Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Obama’s Birthday Bash Get’s Messi Ft. Chris Distefano

Episode Date: August 10, 2021

Obama’s Birthday Bash Get’s Messi Ft. Chris Distefano by

what's up everybody uh this is flagrant 2 it is uh is that how i usually start the podcast it's more like uh what's up everybody welcome to flagrant 2 okay okay yeah what's up everybody welcome to flagrant 2 it's your boy schultz uh akash is not here but we have something to represent him in spirit yes his new religion hit it al oh you already hit it that was brilliant okay uh we also got alex media mark gag non the truffles in the building uh we even got vol and chifty in the background right there and um listen let's start we got a lot of things to talk about first of all charlotte thank you so much for everybody who came out charlotte's a dope city a lot of fun in charlotte it was amazing yeah it was cool yeah it was good you know who's a funny stand-up comedian?

Tell me. Ryan Davis. Yeah. Ryan Davis, who Al thought was Ha Ha Davis. Stop. Just don't do that. Yo, Al thinks Al thinks. Because I won't put you on board.

No, you're an idiot. You're actually an idiot for that. You want to do that? You want to do that? Do it. Hey, Mark. You want to do that? He literally goes, he goes, he goes, he goes, yo, Ha Ha Davis, he goes, he goes, he kind

of looked like he gained a little weight or something like that. I'm like, yo, this guy is wild. That's a good dude. You're wild, bro. That's a good dude. No, wait, it was you. Yeah, I know. It was him.

Yeah, that's what I said. I actually thought it was him. No, it was you. Come on, son. No, it was you. This motherfucker had a 20-minute conversation with him, and then when he left the room, I was like, yo, who is that? He's like, yo, that's Ha Ha Davis.

Son, I kept- And I was like, oh, shit, that's Ha Ha Davis. I kept calling him how i kept calling him i kept calling him haha he thought i was laughing like i'd be like i'd ask him i think haha you want to do some time whatever like that and then he would just be like yeah sure i'll do it and then i i realized it was actually not and then i fucked up now you thought no obviously i'm teasing i know the difference i'm a comedian comedian, but you would. You would. You're a really captain right now. You're a really captain, son.

You think all comedians look alike, bro. He really does. But the worst person was Vala. Because when he got off stage, he was like, yo, Earthquake is hilarious, son. That's fucked up. That is fucked up. That is fucked up. That was bad fucked up.

I expect Vala to like. Vala was like, hamburgers. Yeah, seriously. I'm like, Vala, come on. Nah, you are catting right now. Mark called him B. Simone, and I thought that that was the most disrespectful thing of everything. When you said it was B. Simone,

I thought that was super disrespectful. I did not, no. Yes, you did. I thought it was Leonard Oots, bro. That was too... It was Leonard Oots. Oots, see? Shout out to Oots, my fucking guy.

Nah, nah. In all seriousness There's a lot of guys Who are on Instagram And they get famous For doing comedy on Instagram And then they try And even girls as well

They try to translate that To the stage And it's not there Ryan Davis Is a motherfucking Stand up comedian Yeah He's nice

He is funny Funny Like Structure Jokes Everything There's a lot of guys Who have a lot of charisma,

personality, and then they bring it to stage and it's not the same. Stand-up is not the same than being funny on a podcast. Stand-up is not the same as being just like funny, hanging with a group of friends.

It is a different fucking beast, a different skill set, different animal. And Ryan Davis is funny. Yeah. And then we were bullying his ass. We were like, just put out some fucking stand-up already.

Because he's in there like, yeah, these people don't know I do stand-up. It's like, like, yeah, these people don't know I do stand-up. It's like, well, yeah. You don't tell them you do stand-up. You don't show them that you do the fucking stand-up. But that kid is funny, man. Shouts to Ryan, bro.

Shouts to Ryan. That's funny. And you were fucked up. You were fucked up, son. Nah, you were fucked up, dude. You were fucked up, bro. You were fucked up. How you talked to him for 20 minutes and thought it was Ha Ha David.

You called him Crawford, son. Yo, bro. You are fucked up. How you talked to him for 20 minutes and thought it was a hot baby. You called him LaVell Crawford, son. Yo, yo. The disrespect. Literally, there was a point where he was like, you were like, listen, I'm not trying to fan out or whatever, but I'm a huge fan of Breaking Bad, and I just thought that you absolutely killed it and that shit. And it was just disrespectful. Some Mark's young ass, he was like, yo, the king's a comedy, son.

Some Mark is Bernie Mac. You call him Bernie? Bernie's dead. Bernie's been dead. He said, I'm not scared of you. That's Bernie Mac. I just assumed. No, but I do love that guy on The Daily Show. He was sick.

What? On The Daily Show. What? On The Daily Show. Ryan Davis. He's on The Daily Show, right? He's one of the correspondents? Yo, my bad.

That is Roy Wood Jr. Oh, damn, damn, damn. I was thinking Roy Wood Jr. That's my fault. I get so confused. More black people out. I don, it's Roy Wood Jr. Oh, damn, damn, damn. I was thinking of Roy Wood Jr. That's my fault. I get so confused. More black people out, I don't know. More black folks. Nah, Roy.

Fuckin' Roy. Roy's hilarious, too. Roy's a funny motherfucker, dog. Now he gets confused. But anyway, yeah, yo, go check out Ryan Davis, man. For real. And check out Ha Ha Davis. Check out all the Davises, bro.

Real talk. Shouts to the Davises. Every comment we just said is fire, so you gotta check them out. Yo, they really are. Maybe not everyone, but it might be a couple duds, but we out here in the world. Listen, like I said, Akash had to do a Sunday show, and then we had to record early. This is not on Akash. This is not Akash.

It's hilarious. Keep doing that. That is hilarious. Just whatever you want, keep doing it. And if you're listening right now, the people in the video are getting a different joke. It's like a memorial.

I don't like this. He didn't. Not yet. I think the plane landed. But are you adjusting it? Oh, man. Come on, son. Damn, bro. Look at that. He trying to kill him He trying to kill him

That's disrespect That's super disrespectful In honor of his name I like how you're keeping it In the center wide cam As if we need to be In the center wide cam Oh no

It's mainly on you But it's every spot to the wide You got it What does Alcott Got to say about this? Yo I think we need to do a little celebration.

Yes. The boys. Yep. The boys and girls brought it home. Yeah, also, you need to apologize. Uh-huh.

To whom? Thank you for saying that. You saw that nice grammar, son? You saw that nice grammar? To whom? Do the M on that bitch. Do the M on that bitch. You didn't think so.

You didn't think so. You didn't think so. I didn't even know to do it You always add the M If it's after two Yeah Oh Yeah

No but you gotta apologize though Seriously Why? To the women's basketball team Why? You've taught crazy shit About women's basketball In your time

Is that true or false? That's true It's not like they were Playing men Mark If they were playing men And they beat the. It's not like they were playing men, Mark. If they're playing men and they beat the men, I will apologize. But they're playing women, Japanese women. If there's one sport we should beat them at, where height is an advantage.

Yeah, that's true. Also, are they allowed to run full steps, or do they just do the little pitter-patter? When they're playing basketball, do they do the little pitter-patter? Can they even do, like, between the legs or crossover with the little pitter patter? It's just Lego motions. Dude, do they walk in claymation? Come on.

What? No, they're slick. What? They're slick. What, bro? These people move silently. What? They what? Oh, they are silent.

They're silent. They're quick. They're agile. Yo, but their layup lines look like celebrity death match, bro. It's unbelievable. You got to watch the game. Did you guys watch the game? Nah.

Oh, dude, it was amazing. Wait, you actually watched the game? You didn't. There's no way. I did watch it. No, you didn't. They thought Brittany Griner was a tentacle, and then they just started inserting her to different parts of their body.

Sucking her dreadlocks? Really. The dreadlocks, they got so turned on, they were just grabbing them, trying to jam them down their throats and stuff. It was crazy, and that's why we won gold. That being said, who do I need to apologize to so you got potters of women's basketball in general and also women's volleyball women's sports no no i always said women's volleyball is more lit than what than the men's wait what because they got the fatter dumpers

they do have fatter dumpers i actually don't know though i think most guys on the on the volleyball team have bigger asses. No, I don't know. Which, that is suspect of you guys. If you were an ass guy, you just like the biggest ass. No, no. You don't let him point at us. I know.

The B. The B. The butt. That's what the B says. No, but you guys, if you're into ass and you want the biggest ass, that's suspect. If you like tits, only girls, like, the average girl has bigger tits than the average guy. So, if you're into ass and you want the biggest ass, that's suspect. If you like tits, only girls, like the average girl has bigger tits than the average guy. So if you like ass, if you like big ass, you should watch men's volleyball. He's saying that we should just like the biggest asses.

What he doesn't realize is that women's asses are bigger than men's asses. I don't think so. I think on average, men have bigger asses. No, they don't. Not even close. No, they don't. Not even close. Women have way fatter asses.

They need to have fatter asses sitting around all the time doing god damn nothing for the last million years while men built this fucking society that we live in and flourish within okay yeah i guess i'm biased all right my fault why why are you biased because i got the dumper yeah but you're a rarity dude and you work on your legs you work on your quads oh yeahouts to the guy. Who's the guy that follows me? Oh, Justin Medeiros. Yo, shouts to Justin Medeiros, CrossFit champion. Legend. Congratulations, bro. If you listen to Flare and 2, follow Mark and we'll make his day, bro.

He will let you clap them cheeks he's bragging about right now. He was so excited. That kid got fatty, bro. Yo, it is. Yo, because Mark does CrossFit in every city that we go to. Yeah, that's true. Around the world. No loyalty, son.

What do you mean? No loyalty to your local CrossFit gym. You just handing them every city that we go to. Yeah, that's true. Around the world. No loyalty, son. What do you mean? No loyalty to your local CrossFit gym. You're just handing them cheeks out everywhere we go. Charlotte. I got to spread the love. Yeah, you are spreading it. I am. I'm spreading it all over.

All over. I'm spreading it. Pull that up short. Yeah, it's fucking relaxed, bro. My wife is wearing boxers out here. And the thigh meat looking precious. Looking supple. Yeah, real tall.

Looking massive and breedable, bro. Yeah, yo, you are looking fucking breedable, dog. Talking about people that are breedable. Chifty, you guys know Chifty, who's been working, cutting up clips, getting that fucking TikTok going. Oh, yeah, we're not supposed to say who runs a TikTok. I run it. Anyone that looks at TikTok knows that you're not running it. Shift these on every single comment.

All the subs, everything spelled correctly, like it goes out consistently. No boomer references or nothing. No crying, laughing emojis. Yeah, exactly. Just dead face. Throw an F in the chat. All right, let's start let's start let's start okay so um but yo chifty's here chifty's been uh been working for us this summer yo i took him out yesterday oh word how'd it go three days ago oh yeah you got drunk you got mark drunk nah nah i wasn't drunk nah you were hung over the next

day mark said he quit drinking the next day did he not yeah he did yeah yeah but fuck you you took an 18 year old boy out drinking yeah he was my dd he took care of me that's illegal what is the dd as a designated uh driver oh i thought it was designated dick or something yeah dude did he do what's going on so what is is happening bro? Yeah? Yes? He said he learned how to shampoo his hair recently now that is true. Oh, yeah If you wash your hair does look better. It does look better. It's so weird. Like, if you wash your hair, it looks better. Yeah, it's crazy. It's a crazy concept.

Isn't that fucking absurd? No, but I pulled it together. Okay, so, Eddie, you guys go out. Where'd you take him? Just a dive bar. I love how you just snitch it out to places who let an underage kid inside. Great job. He didn't drink.

He had X's on his hands. I'm not going to let the intern drink, bro. That's crazy. Wait, you didn't drink? No. I got him hands i'm not gonna let the intern drink bruh wait you didn't drink no i got him drunk yeah i did too i had to drink man manetta tavern bro i had to be last lap when the black people get lit yo that's so funny because al took him out the other night right then i take him out the next night right so i take him to manetta and uh i'm like yo i'm i got like you know this is a kid this kid is 18 years old like i gotta show him things about life you know what i mean he's 18 years old like okay this is like

my child you know so like i'm asking things you're awful dad bro you haven't been there for 18 years of his life come on dude comment out or no I was like I'll turn down alright so I'm basically like okay we gotta like you know I gotta teach him certain things

so I'm like asking him certain questions like do you know how to tip like certain things that I don't know if he's learned yet you know what I mean

and some people don't know how to tip this motherfucker don't know nothing he knows nothing like he was born yesterday he really was bro just eating fucking chipotle he said all I know how to do is eat mexican food that's all i've had so i was like

all right bet let's order the muscles right i put it on instagram i spell it actual muscles like the muscles in your body like a fucking idiot and i try to go over the top make fun of people that are making fun of me like yeah you're a dork if you make fun of me like when i'm really just feeling insecure because i'm trying to impress an 18 year. I don't even know how to spell the fucking dish I just ordered. It reminds me of when I was younger once. I was on a date, and I wanted to order the chicken payard. You know that dish? Payard or palliard or whatever like that?

I still don't know how to pronounce it. Payard. Payard. Chicken payard. I'm sitting down with Cross. She orders, and I go, I'll have the chicken pallillard. And the waitress goes, what? Oh, damn. You know what I'm saying?

He didn't even bail you out. No, no, no, no, no. It was worse. And I just go, I'll have a grilled cheese, please. I lost all confidence. Chicken tenders are great. Give me the shit I know how to pronounce. It is over.

So I'm like, all right, let's get these mussels, bro. I'm teaching him how to eat muscles you know what i mean dipping in the sauce and fries and i put it on like his first time eating muscles and all of a sudden i get this this this dm from al it's a response to the muscles video and it's just a blue hat right he's just saying cat yeah right and i look at chifty because chifty been looking me all fucking doe-eyed and shit. Just like, I've never had food like this before. It feels like the blind side every time you say it. It's so much fun going out.

I never had food like this before. I go, what, cat? I go, hold on. Are you lying to me? So that I take care of you more? So you took him out for muscles too? Yeah. You piece of shit.

Yo, Chifty. Chifty is. I do not say nothing. How do you not say nothing? How do you forget muscles? It's the same looking thing as crustacean? Son.

But, but, whose muscles is better? Muscles are really good. No. Shifty? Shifty? No, no, no. No, no, Shifty.

Because I don't want to like... Whose is better? Whose is better? Son, the fact that he's not saying is yours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I pay him. I'm trying to pay him.

I pay him. The fact that it's even saying it's yours Yeah I know I pay him I'm trying to pay him I pay him I'm trying to bully him The fact that it's even It means that yours is better Which is fine I didn't make the fucking muscles Okay But then we also had a burger Did you take him for a burger?

He did have a burger at my spot Okay Which burger better? It was really way better Way better But both were really good But way better Yo

Okay so that means the muscles were better He was speaking all romantic Bitch He was speaking all romantically with my shit. He was like, the other day I had a burger and it was like, it was like the taste was a sentence. He was, this burger is a whole paragraph. I go, relax, Twilight.

This motherfucker. I swear he's trolling us. I swear to you. I've been eating a whole summer of trolling. This is like, this is like tasting a paragraph. What does that mean? What did you just say? Put a hot dog in your mouth.

What the fuck did you just say? What does that even mean? I said, give me my TikTok back, you son of a bitch. Did he eat the fries or just suck them? I swear. Did he eat them or just suck the salt off them? I think he's trolling us real tough. I think he's a major troll. He's having so much fun with this shit.

He is, motherfucker. Who do you work for, bro? What is it? You gotta get your shit together. There's an agency. He works for someone else. Like, I don't know what it is. Oh, fuck.

He's sabotaging. He's a double agent. He's a mole agent. He's a double agent. Right? Like, the shifty comes over. All of a sudden, all the brilliant idiots get deleted. Oh, my God.

Like, what's happening? Wait a minute. Stop capping for miles. This motherfucker trying to protect miles. No. This. Yeah, if he comes over all of a sudden all the brilliant idiots gets deleted. Oh You lose your credit card you lost your credit card And I paid for a TV is weird man. It's crazy what's happening. Oh, yeah. Can we talk about that for a second? No, it gets better. It gets way better. No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. No, it does

it. No, it does it. Hold on. Hold on. Let him spray more. Let him spray. Oh, gosh. How do you feel about it?

It doesn't matter how you feel about this. Bro, this story is so bad. All right, tell them. Hold on. Let's tell them. Let's talk. You tell them. You tell them.

Real talk. Before we go to the story about your TVs and everybody at home listening, please let this go the way that I want it to go. They bought TVs off the back of a truck, and I told them not to fucking do it. We'll be back to that story in one minute. We just have to close up on Chifty. So Chifty is definitely trolling us. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. 100%. 100% trolling. Chifty, you don't think you're trolling? Okay. No, I'm not. Come sit down right here Move Akash's turban

Real quick You should be Fucking scared You should be Fucking scared You also gotta say Who you had the most fun with And he fucked up with me too

Oh shit Hold on one second Sit down there But I blame Mark for that Taking an underage kid Drinking He had to take care of me I wasn't drunk though

I was good Okay You better blame being drunk For fucking up Okay okay relax Don't break the fucking mic Help him out underage kid drinking. He had to take care of me. I wasn't drunk though, I was good. Okay, so look. You better blame being drunk for fucking up. Okay, okay, relax. Don't break the fucking mic, Stan. Help him out. Bend that shit over to the front a little bit.

Yeah, that bends forward towards you. Just the top part. These young kids don't know how to do nothing. Oh, you don't know how to use shit that's not computers. Oh, yeah. Andrew, show him how to use technology. Show him how to use technology. Yeah, teach him how to do it.

Bro, he has a microphone at his desk outside. He's fucking trolling us What Around it in the first day here black lives matter what you had pride There's quotes around it. I think there's quotes on those. He walked in the first day. He had Black Lives Matter. What you had? He had Pride Day.

He had a blue square. He had everything. He saw the movie Black Klansman. Oh, dude. Okay, so Chifty, who did you have the most fun with? Yep. I would say the coolest experience was with Al because I'd never done any of that stuff before.

The best food was with you. Let's go. The best food was with me. That's all I care about is food. No, he had the best muscle of his life. But one muscle, you have one muscle. Ours was a little dry. You have burgers everywhere.

Explain the muscle thing, because I feel like you're going to add something to this. Okay, so. Best muscle of his life. He called it muscles. Yeah. And then you said the first time, you said clams or something like that.

No, no, I didn't say clams. Stupid, stupid, stupid. You're only gonna know what you're eating. Don't do that, don't do that. That's why he couldn't spell it, because he thought it was clams. I said moulet frites. I said the way it was pronounced in French. I was like, I don't know what that is. I was speaking English. So I said, no, I've never had that before. He's really trying to whine and die in his motherfucker.

He's like, yeah, bro, I had to. That's really weird. I had to pull a reservation at Minetta last minute. It was real shit going on, okay? He didn't call it muscles. So I went, no, I've never had that before. Then when they got to the table, I was like, fuck, these are muscles. I feel like a piece of shit.

So then when you said the cap thing, I explained it. And then that was it. I don't know. He got the half salsa going up right now. Yeah, he does have the half salsa. He's half marking it. He's half marking it. He's half marking it

okay okay okay okay fair enough so you had the most fun with alex yep you had the most delicious food with me which is really all i care about he didn't you care about having the most fun you care about vibes but he had the best food with me his was the vibey burger son son son he got burgers that's respect american cuisine you're disrespecting american cuisine right now and what you said i was super disrespectful i was like the boys we lost a lot of boys yeah to fight for them burgers that burger was a paragraph that was a whole book it was a whole fucking book what'd you say i just repeated that i didn't know what you really said mark to say the n-word and i'll just go i'll go sign that shit for a second what the fuck we saying out here mark okay? Okay, go. All right.

So explain the ranking again. Okay, so best food with me, which is what I wanted. Best vibe. Fam. Stop. Stop. No. I'm not giving you that.

I'm not giving you that. Stop. Stop. What? I'm not giving you that. Okay, okay. I don't know how to wine and dime my bitch, all right? You don't know how to wine and dime.

Did you even close? You didn't even close. Nah, I could have. I could have. Nah, I didn't even close, bro. I dropped them off like't know how to wind it down. Did you even close? You didn't even close. Nah, I could've. I could've. I didn't even close, bro. I dropped him off like a gentleman. Nah, nah, nah.

You didn't put him in an Uber, son? To the train. This guy a real piece of shit. He made you have Brooklyn muscles. Muscles in Brooklyn? No, no, no.

It was in the city. They take him off the boat. They take him off the boat, the Brooklyn ones. Where'd you go? Where'd you go? I don't know where we were. Lucienne.

Okay. Yeah, wine and Don don yeah real gentleman anyway so just absolute basura i took him to one of the best restaurants in the city okay it's not a big deal it's not a big deal all right the muscles were a little drier okay then they should be they should have more sauce there was a little okay and i i agree i said the same thing that being said the whole meal that i provided i gave you both of those burgers. It's a very different game. He gave you some nonsense bullshit. It's very different. Actually, that is one thing he said to me.

You said this to me in confidence. The next day, he goes, I didn't know you could spend that much money on food. Yeah. That's what he said. He said that shit was unbelievable. Yeah. You can. You can.

You can do that. Okay? You can't, actually. I can. Okay? I can spend that much money on food i won food you won vibes whatever actually i'll be honest i think my vibes are better than i was like okay now now i was gonna just about to give you food but now you don't got food anymore he has to say

that he's got a blm fucking bracelet on like he has to say he had more fun with you balla did he not say that was the best burger he ever had in his life? But that was before I had his burger. Yo, shit. Shit. Damn, I'm fucking bricked up right now when he said that. All right, all right. Okay, so thank you. But my muscles are better. Also, two different burgers. You had two different.

Anyway, thank you. Two best burgers you ever had in your fucking life. You're down to three. You're in the fucking bronze medal game, okay? Now, then Mark does something with you that he gets really intoxicated. Yeah, it was very fun watching him get that drunk so was that the most fun yeah you were so fucked up no he was having fun laughing at you hold on so you actually won vibes so i lost everything

nah you lost everything because he took me out twice so it's been like really cool you're trying hard what the fuck dude all right guys we're gonna take a break for a second because we need to win your asses some money, okay? And if you're gambling, the only place to do it, if you're doing it on sports, is at mybookie.ag. Mybookie.ag, okay? It gives you the choice to decide when your season begins and ends, okay? At mybookie.ag, you can bet on hundreds of games and leagues around the world. Whether it's a game day parlay or a long shot winner, MyBookie's got you covered.

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You guys heard the story, and it wasn't Kat. People thought I made up this story about you at Home Depot. It's not. Have you spoken to your manager at Home Depot since? No. No, not at all.

Definitely not. Okay. And he definitely did work at Home Depot because he helped me hang on my TV yesterday. A1. And it was good? We're going to get back to those TVs in a second, and I just cannot wait for it. i just cannot wait okay so so you're working and their home depot manager while you're

working there says what do you want to do after this like what is your goal right and you're like i want to go work for schultz studios so i the the first day i was there he was basically like you need my shift was from 7 to 11 no it was from 7 to people don't care and he was trying to pressure me into staying until like 3am everyday and I said no

I have stuff, he's like what the fuck do you have to do and I was like well I have to go edit and he was like what is that ever going to do for you and I was like oh he's like long term what do you want to do and I was like well I'm like in this editing competition and I really want this to work out. You know, they worked with like Netflix and I think it'd be like really, really cool.

And he was like, yeah, whatever. And then it was just really cool. Like a month later to be like, Oh, I'm quitting. And he was like,

why? And I was like, cause I got, I got the job. And then he was like, Oh, whatever. He was kind of salty at first. And then right before I was going to leave, he was like, man, I the job. And then he was like, oh, whatever.

He was kind of salty at first. And then right before I was going to leave, he was like, man, I'm really happy for you. Oh, that's sweet. I wish you didn't say that because we were going to trash him right now. Okay, so then you win this opportunity. You come here. You're working here for July and August, right? Doing an absolutely great job.

Everybody go check out Chifty's work. He's been helping us with the clips and everything. And we just wanted to officially tell you that you've been offered a full-time position here at Schultz Studios, if you'd like to accept it. Guys. So, what do you think? Of course.

Let's go! Welcome to the team, Chifty! so what do you think of course you almost fucked up son because if you said his burger was better i wouldn't have offered it but you would have got a job at alex media good it's okay you can fuck up all his shit anyway uh we just want to welcome you to the team everybody asshole army welcome Chifty to the team He's on board, you know, we'll work everything out and Say yes, just bed bugs. Yeah, we're don't bring the bed bugs You were my party yesterday All the new furniture all the new You were in my apartment yesterday. Put Akash back. I would be so happy. All the new furniture that he got.

Every bit of new furniture that he got is now useless. He's got to throw it away. Oh, this is good. Oh, that's so good. I'll get the mic. I'll fix the mic. Mark will fix the mic. Mark every place that he sits, though.

Say again? Mark every place that he sits, though. Say again? Mark every place that he sits. I feel bad that Vala didn't get his official announcement to the team, but he didn't have a cool origin story like Chifty. It's always great when you... I'm just an immigrant. Yeah, you're just an immigrant. Yeah, you just survived a war in Pakistan. Who cares, bro?

That shit is mad boring. Slums of horrible countries. Now it's the slums. Now it's the slums. Mister, I hang out at the ambassador's palace every Thursday. Thursdays are movie night. His brother runs tours of Pakistan to show its beauty.

Really? This is like a step down for him working here. He's like, I'm doing charity now. His parents think he became a DJ. That's how his parents view him. They're like, oh God. I think we still view him like that too. Very eclectic um all right listen um miles is texting me uh not on the group chat so he fucked up something else for sure

i love him no you tell him to do magic you literally just were on the phone you're like yo how do i order something yeah that's his job is it yes he's at the fucking place ordering equipment you got to get more equipment that's his job yeah 100 okay as i fix this mic please start to begin the tv story this is very important this is very important and this is this let's go this is great start start with you guys trying to finagle this is great so basically i moved to this new apartment we never had tv so i was like all right i'm gonna buy a tv i wanted this one specific tv so i go on facebook marketplace and i see this guy is selling a tv for crazy cheap huge discount i was like oh that's amazing like the tv i want the exact one the exact size for like a thousand dollars off that's so cool

so literally i look at the thing and i look at the listing and he's got like seven tvs all in boxes in storage lockers and somewhere in Brooklyn. Yeah. And I was like, OK, this seems cool. And so I tell Al that I'm getting such an amazing deal. And Al can't let anyone get a deal without him getting a deal. So he goes, oh, yeah, how much is that TV? And I was like, oh, yeah, it's this. Is this amount?

He's like, oh, you get two. And I was like, yeah, of course I'll get two. Maybe we'll both get a discount if we buy two at the same time. OK, so you're not going to mention how you were afraid of buying this TV at first? Of course I was afraid. Are you kidding me? So he comes to me. He's like, yo, what'd you think about this?

I was like, oh, it's stolen TV. You'll be fine. And he's like, yeah, but like, you think it's like sketchy? Like, should I be afraid? He was afraid to meet up with the guy and all. I was like, son, I got you. I'll come with you. At first, I was just going to come be there while he buys his TV.

That's true. So he doesn't get killed. Yeah, and where are you guys going to do the sale? Somewhere safe and discreet. Somewhere safe and discreet. Yeah. It's called Show Studios. They decide to do the sale

with the guy they think is a thief. Think about this. Not think. The guy... We know he's a thief. No, we don't. Knows a thief. The whole reason they're buying these TVs

is because they believe they're real and the reason that they're cheap is because he stole Them yeah, right, so they want to bring a thief Okay, I thought maybe he repaired them no Tens of thousands of dollars of electronics for them to steal and sell more on fucking question you gonna have them come to our house What do they go steal your house a fucking espresso You're gonna have them come to our house? Yes! No, I have stuff there. Yes! I have valuable things that I own. What if they go steal your house? A fucking espresso? Okay?

This is the business. This keeps us afloat. This allows you to buy these fake fucking TVs from Craigslist people. It drove me crazy. When I found out it wasn't coming to your apartment, you were both like, yeah, it was crazy. When they showed up to the studio,

I was like though what yeah? My life and my money are you crazy unbelievable believable? It's unbelievable. Where would you take it? Oh? No, he was texting me. How do I go to cheap TV go to open box at Best Buy? Yeah, you should appreciate this more than anyone. It's a great deal. He got it amazing. I do deals like this You don't do deals like this. He doesn't do thievery. Off the back of a truck? No, no, no. You don't do thievery? He doesn't do thievery. What is the blue square about?

What are you talking about? Wow. Wow. Wow. Shots fired. Shots fired. I'm in the spin zone. I got to get out.

Okay, go. Go. So he doesn't actually come to the studio. He comes to the lobby. We don't let him upstairs. So boom. So we doesn't actually come to the studio. He comes to the lobby. We don't let him upstairs. So boom. So we're testing out the TVs. We're taking them all out of the box,

plugging them into the wall, just making sure they turn on, checking the serial numbers, making sure everything's fine. It's legit. What were you going to do with the serial numbers? What were you going to do with the serial numbers? You matched the serial number on the TV,

within the settings, and on the box. All three checked out. Good. And we checked the website. Make settings and on the box. All three checked out. Good. And we checked the website to make sure that they were legit. And Shindu was there, so he knows about technology. Yeah, he was like, he was just, and we were good. So we're like, oh, cool, steal. Great job on TVs.

Literally. Yeah. So I have the Tesla. The Tesla's a little tight, but I was able to, like, cram the TV in there. Okay, but let me say, it came in the box with hundreds of pounds of styrofoam and fucking sheets and everything so secure. And then Al goes, oh, I'll take it out of the box. It's the thinnest TV you've ever seen, bro.

It's so flimsy. And he takes it out of the box, puts it in the Tesla, and goes, oh, I got to get the camera bag. Gets a 65-pound camera bag bag also throws that in the trunk of the tiny tesla and he's like i put a little styrofoam under the tv though and he goes oh also my girls in the cars are like all of a sudden like there's all the car is so full yeah and then what happens so yesterday we get home and like i go to my studio i'm doing work at studio shit like that so i still haven't got a chance to hook up the tv. So I'm coming home like maybe 10, 11 o'clock and I'm hype. I'm like, oh, I'm going to hook this shit up.

Get it going. I take down my old TV. I change the fucking the, what's the wall thing? The bracket. The bracket and connect it to the new one. So it's like I did all this work. Get it up on the wall and this bitch won't turn on. No.

No. I was livid. So it doesn't work. It doesn't work. And it's not as... But we tested it here, so I must have broke it on the way home.

No, you didn't test it. No, we tested it. Like, we did everything. I'm telling you, I've definitely broken it They work for a little bit. Mark's will be off, too. I hope so.

Mark's will be off. I hope that his doesn't work and I hope he gets bed bugs. No, I guarantee you you're going to have I got the sound bar. It looks perfect. He just cost me mad.

Video settings. Break down the cost. How much money did y'all spend on it? No, we got them down to 14, I think. 14? 14 each. Yeah. Out of 22.

Yeah. 1,400. And how much is the TV? 1,400. Sorry. For 2,200 retail? Yeah. Yeah.

That's a deal to you fucking cucks? A stolen off the back TV you couldn't even get half off 800 plus tax-free. That's a thousand. Yeah Literally set a timer for one hour. You're homeless. Shut the fuck up. You want to take that from him, son? What? Because he got nothing. I live in a high-rise hotel in fucking... The fucking Suite Life of Zack and Cody. The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.

That's where you think he's living? That's a dream, right? You know what happens when a hurricane comes? Where they put the people? In hotels. Where the homeless people live during COVID. That's where you live. Really, though? No, it's fly.

View of the city. That shit really hurt him. I literally can see. I literally can see. That shit really hurt him. Fuck out of here, son. I can see Andrew's rooftop from my hotel room. That's true.

Which is actually kind of depressing. I'm just in this little box, and I see him playing with his golden doodle on the fucking rooftop. That's true, and I always look for him, and I always try to wave. I always look for him. Kind of depressing I see him playing with his golden doodle Play with your dog outside when you know you can see you yeah be happy I do that Think I look at you from homeless box. I do Even if I have over so hotel room is a homeless Listening my apartment in LA leases up yesterday my stuff went into storage yesterday So now trying to find out your technically homeless now. I'm technically

So we got a great fucking deal you try shit I thought you were going to save yourself. Damn, bro. Al, you're an animal, son. You're a savage, son. So we got a great fucking deal. He's trying to shut down the idea. That was a great fucking deal. No, no, you did not get a great deal. You got a stolen TV for, what, $30 off? It also doesn't work. $30 off?

It doesn't work. And how many times a day do you text me trying to get my discount at a very popular electronic store from my blue square loving cousin? I asked you for a deal and you said, oh. Technically, though, they don't like Israel. Okay. That's actually a good point. They're not Blue Square. I asked you for a deal and you go, oh, go to the open box on Best Buy.

And the open box was like two grand. How much did you pay? $1,400. Yeah. So you saved $600? Plus tax. That's probably. Honestly, just for the sake of this, send me the exact serial number that you have.

I want to see the better deal I can get. I will. Actually, you know what? Start the clock. I will. We saved better deal I can get. I will. Actually, you know what? Start the clock. I will. We say 800 plus a time. Hold on. You could have written off that TV.

I don't know how that should work. If you paid with your card, because that's a business expense. You're using it to edit videos. You maybe put it at your studio or whatever. So hold on. Hold on. I already did. Go.

Andrew, go. And that means he would have gotten it for 33% off, essentially. So you would have got 33% off of $2,400. That means it would have been $1,600. Still would have been more. Would have been more, but it would have worked. So you took $1,400 and you just threw it in the air.

Now the upside is that it's a brand new TV still under warranty and then I'll be able to get it fixed for free. No, you won't. It's not under warranty. It's factory warranty. It's factory warranty but yeah, but it's flagged that serial number as a stolen TV so I don't know how you- Oh wait, you don't think that they put the serial numbers out there? Why do they put serial numbers on TVs?

The guy said we could call LG, okay? So I can call LG and get a new goddamn TV. You know what LG stands for? What's that? Life's good. That's what you Life's good. Yeah. That's what you say to me. That's what you say to yourself in your homeless box.

I'm working 75-inch TV in storage. He's looking outside of your homeless box. He's like, damn, life is good in this homeless box. He looks at Andrew with his golden face. Golden, bro. I ain't going to lie. I ain't going to lie. Okay, what do we got, guys?

We got some topic calls that we can talk about We got Obama's birthday party getting cancelled No it didn't get cancelled I mean he got cancelled though People are mad at him for having a birthday party I feel like if you're old And you're like part of the comorbidity You can do whatever you want

Wait why Cause you're the people that's gonna die Like if you wanna have the super spreader event Right you could do whatever you want. Wait, why? Because you're the people that's going to die. Like, if you want to have the super spreader event, right, you guys are just going to kill yourselves. Everybody at that party is over 60 years old. And everybody was vaxxed up. Also, most of them probably vaxxed up. Everyone.

But the issue now isn't, oh, yeah, just because you're vaccinated, it doesn't matter. You could get it, and then you could spread it to people who are not vaccinated. So I guess people are saying it's hypocritical because he's supposed to support whatever the Dems say and the Dems are like, don't do these types of events and make sure you mask up, etc.

But he's also on his Hawaiian shit. He was out there with the Puka shell necklace. I'm done with this politics shit. Everybody, come on over. Let's get it. That's the worst part about being the president. I feel like back in the day, you could stop being the president and you could just kick it. People loved you. They didn't take what you said that seriously. You could just live. See, that's the worst part about being the president. I feel like back in the day, you could stop being the president, and you could just kick it. People loved you.

They didn't take what you said that seriously. You could just live. Like fucking George Bush was painting and shit. Yeah. But now, if you're the president and you stop, you still got to be the president. You know what I mean? Yeah, because if you stay involved, if you're doing speeches, if you're campaigning for people. I guess it's on him.

That's the thing. He's so powerful that the party needs him. But low key, once you do your time, you do that eight years know i mean you rack up a few i don't know a hundred thousand kills which that's a fact bro this guy hates gathering so much like he scaled down his gathering by hundreds like yeah in the middle east he scaled down a lot of those gatherings like this guy hates gatherings just across the board true it's true. It's really true, man. Like, that's not the first gathering that he's... Yeah, he's decreased by a lot.

Them weddings out there, bro. You get an invitation to a Yemeni wedding, bro. We're hard at it. Bro, we're hard at it for sure. Like, you got to love that person to go there. That's got to be family. Yeah, if I'm not in the group party, like... Uh-uh.

Uh-uh. Yeah, I'm not a plus one ain't nobody going to get many weddings plus one my name got to be on an invitation no alcohol what are you gonna do just show up and hang out that's right yeah that's just wow like a childhood pool party like you're just chilling it really is dude oh yeah yeah crazy yeah the crazy thing about the he scaled down so that's like a bunch of people got uninvited. Yeah, that shit would hurt. All the uninvited people got to feel like shit.

You're like, damn, I'm the second class friend or whatever the case is. One name, and I'm curious if it is, it was like David Axelrod, who's the person that has run his campaign since he was a senator going for election, like made him. And Chrissy Teigen still got invited. Chrissy Teigen was invited, not David Axelrod? I wonder. Like, we don't know.

Was he invited? I mean, I would... Not David Axelrod? David Axelrod. David Axelrod wasn't invited? Yeah, but he's not running anymore, so he don't need him. What?

But you need John Legend. John Legend had to sing them hits. Oh, he got to work. Yeah. John got to work. It's like, you can come, but start tapping, bro.

Yeah. Yo, that's great. That's a great song. Yo, he's the help. Yo, imagine you hire Chrissy Teigen and John. Teigen got to cook. You got all these books

out here and shit like that. How nice a chef you are. Go make some dumplings or some shit. We need some hors d'oeuvres to pass around. And then John Legend got to start singing.

Yeah. Let's go. Happy birthday. Both versions. Let's go, John. That's true. He just invited people that could also do things.

This motherfucker's the ultimate politician. Yeah. Shouts to Barry, bro. He's, I like this move. He's like, yo, it's my 60th birthday.

I'm turning it up. I'm doing it. I'm turning it up. Son, I respect it. I'm turning it up I'm doing it I'm turning it up Son I respect it I'm turning it up I think the only pushback is When you hear the party Say different things

Or you have the party Completely silent Or you have the news organizations Be completely silent Because you know If Trump was throwing a party Or something like that They'd be super critical

I mean You just hate seeing elites Do shit that they tell you Not to do That's just what it is Like They did the same thing When all the Democrats

Were on Love me When you see all the Democrats On the airplane Whose party tell you not to do that's just what it is like like but they do the same thing when all the Democrats wrong but like when you see like all the Democrats on the airplane without their masks on and it's like okay right they force us to wear a mask but they don't have to like like people just kick this up all the time like Gavin Newsom keeps his winery open yeah when he sends his kid at a basketball camp they got no masks yeah all the all everyone's business has to be shut down but you can have your winery rules for thee but not for me and that's just what this feels like even if it's not exactly that because even in florida you can have a huge birthday party

yeah so like i don't like when all the republican politicians are shitting on him being like yo you shouldn't have this party they should be taking the approach of like oh like you're being hypocritical but like have your party, have fun. But I feel like that's what a lot of them are doing, right? Like I feel like, no, I thought the approach is how, at least whenever I see it, you know, you'll see like a Fox News caption. It's like a politician that said masks should be mandatory

caught maskless. Right. So they're really just exposing the hypocrisy of the politician. Yeah, that's true, on the news. instead of saying that it shouldn't be done it's like you shouldn't be saying you shouldn't be implementing policy that we don't like I saw random breaking tweets from like representatives being like with Delta spreading Obama still chooses to blah blah blah it's like your tactic should be like yo invite me like let me pull up let's party yeah let's get it

yeah let's have a good time I think that should the approach versus like you trying to cancel him, even though you're trying to have your party too. Yeah. Yeah. I thought it was just like a hypocrisy thing. But yeah, I hear you, man. It is just annoying. We don't like seeing motherfuckers do it.

It's the same thing like with your parents. You know, your parents would tell you to do certain things or not to do certain things. Then you see them doing it. It's like you don't want any authority figure to be a hypocrite, especially when they're inconveniencing you with their hypocrisy. Right. Like, don't put some fucking rules on me that you don them doing it. It's like, you don't want any authority figure to be a hypocrite, especially when they're inconveniencing you with their hypocrisy, right? Like, don't put some fucking rules on me that you don't even follow.

We had this health teacher in high school, I remember, that she used to smoke cigarettes. This bitch would be telling us to be healthy, like, literally saying, not smoke cigarettes, like, work out, do all these things, like, this is how you stay healthy. And then during lunch break, we're seeing her out there with some fucking parliaments

just huffing and puffing. Yeah. And it was crazy. No, that shit sucks. My parents were like, abstinence. And I was like, how did I get here? What the fuck? That's not fair.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. All right, whatever. Fuck you. I was corny. They were married. They weren't abstinence forever, man. I didn't get that as a kid.

They should have explained that to you. How are they supposed to explain it to you? Also, why are they talking about fucking with you as a kid kids don't fuck is obama the coolest person alive all right guys we're gonna take a break for a second because we need to save you money okay with today's low interest rates it's a great time to refinance your student loans okay it's time to break out of that student debt cycle and earnest can help you by refinancing those student loans. Okay. Earnest offers low rate student loan refinancing, and you could check your rate risk-free in just two minutes with earnest. You can radically flex. You get radically flexible payments. Okay. And you could

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Visit earnest.com slash licenses for a full list of licenses. Now let's get back to the show. Is Obama the coolest person alive? Not even in the top 100. How? Everybody wanted to be at that party. Son, have you seen Jack Harlow? Like, what is wrong with you?

Yeah. How are you going to say that when you know white rappers exist? White rappers are out here Real talk Obama's the coolest Not the coolest I'm sorry He's not

I'm going to chat Hank's birthday before Obama Yeah He looked like a goofy In his shirt bro I'm not gonna lie I'm like Goofy

Yo Mickey Mouse goofy Yo Mickey Mouse goofy Battle is fire dog All rappers need to stop rapping dog Cause yo Mickey went in on goofy Yo, Mickey Mouse Goofy beef is going crazy. Mickey Mouse Goofy battle is fire, dog. All rappers need to stop rapping, dog. Because, yo, Mickey went in on Goofy. Goofy! My life is a movie!

Some people are going to have no idea what the fuck he's talking about. People who do are crying right now. Because they've been laughing for the last 72 hours about this video just like us. Mark has never laughed so hard as he did when he was watching the video that video bro the goofy diss track yeah mickey watched him like you don't see mickey with the bars like this body it's the reason why he's the fucking logo son the franchise you know i'm saying the motherfuckers the franchise it's not goofy you're not going to i don't you know it's not goofy to greet you at disney world nah it's motherfucking Mickey, bro. Not the Goofy Club.

Yeah. Goofy ain't got a girl that he smashes. Goofy ain't deserve a girl. Mickey got Minnie, dog. Oh, shit. He ain't got a girl? That's fucked up. He's Goofy.

Goofy ain't got no pussy. Mickey got some pussy, bro. Yeah, that's facts. Mickey got pussy. Out here, dog. Out here. What do you think of Kanye's album not dropping again? I don't care.

I'm over it. Don't even care at all? Yeah, I don't care. I don't know. It's built the hype for me. And from the people who were at the concert, they said it sounds really good. So I'm actually anticipating.

Yeah, everybody told me that it sounds good. Yeah. But I just don't care anymore. And I haven't been excited about his music for a while. Like the last two albums, I was like, eh. I was excited after the a while. Like the last two albums I was like, eh. I was excited after the first one. If he dropped it, I'm like, I'm listening immediately. Now my excitement has waned and if it dropped, I get around to it, but I don't need to listen

to it. Are you going to listen to it when it drops? Not when it drops. I'll listen to it when it's convenient. If I'm on a flight and I got nothing to do- You don't listen to nothing when it drops, though. You don't think so? Yeah.

I never listen to anything when it drops. I feel like you're going to listen to it. But people were excited because they are hoping that it sounds like the old Kanye, right? I've never listened to nothing when it drops, though. You don't think so? Yeah. I've never listened to anything when it drops. I feel like you're going to listen to it. But people were excited because they are hoping that it sounds like the old Kanye, right? That's what everybody always says. Yeah, yeah. Always going to be the old Kanye. But that's what I'm hearing.

I'm hearing it's a lot of mix. You get a little bit of Kanye from every album on this album. So I'd like to hear that. I don't care. I think the people showed less interest too, man, because the people I said were at the second event, they're like, yeah, it wasn't full like the first one. They waited two hours for him it's like he's seeing here's a perfect example it's like there are less people that want to see it now than when he first came out and you

saw that by the people that showed up to the to the arena or whatever the hell it was now don't get me wrong it's a lot of people to fill an arena that being said if people want it they're gonna show up if they're not they're not and the same people can show up twice now i know there's people that flew in right but that's some loser shit i'm not gonna lie like you're gonna fly all the way just to watch this album that has already been released live once well it hasn't been released well played live once right yeah but i mean like if you're a big fan and you want to yeah i guess you're right if you're a big music fan maybe it makes sense but i'm gonna fly fuck about kan're a big fan and you want to... Yeah, I guess you're right. If you're a big music fan, maybe it makes sense. But I don't give a fly fuck about Kanye, man.

That guy's a fraud to me. The whole thing is a fraud. I'm a hater, I guess, but it's just... I don't know. Like, let's deliver it, bro. Come with the hits. Come with the fucking hits. Last song that I, like, really love from Kanye is Ultra Light Beam.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a banger. That album was fire. That album was fucking fire yeah it was amazing absolutely amazing but all the antics and shit it's like yo just put out the art your art when you actually do it right it's so good you don't even need the antics you don't need it you don't need all this nonsense people who don't have the art need the antics six nine needs the

antics and he knows it yeah six nine just can't put out the album he gotta hype shit up gotta start the beefs gotta get people excited gotta get people charged up and he's even said about himself he's like my music is trash but it's hot trash you know he's he's doing a good job of putting himself back in the conversation oh six nine yeah he's a genius like he's a genius i thought it was a rap for him but i could see he's slowly he literally flipped the switch and now everybody cares it It's like, it was unbelievable. The thing with Wack 100,

I mean, act through him, the ultimate alley-oop, putting them in a room together, both so fucking entertaining. Yo, Wack, we want you on a podcast.

You are entertaining, motherfucker. We want you on the podcast. Please come on, pull up, pull up, pull up. People tag him.

Tag him. Tell Wack, we need him on a pod. And then 6ix9ine, we want you on a pod too, matter of fact. But, we got to have him on a pod. listen he is he is so engaging in that he was so entertaining both of them were going at it like it was unbelievable great first ep drop for uh for

academics by the way well done uh then he's hanging out with sean o'malley he's hanging out the milk boys like he's just inserting himself into all these things and it was just right right now okay you back in the conversation yeah i just love him everybody i see i'm like oh he's hanging out with the Nelk Boys he's just inserting himself into all these things and it was just right now okay you back in the conversation I just love him, every video I see I'm like oh he's great how can he do something that's not music I mean he could do a podcast I think he gotta vlog he could do a YouTube channel

6ix9ine vlogging vlog your antics, be with the fucking Nelk Boys be with Sean on Out be with Wack 100. Like, have little snippets of all these things. Just vlog. You are way better personality than you were musician. So give us the personality.

Not to mention, he's nice at editing. He edited all his music videos. Like, he's an internet kid. Yeah. So it's like, you have it. You got it locked. You know how YouTube works. You know how the internet works.

You know how to fucking edit. Go out there. Just give us your personality. You don't even works. You know how the internet works. You know how to fucking edit. Go out there. Just give us your personality. You don't even need to engage in the crazy beefs. And he could use his music in the vlogs. He could do both still. That's true. Yeah.

I guess the music is validating in so many ways and inserts you in a conversation. But the thing I always found charismatic about him was the personality, bro. It's like, I just want to hear the guy talk, see what's going on. Wild boy. Yeah. Get your shots off. Yeah. Do you want to hear the guy talk see what's going on wild boy yeah get your shots off you know do you want to talk about uh oj simpson oh yeah oj simpson is crazy this motherfucker is unbelievable he might have convinced himself he didn't kill them bro another person we'd like on the pot yeah that was tricky man really tricky yeah oj we would like you

here at flagrant two podcasts all right right? I don't know, man. That's a little tricky. Why is that tricky? Because he's a murderer of people. He's innocent. Nah, I quit it. You don't believe in the justices? I quit it.

No, I don't believe in the justices. That is correct. Do you, black man in America? I mean, when we get off, I do. Do you, black man? No. The good guys win. Yeah.

So he said, I don't go to LA because I'm scared I might be sitting next to the person that did win. Yeah. So he said, I don't go to L.A. because I'm scared I might be sitting next to the person that did it. Yeah. Yeah. You're actually closer than sitting next to. You're sitting on the same bench as. You're sharing the same space as the person that did it. Yeah. No matter who you're talking to, you're having a conversation with the person that did it.

Okay. No matter who you're talking to, you're having a conversation with the person that did it. Yeah. Okay? But you're an absolute fucking lunatic for speaking like this, but it's for some reason entertaining as hell and convincing. Yeah. Yeah. My thing is like, why are you saying it?

Like, to me- He wants the attention, huh? Is that all it is? He's good. He's a troll. He's a troll. And also, he knows he can't get tried again. So, like, he can just say literally whatever he wants.

As long as he doesn't commit more crimes, he can't... That's true. Because of double jeopardy. Yeah. He's got, like, immunity, so he can just say wild shit. Yeah. But I'm also like, you don't know if you killed the person. Like, let's say, hypothetically, he didn't kill her.

He knows that the family, their daughter got murdered. And he's, like, saying like saying shit to like inflame them you know i mean so i'm like just on that alone i'm like it's kind of fucked up oh it's fucked up but like why is he going out of his way to like attack antagonize hypothetically if he didn't kill her the things he's saying aren't that fucked up no it still is though even if he even if he didn't kill her because he's like they think i did and now i'm just gonna antagonize them no but he's like hey i'm afraid to go out into L.A. because there's a murderer still running loose.

Like, we know that he's trolling. But let's say if he wasn't. Let's say if he was actually innocent, that wouldn't be a statement that's crazy. It's not that crazy. And it wouldn't piss off the family because the murderer would still be on the loose. But they think he did it, though. I'm saying if he didn't. Like, that's what I'm saying.

So if he has to make statements as if he didn't do that, that's the only way that he can live his life. He has to continue talking like he didn't do it. Yeah, of course. 100%. But he could also just ignore it. Like, if people are like, are you ever going back to L.A.? And then he's like, no, I don't.

Because, just leave out the because. Say, I don back to L.A. and then he's like, no, I don't because just leave out the because I don't like L.A. L.A.'s traumatic for me for obvious reasons, whatever. But don't say I don't like L.A. because the murderer might still be there and then sitting next to me. Why would he sit next to you? Where are you going to go? Where is it next? He's going to be playing golf with you. When would he are you in parks?

Why does he think he's the same status of victim as a 5'4 woman? You know what I mean? He's 6'5". He played professional football. No one's murdering you, buddy. No one's murdering you, dude. You're good. You can handle this guy.

You're OJ Simpson. He's old now, though. Yeah, I guess he's old now. I think we were going to do that. We're going to have him race Akash now. His knees are all fucked up like that'd be interesting yeah it would be interesting akash we have to look into this yeah i think you should reconsider having him on the pot you just invited whack 100 and i can't say for sure if he doesn't have

anybody on his bodies on his hands yeah but he didn't kill white women, though. You know what I mean? That's a good-ass point. Okay, fine. Maybe. I mean, it'd be crazy. It'd be crazy. I feel the way I should... I feel the way about OJ, the way people want me to feel about Alex Jones. Do you know what I mean?

I'm like, I just feel kind of icky having him on and people want me to feel that way about alex jones but for whatever reason that reaction doesn't happen so we should have oj so then you can feel how i feel when we have alex and he's just super charismatic wins us all over yeah he's like oh he's a great guy he's boxing drinking jameson yeah like oJ's cool. Oh, man. Okay, maybe. What y'all think about these celebs not showering?

Mark? What? What do you think? I learned how to shower. I just started. Yeah, that's right. He just started showering. It's changed my life.

Yeah, but it's still not every day. But what I don't understand about it is, like, why are they offering up this information? Like, why all of a sudden do they decide we're going to make this a trend? Why do they want to share that? Well, I think it happened on accident, right? Like, because Mila Kunis and Asht we're going to make this a trend? Why do they want to share that? Well, I think it happened on accident, right? Like, because Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher

were on Dax Shepard's podcast. Okay. And I think they said something to the effect of, like, oh, yeah, like, we don't really shower every day, like, blah, blah, blah. I think they're just trying

to, like, be relatable. They're also on a podcast just talking shit. Yeah. And then I think Dax and Krista Bell also got in trouble because they were like, yeah, we don't really bathe our kids

until we smell the stink. That's funny. They're just being, like, funny parents. Like, yeah, we don't really bathe our kids until we smell the stink. There's been funny parents like, yeah, our kids smell. We clean them. That's just how parents talk. And people are like, that's child neglect. You guys, you're rich. You shouldn't be neglecting your children, blah, blah, blah. So they're just making something out of this. I don't think they made some proclamation being like,

yo, we gotta not shower our kids. I think they were just on a podcast bullshitting his friends. This is adults being funny. Yeah, they're just shit-talking his friends. And then people were like, you guys don't shower. Celebrities don't shower. And then it fits the mold of weird celebrity behaviors. They were like, oh, I guess this is a new thing that they're going to try to push through.

Yeah. That's why I think they were being truthful in saying they don't shower every day, though. Yeah. Because that is a thing some white people do. What? Not shower every day. Yeah. I mean, I don't shower every day though. Yeah. Because that is a thing some white people do. What? Not shower every day. Yeah. I mean, I don't shower every day.

Huh? You guys are fucking disgusting. You trying to make the news right now? Even when I do shower, I don't wash my legs. I don't shower every single day. Why? Well, I don't need to every single day. But you work out most days.

If I work out, I shower. If I don't work out, then I don't need to shower. Why would I need to shower? I don't know. Humidity in August in New York. That's disgusting. I put on deodorant. Disgusting. Disgusting. I put on need a shower. Yeah. Why would I need a shower? I don't know, humidity in August in New York. That's disgusting. I put on deodorant. Disgusting.

Disgusting. I put on deodorant. Ugh. Why is that gross? I don't understand why that's gross. Balls just need fresh. What's the difference? Every day you have natural oils coming out of your skin.

Like it's dirt on you. You just said natural oils, bro. It's still disgusting. Yeah, but you walk around with it all day. Yeah, and get it off at the end of the day you get into your bed dirty yeah dirty make love god so is your issue getting into the bed with it or walking around with the oils because the oils start coming out the second you leave the crib i think like just for yourself you should want to feel clean but especially before you get into the bed you don't want to put that dirtiness in your bed.

Then you're sleeping with the dirty, and then when you take a shower and get back in the bed, it's like you're sleeping on your own filth. Yeah, but let's say I'm okay with the dirtiness. My girl fucking hates it, but let's say I'm okay with it, right? The issue isn't the oils coming out because you guys have to deal with that all day as well. So you're already comfortable with oils coming out. I'm comfortable with oils coming out. to deal with that all day as well. So you're already comfortable with oils coming out.

I'm comfortable with oils coming out. The only thing that you're not comfortable with that I am is getting into bed dirty because there's no difference between the amount of oils that are coming out on Tuesday and Wednesday. It's still oils coming out. You're still dirty. You're still sweaty. Okay. Well, how about this? You also smell.

You go into your bed with your girl to make love to your girl. Yeah. I shower after love. Maybe she deserves a little before. I shower before love too. I shower after love. Maybe she deserves a little before. I shower before love too. I shower before love too. No, you don't. No, you don't.

If I want to do oral. If I want to do oral. If I want to do oral. If I want to do oral. You just said she hates it. If I want to do oral. You're lying. You are lying.

I know you. If I want to do oral. You are lying. If I want to do oral. You do not take it. Tell me right here. Look into my eyes. And tell me you take a shower before I say you're a liar. If I want to do oral. You do not take a shower. Tell me right here. Look at some of my eyes. Tell me you take a shower before I say it.

You're a liar. If I want to do oral with enthusiasm, I make sure that I shower. If I want to do oral with enthusiasm, if I want enthusiastic oral, then I shower. I make sure that I shower. What is enthusiastic oral? You shower twice a day if you know you're gonna like I do see a moral is oral That's not absolutely repulsed because my Starts to smell I get it like I completely get it. Oh you get it. All right. Yeah, we're being nice to you, right?

Motherfuckers did not You know? Yo, you get it, all right? Yeah. We're being nice to you right now. It smells like Al's backpack, bro. This motherfucker did not. All right. Let's just go to a new topic. I don't got to deal with the stereotypes. His motherfucker smells. At least one day a week, you stink. You do smell sometimes. I forget to put on deodorant.

No, it's not that. And you forget to shower. Also that, too. You can't do the combination. You just can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just put on deodorant. I literally spray you walking into the office every day.

I'm happy to do that. I'll remind you. I'll just walk in. I tried to save you. Y'all want to know something disgusting? Y'all are going to think it's disgusting. Sometimes I'll smell my armpits before I get in bed, and they stink, and I'll just put on deodorant before I get into bed

so that I can put my arm around my girl and it doesn't smell like my body odor. These are... It's your... That's your tribe. It's your tribe. Actually, yeah, you don't really claim them.

These guys? Yeah. Disgust. It's just disgusting, bro. Talking about disgust, Al, what do you think about Taliban having chat rooms on Clubhouse? Did I tell you Clubhouse is done or did I tell you Clubhouse is fucking done? No, you told us. Okay, so Taliban. Did you know for this reason?

What? Did you know? You said it was boring. No, I just knew it was a stupid idea. Now it sounds lit. Yeah. The conference called Social Network is going on. It's a big shock.

Yeah. See, I think you were wrong in the prediction because you were like yo clubhouse is boring it's going down i think this is the best clubhouse has ever done so what are they doing in the uh in the chat rooms i'm just hanging out but what is it like so what are they talking about i was reading a little bit on it and so basically they had like an actual telegram group for about two weeks unchecked before it was taken down. Yeah, yeah. And then they were just saying stuff like, fuck infidels and death to America and all that type of shit. Yeah.

And now they- Now they're talking shit that we left Afghanistan. Yeah. Now you want to get on fucking Clubhouse? They deny that it's any like, oh, there's not like any war declarations or any shit like that. Like they're being pussy about it. Of course. What are they going to do?

They can't go to war. They're going to go to war with America. I mean, Afghanistan, they kind of they kind of taking some territory back. Right. Because we left. Yeah. So now they can talk shit. Yeah.

I feel like. Yeah. So what's the point about what's the deal with that? So we out of there, we out of Afghanistan. Yeah. Do we get everything we needed? I mean... Do we clean them out?

Wasn't anything there. I mean, we might clean them out. They had a little oil and shit like that. This is why we can't withdraw from Clubhouse. Why? Because once we pull people out of Clubhouse, the Taliban just come to take it over. Take it over.

We got to stay occupied in the places that we need. That is good. That is true. Right? That is true. So get back on Clubhouse. Save America. I was never on clubhouse save america this is tim dylan's fault bro tim dylan left clubhouse and there is a uh there's a huge void

yeah that's not a joke about tim's size huge void in clubhouse and is being filled by the motherfucking taliban dude yeah that's crazy tim need you. We need you to get back out there and we need you to save Clubhouse. Operation Clubhouse, dog. Real talk, man. So what happened with Afghanistan? So we just out? We just out of there?

Like, what's the deal? That shit is boring, bro. There's just nothing going on? Like, we're not going to attend these poppy fields no more? Like, it wasn't worth it? Old news. That's the thing, bro.

Brighter horizons, you know? Yeah. You can't be worried about your ex all the time. You gotta keep it moving. Nah, I think we just too broke. And so we're like, yo, we can't keep overextending ourselves militarily around the world. I think that's kind of what it is. Like, we fucking printing money out here.

Eventually somebody will be like, hey. Hey, we need to get paid. Yeah, like. Old heartbreak, bro. Just keep moving. Nah, that's what's happening. But I like it. Fuck it.

Yeah, let's get out of there. Let's get out of everywhere Let's get out of all that shit And then China's gonna come in Say what? And China's gonna come in And fill their spot Let them overexpose themselves

Yeah they got the money to do it No they don't Yes they do No they don't Yes they do You know how much money they got? They got money How you know how much money they got?

Cause we pay them Fuck And they got mad Bitcoin too. Fuck them. And mad gold medals. Nah, nah, nah. They got a ton of gold. They got more gold than one.

Also, their overall medals was trash. And then we obviously won because we're the greatest country that's ever existed in the history of the world. Let's go women's basketball. Let's go men's basketball. We can call ourselves world champions in the NBA. What'd I tell them? I told told them y'all gotta do it But baseball y'all can't call yourself world champions Y'all can't do that anymore

Baseball lost Japan won So whoever wins in baseball For the next three years You can't call yourself world champions You're American champs What about the Japanese league They can call themselves world champs But also the MLB players weren't playing on the team.

It was collegiate athletes. Oh, we didn't send out boys? Not the best. Oh. We the world champs, man. We the world champs. It's the World Series, man. It's like Trump, right?

We're not sending our best. Not the ones on the main roster. It's the World Series, baby. But not like the 40-man or whatever is on a baseball team roster. Yeah. I don't think Japan sent their best. Stop it. No, I think they did.

Stop it. What's that guy's name? Otani? Shohei Otani? If he wasn't there, he was probably there. And you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Come on. You would have fucked up. I would be able to tell the difference.

I'm not racist, but you? I like his new strategy. He says to fuck that shit. Y'all are crazy, bro. You're crazy, too. Baseball players wear hats and glasses. They're in disguise. You can't tell them apart anyway.

They're all wearing the same outfit. Yeah, exactly. The coach even wears the outfit for no reason. Like, why is that motherfucker? What are you doing? Put a suit on, you unprofessional piece of shit. You know football coach and just fuck a full pad? Yeah, that'd be hilarious, though.

What else we got cooking this week, man? Are we excited for this tour? I'll tell you one thing. Oh, man. I am fucking excited. Dallas, you guys are in for something, man.

Houston, y'all are in for motherfucking something. I mean, it seems like every day we keep adding some shit to the show and I'm like, what is this show? I know.

Honestly, I think we're going to lose money. I think we're going to outspend ourselves. It started as a comedy tour, and now it's just Cirque du Soleil. Now it's fucking magic. We're going to Kanye this shit. My mom and I are going to be floating above the whole thing.

The infamous tour, we are going to file for bankruptcy at the end of this shit. It's going to be fucking crazy. It's going to be absolutely crazy yeah that's why i called that but yeah it's gonna be absolutely crazy man we'll see y'all out there man theandrewschultz.com go get tickets the official beginning of the infamous tour dallas uh i think dallas sold out but like so is i think houston maybe there's like a single seat left left but like go check them out

plenty of other seats um and then LA, Tucson, Milwaukee, Detroit. We added shows in San Francisco, added shows in D.C., Chicago, added shows in, I think, Boston as well. Go check out, man. San Diego. San Diego we added another show. Make sure you go. Get those tickets before they're gone.

I can't tell you guys. Everybody waits until the last minute and now hit me up. Yo, can I get in? Is there a way I can get a ticket? Is that the other? Nothing we can do. This is not like comedy clubs where we can just add seats. Yeah.

This is a theater. It's locked in. Can't add shows either. That's the crazy part about Charlotte. It was like add a show four days before and it went. Sells out, right? So it's like we can't do that with a theater that's got 3,000 seats. So this is what you're doing.

Okay? So go get them right now. The Andrew Schultz. Thank you all so much for spreading the word. And man, you're in for something. Shit is about to be wild, bro. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a fucking show.

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What else we got? What else we cooking up? Leo Messi. Oh, shit. Big news. Yeah. Yeah, big news in the soccer world. Big news in the soccer world.

Football. Messi broke down at his press conference. He's crying because the club that he was with since he was a child i think a lot of people don't realize this like yeah he was with them since he's like what 12 years old or something like that two decades he was in two decades that's crazy fc barcelona yeah is not extending his contract and he said he had offered to lower his salary up to 50 so that he could stay with the team he said last year i did not want to be with this team we worked things out now i wanted to and on the surface it looked like this was simply just a club uh being um over a player and

going we need to get younger in that position but now it looks like there's some more politics involved right there's like certain things that are going on with the league different salary cap things are happening you have i mean uh la liga the league yeah yeah la liga but no but i mean the specific la liga is in spain which is doing the salary cap they're the ones forcing them to trade and what was interesting always about soccer and correct me if i'm wrong, but at least in Europe, is that it was similar to baseball here where they could just keep spending. There wasn't a salary cap.

And that's why you had certain teams from the bigger cities, Barcelona, Madrid, right? I'm sure like Arsenal, cities that seemed like they had endless budgets, right? Especially the ones that are getting bought out by foreign investment, right? You have some like Qatari management fund, and all of a sudden they've got this endless oil money so you can keep throwing

at these players. So La Liga steps in and says something like, I believe I have the notes here somewhere, but the salary cap has to be roughly 70% of your revenue. Can't exceed 70% of your revenue. So I guess this is their

way to make sure that these teams aren't losing money. But Barcelona's balance sheet was completely fucked. Like they were super in debt. So they said they just couldn't afford to bring on Messi no matter what. So La Liga does this thing where they're about to get this $2.2 billion injection from some foreign investment for the whole league. I think 10% of that goes to each team or something like that and that would have that would exactly that was going to bump their salary cap up enough to get messy real madrid says fuck that we don't want to go we don't want that foreign

investment oh no no it was 10 was going to be paid to that investor so 10 of the revenue from the league would be paid for the investor, even though that money would be dispersed amongst all these teams. But Real Madrid was like, fuck that. We don't want to pay that. Bail Barcelona out. Bail some other teams out.

So they said no. And after they rejected it, Barcelona rejected it. Now they don't have enough money to bring on Messi. Wow. So now you could always say, well, Messi, you can make your salary 10%. But the reason why they said no to it, because I believe they had to sell, I think, 50% of the airing rights to the investor.

They didn't want to give that up. And it makes sense. If you're Real Madrid, it's like, no, we make all the fuck. We're the Dallas Cowboys. Like that is Spain's Dallas Cowboys or FC Barcelona is Spain's Dallas Cowboys. And they're like why the fuck are we gonna share our revenue yeah people around the world pay to watch us play yeah people around the world identify as Real Madrid fans or Barcelona fans so they were in

this kind of sticky situation where I guess contractually they couldn't spend the extra money on Messi so it wasn't as DV as it looked like on the podium it looked like they were like you're not worth it yeah it looked crazy but they also fucked up their money where like they fucked up their balance sheet and their personal financials where they couldn't afford him without this you know crazy extracurricular thing yeah injection spain's kind of known for doing that yeah isn't that the most uh financially savvy country in the world i think they got bailed out earlier didn't they get bailed out we talking all this shit we just bailed ourselves out they just not allowed to print why didn't they print american dollars that's so stupid of them like why didn't they just do that

because that's fire but um it is interesting because it's one of those things where if you're an athlete you can always play for your team you just gotta decide how much you're willing to take so if you were like yo pay me ten dollars a day and you stay there you can stay there no so he's sad that they weren't able to afford him, but they're still not able to afford you at the price that you're dictating. Any player that's good enough can always continue to play for a team. It's just how much they're willing to sacrifice. And I agree with him not wanting to sacrifice more than 50% because he knows he can get that anywhere else he can get more even that is huge huge get paid more than what like his potential transfer to psg

which is where a lot of people are saying he's gonna go is like looking like a record-breaking transfer yeah and probably not worth i mean i know it's only like a two-year deal with like one-year option or something like that but it's like it's probably not even worth it for psg i mean i'm not trying to shit on messy but the guy's 34 years old his best years are behind him and you're gonna do this like monstrous deal it'd be way better if he came over to the mls like i think you were saying like do the beckham deal where you get an equity stake the guy's already staying in miami i was seeing on one of these real estate things that it was it was a four million dot no sorry it was a 200 000 a month place he was renting out beckham no what messy messy he's in miami he has aspirations to play in the mls or at least play in america

why not come before you're at the tail end of your career the real talent right come at 34 where you're still elite and just ball out on these motherfuckers yeah right and get a piece of the franchise that you build up. It makes perfect sense. And do it in Miami where you have the Latin vibe, the Latin culture, the South American culture. There's so much influence. You're going to have... I mean, the food's not amazing in Miami, but still you're going to be able to go to a

fucking Argentine steakhouse. You're going to talk to your people. There'll probably be more Argentine people in Miami than there were in Spain. Yeah, probably. Yeah, I thought that's what he was gonna do 100 no brainer right he might be in this mindset where he's like yo i'm still elite i still want to compete i want to like chase this like he just won like his first international trophy and with argentina like he might still be in the competitor's mindset where he's like i don't

want to give up what i got yeah i guess that is true like we look at coming to america we understand that it's not the most elite competition for soccer, but we're also looking at, like, yo, you could be a star in America. Like, we assume everybody in the world eventually wants to be a star in America. Like, that's the pinnacle of being a star. Which they might. If it's in music, if it's in any of these other things, you want to make it in America, right?

So we're like, all right, you already achieved everything that there is to achieve over there. Come here. I wonder if Cristiano ronaldo yeah go i mean he's just in like this psychological arms race with cristiano ronaldo where it's like who's the best who's the greatest of all time who's the greatest the last three decades and he's like all right like if i tap out now ronaldo's gonna put crazy goals in syria like i'm not gonna i'm just gonna be out of the conversation there's always gonna be an asterisk on me where it's like Ronaldo had an extra three years He won another Euro

And Messi was playing for LA Galaxy But if Ronaldo was here right now Messi would be here in a heartbeat And if I'm them You want to know some wild shit Ring ring ring ring Call together Say we get a piece of the franchise

We're coming together Oh my god Package deal Let's go LA Let's go to Miami Could they play together? I don't know enough about the sport I mean maybe they could

I don't know any club That could afford both of them No no because you're giving them Equity in the club So you can pay them minimal If they would want to give up equity You'd have to sell the equity Son

I will give up equity If you do not give up equity To have Messi and Ronaldo On the same fucking team And I don't know equity. If you do not give up equity to have Messi and Ronaldo on the same fucking team, and I don't know if they could play together because they both need the rock to do work. But they play on opposite sides of the field, right? But yes, different positions, but the offense

needs to flow through them in order for them to be successful, right? So it's like, oh my god, imagine that. I'd go to a fucking soccer game. That would be enough to be like, alright, maybe soccer's alright. How are their agents not having this discussion? Or maybe that's what's happening. Two year deal at PSG.

They must. Because my thing is, I don't know what Ronaldo's contract is. So he's with Juventus right now, and his contract might be up in two years. And then they might just be like, alright, let's bounce. Let's go get equity in the MLS. Chill in America. Oh my god, they both moved to Miami crazy bag and that shit makes a big difference

I remember I went to like one of the first like Orlando City games I went to they just signed Kaka and he was like he brought out the Brazilians it was in the Citrus Bowl it was like 70,000 people they asked him after the game they were like were you nervous you know for like this game he was like yeah I was more nervous for this game than the World Cup

and they were like why and they're like the World Cup. And they were like, why? And they're like, the World Cup, there's only 30,000 people in the stadium. It was like in Brazil, it was a small stadium. They don't make stadiums like they make them in America. I've never played in front of this many people in my life. Did he ball out? Yeah, he was fired. He scored.

He scored? Yeah. And people went fucking crazy? Yeah, it was crazy. Yeah, he was like one of the first big stars that came to Orlando. They just became an MLS team. Yeah, it was a crazy thing. So I think you get those guys.

America comes out for the stars. Any soccer game where there's stars, they show out. Son, America is Vegas for European soccer players. Hold on. At the end of your career... Guys, Wembley has 90,000 seats.

San Siro for Inter and AC Milan is 80,000 seats. That's what for Inter and AC Milan is 80,000 seats. That's what he said. I'm just saying what he said. I hear what Dove is saying. It's like Kaká has played in these stadiums that were very big before. What a citrus bowl. I'm looking it up.

But look, it doesn't matter. I'm not trying to trash your point. What was I just saying that was a good point and then Dove interrupted it? I don't know. But I was about to say that Ronaldo's contract ends summer of 22. Summer of 22. Oh, America is Vegas for European soccer players. You know how you do a residency at the end of your career,

so you don't got to be traveling all around. Motherfuckers come to you. That's all you do. You come here, and this is where you're going to spend the twilight of your career. But come a little bit earlier. Instead of coming at like 39 or 38, come at 34. You'll make so much fucking money through endorsements and all these other things. And maybe you're already making that money over there.

But ideally, you've made so much money where it's not going to be that much of a difference. But get involved in deals, man. Be at the precipice of this sport here in America. And be the face of every single thing. I know it's crazy to say, and I know that people listening out there in Europe is like, motherfucker, you can make money out here too. I get that.

I understand that. There's no question. But you're talking to 350 million people that only a fraction of them watch the sport, and you could be the person that makes all of them start watching. And when you are, you have that ambassador status forever. Like, what was it, Pele or whatever?

Like, that motherfucker will get a bag no matter what for the rest of his life because he was an ambassador of the sport to so many. Especially here in America. Like, how do I know that guy's name? Because that was the guy. Was that the tall guy with a bun? No. That was Ronaldinho.

That was Ronaldinho. Pele was a Brazilian guy. Yeah. Back in the day, like. bun? No. That was Ronaldinho. That was Ronaldinho. Pelé was a Brazilian guy. Yeah. Back in the day, like. Played in like 70s. Oh, my God. He was nice. All-time great.

The ones in America that I only know is just the guy with the bun. Because he was in commercials. And then Bend It Like Back. No, the guy with the bun is the Swedish guy. Oh, Zlatan? Oh, Zlatan. Well, Zlatan is doing exactly what you're talking about. He came. He was on Jimmy Kimmel, all the talk shows.

But now he went back to Europe. And he said, he literally ends like, my work here is done. Like, he crushed it in LA, but he didn't do anything more than elevate soccer, you know, the soccer experience for those fans. But no one's putting him in, he thought he was going to be in movies and sitcoms

and all that. He went back to Europe. Because I actually think like, for some of these stars like Ronaldo or Messi, when they come over here, it must be a relief to not be approached. There's definitely a 70% reduction in how many people come up to you. I saw a video where they did a counter

of five minutes of how many people walked up to Ronaldo just going to a coffee shop. It's overbearing. Most famous person in the world. I think Maradona That's the rock. Maradona said he used to love New York because he was anonymous here. He could walk the streets.

He could be a normal person. And this was at a time where he was the most famous soccer player in the world. And then you come to the greatest city in the world and nobody bothers you would you recognize messy if you saw him on the street no as well i don't even know what you're talking about you recognize ronaldo yes yeah he's a pretty motherfucking he's pretty and also he's gonna dress in a certain way he's gonna command a certain attention he's also like probably six

foot maybe even taller six two or something like that like you're gonna notice somebody of that size uh even if they got a hat and they're trying to cool it. Yeah. But Messi could sneak in, bro. Yeah. Messi could sneak in. I'm curious to see what happens. I think he goes PSG for a little,

because this is exactly what Beckham did. He went PSG for a little. PSG, yeah. And then bounced over. So I'm assuming you just go get the craziest bag you can get in Europe. Yeah. And then get an even bigger bag in America.

But come earlier, dude. Dominate. Like, still have fun. I think that's part of the arrogance. What is that? That you think that they, they, they're like 40 and I'll still ball and all these motherfuckers.

Like, I'm assuming that's what it is. Like, but the, I don't know, man, I don't know. I mean, the level's gotten better,

but like, I'm assuming in their mindset, they're like America. Like, yeah, that's like talking to an NBA player about to go play ball in Turkey. He's like, yeah,

like, yeah. What? Like, I'll go on a 50. It doesn't matter. Yeah ball in Turkey. Turkey. Yeah. Yeah. What? Like, I'll go on 50. It doesn't matter. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Yeah. Oh, well, anyway.

OK, what else? What about this Rogan vaccine situation? Trying to come for Rogan again. Trying to come for Rogan again. This time, do you feel like it's different? Honestly, I'm like so out of it, like with like Twitter cancellations and that kind of stuff. But we should basically... I wrote some notes down about what it is and what's going on, what's the whole conversation.

Right. So Rogan was very critical of the idea of vaccine passports and saying the requirement would mean that the country is moving a step closer towards dictatorship. I don't think that's where the pushback was coming from. Really? I think a lot of people... It was? I mean, that's some of it.

Oh, because my understanding is he was getting pushback for alluding to the fact that having people vaccinated, but a specific type of vaccine which still allows you to get the virus can cause mutations in the virus, and that maybe is where these new strains are coming from, right? And there is a study that that was based on. I have it here somewhere. Yeah, it was like 2015 is the one he cited. Yeah, and it wasn't using COVID viruses. It was using a different virus on like chickens or something like that.

And they didn't even conclude that the fact that they were vaccinated made the virus mutate. But that is one theory and one feeling. And I guess I understand the logic behind it, which is like a virus is going to try to survive. So it's going to change and shift in any way that it can in order to survive. And if you allow it to enter a body with a vaccine, it's going to find ways to get around the vaccine. It's like germ-resistant bacteria or something. They're going to do what they can, right?

A virus is just trying to exist yeah and it will mutate in any possible way to make sure that continue it continues existing if it's too deadly it'll kill off the host so over time it will get less deadly and it will mutate to not have the host just die out immediately and right and different viruses also operate different ways right that's an interesting thing to point out is that if viruses are too deadly they run out of people to exist within. They still need the host. So there's this symbiotic relationship where it's like, we want to fuck you up, but not too much where we don't

got a place to live. We just want to be a shitty tenant. That's really what we are. We're a shitty tenant, and we're going to fuck up your house, your rug's going to be messed up, etc., but we're going to pay the rent on time. So you don't want us going anywhere. So basically he's getting a lot of shit for that.

And it's tricky, man, because I understand where people are coming from with not wanting the government overreach when it comes to the vaccine stuff. I do understand that. I also understand where the government is coming from, because I think they're only the only thing that they care about is making sure that less people die on their watch than died on Trump's watch. So it's like, how can we guarantee that more people are vaccinated, more people are vaccinated, less deaths. We win the it's not even a culture where we win like the science war. We win like the the politicians taking care of the people war. Like,

look what we did. We actually took care of you guys where Trump hundreds of thousands of people fucking died. So I think that's their main concern. And I think they're looking out for that. So I understand where they're coming from that. It's just easier. Like if you're a politician,

you're just like, all right, how do people just not die? They got vaccinated, bully them into getting vaccinated. What can we do? Take away any of their luxuries, take away the fun shit that they want to do.

They're not going to get vaccinated. Now understand the people that go well this is one step away what else are they going to do and oftentimes when governments take power they don't give it back it's very rare like once you have something anybody once you have something it's hard to give it back like you think these restaurants are going to give back their outdoor seating without a fight no you're out your fucking mind they started going oh this is how our balance sheet looks now we make another hundred thousand dollars a month with the outside you think i'm giving you a hundred thousand dollars back you're crazy so nobody gives back right they start taxing you at a high rate it's rare that shit's going to come back down because they start

spending that money and they go we like spending that money yeah i like having a few more government jobs i like having an assistant over here i don't want to give that up. So I understand that fear. I think that fear is real, and I think it's reasonable. You know, the people are going, this is how – do I think America is going to turn into a dictatorship? No. I just don't understand that argument, how forcing people to get a vaccine is one step closer to dictatorship.

I don't think we ever go dictatorship, but I do think that we tread in territories of government overreach. And I think we've already done that in plenty of different instances. And I think that we should watch out for it. I think that we should give pushback for it. But there's stuff already that is mandatory

and we accept it. Like we all get vaccinations when we're babies. Yes. We accept it. Yes. So it's like, why? I just don't. Why is this one the tipping point?

I know that a lot of people bring up the FDA thing. They're like, if it was FDA approved, then maybe it wouldn't be that bad. Yeah. I still have a feeling that there are people who are like anti vaccine, even if it was FDA approved. I'd be like they'd be like, why is the government mandating that do this thing, even though that they mandate that you do get vaccines for other things like your kids get vaccinated for school etc but i think that the fact that there is like a little bit of an insecurity of the efficacy of the vaccine i completely understand like not wanting to be forced to take something that the government isn't even sure is totally good like the government will say flat out flat out it's not fda approved yet right right they'll just say that flat out but they're also saying we want you to take it that's tricky yeah who do we trust do we trust you or you yeah like which you do we trust yeah do we trust that you that says it's not ready yeah for approval not doesn't mean it's

not ready to take i've taken it but it's not ready for approval or do we test you that says hey we need all of you to take it what do you guys think i mean it's like tricky and i kind of understand rogan's position where it's like i i even understand not wanting to do it if you're just mandated to do it like i know a lot of people are like yeah i want to get it but i don't want to be forced to get it yep and i'd like to the dictatorship point like i don't think america's ever going to be let into a fullblown dictatorship, but also every operational dictatorship didn't think they were going to be in a dictatorship.

You know what I mean? Like, it was a desperate people that were polarized and like, and then someone came through and became a dictator. Yeah,

but I mean, like, this isn't like taking, I just don't see it as like a big act of taking away our liberties by them, like,

mandating for us to do something that is going to help us in the long run right and that's how it's always like that's how it's always proposed and then they just see like oh is it only going to be used for that so like this is like kind of a similar thing what else could be used for like just give me an example so i can help in terms of like bodily autonomy like oh you have to do something else with your body that is going to help the greater good you have to get vaccinated for everything else i don't know necessarily like what the specifics are but i i see where people are going and some people have this insecurity and this anxiety and i'm sure there's a part i'm not sure but i imagine there's a part of rogan

who's like a lot of people are afraid to say this publicly i have but they feel it you know and i'm sure he has friends in the science community that are like hey i'd like to say this but i had but they feel it you know and i'm sure he has friends in the science community that are like hey i'd like to say this but i'm afraid of saying this so he's like i'm gonna go out there and i'm gonna say this thing and i'm gonna express the fears that people have and i think that he's done that a lot not just with vaccines but he's done that with other things obviously you know i'm i'm very grateful but he's done it for you know know, woke culture, PC shit, like he's willing to push back. So this is a hot button topic right now with the vaccines. Everything's going back to vaccines.

So no matter how much sauce or no matter how much sauce he puts on himself, the media is going to put all the flavor. Right? Like 100%. And anyone in a public position that's not just in favor of getting it and like wanting to push back and question this thing that's going to obviously help a lot of people.

They're going to use. Yeah. Yeah. So one thing that like someone brought up that actually that was an interesting point is that the there's a bill that's now put out that is basically going to try to use smartphones to scan what's on your screen to see if there's dangerous images. Have you heard about this? about this so like effectively they're able to use ai to detect like if there's criminal images on your phone if there's child porn on your phone things like that in order to obviously protect people from having criminal images on their phone what if somebody airdrops some child porn on my phone and so obviously they'd be able to trace where it came from if you intentionally try to

get it blah blah and they'd be able to use the ai blah blah but people are bringing this up where they're like yeah it's obviously going to help a lot of people, but is that all they're going to use it for? Are they going to be able to look for other things like any sort of like dissent against the government? And so I think people are using that as an analogy with the vaccine thing where they're like, okay, they're going to force us to do this.

What else are we going to be forced to do? As we learned, like with the Snowden shit, it's like, they're already looking through all our stuff. And it's like, this is what they're going to force you. Sorry, go.

Just me personally. It's like, if you don't got nothing to hide, go through my shit. If you're doing it to save us or just because you're fucking nosy, go through my shit. I think... But you trust the government to go through your shit? It doesn't hurt me. It's not about that. And I understand his position.

I understand the pushback to your position as well. Yeah. But I guess what I think everything comes down to is you could just follow capitalism as capitalism is going to dictate the market every single time in America. Like, wherever the money is made, that's where people are going to go. So obviously they're looking at these cities, and they're going, I need to get reelected so people kind of not die. But at the same time, if the economy shits the bed, I might not get reelected.

So I need to make sure the economy keeps going and people don't die. What is the easiest way to connect those two dots? Vaccine. People don't die. People can go out, buy shit, work, do whatever. That makes the most sense to me. I think that's why they would want to use it. Yeah, I think that's where they're present.

But you can follow capitalism with this shit every single time, man. But once you hand over that power to the government, 10 years from now, you have some president in charge that's crazy that's like, oh, we can just use this to get this? And I get that point too, but it's like... The thing that's interesting is

if enough people start boycotting the mandatory vaccine, capitalism will support that. Right? Yes. So right now, the corporations are going, you have to be vaccinated to come into our club. Right? To perform in our club.

These comedy clubs are all saying mandatory vaccine. If enough people start going, I'm not going to do that shit. You're not going to tell me what I got to do. And they stop going to the clubs, you know what's going to happen? The club that doesn't require mandatory vaccine is going to start succeeding. And then all those other clubs are going to go, actually, you don't need mandatory vaccine, et cetera.

It's not necessarily about the life saving. It's about the money saving. Yeah, of course. That's true. Right. The likelihood of that happening, though, it's less because already so many people got vaccinated. Exactly. Across the 50%. It's almost like they knew that 50 of people were going to do it and now they're

just bullying the other 20 and the 50 don't give a fuck about those 20 because they're like motherfucker i'm already vaccinated i ain't gonna fight for your rights for them not to tell you what to do even if you were gonna push back but since you already got vaccinated you're like i don't care your struggle is not my struggle no more right so it's like matter of fact why i'm like why why don't you want to get back? Am I going to get some cancer? You're going to get some cancer too. We're in this together.

And they did it right at the tipping point. They knew exactly. Once it's over 50. And they knew that that was going to be the hardest amount. The first 50 is easy because there are going to be a bunch of people like us who are like, I just want to do normal shit. What do I got to do to do normal shit? I put most things in my body to do normal shit.

You know what I mean? Insert gay joke. But with the people that are going to be a little tricky they're like all right now we're going to force you yeah and i understand why it would piss those people off the most because they're the most don't force me people yeah they're the people who who saw it coming right there's tons of these videos of people like well first they're going to say please get it now they're going to force us and they're saying saying aren't allowed to do anything there's a bunch of these like videos going around of like people who predicted what would happen it's like you knew it was gonna happen yeah you know exactly what's gonna happen you knew that you're the people who

push back against any kind of government overreach and you knew it was gonna get to a point where in order to get to the vaccination numbers where they want them they're gonna have to bully you and they're starting out bullying you by saying you can't go to restaurants, you can't go to movie theaters, you can't party, you can't do these shit. And eventually they might bully you on some real like, you got to stay in the house. If you're not vaccinated you can't leave. That could be crazy. If it gets to that point then I'll have

a little bit of pushback. Right now it just seems like yo. And then the people that are worried about government tyranny are going to say. You waited too long. You waited too long. What is it? When they came for the blah, blah, blah. I said nothing.

When they came for these people, I said nothing. And when they came for those people, I said nothing. And then when they came for me, there was no one to help. Yeah. Yeah.

I get it. I get that. Yeah. So, so I empathize with these people. I empathize with Joe and what he's staying for. And I empathize with these people that, that push back,

you know, I mean, for a large, uh, we do a lot of times you know i mean like on this podcast we push back a lot of these things if i didn't already have the vaccine i'd probably be pushing back too but i got it right so fuck y'all it's really what it is yeah but i also think it's worth putting the caveats of like you know while i might disagree with the vaccine on like a

governmental level i also think that it's safe that it's effective that if you haven't had kobe you should definitely get it like i think there needs to be balance in the conversation especially if you're taking like a controversial side yeah you know i mean like i think that goes with any controversial issue if you're talking about like jail or whatever like you got to be like also this is fucked up and it's balanced yeah yeah yeah i think that i think that'd be fair i think that'd be fair it's tricky that'd be fair. It's tricky, man. It's tricky. Motherfuckers just need some shit to talk about these days. All right, yo. Let's... What the fuck is that?

I'm getting these credit card charges, and my credit card is lost. Yeah. All right. Take a break for a second. We got a fun guest that's going to be here that some of y'all know from the thumbnail and the title. And I'm excited to share the pod with them. So let's get back. We'll pay some bills and then get back to that.

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guys soon let's get back to the show uh what's up everybody? Welcome to Flaker 2. It's your boy Schultz See we got Alex media mark Gagnon a special guest is in the building Oh, we also got the truffle but a very special Filling in for our conscious saying our cars on the road and it is Chrissy D Chrissy chaos Let's go! One of our favorites. One of our favorites on the show. What's up, my man?

It's good, man. I feel like it's... Are you vaxxed? One shot in. I'm half. I'm half a vaxxie because I finally... I didn't want to do it. I was just holding out. Okay.

Fake cards, fake cards, fake cards. Can I say one thing? They had the health inspector come to the cellar right just the health inspectors just going around the cell he's like checking napkins and shit like that like you know bottles of bleach making sure they have everything and chrissy just walks up and he goes hey what do you do here and he's like i'm the health inspector he goes i got vax cards for 300 if you need to the health inspector went like this he was like oh i know liz texted me from the cell she's like you fucking

idiot i was like i'm kidding but for real um no but then you know i my see the thing is with me is my i go by my daughter's uh godfather's an er doctor yeah yeah and so he was telling me he was like look dude here we go he's like look dude i'm not you know me man i'm never gonna ever tell you what to do i haven't told you shit what to do yeah he's like but just like he's like look dude i'm not you know me man i'm never gonna ever tell you what to do i haven't told you shit what to do yeah he's like but just like he's like it's just starting to get bad again he's like nothing's gonna happen to you even if you got covid he was like but i'm telling you you're not gonna be able to do anything unless you just get this fucking dumb shot so he was like you're just not gonna be able to do anything he was like i promised you the

restrictions are gonna start to comfort people you you're just not going to be able to do anything. He was like, I promise you, the restrictions are going to start to comfort people. The fake shit's not going to work anymore. You're going to have to get digital. You're going to have no way around it. So I just got one. And my family, like my mom and dad got it, but like my girl, she was like screaming at me that I wouldn't get it. She's like, get the fuck out of Walgreens. Do not get that shot.

Do not get that shot. But I just got the first one, and then she was convinced I was going to die. But so far, it's like four or five days, and I feel fine. I feel relatively fine. I mean, what am I going to do? The fact my group chat, we had like nine guys in the group chat. He's cannot believe what an idiot I am. Yeah. Can we call him real quick? I was actually texting him this morning He's working, he's at the firehouse

Yeah His buddy Pat is a fucking legend Yeah, dude He cannot believe that I got it My friends are furious that I got it But, you know What am I gonna Because you're leaning in, right?

Like, you moved to Staten Island Like, you're going all in like i've retreated yeah dude i i saw i saw that the enemy was you know coming coming coming so i said you know what we're gonna retreat over this bridge right this is where we'll regroup um but it was nice it's nice to be the enemy are the chinese taking over you know what it's so funny the chinese for whatever reason Are the Chinese taking over the bridge? You know what? It's so funny. The Chinese, for whatever reason, they won't come over that bridge. Really? Yep. Staten Island is starting to feel – Staten Island now because it used to be –

That's the last – Because my boy, Paulie, who I box with, he calls his house the Alamo. I was about to say that. Yeah. That's what he calls his house because he calls his house the Alamo because he lives on 14th Avenue in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn. And that used to be an all-Italian neighborhood, but now it's Chinese. And he's like, this is the Alamo because we got the Chinese attack from all sides. So he's like, this is my...

But I kind of feel like going over the Verrazano Bridge on Staten Island... Yeah, yeah. They just know. They just know you can't do it. Yeah, it's just... And you know what it is? You know what Staten Island is? It's kind of like that old New York where it's like there's a – it's still like a melting pot of people.

But you're still going to have like that upbringing out there like most of the wives don't work. You know like when you go into neighborhoods now in New York, even before the – Let me tell you what Staten Island is. This is the first way to describe it. Most of the wives don't work. That's a lot, though. It's just like the way of Staten Island. No, and you know what?

Maybe now with the pandemic, fine. But before that, before the pandemic, you go down the street at Staten Island on a fucking Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday at 10 a.m. There's nobody there because everybody's at work. But you go to these other neighborhoods, it's like everyone's on a laptop sitting in a coffee shop. There's nobody there because everybody's at work. But you go to these other neighborhoods, it's like everyone's on a laptop sitting in a coffee shop.

There's no coffee shops on Staten Island. It's like, what do you fucking mean? It's like, you know, it's just Greek diners and, you know,

Starbucks and shit. But everybody, for the most part, is at work, which I like. Like, I'm, you know, I'm the gay one

that I have like a career in entertainment. I want to make like a podcast studio in my garage. You're like, ****. But the guys will come over and do it you know I have to hire oh 100% but like when I I mean I hired people to paint my house yeah like paint the interior of my house and the guys were like abusing me the whole time to my girl and family even my little daughters they're like you can't paint the house guy and I was like was like, no, I can, but I just want it to be done right.

He's like, yo. And then one of the guys said to Jasmine, she was like, you should paint the house. She was like, I would paint the house, but he wants to pay for us to paint the house. And he's like, man. He goes, they don't make them like they used to anymore, huh? And then he was like, what do you do? And I was like, I do comedy. And he was like, yeah, I never heard of you. And I was like, yeah, no, I know And I was like, I do comedy. And he was like, yeah, I never heard of you.

And I was like, yeah, no, I know. I was like, I have a younger crowd. And then he calls his son or nephew or whatever who was 24 years old. He goes, what's your name? I said, Chris DiStefano. He goes, you ever hear of him? And the kid goes, no. And I'm on speakerphone.

I was like, all right, well, fuck it. I mean, I'm not for everybody, I guess. But look, dude, I think I- But the move is successful. You're happy down there. I am. Well, I know, fuck it. I mean, I'm not for everybody, I guess. But look, dude, I think I- But the move is successful. You're happy down there. I am. Well, I mean, you know, listen, I can't, the thing is, is like,

I was telling him before he came in, it's like, once you have kids, like you're just, priorities gotta change. It's like, I can't listen to some of our peers, you know, in the West Village talking to me about the economy and the vaccine. And I'm like, dude, you have six roommates. I don't know what you're fucking talking about, dude.

Like, are you even in society? I got to put my kids through school. The Arizona Bridge is effectively my wall. So I'm just like, I have to keep my kids safe and all that. And, you know, look, dude, I think most parents, you know, we're just like we look at the world a little differently, where it's like, yeah, okay, look, I'm going to get the vaccine. I'm not going to give it to my kid.

I'm not going to get it. But I figured as a parent, if they're going to make me eventually give it to my kid, I at least got to get it first and just, you know, see what happens. What was the celebration like in Staten Island when the medal count moved to the U.S.'s favor? So- When we took out China. I would say-

39-38 on the final day. Listen, I'll tell you what. It was big, but it wasn't as big as when Italy won the World Cup. So that's what won the Euro Cup, I meant to say. When Italy won the World Cup. So that's what won the Euro Cup, I meant to say. When Italy won the Euro Cup, Staten Island will celebrate Italian victories more than they'll celebrate United States victories. But when they won that Euro Cup,

holy shit, it was crazy over there. Oh, this is interesting. So didn't Italians, quote unquote, steal pasta from the Chinese? Yeah, that's what they say. Macaroni, spaghetti, yeah. Now, is it possible the Chinese are just coming to take it back? Listen, maybe.

I don't necessarily hate Chinese food. I just can't use chopsticks. I don't know how to use their utensils. Why? Because you have the thumb. Do you have that thumb thing? I have the thumb shit, and I don't know. I'd just rather just use a fork.

You know what I mean? But they get upset about that. Also, that's like a really fun the thumb shit. And I don't know. I'd just rather just use a fork. You know what I mean? But they get upset about that. Also, that's like a really fun like American thing to do. I don't know how to use these fucking things. Yeah. What is this? I joke about it. I've said this joke on stage.

But it's like genuinely true. My grandfather, he's been dead for 15 years now. But he really, I mean, in the 90s, would not eat sushi. Wait, why? Because he's still considered Japan the enemy. Because he fought in World War II. I'll never forget. I remember we were in the car

and my mother was like, what do you guys want for lunch? And I was like, you know, whatever I said. And my mom was like, I feel like sushi, you know. And she said, Dad, what about a bento box?

He was like, are you kidding me, Lynn? Not after what they did at the harbor. And then he just kept driving and we went to McDonald's. But that's, but you know, because to me it's like that,

but that guy was a fun guy to, you know, you need a little bit of racism. You know, it like makes society fun. Everybody wants to be so pure now. It's like, for what? Yeah, I say like you got to be a little racist so people know you're not racist. Exactly.

Dude, do you realize, do you realize, especially growing up in New York, I think if you don't grow up in a city, maybe it's different. If I'm hanging around with somebody and they don't say a single offensive thing, I don't trust them. 100%. If they say a few offensive things, then I'm just like, okay, this guy's a normal human being. He's letting out just enough to let me know he's normal. He's probably got some deep, dark thoughts in there, which is cool. And I like that because it makes me feel comfortable.

If you're just this perfect person, I feel like a piece of shit around you. I don't want to be around you. Dude, literally, I went to an all-boy Catholic high school in Queens, New York, shot at Archbishop Malloy. We were all different races, even religions. There were Jewish and Muslim kids in a Catholic school, whatever. For hoops. Hoops, absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, seriously. You wouldn't accept them for any other reason. For some reason. They were good at basketball, Chris. That's why. Yeah, so it was all like this. And, we would all everybody was racist everybody said racist stuff and did gay shit all nobody all boys but that's the thing it's like the military almost like yes once you're

around like you speak to guys that you have any friends that are in the military well yeah like the firemen too yeah yeah everybody says the worst shit to each other because there's nobody around to really kind of judge yeah when they're like that when they're women around uh we have to present ourselves a little bit better because we're like yeah you gotta make sure you want to spend the rest of your life with me right all right yeah it's true or maybe you got a friend that i'm gonna spend the rest of my life like we got to start acting a little bit more appropriate but when it's just like a little bit of a boys club yeah it's a little dangerous oh dude but it's beautiful it's beautiful but that needs to be there like when in my high school dude everybody did said racist things all different races and everybody did gay shit but nobody is gay

and nobody's racist and i know mark says that like uh what was it it was a boy school you want to send your kids to or is it well yeah why is that i mean it's just a great energy i went to a boy school when i was in france and it was just like no one was trying to put on for the girls no one's trying to like show off it's just a bunch of guys doing dude stuff and you could like focus or you could like like tune in with the guys and just fuck around but i realize like everything i do in my life like to try to like look good and feel good is just for other guys because girls i'm super impressed by like memphis grizzlies or Vancouver Grizzlies. Yeah, no, dude.

No, literally, this is just, it was laundry day because I got a newborn baby. She throws up on everything. And this is the only thing, because I put on the dad 20 pounds, it's the only thing that doesn't hug my ass because it's every shirt I have,

it fits in the front. And then the back, it just gets tight on my ass. So I something loose in the back and this just this flips down like like a colonial coat you know it just like goes down where you can't see my ass that's interesting though like i wonder if you don't have extended time around just dudes do you ever really learn how to socialize with them what do you mean like uh like socializing with men is different you know like we don't want you to pretend like we would rather the person that says a little bit more fucked up shit right then we know who they are than the person who's like

being super professional polite and i think you learn that by playing sports sure you know just being around these environments where it's only dudes and they're saying wild shit you get to kind of be yourself but like once you put a girl in the mix it does change the dynamic yeah i worked at a restaurant once and they hired a woman like uh for the kitchen because the kitchen staff was wild and they were just acting too crazy it was a bunch of dudes back there right and um i was like i was like i got a curiosity like why did you hire and hire this to this woman to work back there as well and um the boss was like uh you'll see they'll just start dressing a little bit better and not saying as much shit and the food

will come out in time. And within two days, everything completely changed. Because everybody in the kitchen is trying to get pussy. Making the best version of the pasta, making the best version of the pizza, etc. So I'm just like, maybe you need that. As a dude, maybe you need that. I believe that everybody and everything,

you're motivated by sex so once sometimes sex you get to kind of find out who you really are but i don't think you can ever remove sex that's the thing but around just dudes you can i don't know i still think that there's some type of no because i think there's some type of primal thing happening in our brains where we still want to be the dominant one just in case a woman comes in yeah but that's more important when the woman's there like when it's just the homies everybody's fine to like bust balls etc but you make fun of me in front of the girl i'm trying to now it's different right you know what i mean if it's just the four of us here we're making fun of each other who gives a but like if you're

trying to impress a chick and then we just start railing on you alex it's like yo what's what's going on here yeah you have to uh establish who's alpha so when the chick comes around it's like, yo, what's going on here? Yeah, but you have to establish who's alpha. So when the chick comes around, it's like you can't just automatically just start acting not like yourself. But y'all don't let your friend be alpha in front of the girl? Like when my boy is trying to be with a girl, he's with a girl and you're still like, listen, I need you to know who alpha is. Yeah, but what if it's not just all friends? What if it's just a group of guys like at school? No, I'm just talking about the homies. Like if it's all boy school, you still got to know who's who at the all boy school i guess i don't know i think

that's a beautiful thing about sports too is like sports just establishes it's like everybody knows who's nice at basketball everybody knows who's funny in class everybody knows who's good at talking to girls and then you have like these different versions these different hierarchies but excuse me but then you have like you have a girl into this situation it gets a little um yeah everybody starts you know everybody starts fronting a little bit i mean yeah i wonder if girls feel that like girls gotta feel that there's gotta be girls listening to this podcast right now and they're like yeah a hundred percent i feel guys completely change in their nature sure dude like you ever like be talking to your boys and like a girl will walk down the street and

everybody just stops the conversation? Of course. You can't even, like, continue a conversation. Yeah. Yeah, so of course that energy is going to shift if a girl's in the room. She, my girl now, because I was just, I mean, we're literally fighting every time we went out in public, because I would just be looking at women, that she just doesn't care now. She's just like, if she sees a girl that she's identifying as hot, she just allows me to just like look at her really a few seconds and then come back to the conversation and it's literally saved our relationship because she just got out of your she's just allowed me to do it she's just

like just take a peek look obviously you can't go near her or anything like that yeah but just go ahead yeah and and then i'll she'll allow me to break concentration because i used to just you know just try to you know lie and be like i wasn't looking at I was looking at the sign and but it was just you know asses you know but but um you know she's so I think like the more your girl like just understands what this all is like you know the male brain the better it's going to be for you yeah you know but I will say you know with with sports sports is one of those things like i want to push both my kids to do that because sports is like that like it transcends everything like i feel like i was accepted in every community because i could play basketball yeah like i was just i have so many friends from

out like and it's like if you can't play sports like my stepson doesn't doesn't play sports and i'm trying to push him into it because i'm like, dude, you got to understand. If you're good at this, you don't know how many doors open feel. I only, at points in my life, dude, you have to see what I used to look like. Full mushroom haircut, like a number six at Supercuts, fucking doof. Doof, doof, doof. But I had a nice jump shot, so I would go on dates with girls that were way out of my league because I could play a ball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, I mean.

But also, you're charismatic, man. No, but not back then. And you'll shoot your shot. No, you will shoot. I take swings big. You will, bro. I remember we were at some event, and Rita Ora was there. Yeah, dude.

Yeah. Chrissy went after it. Went after it. Chrissy went after it, bro. And you know what I did? I took a shot because I figured every other guy in here is going to ask for, you know, have the same line. So I asked for her fucking email.

And I started emailing her. And that was a mistake. I didn't know you did that. Yeah, well, that was a mistake. Yeah, because she emailed me back. She emailed me back, why are we emailing? I forgot what I said, some dumb shit. But yeah, I took that big swing.

She thought I was a baseball player. That's what I said, some dumb shit. But yeah, I took that big swing. She thought I was a baseball player. That's what she said. Oh, because you were doing a baseball show. Yeah, she was like, are you a baseball player? And I was like, yeah. And then she realized quickly that I wasn't. But I remember the Rita Ora thing. Fuck, I took a big...

I take so many swings. You'll take swings. You don't care. Because the thing is with me is I realize that our life is just moment like our life is just moments you're not worried about the rejection at all no dude yeah no reject me but that's the thing about that but that's the thing with sports is i've learned how to lose i learned you learn how to lose from an early age so i can do it yeah like i don't get hung up on anything like the male ego like anytime i see a guy getting insecure about you know,

a girl leaving him or cheating on him, I'm like, shut up, dude. You're such a little weak bitch. Oh, you're a fucking weenie. Just shut up. So what?

She cheated on you. Stink. Go out and talk to the next girl. I don't care. Twitter and Instagram should be like $30 a month. You think? I think so.

You got to start charging for it. Yeah, dude, because it's too many fucking idiots. Right. My father, again, literally, this guy's in eighth grade education.

Shout out to Tampa Tony. You're probably watching this on dialysis right now. Shout out. He said when Twitter came out in whatever it was, 2009 or whenever, I made my first Twitter account

in 2009 when I started stand-up and he said, this is gonna be a big problem for your age group. I was like, why? Whatever. You know, like at that time, Twitter 2009 was nothing.

He was like, because not everybody's supposed to be talking. He was like, that is not the way the world works. He goes, a few people are supposed to talk. The rest of us listen. Now everyone's talking. He goes, you're going to have big problems. Yeah, and he's right. I mean, 2021 now, and he brings it up constantly.

But do we have that many problems? Like, what's really wrong? Like, half the country's just hanging out at home, getting paid to chill out, play video games. I mean, there can't be that many problems if there are restaurants that can't open because there's not enough people that want to work. The Comedy Cellar can't open during the day, the Olive Tree, because they can't find people to work. Right. How good is it? It is.

Right now. That people can't even work. But right now, I feel like we're always just kind of like pushing the... You want to just live in the present. I don't even know. I just don't know if it's going to be that bad. I think that we just have more ways to know what's wrong. Like, you look at your phone,

you're like, there's a million different things wrong because obviously we're more attached to fear, right? We're going to tap or click or, you know, know open the you know read link and bio if it's something that's terrifying not if it's something that's good but the reality is like shit is pretty good like we go talk to people for a living and make fun and oh yeah tell jokes like it's a pretty great time to live in history right well yeah but i mean but you but yeah if you could sell tickets yeah our peers who can't sell tickets are literally eating pigeons right now. You know, like they can't. You know, like if you can find a way to make money.

But I don't feel bad for them if they don't make the effort to get on board with what's happening, right? Yes. It's like, I don't know. I said very clearly what you need to do to be successful in this business. And I've been saying it for the last, I don't know, maybe five years. I've just been telling everybody I possibly could. This is what it is. The people that are doing that are successful.

The people that are not doing that are not successful. So it's like, you're kind of unvaccinated. Like, if you're not vaccinated, you get COVID, what do I got to do? I got to feel bad? You know what I mean? If you're out here saying, I refuse to get the vaccine,

I refuse to get the vaccine, you get the COVID, and then it really fucks you up, that's not you. I agree, I agree. But the same argument could be there's a lot of our talented friends who are trying to do what you know what what you said to do and it's not working just like a lot of vaccinated people still get covet yeah but they don't die they don't ah i

feel like that's the the news is it's early with that i feel like we it's it's what we call a lag baby just know that i think i think we'll know we've been duped a few years from now we'll look back and i just think hey listen listen if you don't understand by now yeah sir that covid i mean this was the first shot in a war that's what i think this really this was the first shot the chinese listen here we go here if you don't think it's from china by now come on dude it's from china a hundred percent yeah from the lab it's from the lab you don't think it's from the lab it's from the lab it's from the lab so i was called a racist for a while for saying yeah dude so is my whole political party yeah and now it's like hey our leader

looks kind of right um and so we funded the research in the lab. So kind of from us, too. It's what happens, dude. It's what happens. Because listen, and I'm also not mad at China at all for doing this. Because it's like, dude, they looked at us and were like, what is America? They're fat fucks. Let's attack their lungs.

And it's working, dude. It's working. And I'm not angry at it but same mistake the japanese made we will now hit back it's just the thing is is the thing is can't hit back we're too greedy americans are too greedy we only care about ourselves i still believe in american what are we gonna do we're to blow up the place that makes all of our shit? We like shit. We like making money.

If you pay an American any amount of money, they will take it. It doesn't matter. They'll sell their fucking souls for money. We're the greediest people on the planet. It's disgusting. We would rather put tons of money in a country that may or may not have infected the world with a virus on purpose. Not on purpose, meaning like they made it to infect the world.

But when it did get out, they were like, oopsie. I'm not saying it virus on purpose may may rain not on purpose meaning like they made it to infect the world but when it did get out they were like oopsie you know i'm not i'm not saying it was on purpose i am i'm i don't think it was on purpose at all i just think it got out and they weren't very forthcoming with how it got i'll say this i don't think that it was on purpose i don't think that the chinese did it on purpose but it's the same way on 9-11 like bin laden didn't think the buildings were gonna fall down but he's like, bonus! Same thing with COVID. Like, they released COVID, and they're like, whoopsie, but then they're like, oh shit, we're also

killing most of our enemies, so it's like, yes! You know? So, I think it's like that. I didn't think he thought that. I think he was watching like, what the fuck? He was, so, but yeah, man. I don't know.

I think that – I think though at this point though, the thing that's confusing me is now it's like I understand there's a lot of unvaccinated. I get that. Yeah. But there's also a lot of vaccinated. Yeah. So why does my kid have – I't understand why after my kid has to wear masks then i don't get it then anymore it's like mo it's never going to go back to the way it was the overcrowding of the hospital how could that happen if most of the people are vaccinated i i

get i get that it's a pandemic of the unvaccinated the unvaccinated are the worst i get it i get it i get it but scientifically wouldn't most of the if you have 100 million people who are vaccinated, why can't you just go back to the way things were? Most of us are vaccinated now. What's the problem? You want everybody to get vaccinated? No, that ain't going to happen. It's a numbers game, man, because I think when you add politics into it, right, like

people are just trying to get reelected. Right. And when people are trying to get reelected, they're just trying to make sure that less people die on their watch right in the previous administration so they're basically looking at the numbers and they're going okay how many people died under trump what was it 350 400 600 who knows yeah let's say it's let i'm just putting out a number if i get this wrong my fucking bad doesn't matter let's say it's 300 okay they're looking at the numbers going we cannot get re-elected if we have 301,000 or even just 300,000 like we had the vaccine and still 300,000 people died so the second the numbers start to tick up even cases they're looking at they're going fuck lock it all down

so that we can preserve our political careers they're not even looking at like what is the best for the people how is the economy and fuck they don't even care about the economy anymore because now they know that they can just print and shit just goes normal. They just printed money and nothing happened. That's not crazy. That's not fucking absurd. I know. They shut down the entire global economy, printed money, and everybody was okay. The businesses that closed were kind of the businesses that were doing a little rough already.

The businesses that stayed open are flourishing. Flourishing. All these restaurants that we were like, oh my God, every restaurant in New York is going to be closed. Now they got twice the capacity of seating. They got the outdoor shit that's killing it. Indoors back. Everybody's making a lot of fucking money. A lot of people made money.

And the people they want to make money made the most money. Right. They don't care if the little guy makes money or loses money. No. But when these billionaires who fund their campaigns are making more money than ever yeah hey life is good yeah so the only thing they're concerned about is potentially having more deaths than the last administration if they have more deaths than the last administration they're fucking out of here you don't think if if biden has more deaths than trump had and trump runs he's just gonna say how

did more people die under you had the vac you had vaccine? Here's the only thing that's scaring me, though, a little bit, because it's just a little where I'm like, what's the White House press secretary last week, out of nowhere... Who, Bandcamp? Yeah, yeah, yeah, flute in the pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she said, out of nowhere, she goes,

the Biden administration, we'd just like to thank President Trump for Operation Warp Speed, for getting that out with the effective vaccine and that i was like oh yeah that's i was like yo hold on trump for anything you know it's not working that's what i said i said so so what's going to be next now now the vaccines that we all have gotten don't work and what you need is biden's booster that's what's going to happen next and i was like oh that scared me because i just fucking got in the shot too yeah like two hours before that i was like can i get it out yeah give me a leash i'll go old school yeah i was like get it out of me but it was already in there but but but that's the only thing that scares me but i do understand what you mean about the economy and all that but don't

isn't there a part of you i don't know what it's like in other parts of the country but doesn't new york doesn't feel the same though i don't know if that's just if i'm like even even down in like soho i took my kids to the slime institute uh a couple of days ago which is like right on right in soho and i was like shit still boarded up it kind of felt dead and i'm like maybe that was just because it was a monday in august and that's what it looked like in 2019 i just never noticed it or maybe like i i get some pushback on that because i live in so and i's what it looked like in 2019 I just never noticed it or maybe like I get some pushback on that because I live in Seoul and I don't think it's I think it feels like 2019

yes no you do too yes I mean it's popping like I would say it is popping like during like stores during the day on a Tuesday afternoon it's packed Cafe Felix or whatever that shit is on like what is it on grand or something

like that yeah it is no no there's another one like the old one you don't feel on west broadway anyway it's like an iconic like brunch spot for like euro trash okay i mean people just fucking bleeding out of the restaurant like everybody everybody going crazy yeah really i don't know why we felt i was like yo this just doesn't feel right but maybe maybe maybe it's my mind that maybe i'm clouded by it yeah i don't know maybe it's the next night new york is going crazy right now but what about other parts of the country though i don't know i met a lot of parts of the country didn't stop moving like when we were down in florida that you know his life is as normal you know what i mean it wasn't even wild that's the

thing that's crazy it's like it's wild when you're locked in here. But when you're there, everybody's like, no, this is what it is. Everybody's there. Their attitude about Corona is, you get Corona. It sucks for a couple weeks. You're back. I like it. That's their attitude. They accept that you're going to get Corona. And honestly, it was super empowering.

Everybody here in New York, you had a bunch of these fucking frizzy-haired white ladies walking around the street, absolutely terrified, calling me a murderer if I didn't have my mask on outside. I saw a dude yesterday wearing his mask on outside, and I was like, wow, we're going back to this? We're going back to this mask on outside? Middle of the

night, nobody around you with your mask on outside? That's with the lunacy of the American thing, because in Europe, I got a couple of friends in Germany. Yeah. Relax. Yeah.

It starts with a couple, Chris. Yeah. Listen. And hey, man, yeah, Hitler took power, you know, when the economy was crippled. Absolutely. That's true.

Keep printing the money. Keep printing the money. No, but they were telling me that the only difference is they said, you know, Berlin, their friend is in Berlin. He's like, it kind of feels like what new york what you describe as new york he said but nobody would have a mask on outside even the most liberal people would never have a mask on outside because of course you're a fucking idiot if you have a mask on outside of course you are you know but that's the only thing where when you see those

people i'm not saying hey look at this idiot take your mask off you i'm whatever you want to do that's what i believe is like what the foundation is here is like we should have the right to have discourse whatever you'd like to do yeah but i know for they're wearing their mental illness on their sleeve now how i'm able to hide my anxiety and i was able to hide it and blah blah blah when you have a mask on outside and goggles yeah now i get i look at them and i just pin them as now i now you're just wearing the scarlet letter for mental health i know that you have an issue i know that that's what it is because and that's all it is which is fine you see the mental health crisis we have in this country now for people wearing masks outside There's no way you can be mentally healthy and confident in your abilities

if you're wearing a mask outside. On a plane, inside, fine, to each their own. But outside, come on, dude. Jogging with a mask on? What are you doing? As Sebastian would say, aren't you embarrassed? You know?

Chrissy, tell them where they can find you, man. I appreciate you so much for coming on. Are you kidding me? When does this come out? Tomorrow? Yeah. Well, chrisdcomedy.com. I got Philadelphia. There's only seats for Wednesday available. I think Thursday to Saturday sold out. Amazing.

Fort Lauderdale, coming down there. September 17th, 18th. Foxwoods, the Fox Theater. October 23rd. We got those shows. And then patreon.com slash christycomedy where I get

pretty nuts behind that paywall. So we have a good time on Patreon, but christycomedy.com for my stand-up. And Christy K has podcasts every Tuesday,

11 a.m. Eastern Time. Hey Babe podcast, which we're going to be doing the first live Hey Babe August 24th at Soul Joel's. Let's go. In Royalsford, PA. It'll be on sale soon. Amazing, Hey Babe podcast, which we're going to be doing the first live Hey Babe August 24th at Soul Joel's. Let's go. In Royals for PA.

It'll be on sale soon. Amazing. Amazing. Yes, baby. And then your YouTube channel. You can go check out your clips. YouTube.com slash Christy Comedy. And Homeless Pimp does some great stuff with you guys, man.

You guys are killing it. The Homeless Pimp. Shouts to the Homeless Pimp, man. Just got to keep him alive, man. Yeah. He's been eating. I mean, I saw him base fucking mozzarella sticks last night. I'm like, pimp guy.

Hey, your cholesterol is high. Your blood pressure is high. I literally cannot use you because I can't afford Alex. And I don't know who else is out there that could do the video shit. I know. It's like there's only two guys. I know. You know?

I know. So stay healthy, pimp. Stay healthy, pimpy. Do us a favor. Stay healthy. Yes, sir. Yo, brother. I love you. Thank you so much for coming in. You're the man. Guys,? I know. So stay healthy, Pim. Stay healthy, Do us a favor, stay healthy. Yes, sir. Yo,

brother, I love you. Thank you so much for coming in. You're the man. Guys, go support Chris. Go see him live

and go check out all his stuff. Appreciate it, boys. Thank you. Peace. Asshole Army, we love y'all.

We appreciate y'all. Patreon.com slash flagrant2. Go support it. We will see you this Friday on Patreon. We appreciate you.

We love you. We'll see you on tour. God bless and we'll have our guys back soon peace