Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Schulz's Wifey Catches Corona

Episode Date: February 18, 2020

This week Andrew, Akaash, and Alexx discuss: getting the corona virus, buying tampons for your significant other, All-star 2020, the best reason for Mexican immigration, projections for Wilder/Fury 2, organ harvesting, and much more. INDULGE!!! Want an extra episode a week? Become a PATRON www.Patreon.com/Flagrant2

Oh, did you guys hear that tweet I sent you guys, that voice note? He does. I assume it was Frank. This girl says to her dad, dad, I killed my boyfriend. Dad, where are you? Dad, why aren't you responding? And then the dad sends a full voice note. Yo, hey, it's me.

Everything's okay. Wipe the prints off the car. Leave them up. He got what he deserved. He can think twice now in his next life. I would be that exact dad but that's an interesting thing to talk about

are we recording? sorry alright good cause this is important so wait have we started? I'm pretty sure she's pranking like there's a

yeah we're recording there's a she's pranking her dad I'm 95% 99.9% sure a girl's pranking her dad yeah dad I killed my boyfriend help me

okay and then he doesn't respond for a bit and then she's like dad I killed him and then he's like who? and she's killed my boyfriend help me okay and then he doesn't respond for a bit and then she's like dad i killed him and then he's like who and she's like my boyfriend and then he just sends a voice note don't worry baby everything is all right you're gonna be okay just hey just wipe the prints off the car daddy's coming let me know where you are we can take care of it and hey basically this you didn't do anything wrong this guy had it, hey, good for you for not letting him disrespect you. He could think twice about it in the next life or some shit like that.

Yeah. That was the funniest part. He's so down. That was the funniest part. In the next life when he comes. What do you mean the next? Is he one of y'all? No.

Black dude, he's like, if he comes back like a. Obviously. This is a progressive black guy. If he comes back like a frog. A lot of yoga classes. Yeah, he said he'd come back. He named bad animals. He's like, he'd come back like a frog or like a reptile.

He's like, he better treat like a frog he's like he better treat that frog better hold on wait wait wait can we play the audio I sent it to the chain shit let me

I'm confused so he believes in what is it called reincarnation I guess man yeah yeah yeah huh you can't believe

in heaven or hell if you down to be a murder accomplice that seals your fate pretty hard okay so let's let's think about this. Your daughter hits you up and says she kills her boyfriend, right?

Yeah. Your first thought... I gotta convert. Is what? I gotta convert. Convert to? Hindu. I can't believe in heaven or hell.

If my daughter just kills somebody, I can't just believe she's going to hell. I gotta switch shit up. So you need to go somewhere with no... I can't go heaven or hell religions. All of them

out the window. That's what I think happened. He immediately converted. First thing he did. Very good. Interesting. So it's a minute. We can cut this if we need to.

So just be on the run. Well, yeah, don't turn yourself in. Fuck that. Just stay on the run. I got somewhere to put you up at. So just let me know

where you at. Drop his little car right there. Wipe it down. Get your fingerprints off the steering wheel, the dashboard, the handle, all that shit. Just go on and wipe down all that shit. Don't touch nothing else.

And I'll be there to come pick you up. And we'll take it from there. I'll come get you, though. All right, pause. He did. He learned his lesson. Okay.

She said also in the text, I'm just reading this, he was cheating, so I stabbed him at the gas station. Yeah. I'm driving his car right now. Okay, so he was cheating, so I stabbed him at the gas station. Now we have the context of what's going on. So let's say that there's a guy who is beating on your daughter. Your daughter

responds, kills him. Good for you. Good for you. Now, do you go to the authorities or do you try to get her off? That's a good question. Because if... I don't know the actual... I assume if you go to the authorities, you're still fucked up. You're fucked. You're still fucked.

You can't kill someone. But it's got to be worse trouble it's got you got to look you you can't run and then get caught and then say oh he was beating her because then it just looks like now you just kill this motherfucker and ran and i maybe you could curry favor with the jury like he was beating me you just heard Curry He just laughed He had to do it bro So you saw him Trying to slip it in there Bro we get it This is your little

Reincarnation topic Yo I'll probably be Trying to slip it in there It's not a little topic It's what happens To all of us Y'all gotta figure it out I was at the gas station

You know we get Some chicken tina masala You think the gas station Was an accident the gas station you know we get some chicken tina masala you think the gas station was an accident the gas station why do you think I sent you this story he went into 7-eleven

he grabbed me a slurpee he'll come out and I find out he's cheating I killed him what'd he kill her with cobra she killed him whatever okay so go back so he's trying to curry favor or whatever

you said curry flavor you said flavor dog you said curry flavor you didn't hear what you said i got hungry so i get two listen i get it he's trying to roti favor with the judge when you said that shit i was starving like most people in india okay so he's trying to boss monthly to boss Muffy Rice with the jury If you You have a shot at that Right

If you turn yourself in You're like Yo this guy was beating me Yeah But if you run You look dumb guilty That's fair So you go in

I mean what are you Going to do with your baby If you know your baby's guilty You got to send her to Mexico Yo Shout out to Mexico By the way I was just in Mexico

Yeah yeah yeah So my girl got sick On the flight home Son You got sick on the flight home. Son, you're an asshole, son. You saw the picture? Yeah. How you put her on Instagram. Son, she was...

We're sitting down, right? First of all, I thought she was just having period amnesia. You know how every week, not every week, every month your girl gets her period again and she's like, I think I'm sick. I have the flu. It's like,

did you forget how this feels? Every month, it feels the same way. We go through the same stupid conversation. So I'm rolling my eyes because she started her period. I'm the one that'd be forgetting. When my girl has her period,

I'm like, why are you always fucking sick? You got headaches? What's going on? And she's like, do you not get every four weeks this happens? We've been doing this for her period. And she's like, why are you always fucking sick? You got headaches? What's going on? And she's like, do you not get every four weeks this happens? We've been doing this for four years. And I'm like, word, you're right.

This is the first time I knew a period was coming beforehand. Okay, okay. So your girl doesn't act surprised by it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, every girl I've ever been with acts surprised by their period. Like they start feeling sick. Like, I think I ate something. Well, we'll get there.

Nah, I get notified. So that way I can get my fucks in before wait you have the app yeah like i tracked that shit i mean a couple times i fucked up but apparently i'll be tracking that shit did you did you just track that because you wanted to have sex before period or was it also scoop scoop prevention both but also trying to track her period yeah ovulation what's it ovulation. What's it called? No, track her cycle. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, ovulation cycle. Yeah, yeah, I do that too.

So I try to get it in a couple times right before you know it's coming, and then boom. You know what's funny about that? It doesn't stop when I fuck. It just makes me more anxious when I fuck when I'm not supposed to. You're crazy.

You know, like, when you track her period... 100%. 100% know what you mean. So instead of me going, I'm gonna avoid those days, I just fuck those days and then I go oh god

yeah yeah that's all that happens period is a very mixed blessing nah you gotta deal with the period but also you don't gotta deal with not a period

yeah that's a thing that's a real thing their lives suck I've thought about this like their lives suck because their reward for not being pregnant

is feeling awful for a week maybe that's all feminism is it's just understanding yo your life sucks yo dude Lives suck because their reward for not being pregnant is feeling awful for a week. Maybe that's all feminism is. It's just understanding, yo, your life sucks, yo. Dude, there's something to it. You like the kids in Africa. Like, I just got to acknowledge that this shit sucks for you and it's pretty good for me. Yeah, but do you know how amazing it would be if you could just give your girl 10 cents a day to shut the fuck up?

And then all she has to do is just write a letter to you in fucking cursive. Oh, son, these African kids are way more low maintenance than I am. How do these Africans learn English? the fuck up and then all she has to do is just write a letter to you and fucking cursive oh son these african kids are way more low maintenance africans learn english like where the priority is that you got an english teacher you got to feed that bitch why don't you spread out some of that english teacher food to the rest of the community right because she's not writing you in the clicking i don't even know if you could click right Oh my god Can you click right What does click look like On paper You just said a bird

And a feather And a fucking Palm tree What if you just Fold the paper So it just ruffles And then that's your click Anyway

So So she's on the flight We're coming back from Mexico Yeah And she's just going Oh I think my period Is coming And I'm doing

You know The boyfriend thing Like oh my period is coming and I'm doing you know the boyfriend thing like oh my god is there anything I can get you I'm on a window seat you know I can't get you nothing like

I'll be the most gracious and generous when I know I can't move and I gotta inconvenience you and the next guy so can I get you water like what do you you gotta make her do it once

just so she knows it's not even worth asking exactly let me I insist I insist can you can I try to climb over her seem dumb dumb sweet

and she's got her your balls in her face you look at the fuck out of here yo that's how i do with laundry i just shrink her whole shit once i'll never let you do laundry again okay ray romano has a joke about that years ago he had this joke where he says something like that if your girl your girl your wife is gonna make you run errands you just gotta fuck it up so hard she never asked again and then be like hey baby the grocery store is out of watermelon so i got you a hammer where he says something like, if your wife is going to make you run errands, you just got to fuck it up so hard she never asks again. And then be like, hey, baby, the grocery store is out of watermelon, so I got you a hammer.

So I low-key think that was what my dad did. And I think my dad, my entire life, he would go, I forgot that you told me that. He would literally just tell my mom he forgot that she said that. And I think that he gave himself all the hammers because now he literally can't remember anything. just tell my mom he forgot that she said that and i think that he gave himself alzheimer's because now he literally can't remember anything like he physically cannot make new memories and i think he

just kept doing it until like god was like oh if that's what you want and he has never been happier yo i'm yo yo never been happier in in their relationship so happy yeah she's miserable she's miserable yeah yeah oh yeah i got a joke that i envy dudes with alzheimer's why and i say it's not our the brain just i say you know what it's like it's like um i forget stuff now all the time and it's like you know the scene on the on a movie where like a ship is sinking it's filling up with water yeah my man my the brain is like my mirror the ship is like my memory and the water is her shitty stories and i'm just there with a bucket just trying to throw all the old memories out overboard and then i realized you got alzheimer's your brain just it just found a hack have you i just quit

we're good has your girl ever told a good story she told me one that yo i laughed very inappropriately i don't know if she thought it was as funny as i thought it was yeah but man i laughed so hard at that shit can you say it or no no it's not it's not her story and then her friend might get upset or whatever does her friend listen to this you never know how the shit gets back because of her her friends some of her friends listen my girl be putting people on the podcast i gotta give her she's just trying to do that to curry favor to you bro she doesn't think i'm a solid a lot of favor with your boy she might have bro she sent a text I don't know if I sent it to you

or one of her co-workers we need to play because one of her co-workers trying not to laugh while listening to the podcast at work which episode I don't know

I gotta find the video alright back to my girl getting sick yeah right so she starts to get sick right and she goes now I'm thinking she's putting on

like she puts on every month when she gets her period right so she goes she goes like this right she goes uh she goes uh is this gonna believe anybody going through anything no i don't believe any struggle i don't believe any struggle dude i saw the movie parasite you see the movie parasite the whole time like these fucking poor people deserve it they deserve every ounce of their poverty that. My flagrant thought is about parasites. We'll discuss flagrant thoughts. We'll discuss parasites.

Okay. Now, where were we? Girl. Yeah. So she goes like this. Oh, my God. Do we have a bag? Do we have a little bag?

I think I might throw up. Right? So I go, you ain't throwing up. We go through this all the time. I've never seen you throw up. Not one time. So I go like this. Here's a bag right here. And it's this big paper bag we got it like the hudson news you know the equivalent

of hudson news right so i'm like you're fine don't worry blah blah blah and i like over correct with how nice i'm being like i'm saying obvious shit i'm like do you want me to take your purse out of it like obviously take the purse out but i'm trying to be helpful with doing doing the least amount of shit like you ever you ever do that i want to be as helpful as i helpful with doing doing the least amount of shit like you ever you ever you ever do that I want to be as helpful as I can with doing the least right

you gotta feel like you care but you can't help so if I say you gotta say obvious shit that's it if I take the purse out without asking you I don't get credit

but if I ask you and then I do it I can be like hey remember when I took the purse out they don't feel good they don't feel like you care they don't feel it they need to know

we do it for you we do it for you we do it for you. We do it for you. We do it for you. Okay? We do it for you. Okay. So I take, I got your purse

or whatever like that. You want me to rub your back while you're throwing up? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

I already exhausted the rubbing the back. That was one of my lifelines. I threw that shit out immediately because I was texting someone. I think I was actually texting Mark or something and I gave her a fake do you want me to rub your back yeah yeah i didn't think she was gonna take me up on it right because she was feeling

sick and i was like what can i do it doesn't require much and then i was like you want me to rub your back and she was like oh i would really love that now i got a single thumb text mark fucking 45 straight minutes this guy's sending me three text messages in a row. I can only get back emojis, thumbs up hearts. I'm rubbing away. First of all, I cannot text and rub. That shit is like hard. First of all, why he said it hearts to marks?

That's a good ass question, son. I love it. The like, love, thumbs down, thumbs up, hearts. Oh, okay, okay. That kind of heart. I don't know. That's a heart in that shit. Yeah, I'm a hearted dog. My bad, Mark. Hey, no disrespect. Hey, thumbs down, thumbs up part. Oh, okay, okay. That kind of heart. I don't know. That's a heart in that. Yeah, I'm a hearted dog.

My bad, Mark. Hey, no disrespect. Hey, no disrespect. Mark's got to make plans all the time, so whatever. Yeah, yeah. Sure as hell was not sending hearts to my girl. I'll tell you that. So you rub it back.

Okay. She starts to go, oh, my God, I think I might throw up. I literally roll my eyes. I close my eyes. I close my eyes so I can roll them as far back to the back of my head as I possibly can. Okay? Now, I got punched once when I was younger in the eye socket, so this one doesn't roll as far back. Right?

That's how far I rolled it back is I felt this one snag. I hit the bottom of where it goes. She just goes, hmm, hmm. Oh, shit. Right? Oh, shit. And all I can think about is how piece of shit I am. I'm like, I'm in the window. I'm in the window. There's nowhere for me to go. Right? Oh, shit. And all I can think about is how piece of shit I am. I'm like, I'm in the window.

I'm in the window. There's nowhere for me to go. Right? I literally grabbed the paper bag. Right? She starts throwing up in this paper bag. I mean, heaving. Full on heaves in the paper bag.

Yes. Yes. And you could tell that we're flying back from Mexico because nobody was phased. Like the entire flight, not people didn't even look up. The guy next door didn't even fucking look up.

There's nothing chunks into the bag, right? I'm holding the bag. All of a sudden, what I say the bag was made out of? Paper. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. My hands getting hot and soggy. Oh, why are your hands on the bottom? Because I didn't want it to hit my jeans So I was angling the throw up towards her seat Right? So

You need a plastic bag condom Son, I know dude But I didn't know what to do in that moment You didn't think she was going to throw up So she's throwing up I gotta ask the guy next to her to move out the seat She's head in the fucking paper bag Like you think he would move it so we can go boom go to the front of the go to the front that guy was thinking about the littlest he could do it was like oh let me look let me look

away did he get up and he just moved his legs off you know i'll be doing that i'll be doing that get up too no get up get up so we go to the first class bathroom, right? We're not in first. Okay. But it was closest, right? Right through the current first class. She goes in there, right? She goes in the bathroom, keeps throwing up.

I'm knocking on the door, right? I'm like, you okay? Is everything okay? She says this. Took me everything to not laugh. She goes, she goes, she goes. And she's like in her little cry face. She goes, it's coming out of both holes.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Son, son, son, son. Son, I almost slammed the door closed So I could laugh But it's a bathroom door They close from the inside You can't close it

Right Bro I was fucking I didn't know what to do She's shitting And throwing up At the same time Where is she throwing up In the airport

Like sink In the bathroom On a plane Yeah but You're shitting. She shits and then turns around and then throws up. Oh my God, this is disgusting. Yes, it's disgusting, bro.

For me. And you're in the room. Yeah, for me. For you. I got to sit there having to hear that from the outside. All that. I said, babe, we're in first class. You know what I mean?

These are rich people. Wait, so are you inside the bathroom at this point? Not this point. Okay. Not this point. she's still throwing up and doing all that shit right respect i'm outside i'm just holding it down she knocks on the door holding it down you ain't doing nothing what if someone's trying to take the plane you know what i mean what if someone's trying to take the plane to take the plane you know what I mean what if someone tried to take the plane take the plane through the bathroom

that's the bathroom right next to the first class you're still protecting you cause if you shit and throw it up at the same time and someone hijacked the plane you'd be like crash this motherfucker yo go ahead end it I don't care you're right like literally that's another thing she could have been crazy she could have tried to do something she could have tried to rush the cabin there's a lot of things that could have happened right she's not thinking right she got her period

bro i don't know what's happening she opens the door right pants are down some throw up on her fucking lips right and she goes she goes babe she goes she goes babe i'm sorry no no it gets worse son i'm sorry yo it gets worse she goes goes, babe. She goes, yes, yes, yes. She goes, babe, I need a tampon. I was wondering about that. All three holes, yo. How much you putting this meat through? I'm going up and down the aisles asking for tampaxes.

I'm going up and down the aisles asking for fucking tampaxes. I'm going up and down the aisles asking for fucking Tampaxes. She didn't pack any in the... Say what? She didn't have any in the carry-on? No. She didn't pack any in the carry-on. So I'm asking the flight attendant. So I was like, do you have any tampons?

They don't know what I'm saying. And you know how weird it is to describe something in Spanish when you don't know the name for it? And I was like, I'm using my fingers. I'm just just saying the thing that you put in your vagina so she had no fucking clue what's going on she knows she's sick but i don't know if she's thinking she they my girl wants to use the tampon for the diarrhea i don't know what she's thinking right son the the girl the The flight attendant goes

My girl don't notice And thank God she don't notice She goes on the loudspeaker Oh my God yo Oh my God Thank God my girl don't speak Spanish Alguien tiene una Una producta

What is it? Femenina Yeah Femenina Does anybody have any feminine products? Yeah yeah yeah Give her the tampon. Plug that hole. Now we only got two holes left in the boat.

My girl opens the door. I'm there for her, obviously. And she looks at me. She goes, I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's happening right now. She's like the walking dead, yo. I'm becoming a zombie, now. She's like the walking dead. She's becoming a zombie.

She goes like this. She goes, she goes, she goes, do I have Corona? Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry. I said this. I said, I was like, look, the door is right here, right? Imagine,

imagine the microphone is the door, right here Right Imagine Imagine the microphone Is the door Right Right I go like this She goes Do I have Corona I go baby There is no

There is no chance That you have It's not even There is no chance You have Corona I'll be right back I close the door And that Corona

Haven't asked woman bro I was 100% sure That she had Corona I close that door And I google What door and that Corona having ass woman, bro. I was 100% sure that she had Corona. I closed that door and I Googled what the symptoms of Corona was. What good is both of us having Corona going to do? Oh, my God. Looked up. Thank God.

Corona's respiratory. Okay. No Corona. Finishes. She gets kicked out of first class bathroom. Goes back to the back bathroom. Stays there the entire flight. Shuts down one bathroom for the entire flight.

How long is that flight? Four? Five hours. Oh, boy. Where in the flight did it happen? I would say 10 to 15 minutes into the flight. Get the fuck out. You're still leaning back? Take off? I'm leaning back. she... Get the fuck out. Yo. You're still leaning back?

Take off? I'm leaning back. We're on the way up. Yo. Wait a minute. So how long did you stay at the bathroom? That's a good question. Yo, do you want to answer this?

No, I do. No, I do. I stayed there for about five, ten minutes. Which bathroom? Which bathroom? The one in the beginning? I know in the beginning you were there the whole time, right? I was there the whole time in the beginning. And then the whole time, right? I was there the whole time

In the beginning And then when she went to Delaware I had to go pee So I left her to go pee And check on coronavirus symptoms Alright And And then when she went back to that one

I was like, listen You and I can't She said, you and I can't Sit in here It's too much Like, it's just too much So You can go back to the seat

So I went back to the seat Bro, we got intimate this trip, man. Like I've caught her shitting for the first time. You caught her shitting. Bro, you can catch her shitting. You caught her shitting. No, this is in the hotel. Oh, because the whole bathroom didn't have a door.

Only the toilet had a door because usually she goes in showers and sneaks a shit in there. And I know what she's doing, but I have no proof. And this one time she went to the bathroom. Right i knew that she went she was in there for extended period of time there's nothing else going on there and i went in there like a little fucking truffle pig right afterwards and i just sniffed up and i was like you fucking shit didn't you little did i know that flight i was gonna get very close yo you're disgusted i loved it weirdly i loved it say what i fucking loved it oh my god what did it what did it caused it mexico yeah yeah i mean like any did you know that happens yeah drink the water i don't know man i don't know because you good i'm good i felt i mean

it felt amazing son this guy shits five times a day i got it it out. It's like he drinks Mexican water every day. I always got Montezuma's effect at any point in time. Yeah, no, but it was sick. Mexi was fucking sick. Oh my God, that sounds horrible.

Y'all got to go to fucking She should have just wore a pamper. That's why I recommended that. Like just get two pampers. Yeah. Strap them up. Can I ask you a question?

Do you guys feel bad buying your girl tampons? No, I don't. Why does that have a stigma? I mean, I don't ever do it. But that has a stigma, right? Like you see it in movies or shows, right? I don't.

I understand we're not like men, like there were men back in the day. And a lot of that shit, I'm like, oh, that's embarrassing that we can't fix anything on our own or whatever. Yeah. Buying tampons, who gives a fuck? What kind is your girl like? Bruh, I don't remember. She'd be texting me

a picture of it, of the box, and then I'd just find the box and then buy it. Scented or unscented? I don't know. You don't know if it's scented or unscented?

I didn't know they had scented or unscented. I would assume scented knowing my girl. She'd be liking scented things. She's into the scents? She's into scents. But sometimes that gives you

a little yeast there. Oh, okay. Yeah, you can get that yeast-er. Okay. I don't know. Yeah, I've never bought tampons for any girl. But would you not based on your gender? But I walked in the store when they were buying it,

and then I find a reason to separate. But just because it's tampons? Yeah, just like... Son, you get more Puerto Rican every time I hear you talk about women. No, not like separate a relationship. Just like, oh, I'll let me go look at the magazines and shit. That's what I meant. Wait a minute, I missed it.

What happened? He thought I meant you break up with them every time. Period? I mean, I've broken up for less. That's what? I said I've broken up for less. But, no, no, no. What's the least that you've broken up for less But No no no I've just looked like What's the least

That you've broken up for? If they just Talk annoying Or something like that Like annoying voice Son I'm not gonna lie I'll be dating some Quiet women bro

Son I'll be dating the Quietest women The least you talking about That's why they don't know English Say what? That's why they don't know English Oh English gotta go

English is not allowed English not allowed Son if you're from America... That's why you can't have no bread. It's too much talking? No, we can go Africa. We can take it there. Straight from the motherland, baby.

Should we read this story from Jared? It's so good. Since we're talking about planes and girlfriends. Wait, do you have a flagrant thought? Because we usually start with some flagrant things. I do, but I thought this would be a good segue. Go, go, go, go, go. Then we're going to get to some flagrant thoughts. Because I have a question.

It's more of a flagrant question. Do you guys have the tweet up? Or do I got to find it? Yo, shout out to Jared Freed. Jared Freed, comedian buddy of ours. Jared Freed, F-r-e-i-d i believe jared freed very funny guy yeah a quick story about why you should travel with your significant other so real quick just to preface this this is a series of pictures that he posted

on twitter and he's got text covering his face telling an entire story yeah he is traveling from nashville to new york with his girlfriend akash take it away my girlfriend and i are flying back from nashville to nyc we got to the gate and we find out that the flight has no crew and there His girlfriend, Akash, take it away. My girlfriend and I are flying back from Nashville to NYC. We got to the gate and we find out that the flight has no crew and there will be some sort of delay. Being the Diamond Medallion member that I am, I spring into action. I call the special line and they say they can't do anything until the flight is posted as delayed. I report that information to my girlfriend. She barks, there's a 7.30 flight to JFK.

It doesn't look like she's going to handle this well. She's already mentioned being tired 20, maybe 700 times. Next picture. I go to the gate and I say, hey, can you guys mark this as delayed so we can make changes on the app? Nothing has happened yet. I came back to my girlfriend, who is basically a puddle of a person at this point.

They announced the flight is now delayed two hours. I get back on the phone thinking, let's try and make something happen. My girlfriend very helpfully uses my other ear to yell, there's two seats left. I'll pay for it. I don't care. I'm on the phone with Delta. The person is very helpful. I look at my girlfriend who angrily says, the seats are gone. It's now my fault that I took all of the appropriate measures and didn't pay an extra $550 plus the more expensive Uber from JFK instead of LaGuardia. Understandable. Next picture.

The guy at Delta says, hey, there are two seats I got you. Sweet relief. I feel my insides loosen up. This is why I really related to it. Well, it could have been a two-hour delay with a small dictator. It's going to be about a half hour. I decide to hold on to this positive information. I shake my head at my girlfriend with disappointment, like it's not going to work out, and we're going to have to wait the extra hour and a half. She reacts as expected, like I murdered her new puppy. I get off the phone. I say, look at the app. We're all set. She sees the change.

Her angrily squinted eyes release a bit, and she half smiles. We walk to the new gate. We get in line to board. She's a new person. I can feel her energy is totally different. She's yet to really say anything. She knows she can't make a full emotional turnaround yet. It would be an admission of guilt.

The bride doesn't stop her friends from calling her chill at the reception when she knows she screamed at her mom like a servant earlier in the day. Again, completely relate. Like most women, she's got to play the PR game. She's got to go into full crisis management mode. She cannot lose her chill status. She hugs me and sings, we did it!

No apologies. I look at her with a half a smile. Almost to say, yup, we did it. We did it in the same way a fireman and the person he carried out of the building did it. This really kills me. She says, ugh, phew, could have been a day.

She is not a great actress but she's trying oh this is her Oscars performance I hug her there is nothing to say I know she knows

nobody is chill today is the day I met the real Jess when I tell you I read that story to my girl and we were both fucking crying

relating to every single aspect of this story yo have your girl read it you can find it on our twitters or Jared's is his name.

But it is funny to watch them read it and realize it's about them and get angry and then laugh because it's 100% true. Yo, all right. Let's take a break for a second because we got some shows coming up. Theandrewsholls.com for the tickets.

I cannot stress this enough. Do not buy tickets for the shows from links that you get from any other site besides mine, theandrewshulls.com. Okay? People always DMing me, tweeting me. Their tickets are going for $400. Tickets are $600. Tickets are whatever.

Yes, the resale sites, they fuck you. It's criminal. It should be messed up. Now, if the show's already sold out, there's nothing I can do. That's where you got to get the tickets from, and best of luck. But generally speaking, my tickets are between $35 and $65. That's it. Usually it's between $35 and $55.

Okay? So if it's charging any more, you're getting ripped off by another site. Pittsburgh this weekend, I think there's some tickets left. I think Saturday both shows sold out, maybe some more. Miami, the weekend after that, those shows are sold out. We're adding a Thursday 10-15 show so we're adding another show we're getting there early before it yeah I didn't tell you that is that okay

okay so we're going down there thank you man I love Miami that's always a fun fucking time after Miami we are going to Portland Portland go get them tickets to theandrewschultz.com we just added a bunch of other different shows Tucson,

Milwaukee, Atlantic City, Reading, PA, Calgary, Winnipeg. TheAndrewSchultz.com. There's a bunch more dates where we're doing. There's less than 50 tickets left for the special. Get all that shit at TheAndrewSchultz.com. Again, we've added another like 10 or 15 cities.

So make sure you go to TheAndrewSchultz.com. see if your city's on there. We're going to be adding even more by the end of next week. So keep looking at it. Akash, what you got, baby? This Saturday, I'm at Fairfield Comedy Club in Fairfield, Connecticut. We're just going to drop in for one night, hit a little show there, buy tickets. I'm going to put the date on my website as soon as I can.

This is a new edition. March 12th through March 14th, finally going to Toronto, Montreal. I'm at the Comedy Nest, March 12th through March 14th, finally going to Toronto, Montreal. I'm at the Comedy Nest, March 12th through March 14th. You're finally going to Canada. You said Toronto. Oh, finally going to Canada. Okay, well, I might have given some away, but then after that, March 27th, I'm at the

Den in Chicago, and May 7th, another Canadian date just added. I'm going to be in Vancouver. Location and stuff is not locked down yet, but we have the date, May 7th. As soon as it's live, I'm going to put it on my website. Let's sell this show the fuck out. I am doing my first theater, and it's going to be in Canada, where I feel like I get so much love, and I'm so fucking hyped to do it there.

So let's sell that bitch out, man. Let's rock that. And then June 12th through June 14th, the Comedy Loft in D.C. Also, exact date, I'm not going to announce yet, but there's a Canadian city that's been calling for me a lot and we finally got that locked down

at the end of this year. That's Toronto. Yeah. That's Toronto. He's trying to tease. It's Toronto. I gave it away. Did you hear that?

It's Toronto. Yeah. December 20th since we're giving it all away. Damn right, baby. Okay. Guys, let's Toronto. Yeah. Okay. December 20th since we're giving it all away. Damn right, baby. Okay. Guys, let's pay some bills real quick. I got something good for you drinkers out there.

All right. I wasn't going to talk about this until I tried it a few times on the pod. I can't believe it took this long to actually develop this. But there's something that will get rid of your hangover. And some of you are saying, yeah, not drinking. You're a nerd. So there is something called DHM detox. Okay. It's a vitamin. It's basically a vitamin for people who want to enjoy alcohol anywhere from a little bit to a lot. So basically what you can do is you take this, you take a couple of pills after your first couple drinks. All right. Now I'm not saying go fucking rage all night long and then think you're going to be at work the next

day that's not what this is about what i am saying is you're at dinner you're having a few drinks take a couple pills you finish that bottle of wine with your friends you don't want to wake up absolutely destroyed you can't do anything the next day you take those early if you feel like you're going for it a little hard take a a couple more pills after that. And again, this is a vitamin. It's a natural supplement, but it's going to start to break down all those toxins that are in your body that cause the hangover. It's going to start that breaking down process that night. Okay. I've tried it. It worked for me. Okay. It works for me. Simple as that. I take it on the road when we're on the road. DHM Detox is what it's called. Now, you go to DHM Detox.

That's DHM Detox.com. Use the promo code flagrant. You're getting 20% off your order. Okay? Now, if you have any questions about this, you want to know what's in it, you want to know the details about it, you want to know how it functions, you can actually DM them. They'll answer your fucking DMs. It's at dhmdetox on Instagram.

Just DM them. Clarify anything that you need to clarify. I'm telling you, I had it after a couple drinks. I went to bed. I woke up. I was fresh. I was ready to go. And as I get older,

I've been getting hung over much more. When I was a kid, I could drink all fucking night. Nothing happened. But now hangovers are starting to fuck with me. DHM Detox. Use the promo code flagrant. Let us know how it works for you because we always want to know. We want to make sure that you guys are serviced by these products because if you love them, then we'll love them. We keep doing them. And if you guys don't love them, then we got to tell them that they get the boot. That's how these things work. Okay? But this is something I believe in.

I rock with. Get more out of your days even if you're drinking. Let's get back to the show. Okay, flagrant thoughts. So I watched Parasite. Yes. You finally watched it.

Finally watched it. There's a bit of a spoiler here. There's probably a spoiler here. So if you want to watch it. You ain't going to watch the movie. If you didn't watch it already, you're not going to watch the fucking movie. I didn't think it was that great to be honest. That was cool. Okay. But's probably a spoiler here. So if you want to watch it. You ain't going to watch the movie. If you didn't watch it already, you're not going to watch the fucking movie.

I didn't think it was that great to be honest. That was cool. Okay. But there's a scene in which they got this whole charade going that they're not related and they're not fucking poppers

with these rich people that they're working for. Yeah. But then there's this massive flood and then it causes all this sewage water to be released in their house. Yeah.

Their house gets flooded. They're trapped in sewage water for hours. Yeah. They got to go sleep in a fucking tent somewhere like a baseball stadium or whatever. Right. And then the next day they all get called into work. Yeah. St house gets flooded. They're trapped in sewage water for hours. Yeah. They got to go sleep in a fucking tent somewhere, like a baseball stadium or whatever. Right. And then the next day, they all get called into work.

Yeah. Stinking like shit. Yeah. And one of the things that triggers the whole series of events that causes the climax is the rich person says, basically, poor people have a certain smell. And that really triggers the dad. He hears it three times. He hears it once.

Then in the car, when he's smelling smelling like shit he's driving the wife around and then she covers her nose yeah and I remember thinking yo why didn't you just get you got a good job why don't you just get a fucking hotel

shower buy some new clothes so you don't smell like human sewage yeah this chain of events ruins this entire everything for this family

yeah that's how cheap Asians are yeah that was my flagrant thought you're so fucking stingy everything for this family. That's how cheap Asians are. That was my flagrant thought. You're so fucking stingy. You won't just buy some new clothes and get a nice hotel. You'll just go to a hotel room

and, spoiler alert, murder two people instead of paying for some clothes? And you won't even pay to be on the run. Oh, yeah. You'd rather live in a fucking dungeon? Yeah. just hey it's free maybe they're just dumb maybe that's the point of that whole fucking thing those people were pieces of shit i hated the poor people i heard people being like who's to blame rich or poor it's the poor the whole time it's the poor

it's about wealth inequality no it's about how fucking poor those poor pieces shit motherfuckers has nothing to do with all the rest of the poor people. It's just that one family where we're pieces of human garbage. The I don't know if we talked about this on Patreon. I forgot if we did. We didn't. OK, you lost me when you kissed the girl. Well, immediately.

I'm done. I'm done. You're a piece of shit. Your boy said, listen, I want to fuck this girl when she's old enough which is creepy in and of itself yeah right like we just throw pedophilia around

like they're okay with that shit so the kids already like a date rapist we're not whatever statutory rapist a little bit you know what I mean

it's borderline borderline you don't have to lie they lie for no reason yeah you could say oh my sister's actually really good with art

you want to see if she could do something for the kid but you decide to lie because you're a piece of shit and you get the karma. There's scumbags from moment one. Exactly. Stop lifting up these people as if they don't deserve to be in the position they're in.

The father. Loser through and through. Loser through and through. 100% loser through and through. The mother, I don't know. She's just there. Just a dragon bitch. Just always judging her husband because he poor.

Bitch, get a job. Wait, was she? Oh, she was just always just a dragon bitch just always judging her husband because he poor bitch get a job wait was she oh she was just always saying like slick shit to him yeah I don't even remember but just like when he's eating

and she's like your kid's bringing home the money you're telling them to eat they're paying for it she's just always shitty yeah and then save the money

and move out the second you get some money you just move out of your shitty house easy done you stayed in the sewage house yeah I don't feel bad house yeah i don't feel

bad at all i don't feel bad at all for them then they kill two people on the way they're monsters through and through yeah they got what they deserved 100 and i hope the father lives there for the rest of his miserable existence and sneaks out honestly i didn't think enough of them died say again i didn't think enough of them died yeah four of them should have died yeah all of them that's the perfect way to end that movie if all four of them died at the hands of that little kid original housekeeper also poor yeah

great lady did her job well didn't steal anybody's job just did her job well didn't even steal food for her husband that lived in the basement yeah

and the husband lived in the basement grateful that he had a basement yeah ideal poor yeah yeah grateful

grateful of the blessings that the rich bestow upon them no it was a piece of shit I understand your flagrant take and I I agree with it entirely thoughts have you guys seen Parasite? yeah

beautifully shot movie though I thought the movie was good you said you didn't thought the movie was good. You said you didn't like the movie? I was cool. I mean, I came in knowing it's the winner of Best Picture, and I heard this thought on the ticket, and I actually agree with it. I think maybe the Oscars picked it because they look more woke in the face of all the backlash.

I didn't think it was better than Joker. It wasn't better than Joker. I haven't seen 1917. I doubt it was better than 1917. Even cinematography alone, what I've heard in 1917 is crazy. Oh, yeah. Cinematography in 1972. It wasn't better than Joker. I haven't seen 1917. I doubt it was better than 1917. Even cinematography alone, what I've heard in 1917 is crazy. Oh yeah,

cinematography in 1917 was really good. I mean the cinematography in 1917 is one take the entire movie. They shoot it as if it's one take. Yeah, it looks like it.

Yeah, yeah. But no, I respect that. And Joker was just fucking unreal. Fantastic. Sure. Except for his stupid speech. Shut the fuck up.

Again though. Did you see his stupid speech? We gotta care about cows? You fucking idiot. Yeah. Except for his stupid speech. Shut the fuck up. Again, though. Did you see his stupid speech? We got to care about cows, you fucking idiot. Yeah. Like, this is... He's just so fucking annoying, man. How did they not learn anything from how well everybody responded to Ricky Gervais' shut the fuck up Golden Globe speech?

Yeah. Like, Brad Pitt was there, won a Golden Globe, shut the fuck up, then was the first award winner at the Oscars and immediately got political what do you say? I don't know who cares

something about presidents or some shit like that all you do is make people vote for Trump that's all actors do because they look at you and think

what the fuck do you know you're a fucking drama major I'm supposed to listen to you about nuclear policy you're a drama major what the fuck do you know

when have we ever looked at drama majors for information about anything bro i i tried to work on a bit about this but it was in new york especially it was always weird but i'm like look if if there's a fucking holocaust about to break out over like differences in stage lighting then i want to know what you have to say yeah drama major yeah but until then maybe you shut the fuck up and let intelligent people talk yeah or at least people educated in the field. Yeah. I don't know what I thought.

There could be more. No, I wanted you to keep going about drama. I was out. I really wanted you to fucking lay in. I mean, what else did I say? I think it's just such an obviously fake cause to go for. You know what I could have? I probably could have said more if somebody told me what to say,

like I was a fucking drama major. You don't have talent. You don't write anything. You're just a fucking parakeet. You're a well-trained parrot. That's all you are, is a highly advanced parrot. You're not smart. You don't even say what you say on camera that gets you awards.

You don't write that. Somebody tells you what to say there. Their acceptance speech? No, I'm saying in the movies, it gets them the acceptance speech. You didn't write any of those thoughts, and now I got to listen to you fucking meander about verbally for 30 seconds, diarrhea-ing out of your fucking mouth. The idea that you care about poor people, and you walk a royal red carpet and cage off the fucking plebeians like a goddamn king. You walk a majestic red carpet and then tell me you care about poor people and you walk a royal red carpet and cage off the fucking plebeians like a goddamn king you walk a majestic red carpet and then tell me you care about poor people you got cages so no

one can touch you and you care about poor people you are everyone you rail against interesting barack obama not as much security as the fucking golden globes whoever trump right now trump towers don't got as many cages around it as the Golden Globes has or the Oscars has. Yeah, what is their take on that? What is their take on the idea that actors take on the wall? I don't know. They've got one.

Yo, first of all, I heard a great take on Mexican illegal immigration when I was in Mexico for my boy Raul. He goes, stop saying you're the best. He goes, this is what happens. It's like for years if you say you're the best,

we're going to want to check it out. It's like Supreme. America is like Supreme. That's it. I got to go inside and see what's going on. Hey, we got a big fucking line. We're going to get it

different ways sometimes. We're going gonna get it You know Different ways sometimes Get it in the black market That's funny But like yo It's true It's like It's like America Is reaping what it sowed

Yeah We told the whole world We're the best Everything happens And you come here You get rich Life is popping The endless opportunity

Change everything And then when people Try to come We're like Yo why you coming Yo why the fuck Would you come here Because he's the best Sweden ain't talking shit endless opportunity, change everything. And then when people try to come, we're like, yo, why are you coming? Yo, why the fuck would you come here?

Because he's the best. Sweden ain't talking shit about how great it is. Yeah, you're right. They're just like, everybody's getting raped. Right? Like,

they're doing the opposite PR in Sweden. They're like, there's Muslims everywhere. Everybody's getting raped. Right? But in reality, it's probably all right. You didn't get raped.

Alex had, Alex had been raped in jail. He was the only black ass in jail and nobody wanted to tap that? Son, nobody. Damn, son. You had a private shower, yo. You had a private shower, right?

Because you're black or because everybody there has a private shower? Everybody there. Oh, okay. There's a... We'll sign around his shower. Bro, my boy Raul had some points, dog.

He had another point about like cancel culture in general. And he goes, it's the effect of industrialization. I go, what do you mean? He goes, we're completely detached from how things get to our consumption. Right? So when we see food, we don't farm for our food we don't hunt for our food we don't do anything we just get the meal and then we go thumbs up thumbs down roman emperor style i think

burr had a bit about that or something maybe something but like that's literally what we do even facebook is that like dislike right etc and it's because we're completely detached from what it takes to get there when you see someone slaving over a meal right your mom slaving over a meal and then you eat the meal there's a little bit more appreciation even if it's not your favorite you're like yo she was here all day yeah yeah you know but since we have zero attachment to that the same thing goes with people it's like one bad thing happens and it's just down yeah we don't care about all the things that made you that person or all the events that led to you saying that. We don't even give any context because we don't care about context. Give me the finished product and I'll tell you if it's good or bad, if it lives or dies.

That was interesting. Yeah, Raul, who is this enlightened busboy? Yo. You know, he sounds like to me. Sounds like a head busboy to me He can't be a regular busboy I'm not doing it I'm not doing it

I'm not doing it I have too much respect For my Mexican brethren I went Dude I love Mexican So you wouldn't assign them The position of head busboy You just make them a regular busboy

I make them regular busboy Wow Every single fucking time Disrespecting Raul like that Son I can't believe you don't even care about Raul, yo. My man hitting you with these ill-ass points. You're probably trying to make a joke.

Son, that point was good about Mexico. Like, stop saying you're the shit. Great point. Yeah. Yeah, it's like America is like a girl that wears, like, slutty clothes. Right? It is. Why is Haney, Haney, why are you shaking your head that's what we are we're some

fucking insta thought and then when people are writing comments like all right damn i want to fuck you like oh my god look at the comments like that's my that's my least favorite thing is like why am i being objectified yeah why is everyone sliding in my dm why are they trying to yeah yeah but there is there is something to that like there's this girl who's funny uh i'm not gonna shout her out just yet but maybe we'll have her on a podcast once but she does this thing where like she posts tons of thirst traps and that kind of shit and then she reads her dms like with the eye roll as if like these guys are stupid for doing it and it's like that's what you're asking for right yeah yeah we should just post your pictures with eye roll. Look at this thirsty ass bitch.

Ah. Trying to get my attention. That's what a guy is doing. He's just trying to get your attention. Okay. All right, flagrant thoughts. I have a flagrant thought. And I was thinking about this yesterday.

All right, does pussy have morning breath? 100%. Because I've never ate am pussy right and it was specifically because i figured there was morning breath edin speaking now go yeah uh someone called edin said edin's last name was the turkey the turkey wow i haven't heard a turkey joke in a minute okay edin the bubble go uh do y'all eat pussy only straight out the shower or I haven't heard a turkey joke in a minute. De pavo. All right, I'll fuck with that. Eren de pavo. Okay, Eren de pavo, go. Do y'all eat pussy only straight out the shower? No, I'll eat pussy depending on the... Grow up.

Grow up, honestly. Grow up. Wait, wait, wait. Grow up. No, no, no, no. I definitely eat pussy no matter what. Straight out of the shower? No, regardless.

Grow up, dog. Honestly. Now, that's what I'm saying. So, like, overnight pussy is like marination. What are you talking about, bro? What are you talking about? Showering. We just got running water, some of us.

I don't think we can talk about it over here. You think it goes running water, no? Because they'd be running from it. That's what I'm saying. So, like, overnight pussy is like marination. You know? So, it tastes a little better. It's a little...

You think it tastes better? Yeah. Oh, no, dude. I don't want just some skin taste and that's it. That's what I want. Yeah. I want skin. I want exactly skin. If it could better? Yeah. Oh, no, dude. I don't want just some skin taste and that's it. That's what I want. Yeah. I want skin. I want exactly skin.

If it could taste like skin. So what's the difference between shower pussy and then... Well, we're not talking about shower pussy. You've derailed this conversation. We're talking about if it has morning breath in and of itself. It's a stink. Because I'm not eating anything that makes my breath stink in the morning. I have no clue, to be honest, why it stinks in the morning.

But it smells horrible in the morning. Right. But I'm doing the same thing that I'm doing all day, makes my breath stink in the morning. I have no clue, to be honest, why it stinks in the morning. But it smells horrible in the morning. Right. But I'm doing the same thing that I'm doing all day, which is just breathing. Right? So why the fuck does my breath smell in the morning? Open. Right. I'm breathing my mouth open?

Yeah, so oxidation. You would think breathing with your mouth open makes it cleaner. No. It's like bacteria and shit. It's like just drying up and then growing. Oh, that's disgusting. Yeah. Yeah, it accumulates.

So the same thing probably happens in pussy. No. No. Pussy's close. Pussy doesn't open up in the morning. Oh, that's disgusting. So the same thing probably happens to pussy? No, pussy's close. Pussy doesn't open up in the morning. Pussy don't sleep like this. Pen, once you do that, pussy don't open up. You know what I mean? You might open up that pussy. Leave that shit gaping.

That's real. That may be. Okay, so you think there's no difference in flavor or smell in the morning ladies lady assholes that are listening please tell us we would love to know i really want to know yeah i don't know i always assumed that's why i never did it i assumed that it was just like your mouth right it was closed all night pussy's closed all night and then whatever is happening giving it some breath and then now it has the breath. That was my take. I would assume no.

I would also assume if I mean, I haven't done it, but that's probably the time to do it because you got morning breath. So fuck it. Lean in. Oh, God. Yeah. I mean, that's crazy. Lean in. Bro, come on, dude.

That's fucking crazy. This guy's in the bathroom. She's shitting her brains out. He's like, come on. Yeah, but that's gross, dude. Morning breath on morning puss. Hey, lean in. You know what I mean?

Yeah, it'll cancel itself out like a math problem. It's negative numbers? Double negative. Oh, dude. Akash. You multiply two negatives. No, I can't do that. That's just too fucking crazy.

All right. What's it called? Alex, what you got for us? So, do you guys want to make some history? Do you want to take the podcast to another level? Oh, boy. Here we go. Here we go.

No. Nah, you got it, though. Okay. All right. So, there's a chance we can make it into the Guinness Book of World Records. I'm already in it, but go on. Word? He is.

Four? Most kisses on the hand in under a minute. Oh, shit. Okay. Is that record still standing? Still standing. Record's still standing. Oh, shit.

Google your boy. All right. Andrew Schultz, Guinness Book of World Records. Confirmed. Okay. Did it record still standing? Still standing. Record's still standing. Oh, shit. Google your boy. Andrew Schultz, Guinness Book of World Records. Confirmed. Did it on television. What in the fucking hell is this? So for the rest of the- You seen it? You seen it, you fucking turkey?

Go. 112. Damn right. What the fuck? Son, I'm in the Guinness Book of World Records, son. Oh, that's what's up, son. That's pretty baller. That's kind of hot.

Weird flex. Come on, son. I need to get get that sign put that in the studio all right so um you know the movie human centipede uh yeah do you know are you familiar with that movie i know they sew the mouth to the asshole yeah okay so we have about one two three, three, four, five, six guys. Well, five because I'll just like be recording. All right. Just do instead of like ass to mouth, ass to mouth. Just do dick to butt, dick to butt, dick to butt and make a homo centipede. Okay. So that is called an elephant walk.

Really? There's a thing for that? Oh, you wouldn't know. I'm sorry. Come on. That's how you get into frats. You fucking joke? Mark definitely has done it.

No, you fucking joke. Mark, you did an elephant walk, son? Mark's in on the other end. But basically what you do is you put the tip of your dick between the butt cheeks of the guy in front of you. And then the person behind you puts the tip of his dick between the butt cheeks of the guy in front of him. And then you guys all walk in unison. Oh, I was saying penetrate.

You have to be connected. Bro, we're not getting gay over here, dude. Son, I mean, you guys, I'll document for the Guinness Book of World Records. You want to film us putting our dicks in each other's butts. I mean, I'm just going to stand back here and do the same thing I do right here. Nah, dude, that's way gayer because you're not even having the pleasure of a dick in your butt. You're just watching it. We'll be the only podcast in the Guinness Book of World Records.

That's not true. We're already in it. No, podcast. So you want to do something as a podcast? Yeah. We can have the longest conversation about dick and no butts in any podcast. We could do that if we continue this conversation for another 30 seconds. Son, I can't believe.

So white boys have done everything. Yeah, everything, dude. That's crazy. Literally everything. There's nothing we haven't done. Fuck. You tried to out white a white boy? Yeah, I tried to out white a white boy. He's like, come on, son. That's the whole shit. Literally everything. There's nothing we haven't done. You tried to out white a white boy? Yeah, I tried to out white a white boy.

He's like, come on, son. That's the old shit. Light work. He's like, that old shit? Come on, son. You can't out white me, dog. Come on, bro. That's old shit, dog. We're on different levels right now. He tried border boarding himself.

I was there. Yeah, I did that shit. Wow. Elephant walk. You guys are crazy. I was there. Yeah, I did that shit. Wow. I can't do it. Yo. Elephant Walk. You guys are crazy. That's what it is. You guys are crazy.

So what's the longest Elephant Walk? Because maybe I didn't type it in, but when I looked up, like is there a dick-to-butt human centipede, there wasn't one. There wasn't ever one done. In the Guinness Book of World Records, no. I mean, it might be a different book of world records. There mean it might be a different book of world records there's like a brazzers book of world records oh really i would imagine there's going to be some sort of sexual shit going on gotta be yeah 100 anyway i mean if it's okay with you we can move on i'm just saying you know try and take the podcast if you're ready

if you're ready all right let's take a break for a second pay some bills get a shirt that actually fits okay you're wearing these button-down shirts you're having them hanging out of your pants because you think it looks cool they're not made for it okay if you want a button-down shirt that looks professional but you want to wear it in a casual way just go to untuckit you go to untuckit.com simple as that untuckit.com use the promo code flagrant 20 off yourcom. Use the promo code flagrant, 20% off your order. U-N-T-U-C-K-I-T.com. Okay? It's year 2020. Everything is business casual. I don't care where you go. It's business casual. You got some jeans on? You want a button down shirt? You're at work. You want to look presentable. You're not in a regular t-shirt like me looking like a schlep.

You have a real job. You got to be a real person. But if you want that thing not tucked in, you want it untucked, then get a shirt that's exactly designed to do that. It's designed to be that way. It's cut to be that way. You don't look like a girl that slept over at her boyfriend's house and didn't have any clothes to go home the next day. Okay? You can look like a respectable human being in a button-down shirt that is not tucked into your pants.

And tucked in shirts like dress shirts when you tuck it all the way in, even if it's for a job. It looks a little try-hard. It is, dude. It looks try-hard. It's like get your shit together, man. Untuckit.com. Simple as that. Untuckit.com.

Use the promo code flagrant. You get 20% off. Thank us now. Thank us later. Don't thank us at all. We don't care. We just don't want you looking ugly. Now let's get back to the show.

Why don't we talk about some deportes, guys? What do we think about that? Did you watch the All-Star game? I was on a flight helping my girl throw up. Yep. So I just caught up on highlights today. I seen it. It was fantastic.

Bro, this is the one we- They figured it out. Yeah. Yeah. They figured it out. It was fantastic. Bro, this is the one we... They figured it out. Yeah. It was great. And I didn't watch any of it live because I was like, yeah, this shit is always whack. I was even saying on the podcast, this shit is whack now. I didn't think about the fact that you gotta do it for Kobe. Oh, yeah. I saw the dunk contest highlights. Oh, wait a minute. What do you mean?

Just like, yo, you can't not try to win, especially the All-Star game. You can't not try to win in the fourth quarter if this is a tribute to Kobe. Kobe's all about going after the win. I don't think they cared about Kobe, to be honest with you. No, I think so. I think that was a part of it. Let's be more competitive now.

Yeah, what is – okay, I think it's part of – I also think that they redesigned the game. For anybody who doesn't know, they redesigned how the All-Star game is played. It was very confusing, but it worked. And I'll make sense of it right now for you real quick. When it was first explained to me by my boy, I was like, I don't even understand what the fuck is going on. They play a regular game for the first three quarters. Then whoever has more points, whichever team has more points, let's say at the end of three quarters, it's 100 to 90.

You add 24 points to the leading team. no sorry let me pull that back whoever has more points let's say it's 100 to 90 you add 24 points to that you don't add it to the team to that so 124 points yeah is the end of the game so that means that team with 100 has scored 24 and the team with 90 has scored 34 but then after the first three quarters it becomes first two in this situation 124 the actual situation of the ulcer game was 157 yeah okay lebron's team was down going into that fourth quarter they came from. And what essentially it does is it gives you three quarters for fun, goofing around, everybody getting their buckets, et cetera. And then the fourth quarter is a pickup game. Yeah.

There's no timer on it. The game goes as long as it needs to go. Yeah. Okay. And what was genius is when you turn it into a pickup game, you ignite the competitive fire that exists in all these athletes. And they are deeply competitive. You're not an NBA All-Star most of the time unless you are deeply competitive. They compete about gambling.

They compete about fucking candies. Anything that they do in their entire life, they're competing. But they found a way to compete. And it's because it's first to that score yeah and they added an element um the winner of each quarter um like money went to yeah a hundred thousand dollars went to their charity so like we can try to win the quarter too we might as well try to win the quarter a hundred thousand dollars goes to our charity let's do it and matter of fact if you're not trying you don't care about your charity yeah

piece of shit. Yeah. Right? So that was cool. Like each quarter, it's like, oh, okay, they're actually trying a little bit.

They incentivized. At the end of the second, they were like calling timeouts to advance the ball. They were like fouling to stop the clock. Like shit you would never see in an all-star game.

So they were screaming at the refs. Kyle Lowry took multiple charges. Tried to take three. Yeah. That's right. Yeah, yeah, that's right. But that's right but lebron threw the alley yeah yeah there was um no it was it was a brilliant way in other sports to look at this and find ways to incentivize their their all-star game like obviously the football one sucks and that's because what we like about football is the carnage and you can't exactly show you can't do it you just can't you can't show the carnage um what i will say is it is this and if you guys haven't seen it you should

just watch the highlights what a game like this does is exposes the alphas everybody's true colors show in that fourth quarter right you get the best of the best and the i don't want to say mediocre of the mediocre, but basically the pecking order is really design and show. Yeah. Giannis was playing incredible defense on LeBron. Yeah. Had a chase down block on LeBron.

Bro, did that not count? It was initially called goaltending and then they said it was good. And then they looked back. Amazing chase down block because he was picked and clearly beat. And then LeBron looked back. He's like, uh-oh, he's coming. LeBron should have flushed that, but it doesn't matter. So Giannis played amazing D on LeBron,

but LeBron was still able to get shots off. He just wasn't hitting. LeBron played even better defense on Giannis. Giannis couldn't get a shot off. And it really exposed limitations in Giannis' game. Giannis can't get the shot off when the going gets up. You look in that fourth quarter, you saw playoff basketball. You saw the real alphas going for it.

And it was cool to see people's role. And this is what I wanted to celebrate Kyle Lowry for. He's not worth the money he gets paid. Right. But that's a guy that you want on a championship team because his contribution is everything. He just can't be your number one guy. He can't be your alpha. He can't

be your Chris Paul. He has to be your number three. But he will do the dirty work. He's a star player that will do the dirty work. And he'll handle the situation. The second he didn't have to be your number one or number two, they won a championship. He's a perfect number three yeah because he's gonna take the charges he's gonna organize the same tone set

the tone he's gonna hit some big shots maybe play good defense but he doesn't want to be the one that have to take the shot yeah which is fine um did you guys see james harden just recoil into his beta nest buddy wow did you see i think rough fourth quarter? I think that was the biggest. Throughout the game, he wasn't really playing that well. Two times, he had a layup. Yes.

And he passed off. I forgot about that. Yeah. To win the game. To win the game, he passed off. Now, this is what I was talking about.

That fourth quarter exposed the players for who they were. And I was really surprised that Jimmy Butler didn't get any burn in that fourth. I have a theory. I have an interesting thing I want to run by you. Okay.

So it's like, because Jimmy Butler would have been that dog that the East needed. But the West, when you look at it, James Harden, who's supposed to be the consummate alpha, he takes all these shots on the Houston Rockets, right? But where was he? When the actual going got tough

and the buttholes got small, just like in the playoffs for James Harden, nowhere to be found. Pass that fucking ball if he could. Passing it up. You know where Russ was in that fourth quarter? Bench. Exactly where the fuck he's supposed to be

when the real alpha dogs are playing. Ruff allowed one, but he don't belong in a game in the fourth quarter. He's going to throw that fucking game for you, right? This game definitely missed KD on the East. That would be a very different situation. Imagine that. That would have been good.

Who else? There was another person. And then CP3. CP3 was hooping. CP3 hoops, dog. He caught that dunk. Turned back the clock with that dunk. This is an interesting game. You realize all-star games are great for CP3. Ben Simmons had a great game. Like, playing.

He had a kid just straight jumped in the air and stole a Joel Embiid pass clean and then had a, like, dish for an easy layup or something like that. Those players shine in this. The guys were great passers. One more observation. Joel Embiid.

By the way, I said East-West. I wasn't meaning east west you know what i mean but um uh joelle and bead did exactly what he always does which is he he does i don't want to say the word mental midget but he he doesn't have the um focus right He'll score once, turn the ball over two possessions in a row. Interesting. He can't lock in for the whole entirety. You know what Kawhi can do? Lock in.

For a season. What could Kobe do? Lock in. What does LeBron always talk about? Zero dark 30 or whatever that fucking thing is he goes into? Locked in. It was such a cool fucking all-star game because when you see the elites compete, you actually see where they stand against each other.

And a guy like Lowry, who's probably one of the most, on a normal day, overrated players in the league, when you see him amongst just the elites, you're like, whoa, whoa, he deserves to be here. This guy will do it for you. He surprised me. Kawhi, I was just like, whoa, whoa, he deserves to be here. This guy will do it for you. He surprised me. Kawhi, I was just like, I thought he was just going for that MVP from the start. You thought he wanted it.

He came out with like seven out of ten threes. He had seven his first eight. Yeah. Locked in. Crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He Kobe'd it. I really think Kobe played into it.

Yeah. You're right. Kobe's definitely going to be a part of it. But I also think the new design of the game is going to influence the competitiveness. Oh, so none of you saw it live? Nope. Just recap. Okay.

What was her name? Jennifer Hudson. She, like, sung some shit before the game. I thought Chaka Khan fucked up the anthem. No, no, no. Jennifer Hudson also sung another, like, just a tribute song to Kobe. Yo, that shit. No, no, no.

It, like, that was moving. Dude, i couldn't watch the kobe tribute it's i don't know if i'm the only person that's just like i i can't wrap my mind around the idea that he's dead i was never a kobe fan but he always seems so invincible to me yeah that i can't like every time that came up i was like i said to my girl yesterday i was like i can't i can't fucking believe this guy's gone yeah i never saw this for kobe yeah didn't see it from mike but if it happened for mike i'd be like yeah i mean the guy's drinking himself to death like two or three separate times i had to go to the bathroom because it was a sandstorm in the house like it was what did that mean sam storm in the house

there's like i got sand in my eyes are watering i'm crying i didn't know sand makes you cry i thought you were saying her voice was scratching oh no just i got some shit in my eye yeah oh yeah or someone's cutting onions i've heard that one i was like how do you get sand in the house i had no fucking clue i saw that and i thought you were saying it was bad and i almost texted you and said that's not jennifer husband that's shaka khan i truly thought you didn't know her shit was trash i don't know what the fuck she was doing and where was the energy kept Twitter

cause when Fergie fucking up the national anthem then all of a sudden everybody laughing and shit nah but Chaka Khan is known for that though shit Chaka Khan ain't sing my London Bridge

is falling down to down to down known for what what else did Fergie sing like riffing in that way that's her style of singing so it's like she did

she did her style she just didn't release if it fell flat then you found her good and flat that's her style of singing so it's like she did she did her style she just didn't really if it fell flat then you found her good yeah that's what you do i found you because it fell flat but fergie tried some new shit that's what so does yaka khan no she didn't that's her style that's how she sings the anthem every time that's how she sings period like rift you riff that we riff all the time but even in her time we're trying new shit. That's a definition of riffing. I'm coming up with shit on the spot. No, but her style of singing is riffing. Like, even her regular songs is like she just riffs and goes on these long, like, ah, like

that type of weird shit. Oh, you're referring to, yeah, yeah. Fergie just tried some new shit for the first time and fell for it. It's even her style is what he's saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't make a difference. There's a thing that, what is it called? Run. Run, yeah, yeah what is it called? Run.

Run. It's called a run. Not a riff. Yes. A run. Going on these runs. So she's known for that. That's her style.

So it's like, all right, she's just doing her weirdo style. Fergie tried some new shit, and that felt like super flat. They both failed. Fergie killed that shit. That's one of the greatest national anthems ever we watched that live and andrew and i were both like what the fuck is going on right now does anybody else notice how bad this is i was saying that yeah i thought i was grooving to that no you you were the first one your immediate thing was the um she should have taken a knee or whatever

like oh yeah i wanted to i'd give a Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fergie sounded like Andrew's girl in the bathroom. So I'm just, yep, yep. That story's still wild. Whatever, man. This is life. Okay, so theory.

Yeah, what was your Butler theory? Not Jimmy Butler as much, but I noticed the whole time I'm watching the game, watching the fourth crowd, I don't know what happens. I somehow caught the fourth on replay. Didn't know. I didn't have it spoiled. And I'm like, why isn't Trae Young in the game? I saw the third. I'm watching the game, watching the fourth quarter, I don't know what happens. I somehow caught the fourth on replay, didn't know.

I didn't have it spoiled. And I'm like, why isn't Trae Young in the game? I saw the third. Trae Young is splashing. Rookies. Rookies don't get no money. No substitutions except for one on the east. Kemba Walker did not play well, in the fourth at least.

He didn't make anything. Still. No substitutions except Pascal came in with like six, seven minutes left. Who stayed out on the floor? Kemba Walker plays for the Celtics. Joel Embiid plays for the Sixers. No substitutions except Pascal came in with like six, seven minutes left. Who stayed out on the floor? Kemba Walker plays for the Celtics. Joel Embiid plays for the Sixers. Ben Simmons plays for the Sixers. I can't think of the other two, but I'm pretty sure playoff contenders.

Who's the coach of the East? Nick Nurse. Nick Nurse coaching a championship contention team. So is he like, I'm just going to leave them out there, wear them out a little bit. Giannis, play the whole fourth quarter. I'm not putting my guy in there until there's about five minutes left. Pascal would have been helpful. Trey Young would have won it.

You think he's trying to injure the players? Not injure them. Just put a little extra miles on them. Put some extra miles on them. Why would I burn my guy out? Why would I burn Trey Young out? He's not a threat to me. I would think you have a point if it was like a seven-game series.

But it's in this one game, and nobody really plays anything. They're playing one quarter of basketball. I just can't see why you make no substitutions. I can see why Frank Vogel makes no substitutions because Braun says, hey, nobody's subbing out. Yeah, no, Braun decided what the team was playing. Nurse, my understanding is that rookies just don't get played. And that's why Luka

Wasn't in the game At the end of the game For Bronstein Right Luka also I'm rooting for Luka He didn't have a great Like he's missing

Open threes Whatever Yeah He's not like He's not flossing like Yeah he looked a little nervous out there Yeah he probably was It's comfy down there in Dallas

Where everybody loves you And you just start Yeah And you go to that locker room He normally shines And nobody knows who the fuck you are Or nobody really cares Usually he could step up Usually he steps up And asks you to telev. And then you go to that locker room and nobody knows who the fuck you are. Usually he could step up. Usually he steps up and asks you to televise games.

That's a thing. Right. But you still playing with your team. Like it's a difference when like you're performing at your club or like your home comedy club and then you go to another comedy club. You know, there's a different confidence level, et cetera. When he's playing on Dallas Mavericks team,

which is built around him doing whatever the fuck he wants with The Rock, that's different than when you go play with your idols and they're literally like, yo, go stand there in the corner. I think the level of competition everybody, he can play well against the Lakers in LA even, but it's just LeBron and AD and then whoever the fuck else they got. This is LeBron and AD

and Chris Paul and Russell Westbrook and James Harden and, you know what I mean? This is like, oh, shit. Kind of like what you said. I'm the young buck amongst fucking MVPs. Yeah, and it makes you feel insecure. Yeah. You know, it's like literally you're around your comedic idols.

You're going to start to crack some jokes at the table? If rookies got played more. I'm asking you. No, no, no, no. So you. I pick my spots. If you're around your basketball idols, you're not going to be trying to put the ball

between people's legs, that kind of shit like that. You're not going to be trying to mix people up. You're going to take your open shots and that's the fuck it. Yeah. And also he's Euro, man. They have like a different like respect for authority.

It's like the first thing... This is classic American shit. The first thing Trae Young does when he gets the ball, what does he do? Shoot a three. No. Puts it between

Harden's legs. Oh, that shit was nice. The first thing second year player Trae Young who has barely won 10 fucking games

this season if they have, have they? The first thing he does is goes to disrespect arguably the best offensive player ever

some might say. yeah that's classic american basketball player i don't give a fuck about nobody but me and i'm gonna go get mines and there's gonna be no respect i fuck with that shit though and that's fair americans love it americans love it hey let's take down the you know whoever goliath is we're david let's take down the davis we love it we're all about it but euros are not like that euros are hey this is a community let's take down the Davids we love it we're all about it but Euros are not like that Euros are hey this is a community let's have respect yeah let's be let's take care of each other let's help out our elders and

if Luca's with fucking LeBron and CP3 and all these people and they say hey pass the rock he hears that here you go that's my theory no I don't yeah I think he could have gotten a little more burn and worked out the nerves but he was definitely nervous.

Yeah. Definitely nervous. Also, Chris Middleton's teeth. I mean, does he ever going to fix these? You got a max contract. What happened? He got teeth like a fucking 90s rapper. Like, it's just.

Yeah, I got it. The guy could be a Wu-Tang. I mean, it's just. Can you get those up, please, Eddie? Yo. He's just never going to fix them. That bad? I mean, they're pretty bad for a multimillionaire.

$100 million contract. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at that. The presser picture. No, I see, I see, I see. Go to the next one over. Yeah, he's got teeth like the It clown. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, they're crazy. I kind of admire that, dude. He's probably doing that Anthony Davis shit. Where I'm going to lean into my groupies. Dude, Anthony Davis is so fucking good, man. I forgot how good he is, dude. He balled out. He's so smooth for someone that size.

He balled out, son. I couldn't. I was just like, oh, I forgot. The whole time I've been sleeping on the Lakers, I forgot how fucking good AD is. Yeah. Because you just think LeBron, LeBron, LeBron. AD, I mean, seven feet, just silk.

Yeah. He's legit. Did you hear what he said about how he missed the free throw on purpose? Yeah. Do you believe that or not? No. So, for those of you guys that didn't watch, at the end of the game, the game was actually won by a free throw, which I think they will change. I don't think you should be able to win the game on a free throw. Yeah. I think it should be like,

you know, in game... Win by four. Ooh, that's interesting. I was thinking just you have to win on a free throw yeah i think it should be like you know in game win by four oh that's interesting i i was thinking just you have to win on a field goal so so you can shoot free throws and they just get you till one point before you have to go so if the game is to 127 points and you get fouled on a three and you got 125 you just get up to 126 no matter how many times you hit it because what happened was they were down two they were down one he gets fouled and uh misses the first one and then hits the second one game is over but it's a little anticlimactic you want to see the game ended on a fucking last second shot like and not last second shot but a finishing shot like i'm gonna go at your fucking throat um but he said that he missed the first one on purpose to like hype it i don't

believe him but i love that it happened yeah it's like everything about this it almost feels like this whole weekend's an all-star weekend was phenomenal it was a pretty good also the dunk contest was fuck i watched the highlights dog this was maybe the greatest ever did he get robbed? he got robbed but I think the judges fucked up they were trying to finish it in a tie and they just did the wrong math I heard a little rumor

Dwayne Wade? I heard a little bird a little bird on the streets said that one of them said one of the judges said that one of them said, one of the judges said that they were all in agreement. Yeah. Right? All the judges were in agreement. Hey, we're going to just give it a 50 and everybody's

going to tie. No, not 50. 48 would have tied and he got 47. Something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 48 would have tied. That's right. That's right. And they knew what they were going to give so there would be another tie. And apparently Wade gave another nine. He was supposed to give 10.

Yeah. And some people are saying, you know, Derek Jones Jr. plays for the Heat. That's Dwayne Wade's old team. That's his boy. Yeah. And, you know, maybe he kind of like a little, took care of his boy, in other words. Maybe he might have lied in the huddle and said that he was going to give the 10.

That's the rumor. And then switch at the last second. Apparently, there's like video. If you look at the video, he like switches it at the last second. Oh, shit. Yo, which is foul. I thought they just did the math wrong, rushing. So foul.

That could be the case. You know what I mean? But a conspiracy is always more fun yeah and that's foul because like aaron gordon is never gonna win anything in the league i know you know i mean like this is what he could his legacy could have been now he can't even have a legacy as like a great dunker like he could i was thinking about this the whole time i watched the highlights could he go down as a guy that got robbed twice? And we're like, yo, this is the best dunker ever that should have won two and didn't. Son.

Dominique still got, I mean, how many did Dominique win? Dominique's epic showdown with Jordan, he lost. He had another epic showdown with Spud Webb, he lost. And they said he got robbed with the one with Jordan. Jordan dunked from the free throw line to seal it, though, which I can get. Yeah, you got to get that. I thought Derek Jones' dunks were great, but four out of five of them somewhere through the legs it's all through the leg through the leg to the leg aaron gordon that shit where he threw off the side of

the back oh my fucking goodness and he did that whole circle yeah that shit was dope it's one of the greatest i've ever seen you know i thought could have gotten him an undeniable 50 if he did the pageantry more of dunking over taco fall if he we think about what's the greatest in-game dunk we've ever seen it's not even an nba game it's vince young dunking over that a seven foot aussie and yes so he puts on vince young olympics jersey brings out taco fall yeah but that's all hindsight that wasn't a planned dunk that was just he had to think of a dunk on the spot because it went to a dunker you're right you're right you're right you're right because the plant all the planned dunks he had a little showboating shit the spot because it went to a dunker. You're right. You're right. You're right. Because all the planned dunks,

he had a little showboating shit for it. That's why he was like, nah, I'm done. I'm done. I'm not dunking anymore because he couldn't think of anything else to do. Yo, I'm not going to lie. I'm low key

not as impressed with the jumping over shit. I am. I'll tell you why. Jump over tacos. Generally, I agree. I'll tell you why. Generally, I agree. I'll tell you why. Jump over tacos. I'll tell you why. Generally, I agree. I'll tell you why. Generally, I agree. I'll tell you why.

I don't think you're jumping over. I think what happens is the person holds the ball, and you jump up and grab the ball, and then you use that ball to push yourself up further. It's like me and my boys, when we were younger, younger, we could dunk before we dunked but because two guys would just be underneath us and we would go jump to dunk and then as we jumped in the air they would push us up a little bit and you barely need to push your friend at all

to get them higher it's like spotting on a weight yes so that's perfect example thank you so essentially the the guy who's holding the ball taco Taco, is kind of spotting your weight. So you can jump way higher when you weigh way less. You would see that in the slow-mo. So you see it if you look at the slow-mo. Watch the slow-mo. Because you can see in the slow-mo that he hits his head because he doesn't clear him all the way. You don't see him go further up.

You actually see him start to go down because he didn't clear. Sure. So one thing I was wondering is, is that why? And I was trying to figure out, why didn't he just dribble and carry the ball and dunk over Taco? Why is he having Taco hold it and then grabbing it? And I didn't know. I was wondering, is that to add to the degree of difficulty? Is that because it makes it a little easier for him?

Is that because it makes it a little harder for him? I don't know. But either way, the guy's 7'5". Even if normally they spread their legs or do some shit, 7'5 is 7'5. It's fucking crazy. I think it makes it a little bit easier for him to get up without the ball.

Anytime you dunk without a ball, it's easier. But I also think that it helps you push up. You use it kind of like a thing. What's up? You got the video? Alright, let me see. So we're looking at the dunk right now. What is up? You got the video? Alright, let me see. So we're looking at YouTube though?

We're not showing it on the... Okay, good. So we're going to watch it right now live. So notice the way that Taco's holding it, right? He specifically positions it on the back of his neck but above his shoulders and his head is pushed forward. So the ball could kind of rest there without his hands if need be.

Okay, I see what you're saying. See what I'm saying? But I think it's just like if he gets the ball that's clearing his head. Why don't you just put it right over your head if you're jumping over his head? Because then his crotch has to get even above the ball. Watch. Press play. Look, look, look.

There it is. You see him push down? Watch. Watch his, watch Taco's head go down when he grabs the ball first. You see it? See, I thought his head goes down because his ass hits him. And his ass does hit him. But look at the first head go down.

I see a little bit what you're saying. I think it's just because Taco's out. It's fine. Watch, watch. Look at his head go down the first. You see? Yeah. The first thing. There's a little bit what you're saying. There's a replay. If you scrub through, they're going to replay. I think it's just because Taco's out tall. It's fine. Watch, watch. Look at his head go down the first. You see? Yeah. The first thing.

There's a little bit. I do see it. And now all you need. All the other people, they're just taking the ball and jumping over. Right over. But he's so tall. Now watch this. So you see how he pushed forward?

Yeah. Now all you need to jump higher in any kind of situation or get any leverage is the slightest bit of body weight that you're not carrying. You know what I mean? Like if you want to jump over a fence, right? You just put your hand on it and all of a sudden you jump right over that fucking fence. So that's how much higher you get. That's why I'm not as impressed by these dunks.

Yeah, but there were so many of those. Yeah. Of all of them, this one was the one where I was like, yo, fucking seven foot five. Yeah, it's a lot. It's tall. Holy shit. It's tall. And I thought it was better than James Jones or Derek Jones' dunk, period.

Yeah. You just give him like meritocracy. You just score the fucking thing. I would love to see another dunk, sure, but like not at the expense of the wrong guy winning. Yeah. Yeah, no, I hear you. Three point contest was good. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Look at Buddy Heald Yo Drew Drew you gotta get in This celebrity basketball game son Son I do bro You gotta represent son There's a bunch of Bums out there

Yeah and that game's Getting worse and worse Yeah it is It used to be good Like it used to be Actually kind of fun Cause it One it used to be

Actually people who ball Like you'd have like Bieber in there Fucking Like people who Actually balled a little bit I'm gonna just Like cross over kenny and i'm not i'm the biggest jt hater on earth but that's the funniest moment because kenny took shit for that for years years jt hit him with a cross and then he got got and i think he hit a hit a jumper over him or something after

that but like kenny took shit for years He sit him down with it or no? He didn't sit him down, but Kenny just got got. He didn't sit him down, right? You remember that, Haney? Haney's hanging out. He didn't sit Kenny down, right? No, he didn't sit him down. Kenny just got caught reaching or whatever, got caught up,

and he just got passed by. You'll probably find the highlight somewhere. That was great, dude. And then it wasn't. Oh, here it is. Okay. Okay. He hits a J right in his face. Oh, here it is. Okay. Okay. He hits a J right in his face.

Okay, JT, with the bleach. And then he comes talking shit to Kenny. Dude, look at the junkyard dog behind him, dude. That guy was so ugly. What was his name again? He got them Chris Milton teeth. Oh, there was no cross. Was it not a cross?

Nah, he just hit a little shit in the corner. I mean, completely misremembered. All right, fuck me. Made up a whole memory. Oh, what about this right here? there not a cross? Nah, he just hit a little shit in the corner. I completely misremembered. All right, fuck me. I made up a whole memory. What about this right here? What do we got? Same angle. I made up a whole memory, yo.

It was a nice jump off. Anyway, what else we got, Akash? What else are we talking about? The Ryan Garcia knockout. Yeah. Everybody's so excited about this. The kid's got power. That's not the issue, right?

This is what happens with sports. And I like Ryan Garcia. I think he's great for the sport because he's a good-looking kid. He's got crossover appeal. Get women out there watching. Same thing that Oscar De La Hoya did. He understands new media he's on instagram he's he is a great ambassador for the sport right but what happens is when you get to

the upper echelon of this sport well i'm talking about like the elite elite fighters you're not going to get off a shot like that it's not that fighters can take a punch better at an elite level and they can but it's they're so good you're not going to get off a huge hook like that yeah because if you go for something that that that's that open now granted he snuck it in there before Fonseca could hit him with the straight right but if you go for something like that you're going to get caught the cost of missing on a shot like that is too high right when you go to the elite elite guys and people go I took this fighter eight rounds to get fun sec out of here He got him out in one. That's what no no fun second didn't think the kid had power and then the kid ended up having power So now when motherfuckers go in there with Ryan, they're gonna go. Okay. He's got a hook stay away from the hook

Keep your right hand up. Make sure you circle left like from the hook keep your right hand up make sure you circle left like it's just it's just different especially at those lower weight classes right because what is he fighting at 135 or something like that i think he's around 135 it's like you can have power there but it's not there's only been a few people who have like concussive game over power at that small weight yeah it's very rare right you know so People were just talking about it because when he hit the ground, it looked like he was dead. He collapsed hard.

That was real. That motherfucker got caught. He did not want to be in that ring. He didn't know where the fuck he was. It was good. But it'd be great for the sport. My thing is you've got to slowly inch him up. Matter of fact, this was the worst thing for ryan garcia because when you're going up against like a ranked fighter like fonseca

and you knock him out in the first round on the first big shot that you throw him throw at him i think you have a little bit of a delusional confidence i would like to see him do six rounds with a really high quality fighter so you could see what they're going to throw at you see what kind of traps they're going to try to set for you. Like if I'm in his camp, I'm going, oh no, we don't take a big fight. Take another good fight. Right. But this Devin Haney kid I think that they're trying to get him to fight can crack.

He's a sharp kid. It's a different. The boxing game is tricky, man. It's a tricky motherfucking game. We got a big fight coming this weekend. Yeah, that's the fight I'm looking forward to. Yo. Wilder Fury 2. tricky, man. It's a tricky motherfucking game. We got a big fight coming this weekend. Yeah, that's the fight I'm looking forward to. Yo. Wilder Fury 2?

Son, Pittsburgh. We out there this weekend doing shows, improv. I'm not sure if they're all sold out yet. I know Saturday's sold out. Maybe Friday is too. If not, go grab tickets. But tell us where we're watching the fight after that second show. Because right after the second show, we're going to watch the fight.

What are you guys thinking? want to say fear i don't know boxing i want to say fury okay but wilder catches everybody i want to say fury knows to better than to get caught again but wilder catches everybody and if he catches you it's a problem i don't know how the fuck fury stood up the last time i don't know i do not know yeah up the last time. I don't know. I do not know. Al? Kind of same point. Because I think first fight, Fury had it for the majority of the fight. Easily, yeah. Yeah, and then it's like, oh, he caught the first knockout, got back up. But then it was wrapped.

Once Wilder knows, oh, okay, I can put you down. Now it's a wrap. Wilder said this, and i thought it was really great he goes uh um you have to be perfect for the whole fight all 12 rounds yep i have to be perfect for one second yeah yeah that's that's bars i mean there's also this point now there's one thing i will say information i'll give you guys before you decide to bet on this fight or even stick to that opinion that you guys had. Fury apparently is coming into this fight

like 20 pounds, 15 to 20 pounds heavier than he was last. Now, his camp is claiming oh, we're eating more, we want to be stronger. He doesn't trust the judges so he's going in there to knock them out. Oh, he's on them roads. Now, there's one, I didn't even think about that oh is it muscle or fat for a big man to put on that much weight well his story is he came down remember he was 400 pounds or something like that

he lost all that weight oh he lost he was he lost like 150 pounds something crazy and then took he was three years out of the ring, then lost all that weight, came in his first fight back, was wilder, and then he got allegedly robbed for the title. Oh, I thought when they say put on weight, I'm assuming muscle. So here's the thing. He lost all that weight to get down, and then from his last fight, which was around 255, he's coming in apparently around 270 now.

So now people are going, did he not train that hard? He fired his last trainer. So now they're like, going, did he not train that hard? He's fired his last trainer. So now they're like, oh, is he not taking it that seriously? And he has a history of that, right? And then he has this history of kind of being gluttonous, you know? So now people are starting to get concerned because the most important thing for Fury is the cardio. You got to be able to move constantly for 12 rounds. You're not going to go in there and bang with Wilder.

But if you can move consistently for 12 rounds, head movement, get on your bicycle, as they say in boxing, which means move your feet, actually kind of run around in the ring. Don't let him sit down. Yeah, because Wilder was tired in the first one. Wilder get tired? He was tired. He just, lucky he caught one. And he caught it. He got... Do you think Fury's going to do all that showboating shit that he did in the first one. Wilder got tired. He was tired. He just lucky he caught one. And he caught it.

Do you think Fury's going to do all that showboating shit that he did in the first one? I think that it's part of his most natural way of being in the ring. So I think that you're going to see some of it. But he respects Wilder's power. He does respect the power. Do you think in the first one he respected it i think so because he was like like hit me hit me like i think he does that yeah because he wants wilder to be erratic so that he can slip up and it's like right yeah it's like trying to get you

out of your game i would assume like yes and if you're a counter puncher which is you want the guy to throw big bombs at you because you're so confident you could get out of the way of a big bomb. It's hard to get out of the way of a quick little jab, but a punch that's loaded up and thrown. But that's while there's punches. That's the thing. You're asking him to throw his best punches.

And he's confident, I guess, that he can get out of the way of them. We'll see what happens, but I'm very excited. This is the beauty of heavyweight boxing. For so long, there wasn't someone with this kind of concussive power, so the interest in it dissipated. But watching heavyweight boxing is the same reason why people watch NASCAR. Yeah. Right?

Any point in time. Someone could get got. Someone could get got. Right? So they're not watching it to see the motherfuckers going circles they're watching it

for that one moment think about that Dale Earnhardt moment boom game over and when you had these heavyweights that like

had pillows for fists and they weren't really knocking guys out and the fights were just going long and it was kind of boring it was like I don't care but when you got a guy like Wilder in there

it could be the most boring round but you're glued to your seat because you're like you don't care but when you got a guy like Wilder in there it could be the most boring round but you're glued to your seat because you're like you don't want to miss it that's it it takes one second like when Manny Pacquiao was just going through people

remember that how exciting that was yeah one shot man I saw him fuck up Kodo that first time with you oh yeah

yo this is so fun yeah like dynamite bang bang bang he was watching fucking yeah firecrackers man dynamite come on

we should try to contact the club watch party I. Come on. We should try to contact the club. Watch a party. I would love. Let's try to contact the club. Be like, yo, you're going to get way more drink sales. You're going to get way more everything. Yo, I would. Now, here's the tricky thing.

And I don't want to, like, snitch on them. But what happens is you have to pay when you order pay-per-view. Oh yeah, it's a crazy amount. Because you have to pay per occupancy. Yeah. You just steal that shit.

So when I managed the restaurant for a little bit, I just pulled it up on my laptop and plugged it in. So that's the other thing I was thinking. I was like,

and now we snitch on ourselves, but fuck it. We tell the club, yo, when the fight comes on, regardless, I think we'll be done with the show by then i think it's earlier yeah but we could just tell the people yo we'll put the fight from our computer i'll order it on my own espn plus or whatever we'll put it just do the drop down screen because usually clubs have it drop down screen we watch it everybody there

you keep serving drinks and we just have a fucking our own after party essentially that'd be fire that'd be dope I don't know there's one other thing I thought of that you mentioned in Wilder's favor you said your dad told you

when a guy has a granite chin once he gets knocked I don't know if it's knocked down or knocked out the chin gets a little bit like shorter each time yeah it's a little bit softer

each time so if it got just a little bit softer that might be enough if it got just a little bit softer, that might be enough for Fury to get got with that same exact punch he got him last time. Yeah.

Out for the count. It is a good point. I mean, there's an amount of healing that you can go through with any kind of concussion where I think they say that it comes back,

but it is, he got hit hard, man. That takes a toll. That takes a toll. What's your projected result? I think, and this is listen if anybody goes wilder by knockout you i'm not gonna fight you on that take yeah now i think he's proven you can't fight that take that's what he does he knocks you the fuck out i think fury is gonna be way more calculated it actually makes me go back to what alex asked me earlier i think he's gonna be way more safe

i don't think he's going in there for the knockout i actually think he's gonna be and not as much like punch me in my chin unless he gets really confident i think he wants this win and i think he's gonna outbox him and i all this, I'm coming in heavier so I can go knock him out. I think all that shit is nonsense. Why is he heavier, though? He says that they have a team in there that is giving him this diet so that he can have power and all this other shit. He is 6'9".

20 pounds on him doesn't look like much. That's it. So, like, 20 pounds on you is going to be what percentage of your weight? I guess an eighth. An eighth of your weight. An eighth of my weight, yeah. Right? More like a fourth.

Forty-eight. So it's like 20 pounds on you is going to look crazy. Yeah. 20 pounds on a guy who weighs 260. And is 6'9". And 6'9", it's like, if it's 20-pound muscle or 20 pounds fat, it's a huge difference. We'll see at the weigh-in, I guess.

That's a huge difference. I mean, we'll see. We'll see how he looks. I don't know. I think if it's 20 pounds muscle, I might give it to Fury. I thought you picked Fury already. No, no, no.

I think Wilder with the knockout. Yeah. Next question I have following this up. Winner fights Joshua, I assume? And how does the winner do against Joshua? Nah, Joshua's running. Joshua's out, right? He's running.

Joshua's out. But who else is there to fight? You just find a new guy? Nah, that's it. He's the top of the heavyweight, and now somebody else got to come up and make a name for him. I think Akash is right, though. The winner would end up fighting Joshua because that's the only fight that's left.

And Joshua now wants it because he got boxed out. Yeah, because he's boxed out. And he has no leverage whatsoever in the negotiation. You take what they fucking give you. That's very satisfying to see. Oh, yeah. And I think what happens is, I mean, it is kind of, there is something beautiful. If Wilder knocks out Fury, then goes and fights Joshua, knocks out Joshua, and then that's it.

It's over. You sit alone on the top. Just so I can laugh at my English brother-in-law. Right. Just for that. How can you not root for Wilder? Wilder's a dope heavyweight champ. He's relatable, too.

He's a 212-pounder. He's little. Oh, I didn't know relatable, too. He's a 212-pounder. He's little. Oh, I didn't know he was. Yeah, he weighs 212 pounds. They're trying to get him up to 220 for this fight. Solid 212, though. That's a solid 212. And also, my man got a body.

Chiseled. Chiseled. He's, again, for regular people, he's a hoss. Yeah. For heavyweight boxers, it's a different game. So here's what I was thinking as you were talking. I was thinking about who would fight, how they would fight Joshua. One thing I remember you saying,

with Joshua's fight against Ruiz the first time, those big muscles get tired easily. Yes. Which kind of works out well for Wilder because he gets, he don't have crazy stamina. But all I got to do is outlast Joshua enough for him to put his guard down and then I'm going to knock him out.

That's it. I just need one punch. That's it. And it can be in the 12th round. No matter how tired I am, I can get that punch off. Joshua can't. Yeah.

Fury could probably just outbox him because he would wear Joshua out. I think they'd both beat Joshua, I think, based on what I'm hearing. Yeah, I think they'd both

easily beat Joshua. I don't think Joshua's going to win. I think Fury, if Fury knocks out, if Wilder knocks out Fury, he got a serious chance of knocking out Joshua too. Oh, easy. I think they both easily beat Joshua. I don't think Joshua's next. I think Fury, if Fury knocks out, if Wilder knocks out Fury, he got a serious chance of knocking out Joshua too next. Oh, easy.

I think if Joshua comes to play, but he'll probably run like he did last time. Yep. Yo, let's take a break for a second and pay some bills. And I want to get to this one because I need help sleeping and there's a product that you keep taking and not letting me try. That's my bad.

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Honestly, I think they're sneaking THC in here somehow and they're finding a way to get away with it because Akash was high off his fucking ass. Be honest. Were you not high? Yeah, I mean, I felt slowed down and nice. That's called high. Just felt nice.

You're describing high. Okay? That's exactly what you're describing. Yeah. So if that's high, I wouldn't know because I've never been high. Yeah, yeah. But if that's high, I was high. Yeah, yeah.

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Get that discount. Healthy hookah. Let's get back to the show. Oh, there was a virtual reality tweet that I showed you last time that we didn't talk about. This is not sports. Van tweeted it. Shouts to Van Lathan. Oh, wait. Is this the thing about his cousin? The mother reuniting with her dead daughter on virtual reality. You remember that? What were you talking about? No.

He posted. He spoke to his cousin. Wait, what is this? He just did one of those where he just talks to the phone or whatever. And his cousin calls him. He's like, yo, are you safe out there in la he's like nah what you mean he's like from corona you know like y'all drink a lot of that shit out like he thought he was joking at first but he was dead so he's like yo i'm good i drink bud light

i'm good but i mean like yo just watch out oh god That's what he meant By the Budweiser shit Yeah Oh fuck Cause I heard him say Yo My boy I never laugh So hard

So Yeah Son Al loves Ignorance yo Ton It's the best Son

This shit Like when it's honest ignorance It's the best What was the clip There was some clip about These dudes talking about What was it The fan There was some clip about these dudes talking about, what was it? The fan, the windmills.

Oh, oh. The windmills are good for the, it was like, it's these black UK dudes, right? Yeah. It's like, yeah, bro, the windmills are good for the environment because it cools down the earth.

He's like, what? Yeah, it's a fan for the earth. That's how you fight global warming. That's how you fight global warming? That's how you fight global warming, isn't it? Oh, fuck. Because the fans are spinning this coolant down the Earth, bro. So that shit is so funny, man. I love, like, those moments.

Like, just honest ignorance. Oh, my God. It's the best. All right. You said you had something to read. Yeah. The VR shit. Oh, yeah.

You got the virtual reality shit? Okay, let's pull that up real quick. Yeah, it's a GIF, but... It's a what? GIF. A GIF. Whatever, dog. I'm not having this debate with you.

Look at this shit. This is virtual reality. What does GIF stand for? Guy, I'm a fuck? What is this? This is a mother reuniting with her deceased daughter via virtual reality. This is why Chinese people are being chronified. Just get out of here.

Just get out of here already, yo. This shit is so stupid. It's like y'all fucking... What is this? I don't know, yo. What is this? It creeps me out, yo. Why would you want to do this to yourself?

It's a video of a woman. You can't touch her. Asian. You can't hug her. Yeah, so this Corona woman Probably because they're so emotionless That they don't give a fuck About hugging nobody

Hey you wanna know Some crazy shit Huh Where do Asians live in Queens Flushing Corona Oh fuck I thought you were gonna say

Frushing Not frushing They live in fucking Corona son They probably got the disease From not frushing Probably Quite frankly Shitting in the streets they live in fucking Corona, son. They probably got the disease from not rushing. Probably quite frankly, shitting in the streets.

This is so stupid. Anyway, so this is woman who's doing VR so she can talk to her daughter that died. And there's a version of her daughter in front of her. And she's like petting it and trying to touch it. And it's like, or the whatever. But why would you do this to yourself?

It seems like torture. It is torture, man. What do these people think is entertainment? I don't even understand. I don't get it, man. It's like, isn't there like an episode

of Black Mirror where it's like motherfuckers just start living in virtual reality because it's just like better or some shit like that? Oh, yeah. I mean, that's

Ready Player One. That's like a lot of movies where they do that. But I get that. But this can't be good. No, but imagine like she's just never going to take them shits off because she takes those they do that. But I get that. But this can't be good. No, but imagine. She's just never going to take them shits off. She takes those shits off.

Her daughter's dead. She puts it on. Her daughter's alive. Let's back this up. If the daughter had all the personality traits of the daughter, you could kind of download her consciousness into the VR? Yeah. Stay in that VR, baby.

I get it. Nah, but then she never lives her life. But that's fine. Like, okay, what if you could find balance? Like, when you go to work, you live that part of your life, and then you want to hang out with your daughter, you could do that. It's like, you always have this daughter with you.

I don't know. It might be bad, but I understand it more. This, you just look at some Asian kid. You can't find an Asian kid to look like your daughter? You telling me. You telling me. you telling me you telling me you telling me right now that you can't just find

another Asian kid that looks like your daughter I'm not gonna say all Asians look alike the kids but the kids though there are some stark similarities are they not?

no they also all look alike but you can say that yeah because you're one of them yeah i'm saying the adults don't all look alike but the kids right right before they fully developed before they turn into yeah because pre-pubescent it's like boys and girls you could barely tell them apart they look post-pubescent similar. So imagine pre, right? I'm just saying this is absurd. This should be illegal, dude. Something, this is wrong.

I mean, how is this any different than just looking at a picture of your daughter? I don't know. You're not talking to your daughter. Nah, I think it talks back. What is it going to say? What is it going to say? Those symbols. Why didn't you protect me?

Why didn't you keep me alive symbols Why didn't you keep me alive God damn Why'd you let me die Oh man What do you think it's saying Why'd you let Shane Gillis say that Nah dude Yo this Corona shit is scary son

Son That number keeps going up What do you mean That was The death toll Son That shit is scary, son. Son. That number keeps going up. What do you mean? That was the death toll. Son. That shit is skyrocketing. There was one Japanese person in fucking Hawaii when we were there.

Son, son, son. I can't. I just, it gets to a point where you're like. Mark has a little cough now. Son. Quarantine that motherfucker. They knew the whole time. What do you mean? They knew.

Who? China? Chinese. They shut the whole city down, though. Fuck the city. How long have they been wearing these masks? Since SARS, yo. That's the first corona.

It is the first corona. But they just never gave up on it. You know what I mean? So you but they just never gave up on it you know what i mean so you think they just rebranded it yeah sars is corona is like a mutated form of sars i'm pretty sure is it something like that they're like related to them son i know that's the case come on like come on though i just don't get why it keeps coming out of there. You don't? No. Have you seen any videos from there?

Have you seen a Chinatown? Are you really surprised that disease starts in China? Yeah, but that dangerous of a disease. So if you just have dirt and shit on the ground, a fucking disease grows? I think predicted. I don't think it worked like that. That's how it works. So apparently if you watch this Bill Gates documentary on Netflix,

he doesn't predict corona, but he predicts a global outbreak will start, I'm pretty sure, in China. And now we're all so connected, that's what's going to make it spread so quickly. And that's all corona is. It's a disease that started in China because it's fucking repulsive. And then we just all travel so much, especially now because China is so powerful. We're all doing business in China. LeBron was probably there.

LeBron might get Corona. Daryl Morey's trying to save you from it. You don't want that. I thought they were just working on bio-warfare and shit. That's what the conspiracy was. We put it there to do some whatever shit. I don't think we put it there.

I think they're just trying to develop some shit. Oh, they fucked up their own thing. China is a biological weapon. Like Stranger Things. You think Stranger Things is essentially happening in China. Without the aliens. I mean, there's a world

where it's like population control. Like if you're Chinese government, right? If you're Chinese government, right? Why wouldn't you, think about it. Why wouldn't you develop a disease, right? That they can't Google because they don't know how it's spelled? And they. And they.

And they. And then. You think that's why they can't use Google? Because they can't spell it? Yeah. Google. So. So.

So you do. You. You develop this disease. It takes out a huge swath of your population. It's incredibly overpopulated already. Takes out a huge swath of your population it's incredibly overpopulated already takes out a huge swath of population now you good think about it medieval times or whatever that the dark ages what happened right after the dark ages uh in europe renaissance right the renaissance yeah motherfuckers was eating grapes on their side right man monuments going up monuments going up

mad art going up right because you got all it's literally that's why you know Avengers Endgame is trash because we experienced it it was great

it was great Thanos is right Thanos is right the whole time and you know where the plague came from fucking China bro oh yeah we had this conversation

we did yeah the rats came from China Black Plague yeah oh shit anyway there is something to that We had this conversation We did? Yeah The rats came from China Black plague Yeah Oh shit Anyway There is something to that

Maybe they're doing it on purpose Maybe it's just like You know the Chinese don't give a fuck They're harvesting organs dog They're harvesting You know they're harvesting organs? No You didn't know this?

No They're harvesting organs They got a Muslim population Called the Uyghurs Or something like that What are they called? Haney you know your people That's fucked up That's why theyaney you know your people That's fucked up

That's why they get harvested Haney Haney that's fucked up You should know that shit I don't know I like General Sal's chicken That's what I like They're harvesting organs

From the From the Muslim community Out there And they have them in like camps Don't they have them in like They got the Muslims And that's what you get For not drinking any alcohol

Cause that's the best organs That's whose organs I would use Son they got some Halal organs son You need some liver Son I need a new liver

You think I want some Halal organs I want halal Give me my liver halal Real talk Think about it All the food Blessed by a fucking imam

Right No alcohol in the liver whatsoever Chinese people love to drink Oh yeah you're right Right Singtao What else they got I know sake is Japanese

They probably got their version Okay Muslims not eating nothing bad Not drinking nothing bad Organs perfect Harvest You done did that to yourself. If I take organs, I only want halal.

You want halal? Whose organs you taking? So halal, what's the Jewish? Kosher. Kosher. And then probably Mormons. Ooh, because they're clean. They're clean. They can't do nothing.

I'm going to be honest with you, though. I kind of want, like, I want something durable. You want something that's been through it a little bit. A little bit, yeah, because, like, what if you get this Salt Lake City. You want that good black organ. Now, y'all's don't last long enough. Yeah, but where's Bill Strong? No, Japanese. Oh, yo. Yo, here's another thing i was thinking

about this is bad but all their organs are tinier so talk about this this isn't something interesting what'd you say all their organs are tinier perfect put more in give me two livers i'm gonna fuck one up it's like the cards for the camera it's like once you fill with that one run it off to the next car but i was thinking about this with um about genetic like stamping like and whose code is strong like who is like a real strong code because i was in mexico right mexico so dope y'all gotta go to mexico and uh uh we have diversity in america because we're young right diversity is not like this thing that's like an accomplishment like diversity is the thing that happens before the accomplishment which is we all fuck each other until we look the same yeah so like we think that we're like all progressive

no you're we're young like mexico looks at us and they're like oh you just got black people and white people mixing oh congrats we've been doing that for 500 years yeah they had the first black president in all of north america back in a day right like now he was mixed but so was our black president right so it's like so the what's interesting about mexico is that like they don't have any of the same like uh like racial insecurities that we have because they were all mixed. You had white conquistadors, Europeans. Right. You had blacks. They're brought in as slaves.

And then you had the native population as well. And still favor light skin, though. Right. Oh, of course. You're going to have that kind of like, you know, colonial attitudes towards race. I'm not saying that. But they don't have a colonial sensitivity towards race. Like if there's a black guy,

they just call him negro. Even if he's not black. Negro. If it's a dark-skinned Indian, negro. Right, Evan? Blanco. Dude,

anybody that's Asian is chino. That means Chinese, but anybody that's Asian. Matter of fact, if you're not Asian but you have eyes that look a little slanted,

you're chino. Dude, we do the same as Americans. Now, here's the thing they have these guys that rob you by running up behind you and grabbing your fucking neck

and squeezing it until you pass out and then they rob you right so instead of stabbing you and shit they give you a little choke hold and then you go

oh that's nice Mexicans are the best they're the best manual labor even in the robbery it's fucking perfect right they go behind you they fucking choke you they sit you down what are they called They're the best. Manual labor. Even in the robbery. It's fucking perfect, right?

They go behind you. They fucking choke you. They sit you down. What are they called? Chineros. Now, they're not Chinese. But to Mexicans, choking is like a karate move. So the name of robber is just a Chinese's literally how it comes down to oh he's a

chinero they'll refer to themselves oh yeah i'm a chinero that's what i do not chinese at all zeal racial sensitivity about anything and just it like puts you in perspective when you're like when you start looking at the population like when you see mexicans they have coding right they look like native there's i mean sometimes you see some like white mexicans you don't see a lot of black mexicans right and there was like 40 000 slaves or something like that in mexico city back in the day like when the country was really going like 80 000 natives and only 15 000 white people and i got to thinking i was like, do certain genetics code stronger visibly? Are there certain things that stay? If a white person and black person have a kid, what do they look more like?

Yeah. Maybe. Maybe or maybe they don't. No, but they usually look more black. Do they? Yeah, for the most part, I would think. I don't know. Because I think you see a lot of light-skinned black people

and I think they lean into black identity. But if you just saw them, I don't know if you'd think, oh yeah, they're definitely. But I think once you see any little bit of tan, you'd think non-white. Yes. I think that's a case so it's like you might not know it's white black but you just don't you know it's not just white i think asians i think native like indian like not you the other indian i think that is really dominant

like i think it's so dominant that it became part of the coding of the majority of Mexicans, at least the ones that we identify as Mexican. When you're there, you actually see it as well. And I think it's a really profound fucking coding. And I actually think European coding is pretty profound too. You see European influence when you go to some places. You go to like, even with mix. I'm telling you, I think you see white and black mix.

You think they look more black? I think so. Hmm. I think they look more white. I think it can definitely go either way. I just think more of the time, like Barack. I think you get more Baracks than you get like who's a white half and half or like a Derek Jeter maybe. and half or uh like a derek jeter maybe but even hey

he looks spanish like yeah no i hear what you're saying no no i understand what you're saying and it's so hard because i think you were kind of touching on this before which is like in america anything that's like slightly not white is considered not white. Yeah. So we were kind of biased. It's hard for me to see white. Like we think Asian is very dominant because it's a dominant. It's a thing we notice. If the eyes are at all like slanted or whatever. Yeah.

That's just what we notice. Yes. We notice skin color. If you're darker than a white person, oh, you're mixed. You're half black. Oh, gosh. You need to. I think you have to plug back in the mic.

Oh, yeah. You unplugged your mic a little bit. Yeah. So that. How long has that been out just now perfect you were saying though I think that's just a dominant skin that's just a dominant physical feature

that we notice so we go oh that guy looks more black because he's tan we just notice I mean that's huge it's your skin so you don't look white

you look black you know what I mean no I guess. I guess. It's just an interesting conversation. Like, clearly, some have to be more powerful than others. And maybe that's like an independent genetic trait. Maybe there are certain groups that just have, like, distinct qualities that they pass down.

I know for a fact, I can tell if you're a Schultz. More so than my mom, which is Cameron. Like all the fucking people in my family on the Schultz side, even the women look like Schultzes. There's just distinct fucking traits that we all have. I look at my dad's brothers. I look at my cousins, which are their kids.

And all of them just kind of fit into this genetic coding. There is something so strong about that coding that it informs the children regardless of the partner. Interesting. Look-wise, or can you just smell it? Look. Yo, but I'm surprised you left Mexico unscathed with that bling-bling on your neck, dog.

Oh, son. You didn't get choked out? I tucked it, dog. Oh, you tucked it, you tucked it. The genitals are out there, dog. I respect it. You set up a metal detector? Son. on your neck dog you ain't get choked out oh you choked it I respect it son yo that is low key disrespectful never once have I had to take this off

at TSA yo I just figured that out right now I walk into the rock nation machine every time and never once do they even

warn me is gold not metal though I don't know gold's a mineral real gold doesn't ring off the machine that's what's up

that's what's up that's what's up you know what I mean that's how you could usually tell fake that's what's up I remember back in my old job when people go to the

metal detectors and they would ring off and they were the biggest change like and then we would especially take the wand and go right over the chain what What you going to do? That's foul. You're just doing your job. You're just doing your job. What can they do? Am I supposed to not figure out what's metal? Yeah. That's just hilarious. We got to get out of here. Anything else? Yeah, we got to read this.

We got to read this message. Oh, yeah. We do have a very important message. We can't do everything he wanted, but Petty Savage Gang reached out to me. And he said, thank you for helping me through a hard time. My son passed away on Monday. He's a couple weeks old, so I'm sorry I'm just getting to it. He was 10 weeks old. The only thing

that has helped get my mind off of it and be able to be strong for my other two sons and wife is the podcast. I really appreciate it, and if it's not too much trouble, I ask to ask for, I wanted to ask if you guys could ask the Army to light candles for my baby boy on the next episode. Sorry I was a couple weeks late, but shouts

to Petty Savage Gang, Army. Let them know if you're in the Discord. Let him know you're thinking of him. Let him know we got love for him. So we're going to light one up for you tonight, dog. That's Alex's way of saying we don't got a candle on set. Yo, what a piece of shit Akash is, son. I sent this last night, yo.

So bring a fucking candle. I came straight from the airport. They don't got candles in the airport. Where you coming from? Late. They ain't got candles in the airport. Nah, it wasn't late. That was it. They ain't got candles. Where you coming from? No, they ain't got no candles from the airport. They don't got candles in the airport. Where you coming from? Late. They ain't got candles in the airport. Nah, it wasn't late. That was it.

They ain't got candles. Where you coming from? No, they ain't got no candles in the airport. Yeah, I'm coming from Philly. Where you coming from? My girl's sick. My girl is sick. She got food poisoning or something.

Ed, you know you got a candle with Jesus on it. Why don't you bring that motherfucker here? Virgin Mary, all right. Thank you. Whatever. Yo, how are you not going to bring a candle for Petty Savage? That's Petty.

That's what that is. Petty is Savage as a matter of fact. I feel like you might have wrote this message yourself. Hey, I'm the only one here who gang.

Who what? Who's gang. I'll tell you that. Who's gang? Yeah. What's that mean? I'm down for Petty Savage gang.

Huh? I don't know what he's saying right now, bro. Relax. Who he trying to curry favor with right now? Tom, what's going on right now, son?

I'm trying to non-favor up with some of you guys. Yo, how could you not just get a fucking candle, dog? Bro, I didn't have a chance. I sent this to you motherfuckers last night. What y'all doing? Y'all, you had the whole day. What I had the whole day? You had the whole day, son.

I flew 7 a.m. West Coast. Coming in 3.30 p.m. They ain't got candles on the West Coast? Bro, no. Who opened? Why you going to the airport? Everything. Everything? Ain't nobody open a.m. West Coast. Coming in 3.30 p.m. They ain't got candles on the West Coast? Bro, no. Who opened? Why are you going to the airport? Everything. Everything?

Ain't nobody opened that earlier. Everything. Ain't nobody opened that earlier. It's West Coast. It's just now Dumerly. No, bro. It's just now Dumerly. You know that.

No, bro. That's different out there. They got candles. They up running and celebrating birthdays. They running. There's candles. There's candles, bro. You know how many Mexicans need a quinceañeras?

At least 15. They ain't gonna have mad quinceañeras. One of y'all could've got a fucking candle. Bro. You live next to a bodega. What y'all doing?

Akash really thought that he was gonna be like the moral upstanding part of the group by sharing this message and you're gonna not show up with a motherfucking candle, bro. You're gonna not show up

with a motherfucking candle. Yo, Petty Savs, on behalf of- I come in, Andrew talking to Haney, legs crossed on the couch, trying to act like he's- Why you got to describe my legs, bro? Why you got to describe my legs, bro?

Because that's the most relaxed they could be. Why you got to describe my legs, bro? Because that's the most, hey, this is the most relaxed legs could be when you're in your 30s. Damn, son, that's fucked up, bro. How you got to try to turn it on me, dog? Son. That's fucked up, dude. That's what we do.

That's what we're doing right now. Listen, on behalf of Ed and Alex, myself, also Haney, Petty Savage, we would like to apologize to you. Word. For not giving a fuck enough to get a candle. Wow, wow, wow. Hold up. Hold on one second.

Hold on. Let me adjust my seating because you're coming here reckless right now. Reckless is y'all not having a candle. Petty Savage gang, let me just ask you, let me ask you what you would have done in this situation, all right?

Akash. He probably tried to ask you. You didn't read the message. Do you put some titties in there? Because, because, because, because,

thus, if you want me to go to the other DMs, if you want me to go to the DMs, if you want me to go to the other DMs If you want me to go To the DMs If you want me to go To the DMs The Instagram is like

Yo you shouldn't be Looking at these DMs You know You know the other ones bro If you want me to go To the other ones Oh fuck You gotta have some titties

In that motherfucking picture bro And don't send None of them pictures That's fucking hilarious Don't send none of them pictures That makes me gotta Accept the DM To look at the picture. You know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, yeah. The titties got to be available for all. And then I would have got to it. And you know what I would have got? I would have got some motherfucking candles, bro. But you know why he got to you? You didn't even care enough to look, yo. You know what?

You didn't even care enough to look, yo. I did look. And you know what? He didn't send it to me. You know why he didn't send it to me? Because you don't give a fuck. That's wrong. That's wrong.

He didn't send it to me because he believed in you. Because you're a man of faith and you're a man of gods. Yo. Plural. Yo. Yeah. Straight from the airport. Why are you acting like there's not stores on the way?

Why are you acting like you couldn't just get a fucking candle? Because I'm at the airport. 6 a.m. You got to get there an hour early. You didn't care, dog. Don't you dare. You didn't care, dog. Don't you dare.

Don't you dare say I don't care. You didn't care, dog. Don't you dare say I don't care. Why you just gave me gun finger? Gun finger. He gave me gun finger. He gave the finger. Yo, Petty Savage Gang, I know this wasn't Your purpose But you are tearing apart

The podcast right now The one thing That was holding you together You might have just ruined It might just It might just be over The one thing But in all seriousness

We'd like to apologize For Akash man Cause As much as he fake Was trying to be there bro You know He sent that shit To the DM dog

I was like Yo this is a good person He's probably gonna get Some candles bro He's probably gonna get Word. You know, he sent that shit to the DM dog. I was like, yo, this is a good person. He's probably going to get some candles, bro. Word. He's probably going to get some lights. You know what I'm saying? And then you came through with nothing, bro. Alex, why you look at Ed and like he was supposed to bring the candle?

I asked him for a lighter. Because what? Because I thought you had a candle. I thought you would at least bring a candle. Why you showing up an hour late? You can't get a candle? Son, I was here. I was here.

And I went and got Ed and food because I'm a nice, thoughtful person. Oh, because you didn't give a fuck enough to get this man a candle. Why are you showing up an hour late? You can't get a candle? Son, I was here. I was here, and I went and got Ed and food because I'm a nice, thoughtful person. Oh, because you ain't give a fuck enough to get this man a candle? Ed and had enough food the last months. Ed and brought the lighter. Ed and got more than enough food, yo. Ed and brought the lighter. Ed could afford to not eat a motherfucking meal, quite frankly. Why don't you get a goddamn candle?

Hey, I got him a salad because I care about his health. That is a good point, Ed. Ed and Eat less. Hey, listen. We've been meaning to bring this up. Petty Savage Gang, we'll get right back to you after we scold Eden. Eden.

Hold on one second. I'm going to try to solve this problem. I'm going to try to solve this problem. I'm going to try to solve this problem. I'll be right back. You guys keep talking. I don't get what's going on right now. Andrew just left the studio. Huh?

Flying with candles is a pain, yo. Also, I got to the airport. Yo, Haney, shut the fuck up. Yo, you think I could fly with some flammable shit on a plane? There's no flame. It's wax. It's wax and some paper in the middle. That's what they said about box cutters on September 10, 2001.

God damn, Alex. I got it. We're good. I got it. We're good. All right. All right. Boom. All right. good. All right. All right. All right, boom.

All right, boom. All right, boom. So, ready? What is fire? Hot. Hot. Mm-hmm. All right.

I got hot sauce. Mm. So. Flaming? Flaming hot sauce. Mm. You know what I mean? There you go.

So. For you petty savage gang Hot sauce Don't try to take credit for this Yeah real talk son Hey Are we a team Are we a team

Now we a team Now we a team Now we a team When you You missed the We gotta take care of the gang You know what I mean Let's talk about this story

On a podcast Hey I thought Where's your hot sauce Bruh I can't travel with nothing. I'm brown, all right? What do you mean? They don't let me on with nothing that can hurt nobody.

Glass bottle hot sauce? Oh, wow, yeah. Look at this identity politics. You know, you're supposed to hate the woke culture. You know what I mean? Hey, bruh. I didn't use a black card once this episode. You didn't use it not one time.

Because you already ruined it when you showed up. What does that mean? He was late. He was still late. Hold on. All right. So what we're going to do, Petty Savage gang, all right? Because we don't have a candle because Akash doesn't fucking care about you.

All right? We're going to take a little shot. We're going to take a shot of hot sauce. Every one of us. Are you going to do this? What? Are you going to do this? I care.

All right. Unlike some people. Okay? Okay right unlike some people okay okay okay unlike some people i care unlike some people i'm concerned i'm considerate okay go ahead i love the people that listen to this podcast you know that gets them through their day so i nominate as tribute to take my shot. I nominate Evan de Turki. Evan? Did I say Evan? How do you spell your name? With two Ds.

It don't got two Ds in it? No, no, no. Ed has two Ds in him. Hold on, hold on, hold on Hold on, I'm gonna take a little swig I'm gonna take a swigalicious Akash Can you

Hold on one second I gotta get my water ready I gotta get my water ready I wanna see how much you actually Yeah, you gotta You gotta keep some Some distance Between the bottle and your mouth, Poets

I wanna see it go in Fast forward What? Y'all are crazy Nah, we to see it drop in your mouth. No, this is not like a hot sauce where it doesn't come out. This shit comes out. No, it don't. That drop. That's a dropper. Son, that's a big hole. Son, I'm black. I know hot sauce.

You didn't have to raise your voice. That was scary. That was scary. I thought you were going to steal my North Face. I got flashbacks right there. I'm about to chino that chain real quick. Alright, here it is. That was one drop, son. That's one drop, yo. You gotta do a few drops.

You gotta look like you're sucking a little dick. Hold on. It gotta be a couple of... Hold on, you go do it. There you go. Alright, that's for you're sucking a little dick. Hold on. It got to be a couple of. Hold on. You go do it. There you go. All right. That's for you, Petty Savage Gang.

I can't even see. You're not even doing a drop, son. That's not even a drop. Wait, turn a little bit. I can't see. Let's go. Oh, here we go. Jerking into your mouth. Yeah.

See, now, he really took a shot. You got to take a real shot. You did make up for the fact you forgot the camera, son. No, you got to take a real shot. He took a real shot. I took a real shot. No, you put a drop. What? You put one drop, yo. That was like pre-cum. Go. You got to take a real shot. He took a real shot. I took a real shot. No, you put a drop. What?

You put one drop, yo. That was like pre-cum. You got to take a full shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take that load in your mouth, yo. Put a load in it. Son, this is for Petty Savage, son. This is for Petty Savage?

This is for Petty Savage. Let him know you're thinking of him. All right, all right. PSG. I got you, dog. Don't say I never did nothing for you, bro. Shake it. Shake it.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Here, tap. Yo. Why are you so bad at this, dog? I know, right? I didn't see anything go in. Bro, the way that you got way more liquid out of it from shaking it than me, bro.

I'm gayer, son. Yeah, I guess you're right. I care more. It's on your chin. I think I... Is it? Yeah. It didn't even get in your mouth, so...

Like, how do you do that bad? Huh? I don't know. I'm not very good at that. Here. All right, out. Yeah, you got this, dude. It's actually not that spicy.

No, no. You go first. Son. Son. Son. What? What? It's actually not that spicy Son Son You gotta make some noise How do you do this? Son Ed didn't tap it from the back

Damn, Ed didn't That's what you do when you jerk off in a handstand? I didn't really take it out back That's actually pretty good hot sauce What do you get though? Son, that's embarrassing dog That's embarrassing son Alright, we gotta finish the podcast

Let's wrap it up Alright, we'll throw up Alright, we love y'all Filaggrin2, Asshole Army We'll see you this Friday On that Patreon. Shit has been getting a little wild on that Patreon. This last episode

was a little wildskies. We had fun. A little wildskies. We had fun. We'll see you over there. Dates? We'll do that with the... We've already done that. You guys know we've already done that. Anyway, man, thank you all so much for listening. Asshole Army for life. Great to see all you guys out at the shows

and just randomly at the fucking airport working for TSA. I mean, next time, talk about my chain, bro. Even if it don't go off in the machine, just wand it down so I can feel like I got a nice little piece of jewelry. In front of his girl and be like, oh, that must be real. Yeah, and make the sound. Be like, boom. Like, make it yourself.

Even if the machine don't make it, make it yourself. Boom, boom. Can we sit you down? Act like I'm smuggling shit. That's what I want you to do. It's all love. Flagrant 2. See y'all.

Peace. God bless.