Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Schulz Reacts: Armie Hammer, Hollywood's Cannibal Exposed?

Episode Date: January 15, 2021

This week Andrew, Akaash, AlexxMedia, and Mark discuss their move to Miami, Mark's hair, Jeffree Star, interracial dating and much more. INDULGE! Want an extra episode a week? Join the Flagrant Army www.Patreon.com/FLAGRANT2 Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a choir then welcome to The Flagrancy.

What up people, Shultz here and you guys are about to listen to a clip from our weekly Patreon episode. If you want to sign up to our Patreon, support the flagrancy, support what we are doing, completely uncensored, flagrant content, you go to patreon.com slash flagrant2. With no more interruptions, here is the exclusive clip. Now tell me about Armie Hammer eating human beings. Human beings uh human beans he wasn't eating humans no so basically he's eating humans no he is i mean kind of yeah that's the rumor we don't know this lady posted screenshots of dms okay that some people are saying it's fake he says it's bullshit but the screenshots say some shit like mark sorry to interrupt yeah do people know who

army hammer if you've seen the facebook movie the winklevoss twins he's both of them yes he's he's been in a bunch of films adonis ass white boy big tall white guy cleaning guy with the bald head or some shit like that you're talking about mr clean so who you're talking about mr clean hey different brands Mr. Clean? Hey. Different brands? I should say that. There's a lot of people listening right now. They're like, man, I thought it was you. I just say what the people think. It's all good. That's a good point. Listen, he's one of those guys who people talk about him as if he's more famous than he is. Yeah.

Benedict Cumberbatch. Yes. Same thing. Not Cumberbatches. I hear about his motherfucker all the time. I'm like, who is this? But let me ask you this question. Don't you think he's more known because of his name?

Armie Hammer, same way. But Armie Hammer, to me, the name is so generic that he could be. It's weird, but at the same time, it's like I kind of heard these sounds. Benedict Cumberbatch. It's like so waspy or something. It's mad English. It makes sense. Oh, yeah, that's Benedict Cumberbatch.

He killed it in Sherlock. I'm re-watching this. He's an amazing actor. He's so fucking good. I'm re-watching this. So good. Armin the Hemi? Armin the Hemi.

Armin the Hemi, bro. Armin Hammer. He was in another movie as well. He was the Lone Ranger, which I think flopped. Yes, he was Lone Ranger, did really bad. And then there was a movie about J. Edgar Hoover, I think, that Johnny Depp was. Wasn't he Hoover? No, no, no.

The leader of the FBI or the guy who started the FBI or CIA? Hoover, yeah. Was it Hoover? Yeah. Call Me By Your Name, Entourage, Lone Ranger. I think he was in the Entourage movie because Vince fucked one of his girls or something. Probably. The man from UNCLE.

Anyway, so basically this dude is dming a bunch of women okay i think he is either just going through a divorce or like had a divorce like it either was uh caused by this or like just recently okay but basically oh no it was last year 2020 so basically he's dming all these girls like mia khalifa saying like crazy shit basically like i want to eat you i think you're so sexy i want to cut up your body and fuck it i want to hold your heart in my hand and like feel it as it beats that's lit like all this wild shit you know and then literally he writes in the in the message he's like i want to like i'm 100 a cannibal i've never told anyone this before wow this is so crazy and then immediately the girl goes and posts it on the internet mia i don't know exactly who no this is a different girl initially the initial post is not for me i think

there were three girls that he messaged that that have like at least uh leaked information and the people actually taking this serious yeah it seems like like someone's gonna let's going to let them, someone's going to let someone else cut them up and eat them. Like if you're going to cut someone else, you're going to cut someone up and eat them. You don't tell them. That's true. It's got to be fake for that reason, right?

That's true. Yeah, I want to eat you. That's scary to admit. I've never admitted that before. I've cut the heart out of a living animal before and eaten it while it was still warm, according to one of the DMs. I like this guy. This is brilliant. This is brilliant social media marketing. heart out of a living animal before and eaten it while it was still warm, is according to one of the DMs. I like this guy.

This is brilliant social media marketing. We don't know if the DMs are real. But here's the thing. Even if he did do it just so people are having this conversation, it's brilliant because it's so absurd, it has to be hacked. You know what I mean? We should do that as a tactic. That's really fun. He did back out of a movie he was supposed to do

with Jennifer Lopez. I think Call Me By Your Name is calling him by my name or something like that. I don't know which one. Tied to this, I think a couple days later or a week later, they're saying he has drug issues and all this type of shit. So I can just think he's going on a bender and then he just lights off on a DM. As we all do sometimes. And then he just... I think this is sexy talk for him. Really though? Yeah. Maybe if he's high. Because imagine you say like, oh, I'm a is sexy talk for him. Really though?

Maybe if he's high. Cause imagine you say like, Oh, I'm a cannibal. I want to eat you so much. Like if he didn't say literally cut you up into pieces, I'd be like, okay,

that's fine. I want to eat you. I want to bite you. I want to do all these things. He said he ate the heart of a beating animal. Yeah. That's a little, that's where it gets a little wild.

That's a wild. He might, he might be like, you heard of that shit called vorophilia? No. This is like a sexual fetish where people will have a desire to be eaten or to eat. And so it's like cannibalism,

but it's like a sexual paraphilia, basically. Okay. And so what they'll do is they'll simulate it, not through actually doing it, but they'll basically put themselves in a sleeping bag in some sort of sexual state or something. Or they'll have these simulators where they can feel like they're getting eaten or feel like they'll basically like put themselves in like a sleeping bag in like some sort of like sexual state or something. Or like they'll have like these simulators where they can feel like they're getting eaten or like feel like they're eating something or whatever. So like there's ways like people actually have like these fetishes and then they simulate them.

Buy a rare steak and fuck a girl while you eat. Like, I mean, like what are we doing? That shit sounds fire actually. If I ate steak, I'd be in on that. That seems great. But yeah, so he might just have like this fetish. I don't know. Or he might just be a full-blown cannibal.

We gotta cut out this fetish shit. You shouldn't know that about you. You know what I'm saying? That's what we need to take down. All those accounts. I don't want people to know that they're a vorophiliac. Once you read it,

you might go, oh, actually, I do kind of think about being eaten sometimes. That would be cool. I guess I'm a vorophiliac. But before you teach somebody what that is, they just have weird thoughts

every once in a while about being eaten and they're like, that's some weird shit. I'm just going to ignore that. Like, stop creating the opportunities for these people

to be so fucking weird. But it seems like the internet is just like an allergy test for fetishes. Yes. You take test you're gonna find out you're allergic they put like everything on your back everything you could be allergic to and they're like oh you're allergic to 10 things that's also another thing stop giving it a name even if those are the actions that you like make motherfuckers describe that shit and look stupid yeah don't give them an easy you should look stupid say no i like kind of get eaten. And like, if you put me in a stupid bag and all that shit.

Yeah, you're a fucking dork. Okay? Not, I'm a vorophiliac. That sounds lit. Yeah. I want to be that. Yeah. I immediately stopped judging Armie Hammer when he said it was just a fetish.

And he don't really do it. I was like, oh, he ain't doing it. That's the crazy part is that everything's a fetish. But if he's just a cannibal, that's a fucking weirdo. Stop. That's what cannibalism is. You're not allowed. From now on, you're not allowed to call your weird shit a fetish that's done fetishes are dead that's fucking what do you

say about i like feet yeah own it bro i like being eaten you're weird i like feet you're weird all right i'm weird don't let your girl walk around here in some sandals shit might get weird that's what i'm gonna tell him well what if there's some paraphilias that are that are fine though i have a list here of a few all right a basiophilia what's that you love basil close people with uh impaired mobility that's some people's fetish they like wait they like fucking the person with they like physical yeah yeah yeah basically that okay keep going is that weirdo or is that that's legit i mean look you can like whatever the fuck you want to like we're not going to give you a name for it you like people in wheelchairs you won't have to say that shit and so they say oh

what are you into i connected with a girl once fine ass girl on a wheelchair oh shit yeah fine from waist up fine did you put her name in as whatever wheelchair i didn't know rolling rolling i didn't know i didn't know but she was fine i never hooked up with her or anything like that but she was fine yeah and her friend told me she was kind of thotty about it too she's like yo she'll just roll over and suck your dick like she'll roll over you gotta give her lap dances all the time that's just wild that actually be a fun date how how how poliged up was she was she quadra police no para i wanted to try that out she could get on some crutches or something nah like the legs look crazy they

just look like sticks bro really yeah take it i. Take her to IHOP. I don't get no exercise. Take her to what? IHOP. Why? You hop in there with her? She can't hop at all. Maybe she had one leg. She doesn't even have sticks at all? No, she can't walk on the sticks.

It's like legs are done. You know, some people have some mobility in the legs, and they could use the crutches or whatever. Would you get amputation at that point? No. It depends on how good prosthetics get. Maybe you just amputation at that point? No. It depends on how good prosthetics get. Maybe you just get some prosthetics. That's a great point.

For your life. But if you're waist down, you don't have the mobility of your legs. What I would say is I'd hope for that, I'd hope for that genome shit that we were talking about to come around. So you just let those legs just sit there doing nothing, but if that genome shit pops up,

you might be able to get them things back to working now it's going to be a while before you can walk because the muscles are so atrophied but you could build that up over like years yeah i thought that shit is like before somebody's born like to affect the genes and shit like that you can do it after somebody's i think that's what uh i thought you were talking about neuro or whatever it's called the crisper crisper, yeah. I think the CRISPR thing can do it after the fact. And also the Neuralink shit. I feel like I would wait for the technology

to catch up. Like for the actual cyborg shit. Whatever comes first, I'm going to do, but I'm not going to limit myself from one. So if the CRISPR shit pops up before the cyborg, I want that. Not to mention, I'd rather my legs than cyborg legs. Yo, that's maybe... Nah, I think I'll take cyborg i want that not to mention i'd rather my legs than cyborg yo that's maybe that's i'll take cyborg leg you think until you got to go like in the hot tub and you gotta

explain yourself look at our legs yeah i can like buy some bigger ones oh my top so that oh this actually could fix the cannibal problem boom so then you let them eat your legs hook up army hammer with a girl in a wheelchair boom everyone's happy she gets her amputation meat on that that's just bone bro but just you take what you get that shit looks like a tripod bag yeah you get the marrow going i think that's okay what other ones what other ones that we're not going to allow to have. You got to stop naming things. We just got to stop naming things. I mean, diapers. Paraphilic infantilism.

Nah, that's weird. Anything with kids, weird. Apropophilia. What's that? Flatulence. Farts. So you like farts? We know a comic who's into that. Wait, do we? Come on, let's Patriot.

Say it. How close are we? We'll believe it. Toronto? Huh? Toronto? No, no, no. You know Toronto guys that got that too?

No. How many people do you know that got this? My man is black. Blackity black black. Oh. And he like sucking girl farts? That's his thing? He's never done it, but he really loves the idea of it.

But now, if you like- You know him? You know him. Well? Not super well, but he really loves the idea of it. But now, if you like- I know him. You know him. Well? Not super well, but well enough. Okay. Say the name, we'll blurt. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

But if you like anal- We'll see. If you like doing anal, how far off is being into farts? Very far. Yeah, it's really far. You're not doing anal so you can be closer to the shit and farts. That's what you think people do anal for? The whole anal thing is lost on me.

What's the point? It's just worse. I don't get it. There is shit in there. That's where the shit is. You're putting it in where the shit is. I don't get it. I'm on the same page as you, but that's not the reason why they're doing it.

What else could the reason be? I can't wait to get some shit on my dick today. Let me go to the source. That's outcome so it's like they must be excited by it i don't get it i don't i don't understand anything yeah all right more go um liquid okay see some of these actually sound lit liquid ophelia immersing the genitals and liquid no we have to stop naming everything i want to stop naming all the extra genders and that kind of shit. I think that's a good... Can't we agree? You don't have to name everything because when you name shit, you start

normalizing the weird stuff. What? Nasophilia. Nose. You're into noses? Being turned on by noses. That's women. That's called being a woman. Women love noses. You know what I mean

Women love a motherfucker With a schnozzle lean So is that a fetish That seems like a fetish Actually ain't nothing lean About this schnozzle Right here baby But nah

But that's not a thing You just like big noses You like great noses Great Yeah it's great Great in size You know what I mean Like Alexander's Empire

Grandios Grandios Grandios I'm just saying, bro. Look at Mount Rushmore. Ain't no little button noses on that shit. That's all pieces, bro. Nas, dude.

For real. George Washington did have the nose. Of course he did. You know what I mean? Sniff it up. All right, guys. We're going to take a break. Make sure your dicks are hard whenever you want them to be hard.

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This is how they do it. Because now they're putting in regular shit in there. So mazophilia, interest in female breasts. That's stupid. You like tits. All we got to do in order to fix society is just stop giving things names. Stop giving things names. Stop it. What do you mean? Stop giving neighborhoods names. Stop giving things names. Stop it. What do you mean?

Stop giving neighborhoods names. I'm in West Harlem Heights. You live in the hood, bro. You live in the hood. Stop it. Just stop it. Stop it with all the names. Human beings get names, and everything that's already named can keep their names.

No more names. We don't need. Do you need more names? I'm into this idea. Animals? What about animals? If we find a new one? Yeah. You don't need do you need more i mean i'm into this idea animals what about animals if we find a new one you don't yeah do you don't need a name if they find a new beetle just call it new beetle no just call it wherever you found it beetle san francisco beetle it's a beetle bro we

don't need more names it's it so you can combine two names yep no it's just one name and just where it's from where'd you find the beetle? San Francisco. That's a San Francisco beetle. Yeah. That's it. I'm telling you, the naming thing is the real key to why- What if we discover a new island?

Say again? A new island. If you discover a new island, what are you- Somebody already probably discovered it. Yeah, don't nobody even know. Tomatoes probably already there. Yeah, and nobody cares. You think you discovered an island?

Yeah. Come on, bro. That's a real problem? It happens. No, it don't happen. It don't happen. It don't happen. A glacier melts and there's an island there. Oh, an island? Yeah. Come on, bro. That's a real problem? It happens. No, it don't happen. It don't happen. It don't happen. A glacier melts and there's an island there.

Oh, New Island. No. The glacier, we already knew what it was. Whatever the glacier is called, we call the island that. What? Whatever the glacier is called, we call the island that. Glaciers have names, bro. Thrust.

Y'all never heard of the Thrust Glacier, bro? I did. I ain't up on glaciers. I ain't don't know. What if you have a kid? What if you have those names exist yeah but you can't make up a new one you can only use what's in the catalog we're not you heard that out we're not i know damn yeah no making up names it's over we're gonna stop naming things that's it you have this weird feeling that you like i can't sleep at night you can't sleep at night okay there's no more need

for now what is it called you can't sleep at night insomnia insomnia let's get rid of that we have to take away 50 of names it's 50 it's not the craziest idea we gotta take it it's too much everything's normal now all right so i i stopped if you take away 50 of the gender names you still got 32 son they gotta go anxiety can anxiety stay nah but are you nervous yeah you're just nervous we're not getting rid of names you're just nervous i don't like that i have anxiety that like that blanket statement like what do you mean you have it no you have it in certain situations certain situations you're not anxious at all right so like you just say i'm nervous here and then i'm nervous when i take tests welcome to being a human being yep we all feel that way we just maybe have different levels yeah

you might get more nervous you still it's just nervous that's that's why we're so soft is because we're creating opportunities to normalize things that are bitch ass i don't even like the term normalize let's get rid of that let's get rid of it what does it call then hey that's how it used to be i'm a little sad because i did bad at school raise your shoulders that's what it is if you don't know something or somebody comes at you with some weird shit hit him with that michael jordan we don't need answers for everything shrug it up we don't need answers for everything is there anything else you guys like me clear up up? Is there? No, that's pretty much it for me.

I'm just saying. You do get what I'm saying. There's a real point. Back in the day, it was a simpler time. Like, everything that happened, walk it off. Thank you. That's it. Broken arm, walk it off.

Anxiety, walk it off. You think you're born in the wrong gender, just walk it off. Or sleep on it. Sleep on it. Sleep on it. You can't sleep. What happened to sleep on it? Sleep used to fix everything, bro. It won't fix the highlights,

but just sleep on it. Enough sleep. I do sleep. I sleep on them every night. That's true. I do sleep on it. That is a good point. But that might have been

what caused the balls. All right. Yo, you got to stop sleeping in a headstand i'm getting a silk bonnet that's what i'm getting the forehead so heavy like i'm like a fucking remnants of pompeii just fucking rolled over what is it called petrified yeah all right guys you just listened to a clip from our weekly patreon episode if you

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