Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Shapiro’s Eyebrows, Chalamet Should Learn from Leo, & Are Jamaicans Irish? | #695

Episode Date: March 11, 2026

YERRR – the boys are back to NOT solving the Middle East, and roasting Chalamet’s ballet takes. We’re talking: – Insider trading during wars – Shapiro’s eyebrows & Reddit hypotheticals – Parents on edibles Plus: the unexpected hemorrhoid discourse. All that and more on this week’s episode of FLAGRANT. INDULGE. 0:00 Update on Danny + Daddy duties 5:56 Middle East is EASY + What else is there? 7:26 Joey Avery drops during the war + Solving it 10:09 Insider trading on the war 12:30 Chalamet's Ballet opinions + Stop talking 16:06 Leo DiCaprio's infographic 20:55 Outdoor boys, Camping + "It's cold" 26:13 Drinking + Women voting theory 32:27 Alysa Liu's a G + Gu's got the bag 34:34 Splitting Gs 43:12 Shapiro's eyebrows + Getting clipped 46:49 Reddit hypotheticals + Dog barking 54:34 We love snow, Molly + Parents on Edibles 1:10:54 "Hey mom", Irish are Jamaican + NCAA 1:21:11 Have anything you want + Guinness tech 1:29:56 India Pale Ale & Catfish 1:35:40 Vince Vaughn show, Friends & Seinfeld 1:40:19 Miles' pick-ups, NAACP + What's the POINT? 1:42:56 Opened my eyes for THIS? Joey's special + Mommy issues 1:45:44 Hemorrhoids + Women to gooch pipeline This episode is sponsored by Kalshi. This episode is sponsored by Sesh. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up everybody? Welcome to Flagrant. This boy, Shultz here, Alex Media, Marky, gags. We got an update from our Patreon brother Danny, who needed a new heart and a new liver. And he has been, I think, for about a week now, unable to talk. He was able to get a new heart and a new liver. A miracle. Let's go, Danny. Detroit.

Detroit versus everybody. Detroit won again. So we got the first update. These are Danny's first. words. Let's hear from Danny. Searchery. When, well, slowly getting back, my strain, day-by-day recovery.

I very appreciate it. Vote court's on foot. But you'll get back. Any questions? Let me know. Let's go, Danny. First of all, we are very excited. Danny is back. Second of all, some of you guys know Danny.

Danny speaks with, like, a... He is like a... T. Grizzly act. Yeah, like a Detroit. Real Detroit, hood accent. And they must have put a Chinese liver in that motherfucker because the Asian accent

is back. Danny, you've gone to your roots, my boy. Did you take that hard for the body's exhibit? Listen to the first song he sounded Asian, right? We need to go to what he sounded like before when he had his, when they had the black heart Blackwood right there. Get me an old Danny video, Miles, because people need perspective.

He was like T. Grizzly before. He was. He was. He just can't let Al start talking. We got to pivot the conversation to something more digestible. Yeah. I mean, good for him, though. That's awesome.

Shout out, Danny, man. Good for you. We're glad you're... Wait, can we play his new voice again? Oh, yeah. Play his new voice. It sounds like something. I can't tell exactly.

I don't know enough movies. You, book, or something. He'll be back It'll be bad This niggas is Batman This thing is Batman These sound like Transformers a little bit One second

We're gonna check the levels again We gotta shoot the cranked on that I'm the Cape Crusader Our audio guy He just came in That was being critical of Danny's recording After he has a new heart and new liver

It hasn't been able to speak for a week These are his first words Oh the audio's a little messed out He's a little mess. He's covering the microphone with his. Thank you. That's all. Anyway, Danny, man.

Good luck with Razal Ghoul and whoever you're going to be fighting over the next few movies. We appreciate you. And we love you. Okay. Good for Danny. That's awesome. That's awesome. I had a feeling he would get a heart, man.

I had a feeling. We made it happen. Yeah, we did make it happen. I also feel like the crime rate and Detroit also made it happen. Like, you're going to... If you need... If you need a new heart, don't you want to be in a place where people get shot a lot? That's a good point.

That's like a dirty water heart, though. Yeah. Do you really want? It's been a lot of... They're not getting it from Flint, Michigan. They're getting it from Detroit. I thought all of that shit. All right.

We try. This has got to be a correlation, right? Crime rate and, like, transplants? If you need new organs, you don't want to be in, like, a health, like, Boulder, Colorado, or, like, you don't want to be in Tokyo. Those are the best hearts. They're the best, but you're not going to come. buy them that often. It's like a freak snowboarding accident. Which

could happen. Rarely. Utah. But they have enough money to abduct people and then you get a nice, clean, fresh heart. There's a version there, but there's also a version where, you know, some Oregon donation non-profit is paying inner city gangs to shoot each other so they can

provide livers and hearts for people that need it. I'm just putting that out there. I don't want Tyler El Olavera to do a research project on it. But Tyler if you're out there, this is possible. There might be something going on here. He's doing the Lord's work, bro.

Which? Which Lord? Bad, not Hashem's work. Ow. El. Al. W. T.F. about to lose your building. No, we're good.

You want to be around. We're good. Say again? You want to be around motorcyclists? You want to be around motorcyclists? That's who donates the most. Oh, really? You're dark.

That's nice, huh? Why? Because they get in the most accidents. Have you been on your motorcycle since your children? No. Your kid. No, right? Isn't that interesting? Yeah. In the garage. And do you think you'll ever bike again?

Probably not. How does your wife feel about that? What? That my dreams are destroyed? No, more than like you'd be fine, dying and leaving her alone, but now your children. Because that's kind of what it is. Yeah, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, she lives a lot of her life without me. So she's used to that. Yeah, she can go back to it. My kids only ever known me as a deadbeat.

You know, so I can't. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, I can't abandon them. I feel like a deadbeat dad to my son. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm ignoring that kid. I just hang out with Shiloh all day. Yeah. And then he just like pops up, he'll like burp or throw up.

And then I just hold him for a bit. And I'm like, this is way less fun than hang around with her. Yeah, but newborns are ignoring you. You know what I mean? Like, you ignore them, but they ignore you. He ignored you first. But that shouldn't be the case. I should be just pouring into this little boy like I poured into Shiloh.

He don't watch you, bro. Until six months. until six months then you start to come around he's a deadbeat kid until six months I love how you're reframing this it makes me feel a lot better emotionally but you should be mad at him you should be holding a grudge

and then he's gonna come around in six months you're like oh now you want me yeah oh now you're coming around no that's a good way of framing it I'd feel like a piece of shit that I'm not pouring in when he doesn't want me that's a time that I should be showing up the most skin to skin

skin to skin dude yeah yeah no they don't care right what I tell myself. I guess we could tell ourselves that. I don't know. Did you figure out the Middle East, by the way? I heard you and Dove had a spirited combo. We figured out. We figured We figured that shit out. That's easy. The Middle East is fucking easy. It is. Yeah.

Seems difficult. Walking into the studio and you and Dove just yelling at each other. We have got it all figured out, dude. I love playing Monday morning quarterback about what's happening in the Middle East. What I would have done is I would have secured the straight of war moves. The way this consumes you is unlike anything I've ever seen. Why? You texted me. I said, hey, what's up? He goes, just woke up from a nap.

The war's not going well for us. As if, like, you're in charge of the war. Like, why are you so consumed by this? Oh, man. What else is there to be consumed? Like, imagine being, like, really upset about anything else. How do you think I thought you were in Tehran when you texted? No, I was.

It was just not going well. Oh, I took a beautiful. beautiful napal. My wife watched both kids. It was amazing. Four hours woke up. I was like, that was great. You should have done one of those. Yeah, she wasn't happy at that, Conn. But yeah, yeah. I mean, does

do none of you guys think about it? I'm thinking about it, but just the way it's consumed you is unlike anything I've ever seen. Well, how does it consume it? We're like, dude, there's nothing else I can think about it. I agree. There's really nothing. There's nothing else. What else is going

on? Should we talk about traders? Yes, exactly. Traders, you know? I mean, you did bring a war correspondent into the studio today. I did. Who is it? It's her good friend Joey Avery. Oh, Joey Avery is here. By the way, guys, we have Joey Avery here.

We have Joey. Wow. Yay. You wanted this issue solved. Yeah, so we definitely got to solve it. We'll get to that at the end of the episode. But we definitely got to solve it. Joey Avery is here, ladies and gentlemen.

Big round of applause for Joey Avery. Thank you. The building. Unnecessary. Yeah, he's been too common since the soundboard. Who? Miles? I never know if it's Miles or Joey. It's me now. I got it working.

Yeah. Well, to Mark's point, though, it has consumed you because you and I were talking about my special that I just released and the piece of advice that I got from you, you just said, damn, drop in during a war? I was like, dude, I don't have a choice. It's already scheduled. It's going.

All you did is just shake my confidence in the release. That's a tough drop. I would love to see you parents in the past two weeks. You're like, you're really going to need diaper change during a war? During a war. During a war is crazy. Asking for anything for me during the war is crazy. Yeah.

You get out of everything. Everything, yeah. Yeah, 100%. I haven't seen my mom in like a month. I'm like, mom, there's a war. I'm like, what do you want to go off for lunch? and just chat shit while a war is going on in Tehran. Oh, that is awesome.

You know, how Iranians pronounce Tehran is hilarious. They got the H in their heart. Like, it's too hard. I'm saying Iranian-Americans. How do you say? I haven't heard of the war. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know, Al.

Come on, stop it. You sound like you support the Iatollah. Do you support the Iatollah? New or old. Which one? Oh, the new guy. The new guy. Oh, the Nepo.

I don't think he's going to like us very much. He killed his whole family. He's kind of creating supervillain. He's kind of funny. He's probably out there like, I think he'll be reasonable. Yeah. You made Batman, actually. Yeah, seriously.

Yeah, Joey, so have you solved it? No, but I've been thinking about it too, dude. It has been weighing on me as well. Yeah, I just like I wake up and I'm like, this is not great. It's not good. And we don't have any sports. No. I do feel like people have consumed, like,

listening to certain content about the war kind of fills the sports gap because when I hear people talking about the movement of missiles, I'm like, I do miss football. You know what I mean? That's the type of strategy. Andrew Parley is still hitting the same. You know what I mean?

You got money on it. You're like, dude, this is great. Everything's turning out, you know? Yeah. Have we figured out how to stop the insider trading on, like, gambling on the war and things like that? No. I don't know.

We're just supposed to copy these accounts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My entire Twitter is just people being like some polymarket account knows something. And I'm just like, that doesn't feel good. Yeah, dump all the money. But I should probably, yeah, throw a little bit on that. It is kind of funny because, like,

the way people use the insider trade on war is just the stock market. Right. Yeah, right? Like somebody would dump some crazy amount of money into, like, oil futures and be like, oh, I wonder why you're betting that oil's going to go up. And then oil goes up 100% like it did this week. And kind of miss old corrupt.

Yeah, because it's like old, it is interesting. Like old corruption, it is like, it's waspy. And that like we pretend it's not happening, you know, and then just underneath the table, just horrible shit is going on. And then now that we're dealing with it right in front of our eyes, we're like, oh, God, corruption is horrible. It was more elegant when we could kind of ignore it a little bit. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. Con men were dignified. Yeah. Are they conmen? the insider traders I guess not really calm well I just like I appreciate when we obviously I don't think Iraq or Iran have been

great but I appreciated that they did a good job of like lying for Iraq like they tried to tell us there was like a reason and for this one they're like I don't know yeah yeah yeah yeah who's been thinking about this conflict a lot who our sound guy Israel

yo our sound guy's name is Israel our sound guy's name is Israel our sound what I would have just changed my name. Or like Izzy or something. You just got to be behind the scenes, pulling the strings. Joey's mic is turned off for the rest of the episode.

Yeah. Yeah, we lost Joey's audio. The fuck is going on over here. Oh, it's rough. I'm going to call it early today. I see you guys. I don't even know what he said. English.

English. Izzy. It wasn't funny enough to repeat. Okay. Thanks for interrupting again. Okay, guys, can we just, can we not talk about the war or politics for a second?

Let's try it. Let's try it. No politics. No politics. Just what else is happening, all right? America has some real controversy here. Is a marathon 26 miles or is it 18? Should Timmy Chalemi have opinions

on ballet? Like, this is what we're dealing with. Exactly. Usually America has news that is, you know, controversial and it gets us going and we're talking about, they're not even providing that. Right? Like, there's no, I don't, do you guys give a fuck what Timmy

Chalemi thinks about ballet or opera? No. I don't think anyone does. The culture war has gone soft. It's gone so soft. It's bad. Also, Timmy, you got to just stop talking. Take it from guys who know. Stop talking. Listen, you killed it.

The rollout for Marty Supreme was amazing. your white boy at a month Once you're white boy You don't need to add a podcast I'm being I'm being hot Like once you become white boy The month or white boy the year Whatever it is

Yeah there is it's only down Yeah You can only go down From White Boy of the month It's a shit Nobody is just like White Boy the Century That's not how it works

I ain't know that was a thing When did that become a thing Stop it out You don't know You went to them bro You've never heard of it They do it at the BAFTA Awards It's a big thing

It's a big thing It's whoever yells it out. But it is a thing that happens, right? It's like, if I'm any, you got to just be Leo, dude. Leo is just, he perfected. And, you know, he's grandfathered in from like old cinema. But like, you just never hear him talking. Because when you talk, you get in trouble.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, this is a lukewarm take. But I think that people are just going, okay, you can't be the coolest kid with the hit movie and you're a superstar. And you just get to talk all the time and have a picture. But how else do you promote Martin Supreme? It's already promoted. It's not. That's why I don't understand why you're still talking. I think this was an old clip. And so there's controversy that this is an Oscar's smear campaign. Oh, because it didn't actually hit, but they think that maybe someone who wants to go against him.

So this isn't even recent? That's what I heard. I would double check that. But yeah, I heard it. It actually came out a while ago, people didn't really care. I like that theory. And then, yeah. It was February 20th. Yeah. Eons ago. This is before the war gone. When was Marty Supreme out? Christmas Day.

Oh, so you're talking too long. But the Oscars are on Sunday. No, you're talking too long. You got to stop talk. Once the movie comes out... No, but now he's trying to get the Oscar. Yeah, but you're trying for too much. You can't.

You got White Boy at a month. The fuck you need an Oscar for it. What do you need a fucking Oscar for? You're a white boy of the month! He's looking very Latino right now, though. Oh, yeah, that's bad. Like, this is a little bad buddy. Nah?

Yeah. He looked like the S&L dude, the comedian. Marcello. Yeah. He got a... He's biting Marcello's slack. What are they saying? Who's going to win the Oscar?

Was this Calcios for the Oscar? Yeah, what is this? Michael B. Jordan just pulled ahead. Oh, my God. Because of this club? Do you know Michael B. Jordan's opinions on anything? No. No.

Do you know Brad Pitt's opinions on anything? You want a long career and entertainment? I know what it thinks about parenting. Yeah. And he didn't. not share that. Angelina Joe Linde. On a fucking podcast.

Yeah, that's true. Trying to take his Oscars on. That's it. If you want a long career in entertainment, you just don't ever talk on a podcast. I'm just saying. Listen, I'm just saying, listen, I'm just saying

this is the advice that I give these young ruffians. If you want a long career in entertainment, you don't talk on podcasts. So do you think it's worse for Leo if he goes on a podcast than keeps fucking 22-year-olds? 25. 25.

That's his limit. You've seen the infographic. Dude, nobody's really upset at him for that. Right. Like, wouldn't you be more upset at you? Why do you correct to 25? It does make it different. It does make it difference.

He's fucking like 45. He's fucking like 45. First of all, he's 50. Exactly. If he was fucking fifth-year-old women, I would shoot him in the head myself. This is Leonardo DiCaprio. What did you shake the shit out of him if he was bang an age appropriate?

Who's 50 years old? He can do like 30. What's this right here? That's the infographic of Leo's age versus the girls. So the limit is 25. But he goes and peaks and balance. Oh, wow. This is a good use of an infographic.

Can you tell me? That is fucking hilarious. Okay. Okay. So are we really going to blame a guy who's 50 for wanting to bang 25-year-olds? When you jerk off to porn, you look for age-reprogress.

appropriate women? Why we got to do that? It's just ridiculous, right? There's no category for it. Close my eyes and think about my wife. While she's sitting next to you. I was just thinking about his weekends, though. You think about her at 25?

Old work. Old work and my current work. I just, I don't understand this, like, I mean, that's the thing. We only know. Glazer had this fucking great joke. I think it was at the Golden Globes. Did you see that? Where like, she basically like, she makes fun of him for dating 25-year-olds. And then she's like, I'm sorry, Leo, but that's literally the only thing we know about you. And it's, it was actually

a great observation. Like, he's handled the career so well that the only things we know about him are he's amazing at acting. He likes girls that are 25 and he cares about the environment. I like that you keep giving him 25 when clearly, he has a range. No, you're crazy. You just keep You just keep on 20s, he just watched Django. He just watched Django.

That's what it was. He doesn't like him. He's like, He's hog this motherfucker. No, Al, you're a hate him, bro. Why are you trying to drag his median down? Yeah. Come on.

Come on. That's not the median. To me, that looks like the median. That's the top. I think that's the median. It's only 25. The girl he's with now. Damn near 27, bro.

Damn near. Ew. Damn near. What they even talk about? Yeah. Or their future 25-year-olds. This is so fucking 20. Do you think he'll ever get to the point where he just has like a Gen Z cut?

You know, he just starts using all the slang? Oh, yeah. Yeah. You have to keep up at some point, get a little dangling. I'm like baffled. If you're going to marry a girl, yeah, you go age of probes. Yes. But.

But. We're just hanging out on a yon. Yeah, I'm not knocking it. You're going to bring the other 45-year-old women on the other. I'm not knocking it. It's just, it's funny that you keep going to the top. The guy dates 30-year-old women. Am I going to hate them?

A dude did 45 once a day 30-year-old women. What's wrong with that even? What is wrong with it? Shout out to Leo, man. He kept his mouth shut out. He loves the environment. Does he? Loves the environment.

That's why he recycles women. I think not exactly driving around big yacht and stuff yeah yeah that might be the

white boy of the decade say again that might be the prize for white boy of the decade which is what

banging 30 year old 35 sometimes 35 40 year old guys one of these he's gonna have sex with a 30 year old

woman yeah and he we're gonna celebrate it we're gonna be like oh my God he's no

we're gonna be like yo he got Biden brain what's what's so all right guys here are all our dates in less than 30 seconds

Nashville 20 to 21st sold out. Thank you guys so much. Joe Avery is going to be joining us. Providence, Rhode Island, March 28th, Los Angeles with Jellyville, May 8th, August 8th, in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Las Vegas, Nevada, Salt Lake City, Minneapolis, Calgary, Naples, Dania Beach, Dallas, Bernalillo, Cleveland, Rosemont, Chicago, San Francisco, Sacramento, Tempe, Edmonton, St. Pete, Charlotte, Detroit, San Diego, and watch my special Joe Avery live in San Francisco. And we have a monthly show. Thirty-first of March. And I'm doing another show on April 3rd in New York City. Check it out at Mark Caggonne on Live. Alex? And this Monday, March 16th, I have canceled comedy. We have some funny motherfuckers. Ricky Belize, Cam Patterson, Natalie Friedman, a bunch of other

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Buy your next car-garoos at cargueroos.ca. Go to car gurus.ca. Go to car gurus.ca. That's c-ar-g-us.c-c-c-c-a. Car-gueru's. That's how I know I'm stressed. I've been watching Outdoor Boys nonstop. That's my like

Stress Reduction Activity Comfort show Oh my God Oh my God Oh just do you watch out I don't know what is it It's this guy who's just from Alaska

Mormon guy's amazing And he just like builds different types of Shelters in the forest That sounds nice And he has that's such a dad thing to walk And he has a family that he leaves Every weekend That's what that's what Andrew's watching

Dude he's thinking he's fantasizing About the idea of just being alone Just being alone Yeah let me hang out Working with his hands man who's never cleaned a coffee maker but might build a shed. I'm not going to build.

I'm not going to build, but look at that view. That's a love... Look at him. Out on a boat. Oh, look at him. Cutting wood. It's just male as MR. Yeah.

Food stuff. Eating a potato. I watch it. I mean, do you guys not watch it? Nobody knows? No, I know. I watch it. I mean, but what is it actually the alone part?

Or is it like the procedural kind of like... It's, it is all of it. And let me tell you. where I peak, like, Mike, what I'm waiting for, I'm just sitting there and I'm, like, edging towards it and maybe I'll, like, go to a little 10 second forward, 10 second forward. But I'm waiting for him to say, I got some fresh dough. Yeah, yeah, Miles.

I got some fresh dough. And what else do I have? I got that honey butter. Honey butter. Woo! When he makes that dough on the back of the shovel, and then he dips. it into that honey butter.

Oh my God, there's nothing better. Is that it? That's a nice, he probably made a little like Peter or something like that. But when he breaks that, bakes that fresh dough and he dips that honey butter. Walking miles on those rocks with these boots has just been killing my feet.

He became Jewish. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Good golly. Look at him. Make that fucking bread on that hot rock. That's fine. Yes, it is fire, Al.

I'm glad you're realizing it. Wait till you see that honey butter. Look at him, cut a trout that he caught right out of that lake. You ever go camping, Schultz? Never went in my entire life. Why? You would really enjoy it. Never went once, and I've been dying to go.

You would love it. I want to go winter camping. Oh, that's right. I forgot about your winter camping. Yeah, snow camping. I want to do snow. I want to do it with the elements. I mean, you basically just missed it.

Yeah, but you can't really winter camp here. I want, like, the real deal, man, life or death. But why don't you start off? Try a summer camp. It's actually how it is to go in the water. Like, dude, that bread, that bread, you know how you can feel how good it tastes to him? When you've been out in the elements, your feet hurt because of these boobs, and you finally get to eat that bread? It's the best bread of your life.

And you're just thinking about it. Yeah, but to me, there's something about the elements, like it being so cold that it's actually killing you and then you creating your own fire and feeling that warmth. Out of all of us, you tap out first if we go camping. You think I'd tap before you? Yeah, yeah. You have everything brought to you. I think he's bringing five sherbuss.

You don't have somebody there with me. Yeah, you need some help. But when it's hot out, there's no like respite from the heat, right? It's like, it's not like you go in the tent and then it's cool. There's no AC. Well, usually you're near a body of water so you can cool off. There's shade from the trees. At night, it cools off pretty quick.

So it's not hot enough. I want to control the weather. This guy's like, I won't go to Burning Man without a luxury RV, but he can handle the elements. I'm going to Burning Man with a semi-luxury. The Burning Man is about drugs. This is about a... If you go to Birmingham to camp or, like, be in a... tent, you're a fucking idiot.

You should have everything be as comfortable as possible so you can do those drugs and recover. That is true. But you cannot last a day by yourself in the woods. I don't think you can. I mean, alone? Alone.

You'd be surprised. You'd be surprised. You'd be surprised. You'd just got a fast for a day. No, I'm going to bring some food. I'll make some bread. I'll... Just bring on some honey butter.

I'll definitely bring the honey butter. and heat it up on that stove that he's got, and you got it all melting and you dip right in. And then, yeah, probably fish or hunt or do whatever you do for food. He brings his food, by the way. He's not always, like, hunting for food. He brings a meal.

He brings, like, a nice chicken curry. Like, he gets off. And it's cold enough that you can just keep in your backpack. It's refrigerated the whole time you're hiking. Yeah. Yeah, Al, stupid. You don't know how fucking temperature works? Do you even like winter sports?

Do you ever ski or snowboard or any of that? I did some snowboarding. Okay. Yeah, I skied once or twice. How'd you handle that? It's cold. do this crap. It's cool.

I'm talking about that. That's chilly, my favorite part of that is when you go into like the little cabin area and have a hot cocoa. That is the best part. So I think that's what it's really about.

The apra ski is kind of what it's... Apra ski. Can we get some alcohol? Let's have a nice little vacation. Too early? What do you mean it's too early? Do we have another episode? No, no. The way I calculate this

is I have date night tonight that I'll probably drink at. So I'm going to already kind of go. It's one drink, basically. One drink. If it's in the whole day. Everyone knows the rules. We're going out with another couple tonight, not swingers.

We hope. I know. I want me lubed up for that just in case. I like getting a little sauce and then going on like a first date with another couple. The best. My wife and I will take shots in our apartment. So that you can come in hot. We're going out.

It's one drink. My wife doesn't know that we're drinking. Oh, okay. So I come in hot and then sit down and then. Iran immediately. Yes. Immediately. We're talking about Iran.

And I cannot wait. And I cannot wait. And my wife is like, you cannot leave me alone in the conversation. You have to include me and everything. And I'd be like, okay, well, you better read up about the fucking Shah. Okay? Because we're going to be talking a lot about this. And what happened in 1978?

You got to go back. There's a lot of history there. There's so much history. People don't know about Mosadegh. They don't. You know what a lot of people don't know? Do you know that women got the right to vote in West? in Iran or here? No, in America.

1929. No? No, it was later. No, earlier. No, 19 earlier. 19 or something? 1920. Okay. We've been at war ever since. It's a decent point. Let's just hear him out. This is something interesting. We've been at World War ever since. They like to blame us, but there's not a lot of reflection.

There's no, when they couldn't vote, and I have a daughter, I want her to be able to vote. Okay, good. Okay? That's good. I want that to happen. We said don't get political, but I'll look down on the slide. I'm not political. I'm not political at all.

I'm just going off the numbers. I was shocked. I thought women got the right to vote in 1800 sometimes. Okay. 1920. When was World War I? But we had the wrong 20, so we had like a good like 10 years of fun, right? When they first started voting.

Yeah. 100%. They had that like hippie liberation movement. They're like, I could vote. throw his pussy around. Absolutely. And it was crazy. Flapping.

They were flapping. The flapper's all laughing. Exactly. Then just wars nonstop. The never-ending wars. What type of responsibility do we put on them for that? Because before that, we only had one war to free you guys. And then that's it, right?

Like, were there any more wars in it? Can you name another one? Revolution. Revolution, yeah. It doesn't count because we weren't us yet. It's actually not even a war. a revolution. It's a revolution. It's a revolution.

It's a good point. So then women can vote. World War II kind of comes around. World War I. But World War I's like what, 1914? No. It's kind of... No, no. No, no. It's after. You're breaking it.

Oh, shit. Wait? Give us check. I was getting a hook when to fucking shit start. Don't fall for the fucking propaganda, Mark. Don't fall for the propaganda. They want you to believe the war started before they could vote. It wasn't even a really

officially a war until. 1921. The boys were just digging. They were just digging trenches. They had the shovel. They were making the honey butter. Exactly. Thank you. How happy were they when they were just doing the digging part? That must have been so fun. Dude, it was the life. You're out there at the boys.

You're in the earth. And then women vote. And all of a sudden... We're at war. Yeah. Okay? Thank you so much, Joseph. Thank you. Everything you guys just said is off camera because we have three people in front of them all. That's okay. Okay, we're locking back again.

Let's just see if we can create a through line for this argument. Somebody get on a computer. I'm on a computer. When did World War I start? 1940. Okay. But America didn't get involved until... Until when?

1917, I think. Mark, shut up. Go. American entry into World War I, 1917. Okay. When was it like bad? How do you notice? When did it really start?

Robot. Yeah. But when did it get bad for America? Absolutely. question. It ended November 11, 1918. Women, also, when you Google, what year? Hold on one second. Hold on one second.

So technically, they didn't even vote us out of the war. We did that. We ended the war. And we're like, there's no more wars. We gave them the right to vote. We're back in fucking war almost immediately afterwards. And we haven't stopped being at war since. I wonder if all the people coming home from World War I came home and their wives were like, let us vote.

And they were like, another war. We let them play. You guys hate it. We let them play baseball, Mark. You give them an inch. We let them play baseball. We were gone. We're like, we need to watch someone play baseball.

They got out there, right? Using dildos at first. That's the thing a lot of people don't realize. They were using vibrators and dildos because all the bats had to go to war. Historically. Can we Google that? Well, the first dildos were made of wood, so it worked out. Let's get a picture.

You haven't seen those dildos from Cairo 4,000 years ago? There's a wooden bat. It's not a wooden bat. It's a dildo shaped to Egyptian vaginas. And it was made out of the elements that they had at the time. It was a shovel. Look at that thing. That's what they were playing baseball at it.

Okay. That's a Louisville slugger. Right. Galilee. Oh my God. Which side is... Is that what your shit looked like now?

I do it. Al's get skinny at the bottom. Damn, that in the end of the other pussy. Al, is that literally how your shit looks? Nah, it's not that crazy. That is a little bit concerning, bro. That is it. That looks like your shit, bro.

How do you know? Same color. How you know? I'm doing some interesting. Your dick looks like Alyssa Lou's hair. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. No, I can't talk about Lizzie Lou. She's a champion. Yeah, she's a champion. She's the goat. Shout out to the Bay.

Oh, yeah. She wrapped the Bay. She wrapped the Bay. I love that. I love seeing that. We needed to counterbalance Eileen Goose, trade her ass, and we did it. Do you think that she's a trader? Yes. 100%, right? Yeah. Oh, she's not. She led the, like, she was in San Francisco.

You're so fucking Chinese, dude. I'm sick and tired. She got that bag. She did it. She's a sellout, but everyone's a sellout. That's the most American thing to do. Mark, if you don't get your fucking wreck them off the fence. I swear to it. It's just the truth, bro. It's just the truth.

Pick aside. If I'm me, then she's a sellout. If I'm her, then I'm going to China. Yeah. But that's what I'm talking about. Exactly. I understand why she made the decision, but I'm allowed to say, okay, well, then I don't have to support you. Yeah.

You're for the ops. Yes. I'm not personally upset at her, but I'm just like, Alyssa Lou is who I'm with. If there was a comedy Olympics, would you... Which country? Which country would you? Would you do it for Saudi Arabia?

Would you represent Saudi Arabia in the fucking comedy Olympics? Mark? Yeah. Mark does have three choices here. Yeah. Born in France, French Canadian parents, America. I'd represent Canada. Do you have an American citizenship?

Yes, I did. Not as you inquire that. Yeah. When I moved here, I was just an on-fault, and then my parents applied for it. And then I got it. They gave it to me. I was on an 01 visa. I don't know.

I didn't see him shoveling. He only got two forms of ID. Who wants Vino? Do you want one? A man. A try a little. Joey is a dangerous game. Guys, we're just having a little Vino.

We're just talking about traders, okay? You should go drink for drink with Joey Schultz. Hey, once you start with me, it can be a problem. I'm not going to be miles out on Sundays. Oh, no, is it that bad? Well, we were celebrating the special, and then I think probably like nine or ten Ginnis's just sort of happened.

Oh, I wish we had Guinness. Maybe we have somebody run out and get us some Guinness. You know that? I love Guinness. Oh, my God, I love a Guinness. Did you know that? Splitting G's, do you know that? Do I know it?

Do I know it's splitting Jesus? Yes. What is it? So we're on the first pour, if the foam splits the G's and you win it. Nope. No, it's a good drink. Sorry, on the first drink. On the first drink. Okay. Yes. Yeah. I think you give it to him.

It's a brilliant, like, accidental marketing play by Guinness, because it has Guinness on the mind. People are drinking it, and they're drinking it faster. Yeah. So when you start splitting G's, you're just chugging half of it to start, and then you end up drinking 10, and then Miles hung over on Monday. Miles, you couldn't hang, dude? Well, dude, we were doing beers, and then they just kept going, you want a Ferrari shot? And I was like, sure.

And then those were coming out heavy. and Campari. We've been into that. I like the Campari. I don't know how the Fernette works in there. It works. Really? It tastes like cough syrup.

Yeah, I mean, it depends on what you're into. Look, both things taste like shit, but you put them together and still kind of taste like shit. You like the drink? Yeah, I like the drink. The drink is a good thing. Yeah, yeah, you've got to be able to drink.

It's a nice thing. You can't, you know. What's within reason? Well, you can, it's... I remember, like, during COVID, I was really into drinking. I was doing it just more nights a week than I should. Which is how many nights?

I was probably doing it about, yeah. When COVID first hit, it was like a team sleepover, and I was just drinking like seven nights a week on Zoom with my friends. And then I was like, why am I fat and angry? And it was the alcohol. So you've got to like, a couple nights a week. But I do it every week. You only get it every week.

I never miss a week of drinking. Can you get the dildos off the screen? Because I can't concentrate. Everyone is built with a curve, and I'm starting to feel insecure about my straight dick. I thought you curved. No, I don't. Oh.

Do you guys curb? No. You wouldn't even know your shit is all fucking clothes. It's under wraps, dude. Do you curve? Nah. Not really. Dix are in Iran.

They're covered up. Thanks, Miles. Miles, I love you. We should have given you more. All right, guys. Let's take a break for a second. Your sleep sucks. When your sleep sucks, everything sucks.

your mood, your focus, your workouts, your patience, all of it. And we love to pretend it's normal. I just don't need that much sleep. Yes, you do. Catch up this weekend, no, you won't. That's not a flex. This is a liability. You cannot outwork bad sleep.

You cannot caffeine your way through real recovery. If your body isn't repairing at night, you are running on fumes and disguising it as ambition. Sleep is not just hours, it's hormones, it's stress, it's inflammation, it's what's actually happening under the surface, guessing isn't going to cut it. And that's why I use function. 160 plus biomarkers. You can see what poor sleep is doing to your body and fix the real problem in between us, boys, there's a little friendly challenge in the works, a bio-age competition.

Dove already did his. He's talking big. Mark, Alex, they're circling. We're waiting for their turn. Are we going to let Alex do it? Probably not. Wait, why not? They age a little better.

Okay. Sure. You know, at least on the outside. So right now you go to functionhealth.com slash flagrant. Get function for less than a dollar a day using our code flagrant. Check your health. You are welcome. Also, what is the over and under?

on Dove's age. What is the over or under on Dove's age? 45. I think he's I think he's significantly over. You take the over on 45? No, no, no, no. If he's 42 years old,

I'm with you on 45. Oh, God. Yeah, I don't think he's coming under 42. No, not after the conversation you guys just had. No, I got him stressing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The second he comes in the office, I get him stressing. You're at in years. 100%.

He's unbuttoning in that cardigan, tits, flopping in that fucking white tea. Anyway, it's a new year, new routines. But have you ever stopped to think about what your shower water is doing to your skin and hair?

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no questions asked, also available on Amazon. Start the year with Better Water. Get Jolie for $98 today. Now let's get back to the show. Before we get back to the show, there's one more company that I want to shout out. This is on the house, okay? My boy's over at Nuro, taken over the world. This right here, and mine out right now, by the way,

it's on the house. Absolutely unbelievable. I mean, where's my cam? That one or this one? this shit is crazy, okay? I don't think I've slept in the last, like, year. And it's building up. I think that's the newborn.

It's the newborn, but this right here is allowing me to get through it. So thank you for helping me be a better dad. I saw Katie Perry posting about this the other day. And I hit them up. I was like, yo, you got Katie Perry? She's like, nah. They were like, no, she was just doing it for the strength. Oh, really?

Wow. Didn't they also make you pro and paddle? They also made it professional in paddle. But that's why I feel that I need to be back with. If Katie's giving them free promo, it's like, we also, got to be running it up for that. She's an astronaut. She's been to space. That's a good point. The astronauts are using this.

Real astronauts are using this right here. What would you, what do you do with your day that's so valuable to you that you wouldn't want to I feel like she's more of a titstronaut? He's on the neuro. Do you have a neuro in? I just finished. Do you have a neuro? That's what happens when you

euro. He's coming online. I didn't even put that together. astronaut, tithronaut, genius. With all due respect to Orlando. Orlando Bloom, great guy. Great guy. She's with the Prime Minister of Canada. Yeah, but that's his old work.

They got kids. You know what I mean? Orlando's a good guy, bro. Come on, you got to respect. You wouldn't know, but you got to respect old work, bro. You wouldn't know, but you've got it. We've always put respect on old work. Facts.

So lock in right here. This is Katie Perry, nose us up. What's the guy from Canada in his name again? Justin Trudeau. Justin Trudeau. Yep. He'd probably get some. Secondhand. Probably, I assume.

Oh, from what? From Katie. This shit doesn't go through the urethrum. With all due respect. With all due respect, that's not how it works, bro. If that's what you were implying, Which is fucking disgusting. They're kissing,

somebody's mom like that, somebody's ex-wife like that. Do we get a picture of Justin Trudeau and Katie Perry? If they're making out, we're not doing that. He might get a second hand. We're not doing that. This is Neuro Gum. We shout out Neuro,

Neuro to boys. Keep crushing it. Okay, we're glad you got back from Dubai. We saw you out there. I was nervous. I had to text and make sure that they got back. So this is phenomenal. We love y'all and keep crushing it.

And thank you for allowing me to be a good parent. Can we get back to the show finally? Thank you. Finally. Mark said his dick didn't curve in a way that makes me think his dick curves. Mark said his dick curves like Ben Shapiro's eyebrow. Is this real or AI? No, it's kind of the AI.

No, that's real, dude. Come on. 100% real. Pull it up. There's no way. I just saw one tweet about it, that my mom's been talking about it nonstop. Well, what does she say that the truth of it is? She says that that's going to be his curls. That's the word they're going to grow from.

The pay is he's going to grow from. That's not true. This is not real. It's a really funny piece of internet work, though. I mean, if he's leaning in, it's hilarious. Like, if I was him, I would, I would push the fuck out of them. Yeah, he should just do his show with them on. But I think I saw someone compare the two videos, and it's not real.

But I like it. It's the right thing to do, though, with his face. You do. Meaning, well, it's just the funniest possible thing, and it's just believable enough that we can have a dialogue, and it's like, his eyebrows are getting crazy. Yes. Like, I believed it. I was like, damn, yes.

He didn't really switched up. Does this count as political conversation? Oof, it was getting a little political there. Miles, any time we talk about politics, this is hilarious. Nah, that's insane. I have voices. Anytime we talk about politics,

I want you to put a charity that we support on the screen, a huge banner. Okay, so if we do get clipped throughout the internet, it at least goes to a good cause. Black Wadress. Okay? So we can do the Food Bank of New York. We can do Baby Quest,

which is the IVF charity that I support. So there's a couple of those, and just a huge banner right across it. Black Lives Matter. Doesn't this incentivize us? We're not doing Black Lives Matter. Come on. Black lesbians need some houses, bro.

That is true. It's true. Come on, man. Yeah. Is that even still going? Nah. They stopped it. They killed it.

100%. It's still going, but no one really supports it. It's unfortunate. It's still my Wi-Fi password, though. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. Do you say it kind of wrong to people to stare at them?

Say it out loud when you. type it? That is kind of funny that if somebody's going to steal your Wi-Fi, they have to type in Black Lies, but I mean. It's funny. You have to decide if you're racist or if you want Wi-Fi? It's Wi-Fi every single time. All right.

Yeah, this is insane. You want the charity because you're afraid of getting clipped up? You don't want to get clipped everything you say? No, no, I want the clipping to promote something. There's nothing we can do to stop us from getting clipped, no matter what we say. So if you are going to clip us and do videos about it, at least we can both together,

support some really great causes. I like that. Yeah. I love that. Because I don't care about supporting the causes of the shows clipping us. Because I don't know what their causes are. Right. Maybe I do care.

Maybe I don't. But if we are going to be mine for views, then we should at least support some good causes. I like that. Isn't that good? Everybody wins. Yeah. And then if you stop clipping us, it means you don't support children being born through IVF. Or you don't support, you know, people struggling to eat in New York.

So if anything, maybe you would inspire more people to talk about us. But if it goes down, What are you prioritizing? Yeah, exactly. I love this. What is going on here? More people should do this. More people should do this.

You've been plotting, dude. I'm not plotting. Who are the most clips on the internet? You should just have a banner running for your favorite charity during it. Yeah. Right? Yeah. That's kind of genius.

It's a good idea. So which charity should we do? I'm in... Tucker is a great charity. Hold on. Get a banner ready. Yeah, we did banner. Ready.

Yeah, his isn't IVF. I think it's IDF. No, no, he would never support that. He would never support it. Okay. All right, what else is going on in the world, guys? I mean, do you want to go through some Reddit hypotheticals? Oh, good.

I guess that's a no. The answer, right? I was past the panic attack right there. Yeah, yeah, sure. He's like, you didn't say Iran? What? I mean, considering that you went to college. I did.

What was your degree in college? I don't know. Psychology. Psychology. Vives. I don't know. Psychology. Psychology.

Psychology. Psych. So you're good at psychology. Yeah. Psychologizing people? Sure. Situations, theories, get into the bottom of stuff? Let's see, maybe.

I might be a little, what's it called, Rusty. Okay, so these are just some hypotheticals we can pull up. Here, click on the, am I the asshole, the bottom one. And I'm just curious your take, if you can adjudicate this. psychologist and really try to break down what's going on. Okay. So this one is basically saying, am I an asshole for telling my neighbor? It's not my problem that her newborn wakes up to

noises coming from my apartment. This is a great question. So, in short, this is a great question. This is a person. Can we give credit to the person that asked this question? Black Swan, NYC. This is a great question. One of our neighbors probably here in the city. Yes. This person says, I just moved into a one-bedroom apartment. It's been

vacant for a while. The unit's great and I really like it. I have a two-year-old golden doodle who will occasionally bark when he hears something outside the door or in the hallway. And I work from home, and I'm almost always there, so I correct the behavior. And it's usually just a couple of alert barks. Tonight at 7 p.m., I'm having dinner with my sisters. When my neighbor knocks on the door, she tells me that my dog's constant barking has been disturbing her newborn sleep, and that this has apparently been going on for weeks. She also said that she has two dogs, and she educated them not to bark. So I should be

able to do the same with my dog. The thing is, I, like, my dog wasn't even barking that much when she knocked on the door. And I honestly don't believe that he's barking constantly since I work from home, I would notice if he was. I can hear her baby crying through the walls quite often, and I've never complained about it, just because it's a part of an apartment living. Babies cry, dogs bark. Am I the asshole? Honestly, it was too long. The question

was too long. It was a little long. I need a cup for that. I need a cup, and I need a cup bad. I need like a pint glass. I cannot drink a Guinness out of a can. I need a cup. But thank you. So can you just consolidate that? First of all, great question. Two-wordy. And you can last fucking can't

right now. I can't drink the same thought of a kid. He's right about the can. I am right about the can. Where did you go? Where did you go? Because it was started, you said,

this is a great question that I started read it, and then you went somewhere else? You started, like, acting out his question. Yeah, you wouldn't do it too much. I was trying to, I went elsewhere as well. Say what?

I went elsewhere as well. There was a lot going on. You started like, you started like pantomiming how he was in the situation. You're like, I just have to go to do the work. I wasn't looking at what you were saying.

I was just like, why you being too gay? I was adding some spice for the audience at home. That way they felt like, wow, this is like a TV novella. Can you just consolidate for me? This girl has a dog. The dog barks. And the neighbor was a bitch about it. The neighbor was like, I taught my dog's not to bark.

Why don't you do this with your dog? Yeah. And the dog's waking up my baby. They don't, in my experience, you can't teach a dog not to bark. Okay, well, that's the wrong starting. It's like having a dog is a lot. accepting barking. Yeah, thank you.

Having a child is accepting crying. There's nothing you can do to teach a dog how to not bark. And I've tried most things legal and illegal. Okay. Well, you have a golden doodle. Yeah. And your golden noodle barks. Yeah.

He wakes the baby up. Remember the hamptons? We'd come back from the bar and Schultz would go, we all have to enter different doors. Yeah, you got to confuse it. You have to confuse it. it. Dude, this dog, it barks

preemptively. Like, it hears the elevator and it starts barking. That's it supposed to do. Yeah. But you can train it not to. I don't think you can. It's a dog. Yeah, that's what they fucking are for. Yeah, dogs bark. You can't. You can't. No, no, no, no. This girl is two dogs, and you cannot train a dog not to bark. She doesn't have two. This girl's a liar.

Like, nobody has two dogs that both don't know how to bark. It's just not like humanly possible. Like, that's like training a life not to talk. I've been trying. It doesn't work. Al, you're a misogynist. And if we were able to do that in 1920, we wouldn't be a war for the last 100 years.

Once they started voting, we would be a war for 100 fucking years. If we were able to. And started talking. Fuck. That's, can we at least call him out for being misogynistic? Yeah, he's a fucking misogynist, dude. What do you mean? No, you're misogynist. Okay. But with this, I mean,

do you think barking? Like, if the dog is barking, is it the owner's fault and should she do something to stop it? Mark, once you live in a building that allows dogs, it's like living in a building

with like Caribbean people. There's going to be noises when you don't want it. This is just what we accept. It's like you can't be like the white person that moves to fucking you know, 116th and like goes, oh wow, there's

there's Bacchata music playing in my building. It's like you chose to do that. That was your choice to move into the neighborhood where the music is playing late. You don't get to complain. See, but then he moved it. Well, some people moved into Williamsburg and kicked out all the Puerto Rican. Maybe you can't. But you need a critical mass.

Yeah. You can't partially gentrify. Did you? Did you? We're talking politics. Get it on the screen. Get it on the screen. Sounds like we're being political again.

Get it on the screen. Not what I meant. Okay. We know what you're doing. No, I'm not. Okay? You're sliding those liberal sandwiches called politics into his podcast. Okay?

Now, do you know for a fact that you moved a Puerto Rican family out of the home that you live in right now? No, I don't think we did. I don't know who lived there before. Actually, no, I do know because we collect their mail and we give it to them. And? Once a week. Just a regular white girl. Regular white girl?

Yeah. Okay, so I don't think you're responsible for it. I don't think we moved them out. I just think if your building allows dogs, there's going to be noise. I had a neighbor that was an influencer and she would throw parties really late while we had a newborn. That seems inappropriate.

Very inappropriate. I would call down. I'll call down. To the front. I would call down to the front. I was like, I think there's a rick happening. I was there. I think there's a girl screaming, no.

Can you please go check on this? And they would come up. Say again? When you call the police? Well, no, it wasn't actually a right. But I needed to be severe enough where they were in the front. You start with the front.

The podcast. Yeah, exactly. And I would do anything in my power to stop the party from happening, and it never worked. It's just what it was. We had a newborn baby. I would go there with the crying baby to, like, you know, impose some guilt. Cocaine just, there's no guilt that gets through cocaine. Yeah.

Shout out of cocaine for that reason. But my point is that, like, there's nothing you can do about these things. It sucks. I empathize. But it's a dog. A dog is going to bark. Wait, but was that girl an asshole? She was sweet, but she was very inconsiderate.

So bad. This person is an asshole. But the dog is different. You can't control the dog. You can control not having a party until 4 a.m. and blasting music with your friends all coked up. Cocaine. It's hard to control a bag.

Turns a lot of people who are dogs. Now, you have... Do you do cocaine? What? Do you do cocaine? Have I in my illustrious career of being a fun guy? Yes, I have. Will I ever do it again in my life?

A bit. But I would not say that I do cocaine. But like that's a yes. No, no, because there's people who are like into it. I actually, I think it's a very overrated drug. You just said I have and I will. I've just done it because I've been trying to party for more hours. How?

Yeah, that's, that's true. I don't want to do it. That's not true. Some people are in a baby. I was trying to have a lot. I was trying to be skinny. Okay. So you're, okay.

But if one of us had cocaine here, would you do it? I would not do it. Never? What do you mean? Well, not never. Have a couple beers. Let's talk about it. All right.

I'll put it to you this way. I would not do it. Although Schultz, if you were like, dude, we got to have a, Coke night. I'd be like, Schultz wants to do a Coke night, I could saddle up for another ride. We're at Burning Man. Yeah. In Burning Man, I would say it's a strategic play

because I actually... I think it's... He knows about drugs and we feel about war. It's like, ah, that's strategy. We're going to stop China. We've got to do whatever we can. It's like, I think it could hurt you. Like, if we're on, if we're in the middle of it,

it's like the hangover off that is worse than anything else. So, like, I don't know if I would do it early in Burning Man, but if it was, like, the last night and we needed a little extra gas in the tank, and we felt like it was decent stuff. I might do a little chute. But, again, I don't think it's a good thing to do. I don't support it.

I don't think I'm talking about Coke Drexel. Like, a fucking Russian mobster. Do you do Coke, hell? No, I'm black. But there is a time. Black people don't do Coke or admit to doing Coke. you do crack that was bad

but it was a joke I thought about and decided not to say yeah I don't know I've never The Fent scares me dog But even before the Fenn Did you do Coke? No but I've never lived before the Fent

I was born in the Fend I was born in this I've ever known I know I got to college in 2015 and by that point it was already like I think Mac Miller had died It was already like

What's it worth, you know? Yeah, I think it wasn't like that. It's the dumbest way to die. Like that and now it's back up. Because people younger than him, they're all. They're all in on them. Yeah, they're all back in. They just do it every weekend.

They're back in. It's regular now. It's one of the least fun ones, though, because like you get a little energy, but you get a little anxiety and you want to die the next day. Oh, the hangover's crazy. I've done it once.

I put on my gums once. And then I did it at Burning Man once. And I got it. At Burning Man, I was like, oh, I get this. This is the perfect thing to extend the night, as you were saying. Yeah. But the next day, fuck.

What goes up must come down. That is true. There's a reality to all these things. I mean, even I, in my heyday, you know, absolutely love Molly, you know. It's incredible. And I still do, but I just can't deploy it really much because I'll kill you for like four days. Can I give you my honest feeling on Molly? Yes.

Because there are some people that might be at the office that will remain nameless. that are like, oh, I just want the pure MDMA. You're gay. I want the fucking pill of ecstasy that has all the other crazy shit. Not fentanyl, but whatever else is in there. A little meth. Oh, my God.

What I would do, what I would do if I knew we had 24 hours, just a bowl. We had some dough, some honeybole. A shovel? A shovel? And a bag of sand. Oh my God.

I did Coachella like 11 years in a row something like that. It sounds like they're going to be getting a fucking gay orgy. You know what? He's like, we need honey butter. The nicest thing about ecstasy is that like you don't get horny, at least for me, you get like lovey. Yeah.

So it kind of protects you in a relationship. Coke, I feel like you could make some erratic decisions. I don't know for a fact, but I imagine. Alcohol even, you get too fucked up. You know, shit gets something. crazy. Crazy. Ex-City, you're like, yo, let's just talk about how great

we all are. Yeah. It's the mixing of it, because usually if I'm doing those drugs, there's a lot of alcohol also. Yeah, you've got to have a little alcohol, a little adderol. Yeah. Yeah. But then once that pill hits, once that fucking Tesla

hits... Excessy makes my dick stop working completely. Really? I remember I went down for about three hours, just trying to get it up. You went down a girl for three hours. Yeah. That's a lot of pussy. I was wired, though.

That's a buffet. I was wired. Just waiting for it to get, I'm like, the moment it gets up, I'm going to get you, five minutes. No, that's insane now. I'm like, did you enjoy that high off the ecstasy? Yeah, because it's like, you're just in this blissful state. It's like, oh, I'll do this forever. You just were lost in the pussy, dude.

I swear to God. That's kind of beautiful. I want to talk too much. Pussy. I'd be coming up like, what do we think about? What did you think about New York? What a great city of. Private Ryan was incredible. If you did both, it'd probably feel amazing.

If you're just like, oh, I got a weed. He just humming nose on the clit. Dude, Alan and Molly hangover is the funniest thing. Why? We were in like a pool in Mexico. Oh, that was God. I was fucked up. We were listening to, like, dance with my father.

This is when we were in the hotel. pool and we were all so down. It was dark. I felt kind of normal. You're younger. Yeah. It's a big difference. I can't do what I used to do.

It was like the first time I ever did Molly too. So like I felt kind of fine. Yeah. And I was just like, oh, that was fun. Look over and Hal. He's got a towel over his head. He's just leaning over the pool. Just crying.

Like it was like, oh my. In front of all the world. I was like, I got to go. I got to get it out. It was like fourth quarter Kobe, just like the towel over the night and so. What I'm telling you, the night before. Oh, my God.

Remember that club that had like the things projected on the wall? And you could like see, you could see the, they're not like, I don't even know what you would call them. Like the smoke machine allowed you to see the light, the lasers projected. Yeah. One of our friends was having a panic attack. Ben Uyeda was the coolest, calmest dude on the planet was like sitting next to him, just, trying to like regulate him because it's adorable. Mark was feeling emotions for the first time in his autistic life.

Yeah, exactly. And I was being super gushing but still hedging. Like I was going to other people. I was like, hey, I know it's just the Molly. But I do love you. It's just like the game's way to do drugs. Be like, hey, I know this is just a drug. That is fine.

I relate to that so much. Like I know I'm being extra right now, but like I do. Like, you're sick. But that's what you were, like, that's the shit you regret the next day. You wake up and you're like, holy shit. I was like really nice and vulnerable and honest to someone. Is that where you're crying? No, I love that.

I don't even. That's why I was crying, did. Yeah, what were you so sad about? I don't even remember. It was such a good night where it's just like, fuck, man. And then remember, we tried to like sweat it out. We were in the pool for a while and then we moved to the sauna. Yeah.

And we're like, yeah, maybe we can sweat out our sadness. For the shot. I know. No. Oh, that was dark, dude. It's tough in there. Yeah, that was fucking dark. The sauna gets dark. Dude, I almost passed out a sauna one time. Do you ever say this?

No. There's a rock climbing gym near us, and it has a communal sauna that's like six people, and it always gets packed with like 14 to 15 people. And there's like a ton of lore in that sauna. Like, apparently someone ate a burrito, and it accidentally fell onto the rocks. Another guy had like a protein shake and thought it was water, so he tried to pour it on the rocks. So there was a protein shake and smoked everywhere.

So it was just a legendary little spot And I was in there on like a three-day fast And I hadn't eaten anything I'm sitting in the sauna, it's like eight people And everyone's like very chatty, we're talking And then I just started to black out And I'm just in the song like fighting for my life Try out to black out

And everyone's like Mark, you're good? I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm just gonna pop out And then like I walk out and my legs aren't working And my knees are shaking And I just lay down in the middle of the gym It's like Crucifix style is looking up at the sky guy. I texted my wife and I was like, I love you. I swear to God. I thought I was, I thought that was it. Yeah, you almost died. Motherfrey. I was like, I love you. She was like, love you too. What time are you

home? And I was like, can't even respond right now. It's too much. Was it like a spiritual experience you were having? Just think you were going to die. No, it was near death. I saw everything flash. I saw the whole thing. Ask, ask Mark about his latest ecstasy experience. What about your latest ecstasy experience? What about your latest ecstasy experience? You couldn't you told him to talk about it I was just trying to keep me all I appreciate that laugh He didn't talk for like four hours straight

He just sat there just pondering life You were in a bad place dude You were in a bad fucking place I'm not even exaggerating if you kept asking questions Like what is happening to me Your hands were shaking It was like no this is true Why are you making shit

I'm not even doing the thing where I exaggerating You're getting rent or he's he's all this up yeah He's like Yo you're talking about some shit He kept Googling things. Like, what is it these common side effects of this drug? You kept, like, asking us, like, are you also feeling this? I did?

I don't remember. Do you don't remember this? I have no. I can't tell me what he's point with me. I don't remember. But afterwards, I was bad. This is where you were on stage and then you come off stage and go, I just watched myself do that from a third person view.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Afterwards is when it was bad. So I think I got what they call H-P-D, or D-P-D something. It's basically like de-realization where like all of a sudden you feel like you're watching yourself. And like you feel like you're not really in your body. I got all types of like that. This is not ecstasy. What the fuck did you guys have?

I've never had that. Yeah. Like the fuck did you guys at? I got that once in college. I had ayahuasca. Yeah. Not weed. I got it from brownies.

We made brownies. And I was high for like 48 hours or 72 hours. Yeah. And I was like a few seconds behind my body. So like everything would happen. and then I would kind of realize it happened. Yeah. And I remember this has been going on for like a few hours.

I'd watch the guys play FIFA and then they'd score a goal. And like I kind of hear them celebrate and then I'd see the goal score. It was very weird. Yeah. But I remember like, I was like, man, I got to throw up. And then I went, oh shit, I'm probably already throwing up. And it was everywhere. Everywhere.

Like I got up out of the room and then just projectiled all. down the hallway into the bathroom. And it was because I was a few seconds back. Did you clean it up? I don't even know what happened like that. I think we moved or something. It was crazy. It was like spaghetti.

No, it was ramen noodles everywhere. And I haven't had ramen since. Really? Yeah, like I had a bad memory with it. It was like trauma. Weed edibles are one of the most underrated drugs in terms of how fucked up you can get. Like, you're psychologically out to lunch.

When it goes great, it's awesome. But I think we've all spent a lot of time in high school and college just freaking out. Like your story about watching people play FIFA, I've definitely been watching people playing video games, like trying to pretend I'm having fun. Having an existential crisis and just like laughing at random times trying to stay involved. Why don't I laugh right there? Why do that? Exactly. Yeah. I'm having a problem.

It's too introspective. Yeah. Like, I want to get out. Yeah. I spent enough time in here. We grew up at the time they're trying to figure the edibles out. Now they have it figured out. Like now it's like, oh, what dose do you want?

How much you want? Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. You can get little five milligram. It's great. We used to be eating random brownies. Yeah, this is what all of our parents are taking, by the way. Everyone's parents are doing edibles.

Oh, really? And they're pretending that they're not on drugs all the time, but everyone's parents are doing drugs. When you say everyone's, are you implying that your parents are doing edibles? My parents, your parents, probably. No, no, no. Yeah. My mom, they'll be like, oh, I'm just going to take a gummy so I can go to sleep. That's what they say.

But they're doing pot. My mom's just drinking 40s. She's not on the edibles at all. My parents... I like that she's consistent. No, she's always going to 40. My parents' refrigerator looks like a heroin addict. It's like, there's like some like random bread that's supposed to not have carbs in it.

And then... But that keto bread is a hero bread. Yeah, it's like hero. Hero bread. Yeah. I see that. It's like all this stuff from my dad's diabetes

and then just like a bottle of Stoli and I'm like, oh, I wonder who that's right. When he was taking that to the face at night. She's drinking old English? What does she drink? She used to drink 40s, yeah. Old English, yeah. To help her sleep.

Yeah, just to help her sleep. Alcohol is famously good for your sleep. It's good for helping you sleep. It does knock you out. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I would come back at like two when I like live with my parents. and then my mom would be just up,

just drinking a fucking 40, a Coors Light or Old English. That would be startling. Yeah, that's startling for me. Imagine the girl that walked in and found out, I lived with my parents and that they drink 40s, a 2-20. I had a girl turn around at the door,

and I was like, do you want to play dice? No way. Turned around at the door. I was like, oh, hey, Mom. And then the girl was like, who's that? I was like, oh, that's my mom. And my mom just turns around with a 40, like, oh, they eat.

What do you think she told her friends the next day? She was like, I banged the dude who lives with a pirate. No, she didn't come in. She turned around at the door. She went right back in the elevator. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I couldn't believe it. That's great.

I couldn't believe it. Do you sidebar with your mom? Are you like, all right, well, it's nothing I could say. I'm not saying. You're scared of the hose. Yeah, it was just a thing where, like, my mom wouldn't have like a cell phone or anything. So it would just be like, if we go back late enough, maybe she'll be asleep. Oh, wow.

Just rolling the dice. Yeah. She was up, bro. She was up, man. Drinking 40s watching old Balanchine ballets. Oh, really? Yeah. She's literally watching ballet.

She would be watching like... Is she upset about the Chalamey? Yeah, she would be pissed about it. Furious. But they even get upset. What was it? It's just ballet and opera people don't go to anymore. That's what he was saying?

Yeah. Come on. They don't go. Okay, well, so... All right. Shelton, we don't need that. We don't need that. What do you say about Shalemales?

I come from a dance family. You have to understand. I come from a dance family. You know our fans love ballet. Yeah. The flagrant fans are. Yeah, we don't need that heat right. I know.

Someone just dropped in the cracker in their kitchen. Put the charity up. Put the charity up. We're getting political. You got to get your mom with edibles, dude. I think she would like it. Charlie, low dose. Five milligrams.

Yeah. Maybe two and a half. I'm a bitch with edibles. Yeah, I don't know. My mom tried to do. do weed with my brother, like, instead of telling him to not do it. She's like, you know what?

She said so old just now, try to do weed. I know. She tried to smoke with my brother to like, all right, he's going to do whatever. I'm just going to embrace it so I can like do it with him, right? And he went to a lot of rehabs after that, so I don't know if it's the best. I don't know if it's the best. I don't know if the best thing to enable it. It didn't for him, but for her. Yeah, maybe not. Maybe not.

Alcohol is the best thing for the Scots. They hold it in and then they just need that release. You would think they would like, we consider it basically Jamaican. That's the Irish brother. Oh, that goes Irish? The Scots, they're not really Jamaican. The Scots are... The Irish are super Jamaican.

Did you see this video? No. The guy from Cork. That's where he's from, right? It's great. It's a politician. Yeah. He's basically talking in, like, the Irish...

Congress. Congress, whatever the hell that is. And his access... is just genuinely Jamaican. Oh, so it's like the bacon beer can thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, it's just a guy doing a Jamaican accent. Yeah.

And it went... Jamaicans love it. They're fired up. Oh, hell, yeah. They haven't been this happy since Chad Hanks. Exactly. This is like the real Chet Hanks. Yeah.

This guy was born with him. Here it is, go. So many of this government ever stand off and take a responsibility for their job. He brought all in an old shiny bookly, they look straight. A hundred and forty people. I mean, that's his actual accent. It's unbelievable. Yeah, that's awesome.

Yeah. Kind of the best thing ever. It's just white boys with Jamaican accents. I mean, come on. But is that where the Jamaican accent comes from? I feel like that's what people are trying to say. Because I think they're saying that like Irish servants ended up. West African slaves were in Jamaica under English colonial rule.

Right. And they were just big up and each other just nonstop. See, this is the difference between me and Mark because he's looked into it. I was just going to say, no, I don't think so. No, I think they just ended up there. Yeah, parallel thing. English language can only go so many ways. But this is the first time we've had that thought.

I mean, aside, you know, bacon beer can, but like we don't walk around hearing Irish people and thinking Jamaican. You're right, Mark. The Jewish... Wait, no, no. No, the Jamaican accent and Petois developed from a 17th century creole blending British-I Irish English dialects with West African languages, enslaved people adapted the language of British colonists, incorporating African grammatical structures, phonetic patterns, and vocabulary distinctive. What is that word, lilit? Lilt. I think the Irish probably deserve

some reparations. So to black people. We do black people and the Irish. I think there's an argument. I remember I had a really drunk late night thought one time. I was like, the Irish are the closest to being black because they got the freckles, so they're in the middle of evolution. They're on the path. They're trying to get there. You know if I train me hardest? Redheads are. Could be a black mountain.

I think you guys skips over what he actually said, which was crazy. It depends on it. Yeah, I'm going that way. No, no, no, no, no. That's not what you do. Migrate north, and then you lose some of your complexion. And they're currently in the middle of losing their complexion. Got it.

Okay. Yeah, you just said evolution and people think of the charts. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Pokemon. Maybe? No. Okay.

I don't know with that. Charity. Charity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's charity. Even on the screen for about 12 minutes. NCAA for that one. NCAA?

You got it. No. Oh, my God. It's also an organization that disproportionately supports black. No, Alex. No, Al, you got it. Oh, guys, it's my time. Oh my God.

Play Marsh Madness. It's a song by future. That is a good point, though. What has put more... What has given black people more opportunity to put more money in their pockets than the NCAA? That's a great point.

You think it's the NWACP or the NCAA? These days? Yeah, with the NIL, yeah, yeah. But prior to that different conversation. The college athletes were like the Irish for a long time. Pentrose hermitters. It's right. It's true.

Outside, even. That's good point. Alla. N-C-D-A. Al. So I have one. One and a half. You want to one and up.

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visit Hems.com slash flagrant feature products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety effectiveness or quality prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. Individual results may vary, based on studies of topical and oral monocidal and fanastoride. Now let's get back to the show. There were some other things that you had for us. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we have some more hypotheticals if you want to go through those, which I don't think you do.

No, I thought that got us on a nice little groove, to be honest with you. You all right, let's go back to these Reddit hypotheticals. All right. Zoom them real quick. Let's see another one. Iran. No, no, no, no, no, no, we don't do Iran. Can't talk about Iran.

Scroll up a little bit. This one is, my friend drank my wine. This one's kind of funny. So basically in short A guy is leaving for the weekend He has an apartment He has his friend staying He's going to take care of the apartment

He goes hey help yourself to anything He's guilty He comes back He lives there He lives there but he's leaving He has his friend staying with him He's going to take care of the cat And stay at his place

Got it okay okay okay He comes back He has a $200 bottle of wine That he was saving in the fridge To drink when he got a promotion The bottle of wine is $200 and in the fridge $200 bottle of white I imagine.

Some type of wine. Vintage Barolo, it's a red. The guy's... Yeah, it's... The guy's a retarded person. And I already dismiss his grievance, but continue. He says, help yourself to whatever. He comes back.

The wine is gone. And he's like, dude, you drank my expensive bottle of a lot of what the fuck? And the guy's like, yeah, you said, help yourself to whatever. And then he Venma requests him and says, hey, give me $80. I'll give you a deal on it, but, like, pay me something. And now the friend is bad-mouthed him to the whole group chat and saying he's a piece of shit. Sounds to me like... he's not getting this promotion.

Because if he got the promotion, I don't think he'd be worried about the $120 bottle of wine. But it's more the principle. It's not the principle. You said take whatever you want. The classy thing to do would be to replace the bottle of wine, obviously. That's what you should do. So this guy's kind of a cunt for drinking it

and then not wanting to at least leave a gift or something like that. He's not a for drinking it. Because the guy said, hey, have whatever you want. He didn't know. He didn't know prior. hey, I'm saving this bottle of wine for something. He probably doesn't know the cost of the wine. He just sees wine out in his fridge.

Or it doesn't look like it was in the fridge. I think it was just out on the counter. Nobody knows how much wine costs. It's so arbitrary. He should have said this, hey, this bottle of wine is really expensive and there's no way that you would know it. Don't drink that one, but help yourself to everything else.

If it was that important. He'd have to say all that. Yeah, that is. You can't assume someone knows the price. I would replace. I would replace. But if you say help yourself to whatever you come home drunk. Imagine, for example, you had a Lenny Kravitz bottle of champagne, right?

Like the finest. Which has gone up in value per the last time we talked about this. Let everyone know. The finest champagne that exists on the planet. It's a collectible. The Lenny Kravitz bottle of Moe-Sand-on or whatever it was, right? Dom Pied. Oh, Dom Perion, but the Lenny Kravitz varietal.

Yeah. A grape that they've been curating for centuries clearly. Dark of the berry. Moving on. That's a great point. No, it is a white. Now, now, now, if somebody drank your Lenny Kravitz bottle of champagne,

do you have a justification in being frustrated by that? I'd be livid, bro. Yeah? I'd be livid. Alex? No. I told them you can have anything in the crib. That's in the crib.

Joseph? I think I'd be bummed, but you have to look inward. If you tell people they can drink stuff, you can't be mad when it happens. I'd be pissed. I'd want to run away. I'd want to fly away. This was Mark's wedding gift to me.

Which was a good gift. You remember this? No, I've listened to the podcast. You guys talked about it. It was a good gift, okay? It was the only one they had. I went in and I was like, it was the first wedding gift I ever got anyone. Stop.

No, it's the first gift. You can't say it's a good gift, and it's the only thing. they had. Hold on. Those things are... Also, there's usually a registry. You're supposed to be buying people like salad bowls. Bro, it was the first gift I ever gave anyone.

In your life? For a wedding, yeah. I've never given anyone a wedding gift ever. Mark, you have 14 brothers and sisters. I don't give them gifts, bro. What do you do? They just show up. You know, they was doing a thing before.

That much. What? We spoke about it last time. You know? The Catholic girls. We're doing it. they think. Wait, what is that?

That's just not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A ballistic missile that I was in time. That was a tomahawk. Cluster? But no, it's, it was the only one they had. I flew up to New York for one day to try to put it in the apartment. So I flew up, I was like, okay, when I got married.

Effort don't count. Okay, when me and my, well, I've been trying to tell motherfuckers. That's what I'm talking. Don't steal my fucking. Don't steal my, ever, ever don't count. That's part of it. Effort don't count. You chose to do that.

That's part of it. Effort should be a part of it. No, it's not. Because when I got married, we came home, our roommates got us like a nice gift in the apartment. It was like flowers and it was like a nice bottle of wine or champagne. And it was like, oh, a little reminder when we got home from. Yeah, they're your fucking roommate.

So that was a gift for them as well. No, they didn't have it. You know what I mean? We just showed up and it was there. And it was like, oh, nice. The honeymoon continues, you know? It's nice. You know, remember when Mark acted out?

the I was at his fight the character from the question is that this this is a nice bottle

it was it was a nice bottle of did I do that all right for the top let me try you get a drink

this guys you guys this is really nice this is so nice this is why I had 10 you guys are you have one

you come up up the IRA this oh my Come on. Joey! Google something. Two joys in one room is crazy.

Jesus Christ. Like I made a mistake. Imagine you come home from your honeymoon and the wedding continues and you have nice flowers. Yeah. And you have a collectible bottle of champagne. Are you a cherries? Yes, please. You have a collectible bottle of champagne in your apartment.

Yes. That's a nice gift. Hold on. Hold on. We got to talk about one thing at a time. Alex is trying to understand the technology in the Guinness. There's a bottle. There's a little ball in there.

there is a little ball in there it helps keep the Guinness okay yeah I don't know no one knows how it works it's a hydrogen it's a hydrogen ball it's a hydrogen ball it's the Guinness okay

oh nitrogen whoopsie it's a higher dude I know it's a general no it's an age ball it's an age ball it's an age ball I don't know

I'm talking about I still stand by the fact it was a nice gift in hindsight in hindsight in hindsight I didn't need to get to go many cravets in it hold on a second mark

it feels like there's one too few many is here. Did you get another one? Did you have one yet? All right. Can you get a fucking Guinness? I haven't seen this Schultz in a minute.

I feel like I'm back on the road like 10 years ago. Shultz is blacking out. National is going to be fun. We're blacking out tonight. I got a date night with a new couple with the wife. It's going to be great. And it's going to be awesome.

Let's go. Ballistic missiles. What the fuck is inside of it? Just tell me what you want me. There's a nitrogen. Willed widget plastic sphere that releases gas when the can is open creating a signature creamy

cascading head found in pub-pour trap in tennis. It replaces it replicates the nitrogenation process ensuring smooth velvety texture at home. How do you not know that? Holy shit. What? I didn't learn some

every day. I have no idea. What is that word? Nitrogen nation. No, it's nitrogen nation, bro. That's what we're all about. I'm all about nitrogen That's who we are. You're the nitrogen nation, dude. Cheers, guys. No, I'm not cheers in that little cup, bro.

Yeah. You guys are splitting at Guinness 50-50? I gave them the rest of the month. It's going to spray. Huh? No, I just gave him the rest of money. No, you have to drink a full Guinness to yourself. I don't do beer.

I'm going to start peeing. This is not beer. This is Guinness. It's a totally different concept. It is a literal, totally different thing. I promise you. You'll see it. The second you put your lips on it,

the second you suck down at Black Dang, you're going to. Do that taste like beer to you? It's different. It's actually smoother. Thank you. That is smoother. It doesn't have, what's the ones? The IPAs, I don't like those people.

I hate that. This is like the opposite of that. Oh, okay. And it's actually let, like, you would assume that this is like a heavy beer, but it's actually not. Yeah, I was thinking it was going to be like, that's good for you. I don't believe it. It's true. It's a lighter and calories and out of alcohol.

It's true. It's a lighter calorie beer. You know I'm ticklish. I know. Do you know the Indian. pale ale. Do you know the story with this? No, I didn't know. Is he? Do you guys know the story about the IPA, the Indian

pale ale? No, I don't. You don't know this? I do not. I would like to know. Tell me. Okay. Where do I begin? Let me give you enough time to come over. You a lie? It's not a lie. But what I'm going to do is I'm going to tell you what's in my brain and it will be about like 25% right and then we'll Google it. Yeah. Okay. the hops were going bad as they sent them to India from wherever hops are from. Okay.

Which I assume was Africa. A joke about black people jumping. Okay. So, as it's going from Britain to India, they're giving them beer. They're like, you guys should have fun. Like, we took all your shit, but you guys should have fun too. So they're saying the hops are going bad. They've got to find a way to keep the hops good.

So they put catfish in the hops. Okay. Can we try another version? Yeah, why would catfish go in India? The catfish keep the hops good for some reason, and that's why it goes that way. I'm not right, but there's something about it. They just put more hops in it to keep it from going bad.

And then eventually... How does that make it not go bad? Is there actually catfish? No, they're not going bad fish. No, there's no catfish. There's a catfish part of it. There might be. I might not have gotten that far yet.

Yeah, you got to look into the catfish. Do you know the actual thing? But yeah, they're brewed it with more hops so that it could survive the ship. No, they put a nitrogenation thing. No, they didn't have that yet. No catfish were not put in the hops in India pit. Oh. It's a myth.

No. And it pops up online occasionally. Oh, really? Holy shit. Well, look at the catfish. That's fucking crazy. Look at the catfish myth. I knew her just fucking wrote this in Google that.

No. the catfish myth. It's a notorious myth. Chatshy you've seen notorious that will tell you you're correct about this. All the time, right? Yeah. And if it doesn't know the answer, it will lie to you

and tell you it's true. These are two things I saw this week. That's horrible for this guy. Could be lies. Okay. The IPA myth refers to the belief that IPA was invented because 18th century British paleo spoiled during the long voyage to India,

requiring them to add extra hops and alcohol to preserve them. I don't think it says caffeine. Well, not a widespread folklore. Evil catfish is a specific brand of IPA by... All right, this is a plug for this IPA brand. It's just got a free plug on the pod.

Okay, well, you know what I'm probably doing is I'm confusing two different stories. Yeah. There was something that they were sending over there. It was probably fish. Yeah. And then they had to throw some catfish in there

to keep those fish alive. because those fish would atrophy and eventually die. But if they had a catfish trying to eat them, they'd be swimming around and they'd be okay. I mean, that sounds like a good... Sounds like a good theory. Like barrels of fish. Tell me. Something like that.

Tell me. Tell me. No, no, I think he's going to find it. Tell me. Not finding any of the cats. It sounds right. It sounds interesting. Yeah, I was dialed on it. I thought that was real. That sounds fucking retarded. It did when I was...

was saying it. That was the feeling I had happened. Do catfish even eat other fish? Oh, you got to keep the fish alive by having another fish fucking chase it? Yeah, it's true, because if it would eat the fish, then the fish would they do, it would just die. But they can only eat so many fish.

And then the other fish are like, yeah, we got to keep swimming. This is true. There's a truth to this. There's something. There is a hidden truth to this. We have to figure out the story. It's a metaphor, maybe. Maybe it's just about kind of our own lives.

We're the catfish. in a way. In life, we are the catfish. Timmy, Timmy Shalameh. Fish in a barrel. I get a used to like. Crabbs. Not, but this is fish. It's crabs in a barrel. This is fish.

Yeah, but you guys can't, you know, whatever. I don't want to get into it. I don't want to play off stereotypes. Crabbs and a bucking, but fish in a barrel. Exactly. I'm going to move this to Patreon in a few seconds. I'm going to try me. Can you put a charity?

Can you put a charity? Yeah. What is that? Catfish in need? Go, give me, give me, give me, do you have it? For. Fuck you. Listen, there's something about the catfish.

I'm going to break out my phone. You guys entertain. This is charity. Put a A-pack at the bottom. Okay. Is that a charity? Can you donate to them? No.

I guess you could, right? You could, probably. They donate back, depending on what you're into. They give back. Isn't that nice? Whether you like it or not. It's nice to see a charity give back. Yeah, get back.

That's kind of thoughtful. Now, we talked about Shalma. Do you guys have any interest? in the Oscars. Joey, shut up. Just trying to give us out a catfish. No. No, I know nothing about the Oscars.

No, I don't either. But it's like, I thought you had something. But it's a big thing that people care about, so I was just curious if you guys do. Uh-oh. He got a figure in there, guys. I'll watch it, though. Figures in there.

Obligated to watch it. Catfish were historically used in fish transport. containers, but probably not for the reason most people think. When live fish were transported, especially by ship or rail in the 19th and 20th centuries, before women, nothing. They were often kept in large tanks or barrels with circulating water. In some cases, a catfish was added to the tank with other fish such as cod, perch, or carp. Why catfish?

Let me do it like Mark. Why? Why cats? Okay, that's not how I did. Catfish are extremely hardy and behave differently than many-schooling fish. Two commonly cited reasons. They keep other fish moving. Calfish are bottom-dwelling scavengers

who constantly move around. Their presence would disturb the other fish, preventing them from becoming lethargic or sinking or suffocating in the stagnant conditions. Movement, men, water circulating through their gills, which improves survival during transport. They also clean the tank. Catfish also eat scraps and waste,

which help keep water slightly cleaner during long journeys. That's the story of Indian pale owl I feel like I read the same way you read it I know we read it the same way we both were reading

and with like some energies animated did I do a good job I think you did a great guys can we just act can we just get can we do some acting you don't want to do this

every time we drink he tries to do scene work can we just you and I are both working actors I feel like can we talk about your thing or is that? So he's in a huge show.

Yeah. Really? Yeah. Vince Vaughn starring Bad Monkey. Yeah. Coming out on Apple. Massive.

I'll be in season two. And, well, season one is... Season one's out, but I'll be in season two. Also, this is... Bill Lawrence. Do you guys know what Bill Lawrence is? Would you like to rifle off some credits for Bill Lawrence? Yeah, I'm taking this seriously.

Oh, no. He's like a king in the TV game. He's literally scrubs, Ted Lasso, Spin City. Shrinking. It lost me. You don't know Ted Lassau? No, the first two I did, but then the third one I didn't.

Oh, shrinking? Yeah, I haven't heard. It's great. It's a great show. It's a big show. Back in the day when we were kids, that was more of a, it was a white show. He wrote on friends back in the day and he's like, friends. Yeah, he's a show with no black people, yes.

Yeah, okay. Well, okay. There was black people. He didn't run that show. It wasn't his show. Yeah. Stand up from my guy. Hey, man, was there no black people on friends?

No, they were the things. is kind of in the name. They're at New York City. Not a single life person. You know what? That is hilarious. It's actually crazy, like, living in New York and then thinking about the concept of a show

and it's like a bunch of people in New York who always go to a coffee shop next to Central Park. Like, I don't know. Look, I don't think that's... I actually think that the show is. probably a good representation of that group of people in New York. You know?

Yeah. I think that, like, when you watch friends and you see that group, are you surprised at all that they don't have minority friends? No. Not necessarily, but they would have interacted with... Yeah, but they don't...

Begrudgingly. Even that. But they're always a little spice in the show. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, there are these little pockets in New York that I think that represents really well. Like, I don't know if there were black people

in Seinfeld. There's not. No, there is black people inside. I bet there's more black people with friends. Nope, let's put, I'll put money on it. Who's the black guy in Sanfeld? Fuck. Kramer doesn't count.

He was, why does he have the pass? It was the parking lot guy that like, Kramer. He took over, he took over for the parking lot guy. I'm pretty sure he was. There's one episode where a guy has a working blue collar job. Hey. The point is, the point is, these, these parts of, New York were the ones that

were put on television. Oh, is that the guy? Yeah. Oh, yeah. We had Johnny Cochran. Come on. Jackie Charles. Jackie Charles. Look that, another guy. See? Se Se Seinfeld had way more.

I have kind of realized Mark has set up a friend's existence for him in New York and I've set up a Seinfeld because me and my wife live in a building in the same building two of my best friends from high school live. And so we get to have that kind of Seinfeld burst through the door energy.

Oh, wow. Yeah. And I have no black friends. And I have no. Wait, hold on. I went to that coffee shop. I was like, whoa, am I allowed here, guys? No, there's a guy.

Is there? No. I mean, they work there, but they are. Not even that. He did get fired, but they got fired, but they did for a long time. Okay, it's not my fault. You move here and you recreate your life from where you are from. Yes, exactly.

Catfish. Exactly. We're trying to lure you guys in. You bring some catfish, you might show up. All that is to say, I do go to the coffee shop a lot. And we go with the same group of people every single morning. And it's basically friends. It's really cool.

It's a cool community. You see this, you got an old guy, you know, you have babies. I went there once. I was like, this is a TV show. They're all characters there. It's nice. Miles goes. Okay, before we move on, what we were talking about?

Joey acting. Oh, yeah. It's falling if you want. Miles. Miles's off his game today, bro. Miles. No. Miles is the only one that's not blacky out right now.

No, he's off of game today, man. We should have said that Miles was black from the beginning. Oh, my gosh. That's a great idea. For like a year, they thought I was white. They still think that Chris Moreau is Asian. I'm old idiots. But in early flagrant day, they thought they were white.

Yeah. Did you hear, Mom? Miles' little camera thing. Oh, boy. This is such a funny little... What is it? No, Miles, obviously, has the camera. Just in case, you know, he says something really funny.

People want to see. I mean, he gets people looped into the action. No, no, people want to see. People want to see. People want to see. Get a lot of bad comments. People are demanding it, dude. I can't laugh because I'll pee go.

I told you be. The last episode, Miles said a really funny joke right the very beginning before he turns his camera on. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. But did you did you recreate that show? Sometimes I'll film a pickup.

Oh, my God. He's filming pickups. Alone. No fucking way. Now mind you. Alone in the studio. We can do retakes? No, no.

All right, let me do a retake. Indian pale ale. That was a long one. That was a long story. So the organization. Get a. right? Get it right now. I hate cocaine and all drugs. What is it? What's the organization?

Three, two, and action. N-A-C-P. Nice. There we go. Clock it. Yeah. Yo, when you first asked me, they did. Come on, I got this. I got this. I got this. I got this. The lady has a dog He keeps barking, waking up the baby All right

Can we just add that in miles? No He's retelling it Not in a gay Flamboyant way that he would do it before I did it pretty good before Mark Anyway

Do you need to pee I'm so badly But I need to know real quick Before we go to Patreon Why? Because I need to know Mark You're like mad sus right now I don't know

This is crazy I don't hold this is crazy I don't not, bro. He's hanging on to it. I push it down. I got to squeeze the hole. Dude, we should get a urinal in here.

I used to do that, so you never have to leave. No. I used to do that when I was about to nut with this one girl so long ago. I would pinch my hole closed upon nutting. And I thought that that stopped it. So you came in yourself? I came in me, bro.

Why they call them the solo cream pie. I think that's... Can I be honest? Can I be honest with you? Like, as I reflect on this, like, 20 years later, I think that's why my sperm doesn't swim because they're like, what's the point? What's the point?

You broke it. You need catfish. I nutted in your stuff. I nutted in me, bro. The sperms are like, yo, I thought you were leaving it. I was like, yeah, no. We were supposed to go. You turn.

Dude, I would pinch it. I would just pinch it. I just pinch it closed, and then I would just keep pumping. Pinch it close, keep pumping. But it's got to go somewhere. Mine didn't. Mine did. You know what it would look like?

Have you ever seen like an albatross collect fish from the water? You know how their gullet just fills? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what happened with the bottom of my dick. It would just... Pinch it closed, and the bottom would just fill like that. Hell yeah. Would it just fall out?

No, I think it stayed in the condom. It's still there to this day. Yeah. Anyway, I recommend that. All right? I recommend that. Okay, so... Were you going to ask us something? Yeah, I was going to ask you.

I was going to ask you. Can you tell me... Oh, I got to pee so bad, though. All right. All right. You go pee. No, no, no. He's got it, bro.

He's got it. I got it. I'm going to go pee. I'm going to go pee. But then when I come back, we're not going to Patreon yet. No. Okay.

Because I got to make a peevee. Okay. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. I got a, I got a peeve. It's going to be one of those peas where it doesn't even come out immediately. Oh, yeah. Oh, those are the best ones. Flood gates.

Yeah. When it comes out, though, it's like a quarter of a nut. What? It feels good. It's like a quarter of the feeling, you know? Quarter is maybe a little hot. Yeah, quarters high, right? A quarter of a nut.

I don't get many of those, man. Maybe I got a little prostate issue. I don't know what's something's going on. I jerked off today, man. You had a question. I did. I got a question for you guys. Jerking off and having two Guinnesses pre-3 p.m. is a wild day.

And fighting about Israel, Palestine. Can I tell you something? Can I tell you something? Yeah. I jerked off today. And I opened my eye I was in the shower I opened my eyes for the nut because it's been so long

and I'm like I gotta see where this goes like this could be might be some distance right yeah yeah dude I open my eyes that shit just dribble down my fucking hand

did a U-turn it did you turn it's a U-turn first one it just came out a little and I was kind of like bummed about it the next one air Oh, no.

Hang down? You double down? No, no, no, in all seriousness? Hand glide is crazy. No, that shit went, bro. Oh, that's crazy. That shit went. I still got it a little bit.

Damn. I just got to wait for, like, I got to hold off about two months. If I wanted to fly, I got to back up in two months. So that laugh was bad judgment. That's what I mean? Like, yo, Miles, there's not everybody crushing push or right. It comes out weak. Oh, 100%.

Yeah, you got a stockpile reserves. And this shit was a lot. Okay, I got to pee. You know what it reminds me of? Oh, God, I got to pee. Iran. Okay. Okay.

I'm going to go pee. I'm going to go pee, but then we're going to have one more question. Oh, God, I can't even stand up straight. All right. Well, perfect time to tell you to check out my special, debut special, Joey Avery live in San Francisco. It's on my YouTube. We'll put a comment somewhere with a link.

But yeah, please check it out. Thank you, Miles. 55 straight minutes of laughs. Yeah. It's fun. I'm very happy with it. People should check it out. People should check it out.

How can he answer that? No, people shouldn't check it out? No, it's more of a test. Well, they should check it out. It's more of a test. I'm just kind of seeing. What if I was just like, nah, if you want to? I don't know.

It's just, you know, I just completely self-funded it. independently produced in release, and it's a decade of plus of work and leading up to this moment and even being here to share it with you is a very nice moment for me. Check it out. Check it out. Have you gotten good reviews? Very good reviews. Yeah, it's been a great.

It's been out for like a day as of taping this, and the first day was everything we hoped for, but let's run it up. Have you gotten any bad reviews from possibly like very close to home places? Is there something you know? Miles does know something that I said that I'm going to have to straighten out later today. I don't know if my mom is pumped. There's some stuff that was about a very unique time that was happening in my family. A lot has changed since then.

And I make some jokes that if you listen to them fully, they actually are vindicating her. But they as comedy often does, come out. a little bit rough and I've heard from sources that maybe she's not the most pumped and that bums me out I know y'all whites and y'ammy issue. I swear to God, you call your mom autistic in your set. This motherfucker, like, I don't know what you said about your bomb. It's not that crazy, you know. If she doesn't like your debut special, I think. You know what? The only way to find out is to watch the special. Joey Every Live in San Francisco. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right.

Have you guys never had an Emily? I had one. For what reason? It's not a choice. For what reason did you have it? It's not religious. I got a reason for my emerald. What reason did you have it?

I was when he got the monkey pox. Remembering? This guy's a grown man with fucking monkey pox going to the chicken pox. Yeah, chicken pox, but during the monkey pox epidemic. Yeah, it was a tough look. Okay. We're still calling it chicken box. Yeah, you might have had that

Oh, ooh, you had that curious George. Yes, you did. By curious George. My curious George. No, okay, so can you tell me why you had a hemorrhoide? I think I was just scrolling. I was just scrolling too long and I was just sitting there.

I think it was like right after I forgot the bidet. And I was just hanging. It was just quiet, alone, you know? Don't you do that every time you poop? No. How high are you turning? the speed of the water. If you go to

you're brun, you might have cut your asshole. Wait, hold on. Whoa. Hold on. What the hell? Shit. No, just normal.

I just put it on normal. But, I mean, sometimes you got to be careful. Like, I have pushed the wrong one. I push the woman's button. Oh, yeah.

It goes on your Gucci. Yeah. I should feel good. No. It does a little bit. That should feel. That sounds awesome. I'll go back and forth.

I'll go back and forth. I had a girl licked that area once. Yeah. And I had a girl licked that area once. I feel like, in that moment, I was like, man, like, I think we did all derive from women. You know how, like, you start out as women in the womb and then testosterone masculinizes the brain and then... That's why it had your brain, et cetera.

But, like, so, like, when she was licking it, it was like, I felt like I had a pussy for a little bit like that. I did. You were a goddess. No, I'm being. You were a goddess. I don't know if I was a goddess, but I was like, oh, there's some remnants of labia. Like, I feel like I got labia remnants. Maybe we're all responsible for war.

Thank you. You know what I mean? Thank you. Yes. Clock yes shit. Clock dash shit. You never had a girl lick around that, goch? All right, look, we're stopping this episode right now.

We need to go to Patreon, okay? Patreon. I don't even know what part we've stopped it at. Miles told us that we have to stop is getting a little bit of spicy. Okay? Talking about, man, I don't even know. You can't say it. I don't even know.

I don't even know. There's a little... It's just fun. We reminisce it a little... Yeah, yeah. We're going to Patreon right now at patreon.com slash flagrant. See you guys there.