Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - ROASTING Uvalde, Texas School Shooting Cops

Episode Date: May 31, 2022

Uvalde, Texas police made the wrong choice, so Schulz had to deliver a ROAST #TrendingNow 00:00 - Uvalde, Texas Roast/ discussion 14:47 - Ricky Williams: Taking your GIRLS Last name? 22:23 - The ICK: Do Girls Really get it?? 44:16 - The Champions League Final - Schulz explains all soccer 50:15 - Mona Lisa Defaced With Cake! 1:00:00 - CHAOS

Uvalde Police Department, you cowering cum rags. You had to know this was coming. You're more useless than a rape whistle in Bangladesh. Jesus, not India. For those of you who don't know what happened, there was a school shooting in Uvalde, Texas last week, and the police just waited outside the classroom like Kanye trying to steal his own kids. How long did they wait?

50 minutes. Governor Abbott moves faster on the beach. You're less responsive than Lamar Odom in a whorehouse. Was the city named after your policing? You've all day. They called in the SWAT team and they did nothing too. Does SWAT stand for sit, wait, and tuck your cock between your thighs, you steer-sucking fairies? Now, I know what you're thinking. Why'd they stand around for 50 minutes?

Probably because they forgot their lawn chairs. These lazy, limp-dick cowards couldn't rescue a cat from a bonsai tree. Save the kids. They couldn't save 10% or more on car insurance by switching to GEICO. And as far as the shooter goes, fuck the shooter. He doesn't get our attention, okay? We're gonna act like Yuval De Pidi and pretend he doesn't exist. The only place his name belongs is on a tombstone. And after 50 minutes of being more useless than Forrest Whitaker's monocle,

they didn't even take out the shooter. We don't know exactly what happened because Yuval De Pidi's story is shakier than Ozzy Osbourne trying to fill out a Scantron. But it wasn't until an off-duty Border Patrol agent forced his way into the school against the cops will that the shooter was killed. So we owe Border Patrol an apology, okay? Their unbelievable bravery and their expertise at handling caged up kids made all the difference. In conclusion, you've all the police department, you all deserve to be fired.

I mean, this is ridiculous. You can't just sit around and do nothing about a school shooting. Who the fuck do you think you are, politicians? A point. I made a good point at the end. Guys, that was a point. Okay, guys, what's up and welcome to Flagrant. What are we thinking about this?

Is there an interesting point you have about the Uvalde shooting? Enlighten us. Yeah. They took long to respond. Yeah. Already fucking. But just try to go through. Don't put me on the spot like this, motherfucker.

We told you what to say. That was like an hour ago. Remember that shit? So we're going to fire the Uvalde police department. Is there any other place that they could work, given their skill set? We should hire them in black neighborhoods. Hey! Don't do that!

Who the fuck is that? I'm going to fail. You just put me up right there. There's no way that's going to come off funny. Literally earlier, I'm like, it could be funny if you just follow up the rant with this point. Al just looked it off. He goes, if it's planned, I'm going to fuck that shit up. It was a layup.

You had a layup? It's off the cuff out, baby. Like, I can't do that. Off the cuff out? Who ever called you that? Who the fuck are you? It's not. Hey.

Is that what they know you as? Off the cuff? You're the Chappelle of the couch? Hey, just give me a topic and watch me go. It's not. I'll be up here for six hours killing it. There you go, dancing. I'll be smoothing it. You just tapped. Yeah, what the fuck are you saying? That made me uncomfortable.. There you go, dancing. I'll be smooth. You just tapped.

Yeah, what the fuck are you saying? That made me uncomfortable. That made me uncomfortable, bro. Keep digging your grave. This is too much, man. This is too much right now. Okay, obviously

a horrific thing. When the story first came out, I didn't know how badly the police fucked it up. Me neither. Yeah, no one did.

I was saying, I said something like, oh, I heard they couldn't go in because of body armor and then, as I was saying, I was like, this sounds weird, because you know who else has body armor? The fucking cops. You know who doesn't have body armor?

Children in school. The whole thing is, it's insane how much they fucking suck. Every one of my friends that's a cop was like, yo, these guys fucking stink. Like, after Columbine, they literally said the protocol changed. It used to, before Columbine, it was like, yo, just surround the perimeter and then, I guess, control what's happening outside. Because it was like hostage situations before.

No one ever really was going in there shooting all the kids. They would go in there, like, grab one or be like a bully thing. So they had a protocol to be like, don't escalate. Yep. Yep, 100%. And now they're like, yo, the second it goes off, get in there. Because they basically said these kids are cowards. And if they start getting fired back, they stop or they kill themselves.

Right. You know, they're in there shooting people who are these kids are cowards and if they start getting fired back they stop or they kill themselves. Right. You know, they're in there shooting people who are defenseless. Yeah. Right? But the second

there's some defense they're like, nah, fuck this shit. We can't do it. But, yeah, so they completely fucked up. I mean, 50 minutes. Apparently there was

six of them that were there before the other 19. Apparently parents were yelling at them like, go in there, save our kids. Bro, there were parents

that went in and got their own kids and got like kids in the classrooms. They put a parent in handcuffs. Yeah. Insane. Oh, a bunch of parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there were parents that went in and got their own kids and got kids in the classrooms. They put a parent in handcuffs. Insane. Oh, a bunch of parents. Who were trying to go in. I've never seen a cop fuck up this

badly, and that's saying something. Like, you're one thing. We will elevate you and give you all the praise you want. Off the cuff out. You got a point for that. I've seen some fucked up situations. 21 kids. Elementary school kids.

Some of them probably black. I mean, just plain odds. That's a good point. Decent point. 50 minutes, bro. I didn't say they were perfect. 50 minutes? Even if they're not perfect,

this is the worst. It's inexcusable. I did see something online that said we got to change out police for teachers. Okay, go. Because if you swap it, all the problems get solved. Because people are like, okay, we need to arm the teachers,

but teachers don't know how to use a gun. Every cop, they become a teacher. Then all of a sudden they're trained in guns. They're tough. They teach kids not to be pussies. Then all the teachers become cops. They're patient. They want to help people. They're knowledgeable. They want to form the youth. Why would cops be good teachers? That's a stupid question. Because they're tough.

In a crisis situation, they'd be useful. Yeah, also that. Outside of Uvalde. What about the teaching part? Yeah, yeah. They gotta know how to teach. Teachers don't teach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Teachers don't teach. Teachers don't teach, bro. We'd be fire racist. If you think our level of racism is good

that we learn from teachers, imagine cops were in there immediately, you know what I'm saying? Judging, like, ooh, okay, wore that. Yeah. Well, a lot of cops are black, too. So, like, they would just teach you, you know, they wouldn't be racist necessarily. Yeah, yeah, also that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are a lot, but, I mean, in New York, I don't even know if we have white cops. I've never seen a white cop in New York. Yeah, it's black cops, it's Asians. Yeah. Mad Asian cops. Nobody has more Asian cops. I mean, I don't think Shanghai has as many Asian cops as we have.

You're living in this area. Police force in New York, more diverse than police. Also, Indians, the tickets. Bro, run it. It's just tickets. Run it. Why are Indians the ticket cop? Every subway ticket I got was from an Indian.

One. Haters, bro. Yeah. Haters. And they love the rules, too. I told him, I was like, bro, I'm parking here for 10 minutes. Is there any way you could just not give me a ticket? And he was like, yeah, yeah, I got you for sure.

Goes down the block, and then I come back. He circled back around, got my car. Was it exactly 10 minutes? You probably took 11. Yeah, it for 10 minutes. Is there any way you're just not giving me a ticket? And he was like, yeah, yeah, I got you for sure. Goes down the block. And then I come back. He circled back around, got my car. Was it exactly 10 minutes? You probably took 11. Yeah, it was 12 minutes. No, but why do Indians do that? I don't know, dude. Every time I look at an Indian cop, I'm like, what happened to get you here?

Yeah. I'm always curious what route your life took that you landed here. And the specific cop is, what are they called, Al? Not in a shitty, like, we're taught our whole lives you have two options. Doctor, engineer. You look at me, you should ask, how did you get here? Failure or not. Something happened where it's like, oh, you didn't become a doctor, you didn't become an engineer.

I can't think of Indian parents who were like, yo, go risk your life in a physical activity. Yeah, but the ticket ones aren't risking their life. Yeah, they don't even get guns, bro. Oh, you know what? That's actually a great job. Yeah. They got pension. Strong union, pension. I saw one wearing sandals, bro. Oh, you know what? That's actually a great job. Yeah. They got pension. Strong union, pension.

I saw one wearing sandals, bro. That's the craziest thing I've ever seen, bro. Like, usually you have, like, boots that are issued by the NYPD. That might not have been a cop. He busted out his own sandals, bro.

That's why I'm putting coupons for the restaurant. It might be. That's not a cop. We wouldn't do that if you didn't get away with it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You gotta read this.

Any other thoughts about this whole thing? Yeah, you know exactly. You gotta read this. Any other thoughts about this whole thing? Yeah, you know what's funny is watching conservatives suddenly care so much about mental health. Oh, all of a sudden, mental health is the issue.

Oh, we gotta fix mental health. Don't take the guns. Yeah. No, just mental health. I wonder if liberals can use the same thing for abortion. Okay, go.

Don't close down the abortion clinics. That's not the issue. Abortions don't kill people. People with mental health issues get abortions. Let's just solve mental health and then everything goes away.

Yo, left-wing sing. Left-wing sing is bad. I saw a crazy thing and I wasn't sure if it was true because obviously it was like a screenshot of a tweet,

but it basically said that the NRA conference I guess is happening this week said that guns aren't allowed. Guns are prohibited. Now, there is a caveat. The reason is because Trump's going to be there. And per Secret Service

rules, there can't be any guns around a president or ex-president. Go. What document says we have the right to bear arms? The Constitution. So, is Secret Service sending it to Trump, the Constitution? The written law of the land? Left-wing, sing, sing. Man, left-wing, yo. I'm mad left wing, yo.

Stop it. Let's go. I'm mad left wing, dude. Oh, shit. Facts, though, right? And if you're Trump and you really support people being able to, you know,

bring their guns wherever the fuck they want and walk with them, you would just say, yo, bring them out. We're good. Yeah, absolutely. You know what would keep me safe

if everybody here has a gun? It is funny, though, that even the Secret Service is like, all right, if we don't want people to get killed, just don't bring them. Yeah, yeah. Right? Like, the Secret Service, like, the best way for Trump not to die

is if nobody in here has a gun. Yeah, nobody's like, oh, it's the safest thing if everybody has a gun. That way, if a shooter gets in there, we can all take care of him, police ourselves. That being said, guns are lit. Super. Just give Trump a gun. Super. Then it's fire.

Put Trump in full body armor. Double rifles. No, no, no. Give give Trump a gun. Super. Then it's fire. Put Trump a full body armor. Double rifles. Last hand. No, no, no. Give him a.38. Give him a.38. Give him something cute. Give him the AR.

That's a fucking pellet gun. Yeah. I mean, he would look way more fire strapped up with the full AR. Yeah. I don't think he would. Yeah, with the helmet? He wouldn't carry it. Yeah.

He don't have the body for it. Nah, nah. I think you got it. Full body armor. Give him the fucking exoskeleton. I mean, Mike, Mark, can you take your hair off your mic because it's fucking driving me crazy. Just pull your hair back.

I know you're trying to show off the locks, but our audio is fucking destroyed right now. So you can have hair on your shoulders. Just put it all back. Okay, fine. Tom Cruise, Last Samurai. He's going for a look, bro. Nah, what look exactly?

What look exactly? What name? I mean, I just wonder what look he's going for. What look is he going for? I was saying I just wonder what look he's going for. What look is he going for? I was saying I look like one prominent internet celebrity, okay? And he can't pronounce his name for the life of him. Perez Chrisley, right? Off the cuff out, yo!

Let's go! Off the cuff out, dog! Put that back in the holster, baby. Yo, I thought, dog, we can't. Low key, how many concussions do you have, bro? Two, I told you. Damn, man. That's enough.

You've had more than me. Stop it. I have, but I've got CTE. Yeah. Oh, okay. 100%. I'm impulsive. CTE, bros.

Let's go. What is the outfit, bro? I was too emotionally down. I was too emotionally down to even address the outfit. Stop it. But now that I'm up a little bit more, what is it? I'm not even dissing. I'm not even dissing.

I'm not even dissing. Stop it, though. Like, stop. Don't come at me, bro. Like, stop. Oh, my goodness. This motherfucker wouldn't come at me. Motherfucker, are you crazy?

Oh, my goodness. Hillary Clinton's blazing. Yes. Who told you that? There's no way you're going to come up with that. There's no way. Off the cuff, Al, baby. There's blazer. Who told you that? There's no way you're going to come up with that. Off the cuff, Al, baby. Off the cuff, Al. I mean, that was phenomenal, Al.

If you came up with it, that was fucking brilliant. Holy shit. Fighting for his life. Hillary Clinton's blazer. I was holding it from last year to cheer you up a little bit, but I was waiting for the right time. Thank you so much for waiting. Now can you just describe?

All I want to know is what you're thinking. I'm not even being critical. I just want to know what you're thinking. So, in our community. Oh, stop it, stop for the right time. Thank you so much for waiting. Now, can you just describe, all I want to know is what you're thinking. I'm not even being critical. I just want to know what you're thinking. So, in our community. Oh, stop it, stop it, stop it. In our community. You have 14 different

communities on. There we go. I'm going to tell you. In our community, the matching top, bottom, short situation is a common summer sweat. Yeah, we do that.

Just out of curiosity, do you think that those match? What are you talking about? It's the piece. Oh, really? Yes, this is a pair. It came together. Oh, I didn't see the bottom of it.

Oh, my God. I just thought you had a flower, sir. And then the bottom parts. Oh, yeah. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I feel attacked. That's fine now. You survived.

I know. No, I just wanted to know what's going on. Clearly, I didn't have enough information, and now I get it. It's a good sitting outfit. Well, no, wanted to know what's going on. Clearly, I didn't have enough information, and now I get it. It's a good sitting outfit. Well, no, because now you completely missed it.

And then the shorts on the pod are crazy. Like, I'm the only one that can show legs. I'm trying to stay cool. It's hot in here. I'm hot now. Yeah. I run hotter than you guys. Yo, why are you sweating so much?

This room is different. What happened to the Botox? Fucking marriage conversation got him. I actually got to run that back. I got to run that back. Remember for the longest time, you didn't sweat? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You forgot how to sweat from the Botox? Fucking marriage conversation got him. I actually got to run that back. Yeah. I got to run that back. Remember for the longest time he didn't sweat? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He forgot how to sweat from the Botox. No, it does. It only lasts six months. What, the Botox? The one that... Have you not re-upped? No, I haven't.

Have you? I'm about to. But you've done it? What, Botox? Yeah. Yeah. Didn't we talk about it on the podcast?

Yeah. I wouldn't have brought it up if we didn't. Yeah. Yeah, I did that. Yeah, we got to do that as a group. I only snitch on Al on the podcast. I think we should do that. But you snitched on him,? Yeah. I wouldn't have brought it up if we didn't. Yeah. Yeah, I did that. Yeah, we got to do that as a group. I only snitch on Al on the podcast. I think we should do that.

But you snitched on him, too. Because I remember when he got it, and he was like, oh, yeah, I've been moisturizing this bullshit. I didn't say that. Nah. I came to you privately. I was like, yo, your skin looks really good. Nah.

You ain't telling me that, but I swear to God. You know me. If I'm embarrassed about some shit, I say it up front. I'm telling you, you ain't say it. Nah, that's lying. I knew you got it. That's lying. I swear to God. You know me. If I'm embarrassed about some shit, I say it up front. I'm telling you, you ain't say it. Nah, that's lying. I knew you got it. That's lying. I swear to God.

You are lying, bro. I wanted you to say it. You ain't tell me. Why would I feel bad if I know you got it? Because I didn't get mine first. For sweating. I didn't get mine first. That shit was so corny that you said it was for sweating.

I don't have wrinkles, bro. I'm sweating. Do you see my forehead right now? I'm leaking. You have great skin. I'm leaking. I got that for sweat, bro. I believe you.

Come on, bro. That one thing. I got that for sweat, bro. I'm leaking. Come on, bro. That one thing. I don't think any of those are your real hair. Yeah, come on. There's no way, right? It's obviously. What is it?

Just be honest. What is it? It's obviously my real hair. Your beard is perfect. Your beard is fucking perfection. Perfection. You literally have, you have like a 300 beard.

Yeah, I feel good. I'm being 100%. But. What's a 300 beer? Like the movie 300 It's like Chiseled It's perfect No if only the rest of my body

Could match Sometimes you've had that You've been in like great shape Sometimes But the hair I just don't I don't feel like it's you I feel like

What do you think Al's hairstyle Needs to be? He's a Muppet Or something like that Like I feel like I feel like you have Muppet eyebrows On your head dude I feel like you have Muppet eyebrows on your head, dude. Let me get gay and artistic.

When he puts it up, it's kind of fire. Killmonger, let's go, baby. I'm artsy. That's like when you wore your beanie. I hated that. When you just half of it. He was wearing the beanie off to the side. But it's just barely hanging on my head.

That actually kind of looks good dude I'm giving you too many compliments today I gotta chill out with that yeah yeah chill chill chill you know what actually does bring balance to a relationship

what's that taking your wife's last name that's a great segue what a fucking professional segue bro that was fire that was good segue who did that

I just made that up I was putting that out there I took an astrology class. No, Ricky Williams. He changed his name. Now he's like Eric Morin. Eric was, for the record, his legal name always. Ricky was a nickname.

Or Myron. I think he took his wife's last name, which is Myron. And so now he goes by Eric Myron. And why? So he said that he... T-E. He got it early. So he seems like the coolest dude, first off.

I was just like, when I interviewed him, he just seems like such a great guy. So generally, I'm just going to give him a pass on it. I'm like, bro, this guy's awesome. But apparently, he took like an astrology class. This is where it kind of falls apart. He took like an astrology class. This is his words. I think he told Dan Levitard.

He took an astrology class and found that there was an imbalance in their relationship. He said in his words, his wife's an attorney. So when she walks in the room, she's the hot shot. But then when he walks in the room, being a famous person, all of a sudden he sucks the energy out. He takes all the attention. He takes all the attention. So how do you restore balance in the relationship? He's thinking about it. Oh, what if I take her last name?

Ain't nobody want that autograph. Do you know what I'm saying? Don't you dare give me fucking Ricky Aaron What's her last name? I think Myron Ricky Myron Eric Myron

Aaron Myron Yeah Yeah, we don't want all that Yeah, that's a little crazy I mean, he's a sweetheart, I guess He's just such a massive dude That he can actually get away with it And it's not that bad

I think he's 5'10 Yeah, but he's that Diesel He's a bowling ball Alright, question Yeah What if the wife has a lit last name, like Rockefeller? Yeah.

Fox. I'll take that Rothschild in that last name. I'll trade Gagnon. Only if you get Rothschild money. If that's the way to get Rothschild money, maybe you do it. Even the name, though. You don't think the name carries weight? You should have gave him Gagnon.

That's my point. Yeah, I would trade Gagnon If there was a fire I'm telling you Fox is the best last name Wow so you see Your wife's last name In fire Why Fox is so good

Fox is awesome We talked about this before There's every hot person Every person named Fox Is hot Megan Fox Julia Jamie

Michael J Others Michael J Michael J Fox Yeah. Michael J.? Michael J. Fox. Yeah, he was a zonk. He was a cutey. He was cute.

Wait, what? Last time we talked about this, I said Michael J., and no one laughed. Martin just did it. No one laughed this time. Well, how'd you say it? Just like he did. Well, you don't have my timing. Was it like a Fox joke, or was it something else?

No, it was a Fox joke and I tossed in Michael J right in there and it was great. At the end of a list, rule of three? Follow the rule of three? That's big in comedy. I didn't follow. There you go. Oh, so you just said it out of nowhere. Yeah, kind of like this. So, it is interesting also. Timing again.

You see the timing? Yeah, that was good. You put your name there. You know what I mean? Anyway, so I would put your name in. That was good, bro. You know what I mean? Anyway, so, yeah, I would trade my last name. Imagine that's your best friend

who just shits on you every chance he gets. Imagine you don't shit on your best friend. Hold on one second. What you fake working on over there? He's looking at

every different screen, bro. Like, we moving around or something like that. He's calculating different things. What's going on? I'm switching and taking notes, and then Dove is taking notes 30 seconds after of the note I just took.

Dove, can you just take the notes? I'm doing it, but it's going to start writing on. It's not that hard. My marriage depends on it. He's already on them. I'm doing it. Okay. Yeah, let's go.

Everybody snitches today, boy. Wait, wait, wait. Who did I snitch on? Nah, well, it's going to get to yourself. I sn, boy. Wait, wait, wait. Who'd I snitch on? Nah, boy. It's going to get to you. I snitched on myself. Yeah, you did. Del Mar?

What was wrong with what I said? I'm truly confused. You had it out earlier. What was it? When Akash told me how great he was and how shitty I was and acted like he gave me a lifeboat? No.

Motherfucker said, you treat your wife like shit. Look how I treat my wife. When you said you were just joking. You see how I said that's how we work hard? You'd be like,

yeah, yeah, that's how we work hard. Yo, my wife deserves the best. That's a great response. No, my wife gets,

y'all know she gets anything. Name one thing she don't have besides time with me. That would cause her some economic anxiety, I'll tell you that much. We start hanging out all the time, like, shouldn't you be making some money

or something like that? That's why you buy things, bro. That's why you buy things. What did you say that fucking cracked me up? Buying gifts is renting silence. Renting? That's a life philosophy of mine. Silence.

That's a life philosophy. These guys are crazy. Hey, hey, bro, you don't know. This is for married people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll get Salas Hill's fashion way. He just fly to LA for a few days.

I'm on the road, babe. I'm on the road. Oh, fuck. Wait a minute. What was it? It was renting stuff? Yeah. Gifts are just renting silence. Yeah, yeah. what did you say? But the price of inflation is, the rate of inflation is unreal. No, you said my biggest fear

is my wife runs out of shit she wants. Oh, God, yeah, dude. That scares the hell out of me. Please keep making purses, yo. That'll never happen, bro. They'll find stuff they want, bro. Thank God, yo. That's why you need a girl

into, like, spiritualism and shit. You know what I mean? As soon as they're interested in, like, the everything. Shut the fuck up. I'm the rightest. Thank God. That's my point. Shut the fuck up, bro. Get them into, like, a theology. That's why you need a girl into spiritualism and shit. You know what I mean? As soon as they're interested in everything. Shut the fuck up. I'm trying to think, guys. That's my point. Shut the fuck up, Mark.

Get him into astrology. That's what bothered me so much. Bro, no, astrology. Fucking idiot. Get him into astrology. We bring Mark's wife over to the dark side. My wife is putting in overtime. Oh, yeah.

I'm like, no, no, be into granola and stuff. No, Mark had her into fucking hacky sack purses and shit like that. She likes camping. Nah, not anymore. What's wrong with camping? We camping out at Procter. That's what we camping at. Nah, he likes fancyses and shit like that. She likes camping. Nah, not anymore. What's wrong with camping? We camping out at Procter. That's what we camping at. Nah, he likes fancy restaurants

and shit like that. Oh, boy. What's wrong with camping, bro? Camping's such a great hobby. Camping's great if you're poor. Yeah. That's awesome, dude. This is being homeless

on the grass, dog. Ain't nothing fun about that. Yeah. We out here living, bro. Live. Let your wife live. We living. Modestly. We living modestly. Live. Let your wife live. We're living. Modestly.

We're living modestly. We're saving up. No, we got to save up. We're saving up, okay? Cap. Nice. We're saving up. For?

For me to buy some dope shit. I don't know. Later. We can't spend it all on bags and stuff. What if I need a car one day? You guys have a car. What if I need a nicer car? See? See?

See, Akash? Yeah. See that? I'm fishing you out. Sometimes people get nicer cars. What if I need a Kia Carnival? That's a nice car.

That's what we're saving up for. Come on, bro. I like how you did that. What? He was getting out of hand, but he's like, oh, no, I just gave my car to you right now. The Kia Carnival. The Kia Carnival. Yeah, guys, listen, wives are great.

And I hope it doesn't come across like you guys love your wives less than I love mine. Because I would hate that for y'all wives. That's truly impossible. That's truly impossible. Because Al has no wife. That's true. That's true. Al, you got no wife.

I love my girl. Say again? I love my girl. Well, at least he admitted he had a girl. Listen, that's the way. I've been admitted. That's a liquor. Y'all got to lose.

That's a liquor. You guys are crazy, bro. Y'all are crazy. Y'all are crazy. Y'all are crazy. I need some Botox, bro. I'm sweating. I'm sweating.

Stop it. You don't want to. All right, question. Have you heard about the ick? Yeah, explain this ick to me, because as soon as I brought this up, I was like, we can talk about the ick. He goes, add it. Add it to the list.

We're talking about it. It makes no sense. Apparently, I don't think this is a white thing. I think it's a generational thing. It's a white thing. Okay, go. So apparently, there's this trend going around, like through TikTok and Twitter.

For the last, like, I've heard about it for like four or five years. Basically, girls will be like into a guy, crushing on him, and then he'll do something and girls will get quote unquote the ick. Meaning that now

she can no longer be attracted to him no matter how attracted she was to him in the first place. Women don't have attraction. Okay. Just head first.

Go on that. Go on that. Go on that. Meaning like, they're not attracted in the same way we're attracted. You know what I mean? Like, like, they're not attracted in the same way we're attracted. You know what I mean?

Like, yes, they'll look at like a Zac Efron guy and be like, oh my God, this guy's objectively good looking, right? But if Zac Efron

is not like a good provider of security, I don't think they find that motherfucker attractive. Home of Zac Efron, I don't think is getting like, he's not locking girls down. Maybe he'll get laid

a few times, but he's not like having an actual girlfriend. So I think girls can get over to him. Ellen Bae, he'll get laid a few times, but he's not like having an actual girlfriend. So I think girls can get over the air. Ellen Bae, girls was all about him. Yeah, but were they though?

Yeah. Like they was giving him some pussy, but they weren't going to be like long-term locked up. Girls are linked with serial killers. Billionaire locked him up.

Say again? Billionaire. Yeah, on some like, I want to piss off my dad shit. Like what would piss your dad off more? You're a billionaire heiress. Or she's like,

how can I stunt on all these other bitches by getting the guy that every girl wants? I'm sure there are other guys that the girls want. But that's the thing. He's famous. He's internet famous. He's got some clout, but still, it's like...

He's also extremely handsome. Super handsome. Can we pull up a picture? Oh, boy. Can we pull up a picture? Let's just look at him for a second. I'll try to pretend he's not hot as fuck. No, he's an attractive guy, but still, I just...

And then he became like a model and he was doing all this. Look at this motherfucker. Look at this motherfucker, dog. Are you crazy? If he's not a felon, you see him walking down the street, he walks in the room, you go, who is that? Yeah. What is that person?

Yeah, I don't even think. I mean, like, sure. Oh, what happened? Is it possible to believe that women are into different things than men are? That women don't physically objectify in the same way they do? Yeah, but this is also personality shit

that's like, I'm into you. I might be thinking about fucking you, maybe not even long term, but then I see you do this thing and then I'm just turned off. I don't believe it's possible. And I mean this sincerely. Once a woman likes a guy, anything about him becomes the best thing.

Anything. What about? The fat guys become cuddly. The skinny guys become. Say again? We're just talking about pure. Since she never even liked you in the first place. Exactly.

I think it's something that girls want to talk to each other about. Doug gets laid. Like, look at him. He looks like a fucking tortellini, right? But he's so charming. And he's so about. Dub gets laid. Like, look at him. He looks like a fucking tortellini, right? But he's so charming and he's so, like, he's so... That was not necessary.

He's in a mood. Imagine if he was your best friend. I'm not in a mood. He's been making fun of me the last 48 hours. Just because when I'm on the low. When I'm on the low,

he's been beating me down. I just don't understand how you work out so much and you still have titties like this. Look, what are you holding? What are you holding right now? Take off you holding? What are you holding right now? Take off your shirt.

What are you holding right now? You should wear a white shirt like that, bro. Take off your shirt. Take off your white shirt. Yeah. You act like you have a good body.

Your body is pear-shaped. He didn't conflict you with the hottest dude. I know. I was like, thank you. All right. But for real. I mean, you look good.

I'm going to say that. But you act like you have a good body. Do you think you have a good body? If I work out seven days a week with a private trainer like you, it would destroy yours. It would destroy yours. I'm sorry.

No, no. Your natural shape is not good. It's better. I mean that. You have breasts. You have a breast. You have breasts. They turn into man pecs.

Yeah. They don't. They don't. If you say man pecs, I mean, pecs are already man. You don't have to say man before. Look at the achy, breaky mark. Look at you. Finally.

How's that? That's not an istle. You can love it. You're right. You can love it. How's that an istle? Mark. Wow.

I ride for you. How is that funny? How is that funny? You don't hit him. It doesn't even make sense. It actually does make sense. Why do you don't hit him. It doesn't even make sense. It actually doesn't even make sense. You don't hit him when that has come back.

We are achy, breaking, marking. That shit was so funny, he said it earlier and we still laughed. And I knew I could bring it back.

In public. That was the first time I heard it. It was important. That was good. That was very good. That was very good. But we still should

talk about your body. When you see your body, and I mean this sincerely, when you see your body, and I mean this sincerely, when you see your body... Why'd you say my name? He's hot, he's hot right now. I'm just on meds. I'm just so sick right now.

It's okay, it's okay. When you see your body, what is it you're seeing? Really? Yeah. I have a better body than you. I truly believe that. At four what?

I think you ought to take off your shirts and let the people decide. You know what I mean? Do we want to do it? Let's do this. I truly believe that. At four what? I think y'all got to take off your shirts and let the people decide. You know what I mean? I mean, do we want to do it? Let's do this. Let's do this. How about this? Day before your honeymoon.

Day before your honeymoon. Right? No. Day before your honeymoon. You said take your shirt off. Only one of us is going to the Italian Riviera looking like this. Whatever you want, baby.

Whatever you want. Shirts off. Shirts off. Take it off. Shirts off. Shirts off. Shirts off. Shirts off. Take care. Shirts off. Shirts off. Shirts off. Shirts off.

Come on. Come on. Come on, Doug. With his West Side Story wife beater. What is going on here? Keep your shirt on. I'll take care of it. Hey, let's go, Doug.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Oh, it's not looking good. Oh, my God. Let's go, Jewish ladies. Let's go. All the Jewish, let's go. Oh, it's not looking good. Let's go, Jewish ladies. Let's go, let's go. All the Jewish ladies, this is what we got.

Come on, man. Don't touch the mic. Come here, come here, come here. Hold on, hold on. Come on, ladies. Come here, come here, come here. This is what you got. Hold on, hold on.

Ready? You can see, bud. Look at that. That's fucking cleavage, dude. Look at that right there. Look at that. Look at that. Pure pecs. Literally,. Look at that right there. Look at that. Look at that. Literally, give me a pencil.

Somebody give me a pencil. Somebody give me a pencil. I guarantee. Hold on. Hold on. You hate it. Hold on. Come on.

Let me see. Let me see. Let me see if I can put a pencil. Okay, ready? Just squeeze. And let's see. Let's see if it sticks. Oh, I'm so jealous of that pen right now.

Let's see if it sticks. Let's go. Let's see if it sticks. Yeah. Let's see if it's I'm so jealous of that head right now let's see if it's dead let's see if it's dead let's see if it's dead hold on hold on hold on hold on if Dove works out for three weeks straight do you think the chair will bend that much

got the achy achy breaking chair bro that's just a little crazy Do you think the chair will bend that much? Got the achy, breaky chair, bro. That shit's a little crazy. That shit hurt him, bro. That shit hurt him. I knew how this felt. It was you guys. It was the reaction.

The reaction was big. You got to come back from that. You just sat there enjoying yourself. It was a great joke. That's why you got to come back. Okay, Dov, if you can work out and get your body into shape, what shape do you think it will be? Triangle? What shape do you think you will turn your body into?

Pure specimen. Whatever shape you want. Three weeks. Come on, Dov. I remember the biggest insult. I think Andrew said that years ago. Just said, you're shaped like a pumpkin. Yeah, you are shaped like a pumpkin.

That one hit me. And then what happened? You just became it? I look better than you without my shirt on. You don't look better than me without your shirt on. Also just because I'm tan. But you're bald. No.

Balding. I love you, Bala. I love Bala. Bala. Bala. I love Bala. I'm just being nice. Why are you shooting over here? I say shit. You know I got the keeps on the line here. You see the top of my head shining?

Bala got a perfect head, though. Your shit is fucking... You see the top of my head shine? Ball thing. Bala got a perfect head, though. Your shit is fucking... No, no, no. He literally has a perfect head. Yes. If I'm going to be ball, I want your head. 100%.

Absolutely. 100%. Why are you laughing? Why are you laughing, son? I think Akash has a good buzzed head, no? No. No, no, no. But he has great hair,

but I don't know about shape, but Vala's shape is fucking, you got that Jada pinkish, right? You got that. That shit is. That golden globe. Yo, real talk. That shit is beautiful, son.

We'll want to grab that. You know what I'm saying? The one that got away. Can we get back to the ick? Yes. What is the ick? The ick is a real thing, okay? Okay, what is it?

It's taking over the world. All right. So, for example, here's an example of an ick. Is the example of the ick dressing like a country singer that says the N-word? Now, that was a good joke. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What good joke. What? I just don't like how you guys racked it so big. I like it.

What was that guy? Morgan Whelan. No, Morgan Whelan. I thought you were Brooks. Let me be Garth Brooks. No, Garth would never. Garth would never say it. Come on.

Okay, go. Go. All right, holding an umbrella is enough to give me the ick. Especially if it turns inside out, you're never seeing me again. Me sitting on the toilet, running up the stairs on all fours. What? Now, can you play the ones that you listed earlier? Yeah, we'll get to those.

We'll get to those. Sat on a bar stool with their legs just dangling, sitting cross-legged. Pressing the traffic light, waiting for the green man. Sitting in a bath pressing hold on nah hold on this is a really funny one

dude pressing that's so good yo that's my point bro that gives you the ick I ain't gonna front toxic femininity is the funniest

women will be there is nothing funnier it's the best music it's the funniest women will be yo you see how funnier. It's the best music. It's the funniest women will be. You see how it started as a compliment? It's the funniest women will be. Couldn't give him that one. Well, men were already toxic

with our humor. Toxic is funny. Toxic is funny. But now women are getting in touch with that toxic femininity and it's hilarious. Yo, yo, yo. Waiting for the green man to let you go?

Like, the green man's your boss? Bro, that is amazing. That's so good, dude. Men sitting in the bath? That shit is vulnerable, son. You up in the stirrups? You don't fit? Nah, bathing is crazy.

Al, you look like you bathe a little bit. Yeah, I do, I do. You do? I do enjoy coming out. That was clean, bro. That was so clean. I dropped the bath bomb in that shit. No, you didn't. I'm a I do. You do? I do enjoy coming back, bro. I was so clean. I dropped the bath bomb in that street. I'm a little bitch.

Hairnet and everything? It's a hairnet. No. I swear I got it. Because you can't get it wet for like a... I mean this sincerely, like for the hair?

Not a hairnet. Shower cap, yeah. But because if it gets wet, it could come undone. It'll all fall out. Nah, you're not supposed to get it wet that often. But why?

Because you have white guy hair or something? Nah, just for... Actually, I don't know the reason why they just said you're not supposed to wet it that often. So you can sell hair nuts.

I don't know. Yo, look at this one. Them being spun around in the barber's chair to view their haircut in the mirror like a reveal. I can't do it.

You ever had a barber spin you around? Yo, that's funny. Yo, let me look at my hair from the back, from the front. You know what I mean? I can't see what the You ever had a barber's fin in your hand? Yo, that's funny. Yo, let me look at my hair from the back. I can't see what the back of my head looks like. It's so funny. After you do spaghetti, they got the little orange things around their mouth. Bitch asses.

No, this is amazing. Who are these women? I want them on a podcast. When they lose their balance on the train and wobble a little. Nah, this has got to be dudes. This has got to be dudes. podcast. When they lose their balance on the train and wobble a little. It's the ick, bro. Nah, this gotta be dudes to do this. This gotta be dudes to do this. This gotta be dudes to do this, bro.

This is too good. This gotta be dudes. Hold on. I love Toxic Feminine. Who's the most toxic female? We need her on the podcast. Who's the most toxic female? In the world? In the world, who's the most toxic? I don't know. I want her. I love toxic female music.

That shit is... Who makes that? Like all the Megans, the City Girls, all that type of shit. That shit is fucking fire. Fire, right? Buy me a Birkin. Yeah, it's fire. Right?

Buy me a Birkin. We deserve a Birkin. When they zip all the way to their neck, it's super funny. Yo, we can't even be cold, yo. Yo, we can't even be cold, yo. Yo, we can't even be chilly, bro. Can't even take a bath. What about

standing, bro? Yo, and the next one would be like when they're dirty. Come on, yo. Standing naked waiting for the shower

to heat up, little bitch. When they have a brightly colored straight saber. That shit does look stupid, bro. Going like this every few minutes

like, God damn. They're not wrong. They're right. look stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Going like this every few minutes. Like, God damn. They're not wrong. Yeah, they're right. We suck. That's how we are. Yeah, we ain't shit.

Yeah, we need toxic females on a podcast. Oh, my God. Do you believe in the ick yet? I don't believe that this changes how they feel about us. Like, the idea of the ick is one thing could make them not attracted to us.

Forever. What if it's a bunch of them? Say what? If it's a bunch of them. They ain't got it. These girls say the ick could just be one thing, bro. And then Jeff Bezos could do all that shit and then Jeff Bezos is like, let me take you out to dinner real quick in St. Barts

and they're like, I'll look at that. There's some things that might trump the ick. But it's bad if this becomes a real trend, like where they're just talking about it. It does worry you. The single guy is like, we don't need this. Can you hold a ballpoint pen talking about it. I was worried. The single guy is like, this is a drug.

We don't need this. I was like, no, no. Can you hold a ballpoint pen between your tits? That's a super... That's an ink, bro. No, no. I actually kind of want

to reward this because I have a wife. But I hear what Dove is saying. Like, if you're out here in the world, you don't want to give women more ammunition to find us ugly.

Yeah, yeah. It's a very vulnerable thing ammunition to find us ugly. Yeah, yeah. It's very vulnerable. Or unattractive. Yeah. Yeah. But what if that just makes us better? Yeah. Give them all the ammunition they need, bro.

We had a great thing where we didn't need to be better. That was great. You know what I'm saying? Like, you see these girls walking around in heels and shit. They got thongs on all fucking things. It was really good. Nobody talks about the good side of the patriarchy, which is we were on it. Oh, right.

I mean, no. I feel like we have a podcast dedicated to this. No one talks about the good side of the patriarchy, which is we were on it. I feel like we have a podcast dedicated to this. No one talks about it. No one ever brings up. That's my favorite thing to do with my wife is if we're arguing about anything, talk about how hard I work. But this is how hard I work.

Just come in here and talk. You're working hard. We are working hard. I work. Just coming here and talking shit to my... You're working hard. We are working hard. Babe, I work all day. Then talking more after? Come on, yo. I was drinking Reposado, making fun of Dove. I was crazy.

What a crazy day. You got to do the hard part. Yo, it's hard, bro. Is that even in this episode? We don't even know. We have no clue at this point. We've been recording so many times. That was hard.

That was hard. You're right. All right, guys. We're going to at this point. We've been recording so many times. That was hard. That was hard. You're right. All right, guys, we're going to stop this for one second because I need to get y'all some money, bro. I know every time we stop the podcast, I try to make y'all rich. My bad. Sorry.

Hate me if you want. But I'm telling you this is not the ad to skip because we are partnering with Current, and they're helping us give back to the flagrant listeners. We are going to be giving away $5,000, right? That's $500 to 10 random listeners who sign up at current.com slash flagrant. So go to current.com slash flagrant, enter the code flagrant in the app for a chance to win. The giveaway will end June 30th. Now, chance to win. The giveaway will end June 30th. Now, this is some real shit that I'm about to tell you, okay? Banking is dominated by a bunch of old companies who don't put their customers first. Current was built to change that, okay? They built everything from the ground up with

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Al, ain't it crazy? I don't even know if he's mic'd up still. He should be. Probably bank took his goddamn pack. Point is, listen, I'm telling you, Curran wants to help us give back to you guys. So we are going to be giving away a total of $5,000. That's $500 to 10 random people who use our code flagrant. So go to download Current and then use our code or visit Current.com slash flagrant for a chance to win. Now let's get back to the show. All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because some of you nerds are getting sleepy and we don't do that shit.

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And this is crazy that it does this for me, but like, like, because I am this, but I don't need you to be this. And I saw this, and I think it was like a Chuck Klosterman book or something like that, but it was like, like, patriotism. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm mad patriotic, but like. It's Memorial Day, bro. Yo, it was, bro, but... It is. Not when they see it. Like, imagine a girl that's mad patriotic,

like, dumb patriotic, like... She probably wouldn't be attracted to me, to be honest with you. You don't got to worry about that. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, knows all the fucking Constitution and shit.

Like, come on. Why does this bother you? Not knowing trivia, though? That'd be the ick. Like, why do you go to trivia nights and shit? Like, you know facts. You just mad because Shorty's smarter than you?

Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, imagine your girl's like, yo, the SS to shoot up the brown people is parked off the side of the river. Do you want to go see it

during the day? That's really the example you want to go see it during the day? That's really the example you want to go with, son? You could have came with son. What if your girl's like, yo, instead of going to the bar, do you want to tour the Intrepid?

Just pay some respect. Today, imagine today. I feel you. That's not what I'm into. Only owns American flag bikinis. This sounds lit, bro. This sounds awesome.

Keep it going. Keep it going. Keep it going. Keep it going. Keep it going. I'm describing every girl in Florida. Keep it going. You're talking

my language here, boy. Keep on going. American flag or confederate flag? You'll jerk off right here. Go on then. Mars or stars, baby. Okay.

I remember when I made that fuck up. I think I said it on here before. Like I needed a towel when I was in Florida and I quickly ran into a 7-Eleven, and it

looked like an American flag. No, you didn't. Bought it. The other half of the towel was Confederate flag. There's no way. Swear to God. Swear to God. Open that shit on the beach anyway, because motherfuckers do not want to get sand on it. Bro. Yeah. You bought a Confederate, you gotta say it's a Puerto Rican flag. No, it was half American,

and then the part that was covered up, that was folded up, was the other half Confederate. They got you, dude. They got you. They did. They had a good chuckle. I know. They must have been just laughing at me

while I'm purchasing. You got to take a shit on that towel at the end of the day. That's how you win. I don't have it anymore. Which side did you put your feet on? On the Confederate side? Oh, yeah.

I didn't touch the Confederate side. I kind of hit it. Like, I was sitting on half the towel. I really was. I ain't going to lie. But I needed a towel. Okay, back to patriotism. I kind of hit it. Like, I was sitting on half the towel. I really was. I ain't gonna lie. But I needed a towel. Okay, back to patriotism. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is there a quality, like, super patriotic? Like, knows shit about, like, Bob Dole. Knowing a lot of history would be... Right? Isn't that weird a little bit? That's not weird? So are you saying, like, oh, a bad bitch is right in front of you

and she's just like, says a fact about a president. She's a wild bad, she's a wild baddie, like super crazy baddie. Yeah. But also she's like, you know,

in 1793, like, come on, yo. Sean Adams once said that we had, But you're acting as if we listen to him anyway. Yo, this guy's evil, bro. That's the evil guy. I love listening to my way. I love listening to my wife.

I love listening to my wife. We're talking about hypothetical back in the day. I love listening to my wife, bro. My wife's got great things to say. I love listening to my wife. I remember that. I love my wife, bro. I want to circle back around, bro.

I'm just saying. He's talking like he's at the Senate right now. I know, right? What if a girl dressed like that regularly? Or like you. This is fire. Stop it, son. This is,

this outfit fires. I'm wearing this for Memorial Day. This is fire. You look crazy, son. You got a blouse and a fucking blazer on. Sorry, you can't.

You can't. That's why I wear the gown. You're showing cleavage, my nigga. Like, stop it. Bro, ow. Stop. You ain't fucking with me today.

No. Every other day, you come in here and fly as fuck. But today is not the one, bro. Stop it, bro. I was feeling this one the most, I'm going to be honest with you. I thought I killed this one. Don't slap me five times and I'll get you. I'm trying to end the roast.

I know. I'm trying to end the roast with a fucking agreement. A piece of cords. Okay? Listen, I didn't know that the top was supposed to go at the bottom. That's why I came at yours earlier. Okay. I get it's a whole fit.

I still don't understand why you always try to match the socks and it drives me fucking crazy because you always go one little bit more. You don't need sprinkles, bro. You realize these socks, the very first time I've seen these,

you had them on. Yeah, and what have I done since? All right. You. Can I show you the best part about the. You. Can I show you the best part about his socks though? Can I show you the best part?

What? Showtime. They come really high up. Bro, he's wearing his soccer socks right now. They come really high up. He was like, yo, how do I fold these down?

No, he didn't. No, he didn't. You know it's bad when I'm asking Mark for it. You know it's bad. Yo, I'm like, yo, Mark, I need some help with you, Joe.

Bro, why'd you wear your cowboy boots? That would have fixed it. Oh, my God. Yo. Nah, but you need to throw What's her name Chelsea Clinton No no

You need to burn them Not Chelsea Clinton Hillary Clinton Hillary Clinton's Fucking Whatever you said That shit was good Al I'm not gonna front

That was fucking good Also You might You might have to educate Some people by the way What Cause the Champions League Happened this weekend Oh yeah And a lot of people Are curious about you guys Great weekend dude You have to educate some people, by the way. What? Because the Champions League happened this weekend.

Oh, yeah. And a lot of people are curious about you guys. Great weekend, dude. You have to educate them. Eventful weekend. I know everything about soccer, but they want to know what you guys thought. Tell them motherfuckers they disrespect Dua Lipa like that again. We got a problem.

I'm going to fuck somebody up in Liverpool. It wasn't Dua Lipa. It was. No, Camila Caballo. Same shit. That's her nickname. Yeah, it's Dua Lipa. It's like Slim's her nickname. Yeah, it's Dua Lipa. It's like Slim Shady and Eminem.

Boom. Dua Lipa. Dua Lipa. You know that song where she's like, Dua Lipa, I'm trying to do more than her than Dua Fita. Uh-huh. Yeah, she got bars, bro. That's by Camila Caballo?

Camila Caballo. How many Spanish-sounding artists do we need, bro? We got Dua Lipa. We got BTS. We got... Come on. Bunnies. We got Bunny.

Who's that? Bad Bunny. That's Dua Lipa, also known as Camila Caballo. Dua Lipa and Camila Caballo never been seen. What's Dua Lipa got to say? Audience just cheering

the whole time. No, no, no. Keep playing. No, we can't play. We're going to get demonetized. We can cut it. What's the deal? Al, is his hair messed up?

Fix your hair. Yo, when you pee, is there like something a button under here to let you drink? Is that how it works or what? Akash, what's up, bro? You good?

Okay, God. I hope you have the wide where Al is flipping his hair back and forth. Do you have that in the wide? I just did the worst cut in the world. What was it? You said, Akash, how are you feeling?

I cut to Akash, and he's looking dejected. That's perfect. Good, good. Good job, Bob. He's not a dog. My nigga. Yes.

I fixed that. I said, my nigga. He's not a dog. I fixed that. That's a bad nigga. Then it is his dog. Okay, so what happened in the Champions League? Everything, bro. Who's the champion? Real Madrid. Oh, look at that.

I knew that. I knew that. They beat Liverpool. Who's the best guy on Real Madrid? Benzema. I don't know. He's still on the fucking team. I don't think it's Benzema. I thought it was Ronaldo.

I think Benzema's more of a system player. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think the Real Madrid system is the star. Or Courtois. Oh, shit. Nah, Courtois is soft.

Courtois overrated. It was his game yesterday. This guy always says Courtois. He wasn't even man of the match. You know what I mean? Courtois wasn't even man of the match. It was Courtois.

Who was man of the match? I don't know. I'm guessing. Nah, come on. You was the match. Who was man of the match? I don't know. I'm guessing. Nah, come on. You was going strong. Benzisma? Benzisma? Benzisma.

Benzisma? Yeah. Who got the golden boot? They haven't decided yet. For the match. Nah, that's going to be... It's going to be... What did you think of the game?

Don't lick your lips like that. What did you think of the game, though? Stop licking my lips, bro. In that outfit. I'm not licking your lips. Get out of here, bro. What did you think of the game? Al, get out of here. Stop playing with me, dude bro, in that outfit. I'm not looking at your lips. Get out of here, bro. What'd you think of the game? Al, get out of here.

Stop playing with me, dude. Rock Nation brunch outfit. Stop teasing me, Al. You're looking too cute in that fucking outfit, dog. I'm loving all these compliments. Little cutie patootie, bro. Let's do it. You better chill out with that thing, bro.

I swear to God. Fucking man spread and everything. Yeah, right. I saw Serena warming up for a tennis match. That shit one time, bro. She too be looking kind of brown, bro. I got to turn it. I got to turn it. I got to make it in my favor.

On Serena? I got to turn it on me. Not her. She did nothing, bro. Okay. Wait a minute. But talk that shit. Yeah, so what'd you think about it?

Son, it was fire, bro. It was an upset. Yeah. I think we all thought Liverpool had it. You know what I mean? And Real Madrid, man. The fans were super dedicated.

They wanted to get in that stadium, arena, whatever. Also, it was outdoors. That's dope. Yo, I didn't know they did that. Good weather. The weather was amazing.

You know what was unique is that they played on grass. That was the interesting element to the match, I thought. That's true, because sometimes they would kick the ball and it would slow down. It was crazy.

It would just stop rolling, and then somebody got to run to it, kick it around, pitter-patter. Yeah. I've never seen a match like that. They can't force a man out there? No, dude, they can't. It's a whole—you got to play in a park. Ah. You know what's crazy, though?

Wait, who's playing for the other team? The Yankees. Mo Salah. Oh, Mo Salah. Yeah, Mo Salah. I know Mo Salah. Sadio Mane Yeah that's Mark's favorite player

No he's from Egypt bro Yeah come on bro That's another player Sadio Mane I thought he said Saudi Arabia I was like Come on bro

This guy's racist bro Yeah he is from Egypt No but he's from Egypt Mo Salah man No Mo's nice bro Yes I like Mo Salah Look at you guys

Is that the indie dude Who got killed Wow It was You know similar right Best in peace yo Yes. I like Mosala. Look at you guys. Is that the Indian dude who got killed? Whoa. Sindhu Musawala? God damn it, dude. It was, you know, similar, right? Rest in peace, yo. It was similar.

What did he do to get killed, bro? It was similar, similar. Got shot, man. Nobody knows what happened. Where was it in? In India? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

For what reason? For some respect, bro. What reason did he get shot? Nobody knows. He was running for office. Maybe that had something to do with it. Maybe that had something to do with it. I'm ready to fuck it with him. with it. I was fucking with him.

Say what? I was fucking with him. Why was you fucking with him? Because Drake posted about him. Say what? Because Drake posted about him, so he got to pretend he knows. You don't know nothing about him.

I ain't willing to admit he's 36 or whatever the fuck. Bro, dude, you're 36. Fuck out of here, bro. He's 35. Relax. Don't put the old on me, bro. Yeah, you know who says that? Old people.

Real talk, bro. Get a different outfit, son. I'm a hater, bro. I'm a hater, son. I'm a hater. I'm tight at this point. The more he's drinking, the jokes aren't just like that.

He's just getting angry. He's just getting angry. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, fuck you. What's that dude on the train? Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck you. What's that dude on the train? Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. Yo, yo, yo.

The dude on the train. I sent this shit to hell. Yo, yo, yo. Come on, let's go. I got to go somewhere. And the conductor comes back like, we're at this station. Yo, yo, suck my dick.

Suck my dick. Suck my dick. Suck my dick, man. Suck my dick. Move the train. Suck my dick. It really get that way bro Yo this is important bro

Yeah can we talk about The Mona Lisa Could I get a date on Friday And if you're busy We didn't finish I didn't even know A song You don't remember that shit

Mona Lisa Hey Mona Lisa Could I get a date on Friday And if you're busy What I wouldn't mind I don't know what he's Saying Saturday

Yeah yeah yeah I didn't mind saying Saturday yeah yeah yeah you don't remember the Fugees though? was it the Fugees? soccer soccer look let me tell you about soccer right?

nah it was a big match soccer nah it was big it was huge they're called games Al they're not called matches it was a big game it was a big game

they was playing it and they're out there it's a big game you don't know shit the big game they call it the big game son it's not cricket they call it the big game. Son, it's not cricket. They call it the big game.

It's not the cricket. Did you call it critic? Cricket. Oh, cricket. It's America's game is what it's called. What, soccer? Yeah.

No, no, listen, I'm with soccer. I love the fact that they're out there like, oh, don't touch my hand. I can't get my hands on the ball. If my hands touch the ball,

I'm a bad man. They don't do that. They do do that. They do that a little bit. Just a little bit. When you would get to touch the ball on the sidelines, man. They don't do that. They do do that. They do that a little bit. Just a little bit. When you would get to touch the ball on the sidelines, when you get to throw it in, were you like... Oh, my God.

Was it crazy? Amazing. Is that why you throw it... Me, a naughty boy on the sidelines? But is that why you throw it with both? Because you're like, I just want all my fans touching it. Like, it's just so exciting. They hold it for a little longer.

They act like they don't have somebody to pass it to on this big-ass fucking... It takes more skill to use your feet, okay? Say what? It takes more skill to use your feet, you know? Well, if you only use your feet, then no, it doesn't. Yeah. If you focus everything on your feet, then that's it.

Have you seen them try to play basketball? They look stupid. No, we're good at basketball. Soccer players are really good at basketball. Y'all look like toxic feminists when you play basketball. I played basketball with Akash. I beat him and Tushar. You really didn't at all, though.

I did. He sucks at basketball. Hold on. Let's talk about this. No, we did. We played ball. We played ball, and I smoked everyone. Yes, bro. He really did not. He's such a best. Hold on. Let's talk about this. No, we did. We played ball. We played ball. And I smoked everyone.

Yes, bro. He really did not. He's really bad. It was like we pitied him. We were like, good shot, buddy. Like if he made one. That seems more accurate. I was about to say, yeah.

Can I be honest with you? When he shoots, how hard is it? Nobody shoots harder than Mark, son. His shit is crazy, son. If it got close to the hoop, I was like, no, good job. It's hard to hit the rim, you know what I mean? It's like you took a water balloon launcher and put the basketball there and fucking fired it up. You want to know the crazy thing?

I asked Akash the same question. Now, Akash can shoot. I know, I know. I said, Akash, what are you aiming for? Because you didn't understand. Like advice. I was like, what is... I pulled Al aside and we were like, yo, I think Mark I know. I said, Akash, what are you aiming for? Because you didn't understand. Like advice. I was like, what is... I pulled Al aside and we were like,

I think Mark's blind. But I didn't think you were both eyes blind. I thought one of you at your depth perception was off. It might be. I genuinely don't know. Basketball is a tough game. Did you have the same problem with soccer? Yeah.

Yeah. No, I was... Nah, yeah. I didn't want to bring it up. I didn't really want to bring it up I didn't really want to bring it up I was going to go pro I could have gone pro You were good at soccer right? I could have gone pro yeah but I chose to do comedy

How much do they pay like a professional Like what is What is What is this salary? He just took a D for his career. Like, what does it feel like knowing that you make more money than every soccer player in America? What is that like? No, I was going to go to Europe, bro.

I could have been Ronaldo. Wait, could you have actually played, like, a division? No? If anything, you could have played here. Yeah. I was looking at like D3, maybe D2. Stop it. What?

You got an offer to play at your school. Yeah, D2. And then what happened? I said I'm good. You didn't want to do it. Why would you take the offer from D2? I didn't want to play my shit either. Yeah.

Yeah, who's taking the offer from D2? I didn't get an offer. I didn't get an offer. I didn't get an offer. But I decided it was me. It wasn't on them. I was D1, but I decided. Yeah. off but I decided it was me it wasn't on them I was D1 but I decided

but then I'll give them buckets in the three on three little bitch ass Nancy's but think about this you still have four years of eligibility what so I could run it back? you could go back

you could go back bro UCSB yeah but you could go you could go grad school you could get another degree you and Steve Nash or whatever the fuck think about that

Santa Clara god damn it damn how do you know you're a college ball a little bit. Think about that, bro. You could go back, get another degree, study some other shit. Who? Four years. Should I play soccer? You could also do that. We were the college champs

when I was there. Did you have anything to do with that? Yeah. What did you do? Cheerleading on the side. No, bro. I was out there stealing their bitches. You could have been a good goalie. You could have been a good goalie. You could have been a good keeper. Why do you say that?

You look like every European goalkeeper in the world. Why do you say that? Because I'm pale and I'm white? Yes. And also because I'm nose? I get tagged in a picture a week of just some random goalkeeper. Literally every old person that showed up at Ellis Island, that's me. Every soccer player that's not handsome That's famous That's me

Like nobody ever tags me In Ronaldo Nah you look like A lot of people bro Honestly Richie You look like a lot of people You gotta get wingspan I do have a good wingspan

That one's actually In the yellow shirt especially Go back to the Hey you guys Go back to that one Where he's in the middle Of the Franks and Beans Yeah bro

You look good in all these Look at that He in the middle of the Franks and Beans. Yeah, bro. You look good in all these. Look at that. He was the hero of the match. That's me right there. Who was the hero of the match? That's Courtois. Courtois. Oh, the goalie.

Yes. Lampard. I know him. Okay. Do you know what I mean? Alves. Yes. Diego Sanchez.

Who do you think has got it next year? Who's your favorite team? I think FC Moscow Bruh I think I think FC Moscow

About to take it bro Yeah they could take it That's a good point I think so World Cup time We all gotta take teams Who won The World Cup

Nah that's Champions Real Madrid Told you bro I know bro Yeah What was the final score 1-0

1-0 1-0 That's what they said He doesn't know any lingo I don't know I'm sorry I'm sorry Miles I was trying to translate for you

Don't you like Translate for me I was trying to translate for you guys You're like football Don't you like football Yes I do I was trying to This guy bro

This guy got it The more he says that The more I hate his outfit Yo fuck his outfit No no but I says that, the more I hate his outfit. Yo, fuck his outfit. No, no, but I got no jokes for it, but fuck his outfit. I've got nice arms, bro.

I ain't going front, bro. You got nice arms. I got shit legs, nice up top. It's a trade-off. I didn't say your hole up top, bro. Yeah, he said arms specifically. Your torso's trash.

In three weeks, me and him, we'll both kill him, right? I'll take my shirt off. No, I don't trust you in three weeks because you're one of them crazy motherfuckers

who do liquid diet. I'll do anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In three weeks, we got him. I'll do a calf-raising competition with you. So how do we measure this? I go crazy for a best.

You tell me what we got to do, I'm going to do it, bro. What we got to do? Switch flipped in this, man. You see that? How are we going to measure? It got very real. He wants no details.

He wants no details. How are we doing? So it's just competition. That's what motivates you. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah, but it has to be agreed on competition.

I bet you can't clown your outfit, son. I bet you can't. I just don't have to agree with that. And then I'm like, yeah, whatever. You have to actually have skin in the game. Yes. All right, guys. All right, guys.

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fee promotion and you're going to buy the blood. Mark, do you have something to share with us about the Mona Lisa? I have a very important thing, okay? The Mona Lisa over the weekend got defaced. Bitch deserve it. By a vandal. About time, bro. What took so long? Smashed cake all over it. But it's, I mean, you guys

have seen the Mona Lisa. Obviously, you know, you're not poor. You're not uncultured swine. Yes. No, no. It's cool that all of us here have seen it. We're very lucky. Now, question. You know that it's behind a glass case.

Yes. It's kind of shocking that all art isn't. Yeah. Given the price, right? Just one guy there getting paid eight bucks. He's like, hey, don't touch that. Yeah.

That's crazy. They got a little rope. Priceless. Jackson Pollock. Logan Pollock got a glass case on a Pokemon card. But a fucking, I mean, this is, there are paintings up there that are from, I mean, if you go to the Louvre, it's nuts. Like, there are some, like, amazing things that are just ready for you to destroy.

And people have done it's nuts. There are some amazing things that are just ready for you to destroy. And people have done it. I think there are people who went into museums and started... Slashing? Yeah, either slashing paintings, but also destroying the statues, right? Wasn't that a big thing? I've never seen that with a statue. That happened in America with all the Confederacy shit. Yeah, they took down

those statues. They took down those crazy statues that everyone hates. By the way, you do know the color scheme of your shirt as well. Yeah, red, white, and blue, baby. Let's go. Memorial Day, dog. Robert E. Lee didn't believe in it. You know what I mean?

Like, he was against it. Like, he was educated in the North, but he just had to do it. Exactly. Like, he went to West Point and everything, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was actually a Northern Indian. He wanted to unite the whole country. Well, no, he believed in freedom. You know what I mean? Yeah. More than that other stuff. Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was actually a Northern Indian. He wanted to unite the whole country. Well, no, he believed

in freedom, you know what I mean? Yeah. More than that other stuff. Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah, totally. Everyone's got a bad past, Dov. Exactly, right? Jeez.

Let's be serious. Who is the president of the Confederacy? What? Who is the president of the Confederacy? Benzema. I think it was

Kareem Benzema. Kareem Benzema. Thatem Benzema that's his name bro who was it Jeffrey Finnis Davis Davis Jefferson Davis

Jefferson Davis what did you say Jeffrey Finnis Jefferson Finnis Davis yeah

Jefferson Finnis okay so what do we think about this Mona Lisa can I get a date on Friday

being defaced? One, old white women can get away with anything. Well, it actually wasn't. I was a woman. It was a guy dressed as an old woman. A guy dressed as an old woman. Oh, because he knew.

He knew. He went full Ms. Doubtfire, smashed that shit. Yeah. And did he get away with it? I mean, what are you going to do? Got arrested. But like, what is the crime for putting whipped cream on glass? He was trying to destroy it, though.

So it's just on the glass, though? It's just on the glass. Is this a new story? Someone's going to clean it later that night. Son, it's Windex. Yeah. Make him clean it and you're good. He didn't deface the Mona Lisa.

He defaced the glass. Yeah, the glass in front of the Mona Lisa. I can't believe this is a story. I'm not mad at you. I'm saying this is a non-story. Talk that shit. Why are they making a fucking big deal about glass getting whipped cream on it? Damn, bro.

Imagine you're sitting inside your car, and some guy walks up to you and goes, yo, Akash, I fucking hate you, and then throws a pie at the car. Now, was I going to pay somebody? Exactly. But the fact that he was trying to hurt you makes sense. That's annoying. It's annoying You get cursed out But I don't know

If it's like you go to jail For that or if it's A national news story Not to mention In New York You guys probably Weren't driving in New York For this but like

When we were growing up Motherfuckers would just Walk up to your car And like clean it Start cleaning that bitch Oh yeah By putting the garbage on it Or whatever the fuck that was

Like soap That shit worked though Did it really? Yeah You actually cleaned The fuck out of your one You actually let them Clean your shit

I would never let them touch my ass. You never let them touch your shit, bro. Nah, nah. Once they touch you, you gotta pay. Yeah. You think his Indian ass is tipping a motherfucker? One time a guy did do it against my will, and I was just like, I'm not paying!

And then I drove off like a real bitch. But I was like, no, no, no, don't, don't, don't. And then he just kept doing it. And I was like, what do you want from me, man? Yeah, he probably saw you. He's like, yeah, I can get up. Yeah, he could guilt me into it. I ain't no bitch.

Not with the windows up and the doors locked. Motherfucker. Must not know me. I'm a thug with the windows up and the door locked. You're out here tripping. You're on to me, bro. I got a reputation out here. I got a rep.

It's your carnival. I got a reputation out here. I got a rep. And you're a carnival. I'm a bad motherfucker. As long as the child safety locks are on, I'm in good shape. When are you going to get this minivan, bro? Huh?

You got to prove the people wrong when you get this minivan. Son, whenever. What do you mean? Actually, I take that back. When I move out of New York. When I move out of New York. Possibly.

Hold on, hold on. We're going to lock you to this. We're going to lock you to this. No, no, no. When you get married. Yo, whenever. That's what it hits you with. The possibly. I'll get going to lock you to this. We're going to lock you to this. No, no, no. When you get married. Yo, whenever. That's going to hit you with the possibly. Hey, I'll get the Kia when you get married.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. See how that flipped? Bitch. Bitch. Motherfucker. Try me again. What are you listening to? Good job.

Wait a minute. That is a good idea. Yeah. It's a wedding gift to you. I'll get a Kia minivan. Wait, wait, wait. But that's never going to happen. If you move out the city to the next place you live,

guaranteed Kia Carnival. Son, I don't even want to do this to you because I know that you're so fucking stupid you're actually going to buy this car. It's such a great car. No, I believe it's great. I do believe it's great. And I believe it's functional. Hyundai has another it's great and I believe it's functional.

Hyundai has another minivan coming out. Somebody tagged me and that shit was sick. Cars is a bunch of brands that just use old, reused parts. What's wrong with that?

What's wrong with that? Ikea and Honda. Can I say one thing about What's wrong with that? It's not Burlington Car Factory you motherfucker. I think it is but I think

No, it's not. What's wrong with using old parts, dude? That was one of those weird times where that was a really good pun. And I don't know why it didn't work as well as it did, but that was fucking good. I thought it was great.

Burlington Car Factory is good. Thank you, dawg. That deserved more, dawg. Yeah, thank you, man. Yeah, I should have given more. Yeah. That deserved more from me. Yeah, you're a piece of shit.

I am a piece of shit. I was just looking at the Rorschach test on the action show. There we go. We found some momentum. Okay, but why don't you get, oh, okay, that was it. The Kia thing. Have you guys seen the new branding for Kia?

It's like their electric car? No. Oh, if there's an electric minivan. No, it's not a minivan. It's kind of like almost an SUV type. Kia... Fuck is it? The Hyundai 5 just minivan. No, it's not a minivan. It's not a minivan. It's kind of like almost an SUV type. Kia. Fuck is it? The Hyundai Ioniq 5 just came out. What is it? The Hyundai Ioniq 5 just came out.

Look, yo, the new Kia branding is kind of sick. Yeah, Kia and Hyundai are coming up. Doesn't it look like almost 3Ks? Look at you now, Al. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, what? What's happening? Doesn't it look like 3Ks?

What do you mean? What are you talking about? That shit is sick. No, but isn't Suicide, what? What's happening? Doesn't it look like three kings? What do you mean? What are you talking about? That shit is sick. No, but is it? Suicide doors. That shit is sick. That's no way. I don't know if that's suicide.

No, that's suicide. That shit opens, you want to kill yourself. That's what I call it. That's your car. You drive it off a clear, I drive a Kia. Kia might be on it, bro.

Bruh. Why don't you look at that shit right there? Whatever that shit is. No, that's sick. Kia, bro. That's sick. That could be right next to my minivan. So you're going to have a collection of the worst cars?

You just said that was a nice car. To trick you. To have fun, bro. I love that car. To move beyond that. It's a beautiful vehicle. Is there no car that, let's say, for example. Can't you have both?

Can't you have a sick-ass car and a minivan for practical purposes? Can't you have an impractical car and a practical car? Can I ask you one both? Can't you have a sick-ass car and a minivan for practical purposes? Can't you have an impractical car and a practical car? Can I ask you one question? What do you need to be practical about? You're putting money every week into imaginary coins. It's all imaginary. Dollars are imaginary. Cars are not imaginary. Yeah, but dollars are

imaginary. Stocks are imaginary. It's all a fucking thing. It's all made of things. Stocks are not. AT&T's a real company. Yeah, but the price is based simply on what I perceive itup thing. No, they're not. AT&T's a real company. Yeah, but the price is based simply on what I perceive it to be. No, it's not. It's based on how much revenue comes in every single year. No, no, no. That's absolutely wrong. You're talking about GameStop. Amazon went up.

No, Amazon for years went up, and it was not profitable because people believed in Amazon. And they were right. They were right. Back up on that. Amazon wasn't profitable. Amazon was not profitable, but the stock price kept rising. This is is like 2005 i remember my finance professor telling us all the time it's funny that i'm putting all in bitcoin with finance professor but he was like it doesn't matter what the company makes it matters what people think the company will be worth the stock

will be worth yeah the stock market is just based on what you think it'll be worth yeah that makes sense but like a positive trajectory for a company would be like acquisition of users. So maybe Amazon's acquisition of users was going way up and they were eating up new market share in this new space that you're betting on. And I can say the same thing about Bitcoin. People keep buying into Bitcoin. People keep believing. Countries keep adopting. We also have to – I'm in on Bitcoin too.

Like I have it, right? So I'm not bullshitting, I'm not just like a hater from the outside. I'm also invested, right? But there is a fundamental difference between a company that generates revenue and something that we all just believe in. Pokemon cards are Bitcoin. So baseball cards

or sneakers to a certain extent. You can even say like watches. A watch itself's value is really what we believe. It's all perception. But the company that makes the watches, if it has revenue increasing or more users,

you can be like, oh, this company is profitable. Yes. So that's, there is, you can't say that Amazon is the same as Bitcoin. I'm not saying it's the same,

but I'm saying it's all perception at the end of the day. Perception matters? Yes. Maybe it matters more. It matters more for Bitcoin than it is other shit. It's more perception based with Bitcoin than it does other shit. It's more perception

based with Bitcoin than it is stocks. But it's still perception. Right, right, right, right. Okay, so like when you guys make your first $10,000, I want you guys to do like, when you guys, you're gonna put it into a Roth IRA. And then? And then you're just gonna let it sit there.

No. I was gonna put his money into a car. That And then? And then you're just going to let it sit there. No. Al's going to put his money into a car. That's why he's sitting in a Kia. Al, what's your first car going to be? I got it right.

You got a Tesla. No, I mean like a grown up. Like when you become like a grown car. Oh, you mean not a fake Porsche. You know what I'm saying? That's it.

You're talking about first car, right? Let me tell you, he gets very defensive when you run into a car. I'm going to be honest with you. No, I'm sorry gets very defensive when you're riding in the car. I'll be honest with you. He starts swinging. They ready.

Volkswagen. My bad. That was wild for you to go at him. Yeah, right? It was the easiest. Right? Come on. You left your arms down.

You left your hands down. You got fake hair. It's fucking so fake. You fuck you out. You don't know everything about you. You're not even that tan. You get spray tans every week. Fuck you. I was white, actually. You fuck you out. You know everything about you. You're not even that tan. You get spray tans every week. Fuck you.

I was white, actually. Son of a bitch. You're not enjoying your glasses. You're actually a bigger prescription. Back to the Mona Lisa. That was an unfair shot for you. Fuck, I did walk into that one, didn't I? Yeah, that was on you.

That was on you, bro. I was thinking like your car for the future. This is the car that you've always wanted, but now you want some other shit. Not really. Tesla's always been my thing. This is the car you've always wanted forever. There's no other car.

I'll probably get maybe the Model S or something like that. I'll probably get that. What? No, I'll probably get like Model S or... Get the Roadster, yo. Roadster, man. But I'll always stay in Tesla. Yeah, you're going to stay in Tesla

and then maybe get a real vintage car. Just saying. Why is Dub? That was he taking a shot. I ain't taking a shot. But I'm always staying Tesla. Yeah, you're going to stay Tesla and then maybe get a real vintage car. Just saying. That was he taking a shot. I didn't take a shot. That was him taking a shot. Can I be honest with you? I thought there'd be a laugh.

I thought there'd be a second laugh. No, no, no, no, no, no. We're not doing this. We all thought there would be a laugh. That was just mean. It was mean. He tried to rope me into it. I was like, wow. I was like, whoa. Why can't he just be on that by himself? He tried to rope me into it. I was like, wow. I was like, whoa.

Why can't he just be on that by himself? He tried to bring you in and tried to divide us. If the key to your apartment is still flat, if the key to your apartment is a fucking MetroCard, I don't want to hear shit come out of you. He's just missing out on the Mona Lisa thing, bro. Why? Why would they ruin the perfectly good cake?

You know what I mean? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yo, Miles, yo. I'll switch. I'll switch. I'll switch. Yo, Miles, you got to say it.

I'll switch. I'll switch. I'll switch. Hold on, hold on. Glad they forgot about what I said. All right, guys, go in here. Al, go here. I need to watch over him.

I need to watch over him. Yo, rip those tags, too. You can rip those. I'm going to sit here for a second. Sit right here. Sit right here. Oh, my God. Sit right here.

Listen, come here. What was that? Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. Oh, my God. What was that?

Is it safe? Take your Bible. Hey, Mark. Come on. Thank you so much for getting me out of that. Thank you so much. Yo, it wasn't the worst joke. No, no, no, no, no.

It was so bad. Do not bail him out. Do not bail him out. That shit was horrible. It started so bad. Do not bail him out. Do not bail him out. That shit was horrible. It started so bad. What was the joke? I blocked it out. Because I didn't want it to make a negative impact on my life.

He was mad they wasted cake. He was calling Dove fat. That's a good joke. It just took so long, bro. He's not even a big eater, though. I'm also not fat. He's the one that's eating. No, no, no.

Don't do it, because you are fat. Take off your shirt Mark take off your shirt No stop it We got Mark against the ropes We gotta get back on Mark We gotta get back on Mark This is about both

You relax Does he eat cake or not Does he eat cake or not No no no That's the question No You're talking to Dessert Boy right there

Does he eat cake or not You know it's from If he eats cake It's a good joke If he eats cake It's a good joke He does eat cake. If he eats cake, it's a good joke. If he eats cake, it's a good joke. Does he eat cake or not? Not like Andrew eats cake.

Wait, why are we coming at me? I'm not trying to make fun of you. Can we have a truce or build like a corn muffin? Can we have a truce? Can we have a truce or build like a corn muffin? You look like a corn muffin.

Can we have a truce? Corn muffins are delicious. Corn muffins are delicious. Honestly. Add some ambers to his lighting right here. He's shining off of this. He's bouncing.

Wait, wait. Hey, guys, guys, guys. Let's focus. Mark. Okay, go, go, go. Yes, exactly. Get him. If Dobby's cake, it's a good joke.

Wait, what was the joke? What? Is there an explanation here? Is there like a breakdown of it or something like that? Do you have like a triangle offense or something like that? Where's the science behind that joke? Carry the two. Say again?

Shut the fuck up over there. No twos here. We dropped the two. Listen, I want to get back to whatever the fuck got us here, which was... Yo, while we're making fun of jokes bombing from Mark, he opened for me in Tacoma.

He's hosting first show. I be forgetting, yo. in Tacoma. He's hosting first show. I be forgetting, yo. I be forgetting. He's hosting first show and I'm like, hey, just have fun. I don't care how it goes. I just want you to have fun. You better than me. He walks out there and then I don't hear anything. I hear silence. I hear Mark go out

and then he's like, hey, what's up, guys? You're black. What's that like? And that's just the opening fucking joke. He's in Washington. He's comfortable. It's like his people. Finally. Finally.

I was like, bruh, this is what's fun for you? I said have fun. This is how you open? Hey, you're black. Let's talk about it. Did it work out? No. It did for me.

Dead silent. Dead silent. He dug himself into a four minute hole. He worked his way out. But that shit was a hole he put himself into. You gotta put yourself in a hole to get out. There was no joke behind it.

There was no clever lines. I love a race joke. It's just gotta be a joke. We're in Washington. It's all white people. I was like, damn, a lot of white people. I didn't know they had black people here. I don't even think you said that. Did you say that? Which is also not the most original joke, to be honest with you. Oh, yeah.

No, I didn't say it was original. But you didn't even say that. You were just like, hey, you're black. We're talking about it. I was the first to know all these people. I was like, damn, I didn't know they got black people. Fight for your life, Mark. Do it, dog.

This corner seems crazy. I didn't know we were going to just start shitting on Mark's comedy, bro. I thought he was just doing a fun comedy podcast. He's a fucking great comic. Your comedy ain't original. You be bombing it. Mark's a great comic. I wouldn't bring this up ever.

Dub, I need a joke right now, please. We got to go back on tour. Someone that knows good comedy, I need a joke. Dub, go. Can you give us a joke? Go. Dub, we need to get bail on tour. Someone that knows good comedy. I need a joke. Duff, go. Can you give us a joke? Go. Duff, we need to get bailed out. Just make fun of me.

Do what you guys always do. No, we never make fun of you. You always shoot shots first. Yeah, you do shoot. That is true. Really? Yeah. Have you ever had a full beard before?

Would you like it? I'm being serious. I'm like wondering if you'd look good with a full beard. Why are you shooting with that? Hold on, the tag's coming. The tag's coming. It's not a tag. I haven't done a punchline first. I don't know. It'm like wondering if you'd look good with a full beard. Why are you shooting with that? Hold on, the tag's coming. The tag's coming. It's not a tag. I haven't done a punchline first.

I don't know. You're saying you're fucking lingo. I'm being serious. I think that you might look good with a full beard and then your nose hairs would be able to connect with it and it would just be

this perfect synergy. So that's the punchline, right? Is that how that works? Is that how the joke works? It does work like that because I'm funny. And that's a tag. Okay, Jesus Christ,

how do you fucking jerk, bro? Okay, but did Mark have some good shows there? Mark killed it. It was just those first three, four minutes. And every show after that was fire, but then

the first three, four minutes. No, no, no, I bombed the third and the fourth and the fourth. No, no, no. Mark killed it. Mark's super funny. I just think he hadn't hosted in a while or something. He just came out and I was like, what's happening, yo?

I'm trying to think about the funniest hosting moment that we got from Mark. Oh, I've had a couple, bro. Yo, he be doing that shit sometimes. I remember when we were doing a crowd work special in D.C. and it was like the final show and we were like, everybody just go out and have fun. Mark just goes out there. He's like,

hey, what's up? What are you, Somalian or something like that? And the guy's like, what? And then was he or not? Yeah. He was. Yes. And then you were like, cool. He had nothing for it. This is growth, okay?

This is what happens. You go out there sometimes. You see other people do a joke. But Andrew does it and it works so good. So I was like, oh, I can do it. Whoa, whoa, let's go. That's my point. Andrew, he was asking guys.

They go back and forth. They got some jokes. And I was like, oh, how hard can it be? I'll do that. Yeah, it's so fun for me. Let's all talk about your guys' bombs. Let's try it. Andrew's got me bombed. They got some jokes. I was like, oh, how hard can it be? I'll do that. It's so fun for me. Let's all talk about your guys' balls. That Andrew's got me balls. We'd be able to watch them if Alex actually recorded them.

Oh, God. Hey, hey. I tossed it. I tossed it. There's no proof. There's no proof. There's no proof of any of this. Oh, my God.

I tossed it up. Oh, my God. I of any of this. Oh my gosh. I tossed it up. I tossed it up. Oh my God. Oh God. Oh, fuck me. Thank God we re-recorded this podcast. That's an alley right there.

That's a setup, Al. I mean, that's a setup, Duff. Duff, who are you texting right now? Who could you possibly be texting? Remember he was taking notes? It happened. I'm working. I'm like, what?

Now we're not as busy. So now we know you're just fucking around. Before, you used to be able to fuck around, and then we're like, oh, he's working, he's booking things. It's getting cryo for the show. Yeah, I felt bad from last week. This week, I'm like, what the fuck are you doing, bro? Yeah, there's nothing You were very sweet

with me, though, last night. You were very sweet with me. When you were crying? When I was crying. I was going through it last night, boy. He was crying? No, I wasn't crying.

But I was like... No, that made it sound like you were crying. No, no, I wasn't crying. No, I wasn't crying. No, I wasn't crying. That was a crying ass thing. That's some crybaby shit to say. No, I wasn't crying.

I might have been tearing up a little bit. One tear streamed down my face. I was crying because of one tear. I just got a little watery. Come on, sorry. I can't get choked up. I can't be a man. You know what I mean?

I have feelings. Don't mean I cry, though. I wasn't crying, bro. What did Dove do? How did he console you? He was just really sweet. He was a good friend, bro. Dove is a great friend.

Honestly, Dove is a worst friend the better you're doing. And the worse you're doing, the better a friend he is. I believe that. That's him. He can't handle compliments or praise. No, that's not true.

I think, wait, wait, wait. Whenever we compliment him on the podcast, he just fires back with an insult. It's like, yo, why are you being so unlikable right now? Yo, thanks for building the studio. I'm Zelinsky. You can't expect me to have that dynamic if I'm just used to just being roasted,

which I actually enjoy because I'm challenging you just to keep on roasting better. He's challenging us. Keep on, yeah. Do better. Just keep on being funnier. Yo, has he ever liked a joke?

Every joke got a little fucking criticism to go with it, right? Like, every joke, bro. Do better, bro. Yeah, do better. You ain't doing good enough, bro. Oh, that's such a back of the table, the comics. What does that even mean? Yeah, that's just a joke that the best comics in the world tell.

Yeah. Okay, so I should do what Akash does? Hey, Mark, go have fun out there. And you just fucking bomb for four minutes? No. I think you made him... I think you thought now he's going to make me look bad. What are you saying right now? He bombed when you gave him the crowd work thing.

No, pressure. I like the pressure. I don't know what you're talking about right now. I truly don't know what you're talking about. Get back against the wall. I don't know what you're talking about. Your back ends against the wall. You got to get out of this. Out of here. I don't know what you're talking about right now, but I know if I had to come on a set of tits in this room. If I was a Kardashian,

I needed to fucking have the semen just drinking out of your belly button. Deep? Deep. You think mine is deeper than yours? I guarantee you. I got lost in his setup, yo. That shit was mad. I needed a man for that shit, bro. Hold on, hold on.

The fuck happened? Hold on, hold on. Do better, Dove. Don't worry. I won't need to go on stage. How do I challenge you to be funnier? Hey, have some fun on this podcast, yo. Hey, Dove, just have fun.

Just have fun out there, bro. We're not here for fun. Just have fun out there. Hold on, hold on. Do you want to challenge each other in a depth of belly button contest? Yeah. I want to do a body shot off Doug, bro.

That should be fun. You'd be drunk, son. Put a Corona in there, bro. We could do party straws. So we'll have a fishbowl. We're in Cancun, baby. No, but you are so likable when you laugh at it. You're so likable.

Send your frogs over here. No, likable. You always compliment you. You never told us a story about your elbows. Yeah, they wasted cake on the moment. Nah, this motherfucker. We was about to go in. We were all in the same thing. He was trying to get a bath. Fucking Morgan Whalen did a game.

Cake thing. You guys know the cake thing? No. Tell us the story about your elbow. Why thing. You guys know the cake thing? No. Tell us the story about your elbow. Why do you got an elbow like Padma Lakshmi? Wait, she's bad. Yeah, but the elbow, the same. He got the same scar.

Oh. I had surgery from doing flips on a bed as a kid. What happened, though? I've never heard this story. It's terrible. Just tell us. I want to say that I was doing flips on the bed and then I fell off.

But my mom was doing Superman, you know when they do Superman as a kid? But I said, okay, launch me off. You're so fast she dropped you? I was very fit. Andrew knows from the start of college. That's all I heard. So watch.

Honey! Honey! Honey! Honey! My parents were divorced when my mom had to do all the dad things. Anyway. Stop being a victim, bro.

She launched me off. You're a piece of shit. Come on, son. I feel this pain. Do you know? My mom couldn't lift me either, bro. I couldn't save myself. That's cap.

You know it, son. So she launched me off and said, okay, launch me like Superman, but she didn't let go of my arm, so it snapped in half. Your mom broke your own arm because you were so annoying? Say Superman one more time.

It's like, yeah, now you're going to learn. Yo, I didn't know that. You told me it was backflips, but that's the real story. That's the real reason. I love that you shared that right now. Oh, great. Does she feel bad about that?

She did. She did when the nurse thought that she was an abuser when we walked up to the emergency room. No. Your mom's too sweet. Mm-hmm. What the hell?

I'm just saying, like, a kid's walking up and his arm is snapped in half. And mom's, like, freaking out. I think it's more to the story. They had to ask the question, though. Tell us what happened. Is there a crazier story than that?

I don't know. You just brought up abuse. I felt bad. We never said nothing about abuse. I felt bad. You felt bad about what? For your mom. For my mom.

She knew what she did. Mom? Your mom can't do nothing wrong. Thank you. Yo, that's good, though. You get to guilt a Jewish mom. For my mom. She knew what she did. Mom? Your mom can't do nothing wrong. Thank you. Yo, that's good, though. You get to guilt a Jewish mom. That's rare. Yeah, you get to flip it.

That's nice, probably, for a Jewish son. Do you ever bring that up? Do you, like, grab it when she's yelling at you? Ow. Yeah, I'd be like, I think it's going to rain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is that, scientifically, they can find out if it's going to rain? You got to ask a real Indian for that shit, bro.

I don't know. Sick, you know? Barometric pressure. Pakistani. Wait, what is it? Just like... Come on, son. Vala, do you know?

All we got is brown dudes here, huh? Son, we taking over. We taking this bitch over. Oh, shit. They don't know why the fucking rain is coming. Come on, bro. Now,'t know why the fucking rain is coming. Come on, bro. Now, Mark knows why the rain is coming, and also Miles is fucking salivating.

Oh, yeah, this is Miles' brain butter. He was just doing the bird bit. Motherfuckers in the corner is like... Oh, you had a useless question? He's like, yo, tap me in, coach. Tap me in, coach. Miles, hit it. I don't know the answer.

I did break my arm way worse than Dove more times in my life. That's what you interrupted for, yo. And I do have it. I do have it. No, no, I do have it. No, but this is true because one of Miles' arms is worse than mine. Miles' arm, one of them is shorter than the other or something like that. Look at this little gimpy Finding Nemo.

Oh. Let me see. How much shorter? Do it from that way. You can't see it. This is going to be a fun joke. Yo, just raise the, just put one down. You can do it from a different angle, bro.

I don't think it's shorter, dog. At an angle. It's just smaller. It's just smaller. Oh, smaller, not shorter. Yeah. Yeah. But I do get that.

When it gets cold or it's going to rain and shit, my arm hurts. Can you finger a girl with that hand? No, not at all. When you try to finger with the left, what happens? Just go straight, rigamortis? Yeah. That's his excuse. The other arm is just his jerk-off arm.

Is that what it is? Are you beating dick with the other arm? Which one's your jerk-off arm? Left. You jerk off with the weaker one? Yeah. Because it's like a woman. Yeah, it's me.

That's true. I do the same thing. I go lefty. You go lefty? Yeah. Because you don't really know what you're doing? Yeah. Because it's like a woman. Yeah. That's true. I do the same thing. I go lefty. You go lefty? Yeah. Because you don't really know what you're doing? Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, you got to prepare yourself. Or two hands, yeah. Dude, which side of your throat do you use? Dude, it's like, what do you use? I'm actually ambidextrous. I can go both.

You can go both sides. Yeah, yeah. Just hit the console. Yeah, I feel you, dude. Yeah, you guys are just whipping around throwing up your butt, bro. Like, that's the sexy part. Yo, yo, yo, yo, dude. Damn, you guys are just whipping around throwing up your butt, bro. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.

You are gay. I'm sorry we're not all heterosexual. You're just throwing up your own butt. It really takes like 10 years for black dudes to get on board with gay jokes. Oh, yeah. Once we're on board, we go in. Then you go in.

White boy fun is fun, bro. It is fun, bro. It's white, bro. Then you go in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. White boy fun is fun, bro. It is fun, bro. It's white boy fun. It's fun. Exactly. It's plain and simple fun. That's all it is. It's fun.

Why we deny it? Oh, gosh. I think we need a couch, bro. Couch is a thing. Couch is so fun, dude. Couch is so fun. I'm feeling mad left out, to be honest with you.

Now you know how I feel. Son, that's why I try to fucking hit them as often as possible. I got a fucking emotional breakdown on that goddamn stupid-ass stool over there that I got. Hmm. We're going to have another hour

about this fucking jam. Dove, can you cuddle him? Just cuddle him, please, Dove. Yo, Dove is sick of me, dude. But he was a good friend last night. I give you that. Last night. Look, sorry.

Hey, listen, we got to cut the podcast short. We got to cut the podcast. We're running out of juice. We're running out of juice. Listen, Habibi. Listen, Habibi. Hey, Akash, get in here. Akash, get in here. Habibi, Habibi, listen.

We have to stop the podcast because literally Mark's microphone has shut off, right? Which is what he hoped happened in Tacoma. I can't even defend myself. It wasn't that bad. It's been all just that bomb. That shit blew up the mic. Okay, okay, seriously.

Okay, I got my elbow on Alex's. Oh, bro, my bad. It was your leg. I thought it was your middle finger, bro. Fuck. That's how you do it. That's how you do it. I've been working, all right?

I've been working. That's what I'm saying, bro. I'm fucking trying. It won't grow. All right, like, we got to end the episode. We love y'all. We appreciate y'all. We got something fun for y'all

this coming Friday, matter of fact. Big. Okay? Yeah, big coming up this Friday. That's the mic. That's not me. I'm speaking normal. The mic is losing battery.

Listen, make sure y'all go see Top Gun. And no, we don't got Tom Cruise and none of those other motherfuckers on the podcast. We got something even better. Go see Top Gun. And no, we don't got Tom Cruise and none of those other motherfuckers on the podcast. We got something even better. Go see Top Gun. All right? Appreciate y'all. Peace.