Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Schulz Vs. Kaz - Flagrant 2 Patreon

Episode Date: May 3, 2019

This week Andrew, Akaash, and Kaz discuss getting herpes at Coachella, 90's Nostalgia, Andrew & Kaz going 1on1, Harden's landing zone, the Celtics looking crazy in Game 2, and much more. INDULGE!! For the full episode: www.Patreon.com/Flagrant2

so i guess what i'm trying to say listen it's not a knock on women everybody makes it this big knock on women i'm that great i haven't seen a regular guy at basketball you're not beating me i'm first off i'm beating you second of all there's not a chance in the world you beat me. Oh, my gosh. Listen, I don't even think you scored two. Deadass, I don't even think. Me, I don't even think you scored two.

I really don't think. How are you going to score? You slow as molasses. Listen, there's no way. You got a better jumper than me. It's undeniable you got a better jumper than me. But you're not getting it off. How are you getting it off? You really think you can beat me It's undeniable you got a better jumper than me But you're not getting it off How you getting it off?

You really think you can beat me 1-on-1? No, I know I can beat you 1-on-1 It's not even a question Bro Set it up I'm out of shape I haven't hooped in like a good No, no, no

There's no excuses There's no excuses. No, there's no excuses. He's actually saying he could still wash you even though he's actually... I'm positive I can beat you. There's one part of the game that you're better than me at. It's at horse.

No, sorry, at shooting. And the last time we played horse, I beat you. But you are better at shooting. What did we play? Oh. Yeah, we played. I won.

I had like two half-court shots, though. And then what happened at the end? No matter. I was going for more difficult shots. You had a whole horse. I was out of my face, though. First of all, half-court shots, though. And then what happened at the end? No matter. I was going for more difficult shots. You had a whole horse. You had manicured nails out of my face, though. First of all, you had a whole horse, bro. You're holding your hands like Lexi Brown.

You're talking to me, fam. Showing off them nails. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I like to pamper myself sometimes on my off days. No, you deserve some pampering. So listen. You deserve some pampering. All I'm saying is this.

I'm saying let's set it up. I'm saying set it up. You deserve some pampering, and I'm going to put you saying let's set it up I'm saying set it up You deserve some pampering And I'm gonna put you In some pampers When I rock the baby With your ass That's what's gonna happen

Just like this I could give you Like mellow buckets Like I don't even gotta run Just give me So you would lose? Yeah Alright first off

Mellow one on one Will beat most NBA players Right now That's cool Cause that's how the game Is played That's how the game Is meant to be played

Alright then Exactly And I'm saying I can There's no chance How are you gonna score? NBA players right now. That's cool because that's how the game is played. That's how the game is meant to be played. All right then. Exactly. And I'm saying that I can... There's no chance. How are you going to score? That's what I'm trying to figure out. You spotted me five points as well. What I'm trying to say is how would you score?

First off, I'm stronger than you. That means nothing. You've already shown that strength is your weakness. I play centers my whole life. It don't matter. I play centers my whole life. Way bigger than you. Way bigger than you.

I'm better shooter than you. I'm better handler than you. I'm better handler than you. I'm better handler than you. Yes, I do. Wait, guys, enough talk. Let's set this up. That's all we got to do is set this up.

Bro, that's in a fucking, that's in a winter coat. And the form is still pretty. What'd I say? How many takes is that, Eden? Be honest. He was there. How many takes is that?

Was that a wide open jump shot? It was like two or three. Two or three? All right, whatever. Three Was that a wide open jump shot? It was like two or three. Two or three? All right, whatever. Three takes hit a wide open jump shot. And a winner goes. I'm not expecting two or three, fam. And a winner goes.

Listen. After saying a whole bit, like after, all right, blah, blah, blah, this is cause and effect, turn around, boom, blah, blah. The bit don't make an impact on the jumper. I'm just saying. It's just a jumper. You turn around and shoot it. Nobody's denying that you're a better shooter.

You're a better shooter than me. The name of the game is score more points than the other guy. I don't know how you're going to score, though, because you won't be able to get a clean shot off once. You're not fast enough to get by me. You think I'm not... Alright, keep that combine shit.

You ran up 14 seconds 40, okay? I was going to get you fucked up. I'm telling you. You ran a... I'm excited for this. Kaz, I don't know Andrew got a lockdown D son Lockdown It don't matter

Kaz just big though It don't matter bro We sleep on Kaz's size He might be a bull But I'm the matator baby There's gonna be a lot of ole out here There's gonna be a lot of ole If it's a full court game

Full court No I'm saying like We're'm playing 5-on-5. Look at all these circumstances, fam. What is this guy doing, bro? You're not even letting me fucking finish, bro. One-on-one. You get your ass punched. I'm saying you say me being slow, which I'm not.

Me being slow might matter in a full court game. Bro, you slow. Every time I'm a quickness. In a one-on-one half court game, you are not beating me. Son, you're slow. You're not beating me, bro. Slow is quick. Your jumper is nice. I got to stay up on you on a jumper. All right, beating me. Son, you're slow. You're not beating me, bro. Slow is quick. Your jumper is nice.

I got to stay up on you on the jumper. All right, but no. I'm objective with this. Even when you come and play me for the jumper and I go past you, you're not getting past me

because I'm way stronger than you. That's cookies though also. You're not getting cookies. When you dribble a ball, that's cookies. I'm putting you on my shoulder and it's a bully ball, five straight points,

game over. I don't think you know who I am. I'm Andrew Schultz. I know exactly who you are. I don't think you know who I am. I'm Andrew Schultz. I know exactly who you are. I don't think you know who I am. I'm Andrew Schultz. Let me tell you, I'm a walking bucket. No, you're not a walking bucket.

I'm a walking bucket. You're food. You're going to get all of it. You're food. That's what you look like. I'm a vegetarian. I'm actually a vegetarian now. Exactly.

You're going to be bully. You're going to be lightheaded. You're going to ask for my pills and shit. Paul, give me one second. Back to that Kato. Give me one second. I'm feeling lightheaded. Listen. No, none of that. This is what's going to happen. We're going to ask me? I hear pills and shit. Paul, give me one second. Back in that Kato? Give me one second. I'm feeling lightheaded. Listen.

No, none of that. This is what's going to happen. We're going to play. All right. And half-court's my shit, too. Two dribbles to the hoop? Two, three dribbles? Damn, you're not getting close to the hoop.

Stop it. You're not even getting close. A lot of times, I don't need to. I actually want a couple elbow jumpers. Like, come here. Come guard me. And I want you to guard me. Do you understand the length I got?

Like, I block you from here. I block you from here. I wish. I wish you would. Look, look.? Like, I block you from here. I block you from here. I wish. I wish you would. Look, look, from here I block you. And listen, even if, let's say, I jump and go for it, you're so lumbering and slow. By the time you get back, it's LeBron pinning that shit on the fucking backboard, yo. I cannot wait, yo.

But what I'm trying to understand is, what are you going to do with my crossover? What are you going to do with my headsy? I see your crossover. It almost went into the fucking stands. I'm trying to understand is what are you going to do with my crossover? What are you going to do with my- I see your crossover. It almost went into the fucking stands with Jay Williams. I'm sorry. What happened? I'm sorry. What happened?

You went one for nine and got one shot on Jay Williams. Bucket. Bucket. Okay? Let me tell you. First of all, you cannot handle the crossover. That's already- I already see how you're built.

You're flat footed. Listen. I do worry about the flat feet. Son, it's like crossover a camel. This guy's going to fall over. I'm sure that affects your quickness. Go ahead. Yo, slow is not about speed one-on-one.

It's about first step. Yo, real talk. If you saw the combine scores, agility and his quickness was there. I'm making you fall. Hold on. Has Cass put the horseshoes on his feet or not at this point? No, no. He hasn't.

Wow. I'm making him fall. I'm making him fall. I'm making him fall, Akash. When I say crossover, it's not just stumble. Set it up, guys. That's all I'm going to say. I'm making you fall like this. Set it up.

Pop, pop. I might make you fall. I haven't decided which crossover I'll make you fall with, but I'll make you fall. I might make you fall with the behind the back. I might make you left, right. I might right, left you. First off, I'm way bigger than Jay Williams. He couldn't get past him. No, you're not bigger than him.

He's a sturdy, solid guy. He's a sturdy, solid guy. I'm definitely bigger than him. Yeah, but you're see-through. Light. I go light through your chest. Light through your chest. Light through your chest.

See-through. Shallow. You think you're stronger than Jay Williams? No, Jay's legit stronger. No, I said I'm bigger than him. Yeah, but stronger. Strength would be the thing, right? I'm saying strength isn't your thing.

You're kind of a wavy guy. I'm a wavy guy. You're kind of a wavy guy. I I'm a wafey guy. You're kind of a wafey guy. I go with the wind. You know what else is fast? The wind. You know what I mean? Listen, bro. If you got a good floater, if you got a good floater, you might have a chance. But there's no way, like, there's no way you're

driving past me. Yeah. There's no way. I've seen a jumper. It's shaky at best. My jumper's alright. You might get shrieky. I'll only score maybe like three or four with jumpers on you. I won't let you get streaky, though. What are we playing to, 11? It's whatever you want. I mean, you can't make it cardio-wise.

Oh, we can go to 21. Yeah. That's going to be boring. We can go to 21. Son, if we go to 21, it's over for you. Yo, real talk, y'all in your mid-30s, I don't know about you seeing no shit to 21. Guys, you could barely walk up three stairs, bro.

Listen. I see you holding on to your own beard after you walk up three stairs. Okay? I like on to your own beard after you walk up three stairs. Okay. I like my beard, first of all. All right. Second of all. Yeah.

The cardio's not there. The cardio's not there. First of all, my cardio is there. It took you 10 yards to slow down when you only ran 20 yards. I slowed down from my own. We saw the breakdown. Y'all saw the hardcore. You saw how he slowed down?

You go ahead and take that. Son, his slowdown saw how he slowed down? You go ahead and take that. Son, his slowdown speed is trash, bro. You go ahead and take that. I have you going in one direction. It's going to take you 15 steps to slow down. I'm already in the other direction. Why would you post that combine score? Why not?

I mean, because everybody's going to make fun of you 40 times. A time I wouldn't post. What the fuck are you talking about? I'm saying, why not? I went to a Nike thing. Oh, here's the guy. All right, post it up. I don't give a fuck. I'm not a pro athlete. I'm not going to beat? I went to a Nike thing. Oh, here's the guy. Pulls it up. I don't give a fuck.

I ain't no pro athlete. I'm not going to beat you on hoop, though. I could probably. Let me think about this. I think I could beat you only scoring with my left hand. I really do think that. I think I could beat you only scoring with my left. Now, I'm nice with my left.

I'm so glad this is on tape. I'm pretty sure I could beat you only scoring with my left. Now, I'm nice with my left. I'm so glad this is on tape. Yo, I'm pretty sure I can beat you only scoring with my left. Do you know what I mean? Real talk. The form is... Dude, he's a good shooter. We'll see.

I play with him. Good shooter. That's that Nigerian form right there. He got a good... Academic. You have a good team game too. It's like...

I know this. You pick your spots. You know where to get open you operate well within like a full court game you're actually a very good teammate to have on i know because i play with him i'm being serious you knock down your open mid-range your range is limited you can't go three i can't no you can't if i got time i can't no you can't if you got time you're like like another year or two to work on it. Oh, word. All right, so I need to see. All right, so I'll break.

All right, let me give you this synopsis of the Vengeance Game, okay? Let me give you this synopsis of the Vengeance Game. Yo, what's up? This is Akash. That was a preview of our Patreon episode. If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrant2. Join the illest community on Earth. Unless you're a social justice warrior, then you're just going to ruin the fun.