videos, do it over the mouth of your yapping boyfriend or girlfriend, for that matter. That might win you the job, bro. It's a might, but that might win you the job. I want to see it.

I got to see it, bro. I don't know if I could do it, but maybe as a joke, how much would it stick on? Heller. That's the thing. It would stick on too much. Yeah. You couldn't do it as a joke to your girl. What do you mean? You can do it, but maybe as a joke, how much would it stick on? Heller. That's the thing. It would stick on too much. You couldn't do it as a joke to your girl. What do you mean? You could do it with tape.

Yeah, but then it won't work. We need a tape that you could remove the stickiness of with a push of a button. So flex seal, then can't move, and then boom, no more stick. It just falls off. Oh. I like that idea. Okay. Now I'm with it.

I don't know. Let me talk about it. Our guy's got real serious when I asked if he ever did that to I'm with it I don't know Let me talk about Our guy's got real serious When I asked if he ever Did that to his girl And I don't know If he's upset Or truly thinking about it

Nah I was in my head Trying to figure out How do we make this work It was working It was funny We were all laughing No no I mean how do we make

This a legit A legit invention An enterprise A business I'm so swift I started putting My engineering cap on alright

but any other lasting impressions from the debate we should talk about this just Biden's team really capitalized on the fly thing oh Biden went right

to the merch store with it yeah so like moments after the debate they tweet pitching five dollars to help this campaign fly and they got a picture of Biden looking

youthful on it like as youthful as he can look holding the fly swatter and then the next day the fly swatter goes on sale and now sold out on his website a ten dollar fly swatter yeah truth over flies is a fire that's a final slogan like they are on it yo it's almost like they plan that shit yeah they planned the fly i think they planned the fly bro you think mechanical fly i think they did mechanical fly it's a drone bro it's a drone biden got access to them drones okay it could be a drone fly dude okay okay i think they planned it and this is this is how you know that the democratic party or at least the uh dnc whoever's

in control of like the marketing behind the democratic party is absolutely trash because if this happened the other way if it was something if something happened to kamala and uh instead of um pence or whatever like that all of us would be gone nah not trump playing that shit literally everything that trump does we're like yo he might have planned it i don't think he really got corona he was just doing that you know what i'm saying like yeah but that's on him say what he did that by him calling out everything that comes out about him is fake you never know what's real and what's fake right so i think he set up that like cloud around like their marketing also this is a fucking fly you're talking about a fly drone so they can sell 10 000 fly swatters

it's not about the fly swatters. Yeah. It's about the marketing. Yeah. It's about the principal, dude. I fully believe that could have happened. No fucking chance. Yeah.

What do you mean? A fly drone that we know Mike Pence won't swat at. That's a fly drone, dude. Dude, you ever been to Brookstone and they have the little, like you can control them

in the fucking mall with the little drone? Yeah. You never been to that shit? No, I never seen no fly sized one. They got little drones. I never seen no fly size drone because it's too small exactly you don't know what to fly what's not bro you're in jersey

there's fucking drones everywhere yeah no wonder you never seen it for real get with it dog okay fair enough no no no you need a little bit stay a little bit more woke bro yeah there's fucking drones everywhere i'm happily sleep yo no blue pill baby oh yeah you did say you took the blue pill blue pill maybe blue pill maybe nah bro we, yeah, you did say you took the blue pill. Blue pill, baby. You know all about blue pill? Blue pill, baby. Nah, bro. We're gonna get you red pill, dude. Them swatters. They should sell bug spray. I feel like they make more money on that. Bug spray would work, but you know what?

I have a little theory here. I don't think they ever had any of those swatters. Jeez. No, you don't say. I don't think they sold a single one. I think they're faking that they sold out. Oh. Oh, that. Okay.

All right. Hey. Hey. Because they don't want their drones to get destroyed. Because they don't want their drones to get destroyed. Think about that. It's a lot of money. Think about that.

A million dollars a drone. Those drones cost a billion dollars, bro. At least a bill. A $10 fly swatter. That's like the war in Afghanistan again. Yeah. You can't have that. You can't be shooting down these helicopters with a $500 rocket launcher.

That's exactly what we're doing when we're setting up. Why would you swat down the spy planes? Yeah. They're war hawks, bro. That's all it is. That's what,

this is Hillary Clinton, bro. This is Hillary Clinton. That's what she used to do to slap Bill's dick out of 14 year olds. Every time he started pelvic thrusting at a child stop it Bill

but for real are you blue pilled enough to get a fly swatter no I ain't buying no fucking fly swatter I'm not a dork but I don't think the fly was fake you're a coward you're a coward you're afraid of what did Penn say listen you can have your opinions but you can't have your truths. Yeah.

What did he say? It was close. Pumping up. He said, listen here, you brown bitch. You can think whatever you want to think, but we're sending you and your family home. Yeah, catch more honeys being alive. What did he say? Did he say that?

Yeah. Listen here, we're building a wall around that little hut you call a house. Yeah, we're flying you back home That's what he was trying to say 100% What did he say He said something like that I don't know how many syllables

Are in your first name But it's too many for America Yeah Did he say that I don't know if this Mike Pence talking Or Andrew talking What's going on right now

No That's what he said Yeah What did he say I'm tired of sharing A microphone with a brown Yeah he's tired Who's that

Mike Pence or me What is that What did he say Did I'm tired of sharing a microphone with a brown. Yeah, he's tired. Who's that? Mike Pence or me? What is that? What did he say? Did you wear deodorant today? Huh? Yeah. I'm Pink Eye Pence and I support this message. Pink Eye Pence?

Why does it trouble to sell eye drops? Wait, why? Who was Pink Eye'd up? You didn't see Pence? He was bad Pink Eye'd. Pence's left eye was off. Bad Pink Eye'd, yeah. Yeah, they thought he was smoking up.

Really? Nah, but it was only one eye. That's Pink Eye'd pink eye, yeah. Yeah, they thought he was smoking up. Really? Nah, but it was only one eye. That's pink eye. Oh, shit. Yeah. All right, guys. You just listened to a clip from our weekly Patreon episode.

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