Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Noted and Noted

Episode Date: November 1, 2019

This week Andrew, Akaash, and Kaz discuss: Alexx apologizing to Kaz’s girl, the life of Pops, the NCAA passing the bill for their players, OBJ making media moves, and much more. Want to get the full episode? Become a Patron! www.Patreon.com/Flagrant2

Real talk, I don't know if I'm switching my last name. Never. You gotta put in a lot of work. What would it take for you to switch your last name? Bruh, I assume you'd switch my gender. Wait, wait, wait. I think the statute of limitations is fast. At least that way I feel like less of a bitch when I change my last name.

At least that way I feel like less of a bitch when I change my last name. Yo, you'd be more of a bitch if you switch your last name than if you actually became a bitch. Straight up. Straight up. Now, what if you found out that, now Singh is such a common last name. But let's say you had a really specific last name. Schultz, very common last name. Let's say you had a really specific last name, rightultz, very common last name. Let's say you had a really specific last name, right? Famuyide.

Famuyide. Now, what if you found out that Famuyide, right, came from a long line of, like, animal fuckers, right? Like, you know, but specifically animal fuckers, right? But they found out that they were Indians, and they actually fucked cows. And we know- Wow. Wow.

Wow. So they actually fucked cows. And you found out that everybody in your lineage fucked cows, and it was known throughout India. It was known everywhere. And here you are, an Indian comic, a comic of the Indian people. You still want to be the comic of those people, but every time your name is on a billboard... But you can't run from your legacy, yo.

The cow fuckers, bro. You can't run from your legacy. So what do you do? What do you do? You just got to own it. You know what I mean? Own it. Own some cows.

That sounds like a pretty good bit. Real talk? Yeah, yeah. I just walk on stage. We flip the meaning. It would be like my N-word. I'm just changing what it means to be Joe. But what if they also found out that, like, you know how, like, you inject flavor into, like, meat?

Yeah. Like, what if they found out that's what you guys were doing the whole time? Like, you were just- Then I think you're welcome. Everybody? Dude, the cows that have been comb Come in By the famuides Yeah Delicious

That's like better than Kobe beef You're welcome bro It's Kobe beef You're fucking welcome Okay So There's no situation That you would change your last name

You think that's why Kobe beef is so good? Oh Japanese are coming in it? No Kobe Kobe comes in the beef Yo Dude Maybe No what if that's like It was Bukkake beef I mean He probably got a lot of in it? No, Kobe. Kobe comes in the beef. Dude, maybe, no, what if that's like, it was bukkake beef? Kobe's been on the

forces. We're all weak, guys. And the fact that it's bukkake, that's why there's so many other different types of sperm there. Dude, I think we're on to something. I think we're on to something. I think we're on to something. Okay, so go.

So go. What? So what would make you change the last name? Son, I don't think anything, man. Nothing could make you change the last name. It's not nothing, but it's a line. You just gave me a pretty crazy hypothetical, and I was still like, you just got to own that. That's who you are.

Wow. That's who you are, yo. That's who you are, yo. That's who you came from. That's who I came from. I can't outrun that. I can only own it and change it if I need to. So that's what you would do. You would work on changing the legacy.

Yeah. Okay, what would make you change your gender? It's Tuesday. Son. If there's a club that lets me in before 11 for free, you know what I mean? Son, his cheapness overrides his masculinity. Yo, that's how Indian Akash is.

It's ladies night. Well, shit, we going. We pulling up. Ladies drink for free. Yes, we do. Son, we should be able to do that. That's what made me change genders Thursdays. We should be able to pull up to the ladies night, say our gender is female.

I identify as female. The fuck? You're going to deny that? I identify as frugal. That would be funny if I didn't stumble on that. But real talk, maybe we can. Yeah.

Wow. That's a great point. If these bitches can identify as, or these dudes can identify as female and then compete against women,

why can't we identify as female and then get into the club? I mean, we should try it. Hey, asshole, somebody try that shit. Let me know how that goes.

Please. Go on the women's line and do it in a liberal ass. Do it like in Oregon, one of these other ugly bitch cities. Hey asshole Somebody try that shit Let me know how that goes Please Go on the women's line Get us a testimony yo And do it in a liberal ass Do it like in Oregon One of these other Ugly bitch cities San Francisco

San Francisco Pull it off there Definitely Oh my god That is the wave Yeah Can I identify Can I be like

Yo I'm a minority I identify as gay I'm just only attracted to women Can I do that You can do whatever you want That's really what I mean You can literally can do whatever you want. That's really what I mean. You can literally identify as whatever you want.

Yeah. He, she, or they. New York kind of seems like the city you can get away with that shit in. Anywhere else, they'll just be like. Not down south.

No, not down south. They're not there yet. Not in Texas. But you could go to a Williamsburg bar. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? One of them free pizza bars.

Like it's ladies night. Which is fine. Identify as a woman tonight. Matter of fact, they wouldn't even have a ladies night probably. They'd be like, that's not inclusive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have a people's night. Oh, yeah.

You mean a bar? You fucking idiots. Is that what you got? People's night. The T's beat you to it. I was like, I think. Dude. Oh, fuck.

I forgot that girl She passed away Who? The Transylvanian? Yeah The tease The tease that Dave Chappelle was talking about

Which one? Did you see like The bonus cut After the Netflix special When he's talking about Like this trans girl That she you know Knew and met

And showed stories with And told jokes with Oh He like befriended This Transylvanian Yeah And Eventually they just they became close. Yeah, I think she killed herself.

Wow. Yeah. She killed herself? Yeah. Why? Well. Not Dave. It wasn't Dave's fault.

I'm sure it wasn't Dave's. Clearly it wasn't Dave's fault. Hold on. Why'd she kill herself, yo? I don't know. We gotta get to the bottom of this. You can't ask her. Nah, but maybe she left a note in some manly-ass handwriting.

Wow. Aw. Come on. I think she's so scribbly, yo. Dude handwriting'd be a thing, bro. You know who left that note. That's why they're known female serial killers, because that handwriting would be so fucking gorgeous.

That's bubbly. Those bubble letters. That's beautiful. Why do female serial killers because that handwriting would be so fucking gorgeous. That's bubbly. Those bubble letters. That's beautiful. Why do women write so bubbly? Yo, because they got nothing else to do, bro. They're not in a rush. It looks so soft. You know what I mean?

We got shit to do, bro. We got work. We got things to pick up, put down. You know what I mean? Women got all day to write straight, perfectly on the line. Put hearts on their eyes. Yeah, I don't got time to dot my I's and cross my T's.

Calligraphy. A woman definitely came up with that. Can y'all write in calligraphy? Fuck no. Not calligraphy, script. Cursive? Cursive, yeah.

Yo, ready? Let's see if you can write script. Ready? Yeah. Alright, ready? Yeah. Write a script G. Oh shit.

Lowercase or uppercase? Lowercase or uppercase? Uppercase, motherfucker. uppercase Uppercase Motherfucker That lowercase Man easy Hold on I want to see the first one Show me the first one you did

The lowercase is easy Oh shit You did both Lowercase How do you know how to do To a fucking G Trans So you might be gay

So I know you joke around About that in the beginning Of the podcast But you just wrote a script Uppercase G You definitely like Killed the bit, too. This is excellent.

It's a lowercase, mad easy, but if you do an uppercase script G without any hesitation, that's way gayer than if I saw a guy sucking your dick. Hey, you can see both anytime you want. Yo, what's up? This is Akash. That was a preview of our patreon episode if you want the full thing go to www.patreon.com slash flagrant to join the illest community on earth unless you're a social justice warrior then you're just gonna ruin the fun