Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Quarantine Sex Rule #1

Episode Date: April 8, 2020

What up people, Schulzy here with Alexxmedia and Mark Gagnon, and I'm breaking down the #1 rule for quarantine sex, what business wont make it after the pandemic, how Amazon's gonna take over the world. INDULGE!

What up people? Welcome to another episode of this unnamed show Alright, some people call it the Corona Chronicles Some people call it the Quarantine Diary Some people call it the Red Table Cough We don't really got a name for it But we keep pumping them out And you know what, I realized that

It's been a minute since I did one of these one-on-ones You know, since I look right in the camera Talk directly at you motherfuckers. I'm Andrew Schultz, by the way. I'm here with Alex Media. We got Alex Media back in the building. Hit him up with a yurr, Al. They need to hear that yurr, Al.

Yurr. We got Mark Gagnon. I almost called you Gagnon because I've been speaking to your mom on the phone. I didn't mean that disrespectful, bro. I didn't mean that disrespectful, dog. I didn't mean that disrespectful, dog. I have been talking on the phone, dog. It's a fact. We've been talking, bro.

I put it on speaker. No disrespect. Quarantine, son. Quarantine. You be getting bored on quarantine. You know, got to hit up Mrs. Gagnon. Yeah, guys, let me tell you something. Night sex is done.

I had an epiphany. We're not doing nighttime sex no more. Nighttime sex, I don't even think is natural. I've been thinking about this a lot. Matter of fact, Al, that music is getting real sexy. Turn that down before we have some daytime sex right about now. But yeah, nighttime sex, I'm like, I've been realizing with me and my girl i'm like yo i don't want to fuck at night at all i'm about this like morning sex or during the day sex like

nighttime sex we just eat a big meal we're lounging on a couch we feel fat we're laying on top of each other we pass out at like 9 30 i'm going to bed dumb early i've never gone to bed this early in my entire life. And I'm realizing, oh, shit. Nighttime sex for humans was completely about the environment influencing us. It was never supposed to be nighttime sex. I don't even know what animals fuck at night. Okay? But definitely not monkeys and all them. You go to the zoo.

You go to safari. You see the monkeys fucking during the day. Eyes peeled, looking for predators over their shoulder Hitting it doggy style Right? You don't see them fucking at night Because at night That's when the leopards are out Right?

The leopards are climbing up the trees The panthers are out They're trying to fuck You can't be squealing and shit at night Because then they're going to know Exactly where the fuck you are And you can't see them They can only see you

The cat's got that night vision bro I'm just tell hey listen we only fucked at night we only fucked at night i noticed we only fucked at night because one we can't go to bars and shit during the day we can't meet people during the day because we're at work if we weren't at work we would be fucking during the day we'd be meeting people during the day it's easy to fuck at night when you go to a bar and fuck some chick with one foot from hoboken okay that's the easy thing to do because you're drunk you're not getting drunk during the day. It's easy to fuck a night when you go to a bar and fuck some chick with one foot from Hoboken. Okay, that's an easy thing to do because you're drunk. You're not getting drunk during the day,

so them stands are a little higher. You're fucking way less when the stands are a little higher. The inhibitions are not gone. You still feel inhibited. Telling you this nighttime sex was complete bullshit. Okay? It was a function of our lifestyle. It was a function of our day-to-day.

Now that we are quarantined, now that we're locked in, we're fucking at the times we're supposed to fuck. Morning sex. I used to hate morning sex. I used to think we were at our worst. Breath. Breath stank. Okay? Throw your girl in a dog.

Look at her back and her butthole. You know what I'm saying? You stare at your girl's butthole in the morning. That food had eight hours to pass through them intestines. You know what I'm saying? You might be able to see a little turtle head poking out if you put her in a dog in the morning. Unless you got what? So that's too much work in the morning.

No, here's the beautiful. You go a dog in the morning? No, in a dog. A dog in the morning. But here's the thing. My girl and dog in the morning? No, I dog in the morning. But here's the thing. My girl shits in the morning. She thinks I don't know, but I know. I know she shits in the morning.

She tries to get up a little bit before me. I hit snooze. The second I snooze, she got eight minutes to get out of shit. Okay? Y'all still trying to hide sex? I mean, shitting in front of each other? She tries to hide it. She knows I shit.

Oh, okay. I'm fine with it. Here's the thing. here's the thing she goes in there shit okay get out the system brush the teeth breath is good i get up okay i brush the teeth and now we're going at it having sex at the time we're supposed to have sex the rest of the day is great okay there's no uh yearning there's no feeling of insecurity or anything we satisfied each other sexually now we can just lean into the emotional. Yeah, I'm getting sappy. It's all good though. We all have cravings. We all have voids we need to be filled. I'm telling you, morning sex is

the most natural or daytime sex is the most natural. You find a primate, find me a primate that only fucks at night. Find me something that's close to human that only fucks at night. Find me human That only fucks at night Find me any animal that fucks at night Bats maybe

But they're nocturnal animals That's their day You're gonna have so many people sending you Every animal fucking at night Yeah but animals fuck all times of day Son if it's the animals where the eyes you can see at night That doesn't count that's their day They like the night

Humans we're supposed to be sleeping at night, okay? We're supposed to be sleeping. The second you hear that cock-a-doodle-doo, why do you think it's cock-a-doodle-doo? Why do you think it's cock-a-doodle-doo? Because we're supposed to have that morning sex the second that rooster starts cock-a-doodling. I'm telling you, man, this whole thing was environmental. We were never supposed to fuck at night. We had to. We had to. I'm telling you man This whole thing was environmental We were never supposed to fuck at night

We had to We had to We're a rare species where we can fuck No matter what environmental factors exist Certain species are Environment dependent In their sexual appetite They can only fuck during certain seasons

Did I say appetite? Hey bro them apple bottom jeans got me thinking different. Shout out to Nelly. I'm just saying there are certain species they need to fuck during certain seasons, right? They are only at heat during certain times of the year, maybe even certain times of the day. That exists in certain species. Humans know. You get in where you fit in.

But we're supposed to get it in during the daytime when the light is out when the sun is shining bro i mean that 100 i mean that 100 i've had i've had a lot of weird thoughts bro i've had a lot of weird thoughts also also i know that we all know this that pulling out is unnatural but here's how you further know it's it's unnatural right it's easy to pull out you bust on your girl's stomach or back or something like that right you can't do that to a chimpanzee because there's fucking hair all over them listen i might be going a little crazy bro i might be i'm just saying it's a pain in the

ass to wash it off. It's going to get all knotted up in the hair. It's not part of their culture. They're not having sex for just pleasure. They're having sex for procreation. We're having sex for pleasure. So you think privates care about dried cum on their back when they're throwing feces at each other? No, they're not throwing feces at each other.

They're throwing feces at us. They throw it at each other, too. Nope. I think they just throw down. It's like hopscotch. They're throwing feces at us. They throw it at each other, too. Nope. I think they just throw down. It's like hopscotch. They would be the best at hopscotch. They would. Just bounce.

They could play with themselves. Real talk. I guess that's what jumping rope is. Anyway. To add to your point, how do you think people formed back in the day when there were single-bedroom homes? Single-bedroom homes. You lived in a log cabin. Your kids go to school.

Okay? Abraham Lincoln, log cabin. Your kids go to school. Okay? Abraham Lincoln, log cabin. Had brothers and sisters, did he not? Say what? I don't know. Lincoln, I don't know. Illinois University? I don't know.

Illinois Elementary School? He was walking miles to school every single day. Motherfucker was a lawyer, bro. He must have got an education. You couldn't just go out there and say you're a lawyer. I don't think so. If that was the case, it'd be lit. You really should be able to say you're a lawyer.

Like, what are they learning? I don't like you having sex in the morning. Bro, I had morning sex today, and I'm feeling good. Your thoughts are everywhere. Listen, the point is is this let's just get to the main point okay let's just get to the main point animals are not fucking at night unless they're nocturnal animals and technically night is their day okay see what i'm saying yeah if you're nocturnal that's your time to shine that's your day literally time to shine okay we're not nocturnal we're dayturnal, that's your time to shine. That's your day. Literally, time to shine. Okay? We're not nocturnal.

We're day-turnal, whatever that one is. Okay? What is the opposite of nocturnal? I think we're day-turnal, bro. Hey, listen. We're just turnal, bro. So, if you're a turnal animal like us, you should be fucking in the morning. Get your day started with some fuck.

You're skinniest. Your girl's skinniest. You both look the best the breath is the only thing that's bad but you both look the best go at it you knock boots in the morning i promise you i promise you during quarantine this is going to change your life it's going to feel the way it should 100 okay i'm just telling you about things that are changing i can can feel things that are changing. That's the thing that corona is. This is why I realized what corona is. Corona is an accelerator, right? It's not only an accelerator based on like physicality, right?

Like if you look at corona, right? If you have any kind of pre-existing conditions, right? It accelerates whatever pre-existing conditions exist, but not only physically, economically, right? So if your pre-existing conditions physically are you have only physically, economically, right? So if your pre-existing conditions physically are you have like lung issues, you have lung cancer, you have, I don't know, what are other lung, bronchitis, is that something like that? Right? So if you have any other fucked up kind of lung shit, obviously, Corona might put you underground. And that's fucked up. That's sad. I'm sorry if any of you guys have lost people but that's just the reality of the matter right it exposes pre-existing conditions

same thing happens with the economy it exposes pre-existing conditions there are certain things that are not going to make it out of uh corona the same okay uh anything that was already greatly affected is now gone right like movie theaters are not going to make it out of corona they're done movie theaters done you might have certain movie theaters i know some of you guys are saying right now you're like you're like what are you talking about like old people still go to movies no they don't and the ones that do corona probably pick scare them sad but true, okay? The rest of us have a much better movie watching system in our homes, okay? Watching a movie in your home

is way better than watching it in the theater. We all have elite sound systems now. When I say all, yes, I know there are people that don't, but I'm talking about first world America. We all have great sound systems, okay? We have 4K HD TVs in our homes. Some of you guys are watching this right now on a 4K HD TV, okay, on have 4K HD TVs in our homes, some of you guys are watching this right now on a 4K HD TV, okay, on an immaculate sound system, an incredible couch, you have your

refrigerator there, so you don't have to spend $20 on fucking popcorn and Pepsi, okay, you have whatever you want to eat while you watch this movie, and you don't have to get dressed, you don't have to put on sneakers, a jacket, pants, underwear, socks, and then go get bedbugs and an AMC. There is no way once movie companies agree to put their movies out on some sort of pay platform that we will continue going to the movies. It just won't happen. Maybe you'll see – you know how like bars do pay-per-view fight events? Yeah. Right?

I think there's a possibility you could see some places do a pay-per-view watch event for a film. Right? Like let's say Game of Thrones did a movie. They won't. But hypothetically speaking, Game of Thrones did a movie. Right? Maybe you'll see event spaces go, hey, we're going to watch Game of Thrones. If you want to come down with all your friends, we'll watch it.

We've got an amazing sound system. We'll be able to give you drinks, this, that, the other. And it'll become like a night of it. You saw this happen with Game of Thrones, right? I think you could see that happen. But the days where there was a movie complex that was a block long with like 10 different theaters inside of it playing all these movies, fucking done. Why are you making me get dressed when I don playing all these movies fucking done why are you

making me get dressed when i don't have to get dressed why are you making me uncomfortable why is there someone in front of me talking during the movie right why is someone currently going to the bathroom fucking up the seat you don't have to do none of that shit at home all the things with pre-existing conditions economically i think are going to be fucked by corona and health care is another one so the problem with the movie theater situation, if they bring it to online. Yep. It's going to get pirated immediately. Yes.

Moment it comes out. 100 percent right. But I think their hedge is that so many more people will be able to watch it and purchase it that they're okay with the amount that are going to pirate and i still think the amount of people that watch pirated shit is very low right granted we might get you know more comfortable with uh what is it pirate bay or whatever these like download sites are but the the reality is if you keep the ticket price reasonably low oh ticket prices are going to go way down too right now they're offering $20 movies. So $20 movies is fucked up, and this is why they're price gouging, right?

Because AMC, and maybe it's AMC offering, I'm not sure, but AMC and then the movie company split the cost of the ticket, right? I'm not exactly sure the split. Maybe, Mark, you could look that up right now. But it might be 50-50. Who knows what it is? So a $20 ticket is really $10 if you upload it on your own server and just deliver it to us. Oh, okay.

So you're saying I would rather watch. You're saying the people that would rather pay double the money to go out of their house, get dressed, put all this shit on, get bed bugs at an AMC when they could spend half the amount of money, have all their friends come over to their house watch the movie together that's another issue that they might have is that people might watch the movie together you might have five people watch it for one and then adjust the ticket price but here's the thing i literally think they'll make so much more money by people willing to take the risk because right now i might not go see the new pirates of the caribbean in the movie theater yeah because i'm like, is it good? And the reason I need to know if it's good is because I'm not willing to take that risk of locking up that portion of my day.

Two-hour movie. Yeah, so that's one thing. So movies that you're on the fence of whether or not you want to see it in theaters, you're automatically going to watch it at home. So I can see that happening. Literally, imagine this. Any of those stupid award shows, the Golden Globes, all that kind of shit. If I could immediately go watch those movies digitally, they're available the second after they won an award or were nominated. I know what I'm doing that night. I know what I'm doing the next night.

But unfortunately, I got to go to the theater to see Jojo Rabbit. I'm not going to leave my house to see Jojo Rabbit. No, but like my girl was suggesting it last night, and the trailer looked really funny. But I would never leave my house to go see it. Right? I saw Upward. I heard it's good.

Yeah. It's, you know, tearjerker at the end. Tearjerker, a little emotional? Yeah, a little something. Yeah, people say I look like that character. I can see it. It's just my ears. get it my ears go out thanks guys i don't look fucking upward call me outward anyway um the other thing i think that's getting

embodied is health care okay they're basically doing the majority of health care these health care companies the hospitals the majority of health care for healthcare companies, the hospitals, the majority of healthcare for Corona is being done while you're at home. Have you realized that? Right? So they're like, they diagnose you while you're at home.

You call them up. You tell them what you got, et cetera. Telehealth. All these things are happening at home. Right? So now that we can have a global pandemic and you can diagnose me

with all these things at home, do you really think I'm gonna go to the fucking City MD and have some fat bitch Give me attitude and tell me to Fill out the same paperwork I've done for the 500th time Hell no I'm gonna need that same energy

Kept after Corona Which is I call you I tell you the symptoms Or I email my doctor Or we FaceTime and I show you whatever it is you need to see or I email my doctor, or we FaceTime, and I show you whatever it is you need to see. I show you my glands. You tell me if they're swollen.

But I'm not going to the fucking hospital. I'll do that shit from my work. And it's funny you mention that. So 5G, that technology is the main industry it's going to help is health care. Why? So it doesn't just make your phone faster it just like it allows um uh technology to do way more and support more bandwidth so it's like now when they're doing scans and shit like that they can come up with like temperature readers or like tests that they would take if you went into an office and they can just do it from your phone

if they create an app done but you need that stronger bandwidth the technology from the 5g in order to in order to do it so when that 5g does go worldwide like health care is going to be that's it everything's at home telecommunication so now here's the problem with everything at home hospitals still got to pay rent and these little city md joints they still got to pay rent i think a lot of those close i think a lot of them close or instead of having like this main storefront location i think they go to the second floor some shit they'll just end up inside a an office building somewhere you don't need signage anymore you don't need to provide this um billboard for the people so they know where you are everything's going to be digital

and if i need to go to you i'll just find out where you are yeah i'll just find what's going on but health care changes drastically and you know who fucking picks up the slack you know who jumps in the game is my theory amazon now i'm sure amazon's i think amazon gets into health care big time that's big time because who has more access to who you are, what you're doing, what you're consuming, your consumption habits in general. And what are you already comfortable going to for everything? You're going to Amazon. You don't think Google would have beat them to it? I don't know if Google wants to be in the health care game.

And also Google's trash at products. Like it's great when it comes to software. It's shit when it comes to hardware. Like when it comes to hardware like you're right remember they had the phone is trash the glass is trash because at the end of the day google is useful nerds and nerds don't make shit that's cool they make shit that works so all you got to do is like no doubt that phone was probably dope no doubt the glasses were dope but you look like a dork with both of them so they got to stay with their dork shit figure that out keep dorking it we need dorks right and then you let the cool motherfuckers run the cool shit amazon i think is just going to have this amazing access to people and they're going to have incredible trust and i

and i truly believe that people are going to lean into whatever programs they have and they're going to say hey we offer a CityMD but the Amazon version because if I'm already going to CityMD and I'm letting some dude named Hector give me an STD test the motherfucker ain't even an MD

right? He's just City you know what I'm saying? My man Hector is like yo I'm from Queens. I'm like, I guess you city, bro. Give me that CD test. I don't fucking care.

You got an MD. Right? So it's like, if I'm already willing to do that, you don't think that I'm willing to trust Amazon? That's an idiot. But it's true. That's all city MDs. They just keep passing you off to another nurse.

Yeah, the next nurse is going to come here. The next nurse. The next nurse. I think they got doctors in there. There's one doctor that they all share. Every one of them in the city. That's it. So I think what's going to happen is you're going to see Amazon jump in a healthcare game.

They're going to provide that city MD shit. Like the basic stuff. Obviously, they're not doing surgery But they can provide you With all the basic healthcare needs I mean If you really want to get into it Low key How many

How many times Have we Offered companies That do online prescription On this very podcast Blue Chew Online prescription Right

HIMS Online prescription All these places That Blue Chew, online prescription, right? Hymns, online prescription. All these places that are already doing an online prescription, right? You need a doctor for it, but they're basically looking at you like, yeah, you got that. Okay, boom. There you go. Get your pills. Remember when weed wasn't like legal, legal,

and you needed to have a doctor sign off? You went in, you were like, oh, I got headaches. They're like, all right, weed probably work. We're already comfortable doing shit over FaceTime or online. I don't think we'll ever have to walk into the hospital unless it's like surgery or you truly feel like you're dying and you don't know what's wrong with you. And I think it's going to be a major fucking change. I think it could. Dude, it might fuck over the healthcare industry.

But if it falls apart, it might drop costs drastically. And by dropping costs drastically, maybe we get to a point where we can have some form of universal basic healthcare. Maybe not the hot shit. Maybe not the surgery, et cetera. But get your blood work checked every year. Get your random checkups. Hey, you twist your ankle, whatever. We'll look at it.

Okay, we're going to send you a little air cast. The most basic shit. I think we could possibly get there. That could be good. Bad thing, though, is that, and I don't know if this is bad, but I've been trying to think about business post-corona business. I think Amazon was like on the track to potentially getting broken up by the government you know like when you have so much

influence in one uh part of the market right there are antitrust laws that are in place to potentially break you up because you might have a monopoly right and you might create a situation where there isn't fair competition and capitalism thrives off competition, right? Is this coming from like some knowledge you have or is this just a theory? I think it's like a theory, but it's also like based on just like past research and like little conversations I've heard. People were saying that about Walmart before Amazon came along. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And I think Walmart was probably close. Walmart just has such a stranglehold on like the american workforce right they employ so many fucking people they'd be like a big deal but at&t got broken up like this has happened before and um i think amazon was going that in that direction right anytime you influence the market too much you can be broken up right here's the problem the reason why amazon hasn't been touched is usually a company is broken up when the consumer is punished by that company being a monopoly in other words let's say um what was it standard oil was that the rockefeller oil company standard

oil something like that i believe it's standard um rockefeller uh ran you know oil right he could charge whatever the fuck he wanted for oil if he wanted he could do 30 a gallon there was no other place to go get gas for your fucking car right so you get punished the thing about amazon is even if it is a monopoly it's this weird monopoly in that it just makes shit more affordable for the consumer. Yeah. So everybody's hesitant to break it up because they're like, we're just kind of benefiting from this right now.

The scary thing is what happens when they're the only game in town, then they don't have to make things better for the consumer. They could actually make things worse and there's nobody to compete with them to keep the prices down so i remember what won't say again no i just i don't think it'll be broken up only because they allow other people to sell stuff on them so this is what they've been doing so amazon is genius they allow other people to sell shit on Amazon, right? And they track the sales, right? And then if it's a really good selling item, they make the same item and then promote it to the people who have bought that item.

For example, we have a bag that we travel with, right? Yeah. It carries all of our camera gear. The first bag we got was not from Amazon. Then Amazon started making the exact same bag for cheaper and we bought that bag that's definitely true right so they could create an unfair practice with the consumption of goods and they could also promote their products over other ones so it wouldn't be uh an even playing field yeah right So I understand where this could go.

That being said, they don't get touched after Corona because they might be one of the few businesses that's actually doing well. Yeah. So you can't break up a business that's actually doing well. You need those businesses. new businesses to be created because Amazon will come out of this way stronger, way better than they were in the first place with way more market share and way more confidence, consumer confidence, right? It's going to be amazing time for Amazon after Corona, right? Here's the thing. Very hard for startups to pop up after Amazon or sorry, after Corona, because they'll be they'll be coming up in the toughest time in business. There'll be nobody with capital to invest. Right. And very few consumers to purchase the products that they're selling.

Right. That being said, the companies that come out of the post Corona economy will be the most successful companies for the next 50 years minimum. will be the most successful companies for the next 50 years minimum. They're Bain, right? I'm not afraid of the dark. I was born in it. I live in it. I'm comfortable here. You know what I'm saying? They're companies that will be incredibly lean and incredibly efficient

because they were born out of poverty. They were born out of a situation where there was bare bones to function. So they found a way to function with almost nothing and become profitable with almost nothing. So when the economy starts to turn around, those companies are going to fucking flourish. So I think it's actually a really cool time

because whatever companies look successful coming at us that are new, and again, don't trust me about investment shit just yet. I haven't figured it out. But I would be personally bullish on those companies because I'm like, whoa, you found a way to succeed now? You found a way to thrive now? When abundance comes back, you are going to be Gucci. And I did want to just offer the advice. Somebody mentioned this to me.

Anybody interested in starting a business, like if you're at home and you have more time, like really get all your ducks in a row. Like get all your stuff ready because the moment this is over, they're going to be throwing money out. They're going to be throwing money during it. Yeah, and during it. It's going to be so easy to get a business loan, small business loan, a startup loan. So it's like if you have all your shit in place and you really were thinking about, all right, when am I going to start my business? Now's the time. It's just it is, but it is.

No, no. It's to start it after once everybody's back into like. Yeah. Like spending that. Yeah. That might be another 12, 24 months. That's the tricky thing. Ooh.

Yeah. Yeah, that might be another 12, 24 months. That's the tricky thing. Ooh. Yeah, so it's like I want you to be bullish, but at the same time I can't advise it just because people are going to start losing their jobs. They start losing their jobs and they don't have money to spend. They can't spend. How are people going to buy your product? Yeah, I'm talking about like when people are back to work. Exactly. So now it's timing it.

So now it's like figuring out what the market needs, figuring out what could survive a pandemic, what type of business is always there. Like toilet paper ain't going nowhere. You got a better version of toilet paper. You know what I'm saying? Like nobody found a way to make wet wipes go on the roll. Find a way to make wet wipes go on the roll. If you can make wet wipes go on a roll and not go dry, you might have a business. Right. There's something there's something there. Right. So it's like figure out the things that could exist during a pandemic.

Figure out the things we really need. All these people are making these fucking businesses that are completely unnecessary that we don't actually need. They were only functions of abundance. Right. Like here. I have a head massage business. Just come and get your head massage. It's like, what the fuck?

It's like, how great is your week that you're like, I might as well just get my head massaged. That shit is gone, B. Only the necessities. Right now, we're at 29 minutes and 30 seconds. We're going to stop this right now because we wanted to hit 30 minutes and be under 30 minutes for once. We promised that we would do it, and we actually fucking did it.

We love y'all. We got some cool interviews coming up. I'm glad y'all been fucking with the interviews, man. Keep spreading the word, and glad we could keep you guys entertained, distracted, and stretch that brain muscle of yours during this time. We love you, and remember, as always, peace we love you and remember as always peace love and you're