Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Taliban and NBA Gold diggers are Unstoppable

Episode Date: August 17, 2021

Join Andrew Schulz, Akaash Singh, Mark Gagnon, Miles McCreery and the Truffle as they discuss international affairs, NBA gold diggers, the Infamous Tour and much, much more. INDULGE Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a quire then welcome to The Flagrancy. Join the Patreon Asshole Army: http://bit.ly/2xQwHYf

What's up everybody, welcome to Flavor 2, it's your boy Schultzy I'm here with Akash Singh, I'm here with Mark Gagnon Alex Media is in Columbia, so if you notice that the color is a little bit different or the sound is a little different, you know, he did absolutely nothing to maintain the quality of the show before he went on his little bachelor party, okay? And I'll make sure to mention this once again later in the show, but, uh, I'm pretty sure the WTF media studio shows are running just fucking fine without him there. Okay. So thank you so much, Alex media. We love you so much. We wish that it was reciprocated. We wish that you would

do something to protect us and keep us safe while, while while while you were away yes okay and as we said before the color in the room also changed the color in the room also changed it did get a little brighter i wasn't saying it like that miles is behind the board but maybe miles is presenting the world in a way that he wants to see it yeah you know maybe miles wants a little bit wider world i mean you're a southern fucking kid dude like you are from miles just being here is making you paler bro is it him it him reflecting off of you? It is. It really is. Because I feel like a fish at the bottom of the ocean. I am

translucent. When I'm looking into the monitor behind your desk right there, I can see Biggie behind me. I see right through me. This is terrifying. Yeah, you're Casper. I am Casper, bro. What's another ghost? Motherfucking that's the ghost, huh?

That is the ghost. Poltergeist. Poltergeist. You don't even know his name. Doesn't matter. The ghost from Mario, that dude that turns around. He tries to get you every time you spin around, you know? Mario.

Hey, Mario. I forget his name. Yeah, you know which one I'm talking about. Which one? From the video game? Yeah, whenever you turn around and you're in the dungeon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah fuck man all right we're the references are rough um guys i just want to say um thank you guys so much to everybody who came out for the first shows from the infamous

tour dallas and houston were sold out it was absolutely amazing um i mean it's just like a dream to perform in venues like that. And I posted on Instagram. But a long time ago, I wrote down when I first started doing comedy that I wanted to perform in these massive venues. I wanted to have the best show in comedy. And I said I was going to keep that shit in my pocket until we achieved that. And I was able to throw that shit away this weekend. So it was very exciting.

Set a new goal. And I just want us to have the greatest show on earth. So that's what we're working toward every single weekend. If you want to get a little snippet of what it's like to come to these shows, this is not just a stand-up show. This is some different shit, man. So just go check it out on Instagram. You can see what's in store.

A lot of you guys have tickets. We're coming to Tucson this weekend and then LA this weekend. Andrew also asked me to come, so stop commenting on his IG. He's not leaving me out. I was going to Croatia with my wife. He asked me, and I couldn't do it. So that's that. So yes, I did ask Akash to be part of this, because motherfuckers were shaming me

on Reddit. It's cold how Solz is leaving Akash out of this. That was my post. I posted it. But obviously, I want all the boys. Yeah, got you. Come on. I'll pay you back later.

That's Andrew's new career goal, have Akash come to a show. He's a busy guy. Write that on a note card. I wanted Akash to be there. I wanted everybody to experience this because this is rare

in comedy that you get to have a tour like this. This just doesn't happen. There's a few people each generation that get to do these type of this. This doesn't happen. There's a few people each generation that get to do these types of things. I wanted, obviously, you to be part of it, but you chose a vacation, so now

you're dead to me. I'll see you on Tuesdays for the podcast, and then obviously for Patreon, and then nothing else. Don't even text me. Enjoy fucking hyenas. Enjoy hyenas Fresno. Hold on. We haven't locked fucking hyenas. Enjoy hyenas Fresno. Hold on.

We haven't locked in hyenas yet. I got to get there. Enjoy that shit. You got to get there. Go. Go to those shows. You're going to see some fucking Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. Huh?

That was fire. You're going to see some Dallas cows, bro. You actually got to do that. At the shittiest club you do, you got to walk out with the high school cheerleaders or something like that. If that wasn't a horrible look, I would do that. No, you'll have to leave it open. It will be like, oh, boy. We're comedians.

We're jokey, jokey. Okay. But yeah, but for real, that was a pretty awesome fucking experience, man. I mean, it was just... Aspirational. It was cool for me. It is. It is.

It is. As corny as it sounds, manifest that shit, man. Put it out there, bro. Just put it the fuck out there. It's the craziest thing you could ever imagine. Just say that you're going to do it because then your brain starts finding a way there. You know? It's like the address.

It's like you got to put that in your GPS in order to find a way there. If you don't even put it in, there's no reason for you to go. A lot of people don't put it in because they don't want to fail. But fuck that. You know what I mean? If you fail,

what was it my mom would always say? If you reach for the stars, you get to the moon. If you failed your way to the moon, bro, that's pretty lit. Yeah, you did all right. You know what I'm saying? If Elon Musk doesn't get to Mars,

but they go to the moon and he's taking humans to the moon and we're taking trips to the moon, we're going to trash Elon for that? Well, you've got to go farther than the moon. Why? If you try to get to the moon and you fail, then you're just going to die. That's what I'm saying.

He's going Mars. You've got to go Neptune. Well, Mars. Why Mars? What is going on? I'm just saying, if you go Mars, like... Son, son, son, son, son. Don't be nerdy about this, dude.

This is a homeschool education show. What are you saying? It's a homeschool education. Well, the inner orbit of Mars is actually shorter than the moon it depends if you go on a winter solstice then it's actually the rotation will be wrong shut up you don't know enough about solstice

so the point is thank you very much I'm just very grateful and it was really cool like we were watching footage from Houston bro and that fucking venue in Houston I mean it really felt like there was like a WWE show yeah yeah the way it's set up like it was un-fucking

believable it was just massive and I remember watching the footage and there's we had these guys come through with the drones that dove what are their names so I get them right they're just so fucking a man is one of them yes like I did my wedding Andrew Mendez and he had his partner there as well. My bad. I will make sure I get this down. I'll make sure we give you guys credit, and we'll get your Instagrams

and all that kind of stuff, but they did the fucking drone show, and bro, I'm watching video of me on stage, and I cannot relate to it. Yeah. I was there doing it, and I'm watching it,

and I'm going, this is an out-of-body experience. I do not know what I'm experiencing. I watching it, and I'm going, this is an outer body experience. I do not know what I'm experiencing. I was looking at pictures of it going, I cannot relate to what just happened. Just the size of it. It's so weird. I mean, it was just fucking so much fun.

But we hope you all had fun. And, you know, yeah, we don't like giving away too much of it, but we were giving little snippets. I think some people saw it. So you're in store for some wild shit. Theandrewschultz.com. Go get those tickets. We got a few cities that got some tickets left. Go get them. We'll be in them soon.

I think there's a few tickets left for San Diego Late Show, Detroit. Maybe Milwaukee has a few left. But, like, go get them shits now because I'm telling you, the DMs on a Friday afternoon when we got a show in Dallas, the DMs are going, yo, how do I get a ticket? This, that, the other. Just go get them. Also, L.A. This is important. Anybody who, I know a lot of people are traveling to the L.A. show.

Anybody who can't make the L.A. show for whatever reason, we are allowing resale for the L.A LA shows on Ticketmaster. So if you can't make the show, I know you want to show love. You want to support. You're like, yo, I can't make it, but I'm just going to keep the tickets and blah, blah, blah. There are so many people that want to buy tickets. We're getting so many DMs. Just fucking you can put them up for resale. Somebody else will go get them.

Okay. And ideally, if it's Asshole Army, if it's the gang, you're not trying to screw them over. You know what I mean? Like somebody wants to experience that show. Let them experience that show, man. Like you don't have to try to fucking hit them over the head and profit. You don't have to treat them like Jordans,

even if they are like, that's a fucking great way of saying it anyway. Um, but yeah, man, thank y'all so much. Mark, did you have fun?

It was amazing. Pretty cool. That's what I'm saying. It's aspirational. Like after doing that, I like where I'm'm at in comedy like being so young in it i was like damn like yeah i'm gonna quit yeah i already did it bro i got a fucking ring in my rookie season i'm like i'm good it's funny when i was pretty early on in comedy not as early as you but pretty early on i did a tour that was like an organized tour that was part of like a guy code thing no it wasn't

even part of guy code they tried to do a guy code but this was just like um i forget the company but it was like comedians you don't know or something that wasn't branded around us but they would go to these like no-name towns where there's nothing to do in the town except come out to do a show in a theater that's cool and i got to perform in fucking theaters in front of people and i just saw and i was like wow so just saw it. And I was like, wow. So I got it early. And that was super helpful. Because I saw what could happen.

It's like the difference between growing up in a hood and growing up in some rich neighborhood. You see what it's like. Your goal is completely reorganized. When I first started, I was like, man, if I could just be a touring comic. I'm like, if I could just get past this club, I'd be happy. And then you see that and you're like, if that's all I do is get past one club, I'll kill myself. And listen, God bless the fucking clubs. They're so important for our growth and all that kind of stuff.

They've been so supportive of me, and God bless them. But if you want to reach the highest levels of this game, you have to prioritize. And we can get caught up so much in the local hierarchies and the local validation, the local acceptance. I just want to be able to do these shows. I want to be at this club. And I want to do the early show at this club or something like that.

But you have to understand what the main goals are. You really have to keep that focus and understand this is for working out stuff. And this is for getting to the point, getting my act to the point where motherfuckers come back. Yeah. I want to sell out comedy clubs because I know that's the stepping stone to get to theater. Yes. I'm so excited about Toronto and all this shit, but

only because I know this will get me to the next level. You know what gets you next level? And I keep saying this, motherfuckers. I keep saying this shit. A great show is like, there's a lot of acts who like blow up and then they can sell out clubs but they're not good enough to do it yep and they go there and they don't deliver a great show no and um and they basically they go out there and then the people don't come back and i'm telling you the the fucking most amazing feeling is when

i get these dms like bro i've seen you seven times I see you every time you come to Houston I see you every time you come here I see you every time you come there That is the most validating thing for me Because I've always thought You are getting babysitters, you're getting Ubers You are spending hundreds of dollars You are reorganizing your life to leave your house

I'm gonna make I need the show to be so good That you would experience crippling pain If you had to miss me next time make i need the show to be so good that you would experience crippling pain if you had to miss me next time i came there it has to be the best fucking night of your life you have to leave there going i can't believe what i just saw yeah i cannot believe like you have to go back to your babysitter that overcharged you for x because the last one canceled and you have to be like this idiot i gotta bargain yeah got to bargain because she wasn't at this fucking show. There were guys DMing me like crazy things where I was like,

yo, your priorities are kind of messed up. Because he was like, dude, like I almost came. Like I had my tickets. I had to sell them last minute. But I was almost there. Like my wife went into labor right when the show started. Like, bro, go see your wife. There was someone who said they had to leave 20 minutes before the show.

Yeah. Like because their wife went into labor. It's like your wife had a due date you know and that means maybe even the water broke earlier and it's like

nah we're gonna be breaking up literally the doctor said the due date he's like I'm busy that day is there any other day we can do babe can you just hold

your breath for a day or something how do babies do a handstand you know a couple women that were like 8 months pregnant oh pregnant girls

in the audience I can't even imagine and you know that the husband was like we're going okay or she might have been like we're going yo it was you're not leaving me out just because i'm pregnant which is the fucking dude i can't imagine i had very very one like percent of what you're experiencing people in baltimore go to the early show the late show show, and then say, where's your next show? And then flew to Florida to come watch me.

And then that was a very small level of what you're talking about where you're like, oh, I have to deliver a fucking show every time. You have to feel, I have to assume

there's people doing that every time and try to make it as like. And the bigger it gets, the bigger it's got to get. Yeah. You know what I mean? You can't take that same energy into these

different venues. You've got to fill that space. You've got to fill it with, obviously, your jokes, but it gets to a point where it's like, okay, you've got the hour to act that kills. What else can you add? How can you change the game? How can you be different? How can you push it? More pregnant women. Yes! Double it up. Exactly.

Make them pregnant that night! During the show! Sit on this cryo gun! I said this to to you earlier and this is something i want to brag on you for as i remember on this podcast a couple years ago you said you went to go after a comedy show that i think you didn't even enjoy you went to go see metallica live yeah yeah and buffalo oh buffalo okay you went to go see metallica live and then you were like i want to bring that to comedy, where the whole show is a show. It's a show. It's not just, hey, here's a comic getting on stage.

I need to figure out how to make the whole show a show. And when I saw the video of you coming out with Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, I was like, the motherfucker did it, man. Shouts to those cheerleaders, man. That was fucking sick. We had to. We were in Dallas. That's the greatest. That's the greatest thing you can do.

We got to do something, man. Every city has just got to be fun. We got to push it. And just having the team. That's why I thing you can do. We got to do something, man. Every city has just got to be fun. We got to push it. I mean, and just having, like, the team. That's why I wanted you there, because, like, the show, when you see it live and those of you who have seen it live, it's, you know, the team is there. And it's actually very sweet that Andrew, like, I even saw one of your other group texts, I mean, with some of your other homies, you're like, man, y'all have to be there.

It's like, you want to do all this and work this hard so everybody around you can experience it. And it's very, like, well-intentioned. Even if you're going to yell at me for not being there, I get. Like, it's so sweet that you're like that. Yeah, yeah.

No, I know. I made no money this weekend. Yeah. You know what I mean? Just flying fucking private jets, flying 15 people around the goddamn country. Yeah. You know, it was, yeah, we're broke.

We're going to... I mean, I did okay. Yeah. I feel pretty happy with it i'm not complaining i'm just kidding i'm just kidding we did fine but but when you that's another thing it's like you know comedy clubs are so fucking easy bro we're spoiled you walk into that comedy club i literally show up to the show at a comedy club 10 minutes after the show starts that's when i arrive wow i i show up to the show at a comedy club 10 minutes after the show starts. That's when I arrive. Wow. I show up as late as possible. When you're doing these theaters, it's like rehearsal, getting everything right, lights right, cues, sound, all these stuff.

It's a show, man. Yeah. And that's what we want to be. And I don't want to be just greatest comedy show on earth. I want to be greatest show on earth. Yeah. I don't want to be just greatest comedy show on earth. I want to be greatest show on earth.

Show. And I am excited at what we're doing and also how it's developing into this fucking beast. I mean, like, we're just getting cooking. These dumb motherfuckers let us get this far. These dumb motherfuckers. I mean, how dare you, bro? How dare you give me access to the people? Yeah.

You fucking bozos. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, the people got it. Like, we're doing this shit. Forget it. It's over. It's dope. And in fairness to Akash, he's kicking it down the line, too, bringing his boys.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's the thing. I lose money on my shows, and I think about that. I'm like, dude, as much as Andrew's done for me, I can't not pay that forward. Right. I'm flying my homies out, fucking here.

We'll figure out hotel shit. Like, I'm going to lose money, probably, but I got to pay that forward. In all fairness, it's not like Entourage. Everyone who does come has 97 jobs. Oh, yeah. You got to... Miles is like, yeah, Miles, come out. Oh, did y'all

think I don't make motherfuckers work? I'm running a Uyghur death camp on my show. Okay? People are going to be grinded to the bone. But it's going to be worth it. It's North Korea. It's North Korea, baby. It looks nice. We'll sing a song in the green room

once or twice a year. It's Kim Jong-un-drew. Real talk. And by the way, guys, Akash is lying. He's making money at his fucking shows. Don't let him fool you. You said you're losing money. I can't be a part of the lie.

I'm teasing. They might believe you. See a sold out arena. They're not really going to think I'm losing money. You know what I mean? That's fair. I just got to make sure people know you win him, bro. That's fair.

Appreciate you. But yeah, anyway, it was just fucking awesome. And thank you so much. And I'm just so excited for this. So we'll see you LA. Yeah, let's have some fun in LA. I don't want to give away too much, but let's have some fun in LA. We got to have some homeless people walk you out in LA.

Yeah. That'd be cool. Staple of the city. That would be the cheerleaders. Yeah. A hundred percent. That's a great idea. We got to think about what it is in LA.

Tucson, we'll see y'all let's get started guys let's get started what are we talking about? alright guys we're gonna take a break for a second because I gotta make sure your dick's hard man I came back from tour and I had to see my shorty for 5 days your boy had to pop that chew

I had to pop that chew do what I do and just a general just a general bro like Chris Paul just a floor general I see shoe, do what I do. And just a general. Just a general, bro. Like Chris Paul. Just a floor general. I see everything. You know what I mean? Have fun.

Do your thing, bro. Limitless. Just literally limitless. I was just chilling there. Full mass, bro. It's over. There's nothing that can be done. I was a fucking beast.

I was just a beast, bro. You ever hang shirts on it or something? Yeah, dude. 100%. 100% I hang shirts on it or something yeah dude 100 percent 100 percent i hang shirts on it if you need to if i need to but it was just great man guys if you don't know what it is same active ingredients inside cialis or viagra and uh but it's just better it's the chew man it's the one we do it's the one we satisfy our girls with that's how you're gonna satisfy your girl your side chick the new girl you want to be with and you're gonna get it for free that's right we're gonna hook it up you, your side chick, the new girl you want to be with. And you're going to get it for free. That's right. We're going to

hook it up. You go to BlueChew.com, use the promo code FLAGRANT. You get it for free. All you got to do is pay $5 shipping. That's BlueChew.com. Use that promo code FLAGRANT. Now let's get back to the show. We started out in Austin, Texas. The most beautiful city in America, I think. One of the most amazing

cities. Wonderful people. I hate Austin, dude. I'm so glad you're here now. It's the best. It's the best city. Because my whole life, I've always heard people shit on Texas by being like, well, Austin is great,

but the rest of Texas... What do you mean now? I shit on Austin before anybody moved there. I went there for my friend's bachelor party or something years ago. Yeah.

And I always said, it's clean New Orleans. It sucks. It's hilarious. There's no culture. Now it's not even clean. So before, there was like this, okay, it's a music sceneleans it sucks there's no culture now it's not even clean so before there was like this okay it's a music scene and all this other stuff now it's just a fucking dump oh that's right this is crazy we had i mean the day we got there yeah mark the next the next morning mark goes to

work out because he's a crossfit champion. Hit CrossFit. Lazy. What were you guys doing? Sleeping? Sleeping. Fucking nothing. Okay. Comes back. Not everybody was sleeping. What did you see? So I came back and this girl is staring in the window. And I assume she like her friend hooked up with someone.

Maybe. Duh. I don't know. It was coming to pick her up. Something. And so I go up to her. She's like, oh, hey. Hi.

And I was like, yeah, can I go inside? She was like, well, there's a naked homeless guy with a knife inside. Wow. What? Okay. So she's peering in the window, and as I walk up to look in the window,

I was like, I'll take this guy. He's naked, whatever. And then I look in, and as I'm about to look in, she goes, he's coming, he's coming, he's coming, and runs into the street. Doesn't look either way, just runs directly through the fucking parallel lines on the road, and then just runs across the street i run with her too because like if someone's running i'm just gonna go ahead you know not that i was scared and then i call i'm trying to do the mental

math like okay who do i call on the inside to tell them to like lock the door yeah so i was like should i call andrew no he's not gonna wake up do i call alex he's not gonna care so i try to find the level of like they could fight him yeah but they also care enough to get up yeah so i was gonna call dove he would care but he wasn't gonna fight him so i was like okay i'm gonna call vala yeah that's like the perfect that's a perfect right yeah so val wakes up and he's like looking out the fucking door and he's like okay i see him i see him the ball has been doing like air calf kicks for the last three months i I mean, he really is ready for a fight. Cut off shirts. Perfect. Yeah. He's ready to go. He dresses like Cobra Kai. Yes.

And he's got guns to back it up. And sleeve tattoos. Now, Vala looks like he can fucking go. Yeah, he can go. He's not here today. He's fucking celebrating, bro. You got your country back, Vala. You got your country back ball you got your country back you got america out of there okay but now he pops out he's got the fucking headband on he's ready to party and he's looking and there's a fucking homeless guy in the middle of the lobby first of all we don't know if

he's homeless we don't know what the fuck is the deal he's wearing a string thong to the point where he looks like he's not he looks like he's completely butt naked shredded right like white dude completely shredded clearly methed out great body great body yeah like nice unbelievable unbelievable and uh it and he is just bouncing around right yeah literally just throwing shit in the lobby like just clearing off the fucking table just going crazy and i i like talked to volley he ends up jumping over the wall and like running into a bush, just kind of just like hiding in the bush. And so I call Vala. I'm like, okay,

can I come upstairs? And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so as I'm walking through the lobby, all of a sudden he's on the phone goes, Oh Mark,

run, run, run, run, run. And so I run the other direction and I run back out the door. And then the woman's still standing across the street. And I'm like,

I'm going to go in. And I run straight back out like a fucking American troop. And then he's like, the woman's like, is everything okay? everything okay and i'm like yeah my friend told me he was coming and then i see val is standing over the fucking balcony just dying laughing and he's like nah he's over in the bush so we come up and then the funniest part is vala and jamil yeah standing out on the balcony oh no this is good this is great you want to say no you got it so so val is literally like all know what I'm saying? No, you got it. So, Val is literally like, all right, what do we do? Like, okay, I'll keep an eye on him.

Like, Jameel, go get your phone and just call 911. No, no, call the cops. Yeah, the fucking Jameel. And Jameel goes, Jameel goes, I ain't calling the cops. The guy literally has a knife, like, fucking chopping down leaves like Zelda, dude. With a knife in a thong, okay? He's a knife in a thong. He's all meth knife in a thong he's all meth and Jameel's 100% confident when the cops come they're gonna think Jameel is the reason

why the cops were called You should take his clothes! Why the fuck you take that white guy's clothes? Where's your g-string sir? He's like what? So Vala calls the cops and the cops are so fucking goofy cause all is like, oh yeah there's like a naked homeless guy with a knife and they're like is he fully

naked and I'm like oh they've dealt with this before yeah bro he stole a Maserati oh yeah earlier that day this is this is awesome this is awesome I kind of respect this guy now go ahead bad motherfucker okay steals the white guy that you're imagining right now in your head is

him yeah the white meth head that you're imagining right now in your head is him yeah the white meth head that you're imagining shredded tall lanky that is it looks exactly like him yeah steals a maserati i guess parks it somewhere we didn't see the fucking maserati comes harassing the people at the apartment that we were staying at and uh they arrest him take him away right yeah we go work out we eat we're about to go leave to do something that night. What were we going to do? I think that we were just going out. We were just going out.

Yeah, we were going to eat or something. We go to eat. We see a guy knocking on the front door. And what's he wearing? Wearing just hospital pants. And what's peeking out underneath the hospital pants? A string thong. This is six hours later after stealing a Maserati.

Yeah. Okay. Walking around an apartment complex with a knife. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Slapping his wrist, doing crazy meth shit. They arrested the guy.

Let him go. Back to the fucking scene of the crime. Yeah. What's on his chest? Dude. Wait, what does this say? He literally has the fucking like heart the crime. Yeah, what's on his chest? Dude. Wait, what does this say? He literally has the fucking heart monitor tabs. Oh, yeah, he's still got the tassels on.

Like, he's in 2K. Like, he fucking ripped that shit off Avatar. It was amazing. Like, he was filming something from GTA. Like, they're like, just go out there. We'll throw the heart monitor things on the meth heads in Austin, and we'll figure out all the GTA characters. It was unbelievable.

We couldn't even see it, and the guy goes, I think I left something in there. We're like, what the fuck did you leave in there? And he was trying to get back in. And I was wondering if they knew that we were there. I thought it was all planned. This is how paranoid fucking Andrew is. I mean, I just did fucking Rogan.

I'm talking about conspiracy theories for three hours. I'm like, they know we're here. Andrew pulls it aside. He's like, yo, you think they want our shit? They know we're here. They know we got some equipment. They're trying to get it. They geotag some shit.

One of these fucking idiots probably said that they're at this specific location trying to flex Alex. Alex on the rooftop trying to make it look more baller. Just attracting all the meth heads. Maybe he works for a fucking master crime syndicate. That's why they're having him steal the Maserati. Now they want film equipment. Maybe they're trying to start a podcast.

Yeah, they might be trying to start a podcast. All I'm saying is, but what town, like, you know, I'm not trying to like fucking trash Austin right here, but the...

Yeah, you are. I'm not trying to trash Austin. I mean, it's just a great city, you know, where no one lives inside. I don't think a single person has an apartment. No.

Did we meet anybody that lived in an apartment? No. I don't think a single person has an apartment. No. Did we meet anybody that lived in an apartment? No. I know Joe has a house. Yeah. I know Tim Dillon has a house. Yeah. I think that's it.

Everyone else has tents. Yes. Everyone else has a tent. Jamie said he's just been walking around. I was like, Jamie, where do you live? He goes,

I haven't figured it out yet. I just walk around with a G-string and a knife. It was Jamie the whole time. It was a 24-hour Walmart. You can just kind of hang out and just kind of walk around that's it it was unbelievable dude it was fucking unbelievable so uh you know what austin is to me it is san francisco just today whatever san fran was 10 years ago like this little jewel in california that was liberal and whatever but then a bunch of tech douchebags

infiltrated it that's's all Austin is doing. It's just doing exactly the same thing. You should be so grateful that those tech people came. Austin? Yeah. Austin. Wait, why? Tidy it up.

I don't know if they will. But they didn't tidy up San Fran. Tech dudes don't live in San Fran? Have you been to where tech people live? San Jose? It's tidy. San Jose is immaculate. Palo Alto. Palo Jose is immaculate. Palo Alto.

Palo Alto, immaculate. The people, the San Francisco is the dump. Yeah. But do the tech guys live in Austin or do they live on the periphery?

I would assume it would be the same as Austin. All those places down there. Yeah. They all live over there, but I'm saying bring as many of them

as possible so you could tidy it up. Make it San Jose. Make it Palo Alto. Do that. You don't want that shit looking like the Mission. I think Lake Austin is going to be Palo Alto and Austin is going to be San Francisco. Make it Palo Alto. Do that. You don't want that shit looking like the Mission. I think Lake Austin's

going to be Palo Alto. Good! Austin's going to be San Francisco. That's what I think we're saying is the same thing. The outskirts are going to be really nice. Oh, it's going to push the people out of the suburbs into the city? No, it's just going to... The city will fall apart, but all the rich people, they'll come, but they'll just live on the periphery. Why? Kind of like they do San Francisco. I don't understand this. I don't understand this. Why

can't it just be tidy? Like, it was the first time I'd ever been to a city and I was like, get rid of these bird scooters. It's trash. They're trash. Everywhere. Very convenient. You walk down the street, you're stepping over fucking bird scooters. It's convenient when you need to go somewhere, but it's garbage.

It's too liberal, dog. Liberal cities are always dirty. Why can't they do what the city bike is and just have like a lane of them and parking spots? I don't know, but the city bike does look better. I'll say this. I'll say this. The city bike is annoying that you have to dock it somewhere. Everybody at home, the city bike is just one of these bikes that you have them all over Europe.

But basically, you have to dock. You have to leave in a specific location. Specific stations where you can dock city bikes. And there's a select number of them. And it's tidy. Yeah. You can't leave it anywhere or you get charged. What is this rule?

You just take the fucking scooter, you leave it wherever you want. It's crazy. Just take a picture so you make sure it's where? In the middle of the street? Yeah, it's crazy. It's unbelievable. It's not unbelievable? Yeah.

Like, don't you want your city to be aesthetically pleasing a little bit? And these companies lose money on them. They make money off your data. Because people will just, they did this in Dallas, they'll just leave the bike in a fucking river. They don't care. But the city's like, fine, we have all these bikes we don't need. It all gets wasted.

We throw them all out. But we just get your data and that's how we make money. But it's on the city to say, yo, we can't have this. Dock that shit somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what do they do with the homeless then? What do we do with the homeless in Austin? Have them dock the city bikes outside of the city.

Ah, that could work. I think there's also, like, what did they do to the homeless in San Diego or something like that? Didn't they fly them? Put them underground, I think. You could put them underground. That's not terrible, right?

No, I think that you could ship them places. Trains. They love trains. Trains. They're into the trains. I mean, it sounds fucked up, but we're saying. Cruise ship. Say what?

A cruise ship. Cruise ship. That's a great idea. Like in Demolition Man? I like this whole thing. I haven't seen that, but that sounds cool. Dude, I don't know what the fuck it is, but it's like, what if you can prove that you're not from Austin? Like, if you move to a city to be homeless, you should be able to move them out.

Nah, we can't just move people out for being homeless, dog. Homelessness isn't a crime. If you move there to be homeless. Oh, yeah. Right? Like, there are certain homeless people that are targeting certain cities because it's way better to be homeless there. Yeah, yeah. You ain't going to move here and be homeless.

No. You'll be homeless where your home was yeah. You ain't going to move here and be homeless. No. You'll be homeless where your home was. Okay? But you got no home then. Where it was. Mm-hmm. Okay? Like, you had a home.

Let's say you were born in fucking Cincinnati. You're not going to just move to Seattle to be homeless. Why not? Why are you going to suckle out the tea to the people of Seattle? There are people working hard right there so they can feed their homeless people, not yours. You know what I mean? But Cincinnati doesn't feed their homeless people. Say again?

Cincinnati doesn't feed their homeless people, so where are they going to go? How do you know that? Because that's why they left. No, they left because they don't want to be in Cincinnati. Well, if you didn't want to be in Cincinnati, get a job. Even the homeless people are like, fuck this shit. Well, I mean, if you are going to be homeless, you might as well go to a warm place. I'm just trying to say, I'm trying to find a way to correlate this between like American

intervention and Afghanistan. You can't just go somewhere where you're not from and then take advantage of the natural resources there and then be upset when you leave 20 years later. Okay? You have to respect those people and their culture and their way of life. You can't go mucking it up. Make a homeless embassy under a bridge. That'd be fucked up.

No, but there is something to that. I wonder if that's like ethically wrong. I'm just kind of, I'm just trying to like figure out this out right now. Like if you're moving to a city because the city is trying to be as kind as it can be and help as much as it can the homeless population, you're going to attract more homeless people. Yeah. Right? Just like if the city is trying to handle like an opioid epidemic or something like that

by giving out fresh needles or even like creating some sort of a program where like it allows you to get, I don't know, not a heroin, but the synthetic version of that, right? Methadone or whatever. Methadone, right? Like you're going to all of a sudden start attracting all the heroin addicts from your state. Yeah. So you're trying to do this good thing to help these people who are really suffering.

But in essence, you're creating like a much bigger problem. Right. So what do you do as a fucking city? Do you just ignore the homeless situation and not try to help it or not try to make it more comfortable for those people? Because, you know, it was just grow because of that. Or do you say, yo, we're going to see where you're from. And if you look at we look at your ID and it looks like you've never worked here never lived here or whatever then we're gonna

have you shipped back to whatever city your id says right i mean yeah most of these people don't have ids though a lot of them don't have ids they got cell phones now mark stop i see these homeless people charging their shit up all the time in new york have you seen this yeah ipad cell phones calling their mom yo can you send some more money i da-da-da-da. I've seen phones, never iPads. Son, I saw an iPad. Motherfucker was watching cartoons. That might have been Miles. Say what? That might have been Miles. It was Miles. I saw Miles Charger. I saw Miles Charger. I don't even own an

iPad. You're worse than homeless, though. It sucks to be you. But isn't that weird, right? There's something there. There is something there, but remember, you also fled New York and you had a home for Miami in the winter. So I paid.

Yeah, he came with money. Certain cities are like, you know the way immigrants look at America? Probably homeless people look at more than like that. It's like a refugee situation. It's America for homeless. Yes. I'm being persecuted in my homeland, so I got to go someplace where it's safe for me. Yes.

They'll offer me asylum. And if any of those fucking Europeans judge me for what I just said, keep that in mind. Okay? Just keep that in mind when those Sudanese people are on a boat and you kick that shit back into the Mediterranean. Right? Like, there are a lot of people who are not allowing to come in, right?

Yeah. I mean, I know we're all Americans and yada, yada, yada, but are you American if you don't pay taxes? Are you even? Are you an American if you don't pay taxes? Are you even? Are you an American if you don't pay taxes? Uncle Sam wants you to pay some fucking taxes, dog. Uncle Sam wants that. Uncle Sam wants his pound of flesh.

Jeff Bezos not American. I don't consider him American. He's an alien. Go where your people are. That's what Jeff Bezos did. He went to a place where he pays no taxes. That piece of fucking shit. He is an alien, dog. He's an a place where he pays no taxes. That piece of fucking shit. Can't tax me on the moon, bitch.

He is an alien, dog. He's an alien. He's a sellout, bro. He didn't even touch down in his home. He just went and waved. Can I be honest with you? Please. I think the more taxes you pay,

the more you should be able to dictate culture. I really do believe that. If you're out here in some little tax bracket complaining about stuff, nah, I should be able to go onto the subway first. I should be able to get the first Uber. I don't want to wait 13 minutes for my Uber. If I'm paying high taxes.

Uber's private. Uber's private. That already happens. If you got the money, you're just going to buy the fucking Uber that comes sooner. XL, black, private, whatever the fuck. Lux. Uber's private. You're talking about state resources.

No, I'm talking about private too. I'm talking about private too. I'm talking about private too, Mark. Somebody's footing the bill for this shit. Do you know what I mean? Somebody's footing the bill. Why do you care when you get on the subway? You don't ride the subway. If I did want to. If I did want to. If he was a nicer car, maybe he would.

Exactly. If we had a first class car. Velvet seats. If we had a first class car on the subway. That would be fucking flip. That's it. Do you know what I mean? Don't worry. I'm a man of the people, but I just like the people in a different car. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, you're a man of the partition of people. I am the man of the... Listen, separate but equal. Has that ever not worked out? Has that ever been a bad idea? That seems like a great idea in theory. The theory seems good. Yeah, people always talk about classism.

We're just slowly recreating. We need more classism. That's my issue. Yeah, like, listen about classism. We just slowly recreate. We need more classism. That's my issue. Yeah, like, listen, why don't we do it? Why don't we just have cast? What's wrong with that? People can exist in their cast. We just recreate every horrible idea in history and just justify it. I'm just saying.

I can see why people sat around in a group and they thought these things might work out. Oh, dude, communism sounds so great in theory. No, it doesn't. Explain. Work all this hard to be equal to these motherfuckers. What's y'all fucking talking about?

You're gonna work all this goddamn time and motherfucker, come on bro. You're gonna work all this goddamn time. Some substitute teacher is driving the same car as you? You crazy? You crazy? Yeah, that should be mad annoying, trying to flex.

How do you flex in the communist country? Yeah, I was in Capri this summer, and the fucking garbage man was like, oh, yeah, same, I did it. Oh, totally. God damn it. That was the thing. When you said rich people should dictate culture,

I was like, that can't work because rich culture is all about exclusion. Rich culture is built on, I need to exclude everybody that's not rich from what I'm doing. It's like, I need to exclude everybody that's not rich from what I'm doing. It's like, I need to exclude everybody that's not rich, but I need you poor motherfuckers to know how I got it. And tell me how nice I am. Yeah, yeah. Right?

It's like these rich, rich motherfuckers, they're going, I'm competing with these other rich guys. But you really want the people who are middle class and poor to pat you on the back. Yeah. If everyone's rich, no one's rich. Right. That's what they say. Culturally, you always say this with class and manners. Yeah.

But that's all it is. It's just like, I'm going to develop ways to eat things to make you feel poor about yourself. I don't know how. I grew up with no manners, no class, nothing. I don't know how to eat rice right. Apparently, when you eat rice with a fork, you turn the fork over and push the rice on the top part of the fork it's like who invented that that's idiotic some english dude invented to make you feel like an idiot when he invites you to dinner yeah the rule i the rule i heard that

really proved this to me was you're not supposed to make a toast with a glass of water you like if you're just drinking water you don't make a you don't raise your glass for a toast yeah unless you're on a boat that's the one i was like what fuck? But it's so a bunch of rich people on a boat can be like, oh, look at this guy trying to act like he's us, but he's not. This guy starts to make the toast, and then they go, oh, he tried to toast water. What if he's raising your glass as a part of the toast? Everybody would be like, look at this fucking idiot. Yeah, it's ridiculous.

But we do have that inside us, and I think that's why communism doesn't work. Like, obviously, we're joking around and stuff, but, like, we all do have this little hierarchy thing inside us, and it makes us feel better. Dude, it's just so weird. It's like, would you rather be... Here's a question. Would you rather be the brokest person in a rich neighborhood

or the richest person in a broke neighborhood? Oh, fuck, dude. Kids changes the equation. Remove kids. Remove kids. I'm staying in the rich neighborhood. I think I want to be the brokest person in the rich neighborhood because I like being around people who make me want to aspire for more. But for my peace of mind, richest person in a broke neighborhood would feel pretty good. Yeah. Until you get robbed, that shit is lit.

Yeah. Until you get robbed and then you're like, why the fuck am I around these motherfuckers? But before that, you're constantly faced with a situation of gratitude. You're like, wow, look at this. I got this. Whereas if you're the poorest person, the rich neighbor, you're constantly faced with, damn, everybody got way more than me. I'm not successful enough. I'm not making enough money.

I'm not doing enough things. I'm not driving the cool cars, et cetera. And it can weigh on you emotionally. It can weigh on you, but it can also be – there's a reason I'm one of my, I mean, not the only reason, but my best friend in the business is the hardest working human being in the business. And that's for me to always say, oh, I can always, I'm lazy compared to this guy. Yeah. Would you rather be the worst player on the best team or the best player on the worst team? Like if you're playing basketball. It depends. Best team. It depends. If, if I'm playing to be a professional, right?

Like I want to be a professional basketball player. I want to be – I don't want to be so bad that I don't get playing time. Like I want to be able to work on my game. And like sometimes there's such a discrepancy you don't even learn anything. Like if I go play soccer with you guys, right? Like what am I even going to learn? Like my cardio maybe gets better. So I need to play with guys with my skill level.

But if I'm 40 years old or if I'm Adam Sandler, I'm not trying to hoop with the nicest ballers in the street. I want to play with a bunch of guys who are 40, 50 years old, have some fun, and enjoy myself. You know? So I think it depends what it is. With your career, you want to be able to push yourself, drive, grind, get to the top.

But with your life, which I view as separate than career, I don't want to go through my career going oh there's all these people ahead of me i need to aspire to be better than them and then go to my home life and go look at all these people better than me i need a spot i need a little bit of a vacation for that yeah you know all right guys we're gonna take a break for a second because listen sometimes it rains on your birthday okay sometimes the line for coffee wraps around the building sometimes gas gas goes up 10 cents. Sometimes life stinks. The good news, you don't have to because native has your back. Native cares about the products you put on your body. All right. They're about stopping

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mix and match three of your favorite scents and keep them on rotation so you have something for every occasion. Stay fresh. Stay clean with Native by going to nativedeo.com slash flagrant. Or use the promo code flagrant at checkout and get 20% off your first order. That's nativedeo.com slash flagrant. Or use the promo code flagrant at checkout for 20% off your first order. Now let's get back to the show. I mean, honestly, the Miami spot that we're in, I thought it was really great in a lot of ways because it was like we weren't in the best neighborhood.

But it was probably the best house in the neighborhood. Yeah. And I think there was something nice about it. Like every day I felt like really grateful. Yeah. I wasn't like looking around at other homes and feeling like envious or jealous or that kind of stuff. New York will kill you in that sense because you are always around a richer human being. Mm-hmm.

Trying to keep up with rich people in New York, you got to give it up. Do what works for you because you're never the richest person. Yeah. There's a, what is it called? A relative poverty. Yeah. Index. Right.

And it's like that's how you can decide how much crime will be in a certain area. There's not crime in areas where everybody's poor because they're normal. That is what you are. You're not even poor. You just are. There's crime in places where there's poor people living near rich people because they're like, why the fuck he got all that?

I think that that fucking... That creates that thing. That's like, fuck this guy. Yeah. That is something a little bit nice to go back to why communism works on paper is the reason why communism is around. So you don't have a discrepancy in the highest poverty and you take away

relative poverty on the surface area. It makes sense. But on the surface area, on the surface, it makes sense. But if you dig down to like what our human instincts are it's it just it just doesn't work man because even within those systems even amongst those people like poor people in that area they're still going to divide

themselves based on you know hierarchies that they create so it could be for whatever you know who cares who knows what it is like bocce ball could be the thing right that they super. So it could be for whatever, who cares, who knows what it is. Like bocce ball could be the thing, right? That they super value. And then the nicest guy at bocce ball is going to have value within that community. We're always going to

divide this into getting laid or doing whatever it is. There's always going to be ways where we can find a way to feel good about ourselves. And unfortunately, for a lot of people, feeling good about themselves

is feeling better than other people. There's also always going to be a ruling class. Like there's political elite that are making decisions. Even within the Communist Party. Yeah. Yeah.

This is where religion is a beautiful opiate. Real or not, I'm a guy who believes strongly in God. But if my self-worth and happiness isn't based on feeling superior, that takes away so much of that. If I just, I have a beautiful relationship with God, so I'm happy. I don't need to be better than you. I just love God and that's it. I don't need to rob you at that point.

I don't need any of that. I have that peace. Yeah, there's something that is more important than wealth that I can equally attain. And matter of fact, I might be able to attain it easier than that rich guy. Because that rich guy might have to do some morally bankrupt things in order to get rich. And you will never be rich enough. I can be close enough to God to feel fulfilled. Even if you're rich, there's somebody richer and then you went from feeling superior, now relative poverty, I ain't shit.

But I wonder if it requires your community to buy in. If you're the only rich person, sorry, if you're the only religious person around a bunch of people who don't care about it. That might be the best of both worlds. Because then you might also feel superior to them morally and spiritually. And you're like, you guys just don't know. It's either the best or the worst. But some people don't have that type of conviction. Some people need others to also buy into it and believe. Right. Right. Create. Then they're like, OK, cool. I have value within this system right here. If you time might be going, man, this Jesus guy's a fucking sociopath.

Right? Like, I could see why Jesus had to do some real dope tricks to get people to believe. Because just seeing that. You could say miracles. You know what I mean? Say what? You could say miracles. Or illusions.

You could say illusions. Illusions or miracles. He was mind free, bro. He was Criss Angel. Bro, is that why you did magic as a kid? Yes. Oh, Crissris angel i was like yo how can i walk on water like yo i'm gonna turn water to wine and then it turned into card tricks

oh you did magic i love magic bro are you kidding me it's hilarious i'm a magician i'm a showman i don't know if you guys know this about me i'm a real magician that is hilarious though that you love magic and christ and it's a very funny mix but chris angel but he likes Angel. But he likes a certain type of magic, not Harry Potter magic. That wasn't allowed in the house. No, that's black magic, bro. No, you just do tricks. Yeah. Dude, I remember I bought these like magic videos back in the day, like taught you how

to do all these tricks. But the only reason I did it, I was like, all right, how do I just fucking talk to a girl? Ah, this is it. I'll just guess a fucking. But this is way before pick a bar shit. I was like young, young, young, young, young. Who were you trying to pick up? No, I just want to talk to girls. And I was like, young young young young and who are you trying to pick

up no i just want to talk to girls like and i was like i don't know how what do i do i just walk say how was your day like what do you mean how was your day you did homework yeah that's not gonna work i gotta be like pick a card that works and the craziest thing does magic just wants pussy it's really funny yeah yeah exactly i can't believe that you're joking around about this like you didn't do it for the exact same reason. I wanted parental attention. I used to be at parties. So you did magic?

Duh. Play a sport, you f***. The f*** are you doing? I'm so Indian. I was like, I'm so Indian. I was like, make eggs. You want parents to love you? Make eggs.

I did that, too. That didn't work, bro. Magic? Come on. Yeah. No way. No, magic is just an instant validator for older people. So you're eight years old, and you're like,

yo, I could do a trick that actually can fool my brothers. Never cared to do it for adults when I was a kid. You were the oldest. Never once. That makes sense. If you're the youngest, you want your older brother, your siblings' validation so badly. They never let you hang out.

Ever when all their friends are around. And they're the coolest humans in the world around and then you can throw a deck of cards and the card shows up on the other side of the window and they go alright let Mark do his trick it's actually kind of cool and then you get to kick it and you put on a show and they're all enjoying it and you're like alright I get to hang with the older kids I would just curse I would just curse

I'd be like 9 years old and there'd be adults around not adults but like friends older brothers and I'd be like yeah you guys can go fuck tonight and they'd be like this kid's crazy bro can go fuck tonight. And they'd be like, this kid's crazy, bro. Say some more curse words even though you're young. It's so much easier than magic. You were just super bad. Yeah, I was super bad.

I literally was super bad. And it worked so well. They'll bring you over, they'll say some crazy shit. I'm like, yeah, you guys can go finger some girls. I'd just say them all. Do the thing, do the thing, do the thing. And it really worked. It was great. Did they go fingersome girls. I just said them all the time. Do the thing. Do the thing. Do the thing. And it really worked. It was great.

Did they go fingersome girls? Yeah, definitely. They taught me how to do it on dough. We made pizza dough. Whose dough? We made pizza dough. We were working at a... Not like Jane Doe.

No, Jane Doe. Jane Doe. Yeah, exactly. She's a victim. She will remain nameless. No. We work at this pizza place. And then I remember my friend Amanda Goodman's older brother, Andrew Goodman, shouts a goody.

We would make the dough together. He was managing the pizza place. I was just delivering pizzas. And we would make the dough. There was this massive mound of dough. And then he would make pussies out of the dough. Right? And he would fold the dough into pussy lips.

And then he would teach me how to finger curl. And I cannot tell you how bad he was at finger curls. It was unbelievable. Literally, if you walked in that store. Just push on it. Dude, just fucking jamming away at the dough, right? I mean, it was unbelievable, dude. He had a young pupil in front of him who had no clue how to finger a girl

i probably didn't even smell the pussy at that point in my life so i was absorbing everything that he said and he's just jack hammering dough pussies every single day at this pizza shop and i'm like that's how i'm gonna finger a girl i can't fucking wait and i remember the first time i fingered a girl i um i did not only did i do that uh the girl said put as much fingers in me as you can or something crazy like that yeah she literally goes she has put as many fingers in me as i can and i was so ready because i've been fingering dough pussies all summer right like i was right like this girl even knows going on was she confused when he started putting marinara on it yeah she was like why'd you do a little marinara. She was like, why'd you do that part?

You're like, I don't know. That's what Andrew Cuomo taught me. I saw cheese and dough. Was it Andrew Cuomo that taught you this? He's like, all right, buddy. So if you want to get a young intern, all right, you get the dough. You start fingering dough, OK? Get some mozzarella.

So I literally had, I literally, I'm like fingering her. I like put one finger in. I put two fingers in. She's like, put as many fingers in me as you can. I only have 10. She's like, I only have 10 more, right? So I put like three. And then she goes, put as many fingers in me as you can I only have ten more right so I put like three and then she goes put as many fingers as you can right so I know and I'm at four right I'm at four I'm like I don't know how to put more fingers in right so I literally I just created a peacock beak like this. Or not a peacock, an ostrich.

An ostrich. And I just started like pecking away at her like that. So I just pushed like that, like a comb, but like reverse style. And night of her life, dude. Night of her fucking life. Shouts to Andrew Goodman teaching me how to finger. But we never got to five fingers So I didn't know what to do

Damn I was down with one, two, three, four Yeah Oh, you didn't get the black belt though? I didn't get the black belt So that's why I went this way I probably would have slipped Another one in that way

Or something But yeah, man This poor girl Walking around with a bucket When she was young, dude I think we were like 16 years old Or something like that

That's crazy Deep dish? Deep dish And maybe my fingers Were a little skinnier Back then or something Poor still seems like a crazy. Deep dish? Deep dish. Maybe my fingers were a little skinnier back then or something. Poor still seems like a lot, yo. Yeah, it was crazy.

Just pecking away? Dude, it was so funny. I probably told this story before, but I had a friend, I was going to hook up with a girl, and he was like, dude, I don't know why he said this, what a fucking weirdo. And he goes, dude, just, he was trying to make sure I was safe. He's like, dude, just don't have sex with her, bro. And he was, dude, just. He was trying to make sure I was safe.

He's like, dude, just don't have sex with her, bro. And he was looking out for me. That's good advice. So I go like this. I go, all right, bro. I'm going to give you this condom to make sure that I don't have sex with her. That's like driving drunk. Hold my keys.

Hold my keys, bro. I'm not driving home. Now I'm just fucking a rock Yeah it's like that But if you also know How to hotwire a car Yeah it's also push to start So I'm sorry buddy

And there's a fob in there already Whoops It's actually just Really convenient now I don't gotta think About my keys Cars unlocked It was unbelievable

Unbelievable Yeah this pizza shop Every time you tell me A story about it I'm realizing this place Is a fucking nightmare It was a nightmare I'm never gonna let my kids I would never let my kids Yeah, this pizza shop, every time you tell me a story about it, I'm realizing this place is a fucking nightmare. It was a nightmare. I would never let my kids work at a pizza shop because of these stories. This is why Italians are touching, bro.

I was getting molested. I was getting fucking Cuomo, dude. That's what I'm saying. It's an occult thing. It's Italian, bro. It's Italian. The fucking Italian. And she was Italian.

Yeah, exactly. The girl that would do it, my friend's sister. I wasn't really getting molested, but she would sit on my lap until I got boners. What's up with you and friend's sisters, bro? Why? What else happened with friend's sisters? Oh, yeah. I took Dove's sister to prom.

But nothing happened there. Nothing happened there. At all. That he knows about. Nothing happened there that you know about. That is true. You don't know about it. I don't know.

But something did happen. Oh. Shut your mouth. No don't know about it. I don't know. But something did happen. Oh. Shut your mouth. No, I'm being- Revelations. I'm just telling you, something did happen. Wow. You guys went to prom.

We went to prom. And you know what happens on prom night. Yeah. She got a ride on the limo, buddy. Oh, yeah, she did. The only story that we've been talking for years is this guy went around room to room at the prom hotel stealing candy from the bar. I had one Snickers.

Do you see what they do? You're a fiend. Why do you have one Snickers? This is why. See, you project on the media. Bro, this is Beverly Hills High Prom. That's a $12 Snicker. Can I tell you something?

Bro, this guy is so addicted to sugar, he lies. Stop. He lies. Stop. He lies. Like, I'm your friend. I've never lied friend I've never lied I called him once because my keys didn't work at the hotel

It's late night after the shows My keys didn't work in my room So I gotta go back down to the fucking bottom I go back down to the bottom The elevator door is open Who do I see? Margaingnon Why are you also downstairs

With a fucking plastic bag full of shit And then he goes I just had to call my girl, man. I'll see you later. Good night. I was getting prostitutes. Yes, you were. That's what I was doing. I was not having sweets.

Yes, you were. I was getting prostitutes. Yes, you were. And doing drugs. Sneaks out at night to get sweets so he can't judge him. I was doing illegal drugs, not sweets. Unbelievable, right? Yeah, for what?

Yo, you already CrossFit. Eat the worst. Who cares? You're 27 or whatever. Who gives a fuck? Yeah, you're 33, dude. Bro, you're Yeah, for what? Yo, you already CrossFit. Eat the worst. Who cares? You're 27 or whatever. Who gives a fuck? Yeah, you're 33, dude. Bro, you're old, bro. Bro, you're 33 years old, dude.

Just eat however you want, bro. Yeah. Dude, honestly. See, but you project. That's what it is. Because I didn't know about your little sugar fiending. That you go to the hotel and you just start robbing people's mini bars. Well, it wasn't fiending.

But if I wasn't getting no pussy, I wasn't going to get Snickers. You went to someone else's room. Is that fair? You went to where someone else lives and feasted off their natural resources. It was my room. It was my date. You feasted off their resources and you just occupied their room. It's better than feasting on sisters. I think he's trying to come back at We're doing Afghanistan again?

Afghanistan is all over. Mark likes treats so much. One time I was in the studio and I had Tums and I'm opening them And he has headphones on Fucking He's typing away And then he looks up And he goes

Hey what do you got there I had a stomach ache I had a really bad stomach ache No you like treats You're like a dog You heard the treats Yeah I had a whole thing I had a whole thing

So I had a stomach ache Did he eat a Tum No I did Okay What is that Hey man Yeah he's an animal I just wanted to know

He ran up the Dallas Mini bar bill No Me Mini bark Mark Who's paying for the mini bark That's not on my card Hey, man, yeah, he's an animal. I just wanted to know ran up the Dallas minibar bill. No Me minibar mark who's paying for the minibar. That's not on my car What you can't trust these animals. Oh, I told you they each put their card down for the rooms Yes, you cannot trust them. They have no respect They have no respect. They have no respect. So he's everyone's over go So you wanted on a different car? Yes, and he's go to them, they're always like, so you want it on a different card? Yes.

And he's like, yeah. They're like, normally we don't do this. We do it now. We do it now. They have no respect. Vala's got so much respect, he doesn't even sleep in the room. It's really nice of him. Oh, yeah.

It's super nice of him. Yeah, Vala and Dove were going at it this weekend, bro. They were going at it. I mean, Dove was pulling some shit, but then Vala came back in the clutch, like fourth quarter, down by like 20. Really? The series was crazy. Yeah, it was crazy.

The series was crazy. Because Dove started out hot. I mean, like Dove was on fire. We got to Dallas. We were out of Austin. He was useless in Austin. But once we got to Dallas, it was his kind of vibe. Finds his Jewish chick.

Home court advantage. Finds a Jewish chick at the pool. Starts laying it on thick. Some of you guys might have seen it on the Instagram story. Maybe one of the most interesting Instagram stories that's ever been down. I tried to disrupt. We're in a pool.

Dove's hair is already thin. We're in a pool. Dove's hair is already thin. Dove's hair is made out of cotton candy. People don't realize that. If it gets in the water, it dissolves. It just evaporates. We're in the pool.

And then Dove, I think you started, he started making fun of my hair or something like that. And I was like, motherfucker, dunk your head. Let's see who. And he literally says this to the girl. I don't know what her fucking name is. Let's say it's Babushka. He goes, he goes, he literally goes, Babushka, it was nice talking to you.

He's so short. The fucking end of Titanic. He's so short. He's literally just hanging there. He's like, I'll always love you. He's so short. What end of Titanic He's so short He's literally just hanging there He's like I'll always love you He's so short Once this chick sees The top of his fucking noggin

It is over for him Okay 100% certain Goes in Comes up It's not too bad As long as he's forward facing From behind

And if you squint If you squint It's good It looked like someone Fried an egg on the top Of his fucking head, right? But he keeps on

kicking it with this girl, manages to do some stuff, takes her up to the room. Mark's room? No, this was his regular room. Yeah, because Jameel was downstairs.

Yeah. Because Dub and Jameel were sharing a room. Sends her back. He doesn't even come back. We're still downstairs. What'd you do? Nothing. We talked. They doesn't even come back. We're still downstairs What'd you do? No, we talked they just chatted

Israel right? Yeah, they just really this is the first Jewish girl. He's ever been with and again struck out didn't give him no pussy Yeah, that's why he didn't yeah cuz ironically NBA players Did you pull the smacks out No comment, that's a yes You told her to give you that blue square, huh? She blew you? Blue square, yeah

Blue box, bro, that's the blue box The blue box, that's good Third time's a charm So So Dove is like way ahead Later that night We go out to a nice steak dinner, right? More girls there. Dove is chopping it up.

Meets a nice girl, right? Takes her back to the hotel later. This is actually a really fun story. Yeah. Can we tell this story? Yeah. Okay, go. Because Dove doesn't have a hotel room.

He goes, hey, Mark. Hold on. Can we hang in your room for a minute? Dove only has one hotel room, and that, hey, Mark, can we hang in your room? Double has one hotel room. That's in New York City. Who lacks the ego of some of the guys I work with, was super happy to share a room with my

boy of 20 years, Jameel, who makes us a lot of good money in brand partnerships. Can I say something? What is shocking to me is that Dove did not feel any kinship with the people of Austin right like he did not feel anything how do these people live in here nobody has a place to stay no what is it oh the second he gets to Dallas these are my people this life is what I understand. Dallas is fire. It's called relative poverty.

That's what it is. You saw relative pussy poverty. And we were eating at a nice steakhouse. Thank you. You're welcome. We had a good night. We had a good night.

And you meet a girl, okay? And then what happens, Dove? Take it, Mark. Long story short, Dove just looks at me and goes, yeah, can we hang in your room

while we figure out the plan? And I was like, all right, whatever. So we go to my room. Dove falls asleep while talking to the girl plan? And I was like, alright, whatever. So we go to my room, Dove falls asleep while talking to the girl, wakes back up halfway through the conversation, literally a ten minute nap, and then goes

and makes passionate love in my shower. That's fire, dog. That's legendary. I just, I mean, it's like half the story. What's the other half? Just like a lot of emotional trauma from the other girl that was involved.

Mark is my, out of the whole squad, Mark's my number one wingman. Ultimate wingman. Ultimate wingman. They just connect. He gives them therapy. They're doing all this and I'm just like, this sweet boy just rules. Mark is giving therapy and talking about

the girl's life and then Dub's just head conks over past the chair. And then he's just like, I need to get my dick sucked. And then he grabs her and takes her over to the show. He was having a wet dream. And he was like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Hold on. So Dove comes through.

That's two girls. He's really cooking. Vala's feeling a lot of pressure. Houston? Vala might have cleaned up, dude. That's two girls. He's really cooking. Vala's feeling a lot of pressure. Houston? Vala might have cleaned up, dude. Houston's a Vala city. Houston's a Vala city. We don't even know what happened.

Say what? We don't even know what happened. We do, I thought. I don't know. Somebody told me that he was in the green room with two of the girls. Oh, yeah. Like somehow two girls made it down to the green room. I thought this was exaggerated.

Was it? I don't know. I think Alex threw that in the green room. All I know is there were two girls that were just in the green room? I thought this was exaggerated. Was it? I don't know. I think Alex threw that in the green room. All I know is there were two girls that were just in the green room randomly. I don't have green rooms

that are just filled with groupie type chicks. You know what I mean? I have a let's focus green room. There's a lot of dudes. There's music. It's just a lot of dudes. That green room sucks, dude.

I like eating after a show. Yeah, my green room is not good. We get into the green room and we're just like, what do you guys think of the bits? Let's chop it up.

Yeah, let's do some work. Let's organize something special. We got a clip this weekend. 90s pop music. Hang out. Paul is fucking just tearing more pieces of his shirt off, dude. Like, he's just down

to like a stringlet. He looks like the muscle doc. Like, he is ready. He's wearing a single. I thought he was an Olympic wrestler. He was. Literally. He was that night.

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10% on top of the initial 20% off for the summer sale. Go there, get your new wallet, and now let's get back to the show your girl literally came to our table because we ordered a two-foot hot dog You want to talk about slut-shaming? It was a two-foot hot dog that we ordered It was a walk you hot dog and these girls from like four tables over just goes. What do you got over there? Look at your menu lady what do you mean what they're acting like us when we talk about the heavies everything I was like girls do that too yeah but it was a bat signal for slots to the restaurants famous and people know it's on the menu but nobody orders it we Andrew just

ordered everything I'm a fucking tourist. You're like, oh, you got that Wagyu hot dog? I'm a tourist. That's what I do. You're a tornado, dude. You went in there and just fucking tore it up. I know. Dove was rolling his eyes because I was trying to establish rapport with the waiter so he didn't fuck us over. Yeah. And Dove is looking at the menu like, how can we efficiently order

from here? He's actually a great guy. He's like, he's my wingman on the road for not losing all of our money. Three times during the order, Andrew taps the waiter and says, hey, we're good guys. Don't fuck us. I said, we're good people. Don't let us order too much. We're good people.

Don't fuck us in a negotiation. Any warning for anyone. And Dove just goes, oh my god. Fuck. His commitment to Truffle. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

At the airport. I've never seen anything like this in real life. Yeah. At the airport on the way back. I've never seen anything like this in real life. He took an hour and 15 minutes. Wow. An hour and 15 minutes to save how much?

Hold up. To start the story, Miles, how much to bring that equipment, cameras, some little things, how much did it cost you to bring it from new york into texas i don't feel comfortable just say the damn number who's a number 880 880 so we're flying back out and i was like shit okay andrew's flying first he gets these two bags it's just like rain man of how i could calculate these four bags into the cost to save the fucking money they're giving him more tidbits of information and i'm watching his brain work in real time

they say something like yeah i mean if you guys had a press pass you wouldn't have to pay for the bags because obviously and then i'm literally literally group chat why the fuck don't you guys have no no no no he goes he goes yes i mean we're pressed i mean that's why we're here obviously we're shooting like do you have your pass? He was oh no that you know, it's in the bag, but I've been impressed for 20 years something like that And then they start asking him to like well, we need to see the past and now he's getting angry at them He's already convinced himself that he's press. Yeah, you can't convince him. Otherwise. He's who's the fucking? Bob Costas or something? What is his name? Bob Costas.

Yeah, Bob Costas. Bob Costas, right? Like, he's looking at them like they're retarded to question his... He literally said, he goes, I'm gonna tell the editor. I'm gonna tell the editor. At one point, he goes, he looks at her, he goes, I've been in the press for 20 years.

He just three minutes earlier found out about this. He goes, he looks, he goes, he goes, Miss, I've been in the press for 20 years. He goes, two decades I've been in the press. He's smoking a cigar at this point. We're like, where'd you even get that? It was unbelievable. He pulled out the fucking hat from the 20s. Little notes aside.

So went through all of that. But then they weren't buying the press thing But anyone who has media credentials They want to send to us for a future thank you Yeah we need media credentials asshole army Yeah asshole army come through Then I was just like alright calculating Based off our tickets

Based off of this moving a couple pounds Here or there and went from 8 Fucking whatever cuck hundred Miles spent and we got out for uh for 240 240 but bro an hour and 15 minutes just worth every fucking three different minute of my life i've been taking things out of certain bags you saw the truffle with the hotel so the the homeless crackhead is going crazy like tearing shit up and i meet the woman that's running the hotel she's like i'm so sorry and i'm like honestly it's not your fault you can't control what homeless people

do you know what i mean like they came in here he's on drugs like you did your best and that's running the hotel she's like i'm so sorry and i'm like honestly it's not your fault you can't control what homeless people do you know what i mean like they came in here he's on drugs like you did your best and that's all we can ask for as i'm finishing the last word dove kicks open the door and says there's homeless people taking over the fucking hotel he's like my arm he put his arm inside his shirt what else happened like i'm missing my arm i need help immediately everyone be angry yeah be mad be afraid i think at one I think at one point, I was about to say, it's okay. And Dove recognizes my eyes. I have these little puppy dog eyes that are about to come up. And I'm like, it's.

And I see Dove go, fuck. Yeah, buddy. You got emotional leverage right now. You can use that. Get a credit. You know what I mean? It's just amazing. Just absolutely amazing.

And then someone put him down to size at the shooting range. Because while you were doing Roguean, we all go shooting. Yeah. And we're all hanging out. And this guy is showing us at the shooting range. It's not me. It's really you are. The VIP suite, like the most amazing thing.

Like the guys, Rogan hooked it up amazing. And we're all just hanging out there shooting. And the guy that's teaching us is like this really kind of cool guy dressed like super Miami. Like he's got the gun out, like doing the whole thing. And then Dove steps out. And the guy leans into me into me and he's like so how do you guys like all know each other i was like oh like we kind of work together on the road and you know comics whatever he's like oh okay yeah and who's like the older like less hip guy and i look over in that moment and Dub has the fucking earmuffs on, giant glasses,

holding the gun in a full squat. And I'm like, what do you mean less hip? This guy's all hip. He's only using his hips. Look at him. He's literally in a perfect L shape, like seated, holding the gun, just getting launched back every time it shoots.

Oh, me and Al bet on the handgun, you know, just accuracy. Been in law enforcement. Why would you take that hit? I just like if things are more fun when there's money on the line. But then on the rifle with the scope, I got that. Yeah. Yeah.

The guy put him down, and it was great to see. We were all very happy. Who's the less hip guy? The older, less hip guy. Oh, poor guy. I remember you guys dressed like you're 13-year-olds. You work out in a polo, Dove. What are you doing?

Yeah, he does. He does work out in a polo. I did see that. Also, he doesn't work out. I just want to put this. He's in the gym with us, but he doesn't work out. He'll literally go on the rowing machine and pull it four times. And then he goes on the rowing machine.

He pulls it four times. And then he does this every single time. This is every single time. Ready? He goes. He goes. He pullsing machine He pulls it four times And then he does this every single time This is every single time He pulls it, pulls it, pulls it And he goes Oh my god, I gotta take this But he makes sure That you see him

Look like anxious about the call That's coming in He's about to get a pump He's so close to just getting absolutely shredded. And then he'll go stand by the dumbbell rack as you lift, but he'll never lift

anything from it. He'll just be there kind of back and forth and then just absolutely do no exercise. But I could still out-pull up you, which is a surprise.

It is a surprise. And I always have some shade of... It's true. I've got sometimes like six-pack lines with love handles sticking on the side. No, you don't. You're Honda Civic with a spoiler. That's what you are. Honestly? some shade of it's true i've got six sometimes like six pack lines with love handles sticking

on the side you're a honda civic with a spoiler that's what you want you're a honda civic that has the amazing engine in it it's super it's awful for him because he'll raise his shirt right and it's a mess the guy's a mess yeah but sometimes it's a mess but sometimes you'll see these lines and i i know because i've been there you know when you convince yourself you still got it yeah right like you know you just have the top one or two so you're like no i'm still skinny right like i this is this is this is what he does he lifts his shirt up i see it happen he's got his black polo that he works out in his workout polo yeah it's a dry fit though i play a lot of tennis it workout polo. He's a dry fit, though. I play a lot of tennis.

It is a dry fit. It's a black. He thinks he's an Ivy League kid. He only goes on the rowing machine with a polo. You don't even play tennis. You play, what's that other thing? Paddle. That's not tennis.

I play tennis, too. He thinks he's on the crew team. He plays fat kid's tennis. He lifts up his shirt, and he'll see a couple of them. And they're not even abs. It's literally just like fat that is folded over in the right space. But he'll be like, no, I still got it.

I still got it. He'll just focus on that one little range and it's amazing, man, because it can get you through, right? But it's never going to make a change.

Let's have a shirtless contest. With whom? At breakfast. You and me. Right now? Pick a date. No, no, no. I pick today.

No, no. I pick this date. Let's do it before and after that, I guess. I pick this date right now. Let's do it right now. Take off your shirt. Let's do it. You're going to take off your shirt? No, no, no. Give me... No, no. I pick this date. Let's do it before and after that, I guess. I pick this date right now. Let's do it right now. Take off your shirt. Let's do it.

You're going to take off your shirt? No, shit. My pants are too tight. My handles are off the side right here. You got to take off your pants too. No, no, no. You got to take off your pants too. Why would you propose that?

It's unbelievable. I said I thought we're too much for now. I see what you're talking about. I haven't even had breakfast yet. I feel amazing. I need a challenge. I'm working this well through whatever the fucking word I'm trying to say. Oh, my God.

Jesus, Mark. Come on, Mark. I'm drunk. I'm literally drunk right now. Okay. But in all seriousness, I would love to do that right now. Two months. Give me a bet.

No, no, no, no. You're wide. You look like you've been stepped on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're kind of skinny, but it just kind of goes out in this direction. So let's call it. Call it. Right now. Right now. No, not today. I'm calling it right now. I need the two months. And you're still going to have but it just kind of goes out in this direction. So let's call it. Call it. Right now.

Right now. No, not today. I'm calling it right now. I need the two months. And you're still going to have your oat milk poofa. If he worked out, you would be in better shape than you. But I think that's just most people. By the way, if you worked out and I didn't work out at all.

You work out a ton and you still got the little stiglets at the bottom of your six pack that you'll never come in because you were eating, drinking oat milk so long. And I had to teach you about the carbs and oat milk. I did learn about that. Do you think, do you think that if you worked out as much as me that you would be in shape?

I would destroy you. I've never seen you in shape in our entire relationship. I've known you more than I haven't in my life. Eighth grade, they voted me best stomach. Say again?

Best stomach. I was the first kid to get a six pack. You went to a school with Persians. And then I met black guys. And then they had- You're not in good shape. You're dealing with dumplings over here.

You got a bunch of fucking Jasmine dads walking around the high school. What middle school has best stomach as a superlative? Beverly Hills. Beverly Hills. Beverly Hills. But it was the hot girls did a popularity poll. And then they gave everyone their rankings. But that doesn't even count.

You didn't get best personality. I got best personality in the actual school. Stop, stop, stop. You're saying that there wasn't a football player, a basketball player that had a better stomach than you? So I was addicted to infomercials as a kid and I bought an ab crunch machine. I swear to God

I was the first kid to have a six pack. Dub is a gay queen. He's like a 50 yearyear-old housewife. Even when you stayed home from school and you watched Price is Right, right before the telenovelas would come on, it would be the great infomercials. That's how I know a lot of songs. They just go over these collection albums.

That's what I call music. That's the plot line from Crazy Stupid Love. And Ryan Gosling in it is ripped. Are you describing Crazy Stupid Love. And Ryan Gosling in it is ripped. Are you describing Crazy Stupid Love right now? What is Crazy Stupid Love? It's a great romantic comedy, I guess. Ryan Gosling and Steve Carell. You would actually like it.

Ryan Gosling's character is really funny. You look photoshopped. That's the big line from that movie, right? He takes off his shirt. He's also addicted to infomercials. So I'm just saying, like, being addicted to infomercials and being Ryan Gosling were slightly different. He's saying there's divergent paths.

You know what I mean? Ryan Gosling addicted to infomercials looks fucking incredible. Dove addicted to infomercials. Looks like he sleeps on a Tilt-A-Whirl or something. What's a Tilt-A-Whirl? A fucking spinny Scravitron thing. What is it? At a fair, it just spins and you get stuck to the wall. Yes. That's what he looks like. What's it fucking spinny scrabatron thing

Yes That is That is true like there's extra gravity shirtless contest whenever you Do it right now I need a challenge give people before give people no my pants are pinching on the side I got a medium how imagine blaming on your pants Imagine thinking that you're fat because of your pants No, it's just it's pushing out the love handles because it's pinch because you have your fat And I have to also pee a lot because they're tight right now Why do they call love handles stuff?

Ask all the girls that seem to not care about trademarking them to dove handles. Yeah Have you thought about trademarking them to Dove Handles? Yeah, you got to call them Dove Handles. Ooh, the Dove Handles. That could be good. You could sell it as an infomercial. Okay, let's discuss some topicos. Okay, let's talk about Afghanistan.

Let's. This will be a fun conversation. Yeah. Because we're journalists. Yes, we're journalists. And we know exactly what's going on. This is 100% facts. Everything we're going to give you is verified facts. It's a pretty simple situation, too.

Very simple. Yeah. Okay. So we've pulled out of Afghanistan. The Taliban has taken control of the country. I mean, it took like a week. Yeah. They are so fast.

Very good. These Talibanis. Very good. Very good. Put them in the Olympics. And here's a situation that's really tricky. Just seeing the reaction from people, there's no good solution here. Correct.

We went in here. Bush went in there after 9-11. It was disgusting. It was stupid. It was fucked up. We should have never been there at all. Okay? We've occupied this place for 20 years.

Right. Okay? There's no solution. We either stay there. We continue to occupy it forever yeah right or we pull out and we go we fucked up now we have to have some responsibility for the people that we're leaving right like we fucked up the situation so i think we should be responsible to take every single person that wants to leave back if they want to go to america they want to go to somewhere else, we work out some sort of situation where they can go to other places and we work out with

one of our allies. Maybe they want to go live there and they're willing to accept them. Again, I haven't worked out this theory, but I do believe that's our responsibility to protect those people, especially if we went in there and fucked the whole thing up in the first place. You're talking about Afghani citizens. Afghani citizens, Afghani people that are just living there. Anybody that's going to be

fucked by this situation could potentially be killed, jailed, have their livelihood taken from them. Anybody who wants to leave. We've done this with other people in the past. We did it with the people, the Hmong people in Vietnam. I think we did it with

a lot of Vietnamese people. We did it with Cambodians. We did it with a lot of people from that region in the Vietnam War. Everybody's like, yo, you sided with us. Now shit's about to be fucked up for y'all. If you want to come move to Houston, you're good to go. Right. I think we have that responsibility for these people. And it looks like we're not going to take it, but it's really fucked up to just leave them there.

That being said, I think that we've been misled in terms of like how much we prepared them to fight back against the Taliban. I was speaking to a guy who's there right now, and he basically was like, yeah, we're not like they didn't really train the army here. And when you think about it, that makes sense. What are we really going to do? Train them so they're just as good as the U.S. Army? Is that what we want? Do we want high-tech weapons, high-tech training,

zero reliance on us? What do you think the next step is? Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. That's what happened with the Taliban the first time, right? They trained them to fight against Russia in the Cold War and then they became Taliban, took over the country, and now they're a threat to national security in 2001. And now

what does the Taliban have? All the weapons. But wasn't that the story, though? It was like, oh, we'll go in, we'll teach them how to fight, teach them how to be self-sustaining against the Taliban, then we'll leave, and then American occupation will work to try to empower them. Yeah, that sounds great. It's communism. It sounds great in theory, but in reality, you know what wins wars is weapons.

Right, that was the story. Not fucking karate. So, it's a it's obviously a very tricky situation and um it just really sucks man because it exposes what a monumental fuck up that we did we went in there we fucked shit up simple as that and there's tons of conspiracy theories going around like one thing that i kind of thought of and i don't know how real this shit is and i don't actually i was doing a little bit more research and it's absolute bullshit. So maybe it's just maybe it's just like a convenient timing.

But I do find it weird that the second these pharmaceutical companies can make a lot of money off the vaccine, they no longer need the poppy fields for all their opioid drugs. Right. Right. The Oxycontin and these type of things. And, you know, Afghanistan has like the largest producer of poppy opioid or opium poppy in the world. Right. So it's like oh now we have money to make on the vaccines. Well we don't need that shit. No we can leave Afghanistan. And the Taliban was like burning down poppy fields in like the 90s.

They were like trying to destroy it. So it's like of course we're going to be in there and of course we're going to need something to offset all the money that we're spending over there. So if we're spending a trillion dollars or however many billion dollars a year we're spending to prop up this country well we're going to need something out of it oh what do we have okay these natural resources poppy fields i think they're like the the biggest lithium provider in the world like it's the saudi arabia of lithium i think people describe it so obviously there's

these natural resources that people really want and we really want. And we just removed ourselves. And it's just a really, I don't know, I just kind of feel sad about it, man. I just feel sad because it's almost like we're setting it up for the okey-doke, right? It's almost like we get out of there and now we're going to go back to like how horrible the Taliban is and how horrible Islam is and how horrible terrorism is. And we need to get back there to make sure we protect them and secure them. Like, you already see the narrative start to go, right? Which is how they got us the first time.

Because you said we should have never gone there in the first place. But I remember 2001. I'm sure you remember very well being like, oh, it was, we have very good intelligence. It was the Taliban. We have the video of bin Laden saying it was him. So we got to go in there and get them out of here. They're a threat to U.S. security. And then once you went there, it

became, hey, we need to keep the people of Afghanistan safe. And we were like, why? You're just sending troops over there. I remember every presidential candidate saying, I'm going to pull out. I'm going to pull the troops out. Now we pulled the troops out. We saw how quickly it fell apart. And now I think a lot of people are acting like, why the fuck do we pull out?

Whereas all the time I remember before this, we were like, why are we still there? So it is a flip, I think, on our parts where we're just kind of, hey, I'm not going to be happy either way. Why are we there for 20 years? And then the second we leave, why would we ever leave? All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because y'all need to stay hydrated. You're fucking up.

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All right? Get that? Now let's get back to the show. hydration today. Use the promo code flagrant at liquidiv.com. All right? Get that? Now let's get back to the show. Yeah, because that's the thing with the people who are upset that we left. It's like, what do you want? Do you want occupation forever? You want to send our troops over there over and over and over? Yeah. Because we don't like losing our troops, and the chances of losing them there are way higher. Yeah.

I don't know what the solution is. Do you like imperialism or not? Especially the media just flipped on them so quick. Apparently, Biden's been pretty anti-Iraqi intervention and Afghani intervention for a long time. Apparently, he was opposed to Vietnamese intervention also. Apparently, he told

the president at the time, he was like a super young senator. He was like, yeah, this is a lost cause. Let's get out of here. So he's been trying to do this for a long time and the media was like, yeah, let's get out. Let's get out. Bro, like seeing's been trying to do this for a long time. And the media was like, yeah, let's get out. Let's get out. Bro, like seeing the media start to spin narratives is so funny. Even this fucking botched face bitch, Nancy Pelosi, is out here like they're already pushing the propaganda about feminism and LGBTQ acceptance. Right. It is honestly brilliant the way the military industrial complex Has used feminism and gay rights

As propaganda for Middle East intervention It is genius They're like who are the people that we need to convince To go oppress brown people out there in other parts of the world Who are the people in America that would give the push back to that You tell conservatives like yo we gotta protect America They're like we're in there you wanna protect the flag back to that? You tell conservatives, like, yo, we got to protect America. They're like, we're in there. You want to protect the flag?

Let's go. But these liberals, you can't say that because they don't fucking love the flag as much. They've been anti-war for a long time. They anti-war back in Vietnam. They're the ones pushing back. We don't want intervention. So you need to tap into something that they really care about. You need to tap into the groups that are oppressed and that you want to fight for.

So now you got women's rights activists right you have gay rights activists going we need to go save women we need to go save gays out there i've seen some blm stuff people are like you know like black lives matter there's black people in afghanistan blah blah so it's so genius they just go nancy pelosi tweeted something the other day this fucking retard she goes uh she goes oh it's disgusting and so sad what the taliban is going to be doing to these women just snatching them up and keeping them as sex slaves as they go and take back the country of afghanistan we can't let this happen which it is which they're going to do but we only care about the sex slave shit when it happens in countries with natural

resources like there i was tweeting this the other day there's literally countries where they chop the clits off of girls and they don't have natural resources so we don't care there's a civil war in ethiopia right now we do not care no one knows about no one's talking about like ethiopians are chopping each other up as we speak so it's like it's so it's such bullshit and it's shocking that that the extreme like leftist liberals haven't given any pushback to this i'm actually really shocked you don't hear anything from bernie sanders like bernie sanders talks all this shit right about like the billionaire class where's the talk about like raytheon where's the talk about the military industrial complex where's the talk about the military where's aoc like where's aoc and it makes me feel like oh you're a part of this yeah you're

still a part of this system you don't operate outside of the system like i want bernie to be like why are you using gay rights and women's rights as a proxy to go there and basically destroy people's lives and take resources from these countries in the middle east yeah well that's like all the things we argue about are sort of like the negotiables those are like the small rocks that are like yeah this is the culture where we go back and forth about it and like we try to earn ships here and there but as far as american imperialism goes we're not fucking with any of that. Yeah. Like every politician whether you're left right center like you are in favor of American

imperialism in terms of like your operation within the political machine. And is that the best thing? Well it depends. That one girl that everybody hated the Ethiopian chick Johan Omar? Yeah Omar. She gave tons of pushback to American intervention anywhere. Yeah. And then people were like you're not even American.

That's the thing. There was one congresswoman that objected to Afghani intervention after 2001. Bernie voted against it, like, historically a lot. In 2001, there was only one senator at the time that went against it. It was a Democrat from California. And just let me clarify. I believe that Bernie's against it. But he cries about Beos not paying any taxes cries every single day about uh what other

companies maybe like elon musk cries about warren buffett the billionaire class the billionaire billionaire class i don't know if that's necessarily objectionable like i'm cool if he does it that's fine they're not making the fucking money. Well, I guess you could say their companies are, but they're not dictating policy like these bomb makers. That doesn't necessarily go toward American imperialism, to use Mark's term from earlier. Right. Like, that doesn't help keep the empire going as much as we got to keep these people. I guess what I'm trying to say is, like, I think he knows where the bread is buttered.

And I think he knows things that just aren't going to. Yeah, man, I don't know. I mean, you would think that there would be a little bit of a conversation. That's a valid point. Let's,

or that maybe they pay taxes and he's okay with that. As long as Raytheon is paying taxes, that's all he wants is tax dollars. And then you can go take resources from wherever the fuck you want. You can start endless wars in these different places. I can't, I would imagine he wants those tax dollars to go toward universal health care or something. Can I ask you a question? Let's assume all this is true

and everything at the end of the day, we're not fucking with American imperialism. We're going to keep our empire running. Is that the best thing for us? Are our lives in this room all better because America does all this shit and then we kind of get to act like we're above it somehow. I'm curious.

We get to reap the benefits. A friend of mine sat down with the CEOs of Raytheon once for, this was a while back. I won't name any names or anything like that, but like, and asked him, he was like, you hear all this bullshit about the military.

They didn't say bullshit. You hear all this criticism about the military industrial complex and like starting wars for profit. How do you guys feel about that and they said candidly to him um missiles don't sell themselves their commodity right their their product yeah is missiles yeah right you need a purpose for missiles right right if you sell horse and carriages or horse and buggies or whatever like that and now we got cars you're out of business baby if we don't have war we don't have conflict right they're out of business those ceos i wonder if their fucking job is to make sure there's some conflict and i feel like this is i

don't know like whenever people talk about the elites to me that's what it comprises it's like corporate executives like primarily within like war industries yes the media and the politicians that execute their bidding and so like they can go to the media and be like hey like look at this crazy story this is kicking up i'll send you this footage like these pictures this video it's going to really scare people be good for your ratings and it'll also be good for us. It'll be good for the politicians to save the day. Everybody wins. Except for the people that are getting imperialized. Yes.

I guess I'm going off of you bringing up the point that we tend to occupy areas that have a lot of natural resources that we can make money on as a country. Oil. Doesn't that benefit all of us in this room as well? I'm curious about that because if we're spending so much fucking money propping up these places and we're spending so much fucking money on our military and on like development of weapons right like if we just stopped the imperialism and stopped producing

the weapons at the same rate like don't get me wrong i want to make sure that we have military superiority over every country in the world. But we could just keep on producing. We can not keep on blowing fucking things up and sending tens of thousands of troops over there and propping up an entire country's GDP. So take a good percentage of that that we spent on the war and just put it toward defense systems.

Yeah. But again, I don't know. And this is way above my pay grade when it comes to economics. I also think that there's reasons why we're there that are outside of just resources. I think that we want to make sure that there's not a fucking pipeline built from one of our enemies to to to Europe. Right. So like we're doing things to make sure that we protect our own oil interests. So if a lot of shit is fucked up in Afghanistan, they can't build that pipeline up. You still got to ship your oil from Saudi Arabia. Guess who's in bed with Saudi Arabia? The boys. So I think, obviously, geopolitics is a very difficult thing to digest.

But I hear what you're saying. It just fucking sucks. Because that's the question I always come back to. Before I start judging all these people, and I don't know any of the details. I don't know how most of this shit works. I just start wondering like, am I really allowed to criticize or do I benefit?

Is my life infinitely better because of the fucked up things America does? You know what I mean? Like I'm wiping my ass with two-ply. Life is good. Yeah. No, your life is definitely better. We all benefit from it without a doubt. Yeah. Actually, I don't know. I think we life is definitely better. We all benefit from it without a doubt. Yeah.

Yeah. Actually, I don't know. I think we just assume we do. But I don't know how much we do. Yeah, that's what I assume. I'm like, who am I to criticize? You know, I got so many poor cousins in India, don't even have the fucking toilet. Here I am.

I got a bidet. Like, what am I? Yeah. You know what I mean? I think a lot of our leverage in the world just comes from consumption power. You know? That's quite possible. I don't know. And that's where I'm i'm you know you try to look at yourself before you

criticize so i'm whenever i want to be like oh it's fucked up they're doing this i'm like am i benefiting from that i'm trying to question myself and my own do i have the right to sit on this pedestal and say how dare you yeah this also to, is kind of like an illustration of the governmental power thing that we were talking about before. Giving the government power that then gets used in a good way but then gets twisted into a bad way. So after 9-11,

it was like the AUMF or whatever, like Authorization of Military Force, that everyone voted for to go get the guys that did it. Get Al-Qaeda, like all that shit. And then it was that military authorization that was used to go into the Philippines that did it. Get Al-Qaeda, like, all that shit. Right. And then it was that military authorization that was used to go into, like, the Philippines, go into Afghanistan, like, go into all these other places.

So, like, the initial intention of it was good. Like, yeah, let's go get the bad guys. And then it was like, all right, now that we have this thing in place, let's just utilize that and interpret that under, like, you know, war court to go into anywhere else that we need to go. And defeat a conspiracy theory.

There could be people who know that let's get this authorization shit, whatever you just said, let's get that done and then we can take that and run with it. I don't even think the conspiracy thing. If you wanted to make it a conspiracy thing, that's where you go, oh, 9-11 would be an inside job planned by these guys. That's the same thing as the Patriot Act.

They say 9-11 was used to false flag, modern rights and do mass monitoring and things like that. But this is what was used to get false flag yeah modern right and do mass monitoring and things like that yeah yeah but this this is what was used to get into afghanistan is like it was that authorization this is why it is so hard to make change like lasting change in government in america because and why it should be you know it's like really hard to amend something as part of the Constitution. It's really hard. We're just locked in. It feels as if nothing ever changes

because you have both these sides. It's very hard for one side to get control of the House and the Senate and just get approval and everything. It's very hard. But it's supposed to be because when things get changed quickly, they get taken advantage of so easily. It doesn't

matter if it's for the best reasons you're gonna find a way to monetize it take advantage of it and completely manipulate people to continue to support it right and uh yeah man it's just it's such a shame dude and we and i don't know like i we can't we can't remove our responsibility from it that's what i'm that's what i fear i fear like we're out now oh sorry okay and then you guys got to deal with this mess and it's like that's not how it is dude yeah like we created the mess yeah we gotta clean that shit up yeah i don't know how we're gonna clean it up but listen we didn't decide to be in there the people you know like this is a lot of times the government makes these decisions right and we have to bear the responsibility for

them as the people right because we vote in the government right a lot of makes these decisions right and we have to bear the responsibility for them as the people right because we vote in the government right a lot of times these decisions are not being made by the motherfuckers that we vote in right they're being made by these special interest groups they're being made by these massive you know trillion dollar corporations like those are the people that are really dictating this american policy and then the world looks at us and starts going how the fuck can you guys do this? We're like, bro, we don't want this. You know? We don't want to have anything to do with Afghanistan. Most Americans don't know a single

fucking city in Afghanistan. We have no clue. And we're looking at, like, how do I benefit from Afghanistan? I would know how I'd benefit from a relationship with Saudi Arabia. If you took the names off of a map of the world, I wouldn't be able to name pretty much any country we've gone to war with. Afghanistan? I can't point it out.

Show me the numbers, yo. I bet if they showed us the numbers, they're like, listen, this is how much it costs. This is how much American imperialism costs. And this is what we get out of it. And this is what life would be like without it. If they just broke that down, somebody must

have broken this down, but if they just broke that down completely, they're like, listen, gas is going to be $10 a gallon. You know? If you really broke that whole shit down, somebody must have broken this down, but if they just broke that down completely, they're like, listen, gas is going to be $10 a gallon. You know, like, if you really broke that whole shit down to us, I bet you Americans would be like, all right, man, do your thing, yo. Like, if it looked beneficial enough to us, be like, yo, keep doing your thing, Pelosi, my bad.

Oh, the Super Bowl's on? Oh, the Super Bowl's on. It's like Michael Jackson. You know how we all pretend we don't think he did it yeah because we know if we found out we'd still listen yeah i think we don't want to know the number because we're like if we find out what it costs us yeah we'd be like just stop asking questions yeah live i don't think we want to know yeah i think we saw how much we benefited we'd all find out our own morals ain't shit. And we'd be like, hey, what you got to do, man? And if that's the case,

man, it is amazing that they haven't said that shit yet. Because if you were tweeting at me every single day saying I ain't shit, right? Like I was tweeting at Pelosi and all these other motherfuckers. If people are just talking shit to you every single day and you're like, you dumb motherfuckers, you know what your life would be like? Right?

Isn't that crazy? I would have definitely said it. Immediately I would have said it. Yeah. Yo, I think Republicans got to apologize to the Dixie Chicks. Okay. Oh, fucking valid point, dog. Long time coming, bro. I want Rush Limbaugh. I want Hannity. Why? What happened? I want fucking Glenn Beck. Because the

Dixie Chicks career, and you probably know the story more accurately than me. I mean, basically that. I think they were in London. And at the time, there was a pretty big British resentment to Middle Eastern intervention. Yeah, yeah. And then they go on tour. The irony.

And they learn their lesson. The British could take a moral fucking high ground on Middle Eastern intervention. Keep going. And so basically, they go there and they're like, yo, we stand with you guys. We completely agree. We don't want this war. We don't want the violence. We don't like George Bush's going into the Middle East.

We're ashamed that George Bush is from Texas. That's what they said at the concert. The baby type shit. That moment. He beat stops and they just let it rip. Put your ladies in there if you don't like the war in Iraq, whatever. And then they got canceled by every Republican commentator. Their career kind of ended.

They were off CMT. Their careers, they were fucking massive. They were the biggest name in country music. They're a country group touring in London. Don't get radio play to this day.

They finally had a song that this year got radio play a little bit. Gaslighter. Gaslighter, yeah. But it didn't even blow up. And they were the biggest thing in country music

for a few years. And then they said one thing. We're ashamed to be from the same state as George Bush is what I always heard as a Texan. And then that was it. And it's amazing. Do we even have video evidence of this? Yeah, I think so. And now all the Republicans are like,

why are we there? This button's an idiot. That's some shit like, you knew who your fans were, dummies. I'm tired of these crying ass bitches, you knew who your fans were, dummies. I'm tired of these crying ass bitches. Like, you knew who your fans were. You were showing up to the shows. You saw the flags that they was waving in the fucking crowd. You made enough millions where you were able to have a point and be willing to lose your career.

And then it was like, I'm going to say how I really feel. But you made your millions first, so shut your fucking mouth. I think they felt safe in England. Huh? They felt safe in England. I think they felt safe saying in. They felt safe in England. Even more pussy! Stay at home here!

I don't know. I don't buy that shit. I don't buy that shit where you make all your money first and then you decide that you're going to be a good person. Roll the dice, bro. If you really feel like it, roll the dice. I don't know the history on this. It was also pretty quickly after the war. But the Dixie Chicks have always sort of been

like the lefties of the country world. Well, then they shouldn't be canceled, right? I think that was when people felt that. It was the timing of it. I mean, it was post 9-11.

I mean, within... Yeah, like two weeks or something. It's Sinead O'Connor doing the... I think, yeah. Like we didn't have... Like we didn't intervene

in the Middle East before. I think I remember hearing about this in like 2003. And 9-11 was the end of 2001. we probably went to war 2002 and no entered in 2003 oh so this was quick this was quick this is weeks after we're entering yeah for the first round of combat is i mean we were in the we were in there with his pops yeah they wanted to say it then they're not gonna say it before hey remember 15 years ago? Yeah, that was our bad, dog.

We never should have did that shit. What's up, Houston? Also, fuck George Sr. Fuck these bitches, bro. You're not doing nothing brave. I'm sorry, chicks. Yeah, they're the chicks now. They deserve an apology, dog.

Nah. Nah, they do. They do. They have some slappers, bro. No, they don't. They made the money. They kissed the devil. They knew what the fuck they was doing.

And once they made enough money, they were like, I don't want to be with the devil anymore. It's like them dumb bitches that was with Hugh Hefner. You know what I mean? Yeah, but I don't think that's the same. They have their girlfriends. They're all about being a fucking Playboy bunny. Then they got their own TV show and their own spinoff. They're like, oh, I don't want to be with this old man anymore.

It's like, you know what you did. Yeah, that I agree with. But I don't think the Dixie Chicks they didn't write like a bunch of pro-America music and then all of a sudden get money and then be like

yo fuck you they just made country music then a few weeks after we had an award they were like yo we don't want to be a part of this shit either

they also made like lefty country music so how'd they get cancelled it was chick shit they absolutely just lost all their tours they lost all their sponsors no he's saying

if they were lefty then how come they're suddenly getting canceled? Because then they went too far. You can be slightly left, but they weren't like, there was nothing to voice. They were apolitical. Yeah. There was also pre-social media,

so they didn't have any contact with their fans. If it was post-social media, maybe we would have been like, And also country music, radio, which dominates country music. Oh, yeah, they were off the radio. They never got to tour again. No one showed up. Right. Yeah. Whatever. It is what it is. You know who to tour again. No one showed up. Right. Whatever.

It is what it is. You know who your fans are. Newt Gingrich. They got trashed. They went crazy. Yeah, but that's also that political grandstanding shit. You're using this

as an opportunity to show how much you love America. They never heard of the D.C. And his point, Mark's point, is that's fucking gross, especially gross now because now you're just

parroting what they were saying, basically. Never should have been there. You fucking ended these girls' careers so you could get five minutes air time right and they had bangers the whole time yeah yeah fucking hits it's not we lost really we lost years of greatness the chicks yeah we gotta put britney's dad in charge of afghanistan i think we need a conservatorship in afghan really do man Get Britney's dad over there Because Afghanistans are in their head shaving phase right now

And they're going crazy They're kind of off the meds a little So we gotta get him What's his name again? Jamie He got time now That motherfucker is a psycho bro It's weird he named his daughter Jamie too

He named his daughter after him My favorite of that is george foreman though georgina he's got he's got five sons all named george yeah and then he's got one daughter named like georgina and i maybe think another daughter named georgetta he's 12 kids yeah and he's named over half of them after himself yeah that's wild but also being a dude and naming your daughter after you is crazy yeah Yeah. Like, you are a crazy person. Yeah, as a narcissist. That is unbelievable levels of narcissism. Like, you have to look at your wife and be like,

I think we should name her after me. Yeah. And then she's... It's a younger daughter, too. Like, he lost the fight with the older daughter, and he was like, all right, I get the next one, though. 100%. He was like, all right, what do you pick? You know what?

He won the fight with the older daughter. He won. He didn't let me have a name. I'm going to have her. Her money. With that being said, I'm naming my daughter Mark. 100%. You got to do it.

Dion's daughter's name is like D'Andra. Dion Sanders? Some shit like that. Yeah. Dion and D'Andra. Something like that. What is that about? Dude, I don't know.

Yeah, the junior shit's a little weird. A little sussy, right? A little sus. Yo, you know what I don't think is sus? The third. I'm naming my kid the third I don't think is sus? The third. I'm naming my kid the third. I'm skipping. I get the third.

I'm with you. Because it's really an homage to your father. It's not narcissistic. You're like, I have so much respect for my dad. I'm going to bestow his name on my child. And now this is a legacy and it all dates back to this. Yes. But the first person to go junior, you are a bona fide narcissist.

You can also skip it, though. You could just name your kid after your dad and then he can be junior. You know who's a shitty father? What? Junior is the next generation. It can't be senior and then junior and it skips me? You know who's a shitty father is the guy who names his kid junior and then his kid doesn't name his kid the third. Yeah, that's a shitty dad. You're looking at that

guy like, yeah, his name is going to be Aaron. Fuck you. I want my kid to be unique. I don't want him to be anything like this grandpa. Now you're the narcissist and a shitty dad. If you're a narcissist but you killed it, you knew.

You called your shot. This kid's going to love me, bro yes that's their notepad and a wallet that's their post-it note i'm gonna be such a good dad my kid's gonna name his kid the third yeah that's pointing to the stands that's baby right there wow it's gonna go right there but if you do that shit and your kid is like nah bro it stops with me yeah you suck dude so uh what are you gonna to name my grandkid? Jake. The first.

Okay. The first. You got to wait until your dad dies before you get a kid. It's also so waspy. I knew a kid. I also like the nicknames that come with it, but it's so waspy. If you're the fourth, so fourth in line, your initials are IV. And I knew a kid named Ivy.

Because he was the fourth. I know a couple of black thirds i see i see it as i see it as waspy or poor uh like this is all i got to give you exactly i got nothing else to give you jethro the seventh right like some real hillbilly shit i got nothing but a name or some why i know a million latinos i know hundreds of latinos maybe not hundreds five right that were named junior they're all junior junior but i don't know about the third the fourth or any of I know hundreds of Latinos. Five, probably. They were all named Junior. Junior, but I don't know about the third, the fourth, or any of that kind of shit. Also, there's limited names.

They have like seven names. Nobody has less names than Latinos, right? They really have very few names. Carlos Sanchez. I guess he's a Junior. Carlos, Pedro, Juan, Luis, Hector, Jose, Jesus, Jesus. Jose. Jose. Jesus. Jesus.

Jesus. That's it. I think they have under, I bet you. Whoa. I bet you. I know a couple Marios. This is more Italian, but I know a couple. Under 25 names.

I bet you 90% of Latinos are named under 25 names. Male names. Male. Even less for women. Maria. Marie. Ah. There's a pushback to names. Male. Even less for women. Maria. Marie. Ah. There's a pushback to this.

Okay. The name Muhammad. We met in Houston or Dallas. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Muslims have three names. Do you remember the guy? The guy comes up to us and he goes, hey, what's up? We're big fans.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're Muhammad. I'm Muhammad. Can I say something? Can I say something real quick? What an asshole Muslim to not name their kid Muhammad. I was just going to say, yeah, you got it. 90% of them are named Muhammad.

And then you have to have that conversation where you're going to be the unique one. Oh, my kid's name is Imad. Just name him Muhammad. It's Mo. It's Andy. Okay? Like 90% of the rest of them. Why do you have to be the hipster muzzy?

Is that how you're a hipster in Islam? Aziz. Aziz. Alright, bro. Zeeshan. Alright, we get it with the Z's, dog. We get it. Literally, everybody's name is Mo.

Everybody. Yeah. Just go along with it. What about Ahmed or Ahmad? No, dude. No, we can't even do that? 90%. What percent are named Muhammad?

Let me check. 99.9% probably. It's unreal. I mean, it is unbelievable the amount of Uber and taxi drivers that you get that are named Muhammad. It's hacky at this point. You know what, though? I feel like I know way too many Andrews.

I feel like it's way too many Andrews. And it's a lot of Alex's. We got three Alex's that work with us. There's no way that you're comparing the name Andrew Alex to the name Muhammad. I'm not comparing. We're talking about a billion Muslims. But if we're also talking about overused names. And this is one that slept on. Andrew.

A lot of Andrews. A lot of Alex's. Akash. Akash. Akash. Akash that slept on. Andrew, a lot of Andrews, a lot of Alexes. Akash, Akash, Akash, Akash, Akash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think you're understanding here. We're talking about a billion people. Muhammad, way more common. About 150 million men and boys.

What's the super bad line where he's like, why'd you pick McLovin? He was like, well, I was between McLovin and Muhammad. He's like, why would I be between those two names? Muhammad's the most common name in the world. Read a book. I believe that. Most common name in the world. It is. 150 million men and boys named Muhammad.

150 million. Half the U.S. Or actually, the full male population of the U.S. That's crazy. It's like if every man in America was named Muhammad. Every man in America had the same name. That's not Andrew or Alex. That's not. That's not Andrew or Alex. I just am running across a lot of Andrews and Alexes. I'm like, I'm this same name. That's not Andrew or Alex. That's not.

I just am running across a lot of Andrews and Alex's. I'm like, this is a lot. There's a lot of us. Spend some time in Baghdad. Yeah. It's not like every single time you get into a car, it's by a guy named Andrew. That's got to be easy for you guys, because you have a hard time telling them apart anyway. What? Brown people.

Hey, Muhammad, you're probably right. Yeah. You know what I mean? You don't got to learn names this way. Brown people. Hey, Muhammad, you're probably right. You know what I mean? You don't got to learn names this way. That's right. Matter of fact, when you meet a brown person, is it even offensive to assume Muhammad? They can't even be offended by that. No, because their brother's name is Muhammad.

Why do you assume my name is Muhammad? It is, but why would you assume? Your uncle's name is Muhammad. 90%. I mean, no, you're right. No, my name is. 90% right. Yeah, you're right.

My name is Muhammad. I just wish you would have known right away. In Bali, they name the kid based off of the order that they're born. So like the firstborn has one of two or three names. The second has one of two. The third is always the one other name. And then the fourth, and it repeats itself. You have more than four kids.

So everybody in the neighborhood is just one, two, three, or four. Everyone. You can guess. If you say, are you the oldest kid? All right, your name is Wayan Putu or Gede. Wow. Love that. Right? Efficiency. If you're bad with names, are you the oldest kid? All right, your name is Wayan Putu or Gede. Wow. Love that. Right?

Efficiency. If you're bad with names, that's the best. I'm bad with names. Yeah. The best. That's like a uniform in school. Like in school, you have to wear the uniform. And if you go to school in uniform, you don't have to think about it.

You're like, oh, it's taken care of. I'm out of here. But when they let you pick your shoes, that's life. That's the middle name. That's the middle name. You're like, I'm going with Skyler. That's the middle name. That's the middle name. You're like, I'm going with Skyler. That's the middle name. Yeah.

I'm accessorizing here. Yeah. Okay, I got to pee real quick. All right, guys. A couple of quick show announcements from me as well. I'm going to be in Austin September 23rd through 25th at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. Make sure you come through. Also, this show isn't fully, fully agreed to yet, but we're going to make this shit

happen. I'm finally coming to Texas to headline. I'm going to be in Houston October 1st at the Secret Group. I know it's been a long time, so get them fucking tickets. Let's sell both those shows out. October 15th, Toronto, Grand Girard Theatre. We sold out the two shows we have. We're still trying to find a new

venue and maybe add two more shows on Saturday as well. So Toronto, we're going to get tickets as soon as the link is live. I'll let y'all know. Cop them, motherfuckers. Let's keep selling it out. November 5th, I'm going to be in Atlanta at the Red Clay Comedy Festival. November 11th through 13th, I'm going to be in Indianapolis at Helium. And my October show that was originally October 8th at DC is now moved to December 9th through 11th at the Comedy Loft. They're trying to move us into a bigger space there as well. So get your tickets. AkashSingh.com. Let's bring that ass. All right.

We're back. Yeah, I just saw a video of the people, like, hanging on to the wheel of the plane. Trying to take off with the plane. The U.S. Armed Forces plane is, like, taking off. I don't know if it's taking off. Yeah. There's no way it's going to take off with all those people. Apparently, there were people in the wheel well.

They're hanging off of it. Yeah, when it took off but yeah they're trying to get in any way they can and then they they fell out of the wheel well as the plane was taken off i mean what would they think was going to happen if they were just going to hold on for the whole flight oh the wheel will come in and you can kind of like hide in the wheel well i think you freeze to death yeah that's what happened yeah but i'm gonna do that they lose consciousness burning building or jumping out you know i mean like it's weird when I spoke to this guy who's in Kabul he's like a journalist dude he didn't seem that concerned he's like tomorrow it's going to go down we'll see what happens but

I don't know the Taliban's already saying if you're impartial media you could stay you can operate well like they're trying to how is the Taliban this organized how are they this efficient like who's funding the taliban they're trying to be a real government like the leader the spokesperson 280 000 twitter followers

like no no but i don't understand like the military strikes had to be incredibly organized yeah right the their ability to like take over understand what they need to go for like i don't know what we always looked at the taliban like they're hanging out in caves and shit like that but they're planning in that cave that's taliban 1.0 this is like the new shit this is actually taliban 2.0 who's promoting this who's funding this oil money like magnates like uh some of them a lot and famously like had a hyper wealthy family and wealthy dad and like yeah he used certain funding from like different uh pseudo governments and and other you know forces to to build these things up the taliban extracted four point or 464 million

dollars in profits by mining and imposing taxes on miners of copper oil gas cobalt gold iron lithium so they basically just occupy cities and areas of Afghanistan and then extract the resources. Right. So they're doing what we're doing. Yeah. Opium, apparently. So why are they upset about it?

Afghanistan is a source of 84% of the world's global opium. Yeah. Now, didn't we kick them out of Afghanistan entirely? Mm-mm. So they were always in certain regions. Yeah. I mean, there was different numbers, like, apparently, because that's what people were asking Biden in the press conference. So, like, you know, is it

inevitable, considering that Afghanistan controls 40% of the country? You mean Taliban? Or Taliban controls 40% of the country. And he was like, well, it's actually less than that, and it's not necessarily blah, blah, blah. So there was different estimations of how much it was, and I don't think people expected it to be as much control as they had. You know, it's

kind of interesting about this plane scene? If you see the viral video of the people grabbing on a plane, a lot of people are saying it looks like World War Z. Remember that movie, the zombie movie? And then I see other people grandstanding on that and being like, oh, you Westerners have to compare it to a horror movie, World War Z. It's like, bro, that's how we're trying to identify how fucked up it is. That's all we understand.

You can't even let a person start to empathize without being like, oh, fuck you for trying to have empathy. Yeah. It's just such a, there's such a can't win-ism with everything in social media. What are we supposed to compare it to? Yeah. Oh, it's like a couple today.

That's the only thing to compare it to. There's nothing that happens in America that's like that at all. You know how heartless you, how heartless would you sound? I'm like, that's like Black Friday. Yeah. That's worse. You're like a fucking idiot. You know what I mean? You're trying, that's like Black Friday. That's worse.

You're like a fucking idiot. You're trying to get a VCR at Best Buy? Yeah. A Walkman. A Walkman, you mean. But it's like, come on. Yeah, I think that's ridiculous. Like when the tsunamis were happening, I was like, yeah, it's like Sharknado.

You know what I mean? You just compare it to what you know. Yeah. That's all it is. And thank God we don't know what that shit is like. I mean, great. What an amazing country this is. We're so privileged here.

We're so fucking lucky. And how much did we really, I really need to understand. Someone needs to explain to me how much we really benefited from being in Afghanistan. I really need to understand. Because now, of course, all like the fear mongers are coming out and like, now there's finally a place for these terrorists to relax and plan safely with the protection of another terrorist organization and they can coordinate attacks on europe and america and without the concern of

american forces in their spy and gathering intel to protect us like this is this is what they this is the uh you know the five-year plan like what is really going to happen there might be another big attack on the west etc so but i don't know I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how much we actually benefit. And if they did have 40% of the regions. I don't know what percentage, but it was high. Yeah, but you were saying that they had a certain percentage of the Taliban was in control of a certain percentage. Like, why don't they just harbor the terrorists there? And if they're making bank, like it said, like they could easily hang out, get a conference room, figure out your terror attacks.

Yeah. Right? Like, I don't think anything changes that much more. Well, it's difficult to know how much you benefited as an American citizen, or I benefited. Yeah. But Halliburton probably did okay. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like, Lockheed Martin probably did okay. Yeah. Like, those guys did good, and ultimately it's the elite and the power brokers. I think what we're wondering is how much does that benefit us as just a pure, like, byproduct or trickle down or whatever the term is. Yeah. Yeah, we know it benefits those companies. You make weapons, you're winning right now.

How much are we also winning? The assumption is there, though, that that assumption is saying that we're there because it benefits us. It might not benefit us at all. That's what I need to understand. But it's possible that it doesn't and we would still occupy. Yeah, and we would like to know. And then I'd be pissed.

Basically, what I'm trying to do is be honest with myself yes exactly increases my life 25 am i willing to take that 25 sacrifice i think most people will not you ask them if they're willing to take a 25 pay cut at work they're not going to take it right right so but if it increases my life one percent or two percent and it increases halliburton and Raytheon's life 300% fuck all them yeah yeah yank them out let's get back to regular shit and not feel the guilt of

completely destabilizing a nation of independent people and destroying their fucking lives and now I mean countless more are gonna be dead and it's gonna be real sad I mean every motherfucker that was on that plane is gonna be in a picture and they're going to be walking around the streets like, was that you on the wheel? That was you on the wheel trying to get out of here? That was the other Mohammed.

That wasn't me. Right? So it's like, I don't know, man. Life is going to be shitty. It's going to be shitty. But I need to know. I need to know exactly how much I benefit from American imperialism. Yes. I need to know. I need to know where the accountability lies. If it lies with me for being okay with it and I make this money, bet.

If it's them and we don't really benefit, then I can hold the government accountable. Yeah. It's also- Get it to a point where I want to know before I didn't want to know. It's the sum of parts, though. Like, American imperialism is not just one country or one region. Of course. It's the whole world.

Of course. And it's also, like, multifaceted. This would be a good, like, marker for it, though. Yeah. Like a barometer of how much we benefit from intervention. Yeah, like if I benefit 1% from Afghanistan, but if I benefit 20%

from having military bases around the world, let's keep those bases. That's my point. I don't know if you necessarily benefit a ton from one specific country, but you benefit 25% from military bases. You benefit 20% from digital colonialism with media and tech. You benefit 30% from military base. You benefit 20% from digital colonialism with media and tech. You benefit 30% from spies and shit.

I don't count digital colonialism because they have the ability to opt out. You have the ability to not have an Instagram page. You have the ability to not have a Facebook page. Like that's your choice. If you want to share your information and data with the world because you need to get likes and shit and pats on the back for how cute you look in your fucking outfit. And that's on you.

And the stakes are different when a motherfucker is there telling you how to live your life, what to do, when you're in your fucking outfit, then that's on you. And the stakes are... It's different when a motherfucker is there telling you how to live your life, what to do, when you're going to do it, what parts of your religion are allowed to be expressed and what parts are not. The stakes are a lot higher with military colonialism than digital colonialism. You're changing people's lives.

But they operate as far as percentages go. Yeah. What do you mean? What does that mean? There's percentages of each that are affecting our lives every day. I'm all about digital colonialism i'm all about like uh cultural colonialism like movies and shit like put out our action movies make them want to drive around fast cars and vin diesel and shit like that's cool that's awesome that's great win win win in that

way that is way different because that's opt-in you have to opt into fast and furious you have to opt in to thinking vin diesel is cool we don't even think vin diesel's cool in america but if they think he's cool fine great you gotta opt into our music you gotta opt into all those things that is an option you don't get to opt into a fucking helicopter showing up in your neighborhood and telling everybody this is how you're going to live your life yeah this necessarily costs us lives yes like and rap music doesn't kill a man doesn't kill american soldiers it kills americans but music doesn't kill American soldiers. It kills Americans. But it doesn't kill American soldiers, right? So you're not having American freedom fighters dying for these causes that we don't give a fuck about so these bigwigs can make a bunch of money. because I'll be a complete hypocrite if they came back and they're like, yo, Afghanistan, that is 30% increase in your lifestyle. Just that one place. And we're going to have to go get that 30% somewhere else.

So watch out, South America. Watch out, Africa. Watch out. Some region is going to need to get destabilized for us to go back in there and fake prop it up again. You know what I feel bad for? I feel bad for the soldiers, man, because their mission is noble. Yes. Like what they're doing is noble. Very noble.

Like if you are going, wow, this girl is being stolen from her family so she can be a sex slave for a Taliban army regiment. You're stopping that returning to her family that's a noble cause but you're only doing that so this military company or this missile company can make billions of dollars yeah so it's like what you're doing is good you got you get to feel good about what you're doing but the real reason you're doing it is so these guys can make trillions of dollars yeah let me ask you a question. Stop me if I'm missing something stupid. Is it a testament to how powerful like a De Beers is that we don't occupy Sierra Leone?

Because you brought up we like minerals, resources, whatever. We can make a shitload of money off diamonds. Kids are getting killed, arms chopped off in Sierra Leone for diamonds. Yeah. And we're just like, nah, y'all got that. Diamonds are fake. Yeah, but we could still make a lot of money off of them. I think the reason why we don't care about diamonds is because nobody needs them.

The values are all prescribed or whatever the word is. Yeah, you need oil, bro. I guess you could say you don't need. No, copper you need. You build things with bro. I guess you could say you don't need. No, copper you need. You build things with copper. There's the wires, one of those cables that they lay at the bottom of the ocean.

You need these certain minerals and these precious metals in order for life to function as we know it. And it's like diamonds you don't need. It's actually amazing what they've done. It's the craziest shit ever. It's the business ever created yeah because it's all based on nothing nothing genius it's not rare not precious it's nothing yeah fucking useless piece of glass it really is fucking heck all right anything else on this before we move on guys no no that's kind of

sad it's just a sad thing to watch, man. Who's next? Who do you think gets it next? I might run it back. You think that's the vibes? There's enough public outcry or whatever. They can gain sentiment. There's money to be made.

Run it back. You think maybe they would pull out just to justify being there another 10 years? I think that's what some people are saying. Because they know this will happen, and then people are up in arms it's like all right we'll go back guys fine we'll protect them and it's almost too easy for the taliban to take over like if you really had 300 000 arms afghan uh military you know forces like you really had they apparently have an air force. Like, the Taliban doesn't have an air force. Yeah. So start bombing some shit. Yeah.

Right? Like, if you have air superiority, I think every war since World War I has been won by air superiority. Makes sense. Right? Like, I think the reason why Israel was just mopping motherfuckers in the Middle East is because you had an unbelievable air force. Right? Yes. But, I mean, it's part of it. No, absolutely. Yeah. Airplanes from World War Two were sent over. And then boom. So it's like, I don't know, man, something seems a little fishy here. It just seems too easy. And I wonder if they're setting up Biden to be the fall guy.

I wonder if that's Biden, you get out of here. Now, I asked some people about this. I was like, are they trying to get Biden out of here? Is this his big fuck up? And then this poor guy plays the role his whole life. This shows you how fucking, this shows you how diabolical his game is, bro. He plays the company man his whole life, his whole career. Finally gets in a position. And then what do they do the second they need him out of here?

The second he's stuttering too much on camera, he's looking like his cognizant abilities aren't there they blame the fall of afghanistan on him yeah even though it was honestly trump's decision to pull out now he could have definitely changed it but trump did start laying the groundwork right right they did have that negotiation with the taliban they basically pulled out like 3 000 troops like at the end of his presidency like yeah around like 2019 2020 i think yeah so but it is it is interesting he plays a company man the whole time and then legacy completely destroyed this is on biden's hands that's how everybody's marketing it yeah yeah now i was talking to people and they were like, they don't think that's the case And I go, why? Because the powers that be love having Biden there

Because they just get to tell him what to do They hated Trump there, because that motherfucker was doing what he wanted to do And they were like, eh-eh But Biden, I don't think, is making a single decision Do you guys feel like he's making any decisions? I mean, no I don't think he's making a single decision So they love having a guy that's not making a single decision

The only problem is, the guy can barely hold a press conference. Right. Right? So they have the perfect person in the fact that they're not going to be independent at all in their thinking, but the worst person because he's the laughingstock of media in the world. Right. What do you do? Bye.

Adios. Yeah. Kamala? Maybe. Or just maybe wait until re-election and then just re-up and get someone else in there maybe he doesn't run

they tell him like yo you're out yeah yeah he's out and then Kamala takes over and you see how she does if he decides not to re-run is there another primary all over again

how does that work or is it just her it depends if the party supports her I think if the party supports her then she's the incumbent but the party might not the party supports her. I think if the party supports her, then she's the incumbent, but the party might not.

The party might go, I don't think that you have enough likability. They'll run the metrics. Oh, her shit is down. Yeah. Her likability is not good. I haven't heard anything from her. I've heard her approval rating is really low.

Right? The only thing I've heard from her is telling immigrants, don't come. That's literally the only thing. And some conservatives might be on board. They let her say that. They let her say one word, and then they're like, shut your ass up.

Yo, Pence talked more than Kamala. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Wild. That's wild. Yeah. Because the way this is looking, if Trump wants to run in 2024, he's going to be a problem.

Yeah. He's going to have a real shot. These guys are not going to like it. Because you set up Biden to fall. Kamala, nobody likes. So then what happens? You have another whole 2020 primary style, see who wins if you get Biden out of there.

Oh, God. Yeah, situation sucks. We might have to go over there and try to figure it out. Oh, no. Us. Oh, no. You think?

You think we'll do it? I think we'll figure it out. You could at least get the airline thing figured out. All of them jumping on the airplane. Like, you have like, you know. Schultz 2032, I've been saying this, no. You think? You think we'll do it? I think we'll figure it out. You could at least get the airline thing figured out. All of them jumping on the airplane. Like, you have, like, you know. Schultz 2032, I've been saying this, bro. Nah, fuck this. Fuck all that.

Fuck that. No, I think you just go and try to straighten up the airplane. And do what? I don't know. You just like to yell at people on airplanes. I feel like you kind of got, like, your airplane situation figured out. Like, all these people hanging on the outside. You just be like, yo, like, chill.

Put your mask on. You know what I mean? Yeah. You you can straighten them up i would straighten them up these pj's pj schultz you know so it doesn't matter oh yeah that's right yeah we're only on the private jet from now on that's what it is sorry guys sometimes semi-private but it doesn't matter yeah exactly who's counting you know yeah who's counting um it's a shared endorsement what else we got what else we got all right else we got? All right. PJ Washington. Those names. Speaking of PJs.

Hey, Private Jet Washington had a very public baby mama issue. PJ Washington was dating this famous thot named Brittany Renner. Yeah. This is the girl that wrote the tell-all book about everybody she slept with. She's super head for this generation. Oh, yeah. She's new super head. Yeah. Right?

Also kind of a piece. Yeah, kind of. Kind of. So she was with this basketball player, PJ Washington. I believe he plays for the Washington Wizards. And she gets pregnant.

Baby comes out I think a month after. Yeah. Divorces him. And now allegedly is going to get $200,000 a month in child support. And then videos popped up of her back in the day saying, if you really want to come up off a check, just get pregnant by an NBA player or by an athlete because they never want to wear condoms.

Yeah, they're stupid. And they're stupid. They're the easiest ones to trick and yada, yada, yada. So people are putting these things together and they're saying, oh my God, she totally tricked him. She was never into him. Yeah. First place, she just got up and checked.

And the second the baby came out, she was like, you want to pay me for the rest of this baby's life? Yeah. Now, there is some discrepancy in terms of how much she's going to be making a month on this. But $200,000 a month sounds absolutely ridiculous. How much is that for 18 years? I mean,

43 million, I think. Wow. Great math. No, I think I saw it somewhere. Oh, I saw it somewhere.

And I think it was 40. Take credit for that shit, bro. Come on. Cause then you can ask me, if you ask me to calculate it, you're like, but,

uh, but it is, it is kind of fucking crazy, man. I have a feeling that that's not how much it is. And I also feel like, you know, if you're going to be like an open thought, like you've got some emotional issues. Oh, yeah, dude. And who knows?

Maybe PJ Washington's got some emotional issues. Like people getting divorced, especially people in public relationships, is not rare. This happens all the goddamn time. So I don't like to go at this that she had some diabolical plan to get nutted in by some basketball player and then just collect checks for the rest of her life. That is maybe what happened. How old is he, though? 22. 22.

She's 27. And how long they've been together? Maybe you could say she groomed him. I think some people were trying to say that. I mean, come on. Grow up, bro. Can you groom an adult? We're going to say that shit for women. You can say this girl got groomed. But you get groomed when you're underage.

Like, he's 22 years old. Like, you got to take some accountability. Like, I ain't doing that shit with dudes, bro. You got groomed. You got groomed. You were literally groomed. She grooms your ass. Yeah.

Okay? And that's why you're paying $200,000 a month because you let this bitch groom you. Yeah, I got groomed this past July. I got groomed. Exactly. Yeah. I bought a fake TV this past July. I got groomed. Exactly. Yeah, I bought a fake TV, you know? I got groomed.

That's it. I wasn't gypped, you know? No, you were groomed. I wasn't an idiot. I wasn't a mark. I got groomed. You got groomed, yo. So that's why it is. It's like, come on, dudes.

You should know better than this. And if she convinced, I don't know. My assumption, I actually think that they got along. It worked out. All of a sudden, she gets pregnant. Shit's different. Who knows what he was doing? Maybe he was doing some wild shit. Nobody talking about that? Yeah, because

her history is she sucks. Yeah. This is the girl that wrote the fucking Colin Kaepernick had sex with me, but he wouldn't pay for my flights over and like, who gives a fuck? King. Oh, that's right. King. Yo, real king. Yeah, this guy's a hero. Yo, that is a real fucking king, yo. Yeah, absolutely. That's an interesting conversation

that nobody's talking about right now. Is Kaepernick going to get vaxxed? Oh, no, dog. He took a knee on that vaccine, I bet. Because that's a tricky one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Because now he got to agree with all the people who hated him.

Right? Oh, if he doesn't get the vax. If he doesn't get vaxed, if he's anti-vaxed, now he doesn't get Vax, if he's anti-Vax, now he's got some common ground with all the people that hated him for taking a knee. I don't think he has a problem having common ground with them, though. I think they might have a problem having common ground with him. You don't think that he has a problem having common ground

with the people that hate him? If it's like we share medical views, I don't think he cares. I think if it's political views, maybe. It would be funny, though, if he came out super anti-Vax and now all the people that hate him have a real fucking Quandary on their hands Like dude, we support this guy

I just burned my jersey, fuck He's about to be their hero And Nike gonna collect Oh dog, 100%, he gotta come out as anti-vax strongly Nike gonna make that fucking jersey Just don't do it Backward, backward We gotta do it, we gotta see man That'd be an interesting thing but yeah the brittany

renner thing i don't know man let me stop nothing in these girls bro 43 million over 18 years that's what it is i don't think it's that i don't think she's gonna get that but still like what the fuck i mean what the fuck yeah i mean i guess you're a 21 year old basketball player these guys are like fucking a bad bitch i think they were together for a while it's also like these guys are idiots mostly she's right like he just you're a professional basketball player you've been coddled your entire fucking life you know ever since you're in high school you're the superstar well i think there's a shift you go from not being coddled having the shittiest life ever right it sucks super hard and then all of a sudden incredibly coddled everyone loves you you're like the hero of your town. And then you have to do that transition in like eight months.

Yeah, but I think that starts earlier now. I think there was a time when that was what it was like, like when people were undiscovered even until college. Yeah. But I think now, because there's so much money in basketball. You make college money and shit. Even college money before that. Like I think there are people that are out there scouting you in middle school.

Yeah. Like you are hooping in middle school. They know that that you're nice you're going to all the basketball camps and they're all the same camps everybody knows social media presence is popping there's high schools with millions of followers exactly that doesn't change the fact that like you got abused by your mom or like your dad wasn't there when you were eight or whatever sure i don't know if that's the case is that the case with him i don't know i mean he could be some rich kid for all we fuck yeah right so it's like but you're in that situation where most of these guys, they don't develop any real social skills. And that's going to fuck a relationship up too.

Like if you just had your ass kissed your whole life and all of a sudden you've got a girl and then she's telling you what to do, you're like, why are you telling me things? People just kiss my ass. I haven't booked a single flight. I don't book where I eat dinner. I just got tons of money. I can spend it where the fuck I want. I am the man and you're treating me like I'm not. That's going to create money. I can spend it wherever the fuck I want. I am the man and you're treating me

like I'm not. That's going to create a riff in a relationship. Don't you think? That's going to be hard to be with. Now, I'm not saying this is his fault,

but we're automatically looking at this girl who is dotting it around for a while and sleeping with a lot of celebs and writing fucking books about it.

We're automatically looking at her like she's the one who planned this whole fucking thing. We don't know. He could be a social nincompoop.

He could have no clue how to maintain a relationship. True. And why would these guys? Why would they even have a relationship? It's not shocking the first relationship

that an NBA player gets into and has a kid gets fucked up. That's not shocking to me. Yeah. You out there on the road, you could be getting pussy and shit. This is the tricky thing about putting your whole life on line.

She's like, I put my pussy on ice for you and you just started cheating on me with other groupie? I'm a groupie. You have both. You have groupie pussy and wife pussy. This is the best of both worlds, and you fucked it up.

The dangerous thing about putting your whole life on line, though, is now you've given everybody context for who you are. Her context is she sucks. He didn't do that. I mean, he probably does, but he's not big on social media, so we don't know any of his context. He's just a guy, so it's very easy when her context sucks to paint her as a piece of shit and him as a sweet kid. Way more evidence against her.

There's way more evidence against her, and it's also the internet wants to hate her more. Why would you hate him? He's the guy that you would love to be. You'd love to be in the NBA and have an $85 million contract or $43 million, whatever the fuck he got, right? And the girl that you hate the most is this gold-digging bitch.

Because you hate women like that because they're the ones that rejected you because you ain't got no gold to dig. So of course the internet is going to go crazy over this situation. And if you're a woman, you're like, man, this girl got paid for doing nothing. I'm over here, I got to work double shift at Wendy's and this girl's getting paid $200,000 a month. To just sit in her fucking ass, work out, whatever it is.

So we don't know what it is. We don't know the whole situation, but I don't know, man. Like, I think a lot of people don't realize a lot of these athletes are just like, they do not have the social skills. They're not good with girls. They're like uncomfortable and awkward around girls. They got no free time. Like, they literally spend all day working out, fucking doing their shit. That's it.

And when they're not, they're just hanging with their buddies. Playing video games. Yeah. They're nerds. Yeah. It's it. And when they're not, they're just hanging with their buddies. Playing video games. Yeah. They're nerds. Yeah. It's not like it was back in the day. Back in the day, you still had to be kind of cool kid in the neighborhood. You might have come from like a rough situation.

You might even been, if you like really from the hood, you might even been banging right up until you went to college. Yeah. Yeah. You know, so it was like you were still trying to get pussy on the side and these girls didn't give a fuck that you were in high school playing bad. They didn't know you were going to go to the NBA. Yeah.

Now they know. Yeah. And every girl in your high school goes he's going to the nba yeah if you think the ball brothers didn't have groupies in high school you got your goddamn mind yeah you know what i mean like if you think lebron didn't have groupies in high school you got your goddamn mind yeah you're a superstar since you're 16 years old probably right so yeah should every nba team just have like a team therapist they do yeah are they required to go to see them they do they're not required but the smart ones actually go and they get stuff from like if you're required to go to the gym you gotta be required to get your mental and your emotional figured out and that's to be honest that's on the gms yeah every he's the thing

is he's not i don't want to say not good enough, but he's not successful enough as a player to have a handler. Right, he's not making a huge game impact. But every player on the team that's big time has a handler. Right. They have a personal guy who's there to make sure they have everything they need. Right, plus a personal agent. Plus a personal agent on that side. It's like a fixer, too.

You're like, take care of shit if you need it. This girl giving me this problem. This girl won't leave my hotel room. Got it. Don't worry about it. We'll work on it. And they're there as a liaison for the team. Now, sometimes it's an assistant coach.

Sometimes it's somebody outside the organization. But the worse you are, the less people care about you on the team. Yep. Simple as that. So he probably didn't have somebody on the team going, yo, I just want to let you know that this chick has been around a little bit. So you should be careful. Like Dirk. You remember when Dirk got caught up in that shit?

Yeah, dude. So they were telling. They had a guy on the team. Yeah. The Mavs had a guy on the team that told Dirk, the deal with the girl. Right. Be careful. Yeah.

But he was caught up in that black pussy for the first time. This is a German kid. You know what I mean He never had that Southern black pussy Is a different game Okay So

It didn't work But afterwards There was a lot of trust That was built Because the guy Basically warned him Right So do not get got

Yeah Also this is why I don't believe What you said about him Not being that good Is why I have trouble With 200,000 a year Because that's 43 million Over the course of the 18 years.

We don't know he's going to make $43 million in contracts, period. Yeah, and then it changes, right? Like if his contract, like they don't re-sign him after three years or he's out the league after three years, then it's just the percentage of your income. Okay, okay. Because, I mean, that'd be impossible to maintain. Yeah. Like he'd have to play in the NBA for the next 18 years.

$200,000 a month is $2.4 in child support a year. Yeah. And I don't know what he's probably making. 2019-2020 season, he made $3.8. Yeah. So that seems crazy. Yeah, it's not accurate. It's not accurate.

But who knows, man? Free P.J. Washington. Yeah. What about Kelly Clarkson's husband? What is he getting? He's getting paid out by Kelly Clarkson. Oh, their prenup held up. She had a prenup.

That's all her. She got on to the prenup. Don't be upset at that shit. You decided to have, you think he was the one that sprung the prenup on you? Well, apparently her number, from what I'm understanding, was higher than the prenup that he got awarded.

And then she was able to be like, nah, I got the fucking prenup on to the prenup. Kind of like Dr. Trey and Nicole. Oh, he a bitch ass dude then. Yeah. Why are you trying to get more? You signed the papers. Yeah, he signed the prenup, cuck.

Nah, you're a bitch ass dude. $150,000 in spousal support, plus $45,000 in child support every month. So he's getting $200,000 from Kelly Clarkson a month. Yeah. That's crazy. That's the settlement number? Yeah. I don't know if that's monthly.

Yeah. Nearly $200,000 a month in spousal child support. These guys. How dare you want more, dude? Yeah. I want to be like, yeah, finally we got it back, but you are a loser. Yeah. You are a loser.

The only way I can support this is if he worked for her in some capacity. If he was some sort of side manager. Sometimes eventually your business becomes so big that it is more lucrative for you to have your family working for you than them working regular jobs. it is more lucrative for you to have your family working for you than them working regular jobs. Like, for example, let's say he was not exactly the manager, but the day-to-day, what do they call it, the PM or something like that? He's like operations guy or something. Something like that, right?

And you would pay your operations manager $200,000 a year anyway. Your husband has a skill set that's going to make him $75,000 a year. Just do that. Now he gets fired because you're no longer together. So what is he supposed to do? He gave up his life so he could work with you. $150,000 a month or a year? It's close to $200,000 a month, according to New York Daily News.

You know who he is? He's the Dark Knight. He's not the hero we want, but he's the hero we need. We need more of these dudes to get over on these girls so women start being like, what the fuck, dude? This is bullshit. They're spousal support. We need more of these dudes to get over on these girls so women start being like, yo, what the fuck, dude? This is bullshit. They're spousal support. We need more of these guys. We don't respect them, but we need them. I mean, look, if that's the prenup,

I'm okay. Y'all made an agreement. Yeah. I'm cool with it. 100%. And she should be cool with it, too. Yeah. But if you're asking for more than the agreement, you are a bitch-ass dude. Go get a job, you loser. Make some fucking money. Provide for your family. What a pathetic motherfucker. Go get a job, you loser. Make some fucking money. Provide for your family.

What a pathetic motherfucker. So just get a check from your wife. He's also going to get paid enough. Say again? He's also going to get paid enough. You know what I mean?

It's not like the prenup was like $20,000 a year. Yeah. He's getting paid. I think the prenup was crazy money. Why do you get more spousal support

than child support? That's crazy. Yeah, I don't know why. Support yourself, motherfucker. Yeah. Maybe the kids are older. I don't know. But yeah, he sought $400,000 in spousal support than child support that's crazy yeah i don't know support yourself motherfucker yeah maybe the kids are older i don't know but yeah he sought 400 000 in spousal support oh he's a dad he's a piece of shit yeah oh he's a real piece of shit yeah i mean what a loser dude yeah absolutely what an absolute fucking loser what's this guy's name uh let me check right here brandon blackstock yeah no he's you're a loser brandon blackstock

you're a fucking loser go get a job make some money dude there's something about a man getting a handout it is pathetic don't respect it that being said i'll take that ppp loan no but you know what i'm saying like It's something. Ugh, imagine every month, here's your allowance. I would sign the check, your allowance. I think that Kelly Clarkson should be able to put the check in whatever way she wants. Blackstock charity. The memo should say baby's allowance. Baby's allowance.

Here's baby's allowance. Enjoy. Wow. Ugh, disgusting. Are you kidding me? $150,000 you got to pay a month? Wow. This is balling.

All right, what else we got? Oh, you heard about this nurse in Germany? No, what's going on? Okay, so there's a nurse in Germany. We don't know yet, last I checked, if it was politically motivated or if she just dropped a ton of vials of the vaccine. Yeah. We don't know if it's one or the other or both,

but she injected 8,000 Germans with saline solution instead of vaccine. Oh. So now they're having to go back through and figure out everybody she might have injected with vaccine. Right. And you don't know for sure if it was saline or actual vaccine. Yeah. And they are having to come in and get re-vaccinated. So I think 2,400 so far or something have been re-vaccinated.

But you don't know. Time will tell if this woman is a hero or a villain because if the vaccine ends up, you know, causing fucking cancer or doing something crazy and she gave 8,000 people

saline, that's a lot of lies. She's the Corrie Ten Boom of vaccines. Who's that? She hit a bunch of Jews in Germany. Oh.

So she's like, Schindler, this is Schindler's List. Yeah, exactly. Oh my God. But, if she ends up killing these motherfuckers because they all get dealt it out here. Then she's like Schindler This is Schindler's list Yeah exactly Oh my god But If she ends up Killing these motherfuckers

Because they all get Delted out of here Then she's Hitler Then she's Hitler Schindler's Vax Oh my god This is really interesting We gotta keep tabs

On this story The motive of the nurse Who was not named Was not clear But she had aired Skeptical views About vaccines In social media posts

Aye aye aye No she was anti-vax How do you not Check a person's background if they're going to be administering the vaccine? Like, just go through their social media in the past two months and just see what they're saying about it.

Yeah, I don't want anti-war generals. Like, how fucking hard is that? I don't want a general that's like a pacifist. You know what I mean? I'm like putting my arm together. You're not busy. You're hospital administrative. You're not busy like fucking frontline workers.

You're backline. This is all you got to do. Let's just see what this bitch thinks this is free health care yo enjoy that shit yeah this is free health care this is what you get you know what else is free saline exactly it calls for nothing get some sugar water in your shoulder yo i want to know all like the the husbands whose wife was complaining about the vaccine she's like i just feel super sick like i can't do anything we can't have sex tonight I just have a terrible headache and he's like did you lie the whole time she's like that was a

saline reaction I think it's also gonna be real like you know people were like dude I got the vaccine I barely even felt it yeah a bunch of those people are probably anti-vax now they're like this vaccine didn't do anything I got COVID twice my grandma died. This vaccine sucks. Yeah. Oh, word. She could have killed thousands of people. They're going to have to go through and see all these patients.

And if they gave COVID to anybody and any of those people died, their murder, she's responsible for. Because the reason, I just remember this. I completely forgot. But I think the reason that I got the vaccine is so I could see my parents. Yeah. I just felt so horrible that I could give them the virus and it would kill them.

Yeah. And, oh, my God, so many people probably got the vaccine for the same reason, went to go visit their old-ass parents, Merck, Merck. Finally. Holy shit. Yeah. That's the name of one of the pharmaceutical companies

in Germany is Merck. Is it? Oh, it's true. There you go. Yeah. What a horrible name. Yeah. Wow.

Okay, last story. Robin is bisexual. There you go. What a horrible name. Wow. Okay, last story. Robin is bisexual. Let's go. This is one Robin. I believe that this is in the multiverse. Yeah, I think so. He's bi.

I kind of always felt that, though. What does that mean? We always thought Robin was gay, so bi is- Actually, less progressive. Regressive, yeah. But what's the deal? Why? Why is this an announcement? She said, I read the author said something to the effect of,

the character just started speaking for himself. That shit is so funny. I just let the words come out of his mouth, and he was bisexual. Yes. That's such a weird way. Only a fucking writer would say something that's stupid. But what is it? Do you see him hooking up with guys and girls? He accepts a date from a guy. Yes. That say it. Yes, Batman. Only a fucking writer would say something that stupid. But what is it? Like, why do you see him hooking up with guys and girls?

He accepts a date from a guy. Yes. That's it. Yeah. But at that point, I'm like, just make him gay. Why does he have a storyline? Is it a Robin? Is it a Robin comic?

I don't think so. Or is he within Batman? I think he's within Batman. Cut it. Just cut it. Why does he have a storyline? Nobody cares about Robin. Because you got to come out with issues all the time, these comic books.

When did Marvel become so fucking woke? This is DC. Oh, shit. Yeah. When did comics become so woke? I don't know. There's like a history. Comic books, comic comics, comedians.

They've always been kind of woke. Yeah, there's also a history of comic books also been like anti-war anti-war they like dealt with AIDS things before there's like some anti-capitalism shit

like really yeah comics have always been like a little bit on the progressive front I mean these comics written by

nerdy ass scrawny Jews and like wish fulfillment of like being bullied moving to America from Nazis that's what they always have

also I think a woke person would write a much better bad guy. Someone who's not woke, this guy's going to be a piece of shit. Thanos is an ill-ass bad guy because you're like, I kind of have empathy for this guy. The way he's written, whoever created Thanos had empathy for the bad guy. Let's make a bad guy that's a little bit complex. He just has a plan that is not the worst plan you've ever heard.

To fix everything, it's a little bit complex. He just has a plan that doesn't, it's not the worst plan you've ever heard. To fix everything, it's a solution. Daredevil, I remember watching that Marvel show that it wasn't great, but the bad guy was great because you really like empathize with him. Kingpin. Kingpin. He came from like a fucking shit home and they really paint his picture

in a way that gives you empathy for him. Only a woke person is going to do that. Why, why, why is that? Because a conservative, like not woke person, doesn't have any empathy for a criminal. That's a criminal. Kill him. I don't give a fuck.

But what if you get the conservative to write that character as if they're the hero and then just take the script away from them? So it's like, what is the best way to solve world hunger? Well, if we just had half the people, then there'd be twice as much food and then people wouldn't be hungry. Thank you very much. That'd be great. We'll just finish this off here. That's what you

do. You get the extreme conservative to write the villains as if they're heroes. That's what they do at the Red School. They got a conservative. They're like, alright, who's the good guy? They're like, I think Jordan Peterson. We're going to make him like, he's going to reach out to young men. He's going to help them. He's going to change their lives. And they're like, okay, we'll take that.

Ta-Nehisi Coates was like, he's a bad guy yeah yeah oh that's the strategy you've got to write the villain as if he's the hero yeah and that's why it works you can look at every single one i bet you kingpin was some like real estate mogul just trying to revitalize hell's kitchen right like this is a shitty neighborhood we got to bring it back we got to get rid of the riffraff what are we doing there's so much you got fucking bird scooters everywhere almost crackheads yeah that's interesting take it away we like the joker guy the joker yeah the joker i'm still it's like i don't really know why he's good but people love people love the joker yeah yeah but yeah it's almost like uh a conservative didn't write that one yeah yeah yeah it's just too crazy but people still love

him though yeah they we do love why is he so fucking great chaos he's the best it's pure chaos no motive no nothing and that's really romantic it's a romantic yeah yeah yeah yeah there's something there's something really intoxicating about uh somebody who doesn't want anything but chaos he loves loves his craft. Yeah. I still remember the line from The Dark Knight. Gotham deserves a better class of criminal, I think is what he says. Yeah. And he just burns the money.

And it's like, man, that's fucking cool. He's unreasonable. He's non-negotiable. He's a purist. Yeah, well, Batman and the Joker respect each other. Well, they have the perfect relationship. Because the Joker stops once Batman breaks his code. So it's like if Batman, all the

Joker wants is for Batman to break. Yeah. He's just like, I want you to prove that you're full of shit. Yeah. So you just kill me and I'll stop. I won't do anything. Just kill somebody. I just want you to kill. Yeah. And Batman's like, I can't kill. So he can stop the Joker immediately. Yeah. All you gotta do is just kill him. Yeah. He just refuses. Kind of selfish, right?

Real stupid, to be honest. He is selfish. Real fucking retard, this guy. just kill him. He just refuses to do it. Real stupid, to be honest. Real fucking retard, this guy. Just kill him! Come on, Batman. And nobody will care. Nobody knows who you are. You're saving lives. You're saving way more lives this way. Maybe Batman's gay, dude.

Say what? Maybe Batman's gay. Yeah, like constantly flaunting. Like, oh, look how many women I'm on a yacht with. You are a big time gay. He's closeted, dude. 100%. He's deeply closeted. He wears the mascara and shit all over.

How's he so rich? Gay. Gay. Dual income. Dual income. No kids. Him and Alfred. Him and Alfred.

Yeah, dude. Him and what? That's a very common relationship with gays, right? You have like the older man. Yeah. The kind of mentor. Caretaker. Yeah.

Oh my God. And he was an orphan. So Alfred groomed him up. Groomed him. Groomed him up. Whoa. He won't eat pussy. He definitely won't eat pussy.

Wait a minute, Catwoman, he wasn't about it? No, remember they tried to have him go down on a girl, and they said something like, superheroes don't do that? Oh, yeah. Don't eat pussy, Batman? Yeah, remember that, when the character is speaking for himself, and then you cut that shit out? Yeah.

Do you remember that? Now Robin's over here smoking cocks. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Make Robin full gay. That's what I want. Yeah, just go all in. Why is he bi? Like, that's so soft. I guess his name is bi in it, but other than that, there's no other reason why he shouldn't be full gay. Yeah.

Yeah, why aren't they making him full fucking gay? Yeah. Gotta go gay, man. There's no gay superheroes. Yeah. I was thinking maybe they wanted to represent everybody to be more inclusive. Yeah.

But there's no gay superheroes. Start there. Yeah. And do they not know that we consider bi people gay? They gotta pretend we don't. Isn't that interesting? Yeah. Like, when anybody says to you, yeah, I'm bi, you're like, oh, you're gay, huh?

Unless it's a girl. And then you're like, oh, you're straight. You just like attention. Isn't that crazy? Bi girls we think are straight and want attention. Bi dudes we're like, you are gay. Yeah, you're in denial. And you're in denial. Full denial. Wow.

Wow. I mean, do you guys believe in bi? For guys? Yeah. Yeah, probably. Nah. I don't. Wait, why?

Because if you were, I think you would just choose the side that was easiest for your life. So then they hook up with guys? No, girls. Societally. It's easier to hook up with guys no girls societally it's easier to wait on scrutiny yeah but societally but if you're like i'm trying to get my dick suck i'll get it from a guy or a girl you get a guy to do it yesterday you know what i mean like yeah but the same maybe you just want your odds to be the highest yeah a hundred i think that that could exist but i think like most of your day is not spent fucking yeah right most of your days you

know you're at work you have a friend group, you have your family, and all of them could reject you if you're gay. Yeah. Right? So you're like, I don't want to give up all that for some shit I only half like. I like it just as much as other shit. Yeah.

You know what I mean? It's like somebody asked me, you want to eat bread or rice? And I'm like, hold on, the rice, I am way skinnier. I'm going to go rice. Yeah. Right? It was easy for me to give up bread. I love bread.

I'm bi. Mm. I am bi for bread but I was able to give it up because my life was way easier if I just live the right if I just eat the rice

so then they're real say what I'm a baguette I love some baguettes bro why don't we call girls baguettes you said this oh I have

okay good that's why I said it call back fucking two years ago my bad but yeah that's I mean this is just such a no-brainer yeah yeah robin's gay dude robin's by gay i mean by i think you think that he won't

come out as full gay because he's worried what batman will think yeah that's really what it is 100 that's what it is he doesn't want to let batman down yeah because batman just thinks he's gay batman's like bro you've been gay from the jump that's why i taught you karate so you could defend yourself do something i make you wear underwear outside your pants for a reason dude like come on keep your butthole covered dude i know you put some fucking zip tie in there so you could open up that giggy hole anytime batman wears tights robin wears full-ass pantyhose he does wear pantyhose yeah Some little bitch ass shit. For no reason.

No reason. And a cape. Whoa. Yeah, Robin, dude. Gymnastics? Come on, dog. Oh, is that what he came from? Yeah.

No, no. From the trapeze background. From the trapeze at the circus. That's gymnastics, dog. He's a circus kid? Yeah. He's a freak. But theater kids are always gay.

That makes sense. Yeah, but he's not theater. He's a carnival kid. He's a freak. He's kids are always gay. That makes sense. Yeah, but he's not theater. He's a carnival kid. He's a carnival kid. Yeah, it is. Basically the same thing. Yeah. Are we talking Cirque du Soleil?

Are we talking traveling carnies? Is Robin Asian? No. Well, he does wear a mask. He does wear a mask. Just over his eyes. Oh, my God, dude. We don't know what he is.

Yeah. I keep thinking of what he is. Yeah. I keep thinking of him as Dark Knight Robin. He does have that Asian haircut with the side part all the way over. He's fucking Asian, dude. You don't think of Chris O'Donnell? What? The George Clooney Batman Robin? Don't consider it.

The only Robin that I know is the one from Dark Knight. What's that actor? Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Joseph Gordon-Levitt. That's the only one I know. He never got to be Robin. Say know. He never got to be Robin. Say again? He never got to be Robin.

I know. They tease that shit a little bit. Yeah. Definitely not gay. But this Robin, gay Asian. 100%. Not bi. Gay Asian.

Full on gay Asian. And they got to let him tell his story. Yeah. They're trying to suppress his story. Let him write his own story. Yeah. They're trying to let him be palatable. And he's gay.

So he'll write a good story probably. If you were bi though as an asian come on now no come on now i'm saying a bi asian like the ladyboys is just the ideal situation for you right oh yeah it is best of both worlds serve it up the hottest girls that have cocks yes everything you Everything you want. Maybe he's not bi. He's just been around so many ladyboys. He's just like, whoa. They know what they're doing. This is the life. This is the life.

100%. Served up on a T for him. Right there. For testosterone. Yeah. Full T. Wow, man. Robin is full gay.

I'm happy for him. Me too. Shout out to you, Robin. I'm happy for him. Me too. Uh huh. Shout to you, Robin. I hope your character keeps speaking, bro. What a stupid fucking guy. Utility belt. He's ready to party,

dude. Yeah, he is. Okay. Um, guys, is there anything else before we get out of here? I don't think so.

I think we out of here. Yo guys, thank y'all so much for listening. Uh, we appreciate you. We love you. And we will see you on Patreon, patreon.com slash flagrant too. We will you this friday uh sorry about the uh the if the visuals aren't

up to par once again we were completely abandoned by uh alex media and we thought that he would do some sort of due diligence to maintain the quality of this show i bet you the quality of the wtf media shows are doing just fine with Alex. Nice and crisp, right? Not a single thing changes. He's not even over there, but this changes. Alex abandoned us, bro. He abandoned us. Hurt people hurt people. Guys, thank y'all so much.

Have a great one. Peace.