Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Taking Home Leftovers is For Human Garbage

Episode Date: December 22, 2020

This week Andrew and Akaash meet up with H. Foley and Kevin Ryan, hosts of the podcast "Are You Garbage". The group discusses the difference between the rich and poor, why Philly is garbage, how fat people are selfish, when fighting with your family can be GOOD, and much more. INDULGE! Want an extra episode a week? Join the Flagrant Army www.Patreon.com/FLAGRANT2 Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a choir then welcome to The Flagrancy.

What's up everybody? Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. We are back. It's your boy Shultz. I'm here with Aakash Singh, of course, Alex Media, Mark Gagnon. But we also got a special guest today. There are a few podcasts in New York that are coming up that are doing some very good work. And I think you guys, of the up-and-coming ones, you're my favorite. He loves you guys.

I love it. I think the first time we even did it, I was like, nah, you guys got something here. I still want to see the 10-minute version. Sure. He keeps pounding me on it. The first day, and we're going to get to which the pod is, but I'm so glad to have you guys here. And it is, I thought it was just such a brilliant idea. And we'll talk about why it is.

But the podcast is called Are You Garbage? And I'm here with H Foley, which is Hank Foley, but it's H Foley. That's right. Okay. Do you go Hank or Henry? Either way. But it's H. Chelsea, I love you.

You can call me anything. Listen to me. I'm about to start crying right now. I it's H. Chelsea, I love you. You can call me anything. Listen to me. I'm about to start crying right now. I just found, I just, I really just found out recently that your name wasn't Foley as the first name.

And he did it to me twice outside. I was like, I've known you 10 years. Yeah, but now we got a problem. You literally hit me with the, is it Henry? In front of Alex. I was like,

I'm all, we want to get it right, bro. We want to get it right. He was like, what's up with her cussing all this Henry bullshit? It was right as Gagnon. It was right as Gagnon rolled in like a 90s movie. You're like, what's up with that? Causing all this Henry bullshit. It was right as Gagnon rolled in like a 90s movie.

You're like, is your name Henry? I was like, eww. Drinking a gallon of water to things not even hooked up. I was like, ah. Dude, he doesn't know what's going on. This is all way too cool for him. Thank you, man. Of course.

And then, of course, we got Kev, man. Kev and Ryan. Thank you guys so much for coming. And you guys have this amazing podcast called Are You Garbage? Now, I did it early on, I think. Early, yeah. Early on. And I remember doing it, and it was so much fun. Now, basically what you do on a podcast, and maybe it's obviously changed.

I'm sure you guys are just having regular conversation, talking about topical stuff. But part of it is you see if your guest is garbage or grew up garbage. Sure, 100%. And it is so much fun because especially successful people want to be garbage. For sure. Like the more successful your guest, the more they're going to want to prove to you how horrible their life was. Yeah.

And it's just this amazing device, you know, and the only thing I can liken to is like probably one of the most popular shows on the internet, which is the Flaming Hot Ones. And it's better than Hot Ones. Thank you. Because being able to eat a chip has nothing to do with how your parents loved you or not. Sure, sure.

It's like you can eat hot shit or you can't. It doesn't matter. But like if your parents just didn't put anything into your life growing up, oh, that's fine. What if you could only didn't put anything into your life growing up, oh, that's fine. What if you could only afford the hot sauce and no chicken wings? How about that? How about if the only seasoning they had was hot sauce, you're garbage. Now, can you just take us through a little bit of what an average question would be?

Yeah, so we both come from garbage. Let's say that. You didn't need to tell anybody. Anyone watching the video knows. It's not defined by money. It's not defined by how much money you had growing up. You grew up like middle class, lower middle class.

I grew up like upper middle class. Lower, lower, yeah. My parents... We had one car, one of it. I was on trial here. You know why you threw that at me? Go, go, go, whatever. I was on trial here. You know why you threw that at me? Go, go, go, go. This is my favorite part

because it transcends class. It does. This is why it's so great. My family, my parents made some money, but they both grew up poor. Right. So now they're just in them.

They're poor with money. Like there's been an unfinished shed in my backyard for 10 years. And we have like a lot of money and it's just never been you know what i mean like yeah yeah so it's like you can't shed your garbage you can't but i'm a little less garbage because i grew up around nicer people you know and people with money and stuff like that like i grew up with like kids of doctors and lawyers i went to school with so you had to pretend like you were like them but you had this fucking shed yeah it's it's like, yeah, exactly. And like we had, dude, we had the basketball net,

like with no net in it anymore, all through high school and shit like that. Nobody looked at the shed. Hey Kev, let's go to your house. Ah! It was under construction. Yeah, but you had stairs at your house, which is like a thing.

What? Did you have stairs? You had two stories? Yeah. Bro, if you had two stories in the suburbs, in my mind, you were rich. That's it, done. Of course. Of course. No question. Yeah.

And there's a flip side to that, too. I had a washer dryer. That was a big deal. In New York? Oh, in New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey! Yeah! I was like, a cool mom.

How New Yorkers flex is very different. Yeah. Dude, I just got a dishwasher, and I'm flexing on everybody. Hey, give me a plate. Don't worry about it. Just leave it there. Leave it there. He found out I got a dishwasher in my new apartment,

and he hasn't looked at me the same. he's legit like wait a second what you didn't tell me this hold the door for him there's a clip that had me fucking dying bro you were talking about living with kevin he lived in my he puts it we lived together he would end up in a bad situation and moved into my basement is what happened yeah but so what he said yeah we were living together and then you just go you lived in my basement what are you talking about he wasn't on the lease we didn't go like shopping for a place i paid the utilities what the fuck because you were using them i paid the water yeah i put my deposit like a gentleman you had and this clip is so good man so you said that you would uh you were in the basement with the washer dryer yeah

and he goes yeah you know sometimes i couldn't go to sleep at night. I just run the dryer, right? And then Kevin, you say, yeah, so then you just put a sneaker in there. Sounds like your parents are fighting. Off the dreamland. It's a white trash noise machine. So that would be garbage right there. So what we do is we go through a series of questions

to determine whether you're garbage or not. And we're going to do this with us. Okay, but before we do that, I want to know what is the difference between garbage and ghetto and garbage and white trash. Yeah. Break this down because it seems to me that garbage does not have a class. It doesn't. It's a lot of choice, right? A lot of times it's the lazier choice

it's the you know it's the shittier choice if you grew up poor you you're you're by no means garbage right like if you choose to be like i'm gonna have a presentable house and all they're just whatever like all these things you're gonna do the best you can with what you have exactly but if you lean into not doing the best the unfinished shed you're going exactly and i know i know where you're where you're going with it so we do it in like a light-hearted the garbage is almost celebrated so the difference between like garbage and trash that's like we had ari on yeah the first thing ari said was like you know he's like oh he's like well you know he's like these aren't really garbage questions it's it's you should ask if you ever fucked your friend's wife or whatever. I'm like, well, that's just a bad person.

You know what I mean? We keep it loose, we keep it light. So, garbage would be celebrated, trash wouldn't be celebrated, ghetto wouldn't be celebrated, white trash wouldn't be celebrated. Take me through the RU guys. Can I take you my favorite garbage thing? Yeah, because you did, Akash did it as well. I forget what

your answer was if you were garbage. Andrew wanted to be garbage. I felt so insecure that my parents raised me as garbage. I was like, yo, they came to this country, they built a good life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember. I swear to God, I don't get triggered.

You had an IG post that fucking triggered me, dog. If you said you ordered a soda with no ice, you're garbage. That's a garbage move. That's garbage, dude. I almost commented something. I was so tight. I was like, I want more soda for the money. That's garbage.

Be a gentleman. Get some ice. If you want a refill, pay for the fucking refill. It's already cold. Pay for the refill. Dude, that's the shit. I'm bothered by it. I'm just like, that's how I was raised. Get more soda for the money. Your parents are garbage, dude.

I'm sorry. It's passed down generations. Take us through. Take us through. This is fun. So some of the big ones. No, you're asking us. We want to play.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. How do you want to start? You want to start off with the basics? Yeah, hit them with the basics. All right, so some of the basics we're doing that are very divisive on the show is do you guys brush your teeth in the shower? I have.

I don't. You don't. I don't do that. Yeah. Why do you say no? Because he's fucking clad. What do you mean? This guy's getting extra ice with his soda.

Just ice. No soda. Just ice. I do it sometimes. Three other people in the shower. Yeah. What do you mean? That's true.

I don't brush my teeth in the shower. Definitely do not brush my teeth in the shower. But. What do you mean? I don't brush my teeth in the shower. Definitely do not brush my teeth in the shower. But how often do you brush your teeth? I brush my teeth morning and night. I don't shower as much, but I brush my teeth morning and night. What's the stuff? Pandemic? That's how cool Schultz is.

He's like, yeah, don't even shower anymore. Like, you need to shower. He's passed showers. I thought that was an efficiency thing. No. Yeah. I thought it was like, yo, I got so many things to do. I full Howard Hughes. I thought that was an efficiency thing. Now, what? I thought it was like, yo, I got so many things to do, I gotta combine.

No, because this is my argument. When you're brushing your teeth, you can only be doing that. Like, what do you do? You're not in the shower doing this. How much time do you fucking save? Let the conditioner settle, bro.

Nah, also, too, no. Whose conditioner? Dude, that's not trash. No, that's pretty good. That's not garbage. Once a week, how often are you using it? Every time I shower, yo. That's good. Once a week? That often are you using it? Every time I shower, yo.

Once a week? That's new money shit right there. My man! New money. You're trying too hard, bro. You're trying to be the commercial is what you're doing. Yo, you're such new money, dude. That's a guy who's used to the two-in-one at the discount rack.

The generic brand, too. You get conditioned once a month, maybe. And here's the thing. Garbage people. That's garbage. That's garbage. Did you see when, not head and shoulders, what was the brand? Part Plus?

No, one of them made three-in-one. Yeah, yeah. I think it was Right Guard. Right Guard made three. The body wash, it was just fucking. Buddy, I have it. What are you talking about? Fucking have I seen it?

I used it this morning. Three in one. Holy shit. I'm shaving with it. I'm doing everything. Put lube in there. You can jerk off too. Get the whole nine yards done.

Jesus Christ. Talk about saving time. Shout out to right guard. That's a go-getter right there. That is hilarious. Okay, keep going. Here's the thing. Yeah.

You can make that argument. Now, I brush my teeth in the shower all the time. I'm garbage. We've established on the podcast that is garbage. Yeah, yeah. Okay? Garbage people aren't brushing their teeth in the shower to save time. These aren't go-getters.

These are animals. Yeah. They brush their teeth. We brush our teeth in the shower because there's a freedom to it. There's a who cares. Everything's minty. Yeah, it drips down. That's what it's all about. So you can't make that argument.

What if he's got an important test that day? No. He's not headed to the board meeting, that guy. That guy doesn't have to get to the shareholders meeting. He's watching The Mandalorian for the third time on the couch. Eating Chinese food in 10 minutes it ain't a time thing uh and also the most offensive thing to do whatever i've kind of

i've allowed i've allowed letting brushing your teeth in the shower time whatever i'll semi buy that but if you leave your toothbrush in the shower you cannot come back from that that is 100 the nastiest thing you could do really people are leaving you leave your cup no just like on the fuck like next to the shampoo next to the right guard yeah no no no next to the crowd yeah people do it a lot most it's like 50 of people yeah i got mine leaning on the soap just chilling yeah it's fucking gross russell's down he don't care dude look at him. Come on. You think he's worried about his teeth? He's got

bigger problems. Just throw it in the bottom when I get out. It smells like the fucking vegetable. What are they called? Bristles. Bristles. Oh, yeah. Bristles. That's garbage? You don't want to be garbage? I get it. Deeply offended? Trying to sound smart. Because I was like, son, it's an electric toothbrush.

It's a very nice oral B7000. What you talking about? I take hygiene incredibly. Yo, he still heard about the conditioner comment. He still butthurt about that. I was going to say Brussels. He's all mad. Checking your grammar and shit.

He's trying to be all bougie about it. Like the European city. I didn't know where. Which I travel to in my gap year. I've studied abroad. Gap year is rich kid shit. I believe you're referring to Brussels sprouts. More questions.

More questions. Okay. What do you got, big man? If either one of you, okay, growing up or now, ever had turkey on any other day but Thanksgiving. Like a whole turkey. Ever had turkey on any other day but Thanksgiving? Like a whole turkey. A whole turkey. My parents ever cook a turkey in like the middle of July? I got news for you.

It's trash. Like a whole turkey. A whole? It's got to be a whole turkey. No, 100%. That's good. What's wrong? What's wrong?

I just want to tighten his mic. It keeps turning. Yeah, it keeps turning, but the only way to do it is... Akash is incompetent. He's all fucked up today. It keeps turning. Yeah, it keeps turning, but the only way to do it is... Akash is incompetent. He's all fucked up today. It's unbelievable, dude. Incompetent. I got to tell him what I'm going to do.

I know. No, no, he cannot do a single task. That's what I'm going to do. It's unbelievable, his inability to do it. I know. That's what I'm saying. So if I turn it back, the whole thing turns. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, no, no. Let him dig in. Let him dig in while everybody... There you go. You got it? Have you ever tightened anything? No whole thing turns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no. Let him dig in. Let him dig in while everybody knows. There you go. You got it? Have you ever tightened anything? No, never mind. He's got conditioner on his finger.

He can't get a grasp. The way your day started, you were conditioning your head this morning like, today's going to be a great day. What do I tell the guys I condition every day? With a mic wrapped around you? Classy, baby. You are classy. We can do better than the turkey.

A big one growing up was did you drink milk with dinner? And if you did, do you still do it? No. You know what might be trash? I ate at some white kid's house one time and had spaghetti and milk and I was like, these guys are king.

He went home like, these guys are king. He went home like, mom, you're not going to believe what Tyler's doing down the street. It was classy as shit. I was like, you got no idea how these white people are living. Damn. Crazy. I couldn't understand. Everything they said was true. And we didn't know how bad carbs for you back then were.

Dude, the 90s was wide open on carbs. It's healthy and healthy. Like, these guys are doing it right. What kind of family am I in? Did you enjoy it? No, I hated it. It's fucking gross, dude. Something I didn't.

No. There's a mental thing in, like, Irish, Italian, like, poor white people thing where there's, like, a connection of the flavors between pasta sauce and milk. I don't know what it is. All right, you get Elon Musk in here, maybe talk about milk. I don't know what it is. All right. You get Elon Musk in here.

Maybe talk about it. It's something on a genetic level. Oh. Because it's unbelievable. He still drinks milk with dinner. Really? You don't like milk in a nice chicken parm? No.

Hey, dude. It's so. It's insane. I'm the asshole? Dude. You can't drink a whole cup of milk. It's insane. Really?

Milk is only for sweets. That's the only thing it pairs well with. I agree. You cannot drink milk out of a glass. Really? Milk is only for sweets. That's the only thing that pairs well with sweets. I agree. You cannot drink milk out of a glass. It has to be mixed with something else. It has to be in like

coffee or something. I can't just have straight milk. You have a cookie and milk. I get it. Yeah, dessert's okay. Dessert and milk,

I get. Milk and anything else, I don't get. How about meatloaf and milk? That's my deal. Did you ever like, I was about to ask you, you worked out.

Did you ever like, play basketball or something like that, and then come home, and then you're thirsty. And drink milk. Yes, I've done that. Yeah, I could do that as a kid. What the fuck happened? It stimulates something inside your brain from, you know,

when you were a kid. That's what I think it is. There's something biological about it. Absolutely. Okay, okay, okay. Real quick, this is one of my favorite. I didn't even realize people did this thing. Milk?

M-E-L-K? How do you pronounce it? Dude, it's pure white trash. He says milk. If you do the E? The L, milk. Yeah, milk is. One of their pieces of merch is the milkman.

That's not garbage. Yeah, we call the people, we call them the milkmen. The milkmen? The drink dinner. We have shirts, milkman shirts. And he's the general of the fucking milkman army. He says milk, and I was like, that's the general of the fucking Milkman Army. He says milk. And I was like, that's a real thing.

He also says pillow. Pillow? Like for pillow is pillow. A pillow. Yeah. Yeah. He grew up in like some weird part of Pennsylvania. Well, here's the thing.

I was born in upstate Pennsylvania, which they have leaning towards almost like a Midwestern Chicago accent. Okay. All right. And then moving down to Philly at like a formidable age. I was in fourth grade, so out in the suburbs. Just outside in the suburbs. So they had that thick, you know, street road accent.

Yeah, I got it. Yeah, what are you doing later? You want to go down there? So that's mixed in there, and I'm too uneducated and stupid to like, you know, to change it up. Yeah, so it's all mixed in. Do you know how Philly is a garbage city through and through?

Is Philly garbage? Oh, dude. Big time garbage. Let me tell you how garbage is. Big time trash. That's all mixed in. Do you know how I know Philly is a garbage city through and through? Is Philly garbage? Big time garbage. Big time, big time, big time trash. Have you met these people? Texans? This is how you know I'm insecure because I don't want to be garbage at all? Texans? Y'all?

You all. Makes perfect sense. Y'all. How the fuck do you get to use guys? No, no, no. Fuck. Do you get to use? It's just use.

It's just use. Use going down there later? What are you doing? What about Yinz? Yinz is Pittsburgh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like, dude, you can't come back from that. I don't care. That's like fall money you gotta get out of there.

Call the Uber. Date's over. Later. Yinz. Yinz is top. I didn't even know the thing, but use is trash. Use. Use. Yeah, it's like the big ones

there are use and John. They're like the one. Fine, that's a term. Whatever. Use? How fucking dumb are you? Oh,

it's trash. Even Philly people, when other, when, that's not like everybody says that. When you hear someone say that, you're like,

oof, it hurts. You feel it in your bones. Mike Albinese grew up in Philly. He'll text me, why are you SE? If it's a group text, I'm like, I can't fucking believe it. Yeah, useof, it hurts. You feel it in your bones. Mike Alvarez grew up in Philly. He'll text me Y-O-U-S-E if it's a group text, and I'm like, I can't fucking believe it. Yeah, use.

Yeah. Use. It's really trash if you're typing it out. You know what I mean? That's extra letters. Not even an abbreviation. It doesn't help at all. Yeah, yeah.

All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because I got to make sure that you're not wasting any days this holiday season, okay? I know you're going to be out drinking. I know you're gonna be out partying. Okay. You're just at home. There's nothing else to do. You might be even quarantined. So you're going to be getting pissy drunk at the crib and you can't be wasting days. And there's a way to not waste

days. And that's what DHM detox. I can get into all the science, but let's be honest. You know, I'm just reading that shit right off the paper apparently the alcohol creates these uh fucking chemicals in your body or something like that well dhm breaks them down so you don't have a wasted next day all right don't you want all those chemicals broken down okay it's not just water you pop a couple pills when you're drinking at night pop a couple pills before you go to bed at night and then you wake up the next morning and you're not wasting that day. So go to NoDaysWasted.co. This is a no-brainer. NoDaysWasted.co. All right. And you know what they have? A guarantee that if you are not satisfied, you get your money back. It's that simple. If you waste the day, you get your money back. If you don't, well, you're welcome. You haven't wasted a day. NoDaysW wasted.co and use our promo code

flagrant 30 that's right and you know what you're gonna get 30 off your order and free shipping in the u.s you just head over to no days wasted.co flagrant use the promo code flagrant 30 at checkout all right now let's get back to this um okay i'm sorry god well. Go, go. Well, I'm just, now I'm thinking of, like, the opposite of garbage. What do you, you guys have a term for this? Clean living. Clean living, we said. Clean living. Okay.

So, now I keep thinking of, like, friends who were, like, doing this clean living thing, like, growing up, and just, like, oh, my lord, this is, I had this kid, his name was Derek, I probably shouldn't say his last name, but, like, he was, like, my best friend growing up, and he lived in fucking the apartment. This kid was wealthy. He lived in the apartment that I believe Marilyn Monroe was dating. Was it DiMaggio? I think so, right?

Yeah, she fucked DiMaggio. Some Yankee, right? She was dating DiMaggio. He got around. Yeah. Fuck a lot of people. But it was like their apartment where they were living. And this is like clean fucking. I never seen wealth like that. Yeah, lot of people. But it was like their apartment where they were living in. And this is like clean fucking.

Like I never seen like wealth like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there was a room for the maid to live in. Maid's quarters. Maid's quarters. Yeah. And this is a common thing, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right? There was a maid's quarters. Wealthy folks. Wealthy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was barely a room. And it was right next to the kitchen. You got to keep humble.

Yeah. I can't let the success go to that. You don't want her showing off. You know what I mean? Dude, the it was right next to the kitchen. You got to keep humble. Yeah. I can't let the success go to waste. You don't want her showing off, you know what I mean? Dude, the room was right next to the kitchen. I remember asking him, I was like, why are all your rooms over here and then her room's next to the kitchen? And then he goes, well, that's kind of where she operates, you know, in the kitchen. So it's close?

We want to shorten the commute for her, you know what I mean? We don't want her getting jammed up by the bathroom hitting traffic in the hallway trying to give some bullshit excuse why she's late

that's like that's insane wealth shit like they divided up the home yeah they don't want to be near them they might steal

or something you know yeah of course that's their mentality well if they're on that side of the house they can steal the pots and pans I don't care what kind of kid was this guy as she steps into the living room steal or something, you know? Yeah, of course. That's their mentality. They're on that side of the house. They can steal the pots and pans. I don't care. What kind of kid was this guy? As she steps into the living room, it's like,

Ah! Ah! Ah! Our old friend, Alex Anderson, had a best friend who was wealthy, wealthy, grew up wealthy. He told me with real wealthy people, they love making other people feel excluded. This is some rules they have. If everybody's making a toast they love making other people feel excluded. So like there's all these rules. Oh, that's all it is.

This is some rules they have. Like if everybody's making a toast and you have water, you don't toast unless you're on a boat. Then you toast. And he's like, it means nothing. They just want someone to not know the rule so they can know their beneath me. Make them look like dicks on the boat. Dude, I'm at that restaurant last night.

Never have I felt more garbage than when I go to these fancy restaurants. You really feel out of place. I'll be honest with you. They can smell it on you. You are new money, too, dude. I start stuttering. What the fuck is this? I don't know how.

Because in my mind, I'm like, don't let them know. Don't let them know. He's ordering chicken fingers and shit. Bro, I literally go, what's the name under it? I said my girl's name. It wasn't even there yet. They go, what's the name? I'm not going to say her name, obviously.

But it's so embarrassing. So I'm just there. I'm like trying. And then I overcompensate the other way. Like I lean into like, I don't care, guy. And I got my fucking arms everywhere. But my parents, is this garbage? They just never taught me how to use utensils.

And I say it as like a joke. Not on stage, but like literally I learned which fork to use from Titanic. Do you remember when Jack? Well, yeah, sure. It's a big, that's a big thing because my girl's European. Americans don't learn that, like really learn that. That makes me feel better. The Europeans, I go over there.

I'm a fucking, they like laughing at me at the dinner table. Yeah, dude, I remember. Because I'm like just fucking hacking at you. I had a Danish girlfriend once and I was eating salad at her parents' home and I shoveled some salad onto my fork with my thumb. Dude, that's my go-to move, dog. Because it works, though. Yes, it's better than anything.

Better. No one taught me with a knife. Why would you put a fucking knife on a salad? Just like this. That's crazy, dog. That's too clean. That living is too clean. That's too clean.

I don't want that. My parents eat with their hands. You're lucky I didn't. What's a spoon? You mean like this? The thumb is the fucking spoon. What are you talking about? Those people can still be garbage, too.

Just because you got salmon pants and a duck belt don't mean you can't act trash. 100%. Okay, why did I bring this up? What were we talking about? Maids for this? Oh, no, so we're in this restaurant, right? They keep bringing different silverware,

and there's ways, apparently, you have to put the silverware... To show that you're done. Put it at four o'clock. Serve from the left, clear from the right. What the fuck did he do yesterday? He was a waiter. He doesn't know. He doesn't eat at these restaurants.

I was about to sell him out. I'm glad that you sold out. He only knows that because he busts his tables. Steals the milk. Well, actually, at my country club that I'm a member of, I... So, apparently, when you're finished, you put the silverware that you use on the plate in a way to let them know you're finished, right? At 4 o'clock. 4 o'clock.

But is it on the plate or half hanging off the plate, half hanging on, like tilted up? It's on the plate, the end of the fork, and the knife should touch the end of the plate right at 4 o'clock. Yeah. And if you're still eating, it's on the plate and on the table. Like, you're resting it. Yes. No, I'm sorry. I take that back. It right at 4 o'clock. Yeah. And if you're still eating, it's on the plate and on the table. Like you're resting it. Yes. No, I'm sorry. I take that back.

It's not 4 o'clock. It would be 4.20 because they're both at where the 4 o'clock would be. They should be both on the same direction. Okay. Yeah. Thank you for stopping and clarifying. Fishel and man. But, and then they kept bringing different types of stuff they brought

like a fish knife oh i don't even know what that is a specific knife just for fish that's not sharp so it doesn't it like kind of just breaks the fish and moves it and i kept thinking about that exact thing which is like oh all you're doing is making up culture so you can make people feel inferior and it was working. I felt like an idiot. Dude, it's thousands of years of that shit. They didn't just come up with that. That's thousands of years of...

Not having minorities. They have to divide people. The reason why America never has this is because, oh, we have different colors of people. We'll just make them feel worse and then we feel better. But in England, it's all white people. They all look the exact same.

They've got to start going, oh, well a little different okay they're poor or oh they don't know how to use silverware they're this it's just structures hierarchies we're gonna put nah but even then when you get to like wealth wealth it's still such those guys are such egomaniacs it's all a pissing contest who am i richer than sure yeah yeah who's the classiest make up all these little fucking rules no but that's what i'm saying like no even in america at the wealthiest level, I think that exists. They want to catch those guys. They want to show up their boys.

What I'm saying is it doesn't permeate our entire culture as much just because we have other ways to visually go, how can I feel better than you the quickest without using it? If I want to feel better than you- In my head. All I have to do is in my head is go, oh, I saw you do that. I'm better than you. I'm going to invite you to dinner.

I'm going to give you a spoon. Hopefully, you don't know how to use it and then i can go oh yeah yeah like that's too much you know isn't it easier just be like guys that's what i've been doing let me ask you this as a former server as a former server is that the worst feeling to feel like inferior when when you feel like the server is giving you shit like last night like he's giving you an attitude you know what i've realized uh when i go into like nice clothing stores dude there isn't they feel like they like own the brand i'm making eight bucks an hour i went to get fitted for my suit for my wedding and like i felt so out of place and i was like you make nine dollars an hour jerk off you're making me feel like an asshole commission off of me yeah yeah And I was like, you make $9 an hour, jerk off. You're making me feel like an asshole. You make commission off of me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are you making me feel bad? I'm like, you can't even afford to fucking shop here, dude. Bro, but you know what? That shit makes you want to buy something to like prove that. To prove that I got money. They got commission. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

These fucking assholes. I know. I don't even know what you guys are talking about. I'm honest with you. I remember I walked in. What are you talking about? Like Macy's not on sale? Yeah.

Boscops, what are you doing? I walked into Uniqlo one time. I walked right the fuck out. They all turned their backs to me. Went on break. It's a Japanese brand. You're not fitting in anything in that place. He barely fit in the store.

What the fuck? What the fuck? They thought he had a delivery to drop off or something. I know. Also, you think Uniqlo is classy? I don't understand. It's fucking Japanese. It's an M for Asian.

It's old name. It's old name. They were hot for a minute. What do you want from me? I was trying to fit in. You're not going to fit in anything. Dude, I wore the jacket too. Remember?

I pushed that thing to its limits. The white ones? The gray ones. Oh, the gray. Dude, yeah. I looked like the Michelin man. It was like before the super puff jacket. It was like the, you know was just like the regular ones.

Yeah, yeah. And he got it from a friend who stole. His friend works security there and stole one and fully bought it for like $10 or something. It's a $20 jacket. Yeah, yeah. You don't need to steal anything. He's trash, dude. There's no security guard at Uniqlo for a reason.

He's dirtbag level trash. Yeah, if you walk out of Uniqlo and it beeps, they just go, really? Yeah, like, really? You're doing this? You have nothing else to do today? You got to come steal a $4 t-shirt eat the socks what the fuck are you talking about try to save face i grab a headband and go to the counter this will be it for today it's true man that is true that fucking inferiority shit kind of works yeah i wonder when that's so you kind of

respect the people who are garbage and embrace it absolutely oh dude that's what the whole stuff that's what the whole podcast is about. It's just fucking. Humble beginnings. That's what it's all about. Yeah. It is true, man. That is true.

What is that? Are they doing that because they also feel garbage and they're like, are they masquerading a bit? Who? Like the super rich people that do that stuff? No. Like the people that work at these really fancy places that like will kind of be condescending. Is that them projecting their insecurity?

It's their ego. Yeah, yeah. 100%. 100%. So they recognize that we both feel the same way and they're like, oh, I'm not going to let him know. They're playing chess. Yeah, yeah. Not checkers.

Probably think of how terribly the really rich people treat them. Yeah. Like they, like you're so far beneath me when they walk into there. That's what they're thinking. So they look at the guy who's a little insecure, like, they take that out on him. But then in my mind, I'm going, okay, in order for me to just get borderline respect, I got to treat you like shit so you feel comfortable. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have to treat you bad so you feel comfortable with me because you're like, oh, he's one of them. Yeah. I don't want to treat you bad. You're getting to that point, too You've got to start doing that shit. No. Yeah. I would at least try it. You've got to start being real snooty. You should have had that waiter fired last night.

That's what you should have done. They were good, but I knew nothing. They were walking around with these fucking chains on with a little cup at the bottom. It was literally like a pimp cup. They all had pimp cup necklaces. It was their sommeliers. It's a wine thing. I got intoaces. It was their sommeliers. It's a wine. It's a wine thing.

I got into a lot of documentaries about sommeliers. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just recently. What is it called? What? It's like that Tom Hanks thing. Tom Hanks?

Tom Hanks. I missed that. I'm the captain now. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's garbage. Documentaries about sommeliers? Yeah. Read a book. Netflix culture over here

Dude I'm trash I mean I'm not sitting here Like I'm a fucking King of England I am garbage It's okay to condition Every day He's still trying to

Cut me down to the legs So apparently I asked the lady right I just go Why does everybody Have the chain With the With the cup

And I Cause I thought That made them like the best server like a few of them i thought they were the super server hey congratulations buddy yeah i was like yo you got the fucking chain like it's like yeah yeah join jay-z's label like this is the real shit and uh and then she was like oh no it's a test of it how do you say vin test of this how do you say like taste of wine in the? How do you say, like, taste of wine in French? Test of the?

Something like that. Basically, for years, they would have it. You'd take a little sip, and that's how, like, the Somalians know. And I was like, okay, so she, but she didn't make me feel bad or anything like that. That's nice. You get a bottle? Say what? You get a bottle?

They tried to hit me with that wine pairing. Yeah. See? You're garbage. I couldn't do it. Nah, I'm not doing that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody get an Amstel light, whatever're garbage. I couldn't do it. Nah, I'm not doing that shit. Somebody get an Amstel Light, whatever she wants. Tell the guy I need more bread over here.

Is that garbage? You're asking for more bread? Yeah. I'll be asking for more bread. Hey, honey, how about a couple more Parker Houses over here? I said this. Oh, my God. I was so starving. I didn't eat the whole day.

We came in here to do the podcast. I didn't eat the whole day. I went there, and I sit down, and they come over, and the person goes. She didn't eat the whole day. We came in here to do the podcast. I didn't eat the whole day. I went there and I sit down and they come over and the person goes and she hits me with a classic line. The busboy comes in and asks about the water. If you say no to bottled to not even the waiter. Always say yes to the bottle. You get the bottle? No, I said tap.

Big tap guy. I'm not going to be bullied. This is New York. I paid for this water. I love it. I go, I'll take tap but I'm shaking. I'm so York. I painted his water. Yeah. You gotta do the pot. Oh, I love it. So I go, I'll take tap, but I'm shaking. I'm so hungry. I'm literally shaking, right? And then I go, and this is a fancy fucking restaurant.

I get a calamari here quick. They're like, can we start you out with an appetizer or something like that? I go, this comes out of my mouth. I go, man, I'm just so hungry. Can I get some bread or something? Oh, you are such a mook, dude. You got any rolls back there? Rodolfo, get the gentleman some rolls. And then I stopped

myself and I was like, actually, I'll just wait. It sucks. Why the fuck do I feel embarrassed in this place? They don't have rolls at that joint. I'm trying to think of it because I go into those places and I'm like, I don't give a fuck. I think I'm so used to being insecure that I'm like, you're not going to make it worse.

Yeah. You're so secure. He's fighting it, yeah. I'm not going to handle this. I'm used to not being insecure. No, that is actually true. Like, don't get me wrong. We all have our super insecure moments, whatever.

But in most environments, I feel very comfortable in my skin. I do, and I'll be honest. But in certain places, I feel out of place. And it's like almost hard for me to like talk. It's so weird. That's a trap. You're free. And how the fuck do I care? And I'm used to feeling like an imposter. You're's like almost hard for me to like, hawk. It's so weird. That's a trap. You're free. And I used to feel like an imposter.

You're free. You walk into these rich places, you feel like an imposter. Yes. I feel like an imposter every day, baby. He doesn't even feel comfortable in the bodega. He's in there like, how much for a honey bun?

What the fuck? I've never eaten at a place like this, but this is garbage, garbage. If a place, like a nice Italian restaurant gives you bread, I'll be like, yo, can we get some bread to take home? Oh, fuck yeah.

You got sauce? I want my leftovers. This is another big divisive one is leftovers. I think taking leftovers is trash. This fucking guy. It is. It's trash. Pay for it, yo.

No, you pay for the experience. I sit there, and if you don't finish your meal, what are you going to do? Stop fucking Disney World. You're the guy who can't finish. Order up the kids menu next time. You can't finish a fucking chicken. You can't finish a chicken breast and a potato? What the?

And you're calling, what? Go condition your hair. Get him the fuck out of here. You're nuts. Yo, that's funny. Oh, you couldn't finish your meal? Can we get him a Sprite with no ice and a lid, too, please? Fucking God. He doesn't get it.

I drink Sprite out the bottle. I got class, bro. He doesn't get it. See, when him and his girl go eat, they eat in a very German military way. Let me tell you something. They each get their own dish. If Foley is taking home leftovers, it's not about not being able to eat. He orders a third entree.

He doesn't fucking, hey, there's no actual leftovers. Hey, listen, an appetizer and a meal is a lot. Yes. He's willing to go. He goes, let me get a chicken parm on the way out. That means he ordered two for himself. Yeah, two for himself. He's a big guy.

Somebody was coming. He didn't get this way eating salad, dude. That hit me late. I was like, is he on a date? Why does he already have two? There's another guy coming, I swear. He's ordering three drinks to confuse them. Guess he didn't make it.

Wrap it up. Oh, yeah. No, when me and my girl go out to dinner. Not me for two, but just you is great. He goes, we'll have, he orders with wool for the table. We'll start with the appetizer sampler. Can you put it on four plates, please? I want to share it with everybody. for the table. We'll start with the appetizer sampler. She'll do. Can you put it on four plates, please?

I want to share with everybody. No, when me and my girl go out to eat, we get an appetizer. We each get an entree. There's leftovers. I'm sure you and your girl do the same thing. Absolutely. He just gets the bare minimum.

He's eating like a fucking coal miner over here. I finished my meal, dude. I finished my meal. I'm paying. But, you know, if I'm going out to a nice place, we're paying a lot of money. Yeah, man, you go and you leave. No, this is insane.

It's not virtual reality over here. It's not insane. It's trash. It's called a doggy bag. We dug into this because you take it home and give it to your dog. That's literally how it started in, like, World War I. Did you take any leftovers home last night? It's not for human consumption.

That's animalistic. You're so mad at me right now. I'm analyzing. I'm analyzing. I'm analyzing. This is pre-microwave, pre-oven, pre-the ability, pre-air fryer. It's for a dog, dude. It's originally for a dog. Hold back in the day.

You couldn't reheat. He actually brings up a very good one. What dog eats fucking mushrooms? So technology makes you more trashy with the microwave? That's insane. Now that you can reheat the food, it's not as trashy to eat. What dog eats mushrooms?

Is that what you said? I tell you what, he ain't getting mine. With fucking a scallop on top. Take a hike. Fuck that. It's not a dog. Nobody calls it a doggy bag anymore. Fucking Fred Flintstone over here. The food, and he's still on the meal.

The discussion was whether... We were three minutes past that. ...he should eat it or not, and he's still like, I'm not giving my dog any of my leftovers. What are you fucking crazy? You hear me, Mittens? You hear me? Okay, is this garbage, ready?

You guys are talking about leftovers. Last night, it was a chef's tasting, right? So they have the menu already set up, I guess, right? I would finish mine, okay? My girl, there was like a bite or two left, right? And they would come to take her plate, and i would say i'll finish it and then because they didn't want me to like just slide the plate over sure they would like pick it up and make like a thing of it and like bring it over to me is that garbage at a fancy restaurant i don't think that

should be garbage yeah no you isn't more respectful to the chef like i don't want to waste your delicious food it's great yeah i yeah i't know. I think that's just like... I would have eaten it before they came over to take it. You know what I mean? I would have been like... Yeah, it's true. Yeah, it's all... I don't know. It's all the thing. He's got his charm out. He's Jesus Beast.

You don't need this dress, yo. Go eat in a fucking hall. Is it garbage for you? I haven't seen her in three months. I've been working on this fucking thing. I'm trying to take her to a nightclub. Stressful. All right, I act like I planned it months in advance. I got a resi of Bubba Gump. So you cool with that?

Hold on. The whole thing is ruined because when I put the fucking reservation in, I have to use her resi thing. The resi app. And then it gives her a notification. Ah, you fucking idiot. I was like, yeah, I had this planned. Bro, I know! I planned it for weeks.

You're a smart guy. You set this whole thing up. You're getting caught by the Resi app? Bro! What the fuck? Because I had my app. He knows you're too stupid to cheat. Just download your own app. Dude, you built this amazing studio. Download an app. Here's the thing.

My boy, this is my boy, he can boy. He works at one of these services. They get you shit that you can't get. Sure, yeah, concierge type. He has a concierge shirt, right? Sweet. And so he hooked it up, and he goes, yo, I gave your girl's number instead of yours. I don't want to give your number out or whatever. I'm like, I don't think anybody cares about my number at this place.

But then I've been telling my girl I planned this for weeks. And she gets the fucking pop-up on the resi. So I'm going to about the number of this place. But then I've been telling my girl I planned this for weeks. And she gets the fucking pop-up on Resi. So I'm going to her the rest of the day. It's like, yeah, plan this, whatever. She's like, oh, but after I do this whole spiel about, yeah, you know, I wanted something nice for us, whatever. Just out of curiosity, why did I get a reservation ding today from Resi? Did you try to, like, backtrack and be like, well, they didn't confirm.

I put it in today. They asked me for COVID testing. That's what I said. That's nice, yo. Hey hey you you did lie i won't be yeah i lied that's great yeah good for you he ain't making it this deep into the podcast she'll skim the first 10 minutes put all the heat at the back end i've learned this i've learned this it's like a fed wire tap. They got to stop listening if they don't hear their name

in five minutes. All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because you spent way too long shaving your balls, getting your balls all trimmed up. All right?

And ladies, if your man's dick looks crazy because he doesn't shave it up, then you got to get him the Manscaped 3.0 trimmer. It's a no-brainer. Fellas, get it. It's going to save you time.

First, I'm going to speak to the fellas. Shaving your balls in the shower, using the razor, then you have to come back and use scissors. It's a half an hour process for some of these people who got lots of hair on their balls. I don't know who I'm talking about. Maybe me, maybe not.

Point is, you can expedite this into a few minutes. Once you get this manscape trimmer, it's that simple. Just take the time down. And the upkeep is nothing. My balls have never looked better. I'm telling you, go to manscape.com. You go to manscape.com. Okay. Slash flagrant manscape.com slash flagrant. You're going to get 20% off and free shipping. That's manscape., slash flagrant. Manscaped.com slash flagrant. You're going to get 20% off and free shipping. That's Manscaped.com slash flagrant. What are you waiting for? Get your balls in check.

Get them all shaped up. You need to end this year right and start this year, next year even better. Manscaped.com slash flagrant, 20% off. Let's get back to the show. That's funny. Okay, give us another garbage. Another big one. It's very divisive

is uh oh people are very opinionated on it what did you both get on your sats 1240 no that's embarrassing for an indian i didn't want that's true that's pretty true i got you gotta at least get 13 i got into the college i wanted but i was like i should take it again just like i said this number out loud damn I hate saying it to Indians, and then it's always funny when white people are like, damn. I thought that was funny. That's good. No, go. I got an 1140.

I got 1130. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I got something. It ain't good. Bro, I'm shocked you took it. ACT written all over you, baby. Spent a lot of weekends at Sylvan Learning Center for an 870, I'll tell you that.

My mom should have got her money back. Oh, yeah, dude. The whole thing for us was, it was, I think it was like you just had to get over like a thousand. A thousand. It was like over a thousand. If you can get four digits, it's like you can pretty much get into like a lot of state schools.

Like you'll get into a semi-reputable establishment. It's like none of my friends are going to Harvard. You know what I we all went to public school new york city it's like you're going to suny binghamton if you're going to albany if you're okay you're going to fucking baruch if you're not right like this is this is kind of how shit went right now i'm trying to think you had to get over a thousand right yeah you were you were in the meaty part of the curve you got 11 30 i'm 40 oh my man fucker 11 40 dog yo that's a big thing too satellite campings are fucking Yeah. You were in the meaty part of the curve. You got 1130? 1140. Nice. My man. 1140, dog. Yo, that's a big thing, too.

Satellite campuses are fucking garbage. Yeah. Satellite campus. Satellite. My campus is a slap. Like, if you're like, oh, I went to University of Miami in Pittsburgh. It's like, ah, come on, dog. Satellite campus, right? Isn't there a U Miami of Ohio?

Yeah, there is. But there's a bunch in Pennsylvania. There's a bunch of satellite in, like, outside. Penn State Altoona. Garbage. But outside of... There's like... Outside of Pittsburgh, there's like multiple

satellite campuses for like fucking states and cities that are nowhere near there. Really? Pennsylvania got tons of colleges and like Philly in particular, and it's funny because none of y'all are getting in to anything. I went to TU, dog. Temple University. Oh, you went to Temple? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cosby, right?

Me, Cosby, yeah. That dude was a fun partier. Shout out to those Phi Kappa Theta parties. When you were there, would he ever come back? Yeah, he would go to the games. All fucked up. Yeah, he would go to the football game. Our football team was terrible. We used to lose like 68 to... The spread would be like...

Everybody's saying Cosby was the one that was fucked up. It's true, but spread would be like. Everybody's saying Cosby was the one that was fucked up. It's true. But we, dude, we would lose so bad. And we played at the State of the Eagles, the Lincoln Financial Field. So, like, 10 people would go. And we would just go to party and, like, hang out. Yeah. And he would be there all fucked up.

Like, you can look at those, like, ESPN footage of him, like, fucking drunk as fuck. And they're talking to him. And he doesn't know what's going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Temple had a good basketball team. Temple, yeah, when Chaney was there. Yeah, the coach had a good sleep. Ray Rice was Temple. Yeah. Wait, what?

They do not have a lot of notable black alumni, huh? They all got some stains on their head. Yeah. Ray Rice? Oh, Ray Rice went to Temple? I'm pretty sure. I could be wrong. I thought it was Temple. It's one of those schools that's not normally good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's either temple or Rutgers. Might have been Rutgers.

Might have been Rutgers. That's funny because temple to us was a garbage school. It's pretty garbage. It's like the, yeah. Yeah, and she was always like a temple kid. We were forbidden to go there. Temple? Yeah, because it was so dangerous.

It was bad, dude. It was really bad. Your family? Huh? Your family would mean black? Possibility. Yeah. No, it was just, it was so bad.

It was mid-90s. It was terrible. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Rough time? Yeah. You could hear gunshots, like, daily. Where?

At Temple. North Philly? It's in the heart of North Philly. And it's, like, it's a campus where it's about an 8x8 block, and it's safe on there. They have the second biggest police force. Johns Hopkins is like that. Every college is like that.

USC is like that. But, dude, it's fucking bad. People would run in the house. Why is Philly so bad? I don't understand this. I had a joke about this. Philly's the one city where I've never heard of a good party. No, there's not. Every part of Philly you say you're from,

yo, you from West Philly? It's crazy out there. Yeah. North Philly? Oh shit, you're from South Philly? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's true, dude. So the suburbs is where the rich folks live. Yeah, it's a lot of white flight. Everybody got money and got out. But when you're there, like whenever I did shows in Philly and I was around that kind of...

Center City. Yes, it's Center City. Center City, yeah. That's alright. Yeah, there's like 15... There's Rittenhouse Square is there. A a 15 but yeah there's like 15 there's written house squares there a lot of old money there yeah it's been franklin shit yeah yeah but dude you go like outside of that very center city pocket even at night the center city gets fucking dicey yeah yeah yeah my but why is it so bad is it mafia shit gang shit like what it's not gangs it's not really it's just like it's like block to block it's just fucking a lot of poverty a lot of guns you can get guns like in pennsylvania

you can there's like no like new york doesn't have that many guns ah so there's violence a lot of violence got you and the gun laws are really lenient okay interesting like you can go buy 15 handguns at a time even in the city yeah? Yeah. Not like a CVS or anything. But you know what I'm saying? Like in New York, for example, like if you live upstate, you could probably get a rifle super easy. But in New York City, you can't. You can't. You can't have a gun. Yeah. They have gun shows and shit.

Really? Yeah. You can literally, what they do is they send one guy in with a clean record to go in and buy like 15 handguns. And then he goes and just gives them out. They're called straw purchases. Yeah, real rural, real quick when you get outside the city. That's a bad combination. Yeah, I never understood why Philly is so rough.

But maybe it's because like sometimes what happens when there's like a decently sized city that's close to a major city, you kind of drain all the folks from it. Oh, yeah, that's true. Even you guys come in here, like you could stay in Philly and do stand-up there, but obviously New York is going to be more opportunities for you to go. And I'm sure the same shit happens with business or whatever. But it just doesn't make sense

because I think someone's telling me Philly's like the seventh biggest city in the country or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's big. It used to be top five, and then people are fleeing. Really?

They have been over the past couple of years, yeah. It just makes no sense. You have all these schools, so you have all these kids that go there. A few of them should hang around. Yeah, not a lot of them do. They get their money and fucking go. I think you're right.

It's a brain drain. It's like, why would I stay here if you're here? You can go to New York and make 10 times. Two hours to the city, baby. Are you kidding me? Yeah. Fucking hit the Lincoln Tunnel and goodbye. The city in America is New York.

Yeah. This is the city. And imagine you're two hours away from it. Why would I not? 90 minutes, yeah. And everything is there. Commerce is New York. This is the city. And imagine you're two hours away from it. 90 minutes, yeah. And everything is there. Commerce is all there. And there's entertainment there. Whatever you are for the best, restaurants.

Go to New York. You want fame? That's the spot. Did you guys start stand-up in Philly? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. It was good. It's a northeast.

So it's like Philly, Boston, New York, right? It's's the same mentality a lot of ball busting a lot of blue collar fucking families it's like my family's huge my mom's one and nine they're huge it's all like irish catholic fucking construction workers and like i'm like the 15th funniest dude in my family like wait your your family's all construction workers yeah yeah and you couldn't finish a shed? Yeah, my stepdad owns a huge construction company. This is hilarious. That's how trashy we are. That's why it's garbage. I have an unfinished shed for 10 years.

Finally, my mom was like... This is like Thanksgiving when the whole family said, just go finish the fucking shed. Everybody bring your hammers, dog. We got a fucking roof to put on. Yeah, we're super garbage. We got a huge hole in our basement waiting on an insurance check to come through. Let's go.

Okay, yeah, but it's interesting because there's so many comics that come from Philly that have had a lot of success in New York, but I feel like Philly's not spoken about as a comedy city in the way that Boston is. Well, I think it's distance. It's like when you start getting good in

Philly, you can still live in Philly and come up to New York a couple times a week to start getting your name in, start getting some reps, meeting people. Whereas Boston dudes stayed in Boston. They stayed in Boston the whole time. Philly is slept on as a talent city, like Will Smith, fucking voice to men, Kevin Hart.

There's massive people from Philly, and you don't think about it, but I think comedy needs a couple of more big people from Philly. Because Boston had everybody you loved 10 years ago. Whether it was Dane Cook, or Louis C.K., Patrice O'Neal, or Bill Burr. They're all from Boston, so you couldn't

look away from it. We slip in, too. We slip in. We slip in and then fucking, you know, get mixed up down the village for a few years. On this scene or over here. You know what I mean? We don't roll in big dick and we come in on the mega bus. There's like how do I say this?

They haven't had superstars yet. They've had New York stars. Outside of Kevin Hart. If you came up in the New York comedy scene, you saw these guys that came up from Philly. Big J.O. Kurt Metzger as well. So guys that came up from Philly. Big J.O.Person, Keith Robinson, Kurt Metzger as well.

So many guys come up from Philly. In your head, you're like, man, these Philly dudes are hilarious. But the only megastar so far is Kev. So if you're somebody outside New York, you might not be familiar. The four Boston guys I named, they were everybody. Your favorite comic is one of those four. And they're all from Boston at some point.

Also Dennis Leary. Dude, back to the 80s. Was H all from Boston also Dennis Leary like those dudes that were dude back to the 80s like they were was Hicks from Boston no Hicks was Texas that's right

Leno I think was from Leno was up there I think he went to school I don't know if he was from up there but he went to school up there and started up there was it Chicago

Marin's up there as well that's right yeah yeah yeah yeah they had a little move also they have the TV show too and they had that movie when stand up stood, the propaganda piece

they put out. But then also, them four is undeniable. Like, fuck, that's one city? You put that together and you're like, god damn. New York is not to be slept on either, though. Like people coming from New York? Yeah, like comedians. Yeah, that's the thing I'm thinking.

How many of us are actually from New York? Rock, Seinfeld, Eddie Murphy. That's that old generation. I'm thinking. Like, how many of us are actually from New York? Rock. Rock. Seinfeld. Eddie Murphy. That's that old generation. I'm trying to wonder, like, the new generation. Oh, no, you guys stink now. Isn't that crazy?

I'm trying to think, like, I'm trying to think who else besides me is growing up. You, Chrissy D. Oh, Chrissy, of course. Giannis. Giannis. Yes, yes. Ricky. Ricky.

I'm sorry. Yeah. Ricky. Pete. Pete. Y'all doing it. No, no, we're all right. We're all right.

All right, all right. That's a good point. That's a good point. I was just trying to think. It's so weird. Like, I even want to have these conversations it. No, no, we're all right. We're all right. All right, all right. That's a good point. That's a good point. I was just trying to think. It's so weird. I even have these conversations with Ricky when we're coming up. We're like, yo, who else is actually from the city? And why aren't people doing it?

And maybe sometimes when it's so accessible to you, you don't lean into it. You know, when you're from outside of the place to be, you want it so much more. Sure. Because it's like right out of your mouth. It was in lights to us. It was like a fucking Hollywood sign. It's like, i'm gonna go up there and do comedy yeah you're like when are we moving to new york that was the conversation you're like how do i get up there i gotta get a job i can find some way to get up there and i think maybe sometimes people take

it for granted when it's right in front of them it's like when these people that live on the live on the beach don't surf yeah you know what i mean yeah and it's just like i don't know that happened to me even like in college i was like i'm just gonna just going to go to college in California and surf all the time. I surfed like twice. It was like right there. You know, you got to really fucking want it if it's right in front of you, man. You have the board hanging up in your place though? Yeah.

You got it. No, now you're saying? No. Oh, back then? Absolutely. Absolutely. Just doing nothing with it. That'd be crazy if you had it now.

New York City apartment, you got a surfboard up there. Imagine. Imagine. Yeah, man. All right, apartment, you got a surfboard up there. Imagine. Imagine. Yeah, man. All right, guys, let's take a break real quick because you're probably hungry. You're probably listening to this podcast as you work from home, and you can't go anywhere because it's fucking quarantine, and they're shutting down indoor dining, and you can't do shit.

So what are you going to do? You're going to order food. What app are you going to use? Not any of these other bullshit apps. You need to use DoorDash. It is the app that brings you the food you're craving right now right to your door. Ordering it is dumb easy. And with certain credit cards, you can get certain promotions.

I know about all those because I'm Indian. DM me on the side if you want to know that information. But they got 300,000 partners in the U.S., Puerto Rico, Canada, and Australia. You can support your local go-to's, or you can go to fucking Wendy's and get anything you want there. They got Chipotle. They got their goddamn Cheesecake Factory with the best brown bread on the face of the earth.

Guys, all you got to do is, if you are a listener, you can get $5 off your first order and zero delivery fees if you spend $15 or more, which you're going to do anyway. Just download DoorDash and use the promo code FLAGRANT, F-L-A-G-R-A-N-T. You should know that if you're not a moron. $5 off, zero delivery fees on your first order when you download DoorDash and use the promo code FLAGRANT. Man, save yourself some money, get yourself some delicious food, and let's get back to

the show. So have you guys done any stand-up, like, regularly? I know you said you're going back to Royersford royersford pa tonight yeah i mean just like shit in the city fucking i did uh i did a weekend with uh up at mohegan sun with versi and they had to cancel midway through oh they can't somebody got covid in the casino a week ahead it's she hadn't been there in a week but a lot of people getting COVID right now, guys. Not just me. Are you scared of it? Are you scared of getting it? I mean that

for real, dude. Buddy, I thought I took out a life insurance policy on this fucking guy. I just signed a lease in Midtown on a studio space and I put all my eggs in Foley baskets. I got the will written out and instructions what to do with my phone if I go down. Yeah, we're ready to rock and roll. No, but are you scared at all?

Did you get it? I mean, not more than anybody else, I don't think, until now. Shit, what the fuck? This is weird. No, but for real. I mean, you could die? Yes, scared of it. When the little spike popped up in the comedy community,

we locked everything down for a little bit. You know what I mean? Also, too, we missed it by fucking. Giannis was on his way to our... In the car, on his way to our studio. He calls us. Akash just called me. I might have been exposed. Dude, I felt like fucking Neo in the

Matrix. I was like, whoo! We fucking kept that studio open, baby. We were like 10 minutes, like 10, 20 minutes away from fucking all getting it. You could have killed me. Yo, low key, this experience with like you giving us COVID and seeing how quickly that shit spread.

Did you test positive for it? Yeah. What the fuck? Oh, you didn't know that? Oh yeah. That's right. Nobody would know.

Yeah. Shut down production for the Netflix thing. Oh yeah. It was crazy. Like we were like, I don't know when we're going to be able to come back. I literally tested positive the day before. Sorry, tested negative the day before we filmed.

How long were you two around each other for him to get the- Couple hours. Holy shit. Not even that. I didn't even do the pod. Yeah. That day, Chrissy and Giannis replaced me because we were working on the Netflix thing. Okay.

So he was just in the studio with us. Dude, this is how crazy. That's crazy. No, but think about it. And literally, I've been like very critical, obviously of like, you know, the government officials shutting everything down, this, that, the other.

And I was like, ah, he's fucking doing stuff. We're all messed up. We're messed up all the time. Now, I will say this. This guy didn't have any symptoms. He gives it to Giannis. None of us have any symptoms. I had a guy like give me a haircut,

then went to go propose to his girl. Thank God he didn't have it, but he's going to Arizona to propose to his girl. Then they're going to her family's house in Oregon. Getting on a plane. Exponential growth, dude. That's how this shit goes. And whoever gave it to me did not see that many people.

I came straight from here, so I know I didn't give it to those, to the other comics on the show. They were like, I told you, they were at Reading Terminal before, just grabbing a meal in Philly, and that might be where they got it and that's the scary thing is like they we used to think you could only give it to someone when you're feeling shitty yeah and if that was the case it's like all right you're fine like as long as you're not coughing take your temperature stay yes damn i felt good i felt great yep do you know what i mean everybody and then the whole fucking yeah i don't know it was just a little ynis got, the day after he was exposed to me,

interviewed Colin Quinn. Colin Quinn got it. You don't even feel symptoms until three to five days. Yeah. Like it is nuts. Yeah. One thing I'll say

if anybody's listening that helped, I think, did you take vitamin D the whole time? Start taking vitamin D now. I've been crushing vitamin D. I've been crushing airborne. If you get zinc, I've been taking zinc.

I got vitamin C, vitamin D. And he's on a daily dose of 15 mozzarella sticks. so it's all good. Bacon and eggs every morning. Is that what you do every morning? What's your breakfast? What do you want to know?

He's going to lie to you, for sure. Okay. He's 100% going to lie to you. What do you want to hear? I have a grapefruit and... I still got that chicken parm for that night. Got the doggy bag I'm gonna heat up

uh breakfast lately has been eggs and bacon of some sort but here's where I go wrong wait a minute

can I just say one thing before you get into this here's where I go wrong wait hold on oh fuck bacon is that where you go wrong

okay where do you go wrong I go wrong with uh no matter if we go to the health food store cause my girl tries to you know keep me healthy and stuff like that yeah yeah yeah and I just went to the doctor got a, because my girl tries to keep me healthy and stuff like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just went to the doctor, got a physical, all that stuff, so I'm trying to improve it. But where I go wrong, it doesn't matter if it's good for your food or bad for your food. I'm going to eat too much of it. Yeah. Like, what would you guys say is the normal serving of an English muffin?

Of English muffin. How many English muffins? The fact that you think that's health food is crazy. I'm just saying. I'm just using it as a guess. It has the word muffin. Let's say toast. That's okay.

Let's say spelt bread at the fucking... Two slices. Two, yeah. You say two slices? Yeah. That's interesting. That's a viewpoint, sure.

Yeah. What do you got? Two feels a bit excessive. Two? Nah, nah, you can go two. Two is, you know, you do got? Two feels a bit excessive. Two? Nah, nah, you can go two. Two is, you know, you do two. Two is legit. But like, you should be good at two.

Yeah, well, how many do you have? Like two sandwiches worth, like so four slices. I'm being serious. Two slices? Two slices. Yes, yeah. Yo, I don't eat bread.

Yo, if you want to get back in shape, I get you. Okay, this is my dream. Everybody with the keto, I know what's bad for me. I know what I'm doing. I don i know what's i know what i'm doing we did it on our podcast you know what to do yeah i know what to do yes i know what to do but no no this is this is a this is i'm like rembrandt i'm all for my own i realized when we were talking on the podcast we go back to art school we didn't do it but here's the thing i think in the spirit of your show there's probably nothing more garbage

than the fat dude that loses all the weight and then starts wearing like the tight clothes and like really showing yeah and really leaning into it that's a garbage thing to do is it not here's the thing in the spirit of your show even if you gain all the weight back at one point in your life you have to lose everything and then start dressing like me. I want to see skin and your ripped jeans. Listen, I'm going to tell you, the only thing sadder than being

That's an 870 for you, folks. What's an 870? That's his SAT scores. Mr. 870, we call him around RUgarbage.com. Oh, my God. I think I beat that on math, to be honest with you.

The only thing worse... That's true. If you got higher... If you got higher in... What is it? English? English. It was English.

Yeah, English and math. If you got higher in English, you're gay, bro. Honestly, that's 100% gay. Yeah, I had higher math. Yeah, you gotta have higher math, got higher English, you're gay, bro. Honestly, that's 100% gay. Yeah, I had higher math. Yeah, you gotta have higher math, dude. Okay, go on. Here's the thing.

The only thing worse than being the fat guy is being the fat guy that just lost weight. No, it's not. Yeah, dude, because the way the face is. That's the fat seeping into his brain. It's convinced himself of that. You don't want to be that guy. Yeah, you do. You want to lose it slow, naturally.

No. Three slices of toast. That ain't working for you. Then you scale back to two. What the fuck are you talking about? Wait, you do. You want to lose it slow, naturally. No. Three slices of toast. That ain't working for you. Then you scale back to two. What the fuck are you talking about? Wait, hold on. The fact that, I want to do this because we did it on our Patreon. Don't lie to my face.

You know what's funny is you stung me. Listen, I don't know why we're going this way in the conversation. I'll entertain this for a little bit. Because we fucking care about you. But I'm starting to sweat in here a little bit. We want you to live. I was told I was going to come in here and have a good time. No. We gave you the you. But I'm starting to sweat in here a little bit. We want you to live. I was told I was going to come in here and have a good time. No.

We gave you the seat with no sides. Yeah. We had to reframe the whole fucking room with the cameras. We need you to live. Alex was in here last night

trying to figure out. We had a structural engineer come check the fucking Maybe if we get a drone we can fly it above him. Let me see a picture of this kid. Oh my God.

Okay, go, go, go. I recently went to the doctor. Yeah. Got my physical. I'm on a thing. You look see a picture of this kid. Oh my God. Okay, go. I recently went to the doctor, got my physical. I'm on a thing. You look like a boss in Monster Sing. I'm on a path now. I'm exercising to a degree every day. We're pulling back. So this is just conversation. But you really

stunned me. You got to me. Hold on. Did you hear that sentence? I'm exercising. I'm exercising to me. Hold on. Did you hear that sentence? I'm exercising. Can I get a cupcake or something? I'm exercising. No, no. He said, I'm exercising to a degree every day. To a degree. To a degree.

There's an asterisk against that. Let me put the butter on the table. My doctor said I should walk a half an hour a day. That's all I mean. I don't really think I'm out there doing CrossFit. Yeah, you're going to walk the Burger King. I don't want to misrepresent myself there doing CrossFit. Yeah, you're going to walk the Burger King. I don't want to misrepresent myself. You can't. I'm walking

exercise. But I will say there was a lot, there was that turn of like, alright, it's not really funny anymore. We're worried about it and stuff like that. And you stung me with one maybe like three months ago. I said it with love. I hope I didn't say anything mean, but go ahead. Well, here's, I didn't know what you I was, you bugged me out

because like you did it so sincerely and like I was we were doing a rooftop show all right and and I was hosting and I was standing in the corner I just let the person like literally you know I'm in fucking you know most of them were people in the apartment below banging on the I just heard you fee-fi-fo-fum up to the mic. Go on. Go on. Hey, knock off the basketball game up there, will you?

It's just me laying on the couch. Jurassic Park downstairs? I just got the water shaking. Go on. The water shaking. Jeff Coldpool. Clever girl. Oh, dear. Okay.

No, but you walked up. So I was in the zone. I was about to leave, so I had to talk to you at that point. And he walks out and he like gingerly puts his hand on my shoulder and he looks at me right in the eye and he goes, why'd you have to describe with more food? There was a lot of steaks on the table. Just the way the cookie crumbled that night. He gave me a full entree.

He gave me two entrees of advice. And he looked me right in the eye and he was like, are you okay? And I was like, I think I was like sweating. You're sweating now, dude. I don't want to say anything. I was on like four edibles at the time, so I wasn't really sure what you were alluding to. Edibles? They were cheese steaks, buddy. He didn't smoke it. They were cheesesteaks, buddy.

He wouldn't even smoke it. He's eating. I get my crab cakes and tea. Oh, my God, yo. Okay, go, go. So Fatty eats his weed. Yeah, you go to the weed guy here. All right, come on.

He's looking you in the ribeye, right? All right, go, go, go. And he just said, are you okay? And he said it sincerely. And he's like, are you okay? And like, he said it sincerely. And he's like, you know, things are starting to happen now. You have to take care of yourself. And that meant a lot to me. Yes.

And I, that was like right after that is when I scheduled my doctor's appointment. I got insurance and all that stuff. And I'm on my way. I'm in the middle of like seven different appointments right now. You know what I mean? That's amazing. I went and got my chest x-ray. My EKG was fine.

All that kind of stuff. I am pre-diabetic. Yeah. Pre-pre-diabetic. He keeps adding more pre's on it. Good news. And I don't even know if that's medically a thing. That's what he said.

Good news. It's a little, you know, just finding that a little bit bad news. Well, I said when he was going to the doctor, he was petrified. And I said, dude, the best thing that can come out of this is like a little bit of a scare. Like, I'm like, I don't, if they come back and say, you're the healthiest guy I've ever met in my life, the governor's off and you're going to be dead in a month. See you around, folks.

You need to get checked and scared to change your behavior. And I think it has. It's all very new. And I quit smoking. I'm on the nicotine gum now. Yeah. What's crazy is nicotine actually is a thermogenic. It helps you lose weight, which is hilarious.

That's why I take it. But he now chews the gum, so he also eats the cigarettes too. He quit smoking them and now he eats them. He just takes an ashtray and just dumps the fucking... Parlaments and a little mustard, not too bad. What I said to you, and I mean this, is everything you work for... Wait, how did this turn on me? You brought it up.

I did not bring it up. Yes, you did. The second we had to get it... No, you asked me if I was scared because of the COVID. No, you asked... I would never have brought this up.. The corona, yeah. Yeah. No, you asked. I would never have brought this up. For an intervention. No, I didn't.

That's what it was. Yeah, Akash was like, Are these cameras even on? Man. Well, I brought up all your garbage. I was like, you have this incredible thing. Everything you worked for

is about to come true. Right. And this is going to be the best time. The way up is the best. I'm worried you're not going to get to enjoy it fully if you're overweight. When you said that,

I took it to heart. I love you. He called me. Yeah. He was like, dude, Akash got like and fucking shook him to the core. I said it with love.

I was like thinking about it. I was like, I can't come down on this kid. Of course you didn't. And I really appreciate it. And there was one or, there was, you know, a couple of incidents like that.

I think I texted you beforehand. Like, has he gained weight? You did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you texted me. You texted me about him. What do you want? He was like, Akash said something to me last night. I was did, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause you texted me, you texted me about him and then he was like, I got it. I got it.

I got it. I get why a pandemic makes anybody gain weight. They were giving away frozen pizzas at the trade fair. I'm a fucking human being over here. The point is I care about people. Why were you at the trade fair? It's my local grocery store. Oh, I thought that's like where you learn

how to like be a carpenter or something like that. CHI Institute or something? He thought he was multitasking. I was working on a two-stroke motor. No. So yeah, the way I see it, it's behind us. We're moving forward and we're done. And I didn't take it anything but with love.

And anybody who said anything, I haven't taken it anything but with love. Yeah, but then there gets to this like annoying point where you're like people are trying to give me like life advice. Well, yeah, it is there. Because you know it is there because you know this thing. It's not like they're telling you something that you don't know.

That's what I'm saying. I know how many English muffins you're supposed to have. Here's the thing. He runs out of breath in simple sentences. It also is selfish on our part because as your friend, you feel like you've got to say it because if you don't, you're an asshole. But it's really the salad fork. You guys want to make yourselves feel better.

You're no better than the waiter at the restaurant last night. No, that's what I'm saying. What I'm saying is if I don't say anything to you, I've got to get it off my chest. Yeah. You've got to clear your conscience. I've got to clear my conscience. So at the funeral, you can be like, I told him.

I tried. I did my best. We had him on the show. I got to clear my conscience. So at the funeral, you can be like, I told him. I tried. I did my best. We had him on the show. I tried to talk to him. You're fat. We good? All right, good. We're going to get that on record right now.

That's it. Say it right into the camera. It is weird, but I do think there's part of it. No, 100%. Any friend I've had who struggled with substances or whatever, I've been like, yo, if I don't say something and something happens to this guy, that's going to happen to me forever. That's on you. It's a selfish motive.

I can tell you this. It worked. I quit smoking. I'm walking around the track with my girl almost every day and we've reduced what we ate and it's just going to take a little bit of time and it's going to be great. Yeah, you got this. Do we do lunch here? Can we order in? What's going on?

You guys got a Jimmy John's close by I can talk to? Alright, boys. so what else? What is next? What happens with the pod? What are you guys' dreams about it? I'm curious about what's going to happen. I took a page right out of... I talked to you about it. I took a page out of fucking... We're team Schultz-y the whole way.

Because we built like... So we made a set. We rented a studio. We rented a space in Midtown. Turned it into a studio. All in like fucking four days. Like wild. So we didn't set. It's a great set. We rented a studio. We rented a space in Midtown, turned it into a studio, all in like fucking four days. Like wild, so we didn't miss any episodes. And it looks like a basement. We put up like wood paneling.

It looks like your fucking aunt's basement or whatever. I imagine he slept. Yeah, yeah, for sure. A lot of the shit is from his house. Like we went back to our parents' house and like got all these old fucking tchotchkes and shit. He's got his football jersey hanging up on the wall, like framed old number 62 what's a tchotchke tchotchke is like a white guy thing for a knickknack oh okay there's a knickknack still kind of a white

office space that's why yeah how many tchotchkes you got on yeah yeah or that flare pieces of flare the restaurant was called tchotchkes yeah it was pieces of flare yeah so yes you guys got this great studio so we built the studio uh toby's producer toby's producer he fucking came in the video quality is fucking we're like running it's cool because it's like there's three of us and one of them's him so there's two of us yeah uh and we're really fucking just like running and gunning it's exciting we're growing every fucking week yeah you know youtube's been really good for you guys youtube's been great uh yeah man we're doing we're literally just following the fucking schultzy model as you should text them as things like as i'm like making a decision like hey how about this

he's like that seems right to me i'm like oh well schultz said it we're doing it well anything you guys need we are here for you man any way we can help i think it's just so great but if there's one piece of advice that i would give you and i've given you a million times i'm not gonna say it anymore unless you do it it's making a 10 minute episodeminute episode of this. It's just the highlights. Just take the Are You Garbage section. I'm telling you, that explodes. That's the next thing. We're just fucking hemmed up production-wise. Every person that comes up with a movie will want to do

that little 10-minute thing. It just separates it. It feels like its own show. And then you get a sponsor for that. Hefty will sponsor it. Yeah. I've been talking to you about Hefty. Literally, if you'm a garbage bag company, I've been talking to you about Hefty. Literally, if you're a garbage bag company,

would you not sponsor a whole new garbage bag? Well, it's funny, they do advertise, like YouTube puts Hefty commercials in front of the fucking, in front of the show. They know what they're doing.

No, but also they don't. They just see the word garbage. Garbage, yeah. As if people are YouTubing garbage. Yeah. Also, the people that are watching our show

aren't buying name brand fucking trash bags. You know what I mean? They're using like the shopping bag. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The 50 gallon bag on the 10 gallon can if you've ever taken the uh the bag from the grocery store and like hooked it around the like a knob or something yeah i'm pushing it and that's the trash bag definitely garbage yeah i need that's a big new york thing though i need to see this we're doing it i mean you the first one you told me and when after your

episode came out you texted me you're like dude do cut it a 10 minute version it's like yeah i mean i just i mean at that point i was doing all the production i don't know what the fuck i'm doing call toby we'll have a call toby but i want lights changed i want to be dramatic toby's already got a laundry list he's gonna love a phone call with more responsibility yes but bust out cigarettes like you guys got to get into character a little bit. What would be the most garbage thing to do? Drink a Diet Dr. Pepper or something like that? You're a big Dr. Pepper guy.

Diet Cherry Vanilla Diet. He's a big Dr. Pepper guy. The trashiest soda. Mr. Pibb is garbage. Dr. Pepper is class, bro. What is this? The trashiest soda is a Cherry Vanilla Diet Dr. Pepper. That is the official beverage of the garbage nation.

That or Mountain Dew is tough. Any brand of any version of Mountain Dew is tough. No, it's got to be a diet because that's the trashier thing. If you're drinking regular soda like that, you're owning yourself. If you're coming at Dr. Pepper, buddy, it's a doctor, okay? It's got a degree.

No, it's the diet. It's the diet that makes it trash. And it's bottled in Texas? These are two things very near and dear to me? Texas people, we found out, Texas people are diehard Dr. Pepper fans. They don't fuck with anything else. They don't fuck with anything else. It's like, no, we're Dr. Pepper fans. Through and through, bloodline, generations,

Dr. Pepper. Fucking wild. It's like a part of the culture there. It's weird. Also, we call every soda coke. Yeah, that's true they're standing on a flag for dr pepper we're throwing batteries at people that's why we're trashed you don't be coming here with that mr pibbs and shit okay yeah come on i gotta see it i gotta see it we'll do it we'll do it we're just we're you know we're getting our legs in the new studio and And once we get everything ironed out,

I like how your mind works that like, you know, you, like you did it and then you had notes. I love that. Yeah. I mean, if I see people doing shit,

right. One, if I, if I see people that are curious and like with good intentions, I always love to help as much as I can. But when you're doing it right, I'm like, there might be a tiny little thing that you could change.

It's going to have way bigger results. Sure. I like it. There's also, there's a thing too. thing that you could change that's going to have way bigger results. Sure, I like it. There's also, there's a thing, too. We noticed that every time we're doing it, there's something, it's very noticeable. You even call it out in yours. There's always a moment, like 10, 15, 20 minutes in, where it clicks in the guest's head. And, like, we see it.

Oh, yeah. They're no longer like, oh, so I started comedy doing it or whatever. It's like they're telling the story about a memory that they haven't thought about in 20 years. And it's like, it's like they blink and then like blink again. And they're like, fuck. And you even stood up.

You're like, oh fuck. Okay. You're like, I fucking like, yeah, you're like, let's go.

You should start every episode with that moment. Just real quick. It should be, it should be like 15 seconds. Damn, you're good. My mom would make macaroni and cheese. Where were you with that one?

With the blah, blah, blah. Like my mom would make macaroni and cheese with da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da're good, Schultz. My mom would make macaroni and cheese. Where were you with that one? With the blah, blah, blah. Like, my mom would make macaroni and cheese with da, da, da, da, da. And then stops. Stop it. Enter, yeah, boom. Are you garbage?

Begin the thing. Because now they're like, I need to see. I'm hooked on that. Damn, you're good, Schultz. Yeah. Think about it. Like, you guys are in acquisition mode. Obviously, we all are.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, maybe we're at a place right now where people are familiar with Akash. They're familiar with me or something from other avenues of the internet. Well, the thing is, we're nobody. Exactly. We have no following. And when I say exactly, I'm not trying to be insulting. What I'm trying to say is like everybody that's finding you is right now.

They're coming to you because of either the person you're talking to or the conversation you're having. Yes. Right. So those are the most important things driving. One hundred percent. Whereas for us, somebody can be like, oh, I love Akash's stand up. I want to check out flagrant. Oh, I love Andrew's stand up or like the monologue videos. He does a podcast, too. I'll check that. You guys. We only have this show. Yeah. Blah, oh, I love Akash's stand-up. I want to check out Flagrant. Oh, I love Andrew's stand-up or the monologue videos.

He does a podcast, too. I'll check that. You guys lean into that thing. We only have the show, yeah. Blah, blah, blah. No, no, no. And it's great. And as the show gains popularity, now all of a sudden they're tuning in for you guys. Yeah, of course.

And then the guest could be a complete no-name, but you're going to give them equity through your family. Well, we noticed that because we'll do it. He's our man. He's our man. Why, yeah. I'm literally just following in here. He's a good student of yours. I'll tell you that.

It's on that. He's on. He's good. I'm literally just following in here. He's a good student of yours. I'll tell you that. It's for everybody. Oh, because we started, I'm like, long term, it's unsustainable to have to interview someone because we're cranking out two episodes a week. You're interviewing a different comic every week. Yeah. So we come up with a formula to bring people back and stuff like that. And it's been a lot of fun. But also, I'm like, at the end of the day, we have to make them fans of ours, which they

don't realize they are because we'll release, like today we released an episode of just me and him. Yeah. And it does the same numbers as like a regular fucking comedian and you should continue to do that every once in a while you absolutely should you guys can have your games you know for the guard but I just thought it was such a fun conversation

we get the fans involved we answer their questions yeah that's part of the Patreon when you join the Patreon and we figured out a way to bring guests back which we want to have both you guys back I'm not coming back until I can do the 10-minute thing. Fair enough. But we read the Patreon questions to the, we call it company, having company. Are you garbage?

And then it's a 10-minute, what is it called? I mean, the 10-minute would be, instead of making that 15 seconds, 15 seconds on the back of the podcast, wouldn't it just be that's it, and then you go from that moment, from that light bulb moment, and then the rest continues theoretically. What is it called when the Well, we just started playing around with the linear. When they're like interrogation, that's what it should be. It should be like interrogation. Yeah, something to sit down and interrogation.

Yeah, that's kind of where it came from. What's the most garbage cigarette? Palmol's probably. Winston's. Parliament's up there. No, Parliament's fancy. No, with the fucking tip. Get out of here. That's new money. That's trash. Parliament's fancy Parliament's kind of classy with the fucking tip get out of here that's new money that's traditional

that's conditioned everyday but I want to see George Clooney on this you know what I'm saying he's got his number what the fuck so do I

I see that potential who? Clooney George finding out that their garbage is so likable for them I know but we're this is behind the curtain a little bit this is my concern I said we're not stopping until we get Paul Rudd

that's what I want perfect but here's the thing the the the genius and I'll rarely use this with Jimmy Fallon but the genius of Jimmy Fallon's show right is that the games he's playing with the guests make the guests look vulnerable every other show is usually, look how fun you are. Look how great you are. So this show is a device for vulnerability. Akash is out here. Hold on. Go, go.

No, but it's not genuine. What Jimmy Fallon doing isn't genuine vulnerability. On our show. We're all real, baby. I don't think fucking Tom Cruise will come in and be like, dude, you drank milk for dinner. You're a fucking loser. I don't think he's going to fucking. He's not going to.

You're going to say that to him. Yeah. You guys are going to be in this position where you get to call this famous person who's way more successful than you guys garbage, right? And it makes them look better if they're laughing at how garbage they were. They look cool. Yes. I don't think they would play along with it that well.

Let me tell you, they have to because one, it's vulnerable and likable and it's relatable. The more bougie and successful you get, the less relatable you are. Adam Sandler's been wearing the same stupid outfits for his whole life just so he can trick us into thinking he's not worth $400 million. Yeah, shout out to the Sandman. He's genius for that. You've never seen him in a suit.

You've never seen him in a suit. Hey, look at me. I go to the YMCA and play pickup. He don't want to do that. But he knows he's got a movie coming out and he's got to get some buzz on tmz so this is a perfect opportunity to see how quote-unquote relatable and it's up to you guys to make a genuine i like it yeah and you said that from the beginning you said i think when we came up with it it was just a way to make fun of each other yes but then i even used what you said in the pitch when you know when i'm feeling myself and somebody asking what the podcast is about or what's behind it uh as you said it humanizes comedians yeah and that's that that was really true and i noticed that a lot i always say this on mark norman's episode to hear

how he like what i thought he grew up like and to hear how he actually grew up yeah it's like oh this all makes sense now you can see the pieces of the comedian that's in front of you yes being built well i can I could easily do that with even Hollywood elites. To Schultz's point, they don't want to seem elite. They are that, but they don't ever want it. We agree with you. I don't know what this bozo is talking about. Cut the cameras.

It's over. I'll take Clooney and Tom Cruise tomorrow. You know who really works on that? It's like Kim Kardashian. The more bougie they are the the more that their perception is elite and rich the more valuable a conversation sure about their garbageness will be they're gonna be so eager to be garbage yeah and not only they're gonna be so eager to be it everybody even if they aren't garbage has one garbage thing and i'm telling you when you find out that it's garbage like what akash went through with milk when he went through

these when when you start to realize the conditioner oh my god with conditioner when you start to realize these things about yourself it's unbeknownst to you because the last thing that you want to do is walk around every day going god i grew up kind of like front end about who i was we always say that's the you know it's a show that we want to bring people together from all different walks of life. Yeah, cut that gay shit, bro. Yeah, he always does the fucking elevator pitch. The point is that we're all garbage.

Yes, no, I agree, I agree, I agree. Coming to Disney+. I just think it's awesome, man. I'm just very excited for you guys. Thanks, buddy. I really want, yeah, I just really want, I really want people to find out about it. I really, I's awesome, man. Thank you, dude. I'm just very excited for you guys. Thanks, buddy. I really want, yeah, I just really want, I really want people to find out about it. I really do, man. I appreciate that. That's why I know when we were doing this, I just, I think the guys really like it.

Go check it out. You guys are putting out clips and that kind of stuff. Oh, yeah. Yeah, clips are cooking. Everything changes if you do the 10-minute version. I love it. Yeah, I agree. That's the next step.

We're still getting our footing. Sorry to interrupt. Sure, there you go. I've been watching on YouTube, right? I like try to like find these little like series. And there's like a British YouTube channel called like Unilad or something like that. Or like Lad Bible, something like that, right? They do this show and it's seven minutes with or 13 minutes with, nine minutes with.

And then they just kind of have a person who's got an interesting life, a terminally ill person, a pedophile hunter, like a heroin addict. And it's just nine minutes, but you get to hear from the actual person what their life is about,

and they just target the most interesting or intriguing person. The fact that it's got nine minutes in the title, for whatever reason, makes me go, this is no time. I can learn everything I want about heroin in nine minutes, the title, for whatever reason, makes me go, this is no time. I can learn everything I want about heroin in nine minutes.

You can dance a lifetime into nine minutes. Literally their entire life. And it's just something about making it so digestible. You watch a few of those, and then you end up falling in love with the host. And then you're just like, oh, God, I just want to see anybody on this show. It's so much fun.

I just love it. Cut the fat, Bozo. What have I been telling you? Talking about cutting the fat? What are you talking about? The fuck? I thought you did it on purpose. I thought you were self-aware. No, he's not that smart.

870, we said. His weight and SAT score. Hello. All right, guys. Let's take a break real quick. Because I got to tell you you i think i found something better than coffee not i think i know i'm basically off a coffee i still love the ritual i'll still drink it but when i really need to focus and lock in you know what i do i pop to neuro root i am not

bullshitting you at all it is the perfect thing to focus as a matter of fact i think it's even hard to get right now because they're sold out, but as soon as they get more, I'm getting more. It is a one-of-a-kind nootropic, which boosts your brain function, and it's got a sublingual tincture, so you can, you know, put it under your tongue if you don't want to take a capsule because you're a loser. But, all you got to do, take NeuroRoot, you get better brain function, better memory development, a positive mood, you're living great, you're clear-headed, it has vitamin B6, muconipurines, a bunch of other shit that's a precursor to dopamine. Guys, I don't understand the science, even though I'm Indian, I should, I don't.

But take NeuroRoot, feel energetic and clear-headed, it's a fucking no-brainer. All you gotta do is go to NeuroRoot.com slash flagrant, That is N-E-U-R-O. Didn't even look at the fucking copy for that. R-O-O-T dot com slash flagrant. And use the code flagrant and you get 20% off. Guys, do it. I promise you it will work. It's very simple.

Get it done. Now let's get back to the show. Okay, so what you guys got coming up, man? Like I said, we just... Make sure you pitch out. Look at the YouTube channels. Say it all. I want everybody to know about it.

We just went out on our own. We left the network we were with. We went out on our own, fucking rolling the dice, betting on ourselves. Fucking. What? Fucking rolling the dice. Fucking Marky Mark over here. You said that.

Betting on ourselves. Why did you guys leave Gas Digital? Because we wanted to be able to build out our own set. Yeah, we wanted to have our own thing. They were great. He built his own world, and you built your own world. I would look at his hyenas and Tim Jones. I'm like, that's what I want. I don't want to just be

in a show on a roster. I want a fucking universe. Absolutely. The podcast is RU Garbage wherever you get podcasts. iTunes, Spotify, all that bullshit. YouTube is YouTube slash RU Garbage. Full HD video available there and patreon.com slash are you garbage we do bonuses yeah um you know like we did the mcrib taste test we played are you garbage with our moms we called our moms to find out who was more garbage with our mom garbage who do you think

they were both back in that they were it was tough my mom got a little political she just started shitting on fox news yeah that they because she's a republican political she just started shitting on Fox News that they she's a Republican and she's like oh they cause they called like Arizona earlier or something so she was like we don't watch that in this house anymore like she real fucking a lot of lines flowing down there is she on like One America News or

whatever now well she's well yeah whatever Trump's gonna come out with she's fucking she's she's full board they want to move to Florida. Hi, it's your Patreon, Trump News Network. Oh,

yeah, dude. Oh, let's go. So, okay, now, is that tricky?

What? Navigating that? With my mom? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, like,

I, like, when I go home, she's got a couple of wines in her. Yeah. Start spouting them out. Nah, shit.

I don't, I haven't been home since the election, obviously, because like COVID and shit. Yeah, yeah. So it might be dicey, but like,

also, I don't engage with her about it, really. We'll have like a, we'll have like an educated conversation. our parents used to say, obviously, because of COVID and shit. So it might be dicey, but also I don't engage with her about it, really. We'll have an educated conversation. You know, our parents used to say, like, I don't talk politics. That generation. That's all they... Well, until Facebook came around, that's all they fucking... They're just sharing all this bonko shit.

People in the burbs, they don't got shit to do. They're sitting around fucking arguing over their shit while drinking fucking white claws and stuff. People in the city argue about this shit all the time. I know. But we go home and we want to sit and relax with our family and stuff like that. Then you have some cousin that chimes in with it. I think that's why they're always yapping about it.

Shouldn't talk about politics. It ain't worth it. Nah. Maybe Facebook, the reason why they do it on Facebook is because they can disconnect from it. True. Yeah. So it's like if you're at dinner with the whole fam and somebody brings it up and you

know it's just going to be this huge fight fight it's not worth it but people come at it from but they get the emotional perspective you know what i mean like they can't separate you're in person you're online so it's like they say something over the dinner table that's like you could tell would be all in caps on facebook like a fucking psycho you know what i mean right it's like dude fucking relax i want to know about like the uh the trump political dinner conversation like do you have brothers or sisters or anything yeah are they also conservative uh tell me about the family fights that's what yeah well like especially when i go home and it's all like my fucking meathead uncles and cousins and shit they're like ah there's the democrat the new york democrat like are you liberal uh i would uh no but today he's in the entertainment yes i mean liberal is defined

on twitter no i you know i'm not far left insane liberal i you know i call balls and strikes is the way i like to put it you know what i mean like he doesn't tuck in his eagles jersey so he's considered a liberal yeah um you know what i mean i don't got you deshaun jackson that shirt tucked in mr fancy pants up there in new york you and chuck schumer huh you and schumer yeah you're supposed to tuck in to your blue that's a's a nice shirt, dude. It's a going out shirt. Oh my God. I didn't get it. I'm talking about your fucking Eagles jersey.

That tucking it in was the proper thing. Like a fucking gentleman, dude. You know what I mean? You're going to a Christmas reception. Oh my God. You're going to walk

into Home Depot with no mask on. You better have your fucking jersey tucked in. You know what I'm saying? Come fucking correct. Oh my god. Oh yeah. Right? Fucking A, dude. Yes, that's great.

Okay, so then you go, you have these conversations. They think that you're this kind of liberal pussy because they exist in this Facebook world where if you're not 100% on board with Trump, then you are a communist. Yeah, well it's also, it's like they But also, this is your family. They know who the fuck you are. You know that prolic ass Trump supporter girl who's on Twitter and just, then you are a communist. Yeah, well, it's also, it's like they- But also, this is your family. They know who the fuck you are.

You know that prolic ass Trump supporter girl who's on Twitter and just like, you fucking pussy ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You DM me. You're related to them. We're not that crazy, but like- I did a podcast. It wouldn't be nuts.

Like, one of my cousins would have married her, kind of. You know what I mean? She wouldn't be bloodline, but like, she would marry into the family. Yeah. Pretty sexy, though. What did she say in your DM? She DM'd him. Oh, really?

She listens to the oh really she's like yeah my friends are telling me that uh that uh you guys are talking about me on the pod i'd love to come on the pod and talk about it brilliant uh no no flagrant oh shit damn you're gonna have her tina uh let's see how the election pans out maybe we'll do like the uh maybe if trump concedes we'll do like the first interview with her oh that's pretty good yeah yeah biden 2020 motherfucker okay but go on um yeah so it's just like but it's also very and i think you know this is my two cents it's very the let me clarify the question i'm curious about here is you you are not a stranger on facebook to your mother your mother knows who you are

knows the type of person you are type of human human you are. And I'm wondering if she can detach your disagreement politically from how she feels about you as a human being. Or is she so wrapped up in the politics that that is clouding her judgment of even her own son? No, not at all. Will she run you over in her Camaro?

It depends what protest I'm at. No, not at all. She's not like that. except like sometimes when we do we will engage and i'm like you know what fuck it i got nothing to do this afternoon like let's fucking roll up the sleeves and get into it yeah it's like you know it'll be like you know the pro wall or whatever and like i'm coming out from like i'm like i think that's not a good idea for humanity or like you know like and she's like oh you fucking liberal i'm like you raised me to be a nice person.

Like, sorry, I don't want kids in cages. You bestowed that upon me as a child. Like, you know, and so it's like that stuff. And then like it eventually goes, all right, well, let's just move on. Like, we never solve anything. Yeah. Why do you think that specifically with Trump, it's become so political? Like, I didn't remember it to be this charged up in the past. Did you?

Like, was your mom this chart up about bob dole no no no no well it's all i mean you know it's probably a lot of things going to it's social media it's everybody's now thinks they have an opinion in a brand or whatever like this is what i post this is what i share like everybody thinks they're a fucking corporation so they're getting more feedback on their opinions than they ever had in the past but then it becomes a facebook makes it an echo chamber or whatever you know what i mean like so it's like i'm only going to share this fucking wacko post that I know is going to get a bunch of likes from these wackos that follow me. But where did that come from? I think people just got pushed, you know, they got pushed to the back of the wall a little bit.

And I think the left, you know, forces it down their throat so much that people like that were like in the middle. They'd see that and they're like, oh, well, fuck this. You know what I mean? Yeah. It was just a really bad, perfect storm of everybody not shutting the fuck up and then trump was the one guy that was like you matter to me and then yeah then he he cultivated that very ingeniously yeah yeah he took advantage of of a culture war that he probably assisted sure creating yeah but i do think too like i don't know i'm looking at it from my perspective as i'm a 34 year old fucking guy

and it's like you do it is proven that as you get older, you tend to be more conservative, right? Like that's how it trends, right? There was a – I don't know who said it. I heard the saying. It's like – Until you like hit an amount of money where you'll always be okay, and then you become this like charitable liberal. You know, like Bill Gates was like the most conservative. He was a piece of shit his entire life.

And the second he became the richest man, he was like, I should probably give away a lot of this money. There's a whole movie about how he fucked Steve Jobs. And now he's giving away everything. Yeah, he's this sweetheart. So there is like a, what is it, come full circle? Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. But keep going.

I forget where I was. You were talking about as you get older, you become more conservative. Yeah, so there's this saying of like, if you show me a liberal over... He has no... If you show me a liberal over 30, I'll show you an idiot. Or no, if you show me...

If you're under 30 and you're a liberal, you don't have a heart. And if you're over 30 and you're a liberal, you don't have money. Oh. Yes, exactly. But. Yeah, exactly. But a brain, yeah. But it's also, too, it's like. I'm over 30 and no money.

I'm a liberal. I know, but, like, now we're, like, we're talking about, like, you know, my parents are talking about money and, like, wills and shit. And now, like, I'm looking at money and I'm like, ah, pretty conservative guy now, you know what I mean? Like, it's not so fucking bad. Why is the government going to get money off of them guys? Yeah, I'm like, hey, pay tax already. I got to pay tax on it. Yeah, yeah. Fucking bullshit. Isn't that crazy? Well's not so fucking bad. Why is the government going to get money off of them guys? Yeah, I'm like,

hey, pay tax already. I got to pay tax on it? Fucking bullshit. Isn't that crazy? Well, shout out to Trump. He upped it, by the way. He upped what? He upped the death tax.

Well, he upped the allowed for like up to like $11 million or something. You don't have to pay tax. You don't have to pay. It is quite absurd, though. You dirtball. He's doing some research.

But no, for real, can someone explain the death tax? Why do you have to pay money for your folks dying? Because it's viewed as income. That's the way they view it. They view it as

it's an income to you. It's not your money. So no money can change hands up to $15,000 a year, every year to person. That is interesting. So you can, you could gift me

$15,000 a year if you want to. It's up to you completely. I thought it was $10,000. It's gone up. It's gone up. It's $15,000 now, a year. You can gift anybody. Do you know why I know that it's $10,000? year, if you want to. It's up to you completely. I thought it was $10,000. It's gone up? It's gone up. It's $15,000 now, a year. You can gift anybody.

Do you know why I know that it's $10,000? Why? Is this garbage? Shawshank Redemption. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the Sopranos.

She was trying to hide the money from Tony, but she took out of the bird feeder. Another food thing. Why did the board get fixed? Well, I'm not. He was looking at that bird feeder like, God damn, if I get my hands on that bird feeder, that'd be a good fucking day.

You're going off political. It's out of my realm. You guys want to talk about toasters, Trudeau? You know what's a food question I was wondering? What? Is, and also I'm curious because Alex is, I'm the only minority in the room and Alex is not talking on a mic.

Jordan's not here, bro? Jordan, I don't know. I didn't want to assume. I assume half white, but half black. All black. Alright, good for you. She's doing it right there. She winning. Alright. Cold pizza. Eating cold

pizza. Garbage or no? It is, but it's awesome. Yeah, it's, you know, it's one of the exceptions to the rule where it's like, you should be a gentleman and take the time to fucking heat it up. I mean, what's a couple of minutes? You know, but. But you can't heat it up in the mic. You have to go oven. You go oven, toaster, whatever you got. And when you do have that time and do it.

Toaster oven. Oh, okay. Not just fucking dipping the fucking side. Or put the toaster on the side. I just saw that for the first time. Holy shit. Pauly's gonna have three toasters going at home.

For research purposes. Let me tell you something I know about Kippy. He only has a toaster oven. If you tried to propose the idea of a toaster oven and a toaster, he's gonna be like,

why would I double up? We were a toaster oven family. I never had a toaster. My stepmom tried to bring a toaster into my dad's house and we were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Get this fucking commie bullshit out of here.

I need a fucking proper toaster oven. Yeah. Wait, how did she try to present it? She just came down one day, and it was just like a toaster in the fucking thing. We were like, no. She's like, you're not going to use the toaster? We're like, fuck no, we're not using that.

This is a toaster oven fucking household, toots. You know what I mean? Toots, toots. She didn't last that long. He broke up. They got divorced. I mean, she moved in. And the toaster oven was the beginning of the end. Yeah.

She was there for most of the time. A chunk of my childhood. 15 years. Why'd they break up? I don't know. I don't talk to my dad either. Now we're trash. Wait, why? Money. He got a rich stepdad. What he need a dad for? He brought the wrong coffee maker home one time.

I never spoke to him again. We're a rich press family. Dude, he tried to curate. I said, yo, buddy, I'll talk to you never. You're not my son anymore. Money. What do you mean? He owes you money?

No, family business shit. Beef. Can you talk about it or no? You heard him finagling about the death tax. We got a couple of things working. All right, Schultz? shit, beef. Can you talk about it or no? You heard him finagling about the death tax. We got a couple of things working. All right, Schultz, are you trying to fucking pin me down? You could have died in a yacht explosion 12 years ago.

He sees his daddy, calls him Larry. Who knows? I'm going to give an eye on these guys. Just nod your head like Michael Caine at the end of Batman. I'm so funny. I'm so used to talking to him who can't follow anything or ask follow-up questions. And Schultz is finally starting to pin me down.

No, I'm so curious. So what happened? There was a family business with my dad, my brother, and myself. And then I... What type of business? Mechanical contracting. I knew it was construction of some kind. Yeah.

And, you know, I left to go do comedy. It was my brother and my dad, and things soured drastically over. Were you like the referee between them usually? I was like the final ref. Like, hey, this is, you know, whatever. I made the final call. And then he was just like, my dad was like, yeah, whatever. I was like, all right.

See ya. So then him and your brother just couldn't work it out. They haven't talked at all. And you side with your bro in this dad was like, yeah, whatever. I was like, all right. See ya. So then him and your brother just couldn't. They haven't talked at all. And you side with your bro in this one. Yeah, I got it. I mean, you know, the way I look at it, I was like, if he could, you know, if he could screw him over, like, I'm him. So wait, your dad screwed your bro over, potentially.

Potentially. We don't know. In a fictional world that we're living in on this podcast. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you. This is on Patreon, right? What the fuck? Oh, we want it. Shout podcast. Sure. Yeah. And then you, this is on Patreon, right?

What the fuck? Oh, we want it. Shout out. It's patreon.com. So I'll show you garbage. So, okay.

So then you guys, you side with your bro, obviously that makes perfect sense. And your dad's relationship with your brother soured. That soured first. Right. And then I was like, Hey,

I was, I was already outside of, you know, I was outside looking in like, Hey guys, whatever, you know, let's try to,

and it just, it was in, you know, not, not salvageable. I think it's, it's reconcilable differences. We Like, hey, guys, whatever. Let's try to. And it just was not salvageable. I think it's. Reconcilable differences, we should say. But here. Yeah. And I think it's hard for. Reconcilable differences.

It's funny. Yeah. The ones that you can. Yeah. But no, but it's tricky. You want it, though. With parents, right, where it's like we can't fathom that we're not the most important things to them. And it's really hard for a lot of people to accept when we're not.

And I think that usually breaks a relationship because we go, well, if I'm not the most important thing to you, then you don't love me. Sure. Because that's like. It's all or nothing kind of. It's all or nothing, right? But like, I don't know. Like I've spoken to folks.

I keep their names private, obviously. And they basically told me that I would rather have some relationship with my dad than zero relationship with my dad but very mature it this is so mature like getting there to that point i was like baffles like how can you even accept that you're not the most important thing yeah to me it's like they're not garbage when you're garbage yeah we're we're trapped like a thing for me is like if you argue with me if you argue with a family member like my my my girl will argue with her parents or like whatever brother they get like you know just whatever yeah and i'm like oh to me a reality because my family is all so fucked up and every you know it's like there is a possibility that you're never

going to speak to that person again like every time you argue yeah i feel like they don't push it as far as we do so i go like i'm like yeah there's been times i'm like arguing with my brother or my sister or my mom or fucking you know and i'm like oh this could end in like to the point where like christmas is going to be weird for five years or whatever i think you and i talked about kimi and i weirdly related on a lot of stuff yeah yeah both we didn't know there was a such thing as healthy fighting no that blew my fucking mind that you just fight and it's fine like you say something to try to hurt them i'm just learning to understand that yeah yeah i'm just learning to understand that a fight in my mind this is

always everything is on the line every fight yeah you left the fucking food out okay here we go here's a fucking 12 rounds something's gonna be said that's not gonna be taken back that's a fucking that's where the garbage comes in yeah yeah yeah like it's possible for going to be able to be taken back. That's a fucking eye-opening thing. And that's where the garbage comes in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like, it's possible for just to be like, that person is completely wiped out of my life forever. And my wife's like, that's insane. I'm like, well, that's reality. And that happens a lot. I mean, like, yeah, there's, you know.

Like an aunt or something. Well, I mean, like my dad. I haven't talked to my dad in like, I haven't had a relationship with my dad in seven, I don't know, seven years. And I think that's why we work so well together because normally, like I said, like if I'm arguing, I go to say the worst thing ever. Right. And, but with him, I don't know, seven years. And I think that's why we work so well together because normally, like I said, if I'm arguing, I go to say the worst thing ever.

But with him, I know that there's a little bit of a governor on it. You know what I mean? He can keep me in check because if this guy fucking doesn't talk to his dad, he's not going to have any problem. Yeah, I'd say it to him. I'd say, bro, I got no problem icing you, dude. I'm like, dude, I can delete your number

and close the door to the studio. I saw him in a Wawa parking lot a couple of months ago. That's garbage. Yeah. That's garbage. Fucking iced him. Your dad. Can you imagine?

Ice in the veins, daddy-o. Right by him. Not even walking by him. It's cold. Touched shoulders? He was like coming out of the car and I was walking. Like I was parked over here. He was here.

And I came out of the store this way. So like. Did he see you? oh yeah and was there any acknowledgement I mean it probably broke his heart man

didn't stop and say anything yeah yeah cause he's a fucking proud guy so am I you know two fucking Irish fucking potato heads

that's all it is man so you guys gonna just figure it out in heaven? I don't know if you're one of those maybe hell I don't know if we're both

making it to heaven yo can I just say I saw my dad in a Wawa parking lot. Garbage. That's it. How about this? I ignored my dad in a Wawa parking lot. That's pure garbage. That's a different level.

Just eating a whole loaf of bread, that's real trash. Your parents are separated, but does she try to reignite that relationship with your pops? My mom? Yeah. Oh, no. Between you and your pops, does she with your pops my mom yeah oh no between you and your pops does she recognize or she's like no you made the right decision yeah no she was out on him in the fucking 80s she was like yeah this you know okay so back in the future and she was like i'm done it's over yeah we're talking real psychos yeah that's the crazy thing man it's like and i don't know anything about your family but it's so weird that like when people have kids,

I don't know if you like feel this way, but like when I see someone who has a kid, I immediately respect them more because I'm like, oh, you have real responsibility. Responsibility, yeah. Like there's a life in your hands. Yo, dude, and that's the thing about these Zoom calls. Like even when we were working on the special, right?

We would have these Zoom calls and there'd be people like busting their ass on this fucking show. And then you'd hear their kids in the background. And after that, like, I'll be honest, if somebody's like fucking up a little bit i can be hard on people right because i have really high expectations i give the most praise i'd say they're the most amazing people in the world but if i feel like you're being lazy or you're just not putting the effort in like i'll i'll lay in i'll fucking lay in and it can get crazy it can get a little crazy but when i hear they have kids and shit like that

immediately i'm like hey man you got shit to do. If there's people who have no fucking kids crying in the background and they're not getting their job done, then obviously you're just fucking up. But there's something about that where like, oh, you're like a fully formed adult. And then you realize as we become adults and start seeing our parents as actually human beings,

we're like, oh, anybody could have kids. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like anybody. Yeah. There's a barrier to entry is minimal. You need a license to be a barber. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like anybody. Yeah. There's no, there's barrier to entry is minimal. You need a license to get, like,

be a barber. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? To do it right is very difficult. Incredibly difficult. I look back on my parents and I'm like,

I don't know how my dad didn't walk the fuck out. From your mom? Just in the situation. What was the situation? Me and my, just I'm saying, me, anything.

Couple of 870s sitting on the couch. I would have fucking hit the bricks, daddy-o. You'd know the English muffins again. No, just any general family where you have, you know, a mom and a dad who are, you know, a working class family who are working. Lower and lower.

Yeah, exactly. Then you have two kids, pre-pre. Then you have two kids, you know, that might be close in age together, like two brothers that are fucking, you know, type A kind of age together like two brothers that are fucking you know type a kind of guys you know that that are playing sports fighting with each other all that shit anything like that it's like i don't know how they fucking do it yeah we ruined so many dinners vacations just do it fighting with each other anything yeah you know you're a brother you know what i mean yeah it's just it's just like i don't know how to fucking do it do you guys have pets at all not now but you have you had one yeah yeah what i don't know i'm just i'm just saying like it's weird like i

for the first time in my life i had like a dog that i'm actually kind of like raising a bit you didn't have a dog growing up i did but i didn't raise it my mom did everything it was just there you know what i mean okay but like this one i'm actually like putting like effort into a little bit gotcha my girl does most of the shit but a little bit and like when i see her like start to do things that like i feel like i've kind of helped her learn there's like this crazy connection because every time you're looking at you're like oh fuck i like i made you yeah i wonder if there's like part of that that like you put up with all the fuck shit that your kids are doing oh sure you know they're probably that times however many yes yeah a million i don't know i just it's so weird as we

get older man like i saw this in a fucking bollywood movie but it made a lot of sense it was like when you stop looking at your parents as superheroes like you do as a kid and you're like oh these are just human beings trying to figure it out just like me yeah it's a different it's like oh that's a much healthier perspective to have that's why like i don't my relationship with my dad like i don't sweat it at this point i'm like like now that i'm 34 i've had some perspective love loss fucking all of this stuff and you're like i'm like yeah man like he did a great job of raising he doesn't need to raise me into my fucking 30s you know what i mean like he has no real responsibility to me and he was there he was a fucking great dad all growing up yeah fucking money fucking paying for things all you know he was there i lived with him half the half the time it was

perfect but like at the same time like dude yeah dude you did fucking 30 years you want a fucking blackjack dealer and i'm out yeah whatever i don't care you know a couple of puzzles on a birthday wouldn't kill you yeah i mean at least fill up my fucking gas tank a while a couple of scratchers there's a um yeah i had my my whole life i i like a kind of like weird relationship with my mom i guess i mean she was very like supportive and everything i ever wanted to do and she busted her fucking ass built this business and like provided for us and she was amazing really inspiring a lot of ways but it wasn't like uh the most like a loving affectionate relationship i got that from my dad you know, and I never understood where our friction came from because in my mind I was like,

I'm not really doing drugs. I do pretty well in school. I'm getting to college. Like you got, I have friends. Like, yeah, you hit the fucking lottery lady.

I literally thought you, I swear to God, that's how I felt about my mom. I was like, I'm doing everything a kid's supposed to do. I'm not really getting in trouble. Like, I could be such a pain in the ass, you know? And I literally could be like-

It's funny that you don't think you're a pain in the ass. Yeah, right? I was thinking I could be a fucking jerk off his- I'm busting balls and shit, but like, you're not worried at night, like, am I going to come home? Sure. You're like, well, fucking Justin's doing fucking dope around the corner. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do the same thing to my mom now.

Relatively speaking, I'm a great kid. I'm a great kid. I'm a great kid. What a fucking egomaniac I was even as a kid. I'm like, I'm the best teenager. This is what you get. What's this broad complaining about over here? And then when I got older, I never considered this, that my mom, as a human being, needs attention and fucking love.

Yeah. And like, me just like at dinner wanting to tell stories or make my dad laugh or like me just thinking that, oh, I'm the kid. It's a one-way street. You're going,

everything comes this way. And I thought that that was okay. And I, and I, as I got older, I finally realized, oh shit, my mom was a dance,

you know, ballroom dancer. Like, she's a fucking entertainer. Like, she needs spotlight she was a beast yeah she got all the attention all the fucking attention and like i as an adult i started to realize that and it's completely changed our fucking relationship it was like

that's fantastic that's funny but isn't that crazy she's a world-class dancer and she's playing second fiddle to a chocolate milk story yeah he's sitting there doing act outs and shit at dinner. She's like, what the fuck? We get it. Jerry put the straws in his lips like this, like a walrus. He's performing for six people at the Village Lantern. Why am I here? The three-time U.S. Model Dance Champion.

But for real, and I never understood it. And now that I understand it, I mean, like, there's one way to feel, like, bad about it, I guess, per se. But I didn't. way to feel like bad about it i guess per se but i didn't but maybe now the the best way to to handle is like try to give her as much of that kind of love and attention that she needs so that we can have a decent relationship and that and that's i guess what i you know try to try to do yeah that's great that's a great realization yeah my dad was horrible to my mom he's good to me for the most part horrible to my brother struggled with all kinds of shit and then i always looked at him like fuck this guy whatever And then one time I thought about

his life and what it was. And in India, he was from a family that was like entering politics. And he was seen as the guy that was going to like, apparently his uncle was like in the, essentially the president's cabinet. Like that's how high he was. And his, that uncle looked at my dad, like, you're the guy to take my place. Being groomed, yeah. And then my dad one day is at another family member's wedding, going to a wedding, and then some of his cousins come and say, hey, you're getting married today. That's the day he married my mom. Left that wedding, getting fitted for clothes. Not only are you getting married today, now you're moving to America.

So he went from India. And I remember my dad would always try to be funny at the doctor's office or whatever, and it would be so unfunny. And I was just like, why are you doing this? And then one of my cousins from India was like, your dad is hilarious. I was like, what are you fucking talking about? He goes, no, no, no.

You don't get it because he's doing jokes in English. In Hindi, he's so good at the language. He's fucking hysterical. And then I thought about me and how good I am at English and that's what makes me funny. And if you drop me off in a foreign country and in India where he's this high class fucking guy and then he comes to Texas and people are like, you're a piece of shit. You're not high class. You're fucking nothing.

You can't even speak the language. That ego blow just, as a man, you get it when you're older, the ego and what it means. I'm like, okay, a lot of shit you did is not okay, but I understand how you walk down this shitty path, and I can make peace with you. If you're eloquent and articulate, and that is your superpower and skill, and you get placed in a place where you can't speak the language, that's neutering, dude.

I would give up. Knowing how hard it would be to overcome now, I'd be like, I can't do that. It'd be like to start comedy over. I'd be like, I'm'd be like, I can't do that. It'd be like to start comedy over. I'd be like, I'm done, dude. I can't do that.

That's way too fucking much. And how much of your self-worth is that? All of it. So if that's taken away, your self-worth is taken away.

And then you're trying to raise a family. I don't have the skills I have. You're complaining there's not enough Dr. Pepper. You would have been

so rich. I need more fucking Dr. Pepper, daddy. He's like, you don't even fucking know how good you got it.

You got four bottles of fucking conditioner in there you fucking weird kid i keep buying it for you yeah no man like when your self-worth is gone as a man and so much of your self-worth is from this thing and i know how to operate in india now i'm here that just hit me that's son that shit hit me and i was like oh and now our relationship is very different dude there's a uh buddy of mine wise dude right uh he said uh he was he just had kids and he goes he was like kids make you uh appreciate your parents in a way that like i never thought i'd understand i go what do you mean he goes like you just understand everything that they have to go through for you a day even one fucking day and you're just like, what a piece of garbage I am for complaining about anything ever.

Yeah. And the problem with us is we start having kids at 40. We're old. None of us have kids yet. We're having kids. And then our parents are so old that we don't have all this time

to appreciate them. When we were having kids at 25, 30, you had... A decade or two decades to be like, oh, I fucking – I get it now. Thank you.

And have this fucking great time period with them, yeah. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. And it is – I mean, obviously, maybe times have changed, and we should have kids a little bit older. My parents had kids much older. Obviously, for our careers, it's difficult. But it is one of those moments. I do want to do it.

My folks are old, old, but i definitely want to do it before they pass just so i could have those moments with them where like even if i'm not saying it i'm just looking at them in the eyes and they're seeing me struggle with this kid and i'm just like yo thanks yeah i appreciate you yeah ah man i don't dude i remember my wife was sick last year your wife's from germany yeah and born and raised uh Yeah. Okay, that's cool. She's Czech. Her family's Czech, but born and raised in Germany. But she was sick. I had to get up to make her a tea

in the middle of something, like, you know, something in the kitchen. It was like pitch black, 3.30 in the morning. I'm sitting there. I'm like, yo, I can... I was like, this is the worst. Like, this is the... I'm like, I had to take six minutes out of my sleep. I'm like, this is the worst. And I thought about my mom. I'm like, she had to do do this for every day i can't even do six minutes for my wife i'm gonna have sex with soon you know what i mean like my mom's just gonna do it for this fat little

kid like fucking i'm like oh fuck yeah i have to feed the cat i get pissed off like kids that's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you feed yourself? You eat what I eat. Which is every day. Every hour on the hour. You and the cats putting in a guy in a row. I have never seen a fat person with an N-shaped head. No, I was just thinking that every time you see a fat guy walking a dog, the dog's always overweight. Because he's not moving.

He's not playing fetch. He's not fucking wrestling. They're hanging out together. Watching movies and shit. Oh, they're feeding him whatever. They're not buying the lean, healthy dog food. I think it'd be the opposite. If he had a fat guy, he'd be a real

skinny dog. Because they wouldn't share. Because they'd eat the dog food themselves? Yeah. Are you going right out the can? Well, fellas, look, man. Thank you guys so much for coming on, man. Thank you. Once again, everybody, go check out Are You Garbage you garbage man that's my new favorite up and coming podcast i think you want to hit some patron questions uh oh fuck uh no no we're gonna release this i think

on the uh there is one question though from thajal nag that i'm curious about okay go are there garbage tears like you are this level of garbage and then a higher level of garbage absolutely not of course on tears of course tears of garbage. Absolutely. Not Patreon tears. Of course. Tears of garbage human being. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and it all depends on, like, you know, so, like, on a thing we'll ask, like, 20 questions or so, give or take, you know, and, like, it's different all the time. And it's weighted certain ways, too.

Like, we just had a kid on a comic from Philly, Sydney, where his mom was, like, a bare-knuckle fucking street fighter. Okay. Like, his mom was an undefeated bare knuckle street box. So she would like come to like, it'd be like a Saturday night and there'd be like, everybody would meet at the basketball courts and she would go out and like somebody would drive in from like 30 miles away and like these chicks would

just fight. So that's like top tier fucking wild trash. That episode's coming up too. Shout out to Sydney Gann. Yeah. It's fucking wild. Crazy. So it's like, there's levels of that where you're like, and like, I've known this guy for fucking 10 years and I'm like, what the fuck?

I love it. But like, now he carries himself very, you would never guess that. Because he's making up for it. Yeah. So it's like, you see the different levels. Yep. Also, people just lean into it and like, you know, they're like, yeah, man, I fucking, I drink Mountain Dew five times a day. I fucking, people like, don't brush their teeth even in the shower anywhere it's like there's different

levels and then at the end of the show we're like sometimes we'll give it a number we'll be like dude you're 70 trash or fucking you're full-blown fucking garbage but there's no like set hierarchy yeah okay well i love it man thank you guys so much for coming buddy thanks guys i appreciate everybody thank you so much go check it out yeah i'm so stoked that you guys are rocking with it. Shouts to Toby, man. The set looks great. Go check out the YouTube. We'll put a link in the description below so you guys can go check it out. Guys, thank you all so much for listening.

We love you. We appreciate you. Peace.