Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Schulz Almost Dies On Vacation

Episode Date: January 5, 2021

This week Andrew, Akaash, AlexxMedia, Mark and Taylor discuss Schulz near death experience in Hawaii, how to last longer in bed, Trump's leaked audio, the upcoming Apple Car, Andrew's obsession with the genome, and much more. INDULGE! Want an extra episode a week? Join the Flagrant Army www.Patreon.com/FLAGRANT2 Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a choir then welcome to The Flagrancy.

What's up, everybody? We're back. It's your boy, Schultz. Akash Singh, Alex Media, Mark Gagnon. Taylor in the other room. Slapping the bass. You know what I'm saying? No disrespect.

Look, man. Serious moment. I do want to address something uh very important and uh that is um as we've always said on this this podcast uh we have to believe all farmers if a farmer alleges something if an indian farmer alleg something, we have to believe it. Even if we didn't research it at all. Okay? Even if we just trusted our podcast co-hosts and assumed that they would know a lot about Indian things. I'm right, yo.

I'm right. You good. You Gucci. I'm viral, son. Gucci, yo. I'm killing it, bro. I'm out here. I'm with you farmers.

Even though none of y'all got the internet, you poor fucks. But for real, we standing with you. I'm a jot do you know what a jot is i do i learned what that shit is too after the fact what i'm referencing is um you are jut though if you know what jets are you that you that how you pronounce it jut jut is jot we gotta shed some light on the farmers bro so basically basically to let everybody know akash has been telling us about this farm situation is going on in india farmers apparently are you know there's a new bill that's getting passed that's going to, I guess, you know,

decrease wages even further potentially. Word. RIP to the farmers. RIP to the farmers. I'm sure there's, I'm sure there's two sides to every story.

You know, Mr. Two sides to every story, Mark, coming in. You know, when we were talking about this before the podcast,

Mr. Two sides of the story, Mark comes in. He goes, do you even know what they farm? They're not farming slaves, Mark. I'm pretty sure whenever they're farming,

we can support them, Mark. It could be a bad thing. What could they possibly be farming? Soy. Whoa, dude. I'd be okay with that. I like a little soy. Come on, soy sauce?

What, I'm supposed to dip my sushi in, bro? You never had no edamame? It gives you titties. I'll tell you what gives you titties. Work on a Netflix soy? Yeah. Come on, soy sauce? What, I'm supposed to dip my sushi in, bro? You ain't never had no edamame? It gives you titties. No, it's not. I'll tell you what gives you titties. Work on a Netflix for three months. Pass your titties for titties. Your boy was looking like a beluga on the beach, bro.

I posted one picture of my girl, who's been working out for the last three months, and me next to each other on the beach from a distance, because the close-up would have been too crazy. And I looked fucking horrendous,ous dude my body went to shit first of all you 37 second of all don't come back i used to take two shits i had a six-pack again now bro it is bad news for me your boy is sloppy hey bro i started in bad shape i'm i'm coasting now. Yo, that's game. Y'all catching up to me. You started fat. Yeah. So anything not fat.

It's a win. It's a win. I'm winning, y'all. I'm beating genetics. You're like the Browns. I am the Browns. We made it to the playoffs, y'all. No.

My motherfucker doesn't gain weight over Thanksgiving. He's like, we did it. I'm the Browns. That's perfect. Oh. All right. Before we catch up, I want to catch up with everybody. I do have to tell y'all a funny, not a funny story, a fucked up story.

Okay. Because I didn't tell you guys this when I was on vacation. Because I didn't want to, you know, rattle you guys. But real talk, I'm lucky to be here right now. Really? I almost drowned in Hawaii. 100%. I thought that was like a hit on you or something.

No, I almost drowned, bro. The water, bro. I was in the water. I don't know if that's where you drowned. The ocean? The ocean. I'm in Lanai hawaii right small island hawaii remember i told you that was the one island that doesn't have surf

right yeah and i was like fuck how i picked the vacation on the one place it doesn't have surf i love surfing right i mean i love surfing so much i went to the fucking this surf park in waco texas instead of seeing chappelle and uh joe rogan. I drove two hours to go surf at- Waco's a wild place, too. Waco, Texas. That's where the cult was or some shit, right? Yeah, that's where the cult was, yeah. They all be raping everybody.

Son, but outside of that part of it, this surf pool is absolutely amazing. I got to surf with these guys. They were incredible. What? Not real. They were amazing, bro. Outside of the cult?

Outside of the cult and the shooting and whatever happened there, the BSR surf camp, bro. You guys got to go. That shit is absolutely amazing. Perfect swell. Thank you all so much for having me. It was unbelievable.

I'm at Lanai. Okay? I go surf the first day. Historic waves. They never get waves like this. Nobody. They've never seen waves like this. Right.

For years. You go look on YouTube right now. Surfing Lanai. The videos are from 2012 2013 there's no waves i've never seen waves like that five years ago five years ago two sides every story five years is a lot for hawaii to go without waves we're not talking about like when it snows in florida we're talking about the surf capital of the world right never snows in florida you look up snow in Florida, it's videos from like 2019.

2024. The Indian nationalists might have a point. Believe our farmers. Believe them. That's why I caught you so fat as a kid, because the Indian farmers this whole time was American farmers. It was that soy you're fucking talking about. Indian farmers be doing right.

I'm there. I surf the first day I get aboard Somehow I finagle aboard just to let you guys know Everything was stopping me from surfing there I called the hotel in advance I was like hey can I surf there They're like no it's illegal to bring Aboard into the ocean it's a marine Wildlife preserve and we don't allow surfing I go that's weird I started asking different

People on the island how do I get aboard finally I find A way to get aboard board meets Board meets me at the hotel. Hang out with my girl. I can't ditch her the second I get to the island. So we fake go to the pool for a minute. You know what I mean? 30 minutes. We get the fill in.

I go take the board in. I surf. This wave, it's the softest, easiest wave in the world after the takeoff. The takeoff is right over reef and rocks. So once you get up, you're good and it's the easiest ride. But getting up, you see the coral heads bubbling in front of you as you're paddling into the wave. First day, surf. The way you're talking to me is the way you probably felt when I was talking about the India farmer thing.

You're just like, I don't know. I knew everything I said. I don't know absolutely everything about it and those are my people. Let's see what Akash on Twitter. When you come into Hawaii, when the waves start

fucking with the farmers. That's it, bro. Come on, bro. I'm coming to you, India. Once we start treating farmers with respect. Okay? I stand with Schultz, yo.

What do they farm out there? Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. We're going to take them iPads and let you farm over there yeah that's what i'm talking about we're gonna take them ipads let you farm over there china but anyway so first day surf fine i survived second day surf fine i survived yeah i've started to have this weird fear yeah and i think this fear is somewhat a function of like there's almost like a function of like guilt in success

where I'm gonna am I biting off too much I took a small plane to get to the Lanai thing and I'm like am I asking for too much is God gonna smite me because I couldn't just stay on Hawaii you say small you mean private I did take private

it is what it is. Why are you trying to unflex for us, bro? Because the sentence didn't even make sense. He's like, I took a shitty plane. And I was like, am I doing too much? I took a tour plane. It wasn't completely private. There was someone else staying at the resort that I was really bummed about.

But it is what it is. And the resort provides it. I didn't have to pay for anything at all. But I made it look like that on the gram. You know what I mean? Shouts to the farmers. I make shit look like I know what I'm talking about. So it was the shuttle plane.

It was the shuttle, son. It was the shuttle, son. It was the shuttle, son. Yo, can I rent you the hotel? Can I bail out? I'm like, can I bail out? This is a shuttle plane. Can I bail out, son?

Nah, you look fly, though. Can I bail out? You look fly, though. I saw you look fly, though. Hey, what kind of resort got a private plane shuttle, though? Yo, get ass up. This ain't no Hilton. I made the other people on the plane stay out the picture.

I was trying to go on the plane. I was like, hold on. Let me flex. Let me flex. And God was like, oh, where? You go surf? We'll go see about that. So third day, I go in the water.

And I'm starting to have had this feeling a couple times, even on the trip. We were on a cliff. And I was looking over the cliff. And I'm like, yo, should you chill out a little bit? Why are you pushing it? You've been given so much. God or the universe, whatever it is, has been so great to you.

Why do you need to go extra? What are you doing? Is that disrespectful? I don't know why I'm having these feelings. You do this all the time. But lately it's been happening a lot. I get it. Right?

Does that make sense? A little bit, right? Bro, throughout the last all these months, any time some bad shit would happen, you would just look at the ground, like, kick some shit on the ground and go, what does it mean? Yeah. What does it mean? I'm like, what's the meaning of all this? I'm like, what do you mean?

Like, no. I have a book, Mark. Okay? I'm still searching for the book. Some bad shit happens. Ah, what's the point of this? Yeah. They don't talk about private planes and Corinthians.

Okay? I'm still trying to figure it all out. Okay. So third day. That's that white boy shit, man. Al, third day we go back in the water, right? Yeah. This is historic surf.

But here's the amazing thing. People are so unprepared for surf on the island. It's not a big surf island. I'm surfing historic Hawaiian surf. Alone. Five people tops. So what I was doing was I was waiting for the locals.

Shouts to the locals that were able there took me out. Ben, Brian, they were great. I would watch them. They were on the takeoff spot and I would stay a little bit

to the right, away from the rocks. So I was like, they really know how to take off in a crazy spot. If I'm a little away from them, I'll be safe. Takeoff is what?

Do you start the surf? Exactly, yeah. Well, you paddle into the wave. Okay. Right? So I go, the third day, it's literally one person out and me and the other guy's a tourist as well he's at the hotel so neither of us know where the takeoff spot is so we're just guessing a huge set comes in right

i go to paddle for the wave i pop up i get to my feet the board's a little wobbly the wave. I pop up. I get to my feet. The board's a little wobbly. The wave really jacks up and I fall. And since I know the rocks are beneath me, I pancake. Instead of going straight in, I go out as much as I can. I start tumbling. Everything's fine, right? All right. The wave washes me around. I paddle up to the surface. As my hands breach the surface, I blow out my air. Natural reaction, right? you know you're about to breach these are hands are above the water I blow out my air and then I stop I'm like what the fuck I paddle again I stop my leash will not let me go the leash had wrapped around the coral and the board had me locked under the water I'm paddling I'm fucking kicking I kicking. You saw my foot was all black and blue.

I posted that picture. I'm kicking the reef. The reef is scraping up the bottom of my feet. I'm literally in that moment going, holy shit. Is this it? Keep in mind, I blew out the air.

You're oxygenless. I take a breath because I have no more air left of water. I thought that's when you die. I thought it's you take the breath of water and then you're dead. I swear to God in this moment, I went from panic to like game time. And everything calmed down and it got pinpoint. There was one thing that I had to do and focus on.

And I remember when I was surfing in Waco, one of the guys there, all this is happening in like a fraction of a second. This guy, Eric Geiselman, shout to him, said once he was surfing in Tahiti, he got slammed and his board got wrapped around the coral. And he tried to grab his leash by bending at the waist down to get it, but he couldn't. So what he did is he bent his knees up to him to grab the leash like for whatever reason it was easier or stronger that's the part i was missing you couldn't i was like why can't you just i thought you're just trying to kick the board

for you no i was trying to just get up i didn't even realize it was there you can't even bend down to take the leash off exactly right why why couldn't you do that i at first i didn't know i just heard it tug i felt it tug And then in that moment I was like, oh fuck. So I'm about to go, how do I get this leash off? And then I remembered the story he was telling me where he bent the legs up. And in that moment, nowhere, I just breathe water. Everything gets pinpoint. Like there's one thing it's game time. That's the only way I can describe it. Like it was, it was weirdly the most terrifying and empowering things ever happened in my life. When your life's about to turn off, that in that moment, you actually have some calm to get it done.

You have a couple more seconds to get yourself out of this predicament. And I remember I bent my legs up. And as I bent my legs up, I grabbed the leash. The leash and the board pop up and I breached the surface. Bro, terrifying. That's wild. Terrifying. And what do you do after that?

You just float on in and that's it? I went back out. Insert more? Yeah. Because if I didn't go back out, I'd have a fear for the rest of my life. So I went back out, bleeding out of my fucking foot. And I got like, you know, a few more waves and then I went back out bleeding out of my fucking foot and i got like you know a few more waves and then i went back in that was so funny it's just like he's telling me the story and i

just it's just in my head white people shit like the moment you saw the reef and the dangerousness like go surfing another time no no no no i haven't had waves Like this in years You're so stupid I haven't had waves Like this in years It was historic It's been a half a decade I'm so glad you're here Because I call you stupid now Because if you weren't here

I couldn't say it verbally But I would think You're stupid for surfing Why was that dumb For chasing my dream You know what I'm saying Like all these farmers You can't have that many dreams.

These farmers want to farm, bro. That's all they want is to farm and make a living. All I want to do is surf on private islands. You don't make no living surfing. You don't make no living surfing. That's true. You can't have that many dreams. I make almost as much as they do surfing.

I'm going to be honest. Honestly, the amount of money a farmer makes in India, I probably make about as much. I know. That's why you need some minimum support surf pricing. Real talk. That's what I'm talk. Come on, Modi. Is that his name? Yo, your boy had to get that

wiki on, bro. I had to get that wiki. I'm dying. I'm glad you're here, man. Me too. Yo, I'm going to be honest. At the beginning of that story You said you almost drowned I was like Everybody almost drowned

At some point But that shit was real When I breathed in the water That shit was crazy That was a crazy ass feeling bro And then you're just Stuck down there That's when I was like

Oh shit The board is just holding you down I pull up like this And I go to take the breath Cause I'm just timing I'm not assuming My leg is caught And as I

I blow the air out And as I go to take the breath in, I'm still under the water. I go, oh, shit. So how many breaths do you think you get? You only get one water breath. I don't know. Maybe some people get zero. I must have had a little bit more oxygen in my lungs or else I'd be dead.

But I mean, I was crazy. I didn't take the water breath like underwater. It's not a water breath. You're swallowing water. That's a water breath. That's what happens, bro. But I mean that you call it a water breath. It's called that. Yes Yeah, why don't you just swallow water? No, it's just a farmer's more So when you drink your coffee take a coffee breath

breath. You just do it, yo. That's the point. Just do it. So when you drink your coffee, you take your coffee breath?

What the fuck are you doing? Oh, that's drinking coffee. That's drinking. It's different, bro.

Yeah, you did that. He wasn't trying to drink his way out of the ocean, bro. I thought about declining for that,

but you can breathe through your nose no matter how much you drink. Yo, I did try to do this. I did try to tilt my nose up

and thought I could reach the surface with my nose just like a dorsal fin. fucking periscope is out there. Just one more deep breath. Yo, maybe that's how I did it.

Oh, you reached? When you try to go snorkeling, are they just like, they hand you the goggles, and they're like, yeah, you're good on this. That's really fucked up. That's really fucked.

I did go snorkeling, though. That shit is mad hard. She was hard, yo. I tried that shit. That shit is mad hard, bro. I tried that shit, yo. Isn't it hard? So hard, dude.

How do you know that the water ain't going to get into the hose? I think you got to do like a tour. I just tried to go out there. I can't really swim that well. Yeah. I didn't see nothing, bro. And I didn't get a floaties or no shit. I know floaties, dog.

You get old. Yo, I guess. What the fuck is wrong? What are you talking about? Oh, now you do white people shit. Yeah, you snorkeling. You do white people shit. You snorkeling. Nah, black Yeah, you snorkeling. You miss the white people shit. You start snorkeling.

Nah, black people can do snorkeling. Snorkeling? Because you wear the fucking life vest. No, we didn't. I didn't have one. They just handed me goggles like gold. Well, you're an idiot. You're an idiot.

Then you go do that type of shit. You're supposed to float right on the top. They didn't hand me no life jacket. I was like, am I tripping? I got nothing. You got to do a tour for that kind of thing Anyway man shouts to the To the hotel man Because y'all

And the farmers But the hotel did try to protect me They were right when they didn't want me to surf at all I'm gonna be honest with you bro I haven't I'll be honest with you Wildlife preserve it's a shelf preserve Fuck that yo

I'm the wild Bro he is wild ass life Over here bro Yeah That's a wild ass life Bro This Let me tell you something

I haven't seen anybody You know I've probably seen Total 15 people Since I left How great is that? It's really cool But I haven't experienced Like you know like

Obviously I've seen The reaction to Netflix Thing online And stuff cool, but I haven't experienced like, you know, like, obviously I've seen the reaction to Netflix thing online and stuff like that, but I haven't really experienced any people, right? So I didn't know what to really expect, you know? Because there was almost like nobody on this hotel. Let's talk about that, yeah. Yeah, Private Island. The hotel, the way they treated me, bro,

day three, I thought they thought I was someone else. I started to get concerned. They thought you were Joe Coy? I literally thought they thought I was Joe Coy, bro. I thought they thought I was someone else. I started to get concerned. They thought you were Joe Coy? I literally thought they thought I was Joe Coy, bro. I thought they thought I was Joe Coy. Bro, it was unbelievable, bro. I went to this other resort that they had.

Yeah. I didn't have my wallet. They said, it's okay, we'll take care of it. Oh, shit. That's wild. Let's go. And then low-key part of me is like, I think they know I almost died. I think they know I almost died. Nah, I'm not kidding.

I think they know I almost died here. They know you. Netflix is very own. NVO. Honestly, there's no way. I think they thought I was somebody else, 100%. Nah, nah, they knew. What are you talking about? I really, it was too nice.

Jeezy not that famous. That's your lookalike. He ain't on Netflix. I don't know, bro. I think they got it wrong, dude. I swear to God, I believe that in my core. I'll slap you in your face, yo. So, Mark, when we back on the road,

that room service, son. Oh, shit. I already did that before. Better put your card down. Hey, because he don't need you. Because he don't need you. This motherfucker, son, him and Dove are so to This motherfucker son Him and Dove Are so fucking cheap son

And they always go like this That's the thing He's not cheap Until he's around Dove I know he's only cheap around Dove You know what I guarantee you I know this man

You know what it is He doesn't like unfairness It needs to be like even Exactly And with Dove He's like this truffle pig I guarantee he's like This truffle pig

And try to get over on me Fuck that Pay everyone what they're owed. Exactly. Like a farmer. Exactly. 100%. Also a farmer.

Okay. So, but okay. So we're in Austin. Obviously you do Rogan, right? Yeah. Somehow Dove finagles away onto this trip. Yeah. He don't need to be on a trip.

I was wondering why he was coming. I thought he brought him out of love. But he's such a genius. I didn't even think think about this we're so used to like paying for shit ourselves yes he goes why don't i call up netflix and see if they'll give us a budget to travel for you to do all the press and i was like holy shit that's a brilliant idea they probably do that i'm i'm so you know what i'm saying we're so locked into like we gotta we gotta go out we gotta do other things like we didn't even realize a billion dollar corporation got money to spend on flights. Right?

So I said, okay, go get it. He goes, okay, great. I'll just get room to the four of us. I was like, oh, you fucking truffle. Oh, you truffle. I see it. I know. Okay, it's fine.

He gets a budget. He's right to do that, though. He's brilliant. No, but if he got the flights, he could get his own. That's his finder's fee. No, his finder's fee is being the EP. I made him EP. You get paid for that.

He got you a free flight. I was supposed to get the flight. But you didn't think about it. I know, and that's why I have the truffle. He's your accountant. That's what I'm saying. He's your Jewish accountant. Fuck it, fine.

Point is, I knew he was going to try to find a way. Right? And I knew. What was he doing? We get there, and I know he's finding a way. And he's like, hey, just put your card down for the room. Yeah. And I know if my card's down for the room, the minibar is gone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? I know. I know. This is what the truffle's going to do. Now, usually when we're on tour, I don't. I don't know what he's talking about. You know exactly what I'm talking about.

I don't know what he's talking about. Did you ace the mini bar, bro? No, no, no. No? Did this mother son snacks? What? Bro, I hate snacks, bro. I eat organic only, bro.

Bro, I had one bill after I don't know where the fuck we went. Mark was on the road with us for two weeks. I got one bill from like one of these hotels The Hilton Garden Inn or something like that I thought he ate the whole garden One of the fucking bills It's like $100 a night to stay in these places Right? We're in Alabama or something You can't spend that much money in a hotel

The bill for Mark's room is like $300 I don't know what happened Why do they put all the food in there If they don't want you to eat it They want you to eat it They want you to eat it So you're welcome So after that

After that Everybody gotta put down Their own credit card On their room After he fucked it up Now we all have to put down Our own card Yeah

I'm keeping you accountable Al So There you go Al buying porn Yeah Al buys porn Yeah he buys pornos Yo yo

Al buys pornos You know i like that classic 80s see a little bush down there let's go throwback yeah i like 80s porn i got that fucking truffle man he found a way to do it so wait what were they butting heads about though oh just absolutely everything he didn't want to put his card down So we Cause I knew he was Gonna find a way We were there

At the front desk For a good like Five minutes with them Just bickering Nah put your card down No you put your card down Put your card down Like they just kept

Going back and forth But again I don't care about the money Like I Whatever I'd spend money stupidly Yeah I know But if I know he's

Trying to get over I have to fight it So we had an all out Brawl fight I actually have to Make sure he lets me Pay sometimes Cause he always

Like just pays I'm like no I don't want you to fuck that nobody could pay but then i know it's gonna be different don't could pay this poor guy at the desk like this teenager running the front counter is like so anyone else have a car this goes on for probably six minutes like they're arguing you know what's on y'all though i guarantee you you had ample opportunity to be like you know what fuck this put my card down and that would have probably now i was gonna say that would probably guilted one of them to just be like all right i'll put i'm not gonna have fucking alpana for all this you could have ended it right there you know you were willing to take that risk i don't want to walk around the wall bro

i go i go dove i don't we're not a wallet, bro. You know what Dove said? He goes like this. I go, Dove, Dove, we're not going to do this. We're yelling in the fucking, in public. Everyone's staying at this hotel. We're yelling in public. Everyone in America is at this hotel. Chappelle is there. His whole crew is there. Donnell is there with his little dog.

They're in the lobby. Running around. They're in the lobby. And I'm having a full-on screaming match with Dove. Okay? So at one point, Dove just goes, fine, if it's going to be like this, then just give me an allowance Give me two thousand

And I'll just take care of that I go Two thousand Yeah Two thousand What But it sounded like a deal It sounded like a good deal

He did try to make a deal I was like Oh shit We gotta start asking for more I know You can't make deals With these people Right

I'll stop What No but in all seriousness i love you duff give me a little bit of land just a little all right yo i've been having so much fun laughing at akash trying to get comfortable with this bike so i hate this entire 20 minutes it keeps dropping down, right? And he's terrified to twist it. I twist it as much as I can humanly with my level of strength. Now he's like sitting all up, all uncomfortable and shit. It's hilarious. This mic looks like fucking Andrew in the ocean, bro.

So just do it like Drew. Just sit back and let it lean on you. That's it. Just lean back and get comfortable. Yeah, dog. I know you've been here before bro It's been a while yo It's been a minute

There you go Just now point it up Just point it out Back of your mouth Tight right You can't do nothing yo You can't do nothing You pretended you moved it

You ain't moving for shit Yo son We were at We were at one of the hotels bro And the hotel's got these Water bottles right And it's me Is the general manager Of the hotel Who clearly thinks water bottles, right? And it's me.

It's the general manager of the hotel who clearly thinks I'm someone I'm not. My girl. My girl asked me to open up the water bottle. That's an emotional rollercoaster, ain't it? My hands were soft because we've been soaking in baths. Baths? You were in baths all day? We were soaking in baths, bro. Yeah, this guy Drew takes baths every Baths? You were in baths all day? We were soaking in baths, bro.

This guy Drew takes baths every day, apparently. Let me tell you something, bro. When did that happen? Bro, me, my girl, general manager of the hotel, I tried to open this bottle, bro. I damn near sliced half my hand

open, bro. Fucking coral reef? Literally, I just kicked coral reef coral reef not as sharp as this fucking bottle i had to give the bottle to the general manager of the hotel in front of my girl bro did you did you play it off though like yeah he got it or like nah i think at that point like she heard me make noises trying to open it like i was like i was looking up at him like yo tap in bro like what are you gonna do say the bottles are fucked up. Say it's a malfunction.

Malfunction. Malfunction. See, that's what I would have came up with. Oh, no, let me get this bottle. You get the next one or whatever. That's it. You get the next one. Step in, but act like I'm taking it.

And they'll be like, ah, I changed my mind. You got it. Yeah, homie. Nah, you pretend you need a bottle opener. That's fucking GM. Oh, it's a twist off my fault. I didn't. I thought it was corked.

Yeah, I thought it was corked. That's how hard the bottle was. I thought it was a corked water bottle. Yeah, it's a twist off? My fault. I didn't. I thought it was corked. Yeah, I thought it was corked. That's how hard the bottle was. I thought there was a cork in it. A corked water bottle. Yeah, that other shit would be fancy. That is some private island water. Yo, speaking of vacations, do y'all see Al's story going to the Corona capital of the world? Yep.

Son, anytime I ask this guy for help, he was like, I can't. I'm immune, baby. Son. I'm immune. Corona what? That's HPV, motherfucker. Yo, son. You got immunity. Hey, thanks to me. You, motherfucker. Yo, son. You got immunity.

Hey, thanks to me. You're welcome. Yeah, thank you. You can go on vacation. Y'all are welcome. Loki, I think someone figured out why California got so many cases of Corona, bro. Why's that? It's not indoor dining.

It's everybody in Cali goes to Mexico for the weekend where there's no fucking rules, gets Corona in Mexico from all these parties, and then comes back to Cali. Ain't nobody in Idaho going to Tulum for the weekend. That's a good theory. And people in Georgia, this is what I think it's like. You know how they built skate parks because when the kids were

skating on private property, more of them got injured? Yeah. What's up, Taylor. What they're doing, what's up Taylor? What they're doing right now is California and New York, when they're shutting down everything,

they're forcing us to be in more danger. They're forcing us to have the house parties. There's these like Airbnb parties apparently everybody's doing. You've heard about these things. So you just Airbnb, you got invited? Yeah.

And what is it? It's just like, I mean, it's just, they're usually younger kids but it's just the house it's a house party but now you're in a tiny little fucking house right or you could be at a restaurant with like regulations everyone's gotta be just you and your girl yeah everyone's gotta be distance everyone's gotta have masks whatever you could

regulate the restaurants I feel like I feel like it's such a fuck up and they don't even see it bruh the government has failed in every way possible. Every way possible. No, the fucking Indian government. The Indian officials have a point, okay? They're raising cattle to bring back their relatives. Okay? They want to see their grandmas. Give them a chance.

No way. Is that why y'all don't eat the cows it's coco yes it's that movie bro yes coco's mexican I spiral bro. I'll literally eat three packs of M&Ms. They go. I gotta replace these I'll literally eat three packs of M&M's then go I gotta replace these I'm like a junkie. I'm like looking for like a way to cover up my mistake It was bad I was filling a vodka with fucking water it was I was I was in trouble What's up Taylor? How you doing? I'm good. I'm sorry, You know, black people talk. So. What? I was in a meeting and it was great. We don't care about your other job, yo. You're going to make this a priority.

I know what I'm saying. You know, black people talk. Nah. Well, tell black people not enough. That was 2020. It's 2021. This is on the app for white people in movie theaters everywhere. Shut it up.

All right. but for real though Akash you yeah went to Aruba you went to Aruba magical place

I love Aruba did you really magical place it is a magical place listen I hear the locks on the bathrooms at the hotels work great

wait I'm missing the joke wait you went to did you really go to Ar, wait. You went to a... Did he really go to a room? He did. He went to the scene.

I can't believe this. I want to know what the fuck is going on. I didn't even bring up my vacation, bro. Wait, what happened? Triggering. Oh, no. I need to know what happened? Triggering. Oh, no. I didn't know what happened. My retard ex from a fucking decade ago

that'll post a few days in after the Netflix thing, this fucking thing. Oh, my God. And she said that I was an abuser. She says, I was abused, right? And then she goes into her examples, and it's like, one time he told me to change my outfit because it was too sexy hold on taylor believe women we believe in all women

one time i'm so triggered by this it's been 10 years later it's a decade later i should have another guy that i'm interested in but i'm still thinking about my ex one time he told me i was wearing too much makeup and and took some of my makeup off that's abuser that's a no this is abuse that's abuse it gets even worse one time he cleans my sneakers with no he cleaned my sneakers with, no, he cleaned his sneakers with my toothbrush. That is true. I didn't know. I read that one.

I didn't know. Okay. I didn't know. I thought that one. I didn't know it was her toothbrush. I just thought it was an old toothbrush. And I give it to you. This is back in the day when you was wearing J's and shit like that.

How else can you clean them? How else can shit like that. How else can you clean them? How else you gonna clean them? How you gonna clean them? With a paper towel? Fuck off. With brawny? Well, here's the thing. You take a toothbrush.

Why you take a toothbrush? It's a cold game. This is important for any impartial party that doesn't know Andrew intimately. If you don't know Andrew. It was Air Force Ones. I do remember it was Air Force Ones. And I got them shit. Why?

Them shit was so clean. You was on vacation. Was that Arm & Hammer toothbrush? I was going to ask. The toothbrush was filthy. I took all the blue out the bristles. I was going to ask. No.

Yo, there was no blue left in the bristles. That's how much I was brushing it. I was going to ask how it would have been disrespectful if you, depending on the shoe you used to clean it. It was an Air Force One. That's the blackest shit you've ever seen. What? That's important.

That's important. If he did it on any other shoe besides an Air Force 1 or a J. You would ask that if he used your toothbrush? You'd be like, what shoe? Back in the day when he wore like... Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

What would I look like walking around in my baby fat jacket and some dirty ups? I'd look like a fast young boy so watch my sneakers a little bit so i can slow it up that's a thin man so point is hold on one second i want to make this distinction anybody who kind of knows shultz is like oh he's that really smart guy on the netflix thing he's a genius he's also a fucking retard yeah and if you know him well enough you know that is the kind of retard shit he would do no without knowing it there's a thing that's just a toothbrush i'll just use that this was

so funny about this i think we spoke about this on podcasts in the past our whole i remember telling her family it was a joke my family like yeah we you were no this wasn't when we were living wasn't when we lived together just i remember laughing how stupid he was an idiot thing but it's not like intent what happened when you found out that it was i died laughing i was like oh that's why you been sick dumbass brushing your teeth with the ground and then that's how you get sick when you brush your teeth with the ground and then you stop what do you mean i stopped i did it once i wasn't doing it every day. I just grabbed what I thought was my toothbrush. I cleaned it and I guess

I didn't throw it in the garbage. Wait, hold on. You thought it was your toothbrush. Yeah, it's not like we had different bathrooms or something. No, but which means... Your toothbrush is... That's wild. You should see a toothbrush there. I had toothbrushes back in the day for the whole...

You need it. No, I put it back. I just left it on the thing. Look, honestly, I don't remember the whole thing, but it wasn't my intent. Like, if this is something you're with, you don't want to kiss someone who's been washing their teeth with the grounds. Facts. I think the worst thing that you did was tell her that she has too much makeup on because every girl loves to like,

or every girl doesn't love to hear that they are a beautiful natural. Yeah, but if you look but if you look I know she's being sarcastic. But it's so it's so tense. Hold on. What is the worst thing I did? No.

But yeah, that's honestly like is that crazy? Like if your girl's face is different color than her neck? Like, she was looking like you when you were Sean King. Do you know what I mean? So, I was like, you gotta fix that shit. The way she looked, just when you said she was looking like you, she said. And then when you finished the sentence, she laughed.

Honestly, I don't recall. I don't recall. The only thing I recall is the toothbrush because that shit was so fucking hilarious. It was unfortunate unfortunate but absolutely hilarious and in retrospect very glad it happened in the moment wasn't happy but so happy now

and then the last thing she said was the Aruba shit she said we got in a fight in Aruba and she went to the bathroom and locked the door that she locked the door his temper got so out of control and I read this, I swear to God, on the flight, on the way to Aruba.

Yeah. Investigative journalist. Best behavior, I call it. Yo, yo, I'm like, check your motherfucking temper, yo. Then I got there and I was like, Chels, how do you lose your temper at such a magical place? It is a magical place.

It's one happy island no that's just what they say cause the VanderSloot guy killed the chick there remember the VanderSloot that's what they said after Andrew left

it was like yo this shit got a lot happier it's like a big negative energy has left the island the water is bluer bro but dead ass

that's complete bullshit the lock in the bathroom door, that's complete bullshit. The lock in the bathroom door shit, that's complete bullshit. I just did, yeah. But she asked, like you just said earlier. You said this was 10 a decade ago. Why is she even, she can't stand your blow up, that's all. Well, yo, but that's the funny thing. It's like, I don't want to talk about the clout chasers because this is what they want.

They want the attention. You know what I mean? And it's like, I feel the same way about like bloggers and like people who write like things, whatever. Like, I only want to beef. Like, I only want to fight someone who got more money than me. And I only want to beef with someone who got more clout than me. Right? Because otherwise, I'm giving you clout.

I'm giving, clearly you can't get enough clout on your own for your career. But I knew this shit was going to happen because when we were doing the monologues, when we were doing the monologues, right, and they started to really pop and like The Rock was reposting, different people were reposting, Joe was reposting, apparently somebody sent me, she tweeted something like, it's really fucked up to see my ex is being exalted right now. He's a racist. He's homophobic.

He's all these things. So I was like, oh, I see what's going on here. When I'm shining, someone's a little upset. But we just got to cut that shit. There's one way to not talk about it all. But the other thing is I'm not carrying nothing with me. I'm not going to go the rest of my life going like, oh my God, is this person going to say some shit? No.

Cut it out. Respect. The advice is you're supposed to, when you move on from an ex, you're supposed to do better than the ex and everything else. I'm doing better. I know. I'm doing great. He lost that game. But either way, she's supposed to focus on herself. That's all. Yeah. But it's hard when your boy's shining, bro.

It's hard when your boy's shining out here Outfit's too sexy? What guy has not said to his girl? If you haven't said to your girl her outfit's too sexy, your girl is garbage. Like, come on. Can you explain what you say? Her outfit was too sexy. We were going to hang out with blacks. They were going to hit on her and I was going to have to defend myself. There's the racism. She might be onto something. Wait wait is that what you're wearing wearing something stupid probably of course i say the same shit to my girl you know i was

thinking because my i will say to every girl that i'm with if i gotta walk down the street with you and some crazy shit and there's gonna be people potentially being disrespectful that shit is on me too. Your outfit's on me because if somebody looks at you and says something and it's disrespectful, who do you look at to defend you? So we're going to decide the outfit together. We're going to pick an outfit

that keeps us both safe. I already have my brush with Devin. Don't dirty sheet. I have a question. Do any of you guys have an ex or anyone Like say you're Nine to position I guess you guys are in

Do you guys would If your ex did better Than what you guys Are doing now Would you feel a type of way Or would you guys have a bad I would never let Some shit like that happen

Never This is a bad I think I'm I'm talking to our audience I got to do everything In his power Yeah Nothing will motivate me more

Than doing better than an ex I've pepper sprayed my ex, right? Talk about abuse. All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because let's be honest. We all got fat, okay? We're inside. Can't do anything outside. December, obviously, eating all that good stuff.

It's Christmas. No such thing as Christmas calories. And it is January. And it is January. Resolutions. That's resolutions. We got to get it back. Okay, how are we going to get it back?

We go on keto, man. I know you heard about it. I know you've heard about it. It works. I'm on the keto. Simple as that. All right? This is what we're going to do.

You want to help curb your cravings? You struggle to control your hunger cravings. Keto shakes can help you with the feeling of hunger that you have all fucking day you grab one of those keto shakes and i'm telling you for hours you're not going to be worried about it not at all all right it is satisfying and delicious all right and low calorie and low calorie it is keto shake tastes great smooth creamy sweet if you're someone with a sweet tooth who wants to stay healthy or maintain a keto lifestyle, that's Akash right there.

You're going to love Keto Shake, okay? It's perfect macros to put in keto. Don't worry about working out complex macronutrient ratios, all right? They've done it all for you. This delicious nutritional shake was formulated to meet your keto macro requirements. Best of all, Keto Shake, it's only 170 calories per serving. Keto shake comes in three delicious flavors, creamy chocolate, strawberry cheesecake, and banana creme brulee. Use your keto creamy chocolate shake to make chocolate peanut brownies, dreamy creamy cookies, chocolate chip cookies, and much, much more.

dreamy creamy cookies, chocolate chip cookies, and much, much more. Okay. Look, the creamy chocolate is very versatile and a must have if you're doing keto. So this is what we're saying to you right now. You can claim your supply of keto shake today and get 15% off your order by going to www.myketoshake.com and using the coupon code flagrant. You just use our coupon code and then you lose weight. Simple as that. Get on that keto lifestyle. You go to myketoshake.com, use that keto shake, lose that weight. It's January. It's 2021. We getting it back. All of us. I'm in it together. All right. Akash is in it. Alex Media, Mark, they're going to be in it. Taylor, I won't comment on a woman's weight at all. You are perfect. You don't need to do anything.

But if you want to get in on this with us, you go to MyKetoShake.com. Use that promo code FLAGRANT. You get that 15% off and knock off those 15 pounds. Now let's get back to the show. All right, so you pepper sprayed an ex? Yeah, he's cheating on me, so that's what happens. So, um,

I tell, look, I'm gonna be straight up. That was a shot to her current man. That wasn't for us. That was for her current man. When we first met, I'm like, stay on my good side and we won't have a problem. That's too much dick for one human. That's true. That's a good point.

You gotta share the wealth, yo. You gotta learn how to do that megan move i do don't do that so um but i was gonna say what's going on with her what's the guy the big dick guy's name from the special oh wardy juber the third son he's not that's your man that's your man your man is Warty Joubert III He's in all those memes With the big old thang With the tremor

I'm saying that to say It wasn't a good relationship By the end of the day though Now I can see where I played a part In the relationship How he played a part in the relationship And how it crumbled and everything else And I don't have no animosity or nothing towards him or nothing like that.

But it's interesting how she's like, that's what I'm saying, it's for clout. Of course it's for clout. Every girl that I've dated I have no real issue with, and I actually like really wish them the best. And I actually felt that way about her, but then I saw the clout trout in her, and I was like, ah, this is what she needs.

Because, listen, it's tough i get it when you've worked in the industry for as long as she's been working in the industry and it hasn't worked out you could gravitate to anything that's going to try to generate energy or attention that's just what happens to a lot of people the stupid thing that they don't realize is is that what you want to be known for yeah i thought about this like because i live with them for six months yeah and so i wanted to be sure like i spoke about this because i knew he would while out so i was like what's it how's a diplomatic way i could say this first of all none of y'all texting me i didn't know if you knew to be honest

with you i'm about to go to aruba and i'm like i can't even tell this guy about my vacation yeah i gotta pretend i didn't go nowhere. I saw that shit, man, earlier. You're on vacation with your girl. I'm not going to hit you and be like, yo, by the way, you're trying to drown in Hawaii alone. I thought y'all didn't care about me. That's why I drowned myself. You're on that plane. Do you even do that?

I was about to drown myself, and I was like, nope. You're on the tiny plane. You're like, keep going to those mountains. Let it rip yeah but you you saw like after we spoke it was just like yeah don't even give it energy i know that's why like i don't even want to give it energy even like now i don't want to give it energy but it is what is i don't want everything following anything to ever like follow me like we're shutting this shit fucking down obviously this person's gonna fucking yap anytime anything good happens to me you're

gonna hear them fucking yapping because that's all they have and if they do get something good which I hope that they do I really do then all of a sudden they won't because that's what it is people are addicted to attention and fucking LA does that to you and also assholes don't message her like don't

don't give her what she wants chill yeah please do not do that I mean she already shut down comments on the post because motherfuckers were going crazy. But yeah, don't give any attention. The best thing you can do is not talk about this or any of that kind of shit. Don't give her the attention that she wants. Because right now she's settling for any type of attention because she can't get any. So any type of attention, that type of desperation is no bueno.

I wonder how much makeup she has but let's hear about a peaceful aruba trip yes okay she was serene and my me and my girl when we fight we fight yo we have it out i couldn't even think of fighting really it's just such a happy place all the luggage got there i highly suggest a room did you stay in the villa she really wants to know if you stayed in the villa we were we were at the right tell us about your villa don't you hate when motherfuckers ask a question so they could talk about some shit hey you ever been a black woman growing up in philly in the 90s? Oh, nah? Let me tell you about it.

Bet. She did that to me. She's like, you never met Kobe Bryant? She literally did that. Yeah, you're not from Philly, yo. You didn't grow up next to Kobe? Like, Kobe didn't grow up right next to you? You're not from Lower Merion?

I'm talking about a great ball. Does Philly even rent Lower Merion? Yo, let him tell about his location, bro. That's not real Philly, Lower Merion. Yeah, how was your Motel 6? Like, eight inches. That's small. What about you?

Tell us about Aruba. Because Aruba was lit bro She was so great I brought two girlfriends down there To be honest That's how great an experience I thought we had Me and the first one

I was like this is so great I'm gonna bring the next one Copy and paste baby Copy and paste If it works Don't fix it Son That's all I know

That's just bullshit Son I went I took the next one too I went jet skiing I the next one too. I went jet skiing. I had a great time. Jet skiing. Son, I felt like Jay-Z on that bitch.

Mad nervous the whole time like this. Knees up. You had your helmet on too? Now I stood up on the jet ski real tough. Oh shit. Big dick energy. You know what I mean? Whoa. Almost tipped that bitch over.

Got real scared. Sat back down. That's what you do. Did you guys ride together or separate? Hey. Separate. But next time, we're together and she back down. That's what you do. Did you guys ride together or separate? Hey, separate. But next time, we're together and she's driving.

You're holding on to the back, just jetpacking. Baby, don't let go! Does your girl like to drive? Yeah. Like cars and shit like that? Yeah, it's great. It's the very best.

Okay. All right, go. So you're in a room... What do you say is the best? You just don't have to You make it sound like You have a choice though No I do have a choice

No because you can't drive No I'm bad at driving You don't have a driver's license I can drive But I have a driver's license I don't know How do you think I get on the planes Mark I don't know

It's called an ID You can have an ID Without a driver's license You can get an ID Without a driver's license Yeah Oh my god Can't you see this guy

He's in a toothbrush Without knowing who he is I thought he did not know Can't you see this guy using a toothbrush without knowing who's it is? I thought it was my toothbrush. Why are your vans so white? That don't help. You should see how white them sneakers are. Bro, I'm commenting. When I was walking down the street,

they're like, oh shit. You get them from the factory? Was that Oral-B With the long bristles We're not gonna skip over that You don't know that there's not I honestly didn't know You could get a regular ID So you just go

And you Can I have Can I be me It's a state ID Why you need someone to be you You gotta prove you're you You ain't in the bars Go on planes

All that shit I bet you I could get a fake ID Oh Wow Chelsea with the hot digs Like whoa Jay with the I bet you I'm an 18 year old college girl I bet you I bet you And honestly I'm to say this quietly,

just in case motherfuckers is listening, Deep State, I bet you I could get a real ID, but it's fake. In other words, I could like start at a library card and work my way up into a driver's license that's not me. Take that. This guy's a fucking piece of shit. So the flash was- that's how old he is he started with a library card

what's a library card you know how lit the library is now you can rent tools what kind of tools hammer shovel what the fuck are you talking about? No, you could rent tools.

How? What library are you going to? With the library card, you go in and they got the tools. Dewey Decimal. Is it really a library? Dewey Decimal, those tools. Self-help. Self-help.

But in all seriousness, Ben Uyeda told me. Shout out to Ben. When was the last time you went to a library? I haven't. I went like 10 went to a library? I haven't. I went like 10 years ago. I haven't. Low key, they could just not have anybody work in a library. They could just keep the door open, but nobody works there.

And I think nobody would notice. Like, at all. They forced me not to come back. What'd they do? They sent me a bill for a book I didn't return. Never went back. It's cheaper to keep her. Boom. they do? They sent me a bill for a book I ain't returned. Never went back. It's cheaper to keep her. Boom.

That's what you talk about your Judy Blume. We don't need 60 hours for this Judy Blume. It's cheaper to keep her. Come on, Judy. Come on home. So wait. So you're in Aruba. You're having the time of your life.

Did you meet with Ray Allen out there? Aruba Ray. Trying to get that locked down right now. Go back. But did you didn't see- I didn't get to meet with him, no. I got tickets to the show. Who's that? I didn't get to meet with him, no. I got tickets to the show. Who's that?

I didn't get to meet with the owner of the comedy club. They have a comedy club in Aruba in one of the hotels. Is that where you went there for? Yeah. Both times I went there to do the show.

Okay. Yeah, I'm going to try to line that up next time. But you stay in the hotel, go do shows, come back out? But he's a great host there. That's why I was asking. Maybe you guys went

to a restaurant or anything like that? No, no, no. Next time though. Any sightseeing? We did like a little boat tour around the island, private tour, you know what I'm saying. Maybe you guys went to a restaurant or anything like that. No, no. Next time, though. Any sightseeing? We did a little boat tour around the island. Private tour. You know what I'm saying? Thank you, Patreon.

And then we ate on the beach. Had a couple of meals. It was dope. It was just dope. So romantic. Mad romantic. Mad romantic. Did you walk on the beach at night?

Yeah. Yo, Taylor, we don't care about your nighttime beach walk. Why are you trying to- Was it a full moon? Was the stars out? Don't bring a moon anymore. Did you see O'Ryles? Were you high?

O'Ryles? I don't know. O'Ryles' belt. There you go. It's O'Ryles' belt. Don't get the shit he loses out when he wants an intern to suck his dick. I mean, damn. I'm still O'Ryles' belt.

O'Ryles' O'Reilly's belt That is crazy Alright so Did you guys Were you guys fornicating at all We got it in a little bit Yeah boy Yeah boy

You know what I mean Yeah you got to Yeah Hell yeah bro Honestly dude For the first time in months I wasn't stressed Yeah yeah yeah

And my sex drive Went through the roof Oh let's go twice a week walking around with the hard death with the dangling bro it was i did i had sex at nighttime vacation sex is better i had sex in the morning and then i had sex again at night whoa son i haven't done this for years. The Triple Crown? I went triple C on it.

Whoa. Yeah. And my control game was trash. Seattle's screwing this bitch. Trash control game. She orgasmed once just riding my semi-hard dick because I nut it so fast. I just laid it on my belly and she was like, all right, I got this. I was like, we can do it.

Oh, my gosh. Is that abuse? Can I draw a question? and she was like, all right, I got this. I was like, we could do it. Oh my gosh. Is that abuse? Can I draw a question? One time, I was forcing myself to orgasm. I really have a question about that.

Yes, yes, yes. When it comes to y'all orgasming or holding y'all orgasm, do y'all like count like to... I try to count things in the room.

Like I would count how many nails are there yeah i count the nails and then um if she is making any sounds whatsoever i lose all distraction or i lose my distraction yeah but i try to count like the nails or the screws in the wall or count the seams i really try to get uh into arithmetic wait it's a fibonacci sequence you're like a beautiful mind i really yeah that's what you don't want you to do a Fibonacci sequence. You're like a beautiful mime. I really am. That's what it's like. You don't want her to-

You said she makes any sound. Oh, it feels- Oh, yeah. It's too hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the issue. It sounds fucking up. It's different.

Absolutely. You can't be distracted. Y'all would rather the girl not make any sound? No, no, no. I wouldn't rather it, but when I feel really good, shut it up. Yeah. So what do you want to do? I put in AirPods.

Noise cancel. You want noise cleanser?. I put in AirPods. Noise cancel. I listen to my favorite. I listen to 99% Invisible while I'm stroking it out. It feels too good. Like you start to like see them really getting into it. That's the tricky thing. That's why I fucked a Seinfeld. That's how it went.

That was broke bag. I'm wondering though. No, but just like. That's Woody the Warbecker Wait wait Hold on How do you do Seinfeld again? That's the Netflix theme

Oops Oops It's interesting So how do y'all stay hard though? How do I stay hard? If y'all are trying to focus God Yeah See Alice Yeah how we just go It's interesting How do y'all stay hard though? If y'all trying to focus God Yeah

See Alice Yeah how we just go Oh that shit Dumb as a cake for that one Yo the choo choo The choo choo The choo choo You already know

Come through Showtime Flag it full mass My shit was full mass bro sunday noon you know i mean full mass guys what do you think about when you try to say up son i'll just be letting you go yo come on what are we talking about really bro this is about religious life you know i mean because pleasure isn't the end game you know what i mean don't y'all feel pathetic yeah i feel pathetic every time I'm fucking.

Why? Yo, Akash really figured out life. If you start fat and then you get skinny, everything's successful. If you start pathetic with sex and then get slightly less pathetic,

it's a win. Everybody disappointed out this bitch. You ain't alone. So you were the most Buddhist person ever. Or Hindu, I don't know whatever it is.

But it's Zen. You know what I mean by that. But like instead of constantly wanting more, you start out with all of it. And then or whatever it is. And then if you get a little, you feel good. That's a brilliant way of going through life. Is that Buddhism? Is that Buddhism, son?

Yeah. So really, you never try to last? Like, I mean, hold on. Sometimes when you're going gonna come quick and you're like fuck I can't come this way What's the longest so to you Taylor? I don't want to hear Cancun he can last up to four when he starts fucking me it's eastern but by the time his dick gets in my vagina it's specific alright hold on so go so you're never trying to stretch

it out there's another not you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah no I think if I'm trying to stretch it out I'll like stop you know what I mean we'll do other stuff then I'll come back oh hold on Taylor oh that's a good move yeah intermission we'll have a little intermission

And then you'll go down A brief intermission And you go down and work Yeah we'll do other stuff You know what I mean Whatever we do Get some snacks maybe Yeah go back to a little foreplay

I feel like a loser Doing that shit like When I'm about to buzz I'm like hold on And I just start like Sucking on titties Well you don't say hold on Yeah

I go like this I go let me get a 20 I need a 20 second timeout I need a 20 second She'll be like Is that full or is that 20 Not full I need that

Go to commercial I need a commercial break For real Al what's your technique Pull ups Just jump on the bar More blood flows down his dick It's getting bigger I'll just jump on the bar and start lifting up in prison the weirdest shit more blood flows down his dick

it's getting bigger his legs are just shriveling up I'm a slug alright how was your technique nah and I don't know where this came from back in the day I just would think of baseball

cause it's so boring yeah and so I would like think of like that's some Puerto Rican shit I would think of baseball because it's so boring. Yeah. And so I would, like, think of, like, players. Yo, that's how Latino Al is. And so I had to, like, picture myself, like, running the bases and shit like that. And, like, I really, if a noise happens, fuck, now I'm running into pussy or something like that. Like, it just can throw me off. But if I stay thinking about baseball, sliding into the plate and everything.

Al's up there like, are you fucking kidding me, bro? Are me are you kidding me are you blind but then it works every time and then i can really either that or having tv playing in the background and then i'm just concentrating on the episode have y'all ever closed the tip of your dick like a coin purse and just didn't let the come out so the skin over yeah yes it's a drawstring tuck yourself in the bed yeah you got a string bag all right i got my jersey in there i got my cleats okay we're ready to go zip yep yep oh that'd be kind of lit yeah can y'all please answer the question what is the question never stay in the villa what is lasting to you can i can i tell you this taylor this is what lasting is i'm gonna be 100 serious yeah tell them tell lasting is after you come yes to be 100% serious. Yeah, tell them. Tell them. Lasting is after you come.

Yes. No matter if you come in two minutes, I lasted. If you come in 20 minutes, I lasted. Boom. But when you come. That's when the clock. That's when the clock starts going. And then it's just 15 seconds more.

Exactly. The job is done. Bend it over. Get to cracking. Boom. Hey. Hey there. Your back looks dry.

Oh, what a shame. Oh, what a shame. Oh, what a shame. Why don't we do something about that? Some Cetaphil. Yeah, we need Cetaphil. We need some Cetaphil on your back. I hate Cetaphil. Wait, what's Cetaphil?

It's a face wash or like a cream or something like that. Oh, I thought that's when the plants are made. That's chlorophyll. That's the powerhouse of the cell. I thought he was talking about the shit blue chew was made out of. Chlorophyll? So the girl comes two times at least? Come on with all this.

It's crazy. How greedy are you? That's greedy. Okay, we're going to talk about greed. Do y'all eat her out before? We're feminists. Yeah. After.

Do you eat her out? After? Nah, before. Not crazy. Nah, we eat her out. That's what we do as a team, bro. Y'all ready to go down? Yeah, baby.

Three, two, one. I'm trying to help y'all girls out. I got my headset. All right, boys, we ready? We ready to deploy? Mark, get back up. We're truly a cool duty lobby. I'm trying to help y'all girls out. All right, boys, we ready? We ready to deploy. Mark, get back up. We saw you go down there early. T-Bone, get in there, baby.

I'm going to try to help y'all girls out. If you say you can't last forever. Our girls are good. You see the rock on my girl? Bling. That's going down. You go down. Look at that.

How long can you use that, you think? How long can you use it? What, the rock? Oh, that's done That's already over It's a week No That

Diamonds last forever So Shit That's your slogan Yeah Nah nah nah nah You mean like How long can I use it

To get out of shit Yeah Um I don't know I don't know bro You know what I mean It's still working I'm getting comfy bro But you gotta lean into How beautiful that shit is Like sometimes I don't know. I don't know, bro. You know what I mean? It's still working.

I'm getting comfy, bro. You know what I mean? But you gotta lean into how beautiful that shit is. Like sometimes I'll just be looking at it like, God damn, that shit is fire, ain't it? You should just make comments just randomly. I do. I do.

I harass that ring. I abuse that ring. This might lock away somewhere right now matter of fact seriously that ring got PTSD yeah shut up yeah

Mark what's your strategy no real I was yeah no real strategy really I was trying to do the math thing for a while and then honestly

one thing that did help is just talking what are you guys talking about this is gonna sound like some serial killer shit I was listening no real strategy really I was trying to do the math thing For a while Yeah And then honestly One thing that did help Is just talking What are you guys talking about This is gonna sound Like some serial killer shit I was listening to this podcast I'm talking about The Indian farmers

Now she can tweet with confidence This might work Yeah What y'all talk about No it's kind of cool So I'll just be like Yo so what's your plan for the day Get the fuck out of here

Are you serious That was so tight I didn't know I didn't day it's kind of cool i didn't like that what don't tell us it's cool it's cool okay i'll teach you guys about sex whatever you guys want to know sit on daddy's lap i'll tell you i might need that i'll just start having a conversation during sex? It's a good thing you're not fucking a black girl because you would not have that.

Why? Because y'all be talking. Stop talking, Taylor. Because y'all be talking during sex. That's not sexy, though. Ooh, don't go there. Don't go upstairs.

What? Isn't that the horror movie? Why are you going upstairs? I don't know. What? What? What? He's behind the door. We'll probably help guys find the clip, though.

He's behind the door. Oh, yeah. It's like an escape room. Yeah. What? Take off the picture frame. There's a map of Aruba. What?

What? What are you talking about? You can't escape the room that you lock yourself in oh my god hey bro i'm telling you here's what it is you're not gonna come for me not gonna come for me that's what you said you do though you go over the top yeah i know man just don't talk about it. Nobody's talking about it. It's dead. And I was like, is it, though?

I took it personal. I took it personal, bro. And then I went surfing. Why are you doing this to me? But you dead ass, though? Yeah, I tried it once. It kind of worked. What did you talk about?

What was your comment? How did you not go down, though? Yo, Taylor. You didn't think I did? Try that, Taylor. No, as in like it goes, I don't understand that. How it doesn't keep going straight. It's a gift from God.

Spirit. What? As you get older, you really realize how true that is. What is? It's a gift from God. It doesn't go limp. Hard dick. Oh, son, yo.

Hard dick. Sustainably hard dick. I remember then on the vacation when my dick started getting hard again for the first time in like three months. It's like the waves in Lanai. Bro. It's like the waves in Lanai bro it was like the waves in Lanai

and it's historic Mark it was history I was out there making history bro but I felt like a kid dude my dick was hard yeah

you know sometimes it gets hard and you're like babe let's get this going before it's not not like that my shit was hard she was like

oh you just gonna use the bathroom i said take your time i'm just gonna sit here take a shower if you need whatever you need this shit is hard went outside with the heart came back in hard just showing it off son i literally was outside on the porch the room had a porch no big deal you know what i'm saying no big private shuttle you know the porch is the poorest way to say terrace damn i did shit i call it a porch we had a smoking deck it's a george forming grill out there you know i was out there grilling you know screaming at my girl take your fucking makeup off babe i want some sex oh my god put it all in seriousness

yeah I think the conversation thing works if anyone's looking for we're like nah I'm gonna

try this I can't imagine that working it's also kind of hot cause it's like oh we're just like talking like oh yeah I'm not

doing anything it's only a movie that's the most catholic way to go about shit bro we're not doing the thing that's a sin yeah

we're just doing something God can't see us right now cause we're just chit chatting he's listening in like oh they're making plans for the afternoon i think we really tricked him

keep your skirt on he won't know what's happening oh my god all right so taylor i can tell that you really want to just speak about the length of sex okay Okay. No, I have another question. What is your other question? You're allowed one more question. Okay. Go. I love this rule. Yeah, this is a great,

this is fire. You said you have uncircumcised, or circumcised? I have uncircumcised. Uncircumcised. You have circumcised. Yeah. Too much.

Too much cut off. Is that true? Seriously, too much cut off. A little part of the top is cut off. Like a burn victim? Yeah. Honestly, it's a little crazy crazy the top of my dick is flat it's like a lego yeah my dick is a rectangle it goes square at the end you know the new nordstrom tower they built that's his dick his dick looks like a monolith in arizona or something like minecraft

is it called minesweeper no minecraft yeah for real my dick looked like Minecraft Yo Is it called Minesweeper? No Minecraft Minecraft Yeah for real My dick look like this mic Damn My dick look like this mic Right there That's it They just cut the head right off It's a bluff

He's got a bluff dick It's a bluff Yeah I don't know what that means I was gonna ask They cut too much tip Off the wrong head For this one

They really did They could've shaved Some nose down You would've been good I know That's why my nose looked so big oh my god yo someone said something so mean to me bro but that shit was so funny they go i had a picture of me and i thought that i was you know i thought i was looking fine i thought i was looking cute and someone said damn schultz yours look like you've been wearing COVID masks for the last 10 years.

Oh, that was good. That was good. Wow. That's just funny, bro. That's just funny, bro. I was just going to ask, which one do you think is more sensitive? What?

Which dick is more sensitive? Bro, the beanbag. Why? The sleeping bag. I was thinking yours would be. Nah, drawstring Nah cause mine is out Available to the world

Yeah he's showing it off My dick is like A construction worker's hands It's callous There's cuts that never heal Yeah His is like a little What is it?

Sleeping beauty Yeah it's a diamond It's not a diamond Diamond Diamond Come on That was crazy Why you trying to do that, bro?

That's a important thing to me. Nah, son. Yeah, it is. Your dick ain't no diamond, bro. Why you doing that? It's Moissanite. Why would you do that, bro? It's Moissanite.

He got that Moissanite, bro. He got that Moissanite dick right there. He got that Moissanite, bro. It is Moissanite. Did she just randomly play with it? With what part specifically? I said one question, bro. It is moist. Does she just randomly play with it? With what part specifically? I said one question, Taylor. Taylor, Taylor.

I feel flattered now. No, keep going. Taylor, take your notes. Okay, you're not taking enough notes. She hasn't taken one note. I know. I know. Send it to me.

I hear her say it with the fucking computer on her lap like she's doing some shit besides just interrupting. I'm over here killing. The second there's some good flow, Taylor just pops up like a boulder in a river. Hard reef. Hard reef hard there's a reef okay you missed the story we're almost dying i shouldn't be here right now yeah you really did i thought he was bullshitting but he really did almost die yeah you'll hear the story when if you came on time you would have heard it yeah i almost drowned when i was in hawaii in the newest episode of flagrant 2 2 Podcast. Yeah, it is. Flickering 2. You can find it at Flickering 2. You know how to just unwrap some stuff. We're doing it right now.

Now, okay. So, Alex, you went to the COVID den. Okay? Oh, yeah. You had a good time at the COVID den? Great time at the COVID den. You were partying, partying. Mexico day, I don't give a fuck.

Yeah, not at all. Zero fucks. Anything interesting happen? You went with wifey. Brought wifey. Yeah. Well, something. Had some people there.

Had some people? Who else Yeah like I just met people That were there already Weezy was there That's why I was asking Nah nah Weezy was in Columbia

She ain't got shit Nah just a friend out there Ryan Some people You don't know Okay fine Fair enough If you don't want to share

Anything about your vacation That's fine I'm prying They go to a different school bro You would've known Yeah you would've known You would've known I see how it is

Nah but yeah They don't give Two shits about Groat out there. And did everybody have it? I mean, no. They don't make you get a test before you go or anything? No. I feel like America.

Nothing. We had to get a test 72 hours prior. Did you do that? Really? Yeah, I didn't have any of that. Shit cost me $640. Why? Oh my God.

Don't get me started on this. This is why you need Dove, bro. Don't get me started. One day I'm not need dove bro don't get me stuck the one day i'm not using the truffle all of a sudden i spent 640 dollars they were watching test jam a fucking test into my nose nah those free tests the lines for them shits oh my god crazy right no if you know a line lineless one let me know la guardia airport the first two times i went no line third time i had to go what do you mean a line wait you got a test at the airport no laguardia airport in parking lot b has a testing site you just drive in and out of it bitch yeah that was like some like quick in and out shit at the time now i think everybody's on to it because the third time we went before aruba we had to wait like an hour oh but the first two times i went

before i gave it to y'all and then to make sure i was cool to come back yeah uh no line legit in and out in 10 minutes whole thing shit did you just told a bunch of 100,000 people. No, you have to test it in 72 hours or good. Okay. You're on your third question. Okay, Mark, where'd you go? I went to Florida. You went back home. Orlando, Florida. It was the best. You had a good time?

Just harassing children? That's all Mark does when he goes back to his family. He has hundreds of kids. His family has hundreds of kids. We're Amish. We're like Mennonites. You are like Mennonites. You're Catholics.

What is a Mennonite? I don't know. Okay. No, it's like the Quaker people living in like Pennsylvania. Oh, they make sure the furniture. I thought that was the Jewish. Okay.

No, that was our sodomites. Wait, the old? that's funny i was gonna be like wait the oatmeal people yeah the oatmealers no now i would say i would say what's up we went in the amount of time that we've all known each other yeah we went the longest that we've ever gone without talking to each other. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

I mean, when, when we left each other on the 19th, I don't know if we even spoke to each other until 26th. Yeah. At least. Isn't that crazy? Maybe 25th or something like that.

Yeah. So what did you do? Right. The first day I got back i slept 18 hours let's go the first day like straight through like i woke up ate some food went back to sleep like all the way uh-huh and then just like hung in orlando that's the thing orlando's open so life was normal it's like normal like everyone wears masks that's the one thing i realized i wonder if like you have people so confined you get like that california situation where like people are just going to like house parties and like doing their own shit

or finding like like escape valves whereas like in orlando like every business has their own discretion yep and pretty much every place i went to had like distancing and masks and it's just not that big a deal but you could just do whatever so like go to a park do they enforce the mask or not yeah i mean people just kind of go with it like yeah like if like there's some people that are crazy they're like yo i'm not wearing a mask i'm not doing it and they walk right through and then that's one out of every 500 yeah yeah they never say anything to that guy but i think there's less of that guy than yeah it seems like it's kind of that guy makes the news yeah right but that's not the average but it almost seems like that's a reaction to like being confined yeah that's the skate park thing. Yeah.

It's like if you create the skate park, less kids get hurt because they're not grinding some random rail from this building and then suing the building and that kind of shit like that. So you just create the rules. The rules of the skate park. Put a fucking mask on or do some social distancing. We talked about, I think we talked about this as soon as Corona happened, but this is a country that's legit built on rebellion. It's so in our DNA.

In Europe, you can lock everybody down and they're just kind of listening we are founded on nah fuck your rules we're doing our own thing you saw that shot he just took in europe son yo europe he called y'all some bitch ass motherfuckers he said y'all wow he went there bro akash akash not taking no prisoners bro you're really not taking no prisoners I'm fighting yo solidarity with the farmers we out here that's a great idea move the farmers to Europe oh yeah y'all get whatever you want get whatever you want

one thing I want to call out about so I was in Tulum which is supposed to be some like energy earthy like retreat yoga shit and all that son oh my god the bullshit the level of bullshit that's there so you have rich people that are pretending to go for like just to be like this yeah wellness and shit like that and then they're at the turn up spot popping bottles

like i care about my body i care it retreat. It was so hypocritical. But it looked like a lot of the people that would be at Burning Man is just you're forced to have to spend money at that place. So at Burning Man, there's no money to spend. So it's like they're forced to actually live that life of just the energy realness. And low key, if you haven't had that at all, how nice is it? You're here to club pumping. You haven't had that in three, how nice is it? You're here at a club pumping. You haven't had that in three months. That's why I went.

We've been fucking hermitcraft for like the past three, four months. I'm like, I don't even really like parties like that, but every night I'm going out. It felt good. Yeah, it felt good. It felt great. So it didn't matter? Yeah. Like you didn't care at all?

Not at all. You're sure you care at all? No. Really? It's funny because she's not immune, but she ain't care at all. She might have antibodies, bro. I'm pretty sure my girl got antibodies.

Yeah, we got to take that test just to make sure but then I'm traveling everywhere seeing the folks. I'm good. Once I got antibodies, we're at waste. Oh, no, no.

I'm still cautious with the folks and shit like that. Word? Like, I saw them over this break but I mean, I saw them

two days after I got a test or whatever just to make sure everything was Gucci. Yeah, I'm going to get the antibodies just to be sure. Antibodies.

How would you have it but you don't got antibodies? No, no, not antibodies. The actual test. Because you can get it again. No, you can't. That's a lie. Stop with the bullshit.

Here's what I don't understand. I can understand. You would say that. I can understand the antibodies. You're part of China. You're part of the communist party. I'm sorry. I love my mom.

I don't want to kill her. But keep going, Akash. Go. Keep on ca. I love my mom. I don't want to kill her. But keep going, Akash. Go. Keep on capping for China, bro. Keep on putting on that cap, that fucking triangle shit Raiden used to wear. That's Al right now. If you got antibodies and they wear off, cool, you can still get it. But if you have antibodies, that's what fights the virus.

Yeah, but the shit mutated already. Yeah, but you're still good. Also, can I just say that this is very important. We're going to give F.A. credit for this. But all these fake woke bloggers getting upset at the special because we called it the Chinese virus or whatever like that. As a joke. As a joke, mind you. But no, it is.

No, it is. We call it the Wuhanic plague and all these kind of things. All this is racist. All of a sudden, the UK strain is not racist. Oh. Oh, right. When it's white people's fault. Oh, it's not racist when it's the UK strain.

Maybe it just fucking comes from there. Maybe that's what it is. That's funny. I didn't even notice that. Because all these Asians were hitting me up, and they were like, yo, don't bother with the Boba T bloggers. Boba T bloggers is so good, yo. But that's what Asians call the woke Asians.

Wow. Oh, that's great. They're like, yeah, none of us fuck with them. They're stupid. They don't get it. Like Boba T? Boba T. Like Boba T.

But he's like, because it was so funny because all these Asians were like, yo, they just hit me up. They're like, yo, this shit is so dumb. Like you literally made fun of every group of people in the special and it's like, one guy hit me up, he was, low key,

it's kind of arrogant to think that the whole thing was just about one. Right. Like, you got to be like selfish to like ignore all the other people

that got made fun of. It's relentless jokes so everybody going to get got. Everybody going to get, but literally, this is what we said was going to happen. Yeah. It's so funny, in the fourth episode episode i was happy for you when i saw that oh yeah

marketing yeah we we literally in the fourth episode we're like this is how media works yeah the no-name bloggers say something's outrageous yep the quote-unquote real organization news organizations cover that no-name blogger as if it's news right yeah now it looks like a real story because the quote-unquote real news organizations are covering it and then the bloggers continue to have a little energy behind their back and that's why i don't engage with them on twitter and instagram that kind of shit because you're not big enough if new york times writes an article how fucked up it is i go back and forth with new york times but like remember when cameron was trying to beef with jay or like All these guys might call out a bigger rapper.

Jay's like, I don't know. I don't have time. Because he made that mistake with 50. Everybody says it blew up 50 cents. On the bottom dollar, what the fuck is 50 cents? Yeah. So don't do that. Even though I already did that with my ex in this episode.

But outside of that, we're not doing that. The whole time he's saying it, I'm like, nah, we're moving on, bro. We're moving on. Yeah, 2021. Exactly. Buy her album. Yeah. We're going to make it go platinum.

Fuck. So, yes, the shit mutated already. Yeah, but from what I read, if you got the vaccine, the mutation, you'd still be fine with the mutation. It's not like a mutation that everything is. There ain't no mutation. It's nothing, bro. It's nothing. Just drink your green juice and tea and be good

Taylor if you don't be quiet about this I swear to God her first question when I said I had got corona was wait does this mean it's real

so I'm not entertaining a genuine question an earnest question I'm not entertaining Taylor have some respect

amen and a woman yeah I like that did you hear them say that shit? No. Oh, my God. Oh, that's the new thing?

One of these dudes was doing this Senate hearing. Y'all didn't see this? No. Oh, dude. He was like, and he finished the Senate hearing with something. God bless America. Amen and a woman. Wow.

That's fire. It's like, amen is not about gender. If it was, that's a grammatical error. It'd be amen. Or like the amen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But how funny is that shit, bro? Like we gonna be woke about words that don't even have gender?

It's all so performative, y'all. I don't even want to give these guys attention. But a woman is kind of lit. I like a woman. Yeah. A woman sounds like some shit you say before you tell a girl her outfit. She says, a woman? A woman? A woman? You are a woman. A woman sounds like some shit you say before you tell a girl her outfit. A woman. A woman.

A woman. You are a woman. A woman. A woman. We go to the club. A woman. You need a new toothbrush. And a turtleneck.

All right. There's your clout. You got it. You're happy. You got your clout. Giving it the whole fucking app. That's enough it we are moving on no more this nope uh nope give me 10 minutes i got a feeling all right what else we gotta have some stories so because we haven't seen

each other in so long we didn't really like reflect on the year pretty much. Oh, yeah. Any anything. It would be cool if we did like a project that did that. Like if we dedicated like four months, like every single day. That's a good idea. Someone should do that and like break it up into little parts. Fuck.

This is why you a visionary. Yo, my G, bro. I appreciate you now what did you learn this year al uh you start many mics that are better to throw yeah so i can just chuck things oh i got some good stuff we could do resolutions that's one thing i'm doing. Okay. So I'm reading right now. Same for me, yo. First book I'm starting with is Obama's book.

What? Obama's book. Obama's book. Which one? The one he just came out with. Oh, the brand new one? Yeah, the new one. The one that black people, nah, I was good.

It's not all about black people. Black people, stop hating on me. I was good to you guys. It wasn't my fault. Nah, nah, nah. Put some respect on it. It wasn't my fault. Nope, nope, nope my fault i just said hope i didn't say do nope it's good so far i'm only like about like six chapters in but it's good it's really good and

like you can see him coming into politics green, and then he doesn't even realize when he becomes a politician. He gets lost in it, and he becomes a thing that he sought out not to become. Oh, so he's critical of himself. Yeah. This shit is real. I like it. Oh, wow.

I respect that. That's kind of boss. That's one of my resolutions. Try to read at least 10 books. A year? Yeah. Yeah. I'm going for one a month.

That's what I'm going for. Yeah, that's, you know. Good for y'all, man. That's good. Yeah, get a library card, bro. Yeah. Yeah, you rent out a hammer, rent out a book. Real talk.

Get whatever you want. Like, they have everything there, bro. All right. What you doing? The fact that y'all are reading makes me want to not read so much i mean yo that's nothing new the fact y'all reading makes me want to keep not doing a thing i'm already not doing so i'm not reading that's pussy bro you out here like this like like switching oh oh let me lick the paper he's so old switching papers bro how you read with a kinder no

there's a line in the special we gotta talk we're gonna do like an inside joke some of you guys listen right now watch our inside joke series we're gonna do an inside jokes we're gonna bring robbie maybe we fly fa back over but um about all of our like little hidden jokes and the little hidden pictures and all that kind of stuff in the special and like really kind of like break it down because there's you know a lot of a lot of people have watched it so many times they're catching these new things and thank you guys for that but um you know we can say where these ideas came from there's shit in the special that actually makes no sense there's a joke at the end there is a word two words oh yeah aren't even words oh yeah right the etymology of this is for whatever reason you know how like in uh in um japanese culture there's this thing

called umami parmesan is umami and it's like the perfect uh collection of flavors it's like sweet and salty and all these things like they're like oh this is perfection this is what your mouth desires right i think auditory umami or like that's hearing a word, but also saying a word is chicken tender. Saying chicken tender just feels so good. But you don't say chicken tender. We say it's evolved. It's evolved even more when I went to Hawaii because I was closer to Asia. So it just got even more around the radioactive, you know?

So it went from chicken tender to chicken tender. Yeah. Chicken tender. Right. And then I don't know how it got here, but it was like chicken dondle. Whoa. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I heard that one. Chicken dondle. It's like COVID, bro. New screens. New screens coming. So at the end, there's a joke about Biden where he said his hair is more plugged in.

No, he's more plugged in than the hairs on his chickity tende. Yeah. I say chickity tende. Yes. Right? Now, they transcribed the whole special. Oh, I didn't even know. Yes.

They didn't ask for our transcription. Somebody went in there and did it and they transcribed it as the hair is more plugged in no it's more plugged in than the hairs on his jiggity dende okay wait for it this is my favorite part jiggity is capital j and dende is capital d so they, no, that's probably someone's name. I love they didn't do it in like 30 languages. Bro, that's another thing.

they, the special, so many people like around the world were hitting me up like, yo, they took your special

down in Sweden. They took it down in South Korea. They took it down and it's because they didn't have the transcription to their languages available right until a week

later okay because there was so much to transcribe and i think we fucked up i wish we never let them transcribe it because it's you know how like it's meant to be consumed in english because so many of the jokes are wordplay or alliteration. And once you change that into another language, it actually doesn't make sense. So we should just put our foot down. You're saying chiquititende. I'm saying chiquititende. It barely makes sense in English. I don't even know if it's English.

We're not sure. Okay? Listen, we were really exhausted by the end of it and on a lot of Adderall. And chiquititende made sense. But point is, a lot of people would literally hear me like yo we can't watch it we can't watch it so if you are in another country and you want to watch it now you can and if you still can't change your netflix setting to english for the whole netflix that was my favorite thing about it was the inside jokes yeah i thought that was

just cool that you still did i didn't know who the fuck would get that besides us but you did it honestly i don't know who has yeah we just did it us. But you did it. Honestly, I don't know who has. Yeah. We did. He just did it for us. That was it. It literally is four of us. There's so many jokes. We're like, chiggy-dee-ten-dee. In the recording, nobody in this room knows. Appreciate the picture, by the way.

Oh, sorry. Very funny line also. Yo, you know that you were on the train with Indians. I thought so. I thought so. I even tried to pause. I was like, I think that's me. But then the daddy one, I was like, that's great.

There's a, you're on the, you're also in other ones too. I only saw those. You're on a Zoom call. You're on a few. Fuck, yo, I gotta rewatch it. All right, all right. Dude, people are losing it. They're laughing at Alex being the Congolese cabbie.

Yes, that was great. Yeah, dude. That was great. We had a lot of fun ones. There's one in there that like it's probably illegal because we used one of the filters on Instagram but the cheerleader for the

bulls I mean it's still probably illegal yeah it's whatever the cheerleader for the bulls is Mark that's great but we sent the picture and they're like who the fuck is this they're we were like, oh no, it's Mark's cousin.

Like, she gives us permission. Yeah. Why can't you just say it's Mark? Because then we were using that filter and they don't have a permission. Oh,

okay. We just snitching on ourselves. Do you? Like this whole bar. Okay. You've been snitching on yourself a lot today, to be honest with you.

When you ain't do nothing wrong. Yeah. What is it? When you're free, the truth shall set you free. Yeah. Yeah. I you ain't do nothing wrong. What is it? When you're free, the truth shall set you free. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not afraid of the truth.

I think that was Malcolm X. Yes. Or Malcolm Little. We got to get some clips. All right. All right. All right. We got to get some clips.

What are we talking about? Can we break and then come back? Yes. Go TV. All right, guys. It's 2021. It's time for New Year's resolutions. You know what a great resolution is

for any man? Step up your self-care. You've been in quarantine. You probably let yourself go, not just with the weight, but also you're probably not showering as much. Let's be honest. You probably fucking stink.

All you got to do to fix that is go to hawthorne.co. It is an entire line of men's grooming products that they send to you if you just answer one quiz. They ask you questions like, do you smoke? What do you like to drink? How often do you shower for guys like Mark?

And I'm going to be honest, me a little bit. But point is, you just answer the quiz, and then they send you every product you need. And I'm also going to be honest, if you're single, fellas, this shit looks official. If you want to impress a girl when she comes over, make it look like you got your life together, these products are beautiful, dog. The packaging is gorgeous. The soap, grown man ass, smell good hand soap. I'm telling you, if you want to get your life together in one step,

you just go to Hawthorne.co and use promo code flagrant. You get 10% off your first purchase. That is Hawthorne, H-A-W-T-H-O-R-N-E dot C-O, promo code flagrant. Let's get back to the show. Yo, how well did Akash just read that ad? Sign. You know what that is? Your ad is needed. Yeah.

Sign. Where's Miles, yo? Miles, come into the room, Miles. Stop betraying me, yo. Miles, get over here. Yo, Miles, get over here Yo Miles get over here bro I don't know where Miles is But we're gonna have him come in

He's certainly not editing an ad read right now We were on the road so Miles was editing the clips And he was putting in the ads in the episode And Akash read An ad You read an ad like you just learned how to read bro Like it was your first time reading bro That's what it looked like You read an ad like you just learned how to read bro Like it was your first time reading bro That's what it looked like

You read an ad Bro wait what happened It was my first time reading that ad But what happened You know how to read I'm looking off my phone Then you try to look up a camera Then you look over your phone

Come here bro Come here you're gonna get a little shine Come here So come on this side Wrap all the way around And just come down right here only time i'll ask you to take a knee now not like that uh okay now he do look kind of if we had to pick a racist in the podcast this is miles we're in the wide right this is miles okay

miles is our a brilliant graphic designer for the netflix series and it's also helping out uh with the edits for the podcast now not enough of the edits when now i knew something was wrong with the episode and this is the episode when we were gone yeah when i started getting all these dms like damn yo akash reads like he's on a treadmill and i'm like wait what's going bro? Akash stopped and started to add so many fucking times. Did you hear that and then leave it in on purpose? I didn't know that I had to edit ads. I just place them in. I don't even listen to the ads.

Right, because you would think if you were reading, you would be able to do it. Yeah. Right. Yeah, I just thought they'd be fine. I just put them in. Yeah, why would they not be fine? Yeah, because you just get to read it.

Yeah, it's just one paragraph. Oh, I do that shit oh how many times she'll start over everything I ain't never started over I ain't never

in my life I've never done it in my life there's no proof of editing don't do it because NeuroRoot NeuroRoot

okay NeuroRoot is all you need for your neuro needs okay what's that I'll get up quick Neuro root is all you need for your neuro needs. Okay? What's that? I'll get up quick. Neuro root, okay? From our good friends over there at Radix Remedies. Right now, it's neuro root.

Yeah, don't read your Floyd Mayweather over here. Neuro root. That's right. Where is it at? Here it is. Neuro root. It promotes brain function, memory development, a positive mood. Neuro root. Focuses. He gets a whole ass TV. Big screen, 50 inches. I'm here. Thank God you interrupted me

right there because I said focuses instead of focus. I'm going to have you on the ropes, bro. We're going to have to edit that. But in all seriousness, if you don't want to read like Akash, you got to use Neuro root. I wasn't rooted that day. That's true. If you were rooted, you would have read that shit perfectly seamlessly

that's a good point thank you you know why you were on AdWall because we sold the fuck out of Neuroroot that's right we sold out Neuroroot how amazing was that thank you for your contribution Miles Neuroroot is Miles sit the fuck back down

Miles looks so racist. You get that look on the face of a racist in picture? And he was chomping that gum. That shit would give me PTSD from September 12, 2001, bro. Whoa. That was giving me. Way to bring back the past, bro. Oh, jeez.

That's crazy. Hey, hey, hey. You fucking went straight jiggedy dandy. I never forget. I never forget. I never forget. You remember that date so well. Because of NeuroRoot, guys. NeuroRoot will make sure your memory is the absolute best it's ever been in your entire life.

And you know what? From our good friends over there at Radix Remedies, you know they're our good friends because we've been rocking with them for a while. We are not playing games over here. I want you all to go get rooted so you can perform to the best of your ability in life. Okay? Yo, visit NeuroRoot.com slash flagrant and use the code flagrant for a 20% discount. Fuck you! Visit NeuroRoot.com slash flagrant.

Okay? That's N-E-U-R-O-R-O-O-T dot com slash flagrant. And use the code flagrant for a 20% discount. Sign the R-O-R-O-O-O. That's tricky. And you could do anything? Anything. If I was rooted, I would have hit that shit so fire.

Yep, I believe that. Damn, I would have said that shit like Hilaria Baldwin. How do you say, how do you say, Noro root? Noro root. Okay, anyway guys, we got to get back to work.

All right, we just probably paid an ad, I think. That's where we would insert an ad. As you can say, we're just flying off the seat of our pants.

Is that a term? Flying by the seat of your pants. We're flying off it too. I never understood that. Flying by the seat of our pants is that a term flying by the seat of your pants we're flying off it too i never understood that flying by the seat of my pants pants don't have a seat yeah that's a stupid term and we've been saying it our whole lives the seat of your pants is the ass yeah how are you flying by your ass whatever you know the point is i just want to say while we wrap up the special stuff i just want to say we have been making a lot of positive change um james corden yeah that we called i believe a fat fuck in the special uh it was crumbling like a cronut in cordon's mouth yes is now the weight watcher's spokesperson i think we get a little round of applause for James taking his life in his own hands

flying by the seat of his sweatpants doing it good for you James that's good for him you did it dog that's all we wanted bro on behalf of people who had to look at James Gordon everywhere

Weight Watchers really believes in him that's a roll of the dice I. Thank you. Bro, Weight Watchers really believes in him, bro. Yeah, dude. That's so true. That's a roll of the dice right there. I'm going to be honest about Weight Watchers. All their spokespeople. I like James Corden. Oh, come on with that shit.

I just want to see his little skinny ass in a Mazda Beyond. Aren't you on punishment? What happened to you? Big S SUV is the only thing you can fit his fat ass into. Let's get them cars small. Yeah, Fiat. Is that what you said? Oh, shit, dude.

Chikity tende. Wow. Okay, ready, guys? Leaked phone call. I'm just going through conversations. Oh, Trump trying to get them votes. Yeah. Hey, bro, people be lying. Find some votes.

Oh, dude, motherfuckers be lying out there he needs a dove he needs a dove what is the controversy here real talk what are they yeah he's just doing the same shit he's been doing on twitter this whole time yo this election was stolen find these votes they stole the election that's all he's saying he's acting like this is some smoking gun or something but it is wrong though is it not wrong yeah the facts the why i'm no facts. Like the fact side is like people are saying he's attempting to stage a coup by forcing the officials in Georgia to try to manipulate. He's not forcing. He's asking.

Yo fam. I'm the president. Find some votes. Do what you do. Find them votes. The feelings part of it is that shit's lit. You gotta do what you gotta do. I don't know about that though. I love how he talks though. Like he talks on the phone knowing that he's being recorded. Yes, he's a mafioso.

That's why he's slick. What did he say exactly? If you were to find 11,200 votes. He said the exact number. How do you say it exactly? If you were to find 11,201 votes, that would be great if you would go find them. We just need one more. That's it.

I heard they're there. I heard they got ripped up you just gotta you know but that's say in the same way mafia men get off charges a lot that's how i feel like he's gonna be with this like all right you know what he's trying to do i guess but he never says anything that you can pin him down with you're not gonna get charged for nothing it's bad for the country yeah the move is i like the move he's out of here and the move is yo behave of here And the move is Yo Behave yourself I think the powers that be

Are gonna come and just go Yo behave yourself And go yo Listen here Bitch Yo you're not supposed to Fuck up what we got going on Somehow you did it

Yeah They're literally like I don't know how the fuck you did it Somehow you did it Yeah You tricked the system It ain't supposed to work like this Okay but you tricked the system

And you somehow beat the system For four years we got it back to where it's supposed to be you're not going to jail as long as you keep your mouth shut and i think that's gonna be a deal and if he opens his mouth you're gonna see them taxes come out you're gonna see a lot of problems if he keeps his mouth quiet you're gonna see him chilling on a boat somewhere enjoying his real estate business and doing the fuck he does. That's my assumption. But he's even like galvanizing some senators to reject the fucking election results. Like that's the shit that... But is anybody even paying that any mind?

Like we know Biden's going to be president. I think Ted Cruz is. Yo, that guy's a cuck. Dude, that guy's a super cuck. Him and Marco Rubio are embarrassing. You're embarrassing. The biggest of cucks dude

you know what that is that's a cuck that's offending me because Trump destroyed his fucking wife his wife insulted the fuck out of his wife

and you know how big a cuck he is this is how big a cuck he is Trump is fucking his wife and pulls his dick out and then starts about to cum on his wife and then he just

swan dives in front of the cum and gobbles that shit up that's the type of gobbles that shit up. That's the type of cuck that Ted Cruz is. Super cuck. Yeah. Unbelievable levels of cuck.

Dude, imagine someone insulted your wife, bro, publicly. She's ugly. She not the prettiest, but you don't gotta say it. Right?

You don't gotta say it. You just let that shit be bygones. Yeah. What's a bygone, bro? Bro, it's like she's just by and gone, yo. Is that really what it is? Yeah, it's bygone.

Nah. All these stupid ass sayings. We got to get them the fuck out of here. It's like when you kick out your gay son, I think. Bygone. Bygone. Go away. I'm a man of God.

You are not. Okay. So what are we thinking about this? This is classic Trump. It's not surprising. Obviously, he's trying to do whatever he can to stay in power. Can't he be sued too? Because it was leaked, right?

Whoever recorded it. He could sue them. Maybe. I don't think so. I mean, if you know, you got to find out who recorded it or who leaked it. But I imagine every presidential phone call is recorded. Yeah. The phone got to be tapped to the president yeah yeah anyway it's just it's just one of these tricky things like i think people are latching on to it because this is a perfect example what

this is the media needs trump you know i mean like we already know he's out we know there's not going to be an electoral college nonsense we already know what's going on yeah but the media needs this big boogeyman to talk about and trump is that boogeyman and so any story that has him connected in it where he looks like an idiot or he looks potentially evil they're corrupt in particular particularly corrupt yes because it's already over it's like the finals are done you're gonna leak a story about lebron after it's done no yeah well not lebron i guess in the case it's complaining about it's like when the kings lost to the lakers in that one in what 2002 or whatever you still like y'all the officials the officials all right who cares yeah it's over we're done

it's over it's over like what what do they really want what do we want to happen here you want to see trump You wanna see Trump hung Is that it Like The people who are saying This is treasonous Like do you Is that what you want

You wanna see the president Get hung Is that Is that what's happening I don't even know I don't know what y'all Firing squad Firing like

What do y'all want I wanna see him go to jail For what For tax fraud And everything else Yo yo First of all I paid

I saw the amount I'm supposed to pay in taxes Defraud them yo Defraud them'm supposed to pay in taxes. Defraud them, yo. Defraud them, yo. This shit is preposterous. Anybody who defrauds the government for their taxes is my hero. Yeah. My hero.

And I'll say it on the podcast. They're probably listening right now. I'm going to figure it out. Paint them a paper. Here we come, bro. I don't know. I don't know if you will. I know.

I'm going to figure it out, bro. This is the clip they're going to take. Andrew Schultz. Tax evasion. I'll figure it out. I support a Biden-Harris administration. There we go. Son, his taxes are crazy, bro.

Why are we fucking paying them? I just got really irritated. Thank you, Taylor. Fuck your shit. Taxation of representation. Especially for black people. We shouldn't be paying them sorry I just got really irritated thank you Taylor fuck your shit taxation of representation especially for black people we shouldn't be paying them at all and these two

I shouldn't be paying them either yes I'm not racist that's my favorite it should just be racist pay them yes yo what if

what if only what if only people yeah this is dangerous yeah I was about to be on board already before you even said it who should be paying if only people Yeah, this is dangerous. I was about to be on board already before you even said it. Who should be paying taxes mostly? Whites. That's not

true. Yes, white people need to. Not only specific types. Yes. Specific types. Specifically not me. Question. Wait, wait, question. Would all of you in this room, besides Taylor, be upset if reparations were given by just black people not having to pay taxes? Honestly, I would be more upset.

Really? I'd rather one-time payment. Let's pay it out. Print it up the money. No, but then that's your tax dollars going to us. I'm fine with that. So that's like you taking some responsibility. It's back to me and Dove in the hotel.

Uh-huh. That's interesting. It's back to me and Dove in the hotel. That's interesting. I thought it would be worse that way because it's coming out your own. But they would raise our taxes. Let me tell you something. I've said this on this podcast before. Motherfuckers, you could up to, I think it's wrong to do over 40% in tax, but anything

over 50% if you're paying in taxes, you work for the government. You are an employee of the government. Nobody pays 50%. Some people didn't figure it out in time. Let me tell you something. People pay over 50% in taxes.

If you pay more than 50%, you're wildin', son. I'm not wildin'. That's the way it's set up, bro. This is corona. We lost money this year. Son, why you think... How do we lose money? We lost. How do we lose money we lost how do we lose money though we lost right we make the money yes we had a bad year this was a bad bad year you just got here this is a bad year they're going to jail

i'm out here being honest out here paying over 50 of taxes y'all all going to prison you can't except mark 50 of your total income went to taxes. More than 50%. Son, you're wild. This was a bad year, son. I took a hit. We can't go on the road, son. This guy going to prison, son. Straight to jail.

This guy going to prison, bro. Straight to jail. This guy going to prison, bro. Let me tell you, it's going to be you and Donald Trump sitting in that fucking jail cell, dude. While me out here paying my fucking whatever it is, over 50% of taxes. Over 50% of taxes over 50 percent of taxes bro i work for the government i work from january to june for free i was working every day for free and the government just took all that money what the fuck they did what did they do

i rode my bicycle here i didn't even take a subway i should get all my money back yep at least we should get jackets i never called 9-1-1 jackets we're u.s government employees yo can I get a jacket, bro? A badge? A little pin. A lapel, man. I know what you're talking about with jackets. I thought it was something I promised to buy him, but I never got him.

I didn't know you actually took back his wedding gift. I didn't know you actually didn't give him a wedding gift because he went on vacation. Thank you for bringing this up, okay? No, I'm not giving him a gift at all. I was waiting. I didn't give him a gift. Absolutely not. Yes, you did. No, you did give him No, I'm not giving him a gift at all. I was waiting. I didn't give him a gift. Absolutely not. Yes, you did.

No, you did give him a gift. I didn't give him a gift. After the fact. We both were mad late with it. I didn't give him a gift. No. He did not give him a gift. He did give him a gift.

I thanked the archives for the gift. He was like, oh, yeah. Like, Alex, Andrew, everyone got you the same thing. And I was like, well, Alex did. No, I was at the archives. I was late. He reminded me to give you some. To be fair, he took a week off, I was at the archive. I was late. He reminded me to give you something. To be fair, he took a week

off and I still paid him. That's the gift. I was going to say you're a specialist. I told him that's the gift. I told you he took a week off. Mark is wishing they had mics that you could throw now. He gave you

four days of PTO as an employer and he was like that's a gift that's a gift that's a gift he got a whole week off without telling me uh-huh right after we signed a deal for netflix yeah he's the co-creator of the show he's not a fucking employee he's the co-creator yes he's responsible for the fucking show. How can you give him days off? That's a great question. I gave him days off of this. That's one day. Not all creators are created equal.

Not all creators are created equal. So he got a week's pay, which is far more than any gift. Here's what I know. Dog, he was going to lace you with a gift because I was like, yo, you want to like together? We'll get something, mark something nice. Let me tell you what you were going to get.

Your gift was reduced by half. So you were going to get what you get a week. Right. Double. Okay. But since you were a coward yes your cowardice cost you and then you just got a week but i didn't have to work for a week yeah that was your that was your gift you didn't have to work for a week and you got paid money that's worked out no you made way more

than his stupid gift what did he give you duck tails the video game where did that come from it's called duck hunt first of all duck hunt don't disrespect my gift oh no darkwing that shit was lit actually alright look all I'm saying is

all I'm saying is that you got too much that's too much Andrew's not good at special events okay that's just what it is yeah he's not good at

and that's fine I'm not good at what like just everything having to do with not involving you. I was shocked. That was an insult. That was an insult Alex just made.

We're not going to skirt over that. I mean, it is true, though. What is it? What he said? Like you're not good with any big events that aren't around him. Your wedding, his wedding. That was a whole shot. He hasn't remembered a single birthday

the entire four years I've known him. To be fair about birthdays, and this is the only thing where I'm going to disagree with you, he don't give a fuck about his own birthday. That's how I am. I don't give a fuck about my birthday. We had a party for his birthday this year. Who planned that? Your shorty.

Yeah. So? You don't think she calculating? That's the thing. I get a party, she get a party. No, I got to take her to fucking Croatia or some shit. That's not part of the plan, okay? She's genius. Forty chest.

Yeah. Come on. Okay. But that's to like people who know you. It's like. That's motherfucking. They see him walking his shit back. No.

You're a selfish piece of shit. You are. But it's like that's your thing what's selfish is to tell the person the day before the night before i literally text them when you back next week that's not selfish that's fear yeah that's what that is i was a coward i don't i admit what's gonna happen i was afraid. You said no. You said no. You said no. You said no. You said no. You said no. You said no. Half of it. My parents got me a week before. I believe in accountability over here, bro. Show studios, we believe in accountability, bro.

You should have seen how angry I was when I was on Adderall. When I was doing fucking three Adderall a day to get this special fish, bro, I was snapping at everybody. Snap, snap, snap. You know what I mean? Hungry, hungry hippos over here, bro. I wasn't playing around around Mark had to give me a call one night

he said hey hey this little manipulative ass motherfucker I'm a great friend this is going to me being a great friend he goes

this little manipulative he read some fucking book about the best way to manage up how to train your boss he goes how to train your dragon I was still on the Adderall, so I was almost about to snap again,

but I was like, all right, let me give him this little shit. He's probably still at the studio. I would. Him and Miles are sleeping together on the fucking stage. Yeah, they're just cuddled up on the fucking stage. He goes, hey, man, it's been really hard a lot of these nights, and we just want to let you know, man, you know, we love you, bro. You know what I mean?

We love you, bro. So anything. It's a one man intervention, yo. Anything. We're here for you. We love you. I was like, all right, thanks, bro. Because I know there's a little extra.

So I almost got off the phone. I was like, all right, thanks, bro. He goes, oh, yeah, yeah. And then, you know, since we love you so much, you know, if there's anything you need, you could just, you could talk to us about it. You know what I mean? Is there anything you need? I mean, this sounded like a decent call. Sounds like a really nice thing to do. Where is the manipulation what I mean? Is there anything? I mean, this is sounding like a decent call.

Sounds like a really nice thing to do. Where is the manipulation? What is your perspective? I know. How is that manipulating? How is that manipulating? With the love you shit. You don't have to call to tell me you love me.

You call me to tell me to stop snapping. Well, this is snapping turtle season, baby. Chop, chop. We gotta snap. Did he mention snapping? Yeah, he mentioned snapping. Oh, okay, okay. Well, thank you for that, Mark.

Everyone's really stressed. I just thought, hey, maybe giving him a love bomb might help. Listen, I didn't need a love bomb. No, yes, you did. I didn't need a love bomb. Yes, you did. You needed bombs. I need bombs.

I respond to bombs. He needs some atomic love bombs. Back to you were saying that I'm super selfish. I only think about myself it's you're so zoned in focus on what needs to get done that the little things like a birthday question that you don't care about personally just one question to the listeners of andrew shawls's flag or two do you really believe what alex is saying right now do you really think that the Schultz Studios

produced Andrew Schultz's Flickr 2 is really about when's your birthday again? no no but that's just the point it's like the things

you're so focused and lasered in on the things that you're doing and you care about so the things that you don't care about for you

yourself personally like your birthday you don't care about that for others as well yes and and that's understandable once you know like you were my very first birthday i was like this motherfucker enters my birthday and every time he books a fucking flight and he couldn't remember my birthday and then i'm like oh yeah we can order something this morning and he'll forget later that night what we fucking ordered so it's like that is just how you operate and then you don't feel a way about it. And the thing,

and I understand the reason why it looks selfish. And, um, it's because, because of the nature of our business, the projects that we're often doing happen to be focused around me or my name. Right.

Right. If like, for example, like if we were Apple, the company, Apple is the project the iphone is the thing so we're all working on this one thing right so if steve jobs or if or if you know wozniak are saying hey we need to make this fucking iphone whatever like that it doesn't look as selfish per se because the project is separate from them.

It's not Steve Jobs' iPhone 11. Or whatever. But because of the nature of the business, it is going to be what this is. So, yes, you're 100% right. But if I was to, like, defend myself a little bit, I would say that, like, these things that we're all creating, and I never say I'm creating it i'm very we about this but um do benefit everybody yeah and as you know that's not a knock i know it wasn't a knock

at all i was just it was just one of those things you have to know you to see how you operate and then you never feel away about it right but initially you could feel away initially yeah my friend like i said my girl's birthday. And I believe that. I looked at her ID while we were on vacation. I was like, yo, your middle name is Catherine? Catherine? I've done that before.

I didn't know how it was spelled. Wait, what do you mean? It's Anne. Is it with an E or two S? I still can't pronounce my ex's last name still can't but it don't mean you're a lover

so I guess yeah that's a good point it's like singular focus on the task at hand when I was a kid all the TV shows were like husbands would never remember the anniversary I was always like it's so easy it's a date why is that? And now as I get older, I'm like, oh, you're focused on everybody.

I just got to make sure this whole family survives. Yes. We got to make money. We got to do this. I don't got time for this other shit. Mentally, this is the goal. Take care of this, everything else. She got that.

Yes, 100%. That's the same thing. We got to get to this goal. Yeah, there is a different pressure in that regard. Oh, yeah. There's like, you know how I remember my girl's birthday? Because it's Valentine's Day. So I'm straight. That's great.

Why don't you just set a calendar on your calendar? Well, Facebook is good for that. Any of my friends that listen to this right now, if I message you, happy birthday, Facebook. No, but I'm just saying for your girl, why don't you have a reminder on your phone? I should do that. He just took away any

goodness from that happy birthday. I don't even want to give you that. They know my heart. I didn't remember it. That was all Facebook. They know my heart. That's what I'm saying. I should have. We do.

Yeah. I should have given you nothing. I should have given him nothing, bro. Can you believe that? Yeah. Take a whole week off. Yeah. I can't believe it.

But I atoned. I fixed up the studio. We built the whole storage space. That is true. I pay my penance. That's true. I didn't pay for all that. You know what I mean?

But the labor, that would have been double. I paid for the labor, too. What did you pay for the labor? I know what I mean? But the labor, I would have been paid for the labor too. What'd you pay for the labor? I paid, bro. I got a good deal. I ain't nothing wrong with getting a good deal. The work that you guys do

was amazing. You know I'm very grateful for that. You dubbed me, bro. Yeah, I did dub you. I got a dub you. I got in trouble. No, no, no, no. I'm just teasing.

But I was absolutely furious about that. I was absolutely furious. But yeah, it is what it is. You know what I mean? When are you getting married? I thought you were married already. I know.

His son is. He's like, nigga, what? He didn't say it, but he said it, bro. He said it with an exhale. Yeah. Sometimes you can say that with an exhale. He just teleported. He wish he was on the jet ski again, just far away from here, bro.

Wait, I thought you were married. We had our Hindu ceremony, but we haven't had the reception or the Sikh ceremony. But what I thought this was admirable of you is that you said you weren't getting married until the farmers were treated with respect. That's what it is, yo. And you refused.

That's what it is. Because of your support, a lot of those farmers are Punjabi. Obviously, your girl's Punjabi. And you guys being able to put their pl in front of your yeah you know wedding is beautiful yeah so i might maybe we just give them all the money maybe maybe that's what we do you know that's fire you know donation you could leave me out of that yeah i'm talking about wedding budget oh that you're giving reparations to farmers now that's what this is yo why you hate farmers so much

i'm saying black people deserve it first but he's trying to give it all to the farmers let's go yeah let's go mark let's go wait oh you want american reparations to go to india yes homeland wait hold up wait that's what you say the white man is going to give you tokens to pacify you without giving you actual financial success what's that malcolm x quote i saw on facebook today oh shit what's the token yeah yeah what's the token what's the token i'd rather give him a metro car so soho karen and shit 50 year old new yorkers everywhere are dying right now that's my demo bro all right no for real though um respect to them farmers bro yo solidarity yo yeah we out here can we talk about this soho karen situation that shit was hilarious yes we can but low-key, if farmers are protesting, man...

I'm saying, yo. They already out there in the sun for the job. It's nothing for them. It's nothing for them. They have all the free time to protest. That's it. What do you got to do? The crops are growing.

Yo. They brought six months worth of food. They're there. They're good. They got the food. They tucked it in their fucking house. Holy shit. And they do have the pug. The cornucopia.

They could put the food on top of the pug and then their lats say no. That's a cornucopia right there. Is that a cornucopia? That's what they have on Thanksgiving. They take that shit off and there's fruits in there. Cornucopia is different. That's a Caribbean... What's the dole?

Oh, the Chiquita Banana. Chiquita Banana? Wait, like the. Oh, the Chiquita Banana. Chiquita Banana. Chiquita Banana. Is that what you call them? Chiquita Bananas, bro? What is that? Are you calling Latino women Chiquita Bananas, bro? I'm offended.

It's kind of fire. I'm mad offended. It's kind of fire. That's what I call Nick Cannon. Chiquita Banana. All right. So you want to talk about This white lady That went crazy

Yeah Supposedly she's Puerto Rican Wow Yo Taylor Watch your mouth yo No no no Yo Taylor Watch your mouth yo

That's a George Zimmerman shit That's a George Zimmerman shit Latinos You need to You need to atone For yourself She's probably Dominican She look like a white Puerto Rican

That's fucked up Cause they're not us. We're different. We're different. We're better. We would never do that. Never, ever. We would never have our purse around a young black kid. Yeah.

You know what I mean? That Puerto Rican woman was too trustful. Yeah. Why was she so trustful, you think? What? I don't know. Yeah, I'm getting her. All right.

Yo, Taylor's lost. No, but so I saw the video, but what actually happens in the video? What happened? No, I'm asking you because, like, I see her run after a dude, and now, like, everybody's mad at her. No, there's, like, security cam footage. She's in the hotel. There's, like, so the guy is a guy and his son. Okay.

Two black dudes. Yeah. And the guy is, like, a musician. Two black dudes. And the guy is like a musician. He's like a famous musician that was performing in the city. And he was with his son. And they're at the hotel. And this woman comes up and goes, yo, I don't have my phone.

That's my phone that you have in your hand. To the son. And the dad's like, you're talking to my kid like this? He's like an 18-year-old kid. He did not touch your phone. She goes, that's literally my phone. He's holding it in his hand. Super easy to figure out if it's like an 18 year old kid like he did not touch your phone she goes that's literally my phone he's holding it in his hand super easy to figure out if it's someone's phone or not so he starts filming her and is like yo this isn't your phone what's wrong with you and so she starts going off she gets the manager she says go get my phone from the kid and the manager is like all right he doesn't know what's going on so he's

like who took whose phone i don't know what's happening and then she like jumps over lunges tries to grab the kid the kid runs goes out goes out the door. She tackles him. And then it somehow diffuses. I didn't see how it resolves. She literally says this. She goes, his lies and deflections. He's so adept at that. He's so adept with his lies and deflections.

That's how he got the phone. What's up, Puerto Rican woman trying to look at everyone's phone? What is up with that? She's like, let me see your text just show me your text and we'll see it I got so many messages about that shit

the greatest bro but then basically they find out that her phone was in an Uber the whole time stupid bitch she must have been Dominican

yeah telling you bro they be wanting that clout these lying ass Yeah I'm serious Lying ass Lightskins

Be wanting that clout That's who should pay taxes Who? Lightskins Racist Yeah what? Wait what? What?

Racist I ain't paying taxes Wait so only the farmers Should pay taxes That's what you said No I took weeks on their side. That's light-skinned Dominicans.

Light-skinned Puerto Ricans. Yo, Mark hates Muslims. Hates farmers. Come on, bro. Hates light-skinned people. No, I think they should pay taxes. You want them to pay. You're going to make them pay.

Because of how good they have it. Oh, my God. Light-skinned Puerto Ricans. So pay. Because of how good they have it. Oh, my God. Light-skinned Puerto Ricans. So we should be thankful is what you're saying. Oh, my God. Light-skinned black dude with beautiful blue eyes. What about it? He's the most sought-after person in society. No, because he's not fully accepted by anybody.

Yeah. You don't know what that emotional turmoil is like. I do. I'm an immigrant. That's right. I'm an immigrant, bro. Say what? I'm an immigrant.

You're not an immigrant. I know exactly what that's like. You're not an immigrant. I wasn't born in this nation. But you're not from here. That's right. I'm an immigrant, bro. Say what? I'm an immigrant. You're not an immigrant. I know exactly what that's like. You're not an immigrant. I wasn't born in this nation. But you're not from here. That's my point. You haven't immigrated. I really thought he was French.

We haven't accepted him. The first six months of being around him, I thought he was French. He ran with that French shit. He fucking stinks all the time, never takes a shower. Yeah, that's him appropriating. Yeah. Stop stealing culture. Pick. I'm Hilaria Baldwin. That's what itating. Yeah. Stop stealing culture. Pick.

I'm Hilaria Baldwin. That's what it is. Bro, great transition. Or as she would say, Transition. Break this down for me. This is Alec Baldwin's wife. All right, so Alec Baldwin's wife,

probably a little clout chase. Needs a little clout. Lies for clout. You know what I'm saying? Like the clout trouts do. Lies and deflections. Lies and deflections. Nice out what I'm saying? Like the clout trouts do. Lies and deflections. Lies and deflections. Nice out lies and deflections.

And apparently she's been in front and she's from Spain, I guess, or has some family from Spain. One of her parents is Spanish. Even that, like they're not positive about? It's a little iffy. Yeah. But she like was full white girl and then has transitioned into this like super Hispanic woman.

And then has transitioned into this like super Hispanic woman. Like there's a point where she's on this cooking show and she's searching for the word cucumber. And she's like, can you take the, how do you say that? Oh, cucumber. That was the best. That was a good one. I'm pretty sure. And someone should look up this.

Cucumber is cucumber. I think we have to look that up to make sure but if that's the case you fake bitch you can't even say the word no she was trying to find it english no i know but i'm saying it's the same word oh yeah do you know what i mean so um that's a good fake though because spanish people do that shit all the time how you say how you say when the black people move into the neighborhood how you say a beautifulness yeah yeah how you say when they take your cell phone what is the gv back gv back but in all in all seriousness um she's been faking for a while and he's been leaning into the fake shit as well and oh this goes to another thing i want to talk about there's another

story it's gonna uh and then i guess the internet lit her up why they're so upset that she was faking to be spanish i'm not sure usually this happens when like you get something like um like what was that uh instagram account that would steal the memes oh yeah fat jewish right remember fat jewish got a comedy central show or something right and then the backlash on fat jewish came because he got something that the people thought was undeserved right so did she get a show or was she getting like yeah it's called marrying a rich man but she must have got something like she must have been getting something that people felt like she was occupying their culture to get when she actually wasn't it yeah i mean i don't know even that cooking segment wasn't that for a book

that she was putting out ah so boom that's it if she put out like a latin cooking guide she's not even hispanic yeah i mean she's like deep in this all of her kids are named spanish names she said that she was born in uh mallorca oh was never born there like really and so she backed up she was like no i was born in boston and then she tried to blame the media for misrepresenting her life story and like her identity but then if you go to like her uh like her agency like biography says she's born in majorca if you go to like her imdb says she's born there like all of these things that like she has control over so to speak this stupid bitch i bet she doesn't even speak okay so the people in mallorca speak mallorquin it's similar to catalan yeah i believe it's called mallorquin and she would be fluent in spanish because they'll speak both

languages like in barcelona you know they speak catalan and spanish but if she was like really living up to her hispanic roots she would live up to the more catalan roots because they're like almost like separatists i wonder if the people in mallorca also are like that but they would at least that would be her language when she say how do you say the word that she would first think of is the mallorcan word not the spanish word what a fraud yeah so she apparently she like visited spain because i think she might have like some relatives or like family there yeah but she's about as spanish as you are is this because i'm pretty spanish i lived in spain i've been probably spent more time in spain than her you might be more spanish that's true whoa so what is this

that was his spanish That was in Spanish. That's Spanish. Oy, oy, oy. That's Jewish. If anything, that's Jewish. Oy, oy, oy. That's that song. Oy, oy, oy. Yeah, Mr. 305. Yeah, Pitbull. There you go.

He's worldwide, bro. He's in Spain. He's like Santa Claus. What do you want to know? That's Mr. Worldwide, bro. He knows who you're sleeping with. Okay, so what's the takeaway here? What are we thinking? What do you think the real root feeling is for the animosity go well the animosity i don't know necessarily i thought you're gonna say her her reason for wanting to

do this okay let's give me that so now there's two questions one why i know too much about celebrity gossip bro yeah you've been bored are you watching bachelor tonight by the way of course let's fucking go i'll watch the replay. Anyway, so the question is, did Alec Baldwin know? Fucking that white girl. Just right up your alley. Oh, yeah. That's a good point. I thought the black one got off already.

That's not a trial. What are you talking about? Back to back, bro. Yeah, really. All right, guys. We're going to take a break for a second because I need to tell you all about how I was getting busy out there in Hawaii. Okay? Yeah, I wasn't stressed because we didn't have anything to do but you know what i also was i was chewing it up and chewing it out yeah your boy was doing work

okay hung hung chewed it down chewed it out that's what goes on over here and if you don't know what blue chew is welcome to the show baby Give your girl the night of her life. Okay. Ladies, tell your man to chew it up and chew it out. Simple as that. Hardest dick you'll ever have. Blue chew has been with us from the beginning. And we want to start new beginnings of relationships for you dudes out there looking to leave a good first impression.

Okay. Blue chew. Simple as that. You go to bluechew.com. Use the code flagrant. Okay. Use Chew. Simple as that. You go to bluechew.com. Use the code flagrant. Okay. Use that promo code flagrant and you can get it for free. All you got to do is pay $5 shipping. How crazy is that? Bluechew.com. Use the promo code flagrant and you get it for free. Just pay the $5 shipping. Try that out. Have the night of your life, the weekend of your life. Do whatever you want. You might meet your wife.

Let's get back to the show. So basically one question is, did Alec Baldwin know? Of course he knew. Did he know what the deal was? Of course he knew. Yeah. He's an actor. I don't blame him that much for that.

I mean, like. I think that's why the backlash is happening. Why? Because I think if you are conservative at all, you're looking at him like, fuck you. You're always grandstanding. Your Donald Trump impression sucks. Everybody sucks his dick like it's good. Yes.

Fuck this guy. And you're like cussing out your daughter on phone calls and shit like that. Don't like holier than thou us. And then you find out this. It's like, oh, and your wife is fake Spanish? Fuck both of you. And he leaned into it too. He named all his kids Spanish names.

Yeah, yeah. And when they're on talk shows and shit he'd be like bro when they're on there's a it's like cringeworthy watching now they're on I think it looks like Ellen or maybe he's co-hosting for Ellen or something like that and the audience is talking to them and he's just like yeah sometimes with my friends I'll be like and then

he'll ask what I said like oh you're the most handsome guy in the world like acting as if she's speaking Spanish so that he doesn't understand and she's co-signing the whole thing. It's brutal. Wait, let's post him some bail.

Okay. What if she just tricked him? That's the question. And maybe she did trick him. It's just a lot. It's a very... Like she got to live the lie now. Yeah, but you really get to...

That shit is like... That's like some crying game shit. Son, you go meet her mom. You go meet her dad. Yeah. If you have five kids, you're going to meet the family. The amount of lying you got to do for years. Yeah.

But if you meet their family and they all speak German, that's not like a little bit, you're not a little bit curious about that. I think what Akash is saying is a catalyst. I think when you are the guy who's grandstanding, Twitter can't wait to take you down, and they couldn't get an Alec for anything, so they went after a wifey who was obviously being fraudulent. And the same shit is happening with Kumail,

or whatever his name is. Kumail, yeah, yeah. Kumail, right? Do you know who he is? Kumail Nanjiani, the comic? Yeah, he's jacked. If you ever see him in a movie, know that... No, he's jacked. Know that I auditioned, but it wasn't good enough. That's what's up, dog. So, he was all over Twitter. I'm like, why are motherfuckers

talking about this guy? Yeah. And I realized what it was. They're upset that he got like super jacked. Yeah. And it's not because he got jacked. It's because he'd been kind of like the poster boy for like woke shit and like special pushing back against. He had a stand up special called Beta Male.

Now you look like the opposite of a beta male. You're playing a superhero character and you're an alpha male. And you probably use steroids or HGH to do that. And he has all these tweets about what? I don't know if he uses that shit. Of course he did. But I've been working on it my whole life. I look like me.

You think so? Yeah. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Bro, it might just be the Indian farmers. Hey, hey. He's Pakistani. Pakistani. That's how you know he's using them fucking steroids.

I'm sorry. Hindustani. We got to get those peptides that Rogan couldn't stop talking about. We got to get them shit. Point is, that's a perfect example of the internet waiting to consume you yeah you know what i mean

like of you great what do they consume him for and what are the tweets or whatever they're just they're just the tweets were like what you were saying like i think one tweet he had is like uh we need to take down toxic masculinity and now all of a sudden you're like mr yoked guy like eating fucking elk meat like you're like indian rogan right or you're pakistani rogan yeah don't do that again my bad so it's like i think the internet isn't upset that he's jacked they're upset that a guy who insulted those type of people leaned into that for career or aspirations so it seems like you're a bit of a grifter and he might not be this but it comes across that way when you try to make your career on being woke and thoughtful and open-minded and then the second you have an opportunity to be a superhero in a

Marvel movie you're like... Which we would all take to be fair. Exactly but if we're also not grandstanding. And I admit I ain't shit and we all do. There we go. I'm not your leader. I ain't shit. I don't really know about the farmers but I fuck with y'all. Oh question Akash. So you can't take drugs due to your religion. Would you have steroid up and HGH to get that role? How much is it paying? That's what I'm saying. You know it's paying good.

Because there's only one thing Hindus worship more than God, and that's money. I'm just saying, if it's a good amount, it's Marvel. How much to get you to eat a hamburger on this podcast? You'll eat hamburgers. Hold on. it's a good amount it's marvel you know it's definitely how much to get you to eat a hamburger on this podcast you eat hold on hold on it would be millions it would be how many millions stop because now he's realizing his life yeah he's like how many millions because i'm thinking what's a real number it would be like i'm willing to make tax fraud yeah how many millions we're gonna start to go fund me yeah how many million i started go fund

me we hit 10 million it's on yo no bullshit you'll eat the entire hamburger for 10 million dollars i think i would and we would split this half he started to see how real about it i'll do it 10 million fuck yeah so you do it for nine for jerry i suck a dick for like one you suck dick before you eat a hamburger bro you're more hindu than you are straight that's crazy yo that's commitment bro yeah no in all seriousness in all seriousness i would yeah i would do it until i threw up i'd probably throw up but no you wouldn't it's delicious it's fucking eight million and all seriousness eight million dollars cash right in front of you yes yes eight million dollars yes five million dollars in unmarked bills you don't have to pay taxes on it so it's really 10 million

yeah came in money came in money dude tax haven yeah five million in unmarked bills say what unmarked like nobody knows you have this money it's just your money six and a half and you got yourself a deal five million right now it's in a suitcase in the other room five million dollars no you have five million dollars you can give to the farmers that's life-changing money bro five million you got five i know you got another you could mark the other million six million you got yourself a deal six and a half let's go five million take it or leave it no i'm good yo wow would you suck a dick for a million that was a joke no it wasn't it wasn't a joke i suck dick for a million? That was a joke. No, it wasn't. No, it wasn't a joke. It wasn't. I suck dick for love of the game.

200. I suck dick because I'm a professional. All right? That's why. I take my craft seriously. Because you let me down, bro. Why? Because your faith was so strong and you just crumbled for money.

Yeah, that's fucked up, bro. That's fair. Fuck you money? If it's fuck you money, I'll take one hamburger for fuck you money. Nah, I don't believe in this faith. Five million, I don't know if that's fuck. That's more like screw you yeah that's why i said ten jerk yeah i think ten is fuck you money like forever yeah yeah ten you could you could do well yeah you're good if you kept it all for you if you didn't donate some to those who need it yeah you're gonna never be rich

i know it's like you get money i'm like What about them Starving ass Indians bro You don't think That shit is already happening You don't think That shit is already Eating me up inside Every time I look At my bank account

It's getting higher I'm thinking about Poor family in India I'm like I need shit Talk about that money You gotta figure out Talk about that money boy Yeah

Text every single one of them That talk shit Because you're not a doctor Be like oh am I You know what I can't Because I don't have electricity. So.

I don't know who signed them all. Do I feel guilty for them? I don't know. I do. I'm on the side of the farmers. That's all. I'm on the side of the farmers too. What do they farm, Mark? Pepperidge Farm. This guy's stupid. I know that. I hate him. I hate him. how do you not know about something made to throw at mark but it's gonna be on a zip line so it can't hit anything else

it's just gonna be going this right to his foreheart yeah foreheart yeah i'll be milano cookies all right so big all right what else we got son what else we got what else we got alright we talked about our great work we did with James Gordon James Gordon James Gordon he's just he's just

he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just

he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just

he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just

he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just

he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just

he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just

he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just

he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just he's just look like a C or a B. He doesn't know any white people at all. Son, they're all a C. Lucky I know y'all, motherfucker.

I don't know your birthday, so what? You don't know white people ever. At least he knows who James Corden is. Did we already talk about how Al thought the two people that worked at the production company that made this special were the same person? Motherfucker is so racist, bro. This guy is a racist. You're a racist, bro.

But I'm in your face with it, so you gotta respect it a little bit. It's not like covert. It's like, bro. But I'm in your face with it. So you gotta respect it a little bit. It's not like covert. It's like, yo, I really don't know y'all. Like, y'all look the same. That's what racists were doing for hundreds of years and you guys hated that shit. Yeah. Y'all didn't put no respect. Like, alright, you got us on the boats. Respect. Yeah. Alright, that was a nice cross. You burn.

You know what I mean? Like, you guys never said that because that shit's fucked up. Yeah. Nah, but I come knowing. Like, you know already. They just like snuck up on him. That's that sneaky shit. That sneaky shit. We can't respect the sneaky shit.

Al really think he got himself out of this. Let's go. Nah, but the apple car though. Nah, you are spinning, bro. The apple car is lit. All right, let's talk about this apple car. Get you some apple stock. So apple's coming out with a car, right? Yep. This is why I think this is a spinner, bro. The Apple car is lit. All right, let's talk about this Apple car. Get you some Apple stock. So Apple's coming out with a car, right?

Yep. This is why I think it's a potentially interesting conversation. I don't think, and you should want to know about this as a Tesla owner. Yeah. I don't think Apple comes out with a car unless they got a better battery than Tesla. The number one issue with Tesla is battery length. It's still amazing. If you need a communal car, it's amazing. If you're going to drive around your city, your town, whatever it is, it's absolutely perfect. But if you're someone that got to drive a long distances,

you would prefer a little bit longer battery life. Yes. If I drew drove long distances, I would like for what you do it's literally the perfect car it's perfect but for people like let's say for example you're out there in long island you're driving into the city oh yeah that would maybe most people in the u.s most people live in like suburbs and then they drive in yeah you get caught you get caught in traffic you might have an hour in hour out boom so but tesla is doing a lot of things to resolve that problem like they're offering crazy discounted prices on solar paneling like they're like pretty much replacing roof panels with solar panels actually it's lit so then you can have a charger at your crib and so you never

have to worry and that's renewable energy so it's like saving the world at the same time no no what they're doing is absolutely amazing i'm not being critical of Tesla. I'm just saying, for Apple to get into the market, I would assume they can't come into the market with a worse battery. Yeah, they have to be ready. They have to be either equivalent or as good.

Now, who is maybe the best in the world at creating tons of battery life in small objects? When was the last time you charged your iPhone? Shit. Last night.

But they find a way to squeeze as much juice out of it as they can. I'm using it 11 hours a day. It doesn't die. Literally. Yeah. If that's the case, I think they're coming into this game going, okay, this is the future. Electric cars are the future.

We're the best at batteries. We're actually better than Tesla at batteries. He's better at engineering, but we're better at battery. And at the end of the day, you don't need a rocket ship car, which Teslas are. You need an electric car that might take you 450 miles. I think they come into the game and I think they beat Tesla's battery. And then, if Tesla doesn't come in and get that, it could affect them.

This is the best thing to happen for customers. Competition. Yes, keep going on this. No pressure! Now they got pressure. Before, no pressure, no competition. Everybody's so fucking far behind us. Even like BMW, Nissan Leaf leaf who the fuck

cares bmw's trying to come out with an electric tesla already on self-driving so like we're we're past all y'all we're lapping you yep now that apple's coming to the game elon musk is about to crack the whip on battery life yo 300 mile range is a big deal before get that shit to 500 600 before 2024 because we got to be ready matter Matter of fact, the Tesla truck's supposed to have 600 miles of battery life. They're going to have to hit that now.

And they're going to have to make all their cars get better because now there's competition. And he will because he's that dude. He's brilliant. He's a brilliant guy.

But like you were saying, competition is the best thing for the consumer. Yeah. We want Apple and Tesla to go to war over battery life because then we're going

to be sitting on thousand mile battery cars. This is for cheap. I can't wait. Yeah, this is the best thing. But if you're a non-electric car producer, you should be terrified. Oh, what? Oh, everybody's fucked.

Right? Because now once, when they were the only game in town, you as GMC, you could be like, all right, we're just competing with Chevy. I'm not even worried about that. They got their little niche thing but we're not worried about now oh this is where it's going oh we got to get in the game quick and we're competing with these two branding geniuses yep this is what's kind of scary about it if you're another company you know walmart killed toys r us yeah because they would take a loss on their toys because they know if you're at Walmart buying

toys, you're going to buy other shit while you're there. Oh, I didn't know Walmart killed Toys R Us. Walmart killed Toys R Us. Toys R Us was like, yo, we're toy stores. That's where you get toys, from toy stores. We are a specific thing. Yeah. Then some company that has nothing to do with toys is like, you know what?

We're finna do toys too. That's Apple Car. If you're GM, you're looking at Apple like, motherfucker. You guys do fucking phones. How you getting into cars now? Hold on. It's our thing. Akash.

They're about to bleed them dry. Amazon probably going to have a fucking car. Google already probably working on a car. Now, real quick, what does Tesla have in their center console? It's an iPad. Yeah. Let's be honest about what it is. It's an iPad.

Yeah. Imagine you actually had the iPad. Oh, man. Imagine your phone is already synced. Yeah, you get in and it knows all your shit. You got the app connected to the car. It tells you how far you're driving. You know what's crazy?

You will buy a laptop if you have an iPhone that's Apple just because it's easier. Just because it's so seamless. Can you imagine dropping $70,000 because you're like, yeah, it's all Apple. It's just easier. If you're going to drop $70,000 on a Tesla, you're like, it's the same, but it already goes with all my shit and makes my life

10%, 5% easier. Bruh. And low key, I think Apple needs this. I think Apple needed a new... Yeah. That's true.

Because they haven't had anything... Hardware. They had the AirPods, which are really good. The AirPod Pros are fucking... And that was huge,

I think, for market share for their business. It became a multi-billion dollar revenue stream for them. Just the AirPods. And to be fair, I don't normally give Apple credit for some reason.

I'm just a hater. That one, though? But other shit I use where I try to talk on headphones or whatever, nobody can hear me. This one, always straight. By the way, it says that Tesla zooms past $700 billion in market value.

It is the most valuable car company in history. Nothing has touched Tesla. And rightfully so. It paid $500,000. My man is fucking. I'm long on Tesla. I believe in Tesla. I believe in Elon Musk.

Oh, I thought about something. I want to throw this by you. Because I'm, again, terrified of investing in things because I don't have any control of the product. Right. Right? So I'm like, I can't affect AT&T's decisions. I don't want to control of the product. Right. Right? So I'm like, I can't affect AT&T's decisions. I don't want to put money in it.

And this is pussy. Don't do this. I'm giving you the worst investment advice right here. I'm not giving any investment advice. But I thought about something that gave me a little bit more confidence to potentially enter a market. Instead of making predictions on the market, I want to invest in companies that are run by people that I respect.

100%. That's my philosophy. That's why I fuck with Tesla because Elon Musk. That's why you fuck with Amazon because of Jeff Bezos. If you look at a guy that's like a revolutionary thinker,

that's a company you trust. And where I'll fuck up is I will always wait for the bottom. Tesla was at like $400 a share and I was like, I think it'll get to $300. Let me buy $300. And then I bought like nothing. I have like three shares for the bottom. Tesla was at like $400 a share and I was like, yeah, I think it'll get to $300. Let me buy $300.

And then I bought like nothing. I have like three shares at the time. And now it's worth, compared to what it was then, it's like $3,000, $3,500 a share. They split, so it's not that. But that's what it would be worth if they didn't split.

And I fuck myself by trying to be a perfectionist. But if you see a company you believe in or a leader you believe in, invest in that company and just know it might go down, but in the long term, you believe in invest in that company and just know it might go down but in the long term you'll win that's easier for me because like that's how i do it too but okay so this is i'm sure a strategy like smart folks that are like doing it or doing

it you're doing it and i'm i bet a lot of other people are doing i think uh berkshire hathaway warren buffett said like he looks at management and like longevity of a brand or something like that but like it just for me for someone who's scared to enter the market, but a lot of other people are also scared to put their money in something. They don't have any clue what's going to happen. I'll put my money in the hands of problem solvers. In the same way that like- Zuckerberg. Not only Zuckerberg, but with you guys. In the same way, when I'm thinking about adding more pieces to the team, I'm looking for problem solvers. I want people that see a problem. They go, okay, how can we get around this? How can we figure this out? So if I already am comfortable doing that, investing in that way, maybe I could

do that with Elon or maybe I could do that with Apple or something like that. Now, the only tricky like flip side of that is that when you have a superstar CEO like Bezos or Musk, is that they are so much more open for exposure. And that their own personal decisions can affect your money to a larger degree. You're saying personal decisions outside of... Just in life or even in business. So for example, like Walmart, we don't know who the Waltons are.

You know what I mean? But like they're still bodying people and like taking names and running shit. But like Musk puts out a tweet where he tweets some dumb shit and all of a sudden the stock price tanks. And it's like... Yeah. people and like taking names and running shit but like musk puts out a tweet where you tweet some dumb shit and all of a sudden the stock price tanks and it's like yeah the the tricky flip side of that is that you put a ton of control into one sole individual whereas like other people would invest and just be like who's gonna like i don't want the superstar and like i think there's

two different philosophies to it no that's a good that's's a good... It's more of a safe bet to just invest in the brand because if somebody does something wrong that works for the brand, you could just remove them. It's almost like one of those shows that have large casts, like a Criminal Minds or something like that. You could take one of those actors out

and the show can continue. So it's kind of a safe vehicle because God forbid some guy or girl on the show says something racist or whatever and then gets fired, right? The show still continues. continue yeah so it's kind of safe vehicle because god forbid some guy or girl on the show says something racist whatever and then gets fired right the show still continues but ray romano's show if he said something fucked up is no longer rosanna about rosanna's trash now the only thing i worry about is if they die because real talk capitalism if i'm investing in a product we all know amazon is doing some foul shit business practice wise. We can

keep buying. It's the cheapest. It's the most convenient. We cannot help ourselves. It is our DNA. Elon Musk could tweet some wild shit. We don't like Elon Musk. If you want an electric car right now, that's what you're going to go with. That's just what it is. So if I trust the business mind of this person,

I'll ride with them. Facebook? I didn't invest in Facebook, but I was like, I trust Zuckerberg. At the time i was broke but that's that's why and low-key the greats even if they are canceled or whatever yeah they run it back like steve got fired yeah ran that shit back yeah you know elon got kicked off the board or whatever ran it back yeah like kanye went broke and ran it back he's up bills Disney is frozen right now ready to come back Walt Disney's frozen yeah you never heard that?

that's like an old school rumor I thought it was a fact I hear that shit so much word? I don't know if it's a fact you gotta do that when you're alive right when you die you can't be dead you're alive. Right when you die, yeah. No, no, no. You can't be dead. You're freezing some dead shit.

You're about to die. I don't know. So you're on your deathbed and shit like that. On your deathbed. Yeah, freeze it up. Yeah, freeze it up. That's the move. So he's ready to run it back.

There you go. Similar to the leaders, the way I invest is just products I use. Oh. Because that's it. If it's just products I use, it's like if it's just products i use it's like oh i'm i tend to use the products i like that work well so it's like amazon disney i mean um uh apple tesla it's like i go to these things son it's fucking if you have popeye stock but i'm just saying that's just how and i feel comfortable because i hate

the market. This shit feels like gambling, but it's like, if I'm going to dabble in it, at least let me just do it with companies I feel comfortable with. And it's probably not the way you make the most money, but I'm already invested. Dude.

I learned something, um, when I was on vacation, that's like, it's so wildly unfair, but I, it's, it's wildly unfair,

but I saw kind of like how the world works, right? I don't usually go to like a fancy resort or something like that. Right. Like, but I was at this thing and again, I spoke to very few people, but what's interesting at these resorts is like the people that end up going there usually have some money, right? And they have some money either because it was handed down or because they made it and they were themselves successful. And when you sit down with these people who have made it and they're successful, they share so much like information, like valuable, cool information with you just because that's what you're talking about. And you're curious, you're going to talk

to them. And I can't imagine how many deals have been made, new partnerships have been built, new investment ideas have been put together simply from being in a circle of people who are also successful. And then you see this one class of people continue to go up and separate itself from poor people, not because they hate poor people, but simply because they're not having the same interactions in this like quote unquote safe space where everybody must kind of be something, you know how like a fraternity party between sorority and fraternity, like the girls at the party know,

all right, the guys are in Chi size, so they can't be that bad. And the guys know, oh, the girls are in DG, so they can't be, so everybody kind of feels more comfortable talking.

And I'm like, I, as valuable as it is having these conversations and just like learning this stuff i also i'm like oh man it's so unfair that's what makes podcasts amazing like yeah the joe rogan podcast shepherd experts on experts these are you're just bringing on brilliant people and then they're just talking these are the conversations that happen at country clubs for years and for the first time in history, the average person like us is able to listen in

on like a fucking super scientist. Never been accessible to us because the country club is inaccessible to us. You had to literally go to school to have access to some of these brilliant people. And I mean,

I was talking to this one guy and he's invested in a genome research. Yeah. And what they've found, what they can do now, you know that they can remove the genome? No, they can remove the part of your DNA that gives you sickle cell? Hmm. Word.

For black people. They can go in there and change that piece of DNA. There's a- Sorry to interrupt. There's a company called CRISPR, right? That's the one I was going to say. Yeah. And what there is, is there's this thing I have. I'm going to learn a little bit more and try to invest in it.

But it's basically a fund that invests in like the top 15 of these genome companies. So two or three of them will end up popping and then you do well. But what he was breaking down to me is they can go in and fix impurities in our DNA. So, for example, let's say you have some crippling illness like a als or something like that they can go into your dna and replace that part yep that's what they're working on right now they can't do it through and through and also there's ethical problems which is like i want my kid to be this tall rich people get to change all their dna yes so the the bad part is rich people get to change all their dna and increase that gap but the good part is my dad who's got fucking alzheimer's if he lasts

another six to ten years they might be able to fucking go in there and fix that part of his dna yeah yeah i think uh i couldn't believe it the human genome project is one of the big ones that does it but then in uh harari's book he talks about there's a uh what he calls like a a dna artist or some shit yep is this a brazilian dude that took a rabbit and swapped out one of the one of the strands of the dna to make it glow under ultraviolet light and so like in any part of nature like being able to glow at night is like the worst thing you can do yeah like if you're like a land creature or whatever yeah but he was able to swap this piece of the rabbit with like didn't glow yeah no so it did ah so it did so and he was taking like uh like uh

what they call it not chlorophyll but like whatever the uh like uh cetaphil yeah no but like whatever like the jellyfish in the ocean used yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bioluminescence. Yep. He took that gene, put it in a rabbit, and then it glowed green. And so he was actually able to like alter the visual appearance of this rabbit. And he was like, we could do it to people. We could do it to anything. And that was in like 2004. And so here's the thing.

Obviously, there's ethical concerns. And, you know, we don't know what the long-term effects will be. But the guy said to me, guy who has he was an eye doctor but he also invested in these companies and that was his big thing there and i'd only get to have this conversation because we're both sitting at the same uh snorkeling thing right yeah i can help you not drown yeah you can have gills i went to i i literally he's telling me he's like in the next 10 years we should be able to increase

life expectancy to 150 years if you can make it the next 10 now again who knows Akash said we will have flying cars

in three years we're like there's no fucking way we're gonna have it again same book talked about all this stuff actually

that's a quack that's a fucking quack this guy knows nothing This guy knows nothing. Guy knows nothing. Fucking dunce over here, bro. Idiot. But it was a pretty cool thing, and maybe I have false hope, obviously,

because I have people in my life affected by illness that is just going to eventually kill them, right? It's just what it is, or they'll end up dying. But imagine in our fucking lifetime. It's going to be be nuts this is right here if they're already if it's not perfect but they're there how long till they're there and then when that's there babies are whatever you want them to be within 10 15 years it's like fucking nose jobs like you didn't see those back in the day and then everybody started doing it

yeah now there's a like kind of a weird like ethical dilemma that comes with it. Not even like ethical but like a social like implication that comes with it. Yep. So let's say they're able to increase life expectancy. Yep.

But they're not able to cure or like prevent like mortality. So you can live to be 150, 200 but you're still susceptible to the same things that an average human is susceptible to. So like if you get in a car accident

you're still just as likely to die. Yep. Are people less are people less likely to take risks in their personal life both like financially both literally with like their bodies like yep are people less uh are they more risk averse uh explain the argument for why they are because i think conventionalism will be like i think what the difference be i think what he's trying to say is the saying life is short, whatever, do this, do this,

that's not true anymore. Life is long as fuck now. It's twice as long as it used to be. Right. I guess what I would say to that is that it's already long. Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking. When we were maybe living 40 years,

maybe it was a little bit more gung-ho and fuck it, I'll just take this sword and I'll run into this group of people. To his point, life expectancy has increased from like fucking 25 to 75, but that didn't happen within our lifetime. That happened over centuries. This could

happen within 10 years. So we go from living to 75 to 150? Well, fuck. This is a different way to look at life. So bringing this conversation full circle from the beginning of the podcast, what I was feeling was avoiding risk. Yeah. My whole life I've been risky.

It's been very beneficial to me. Yeah. But I got to a point where I was like, well, this is pretty nice. Like, you know, I got people I care about and I love and people I'm responsible for. It's selfish of me to risk. Yeah. Am I being selfish maybe you're right yeah like you're 17 you have like no bills like no rent no kids like yeah i'll

go do whatever i'll go skydive rock climb like i'll be drunk and jump on this train as it's passing by you don't give a shit but then as soon as you have life and all of a sudden now you're 50 and you're like yo i have 100 more years i can live like if you're 50 you're like i might die when i'm 70 might die when i'm 75 like i gotta have a whatever i can't go skiing until i'm 90 that's what i'm saying yeah i can't yeah i'll do that when i'm 100 yeah then you still have 50 years on top of that i still think that boredom will overtake most people and i think they'll go after these certain things just to create some sort of like distraction but is the loss greater considering like if someone dies when they're 70, we go, yeah, you know, he lived a good life.

You die when you're 70 in 10 years. That, wow, that's so sad. That will change, but I don't think our taking risks will change. I think taking risks will change dependent on the success in your life. But I do think the sadness at a lost life will be dependent on the percentage of his life

that could be lived. Right. Just like it is now. A 30-year-old dies, we go, oh, my God, he was so young. I would love for us to get to a point where if a 100-year-old person dies, we go, damn, that's so much life to live. 95 years old, he didn't even get to 100, man. He gets his 100th birthday.

Wow. Do you guys want to live that long, though? If life is good, if you're switching out my parts. Oh, okay, yeah. Go for the cyborg? If you're still young. Let's go, bro. Everything else, okay, yeah. Go for the cyborg? If you're still young, looking at everything else. I want to look like one of them Cuban cars. You know when you go to Havana and the outside looks fire,

but the inside's held with duct tape? Do me like that, bro. So I'm not the door with the black door? I need a new one. I'm all about it. Anyway, look, we should probably wrap this up. Yeah, this episode's long as fuck. Guys, we love you. We appreciate you. Thank you for rocking with us. I haven't thought of the day. Yes, dear, what's that wrap this up. Yeah, let's have so long as fuck. Guys, we love you.

We appreciate you. Thank you for rocking with us. I have a thought of the day. Yes, dear. What's that? I have a thought of the day. Oh, go, go. What's your thought?

So, I thought of the weekend. Thought of the day. And I was high. And I had like a word of the day. I forgot what the word of the day was. But it was something about the scent. And I started talking about the word scent. What is silent

the S or the C ooh I would say why are you looking at me like that I didn't even know I was looking like that that was unnatural I would say the C is silent

because when is an S silent it could be in scent Akash the C is not always the S sound though except scent and like century

but most words the S is always S I can't think of a word that starts with S that sounds like you know what I mean well S H yeah but just the S

wait wait S C Schultz whoa Yeah but just the S Wait wait SC Schultz Whoa Yeah Oh shit that's SC Oh my But that's SCH also

God That's SCH though Didn't think of that H is the dominant letter H be overpowering H is a beast It's like It's like root beer

Yo son That shit is That shit is licorice You put root beer in anything That shit tastes like root beer Yeah Orange is root beer It's like root beer. Yo, son, that shit is licorice, yo. You put root beer in anything, that shit tastes like root beer. Yeah. If you orange juice root beer, it's just root beer. When you mix up all the flavors, that shit is just root beer. Yeah, it's strong, powerful.

That's a good point, actually. I never thought about that. Yeah. Yeah. But, yeah. I think that we don't know the answer, but I'm pretty sure we're going to be okay. That's actually true, though, because scent and scent. Like if you sent mail to someone.

Yeah. And 10 cents. Yeah. And the scent, the smell. Yeah. No, that's what I was talking about, the scent. Yeah. But also when you sent mail.

That's what he just said, yeah. That's exactly his exact point. What? That's exactly his exact point. I'm explaining to her ass. I know her point. That was her point, too. They both got it. I know That was her point too Tell her what we're thinking You kind of just tailored that one

Maybe I should pay taxes I don't need to rely on the state When I'm older My bad IRS I'm going to pay you That's my bad Sorry I need to old people homes all that kind of shit shout out to crisper crisper whatever it is anyway asshole army we love you

we fuck with you we'll be back uh patreon this friday we got many more of these uh these thoughts that that's what happens is like you come in you realize like mark texted me yesterday he's man i got so much shit to talk about on a pod like you get in we just get so caught up in different conversations and i always towards the end it starts flowing you're like oh yeah i won't talk to you guys about food trucks i got a food truck thing okay anyway uh we love you we appreciate y'all thank you so much for rocking with us. We back 2021 and I'm excited. We got some things to share with y'all, but we don't share just yet,

but trust me, we got some good stuff coming. All right. Peace. God bless.