Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Schulz Reacts: “You People” CGI Kiss Drama + Leo Dicaprio's Teenage Girlfriend

Episode Date: February 9, 2023

What up people, Schulzy reacts to the media drama around the "You People" kiss, Leo Dicaprio's new girlfriend, and the Chinese spy balloon that got shot down. INDULGE! 00:00 Schulz and Akaash kiss 00:47 “You People” respects people’s boundaries 06:33 Matt Dillon is the original Champagne Papi 08:39 Supporting local charity case 13:46 Ep. 4 of The Last of Us 16:18 DiCaprio’s new teenage friend 32:36 Tom Brady has a new girlfriend? 34:11 DiCaprio is a true talent scout 36:31 Sliding on Chinese Spy Balloon 41:35 Favorite rabbit and being washed 44:22 Sam Smith exploiting Christian outrage? 49:01 Being a cat and peanut butter lover 51:22 Francis Ngannou will fight Tyson Fury 01:01:43 Conor McGregor coming back 01:07:56 Gareth Reynolds joins - no-one wanted Akaash 01:12:43 Gareth’s standup + Weeeeeed 01:16:06 Ayahuasca opens up EVERYTHING 01:23:37 Gareth’s podcast + being a cracker 01:32:29 Which minority would you sacrifice for success? 01:36:55 Ayanhuasca and grandma’s peach 01:43:01 Can you name the BTS members? 01:51:07 Cracker music time + new special

We're stop, go, go. We're stopping. I know where to stop. You really think this is trying to kiss you right now? Bro, it's hard enough. OK, ready? You may now kiss the husband. You was going to do it, bro.

You was going to do it, bro. No, he was going to do it, bro. I stopped because he was going to do it, bro. This is why we need CTL. This mother gets rammed in the in a movie, but he can't even kiss his man right now. Like, that's crazy, B. It was a TV show.

There's daddy! All right, kiss me this time. Let's go. Let's go. Do it again. Don't make it too dramatic. No, kiss his little mother. Don't lick your lips.

Don't lick your lips. Don't lick your lips. Don't lick your fucking lips. Okay, let's just restart, and then you guys just both go slow until right here. Okay, ready? You may now kiss the husband. Hey, yo! What. Okay, ready? You may now kiss the husband. Hey, yo! What's up, everybody?

Welcome to Flagrant. Listen, a lot of people are making a very big deal about this. The fact that Jonah and Lauren didn't kiss in the movie. The movie's fake! Wait, they didn't get married? Bro! They didn't get married! Eddie Murphy's not a nation of Islam!

Okay? Julia Louis-Dreyfus is not Jewish! You didn't storm the- He might be Jewish! I didn't storm the Capitol! Well, yeah, I guess you didn't. No, I couldn't. We had a podcast that day.

No, we were busy! My point is, there's these people that are getting, like, so upset that I exposed that a movie was fake. Avatar is not real. I hate to break it to you. Avatar is not a. I hate to break it to you. Avatar is not a real fucking movie. What I'm confused about is why people at home are like, nah, they better kiss.

And it's like, why don't you respect Shorty and her decisions if she doesn't want to? Or respect Jonah and his decision? Maybe she feels uncomfortable doing it in front of that many people. There's hundreds of people in the room because it's a fucking wedding scene. Why don't you let the girl do what she wants with her body

or let the dude do what he wants with his body? Where is this audience out of nowhere that's like, no, for me to believe the plot, they better, they better make out.

Who the fuck are you? Watch the free movie on Netflix that you steal the password from your ex-wife. Do you know what I mean? That you're still allowed to do shots on Netflix. All I'm trying to say is it's a movie, bro. I guess people are curious.

They're like, oh, why would you bring it up? Because I thought that shit was hilarious. Yeah. Because I saw it happen. I saw them not kiss, right? And I was like, how are you going to play this in a movie? And then when I watched it for the first time with Dove, I noticed the CGI. Right.

And I was like, oh, that's how they played it. So you didn't think it was not fair that they showed over that they shouldn't have. You just thought it was funny. Yo, if a woman doesn't want to kiss somebody in a fucking movie, they don't have to. And if a man doesn't want to kiss a girl in a movie, they don't have to. Right. This idea that the audience is going to demand it, you're like a little bit crazy. Yeah.

Like if you're upset about that, you're a little little bit crazy. Yeah. Like, if you're upset about that, you're a little crazy. You're creepy. It's creepy. Those are the same people that's going to say, oh, we shouldn't pressure these people into doing certain things. Well, why are you pressuring them? I just think it hit so many millions of people. It was like the biggest movie on Netflix in the fucking however many months. Yeah.

And so millions of people saw it, and then there's obviously detractors that didn't like it for whatever reason, a political thing that, oh, there's a racial dynamic, and this is stupid, whatever, whatever. So now they're finding anything that they can to try to attach their narrative to why they don't like it, I think. There are people that are upset, and they're looking for justification, but like, yo, telling a woman what to do with her body is not the justification you want to die on. That's not the cross you want to die on. Listen, I'm only giving you advice out here. It's like, I'm not going to be the one going, if a woman signs up for a movie, those lips are mine.

Do you know what I'm saying? Like, that's a little bit crazy. You're being a little crazy. To me, seeing how it actually happened, I was like, oh, okay. It was crazy, though. He ended up having a pretty big role in the movie when you think about it. Yeah. He had a huge role.

Not on screen. No, in promoting it. He was promoting it. That that's what i'm saying i need to charge more listen when you get when i'm in a movie okay you just you're mad now because you didn't know that there was an option to not do some of the scenes you did a gay scene you had to actually do it yeah that's true that's true i didn't know i didn't know i could say no i I didn't know I had that power. I wanted to make it in Hollywood. You know what I mean? Your character's gay. What'd you say?

I put my hands on the tile. I put my hands on the tile. I said, just make sure you don't have it in the shot. You know what I mean? Like, you can show my face squinting, but don't show anything else. I didn't know what I could do. It was a different time. But they really had a key grip behind you, bro.

It was a different time. You know it was a different time. That was your best acting, bro. Say again? That was your best acting. What do Say again? That was your best acting. What do you think? It was your best acting. You think I was acting?

You think I was acting, bro? I was meth-ing while I was out meth-ing. Hell yeah, staying in West Hollywood, living a life. You know what I mean? Come on now. Shit. Come on now. I see them pants high again.

I just want to say. No, chill out. Chill out. I see them pants high again. Listen, you're going to be just like me in West Hollywood grabbing Targum. You're going to be grabbing Targum just like me. That sounds hilarious. All I'm trying to say is a thing that happened in the movie that doesn't expose anything about the movie

and has brought in millions of people, like has opened the eyes of millions of people about it and wanted them to see it. That's a net positive. Also, makes the people who made the movie look cool because they respect the demands of the actors. How many creepy fucking producers and directors you hear about in Hollywood making people do uncomfortable shit? Literally, the whole Me Too movement is producers

and directors are making women do things that they don't feel comfortable in movies, right? The whole Me Too movement started about it. Now we have a perfect situation where you have the producers and directors that are acquiescing to the demands of the actors, saying they don't feel comfortable doing something.

And that's a negative? I need to see the names of the people upset about this. That's progress, bro. Low key, I need to see the names of the people upset about this. I think we need to have a conversation with them about how they want to control what women do with their bodies. You know what I got to say?

You know what I really got to say to everybody involved in the movie? What's that? What's that? You're welcome. You are welcome for showcasing how kind and understanding you are of your actors. And considerate. And making sure that they feel comfortable in the roles that you have given them. Yeah.

That is. You got another movie coming out. Did anything not happen in that one? I'm curious. Did any white men actually jump? Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. You put me in a movie, motherfuckers gonna see it.

Motherfuckers gonna see it. Listen, for how long I'm in the movie The amount of influence In terms of how many people saw it That's never happened before in a film This is great This never happened before in a film There's been a movie where there were some titties

That you went to go see just for the titties Right back in the day Wild Things Those titties probably had a better ROI Be honest She's a star of the titties? She's a star of the movie, bro. Oh, okay.

Your boy is not a star of the movie. Well, the titties weren't a star. The titties were a cameo. Say what? The titties were a cameo. I mean, they were a cameo, but they were also... No, the titties was crazy. You didn't see the threesome.

The titties were so crazy that Neve Campbell, who was the other girl in the threesome, didn't even take her shirt off. Wow. Because it was like, what's the point? I can't. We're not looking anyway. That's it. Our eyes are averted. Simple as that. You talking about this one?

Hey, bro, it was, and my boy Matt Dillon. Come on, come on. I mean, just truly unreal. Oh, shit. That's part of the scene? Yeah, Denise Richards. Just an absolute beaut. Oh. Hey! She is gorgeous. Yeah, that was a crazy, that was a crazy moment.

Shouts to Chuck Sheen. Yeah, yeah. We might have to run this back. I mean, she got the one-piece baby suit on. That was for the champagne. Yo, Matt Dillon is really Champagne Poppy

if we want to keep it above. No disrespect to Drake, no disrespect to Drake, but Champagne Poppy is Matt Dillon wild things, bro. You saw this in the theater? Son, say what? You saw down wild things, bro. You saw this in the theater? Say what? You saw this in a movie theater.

I saw it in the theater. I saw it at home. I saw it at home. I saw it at home alone. The bathroom. I've been seeing this movie in so many different places, bro. The motherfucker was Pee Wee Herman with it. Facts, bro.

Facts, facts, facts. What you got, Duff? You got the screenshots on your phone? No, he got text. He's calling me. Listen, we maybe should put that shit on. We should put that shit on. We'll be quiet. We'll be quiet.

We'll be quiet. We're quiet. No, no, no. Please, Dov. We'll edit it. Son, this is culture. Why are they calling? What do they want you to do? This is culture. They want you to unsay it?

This is culture. Again? How cultured is it? This is culture. Again. How cultured is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go take that call. Tell them and make sure you end it with, you're welcome. Yeah. Millions.

Say it. Say you people. Millions. Millions. You just say you're welcome. Millions, bro. A lot of people talking. Even local radio host Peter Rosenberg was talking about this.

And I'm going to give Peter a gift that he's never gotten in his life. lot of people talking that even local radio host uh peter rosenberg was talking about this and um i'm gonna give peter a gift uh that he's never gotten his life i'm gonna care about what he has to say okay that is that is that is the reality now i'm not saying peter's a bad broadcaster but some people have that intangible thing that makes people care about what they say right and peter just doesn't have it and that's why he always has to be a parrot on someone's shoulder. Peter's never been able to exist on his own. He has to be next to someone that people care what they say. Right now it's Ebro before it was Sypha. He does a sports show with a couple other guys.

But he knows deep down no one gives a flying fuck what he has to say. But I'm going to give him that gift. I'm going to give Iago the gift of caring what he has to say. He believes that he should control what women do with their bodies. He believes that he should tell a woman to kiss another dude if she doesn't feel comfortable doing that, right? And that's a little bit weird. That's a little bit of an uncomfortable thing. I'm totally okay with the fact that movies are fake and sometimes kisses are fake. A lot of things are fake in movies, right? We discussed that earlier, but he needs that shit to be real,

right? What did I expose? That movies are fake? Oh my God, I can't believe that there are fake things that happen in movies. That's crazy. This is an absolutely

astonishing, mind-boggling thing. But the reality of the matter is that Peter is genuinely going through what I would call end-of-career envy.

Which is, no, no, no. Which is, because you have to understand, the first time I met Peter, he was hosting a show that I was a guest on. Oh, wow.

Yeah. And now, Hip Hop Squares. Hip Hop Squares. And now he's commenting on something I've said that's news. He doesn't want

to be on the local radio commenting on a thing that I've said that's news. National news. Right? So it's like he wants to be the person that creates the news, but he's been in radio for 30 years and never been able to do it. Yeah.

Because people don't care enough. It's not that he's not good, but he just doesn't have the thing. Yeah. When Charlamagne talks, people care. When Ebro talks, people care. There's a reason why Ebro, who was like the head of the network, wasn't like, hey, Peter, you take the show. Because he knows. Yeah.

He knows he can't do it. There's a reason why he doesn't get his own sports show. He knows he can't do it. Right? So here's the reality. I'm going to give Peter that gift. I listened to what you had to say. And I also listened to the apology because he came back and apologized.

Oh, he did? Yeah. Came back from the break and he's like, listen, I shouldn't have said that and I was acting like this. And that's why people don't care what he has to say because he says something and then he backs off it. Why would I care what you have to say if you don't care enough to stand behind it?

Stand behind what you say. It's like when we had Stephen A. Smith on. Remember we had Stephen A. Smith on? You're talking about what's interesting. Talk about how you feel. Let's just sit on your feelings. Stand on your feelings. Because if you're not going to stand on your feelings, nobody else is. And that's why you're always going to be on the shoulder. You're going to be on the shoulder of

men who stand on their feelings because you don't have the courage to do it. Right? So I'm going to care. Today I cared. I gave you your 15 minutes. This is as good as it's going to get. And soon, in the next few years, when the radio thing fizzles out and your career is done, you can know for a fact that no one will remember a single thing that you did. Let's talk about them Chinese balloons, huh? Shit. Let's talk about them Chinese balloons, huh? Woo! Woo! Shit! Anyway, what do you guys think about the Rosenberg thing?

I thought it was completely right. I actually agree. I agreed with his take, actually. I thought, yeah, he nailed it. What was his take?

I didn't even understand it. He's like, how dare you say that movies aren't real? It's like... Yeah, I don't know. When you watch The Terminator, the guy didn't even understand it. How dare you say that movies aren't real? It's like, when you watch the Terminator, the guy isn't made of liquid. Because he's not in a movie, so he probably just doesn't get it. I see. You don't know how to make sometimes.

I see. He still thinks Keanu Reeves can dodge bullets. Yeah, yeah. John Wick doesn't kill all the people. Yeah, yeah. So you know what I mean? And then sometimes people use stunt doubles. Yeah.

Right? I'm just like, sometimes people use stunt doubles. Yeah. Right? I'm just like, it's baffling my mind. The fact that they would put this girl through anything really fucking bothers me. Yeah. Right?

Because who gives a fuck? Do you know how many times they use fake asses, fake tits in movies? Yeah. Like they literally have ass doubles, stunt doubles. They could have done

a million different things. In this one, they use CGI. They could have had another person just go do the kiss. I don't know who decided they were more comfortable with it not happening, but have some respect if they feel more comfortable with that. Why is that angering you? What's his face?

If Tom Cruise decides to not do one of the stunts in Mission Impossible, I'm good. I don't need him to be attached to every plane. I'll never watch again. Yeah, fuck that guy. You know what? You're right. Fuck'm good. I don't need him to be attached to every plane. I'll never watch again. Fuck that guy. You know what? You're right. Fuck that guy. A little movie purist, you know? Sorry.

Al loves Jackie Chan. That's his favorite actor. He doesn't understand what he's saying, but he loves him. It's his favorite. BTS, what you talking about? Anyway, what else we got You guys all saw Last of Us Yes Tell me if this was a creative choice

Or tell me if this was Just a random coincidence That Last of Us is trying to show How irrational women would be If they were in power Is that Because clearly the producers go show how irrational women would be if they were in power. Is that...

Because clearly the producers go, look how beautiful a gay love relationship can be. When two men are together. When two men are together, it is bliss. It's pure bliss. And then, when there's a woman in power, it's like, oh, just kill everybody. It doesn't matter. We need a doctor. Just fucking kill the doctor. Right?

There's something going on here, right? No, that's a good point. I think that's what the producers of this show are trying to explain. Did you watch it with your girl or you watched it alone? I watched it with my girl. Let me tell y'all something.

Let me tell y'all something. I watched it with my girl and I'm not going to tell y'all shit. I'm not going to tell y'all shit. I'm not going to tell y'all shit. So now you're not going to say it. No. What are you supposed to say? What are you supposed to say?

You're watching with your girl. You can't be like, come on, this is why. Right? You do it subtly. That's why it took so long for y'all to vote. You can't say that. You say it subtly. You say it very subtly.

How do you say it? She goes, oh, that character's so annoying. You go, right, yeah, that character is annoying. Yeah, that character's making bad decisions. What if she doesn't say that? Then what? Well, it's a good movie. She's thinking it.

So you just like, she's already thinking it. Oh, don't you think that character's annoying? That's such a bad choice she's made. And then she's like, yeah, it was annoying. And then it happens three more times. You're like, man, all of these characters of this specific gender are so annoying. Now, what if she really admires the character? And what if she thinks that she's

a good leader? Then you have to be a better teacher. This is where you come in. You gotta start doing some education, alright? The old-fashioned way. Nah, I'm kidding. My girl's asleep five minutes in. But listen, listen. That's just how we watch television shows. So I gotta check in's asleep five minutes in. But listen, listen. That's just how we watch television shows. So I got to check in with her the next day.

But that was crazy that the first... Yeah, yeah. The first woman in charge was an absolute animal. Yeah. Right? Or maybe that's progressive, though.

Because what if they made the first woman in charge and then she was amazing and everyone loved her and didn't make any mistakes? Everyone would be like, really? How annoying is this?

Oh, I agree with it. Like, I watched it and I was like, oh, you got it right. That's the best thing about the show. It's very realistic. Yeah.

The whole thing is being realistic. The idea that the fungus can mutate. The fungus can live. One of them would go in power and they'd be setting up everybody.

They set up the science of it. Oh, 100%. Did you know that the initial person that was supposed to play the Last of Us guy and the girl,

it was supposed to be Leonardo DiCaprio in a relationship. Did you guys? I feel like that was supposed to play the Last of Us guy and the girl, it was supposed to be Leonardo DiCaprio in a relationship. Did you guys? I feel like that was thrown off the vibe, though. I feel like that was him. That's a very different show.

Wait, wait, is it? No, it would have been an awesome show. Somebody said that the same age difference exists. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The same age difference between Leo and his new girl

and then the father, the guy and the girl in Last of Us. Joel and Ellie. Joel and Ellie, there you go. Leo would have killed it in that role. He would have crushed that. He would have been great. Literally, he would have crushed the girl in my show. Joel and Ellie. Joel and Ellie. Leo would have killed it in that role. He would have crushed that.

He would have been great. Literally, he would have crushed that. Fuck out of here. Yo, when y'all gonna speak up about Leo, son? What? This shit's weird, B. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

I'll say right now on the podcast, and I'm being right now, if Leonardo DiCaprio was starring in it with the girl. It would have been better. I agree. No, no, no, no, no. Because he would have been fucking. I agree. No, no, no, no. Because he would have been

fucking her. I'm not going to watch any episode he fucks her. I'll watch those for you. I'm okay with that. You would watch that? You could watch Leo? What?

Do that? What? It's acting, bro. You should know this better than anyone. It's real. It's not all right. It's not all right. I understand why people get upset. Yeah, bro. You see know this better than anyone. It's real to me, bro.

I understand why people get upset. Yeah, bro, you see? I understand why people get upset. Now you get it. Hey, listen, listen, listen. Now you get it. Y'all weird, bro. Y'all weird. Those episodes will be Mark's wild things right there.

No, that is a little crazy. Does Leo need to chill? Son, y'all need to call y'all mans out. 19 is a little bit, it's a little bit. Y'all need to call y'all mans out. What do you want us to call him out about? I don't know, but that's weird. White people don't have y'all need to call y'all mans out. 19 is a little bit, it's a little bit. Y'all need to call y'all mans out. What do you want us to call him out about? I don't know, but that's weird. White people don't have y'all mans like you guys do.

Yes, you do. I don't know Leo. I don't know Leo. You want to use the context clues of y'all mans. No, no, what he's trying to say is white people, we're not responsible for all whites. Yeah, but you're responsible for every black person ever and everything that you guys do. Exactly. LeBron with the championship, like we did it.

Yeah, exactly. We did it. You ain't doing it. We did it. I was in his gym shooting with him. Come on, son. But Leo, that's not our man.

Yes, it is. Even though we admire him not for that, but we admire him for his ability to act. You know how hard it is to act interesting around a 19-year-old?

You know how much? Maybe he's practicing. Maybe he's practicing acting interesting. Interested. I'm just looking at you. You don't even believe it. You don't even believe this shit.

I'm trying to help him. Son. The girl is younger than Titanic. No, but you know what's funny? What? Younger than Titanic. What does that mean? Titanic came out in 95.

And then her parents had sex, and then she was born. She was born in 2001? 2004? 2004 is crazy. She's never been on the earth while the Twin Towers were here. Son, son, son. She's three years after 9-11, bro. She's never even been on the planet.

She wasn't even conceived. She was still sperm by the time Osama did that. She wasn't even involved. She's got the perfect alibi. She was in high school during the pandemic, taking classes online. Okay, well, she might have got held back. That doesn't prove anything.

What do you mean? She might have got held back to two years. to do florida virtual school or some shit i don't know she might have got held back that to me i'm like the high school thing that's whatever son i don't even know what's going on i don't even know what you guys are debating leo is dating a girl who's 19 right yes she was in high school and that's wrong she was in high school he's 48 right well it's Well, it's creepy, yeah. It's creepy. Now, what none of us are doing right now. It's not illegal. What none of us are doing right now. Weird shit. What none of us are doing right now

is looking at her Instagram because that is going to change maybe the way you think. Because we've already done it. And some of us are a little bit quieter. I ain't looking no 19 year old.

No. You fucking nasty nigga. Nah, you nasty nigga. Get out of here, son. Get the fuck out of here, son. Hold on. Hold on. How old you gotta be to look at a 19 year old's Instagram? Because I know when you were 30 you was looking at 19 year olds. That's what I'm saying.

I'm saying, like, it got to be within a gap. Okay, what's the gap? What's the gap? Damn, this guy, this is crazy. This is crazy. Yes, I know. I'm going to say 10, 10 to 15.

Once you go beyond 15, it's toxic. You would look at a 15-year-old? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell is wrong with this guy? You're a fucking weirdo. First of all, do math right. You just said,

you would be 19. You look at a 10-year-old, too. He just said the 15. First of all, do math right. You're a fucking weirdo. If you do math right, she would be 19. You look at a 10-year-old, too. He just said the 15-year-old's the cutoff. I wasn't paying attention fully, but that's what you said. Yeah, he said no. You said 15's the cutoff. Clip it. I don't know.

That's what he said. You didn't clip that, bro. Nah, fuck that. Nah. That's what you just said. So you try and put it back. Speak more carefully. Yo, Mark.

I'm trying. Get her ass up on the fucking TV. No, he's too busy fucking having her bricked up watching his 19-year-old. You're weird, pal. I can't even finish a sentence right now. He pulled up a gram. He pulled up a gram. I was like, he said, you two.

Holy shit. What in the world? What in the world is going on over here? I'd be 10 to 15. She falls within mine. Yeah, that's your age. Fuck for Leo. That's weird. This is like when people are like, tax the billionaires. It's like, but not you. He's Yeah, that's your age. Fuck for Leo. That's weird.

This is like when people are like, tax the billionaires. It's like, but not you. He's like, that's what he's doing. What you mean? He's like, I can holler at her, but not him. Salim's 50 years old, bro.

Yo, punch mark for every second he don't get her Instagram. Okay, that's right. That's very crazy. I think this is it. Oh. I mean, yeah. Thank you.

Can I get my five back out? Hold on. Can I get my five back? No, you can't get one now. You can't get one now. Hold on, son. I told you. Hold on, son. I told you. Can I get my five back out? Can I get my five back? No, you can't get one now. Oh, Lord, son. I told you. Oh, Lord, son.

I told you. Y'all are crazy. This is crazy. 19 where? 19 where? Son, Leah. That ain't 19, bro. Leah's a sniper. Yo.

That ain't 19, bro. Son, this thing is crazy. Yo, yo, yo, make the picture bigger, bro. Make the picture bigger, bro. Come on, make the picture bigger, bro. That ain't 19. Come on, that girl look 32. Son, she look 32.

She ain't 19, bro. She 19? I don't know what's happening. I think so. I think she's 19. Don't go back too far. She's in there 14 now, Mark. You slid through 15 pictures.

I went back too far. That's all for the same year. This is all fine. This is an of-age person. She's allowed to go to war. I mean, Leo not that bad, guys. After 18, age a number, bro. Whoa.

After 18. Can she go fight a number, bro. Whoa. After 18, age... Can she go fight the Chinese, bro? No, but look... If a Chinese sends another balloon, we gonna send her and her balloons over there to fight the fucking Chinese. Is that what we gonna do? Ow.

Is she old enough? Nah, we're not. We're not? I don't know. That's the right answer. It's sick. Also, this is a fucked up headline. Leonardo DiCaprio is not currently dating a teen.

What does that mean? I don't know. And then literally the picture, Leo and a teen who is allegedly not dating. Son, that is wild. How are they allowed to run that? What is happening? They just try not to get sued.

Is she a teenager or is she not a teenager? She is a teenager. She's 19. She's 19. Why she a teenager or is she not a teenager? She is a teenager. She's 19. She's 19. Well, I just say he's not dating a 19. That's what the headline says. So the headline says

she's not currently dating a teenager. Okay, yes. I'm so confused. He dated a 19-year-old in the past. I'm so confused. But he was younger then.

43. He's 48 now. Is this like a sarcastic thing? I don't know. I think basically they're trying to- What the fuck age is she now? She's 19 So then he is dating a teenager. But it's not a

confirmation that they're together. So it's just rumors So it's allegedly they don't want to get sued so they're saying this is the 19 year old that Leo keeps hanging around but they're not dating So this is a satirical article Like you can't even be around a 19 year old without

the assumption of dating. That's disrespectful to him. She just has a book of puns. Like, what's wrong with that? Ain't nothing wrong with that. She's just telling him her puns. That's it. Come on, bro.

Why'd the scarecrow get in a war? You know what I mean? This is the one time that white people aging bad works out for you. Because this bitch looks way older than 19. You don't call a little girl a bitch. Yes. That right there, that's all bitch. That don't call a little girl a bitch. Yes. That right there, that's all bitch. That ain't no little girl.

That's full girl bitch right there. Right? And you ain't telling me different. That's going down, you fucking little... Yeah, yeah, you waffling. Yo, son, son, I swear to God, if we go down one birthday, we're going to jail.

If we go down one birthday, if you see a fucking candle on a cake in this goddamn fucking Instagram scroll, we're going to prison. You a wild boy for that one. Do you want to pull up feet pics? No. Not at all. Come on, bro. Nah. Yo.

This guy. These might be too old. These might be too old. These might be too old. Oh, that's funny. Oh, that is funny. I might have gone back, too. That's my bad, guys. Yo, son.

I'm sorry. I apologize to everyone. He spelled too far down. Mark, Mark, Mark, you're a fucking twisted son of a bitch. I didn't mean to. You're a fucking bitch. I'm sorry. Everybody watching, I'm sorry. Oh, my, right? I didn't mean to. You're a really, really vulnerable bitch. Everybody watching, I'm sorry. Oh, my God.

Leo, why'd you do this? He didn't even have to Google that shit. He had it ready. Leo can't even stand next to a woman without people thinking that they're going out. The audacity. The audacity, bro. There's got to be something sexist about that.

Why can't we talk about that? That's sexist to assume that he has sexual intentions with every girl he's near? Yeah. That's true. Why can't we talk about that? That's sexist to assume that he has sexual intentions with every girl he's near? That's true. Why can't he just be friends with a young buckaroo? Why would anyone think he has intentions with this girl? Sheesh. You see the picture of him in the bathing suit standing next to her?

Yo, chill out. His body's wild. No, his body's wild. What do you mean? Tell me the thing that you have. Come on. What are you trying to do right now? He's trying to get out of that. Miles, what are you trying to do right now? He's trying to get out of that.

Boss, what are you trying to do? No, tell me. Why are we judging Leo's body? Oh, please. No, no, don't do that. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So when we had him in a spin cycle the other day. Okay.

And we were called, I was calling him Uncle Luke. Yeah, yeah. So this motherfucker was- Mark, get this fucking child off the goddamn table. I'm sorry. Mark, come on. All right, cool. So we had Miles at a Spitz cycle the other day because he thought he was doing some wild shit

that he couldn't remember at the fucking karaoke party. This motherfucker started texting me. He's like, yo, who's Uncle Luke? Like, is that a good thing? Is that a bad thing? How am I going to come off? Yo, I got to read this shit. Can I have permission?

No, no, no. Okay, but he was going through it. He was going through it No, no, no. Okay, but he was going through it. He was going. You can't read it exactly, but you can paraphrase. But you can exaggerate it from memory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can exaggerate it from memory. It's way funnier how he said it.

It's way funnier. I thought he was going through it. And then he was like, wait, is this the same Uncle Luke that Drake said in his song? And I was like, yeah, that one. He's like, oh, okay. Yeah, boy. It's a compliment, kind of. Oh, fuck, kind of.

Anyway, look. Yeah, it's a compliment a little bit. Listen, listen, listen. Leo is out here doing Leo things. You know what I mean? Nah. For Al, it's a little too much. It's a little too much.

You think that he needs to stay. I think the older you get, the larger the spectrum gets. In other words, a 60-year-old dude can be with a 35-year-old woman. I believe that. And I think that you're okay with that. Yes, yeah, yeah. So he just isn't expanding his spectrum accordingly. Yeah, his spectrum is just staying.

Son, teenager is wild, man. Bro, that's wild. That's wild, right? For 48? Yes, I don't even care if you look older, but nah. We saw the IG. That's all I'm saying. You're wild for that.

We saw the IG. What are you saying? You don't look 19. You got to consider that, I think. Keep going, keep going. What do we have to consider? It's one year legal. You have one year cushion.

So there's no illegality issues. You guys are ethically ambiguous on it. Wait, wait, what? I'm not ambiguous on anything about that, girl. Indians is rapist. Hey, hey, hey. Now, to quote you, that bitch don't look 19. Son, that's a whole ass bitch right there.

That's goddamn. All right. This is true. She does not look 19. She doesn't look 19. Son, that's a whole ass bitch right there. That's goddamn. All right. But it's true. She does not look 19. She doesn't look 19. And I'm sure that he was quite frustrated when he found out

she was 19. Yeah. Right? He was like, damn. Crestfallen. He was crestfallen. I was like,

I wish you looked, I wish you were the age you look. That's true. Which is older than 19. That's true. He probably found out late. He was furious.

He probably thought she was 24. He had a son in the NDA and he was like, I gotta thought she was 24. He was eating out a sign of NDA, and he was like, I got to get my mom to do this. Yeah, that's true. He found out, yeah. And then he was like,

well, why would you need the guardian? And yeah, he was pissed off, and he fucking grounded her, and that was it. Yeah, exactly. That was the whole thing. Can he ground his girlfriend's low-key? Yeah, I think he can.

Really? You can tell her parents. Ground or... Yeah, I know. What ground? What? On the ground? Put baby in the corner.

Yeah. You just say, go away. Yeah, if you need What? On the ground? Put baby in the corner. Yeah. You just say go away. Yeah, if you need to. Do you think she puts little bibs on them when they're going out to eat and like scoops a little applesauce?

Wow. Wait, what? That's where he goes too far. You know what's crazy? Actually, it's quite possible he's older than her dad. There's a 29-year age gap. So if the dad had her before 29,

he's older than the dad. Call me daddy. Dad? Let me tell you something. If you're a 19-year-old girl dating a 48-year-old guy, you don't know how old your fucking dad is. The dad fail.

The dad fail, bro. There's a window. It's exactly how much older I am. That is the window. That amount a year. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Anything more than that

is fucking absurd. Tax the billionaires, dude. Tax them, bro. Tax the people that make more money than me by one dollar. That's it. Everyone that makes

one dollar less than me, don't tax them. Hey, I'm nine years older than my wife, and dad failed. Golly, bro. I'll tell you that right now. You ain't watching.

This guy is a maniac. I don't know what to do. Yo, what we gotta do is keep this part in. He's gonna ask us that. Yo, can you just cut that shit real quick? No, no, no, no, I'm okay leaving that part. Really? Okay, boy.

Okay, boy, I see you. So is my wife, I'm fairly certain. Woo! I just need to get her my wife, I'm fairly certain. I just need to get her permission and then I'll be back. I don't like this because the girl's Israeli. And she's a beautiful Jewish woman that could be. Cut it there. No, no, no, don't cut it there.

Fast forward it past that part, actually. Fast forward this part, cut what he said. You said you don't like her because she's Israeli. And that she's a beautiful Jewish girl and that she could be with an amazing Jewish guy. I don't think Leonardo DiCaprio is Jewish. He is Jewish. He is.

Is he Jewish? He's nice. Is he really? He's in Hollywood. Yeah. No, he faked his... His last name is fake. His last name is like Dershowitz

or something like that. Bro, that's not kind of... Look it up. There's no way. He's changed his name, bro. Come on, bro. He's Jewish, bro. Dude. If he wasn't Jewish, bro. Dude.

If he wasn't Jewish, you know what I mean? What? What? I don't know. He's not Jewish. Yes, he is. Look, right there. What's his real last name?

It's DiCaprio. I don't think he's Jewish. Well, you learn a new thing every day. It's a very Italian last name, right? It is. Leonardo Wilhelm DiCap last name, right? It is. Leonardo Wilhelm DiCaprio. Wilhelm. Wilhelm.

Come on, bro. He's extremely German. That's pretty Jewish. Yeah. Is Wilhelm Jewish? Or German. German. Or German.

They were hot enough. Not Jewish. There's a Schultz situation. This is Schultz. You were either on Jew or German side, you know? You never know. Who knows, right? You really don't know. It's a wacky toss-up. It is suchultz. You're either on Jew or German side. You never know. Who knows? You really don't know.

It's a wacky toss up. It is such a wacky thing. What could it be? Who knows? But all that to say I think she could be with an amazing Jewish guy like Dove.

I think it's fucked up that she's taking all these Jewish models. He really is. Yeah. And he's defiling them. I don't know what he's doing. I mean we don't know if he's defiling them. No I mean I think Leo's probably a good lover. Yeah I And he is defiling them. I don't know what he's doing with that. I mean, we don't know if he's defiling them.

No, I mean, I think Leo's probably a good lover. Yeah, I think he's a sweet guy. I think he's a great lover. I don't think he's an evil. I don't think so. You don't think he's a good lover? Nah. Yeah, actually, no.

I don't think he's extremely giving. I don't see him as, like, a gracious. You could be not a giving lover and a good lover, probably. That's okay. See, this is how I know that you're a good lover. No, I'm very giving. Bob and my jeans. Bob and my jeans.

I'm very giving. That's the only way I can be a good lover. I mean, I ain't getting no other way. I got to be giving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Generous.

Only way to be a good lover. You're not giving with the genitals? No, no, no, no. You don't got the inches? No, no, no. You don't got the inches? No, no, no. They take it more than anything. Wait, really?

Do you have an innie? Yeah, I have an innie dick. No. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Well, it's no fun like this. Let's just keep it going. Here's Tom Brady's new girlfriend.

Holy guacamole. She has an MBA and a Master's of Science. 5'11". Also Jewish. Those tits are 19 pounds. Shit. Ow, that's somebody's girlfriend. This is literally the new mother of his kids.

God damn. What is happening? I thought I was a violin. Damn. Come on, Al. Y'all not seeing what I'm seeing? That's funny. This is just a rebound Al. Y'all not seeing what I'm seeing? That's funny. This is just a rebound.

You know you're not taking this serious. I think it's just surprising coming from you. I expected it here, and I got it here, and I wasn't ready. He got me anted up. I don't think this is real. I don't think they're a real thing. I think she's using this. She's been like, they're real.

What are you referring to? I think it's real. What specifically are you referring to? I don't think the relationship is real. I don't think they're actually doing anything. What specifically are you afraid of? I don't think the relationship is real. I don't think they're actually doing anything. Why are people speculating about this? She's been saying I'm in love with him for weeks or months or whatever. She has this whole thing.

It's like a whole bit. And there's no actual—I don't see any pictures of them together. She just keeps playing it up. Oh, Al just gossiping? I think everybody's gossiping. Mark just gossiping? Yeah, I know. I thought you said Mark just gossiping. Mark just gossiping? Yeah, I didn't know how you put that on me. Mark just gossiping?

I don't know, maybe, because I actually, from what I understand, when I looked it up, I didn't see any pictures of them together. And this is like a bit. She loves Tom Brady.

She grew up loving Tom Brady, et cetera. And then she said something like, I have a big reveal coming this Sunday. But that, I don't think. I think that's why people think. You think Leo's girl

grew up loving Leo? Yes. No, Titanic might have been before her time. That's crazy. Yeah. Titanic was for sure before her time. Have we talked about Leonardo DiCaprio's incredible taste in young pussy?

Have we discussed that? Have we discussed his impeccable rookie signings? Listen, this man's ability, this man's ability to see, I mean, I'm trying to think of somebody that has had this much success. Like the Warriors. Yeah, the Warriors. Yeah. The Warriors.

Yeah. Bill Belichick. Mm-hmm. Like, who's signing? Nick The Warriors. Yeah. Bill Belichick. Like, who's signing? Nick Saban, because he gets them out of high school and they're just ready. You know what I mean?

This is Nick Saban. Joe Jackson. He's pretty good. Well, Joe Jackson was good also, but they were his own. Yeah. Nick Saban. This right here,

he's Nick Saban. I mean, like, nobody has scouted high school talent the way that Leonardo DiCaprio has. See, and recruiting. He recruits.

You know what I mean? Like, that guy's a recruiter. You know what I mean? They're ready. The way that Leonardo DiCaprio has it. See, and recruiting. He recruits. You know what I mean? Like, that guy's a recruiter. You know what I mean? They're ready. The guy can't miss. The guy can't miss. Five stars. You know what I mean?

Literally every recruit coming back to back. You said in back or on back? Both. Okay. Fuck. Is that a blue check, you think? If you meet a girl and you're like, oh, this was Leo's ex? Both. Okay. Fuck. Is that a blue check, you think? If you meet a girl and you're like,

oh, this is Leo's ex? Yes. Does that automatically raise her stock? Yes. You wait a few years, you know what I mean? Is it qualified,

you're saying, if she got her pussy smushed by Leonardo DiCaprio? Exactly. There's a lot of weird dudes out here. No, blue check, like, is it qualified?

It's your verified. I thought it meant that it would increase in value forever. You're so white right now. It's un-fucking-believable. I know. Un-fucking-believable. And you made that a stock reference, dude. God damn it, man.

I'm the Wolf of Wall Street, dude. Oh, we know. Yeah, yeah. We've seen you. We've seen you turn into the fucking werewolf of Wall Street, bro. We've seen you in that full moon come out, my boy. That full moon come out. Son of ears.

They started getting pointy. He started getting hungry. Hard, hard. He started getting real hungry. Don't stop. Goddamn. All right, mom. Can we get back to this?

Yes, let's just be serious. Can we just be serious? Yeah, let's just do Feelings, No Facts. Let's just go through a bunch of stories and just tell me how you feel without any facts involved.

Okay, I want to talk about them chopstick balloons that were flying over the United States of America. Yeah. Come on, bro. Yes, the Chinese Lantern Festival. Can we talk about

the Chinese Lantern Festival? Let's talk about it. That's all that was. Yomi Park? She's Korean, Alex. North Korean, bro. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck.

Come on, Sam. My bad. Come on. What sign is that? That's north, bro. You got to throw the ands up. Unbelievable. That's spying, bro.

All right, so they shot it down. It was flying over America for a few days. Yeah. Right move or wrong move? To shoot it down? Yeah. Come on. Come on, bro. Ben shot shot it down. It was flying over America for a few days. Yeah. Right move or wrong move? To shoot it down? Yeah. Come on. Come on, bro.

Ben shot that shit down. Yeah. Ben shot it down. Right move. Or do you think they left it up there to let everyone know, hey, China's a bad guy, and then shot it down while everyone was watching? I mean...

That's an acceptable reason. Mm-hmm. Maybe we were trying to extract as much information because we knew that shit would get damaged on the way down. But what information are we going to extract? Our own? We need to find out what they know about us.

That's the least Indian shit you ever said. Y'all know how computers work and internet and shit? That's an interesting point. You're like, okay, what? If it's connected to them, they spying on us.

Yes. I know what his point is. His point is like, they spying on us, so we just going to learn the shit we already know about us. But we want to know what they know about us. Yeah, but if we spying on us, so we just gonna learn the shit we already know about us. But we wanna know what they know about us.

Yeah, but if we can hack their shit, then we can get into all their stuff and find out information. Ooh, didn't think about that. You didn't think about that. Yeah. Reverse that genetic. They're not hacking

no Chinese computers. Come on. Boys, boys. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is like the third time they hacked us. They didn't hack us. They was flying a balloon over.

Well, they've hacked us before, so we ain't hacking them. They didn't hack us. They hacked us in balloon over us. Well, they've hacked us before, so we ain't hacking them. They didn't hack us. They hacked us in the 70s or 90s. Bro, bro, bro, bro. They flew a balloon, bro. They hacked us before Titanic came out, son. They didn't hack us, bro. That's not a hack.

Old. They didn't hack us. They've been hacked us. A couple times. That's how we took out Bruce Lee. This is the first time we took real action. We got that get back. And Brandon Lee.

Come on. I'm the whole family. I'm really thinking about it. Your faux faux make your kids don't grow. That is facts. It's a two-part. How did they do that, bro? Dude, that is facts.

And faux faux is spelled P-H-O-P-H-O, bro. No, no. I'm just saying. Listen, listen. But no, you were saying your little bullshit. What was you saying, your little bullshit? That's the first time we finally took action. Why you ride so hard for China, bro?

I hate China. I don't like China. We need to beef with China. Wait, wait. So you're not going to slide on China? Yo, you wouldn't slide. You wouldn't slide on China? I would slide on China.

Oh, okay. Make sure. Sorry. I'm about that life. All right. Let me see your slide. Yo. You ready?

Oh, I don't know. Let me see yours. Son, let me see yours. Throw a little heck in it. White as fuck, dog. Mad choppy. Mad choppy. It's supposed to be white.

A white guy created it. That's a good point. Chris Tucker. No. Where you been, bro? Wait, wait, wait. I'm old. You're on the pod when I slide,

when I did the fucking Kodak Black shit. You kept doing a Chris Tucker all the time. That's why I was like, what was this? Yo, you're the whitest motherfucker. I'm white, dog. Holy shit. I'm white, dog. Holy shit. I'm white, bro. That's what I don't get, though.

What is the Chinese weather balloon going to actually collect data-wise floating above America? It's above Montana. Like, I don't get what it was actually collecting. Where do you think we keep our nukes, Mark? But what can they not see from, like, everything else? They're trying to see if they point it to them.

If they don't know, we might go around the other side. That's my point. Or through. Why don't they go through? Oh, you don't think we dug a hole in China? Yes, that's my question.

You don't think we dug a hole in China? I think we have. 100% we dug a hole. I think this is a decoy. That's how them motherfuckers got here, probably. Ooh. Came out your nose.

No, it didn't. A little bit. No, it didn't. A little bit. Do you know what year it is in the Chinese New Year? No. Do you know what year it is? Bunny, I think?

Year of money? No, bunny. Oh, bunny. No, no, no. I don't think bunny's one of them. Do you know what year it is? I don't. Rabbit.

I think it's the year of the rat, right? Come on, man. Well, I think it's the year of the rat, right? Come on, man. I think it is, actually. Do you know what it is? Come on, bro. Why are you doing that? Why am I doing what? That's the maddest sentiment, man.

That shit is fucking super racist. Yeah, man. I guess, too. Why you do that? That shit is super racist. We were having fun here. Who is it racist against? Come on, bro.

You know who it's racist against. Come on. Against who? That gigantic, fat, fat fucking titted North Korean that's going to come on the podcast in a week. That's who it's racist against, bro. Did you look it up? How long does it take?

It's so hard to tell. It's a rabbit. I was right. Of course you're right. You're in the fucking middle of it. You didn't see them bouncing around for checking the rent? He's crazy. Shut up. Top three favorite rabbits.

Go. Oh, bunny. Bugs. Okay. Guys, come easy. What? Roger. Bugs, number one, bro. Stop it. I was thinking that vibrator joint. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, come easy. What? Roger. Bugs, number one, bro.

Stop it. I was thinking that vibrator joint. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that was fire. That's probably number one. Energizer? Energizer. Fire. Bee rabbit?

Bee rabbit. I think the best rabbit. Also fire. But anyway, yeah, it's the ear of the rabbit. So why'd you ask that dumb question? Oh, man. Fuck you, Mark. Oh, man. Fuck you, Mark. He's like,

he might have to slide on you. Don't slide on me, bro. He might have to slide on me, bro. Damn, Akash, where the fuck you been, bro? This motherfucker thought we were talking about Chris Tucker. God damn it.

I looked at him, he goes like this. Do you remember the whole convo? I didn't listen to the lyrics. I just saw you dancing. god damn it. I looked at him, he goes like this. Do you remember the whole combo? I didn't listen to the lyrics, I just saw you dancing. That's it. This is one thing we all kept going, when I slide. You are old, bro. I don't know the song, dawg. I don't know the song.

We watched Super Gremlin on the podcast. Yo, people, if you don't want to know what WASH looks like, that is right here. This is WASH, dawg. It is right here. This is wash, bro. It's right here. That's the first time in my life I heard Super Gremlin was when you played it on that video. Damn, bro.

I ain't listening to it. No, you're not wash, bro. You cool as hell, bro. That's so cool. You're the coolest fucking host. He'll come back. No, you're the coolest guy. He'll come back.

You're a cool-ass guy. What's cool? Me not listening to it or you singing along to it? Oh, no. If we're debating whether I look cool or not. Okay. We in it together is all I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no. You're cool. I'm not cool. No, you might be cooler than me with that slide. No, no. You might be cooler than me with that slide. No, you got off-white on, you cool-ass guy. Oh, yep.

Oh, that's true. You are cool, bro. That's true. That's true. You're a cool-ass guy. I didn't have the jacket my wife got me three years ago Nah, don't try to do this Yo, you're cool as hell, bro

Vintage, vintage You got vintage? That's a good point I'm very cool You are cool Look at all Look at this shit Down to the shoes

Goddamn Come on, bro You're right You are cool, bro You're a cool motherfucker Thanks, dude I pulled my hip a little bit doing that just now That's cool, bro That's cool, bro You a cool motherfucker Thanks dude I pulled my hip a little bit Doing that just now

That's cool bro That is cool That's what's cool About you I'm washed in the new cool You know what I mean No You're not washed

You are the coolest guy In the room Oh thanks man Hey thanks man Son you are cool Hey thanks guys That's awesome I'm a cool person

If we call him cool or washed It's still not funny Either way bro I don't know I'm a cool person. If we call him cool or wash, it's still not funny either way, bro. I don't know. I'm trying to find the right way to make it funny. Say fucks much. Say fucks much. No, no. Say that one. I can't say that one.

Fuck. That one. Fuck. Fuck. Damn it. We have to find the game. Okay, let's go. What do we have?

Another topic? Yeah, Sam Smith is being all gay and also the devil. Son, the Christians... He's always gay? Yeah, he's always been gay, but the Christians... He's been gay a long time.

I don't get it. No, no, but like, when are the Christians going to realize they've just been used by the music industry to sell albums for years? That's good.

They're the outrage engine of the music industry. It's like heavy metal. It's Sam Smith. Also, my man is gay. He's being what you think he should. That's what I was thinking. That's my point. Everyone's always like, gay people are going to hell, and he's like heavy metal. It's Sam Smith. Also, my man is gay. He's being what you think he should. That's what I was thinking. Everyone's always like, gay people are going to hell. And he's like,

I'm in hell. Sign me up. Stop it. Don't do it that way. He's paying homage to the guy that you say that he loves. This is your idea. He wouldn't even know what the fuck hell is unless you said gay people was going there. Yeah. Is he just biting Lil Nas X?

Lil Nas X also did it. Christians got all upset. But I mean, that's the same shit. Lil Nas X, gay, mad devil shit in that video. Musicians have been playing on Christians fearing the devil. They're just the first two gay people to do it. All I'm trying to say is like, yo, if you're Christian, you can't be mad if a gay dude is

embracing hell. That's your fault. That is your fault. That's true. Say he's welcome in heaven. Now you can have a problem with it. Yeah. Who's this? That's Sam Smith, bro.

Oh, she's trans? Wait, who is that? Bebe Rexha? That's Kim Petras, I'm pretty sure. Who's Kim? No, she is trans. Petras trans? Yeah.

Oh, I call that shit. Bitch, I'm trying to take a shot. Bitch, I'm trying to take a shot. A broken clock is two times the right of day. Something like that. This fucking guy, bro. Why don't you say a word about his outfit? I did.

I told you about his ankle shot. You trying to hate right now? I am. I'm really trying to hate right now. I did not like this one. Why don't you like it because he's dressed like Bill Murray in that boat movie? What's that boat movie? Nah, that's not.

You're not getting him. Life Aquatic, son. That's really good. He's Life Aquatic, son. That's good. Come on, bro. No, no. Oh, you think he looks like a lawn gnome?

You think he looks like a lawn gnome? Don't let Mark get into the pictures because you toast once he gets in the pictures. I know. Technology. Yeah, but he had this one cooked up for hours. When Mark gets in the pictures, I stay wet he gets in the pictures. That's his technology. He had this one cooked up for an hour. When Mark gets in the pictures, I stay awake. Yo, why don't you just all shoot it? Why don't you just all shoot it so I can get this one up? He had this shit up for an hour, B.

I did. Hey, I had it up for two hours. That's crazy, bro. Oh, yeah. Wait a minute. No, no. You don't think he looked like it? No, Mark dressed too regular.

I already thought about it. I'm getting bullied into neutrality. That's the thing. I just dress normal and no one says anything. You look like Captain America before. I like that. Because the shirt's all big? Yeah.

Guys, you got to explain it. It's really funny. Hey, guys, if you explain it, you know it's hilarious. Google Life Aquatic, though. That was fire. No, Life Aquatic, I got you on that. That was fire.

I got to Google that one. I don't know. If you got to Google it, it's really funny. That's a great reference. It's good. That's a great reference. Come on, son. Great reference.

Okay. But look, in all seriousness, it is him, son. It's good. I give it to you. It's fucking good. In all seriousness, can you give me another topic, Mark? Yes. I don't know if we spoke about these Chinese balloons.

We definitely did. What? We talked about them in a second. The Yomi Parks, bro. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She is from North Korea. She's a defector from North Korea. How do you know?

You did mad bad on that test. I got everyone right on that test. No, you didn't. The test in a little bit? The test in a little bit? That's how nice I'm with it, bro. God damn, I think we might be taking a test.

I think you're taking a test later. I think we might be taking a test a little later. I don't think you know your Asians. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Fuck you. What type is this one? What?

What type is that one? That is an Indian guy. Thank you. He's a mud drilling is an Indian guy. Thank you. He's a mud-drilling Indian. Thank you. Thank you. You know what I mean? Compromise.

You know, you find it. Okay. But seriously, can we get back to this? Yes. Son of a bitch. Francis Ngannou has accepted a fight with Tyson Fury. Oh. That's not the way to respond.

Oh, Hazzy. Hazzy. respond. Oh, Hazzy. Oh, Hazzy. No one's sad. No one's sad about it. That's what I needed. We needed to shake fucking Akon. I was just bringing up a story. He's accepted a fight.

I wasn't sad when I said it. I wasn't being sad. Dickhead. What? You're a fucking jerk. I wasn't even sad. I was just saying. You're a loser for that.

He accepted the fight. You're a loser for that. He accepted the fight. You're a loser for that. Francis Ngannou, Antis and Furious, scheduled. Actually, I don't know the schedule, but they have accepted

the fight. It's a big fight. And I'm not happy about it. Why aren't you happy about it? Because I'm pissed off. Why are you pissed off? What's bothering you? What's got your panties

in a bunch? What's got your butt lips tuckered after a long day on a range? What? What? That's not a saying. What has got your mouth chapped? Yo, what's up with you, bro? What?

What are you doing to your cat? Why is your cat always scratching you? Oh, no. This is just one time I was playing my cat. Are you fucking your cat? No, I'm not fucking my cat. Are you doing that kitty flesh fight thing again? Okay.

They call it a pussy, but you don't fuck them. Yes. Also, you don't think I can fuck my cat without getting it scratched? It's a small cat. It's literally a tiny cat. I don't think you could. You could absolutely not fuck your cat without getting it scratched. Yes, you could.

What are you talking about? You killed it first, obviously, but then it's no fun. Yeah, that's true. You wouldn't have to kill it. You could just push it down. It's not hard. It's a small cat. I don't think you can fuck a cat, dude.

I think you should... No. He's mad confident he can fuck his cat without getting it scratched. There's no chance. It's a small cat. I don't think you can fuck a cat, dude. I think you should. No. He's mad confident he can fuck his cat. There's no chance. Without getting scratched. Easily. You fucking your cat. No, because I got scratched.

That means I was playing. No, you're just like, ooh, let's get rough tonight. We're talking about a cat here. A cat has the ability to shapeshift. Shapeshift? Shapeshift. It's kind of true, but you don't think you can fuck a cat? No, no.

Without getting scratched is the big thing you put in there. Yeah. I couldn't. Son, it goes wild and shit. I would imagine. I ain't a cat fucker like you. Are you? I never fucked a cat. Nah.

But I don't think it would be that hard. Are you like forcing your cat into being affectionate? You're like holding it too long and then it scratches to get away? I will do that. Which is almost more sad than fucking. You do the peanut butter on your nuts and you have it like it? Cats don't like peanut butter. Oh, they don't?

It's time that out. Oh, you're talking to Harlan. So there I am. That's how you got scratched. Yeah, I ruined our peanut butter for no reason. It's fucking, it's frustrating. Why did you ruin the peanut butter? Because I put my whole dick in the peanut butter, dude.

Just to find out cats don't even like peanut butter in the first place. That shit's annoying. You took it out of the peanut butter jar. Oh. I did it in American Pie style. Have you still eaten the peanut butter after a dick's been inside? I'm not going to let it go. To wait.

It's crazy, son. Yeah, you're not going to throw away perfectly a peanut butter. It's my dick. Wait, wait, wait. You put your dick in the jar and your peanut butter. What?

Wait a minute. Who's on first, guys? Oh, that's why he won't let Miles live over there. That was too much peanut butter fucking going on. Actually, after hanging out with Miles the other night, I completely understand why.

Like, no way. No one's fucking my cat but me, Miles. No, not even that. I'm talking about the party. That's my point, dude. He gets around a cat. He has a couple too many. Oh, he's unpredictable, this guy.

Okay, listen. Nobody. Francis Ngannou's going to fight Jon Jones. What? What are you pulling up, Mark? That's the wrong article. No, that's not it. No, he just...

No, Tyson Fury, Francis Ngannou, I love this. I'm actually, and I think Tyson Fury is the best heavyweight ever. I genuinely think he's the best heavyweight ever. I am concerned about this because when boxers, boxers use their gloves. They're thinking about doing the four-ounce gloves. He said they're doing

four-ounce gloves. So yeah, so it's like boxers use their gloves to block punches. And obviously UFC fighters can as well, but more punches get through when you have these

tiny little gloves that just kind of wrap around your fist. When you have these kind of bigger mitts, throwing it up here, another mitt is coming. It's just two big things

kind of hit. It's easier to defend. And you're talking about a guy who's been boxing every day since he was a kid. You can't relearn your defense. Yeah. And he's a great defensive fighter.

But my concern is that those four-ounce gives Nganou a chance because you know how Nganou has learned how to defend? He's learned to defend against four-ounce. Against four-ounce, yeah.

Right? Yeah, that's a great point. So it is something where I'm like, I hope that he gets some sparring in with the light gloves, and I hope he sees, oh shit, certain punches are getting through. I can't engage the same way. Well, he had a quote that at the time was convincing. He said something like, yeah, I know he punches hard. He's the baddest man on the planet, but I've also been punched by Deontay Wilder.

And it's like, that's a good point. But then I didn't think about the fact that more small punches are getting through with four-ounce gloves. You've been punched with eight-ounce gloves or ten-ounce gloves, whatever they fought in. You haven't been punched with four-ounce gloves. It's just knuckle. Yeah.

I mean, like, it's, at that point, and with that amount of weight, it's like, but it's kind of cool that he took the fight on those rules. So I think it's the only way it's remotely close. 100%. Yeah. Now, I think it's fake. You So I think it's the only way it's remotely close. 100%. Yeah. Now, I think it's fake.

You don't think it's actually confirmed? No, no. I don't think they're going to really go all out and try to hurt one another. I think it's a money grab.

The fact that you have Tyson refereeing the fight is like, he's never reffed a fight before. Yeah, that part's kind of strange. That is strange,

but how hard is it to reff a fight? Especially if you box your whole life, don't you know, and it's getting too, like, whatever? Get in there. It's the same guy

who chewed somebody's ear off. Yeah, he's going to understand the frustration. I mean, shout out to Mike, man. We want him on the pod, so I won't talk shit about him. But I think it's a great idea. I'm going to say what you said.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My name is Mark Gagnon. That's not true. Why'd you do a white voice when you did that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's very strange. He'd be like,

oh, my name is Mark Gagnon. That's how you sound. No, you do a white voice when you did that? Yeah, that's very strange. He'd be like, oh, my name is Mark Agnon. That's how you sound. No, don't use white people's voices for your fucking pleasure, bro. I liked it. Son, this is Black History Month. You better watch out. I'd do whatever the fuck I want this month. Oh, shit.

So I just got to let you talk like a fucking dignified human being? For no reason, dude. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Yeah, I think, I'm buying it. I hope they both make fucking boatloads full of money. I think it will be a real fight.

I think you just get two guys in a ring fighting. I don't, especially if they're competitive, I don't think they're going to take it easy. Like, Tyson Fury's the best at what he does and Ghanu's the best at what he does.

They're putting him in a ring. I can't see them both being like, hey, let's take it easy. Like, Tyson Fury's the best at what he does and Gano's the best at what he does. They're putting him in a ring. I can't see them both being like, hey, let's take it easy. Like, they're in their prime. I think it's going to be like how Mike and Roy Jones was where it's just going to be like Mike started to go

full in, but Roy was just like pop shots, move, pop shots, move. Like, he wasn't really trying. Roy's in his 50s or whatever. Roy's fighting somebody again. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, there's a fight coming. I forget what it is, but I saw it. But yeah, he's fighting somebody again. Somebody, yeah? Yeah, there's a fight coming. I forget what it is. I saw it. But yeah, he's fighting somebody again. Somebody said something. There's a saying apparently like boxers don't retire because they can't hit anymore. They retire because they don't want to take hits anymore. These guys haven't retired.

Those guys had both retired. Now, Roy's coming back, so maybe whatever. But I can see Roy 20 years out being like, I don't want to get hit no fucking more. Francis Ngannou and Tyson Fury, I both see them being like, I don't mind getting hit hit no fucking more. Francis Ngannou and Tyson Fury, I both see them being like, I don't mind getting hit. I want to win. I hope it happens. I'm definitely talking about it. Sign him up. Let him do it.

I think Tyson wins because it's his arena, but the reason why heavyweight boxing is so compelling is that anybody can land. It doesn't matter if the other guy's bigger. And the force behind that punch is crazy. So it's like, anybody can land. We doesn't matter if the other guy's bigger. And the force behind that punch is crazy. Yeah. So it's like,

anybody can land, we're going to watch because even if there's a 10 to 1 favorite, if he gets hit, the amount of pressure that is created at that weight

and that skill is putting him out. So it's like, people would watch Deontay Wilder fight Tyson Fury again. Yeah. Even though he won easily.

That's why I'm surprised. Not easily, but they would watch and again and again because they know it's one shot. Yeah. That's why I'm surprised you think Tyson would win because like- He gets clipped. Yeah, he gets clipped.

He's gotten dropped, and he got dropped with 10-ounce gloves. Now he's going to get dropped with a four-ounce glove? That's a whole different story. Yeah. I don't think he comes up from that. That's interesting. That's interesting. That's interesting.

That is interesting. Now, I will say that Francis Ngannou has never boxed somebody of Tyson's caliber. That's my only thing. I don't think he didn't start getting into fight sports when he was like 20, right? Yeah. Now, he did start with boxing.

I think that was the actual thing. He first started even back in, I think he's from Cote d'Ivoire? Cameroon. Oh, Cameroon. Yeah. Okay. My people. Yeah. Okay. A lot of people.

Respect. So he did start boxing there, so he has some pedigree in that, and that's what he believes that he's good at, and clearly the way he knocks people out in the UFC is like he's striking. But the skill level of Tai, you're talking about the best heavyweight ever, and the most challenging ever to fight. A guy of that, he's 6'7". It's crazy.

His arms are massive. How tall is Ngannou? I think Ngannou's probably 6'5". Yeah. But still, he's up there, but still,

Ngannou's not sparring guys. Or maybe is he 6'9"? I don't know. He's fucking massive. Francis is 6'4", 2'58". I think Tyson's 6'9". I think 6'9".

I mean, just massive. And skilled. Like, it just doesn't happen. The footwork, the hand movement, like, the head movement. You know how people say Shaq's footwork is crazy? For his size. For his size.

That's what it seems like here he is. But it's very impressive that Francis is taking the fight. He's like, yeah, I'm going to get in, never boxing, going up against the greatest heavy whatever. I love Francis, but what other option did he have? So, surprisingly, Francis does have a lot of options. I mean, to make, this seems like eight-figure payday. Oh, you're talking about for the most money.

For big money. Yeah, for the most money, of course. But he does have other options. He could sign with Bellator. He could sign with One Championship. He could do other like private fights against other guys for whatever reason. Not private, but like the one-off type of things. So he does have places he could go.

But to make real money? Yeah. It's Anthony Joshua, Deontay Wilder. People would say, do you see Deontay Wilder versus Francis Ngannou? Tyson Fury. Like, we're literally looking at the most destructive human being alive, Francis Ngannou, against the most destructive boxers alive, and we will pay top dollar to see any of them.

Yeah. He is in a great situation, and this is why the UFC fucked up, I think, in my opinion. He's going to make way more money not being with the UFC, even if he loses his fight. The one fight, he's going to make way more money. I was thinking

that. So now it just further incentivizes all the UFC fighters to be like, let me get out of this shit, and then move on. It's almost like a developmental ground at this point, it seems like. And then you'll get your big payday. Like, you climb to the top of UFC and then at some point there's a massive payday waiting. And they're like, look, we paid you what we paid you. You want to go get a big payday.

Go fight a boxer. Go get a figure somewhere. I don't think the UFC is saying that at all. Yeah, I guess they're not saying that, but I think that's what it could become. Like, at a certain point with UFC, if they're not going to pay you, you could be like, all right, well, that's fine. You don't have to pay me. I'm going to go do – I think what happens is UFC will have to change their model.

But UFC does not see themselves as a fucking developmental ground. No. And look at Conor coming back to potentially fight. You need the action. That's the lights. That's the stardom. Yes, go make – he's 36, Francis. Make your big payday money right now.

But if you want some engine to continue exposing you to the world, that's UFC. Yeah, I mean, UFC made Francis, there's no question. He also did great within the UFC to make himself. But yeah, he did it. But the UFC, if Francis goes and has success and these other people go and have success, they're gonna have to find a way

where they don't become the developmental ground. The last thing they want to be is the thing that builds up guys and then they go make all this money. They want to be part of all that money like they were with Conor. The biggest payday the UFC probably ever made on a fight was the Conor Mayweather fight because they were the promoter on Conor's side. So it's like, you need that. I'm just shocked that they wouldn't just do, hey, go out, get that money, we'll do one fight with whatever, and then you come back to us.

Yeah. Matter of fact, Francis, if he wants to, he can go do that fight. If he wins or loses, can come back to UFC, and they'll have to bump it up. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But then UFC looks a little, like,

they look like they lost because they weren't willing to give him the money. Now he come back and he's going to ask for more money. And then if you cave, it's like. You want to know something crazy, though? And you're right, but you want to know something crazy? If Francis wins that fight, okay, he is solidified as the baddest man on the planet. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay? Mm-hmm. is solidified as the baddest man on the planet. Yeah. Okay? How can a fight promotion be the top fight promotion

if they don't have the baddest man on the planet? You have to empty the book. If he goes to any other one, immediately, they are legitimized at least at the same level. Bare minimum, whatever heavyweight fights you got going on in the UFC, they ain't the ones.

Yeah. And that's not even that expensive to legitimize an entire promotion. Think about that. Like 30 million? Whatever it is, it's like you take that investment from Saudi, you take that investment. Saudi is what I was saying. They'll throw ungodly money at anything. And then immediately legitimize.

That division is legitimized over UFC immediately because France has cleaned out the division. Except for Jones. And Jones still got to beat Cyril Ghosn. If Cyril Ghosn beats Jones,

it's one of those things where it's like too much. It costs you too much to not pay. I don't know if there's probably a better saying for that. But like,

it's like when a tech company has to buy that upstart. It's cheaper to keep her kind of thing. Literally. Literally. It's like it costs your brand too much, it costs Prada too much to not have a place on Fifth Avenue, even if it loses their money. But if they need to be

seen like those other stores, you gotta be on Fifth Avenue. Yeah, it's tricky. What do you think of Conor coming back and fighting Michael Chandler? I mean, I just love it. We don't care about belts. Let's just be honest. We don't. I know.

We care about the most compelling, interesting fights. It's really what it is. Like, whether or not Izzy's fighting Pereira again for the belt doesn't matter to us. Yeah. We know that that fight is going to be an absolute mayhem situation. Yeah. So, that's why we're tuning in. And it's like, I know for the guys

who are fighting, like working their whole life to achieve that accomplishment, I don't want to take away from that 100%. But for the fans, we want to see the most incredible fights with the storylines that are engaging. That's more real than the belt. We see through the belt and we go, yeah, it's not really real. Like, yeah, you won a bunch of fights in a row, that's cool, but like

two guys that actually hate each other? Oof. Like, that storyline is incomparable. Story, you said this before. Story is the, I think, end of Game of Thrones. Story is the most powerful thing in the world. Yeah. Nothing will compel us like story.

So even if, like, Izzy doesn't fight Perretta, and then he loses, and then they fight each other, not even for the belt, I'm still going to tune in. I'm still tuning in. It's with Nate Diaz. It's like, he's a perfect example. It's like, we just want to see this guy in the fucking ring. And I do love that about the belt, I'm still going to tune in. I'm still tuning in. It's with Nate Diaz. It's like, he's a perfect example. It's like, we just want to see this guy in the fucking ring.

Yeah. And I do love that about the UFC is that they're willing to make the most engaging fights. Yeah. I think it's really cool that Conor's willing

to do the tough coaching because he's going to be one of the coaches for the ultimate fighter. They have that series. That's right. So he's a coach and Chandler's a coach

and then they fight at the end. And Conor's worth so much money. Yeah. To take that chunk of time yeah out of your life that's like a big commitment yeah yeah i think he has to because like he's lost too many of his last fights where it's just like i don't think he got but he could just retire he's rich as fuck no i know that so it's like right now he's i think it's more so like, hey, I'm building the brand back up. I want to be looked at as that guy. One, I'm going to coach all these guys.

I'm going to win Ultimate Fighter, and I'm going to win this fight. I think it's just like all. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe he could need some time to... A little tie-dye right there? I just did.

Now, maybe he could need some time to get back into the testing pool. Yeah. That's kind of what I think. Maybe. I mean, like, also, if anybody going through injury that doesn't use steroids is an idiot.

It speeds up the reproductive process. It allows the muscle to build up faster. It allows everything. The cell growth is faster. Like, it should be legal to use. The regenerative process. It allows the muscle to build up faster. It allows everything. The cell growth is faster. It should be legal to use the regenerative process. It should be legal to do it, I think. But those are probably different steroids than Winstroll and Tren and shit, right?

I can't imagine jabbing yourself in the ass is the same as, oh, I'm going to do my ankle steroids and shit. You wouldn't know. Right? You knew them shits real quick. See? You've been off of it. That's why you're not healing. I'm going to give my kids

steroids 100%. You know, Messi got that. And I was like, can't you just give any kids steroids? Did he get growth hormone? Allegedly. No, I think that was confirmed.

No, he got HGH. No, I mean, the fact that you're going to give your kids steroids, that's like... Fine, I'm allegedly definitely going to give my kids steroids.

That's awesome. Why would you give your kids HGH? Why is that abuse? It is. Why is it abuse to definitely give your kids steroids that I's awesome. Why would you give your kids HGH? Why is that abuse? It is. Why is it abuse to definitely give your kids steroids that I don't have? That guy's abusive.

How is it abuse? Am I hearing this? Y'all are going to be sad when my kid's abusing your kids if they're playing basketball or something because my kid's going to be seven foot. You're going to raise a bully? Yeah.

There you go. Look at that. He's going to be a gentle giant. He's going to be like Tyson Fury. He's going to be 6'9". You don't think all these giant athletes weren't on a little bit of HGH when they were kids? A tiny bit? You're saying Tyson Fury's on

HGH? When he was a kid. That's not illegal. There might be something to this. That's not illegal to be a 5-year-old. He doesn't know what he's doing. Someone just gave him What about a girl? You're going to give her some fake tits? I'm giving her HGH. You're going to give her real fake tits. That's awesome.

There's nothing wrong with that. If you love your kids, that's what you would do. Facts. Yo, we got the homie coming through. Yes, sir. Very funny dude, good friend of ours from way back, so we bringing him through right now. We got to do that, but right before we do that,

I just got to give a huge shout-out to our boy Nick Sonnenberg. This is not our homie that's coming through right now, but this is a shout-out. Come Up For Air is out right now. This is our boy. He's a brilliant dude who does optimization for the most famous, successful people on the planet. So the people that tell people what to do with their lives and how to make their lives better, he tells them how to make their lives better. Now, I'm not talking about like emotionally.

He's not going to coach you through like what to do with your relationship. The kid's a robot, okay? Hasn't felt anything in the entire time that I've known him literally just like this. Okay. Boom. A total Elon. That being said, he's a genius. And if you're looking to organize small business or we're going to organize big business, if you are at your job and you're like, how can we improve this? How can we optimize it? How can we make our lives better? You want to get this immediately right now because he's giving you all these tips that he charges fucking tens of thousands of dollars to all the leaders of industry. He's giving away for you right now in this book. So make sure you get Come Up For Air for my boy, okay? Or from my boy, Nick Sonnenberg. And we love you, Nick, and best of luck with

absolutely everything. Guys, stand-up comedy update. I've booked a show. I have booked a show. August 27th. Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Okay? I'm coming. We're doing the Great Outdoors Festival.

Prince Island Park is going to be wild. If you're from that area, you already know what it is. 5,000 people. If you're not, maybe you want to go check it. But that is the first show that I've booked. So make sure you go get those tickets. TheAndrewSchultz.com will have a link up on the website. Go get them right now.

It's the first show that I've booked. I'm very much looking forward to it. Calgary, we had a show locked in for the tour before, but we had to cancel it. So hopefully we see all you guys out there. I'm excited, and I'll see you soon. Peace. Also, guys, tour dates, February 9th through 11th. This week, I am in Sacramento, California

at the Punchline Comedy Club. Next month, March 9th through 11th, I'm going to be in Miami, Florida at the Miami Improv. Two show dates just added, and we got a lot more coming, guys. July 12th, I'm going to be in Huntsville, Alabama at Stand Up Live, and July 13th, I'm going to be in Nashville

at Zany's Comedy Club. Guys, a lot more show dates are coming, so go to akashsingh.com to get your tickets. Now, let's get back to the show. And we're back, and we're joined by hilarious comedian, friend of the show. Honestly, one of my first looks on TV

came through I think you as well I fought for it he tried to get me with you on the show and MTV was like nah the amount of fighting that we had to do to get him on MTV it was really nuts they were like genuinely like no

he really truly did not like me we got Gareth Reynolds I thought we had Santino on again nuts. They were genuinely like, no. They really, truly did not like me. We got Gareth Reynolds. Hey, what's up, Gareth Reynolds? I thought we had Santino on again, bro. I was like, shit. I want to know what's the whole deal. Why did they say no to Akash? I could never get an answer, but I was

like, we became buddies just hitting open mics and I was like, he's fucking hilarious. And then they basically, they were like, no. And I couldn't. He was really fighting for me. I really was because I was like, he'll be hilarious., they were like, no. And I couldn't. He was really fighting for me. I really was, because I was like, he'll be hilarious. And they were like, no. And then it was like, Schultz, yeah, they were like, for sure, let's go.

And then Akash, they were like, no. We love that guy. Yeah. And who was the host? It was Hasan was the host. Yeah, Hasan Minhaj was the host. Really? Was Hasan tainted in the well?

Do we have to look and see? No, no, no. Only room for one. No, no, no. Only room for one. No, no, no. Hasan was fucking coming for you. Put us on. If you were keeping. No, no.

What was the name of the show one more time? I don't know if I should say it anymore. Philosophy. Philosophy. We are coming for that ass when we find out. Only room for one. Only room for one. They didn't say it out loud, but come on.

They said no out loud a lot of times. Repeatedly, like four calls of no. So you pitched multiple times and they said I was serious. I was like hitting mics and then I was also producing the show so it was basically like I was like, oh, does this person be great or this person be great?

I got a couple on that way so I just figured it'd be easy, but no, the like strong they built the wall they did yeah they built a wall i did a uh i did a show on mtv there was like a dating show it was i mean yeah one of the next no it wasn't next i wish i did next that would be fucking dream. I was about like 11 when that show, when Next came out. But this, I forget the name of the fucking show. Jesus. Yeah, me too.

That's how old I am. I thought it was called Next. Bro. It's always been a blur. I wanted to shift topics. No, no, no. But it wouldn't be Next. No.

It was called The Hookup. Oh, yeah, The Hookup. Oh, right, right, right. And they would not, like, I did not want to do this fucking show. I remember I did the pilot, and I was like, fuck it, I have to do it because I was, like, signed to MTV. So they wanted to put me in a show that I would do it.

I did the fucking pilot, and I remember when they called to tell me the show was picked up, it was like, they were like, we got it. And I was like, congrats, guys. You should probably get, are you looking at new hosts? You guys should maybe keep looking. I think we might find a great one out there. Bro, I tried to get Akash on as a writer.

They said no. It is a writer. It was behind. It wasn't even in front of the camera. I think this guy's behind this one, too. You know what's crazier? The other two writers they had for the pilot just didn't show until like four hours before we filmed it. And they were still, and me and him wrote the whole thing and they were still like, nah.

Like we rewrote. I don't even remember. We rewrote the whole thing. They said no. And I said, just keep coming to work. Yeah. He did say that. This is fire.

This is fire. Literally like Costanza, which I don't know that reference. Horrible show that this probably filmed. And awful comedian that it's based on. Literally. Don't know what you're saying. Oh, man. But, uh... Literally. Don't know what you're saying. Yeah, I don't know

anything about that guy. But, um... That is white privilege. What is that? To show it up to a building expecting them to be okay with it. Yeah.

If I did that, they'd be like, yo, call security, get this guy the fuck out of here. No, that'd be racist. Yeah, exactly. That's true, they wouldn't. You know how...

They would also probably think you're security because of your history as a cop. Yeah, exactly. That's also true. You don't think they wouldn't be threatened by Akash they would also probably think you're security because of your history as a cop. Yeah, exactly. That's also true. You don't think they wouldn't be threatened by Akash showing up? That's also true.

I'm showing up in a building. This is 10 years ago, him pulling up to the building? Akash was in a room writing with people that were employed when he wasn't. Yeah.

For days. That's fine. And then he just kept them showing up and shout out to the showrunner. He was just like, fuck it, you want your boy to work on it?

And I was like, oh no, he's already working. He's been hired. Yeah, no, the cool thing he did, I think the exact story is I think they were like,

we'll make your friend a writer, just please stop harassing the execs. I think that's what they told Andrew. Wow. So harassment

gets you somewhere. Yeah, this is good. You didn't push hard enough is what we're trying to say. No, I mean, again,

he couldn't have just showed up on the panel. They'd have been like, pretty sure that guy's, there's like not a fourth chair. What's he doing? You know? Move over, Jared.

Yeah, you shoved Jared. You know, they called him Nakash at MTV. That was like a nickname. I didn't want to say it, but we're getting in the weeds. Okay, so you've given up producing television shows to be a stand-up comedian. so you've given up producing television shows to be a stand-up comedian.

Television shows have given up having me produce them to be fair. I didn't want to say it like that. No, but that's, I mean, I'll be honest. Okay, and then, so break this whole situation down. How do you do that transfer? Well, honestly, because I was hitting so many mics here, I really just started, like, doing stand-up consistently. Yeah, yeah. You know, I was hitting so many mics here, I really just started doing stand-up consistently. Yeah, yeah.

You know, I was featuring for a while. Then my podcast got kind of big. And then from that, with TJ, I was able to start headlining. And then it's really just been like that. I mean, I still work in TV. I still write on stuff. Do you want to make more shows? Are you done with that?

Is that era of television done? Like the kind of, it was like almost game show-esque. That sort of stuff? Yeah, that's, I mean, like part of the problem is cheap is now like the new good with that stuff. So it is sort of like. It's back. I mean, that sort of stuff is always getting produced.

I think as far as like creative stimulation, that is kind of the lowest hanging fruit, you know? Yeah, yeah. If I could make a show that was like a good scripted show, like some of the stuff I work on and write on is like that, that I enjoy still. But you can't beat, like when the executives are ruining your idea

or telling you who you could put on stuff, you can't beat like the reaction of a live audience, like in a club, writing your own stuff. No notes, as you know, obviously. Like not having anyone tell you what you can and can't say is super addictive. live audience, like in a club, writing your own stuff. No notes, as you know, obviously. Not having anyone tell you what you can and can't say is super addictive. So I like it better like that.

So the stand-up special is out right now. England, Weed, and The Rest. What is The Rest? The Rest is the stuff that didn't fit into the two first buckets. And I wanted to keep it in for time. You stopped smoking weed before you filmed the specials. You had to like change your jokes, right?

Well, I had all this weed material and then my buddy was like, but you stopped smoking weed. And I was like, yeah, is that a problem? And he was like, yeah. So then I had to write stuff about not smoking weed. Wait, why'd you stop smoking weed? Well, I was doing a cleanse for ayahuasca. Because you couldn't get me on the show.

Yeah, I carried a tremendous amount of guilt. He tried to get Amitash's life together. so he was like, I'm going to get clean. Yeah, I did a lot of ayahuasca to purge myself of that. Yeah, and part of the thing is you don't smoke weed leading up to it. And then, like, you know, through the experience, I was like, I think I'm done smoking weed. And then I just was. That has happened with a few things, too. So you're just trying to prep for more drugs, and so you just quit.

Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, you want the hard hits. So I was just like to prep for more drugs and so you just quit the other drugs. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, we want the hard hits. So I was just like, but then so it just kind of filtered out. And I mean, I'm talking like, I've smoked weed,

like I'd smoked weed like every day for like 20 years or something crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I lost bong weed too, not just like

hitting the ball, like yeah, bongs. Wow. Yeah. Were you high when you were pitching Akash to the network? I didn't know he wasn't

until I came in. Maybe he was high when he thought I wasash to the network? I didn't know he was until I came in. Maybe he was high when he thought I was funny. Yeah, that was the problem. I would see him like he would audition and be like, I don't know

what I was thinking I had to do. It's not going great. Did they ever give you a straight up reason? No. This is so funny to me. They just didn't think

he was funny, which I was just... Wait, they said that? We're like, we don't think he's funny? I think that was fucked up. I'm finding that out in the wrong way. Why are you sharing these personal details?

You asked me to. That is some fucked up shit, dude. Are we even filming? You're a scumbag, dude. Smoke weed again, you piece of shit. I'm so sorry. I think you need a six-shot out of son. Fuck it. Pakistan forever!

That's funny. Did the ayahuasca clean you out? Did it get your brain nice and right? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. There's stuff where you're like, you go in like, you're like,

I want to know this and that. Who's the fucking insurance guy you look like? What the fuck? I thought it was going to be about ayahuasca. No. I've been trying to think about it

for the last fucking 10 minutes. The commercial, everything's going bad. Mayhem? Oh, Mayhem. He looks like Mayhem. He does. But what is, which insurance is it? Is that Progressive?

Allstate. No, Allstate is the black guy with the deep voice. The guy from Major League. You're talking about Dean Winters from the Allstate commercial. Allstate, yeah. Oh, they're both Allstate? Yeah. Oh, is he?

You know insurance companies got money for two ad campaigns, right? Wait, they got rid of the black guy? Yeah, the black guy's not on. No, no, no. Oh, they're both Allstate? Yeah. Oh, is he? You know an insurance company has got money for two ad campaigns, right? Wait, they got rid of the black guy? Yeah, the black guy's not on. No, no, no. We're talking about Jake. We're talking about Jake from Safe Farm. There's a different black guy, 24 black guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But maybe they did get rid of him. And Heat. That guy was a legit actor. It was crazy he was doing insurance commercials.

That does look like me. That's me fighting for Akash. Oh, that's... Okay, sorry, go back. Okay, what were you saying? Ayahuasca. It was driving me fucking crazy. Well, I mean, it's going to drive me crazy for theash. Okay, sorry, go back. Okay, what were you saying? Ayahuasca. It would drive me

fucking crazy. Well, I mean, it's going to drive me crazy for the rest of the day, to be honest. Oh, this is good. To look like a

fucking movie star? He was on Oz? I don't know about movies. What do you mean he was on Oz? I mean, that's not a movie,

though. You're talking shit to commercial guys? No, no, I'm not trying to start mayhem, B. I think you can

try to start mayhem, B. He wasn't on philosophy. I tried to get him on. He said he didn't to start mayhem, B. He wasn't on philosophy. I tried to get him on. He said he didn't have enough Band-Aids. But I went into ayahuasca being like,

all right, I'll see what happens. And then, yeah, it does. You get like, first of all, you feel like real good for a while after. Some gay shit happened? No. Yo, I don't believe that. You don't believe that anything gay happened?

Nobody has like some gay shit happen. Well, what do you mean? You mean, like, what, you come out of there with a breaker? You're going to see trolls, you're going to see this, you're going to see your fucking dead sperm that would have been your kid, but you don't see one dick and go, I need to suck that. That's more DMT. DMT is like seeing trolls.

It's the same thing. DMT is the experience you get from ayahuasca. You start seeing MTV exactly. DMT, DMTV. Have you ever watched that, Patrick? It's not good. It doesn't make any sense. No, DMT is more like

what's released when you're born, when you die, when you dream. You can smoke it, and that is where you have a ten-minute version. Ayahuasca is much more like you kind of leave your body, and literally the front lobe you feel like is wide. Like the third eye.

The third eye shit you see all the time. It does feel like that is open and then you're kind of having like... Does a dick ever slide into her? I don't know. It was hard to slap against her nose and eyes. Is that why you haven't

done ayahuasca yet? I'm worried. Because there's not enough dicks? Ayahuasca. That's how I pronounce it, Al. That's why. It's ayahuasca. But for real, dude.

Going in and out. I am a little worried about that one. You're not worried about that? No, I'm good. Bullshit. I think you throw up because you're making room for all the cunt. Yeah, yeah am a little worried about that one. You're not worried about that? No, I'm good. Bullshit. I think you throw up because you're making room for all the cunt. Yeah, yeah.

Or you're full of it. Or you already got loaded, yeah. That's the one thing you're allowed to eat. Yeah, you get one thing. I came having had. No weed, only semen. Strict diet. No, but there's no crazy story.

Everybody's like, I have this all tragic story, this, that, the other. Nobody comes out with that weird gay shit that was part of it. No, I never, I didn't. How many times have you done it? Five times. Not one gay thing? All right, all five. Thank you.

Jesus. Okay. He's good. He's good. How good is he? He's the best. No, never. I mean, you have,

there's tons of crazy shit. Like? Like, I was telling him, like, I mean, every time I've done it, I've cried at some point. That's pretty gay. Not in anything, huh?

That's pretty gay. Yeah, it's fairly gay. I like crying. To me, to me, that's gay in the best way and not gay in also the best way.

Thank you. Crying is fire. Yeah, crying. You also, the first time I took it, my grandma had died, like it timed out crazy. So she died like five days before I took it. time I took it, my grandma had died. Like, it timed out crazy. So she died, like, five days before I took it.

Then I took it, and then I was sort of, like, opened up to, like, oh, wow, like, maybe we're all part of this galactic stew. And, you know, she, like, so we're all interconnected. And then so I go to England for the funeral, and my mother, who, like, looks at me as, like, the guy who smokes bongs every day, I'm coming up to her and being like, well, she's still a part of us and she's still with us. Memories are what keep her alive forever. And you know, my mother's going like,

who the fuck is this guy? Yeah. Like, so there's a lot of that shit. Like it changed me from like fully atheist, way more agnostic, way more open to like there being, you know, some higher purpose in some way. Why doesn't the Catholic church use this? Why does the church not use this all the time? Talk that shit. They're always like, oh, some higher purpose in some way. Why doesn't the Catholic church use this?

Why does the church not use this all the time? Talk that shit. They're always like, oh, send people to a different country and go talk to brown kids about believing in Jesus. You guys need a marketing consultant. How do you know that they don't? Where do you find ayahuasca? I don't know. Peru or some shit?

South America, right? Yeah. Most Catholic region of the world. I don't think that's a thing. It's like the Da Vinci Code. You know what I'm saying? I'm just saying. I believe it. Maybe the Pope fact. It's like the Da Vinci Code. You know what I'm saying? I'm just saying. I believe it.

Maybe the Pope put it there. Maybe the Pope put it there. I don't think that's a fact at all. That's possible. You don't find ayahuasca in Iran or Iraq. Yep. But those people believe in God a lot, though. So what's happening there?

That's a good point. I should have went somewhere else with it. Yeah. Try that again. You don't find it in Amsterdam or Norway or Sweden. It's all over Amsterdam. They love drugs in Amsterdam. No, I'm like, fuck, man. God with it. Yeah. Try that again. You don't find it in Amsterdam or Norway or Sweden. It's all over Amsterdam. They love drugs in Amsterdam. No, I,

fuck, man. God damn it. You got a lot of good pushback. What's going on here? Holy shit, man. Well, what the fuck point you want me to make? Okay?

Australia. What fucking point you want me to make? You lost me, bro. I was on your side, too, and now you lost me. God damn, you did get lost.

This is like him pushing for Akash. Like, get Akash out. We're not talking about Akash up in Alaska anymore. We were never talking about Akash up in Alaska. All right, I never pushed for him once. Jesus, I didn't even have a show. Thank God.

Okay, no, okay. But yeah, if you just send people around the country, around the world, like missionaries with ayahuasca, every person that does ayahuasca is like, yeah, I believe in God now. It's like the most surefire way. Okay, so you believe in God, so why don't you believe in Catholicism? Yeah.

Come on, dude. What I hate about religion is the specificity. Whoa, bro. I'm open to the, well, what I don't love about religion. Yeah, thank you. That's better. Thank you so much. Is the specificity. Yeah. So I'm open to like... Not the pedophilia. Yeah. No, I mean, look, to each their own.

You haven't tried it? Well, you don't know that, but... So, you know what I it? Well, you don't know that, but so you don't know that shit. Well, maybe. But it's like the idea that we know exactly what this,

like with like Christianity or like, you know, the idea that it's like people view God as like kind of like this Matthew McConaughey like bearded dude in the clouds

to me seems a little bizarre and the fact that we have all these specific edicts and stuff like that. Most of this was written down by a guy who claimed that he was talking to God and that's always a little red flaggy for me to think that someone had a direct line. So you don't like the edicts?

I don't like the specificity. I think if you look at most of the religions for the most part, there are a lot of uniting factors which are about love, kindness, a lot of the stuff that is in a lot of the scripture, these things. But they do get lost, I think, when you're dividing people into camps. And that's why all these fucking wars start. I mean, people are always fighting religion wars, like religious wars. people are always fighting religion wars,

like religious wars. And I just think that that stuff, if you actually kind of just boiled it down to like a couple of things that are very uniting factors, you would find that people would have a lot more in common. That's a good point. Love, peace, women stay inside.

Harmony, helping, you know, like those things I think are... A lot of religions say women stay inside. No one ever brings that up, huh? No, well, in my religion, they get to go outside. They are allowed to? Oh, yeah. Okay. Only outside. up, huh? No, well, in my religion, they get to go outside. They are allowed to? Oh, yeah.

Okay. Yeah, only outside. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Inside is for the men. No, no. Go outside as long as you want. Yeah.

Weeks. Weeks at a time. Especially during the big game. Your whole podcast is about history. Not that kind. Yeah. Oh, the good kind. The not racist history?

Well, no, okay. It's super racist. When you started in 93? Yeah. Yeah, when we were stopped racism. Yeah. No, the good kind. Well, yeah, racist history? Well, no, okay, it's super racist. When you started in 93? Yeah, when we were stopped racism. Yeah. No, yeah, my podcast has tons of, like, I mean, the country's history is extremely racist, and they never teach it.

What did you say? You said your podcast has tons of what? Tons of what? Well, we go through, like, the history of America. Tell us the history of watermelon. Tell us the history of watermelon in the United States of America. Everybody thinks they're delicious, and as they should, equally.

Let's move on. Okay. Nothing. Okay. That's it? No, it's my podcast, American History. You're looking my way right now.

I forgot you were here. I'm so sorry. I hear that a lot on your podcast. We'd love to have you on. Let's talk about it. No, let's talk about these things, Garrett. Well, there's a ton. You'll be on three, five, seven episodes. The story of Thanksgiving. Yeah, let's talk about these things, Garrett. Well, there's a ton. You'll be on three, five, seven episodes.

The story of Thanksgiving. Yeah, let's talk about the story of Thanksgiving. All right, so that's one where it's like you're taught, you know, you're taught your whole upbringing as a white kid. That's indifferent. Talk about that. Why are you just saying food? Talk about the history of fried chicken.

You were just talking about Thanksgiving. I'm not sure the first person who fried it, but God bless them. And now I do believe in God, actually. Yeah, that's better. This is fun. Yo, it's fun being on the black side around white people. I don't want to be the white guy. He's the white guy.

He is the white guy. And we're the black guys. Fuck. This sucks. Tell us about walking really slow crossing the street. Oh, my God. Look, I mean, the hand's blinking. Take your time.

Wow, this is powerful. I know your time. Wow, this is powerful. I know, man. Wow, this is powerful. This is great. Do it to him. Do it to him now. Do it to him. Okay.

Hey, hey. Hey. Yeah. Cracker. Yeah. Cracker. What are you doing? I'm trying to take this shit.

What are you doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey there, Cracker. Okay. Yeah, why don't you tell us a little something about the Louisiana Purchase? Cracker. Come on there, cracker.

That's a white fist. You know what white fists were used for back in the day? What were they used for? I mean, how far back? Think about what you used that white fist for 100 years ago in America. I wasn't here 100 years ago. Writing a lot of oppressive legislation. My family was in Canada, really.

Oppressive legislation. Oppressive legislation. My family was in Canada helping runaway slaves, so I actually think that's a good thing when you think about it. So you're welcome. Every white person want to be Canadian. Right? Every white person's like, oh, I'm Canadian when we talk about race. Oh, I'm from Canada. Yeah. You a

cracker like the rest of you. You a cracker ass cracker. You a cracker ass cracker. Nah, bro. Nah, bro. We're going to talk to you about some real race shit. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Oh, you thirsty all of a sudden now? Yeah, why you so thirsty? Huh? Huh? What you drinking

in that little thermos there? Yeah. Got some Kool-Aid in there? I bet you do have some motherfucking Kool-Aid. Why am I drinking Kool-Aid? Drinking all our products. Probably don't even know how to put sugar in there, you fucking white, hunky-ass, cotton-hunky. What's this made from? Cotton?

Goddamn, boy! Yeah, it's Egyptian cotton. It's made from cotton. You know what's he got the extra big size? So black people can pick more. Is that why? Wow. That's fucking racist. This is Egyptian cotton. This know what's he got the extra big size so black people can pick more. Is that why? Wow. That's fucking racist.

This is Egyptian cotton. This is actually from Egypt. It's really expensive. That's still black people, dog. They're in Africa. Original slaves. What does he have to do with any of this?

Huh? Don't say his favorite word. Can we make some money off something? Yeah. Is there a profitability? Did someone say profitability? Listen, all I'm trying to say is

you crackers start acting up, the question's going to come to you. When was the Emancipation Proclamation signed? When was it signed? The first time? Yo, you see how he's using my old tactic?

I know, I know, right? You just repeat the question? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When was this signed? Say again? Yeah. When was this signed? 1863.

I don't think that's correct. Might be. All right. I think that's pretty close. Don't put me. You're Mr. History, right? No, no, no. I quit that podcast minutes ago.

You're Johnny Reeds a lot. I distanced myself from that show hours ago, bro. He's fucking right. You're right, white boy. I think he's close. You're fucking right. Now, 1863 is right. It's Black History Month.

I've been reading, dude. Have you? Mm-hmm. What you've been reading? Right now, it's a self-help book. Self-help? Yeah. Really?

Yeah. Are you three-fifths fixed? Sorry, I stepped on that one. Iceberg Slim is another great book. Are you familiar with Iceberg Slim? No. You haven't read that? Well, I mean, you could have stopped without the that.

No. I like how he stopped before. You haven't read? No, I haven't. He's been smoking weed for two decades. No, no. Bro, you got to read about Iceberg Slim. Okay.

What to do when you're pimping and you got to get rid of a girl. You can't just leave her. Uh-huh. What do I do? Shit. You want me to give away the whole book? Chappelle talks about it. Yeah, I mean, I don't like reading.

Sometimes you got to break a bitch, bro. Yeah, you got to break them. It's either break them or you find someone else to take them. Are you a breaker or are you a taker? I mean, I've done a lot of ayahuasca, so I guess I would probably, I would want to let her down easy, but I guess, I mean, I guess take her. Nice. You would, you would take someone, wouldn't you?

Well, yeah. That's what they do. That's what they do. That's what they do. That's what they fucking do. I can't believe I tried to get you on my homeland 400 years ago. Oh, no.

Yeah! Yo, you sure is a takeoff. I see it. I see it. Mr. Reynolds. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Finally, the respect.

Talk about your YouTube special now, cracker. Okay, well, it's not the easiest segue, I'll be honest. But I'm not above a plug. Yeah. Yeah, I am a white guy. Put it out on Black Motherfucking History Yeah. Yeah, I am a white guy. Put it out on Black Motherfucking History Month. Yeah, I'd love to. It's called England, which is a country.

Oh, no. They never did anything wrong to black people, historically speaking. Look, look. You're a motherfucking historian. Look, they have apologized privately many times for what they did. Privately.

It's called England, Weed, and the Rest. And you can go to garethreynolds.com. Again, who I think is white, but I don't know. And there's a special link. But again, I think that... That's what they call The Rest. The Rest. Yeah, The Rest.

Oh, that's what it's called? No, well, I can look... That's what you call him, The Rest? I'm actually going to change the title, I think. I don't know if I'm beyond being able to do that, but I definitely think this title. Should change it. What should you change it to?

The death of a comedian. Yeah. Now we onto something. Yeah, I like that a lot better. Now we fucking onto something. Whatever you guys, you guys can pick. I'll call it that. You guys.

Maybe I'll call it, no, you want them to pick. No, no, no. No, you want them to pick. Don't do that. What do you want them to pick, Garry? Do you say we should stop? Decide, decide. Whoa. Whoa. We should them to pick. What do you want them to pick, Gareth? Did he say we should start picking? Design.

Whoa. Pick it again. Wow. I think you should vote about it. As you always should do. Honestly, you got to have that one. Fucking close. Yeah.

I feel like I cut the bomb wires with two seconds left. Yeah. Bomb wires? Oh, here we go. I don't even know what that one means. You know what it means, Gareth. I don't know what that one means. I don't know what the fuck does that one mean. That was racially charged at me and my people.

Oh, shit. Because that's what Huston did to your show. No. Come on, bro. That's not fair. First of all, we don't know. I thought comics do on ridiculousness. Oh, come on. Shout out That's not fair. First of all, we don't know. I thought comics do unridiculousness. Oh, come on.

Shout out. Come on. Shout out Rob Dyrdek. Nobody can talk about that little keychain-looking motherfucker. You look like a keychain. You ain't never want to snip Rob Dyrdek and just click him onto your keychain and walk him around? I don't like jokes.

You never want to do that? Oh, yeah, all the time. Shout out to Rob Dyrdek. Oh, fuck. What? What? What? Rob Dyrdek killed a black man to have success?

That's not true. You can't just say that. I think it is true. I'm going to jump on it. You better win. Rob Dyrdek murdered a black man to have success? You can't just say that. I think it is true. I'm going to jump on it. You better win Rob Dyrdek murdered a black man. That's 100%. Sacrifice a whole black man.

You can't just say they murdered people. He's big. He was five-thirds of a person, really, when you think about it. He murdered, yeah. Oh, man. That's a hell of a person, really, when you think about it. You're murdered, yeah. Oh, man. That's a hell of a fraction. Oh, that's great. Oh, that's a bunch.

All I'm saying is, Rob Dyrdek paid the ultimate price for his success. Are you willing to pay for it? Well, yeah. Yes. Wow. I guess I'm a little confused on the question. willing to pay for it? Well, yeah. Yes. Wow. No? I guess I'm a little confused on the question.

Are you willing to sacrifice a minority for your success? No, no, no. Thank you for being clear. No. Not one? Not one? No. Not one. You can pick the minority. You get to pick the minority. Now, first of all, I don't see color. But think about how many minorities

you can help with your money. I don't like it. I'm not signing this deal. Really? You don't see color, but no. But think about how many minorities you're going to help with your money. I don't like it. I'm not signing this deal. Really? You don't want to help minorities? Wow. You can make all the money in the world. You just got to kill one minority.

It's a single minority. Very good. There's probably one that's almost dead. Look, I'm going to get dropped from Allstate if I'm not careful. You are. No, I would not. You just got to knock them over. What do you mean?

You got to knock one over. Just push them over? They're almost dead. Knock them over. What does that mean exactly? I don't know. I don't kill minorities, Tucker. No, God damn it.

He's good. Obviously, he's good. I'm just saying, you could kill one. You get everything that you want. Got to be a minority, though. Got to be some melanin. No,, though. Gotta be some melanin. No, no. Gotta be some melanin.

Oh, no, no. Gotta be it. I know. Gotta be it. No, I can't. What is this? Why white people always do that when they're uncomfortable? Yeah, listen.

That's what they plot into. Right? What the fuck? That's that Mr. Bird shit. It's going to get started. It's going to go like this. Just one A. Yo,'s that Mr. Bird shit. It's going to be a plot to go like this. Just one, hey. Yo, get that webbing untouched.

You can do more than one, I guess. I don't know. Is there a quota? Well, I don't like the idea. You want to kill more than one? No, no, no. One more too little for you? No, no, no, no, no.

I would like a half. I mean, just coma toast I think would be plenty. Maybe just like dead temporarily and then brought back. What was he saying right now? He was trying to do that little fucking slick white shit where they just say something and it means nothing. What I heard is like, I'll kill 6,000 of them. Well, I don't think that's fair. That's what I heard.

I don't. I didn't. Weren't you the sort of—I thought you were on the white hot seat for a while. I had nothing to do with this. I've already killed plenty of people to be here. Don't talk to this fake cracker. Fake cracker? He ain't even a fucking cracker.

I'm a cracker. Why am I not a cracker? That's a good quote. No, you're not a fucking cracker. I'm a cracker. Why am I not a cracker? That's a good quote. No, you're not a fucking cracker. I'm a cracker. I am a cracker. How dare you? I'm a cracker.

The audacity to take my cracker and I'm coming. No, you're not a real fucking cracker looking at you with that fat, thick ass. He ain't no real cracker with a fat, thick ass like that. Look at him sitting down

with his pelvis all high. I'm a cracker. You know what I mean? He down with his pelvis all high. I'm a cracker. You have his pelvis all high, son. His pog ass motherfucker right here. Why are you calling me a cracker?

That's the cracker right there. You, you're not no fucking cracker. Let me be a cracker. No, you're not. Let me be a cracker. You're not a cracker.

You're a Bolivian or something like that. Yeah, you're a sneak. You're a sneak minority, bro. But you, on the other hand, you're going to have to kill some browns. Hell, I... you're going to have to kill some browns. You're going to have to kill some browns.

I don't think I can. I really... The more actually we get into the conversation, the more I'm secure with a no. It's a pass. It's sort of like when I pitched Akash. It's a hard no. It's a hard no. You can kill a ginger.

They're like mutants. That's fine. I mean, minorities. Yeah. I'm fine with it. Believe me. Wait, are you even considered a ginger? I mean, minorities? Yeah. I'm fine with it. Believe me. Wait, are you even considered a ginger? I mean,

I guess. He's a half. Because your hair is brown up here. You just ginge up on the face. So you're opting in to ginge. I don't want to opt in, but what can I do? You grew your full facial hair. Or do you just only eat box on heavy days? This is box scruff.

100%. I thought it was like dyed. Yeah. No, it's blood dye. See? People do dye it. Indian people often dye their beards. What? Red?

Sometimes orange. Wow. That's a bold move. They put mendi, but it goes orange if it's gray. Oh, yeah. No, I would never do that. That seems... First of all, that's appropriation.

I'm not okay with that, As my people have been through enough. They have. The English? The red English, yeah. We can't go to beaches. They're not in the royal family anymore? Yeah, they got kicked out of the royal family. Yeah, exactly.

Why are you afraid to go to the beach? Because of the sun. What about the sun? It burns us. And when it burns you, does it make you snatch up a bunch of black people and take them with you wherever you're going to go? Absolutely not, no.

That's not what you do when you're in a relationship? How do you not know what a sun is? I know what a sun is. You just asked him what the sun was. I said, you my son. Right? I didn't ask him what the sun was. This is getting crazy.

Yeah, you did, bro. I don't know what's happening right now. I don't know what's happening either. It's so much fun. I don't know what's happening right now. I don't know what's happening either. It's so much fun. I don't know what race everyone is in at the current moment. That's what we need. Is this like ayahuasca? I put it in the water, to be honest.

Oh, my God. Dude, ayahuasca. Yeah. Did we talk about how gay that is earlier? We did? Yeah, yeah. There were dicks going in the third eye hole. No way.

Yeah, it's the shocker. No way. It's the spiritual shocker. Yo, but why don't you blink that shit and be like, psych. Well, it might hurt the guy. The shaman would get hurt. Oh, is it the shaman's dick? I mean, I don't know.

I couldn't see. I thought it's a family member. Wow, that's insane. Because you often see family members when you're deep in an ayahuasca-induced trance. Oh, yeah. You saw your grandma? Well, yes, but I don't think her dick was anywhere. You saw your grandma?

I mean, I sort of, like, loosely, no, no. She didn't have a dick. Well, thank you. Yeah, that's my point. It's a grandma. Yeah. This is a dead grandma, guys. We're still remembering this, right?

This is a dead grandma he's talking about? How long? Well, now she's dead. How long ago did she die? Like, ten years ago. So you're good. Six years ago. Oh, six is... I'm not great at math. Come on, bro she's dead. How long ago did she die? Like, ten years ago. You're good. Six years ago. Oh, six is...

I'm not great at math. Come on, bro. Come on. Too soon. Yeah, we can't joke around about that. We can't joke around about that. That's too soon, bro. That's fucked up.

You out here trying to have jokes about your grandma's dick? Look. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not trying to joke around about that. That's serious shit. Was it Cirque, though? Say again? Was it surf?

No. No? Wait, your grandma's not Ethiopian? No. He's a cracker, bro. What exactly is going on? I don't think we should joke about your grandma. I don't either.

No, no, no. I'm pushing back. We're not going to joke about my grandma. Thank God. I've seen pictures of my grandma. Have you met her? Never met her once. Really?

Never met her once. Okay, well, there you go. Dad. We're definitely not going to make jokes. But I still feel like I might see her one day. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I saw a picture of a once shocking resemblance to my dad. Wait, are you mad about it?

You know that happens. A little bit. I don't know why I was, but I was a little bit. You know what I mean? Yeah. But shout out to you if you're up there. I love you. Likewise.

Sorry about the dicks. And apparently so cool, grandmas. Grandmas are the shit. Were you close with your grandma? Yeah, very close with my grandma. No, that's not okay. No, no, no. This guy's crazy.

This guy's crazy. This guy's crazy. Nope. No. No. Listen. She's a peach. Yeah. A piece?

Is it a piece or a peach? Oh, okay. What the fuck is going on here? A peach. She's a peach. Yeah, it was. So she had a fat ass? Is that what you're trying to say? No. Come on, bro. A peach emoji? Come on, bro. So she had a fat ass? What are you trying to say?

No. Come on, bro. A peach emoji? Come on, bro. You can't be talking about your grandma like that. Bro, that's crazy. To talk about your grandma like that. That would be crazy, but no. Don't talk about your grams like that.

I would never. No. You're saying she got the peach back there? No, she was like a gem. She was a gem. Yeah. Okay, that's better. Gem is better, but the stammer is a peach.

Well, you know. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, like, now I do. Because you were trying to say, Graham's got the apple bottom. No, that's better. Gem is better, but the timer is a peach. Well, you know. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, like, now I do. Because you were trying to say Graham's got the apple bottom. No, I would have said, what is, no, no. Oh, I thought you said she had the bread box. The bread basket? The bread basket is crazy, bro.

No, bro. Well, now my mother has to avoid this. No, no, no. We're not talking about your moms, bro. No, no. That's a violation, bro. You were trying to say that your grandma had the bread basket and enjoyed the pumpernickel every once in a while.

Look, run back the tape, goddammit. Don't tell a black man to run. I was going crazy. You know how crazy that is? Wow. Run back the tape and me say run back the tape. No, bro, we can't do that. What did you say to your grandma when you saw her?

I didn't even see her. I just felt comforted. I felt comforted for the fact that she was okay. Who is that? What's that peach? Yeah. No, I just felt like it was alright. Like it wasn't as like, you know, it wasn't, I see Andrew doing stuff

out of the corner of my eye, which is trouble. But no, I just felt like comforted with you know, the fact that she wasn't around, but she was still kind of there. That's what I felt. They're all there, man. Yeah. That's what I think. They're all there.

Yeah, it's like they're all, you know, they're all there in some way. And that is what matters. They're inside us, too. I'm not going to snitch. Nice try. I'm not falling for that one. You got me on a couple. That one, no.

What are you even talking about? Yeah. I don't know. Your grandma's inside you? My grandma, I never met her. Well, so how could she be inside you? She can't. I never met her. Okay. But maybe some shit Right? Right?

But maybe some shit that was from my grandma got inside my pops then got inside me. So your dad was inside you? Facts. 100%. My dad's all up in this. Now, if I said that, I feel like I'd have a hard time. Yeah, because you would probably be sucking on your dad's dick. That's bullshit.

Me, I'm just saying that there's an influence, clearly. But you were going to make it all sexual for some weird fucking reason, man. Wait, so now is your dad circced? No. There's just a whole lot of uncircs? You got to stop talking about your family, bro. He's English. He's not circced.

Why can't you do that book again? Yeah, English, not circced. He was born in England. We're not circced, bro. Hoodie boys, let's go. I don't know. I mean, I was born in America of English people. But again, I mean, they don't have a great history either.

Who? Circed or no? Yeah. Oh, there you go. Damn it, clean. Sorry. Yo, man, we don't want to talk about your dick, bro. That's what I came here to talk about.

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Where's the dick cam? I'll show it. That's what white people always do. Look at my dick. Hey, look at my friends. We're very proud of what we've been given. Yeah.

Do you do that white thing where you and your white friends tuck your dick between your legs and then make it look like you got a vagina? Yeah, Buffalo Bill. You dance. Silence of the Lambs shit. Don't we all do that? Yeah, Pussy Boy stuff. I love it.

I do that. That's so funny. It's awesome. Can I really do that shit? Yeah, it's really fun. How do you guys propose that game? That game? Yeah.

It just kind of naturally happened. You're born into it. You see your dad do it at parties and you go, well, when I'm a grown, I'll do that too. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. It's a hot look. The first time you saw your dad do that at a party, were you in front of him or behind him? Well, I was first in front and then

I was behind and it looked like he was pooping a dick and that worried me. But then I learned that that was just what we call behind the scenes. Behind the scenes. It's a different game. Yeah, it's a different game. BTS. Yeah, exactly. BTS. What's your favorite BTS member? I like them all equally. Really?

Yeah. There's not a specific one you like? No. Not Hayar, Judo Chop? No. No, sir. No. You don't.

No, no. No? Hold on. You're trying to tell me there's not one specific BTS member that you really like. I'm being really clear. A hundred percent. You know you already lost your show, right? You can just have fun with these questions. Yeah, no, I'm still trying. There's something I can salvage. I want the commercials. Listen.

I want the mayhem commercials. The mayhem commercials are very important. What I'm trying to say is if you were to say objectively, if you lined up all the BTS members in front of you, right? You look hairy. Okay. Who? Terry Aki. Wow.

That's good. That's good? It took me a long time, but I really was slow to it. Did you mean if Arkosh likes it? That's it. He didn't get on philosophy because of that dinosaur reaction. The registry took 30 seconds.

He was like, Terry Aki? Aki? Man slow. Which one is he? Oh, son of a bitch. I was thinking, bag it up, Terry. I was like, why not Terry? Bag it up, Terry's also, Terry, man, slow. Yucky? Man, slow. Which one is he? Oh, son of a bitch. I was thinking, back it up, Terry. I was like, why not Terry?

Back it up, Terry's also a legend. But if we're talking about BTS, do you know what BTS is, first of all? What is it? I don't even think you know. It's a boy band. It is. Thank you. From where?

I'm not 100%. So I'm going to be careful. Listen, listen. Can I phone Frank? Why would you use a math analogy here? No. Why would you use a math analogy to describe how you don't know where they're from? No.

Why would math pop into your head in this moment? I'm not going to do it. Nope. Where are they from, bro? I'm going to name countries. In my opinion, heaven, because they are fantastic. They are fantastic. I'm going to name countries. You my opinion, heaven, because they are fantastic. They are fantastic. I'm going to name countries.

You just tell me yes or hi-no. Well, I don't love the game. Hi-yes or hi-no? I'm not a big fan of it. Can we do that? We can, but yeah, it might get a little diplomatic. Okay. Yeah, okay.

Ready? And you have to answer in the accent from that country. Yes. I actually, my lift is here. I thought you were starting it. You were starting it. No, question. Yes. I actually, my lift is here. I thought you were starting it. You were starting it. No, okay.

Okay. Come on, bro. You know what I mean? Yeah, I do know what you mean, but no, still. You know how they say, come on, bro,

we're BTSs? Mm-hmm. Do you know how? Yeah. You don't know how to do it. No, I don't. Okay, let's play this way.

Taekwondo. Listen. What the fuck is going on? Is this an episode of Last of Us? Y'all reading that book? Stupid-ass puns and shit. Are they from North Korea?

I'm going to be pretty secure with a no, honestly. You'd say that's a no? I think I will... One, I'll give a strong answer to, and I think that one's a no. You sure? I feel very confident that they are not a North Korean boy band. Yeah, none of them have fat tits.

That's a good point. Yeah. That's a good point. If you look at them straight on or from a profile, none of them have super fat fucking tits. Yeah, no. It got, yeah, no. It's a pass. Okay.

No, no, North Korea. Yeah. Okay, number two. Uh-huh. Okay, are they from India? I mean, you really baby, I appreciate how clearly the first couple no's are, but I'm worried, when we get to the lightning round,

I'm concerned, but I'll say a no for that one. I'm gonna say a no for that one too. Japan. I'm also going to say no. South Korea. I'm going to say yes. Wow. Let's go.

I thought I was going to have to beat for you. I thought I was going to have to tip you off. You got it, man. Thank you. You got it. You're good. You're good. Thank you for mouthing that so clearly the whole time.

All seven members. Oh, no. Ooh, ee, ooh, ah, ah, ping, tang, wah, wah, and bing, bang. I got to run. I really am... I can't believe you got the seven. Some of those names are pretty close to the other ones.

You have the accuracy of seven? You're really impressive. That shit's really impressive. That is insane. That is insane. When did you count the sevens? You did that? I can't. That's insane. When did you count to seven? You did that? I can't.

That's their fucking names, you racist. Y'all think that's not their names? You think I just magically came up with exactly seven from ooh, ee, ooh, ah, ah, ching, chang, walla, walla, and bing, bang? Man. I think it's ting, tang, by the way. I don't think it's ching, chang. I think it's ting, tang. I don't know what ting, tang is.

I know that BTS is Bing Bang. Yo, that's it. It's oo-ee, oo-ah-ah, Ching Chang, wah-wah, Bing Bang. That's it. And Bing Bang got the moves, bro. You've never seen Bing Bang hit a solo? You never seen Big Bang hit a solo before? You never seen Big Bang hit a solo?

One time? You never seen that? I know. You never seen Big Bang hit a fucking solo? Tombo, we getting canceled, dog? I love his solo stuff, though. I think we gonna get canceled, wasn't it? Big Bang, a fucking solo. Tom, are we getting canceled, Tom? I love his solo stuff, though. I think we're going to get canceled. No, I love his solo stuff.

Big Bang, when he steps out by himself. When he steps out by himself. When he said, when ooh-ee, ooh-ah-ah. Where is Big Bang? Ting-ting and walla-walla. Tell Big Bang to get in the spotlight, goddammit. Then get out the way, bro. When the spotlight hits and Big Bang steps up into it, bro,

the crowd goes crazy. Oh, my God. It goes fucking crazy. For real, dude. Energy. That's pure energy. That is energy. Real talk.

That's some real energy for sure. Because the rest of them know. Yeah, right. Ooh, Ian. Ooh, ah, ah. Yeah, they're jealous. They're like, listen, I don't got what Bing Bang got. Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? It's like the Chris Kirkpatrick. Right, yeah. Chris Kirkpatrick. Yeah. That's a good reference. He's going to get his ass kicked. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, well, look at that. You know? Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? It's like the Chris Kirkpatrick. Right, yeah. Chris Kirkpatrick. Yeah, that's a good reference. Gonna get his ass kicked. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, a lot like that. You know? Yeah, I do. He will get his ass kicked. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's the only reference I know that guy.

I have no idea who that is. He was in Backstreet Boys. Or NSYNC. Oh, okay. Or NSYNC. Yeah. Which none of them can fuck with. Big Bang wasn't there.

With BTS. Yeah, come on. Apparently can fuck with. Big Bang wasn't there. With BTS. Come on. Apparently, Big Bang is going on a solo career. I really think he's going to do great, too. Why do you think he's going to do great? I don't want to get into it. I'm worried there's some traps ahead.

Can you tell the difference between a Japanese and a panda bear? What? Like, if you see a panda bear next to a Japanese person. Yeah. That's a pretty good game show.

I bet MTV would do that. I feel pretty good that I could. Yeah? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, one's probably eating a bunch of bamboo and the other's not a bear. Yeah. I think it would be a giveaway.

Okay. All right. What kind of Asian is This is like Oh this is great How is this Oh this is so good You gotta do this

No This is so good Yes you have to do this You have to fucking do it It's a new MTV game show It's a new MTV game show This is so good This is tough y'all

I'm gonna learn so much Asianosophy Asianosophy Oh man Nobody knows this many of them There's nothing racist about this I don't think. You don't think?

I feel like it's... I think it's dangerously close. I don't think they're dangerous. Chinese. Nice. Oh, wow. Wow, good work. Okay, okay.

Okay. This one. Shit. I'm going to go Korean. I'm going to go Japanese. I'm going Chinese. I also am going to go Korean. I'm going to go Japanese. I'm going Chinese. I also am going to go Korean. Wow.

That's a Korean. I'm bad at this. Bravo. Oh, no. This is... That's tough. Vietnamese. Driving?

That's a white girl, I think. No, that's definitely... I can't tell. That's Japanese. Whoa. Wow, man. No, that's definitely... I can't tell. That's Japones. Whoa. Wow, man. Yo, you're good.

Dude, you're three for three. I think you vindicated all the stuff. I think you put this test out. I can say whatever I want. I think you're behind the test. I can say whatever I fucking want. Listen, listen, listen, listen.

Stop it. Okay. You are fucking pushing it, bro. Yeah, I agree. I got a little aggressive at the end, for sure. You are fucking pushing it. I've had some drinks. I can't lie. Yeah. We can talk about your favorite band, bro. Yeah, I agree. I got a little aggressive at the end, for sure. You are fucking pushing it. I've had some drinks,

I can't lie. Yeah. We can talk about your favorite band, too. Leonard Skinner. Hey, the greats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Led Zeppelin. Fuck yeah, man. The Zip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Incubus, you know. Oh, man.

311. Do you know? Amber is the color of your energy. Oh, man, no. It's a, you know? Oh, man! 311! Do you know? Amber is the color of your energy. Oh, man, no. That's a banger. That's a banger. Amber is the color of your energy. That's all I heard on Ayahuasca.

Yeah. Whoa! Amber is the color of your energy. Whoa! Now you're feeling it. Amber is the color of your energy. There's other words, too. Amber is the color of your energy. There's other words, too. Hammer is the color of your energy.

Exactly. Whoa. I was feeling it. Hammer is the color of your energy. It's the BTS, right? Whoa. How funny would it be if a dick just smashed right into your forehead? What?

I'd die. Yeah, that's it. Well, cut that out. Okay, but no, seriously, before you go, man, were you like the class clown growing up or something? This is like an amazing shift. All right, let's get into it. Were you like the class clown?

Were you wild? Yeah, were you like a crazy guy? Okay, what Asian is this? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay. Amber was the color of my energy. Whoa! Dude, Amber's the color of my alert, dude. Yeah, yeah, okay. Amber was the color of my energy. Whoa! Dude, amber is the color of my alert, dude.

Yeah. I mean, that was pretty good. Every once in a while. Yeah, I know. You just got to keep shooting, you know what I mean? Yeah, I know, for sure. You got to keep shooting. I agree, yeah.

Never stop shooting, bro. Yeah, that's right. You'll never stop shooting. No, I've shot, wait a minute. What are you talking about? Huh? Okay. Nice try. Come on, dude. Come on, bro. Yeah, that's right. You'll never stop shooting. No, I've shot, wait a minute. What are you talking about? Okay. Nice try.

Come on, dude. Come on, dude. Oh! Oh, with that finger right. Oh, dude! No! What I'm trying to say. That's better, man. That's much fucking better, bro.

It's about the color of her energy. That's really the point here. Make sure that you go check out. England. Weed. And. Oh, now you know. Okay.

And the. And. Yeah. Okay. And the rest. That's right. Right? Make sure you,

England, weed, and the rest. That's right. There we go. Yep. Make sure you, England, weed, and the rest. That's right. There we go. Yep. Make sure you go check that out. Yep. Yes.

And really watch it for what you're really fucking trying to say about blacks. Well, now this is where, mostly. Well,

I feel like, look, if you'll go, watch it until I get to that message, I think is a good way to finish. Maybe start with that, guys at home. Maybe you'll start with that.

Yeah. The section where he's talking about the blacks. Interesting you decided to film it in Portland where there are no blacks. That's what we all said. It was pretty interesting that I made that direct decision. It was, in retrospect, I think a little racist, honestly. There's that joke in there that is really fucking racist

that you say where blacks come to Portland to pay homage to their mecca, the Nike employee store. I thought that that was a really racist thing that you said in the special. Do you really feel that way? No, no, that's just for comedic. Honestly, I don't even remember saying that, but I think it was probably for comedic effect. That was in one of your black sections of the special. Oh, in one of the, yeah. There's multiple.

Yeah, no, I did this special four different ways, and one is extremely racist. Yeah. Yeah, what do you want? It's controversial. That gets people talking. Yes, it does. Yeah, so yeah, no, there's an extremely racist part of it.

And yes, to answer your question, it was just a joke. Just some harmless, fun, ghetto white guy. Yeah, just a white guy saying super racist shit. Yeah. Should we play the Asian game a little more? Light it up? I don't know if we feel like...

With the amber people? Yeah, yeah. It's color of the energy. Whoa. Amber's the color of the energy. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell? You said enemy

You fucking cracker You cracker No You're a cracker Is it on me? Guys, that's been episode flagrant Bye