Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Schulz Loves His Mom’s Juggs

Episode Date: February 25, 2020

This week Andrew, Akaash, and Alexx discuss: not being able to speak as a kid, the TRUE basketball goat conversation, letting your daughter give bad head, Andrew's mom being a JOINT, Wilder vs Fury 2, Akaash gets love from Russell Peters, and much more. INDULGE!! Want an extra episode a week? Become a Patron! www.Patreon.com/FLAGRANT2

Flavorant 2 thing my mom told me this at 36 years old she was hanging out with uh me and and my girlfriend and um we were looking at baby pictures and then uh all of a sudden she just goes uh oh yeah funny thing about andrew uh her accent funny thing about andrew is when when he was young he never baby talked i go what i go what do you mean he yeah, you never baby talked. Like no goo goo ga ga, nothing. I go, what? She goes, yeah, it was a problem. We were concerned. She goes, you started walking before you started talking?

You didn't say mama, dada, nothing. What was your first word? This is what happened, right? And this will speak volumes about who I am as a person afterwards, right? Literally, they're talking to doctors, psychotherapists, other baby group moms. They're standing over my crib just going, mama, dada. Like all my mom wants and all my dad wants is some acknowledgement that I know that they're my parents, right? They just want some kind of fucking love, right?

We're coming back from the park. They've almost given up. They're like, maybe he's mute. We don't know what we're going to do with this kid. We're coming back from the park. And then out of nowhere, I just go, guys, I think I want to go back on the swings. I haven't said anything to my parents.

Deadass. I haven't said anything to my parents my entire life. How old are you? Over one, apparently, right? And I go, I don't know the exact age. I have to ask my mom to find the exact age. I go from nothing at all to full sentences. My parents both like screech stop.

And they're like, what? And I go, apparently I go, yeah, I'm not done with the swings yet. You want to go back to things? I'm like, yeah, that'd be good. Yeah. Nothing makes sentences. Nothing makes more sense than Andrew's first words being demands. Yeah, I know.

But I guess everything in life was good. There was no reason to talk about anything. And then. They deprived you of extra swing time. I wanted my swing time, guys. And they thought I wasn't going to speak up. Well, you got another thing coming. If you think that I'm not going to speak up, mom and dad,

you're going to chip me on my fucking swing time. Oh, my God. So apparently after that, I just started speaking in full sentences to them. Not as like an adult English as a child, but never goo-goo-ga-ga. Never. Bah, bah, bah, bah. None of that. It was always like, I want to go eat.

I'm hungry. I have poop in my pants. Yeah. And apparently, I mean, she was opening up about me as a child. It's really funny. You should actually sit down with your parents and go through these old albums because it will trigger their memories. And we're going through these things. And apparently, I was a fucking horrible kid

From like one to two What a shock Or three to four or to five Basically in the kindergarten Zero to five I was a fucking torturous kid Like I would only wear Oshkosh B'gosh I think I've talked about this

Maybe it was a Patreon maybe Yeah I only wore Oshkosh B'gosh overalls Doesn't matter what it was Wedding Oshkosh B'gosh think I talked about this maybe it's a patreon maybe yeah I only wear Oshkosh bagash overalls doesn't matter what it was wedding Oshkosh bagash overalls I didn't give a fuck and I would fight my mom with it uh and then how did you know if it was Oshkosh bagash I didn't know if it was I know like off-brand overalls like you're not gonna give me another fucking tj maxx none of that shit I need my Oshkosh. But gosh. And she was showing me I had like fits. I have fits done. And then I would only wear three-piece suits to school because I wanted to dress like my dad. Whoa.

And to preschool. I didn't do a tie because my dad did a tie. You know what I did? Bow tie. I had to step it up one more level. Yeah. Kind of crazy though. The no talking thing is kind of crazy. Yeah also the little perfect i know this confirms like you are a psycho yeah yeah

like since birth but i wish i knew this it's like being gay yeah you're born that way yeah yeah yeah do you think your parents regretted encouraging you to talk so much when you immediately just come out with demands oh i think they didn't realize how good they had it right because once i started i don't think i've stopped since for the next you know 35 years but how crazy is that that like even at a young age we are who we are yeah it's wild like there are personality traits that i was just born with i wasn't taught to be that way yeah that's just who the fuck it is. Nature and nurture. Demanding. I want to look different than all the other kids

or I want to do something different than all the other kids. You know, it's... Yeah, I don't know. I mean, have you spoken to your parents? My mom be acting like I was the best kid ever. She's like,

he never gave me any problems. I'm like, I vividly remember temper tantrums. Really? What are you talking about? What kind of tantrums? Dude i you know she tells us one story um we were all staying at somebody's house going to a wedding whatever like my parents and their friends yeah and i woke up and i didn't have milk or something and this isn't crazy to her that i was this spoiled or whatever yeah and

there was a girl one of the aunties was sleeping that I thought was my mom. So I tried to wake her up. Start sucking on them titties. Son, that would be dope. That's what made you a virgin until marriage? You sucked on one wrong pair of titties? You got some Indian hairy nipples? You're like, fuck this. I'm done.

Where the white bitch is at? So I was trying to shake her to wake her up. I needed the bottle. I don't want my bottle. Or maybe pacifier. I don't know. She wouldn't wake up. So I just start sla shake her to wake her up. I needed the bottle. I don't want my bottle. Or maybe pacifier. I don't know. She wouldn't wake up. So I just start slapping.

Just bang. Bang. Lady won't wake up. Indians be sleeping, I guess. And then my mom was like, what the fuck is this kid doing? Maybe they're just used to getting beaten by... I thought it. I hope y'all wouldn't catch it.

She was literally there like, is my husband home? What's happening? You know what's crazier? Is apparently they got passed on to me. So I was like, I don't know. I don't know how I weeded it out of myself in the past 34 years or whatever. From birth. You are who you are.

You're Indian at birth. That's what it is. You saw a woman. You're like, that bitch needs to get beaten. Where's my dinner? Bitch. Is it breakfast time or not? It's 2 a.m.

We'll start cooking. Ain't none of this bitter, bitter, bitter. Okay? Cookie, cookie, cookie. All right, so go. After you beat her up. But then my mom realized. She's like, oh my God, she thinks this is me.

And then she just got me milk and I was fine or whatever. But it's like, that's a tantrum. She acts like, oh, she tells stories about how smart I was because I knew what day of the week it was. It's like, yo, come on. This is crazy. Parents do exaggerate that shit, like whatever their kid can do. Like, my mom, apparently, during that time where I wasn't speaking,

she was bragging about how well-behaved I was. She was like, we can take him anywhere. He doesn't say a thing. He's good at the restaurants. We're so lucky. And deep down, she's like, it's my kid, retarded. Two weekends ago, I went to visit my mom and sister in Philly. For your mom's birthday, right?

Yeah, for my mom's birthday. Happy birthday, Al's mom. Hey, mama. So the funniest thing is just ridiculing my nephew and just watching how my sister and brother-in-law take it. It's so funny. What are you doing? You're getting a little bit of Andrew in you, dog.

That's right, dog. It just so funny, though. It robs off, bro. It robs off, dude. I'm just like, yo, take your shirt, that fat baby of some. Yo, because the baby can't understand yet. So you just talk hellish shit to the baby. What else do you say no just every little

thing they would say like they'll pick you know when they're carrying a baby and they just say oh you're heavy i was like he sure is i was just the whole week of just trashing him that's your nephew yo it doesn't matter sometimes he gets these jokes yeah everybody's gonna get tough skin from early real talk man stop sucking on a pacifier like that you know what i'm saying like yo you're gonna give your kid pacifiers yo i don't know about all that what you mean i don't know nah i'm gonna give him anything just you think some things aren't all nature you know what i mean i think you're teaching you know what i mean like i don't know pacifier just seems weird hey Hey, suck on this.

What if you got a daughter? You more likely or less likely to give it than a son? I ain't going to have my daughter sucking bad dick, bro. That shit ain't going to take any of you, bro. Let me tell you something. I knew you were going to answer me. I'm competitive. Okay?

That's why I asked. Because I was like, I think he might just shove a pacifier in his daughter's mouth. You're going to learn today. Hey, hey. In the words to learn today. Hey, hey. The words of Kevin Hart. Teach her what you do. We're going to be at the barbecue, all three of us, comparing. But what size of pacifier is it going to be?

Hey, why are you sucking a bottle from the backside? What's wrong with you? Hey, nothing comes out the back part. Hey, babe, you told her too early. What's going on? Hey, yo. Real talk, man. What would you rather?

You rather your daughter trash and sucking dick or too good? Trash. Trash. Really? Trash. And now you got to have her crying while she keeps getting broken up with and you can't tell her the reason? Hey, I don't care. you can't sit your daughter down you could be like yo your neck game garbage no that's a conversation for mom

so you're gonna okay so that's another thing I was trying to before we get to flagrant thought that's another thing okay real quick would you rather your daughter too too good at sucking dick or too bad at sucking dick trash absolutely yo y'all are crazy you want your daughter to be lonely for her life? Yes.

How that's good. So then she... Then you're not gonna have grandkids? Nah, then she just takes care of me. Say what? Then she just takes care of me when I get older. That's some Latino-ass shit, yo.

That's what they're supposed to do. That is some Latino-ass shit. That's why my sister is in Philly with my mom. Nah, but they do that shit. The ugly fat daughter, right? Gotta take care of the parents when one of them never gets married. Yeah. They give the daughter a complex when they're young. Nah but they do that shit The ugly fat daughter Right Gotta take care of the parents Oh yeah

When it never gets married Yeah They give the daughter a complex When they're young They're like oh you're so fat And you're so ugly You're never gonna get married And then they never get married

And then they take care Of the fucking parents I don't know about all that But Son that is true Eddie They do Eddie's sister moved out the house

As soon as she could right She's like you ain't gonna Ugly fat daughter me You gonna do that to Eddie They be feeding that motherfucker Non stop as soon as she could, right? She's like, you ain't gonna ugly fat daughter me, you gonna do that to Eden. They be feeding that motherfucker nonstop. You know what's funny? We be ugly fat daughtering Eden.

Yo, we be ugly fat daughtering him and he going along with it. Fucking the turkey. This fucking the turkey over here, bro. You don't see what your parents are doing, bro. Son. Okay, there was something I wanted to say about it was about a kid's though fuck what were we talking about trash dick sucking dick um conversations with the parent having the mom have that conversation yeah oh no it was something else it was pseudo related so you would oh yeah

that was it that was it okay what would you oh this is this is it this is this real shit okay let's say you got a daughter, right? Yeah. Mustache is thorough. This is a distinct possibility. It is almost a guarantee. It's a virtual certainty. It's a certainty. Okay? All right.

Real talk. I'm with you. Mustache. Yes, what's up? As a father, do you sit her down and say that shit is gross? Hell no. So you let the mom tell your daughter what time,

when she got to start waxing a stash or shaving legs or that kind of shit like that? Yeah. Nah, I think I'd tell her. How are you going to break your... Come on, yo.

She's supposed to be perfect in your eyes. You know what I mean? You're the man. You don't want her looking for validation from other men. Yeah, so she gets it from me. I don't think you understand this.

You feel differently about a daughter when you let your girl have them. Yeah, all of a sudden you're accepting about the child. You didn't even accept the embryo with the egg. You're not going to accept the whole thing. The last thing Al Everton did is accept a child. Old abortion Al over here. Oh, come on. No matter how hard your girls try to accept, you'd be like, ah, pull the ripcord.

I didn't see out this motherfucker. I was too good of an alliteration right there. Abortion Al, bro. For real. Those two X's are for. Those two X's are for Yeah probably I guess the mom would Have to tell her I think because the daughter

But I think it would be easy for me Because I could be shaving And be like hey you want to play around Your daughter can't shave It comes back thicker when you shave It's got gotta be a wax What I'm trying to say is Or laser

Say what? Or laser Or laser Right? Yo how I was thinking about this shit How Strong

Are girls pubes That you gotta get lasers involved Right? Like that's crazy Like Like You can't just take them out I prefer the laser though Say what? Yeah I think it's just a much more Long term solution Yeah Right? Like, that's crazy. Like, you can't just take them out.

I prefer to laser, though. Yeah, I think it's just a much more long-term solution. Yeah. In a, like, one-and-done kind of thing. Yeah, I know, because you're lasering out the thing that the hair grows from. Yeah. But golly. Yeah, because then if they do the waxing, then the hairs have to get long enough to get waxed again. Yeah, I do not like...

So they go through that grow back session. The wax feels good for a week, and then after, you actually are tortured for longer. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. The laser's way better. I don't need no pussy with a three o'clock shadow. What'd you say? I don't need pussy with a three o'clock shadow.

Yeah, can't have that Bollywood pussy. Pussy look like it's about to dance victoriously. I got her back. I'm talking about that George Clooney. I don't need that George Clooney, that stubble, yo. That Ocean's 11 Days Later? Damn, bitch, you had Ocean's 13 with that pubic hair. What's up with this growth?

Bitch got that Daniel Ocean. Get up out of here, yo. So that's what I'm trying to say is when it comes to the father, we have to be, even if we don't believe it, we have to act like our daughter is the perfect image of a woman so that she doesn't seek that male validation from other people. And then the mom, the daughter knows that the mom loves her unconditionally. That's what's up. They know that already.

That's baked in. So she got to do the hard shit like, yo, wax your lip. You know, yo, stop walking pigeon toed. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? We're not doing no pigeon toed out here. So when I was younger, you would look for the pigeon toed girl.

You going after retarded girls. Son, not because they had the fatties. No, they don't have a fatty. They have the fatties. They just bent over more because of the pigeon toe i and this pigeon toe is something completely correctable it's something that's actually really bothered me i don't understand why people still do it they're still happy i got the fatty so i guess i don't know anyway it is it is a unique situation but i think you have to

leave that up to the girl because if you do it if you're hyperritical of her looks, she's going to gravitate to men that appreciate her looks. And all of a sudden, she's a hoe. Yeah, you can't do that. That's how you make your daughter a hoe. Yeah, you can't give her no complex, yo. You are the model for what your girl looks for in a man. So if you're always critiquing her appearance, she's going to feed off of that with the next guy. A guy that's always making her feel bad about herself.

Yeah, but you do it in a nice way. Can I be honest with y'all? When I was looking at pictures of my mom when she was younger? Please don't. Son, please don't. Because I've seen them pictures. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Not only is my mom fine, like, my dad got a joint.

And my dad was handsome, too. I'm not going to lie. He was a little stud muffin. Son, he was a stud muffin. And right after I was born, my mom had handsome, too. I'm not going to lie. He was a little stud muffin. Son, he was a stud muffin. And right after I was born, my mom had the heavy tits. Son, you're disgusting. She had the heavy webbies. Bro, she had the heavy webbies, dog.

She had the heavy webbies. Son, you're nasty. I'm just saying objectively speaking, my mom's tits was heavy. Like, when you look at your parents, it's just love. Can you look at her, then? Because I need to confirm what I'm just saying objectively speaking, my mom's kiss was heavy. When you look at your parents, it's just love. Can you look at her then? Because I need to confirm what I'm seeing. I can't do it. That's disrespect, though.

She had the juggernauts. She had the juggernauts, dude. She did. Them sweater pups. And they were like, hee-yip, hee-yip. It's so wild. I know. This is disgusting.

She did. And then I started looking at her and i was like yo does my girl kind of look like my mom a little bit back in the day i might have an audible complex is it audible or edible my mom was Let's go dad Let's go dad You know what I mean Yo Yo I'm crazy Yes Akash your mom was in fire You're young

You're young I'm sure she was But you never saw They didn't have pictures I didn't They just made the cameras there Sent them right over here dog My mom moved here in 70s

No 68 or something like that So they must have had a cam Yeah yeah And She looks pretty That's my mom But I didn't My mom moved here in 70s. No, 68 or something like that. So they must have had a cam. Yeah, yeah. And? She looks pretty. That's my mom, but I didn't see her like that. You know how pretty your mom was?

Your dad met her one day and said, I'm going to spend the rest of my life with her. No, I get it. That's bad. Yeah, no, I get it. She was probably bad, but I legit don't look at my mom and be like, oh, take a look. Son. At mama. Keep it 100.

Keep it a stat. I'm keeping it a buck. She wasn't filling out that silk. Son. She wasn't. She wasn't. That silk wasn't busting at the seams. You gonna call her and ask her?

Yo, low key, tell her to send the best pic because we know the feats are on point with that plum nail polish but this gone too far that's disrespect to say your mom is a pretty woman This is weird Amazing personality Charismatic You can say that about my mom My mom was a beautiful lady But when you start talking about juggernauts

It's a little different Bro She didn't have juggernauts She had jugger yes What's the opposite of not You stupid idiot Bro, she didn't have jugger, not she had jugger, yes. What's the opposite of not? You stupid idiot. What's the opposite of not?

I was wondering how he was going to flip that. Jugger is? What's the opposite of not? Jugger be? What'd you say, jugger yes? Jugger yes? I think that's the best you can come up with. What's not? Jugger haves?

I don't know. Not or what's the opposite of not? Does. Does? And if you don't stop your fucking English second language ass from talking when English speakers are talking... This guy got a straw hanging out his ear like he's a turtle. Someone take a picture.

That's not a straw. That's a baster. Yo, what is the opposite of not, Al? I don't know. I don't know. We don't got that? We don't got that. We don't got that in English?

Am? Am? Because not a thing is you just put it before it to make it not. Ah. Yeah. So if it isn't there, then it is. She just said damn juggers. You know how

cows got udders? I'm trying to get in on this. Our moms have goddamn juggers, bro. You don't gotta say our moms. Wow, you saying our moms. Real talk. You say you don't look at pictures of your mom back in the day. No, I don't. And you're just like this.

You're like. You already sucked on your mom's tits. Son. You did. Son. No disrespect. Hey, it's no disrespect. I brought batteries at you.

Hey, I'm going to be honest. It's kind of funny when he's not saying it to you. It's kind of funny. Son, let's hang up on that. So listen. No, no, no no you don't think back in a day when you were sucking on your mom's tits which you did do that's a fact that's a fact of life i wasn't oh you were you were you were on a bottle you know puerto rican having formula yo

son i was on formula you were not on formula i was on formula I don't know, but there was formula. Ovaltine. Ovaltine? Isn't that chocolate milk? That's not formula. Anything knows about formula. For real. When you were sucking on your mom's teeth. I didn't suck on my mom's teeth.

After y'all finished sucking, did y'all do this at the end? A little bit? Right when just, right when you finish, be like, did you go? I probably did. Now you on board? Is Alkosh on board? Nah, because after something delicious, you go. Oh, until it's delicious? Is that what you're saying, son?

You're saying your mom tastes titties taste delicious, bro? The milk was delicious, man. You ever wipe your mouth and then burp in? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yo, you ever hold the titty in your mouth and then burp into it to make it bigger? What? Y'all never did that one?

Played that trick on your mom? You're like, bleh. And the titty popped up, got real big? How do you think titties work? I don't know how titties work, but I'll tell you one thing. My mom's titties, they work. Back in the day. Nothing makes more sense than you talking like this with your hair looking like it looks.

Listen. Take that hat back off. Why do you have this combo? I'm saying back in the day. Back in the day, guys. It's back in the day. Now my mom's titties look like them dogs that go get the bird after you shoot it. What?

You know those hounds that got the... The bastard hound? The bastard hound. Oh, my God. That's what my mom's titties be looking like now. Stop. I caught my mom putting on sweatpants. I think she put her titties inside the sweatpants.

My mom built like Andy Ruiz. Yo, you think when you see old ladies with the fupa, that's just titties down there? I think a little titty might got in it. They just tuck them into the shirt because it's like, you know, they're not going to pop out on you like that. Honestly, honestly, if I'm being honest. It's just titties down there. I think a little titty might got in it. They just tuck them into the shirt because it's like, you know, then I can pop out on you like this. Honestly? Honestly, if I'm being honest? It's just a bra at that point.

It's a bra. I can look at my mom wearing a bra like, why? You look like a... For what? For what? What are we doing out here? How are we acting? You know what I mean?

Sometimes I'll be like, Mom, twist his shell. Twist his shell, Mom. Hit him with some shoulders. Do ball it. You looking wild. You looking super wild. Am I? Am I?

Bro, you look like. I just started talking 35 years ago Y'all had a whole head start On talking Over me Okay? Oh fuck

Wow Shit I've been speaking English As long as that end You know You know what I'm saying That end Oh my god

Alright That wasn't your flagrant thought Is what's wild Yeah Y'all wanna know My flagrant thought You know? You know what I'm saying, Eddie? Oh, my God. All right. That wasn't your flagrant thought. It was wild. Yeah. Y'all want to know my flagrant thought? Yeah. That's the most flagrant thing you ever said. That's not the most flagrant thing.

This is the most flagrant thing. And I've thought about this seriously. Because the Weinstein decision came in today. Was that your flagrant thought, too? No, no, no, no. Okay. My flagrant thought is we'll get to it. All right.

You want to go first? Yeah. It's actually not even my flagrant thought, but it was so flagrant that I had to bring it to the podcast. All right. Go. Go. Go.

Somehow, me and my girl were talking to Brian. Shouts to Brian. Shouts to Brian. You know what I mean? Probably got a fine mama. With a thick bosom. You know Brian got that thick bosom. You know, you know, Bri got that thick bosom. Yo, all due respect.

It's all due respect. Yo, ADR, y'all. All due respect, yo. It's ADR out here. You think they were supple? Say what? You think they were supple? They what? You think they were supple? They supple no matter how you spell it.

How can you spell it? I figured that was a sneaky L. I figured it was S-U-P-P-L-E. You know what I mean? Sometimes that L be late, be all Alex. Ed and your people know about all things sneaky. How do you spell it? Sneaky L or no? Double L.

There's two L's? You're wrong as fuck, yo. You don't know. I just want to call his people sneaky. That's all. They sneaky. No, how do you spell supple for real? I thought there was a B in there. Supple? There's a B? I thought it was a sneaky B. Silent B? Are you out of your goddamn mind? I thought it was a silent B. Ain't no silent

B's, bro. That's subtle, you dumb motherfucker. Oh, yeah, that one. There we go. There's one of them. Supple. I was right. S-U-P-P-L-E. You know what I mean?

Ella. Ella. All right, go. So we're asking like fucked up thoughts or whatever. And then my girl was like like i was at the mall yesterday and i hated every minute of it and i literally thought to myself oh i see why these get shot up wow your girl said that i'm rubbing off that's all right now that's flagrancy hold on let me take it in this is the That's flagrancy. Hold on. Let me take it in. That's the queen of flagrancy. Let me take it in, bro.

The first lady of flagrancy. Wow. Whoa, dude. That's strong. So she's like, I see why they get shot up because she just hated being there so much. I see why someone would go crazy in here. That's the flagrant thought. What was it that triggered it?

What was the store? I actually didn't ask. We were in the middle of a text storm at that point so i just heard the thought and then i had to block it out but it was i was like that's great that's great i love that that's my future wife she was like i see why this happens sometimes i get how a person can walk in here and be like fuck it all right guys let's take a break for a second pay some bills uh you know this is my favorite my favorite sponsor on the podcast blue chew you already know if you're new to the podcast get your dick game right let's just be honest

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Yo, but this is what she don't get. I've blocked the Instagram accounts, but she doesn't realize that yet. So she just keeps sending me things and I'm like, I can't see it. And I just show her Instagram. I just show screenshots of my DMs showing that it's not showing up. And it is driving her fucking crazy right now. Why be acting that interested, too? I'm like, yo, I really want to see what your ideal ring is, but it keeps whatever. Should I just take a screenshot of it?

And I'm like, yeah, I guess, you know, whatever way we can do it. Yo, that's genius, Loki. Just block every ring account that exists and you're fine. Every ring account that exists. Just block everything that says can do it. Yo, that's genius. Low key. Just block every ring account that exists and you're fine. Every ring account that exists. Just block everything that says ring on it. She's been hinting towards this ring for a minute. Ain't no hints. The carrots.

Oh, yeah. At this point, it's not hints anymore. Ain't no hints. It's just direct. This is the one. This is the one. And then if you say something, she's going to be like, what? You don't think that when you see me, this is the one? No. I say something she's gonna be like what you don't think that

when you see me this is the one no I say you were the one okay I say we don't need all this you know conventional

you know all that kind of stuff isn't that cute isn't that cute what pull this up in eight months yeah I know right nah she gonna get the ring

obviously it's so stupid you should tell about this whole thing is so stupid and you know what I told her Tuka play that game what you gonna ask for I want a. And you know what I told her? Who could play that game? What are you going to ask for? I want a ring, too.

Son, you know you got to buy your own ring. What? Yes, you buy your own wedding band. I said I want the diamonds on mine. Yeah, you still buy yourself. Why do I have to buy my ring? Son, that's just how it works. You got to think of something else. I told my girl I want a car.

Give me an engagement car. That's about how much we spend on rings. Give me something else. I told my girl I want a car. Give me an engagement car. That's about how much we spend on rings. Give me a nice Corolla or Camry or some shit like that. I don't even want to drive. I have a bit about this. I just want you to feel that pressure. They're like, babe, what kind of car do you want? I'm like, I don't know.

It depends on how much you love me. Do you feel that? Do you feel that? Do you not know your girlfriend? Oh, I ain't getting no fucking car. You ain't getting shit. I ain't getting no fucking car, yo. You might not get

a seat at the wedding. It literally might just be one seat at that table in the front where the bride and groom sit and she might be like, oh, you wanted to be here? Yo, let me tell you something.

I thought you wanted to be with your friends. Don't threaten me with a good time. I'm gonna marry my girl. I'm gonna marry her, but I don't really feel like I need to be

at this wedding. Yo, that might be the fucking solution to all this again working on a bit about this all we are is just

we're just there so they don't look like losers throwing parties for themselves they've dreamed of this party their whole life your girl tell you that I've been dreaming about this since I was a kid

my girl tells me all the time she never says I've been dreaming about you she's never said that she's having a dream about this day this day is all they want and they just need

a motherfucker there so they can have their day yeah do they not realize it's always their day i don't think so yo but it's only their day with you they want everybody they're not satisfied with taking one person's life they want everybody for a day she's about to shoot up that mall son i think you you i think you're seeing exactly who you're going to marry right now yo bro my girl ain't been subtle ever she put me at the table by the exit i want to be at the table by the exit hey let me tell you something yeah she'll put you outside the exit really keep you safe close the doors i canceled a whole weekend of shows for this fucking wedding yo yo it's got to be a fucking yo? Because that's what it is.

All weddings suck. Let's be honest. It's camp for adults. Nobody likes camp. You choose what I eat. You choose what I do. Where I have to be the whole fucking time. Such a stupid idea. But I'm here for you. It is a stupid

idea. Like to force adults to do shit. It's a mortgage. It's what? It's a mortgage. Oh, and you're wasting all this money. That's all I care about, dog. I don't give a fuck. No, I care about my weekend.

What I like about you is you decided to do it during weather that I don't care about. You're doing it in October. Oh, yeah. I don't care about October weather. But these people that do summer weddings, I think it's insulting. I think it is insulting. We have eight total weekends in New York in the summer where the weather is pretty much guaranteed good. Two of those always get ruined.

One of them is July 4th. Nobody's going to get married on July 4th anyway. That leaves you with five good weekends. And these absolute imbeciles think that they should take your fucking weekend from you. It's absurd. I love fall wedding. None of us have anything to do in October. You actually give us something to do in October.

An event that we can go to. You're welcome. Yeah. I just don't want to pay for it. That's all you're telling me. It's just, there's a moment. Don't want a summer wedding. Here's what's wild, too, is you look at all these costs individually.

Oh, that's kind of high. Oh, that's kind of high. And then you just kind of forget about it because you negotiate each cost with whatever little wiggle room you got yeah and then when you add up the costs the number blows your fucking mind like how did we get here i don't i thought we were doing okay and then you're just looking at a goddamn mortgage yeah why don't you just buy a house instead and not do this stupid way would love to so why doesn't she get that i don't know i think you should just take all the wedding money and then buy a house and then deal with it after. That's what I would do.

Yeah. Hey, the house is bought. What do you want to do? This guy. I want you to try that. I think it's a great idea. I want you to try that. Good luck, yo.

Yeah. You're going to take a fucking reverse mortgage or whatever the fuck that is. On the house? On the house Just to pay for the wedding? So now we're back to zero? That's a possibility Anyway

I don't know But that's a crazy flagrant thought Al what'd you have? I don't got one Alright Well my crazy Blah blah blah I don't know what I just said

My crazy flagrant thought of the week is Weinstein is too ugly to get away with rape so he got convicted today right but he got convicted of this is why it gets serious so he got convicted of sexual misconduct which i don't even know what the fuck that is and then third degree rape apparently there's like i didn't know that either degree i thought it was just rape or you don't rape but now there's like degrees of rape yeah right yeah you knew that yeah it made sense when i saw but i didn't know there's like the alleyway that's right now but then a different name for everything else yeah but his was just like oh hey come to my room and no this

is what uncomfortable now this is third degree rape uh it's like ultimatum rape for example you live with me if it was breaking this down you live with me. F.A. was breaking this down. You live with me. If I kick you out, you're homeless. Hey, you want to keep living here? You got to suck my dick. That's rape. Isn't that blackmail?

I think it's prostitution. That's soliciting prostitution. And if the girl agrees, she's prostituting. Anyway, point is, is right it's a barter hey do you want to live here airbnb exists let's stop acting like airbnb don't exist would you like to continue airbnb in this apartment yes dick suck son i know that was rapes between a barter and a blackmail? Sex.

I don't know. I'll be honest. I don't fucking know. But point is, Weinstein, all these rich people get away with rape. It's a fucked up part of our justice system. But if you're wealthy and you're successful, you're allowed to rape. That's what the justice system basically says. Cosby did it for years.

Bill Clinton has done it for years. I mean, Trump, I don't know if he's done it, but he's been accused just like these other guys so you gotta throw him in um tons of people accused of fucking woody allen yeah yeah do you know what i'm saying like all these people that we know but they're rich and successful so they're allowed to rape it's a fucked up part of american justice but if you're rich and successful, you're basically allowed to do it as far as the justice system is concerned. Weinstein is so fucking horrendous looking that these girls that accused him, he had relationships with after.

Do you guys know that? They're tech saying like, I love you and back and forth and shit with these girls, but he's so fucking ghoulish and disgusting looking. Ghouls are fucking ghoulish and disgusted looking. Ghouls are skinny. He's a fat ghoul.

He's a fat ghoul. He looks like Ecto from Ghostbusters 1. Yes. Was that the green slime? Yes, yes, Slimer. Yes, Slimer, yes. He looks like Slimer, yes.

These people that were part of the jury, even though they had this information, they saw that he continued a relationship with these girls afterwards. I truly believe that they looked at him and they were like, anybody that would have sex with him,

it has to be on some level rape or sexual misconduct or third degree rape. So that's my fling with all the week. He is so ugly, he can't get away with rape even though he's rich and successful. Has there been any rich and successful. Has there been any rich or successful person

that's gotten clipped for rape? Tyson. Huh? Tyson. That's the only one I could think of. Tyson got gotten. I don't know. That's the one we're all kind of like. Did he go to jail though? He did. Tyson went to jail. Of course he didn't do it. But he only did three years so it must have been something else.

That was rape. Three years for rape? I heard he was like, nah I didn't rape her. But he only did three years, so it must have been something else. That was rape. Three years for rape? I heard he was like, no, I didn't rape her. I wish I did, though, which is how you know he's in jail. Oh, shit. That was his line. Really? He goes, I wish I did rape her, because then I would be in jail for the right reason. Wow.

Tyson. No, but that's the thing that you say when you didn't do it. Mm-hmm. Right? It's like, have your girl ever given you a hard time for cheating when you didn't cheat and you're like well i wish i got some pussy if i'm gonna deal with all this yeah you're gonna yell at me i'm gonna be out in the couch sleeping it's gonna be cold you're not gonna give me any love or affection this would be completely warranted and justified if i had fucked someone so i might as well fuck somebody because i gotta go through this regardless yeah yeah you know it's easy to

get over cheating yeah well have you done it no you said yes why did you say yes so like like you knew it just i was saying yes to the point of like if you get accused of some shit and you i would rather just do it if i'm gonna be accused and treated like i did it i'd rather just do it yeah and at least that way it's like well this is this is the barter i cheated you treat me like I did it. I'd rather just do it. Yeah. And at least that way, it's like, well, this is the barter. I cheated, you treat me like shit, fair. Yeah. Nah, it makes sense.

if one of your girls cheated on you, would you prefer if it was out the house or she used your money to get a hotel or didn't use your money and fucked in your bed?

Like, say if you have to choose one. Oh, that's just such a disgusting thing to ask. I would prefer hotel yo yeah hotel it's from the cheapest person in this podcast but like either way it's just so disgusting we're talking about like incremental differences and disgusting like that it's so bad it's like 98 or 99. What would I rather huh?

I've ever got cheated on yeah, I got you know yeah, yeah Got you know when I was in these high school. I think I was in high school at the time something like that Yeah, I was real sucker. Yeah Yeah, you got to go through that to learn yeah Yeah, yeah, I think it. I think it good it can also be like it can also be like really fucking like crippling on your psyche especially when you have it happen like young and you can develop um negative uh you know like sentiments and feelings so it's something you got to be like really careful about yeah yeah you know it's glad to know we're all careful on this

podcast yeah we have to be very careful we weren't and were so I got I kind of taking this from online but I guess my fate flagrant take would be Wilder ended or he actually made black history month shorter go on yeah so he let down all black people so let's talk about the Fury- Yeah. The Fury- I've only seen highlights. You guys saw the fight live.

Yeah, we saw the fight. We were in Pittsburgh, and we went to Dave & Buster's. And shout out to Dave & Buster's in Pittsburgh, because they made a table open and available for us. It was the first time I kind of felt like a celebrity, because it was right after the show. And we put our hoods on to block our identity. And we were just walking out with everybody.

And nobody knew. But had they known, it would have been a fucking crowd follow us to Dave & Buster's. So that was kind of cool. No, it was a fun time. So we're in Dave & Buster's and watching this fight. And, I mean, it was just an amazing fight. Like very rarely do things live up to the hype in life. Very rarely do matches live up to the hype.

What was amazing about it, because it seems like when I'm reading Fury dominated Wilder and I keep hearing and I think I'll just dispute this, but I keep hearing Wilder's equilibrium was fucked up. Yeah, no, that's what we thought. But it turns out it wasn't the case. So he just got his ass beat. Yeah. So he really just got fucked up. Yeah. I wish I had seen it live.

Fucked up. Yeah, so Fury just destroyed him. And it was really interesting. Fury is just, I mean, God bless. I love Deontay Wilder. He's so fucking exciting to watch, and he's probably the most concussive puncher we've ever seen in the history of the sport. But Fury's just too much man for him he just looks small

and weak and Fury dude Fury who is not known as a big puncher but switched trainers to uh Sugar Sugar Hill Stewart um any any information about this guy uh well he fight the the gym that he operates out of his crunk gym which is like a legendary gym emmanuel stewart was the guy who owned it emmanuel stewart has trade uh you know millions of fighters trade uh the klitschko's he trained uh eric from tommy hearns the hitman hearns back in the day like he's a and he just passed away recently like legacy trainer amazing raw real detroit gym like tough sparring session like fucking uh gritty gym and so fury goes to train with him and basically what they the reason he goes over there is

is uh because he wants to finish wilder he doesn't want to outpunch him fury's 6'9 and he was fighting around 250 and uh he was this amazing slick, like unbelievable boxing ability and movement for his size, something we've never seen. You have to look at imagine an NBA power forward. That is super slick and moving around like Ali. Right. You just don't see it. The only time you do see that type of athlete is in the NBA. Yeah.

And this guy's footwork is better. You know, his movement is better. His hands are and this guy's footwork is better you know his movement is better his hands are better his it's just like unreal and um so what they did is they gained weight we were talking about that on the podcast a lot of people were saying what you were saying i our friend james madden comic shouts to james was like i'm thinking about putting a thousand on wilder yeah because fury's just too fat and then wilder came in heavy too so wilder usually fights around like 212 he came in like 231 okay and which was very concerning to me i was like that doesn't look right that looked incredible that immediately i was like oh fuck that's not gonna go well

yeah because his conditioning wasn't that great for the first fight yeah it was interesting i mean he's just such an amazing athlete i always thought that his conditioning would be the thing that like carries him through all those situations. Really? I assume his thought process was, I got to knock this guy out. I have to knock him out. I got to be even more powerful because he got it from my best punch. Yeah.

Yeah, maybe. Maybe. I mean, like, he's the type of guy that knows if he connects that you're going down. I don't think he was worried about what would happen with Fury even though he did get up from it. But Fury went out there. He took the fight right to him he walked him down and like most super power punchers they don't know how to fight going backwards right it's really rare for power punchers because most people are trying to avoid their power yeah so if you stalk them and walk them down usually they don't know what to do they you close that distance they don't have no how to generate you know power in such a small space was it wild for fury to

was it like calling your shot to say i'm gonna gain weight to knock him out and no what calling your shot was was exactly what he did was saying he never said anything about the weight he just said i'm knocking him out he said i'm knocking him out in the second round and he said i really tried but i didn't get him out of there in the second round but he literally said in the way and he pointed at him and he did this motion with his hand he points and then he goes boom and he like bends his hand down to say he's getting knocked down like fury literally said i'm coming here to knock him out and then he came and he knocked him out that's crazy it's so rare in sports you see this happen it is so rare in sports do you see someone call what's going to happen and then it happens?

I think this is why Conor McGregor rose to this like amazing fame. He's got a great personality, but he was also calling what was going to happen in these fights. Yeah. Right. And when you do that a few times in a row, people start to look at you like this kind of mythical figure because you're predicting the future.

Yeah. You know, and like Bruce pointing to the stands, Babe Ruth point to the stands. Like you look at these things like, whoa, they really know what the fuck they're doing and he went out there he just utterly dominated him the first punch that knocks down deontay wilder wilder is a massive man he's six seven yeah okay he's in shape, an amazing puncher with amazing heart. The first punch that hits him, it looks like Fury is punching a child. His feet sweep out out of nowhere.

It was so weird that when we watched it live, we go, oh, he stepped on his toes. I'd never seen anyone fall like that from a punch. Yeah. There was so much downward force that it literally made his body parallel to the canvas and then he just kind of fell is this the first one yeah yeah look at this punch boom oh wow he just kind of like falls over yeah like it's and this is the meme that is this the meme that everybody's like i guess you're wondering how i got in this situation no no no that's a different one where they're like uh because he immediately looks at the ref like what the that everybody's like, I guess you're wondering how I got in this situation? No, no, no. That's a different one where they're like.

Because he immediately looks at the ref like, what the fuck? He's like, yeah, what happened? And that's what happens when you get hit with a punch and you don't know what happened. You look at the ref because you're like, hey, he pushed me. No, he didn't push you. You just don't know what happened because you got hit. Now, he kind of hit him to the back of the head a little bit. Look at him.

He's just confused. Watch. This is the punch right here. He hits. One, two. Boom. Holy shit. He is out. Look at him he's just confused This is the punch right here He hits boom He is out He is completely out Now he has so much heart

That he gets back up Now this one This one is a body shot The next knockdown that you see Is in the fifth round He hits him with the left to the body And the same thing he flies back Dude it was like watching Remember that Rocky movie where he's fighting against the fifth round he hits him with the left to the body and the same thing he flies back dude it's

it was like watching um remember that rocky movie where he's fighting against drago drago yeah like he flies back from a body shot oh yeah i mean fury is just bullying this he looks like a child right and this is before this the most dangerous puncher in the history of the sport it was it was one of those things where it was absolutely amazing to fucking watch and the whole time you're watching even though wilder's wobbling around you're like hey be careful be careful because anything can happen in the first round when wilder came out and fury came out wilder hit fury with two right hands yeah straight powerful right hands yeah fury ate him kept coming forward like the fucking terminator and from then on i was like

oh it's gonna be a long night for wilder right you just hit this guy with your right hand that's the only punch you got yeah the right hand and it did nothing. Is Wilder finally going to get new trainers and learn boxing? No. I think, to be honest, Wilder is kind of fine doing what he does. This is what I think should happen. No third fight. I agree, based on what I've read. If you do a third fight, Wilder could be permanently injured for the rest of his life.

He's lucky he got out of that ring the way he did. There are chances. I mean, if he got hit with another one of those bombs, your life is different. This is how I know he got his ass beat, because I was scrolling through Twitter, and I saw people being like, good stoppage. Oh, yeah.

I very rarely see good stoppage. Yeah, they could have stopped it earlier. They really could have stopped it earlier. And the corner stopped it, and one of his fucking coaches, Jay Diaz or whatever, who was a fucking idiot, was like, I don't think it should have been stopped. He goes, well, then you don't care about your fighter.

You want this kid to live to fight another day, live to enjoy his family. It literally takes one punch to change your life. And now you're not dealing with 140 pounders. You're dealing with 270 pounds of raw athlete 276 276 one of those comes down night night change your life forever yeah you got to protect these guys um so honestly if i'm wilder i do not ask for another fight i take some time to recover let your brain fucking recover let your ear recover but do not ask for another fight because the same

thing is going to happen it's going to happen even shorter i disagree what do you mean i say you go for the third one he might never be because i didn't too much man he does he's not enough man for fury man it's and i say this as a wilder fan he's not enough man he's too little he looks like a child but i think if he's changing don't hurt i think if he changed his strategy a little bit and move left and right instead of just going back yeah it like he can catch him require him to learn how to box more so now so let's say he learns how to box hypothetically speaking he learns how to box now you're in a boxing match with arguably one of the best boxers in the heavyweight the heavyweight division has ever seen.

So you want to box with Fury? Fuck no. You want to bang with Fury? He puts you out in seven. It's like there's nothing that you can do to beat this guy. You're just not one. You're too little. He just has to catch him first.

Even if he catches him. Like the first fight. Think about this. The first fight, he caught him. He can't keep him down. When he caught Fury with that monstrous right this. The first fight, he caught him. He can't keep him down. When he caught Fury with that monstrous right hand in the first fight

and then the hook that followed, Fury came back and if you watch that round, he ends up winning the rest of the round. I mean, he lost the round, obviously, because he got knocked down,

but in terms of his performance in the rest of the round, he hurts Wilder with a hook in that round and wobbles Wilder. You're talking about the fucking Terminator. And Wilder is not built in a way where he can just he just doesn't have enough human. There was a comment somewhere. I don't know if there's anything to this, but like gypsies, they box like boxing culture.

It's a boxing culture. They've been getting knocked down and getting back up since they were children it means nothing fighting men they call them so and i just remember that one scene from snatch where brad pitt knocks the fucking guy out clean after getting whatever and it was just like once fury what he thought was once fury got knocked down in the first fight and then got back up he was like oh i got we're good yeah it's over i i know i can take his... That was a ferocious series of punches, and I'm good. I can get back up.

We got this. Once you know you can get back up... I'm knocking his ass out. Next fight. Yeah, exactly. Once you know you can get back up from his best shit and win the rest of the round, now I'm walking straight at you.

And that might explain why you gained 20 pounds, because you're like, I know I can take his best punch. Let me give him a harder best punch of my own, and let's just knock him the fuck out. So his father said something interesting. I was watching's just knock him the fuck out so his father said something interesting I was watching an interview

with Fury's father and his father said it was like Tyson was trying to get down always to like 250 to be like a little bit lighter because he wanted to look

like that traditional boxing star looks with the abs and all that kind of stuff and he goes I've always told him get that out of your head you're never gonna look like that

that's just not how you're built. God didn't design you that way. And when you go down to 250, you lose your punching power. But he's like, finally, I got it into his head. At 270, we've noticed that you have a concussive amount of power. You're 6'9". 270 is not a bad weight for 6'9". Concussive amount of power.

Stay up there and carry that fucking weight. And did you notice during the fight, not only was he hitting him hard, he was leaning on him. Now he's leaning on you with 270. You ever hit the gym and try to squat 270? How many squats can you do with 270? Anybody listen right now. Think about that. How many squats

at 270 can you do? That's what Wilder had to do every single time they got in a clinch and he leaned on him. I can squat 105. Boom. I don't know. I want to see a on him. I can squat 105, so, you know. Boom. I don't know. I want to see a third one.

No, no, we want to see it. The first one. I don't. I want to see Wilder and Joshua. I don't think Fury should fight Joshua. So this is my. I'm also talking. I didn't even watch the fight, so fuck me. My opinion on what should happen is I think Fury should retire.

You're 31 or 32 years old. You've done everything in this sport. You are going to go down as one of the greatest to ever do it. Without taking out Joshua? To me, Joshua is pathetic. Yeah, but he still got belts, though. So for me, Joshua ran, or in boxing circles as we say, got on his bicycle against a 5'10 refrigerator named Andy Ruiz.

He was scared, and he fought like a coward for 12 rounds against Andy Ruiz, who's 5'10 with Raptor arms. What the fuck are you? You're afraid of 5'10 power with Raptor arms? What the fuck are you going to do when you have a 6'9 monster with better footwork, better boxing, and crippling concussive power now that he's sitting down on his punches stalking you around the ring? Yeah. What you going to do? Yeah, I'm saying Joshua should avoid it, but Fury should go after him because then you could just unify all the belts and then you retire.

I'm saying this only as like what I think Fury should do if I was Fury's friend. As a boxing fan, I have a different opinion. But as Fury's friend, I say you've accomplished everything. You're worth tens of millions of dollars, maybe $100 million. I don't know how much you got for the fight. You retire. You take care of your family. You enjoy life and enjoy this amazing opportunity you've been given.

You can go fight Joshua. In my personal opinion, Joshua doesn't deserve 20% of the purse. Maybe give him 20%. I think he brings nothing to the table. I think that England has their superstar heavyweight now, which is Fury. You don't need to lean back on Joshua because I understand you lean on Joshua because everybody wants their country to have a heavyweight. But now that you have a real heavyweight star, you might as well support the real one.

Is there a difference between an actual Englishman and just a guy who's part of the UK? Well, neither of them are an actual Englishman, right? Like Tyson Fury is a traveler, right? He's an Irish traveler is what they called like, but he wears the flag. He's supportive of it. And Joshua is, you know, of Jamaican descent or Nigerian descent. He grew up in America or I mean, in England, it's like, that's an Englishman. Yeah. But they both grew up in England. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, they're both equally not British and equally British, right? Like they grew up within the culture.

They understand what it is, but they also have roots outside of it, right? I'm not talking about how they look. I'm just saying like if you want a fighter. There's another aspect, though. Josh is a good-looking guy. Fury's not. Yeah, he's not traditionally good-looking. So that matters in the marketing terms.

But no one in England is good-looking. They don't care about looks. Like have you watched their TV shows? They just put ugly people On TV It's fine for them All their singers Are fucking ugly

Like they're not shallow Like we're shallow Right Like Adele is not Going to be an American singer You got to be Britney Spears Put a fucking cobra Around your neck

In America But out there They really care about talent They don't care If you look good or not They're just Alright fuck it Are you great

Cool Elton John Go for it I hear what you're saying but i think they still have to i think they do it because i think fury wants to fight i just don't think fury has anything left to prove especially not against like a trash boxer like like joshua but i i do think it'd make a lot of money and if it's if it's an easy fight for you, you can probably easily talk yourself into, I could make $100 million on this fight. I can control the purse. All of the UK will be interested. It's me fighting again after I just destroyed Wilder.

The third fight, for what? Let's just go get new money with Joshua and then maybe retire. Yeah, maybe. The question is, what does Wilder do? I would try to fight Joshua if I was him. Heal up and try to fight Joshua. Oh, yeah.

I think Joshua is good. There's something there. Maybe there's an Andy Ruiz fight. They're both kind of interesting people. We'll see what happens with that. But I think Wilder, to be honest with you, I don't think he'll hold a belt until Fury stops, but I think that he can hold a belt again if Fury stops.

Everybody's like, he's going to be a champ again. Only if Fury stops boxing will he be a champion again. So you have to, as Wilder, you have to accept where you are in the ecosystem. You're not going to be able to beat this guy, Fury. Are you cool being a name that has fights but is not a champion? Probably not. He's a really competitive guy. Are you cool waiting a name that has fights but is not a champion? Probably not. He's a really competitive guy. Are you cool waiting until Fury retires?

Do you want to give it a third go and risk permanent harm? Give it a third go. Oh, no. If I'm Wilder and Fury, if I'm Fury, I sit back. I let Wilder and Joshua go at it. And then the winner of that, I'll fight you. We could do the third match between me and Wilder. Or if Joshua wins, which is what I'd be hoping for, then I'll just take the winner of that can i'll fight you yeah we could do the third match between me and wilder or if joshua wins which is what i'd be hoping for yeah i'll just take the winner of that yeah now you can be what joshua was trying to be before he was you know just i'm gonna let y'all

fight it out and then i'll take the winner yeah well it is what it is um why don't we talk some uh some other deport this um real quick that blood licking, was that as wild as it looked on? He didn't even lick the blood. He was doing a Shakira tongue out to the audience. But since there was blood all over the neck, it looked like he was licking the blood. I mean, the craziest blood lick that's ever happened in history is BJ Penn. So BJ Penn finished this dude in an MMA fight. BJ Penn is this Hawaiian MMA guy.

Finishes this dude in an MMA fight. He licks both of his gloves that have blood on it right then goes over to the guy who he just knocked out and it's hard to tell exactly but i'm pretty sure wipes blood off of his face and then licks his hands with the blood on his fingers savage i like that bj don't play play around Oh real quick By the way While we're talking about Hawaii Hawaii Yo

We just put out this piece That I'm really proud of I think is really cool It's the first time That we've done this But We put on YouTube As the

Unsafe set for this week We put a Hawaii It's called Hawaii gets these jokes And I might do a series of this But For like cities That I really love Where I basically did 13 minutes Maybe it's called Hawaii Gets These Jokes and I might do a series of this but for like cities that I really love

where I basically did 13 minutes maybe it's 14 minutes of material that just Hawaiians are going to get or people who have maybe been to Hawaii and they know Hawaii really well like really nuanced cultural stuff and you know sometimes I'll go into a city if I have a few days there I really talk to a lot of the people

there and like get to know them get to know what makes you know the people there tick what is the pulse of a city. If I have a few days there, I really talk to a lot of the people there and like get to know them, get to know what makes, you know, the, uh, the people there tick. What is the pulse of a city? And, um, we had this really fun show, uh, a couple of shows at the blue note and we edited it together. And I understand this is not for most of you. Most of you to follow the YouTube page or the standup are not going to get any of these jokes. It's a really specific nuance to Hawaii. But if you've been there, you have Hawaiian roots or you are Hawaiian, I think it's something you would really appreciate. And if you want to share it with your friends, that'd be cool. You know, it's just I think the way that I've always showed love to people is by making fun of them. So this

is just, you know, a little gift from us to you for having us, Hawaii. So thank you very much. Go check that out. All right, let's take a break for a second, pay some bills. I want you to get your student loans in check. Okay? This is serious. There's a lot of people out here with these exorbitant student loans.

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Earnest.com. Use our promo code FLAGORANT. Earnest.com slash FLAGORANT, rather. Go do that. Let's get back to the show. Let's hit a few more of these other topics. What else we got? Did you pull up that clip, Ice?

Did you pull up? Yep. Can we see this? This is the greatest. This is the story of Isaiah Ryder and KG telling the story. This is, I don't know if you watch this, but they're telling a story about playing the Bulls and KG's, I

think, in his rookie year. Now, it's about two minutes. We can comment throughout. We can cut it out after we play the episode, but it's so good. If you haven't seen this clip, they're both on the All the Smoke podcast, I think. KG and Isaiah Ryder. And this is why MJ is different. Okay, that's it.

Ever seen me play against Mike? We in Chicago. You know, it's my rookie year. And I got about 24 going into the fourth quarter. JR is having a good game. I always stay quiet when I play. I don't talk too much. So as we come out of the timeout, just I'm on, y'all. I can't even explain it.

We come out of the fourth quarter, KG's like, man, keep going at his ass. Serve him, he can't guard you. Keep killing that nigga, yo, killing that nigga. Bone him straight up. You have a good game, Joe, keep going. I was quiet, I'm looking at him like, just chill. The mic was literally right there. The nigga right here, that mic can hear me.

So I double battled him, yeah. Can't keep going at him. Too strong for this dude, man. So as I say that, I feel it. So Mike looked at me, looked at KG. Hands on hips, legs locked, and then he stabbed me for about 15 seconds. I was like, Mike, he don't know the rules of the game, man.

He's just a young puppy. You know what I mean? Look, Mike, he don't really know how we. I see him and Mike having a conversation. So he's like, he don't really know. He excited. Whatever him and Mike having a conversation. So he's like, he don't really know he excited. But that was from now. MJ on the back leg joint. Okay, you talking?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, huh? Mike looked at him again like, okay. Looked at me like, okay. I said, what you looking at me like that for, right? I can't even really describe the next like six to seven minutes. Went to the fourth quarter. Man, that man got about 17.

Quick. He down 25 now. It was just at two. Man, looking at KG. Looking at me. Looking at KG. It got bad. Quick, dog.

I come to the joint, and they know this. When you come and you've been on the run, when you not got back on the floor, got back, had to rebound, and you feel like you on defense all the time, you come to the bench like this. Jimmy. So, I was like, yeah, man, my bad, my bad, my bad, dog, I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry. He be like, it's cool, man, I told you,

just shut your ass up, man, you're not fucking with me. So you got in between the gator in there where you like, damn, and next thing you know, we over there like this. Mike came down. Okay, young fella. Okay. Okay, damn, young fella.

Damn. Damn. Y'all done? Damn, young fella. Never talk shit to Mike ever again in life. Mike's different, yo. All due respect to Kobe. First of all, the pure fear in J.R. Ryder when he's having the game of his life.

And he says at the beginning, I don't know, the volume was low. He's like, I never talk trash to Mike. Never. And then when KG starts, he starts apologizing on behalf of his teammate for gassing him up. Yo, Mike, he don't know, man. He don't know. That's some cool shit right there. You know Mike probably coming off a chip.

Regular season game, this motherfucker dares talk shit to me. It's over. Six, seven minutes, it goes from a two-point game to about a 25 talk shit to me It's over Six seven minutes It goes from a two point game To about a 25 point game That's wild That's a different breed Of motherfucker dude We've never seen

Anybody like that in sports So Mike was just Toying with people Yeah Just don't make me focus Yo I'm thinking about Bitches I'm gonna fuck after this

It's like Mayweather How I don't love my kids I'm thinking about All these different shit Don't make me focus on the game Like when you When you watch Mayweather In the ring, like, he's just so good. You can just tell he's just like, all right, I already see what's going to happen.

I already know how this fight's going to end. I know how I'm going to pick him apart. Like, every game was probably like that for Jordan. That is true. At any point in time, I could just turn it up. Yes. Done. That's why he gambles and all that shit.

That's his explanation. I know the conspiracy theory is gambling his explanation for why he retired early was i couldn't think of any challenges for myself i went to phil and we tried to think of challenges for me at this point and there just weren't any left meaning meaning i it's easy now like there's nothing i can challenge myself with for pete i can do that if i want to who cares i won three won three. Was pushed a little bit, but not really. I could just do this. I could just flip this switch. And this is a regular season game against the Wolves, so

he's probably already kind of out of... When you're really good, if you're playing your little brother almost, he's got to talk shit for you to really care. He's got to give you emotional stakes. And MJ was constantly looking for emotional stakes because the game, I think, was just easy for him. He just was the best ever.

What are you going to do? So this one guy, and that's his whole Hall of Fame speech. The point is, I'm constantly searching for that thing, that grudge to hold, that little thing. This is an interesting conversation to have. Is MJ's reign as greatest unique because there was no one close? You know, when you look at other sports you look at

um tennis what are those two gay guys that you like watching federer and adolf federer and djokovic is also gay and good right so it's like federer had his heyday and then all of a sudden the doll pops up and now there's someone who could check him and they have this kind of rivalry third guy named djokovic now three of them are fighting to be the greatest ever jokovic and then if you went back even further in tennis there was pete sampras yeah andre agassi andre agassi right they would have their kind of back and forth and you look at other times you have bird and magic right you had someone else that could like make you and push you to be as great as you were supposed to be yeah right who the fuck did jordan have was jordan so good that he literally eclipsed

all the talent around him have did we potentially miss out on greatness because of Jordan? Like when you think about it, we only know who Hakeem Olajuwon is because Jordan retired for three years or two years, but three seasons, he had a nice little run. Think about that. Hakeem Olajuwon does not exist in history. History.

Obviously people know him. really good player. Didn't get a ring. Another really good... The dream shake, coaching every big man that ever comes to the league during the offseason because they're going to develop their fucking skills

or whatever PR nonsense they always try to put on us. He does not exist in the timeline of history in terms of our memories if MJ doesn't leave the game. He's Patrick Ewing. Son of game. He's Patrick Ewing. He's Patrick Ewing. But he didn't play in New York, so he didn't even get the benefit of that market. Here's what I used to say,

and I don't know if I've said it here. That's why I think that's a testament to MJ's greatness. He kept everyone from getting a ring. LeBron, as great as he is, LeBron ain't keeping anybody from getting a ring. Everybody gets rings now. Dirk got a ring your favorite player gets a ring now

this is really interesting maybe the true testament to dominance and greatness is you being the only player that is worth mentioning of your heyday or era think of the players

that never got rings during michael's time first of all shack always throws that at chuck if there's no mike chuck gets at least one ring yo let's be honest about chuck and i love chuck he will exist in our memories throughout history because of inside the nba yeah not because of his play like If I was to ask you guys, we sit down right now, what was Chuck's game? He was a little guy who played above his height, played like a power forward, but he was only 6'4". He was a ferocious competitor.

Blah, blah, blah. But what was his game? How would he score? I have no idea. I would assume he was down low. From what I understand, he was a lot like Zion. A lot of inside points. And then as he got older, he'd shoot more outside and take it more outside. Great rebounder, but he was immensely athletic,, he was a lot like Zion, a lot of inside points. And then as he got older, he'd shoot more outside and take it more outside. Great rebounder, but he was immensely athletic. And he was a small, big guy, kind of like how Draymond is, a small, big guy.

But he could defend and he could body up. But he was a scorer. He could get buckets. And this was back in the NBA where you could, you know, mid-range games still exist, etc. But there was a large part of his career where he spent his back to the basket. He would bully you in the post, bully you in the post bully you in the post get in the paint and then shoot little eight footers or get underneath the basket but he had a lot of athleticism we will forget about his game like his game will not be immortalized his character and personality will you know he would be who he would be carl malone if carl malone didn't have scoring records or

patrick ewing if patrick Ewing played in a small market. These are the guys. If you run down the list of people MJ kept from a ring, it's not... Damn near the whole Dream Team. It's bigger than kept from a ring, though. It's kept from immortality. Yeah.

So, Hakeem Olajuwon has a little slice of immortality because MJ stops playing. Yeah. Carl Malone will be forgotten. Charles Barkley has some immortality because of the character he is on inside the NBA, and he's just this once-in-a-lifetime personality, I'm sure. Dominique Wilkins? Bye.

Yeah. Right? Let's name other greats that existed. John Stockton. Bye. You're waiting. You start to wait. Reg Stockton. Bye. You're waiting. You start to wait. Reggie Miller.

Bye. Reggie Miller might, if he wins a ring, goes down as the greatest shooter in history. And arguably the greatest clutch player. One of. Maybe I feel that more because I'm a Knicks fan. Maybe I feel that more with Reggie specifically. If there's no MJ, he's up there with Jerry West.

All the old timers are talking. We're going to be like, you don't know Reggie Miller. Eight points in eight seconds? You've never seen anything like it. Let's think of more players that are erased from immortality. Clyde, erased from immortality. More. I mean, let's just go through the dream team.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I mean, it is the only reason these guys get rings or have any notoriety. Well, I mean, Olajuwon is that one guy. But the only reason these guys are erased from history is because of Jordan's dominance. So maybe that's the greatest argument for Jordan being the greatest of all time. Because he erased his competitors from history. I can think of, I think I just thought of six off. Let me see if I can do it again. John Stockton, Karl Malone, Patrick Ewing, Clyde Drexler, Charles Barkley, Reggie Miller.

Can we go back to somebody? You know who else erased their competitors from history? Bill Russell. Oh, yo. Very different time. Yeah. very different time yeah very different time eight teams in the league or something like that you know i black people barely even playing but so dominant yeah that we can't even remember other players at that time wilt wilt was the only other one jerry west elgin baylor was jerry in the league at the time yeah because him and will

got a ring together so i assume so and i think they got their ring together West, Elgin Baylor. Was Jerry in the league at the time? Yeah, because him and Will got a ring together, so I assume so. And I think they got their ring together. And Elgin Baylor didn't get a ring because he retired and then the Lakers went 69-13. Matumbo. Matumbo never got a ring. Yeah, but Matumbo is a good defensive player, but he's not like an elite

you-never-forget-about-him type of player. Tim Hardaway? Nah, not good enough. Alonzo Mourning? Zoe was an interesting big man. But again... I think he got his ring with the Heat in 06, I think. Yeah, but I mean, it was just like... It was after MJ.

But maybe that's the true sign of greatness, is that... Grant Hill? You are so... Yeah, poor Grant. But you are so great that you eliminate your competitors from immortality from the history books. Magic and Bird were not great enough to eliminate each other. Yeah, it was a back and forth. Right.

Who else was it? LeBron and Steph or whoever else you want to say. Who else was it outside of Steph when they took out Miami, when Miami won some chips? They beat Kevin Durant. Kevin Durant had to leave to get his ring, but he got his ring. Russell Westbrook.

Russell Westbrook never going to get a ring. OKC Thunder, the San Antonio Spurs who beat them the next year. San Antonio came right back and beat them the next year. Yeah, but think about it. MJ busted the Jazz's ass twice. None of the Spurs, Duncan included,

were great enough. David Robinson wouldn't get a ring during MJ's peak. David Robinson is another one. He had to wait for MJ to retire. He had to wait. But none of David. Listen, Tim Duncan, for as great as he is, he could not eliminate his competitors from the history books. You know what's crazy?

I named David Robinson as an afterthought, and you were just kind of like, yeah, David Robinson is 75 points in a game, and I'm pretty sure a quadruple double. You got that guy with a ring? You think we forget about that shit? Dude, it is. I think if Kawhi takes out the Lakers, he might be that next killer. Here's an interesting thing about Kawhi, and I don't know how long he's going to hold up. It looks like I don't know if his body can maintain that for this amount of years

But there is a world Let's say the Clippers win Right He goes He wins He wins with the Raptors He wins with the Clippers He wins again with the Clippers

Maybe he wins again with the Clippers He got one with the Spurs already But I'm just talking about later in his career Where it's just him He wins again with the Clippers. Maybe he wins again with the Clippers. He got one with the Spurs already. He got one with the Spurs already. But I'm just talking about later in his career where it's just him. There is a world where in that time he eliminates his competitors from history books. Then you start to talk about him in that same way. A guy who is so good that he can stop anyone from getting a ring if he chooses. Bro, that's how we got to define greatness.

And that's why, and I'm taking back my own words, LeBron not the GOAT. He wasn't so GOATed that he could eliminate other GOATs. LeBron exists within other GOATs, right? LeBron existed at a time where people say the greatest team ever existed. You can't do that if you're the GOAT. Yeah, that's right. If you are the GOAT, your team is the greatest team ever existed. You can't do that if you're the GOAT. Yeah, that's right.

If you are the GOAT, your team is the greatest team ever. Not the Golden State Warriors. Sorry, buddy, you've achieved an immense amount. But MJ was synonymous with basketball and greatness. No other team fucking came close. Whoa, dude. Whoa. He's dude. Yeah. Whoa.

He's a different champ. That's a stat that has, like a criteria that has to be added to the goat talk. Yo. And that probably seals it for MJ. You want to know who else it might seal it for? Brady. Yeah. Or if we don't want to give the credit to Brady, let's give it to Belichick. If you want to just go coach, you don't know about other coaches during the Belichick era.

Because here's the thing. Manning got his ring. Breeze got his ring. Rodgers got his ring. So the other guys that you would say are great, Brady didn't stamp them all the way the fuck out. And that's harder to do in football, I think. It's so hard to do. Because there's 22 pieces on a field and you're one of them.

Most important one, but you're just one. You're not even on the field 50% of the game. But coaches? Yeah, coaches. on a field and you're one of them most important one but you're just one yeah you're not even on the field 50 of the game but coaches yeah coaches he has become ubiquitous amongst the coaching conversation in football over the last how many years 20 20 years right you can't name other coach now and if you're a big football fan of course you can't who coached? Was it Cox that coached the Broncos with Peyton? With Peyton? Oh, fuck. It wasn't John Fox.

Was it Kubiak? Maybe it was Kubiak. I don't even remember. Maybe it was Kubiak. But that's exactly what we're talking about, right? Like, we forget. Yeah. Everybody else that did win rings, that's a great coach.

It's still such a clear gap. Sean Peyton is seen as a genius. The gap between him and Belichick is crazy. Pey a rig got a ring but it's just belichick like the gap is so insane and you only got the one tony dungy all-time great coach only got the one because he kept running into brady dog the closest for me and again i'm not as big a football fan but i'm only judging on the success that i saw. It's Reed. Reed had repeatable success. We're not talking about like one year, all these elements came together and it worked out.

Four straight NFC championship games. It's very difficult in football to have repetitive success. Parity, the salary cap is built to, and that's again what makes Belichick so fucking good. To eliminate parity?

To eliminate dynasties. Dynasties. And to create parity. Oh, that's right. So you're not supposed to be able to be good for that long because once you win

a championship, everybody starts looking at your players like, oh, let's sign that guy. Oh, let's sign that guy. Oh, your quarterback wants so much money now. Oh, well now you don't

have money to sign your other guys. Now your depth gets injured. Like it's designed to make money for the owners quite frankly but the the game design is let's create parity now every team has a shot every year that's fun let's talk about phil jackson would have retired after the last lego one forget it phil did it too he would have went down phil did it because kobe kind of did it but also like you look at the guys and maybe this is a testament to kobe but you look at the guys who were kind of in his class,

and you're like, oh, maybe they didn't want it as bad. T-Mac, there was a Kobe comparison, and then Kobe put that shit so far in the rear view. Vince Carter, there was a Kobe-Vince Carter comparison at one point, and then Kobe said, fuck that. But you also look at them a little, and maybe that's Kobe, but you look at them a little bit like, oh, he didn't want it like that. But there are guys that have existed within the Kobe era,

like Tim Duncan existed within the Kobe era. Like Tim Duncan existed. Yeah, that's true. Like there are other superstars that existed and got chips and got chips. So he didn't stamp it out. Like Jordan stamped it out in his fucking heyday. I'm talking about you cannot come in. You are not welcome.

That is the sign of fucking greatness. Yeah. And we've seen it happen before. I think I'm trying to think of other times in the league. Matter of fact, I was thinking about, yeah, nash took kobe on the series dirk when they won the ring swept kobe on the way yeah got phil jackson out of there now some people can listen back all right but what about earlier in jordan's career where he couldn't get out of the first round once he got it once he got a hold of it and figured out and he got his coach and this is what it is to win it's over it's fucking over Are there other sports that we can also apply this to?

Potentially tennis. Like the three greatest players of all time exist all at the same time. None of you stamped each other out, though. So you're not. It's not as definitive. Yeah. That is, again, we're not trying to say these players aren't great. We're not trying to say that a Kobe isn't great or a Tim Duncan isn't great, etc.

We're not trying to say. You're not the greatest athlete ever. When we talk about Jordan, we're not just talking about basketball. This is why he's the greatest athlete ever. I want to go to Tiger next. That's a really good one.

He went on that run. Greatest athlete ever is because you dominated your sport in a way where you erased competitors from the history books. Tiger. Phil got a couple. competitors from the history books. Tiger. Phil got a couple. Now, the unfair thing for Tiger and Mike is there's four chances to win, quote unquote,

a championship in golf every year. Majors. Right. Now, Phil got a couple, but Tiger was dominating. And Phil had four chances, whereas basketball is one. I got one for you. Usain Bolt. Yo. Usain Bolt, right? Usain Bolt. got one for you usain bolt yo usain bolt right usain bolt and you could make an argument for

greatest athlete of all time we don't put running in it because we're like it's just running it's not a skill but in terms of greatness right you cannot name another runner phelps phelps. Phelps, yo. You cannot name another swimmer. Bro, Phelps is crazy. Son, that, go, go. The only thing I know about another swimmer is the guy who motivated Michael Phelps to beat him when he celebrated the win. And you remember there was like, this is the last Olympics, and Phelps, everybody thought would retire. There's a clip of that guy looking at Michael Phelps to see where he's swimming, and Michael Phelps is just looking straight ahead. I don't even know the guy's fucking name.

That's why I know him. And apparently he pissed off Michael Phelps by winning and talking shit. And then you see another thing of Michael Phelps listening to Future in the fucking locker room, just completely locked in, looking like livid. Was that the guy that was the guy with the NSYNC hair? No, no, that guy, Ryan Lochte. Ryan Lochte, yeah. He ran his mouth a little bit, faded. Got a couple No, no. That guy, Ryan Lochte. Ryan Lochte, yeah. He ran his mouth a little bit, faded.

Yeah. Got a couple medals, faded. That hair, son. Yo, it is. You know what's interesting, real quick. Go, go, go, go. Phelps' last Olympics, he got really emotional. Like, yo, there's something like, I heard it on the ticket.

They were like, you didn't see it coming. He's like, yo, I want to thank the person who made this all possible. The person who inspired me every day. Not mom, not girlfriend, not wife, whatever. He said, Michael Jordan. And he's like in tears about it. Oh, not mom, not girlfriend, not wife, whatever, he said Michael Jordan. And he's like in tears about it. Oh, shit. And that is, that's some Michael shit.

Son. Usain Bolt, Michael Phelps, that's some Michael shit. Son. I mean, yeah, that's some Mike shit. Back to Mayweather, what's interesting is, and boxing's a little different

because there's all these different weight divisions. That's true. So like, imagine, imagine it was basketball, but you could get a championship by four different – like there were four different championships that you could get. Just like golf. But not only were there four different championships you could get,

you could also gain some weight and play with just a little bit bigger basketball guys and lose some weight. So there's way more opportunities to win so you can stamp yourself in history books, whatever. That being said, Floyd Mayweather's dominance is unprecedented in the way that Michael Jordan's was in that no matter what division he was in, nobody could beat him. He owned the division. You left the division or you lost to him for a big payday. And most fights weren't even close. Not even fucking close.

We can name. I can name on one hand the amount of times he's been touched and affected by punches. Shane Mosley. Shane. Demarcus Chop Chop Corley. Don't know that. Hit him. Zab Judah hit him.

I re-watched the De La Hoya fight. That was like the first boxing match I ever watched. And then I went back and re-watched it. De La Hoya had him for quite a few rounds. It was not looking good until about the eighth or ninth. First half of the fight, De La Hoya had it. Yeah. And then Floyd does what Floyd does.

Another guy did that to him, and I don't remember who, but he had him for about six or seven rounds. Mexican? Yeah. Yeah. And I don't remember who it was. It was later in his career. Now, they had a second fight, and Floyd washed his ass.

Yeah. But the first fight, again, first six or seven rounds, you're like, yo, this is looking rough. Some people say that Floyd lost that first fight, again, first six or seven rounds, you're like, yo, this is a little rough. Some people say that, that Floyd lost that first fight. De La Hoya? No. The,

the Mexican dude that he fought, I'm forgetting his name right now. But point is, that is how you become the greatest athlete of all time. You erase your comparison from the history books. There's end of conversation.

I don't, we don't even need to talk about LeBron or Kobe or any of these other guys in terms of greatness in basketball compared to Jordan. And we've been guilty of it on this very podcast. But now we have a metric. We have a fucking metric.

Were you great enough that you could eliminate the competition during your heyday? No. You were great enough to get there. And that's a lot of times what we do. And that's what we do with LeBron. He's so great he got there. Congrats. What did Jordan do?

And Jordan switched up teammates. Don't act like he had the same fucking teammates all the time. Tony Kukoc comes out of nowhere. Okay, now they're... Steve Kerr is just the new John Paxton. Boom. It's interesting. I'm trying to think of other sports that make sense.

Another great player we never talk about, Mark Price, Craig Elo. You only know Elo because Jordan hit that shot over him. Over him. That's great. Son, it's interesting. This guy kept everybody out of the books, yo. And only know Elo because Jordan hit that shot over him. Over him. That's great. Son, it's interesting. This guy kept everybody out of the books, yo. And that's what it takes, that fucking psychotic demeanor of, like,

is this young kid talking shit on this other guy's behalf in a regular season game, probably in December? Fuck him. Because you know who you're going up against. You know what he could do at any point in time. The craziest part to me is Ryder, like, apologizing. Isaiah Ryder being like, yo, man, Mike, he don't know.

Like, how fucking afraid of someone are you that you're having a fantastic game against him and you don't want to fuck with it? Breaking news. Oh, shit. Breaking news. Oh, wow. Wilder exercising rematch clause versus Fury.

Wilder is... What a fucking excuse. Wilder is saying that his legs were weakened by the 45-pound costume he wore to the ring. Well, you're a fucking idiot then. That's the dumbest thing to say. You can't carry 45 pounds to the ring, bro. Son.

Come on, bro. This costume, though? It was sick. That was going to be my Halloween costume until it was lost. You know what I would do if I was Fury? That costume's fire. Sorry to interrupt. This is a hot costume.

You know what I would do if I was Fury. Next fight. Sorry to interrupt. This is a hot costume. You know what I would do if I was Fury? Yeah. Next fight, I would walk in carrying 25-pound dumbbells in each hand. Yo, what up, people? I got some shows coming up real quick. Miami sold out. Portland, I think it's sold out. Might add a show there.

Might not. I'm not sure. Orlando, Florida, get your tickets. Virginia Beach, there's still a couple tickets left. Richmond, Virginia, sold out. Charlotte, go get your tickets, okay? Milwaukee, Minneapolis, we're adding another show. Tucson, Arizona, go get your tickets.

Los Angeles, California, all four shows for the special, sold out. God bless you, man. Atlantic City, Reading, PA, all four shows for the special. Sold out. God bless you, man. Atlantic City, Reading, PA. We got you. San Antonio, Texas. I'm going to be there. Winnipeg, Calgary, Baltimore, Raleigh, North Carolina, Buffalo, Syracuse, and Albany are all available on the website right now. Go get them tickets.

Matter of Tour. Love y'all. Akash, what you got coming up? Coming up soon. I am at the comedy nest in Montreal. That is March 12th through 14th. Cop your tickets right now. March 27th.

I'm going to be at the den in Chicago, May 7th, Vancouver. They're giving me a theater. Let's sell this bitch out. I need every Indian and Suri to come through. Let's rock this shit. Let's sell it out.

And then we'll get more theaters down the road. And then June 12th through 14th, I'm at the Comedy Loft in D.C. Buy your tickets now. I love D.C. Can't wait to perform there. Do we want to hit the other news? Yes, but is there any other stuff that we want to touch on? Russell Peters. Oh yeah, what happened

with this? So an asshole, and I got to respond to the message. I just saw it. An asshole went to Russell Peters after a show at the Improv. Everybody everybody who knows me listens to me at all knows i got the most respect for russell that's the godfather of indian comics he told russell about us and he was like yeah i know how i sing i had him open for me and the guy doesn't even follow me on instagram and i felt so bad because i was like i never thought i i never thought about i also never thought and it's dope that russell peters wants me to follow him so first of all you and your girl deserve each other bro i follow him on twitter

yo you and your girl deserve my tweet history right now man y'all don't give nothing big i gave you an opening spot you didn't give him a follow i'll take it you're right i didn't think about shit bro i didn't think about you're not following the greatest Indian comic of all time, dog? I'm not going to argue that he's the greatest. The godfather? That's the godfather. I'm going to do it, yo. You're going to put Indian comedy on the map, dog?

Let me do this right now. Russell Peters, let me make amends. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Don't do that shit. Nah, when you realize you're wrong, he's owning up to it. I'm extending the invitation. I look up to you, Russell. We'd love to have you

on this podcast you could talk boxing with this guy Russell boxed I think he's learning MMA or some shit now

Russell Russell Russell somebody gonna get the hurt real bad Russell that was even worse than what I would've done

I won't do it but I'm gonna click right now Russ yo first of all I'm glad you care that I follow you I'm glad it means something to you i do follow you on twitter check out a new special on amazon and also we'd love to have you on the podcast yo russell come on the podcast so

we can talk about what a sellout yo i'm okay with it that's what you gotta do that's what you gotta do godfather bro not putting respect on your name dog hey i'll take it i'll take it my bad russ and respect on your name, dog. Hey, I'll take it. I'll take it. My bad, Russ. That's fucked up, dog. So assholes, hit up Russ. Tell him to come on the podcast.

Yeah, tell him to come on the podcast so we can ream out Akash for this. How could you not follow him, bro? Bro, I don't be thinking about it. I follow him on Twitter, and I thought that was enough. You follow all these hoes from Wild N' Out? I'm not following none of these hoes.

You follow Wild N' Out hoes? You think I follow hoes? You used to follow Wild N' Out hoes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was single. I wouldn't have to follow wilding out hoes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was single. I wouldn't follow wilding out hoes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, hey, Russell, you're not as entertaining an IG follower as a wilding out bitch.

I'll tell you that right now. That's disrespectful, bro. They both got tits now. Russell out here with some tatters. I ain't going to say that, yo. You know what I'm saying? Russell, he's too wilding. You got them jugger guesses.

What is it, jugger guesses? Russell, he's too wild. You got them jugger yeses. What is it? Jugger yeses? I think it's juggers. Juggers. You got them juggers, bro. Yo, Russell, let's fight this dude on the podcast, man. Nah, Russell can fight. He grew up fighting, right?

That's what I'm saying. You know what I mean? Well, I just got to get him into deep water. He'll probably float with them big ass titties. In all seriousness, Russell, we'd be honored to have you on man no bullshit i love uh i love what you've done for comedy because you're the first example of someone blowing up on youtube on youtube yeah so you've you've uh paved the way for me and a lot of other comics and me in different ways completely different ways but um yeah man i remember showing your stuff to my parents and like, yo, come on the pod, man.

We'd love to have you. Love to talk story, see what's going on with you, you know, and just shit on Akash for not being a respectful young Indian comedian. I would take it. They got to pay his fucking dues. I would take it. You ask for a guest spot, the least you could fucking do is give him a follow. I would take it. I would take it.

You disgust me. I can't even talk back, man. It's Russell, yo. That's Russell. I'll eat it. That's Russell. That's Russell. Russell!

Somebody gotta go to Hunter Rilbo and Russell! I can't do it. What is it? What was the other one? Not the other one. Kill me. What was it? What was the other one? Not the other one. Kill me.

What was it? Be a man. Oh, yeah. Be a man. Yeah. Be a man. Yeah. If y'all don't know what we're referencing, go check out Russell's stand up on YouTube.

He got a great clip about. I don't even want to ruin it. You'll go find the things that we're referencing. It will be the ones with the millions of views. So can we talk about how ugly girls have been outing themselves on the internet? Whoa! Word! So, on my timeline,

all the ugly women are talking about this show, Love is Blind, on Netflix. Okay! Only the ugly ones. Wait a minute, talk to me about this. This is great. So, this show, it's like a group of guys, a group of girls. They have 10 days

to go on these little blind dates, but they're in a little cubicle and they can't see the other person until they have to propose to one person at the end of the 10th day. Now, do they know what food they're ordering? That'll give you insight into what they're like. Yeah, this bitch eat a lot of carbs.

I don't think so Not at all You can't see them at all You going on a date With a girl She wears a calzone Every day For seven straight days

You not gonna be A little suspicious I don't think they eat So what do they do They just talk They just talk You just like come into I saw a little bit of it last night

You come into like a separate pod And then you just talk Yeah for sure Oh you watching it Yeah for sure My girl cleaning Can't finish Harry Potter, but you can watch Love Island

or whatever this fucking is. Yo, you fucking disgust me, bro. Harry Potter finished, yo. Hey, bro, you disgust me, dude. Harry Potter finished, yo. What kind of behavior is this, son? How do you know what it was? Fuck out of here, yo.

Because all the ugly girls talking about it on the timeline. Exactly. All the girls out hooked up with talking about it on the timeline. Son, you're not supposed to know about these things. Exactly. I'm the only one here being a man.

Yeah, for now. Somebody's gonna get to hurt the real butt. For real, dogs. Taking up my whole refrigerator. You know, with your thing. But yeah, I haven't seen one attractive woman be like, oh yeah, that's

a good idea. Let me try to find love without them seeing me first. There was this one girl. Oh, my God. I don't even know how to tell this story. There was this one girl in high school, right? And she said in class, I don't know why we're even talking about this, but she goes in class, she was like,

yeah, you know, I've always wanted to date a blind person because then I would know they were really into me for me. I remember this one kid went, you would. You would. Oh, God. Son? Son. Son.

Yo, classmates be keeping it the realest. Holy shit. Remember reading out loud in class, laughing at the dumb motherfucker who stuttered through all the words? Son. Son. Don't even get me started. That was like the past time, son.

Son, I had to lock in. When we were passing around the reading, I was like, you better fucking focus, son. You know when you find your paragraph way ahead? Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah.

Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah. I don't know what Huckleberry Finn is doing. focus you know when you find your paragraph way ahead oh yeah start practicing the paragraph i'm not listening nothing to happen i don't know what huckleberry finn is doing i don't know what tom sawyer's doing i got one paragraph that's it okay and there'll be times where i fucked up the calculating that shit so it gets to my paragraph that i practiced and they're like we're not even at that yet and i was like oh word i was reading ahead oh my bad i'm just studious son there was

this one time there was this kid in our class, right? He wasn't out of the closet, but his voice was. And we were doing the group reading, right? Yeah. And it's coming around, right? And you could literally, it was as if you saw the clock on the wall, you know, the second hand as it's moving from one person to another. And we know it's coming to him. We know it's coming to him,

right? And it finally gets to him, right? And as if nobody in the room is talking at all. As if someone sucked the whole air out of the room and he goes,

he goes, he goes, so Tom walked out to the thing and no bullshit, five of us just start dying laughing. Just off the gayness of his voice. You can't handle gay voice in high school. Oh, my God.

It was so fucking funny, dude. And now back. Why are you guys laughing? And we're just looking at each other. Come on, yo. Come on, yo. He ain't even trying. The S's are long as fuck for no reason.

Yo, school must suck now. Like, you can't bully anymore. I bet you... That's why they shoot it up. Yeah. I bet now if that happened... That's why they shoot it up. They just bored.

Like, we need some excitement. Remember when the bullying was happening? There was things to do in school. Yeah, when they're walking around unchecked, you got to bully these kids into thinking they're not capable of these things. That's right. I wish you would bring a gun.

But when you let them build up that courage by rewarding them every day, hey, you're really good at being a nerd. I accept you for who you are. I'm a psychopath, so let's go. Accept this. Damn, son. That probably would have been a hate crime

just for laughing at that kid. Just for laughing at that fucking kid. When he knew exactly what he was doing. For real. That guy was fluent in Spanish. And I was in Spanish class with him. And his Spanish voice, not gay. Really?

Yes. He chose American English gay. You know how you could Choose the keyboards On the On the iPhone Yeah You know you could switch To like European

Yeah He typed in English gay He typed in English gay He's like Tom Sawyer I wonder if they have that voice Cause you know how like Siri

You could change Siri's voice Yeah They should have like Just a gay voice They do You've never asked Siri to dress you? Hmm? You were like, what should I wear today, Siri?

No, I've never asked Siri. Oh, I do that shit all the time. He's like, the same blue jeans you wear every day. She had the neck roll in there, too. You don't have soupy blue jeans? Soupy? Yo, you mad snarky gay What

Is that what he's doing The same blue jeans You wear everyday He be snarking He's snarking bro He judging my fits Don't worry about that Worry about the bags

Under your eyes Damn that's shots bro I really got bags Under my eyes bro I got this coming From all angles dog I ain't tell you My girl's mom

Got me the bags Under the eyes shit Oh I forgot I was thinking About my own eyes And I remember When ain't tell you my girl's mom got me the bags under the eyes shit. Oh, I forgot. I was thinking about my own eyes. And I remember when you told me that, I was like, yo, let me get that. What she got you? Let me get that. Son, I got bags under my eyes, bro.

Son, my shit is fucked, yo. That shit was so real. And it just went, whoa. Son, I'm working on my bags under my eyes. I'm out here working, dog. My girl's mom was the savage, bro. She just gave me the second bags under the eyes suggestion gift. Oh, second one?

Yeah, because we're at my place because my girl's place flooded. Right. Oh. So she gave us a little housewarming gift, some granola, some whatever. You know, some like. Emergency supplies. And then bags under the eyes. That's not an emergency.

Wow. You know what I mean? You don't need that immediately do you does this shorty have a complex because the mom is ruthless yeah i'm sure it's made her great i thought you're gonna be like oh i don't date women without complex oh you need a complex i want a well-adjusted female in my life. What good is that? Oh, fuck. But in all seriousness. All right, last one, Al.

Oh, Snoop Dogg, the Red Talk Table. This bitch. Y'all see all that? Jay out here acting like a whole white woman. Yeah. When you use the word bitch, I felt that. My daughter felt that that My mom felt that He ain't talking about you bitch

Wait wait Who said that? That was good son I thought that was Jada talking right now Wait was that Jada talking that? Yeah Can you play some of her favorite man's music Tupac

Oh shit First off Fuck your bitch and the click you play You wonder why they call you bitch. Al put together a list. We were like, yo, Al, put together a list of topics that we could talk about. And Al put together a, what was it called? Black topics.

Black topic list. So now we're just going through all the black topics. We'll call this the black topic list. Go, Al. We'll call this black thoughts. Black thoughts. I like that. The renegade dance is sweeping the nation.

Ah. Yes. Al was spending 30 minutes trying to learn this shit earlier today. Why are you snitching, son? Yeah, he had a video up, and I almost got a little video of you and put it on the gram, but I didn't want to expose you. He says he's going to have it ready for Patreon. Nah, we all are.

So we all have to compete doing the dance. Yes, we're going to have a renegade competition on Patreon. You got two days. Son, you a dancing ass nigga. I am that. This shit too complex, man. It takes me that long to figure out

one move. White women are going to outdo you? That's what you're saying? Bro, you're a dancing ass N-word. It is so fucking funny, dude. Every time we go to the club,? Bro, you're a dancing ass N-word. It is so fucking funny, dude. Every time we go to the club, he's a dancing ass nigga. You know what's really funny is that the first person to say that was probably a white person. What's me? You don't want to dance now.

You dance. Frankly, you're a dancing ass N-word. Oh, fuck. Bro. Oh, my God. dance frankly you're a dancing ass a-work oh my god okay so then we're gonna do a renegade dance competition that means ed and gotta be in it too yeah i didn't did it too all right take the floor like you know i can't have you dancing through the floor all right real talk i mean that sincerely we're not playing no fucking games Because there's some hopping in this shit It's mad complicated

So what's the story with the renegade dance Has black girl invented it We almost done These more popular white girls on TikTok They kind of were just doing a dance And not giving her credit People got upset And now the black girl is on every single show She's on Ellen She's at halftime shows Just doing a dance and not giving her credit people got upset and then like now the black girl's on every single show she's on ellen she's at halftime shows and all this stuff just doing the dance

good for her she's like the um what's his name clock boy but she has actual talent yeah sure clock boy he is embarrassing all right let's take a break for a second pay some bills yo shouts to radix Remedies. We got a lot of you assholes hitting me up, showing me that you've been ordering up the Radix. If anybody's new here on the podcast, Radix Remedies, best CBD company in the world. Okay? We fuck with it here at Flagrant, too. We think they might be sneaking real weed into the weed.

I got high. I got high. I got high. Let's be honest. So they probably don't want me to tell you this, but I'll just tell you. You better get that weed while they have it. Okay. Or at least the CBD that they call it.

But we got a little high. They got these cool pre-rolled joints. They call it the flower. Right. You can get it multiple different ways, but you can get it as a pre-roll where they roll it up into a joint. You just smoke it just like weed. Smoke with your friends. I like that because I like the casual aspect.

They also have the flower itself in a little prescription box. If you're watching on YouTube, not even prescription box, like a bottle. It looks just like weed. You telling me that's not weed? I got a feeling this is weed, man. I'll be honest with you. I think they're putting real weed in here. Yeah.

Well, so until they get shut down by the FDA for sneaking drugs into their thing, you should go over to Radix Remedies. Use the promo code flagrant, okay? Radixremedies.com slash flagrant. You get 10% off your whole order. They got cool monthly options that you can do as well if you just want to keep it coming. They got this cool CBD salve. They got these gummies that are delicious, but also got the CBD make you go night-night real quick. And they have, and you got to be careful when you do this,

but they have the CBD with the melatonin. If you're having problems sleeping, you take that, you knock out. Just be careful. I don't want you to get addicted to melatonin, but you will have maybe the best sleep of your fucking night. Radixremedies.com slash flagrant. Get 10% off. It's not a game over there. Let us know how you love it. So far, the feedback has been amazing. Let's get back to the show.

All right, guys, before we end the episode, we got to address some family business. Very important. You know, some of you guys have been reaching out. Sorry, let me try it again. All right, guys, before we end the episode, we got to address some family business. Very important. You know, some of you guys have been reaching out. Sorry, let me try it again. All right, guys, before we end the episode, we got to address some family business. You know, some of you have been reaching out and asking where Kaz is. And we want to tell you what's going on with that. Obviously, Kaz hasn't been on an episode for a while. And we wanted to

talk to you guys about that. But we first wanted to make sure we took care of family business at home obviously askle army y'all all the family as well but it doesn't make any sense for us to talk about this publicly before we know what's going on privately first we need to sort it out ourselves and then we bring it to you sorted sorting it out in front of you is weird it's like fighting in front of the kids exactly can't be doing that yeah can't be doing that and nobody likes that just makes everybody feel anxious and it's uncomfortable and uh so we've been having some grown man talks uh together um you know with kaz and um basically one thing that we need to address because you know kaz tweeted something and was in the discord a little bit and there's some information that came out that i don't think was uh completely uh not entirely

accurate accurate that's a better way to describe it um what was he saying exactly it was uh creative differences which i would say it's not creative differences it is commitment differences and contribution differences these are the differences that we care about exactly uh you know we're incredibly uh committed to this podcast you know uh akash went homeless for this podcast you know he literally gave everything. He put this as a priority over absolutely everything to the point where he had to move

to Secaucus, New Jersey because he wasn't willing to get another job because that would infringe his ability on doing this podcast. You know, in the beginning of this podcast, I paid Alex, you know, for a whole year

out of my own money. You know, obviously, I put this studio together which is you know multiple mortgage in this multiple six figures to get this more than my wedding considerably more than my wedding i like how you put it in that perspective probably honestly two of my weddings nobody got one of these stupid uh magnets you don't gotta keep calling them stupid magnets okay why yo come on yo come on, yo. Come on, yo. I thought it punched it better if I called it a stupid magnet. You know what I mean? They're big.

They're big and fucking... Big and beautiful. Okay, they're big and beautiful. Kind of like your mop, no I'm kidding. They are some fucking juggernauts. So, but in all seriousness, in all seriousness, there have been commitment issues from Kaz and like priority issues from Kaz where, you know, he's missed with the same level of commitment and priority that the other people are, you reach a place where you need to have a conversation about, you know, what we're going to do and how we're going to move forward as a business.

And then there are contributions on and off the podcast that I think Andrew and I are always looking to make. Essentially, this is a business. We are all founders and it started growing rapidly. And if that's the case, this is I think typically if you're in a business that you start and it's growing rapidly, you commit fully to that business. We are all founders and it started growing rapidly. And if that's the case, this is, I think typically if you're in a business that you start and it's growing rapidly, you commit fully to that business. A hundred percent, a hundred percent. And, uh, we just haven't seen that commitment. And, uh, you know, after a conversation about commitment, it continued to go in the wrong direction. And, um, that was the final conversation. Now this podcast today was supposed to go away different. Okay. This podcast today was supposed to go way different. Okay?

This podcast today was supposed to be fucking amazing because we had a conversation with Kaz off air. We had an agreement there. Everybody was okay with. We had an agreement. We came together. Everybody was okay with. And basically, the agreement was,

hey, come do two episodes a month. You do a regular episode and a Patreon episode. You come on. You're still Asshole Army, but you get to do all these other things that you're very good at, that you want to, these other job opportunities that come out. They don't take away from that. And you get to continue with the asshole army, this thing that, you know, you've been a part of since the beginning.

So we basically put together a situation. We all agreed on it. Kaz even wrote a script and the script was that Alex wasn't going to know what was going on. that Alex wasn't going to know what was going on, but Cavs was going to bust in halfway through the episode on some WWE shit and be like, nah, this is fucked up.

Put a chair down in the studio, start filming. Put a chair down, like talk shit with me. We were going to almost fight and then when we were about to go downstairs and fight, hopefully Alex would try to stop it

and we'd be like, nah, we're just joking. And the whole thing was going to be love. It was going to be family. Everybody's going to be together. Everything was good. And then everybody was on the same page the actual line that Kaz wrote and I'll never not give Kaz credit

great line Andrew was going to go meet me outside and Kaz was going to go nah meet me in the corner of the parking lot garage so good just so fun and flagrant and how we would fucking handle this and then last night Kaz started backing out from it.

Things changed very suddenly. We weren't ready for it. And then it kind of came to the point where we still had to address it today. It had gone on long enough. And it's commitment to the bit. Neither one of us liked his fucking birthday post on Twitter and Instagram.

And then we looked like giant assholes. Exactly. We're not not liking the birthday post because we don't like Kaz. Obviously, we like Kaz. We've been talking over the last few weeks about how we can all move forward together as a team. And last night, those talks just kind of really broke down,

and it was annoying. So now what we're going to do is we're going to be moving forward as we've been doing for the last couple months with Akash and I in front of the camera, Alex and Eden behind the camera and um and yeah we're gonna keep on killing it as we've been killing i mean it's these last two months have been unprecedented the growth that we've had for this podcast like we've literally had 50 growth in the last two months so a lot of new people are finding this i'm sure there's a lot of new people

listening to the podcast right now who might not be as familiar uh with kaz so this might be news to them. This is for the OG fans. We're having this conversation for the OGs, for those of you who've been here from the beginning. Who helped me not be homeless. Who helped Akash not be homeless, who helped me build out this place,

who have been here literally getting this podcast to where it is by word of mouth because we are not doing any advertising. We don't have billboards in fucking Times Square. We don't have some massive podcasting company pumping our shit out to everybody. We literally have word of mouth. Yeah, word of mouth promotion. That's all it is. And we managed to create something absolutely fucking amazing in a time where it was literally the most political correctness in history. We carved out a lane of flagrancy that did not exist anywhere else. I don't care what anybody fucking says.

This did not exist anywhere else. And, um, and we fucking made it and it thrived. And you would be floored if you knew who was listening to this podcast. I'm talking about, I mean, from politicians to athletes to fucking musicians,

like the DMS that we get that are private are are pretty they're just pretty impressive and um not like they mean any more to anybody else but what started as this little tiny click of of we're a little we're the tiny podcast that could it was a little podcast that could literally so like to see that organically reach out to other people you know i mean organically everybody oh you got to put this guy on you got to see that organically reach out to other people you know what i mean organically everybody oh you got to put this guy on you got to put that guy on i mean like it's just been so cool to find out who listens and um anything else from no just if anybody felt betrayed and you know flagrant family whatever it's not because you're not family it's just we wanted to sort it out

ourselves before we brought it to y'all have something that worked for everybody we didn't necessarily get that chance so we're sorry it took so long yeah this is how it had to be uh but you're still family we're still family 100 i mean the only reason we're talking about this now is because it kind of got out on social media in the discord a little bit and um and we felt like it was important to to not ignore that core group of people who are the fucking engine of this podcast, who have made this get to where it is right now. And we didn't want to ignore you guys anymore. And yeah, and that's where it is. Al, Ed, anything?

Just love you, Kaz. Yeah, love, man. It's always love. You always had Kaz's back. There's never a question about that. You can never question that. You know, we're just very clear what it comes down to. You know, I think you guys can understand.

And yeah. So that being said, man. This fucking wedding invitation, bro. This is beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. The only thing beautiful about this invitation is the picture. I have to say.

That's the whole invitation. What? That's the whole invitation. Yeah, but the... You're welcome. Oh, and you did a great job. I shouted you out multiple times on the last episode.

But did he do the gold, little the gold stuff on it? I don't have... That shit ain't cute, yo. I mean, the gold stuff is just... Cute? Cuter than a motherfucker gold stuff is just cute cute it's just so it's just so whatever do you know what i mean you're a little pose you're looking at her like you're gonna spend all my money huh you gotta see this little pose that you got his head

turned sideways i'm just trying to calculate the wedding cost as i turn my head sideways every single dollar of my money. You had that plus that. That comes out to that. I see how it is. That's a big, beautiful magnet right there, man. Yo, man. Big and beautiful.

It's a BBM. I'm not going to talk about my mom's tits. I know you're going to try to talk about my mom's tits. I'm not. You are. Son, you're obsessed with your mom's tits. Can I be honest with you, yo? I am.

You start. That's how you start at wrapping up. All right, man. Anyway, we love y'all, man. We hope we gave you some clarity, and we hope you guys get a little bit more um involved in terms of uh you know what's what's what's been going on we'll see you friday on the patreon keep it tight as always peace bless