Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Schulz Reacts: Travis Scott Nikes CANCELLED and Marilyn Manson is a MONSTER?

Episode Date: November 19, 2021

Join the Patreon Asshole Army: http://bit.ly/2xQwHYf Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a quire then welcome to The Flagrancy. New York native and internationally touring stand-up, Andrew Schulz is known for his hilarious and unsafe comedy. He has starred in the sitcom BENDERS (now available on Netflix), can be seen in Amazon’s SNEAKY PETE, HBO’s CRASHING, and on MTV including GUY CODE and GIRL CODE. In the podcast realm, Schulz can be heard on the wildly popular THE BRILLIANT IDIOTS — co-hosted by nationally syndicated radio and television personality Charlamagne tha God — the hilarious sports commentary podcast FLAGRANT 2, and the film and TV analysis podcast WESTERBROS. He has made major appearances on The Joe Rogan Experience, Bert Kreischer’s BERTCAST, Joey “coco” Diaz The Chuch of What’s Happening Now, and Theo Von’s This Past Weekend. He has even done solo interviews with the likes of Lil Duval and many others. Andrew’s online presence has touched hundreds of millions of people across the globe and his unconventionally funny approach to the comedy world has launched him into stardome. His shows Dropping In and Inside Jokes will rack of hundreds of thousands of views weekly. Nothing is off limits for Schulz, from sex to race, and even the occasional audience heckler roast, Andrew is hungry to be the best. He can be seen in New York City performing regularly at New York Comedy Club and the Comedy Cellar.

What up people? Shultz here and you guys are about to listen to a clip from our weekly Patreon episode. If you want to sign up to our Patreon, support the flagrancy, support what we are doing, completely uncensored, flagrant content, you go to patreon.com slash flagrant2. With no more interruptions, here is the exclusive clip. Nike postpones the release of the Travis Scott Air Max 1. How do you feel about that? I'm amazed it took this long. Like, they just announced it yesterday.

Like, they really thought this show was going to go away. Yeah. They were like, you know, let's just hold off for a week. Let's see if people forget about it in eight days, and then we'll make a decision then. Yes. If you really gave, why don't we just make the decision right away? The nine-year-old kid had to die for you to be like you know what maybe we don't need to release these fire ass shoes i mean them shits are hot those are the ones you were showing me yesterday yeah no it's a different pair those are more fire yeah those

are sick right yeah they're sick they're dope undeniably now you can get them if you wanted to but how china yeah we go right to China and get them straight from the source. Yeah. The insanity that they thought they could release a running shoe. Eight days after a fucking stampede. What did those people need? Yeah. Air to the max.

They were suffocating. They needed a run and they needed air. There's no fucking way now this is gonna be flying off shelves 100% oh fuck yeah Travis boy

you think that he Travis is actually gonna lose some money I mean yeah can they sue him though I don't think so it seems like all the legal shit

he's protected so then he'll just have to pay lawyer fees forever so he'll lose money to the lawyers but he's not gonna have to pay out any of the people I don't think so and uh damian lemon i saw him for the first time in fucking years but i love damian man i saw him on stage yesterday and he was saying he'd been

clocking the price of travis scott sneakers on stock x hoping it would dip and it just hasn't so i don't think public support has really waned that's funny yeah it's really funny yeah damian is great man yeah everybody go check out damien miss damien have you seen everyone at every concert now like taking care of all the people that pass out oh yeah all this cat are you okay is everything fine are the cameras on me are you okay look at that girl right there is she fine i've seen like 20 of them so far like yeah every concert you have to now that's the norm i also i kind of think it's good for travis that this is happening because now people are realizing,

like, oh, people pass out of concerts all the time. Yeah. Like, Adele has one. Like, all these people have them. People pass out of the stage for Adele? The Adele one was, no, they probably choked on some food. But that was from back in the day. She's skinny now.

Adele's skinny now. She's back. Her fans ain't. Her fans ain't. Do you think she has fat fans? I think so. Adele's skinny now. No, she's back. Her fans ain't. Her fans ain't. Do you think she has fat fans? I think so. Really? I think so.

I'm a fan. You're on your way. You're the exception that proves the rule. Fuck, dude. You're on your way. God damn it. Okay. So wait.

So then people are going to go to these concerts, and then we're going to have to hear the artist fake care. Which, if you want attention from your favorite celebrity, pass out of their show. Yeah. That's the move. Go to the front, and then they're we're gonna have to hear the artist fake care and which if you want attention from your favorite celebrity pass out of their show yeah that's the move go to the front and then just faint just fall down immediately you'll have an interaction with people they'll bring bring you on stage give you water if i can pee in your mouth who knows who knows anything could happen maybe that's what that woman was doing when the guy passed out she's like we gotta get them on stage It's like we're out of smelling salts. A cold bucket of water.

He's about to CP for sure. Oh man. What? In terms of liability, by the way, for the concert. Here we fucking go. Look, I'm just saying. Smoke a little cushy, okay? Give me the cushy.

Take a little hit. Actually, I want to get drunk. Yes. I need to get drunk. Let's do it. I don't know why. Let's, hey, let's start it up. Yeah. I need to get drunk. I don't know why. Hey, let's start it up.

Yeah, I'm sad. I'm sad, too. Akash, stop it with your CBD smoking. Which also, you never told us about the rest of the movie stuff. What happened with the movie? Like, have there been other interactions? You haven't told us about it. Yeah, I spoke to Eddie finally for the first time.

Okay, hold on. Do you want to talk about the legal shit? Yeah, talk about the legal shit. Talk about the legal shit. Oh, technically, technically if you stop a nine-year-old, oh, it's not exactly Travis's fault. More Jewish, more Jewish.

More Jewish? Yeah. Are you Chinese? No. Oh, you're a chipmunk. That's cute. A cute little chipmunk is what he was. That's what a dove is. Remember, Travis was also an organizer of the event, not're a chipmunk. That's cute. A cute little chipmunk is what he was. That's what Dove is.

Remember, Travis was also an organizer of the event, not just a performer. A performer most likely wouldn't be held liable. They can sue and all that. Keep going, Dove. Explain to the people. They need to know. Explain the legal framework. Keep explaining it, Dove.

Astroworld, the organizer, they only have a certain limit on that liability insurance. Keep explaining it, Doug. Astroworld, the organizer, they only have a certain limit on that liability. Insurance. Pearl Jam had a lot of trampling and deaths at one of their concerts and they didn't suffer from it. Keep explaining it, little Doug. Keep explaining all your things. My things?

Want to get drunk? What are we doing? Tequila? I just don't care about any of the topics. So what I'm going to do is get drunk, and I'm going to make an absolute fool about myself. About myself? Of myself. What happened with you and Eddie?

Yeah, can you tell us more movie stuff? Because the last thing we heard was that you had the awkward thing with Eddie where he came to the circle, Jonah Hill roasted you, and you haven't really talked about it since. Jonah's sweet, dude. I'm going to keep it a buck. Jonah's sweet. Which I actually think he was roasting you because he knows your sensibility talked about it since. Jonah's sweet, dude. I'm going to keep it a buck. Jonah's sweet. Which I actually think he was roasting you because he knows your sensibility.

And that probably made you feel way more comfortable. No, like I think good intentions with him. I mean, that's sincere. Like genuinely sweet. I think good execution. Him making fun of you, I think makes you feel, that's your element. Like someone busting your balls is like. It knocks some sense into you.

I feel normal. Oh, that's a good point. And he was able to read your state and be like, yeah maybe this guy needs to get told he's an idiot i am an idiot who's an idiot me yeah i got a shit on his face for about five minutes and then he'll laugh yeah we were at the wedding scene and uh eddie was just kind of like standing there and uh i was sitting back and then i don't know how it came up but he asked me he's like are you a stand-up or something like that and he did yeah i said i was some i said i was on the road or something like that i forget but not i know he was he just asked me out of the i don't know why no he goes are you a stand-up and um i go yeah yeah and i go uh in in great part uh

due to you right um and he goes he goes oh cool and then i told him the first time i ever listened to stand-up was on a cassette you know with my father and he goes i mean i was like a kid i was listening to it on a cassette it was delirious and he goes uh that must have been an eye-opening experience for you like just thinking about what he said he said the raw shit he said nine years old or something like that and And he was just really sweet. And it was cool. Really? Yeah.

And I'd take back everything I said. And making movies is fun. And it was really just the rejection I felt from Eddie Murphy, my comedic hero, that made me not like

the movie experience. Oh, see, I thought you were... I thought you were right about movies. I thought all these actors getting paid $20 million were wrong. It's still a lot of time, dude. It's still a lot of time.

It's a lot of time. I will say this, and Jonah said something interesting. He was like, something happens when you complete 70% of a movie where you see the end, and then everybody um like celebration euphoria before it's finished like it's so weird in this scene like everybody was kind of like having a good time we didn't have any lines so maybe that's why it was all so easy but like yeah people having a good time people in a good mood like everybody's you know selling stories busting balls we're getting drunk you know it was it was just fun so maybe there's something like that you're also shooting the

finale of the movie. Yeah, yeah. I mean, well, we got to go back out now. But this is like the last day, right? It was a party scene and the fun. This is going to be a real ass party. You should, yo, you should try to get Eddie on this podcast. I know. The rap party.

No, because he couldn't even tell Eddie in person, like, I've got the best stand-up show in the world right now. You want to be humble. You want to be humble. You want to be humble. Yes. I listen to Delirious on a cassette. Yo, yo, Dub, you right, bro. You're right, bro. Fuck Andrew, dawg. Andrew's a piece of shit.

You better go to him and say you want to see Delirious the sequel? Show up in person. Who was the big moment between me and my sequel show up in person between me and my father he's my hero and it was just such a beautiful thing we shared you sound like a nerdy jew you nerdy jew you're my hero mr murphy oh my god so guys uh having a father president in your life let me explain uh yeah oh I know what it's like. And it ain't always great. Oh, God.

When do we tell Akash we have no lighter in this entire studio? He looks cool holding that, but no, it's not going to get lit. Oh, maybe that's all I need. Maybe you're right. I'm going to stand up. He looks cool holding that but no it's not gonna get maybe that's all I do maybe you're right Like fucking Brian Regan K a t cat yeah jermaine jackson what is that fucking joke he's so in his way that if he was like where can i see your stuff and you were like youtube he'd be like this motherfucker ain't gonna stand up he probably didn't have a netflix real talk

nah that guy's it was fucking cool and who else was uh on the set that day do you think he even knows where this movie is gonna be like you think he's ever watched netflix who eddie i think he just films the shit and he's like where's this is going to be? Like, you think he's ever watched Netflix? Who? Eddie. I think he just films the shit and he's like, where's this? Not going to the movie? All right, do whatever you got to do. Just pay me.

Yeah. Yeah. That guy just got a cell phone. You think he got Netflix? No, but he likes them. They did Dolomite with him. Oh, no. He knows Netflix.

He likes the paychecks. But he likes that he gets to do whatever he wants to do. He definitely knows Netflix. Like, right? Yes. Yes. Maybe I've described him poorly. All right, guys. that they don't do whatever he wants to do he definitely knows netflix though like right yes yes maybe i've described him poorly all right guys we're gonna take a break from this exclusive patreon clip because i gotta make sure y'all are making some money i know you're gambling i know you're putting your money up why not also put someone else's money up yeah you could do that with my bookie's money you use mybookie.ag use our promo code flagrant they are going promo code FLAGRANT. They are going to match your initial deposit bonus. How amazing is that?

They match your initial deposit bonus up to $1,000. That's a free $1,000. Why would you not gamble with some free money? This is a no-brainer. You know you're going to be gambling on the games this week. Akash, who do you think you got this week? I got the Cowboys over the Chiefs, I'll tell you that. Motherfucker.

Why not? Akash just gave you his tip right there. He said Cowboys over the Chiefs. I'll tell you that. Motherfucker. Why not? Akash just gave you his tip right there. He said, Cowboys over the Chiefs. If you want to make some money, double up that initial deposit bonus. Are they going to have to pay you anything or not? Nah, bro. Just support the pod. Just support the pod.

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this exclusive patreon clip you can find the whole episode and many more at patreon.com flagrant 2 join the motherfucking army peace what's up with the Maryland man? Yeah. My man is a wild boy, dude. He used to lock his girlfriends in like a small room for like hours on end.

Allegedly, dude. Allegedly. What do you call it? Like the bad girls room or something like that? Uh-huh. And then anytime he said they were misbehaving

and it would be like apparently the smallest transgressions is what they're saying. He would just put you in the room and lock you in there for like hours.

And then one of his ex-girlfriends was saying like i didn't even fight him at a certain point because he really enjoyed me fighting so i just you just have to like mentally check out and then just go in the room and then you're just trapped in this like small space it was a the sound booth the sound booth at his apartment that he like took all the shit out of and he was lock him in there is this effective or what's the uh what do you mean effective like did it work for him like what's the i mean not now and i was arrested yeah but in the time yeah i would i would i mean it would be big but i would love to give my wife a soundproof like here you go just go ahead and you handle what you got to

handle the actual sound booth but you would take the soundproofing in my head if that works i mean where i just block out words there's no internal booth yeah we'll just i mean that's the that's a decent thing to do as a man that with a woman you love is you build the soundproofing in here yeah yeah that's actually nice he was just too old like noise canceling headphones came out bro the airpods airpod pros changed the game unreal it really changed the game like he was putting women in a little box. Start arguing, just go, eh. Exactly.

Boom, I'm in my own little box. Yeah. Yeah, I don't need you. That's fucked up that he did that shit. Is that real, though? Everybody's coming out after this dude. Can I victim blame a little bit? I know you're not supposed to victim blame, but I'm going to victim blame a little bit.

Apparently, when you walk into his apartment, it's decorated with blood on the walls, like porno magazine cutouts everywhere swastikas and then over the bed spray painted it says aids if a man got aids spray painted over his bed and you wittingly have sex with him ever you a wild ass girl though yeah that's crazy like that's what they say in the same article so if you're alleging all this to be true, you're accepting all of it is true. I mean, bitch, come on now. You walk into that house and you walk out. That shit is a museum exhibit.

Are you sure it said AIDS? AIDS is what I saw. What are you seeing? I don't know. I didn't Google it. I'm just saying. Look at the article I sent. God.

AIDS? Like, where was it? It's right there in the article I sent, bro. What, putting AIDS on the wall? He's hacky, dog. He's a hack. He's hacky. I never got's a hack. He's hacky. I never got his shit.

Son, he wild hacky. I never got his shit. I was like, this guy's a hack. Yeah, wait till Marilyn Manson does one video where he's like, yo, why y'all hating me? Like, yo, I just make music. I do my own shit. You're going to be like, yo, honestly, I think we misjudged this Marilyn Manson. We might have misjudged him.

I mean, Lil Uzi Vert likes him. He's probably a good guy. Nah, dude, I just thought his shit was hack back in the day, man. I never got it, yo. I didn't get it. I was like, okay, you got the makeup on. You got like, you're showing your teeth in a weird way in this video. Like, kind of singing, I guess.

Like, I just didn't get it. I was like, what is the point of all this? The music sucked. You're just weird to be weird. Who are you speaking to? I didn't understand it. And then all these things. Like, he has all this, like, shocking stuff in his apartment.

Like, grow up, dude. Yeah. Like, you want to do that? No. On Thursday, you want to wake up and see AIDS above your fucking bed? It's crazy. You don't want to just wake up. You know, you're a little fucking exhausted.

You had a rough night. You don't want to just wake up and, like, be in, like, a nice bed with some sheets and walk out. There's not blood all over your fucking walls. Wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't that be nice, dude? So nice. Stop acting like you don't like nice shit. I'm tired of these motherfucking rock star dudes.

I guarantee he's got a house in Malibu. It's absolutely gorgeous. He has white couches and shit. He doesn't put the makeup or lipstick on, so he doesn't stain anything. This is fake. Guaranteed. This whole thing? Guaranteed fake.

I bet he has a house just to fuck these girls that is all decorated like that. And then there's another one. Oh, the persona is fake. Yeah. Yes. He apparently admitted to having the room in a magazine interview in like 2012. Of course. Too much.

It's too much. Try hard. He tries hard. Yo, I don't think this is natural for Marilyn Manson. Call me crazy, but I don't think this is who he naturally is. He wasn't born that way? I don't think he was born this way. Maybe his mom had AIDS, and that's what he saw every morning when he was in the womb.

He was like, oh, AIDS. Maybe he was just trying to remind himself to help people. Oh, yeah. And then he threw an S on there because he was like, I need to help more than one person. Yeah. And then the M fell off. Oh, there you go. He was just like, oh, fuck.

Oh, he was telling the maids to come clean up the bed. All the blood everywhere. Blood everywhere. Yeah. I need maids here. There's pussy cutouts from magazines clean up the bag. All the blood everywhere. Blood everywhere. Yeah. I need maids here. There's pussy cutouts from magazines all over the place. Can you please

Someone tidy up, please. For once. I bootsticked him on. It'll take off the paint. Fucking cobwebs everywhere that I put there. Jeez. Magazines.

The guy's cutting up magazines. Isn't that fucking embarrassing? Fucking boomer. Yeah. You gotta explain to these fucking 19-year-old girls what a magazine is. So you took these pictures

You downloaded this from a printer What's going on here Dude what a hack bro You cut that shit out You can exist That's what he did That's the whole point No I'm just saying

You can exist with that like troll Like weirdo shit For a certain amount of time But then eventually You gotta just retire If you're a female fucking him in 2015 Bitch that's on you bitch How you fucking

Has been Yeah You wearing face paint At 55 Bro Don't do that What's the guy's name Gene Simmons

Yeah Like he did it right He wore the face paint Did all the kiss shit Blah blah blah Every once in a while Throw it back on Get a reality show

But he got a reality show And he was just a normal dad With normal fucking kids In a nice house With way more interesting that's way more interesting way so much better and marilyn mays had turned a corner was like yo i'm actually kind of religious like i'd adopt a few kids like just started raising them bro we'd be like wow that's if you just took off the makeup and he was just like yeah i had a wild time and it was cool people cut my hair like i don't wear the the makeup anymore because I'm 60 years old. Like, who gives a fuck?

Yeah. And you're like, I banged Devin Rachel Wood. She was really annoying. So I put her in a box. And I wrote AIDS on my ceiling. And now I'm just a regular dad. I was hoping she wouldn't fuck me anymore. I put AIDS on it.

Like, why would you fuck a guy with AIDS? Speaking of which, can someone let her out? She's still in the box. She's still in the box. I definitely know what girl gave him the idea of like, I should just lock this bitch in a soundproof booth. Had to be that one. Oh, yeah. Or Rose McGowan.

Oh, God, yo. Come on. He dates some annoying ass. That's on you, fam. That is on you. You got horrible taste, bro. You got horrible taste in these annoying ass girls, and that's why you want to put them in a goddamn box. Get a cool girl that you want to talk to all the time.

Yeah, like you're the only one going through these issues. Yeah. but you need a wounded ass girl that is willing to date a you yeah 100 like you need a girl dumb enough to believe your shtick yeah you know what i'm saying like you got to be a dumb girl to see marilyn manson go he's so brave i have a thing for the babadook i'll date him like what's your fun come on like how do you not see through that shit yeah the beautiful people the beautiful people who yeah who are you talking about who are these beautiful people yeah out the window maybe bro nah dude you gotta be a loser to like this guy what is there to like nothing what am I missing about this guy? Oh, he's mysterious. Ugh, with this. Live shows are crazy.

With this. Ugh, with this. The live shows are crazy. You show up at the live shows. Don't you look at these mysterious motherfuckers as they get older and be like, you are a goofy. Yeah, mystery solved. You're a fucking dork. Mystery solved.

You're a fucking dork. What's that motherfucker's name? Pirates of the Caribbean? Johnny Depps. Johnny Depps. Cut it out. Bruh, come on. cut it out with that shit cut it the fuck out what ever since your hands say what what's wrong with fire when you're young yo young and mysterious fire dog yeah but grow up old and mysterious you gotta

grow up dog nah don't be old and mysterious and still want people if you were all the mysterious you got to do brando style you You got to go to your own island. You got to really check out. You can't be old and mysterious and still want the limelight. Because the thing about mystery is it can't want shine. Too much light. Although it does.

Too much light reveals the mystery. Yeah, but you can't be mysterious with a 401k. That's what I'm saying. You know what I mean? You're upset about your fucking Tesla stock. Yeah, you can't have investments and be mysterious. You got to be broke. You got a business advisor. That's what I'm saying. You know what I mean? You're upset about your fucking Tesla stock. Yeah, you can't have investments in the mysterious.

You got a business advisor. Or on an island. Like Brando is dead ass mysterious but he was able to remove himself enough from us so we kept on asking for more. Yeah, we can't see

that he had back pain every fucking morning. Like he's just tired all the time. Just like, oh my God, my ankle hurts for no reason. He got a root canal. Yeah.

He's dealing with old man shit. Yeah. Right? You know Marilyn Manson is dealing with old man shit. Yeah. Right? You know Marilyn Manson's dealing with old man shit. I see him aging. Yes. It's embarrassing.

But like physical old man shit. Because when you're old, everything's already mysterious. You know what I mean? How long you're going to live? Yeah. I got to get a fucking finger in my ass once a week. Like I got to get prostate exams. Like your whole life's a mystery.

You don't need added mystery to your life. All that kinky shit becomes scientific Like he had to beg Rose McGarren to finger his ass And now he's in the proctologist once a month Getting his shit dug out To make sure he doesn't have colon cancer Yeah Oh it's so corny

Yeah being mysterious as a grown adult It's like So corny Yeah And you still need it He still puts the makeup on his old ass head. Yeah. Don't do that.

Probably it's a wig at this point. Yo, son, that's the thing. Wake up in the middle of the night, put on his hair. Bitch come over for a booty call. There's a shelf life to a character. Yep. And a shelf life of you yourself. No.

People can wane in interest and there could be increases in that interest as well but and they evolve with you yes but there's no shelf life but if you're a character you outgrow the character as a fan people outgrow it that's what i'm saying as a fan you outgrow the character yeah yeah i'm tired of when you were 13 and you loved marilyn manson when we i think i was like in middle school when he came around you like no might have no I did not yeah you just say you did you just say you like me I'm a fucking dork yeah loser ass I love it yeah but the problem is when you get older I used to dress in all black I used to wear nail polish like mark I love nail polish I wear that

shit I wore nail polish yeah it's dope when you're young Did you wear a teardrop tattoo as well? No I had Yeah I would I'd paint teardrops Right here Wait why? Cause these bitches Would be asking me about them

And then they'd get fucked With their fat asses That's how you catch a hog Anything to get the girl To start the convo with him Yeah I didn't like Talking to these girls They gotta talk to me

But I had to do things to give them an excuse to talk to. That's way more embarrassing than just talking to the girl. Bro, you were Marilyn Manson as a kid. And then I grew out of it. You grew out of it.

You grew out of the top hat. No, for real. I think you should do all that shit. And the girl's like, oh, who'd you murder? And you're like, this pussy and all that. Alley-oop.

No, but for real. That's what I always thought as a youngin thought As a younger As a youngin So I could go up to these girls And like introduce myself And do all that kind of shit Or I could just dress like

Abraham Lincoln With gang tats Yeah That'd be good A little way Abraham Lincoln It's just so much easier And even if you just Having like that fucking

Like I would have that weird hat What was that fucking hat The Korean old ladies would wear The one with the sequins Yeah Like it's not like a Floridian I know what you're

Talking about Is that the little bill On the front Little bill Yeah right little bill But the whole thing Was like sequins But it didn't matter

It was just like I don't know I was kind of like Analyzing these like Social interactions And I was like Okay the beginning part Is the toughest

Because people don't Know what to say And if there's something to comment on then let's give them something to talk about hey i see you 100 percent he read that book yeah the game yeah and he just really applied it to his life the original i actually thought that that book was really corny at first i've read it and i was like this is so fucking cool like wow there are these guys like figured out how to talk to girls. And then I realized,

wait a minute, like they're just saying the same line every time. Little did I know that I would do that for a living. But like, they're just entertaining people with the same words. And, uh, but I thought it was corny.

Cause I was like, wait a minute, I'm not getting this pussy off my merit. Yeah. Like some other motherfucker has hacked this shit. And they're telling me. So I tried to understand like what was going on in these interactions uh you want to find your own little social hacking yeah yeah so and i was just like you're writing bits i was writing bits but it

was like what is an easier way if a girl even if a girl does like you she might also be nervous in that moment so it's like finding things where she could also feel comfortable that's what i was doing magic tricks bro yeah that works too and it's like go on you didn't fuck you just did the magic and then went home yeah i'm a passionate about illusions like duh of course passionate about the illusion that you will fuck her yeah bro you'd be kicking crazy games yeah she's like wait are you leaving yeah i'd be like come back to my room and i disappear and i'd be like oh where'd i go the greatest of tricks. Yeah.

But yeah, but like, I don't know. You do that thing and it kind of loosens everything up. And then you're already talking. You're talking about something else. And then it's done. The most inauthentic part of stand up. And one of the great things about having an audience of people to come see you is the introduction. I have to like trick people into thinking this is a normal thing to do, which is stand up in front of people and then talk. I hated it in the same way that I hated just like walking up to a group of girls

like hi i'd like your pussy because that's what i'm doing hi i'd like your pussy that's the honest thing hi i'd like to fuck your pussies yeah you first then maybe you and then you if you're willing but ideally here that is the authentic way to walk up to a group of women yeah if you were going to be honest yeah so i have to lie to you so instead of lying why don't i put you in the position where you have to lie right yeah i like your hat no you don't you don't like my hat hey we're talking and you came up to me and now we're having fun but you want to talk yes but i don't know i just thought that was it or like even in like the bar the club like positioning ourselves in a place where like the girls would walk by us like in the girls stall yeah that's actually smart yeah you know but like trying to hand them napkins and shit while they're washing their hands i just start

working there i don't know you're just sitting in that part of the place and then the girls are walking by because they want to get to the bar they want to go to the dance floor and it's like there's something that happens like even if you hit on a girl as she's walking by you the fact that she's approaching you. Yeah. How dare you walk by me and not say what's up? Or like, like she thinks she's talking to you. Like you came here.

There's something like, um, her defenses are down. Like somebody approaches you. The defense is going up. Like, who the fuck is this guy? How do we get him out of here? You walked by me. You walked into my space. Yeah.

I don't know. Do they have the bathroom attendance in girls' bathrooms? They have to, right? They must. I've never thought about that. I've never felt like. What an awful job. I've never bothered asking.

Terrible. What, listening to the guy's shit all day and giving him mints? No, girls is worse, dog. Why? It's just girls shitting all day, yo. Fucking period for some money. At the club? I don't think they're shitting at the club.

It's just pee-pees. Yeah, it's just the pee-pee time. You never shit at a club I don't think they're shitting at the club it's just pee pee yeah it's just the pee pee time you never shit at a club? I mean me I'm different I'm built different I guarantee you girls be shitting in that club nah it's just pee pee times

letting it rip there's a comic named Josh Johnson and he has a funny bit about the you know that like hand dryer in the bathroom and he goes where does that air come from that's funny yeah is that shit air that you're cleaning your fucking hands with

and it might be right i've heard they're like very unsanitary those hand dryers yeah if it's just recycling the air that's in there I don't want that put on my hands Like directly all over my hands I thought that was a funny ass take Cause you never even think about it right You look at those machines all the god damn time And never think about one