Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Schulz Studios Open For Biz

Episode Date: December 24, 2019

This week Andrew, Akaash, and Kaz discuss: the new Schulz Studios being finally open, checking out all of the leaked meat on social media, Schulz passing out while buying his girl a Christmas gift, being late to dates, the situation with Uncle Dennis and the Lakers, Mayweather being the richest athlete of the decade, Marshawn Lynch back on the Seahawks, and much more. INDULGE!!! Want an extra episode a week? Become a PATRON www.PATREON.com/FLAGRANT2

What's up everybody? Welcome to Flavor 2 No Easy Buckets and this episode is brought to you by the NHTSA. Guys, you know the risks of driving drunk. There could be a crash. People could get hurt or killed. You could get arrested, incur huge legal expenses, and even possibly lose your job. You know the consequences of driving drunk and you're wrong if you think it's no big deal. Drive sober or get pulled over. Now let's start the show. Sober or Get Pulled Over. Now let's start the show. Yo, you know what I thought?

This is for real. This is important. I don't think it should be wrong to mimic Asian people's voices because Asian people's favorite activity is mimicking our voices. How do you mimic our voice? Karaoke. Right? I mean, they found

a, like, politically correct way to make fun of the way we talk. They fucking love karaoke, bro. Say again? They fucking love karaoke. We already recorded.

We're recording, right? Yeah, is he? We're recording. Got you, baby. Don't worry. I got this, bro. I was just running with the theme. I thought we was going.

I think it's actually called Kaleoke. What is that? It's actually called Kaleoke. Yeah, that's what they call it. Kaleoke. Kaleoke. Okay, guys. What's up, everybody?

Welcome to Flavor 2. No easy buckets. We are... The episode's out a little bit late today. Yeah. Okay? That's Kaz's fault. Yeah, that's my bad, guys.

But here's the thing. We wanted to start the new year, the new studio. Well, it's not the new year yet, but the new studio with the whole squad. Okay? We got a brilliant Flavor 2 sign. Yes. Those of you who are watching on YouTube right now, you notice that we're in a way different setting. Okay?

Those of you listening online might notice some differences, but if you watch you really see some differences. Maybe some game changing differences. I don't want to say it exactly just yet, but if you're watching with the video. It's pretty clear. It's very clear. Not just the studio.

There's something else that's different. It doesn't even have a podcast anymore. It definitely feels like a TV show. It's a TV show, but we got to stop using the word TV to qualify content. Ah, okay. Because, you know what I mean? You might watch an HBO show on your phone. Yeah.

You might watch an HBO show on your laptop, but this is a show. This is a series. This is a series. It's got a new studio smell in here. Oh, yeah. Anyway, I think it's important that we start out the episode by thanking some of the people that made this new studio possible. Yeah.

So right now, we're in the first location of Schultz Studios. We refer to this place as the embassy. Okay. We're going to release some pictures probably maybe by the time this is up. You know, Ed and shot some pictures for us. It's the house that flagrancy builds. That's right. Thank you guys so much.

There's, so basically this studio right here, we have, it's pretty cool. So we have one studio right here that we're shooting flair into right now. We have a set for another project that I'm going to have coming out in the new year. I'll tell you guys more about that in the future. We've got another generic podcast studio in the back. That's so we can help develop new podcasts. There's friends of ours that want to step up their podcast game. We can help them with that.

We also got a green screen back there, so we'll be able to cook up Some cool green screen content The live space Has a showroom Where we can do live shows Live podcasts Yeah We can have musicians Come in here

DJs The whole thing Maybe we throw some Flavorant parties Something like that Watch parties Could be kind of lit Got a dope TV screen

Good projector over there We got the TV screen And a projector So I'm talking about like We do fight nights It's like a fucking. I'm talking about like we do fight nights. Like a fucking compound. Izzy fights. Oh, absolutely. Oh, Izzy fight. We really got to do it. The McGregor fight next month.

McGregor fight would be hot if I'm in town. Super Bowl if I'm in town. I think there's just so many things that we can do. Bloody two titty in here, man. Bloody two fucking titty. So you're going to see a lot of content coming out in the new year. Literally today, well, we'll get there in a second.

This could not happen without a few people. First of all, Ben Uyeda. I got to give a huge shout out to Ben Uyeda. He's the architect and he is the designer. He is the creative that put all these sets together, the ideas for these sets. He built a lot of these furniture along with his business partner, another brilliant architect, creator, do-it-yourself guy, Mike Montgomery. You can find Mike at Modern Bills on Instagram. And Ben is Ben Uyeda. And these guys are fucking geniuses.

I mean, everything down to this table, they constructed with their bare hands. Literally went to Home Depot, got all this wood. Say again? Man shit. Real man shit. Yeah. Like, you realize how... I'm not going to hold you.

I felt kind of like a bitch walking around those guys. I'm pathetically incapable. I feel so fucking useless. These motherfuckers just took blocks of wood and just turned it into this massive,

incredible space. It was unreal. The tables, like, I remember watching him like craft the fucking table and now it's all smooth and just fucking constructed. I'm just like,

I would never survive in the 1800s. Oh, no, no, no. I mean, for more than one reason. It's alright. No, but there were people who were... Nah, Kaz, they'd have kept you. I mean, I'd be outside. They'd have kept you.

They'd have had you making babies. I got good genes. Yeah, I'd be outside. They'd have kept you. They'd have had you making babies. I got good genes. I'd be a milk producer, but I don't think I'd, you know, when it comes to actual candy work and chopping wood. We don't know if you'd be here. You could have been one of the. That is true. I feel like I wouldn't have made it here. You could have been a slave seller.

I don't know. That would be some Nigerian shit to do, wouldn't it? I mean... Someone had to sell them. You think what? Real quick, real quick. The idea that white people just showed up on the shore with 10 white people and they're like, round them up and then they're like, okay.

That's absurd. Someone had to sell them. I mean, they came in there with guns. What, two guns? You guys were taking out lions? like, okay. That's absurd. Someone had to sell. I mean, they came there with guns. What, two guns? That's enough. You guys were taking out lions? You think two guns? You know the guns they came there with? They came there with the fucking loaded in at the top.

The YI Autos. Three shots. Super long. That's mine. Oh, yeah. You have three shots. It's just impossible that there wasn't some sort of business agreement or arrangement. We like to take that out of history, but it's impossible. You act like motherfuckers in Africa knew what guns was worth. Shots. It's just impossible that there wasn't some sort of business agreement or arrangement.

We like to take that out of history, but it's impossible. You act like motherfuckers in Africa knew what guns was worth. African sold slaves? Here's what I'm wondering. Do you think white people were like, don't trust the Nigerian slave sellers? They'd be selling you bootleg ass, fake ass. They were selling all the East Africans. These guys can run a long way, but they can't pick shit.

Maybe that's how they got so good at running. They were running away from the West Coast. All the Africans that made it over to Somalia and Ethiopia were like, fuck that shit, bro. I ain't getting on no boats. They ran so hard that their hairlines just moved back. That's how fast that they were running.

That's where they got the foreheads. White guys didn't even need guns. they do is come there just fucking sneeze That worked on the natives I think your immune systems were as like we can not they just have that weekend immune system. Yeah, probably yeah Yeah, they probably brought like smallpox and like the herb over there That is an interesting thing. Everybody's got a little bit of the herp. I didn't. You, why didn't when Africans come, why didn't when they came over, did they not have the

same situation as Native Americans? Did Native Americans have like historically bad immune systems? I don't know if this is true. I heard this from a white dude, so maybe he just hates my door. Recreating history, bro. Yeah, he said it was a lot of like inbreeding and shit, so immune systems were weak, and that's why it was very easy to take them over. Well, if you inbreed. Yeah, we're like super niggas.

Hold on. If you inbreed with good immune systems, that should just keep on going with that. I think it gets worse somehow. Ah, yes. It's like any mixing strengthens genes and takes care of weaknesses along the way. Yes. Okay, no, that's right. That's right.

That's with dogs too. Yeah. Okay, so that's something that's very impressive. We breed like dogs? No. You guys have good immune systems. No, I know that. Absolutely.

That's why they made a lot of us breed. Listen, you guys weren't the only ones that they tried to do slavery with. They tried it with the Irish. I mean, you probably came by and saw like— You guys can't the only ones that they tried to do slavery with. They tried it with the Irish. I mean, you probably came by and saw like— You guys can't pick shit. If you put a fucking— Great ancestors of LeBron James and shit. Conor McGregor in South Carolina in August.

It's over. How much cotton are you really getting? You think you're really getting bushels of cotton? That guy's melted. That guy's turning into cotton. Oh, no way. It's quite hot out here. Dude, maybe that into that guy. There's no way. It's quite hot out here. Maybe that's how they made the Native Americans red.

It was just the Irish that got burned. They started moving inland. They're like, fuck this. We're out of here. They're like, fuck, I'll put this feather around you. That's not true because Native Americans can't hold their liquor. Yo, dude, that's all Irish are. They're natives that can hold it. Dude, that's all Irish are. They're natives that can hold it.

Dude, we are starting out hot. Yeah, this is the way you want to open up the studio. You can never get kicked out of here. Very important. That is facts. I'm not done with the shout outs. There's another people that I got to make sure I shout out. The guys that did the audio visual for this place because that was incredibly difficult to do.

And I'm trying to get them up right now. Okay. Visionary Systems AV. Okay. Had these three guys come up. Bobby. Big Ball's Bobby. Bobby Crush, we call him as well.

Obviously, Zach and then Zach's brother, Adam. They came up, they drove some of this stuff, all this new tech equipment, all these, I mean, the cameras, the TVs. We have a sound system that we'll get into later in the future, but it's not

even on the market yet. This is like brand new technology. This technology does not exist for consumers. You have to get approved even to sell it. So that's why we had to go through one of these like high tech audio companies. But in order to change the game, you've got to be with Game Changers. And I really believe that they are going to be huge in the podcasting world and also just the AV world in general, visionary systems, AV. I remember when I was working out the deal for this space I mean it was a lot of money

to like put this down I mean it was we're talking about six figures not light six figures and just for the AV stuff and I remember going okay I got to check

to see you know with some other companies see if this is good because when it comes to like tech stuff you could pay $1,000 for a lens and then for what looks like the same lens you could pay how much Edwin pay $1,000 for a lens. And then for what it looks like the same lens, you could pay how much at it? $10,000. $10,000, $20,000, like so much, right?

There's no. So when they gave me this number, I was like, I don't know if that's what it is. And he's like, I go, I got to just check around. I'll come back to you. And he said this. He goes, he goes, totally. You should absolutely go do that. But I also just want to let you know, before I did this, I was going to be a pastor. And so most of the work that I do is with churches and stuff like

that. And I'm like, well, buddy, this is going to be a very different system that you're putting in. But this is going to be a lot different churches. That being said, It's a type of church. It is a type of church. But that being said, Well, that's approved. Facts. There is a trust that I had in him, like, that he wouldn't fuck us over. And I was like, I'm going to go vet this out with other people.

Absolutely did not do that. I'm one of the laziest people in the world. I'm going to go vet this shit out. Akash is super vet. Yeah. Like, Akash will look at all the different crises. You should have told me you're not going to vet it. You would have vetted. You love a vet. I love to vet. You love to vet. Me, I don not vetting shit out. Akash is super vet. Yeah. Like Akash will look at all the different prices. You told me you're not going to vet it. You would have vetted.

You love a vet. I love to vet. You love to vet. Bruh. Me, I don't vet. Yo, you're not a vetter. When I tell you about what I got my girl for Christmas, today you will see how little I vet.

Oh, dude. Can't wait. I blacked out right afterwards. I blacked out in the store. The guy started selling me. I didn't know what to do. I felt really poor. And I was like, I'll show you I have money

he called the thing I picked out cute and I was like oh oh oh it's cute oh oh is that what we're doing right now Mario is that what we're doing right now I already know

I already know what it is by the way you were sold it I'm getting hot thinking about it it's a type of jewelry I gotta say it's definitely gotta be a type of jewelry yeah that's not stop. It's definitely got to be a type of jewelry. Yeah, that's a hot question. Because all jewelers do, their job is to make you feel poor.

Inferior. Mad inferior. I got my girl a type of jewelry. Yeah. And it's fucking gorgeous. It's beautiful. Oh, my God. The lady looks at it and she's like, oh, this is nice.

You don't want to. You don't want to. And now I'm starting to second guess myself. I call up the sister. I'm like, yo, let myself I call up the sister I'm like yo like you know let me know oh he's beautiful the fucking jeweler

is trying to make me feel like I'm a fucking a bum off the fucking street like oh how'd you know with nobody

when you make these decisions I had literally okay you know real quick did you finish shout outs

let me make sure I get it because we got it I want to get into this this is very important This is very important. This is very important. We give this shout out.

I got a shout out. Alex Media, Mark Gagnon, Eden Martinez, Toby. Oh, Toby. Irish last name. I forget what it is. We're just going to call him McGregor. Toby McGregor. Toby McGregor works.

Good slave name. Good slave name. Good slave name. Yo, we got to start doing that with Irish people. Toby Murphy. Great slave name. Sorry, sorry. That's one you want to buy. You look like you're fighting old liquor.

Toby McGregor it is. Yo, even their accent sounds like they're out of breath from work. Right? Oh, it was a tiny day in the field. Barking in those fields got so hot over there, didn't it? I was picking a cotton. I need myself a drink. How much cotton you pick?

I was there for 15 minutes and nearly burned to death. I look like Haas's shoes. Real talk. Okay. So, honestly, the last few weeks have been nonstop grinding.

We were here until five in the morning, back here until nine in the morning, multiple days, like nonstop. We've been on the road. I haven't slept more than two hours in a single night in the last two weeks, I would say.

Jesus Christ. Maybe one time. Yeah. We did one time in the last two weeks. It's been bad. It has been insane. All I'm going to do on my vacation is in Africa to sleep. I'm not going to do anything else.

I'm going to go all the way to Africa to sleep. Yeah. Say again? You earned that. I did earn it. But what a waste of money. Nice. Don't wait till I tell you about waste of money.

Don't forget about it. Yeah, I want to hear about this. I'm getting sweaty again. Really sweating. So how did they bulk you? Tell a story. Because I knew what you intended to buy. Okay, so I guess I just

want to say thank you guys so much for the work. Real quick. Thank you guys so much. And everybody at Real quick, thank you guys so much. And everybody at home watching, thank you guys so much for allowing us to make this happen. The Patreon, Asshole Army, thank you guys for supporting us to do this. And thank you guys for putting in the extra hours and believing in me and trusting me with this vision. And I'm very grateful for that. And I can't wait to the new shit that we cook up in the new year. We're taking this podcasting game to another level.

Again, you said it's a show. It's a show. It's a show. We create a show. God damn it. And guys, we just moved in.

Okay. So yes, we're going to fill in all this stuff with some more things on the set, but I feel that motherfucker up right there. Nice little bar going. We're going to have some fun out here. It's going to be saucy in this bitch. Thank you guys so much for your extra hours,

your dedication. As always, it will be rewarded. You know, I mean, the first thing that we should talk about is Alex out here glowing. Bro. Alex out here. We might have to bring Alex on. We might have to bring Alex into the set.

Yo, motherfuckers been saying you need to get a chair up here, bro. But I've got something to show off. Oh, that. I saw that. I saw that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got something to show off. Oh, that. I saw that. I saw that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got something to show off. I didn't see it.

What happened? Is that the watch? Al, come on. Al, come on out here. Get over here. Come on out. I don't know if we're going to audio. That's okay.

We'll figure it out. You don't got to talk. You just got to show. Watch your head, bro. Watch your head. Right now, you don't got to talk. You show. I can talk about the hoodie.

You're looking real wealthy today. Motherfuckers don't know about that. How do you pronounce it? Aim, aim, Leon, dog. So right now, Al's audio might be a little bit off, but this is what we're doing. Oh, I see you. Hold on, my bad. You glistening?

Come over here. Come over here. Come on this side of me, Al. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. You can do it yourself. So Al, Al has worked. I'll do the talking for us, Al. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Al has worked. I'll do the talking for us, Al, but maybe you'll be in my note as well.

But Al has worked tirelessly for how long now? A couple years? Maybe a couple years. Two and a half years. And I always told him if I get something, you get something. You never have to worry about that. And obviously with the special and the special allowing us to build this place, I didn't want Al to feel like he was forgotten and his dedication was forgotten because without the work that he does for me, all this stuff couldn't be possible. So we had to bless Al with his first role. That really had to happen.

Let's get a nice little save on that. Yo, and that's the new shit, too. That's not no. Oh, no, you can't get that. Yeah. Oh a nice little sale on that. Yo, and that's the new shit, too. That's not no... Oh, no, you can't get that. Yeah. Oh, you can't get that. No, I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you.

I love you. I'm going to tell you the only other person who has that, because I literally just saw it before we got here. Lamar Jackson got those exact Rolexes.

Those exact Rolexes for his entire offensive line. I literally just saw that. Hold on. This motherfucker made way more than me. He's giving the same present. So I'm a great boss. On everything. This motherfucker made way more than me. Gives people the same present. So I'm a great boss.

On everything. Go look that shit up, bro. Love you, brother. Go look that shit up. All right. Great job. That shit is hard. That shit is hard.

Merry Christmas, man. And then I got you a seat next to Al. But for real, it is one of those things that it's like everybody who puts in the work and dedication, I promise you there are rewards. And I just wanted you to know that. And you're very appreciated. Yeah, man. So now.

Hardest worker man in the biz, Alex Media. Cool. And sometimes edit. So now to the horrible decision that I made today. Oh. That could have went so many places. I know. I was like, wait. I was like,

wait. I was like, wait, wait, wait. I haven't slept for two weeks. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. Okay. I go. I realize I have one hour where I can get a gift

for my girl. Right. The longer you wait, the more expensive it gets. Let's be honest. Yeah, 100%. The less couth you have and discretion when it comes to actually buying something. I don't even know what the more expensive it gets. Let's be honest. The less couth you have in discretion

when it comes to actually buying something. I don't even know what the word couth means. That shit sounds like a racial slur. Isn't it? Get out of here, you dirty couth. They looked at me like that when I was in the store. I went to go to the movies, but it was full of couths in there. So,

I go into this store. Okay? It's Cartier. I go into Cartier. I'm already fucked. I'm already fucked. I go into Cartier. I got the budget. I go, we're keeping it under two grand.

Keep it under two grand. This motherfucker. I get Mario. I go, we're keeping it under two grand. Keep it under two grand. Cute. This motherfucker. I get Mario. I don't need Mario. I want a woman. I want a woman because I can ask a woman what women like, but I also don't have that ego thing with a woman. I get to be adorable boyfriend that just wants

to make his girl happy. A man don't want to hear none of that? Yeah. He can be like a fucking couth, dog. Yo, I was a couth to him. I was a dirty, good-for-nothing couth, bro. Real talk. Yeah. So Mario's walking me around.

First of all, Mario's taller than me. He's looking down. His name is Mario. I can tell he's strapping. Mario Shira. Italian. Italian. I swear to God, when this guy was talking To the co-workers

No accent at all Starts talking to me So can we get The boobity boppity boobity There we go Boobity bops All boobity bops That was all

Boobity boppity I asked for a specific thing Because I go in there Knowing I want These love earrings Okay Right Already too expensive

For earrings My girl would be talking About the love The love line It's very expensive Very very expensive The Right? Already too expensive for earrings. My girl would be talking about the love, the love line. It's very expensive. Very, very expensive. The whole thing is too expensive.

That's how you know you love them is I paid way too fucking much for these earrings and this bracelet. Exactly. What a brilliant marketing plan. Yes. If I love you, I waste all my money on these regular ass looking ass bracelets.

Is that not love? Waste? That's what I'm saying. Of money? Now here's the kicker. Do you accidentally leave the sticker on? Oh, I know Schultz. He got tailored to her face.

But oh my man, let me take that. Hold on. Including tax. You don't know the price. Including tax. Including tax. Without a tax. Including tax. Without a doubt, including tax, you will know exactly how much was spent on you.

And there will be no more presents for the foreseeable future. So I'm going to let her have her moment and enjoy her moment. And then I'm going to say, when I go, I'm going to go, Merry Christmas, Happy Valentine's Day. She's not going to hear the second part, but I'm going to say it and record it so she knows. Merry Christmas is Happy Valentine's Day.

And when I meant Christmas is, we're wrapping around. We're going all the way to next Christmas with this one gift. See, this is why. You got to fit birth in there too. So happy birthday, Merry Christmas. I'm about to say, what's her birthday?

Happy birthday. Say again? That's a trick, because what's her birthday? Not exactly sure. No? That's a trick because what's her birthday? Not exactly sure. No, no, no. You got to hit her with the Spanish?

Yeah, I don't know these things. No, I know her birthday is, it's one of those days. Kaz, you set him up just now. No, because the point I was trying to make

was like, I can't, I always want to be like, oh, you know, I went super hard for Christmas, so Valentine's Day, I'm like, you know, remember I went hard for Christmas? I am such a pussy. My birthday is exactly seven days after

Valentine's Day. Yours is. Yeah. Valentine's Day is for them. Exactly. So I got to go double hard on Valentine's Day as well. So that you get some good shit. So I get some good shit. Bro, every one of these days is for them. What's the day that's for us? Yo, you right. The day off. The day we go, day off, bro.

The day we go, let me hang out with my boys. Dead ass in India, my girl was like, I gotta get you a Christmas gift. Yo, what bitch? What? I didn't mean to call her a bitch. But what? It was a theoretical bitch. Theoretically.

This is wilding, bro. We went to the ballet last night she thought I was gonna show up on time I'm set and I didn't show up on time

I literally looked and I was like you thought I was gonna be there for the whole thing the whole thing I took Michael to the ballet

which one some fucking nutcrackers I think so yo nutcrackers no no no. It was something like Alice in Wonderland. I don't even fucking know. I fell asleep

during that shit and to this day she tries to confront me about it and I just be lying. But every time I'm like why would I fall asleep? You marrying a straight man at the ballet? Whose fault is it you fell asleep? The fucking ballet.

Take that shit up with them. Make your shit less sleepable. I walked into Nutcracker 30 minutes late. When I went up to World Call to get my ticket, I was like, I'm just here to pick up a ticket. And the lady looked at me

and said, for tonight? Bernie was perplexed. It's the nicest ballet in the land. This party was perplexed. First of all, that's the nicest ballet in the land. I got Vans, Checker Vans on, right? I'm rolling up in Checker Vans. I go in.

Son, there's a mad dash to get to the seat because you got to go through the seat in like the right moment, right? I'm thinking my turn. I'll let you in in between. She said she's sitting alone for 30 minutes. Of course she said she's sitting alone. First of She's not mad at you Of course she's mad She's sitting alone First of all She didn't have to sit alone For 30

I got there 15 minutes late I could have went in On the first One Oh but they wouldn't let you in No I took my time They hold you back

Like a horse race They hold you back In the horse race They're like Sir we're about to go in I'm like I got the next one shorty Let me get a drink

I went upstairs Got coffee I don't need a seat In the Nutcracker coffee. I don't need to see the Nutcracker. What's up? I don't need to see about the Nutcracker. It's the same fucking story they've been telling since the beginning of time. Damn. And I still don't know what it's about. Can I tell you? Can I be honest with you?

I walked into the Nutcracker. There's a little mice running around. There's a little girl, a little boy, a Nutcracker turner. I don't know. Son, I don't know what's going on. And I shit you not, I have seen this play in this exact place four times in my life. Wait for it, wait for it.

I've been in it once. I still don't know. I did it for a school play. I was one of the characters. I was one of the- I think I was too. I remember, I remember going like this. I remember watching, I remember watching the play.

I remember watching the play with my girl or the ballet or whatever it was. I remember going, I got no clue what's going on. And then I went, oh, I was him. I was him, that's who I was. The only thing I know about the Nutcracker is that they have that one song. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. I'm in there, my girl was so upset I was him. That's who I was. The only thing I know about the Nutcracker is that they have that one song.

I'm in there. My girl was so upset because I was hitting that shit. I was hitting it. I was hitting it. Wait, so is the Nutcracker the one with the bitches that they kick their legs up? No, that's the Rockettes. That's the only Christmas one I've got. The bitches that kick they legs. That's the one you should have went to.

You would have stayed away from that shit. That one you stayed away because that pussy woff. Tell them not to clean their pussy. That's what a koof is. That pussy is so funny. That's when I wear a costume. You go, whoo.

Oh, my God. All right. So I'm in Cartier. Mario's putting me through the ringer. Right. I asked for these necklaces to come out. Necklace is already too expensive. Now he got me up to four grand.

Okay. Okay. Oh, by the way, the earrings. We're at two grand. Right? You getting a set?, by the way, the earrings were two grand, right? You getting a set? You got the earrings and the necklace? What do you mean a set? A set is multiple shits. Well, you can't buy one earring. No, I'm saying earrings

plus the necklace. Oh, hell no. I was about to say a little bit. The jewelry set. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. I was not planning on doing any of that. But this was before I blacked out. Okay, so when he said the earrings, this guy hit me with the okey-doke, the oldest one in the book. He pulls open a drawer. He goes, oops, are we having a murder?

I go, do we not have a murder? I go, what about that ring over there? There's a nail ring. It's like $1,000, maybe $750. It's really cool. It's like a nail. Like a ring. He goes, yes, but no.. It's really cool. It's like a nail. Like a ring.

He goes, yes, but I don't know. I go, what do you mean? He goes, it is, you know. He goes, for your girlfriend, you love her, you know. Oh, shit. Now I don't love my girl. Now I don't love my girl. Mario set a situation up where now I don't love my girl unless I come through.

Okay? So now I'm already – he's cucking me. He works for me. He works for me. He acts like he owns Cartier. He doesn't own Cartier. He works at Cartier. But he works for me.

Okay? But he's cucking me. He goes, let me show you something else. I got like this wedding shop. Son, four grand. He takes the two necklaces. He goes, we take these just in case. But, you know, this is a little thing.

But, you know, we go over to the watches. We start looking at some watches. I go, oh, my God, these watches are really beautiful. He goes, yes, these watches are really beautiful. But let me show you a nice watch. We go over. He takes out this watch. It's a beautiful watch. How much is the watch? It's a beautiful watch.

How much is the watch? It was a beautiful watch. It was a beautiful watch. He takes out the watch. I go, I mean, I'm holding it. I'm like, she would be so happy with this watch. I go, how much is this watch? And he goes, oh, this one is 25 grand.

Oh, my God. Son, son. I literally out loud in Cartier said, fuck you. You had your fucking watch. This is what they do. This is what they do. It's called door in the face technique. It's a manipulation technique.

They give you something crazy. Say it. You know what it is. You go crazy high. You say fuck you. Then they drop down one level. But now one level. And now it seems reasonable.

Whereas that was an original fuck you. He probably dropped down to 15. You're like, oh, 15. That's not bad. But 15 would have been an original fuck you. Yes. Okay. Smart move.

25 grand. Now I'm in 25 grand is unreasonable but anything less is kind of reasonable. I've blacked out. The second he said 25 grand I blacked out.

I don't know where I am. I'm spinning. I'm just spinning. Right? The jewelry in the beginning the ones that I thought was beautiful

trinkets. It's like that should be in the machine that you put a quarter in and spin it and it comes out in a little plastic bag. That's what that felt like to me after he said it's 25 grand.

Takes out this other watch. Jesus Christ. Takes out this other watch. It's a beautiful watch. And then he says this. He goes, he goes. I bet he said it's only. He said it's only.

Oh, he goes only. He tells me price. He doesn't say price. I'm not going to say price. But he goes, he goes, this watch, the woman will love this watch. I've never had this watch returned not one time. He goes, this is a watch. Princesses wear this watch.

Princesses? And I'm blacked out. I'm like, well, she's my princess. She's my princess, right? Like, that's why you have to treat your princess. Maybe she knows princesses do it. I take one last look at the necklaces. Completely blacked out.

I'm not even thinking at this point. The numbers don't exist. And I say yes to that watch. The princess's watch. It's way down from that. It's way down from that. That's a lot of room, though. There's a lot of room.

There's a lot of room between way down from there and way up from 2. From what, 2, 4K to 25K? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of room.'s a lot of room between way down from there and way up from what 2 4k to 25k yeah yeah yeah there's a lot of room I'm gonna throw up right now for fucking throwing up I feel like throwing up

my gosh yeah yeah I feel like throwing up so I'm gonna be I'm gonna but that's why I'm going to Africa so I can afford to eat I figure

I figure I'll make a little money back by eating out there for the next week and a half. He looked out, though. I ain't going to lie. Because if he would have gotten, like, the, what, the nail ring or whatever. She would have been pissed off. She would have been pissed.

Yeah, she would have been absolutely pissed. Like, you don't want to get. You know what you did. I don't think anybody, any girlfriend wants a ring that's not the ring on Christmas. That's what I was going to say. Al, you said that or Akash, you said that. You're like, you can't get her a ring if it's not the ring. Yeah. Yeah's what I was going to say. Was it Al you said that or Akash you said that? You're like, you can't get her a ring if it's not the ring. Yeah.

If she shows that off, oh, what'd you get? What'd your boyfriend get you? If she said my boyfriend got me a ring, they're going to be like, oh my god! And then she's going to be like, yeah, it's like a nail. See, this is brilliant. This is good. No, you're right. You're right about that. I'm glad I didn't go there. The other reason why I got her the watch is because I feel like now if she's putting pressure on me to get married or move in, she's like, how long have we been together?

I can be like, why don't you look at your watch and why don't you calculate how much time we've been together with that watch? Okay? That's my fucking life savings. Why don't you do that? You know how many camera lenses I could have with that fucking watch? That's what I was going to say. I'm going to get her robbed. What's the etiquette on getting people robbed? That's the move real tough. That's what rappers do. Is that what they do?

They get the insurance and I'm like, oh, my house got broken into. That's what they do? Suddenly get the insurance and I'm like, oh, my house got broken into. That's what they do. What do they say? Like, imagine the baby. Oh, my house got broken into. Whatever shall I do? I need to lock with some pop in it

next time. You know what you did, though? You bought yourself time. If you weren't ready to get married just quite yet, you bought yourself a little time. Because she can be so happy with this fucking watch.

She can't put pressure on you. You're fucking right. Son, did you just meet women? Huh? Did you just meet women? What? Son, she wants to see

our watch as an investment. Matter of fact, all she going to hear, all she going to hear from that watch is tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock. Yeah, tick-tock. Tick-tock. I told you.

Now, you know what that means? Now you got to go like when it's time for the ring ring. Do you want to say a sentence that she told you? Dick out. Dick's got to be out. Hold on. Listen to this. This is the boldest sentence.

I'm impressed, dude. This sentence that she said. My girl starts it up with this. She's not like a like a person That's like this at all. She's great taste with everything, but not like a it matters separate. Oh, no So she says she goes listen. I don't need an engagement ring like you can get me a diamond band I think that that looks just as cool for me. It's just a look I just think it looks so cool a diamond band to go along with the obviously the wedding man. Mm-hmm. I

Okay, that's what's up it's lit um and then she goes now that being said if you were to get me an engagement ring four carrots or don't even bother wow wow wow she's a g four carrots or don't even bother what though i believe that she'd be happy with just the band but I think she also knows that you're the type of dude that's like, she don't think I'll get her four carrots. I'll get her four fucking carrots.

I'm not going to hold you. She's going to see that watch and she's going to know and she's going to be like, I played that perfect. Your balls. Your balls right here. Right here.

She's got you by the balls. She's going to hear the Mario story and be like, man, I'm Mario. I'm Marlo. Fuck Mario. I'm Marlo. I want my corners. Four carrots or don't even bother.

I would. Man, look. I want my corners and each one of them is one carrot. This girl is literally bodying me right now. You fucking up. No, it's not. It's like this is your. William, you.

This is your. Four carrots. This is your first Christmas. Look at where you just set the bar. This is your first Christmas. Look at where you just set the bar. It's your first Christmas. You just set the bar all the way up here. You can't go down. I know my girl for years, bro. I got to break up with her.

Holy shit. Yo. I got to break up with her before next Christmas. My game plan is like, I start super cheap, but it's the thoughtful one. So it's like- I didn't have time for the thoughtful. I got one of these stupid galaxy roses it's 40 bucks it was like ah this never dies and then you just have a nice message to go along with it so now it's thoughtful wait this is like you know all about the galaxy rose that's such a fucking... Yeah, but it's... Along with the fucking trip, though?

The trip should have been the gift. No, no, no. The trip should have been the gift. That's what I'm saying. There's a space between you two. Yeah. There's a big ass space. No, I know that.

I'm just... You a nail ring. You a nail ring. Yeah, yeah. I just realized that. A nail ring for you would have been like... My backpack, which has the gift in it, is out there and I don't feel comfortable in it. Bro.

I got to see this. My gift is the trunk of my car, bro. No, but my thing is like you start low so then you can like progressively go higher. If you set the bar... I remember my girl definitively did not like our first Christmas gift. She won't admit it to this day. Wait, what was it? What was it?

Son, it was like headphones to go running. She loves running. So I was like headphones first Christmas gift. She won't admit it to this day. Wait, what was it? What was it? Son, it was like headphones to go running. She loves running. So I was like, headphones to go running. And it was winter. And I was like, she said, I feel great when I'm running. So I got her winter running gear. Son, that's so practical. And I got her pearl earrings.

That's so cool. I got her pearl earrings. But I could tell, until she saw the earrings, she was like, all right, man. Fuck, I'm going running. All for that shit. Why'd you go running? Tell me, fuck. Fuck, I'm going running. All fun, actually. Why'd you go running? Tell me, fuck. That's what I was thinking.

Because I'm hearing all that shit. I'm like, oh, those are great fucking gifts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a girl pearl earrings? Nah, but before that, my girl and me, our first Christmas, I got her like, she loves running, so I got her running gear for the winter. Right, right, right. Headphones to go running with.

And then I also picked out some earrings. My girl's going to be so surprised. You know what? Because we're just supposed to do little presents, right? You know what she suggested as a little present for herself? She goes, you can get me like some Lululemon, like running gear or something like that. And I was like, oh yeah, all right.

I'll get you some Lululemon. You think you're going to get some running gear? You think you're going to get some running gear? You trying to marry on me? Are you trying to marry on me too? Why everyone checking my pockets? You wild. Son.

This girl is working me, bro. You're playing this awfully. I'll never play poker with you ever. Word. I'm the worst, bro. You should play with him. I mean, absolutely right. Shit, fuck. You're going to be like, oh, that's all you, I'm the worst, bro. You should play with him. I mean, absolutely right. Shit.

Fuck. You could be like, oh, that's all you paid? All you paid. That's how easy it is to get me in. Oh, let's go. That's easy to get me in.

All in. Play to your ego. All in. All in. All in. God damn. And then another tactic to use when you go

to jewelry places, act like you're shopping for someone else. Be like, somebody sent me in here to buy something for this person. So that way it's like you tell them the budget. Be like, oh, no, this is for him. So they don't try to game you because they know your budget is somebody else's budget and they're not there to game you. That's smart. That is very smart.

That's smart. That guy Mario fucking bodied me, bro. He's like, those are the only people I can't really like Upsell because it's like Yo You wanna know something crazy? I have a discount at Cartier For 50% off

But it takes two weeks to get And my girl wouldn't have had A Christmas present Oh my god So I could have saved half Oh my god You better return that shit You better exchange that shit

I know, right? That's what I'm saying. But, hey, man. Let her open it on Christmas. Hold on. If I exchange it, how does it work? No, return.

You can't return. You got a gift receipt, right? Wait, you can't return? Oh, thank you. Son. Bye. Hold on. How the fuck do you know

an Indian for 10 years? You don't know this shit? You buy. I don't know. Hold on. Yeah. Buy one. That same shit? You buy? I don't know. I thought it's like- Hold on. Buy one, that same exact one on your boy's discount. Yeah.

When it comes in, you take the receipt that you paid the 15 or whatever for with the new watch that you just got. Take that back to Cartier. Hey, I'm returning this. Yeah, but he said he- I like it. Return. There's no returns?

Son, there's so many people listening right now going, he really ain't Jewish. We thought he was lying. We thought he was lying. We thought he was honest. He really ain't, bro. No returns? Son, I think you should just exchange. They got to give you a good receipt. They got to exchange that shipper.

Hey, you better get yourself some love. Yeah, exactly. Love you something. You exchange? It's a princess. It's your bracelet, yo. Cartier bracelet. That's for Cartier bracelets.

It's a princess. No. You bring it in. It's a princess. You your bracelet yo Cartier bracelet That's for a Cartier bracelet It's a princess No You bring it in It's a princess You bring it in You exchange it Guys It's a princess You exchange it with

And then you bring in Your 50% off And then you buy yourself something Oh god It's a princess Yo can we see it Can we see it He's gotta talk himself through it

Cause he knows he's fucked It's rap You get a rap Oh yeah They're like Do you want to rap Rap it for he knows he's fucked. It's rap. They were like, do you want to rap it for us? I was like, if you don't rap this fucking rap, I don't rap this fucking present right now. You should be Mario rapping his fucking self.

He gave it to some other fucking bitch. Son. Yo, Mario, a whole pimp. Bro. Oh, man. Put his whole fist in your ass for that shit. God damn. Oh, my God. And a trip.

I'm doing a trip. I'm doing Jamaica also. But that's not. Cartier return policy. You can return it new and unused, state, perfect condition, with all protective materials in place and tags and stickers attached to it. I just saved you 50%, yo. And you get your money back? Yeah.

Do it. I just saved you 50%, yo. Do it. your money back? Yeah. I just saved you 50%, yo. Do it. So you just have her unwrap, look at it. She can't try it on. No, son. Be like, yo, look at it. Just tell her you're going to get it engraved or some bullshit like that. Don't say nothing, yo.

What? Order a new shit right now. In two weeks when it comes, you return that one as if it's the one you brought your girl. Ah, yeah. Or the exact same joint. I'm blacked out. I knew this was confusing. I'm blacked out. I don't know.

You want me to order another one? I think I bought too much. I think it's too much. I think I'm like a little avalanche. What is it called? What is the, when the ball is rolling of snow? Yeah. It's a snowball effect.

Snowball? Yeah. Effect. Yes. Is that a snowball? Snowball the, when the ball is rolling of snow? Yeah. It's a snowball effect. Snowball? Yeah. Effect. Yes. Is that a snowball? Snowball effect, yeah. I'm rolling. Yeah. And it's just more and more watches are wrapping around me. Yeah. And I need to get away from these watches. I think we need to just calm everything down. Hey, just don't take mine back. You keep your watch. Keep it away

from me. No, but that's a good idea. You should do it. I think that's a good idea. Okay, we do that. Okay, listen. It means, yo, and then you let me

holler at this dude. Oh, my God. You should have went in with somebody. I'm going through it. Why would you make such a big purchase without me? I don't know.

Your first wife? Yo. Come on, yo. We still staying friends after. I mean, what's up? I guess the only breakup I've maintained in a relationship. And I'm not going to lie, I was salty. I was not feeling it.

All right, let's talk about some shit because. Oh, gosh. We don't have that much time, do we? No, shit. Because... Oh, gosh. We don't have that much time, do we? No, we don't have that much time. Let's see what we got here. You're such a sucker. You're a quasi-uncle. Your advice is mad juvenile.

It is. Your advice is like, you'll be dating 14-year-olds. Like, I get them the roles that don't die. That's how you started. What's 16-year-old Puerto Rican girl? I can tell you still, I can tell. Like, I get them the roles that don't die. That's how you started. What, 16-year-old Puerto Rican girl? I can tell you still did business in college. You still did business in college. I haven't been in a relationship in a while.

But I'm just saying, you started low is all I'm saying. And then you progressively get. Jory, go with your friend advice. It's good. Al don't date girls that speak English. So whatever he says don't mean anything anyway. Right? He says this stuff.

That shit is happy for running water. He goes like this. He goes, this is a rose but it's made out of crystal so it never dies like us. But all they be hearing is dabble, dabble, dabble, dabble, dabble, dabble, dabble, dabble. Dabble, dabble, dabble, dabble, dabble, dabble, dabble, dabble. You know what's more fucked up is

your relationships don't last so they just be looking at this fucking rose forever. A dying rose. Just a reminder of all the bad decisions that they've made in life. Dating you. A dying rose. Just a reminder of all the bad decisions that they've made in life. Dating you. That's great. Taking that shit

back home with them. Overseas. Here's a rose that never dies. Unlike everything I've put in your stomach. I saw it out. They didn't.

Oh, gosh. Oh, man. Oh, my God. Something didn't. Oh, gosh. Oh, man. Oh, my gosh. Something was coming. Oh, man. This banana is how I feel, like, emotionally. I am bruised and beaten up. Bruised and raped.

Oh, son. I don't want to come off of the high, because once I come off of the high, I'm going to be very upset. Yeah. You should be. Just a little bit. Whatever, dog. Whatever, man.

It's who you love, bro. It's so special. You know what I mean? That's little bit. Whatever, dog. Whatever, man. It's who you love, bro. You know what I mean? That's your girl. You still got to speak to her. What happened? Dicks. Oh, what? Yo. I mean, Cass said this brilliantly. We have for you guys

the 12 dicks of Christmas. Yes. And there's been a lot of dick pics out this week. I don't know for whatever reason. It's the dickopolis. The dickpocalypse? Hey, you guys are lucky. You get to see these dicks in 4K. These are dicks in the new studio.

Listen. Real talk? Five perfectly good dicks. So, what we're going to do. Who are we starting with? Ed, how you got the Windows Media Player background on your Apple? That's a great question. You remember that Windows Media background? Okay, who's this?

This is Dick Click number one. Wait, wait, wait. Here's a better idea. Yes. Just show us the dicks. We guess who's Dick. Okay, love it. Love it.

Just press play. play. I can't hear him when this is playing. Ah, well then don't worry about playing it. Just scrub through it. Just get a scrub through it.

Yeah, there we go. Or just screenshot. Now is it good? Okay, perfect. Okay. Was that a wedding ring she got on? Well, it's a black woman, so it's definitely not A$AP Rocky.

Shots fired. I'm going to guess it's A$AP. Didn't he date Chanel Amon? He got a wedding ring on. This is foul, yo. Is that a wedding ring? That's an engagement ring, son. So they were making fun of him because he has a back stroke game.

Wait, that's bad? He's my ring, son. So they were making fun of him because he has a back stroke game. Wait, that's bad? He's pretty good. Seems like a pretty standard stroke, yo. Wait, girls were upset at this stroke? You know what it is? Why is she pulling her shit down? She's embarrassed of her... Yeah, that is weird.

It's a solid stroke. I mean, if this is what... Hold on, pause. Yeah, pause it. Get the next video ready. It's a silent stroke. I mean, if this is what... Hold on, pause. Yeah, pause it. Get the next video ready. What makes a good backstroke? You know what? Bitches watch too much porn.

We're too desensitized to what sex is supposed to be at this point. How do you guys do it? I mean... Was that ASAP Rocky? Name that dick. I'm going to... Was that ASAP? I'm going to, was that A$AP? I'm going to go A$AP. A$AP backstroke Rocky.

Wait a minute. Real talk. I don't understand this, why that was a bad stroke. I just grabbed the hips and I just pound like that. I mean. As fast as I can. Like a rabbit. You got to get a good rhythm to it.

You know what I mean? It's got to be a. Can you show on Akash how... Let me see. I mean, listen. There's... It depends. No way.

We both just need a question. Just like, all right, here we go. You know those, like, how's the highlights posts on Instagram when basketball players are in sync? You know, like, the two guys do the same thing after a rebound and go on the floor. That was that. Chemistry, baby.

That's chemistry. Sexual chemistry. Goddamn. I really don't understand why that's a bad backstroke. I'm not mad. She's creaming, dude. Yeah, she's a lot. I mean, sometimes you need a nice slow stroke when you got like the first, you know, you know what I mean?

You got to get the depth in there. But after a while, you got to. It didn't look like he increased speed or intensity or anything. He just kept it. It was like one speed massage. Yeah, he's trying to record. That's another thing. He's filming.

He's filming and fucking at the same time. That means you should put on even more. Yeah, but your balance is all off. It's two things at once. Yeah, I mean, it's like a lot. It's a lot of movements. I mean, if you've ever videotaped yourself. What's going on right now?

A lot of times you're not looking at your stroke. You're looking at the phone. So it's like. But the fact that that girl has an engagement ring on it is foul. Foul. Like that's disgusting. Beautiful ring too. Oh, now he's going for it.

That's bad? That room is disgusting. It feels like there's clothes everywhere. I mean, this right here, I don't even know if she's alive. Right? Like he is going after that. Let's talk about bad stroke game. What if he's just not taking the dick good enough?

That's another thing. Maybe. Happens a lot. Short's talk about bad stroke game. What if he's just not taking the dick good enough? That's another thing. There you go. Happens a lot, yo. Shorty can't take the dick. I mean, she is taking the dick like a corpse, bro. That girl is unmoved by that dick, man. Not even a... Also, she's beat up.

She's got these scars on her butt. Yeah, this is a hood. I don't want to watch this anymore, dude. I don't even believe it's ASAP, to be honest with you. Dude, this is in a Waffle House. It doesn't look like ASAP. I mean, I would know. No, no, no. Get out of here. Imagine if it doesn believe it's ASAP, to be honest with you. Dude, this isn't a Waffle House. It doesn't look like ASAP. I mean, I would know. No, no, no. Get out of here. It doesn't look like ASAP for me.

Get out of here. Now, is it gay to eat a banana while you watch Guys? Dicks? Only if you suck on it. Facts. I can't enlarge this. I mean, it got to at this point. It's okay. Maybe we don't need to enlarge it. Okay. That's fair. Oh, God. What is this? Well, we don't have to guess because it's tagged Steph Curry

How do we know that's That's not Steph's dick Yeah that could easily Just be someone else's dick Put on this whole thing Yeah well I don't understand Like

That doesn't make any sense So they have If nobody's seen this There's like a collage Of dicks And it just has like A towel Steph Curry on the left

Which I'm assuming Is after a game No I get it I thought you were doing it Cause of the fucking dicks No I didn't want to Did you

No I didn't want the The audio to catch it Okay got it Got it Anyway Hold on Is it going to catch a fart If I fart

Probably You know we never really Come on son Did it Did it pick it up Shoot it that way bro Why you shouting at me? I'm trying to get away.

I'm eating. Shit, my bad. You fart all the time. We're in Alex's hotel room when we were down in Philly. I'm laying on his bed. Alex is like deep in the edit. He's cutting up this clip. And all of a sudden, I farted.

And Al just takes one headphone off his ear and goes get out of my room. It was so disrespectful. That's foul. I shouldn't have done that. Get this dick out of here. What's this one? The baby. Now this is

funny because wow. Yeah. Now this is this is funny because wow. Son. You know it's big if it made Kaz go wow. His dick got a curve on it. It's got an aggressive curve.

Have you ever seen like golf when the streak follows the shot? Don't his dick look like he just teed off? Like, you ever watch the NHL on Fox? And they follow the puck? Oh, geez.

That dick right there is too—that's how you measure a table corner. That is— You know what I'm saying? Like, you just try to carve out a surfboard. To be fair— That's how real style. This looks like some encouragement, like a big thumbs up. But to be fair, so when this leaked, like every woman on Twitter lost their fucking mind. Weezy was going crazy. They were wheezy and then she was having like fucking video chats about the shit yeah just it was what is he a dork yo

you dork ass bitch grow up bitch i mean it was funny because you know like it's rare that you just see women just that universally horny at one point yeah so like women aren like, women aren't usually funny, but they're funny when they're horny. Right. So, they had lots of jokes. But it turns out the baby went and debunked the myth that it was his cock. The guy's cock that it was owned up to the video and...

Obviously shocking. And, even better, started an OnlyFans account that night and spread it around Twitter did he get some money I don't know but I'm assuming he did

but there was so many girls like it when your dick curves like that my dick doesn't curve like that my dick doesn't

curve like that either I'm very straight it's got a slight curve not like that that's like wow you got a curve a little curve yeah that's like a

yeah a little curve to the left. Does that only happen with black guys' dicks? Oh, does it get big enough? Yeah. It just can't handle- It just runs out. Then she just starts giving up at the end? It's like nails when they start to just curl in, you know?

Dude, what is going on? It's like when you're trying to- Bro, believe me, I don't know. Oh, my God. How many of your dicks could you fit in that tank? Smuggle your dick into a country. Yo, his dick is like the pest dispenser for my dicks. You just pop up with the hand.

Our car just pops out. Okay. Oh, my God. Oh, good. Oh, my God. That shit is not a game, bro. I feel like you could clean the corners of furniture with that thing. I think you just took a deep breath with your dick, you'd get all the crumbs out of the couch.

It looks like a big ass comma. It's like separating sentences. Holy shit. All right, all right. Please change. Yeah, please. That's a lot of it. So there was this girl who posted this tweet that went viral.

And it's like a girl toxic shaming women. And I love this fucking post. So many women retweeted those leaked nudes. And the sad fact is too many women think consent, boundaries, and respect only apply to men dealing with women. When the reality is women need to be checked and face consequences for their predatory behavior disguised as jokes. I like that shit. Yo, real talk? I like that shit, too. If this was

a celeb's pussy, like a girl celeb's pussy, and like famous people retweet and talk about it? We'd be crucified. Let me tell you something. Imagine we did jokes like how Weezy and Jesse were doing. Son, let me tell you something. We'd be crucified. Let me tell you something. Yo, real talk.

They sent someone to jail. The guy who did the revenge porn website. Yeah. He had a revenge porn website. When they were leaking Scarlett Johansson nudes. Actually, it was wild. When Jennifer Lawrence got busted on her face. She was covering cum.

Yo. I didn't even see that. You didn't see that? Yeah, the fappening was like, what's the reeling from the fappening? I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it.

I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. 2017.

There was cum dripping all over Jennifer Lawrence's whole face. And that's when she was dating Nicole. That's the only way I would find her interesting. Because those X-Men movies was not in. Not even great interesting necessarily, just, oh, okay. Okay, well. Okay, there's some, oh, he's finally doing something. We're taking a look at it.

My goodness. But I'm glad. Come on, get that out of here, bro. I'm glad I'm looking up at that shit. That shit is scary. You hated this one. Oh, we didn't see it. Oh.

This is wild. No, no, no. This I don't want to watch. I feel uncomfortable already watching. No. Is it real Logan Paul? It's not Logan. It's not Logan.

It's not Logan. Oh, come on. No way. It's not him. I didn't do it. I can't watch it. Oh, God. That's not Logan. It's not Logan. It's not Logan. Oh, come on. No way. It's not him. I didn't do it. I can't watch it. Oh, God. That's too much.

Look at you guys. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it. I'm going to have to break the whole studio. That's a lot. That's a lot. Please stop. Yeah, I can't look at it.

Can you palate cleanse me? I didn't. Alex, something. I just need a palate cleanse of something. I don't even know. There's so many dicks. Yo, I can't even touch it right now. Please, anything. Anything. All right, that's bad. Oh,'t even know. There's been so many dicks. Yo, I can't even touch it right now. Please, anything.

Anything. All right, that's bad. Oh, God. Jesus. Oh, my God. Okay. All right, we're going to take a break for a second, pay some bills. Guys, you know the law firm that you got to use.

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Where are we? So that was a lot. I'm kind of glad this happened, though, because the next time a celebrity's nudes leak that I really want to see. Keep that same energy. Keep the same fucking energy, bro. When Georgia Smith nudes leak or fucking, what's the girl's name?

You know. Every two years with new Rihanna nudes leak. Yo, I want the same energy, Kev. Because bitches was having a ball with them, the baby dicks. There's an interesting story popping up that we spoke about months ago. And we alluded to it. We couldn't really say that much.

Maybe we talked about it on the Patreon. that Kawhi Leonard went to the Los Angeles Clippers not only because he's from Los Angeles and wanted to play with Paul George, but potentially because Uncle Dennis, was asking for certain things for himself from different teams, and the Clippers were the team to acquiesce. Now, according to Sam Amick of The Athletic, Uncle Dennis Robertson, Uncle Dennis, wanted partial ownership share of the Lakers' private

plane access. Not a private plane like a lot of people were requesting. Private plane access. That's reasonable. A house. Partial ownership is absurd. Personal plane access? Reasonable. Yeah, absolutely. Partial ownership, absurd. Partial ownership is absurd. Personal plan access? Reasonable. Yeah, absolutely.

That one is reasonable. Partial ownership, go fuck yourself. And you know what? You do have it. A house, a guaranteed amount of endorsement money to secure his commitment. And according to the NBA, all those requests are violated. The NBA's collective bargaining agreement and were thus denied by Lakers governor, Jeannie Buss. This is a smart move for the Lakers to finally leak this

because now it makes the Clippers look like they didn't. And leaking it right before they play each other on Christmas Day, the biggest day in basketball television. Everybody's going to be watching that game. Everybody's going to be watching the Lakers versus the Clippers. That's the marquee game on Christmas Day. This was a strategery at its finest. Yeah.

We heard about this months ago. Months ago. Or something alluding to this. But to have it leak right now lets me know. Gotta be some sort of truth. And it's the best time to leak it. Gotta be some sort of truth.

The offseason, we're all like, eh, whatever. This time of year, we're finally starting to give a fuck about basketball. Basketball season starts at Christmas. Yeah, exactly. Fuck all the other November, October games. It's Christmas. And the funny shit is, Stephen A. Smith alluded to this before. And the funny thing is, nobody remembers the video.

It's a viral video. We look on Twitter with Stephen A. Smith. I'm here to tell you right now, we don't care. That's what he was talking about. He was talking about how there was rumors that Kawhi asked for ABC. And if you watch that whole video, when at the end he goes, I'm here to tell you right now,

we don't care, because he signed to the Clippers, they traded for Paul George, all this other shit. Like, this has kind of been like the dirty little secret that everybody within the NBA circles have maybe heard about. Maybe known about. So do we need to take back

some of the things we said about Uncle Dennis on this podcast where it's like, yo, he saved Kawhi and maybe he did, but also he seems like he's looking out for himself a lot. He is looking out for himself. I think that Kawhi is more savvy than we let on. You know, and I think some of the stuff he was asking for were guaranteed – what was it? Ownership?

Ownership stake, parent plane access, guaranteed endorsement money. Guaranteed endorsement money for Kawhi, not for himself. So there are certain things that he was asking for. And listen, what did we say, right? It was like the second after he signed to the Clippers, all of a sudden he was like in the promo for the Lion King and like random things, right? And we're like, oh, OK. This is what happens when you're involved with billionaires. What billionaires do is like anybody else does, they just do it at the highest level, is they have access to what's almost free money. For example, you're starting an investment

fund. Usually it costs $25 million to enter. But you say to your buddy, hey, just give a million. You're going to still get the same returns that these $25 million people do. Right? Now, in order to get a return on your investment that is, let's say, 10% or whatever, you have to put in a number like $25 million. Yeah. But what if you can only put a million in? Well, you can't. Oh, but now you know the guy, so you can.

Yeah. You know, these are free money types of schemes. Not free, nothing's for free, but you're getting access to these things that are, I don't want to say sure bets, but they're the closest thing in business to sure bets, and now you can be in on the ground floor. I always say life is a leverage game. These guys can just leverage a bunch of other things. They have the most leverage on earth. So I can leverage.

My leverage is I got a hedge fund I got access to. Come on, let's do that. Hey, what about Steve Ballmer? Now, Steve Ballmer is the sales guy or was the sales guy for Microsoft. I don't know if he's still there, right? You don't think that he has access to every single tech

prospect, every single tech business venture, every single tech investment. Whatever he wants, he has. Of course he's going to give Kawhi some of that. Honestly, you're a terrible

owner if you're not offering your star player that shit. You know what I'm saying? You look at Draymond Green, who's like the fourth best player on that team. Early investor in fucking SmileDirect. Because he's in the Bay Area. He probably knows a bunch of tech guys that knows that shit's about to take off. Like Andre Iguodala, another super smart fucking investment that he's done with tech.

We just looked at the top 10 athletes in Forbes. Who's number seven? Kevin fucking Durant. Because he's right. They're like, you're a bad owner if you're not giving your star players these opportunities. And why do you have to? Because we have a salary cap. Of course. If there's a salary cap, you will find, and players are getting underpaid.

And underpaid, I mean by in terms of like what they're valued on the open market absolutely you will find ways to give them that value there's a reason why it's illegal of course of course lebron does it i mean like also lebron owns everything that he does which i like outside the sneakers but having access to all these things is crucial and you're gonna do extra stuff for your star players like kobe had a fucking helicopter take him every game. Yep. He had the fucking Kobe chopper that he landed at the top of the Staples Center every home game.

Yeah. He needs that shit. Was it top of the hotel that he was next to? I think so. Maybe it might have been Figueroa, somewhere around there. It doesn't matter. It is interesting to see a set come out. And what's interesting is to see the repercussions of it.

Do they punish Kawhi? That's what I'm wondering. Well, you're you're gonna punish the clippers you're not gonna punish kawaii ah yes what can you really do you have to punish the clippers now do they lose a draft pick you know when this is like 15 years ago the timberwolves tried to do some sneaky shit and get around the salary cap to re-sign joe smith yes they lost like five first round picks in a row well n NBA brought the fucking hammer. Well, here's the thing with this, right?

It's like, what do they say? The punishment has to fit the crime. Yes. Right? Now, obviously this is not a bad crime in the scheme of things

with rape and murder, right? But in terms of a crime in the NBA, and crimes in the NBA are often things that give you an unfair advantage in winning.

It ruins the integrity of the game. Right. And by ruining the integrity, it give you an unfair advantage in winning. It ruins the integrity of the game. Right. And by ruining the integrity, it gives you an unfair advantage to win, right? So that is the heaviest – that is the most egregious crime that you could possibly commit. Something that gives you this massive advantage in winning. If you don't punish it strong enough, other teams will just do it. Of course.

There's a – I'm trying to think of the exact example, but there are situations where, like if you're a rich guy. I mean, in any sport. This is what I was thinking. If you're a really rich guy, right? Alex was explaining this to me. I was like, we were driving on the side of the road because we had to get a gig. And I was like, what's the ticket for this?

He's like, I don't know, like $250, $250. I go, I'll just pay for it. That's worth it to get to the gig on time and he goes yeah but I'll get points on my license I go oh that's a good punishment for the crime because now the rich guy is equally affected as the poor guy right you don't care about that $250 but the points on the license yeah that could affect your life right you can't drive no more So they have to find what is points on the license to the league. Draft picks. It'll be like eight first round draft picks.

I mean forfeit games, I guess. I almost feel like you've got to forfeit some games. If you get caught red-handed doing that type of thing. Here's the problem with forfeiting games. You end up hurting the team that you're playing against. Because they can't get wins. Well, even if you did give them wins, why do they get those wins opposed to other teams? And two, the players that are playing on that team, they want to get their buckets in.

They want to have historic careers. They want to get, you know. You would have to give them like a loss against every other team that they play against. Like one loss for every team. Because you have to evenly disperse loss against every other team that they play. It's like one loss for every team. Because you have to evenly disperse the losses. It's a tricky thing. I think you're going to see first round draft picks go, and I think it's a lot. And is it worth it if the Clippers win the championship?

That's what I'm saying. If the Clippers win the championship, then who gives a fuck? It's worth it. So now every other team is going to go, should I, and this is hypothetical, should I trade six first go? Sorry, you're going to have to also bring the hammer down on Bomber. You're not allowed at games. You have to sell the team, but you're not allowed at games for a full season,

two seasons, whatever. You're out, and it's going to have to be embarrassing for you. So every owner can say, I don't know if I want to look like that. That's what you're going to it's going to be have to be embarrassing for you so you can so every owner can say I don't know if I want to look like that that's what you're going to have to do huh

I mean that's going to be rough it's going to be both I don't think it's going to be as rampant as we might seem it could be because you know

if my owner didn't do that I'd fucking boycott that's what I'm saying there's only maybe five players worth doing that for Kawhi's one of them I guess I mean maybe not KD anymore

since his Achilles has popped and he's in Brooklyn or whatever. But like, you know, Giannis is going to be on the free market in a year or two. You don't think motherfuckers are going to be like, yo, we'll side you, your brothers. We'll give them whatever the fuck they want. I think the league should wait until the end of the season and then disqualify them for, like like they can't be in the playoffs.

That would be the best punishment in terms of like, fuck you, you don't get away with this. I mean, that's what they do in the NCAA. I mean, like they take away scholarships and they ban you from postseason play. So you could play games and you're not necessarily going to get to the tournament. Wait till the end of the season. Silver is a pussy, though. He don't really bring down punishments on anybody. He is a fucking pussy, man.

Do they take away your ability to make the playoffs for the length of the contract? Nah, that would be too much. Because then the following seasons they're just going to coast. They're like, oh, there's no point in really actually playing because we don't have a chance for the playoffs. So you can only really go for one season. It's almost like the best penalty in college. And you've got to wait until the end of the season so they play mad hard

and then they think they're whatever number one, number two in the West, and then bang. But isn't it worth it still to have Paul George and Kawhi when you just had to sacrifice one season? I mean, the Nets got Kyrie and Kevin Durant, and they're willing to sacrifice one season with Kevin Durant. Oh, that's true. Very true.

I like your idea of eliminating them from postseason contention because it defeats the whole purpose of ever doing that because you'll never be able to win a championship. The only reason you do it is to win a championship. You have to do it for the life of his contract to really be effective. I wonder if you do it just to make a statement. I really wonder if you do it to make a statement.

Here's where it gets tricky, right? Money. You know what I'm saying? It's Los Angeles. Do you really want to tell a franchise in Los Angeles? They're not going to do that because they're not going to lose LA money. I think, yeah, exactly. You don't want to lose that Staples Center money. They're going to be in the playoffs. You got two teams that are playoff bound that's going to be going deep into the playoffs in their second biggest market or your first biggest market, depending on the year, in your entire league.

Do you really want to take L.A. away from that, even if it's the B team? In order to maintain control and the integrity of the league, the punishment cannot take into account how valuable these franchises are. It will not. I know it will, but it shouldn't, right? Because otherwise it actually gives an unfair advantage to those valuable franchises. And the whole idea of the NBA is relinquishing that power, those owners relinquishing that power.

And you having a team like Utah, even though it's not equal, a closer chance to being equivalent with a team like the Lakers. It's not. Obviously, there's more things the Lakers can offer this than the other. Maybe they got a Donald Sterling. Fire him. Yeah, force him to sell the team.

Force him to sell the team, and one year you can't go to the playoffs. Yo, take away one year of the playoffs, force him to sell the team. Yo, I like that. It the playoffs before someone sells the team. Yo, I like that. It scares every owner. We got to go. Because what owner would ever pay? Yeah. They would never pay

because the risk is you're going to, unless you were ready to sell the team and you're like, fuck it, let's go for broke this one year because I'm selling anyway. But still, that's an interesting thing. No, but then you still don't want that because then you're disqualified from playoffs.

But does that drive down the value of your team since you're not going to the playoffs? Can you really make that much money? Granted, you're still going to make a shit ton of money selling your NBA team. But if you know that you can't go to the playoffs. No, but you don't tell them. The Clippers sold for $4 billion when they were terrible. They weren't terrible, but they were terrible. They sold for $2 billion.

Yeah, that's true. The Knicks were offered $4 billion. Yeah. They raised the money. They offered Dolan $4 billion. He said no's true. The Knicks were offered four billion. Yeah. They raised the money. They offered Dolan four billion. He said no. To who? Bezos?

I heard Bezos was in there. I don't know. I can't say. But anyway, I don't know if this will happen. I think we're only getting started with this story. I don't think it's going to get swept up. I hope. I hope it doesn't go away.

You know what bothers me about it? How good would the fucking Raptors be if he had stayed? Oh, my God. They're 21-8 without him. if he had stayed? They're 21-8 without him. They're great. And they're 21-8 without him. And Kyle just got back. Yeah. And Siakam's been hurt for a while, too.

Yo, Siakam is a beast. They were right to give him to Max. He's legit. Once he started to hit that corner three, and the other thing they started to do is be able to shoot off the dribble. Yeah. And once he started to do that, you're a superstar. The other thing is Fred Van Fleet.

This kid, Fred Van Fleet, I think he went to Wichita, if I'm not mistaken. He went to Wichita State, yeah. Wichita State. He's been a gamer his whole fucking life. Yeah. He's got ice in his veins. I was talking to a buddy of mine, and this is before they ever won the championship, before he had that wild playoff run.

He says to me, he goes, I'm telling you, this kid, it was when I was at Summer League. He goes, he goes, ice in his veins. I go, what do you mean? He goes, unflappable. No. I started to learn more about. I started, same way in college. I started to learn more about Fred Van Fleet.

Apparently he's from Southside of Chicago or one of these like real bad neighbors in Chicago. His pops, I think was like a big drug dealer. I think they got popped or killed. And then the guy who also raised him and is like mom's new husband or something like that was like a cop, I believe. Oh, shit. So you got to – You got to have nerves of steel, those of your fucking parents on both sides of the fucking spectrum.

Yeah, I can see that. You on an island, yo, because you can't really side with the drug dealer dudes because your dad's an ops. But at the same time, if you're with the ops, those guys are like, yo, fuck that kid. So it's like you're in this unique situation where you've got to find yourself and be comfortable with yourself. And now you see him in the league like, OK. That's crazy.

Yeah. I watched a lot of him in college because I'm that's crazy yeah yeah no he's i watched a lot of him in college because i'm a big fan of wichita state they've always did me well in my brackets i'm like they're they're they're cinderella's it's always like a safe like sweet 16 type like them vcu all those guys but i just remember him just being just fucking steady as fuck like never fucking wasn't the finals yeah just like you just know he's gonna be a net positive he's on to be a net positive when he's on the court.

Like he may not fucking win the game for you. Was he the most consistent player in the finals? Absolutely. Hawaii had little

games here and there where he wasn't quite Kawhi. He killed it. He was outplaying Steph Curry. Big shots. And he had his

orbital bone fractured or something. He's all swollen and shit. Oh the wild shit about the Toronto Raptors franchise like how many like transcendent And he had his Orbital bone fractured Or something And he's all swollen And shit Oh the wild shit About the Toronto Raptors Franchise Like how many like

Transcendent players Like have played for that One Two Vince Young But Vince Vince Carter Vince Carter

Tracy McGrady Chris Bosh Just got nominated To the Hall of Fame Fucking Kawhi Leonard Got Pascal Siakam Who's on his way

Like that's five like all timers in that franchise has been around Pascal you a little premature on but let's

potentially yeah let's give it another half a year right but he's already got a chip you know what I mean like he's already

got most improved player in the NBA man though if they if he doesn't leave if Kawhi doesn't leave they got I think they have

a great shot at repeating and then after this year's over lowry's off the books for 30 million and gasol is off the books for like 20 million also messiah's year he might be out yeah but like just you can the cap space you got you can let me tell you who's not leaving if kawaii's there messiah's year exactly. Everything is different. And then they got however many million for you. You could go get fucking Giannis if you wanted. Guys, they were set up beautifully if Kawhi stayed.

You're so right. They could easily compete for it again this year. And then after that, you are ready to do whatever the fuck you want to do. They're still. They could still fuck around and win the East this year. Which is wild. The East is doable. It's doable. Outside of Giannis being the...

I saw this motherfucker up close and personal recently. Who? Giannis. Just like in the city. Yeah. This motherfucker is scary. He's unreal. He's unreal. I watched a game before and he's at the point right now

that LeBron and Jordan was a few years ago where, like, 40% of him is good enough to just, like, fucking dog walk any team. Like, the day before, I think, or two days before, like, he's going back and forth to LeBron, dropped, like, 40-something, triple-double, hit five threes, killing. You know what I mean? He goes against the shitty-ass Knicks. He's fucking, I don't think he even sweat. He was fucking just speed walking through the game. Yeah. Had a triple-double with like half a third quarter left

and sat for the rest of the fucking game. Yeah. That dude, he's – now that he's consistently hitting threes and taking those fucking threes. That's always been the issue. It's like, is he going to learn how to shoot and become like, you know, one of the greatest players to ever do it? Or is he going to not learn how to shoot and then be Dominique Wilkins?

It's never been, with him, it's never been about like the ability to shoot. It's just like, will you take these shots? That's why motherfuckers hate Ben Simmons. He's like, yo, take the fucking shot. His jumper is uncomfortable. Yeah, I think Giannis will take him. Yeah, Giannis takes him. The thing that stuck out was...

But he's got a weird hitch. Like, if you look at his jumper... I think he'd just be serviceable, though. Yeah. It's just... He's okay with it, because his arms are so fucking cartoonishly long. Yeah.

Like, you see when he has to square up weirdly. Yeah. And his hands are big, so it just fucking goes. But people give him that shot so the hitch doesn't bother me that well people aren't up in his grill like KD where it doesn't matter if you're this fucking close

it's still going to be perfect but with Giannis it's easy he has all fucking day to shoot those and if you come up close to him he's going to take two fucking steps through gigantic fucking strides to the hoop

and either dish to somebody or just dunk on your head it's unfair he's un-fucking-fair there's uh that's Kyrie I saw Kyrie yesterday how was that?

yeah I saw the picture it was dope man did play-by-play for Nike and Slam and uh he whining like a little bitch dude's really fucking hurt like

say again? he's really fucking hurt. Say again? He's really hurt. Like, he's going to be out for a while. What a surprise. Who saw this coming? Wait. Wait, you're telling me Kyrie Irving got injured? Yeah, I mean, listen.

What's hurt about him? So, I'll tell you this. When we were, you know, we were doing, like, halftime of the game, and I'm talking to Nike folks. I'm like, oh, can we get an award with Kyrie? Like, a halftime of the game, and I'm talking to Nike folks. I'm like, oh, can we get an award with Kyrie, like a halftime, whatever. They're like, oh, okay, just no questions about this, that. They're basically, don't talk about the injury. Don't talk about when he's coming back.

Don't talk about anything. Just talk about the high school games. All right, great, cool, cool. As soon as halftime starts, he goes to the booth or whatever. He goes to the back or whatever. He probably just talks to the kids or whatever. And just completely like, you know, not blows off. But you can tell like.

Speech to the kids. Hey, kids. Time is a flat circle. I mean, like, honestly, like he was really fucking cool like around the kids or whatever. He was really fucking cool. Just like, just, you know, embracing like the whole event and all that type of shit. But you could tell like something's like

physically really off. Like way worse than I think they're trying to report as far as his shoulders. Well, good. The Nets might make the playoffs then, guys. I mean,

Spencer Dillon would even fucking ball it. The Nets will make the playoffs without him. Yeah. Yeah. And then next year when KD's back,

they will be better, obviously. But it is because of KD. This is actually the best case scenario. I think so. For Kyrie. Because he doesn't really take any of the blame. If he played this year and they didn't make the playoffs and then KD comes back next year and all of a sudden they're one of the best teams in the league,

it's like, oh, okay. We know who's carrying all the weight here. And that's a lot to ask on the guy coming off of Popped Achilles. Like, that's still, you know what I mean? Like, we still really don't know. Like, we think we know. Like, we hope he's back to, like like 75%, 80% of what he was when he came back, but we still don't fucking know. Achilles

is like, you can come back and be Rudy Gay and still be just as good, or you can be DeMarcus Cousins and you're just fucked forever. There's an interesting story out right now talking about comebacks. And

the Seahawks, because of their depleted running back, have signed Marshawn Lynch. And I don't care as much about the football aspect of it. What I think is really interesting about Marshawn Lynch is the marketing aspect. And I wanted to kind of open up this discussion about the value of understanding media and also understanding your character marshall lynch is a guy who allows people to think that he's dumber or more ghetto than he really is and when you do that you can manipulate the media in a way to bring all these eyes and attention to you.

And then when that happens, you can use all that eyes and attention and monetize it. Marshawn Lynch played the media brilliantly by kind of like almost living up to what a stereotype, what the stereotype of him. The typical Oakland nigga. Exactly. Right? But he did it with nuance. Right? He's aware that that's what they thought of him, et cetera.

Obviously, the antics. What was he saying? Next question. I'm just here to get fined. I'm just here to get fined. I'm just here to get fined. It was almost like this Oakland version of Bill Belichick or something like that. And he flipped that into this crazy interest, which he turned into a TV show, which Kaz wrote on.

Right? Brand deal. So he was selling, you know, merchandise. Beast Motor. He's got a big endorsement deal with Skittles. Nike. Turned the Skittles thing. Right?

Like, he really did it. And it's a testament to – He never spent his contract money. Never. He never spent his contract. This is brilliant. No, he never spent his endorsement money. Ah, okay.

Never spent his – Regardless, it's a testament to like what athletes should do in terms of marketing now. There are ways that you can use this short amount of time that you're in the league to garner interest without hurting your team. The thing about Lynch is never once – he's not OBJ. Never once did he do anything that hurt the team. For sure. Right? Like never once did he make it about him even though it was all about him.

Right. But he didn't OBJ it. It was never detraction. It was the anti-OBJ. It was the anti – I'm going to do whatever I have to take. I'm just here so I don't get fined. I want to get back to playing. I don't want your attention.

I don't want your questions. I want nothing. And there are athletes out there that have all the skills, but they don't understand the marketing. And the marketing is important not for only while you play the game, but for after. Marshawn Lynch would not be getting this contract if he wasn't a superstar. If he was just any run-of-the-mill running back, and there are plenty out there. I'm positive there are plenty of other running backs. That are better.

Better equipped to take on a load, especially this late into the season. Going into the playoffs. The Seahawks are like primed for a strong playoff run. He wasn't even that good when he was at the Raiders. He wasn't. He was alright. He was alright. He's okay. But like, here's the thing. Get him in situations. That's what he does. He knows the system.

It's probably the same offense. He's comfortable. I mean, yeah, I do think you're right. In fact, also... There are advantages too. I'm not saying it's not. And I'll tell you this. But think about it, right? It's like... You're right, though. There's... You get a nice to it. I'm not saying it's not. And I'll tell you this. But think about it, right? It's like – You're right though. There's – you get a nice ego boost. I'm not saying you have to sell tickets.

It's a good PR look. It's a great PR look. There's any way. You walk into the marketing office of the Seahawks, right? And you go, guys, we're going to sign Marshawn Lynch. They are salivating. Yeah. They got the jersey right back up.

They got the bobblehead. They can't wait to do it. So it works out and I guess there's some synergy that already exists there, sure. But he is the perfect example of how every athlete, and you don't have to do it his exact way, but how you should look at your career. Make heat and make interest while you have it so that you can parlay it into other things afterwards. And he fucking did that. Yeah. And just even from a football perspective, like, watching

him, just like, I spent like a whole summer with him doing this show for BR. And like, he's got like this Paul Bunyan thing about him where like, he doesn't really lift weights. He doesn't really fucking do a bunch of like wild shit. You know how he trains? He goes to a beach, puts on combat boots,

and he just fucking runs. That's all the fuck he does. That's all the fuck. He puts on a bunch of sweats, he goes to the beach, puts on heavy-ass fucking boots, and he just runs up and down. I mean, he's been in the league since, what, 2009?

It's about to be 2020, and he's still pretty good, and apparently he had an amazing workout for the Seahawks before they signed him so it's like he's got oh they worked him out

yeah they worked him out they worked him out too like I think a day or two ago so like the motherfucker has got like some Paul Bunyan in him where it's like

he's not one of these workout warriors he's just a guy that was just made for fucking football where it's just like yeah he's good to go like 18 weeks off

fuck it give him the ball with 5 yards. You need five yards to go get it, but he can still get you five fucking yards. So is he going to be the starting running back? I think he's starting because they lost both of their running backs. They lost, what was it, Canyon? Carson.

Carson and the other guys. They signed Robert Turbin, who also used to be on the Seahawks, and Lynch. And, you know, like granted, it's still a very Russell Wilson offense, so they're not going to ask Marshawn Lynch to carry the load. Right. But if you need somebody to punch it in,

surprise, surprise, four yards away. Four to one in the Super Bowl, maybe. Exactly. How great of a fucking story is that, though? Yeah.

Like, if they get in that situation again, everybody on planet fucking Earth is like, you fucking better give it to Marshawn this time. Then you run the play action.

You run the fucking action. Then you run the play action. Dog, that would be so funny. Oh, my God. If the football gods are listening, the only way this season ends is if it's a fucking Seahawks Ravens or Seahawks Patriots in the Super Bowl. Third and goal. Fourth and like two on the goal line. And you got Marshall Lynch coming into the game.

Oh, my God. Like, I'm getting goosebumps thinking about that shit. I'm like, yo, please set it up so it's like that. Please set it up. I was in Seattle doing shows. And I was waiting, I think, maybe two and a half years to do this joke in Seattle. shows and I was waiting I think maybe two and a half years to do this joke in Seattle but um do you guys remember the uh the real world where they in the beginning they show the Seattle fish market yes where they throw the fish yes the first time I went there I was like blown away because I

always thought where they hold the fish and where they catch the fish was going to be like you know 10-15 feet away right It was literally one foot away. Like you can literally just hand the fish off. So I say, I go up there, I was like, guys, what is it about Seattle when you're one foot away? Bro, bro. They go, they go, they go, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. They were high. Oh! I was like.

Three years later, that shit still stung, son. Like, dong dong. That shit stung, dude. They felt a whiff. I was like, who's calling the plays at the Pike Market, Pete Carroll? Oh, my God. There's rare occasions where you can have perfect sports moments. And if there is a moment, there's going to be a moment in this playoff series where I guess they play the 49ers next Monday night.

Oh, this Sunday night. This game is actually like. A big game. Big game. The loser is the five seed and the winner is the one seed, I think, in the playoffs. Yeah. Well, maybe the Seattle wouldn't be the one seed. You win the division and you get the, I think, the.

Home field advantage. Home field advantage in the first round of the playoffs. Seattle doesn't necessarily get home field if they win. New Orleans would have to lose also. But if San Francisco wins, they're the one seed. If they lose, they're the five seed. Amazing. There's sticks.

If Seattle wins, they're one or two. It's not like they're just bringing Marshawn Lynch because, oh, it's a feel-good story. Like, no, they kind of need this motherfucker. Right. You know what I mean? Like, you lose both your running backs, like, season-ending injuries. Like, you need this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, it is... It's going to be fun. And the Niners are really fucking good. And it's in Seattle, right? Yeah. It's in Seattle. 12th man. It's going to be a fucking scene Sunday night.

Last game. Marshawn is back. It's going to be dope. Yeah. That's the last game of the season, right? There's no Monday Night Football. Everybody should watch this game. Yeah, that's the last game of the season for the playoffs.

So, it's like... I'm not watching the Cowboys at all. I'm watching this game. I would watch. Oh, yeah, it's going to be a good one. Probably watching Zebra Racing or some shit. Now, Akash, before we get out of here, because we've got to get out of here pretty soon, and we know we did the ads yesterday. Can we just insert those?

Okay. Just because there's a pre-roll too. So we got to put it anyway. Okay. But Akash, did you see Skip Bayless? Trashing his cowboy stuff? Yes. Yeah.

Now, Feidelberg fights a friend over there at Barstool. Yeah, that's our guy. We need to bring him on. We definitely need to get him on. He tweeted something funny. He goes, if this is his real house, he's made horrible decisions. He goes, look at the cabinet handles. Look at the microwave.

Yo, why is the microwave? College. He goes, this is a college home at best. He goes, look at the chairs. And it is awful. Is he a gambler? He can't be gambling. No.

Is he bad with money or is this like maybe? No, he's great with money. So Skip started. Well, he didn't start, but when the ticket started, that station I always listen to in Dallas, he was like their guy. So they still know him. He won't acknowledge that he worked there. It's really weird. He also hated, that was his shtick then is he hated the Cowboys.

So they, but they like know him and they say like, he's smart, but it's all phony. And you know what's also interesting? His brother, I've heard this before, his brother is like a renowned chef, Rick Bayless or something. And he's like driven crazy by his brother's success a renowned chef rick bayless or something and he's like driven crazy by his brother's success and always feels in his shadow which is an interesting insight insight into skip so that's why everything he does is to get more famous and it's also fucking psychopathically planned but like he was probably somewhere and he was like i have to pretend to make this video i have to pretend to be upset let's go buy this this and this wherever the

fuck they are and let's do this let's go buy a dag jersey let's go buy this, this, and this, wherever the fuck they are, and let's do this. Let's go buy a dag jersey. Let's go buy a hat. So he was in a hotel, or like, they were putting up a... It wasn't even a trash bag in his trash can. That's the one thing I was appalled about. Like, shit threw in just a plain-ass fucking trash can of nothing but tin. I'm like, oh, what are you putting away? You probably just paid a guy

a thousand dollars. Here, let me just get your fucking... Let me get in your kitchen. Give me the fucking jersey. Yeah. Ah, gross. I like get in your kitchen. Give me the fucking jersey. Yeah. Ah, gross. I like that. I like the move. We need to get into that now that we have the space more. Yeah.

We're going to create these moments. Yeah, we got content to create, man. Content kings of 2020. Gang, gang, gang. That's a fact. That's a fact. Anything else before we get out of here? I know we got to do a tight app, but we wanted to get it up to you early while we're all still here.

Highest paid athletes. You know what's dope about highest paid athletes? Jordan, Doc, you know what I want to point out about the highest paid athletes? You know who number one is? My boy Floyd Mayweather. Floyd Mayweather. I'm a such a billy. And he's the only person that everybody constantly says

he's broke and he's spent all the money if he spent all his money kill yourself bro it is if you spend

a billion dollars well you know it's also dope what is it no who's his boss nobody no fucking body yeah

Andrew Schultz on the Floyd Mayweather path. I got to do it. Actually, I don't care about that level of money. But greatness, yes, of course. And just not having to. Floyd can say whatever the fuck he wants. He can talk on Jeremy Lin. It don't matter.

He can say all the racy shit he wants. It don't matter. What are you going to take from Floyd? I'm self-made. I did all this my skill my brains even though they're damaged i did this do you think that he has do you think that he spent the money or no i question little things and maybe he's maybe the fight to him is just like a cash grab but like he's a little shitty ass fight he was taking i was like why are you taking this yeah

but like i guess something is so easy for him fighting and he knows that he's so superior to all these other people. And if they're willing to give him $5, $10 million, it's just – it's like – I mean you can't spend – What are you doing with $5, $10 million? What is he? Yeah. I think it's why not. I think it's why not. I think it's just so effortless for him.

Like if he has to go fight a guy who's never just boxed before, he's only kickboxed or something like that. Like he's going to be so much better than him at boxing. He's small. It's not like he could hurt him. If he has to go fight a guy who's never just boxed before, he's only kickboxed or something like that, he's going to be so much better than him at boxing. He's small. It's not like he could hurt him. You literally can't get hurt in this situation. If you see that number, he's so close to the B. He might just want to... I think he's just trying to get the B. He might just try to get it.

That could be it, too. I mean, he should. He'll be the first person ever to do it. To make a billion from fighting? From the sport he does. Because LeBron got it from endorsements. Interesting. Is he making, well, I know he's losing money on things. Like he's definitely losing money, I think, on that strip club.

He's losing money, obviously, with all the people that he has to pay, et cetera. I heard he pays, and these could be fake stories, but something like $25,000 for haircuts or some dumb shit like that. Yeah. $3,000, what the fuck it is. What the fuck? What the fuck is he spending

$25,000 on a haircut for? And can you look up Floyd Mayweather's spending habits for haircuts? Oh, that's too funny. Bro, if he's spending $25,000 on a haircut,

he deserves a good one. That's an absurd amount of money. But I think it's just, I think a lot of this entourage shit is just like, yo, I need to give my boy a salary and write it a good one. That's an absurd amount of money. But I think it's just, I think a lot of this entourage shit is just like, yo, I need to give my boy a salary and write it off.

Yes. I need to help you out. Like, if you're a fucking millionaire and I'm your boy you came up with, you can't just give me $100,000. You got to make it a business expense. So you're my driver. I got to pay you out of my corporation.

You take me from job to job. Here's $100,000. Now I only lose $75,000. Can I do that with my girl's gift? If you can find a way, it's a business expense, yeah. It's got to be more than I talked about it. She'd be my professional time teller. You know what?

If she's like – She might be out there, so I don't want to give away what the gift is. So we'll keep it like if it gets to or if and when it gets to like wife whatever if she's like president of your company maybe there's a way you could be like

oh it's a Christmas bonus I had to I had to give a gift as a Christmas bonus. That's part of my company expenses. I don't know if that's an actual thing. Or

chicken tender. I might be able to write that rolly off. That's true. It seems Rolly off That is true It seems like it That's true As a business expense I mean this is your employee

E Sons I love y'all man How do Asian people say Rolex Fuck up How do Asian people say Rolex Lorax up. How do we fit? Asian people say Rolex.

Lorax? Lorax, right? Yeah, Lorax. Lorax. Lorax. Lorax. No, it's Lorax. No, it's Lorax.

How do you say rock and roll? Walk and wool. Oh, there you go. Walk and rule. That's why it's hard. I can't even imagine how it would be. Warwax. Yeah, yeah.

I just want to know. Red new Rorax. Yeah. Red new Ruris. Ruris? All right, guys. There goes SNL, dog. Oh, we never talked about Eddie on SNL. Oh, shit.

Last thoughts. Last thoughts. Oh, and real quick, right before that. I'm just happy you knocked out Buckwheat, bro. Yo, one thing I just want to say. We released another show in L.A. for the special. Those tickets are going fast. I think we already sold like, I don't know, 750 of the tickets or some shit like that.

That's crazy. It's nuts. We're going to do it April 12th in L.A. That's Easter Sunday, okay, at the Orpheum. Thank you guys so much. You're going to be there? Yo, the whole squad is going to be there. Everybody coming out.

So make sure. We'll be flying out the next morning. Y'all come through, man. And, yeah, that was it. TheAndrewSchultz.com for all the other tickets and shows. You know, we've got a bunch of shows coming up in the new year, so make sure you get that stuff, those stockings with those shows. Same for Akash.

Same for Kaz. I'm mad at Akash. What you got going on? Shows after the break. I'm going to be at Stress Factory January 14th. Love Stress Factory. I'm going to come through. I'm going to drag y'all two out if you can come.

You guys are going up. Then the next day I'm at Helium on January 15th. I am at Tacoma Comedy Club on January 28th. Then Sacramento Funny Bone on January 29th. And Rooster Teeth Feathers from the 30th through the 1st. Yeah, Rooster Teeth Feathers is such a fun club. I'm so excited. I love this club.

I'm so excited. I don't know why it's named that. It might be the worst best name of all comedy clubs, but it is such a fun club because it's intimate, but you can still pack in, you can still get people there, but it's intimate, and the audience, I love the audience, because, and we had this conversation before,'s around like tech worlds and i think that the best audiences are minorities that are educated huh yep and white people that are not educated but they gotta be together but and then if they're together even better but like when you go in the tech it's all like these like smart like engineers and that kind of shit like

so but they're all removed from like one generation removed from either their mother countries were fucked up shit's going on so they're not gonna let jokes offend them or they grew up in a and then they seen some shit up shit's going on, so they're not going to let jokes offend them, or they grew up in the hood and then they seen some shit and now they're working for Apple or they're working for Google or something. And if you have like the, I feel guilty about everything white people, they'll kill a fucking crowd. But sometimes you get these hillbilly motherfuckers who are like, I don't give a fuck, just say whatever you need, bro.

Let the words fly. You're so good as fuck, man. Exactly. Exactly. So it's like those things, and Rooster Teeth Feathers, it's in that tech hub, bro. Let the words fly. Good show. Good as fuck, man. Exactly. So it's like those things and Rooster Teeth Feathers. It's in that tech hub, man. It's fucking great. I'm excited.

Tacoma come through, though. Sacramento come through. They give me the off nights right now for the most part. Tuesday shows, Wednesday shows because they don't think I can sell tickets. So we got to prove to them. The army is strong. Mobile eyes. Okay.

Eddie Murphy's. I haven't seen it. If you guys saw, we could discuss. It's not the opening monologue. Loved it. Loved the whole fucking show. It was saw, we could discuss. It's not the opening monologue. Loved it. Loved the whole fucking show. It was great. I only saw it.

It was Eddie Does the Fucking Hits. It came out. First off, the initial fucking monologue when he came out was Chappelle, Chris Rock, Tracy Morgan, Keenan Thompson. Weak, son. Yo, here's my thought. That shit was weak, son. You thought it was weak?

Yo. Shit was weak. Yo, Buggins, son. I didn't think it was weak, but it did scare me about Eddie doing stand-up. Because he's so fucking different now. He's just so here in himself. Centered, whatever the fucking word is. Eddie in the 80s was the biggest personality you've ever seen.

Eddie, 50-whatever, with 10 kids. Yeah. Man, comfortable. Yeah. So it's just a whole different Eddie. Yeah. And it's not, the comedic chops

aren't there yet. I'm not saying he can't get there. His stand-up chops aren't there yet. I'm not saying he can't get there. It takes time.

He had a few zingers. The Bill Cosby zinger was one of my favorites. Bill Cosby, he had a banger on Bill Cosby. That was good. And banged.

But even that was like so contagious. Here's my theory on that. And I haven't seen it. And of course, it's the biggest Schultz thing in the world to make an opinion on something I haven't even seen. But when you have like SNL nerds that are writing the show, right? A lot of like the SNL writers, some of them are our friends, like really funny stand-ups.

But a lot of them are like fucking like Harvard kids, right? They've never done stand-up. They just know how to write the structure of a joke, right? They understand the math of a joke, right? When they're doing the monologue, you have Eddie, who is like a raw, pure,

funny person, and now he's doing these lines. But it's almost like him doing a late night introduction or something like that. It's not, hey, Eddie, go out there and hit some stand-up. And, of course, real Eddie's not going to shine through, but you are 100% correct.

That stand-up muscle atrophies, bro. If you don't water that shit and nurture that shit constantly, and he hasn't nurtured it in 20 fucking 30 years, it goes away, baby. I hear your point on that. There was definitely some times where I heard him just saying lines that were fed to him, but then he would throw some Eddie sauce on it.

When he brought Gumby back for Weekend Update, you could tell he was doing lines, and then they kept trying to go back to, alright, thanks Gumby, yada yada, and he just took over the whole thing. No, I'm not leaving! And he kept fucking doing extra Eddie shit for another five minutes. D-Ray did say that,

you know, D-Ray Davis is a fucking improv. Yeah, yeah. He's a beast. And he was talking about Eddie and this is old Eddie and he was like, that guy can't just go.

Yeah. It's nonstop. He's one of the few people that made me like, I think he said, because he's too cocky to say it, he was like, I realize this is how

I make other people feel. Oh, God. D-Ray cocky about standing for no reason. saying he was like i realize this how i make other people feel oh god he's hilarious i don't shit on comics you know i'm just joking but uh he is absolutely hilarious he's like a genuinely talented funny guy especially in the moment. You know what I mean? When he's just like kind of working a crowd, working a moment, absolutely hilarious.

I just don't know any D-Ray jokes. That's my team. So when we see D-Ray at the improv, you see D-Ray fucking with the crowd, whatever,

and it's great. But you're like, there's no jokes. I saw D-Ray in D.C. one day. He and I had done some show together and I just pulled up. I don't even know

if I said what's up to him. I just wanted to see the act and the motherfucking act was strong and maybe your lives was different but he talked about his mom was a crackhead and like man he had I was impressed dog I was like oh

dude I've always been wildly impressed with his ability to like be funny in the moment and you know I love that shit don't get me wrong polished things but he had bits out there things yeah stories and yeah because that's something like for me you know like we put out so many clips of like these interactions with the crowd that ever happened obviously i put out the crowd work special and all that kind of stuff like that but like i come from like a joke background you know what i mean like i like the pieces i like a piece of material that's like five minutes long.

So for me, when I'm judging a stand-up, I'm usually judging them by that. You know, like even for the hour that I'm putting out. It's like these are these pieces that we've worked on and put together and ironed out over fucking years. He can go, man. He can go. If you watch D-Ray, he can go. But that's the thing. When I see that, I'm like, oh, shit. So I'm going to check out D-Ray's shit, man. He could go. If you watch D-Ray, he could go. But that's the thing. When I see that, I'm like, oh, shit.

So I'm going to check out D-Ray's shit, man. Check out Eddie on SNL, man. There was a last skit that wasn't a fucking Eddie does the hits shit. It was basically, I think it was a mass shooting at the Elf. Oh, yeah. Oh, fucking hell. No, that's one of his hits. And he was fucking hilarious on that shit.

I tried to do this on Brilliant Idiots, but I fucked up. I didn't try to do it. I was trying to get up the clip that inspired that. Do you remember Eddie's joke, and Akash will get this one probably. I seen that. I seen that shit. I just come around the corner of my own business. I just come around the corner of my own business.

What's your name? It doesn't matter what my name is. He had a bit about getting hit by a car. And I think he talked about somebody seeing him get hit by a car. He goes, when someone gets hit by a car in a hood, he goes, that's showtime. And it's like, you don't come around asking for okay. You know what I mean? I sinked it.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I sinked it. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I synced it. I synced that shit. And then he does a whole act out, dog. It's so funny.

It's like five minutes long. Let's put it up and talk about it right now. God damn. Might as well. Can we? I mean, shit. No, no.

Let's not do that. I hate it though. But anyway, so they basically folded that bit into a sketch at the end and I think

they did that because most people are unfamiliar with the bit because I think it's a bit just on his album yeah

it's on his greatest hit CD and like the audio is not even good yeah and I think when the guy gets when he finally gets

to the part where Eddie gets hit by a car hit that man shot up in the air about 90 feet it's like this is good man this is not funny I think I got to say the N word clip that clip that gets hit by a car. Hit that man, shot up in the air about 90 feet. This is good, man.

This is a funny thing. I think I said the N-word. Clip that. Clip that. They tried to mute it. It's all good. It's all good. This sound system is so good. What if it corrects

the N-word for you? Anyway, y'all. Kaz, anything popping up? Anything going on you want the people to know about? I mean, nothing that anybody could come to. Well, then check Kaz's Instagram.

He got all his shit there. You know Kaz is on every single podcast. Yeah, I'll be hosting. I'll be hosting. New York Times, right up. Yeah, bro. It wasn't New York Times this week. It was crazy.

I'm hosting a sneaker reveal for Joel Embiid and Under Armour. Oh, sick. Baltimore, which should be really fucking dope. Also, doing some stuff with Nike in the future. Really excited. Really excited. Well, look, man, I wish you guys a Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, everybody.

Happy New Year's. Obviously, you guys know next week we're going to do the best of episodes with Patreon and regular. Yeah. We love y'all. We're so appreciative of all this shit Sorry We'll see you on the Patreon

Enjoy y'all vacation man We worked really hard this fucking year I remember where we were this time last year And to come here now In a brand new fucking studio It's got a Rolex and a Tesla And it's still a turkey Akash isn't broken on tour

All fuckers got Cartier's and millions. We doing things. We all just out here, bro. We doing things. 2020's going to be bigger and better. But enjoy the break. Enjoy the vacation. Next week's going to be best of shit.

Best of shit next week. We'll see you guys on Patreon again Friday. But yeah, we'll be coming in hot in the new year, man. I just can't wait. I'm very excited. So keep it tight, alright? Peace.