Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - The Future Of Podcasting & Pr0stituti0n

Episode Date: July 28, 2020

This week Andrew Schulz, Akaash Singh, AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon discuss the show Indian Matchmaking and if its offensive, Joe Rogan's move to Texas, if a happy ending massage is really cheating, surrogates should be illegal if prostitutes are, how to get to space cheaper, Usher vs Chris Brown and much more. INDULGE! Want an extra episode a week? Join the Flagrant Army www.Patreon.com/FLAGRANT2

What's up everybody? Let's start the podcast again. No, no, no. Oh, my gosh. No, no, no. This was adult. Right. This was mature. Right, because the load is mad small? Not, well, yes. Well, it was regular. It was regular. I'll be honest if I got a small load.

Okay, all right. I'll be honest. Sometimes I'll be busting this shit, be coming out like this. Like a mummy that woke up? Like a mummy that woke up. Spur may even swim and it's just going like this. Oh, man. But no, for real though. Like a mummy that woke up Sperm ain't even swimming It's just going like this Oh man

But uh Nah for real though I busted on my girl's back Yep I was hitting it Right This weekend Cause you know

During the week I can't hit it Cause we're working on all the pieces Right So I saved that dick for the weekend And on the weekend You started working on your piece I started working on my piece bro

And I was hitting it First I gave her that back Right Right You know I was laying on your piece. I'm starting working on my piece, bro. And I was hitting it. First, I gave her that back. Right. You know, I was laying on my back after I had that hard day week of work. Right. You know what I'm saying? I had that hard day week of work. Right.

I was laying on that back. And then I realized, I was like, yo, I went and I grabbed it. I was like, oh, shit. The wagon is back here. And it's been a while since I attacked the wagon. Right, right. So I had to- You hitch yourself to that motherfucker.

So I had to hitch myself to the wagon, the VW, bro. Very white wagon. That's what she- So I got behind that VW. You gave her that Beetle. I started giving her that Beetle, yeah. Yeah. I was trying to decide if that was this little dick or what it was i was i went to bagel you gave her that win a bagel i gave her that win a bagel bro i did right so i started to give her that winnie right right i was stroking

it down yeah right then i don't know if like the ac kicked on or something like that but like she squeezed oh fuck and I couldn't control it. Oh, no. I tried to pull out. I pulled out in time. That's a bad decision always. Right? Bad decision agreed,

but I got to do it. Pulled out, right? I'm about to book. So I pulled out, right? I pulled the dick out, Al. Pulled it out. Okay? It's plan A. Plan A, exactly. That's what it is. I pull it out, right? I pulled the dick out, Al. Pulled it out. Okay? It's plan A.

Plan A. Exactly. That's what it is. I pull it out, right? And then my girl says the sexiest shit I ever heard in my life, bro. What did she say? What did she say? She goes, bro, this shit is so sexy.

I don't even know if I can say it because y'all might get bone errors if I just say it right now. Right? I literally pull out and then she goes oh which that's how you know it's gonna be sexy that's how you know it's gonna be sexy when she starts she goes oh um just get it on my back instead of the sheets I just Has there been a more adult way To bustle your girl Than you're about to go And instead of her being like

Lay it on me daddy She's like I just bleached the bed Everything's clean How do you take all the power From you nutting on her I know I almost wanted to bustle the sheets

Out of principle Yeah you should have But then I i almost want to bust on the sheets out of principle but then i was like she did just watch the sheets i don't want to sleep in no busted on bed you know this is too crazy you gotta bust on a duvet out of spite out of spite but then i gotta sleep in that duvet because you gotta think about it i'm starting on my back oh yeah and wherever i i always start on my side of the bed because that's where my groove is set i got my pillow set everything right i fuck with one pillow behind my head mark two is too propped up i got my chin in my chest it's too crooked it's too crooked i can't look up at her i'm going it's weird yeah you're looking at where you're gonna bust the whole time exactly what huh just looking at her back

making sure it wasn't me looking at her face yo but the fact that she said that bro that was crazy dude that's how I knew we were mature that's some married ass shit literally we watched 8 hours of Indian Matchmaker son 8 hours straight we watched Indian Matchmaker afterwards

guys um there's been big news in the podcasting world huge news in the podcasting world the pod father himself the king is moving out of los angeles that's huge big time joe rogan is leaving los angeles he's moving to texas um and it's crazy uh i was talking to him this weekend. He sent me some pictures of, of like his, his spot. It's going to be like a ranch. I assume. Dude, it's sick.

Obviously, you know, duh. Obviously we can't show up any pictures, but like it's sick. It's the fucking dream. He's got a, the studio looks insane because he's going to do the podcasting there as well. And I'm pretty sure this is permanent move for him. Yeah, 100%. And it's a really interesting thing because with COVID or corona, you realize what the point of living in a big city was. Right.

So the point of us living in New York City was always to chase our career. Now we can't chase our career with comedy clubs close. Yep. So now we're sitting in this city we're paying crazy money to live in these tiny little box apartments we're paying crazy tax on the money that we do make because we live in the city how much longer am i going to keep paying that when i don't get any amenities it's like you know what it's like it's like being

friend zoned bro yeah like when you're friend z, you got to do all the fuck shit with that girl and you get none of the benefits of being with that girl. You're paying an emotional tax. You're paying this emotional tax. So it's like if Rogan was in LA, he's supposed to make all this money in LA and not be able to go to the store, not be able to go to improv, not be able to do stand-up every single night, and pay all the tax, which the only reason he's paying it is so that he has access to the store, to theaters, to the ocean, to the fucking snow if he wants to do it, to hunting, all that other shit. I'm willing to pay the New York City tax, the LA tax, whatever it is, as long as the city's providing me with the amenities. That's what we're paying the tax for. You live in one of these apartment complexes that got a pool, and you're paying a pool fee? Yeah.

Best believe the pool's open. The second the pool ain't open. I'm not paying for that shit. Why the fuck am I paying for it? Yo, I've never been more happy to live in Jersey. I hate it. I hate saying I live in Jersey, but I'm paying half the rent to not be in the city. To be in the city right now, the grocery stores suck.

I have constant traffic. Everything is slow. I'm paying three times the rent right now, the grocery stores suck. I have constant traffic. Everything is slow. I'm paying three times the rent, two times the rent, and I got access to nothing. Call it out what we live in the city for. Matter of fact, you're someone who moved to the city. I moved to the city for stand-up comedy. To do what? To be a great stand-up comedian, to have access to the comedy clubs.

And that's the only way that you could be a great stand-up comedian if you have access to comedy clubs. Only reason I'm here. Are there comedy clubs open? No. So should you pay two times the amount of money per month in rent and get half the amount of space? Absolutely not. And I think people are leaving New York in droves for that reason. Because everybody came here for, not everybody, most people came here for a dream. Even if you're like an iBanker who works on Wall Street and

that's why you came here, Wall Street, you ain't getting in a fucking, you're not getting down there. You're working from home. You're working from home. If I'm working from home, why am I paying this money when I can have a bigger home? Bro, do you know that Barbados yesterday just put out this thing where they're giving one year work visas? This is genius. No.

This is what we were talking about first when Corona hit. Remember when we were doing the Corona Chronicles? And I was like, yo, people are going to do these work communities where eight friends who all have different jobs, but they're all working from home, are like, yo, let's go to Jackson Hole and live there for two months. Let's go to Mexico City and live there for two months. All you need is internet connection. Barbados is like, yo, why wouldn't you just want to live on the beach for this year if you're going to have to be at home anyway? Go do your work right out in your porch that overlooks the water they can collect all that money hell yeah you know it's not like if you're in new york granted we're good for the summer because you can eat out a nice

restaurant still you can get delivered once this winter comes bro what's keeping us here is the fact that the studio is here what's keeping us is the fact that the things that we create are here yeah but please believe if we were doing shit on a fucking zoom mic like a lot of these people do their podcast we could be anywhere in the world yep i don't think the zoom what i meant zoom mic is a different type of mic the zoom calls yeah i think those are trash awful i don't think that they make that good but if we could do this in barbados i'm telling you let's go to barbados and if there you might be paying tax but the tax is for Barbados before you were paying

a tax for New York and New York was my dreams are here you're not paying for a beach you're paying for my dreams are here I gotta pursue my dreams when you can't pursue your dreams

what are you paying the tax for some states don't have any tax that's why motherfuckers are moving there yeah why would you not move there I mean look

if I just got the craziest bag sorry real quick something about Texas no state tax that's where I was about to stay if i just got the craziest bag sorry real quick something about texas no state tax that's what i was about to say if i just got this crazy bag from spotify i'm supposed to give california 12 tax which i haven't spoken i haven't spoken to rogan about the money right but if i'm rogan if andrew's rogan i get this crazy deal i'm supposed to give california 12 tax when california ain't giving me 12% amenities. You crazy. You are out of your mind crazy if you think I'm going to just give you money and I get nothing from it. Now, I understand California is doing the right thing by

keeping everything shut down. I get that. But I, as an independent citizen, have the right to do whatever I want to live with, whatever the fuck I want. And it might not seem, 12% don't sound high if you're making $100,000. But what the reported Rogan deal is, and we both think it's higher, is $100 million. If California says $12 million so you can live here and get nothing out of it, aren't you going to be like, oh, fuck you, California. Let's go to Texas or Florida where there's no state tax? Some people think Rogan is leaving specifically because of the Spotify deal.

I would. Well, I will say this. If the Spotify deal was $ was 100 million let's just say i don't i'm not counting his pockets but it was said he made like 30 million dollars a year doing the podcast regularly maybe more so the spotify deal is 100 for three years let's say it was i think it's way more i think it's like 200 but i don't know for sure if it is 100 he's really not making any more money doing spotify so he was already comfortable paying that tax in California as long as he could do the shit that he wanted in California.

It's not like some people are looking at this like he's trying to avoid taxes or something like that. It's not that. It's just why would I pay this to be in a place I don't want to be? I'll pay the tax if I'm getting my taxes worth. Yeah. If I'm not getting my taxes worth, I'm out. Honestly, I'm thinking about this shit right Yeah. If I'm not getting my taxes worth, I'm out. Like, honestly,

I'm thinking about this shit right now. It's like, the fuck? I wonder how many people are just moving. And here's the other thing, man. A lot of people are moving. What this is forcing entertainment to do is decentralize.

So I don't think it stops with Rogan. I think Rogan is kind of always ahead of the curve from what we're seeing. But it's going to become a thing where you don't have to live in LA. We're all making our own content now. So I can go to la because it's like a lot of the people who want to make content live there and we can think together and brainstorm network whatever but as we get more and more

autonomous in the way we make content there is no hub where we have to live yeah man it's it's interesting it's like you're only to, to the space where you create. Yeah. You know, if you're someone who just has sketches, you can go where the fuck you want. But what happens when the clubs open back up? We don't know when that shit's going to happen,

bro. And it just feels like it's getting pushed and pushed. No, I'm talking about for Rogan. Like he's, oh, permanently relocated. Oh,

he's going to just try to like build up the scene out there. Yeah. And he, he can't. And he's, I don't, I personally as a Texan don't really like Austin. Cause everybody's like, Texas sucks, but Austin is cool. Yeah. there. Yeah, and he can't. And he's, I don't, I personally as a Texan don't really like Austin because everybody's like,

Texas sucks, but Austin is cool. I'm just like, nah, fuck you. But Austin has a good standup scene already. But they have a decent scene. Yeah, they have a great festival, that Moon Tower. Yeah, I've heard that's great. Comedy festival is fire. They have a legit club called Cap City.

Cap City, I heard is super fun. It's a legit club. So they have a fucking scene and he could just be, you know, the lightning rod for that. And it's just, if you're Rogan, if you're at the level where Andrew is getting, you don't have to go to the club every night.

I'm going to drop in. They're going to put me on stage when I want to run some material. And then if I want to work out a longer set, I'm on the road whenever I want to be, wherever I want to be. Every weekend he's going and doing a theater arena if he needs to.

I need, in my position, currently I still need new york because i need access to six seven clubs a night and i gotta get my spots and fight for my spots if you are rogan if you are quite frankly where andrew is heading i don't i'm gonna drop in and you're gonna put me up whenever i want so why do i have to be here when i just i can go work shit out in cap city and then i'm flying somewhere this weekend i'm doing hour-long gigs in theaters working my shit up i I don't need LA. I'll be honest with you.

When we were on the road before Corona and we were doing shows every single weekend, I was probably going up once or twice a week. Because you don't, not only do you not need it, it's exhausting. And all I got to do is work some shit out. If I don't have new shit to work out, I don't need to go. I'm dropping in for fun. I i still gotta drop in for work and everything you can drop in for fun that's the thing it's like i would go up because there was something specific to do and if you can have fun at cap city why the fuck do i gotta pay 12 million dollars

people don't get it's like when you're coming up and doing comedy getting those reps is so valuable yes those 15 minute reps but when you're on the road doing comedy, getting those reps is so valuable. Yes. Those 15-minute reps. But when you're on the road doing five shows an hour each, you can't come close to five hours of comedy doing 15-minute spots in a city. In a week, you can't come close. I mean, just do the math. Yeah. I mean, what is that? 20 spots?

Yeah. You'd have to do in a week? Yeah. Something like that? And you can do that, but also doing a longer set. Can you? It's like five a night. You can breathe in a different way. Five a a night is crazy you're not doing five a night

it's just crazy i'm sure there's some workhorses who whatever like aaron berg did he did a first thing but he's like 28 in a night you can't keep it up weekly but also be realistic no you cannot do a weekend but even beyond that doing 30 minutes it feels so much different and better than doing 15 because i get to breathe i get to let my jokes breathe hold on you said you can do 20 spots a week regularly no no no you can't you you can do it once in a while you're not no i'm there might be a comedian or two is trying to sustain it you can't sustain it but also an hour-long set even that aside is just different than 15 you just feel different up there there's a different pacing you're breathing it's like a whole different thing the way i look at it is three on three versus five on five that's fucking great so like

15 minute spots is a nice little pickup game at the gym ymca you're playing three on three yeah and when you do an hour that's five on five with referees yeah it's different it's a different pace is different intensity and it's a different skill level required you could get a guy who sucks and he can play three on three and it's okay yeah he's in a game of five on five and it's like you are exposed. Yeah. Big time. But yeah, it's just interesting to see what happens, man. Like all these different people move in, shake in.

Like what happens with standup? So many people just their entire livelihood was based on live performing. Yeah. You know, like there's so many people who just made their money doing shows. And now what happens? Like if they don't have any other income, I don't know. It's tough. I wonder if a lot of people are out of the game after this.

Can I ask you this? Yeah. So it's like in L.A. it seems like Rogan has a crew. Yeah. That crew, I wouldn't say they depend on him, but it's like he's like the head of that crew. Who do you think fills the spot? That's interesting, man. I don't know.

I mean, like the next biggest pod is obviously The Fighter and the Kid, but it's such a different podcast. It's a hang. It's not like an intellectual, like, expose every single day. With Rogan, you're going to have some, like, scientist one day, and then you're going to have, like, some, like, gambling addict turn motivational speaker the next day. And then Andrew the next day like andrew the next day yeah

it's just so random then like a comic right it's like there's so many like it's such a random thing and i don't know who can recreate that and also who has like the knowledge and curiosity i think one of the coolest things about a rogan episode is that like rogan kind of asked the questions that you would ask you know you're watching and you're like oh okay this is not like i for me it's less interesting to have like two really sophisticated like uh thinkers about one specific subject like two like intellectuals that just know about evolutionary biology like speaking to each other i'm less interested in that i want a really curious guy who's like me talking to the professor so he can ask the fucking questions i might be embarrassed to ask or i really feel like i need to know rogan is uh i think his greatest gift of all is he is

pretty egoless and i think that's perfect for an interviewer either one of us we're interviewing somebody we're gonna try to get our jokes in we're gonna try to get our validation in somehow and that's not a knock on us but it is i, I marvel at Rogan not needing that at all. He's just, hey, I'm already validated. I'm fulfilled. Let's talk about what you're doing. Oh, this is curious. That's interesting. Let's talk about that. And us as listeners, we got no ego. We don't need to be, we just want to know. Talk to me like you would talk to a regular person. And Rogan allows, he's the conduit to let that happen. Talk to me like you talk to a regular person. I'll ask questions. I don't need to be funny. I don't need to gain validation. What's going on here? It'd be interesting to see what happens. Right. I'll ask questions. I don't need to be funny. I don't need to gain validation. What's going on here?

It'd be interesting to see what happens, man. It's just crazy. Like even with what's going on now in like the NBA bubble, like just watching how content is being processed now through Corona. Yeah. It's just so wild, man. Like even with, even with the, like seeing all these players, like leaving for family reasons or whatever like that,

I've watched a lot of basketball in my life. Yeah. I've never seen this many players leave- For family reasons. For family reasons. Where are these family reasons during the season? Yeah. Have you seen experiences in the past?

Major players saying, I need to step aside for a few days? Granted, maybe their family member has has corona they want to go visit them or some shit I did not know Lou Williams had family at Magic City I did not know that's shocking

so Lou Williams is on the Clippers and I think he was sixth man of the year last year was he yeah and he could be any year yeah he's a beast

and apparently he left for family reasons and then he went to Magic City he said he stopped by to pick up some wings because he loves the food it's my favorite place to eat yeah bro you there for the breasts not the wings yeah there is something interesting though though and i wonder if this is true you know in college when you would get like drunk and then go for late night food at a spot yeah i know you're

not like drinking but like i know so you go there was this place where I went to school in Santa Barbara called Freebirds. And it was just like this burrito spot, right? And that was the most delicious burrito that I've ever had in my life to this day. Yeah. But I wonder if I'm eating the burrito while I'm feeling really good because I'm all drunk and shit. And I'm starving because I'm drunk, so I'm not really thinking about it. And I'm wondering if I'm just imprinting all these feelings on this food that's actually mediocre.

Does that make sense? Can I tell you the place that that probably is in Atlanta? Waffle House. You already got that place. Well, the other place is the strip club. It's like, of course the wings are going to seem better. Of course the chips are going to seem better.

Everything's going to seem better because there's pussy walking all over the place you are having you're having a high if you're really in it in the strip club and you got money you're not worried about throwing money you got all this attention from girls your serotonin is shooting through the fucking roof and then you take a bite of a chicken tender you're like this is the best chicken tender i've ever had i really wonder if low-key lou williams is like no i love the food here valid but he doesn't it's almost like when you you know how you like you trick your dog into like doing things with food yeah i wonder if like they trick people into liking the food with pussy 100 there's a mexican spot in texas i don't think it's good called taco cabana everybody loves it because they go they're

drunk it's open till 3 a.m that's it bro this is the fucking and i mean they're sober like this sucks and it sucks over but like i'm low-key defending lou williams i'm not saying i'm not saying that it is the best food but he might think yeah that it's the best wings i also think even just indoor dining is kind of crazy if you're in the corona bubble but yeah it's valid he maybe thought it was the best food but i also think his defense yeah i know a strip club owner and they actually do focus on serving good food. Okay. Because a lot of the times they have their strip club and restaurant. So when people charge things there, it comes up under the restaurant name.

That's great. So your girl looks at your credit card bill and she sees Jumbo's Crab Shack or whatever. There's a place here on Magic City. I think it's 59 and 1st or whatever, between 1st and 2nd. And it always comes up. I thought it was a play. It might be a play. Between 1st and 2nd.

And if you swipe anything there, it comes up as a steakhouse. That was Scores. Scores, yeah. Comes up as a steakhouse. That's on the west side, I think, right? I think they moved Scores, but at one point in time, it was right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. By the bridge. Oh, that's on the west side, I think, right? I think they move scores, but at one point in time, it was right there on, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, by the bridge. Yeah.

Right there. That was a fancy strip club. You know who worked there? I'm pretty sure Desus worked there. What? Back in the day. My homie bounced with Desus. Oh, that's dope.

Really? Bouncers at Eastville. Yeah. Dan, big dude. He bounced with Desus. And he was like, yo, I was on Geico, and he was like, yo, I saw my boy Desus on there, man. Tell him I said what's up. And then I messaged Desus

and Desus was like, yo, that's my dude. That's wild. One time I saw Lala there and she just came in with a bunch of women and I was like, this is interesting.

And like, no dudes, they were there and we're throwing money at the strippers and just left. You're talking about the place you didn't know where it was?

Yeah. Oh, I mean. Explain to me this why do women go to the strip club i'm gonna piss my pants lesbos all right we'll pause and then we'll all right we're gonna take a break for a second look listen i'm not playing around it's hard dick season it's hard dicks he's coming into august you know shit gets sweaty shit gets slippery you need to have the hard dick. You need to have the hammer. You need to be able to lay the hammer. Okay? There's only one way that we lay the hammer in this hard weather.

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Let's get back to the show. Okay. We're back from the P. Question is, why do women go to the strip club? I don't understand that. I don't get it. I don't get it. Al?

Lesbians. Why do straight women go to the strip club? By. Really? I think if there's no guy present, they're not showing off for anybody. Yes. They enjoy the sexuality of being in a strip club. Can I ask something?

Sometimes girls go with their boyfriend, right? Yeah. Cause it's something that the boyfriend really likes. And the girl's like, I'm gonna show how cool I am. I'm into this thing as well. That's different.

This weekend, I got a pedicure with my girlfriend. Okay. Is that... The gayest thing you've ever done? No, I've done gayer things than that. Yeah, yes. Hey, listen.

I came on my face. Yeah. That's pretty gay. If we're being honest, we've all gotten pedicures with our girlfriends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is gay every time we do it. All right.

I'm not saying it's not gay. You get that foot rub? Oh, dude, I double down. She finished, and then I go, keep going. Keep the clock going. Keep the clock going. What do you do at 11? You double down.

You put the little sandals, the little chancleta things there? Oh, no, no. I go barefoot. Yeah, straight up. That's only if you get the nail polish. You need those. Yeah, I don't do the nail polish. But I got that green tea scrub rub all up into the calves, came up into my thigh.

I was like, okay, bitch. I'm about to find something out. That's what you're about to do. Happy ending foot massage. Real talk. Real talk. Okay? It's been a minute.

You know what I'm saying? I was working during the week. I was working during the week. Did you feel bad for her? I already came on one back this morning. Don't make it two. No, seriously, don't make it two. I can't handle twice in one day.

I'm not in my 20s, guys. No, but is that the equivalent of the strip club? I don't really want to be in that environment. I don't really want to do it. But when I'm in it, all of a sudden I start realizing, well, this is kind of fun. I'll take part. I enjoy it too.

I don't want to maybe admit to my friends. I'm not going to suggest we do it all the time. I would never go alone. I'd never go alone. I'd never go alone, but speak for yourself. Yeah. But you get the rub down by yourself. Yeah.

I've gotten, I've gotten the pedicure alone. Yo, can we talk about this? We're having a conversation. I think F it brought this up is a happy ending. And this is my theory on it. I don't think a happy ending from an uglier girl is cheating.

Nah, if you ask a woman, it is because you're happy. And that's cheating on her automatically. If she directly calls the happiness, you're cheating on her. Yeah, that's a good point. Okay, so no happiness involved. Yeah. Just guilt and sadness. I can't cheat on my girl with fun.

That's wild. That'd be disrespectful. Yeah. But is the act of a happy ending cheating? Apparently it is. I didn't think so at first. How'd you find out? Oh, no.

The hard way? No, this is, we were planning my friend's bachelor party, and I went to his fiance and asked, how much are we allowed to do at the bachelor party are robin tugs okay and then she yelled at me and then my friend uninvited me to the bachelor party is that right funny how people get uninvited you're fucking benedict ar Arnold but yeah I really didn't think

rubber tugs were cheating cause here's my thing I looked at it like oh nah you're just it's a massage let me throw something out there

let me throw something out there massage not cheating fine touching genitals appears to be cheating yeah okay if I touch my own genitals

not cheating correct if the girl is as ugly as me, what's the difference? It's not you. And nutting, I think. A doctor can touch my genitals. Yeah, but it's not sexual in nature.

You're nutting. Says who? I hope you. What if I have a female doctor and she's hot, but I don't let her know it? What if I have a female doctor who has to rub my balls and I just happen to come? I'm going to be honest. I think your girl would call that cheating. How is that cheating?

The doctor is checking for cancer and I'm just like, keep checking. Right? And she's rubbing your balls and you nut off a ball rub? And I nut off a ball rub. Don't judge my nut. She doesn't touch the dick. No dick touch. I nut off a ball rub. If you put it like. She doesn't touch the dick. No dick touch. I nut off a ball rub.

If you put it like that, she still thinks you're cheating. How is that cheating? You're trying to inject logic into women. It ain't gonna happen. Okay, but what we're gonna have to do in order to have this discussion is to have some sort of base in logic. Okay. Okay? Just a small semblance of logic.

Automatically, it's not realistic. I think if I'm not off of a medical procedure, it's not cheating. That seems valid. You can't control it. You can't control it, right? So let's say I'm getting physical therapy and my thighs are getting rubbed because I pulled my thighs. That'll make your dick move. Maybe i know off of that is that cheating you know what it might be the intention

if the intention is to come then you're cheating what if i'm just like i don't want to come i would like you to massage my dick oh i don't want cum. Rub and tug and don't cum. Is it cheating? Is your intention for real? I don't want to cum? No, no, no. Let's go back. Let's go back. This is actually really good here.

Rub and tug, no cum. Cheating? Again, I think if your intention is to not nut, I think you're fine. I could try to not nut. That's easy. I try to not nut every single time. No, but your intention is, look, I don't want to come. I just want, you know, I just want a massage.

My dick is mad stressed. You know what I mean? Yep. It's got some knots in it. Just work out the knots. I don't want to come. Okay. If you sense I'm about to come, just stop.

Okay. That's not cheating? Maybe not. I don't think so. I think that they would think anything that is touching of genitals is cheating. Ooh, caveat. Go. What if it's a male doctor? Now we is cheating. Ooh, caveat. Go.

What if it's a male doctor? Now we're talking. Is that cheating? No. Is it gay? Yes. Yes. Is it gay if you get a ball rub from a male doctor and you nut on his face?

I don't see how it's not gay, to be honest with you. I didn't even think that was a question that needed to be asked. Now, let's think about this. Let's think about this. Yeah. If you have a ball or dick rub yeah not coming it's still cheating because girls do not want another girl to touch your dick yeah we're on the same page with that right if you have a leg rub that you end up coming from cheating? I don't know. That's a good question.

You're damn right. You don't think that your girl's going to be upset if you bust a nut? No, she would think it is, but how? No, no. Exactly. There's no logic here. I'm just trying to present a situation where we could convince our girls that we should be able to get our dicks jerked off. Yeah.

So I think they should stop opening a massage parlor start opening physical therapy clinics clinics and then we all pull our groins out around the same time that's what i'm fucking talking about it's a wellness center absolutely think about it it's our spa day dude we could flip this whole shit you know how you know okay this is a conversation you want a real fucking conversation yeah you want a real fucking conversation girls aren't they're not allowed to listen girls are not allowed to listen but if you are listening just don't say you're a girl look you this is real talk being a hooker is what illegal in most places correct carrying somebody else's child as a surrogate is?

Legal. So you're allowed to bear the responsibility of fucking, but you're not allowed to enjoy the thing that puts it there? That's crazy. That's crazy. That's a good point. That is the best argument, in my opinion, for hooking. You could pay a bitch, woman, 40 grand or whatever it is to carry the baby.

You just can't put the cum in there yourself? That's crazy. Probably a lot cheaper if you do it yourself, too. Honestly, I don't know if that's baked into the cost. I don't know how that shit works, but maybe in vitro or whatever that shit is called, in utero. What is it called? In utero is probably

expensive. All I'm trying to say is that's nuts. That showcases how stupid sex being illegal is. It's idiotic. I never put it that way. Or you have to be consistent all the way through. You cannot let other women carry your kids. That's the result of sex. You might not be

putting the dick in but you're taking the sperm out of the dick and you're throwing it up in there which is the whole point of fucking sex anyway. Yeah. You gotta legalize sex

or make surrogates illegal. I'm trying to wrap my mind around That's hooking. It's something like That's hooking. Hooking isn't about the hooker. It's about the people who are potentially cheating or whatever with the hooker it's about the people who are potentially cheating

or whatever with my my understanding is hooking is illegal because of like the black market um surrounding it right and the sex trafficking associated with it but if it's legal can't you nip a lot of that shit in the bud you can that's what they do in a lot of these places but i don't know if i 100 believe that because you go to germany not like i've been to the red whatever in Germany, red light district or whatever like that. But you see a bunch of these Russian bitches out there and stuff like that. And you know, you're not certain that they got a pimp. But how'd they get here? You think they filed visa papers with the fucking government?

It would shrink the black market, I think, if it's more regulated. Yo, it shrinks the black market. But you know what also it does? It shrinksinks the price these pimps hold up the value of pussy it's like diamonds if once everybody knows diamonds is just out there and easy to get worth nothing is it cheaper in amsterdam to fuck hookers than it is it's like 20 dollars to get your dick sucked like or like 50 it's like nothing it's like why if you just want your dick suck you would go out to a bar and like try to meet a girl and then hook up with her when you could just go get your dick sucked by the exact proportion girl that you would want to get a suck by is beyond me. It's like mind boggling.

Like in Amsterdam, if you hook up with a girl, it should be because you genuinely are enjoying hanging out with her. It's like a fun night and you're like vibing together heavy. Not like one of those things where it's like 4 a.m. Like, all right, which lizard is left in this fucking nightclub hook and legal a lot of these women will go on these shitty ass dates with dudes who fuck them and don't call them back you'll have a better experience with men as a woman who's not a hooker if it's legal because so many guys right now just want to fuck you and leave and that's it bust a nut and be out and you have a problem with that if it's ho is legal, I bust a nut in this girl,

I don't have to waste your time. Son, that is a fucking brilliant way of looking at it. All these girls that are upset that they got one night standed, that one night standing gets compartmentalized into the hookers. Into a business. Into a business.

These hookers, now hopefully they don't have these pimps, so they're making the money themselves. They do whatever the fuck they want with the money. Who gives a fuck but at least these ladies that are actually looking for a relationship aren't getting one night stand at the same level

that's my dream yo Al would you be able to remove your prejudice against sex workers in order to have sex with them instead of having one night stand I know you have a prejudice against sex workers you still cannot do it who's the most beautiful woman you've ever seen in your entire life In order to have sex with someone. Instead of having one night stand. I know you have a prejudice against sex workers.

You still cannot do it. Who's the most beautiful woman you've ever seen in your entire life? Outside of your mother. So you wouldn't fuck your mom. Outside of that. I just don't want to. It's not that serious. Like sex ain't that serious.

Ow. It's just not. Ow. Ow, I want you to stop. I've been on the road with you, and you've gone multiple nights without sleeping so that you could have sex. That is 100% facts. It is 100% facts. Yes, it is. Multiple nights sleeping.

I've watched you on stage. I believe in you. I've watched him on stage be asleep while he's holding the camera. I've watched him as I'm on stage i've watched him on stage be asleep i have to work while he's holding the camera i've watched him as i'm on stage i've looked at him and he's asleep like this while he's supposed to be filming the show okay because i don't take the midday nap like you i don't take midday naps no i don't you have like a preschool job you do midday nap i do sometimes yeah but that has to do with that has to do with me being tired from the flight on friday No, I don't. You have like a preschool job. You do these midday naps. I do sometimes. Yeah. But that has to do with me being tired from the flight on Friday.

Not chasing pussy all night long like you. You used to chase. Be honest. You used to fucking chase. Back in the day. You used to chase. You liked a fucking chase, Al. Think of how much more productive you would be if you were single and you just and you just paid bitches oh yeah it is an investment it is an investment into your productivity it will bleed

into every other aspect of your life now mark you're very serious when it comes to that abortion sex with these um you're very serious when it comes to active sex okay you take it very seriously would you engage in prostitution ever if you were single if you were single hypothetically i don't know hypothetically you didn't invite me to your wedding and then god made you single because that's what would happen hypothetically right hypothetically yeah so he smites my marriage and then what yeah and then you'd be single and then do i get would you be with a hooker well it's it's twofold. I don't want to. I don't think I would ethically want to,

but I do think I could get broken down into doing something I didn't want to do. Why would you not want to? I think it's like, I don't know. If prostitution is legal, I have no problem with it. No, it feels weird to me. Because she's empowered to do it. This bitch is incorporated.

You know what I mean? She got an LLC, my pussy LLC or whatever. She's writing off the wet wipes. She's using to wipe my nut off her stomach. It's a business. Yeah. I don't know if I want to support that business. Because right now, much higher chances.

A sex worker. She got a pimp that's probably taking all her money off the top. If she is an empowered woman who is making money on sex legally, I think my guilt would be pretty much gone. Getting, getting. Oh, because your guilt would be pretty much gone. Getting, getting, oh, because your guilt is wrapped into the treatment that she's getting. Yeah, she's probably not empowered. She probably grew up in some broken ass shit

and she might still, she's still going to be growing up in broken shit. She might still, but it's less. Now it's like, Yale to the fucking brothel. Now it's like having sex with a porn star as opposed to having sex with a hooker.

Yeah, but they're just as broken. That's what I'm saying, but you don't, most, would you fuck a porn star for free? For free. No money. I've had sex with girls for money.

One girl. For money. I paid money. She paid you? Yeah. No, I have not been paid. It's not as good. You know the whole time you just do it at a job. Yeah. I think I told you guys this. It's not as good.

Yeah. I think I told you guys this. I feel like, I bet if you break it down, there's a lot of times you have sex with a girl and it's just like, all right, I just got to do this.

I probably don't. Yeah. I don't see the distinction. Would you be cool if a guy fingered your girl? Zero fucking chance. A guy fingered your girl? Zero fucking chance. A professional fingered your girl. Zero fucking chance. What about the gynecologist?

Hey, that shit better be medical in the motherfucker. If there's any insertion where there doesn't need to be insertion, that's a problem. Yeah. So there's the distinction. Yep. If a girl's getting a rub-a-tug she's getting finger blasted it's going to be an issue but if your gynecologist

is deep up in there getting a swab it's totally okay yeah so you don't want your girl to have joy no correct I also don't want her to be happy without me

same thing same to same I wonder if I'd be okay if she just got blasted but it was like completely part of the thing you know a massage like if a girl gave my girl a massage and then also added a blast at the end

yeah you would be cool with that would you be cool with that it's different then I would definitely allow a girl to go blast for blast on my girl dude shit can I watch

yeah I'm not cool with it it's different but I'm not I'm still not cool with it you'd be what intimidated or something nah I'd be like I'd feel disrespected what are you doing why no she asked your permission she's like can i get this girl to finish me off so i can feel an orgasm once no no you ain't never feeling that shit never in your life you're gonna know what good sex is like ever i also remember hearing this shit in college though when it comes like

prostitution and i just looked it up again to see what the deal is but apparently in places where prostitution is legalized sex trafficking actually increases where prostitution is legal yeah sex yeah because more people are going there for the sex yeah and it's like becomes more of a commodity and then yeah like there's more gas website you read that on no i believe it dude when you're in amsterdam you feel that shit yeah like it feels seedy oh the red light district felt mad i don't think we had the video camera out and dude ran out of nowhere yeah and caught it what are you videotaping over here yeah it's a weird ass accent he's like south african or some shit i don't think that that's the reason i think probably prostitution is legal for like uh

like moral like like a puritanicalism like amer Americans being like, oh, we're a Christian country, we don't do prostitution. But I, apparently, according to the studies, like, if it's legal, more,

more. Prostitution is only legal in certain places, so it's actually kind of like a tourist thing. So do you think maybe the demand in those places goes way up beyond supply

because it is a destination for prostitution? No. Whereas if it's legalized globally, now, there's not as much demand. We don't gotta traffic in, bitches, it's legalized globally now there's not as much demand we don't got to traffic in bitches it's legal everywhere so amsterdam there's a big drug trade there outside of what is legal because you're already smoking weed and shit you're like

fucking might as well do some molly i might as well do some coke i might as well because you're going there to party and it's rare that motherfuckers are going there just to smoke weed and nothing else so by making this drug legal you've actually increased criminality because all these other characters are coming in

to supply the people who want stuff along with the weed and I think that's what you're saying with the hookers if it's globally legal if it's legal everywhere

I don't need to go to Amsterdam and do all these drugs I'll do them wherever I want to I'm just trying to say that's surrogate shit. Yeah. But also, I feel some type of way, like, even if it's, like, a relationship, if some girl's like, oh, yeah, you want her to fuck? Like, it fucks with my head.

I'm like, what? Like, why do you think that? Yeah, you've got to hang up with this. I do not understand. I do not understand. You're on a hill by yourself with that one. No, I know. Like, you need too much of, like, an emotional connection.

Kind of. But I think prostitution is just even a farther extension of that, so that's why I'd never even entertain. Yeah, but the thing is, you've never gotten ahead from a girl who's had a horrible childhood. Oh, the best. Yeah, I know. And I do think it would be great. I'm not denying that.

But I also recognize, oh, man, I'm benefiting off of you. Have you ever had the soul sucked out of your body? I don't think so. I don't like to keep my soul where it is. I get your dick sucked by an iPhone. I mean, you're benefiting off of like have you ever had the soul sucked out of your body i don't think so i don't yeah i like to keep my soul by an iphone i mean you're benefiting off of trauma either way yeah this iphone will blow you buddy yeah that's true dude it's a it's a real thing bro see some cuts on her arms you're like oh it's about to be serious yes the answer to your pain is right in there

they're gonna cut this whole clip and be like look what fucking assholes i was about to add to it in my head i'm like oh this is you know they're gonna do that shit but whatever it is what it is it is what it is ladies if you want to learn how to give head who you go to your friend who's got a great relationship with her father Or the one that never met her Be honest ladies Nah You want to learn how to suck dick

Which one of your friends you asking Which one The one that got Natural nails with no color Or the ones that got the thick acrylic ones that look like Cheetos? No, Fritos. You know Fritos? They got a lot of turn and they come out, they almost like arch in?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You going to her. French manicure. They got about a centimeter of like the old nail showing because she hasn't done them recently. I'm trusting you. I don't know, but I'm trusting you. That's the one. Yes. That's the one. Yes.

That's the one. Maybe they look something like Sarah J. Who's that? The porn star. Old school porn star. You remember her? Oh, we talked about this. Talib Kweli fucked her, right?

So she says. Yeah. So I'll just segue into that. Talib got in trouble on Twitter because he was harassing some girl who was speaking out against rappers not marrying dark-skinned black women okay and then he happened to be married to a dark-skinned black woman even though his wife now came out and was like no we've been split up for a while now so he looks like an idiot but he was harassing this girl for about like four or five days and then i had something he said got him kicked off twitter and then they started some rumor about him that he fucked this old porn star named sarah jay and he can't do anything to like kill the

rumor because he's off twitter and the shit just going wild so he's like this super woke rapper and yeah talib yeah and you're fucking this white porn star oh she was a white girl yeah yeah yeah it was pretty funny it was pretty funny the memes was pretty funny. The memes and shit are a lot. Dude, the woke ones always got skeletons, huh? Yeah. That's why they're overcompensating for something. They really are, huh? That's true.

We're the wildest ones. And y'all are virgins and shit, basically. Yeah. I mean, I'm damn near gay. I've had sex with so few women. There's probably gay dudes who've had fuck more girls than me. Oh, most. Oh, yeah.

I would say most gay guys have fucked more girls I would agree they've at least fucked two cause you gotta fuck one to be like am I gay yeah

and then you're like man I think I'm gay yeah then you fuck another one you're like let me just make sure yeah and then you're like

I am gay you probably need three am I gay wait maybe I just had two bad ones nah I'm gay oh so you still might be gay but you knew you were gay when you fucked your first girl me personally knew it me personally i knew i was gay when i was born it's true what they say you were born gay 100 but you know i'm gonna deny it till

i die so i'm gonna keep fucking this woman i love but if i was you know i mean if i was like free to be gay yeah i would fuck one girl be like well that wasn't that fun what's going on i should see again maybe it's that girl then i'd fuck another girl and be like oh my god am i gay let me make sure i'm not gay and then a third girl to be like yo i'm gay yo yo real talk do you think i was waiting to be honest what what do you say i missed it what do you say really desensitized yeah i missed it we gotta cut it so we do why what was so crazy nothing we'll tell you after all right i just do wonder if you're gay and you're fucking girls do you do you not still yeah i'm sure you do so pussy feels good like objectively speaking pussy feels good yeah undeniable the physical sensation that's what feels means

yeah but like the psychological sensation you said it in a rudimentary way do they even know about that? What was that? That was Pedro? That was Pedro? But yeah, so pussy feels good objectively. So that's what's got to be tricky for gay dudes. Yeah. Matter of fact, if you gay right now, message us so we know.

Message Andrew. What? Message Andrew. Message Al, bro. Message Al, bro. They're going to be in you. Remember when we had everybody send you dicks? Yeah, I know.

That was great. So pussy feels good so you fuck pussy and you're like man this shit feels good am i straight yeah i think they must feel that i know sometimes gay dudes like like to do that shit where they're like oh pussy so gross yuck how can i fuck that it's like you fuck shit yeah like an asshole is so invited like stop i fucked shit and pussy i fucked both i can objectively say pussy is better than asshole objectively yeah you don't need extra shit for pussy yeah for asshole you need extra shit you need lube you think a gay dude when he's like

turned on his asshole gets moist wouldn't that be something yo that would be the gayest thing ever dude and i remember our friend thomas dale Dale once said, comic Thomas Dale said that to us. He was like, yeah, my ass gets wet. And I almost threw up. My ass gets wet. You're like, how does it? Like, where would the wetness come from? He's lying, yo.

He's lying. It's a lie. That being said. Wait, he's gay? He's gay. The gayest. But he's fucked girls. Or at least he hooked up with girls.

Yeah. So you hook up with a girl and all of a sudden you're either getting head or you're fucking pussy and it feels good. That's got to be so confusing for a gay dude. What a struggle. You don't think that shit's a struggle though, bro? That's a struggle. I don't think so.

You don't think so? No. Why not? Because something can feel good, but you're not attracted to it necessarily. That's like 90%? It's a struggle. I don't think so. You don't think so? No. Why not? Because something can feel good but you're not attracted to it necessarily. That's like 90% of the girls you fuck.

You're literally describing how you have sex. It's not that hard for you. It's not that hard, right? But that's the thing. But you don't fuck that girl and then afterwards go, man, am I straight?

See what I'm saying? Okay, but your hand... and you're not gonna sit here and tell me you were emotionally attracted to that girl you are physically attracted to her you just want to bust a nut and it busted so i'm wondering if these gay dudes who are conflicted with their sexuality are still getting them nuts busted but they're not emotionally attracted to them which a lot of guys are not emotionally attracted to the girl that they fuck anyway it's a good point it must be fucking traumatizing yeah but you never give yourself an amazing uh fucking handjob handjob and i was like oh shit i'm gonna say jerk yourself off just now no no no no no we gotta stop it

come on you never gave yourself an amazing. That's what it is. And he started miming it. And I was like, this guy can't be talking about jerk at all. There's one thing you know what that is. All right, go. You've never given yourself an amazing jerk off. I still can't say it, right?

And then now you're attracted to just your hand. Like, you don't get confused by that i'm gonna be honest if i look at my hand like this for 12 seconds my dick is hard you go lefty yeah i'm a lefty he's a lefty dog all right come on you didn't know that no shit i know that i still wasn't invited to his wedding i was left he is a lefty I'll tell you that much Nah but in all seriousness No you're not gonna be Attracted to your hands But you are gonna go

I enjoyed doing that So UFOs What Akash what So UFOs We gotta get a gay dude On this podcast bro Nah we don't You gonna be jealous If we get another gay guy On the podcast I'm gonna fuck him on the pod You would fuck the guy on the pod We should get a gay dude on this podcast, bro. We don't. You're going to be jealous if we get another gay guy on the podcast.

I'm going to fuck him on the pod. You would fuck the guy on the pod? We should get a gay dude on it. I couldn't help myself. We got to get a gay dude. I want to ask some mad questions. Like what? Yeah, you bet you do, motherfucker.

Like what? What you want to ask him? Nah, like how do you figure who's the top and who's the bottom? Oh, yeah, I wonder about that. Like when does the switch go on your head? Like, nah. I'm pretty sure it's just a quick question. No, no, no.

It's like a vibe. It's a feeling. I bet you they could just tell. Apparently they could tell when someone's gay. This dude Akeem, this guy in Orlando, he's like, yeah, I got to see a guy that wasn't acting gay. It's called gaydar. That shit's real though. I asked these old gays.

That's so funny that Mark is explaining gaydar. I didn't know that shit was real. This guy just learned about sex, bro. He thinks he knows about gay people. I didn't know it was real like that. I asked these old gays, right? These old gays. Old.

Old school. I said, listen, I'm going to ask y'all a question. How'd you make it this long? No, real talk. Wow. That was the first question I wanted to ask, but I didn't ask it. Hey, Akash. You're still here?

Akash, I didn't ask you. No, no, no. That's staying in. That's staying in. That's staying in, unlike the cum in their asses, which is why they're still around. All right. But that was the first question. Second question, bro.

I said, I know this is an odd question to ask, and I do not ask this question as an undercover gay. I literally am just curious as a straight man. You're an old gay. Right. From Chicago, Illinois. how the fuck would you proposition a dude in a time back in the day where if you proposition the wrong dude they could kill your ass yeah and if you proposition the right dude they might kill you kill your ass no but for real though isn't that like oh my god the stakes were so high yo old gay dudes are the fucking that's the truth right there yeah they were about that life you wanted to fuck they're the gayest

well they had they're the gayest yeah they had little tells though right that's what i want to know like how did you know what it what tells did you did you your dad sit no i think like the earring thing is the obvious one and apparently that was popular oh yeah if it was in the other ear

right ear was gay I don't remember right ear yeah left ear wasn't gay right ear was gay I didn't know it was real I don't know yeah like

I hate it when dudes try to front like they don't know gay shit we learned that our whole life to avoid it it's been a while I wanted to make sure

I was right look making the tails is interesting but someone gotta teach you to tells yeah it's like you're gonna have gay friends in school so i literally was like yo how did y'all even meet like were you not fucking frightened no but the same way we know the tells so it's just like it becomes part of it right so but then once everyone knows then you can't do it because then people are gonna like yo why you got your Aaron right there And they're going to beat you up So I asked him

I was like yo Can you just tell me Like how did you meet dudes Literally This is what he said He goes you could go anywhere in the world Walking in the park Interesting

He's like if there's another dude In the park at night Chances are He's gay Word Son And he was like and then there's like a prolonged eye contact you ever notice like gay dudes will stare a little bit longer yeah it's uncomfortable that's like it's uncomfortable just trying to see if i want to fuck too and now and for half the time i'm looking like are we fighting yeah and the guy's looking like am i sucking your

dick i'll fight your dick with my mouth that would solve your anger you wouldn't be mad anymore like yo fuck that would fix everything that would fix it but think about that in that crazy that's a little the stakes are super high they would do like that bathroom shit life what's the bathroom shit you'd like tap your foot under the other person's stall or something but what if you're wrong but then you go oh sorry my fault and they go oh that was But what if you're wrong? But then you go, oh, sorry, my fault. And they go, oh, that was weird. But if you're gay, you know what the signal is. Oh, my God. How did they communicate that? I never heard that one.

This is what I'm trying to figure out. How do you know this shit? At least in a movie or something. How do you know more about gay sex than straight sex? How do you guys? He just went from, yo, how do they tell? Yo, he knows all the tells. Remember when Mark wore the socks with a leotard on it?

Whoa. Is that a tell? Probably. Were you trying to tell us something? Yeah, that was a cry for help. It seemed like it. How are you guys

going to be like, yo, I don't like when people pretend to not know about gay shit and then I bring up all these cool gay facts? Cool gay facts. All these really cool

kind of gay factoids. That was facts we said, guys. I got these cool gay idioms and you guys are all mad about it. No, we're not mad. We just want you to be comfortable with yourself. And if I'm going to a gay wedding, I want to know. You're not. Damn it.

Damn it. I thought I was invited. I won't Zoom i'll zoom but no but for real bro we gotta talk to a gay what's also crazy is how do they find out there was no like there's no facebook group son now the 50s makes so much sense now think about it think about aids ready You walking in the park all night trying to get some dick sucks. Okay? Either yours or you

sucking. One or the other. You trying to get some dick sucks. Finally, you come across a guy with enough prolonged eye contact that you know that they're gay. He might have an earring and a suspicious ear. You guys find a nice, quiet, discreet part of the park where you can get your dick sucking. You start sucking dick.

He's like, I want to fuck. You went through this whole rigmarole. That wasn't anything racist, was it? That word I said? All right, good. Sounded crazy. Imagine you looked as though you had some fucking rigmaroles working in the neighborhood. You'd be like, whoa.

You go through this whole rigmarole, and then one of you doesn't have a condom? Come on, bro. Yeah. You're fucking, dude. And you know that there's no chance of pregnancy whatsoever? Imagine there was no chance of pregnancy. Like, there's no question you're not using condoms, bro. Yeah, that's probably true. And even if you had

a condom, you're fucking more than one dude that night. Probably you're a guy. In 45 minutes, you're probably ready to go again. Hour and a half, I'll fuck again. Young ass gay dude, ready to fuck. Holy moly.

Man, I don't get to fuck whenever I want to, so this is like binge eating. You know what I mean? It's like intermittent fasting, but for dicks. Oh,

you're on a dick fast. Yeah. It's Ramadan. This is my dick feeding period. Yeah. Yo, you're like a polar bear. Oh,

yeah. Yeah, you got to stock up for the winter because you can't walk in a park in the winter because it's freezing it's a long hard winter oh my god so gay pops off in the summer yeah that's a song it's like crime just gets more popular in the summer yo is that the thing With crime Mark out here describing What he thinks gay is Yo if crime is just bad You know you think about it

It's like it's crime It's like Jesus hates him If you think about it Think about this If crime is that bad Only in the summer Yeah Why don't we take all criminals

Put them in Put them in ice Alaska Wait what I was gonna say Alaska No no that's how it's going Why don't we take all criminals And don't put them in jail Just put them in ice. Man, what? I was going to say Alaska. No, no, that's how it's going. Why don't we take all priminals and don't put them in jail?

Just put them in... All priminals? What? All priminals? Did I say that? You said Pringles. I said priminals? Yeah, you said priminals.

What is a priminal? So if you just turn the AC on... What is a priminal? A primitive animal. You went really far with it, dog. You went really far with it. Mark, you are slipping. You're about to let a rigmarole drop.

You better be careful bro no what if we took all criminals and we moved them shits to Alaska what if you just turned up the air conditioning at the jail mad high

no because then that's more crime more crime no but it's like 50 degrees oh if you turn it down like it's a movie theater you turn the temperature down

make the AC more powerful that's what I'm trying to say oh yeah yeah yeah make it like 50 degrees fucking retards both of you stupid motherfuckers we all knew everybody's listening watching go look at these two apes go at it back and forth primitive animals yeah you're prim and eminent what i call it prim and eminent yeah fucking hey bro this is what it is you know what i'm saying look here's

the reality of the matter i I think we've solved crime. Al, do you think that that's a reasonable answer? No. Yo, if a jail is mad cold, you're not going to want to fight nobody. You're just going to be bundled up under the covers. If they're in jail already, you caught the criminal. Yo, Al got a great point. That's a really smart point. Yeah, that's a good point.

No, but you're not going to want to go back. You know what I mean? The recidivism rate in prison is mad high. I think I used that word correctly. How do you spell it? R-E-C-I-D-c-i-d-i-v ism i think that's right i missed the first half of it but that sounds good come on mark that's correct r-e-c-e-d-i is the first yeah yeah that's correct damn boy you spelled that shit

but the recidivism rate mad high so now once you get out you're like i'm gonna go back to that fucking freezer let me stay here where it's a nice moderate temperature okay interesting question little switch here little switcheroo versus yeah this is not gonna happen right but people are calling for it usher versus Chris Brown. I want to see this happen. I'll be honest with you. I don't know if Chris is fucking with Usher.

He's not at all, and that's why I want to see it happen. We sleep on Usher, yo. I'm kind of bugging, yo. Yo, really? Take it back. You're out of your mind. Really take it back. You're out of your mind. Really take it back. Think about bangers for bangers and diversity of bangers.

Usher is everything from fucking EDM music to like soulful love ballads to like half rap, half singing shits. Come on, bro. I don't know if Chris. Listen, is Chris more talented? Yes. Overall, more talented. He's a better dancer. He's a better actor, for whatever that's worth.

But he's not a better singer. He don't have a better voice. He's not a better... He don't have hits. Nah, Chris Brown's got a lot of hits, bro. Chris Brown got some famous hits. If we're talking about those hits, Chris Brown got it. Yeah, he's got some hits.

Yeah, dude. If we're talking about music, it's not even close, dog. Are you forgetting My Way? My Way, nice and slow. You make me wanna. Off-risk. You make me wanna.

You remind me of 8701. You remind me of a girl. What's that song, Pharrell? Name an Usher album. You don't have to call. After Confessions. 8701. No, that was before.

8702. Here I stand. 8704-0-1. No, that was before. 8-7-0-2. Here I stand. 8-7-0-4. Also, Versus is not... If you're talking about... I'm just saying, Chris is still relevant. How do you say DMX beat Snoop and DMX hadn't come out with an album since 2005? Mountains. He came out with two.

He had that song. That was a prolonged pause, bro. That shit was pregnant. He had that song with, who's the fucking, Will.i.am, Oh My God. Will.i.am,

Oh My God was it. That was trash. What else? What are some other ones? What are some other good ones? Just play Confessions. Play Confessions. You play all the way through, bro.

It's all over. Y'all bug it. You guys are bugging. What other ones? We're not naming any hits from Kimbop. Your name is single hit. Yeah, but I'm just saying he's had bangers from the start of his career till even this day.

Name a single hit. He just had the one with Kim and Drake that was banging last year. He started mad late. Come on, son. You can't listen to him like this. Yo, listen. Right? Right?

Come on, bro. We just on the same page. I just, if they do a versus, we can put listen to it No it is Listen Right Right Come on We just on the same page I just If they do a verse We can put somebody on it Akash name some songs That's fire That Alex probably doesn't even know

I just named mad songs Name another one Confessions Let it burn Yeah Duh Duh Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah See how fire is that Yeah Yeah Asha Yeah He's one of my favorite artists he has a bunch of bangers but chris will name one song bigger than yeah one can i can i keep it a buck with y'all right now none of them fucking with john mayers yeah that's a good point bro yo none

of them fucking with john mayer john mayer versus Jack Johnson versus? Slow dancing in a burning room. That's a good thing no white people have been versus yet. Well, I was eating lunch at the TLG when this pretty girl came and she sat next to me. Never thinks I've had the way she did it. She do it, she does it, she do it again. Who got it, John Mayer or Mr. AZ? Jason Mraz. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. I'm just a curbside prophet. I'm just a curbside. That motherfucker got me out of a breakup, bro. I was in a dark place and Jason Mraz took me out. I remember this. He just got two songs. Say what?

He got more than two songs. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Don't be disrespectful. Don't be disrespectful. Curbside prophet. Where's his hand? Say what? Where's his hand?

Where is it? With my hand in my pocket and I'm waiting for the time. Jason Mraz slaps. I saw him at Carnegie Hall. Barefoot. Motherfucker performed barefoot. Fedora. Giant Hawaiian next to him.

That's kind of fire. It's ill. That's kind of fire. I's ill. That is kind of fire. It's ill. I'll give you that. That is kind of fire. I'm saying, but back to this, I truly believe Usher is slept on, and this is what always fucking happens in these verses,

is the older person gets slept on because there's like the relevancy bias or something. Recency bias. Recency bias, right? Recency bias kicks in. You forget how many joints Usher had. He's going to be playing songs, and literally you're going to realize you know the word

to every single one of them songs. It's not even going to be close, though. I would, and I don't know the words to Chris Brown's songs. You can't name five Chris Brown songs. Explain this, though. I can't name anybody's songs. Explain this massive flaw in your logic. You think DMX beats Snoop.

DMX, I love DMX, has not been relevant since 2002, 2003, 18 years ago, but you give a fuck about all his songs from 1999. That's New York bias because I didn't listen to any of Snoop's earlier albums until I was older. Why is DMX in the battle at all? Why do people like DMX? Why do they think it was close at all? Snoop was relevant for decades after DMX was.

They both made powerful music. When? But DMX hasn't done anything in decades. Decades. You got it. No, I'm saying it's a good point. It's going to be close.

I just think Chris takes it. I think Chris takes it. I think I'm going to beat him like he was Carucci. What? What? Nah. He didn't beat Carucci.

You don't think he didn't beat Carucci? Chris Brown? God, I can't put two on him. What? Let me tell you something. If you put one on yourself, I can put two on you. Fair. Didn't tell you something. If you put one on yourself, I can put two on you.

Fair. Didn't she file a restraining order or some shit like that? She did? I don't think so. Mark, can you look into that? She's cute, bro. Karrueche? She's cute.

She's cute. She's Kiyuchi. She's Kiyuchi. She is Kiyuchi. Nah, she's... What's up usher uh giving that fat girl the herp oh big deal that's why she was already ushering herself into diabetes who gives a fuck yeah carucci won a five-year restraining order against chris brown oh but i'm sure he was great i could put two on him i'm gonna be honest he probably put he probably put more than two on her

yo and she stayed around yeah she made a whole career out of being chris brown's girlfriend remember that joke by chapelle where he said uh bill clinton is famous that's famous imagine you could suck somebody's dick and they're famous yeah somebody's sucking dick and then they become famous hold on girl there's a future in it suck my dick there's a future in it yeah that's different level of fame like that girl did nothing besides be chris brown's girlfriend and she got a tv show yeah and be cute she's very cute i think that very cute also helps yes are we gonna take a break for a second we gotta let y'all know something okay you were at home you're watching this podcast we're not watching this podcast you might be pleasuring yourself you might be pleasuring your lady and if you want the toys

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get them tuxedo condoms make your dick black I've heard that also makes your dick longer much like Moochoo black is not slimming when it comes to dick that was a nice little tune guys go to adamandeve.com use the offer code flagrant get your sex toys ladies if you need a new toy go to adam and eve who's going into sex shops anymore that's

odd let's be honest that's odd you look mad suspect you look sus you look weird it's weird go do it online order that shit discreet right to your door use that promo code flagrant and you're going to get all the things that i just mentioned use that promo code for adamandeve.com offer code flagrant let's get back to the show i'm not gonna lie yo i'm being 100 serious when i say this i fucking love indians bro i thought you were unique nah son it's a billion of us i'm gonna trade your ass for the your girl's dad bro oh he's the greatest yo he's the greatest yo son i got his girl's dad is in the show okay Arkha's girl's in the show Arkha's family show this dude is so fucking funny

he's hysterical your girl's sister is one of the characters she's like the sweetest girl in the show right she's so fucking sweet yeah

there's some monsters on this show right she's not one of them she's so sweet yeah truly does want to meet somebody find love

excited didn't show her daughter which i appreciated didn't show the daughter at all she was married before had a kid yeah didn't work out she's looking for love you got to meet the pops who's involved kind of right and there's an indian matchmaker woman is coming all the way from mumbai right to hook her up with a dude. Yes. She shows her a dude. She's into the dude. And the dad. Not having it.

Not having it. And she goes, but dad, I think we should just go look. And then the dad says this, and there's no disrespect to the accent, obviously. This is just me trying to do the best.

He goes, he goes, he looks at her, he goes, he goes, no, no, no. We don't want you to commit another blunder. Don't commit a blunder has been said in my household minimum a hundred times after hearing that literally after i busted on my girl's back

i was like babe i don't want to commit another blunder don't commit a blunder my favorite part is when he's asking up why the guy got divorced and he's like not cool with it yeah and then he says was his ex-wife american or indian she says american he goes ha ha now i know he fucked up now i know he's not good enough for my girl ha ha but gotcha it's hilarious because his daughter is also divorced yeah he's judging the fuck out of this dude for being a divorcee with a kid but 100 he gave me the same treatment and my girl was trying to like defend me and i was like bro this is what he's supposed to do i am a comedian i'm nine years older i'm a stand-up you give me doctor you know i mean like he's mad protective and he's like don't commit yo you're not getting another shitty dude i'm

be super protective i respected yo yo i think they were like nervous about how he was gonna be portrayed i was like that guy looks great. That's a dad. I'm telling y'all, I know some of y'all listen to this podcast. Maybe it's the first time you listen to this podcast and it started out a little crazy. Right. Watch this show. It's the best show. In all seriousness, I'm obviously joking around.

I love you. I think you're the most amazing fucking guy in the world. But culturally, Indians are so fucking cool. We're the best. And I don't think there's been a show that showcased, because every time you see Indians, it's this version, and this is typical of minorities,

but it's this version of Indians that white people expect. It is brown people for white people. This is the most authentically Indian show that I have ever seen that is in English. There's Bollywood and all that, which is not bad. No, but it takes place in India and in America. It's in English. It's an American show. It takes place in English. There's Bollywood and all that, which is not that of the year. No, but it takes place in India and in America.

It's in English. It's an American show. It takes place in both. And it is, dog, a lot of like woke brown people are offended by this show. I loved that this show explains us without me having to explain us to white people. This is the best way I can look at it. You know how like the Jersey Shore exposed a type of Italian? Right.

That like a lot of the world wasn't familiar with. Maybe we were because we live in Tri-City area, right? But like a lot of the world wasn't familiar with maybe we were because we live in tri-state area right but like a lot of world went and they're like yo this is super unique they like do their eyebrows and their hair but they're dudes yeah but they're like really into how they look like what's going on but they also fight motherfuckers like what's happening like we're just confused by it it has the same effect about indians for me like and i probably know more indians than the average person yes but i'm still dealing with you guys as comics yes right or like friends of you as a comic right and there is this is no white people around indians and there's minutiae that like i don't that was one of the girls on it minutiae was this shit no minutiae she was one of them no absolutely not the one i said is trash aparna no oh that is

there is so many little things i thought it was minutiae no it's aparna she she changed her mom was worse anyway point is there's little details i don't like having to explain to everybody like bio data it's just like a fucking explanation this show says what bio data is real quick and then you see them go through it bio Bio data. It is when we're making a match in arranged marriage, it's all your stats essentially. You have this job, you make this much money,

you are this old, you are this tall, you are this weight, this skin complexion. The whole, the arranged marriage idea is just who's the most compatible. So chemistry is so fucking dumb.

What are we wasting our time with? That being said, they do go into astrology. They do do some goofy shit. Here's my issue with it. And I don't have a problem with the astrology. My issue is a lot of people are offended because there's one or two things they don't like.

So woke brown people are like, oh, this horrifies me that this part of our culture exists. Yo, there is a part of everybody's culture you don't like. I don't have to hate my culture. I hate that this thing comes out. I can still love my culture, love the show and be like, yeah, we can do better there. Son, it's so fucking dope. They casted

it. Dope. There's this one bitch in India who's super progressive for a girl. I'm halfway through. I don't know if I've gotten her yet. Ankita is her name. Okay, I haven't gotten her yet. She's like, relationships should be 50-50, and I have my own business. I'm a businesswoman. I need to be

like, da-da-da. She does not like the masturbation making process she can't connect with anybody the whole thing um and her parents you know the parents are fucking hilarious in it but the parents are interesting because her dad goes she's right yeah but she might be too ahead of her time what does that mean she's right that a woman should be able to have her own business and she doesn't have to like succumb to the man in the relationship and like she didn't have to be taken care of she can take care of herself and a man can take care of himself and they could be

together like she has a very like almost american perspective on dating but the father recognizes that that's going to make it tricky for her in finding for finding a husband in india yeah because there's going to be certain cultural expectations of women so he's literally like yo she's probably right that being said society hasn't society's not there yet be like get married you lonely fucking bitch i'm just and please pardon my watch the show isn't it like if you notice that about the people in your society why don't you like push her to the forefront, make her more popular instead of just accepting the fact that, oh, she's too far ahead of her time because she's progressive.

She's just some bitch with a business. She's not famous. I mean, people can watch the show and form their own conclusions, but my sister-in-law comes across great on the show, as she should, but it's like one person out of 12 we're making matches with on a reality show where we're going to go through another group of people next year. Are we going to make her the like she's the spokesperson now for what society should be and i also think like bro we progressed a lot in 50 years my dad this is why i'm going to defend us in this show always but like first of all this is the most i've ever

felt my culture was seen in the show ever okay ever mindy kaling everything she does is brown people for white people aziz master of none that we all suck its dick it is brown people for white people that's what it is this show clarify what that is just for people listening yeah it's like i just want to say one thing it's like it's similar to when you get like um if a white guy writes the script for a black guy and it's like this dude who's like hooded out and like walks like this. Yo, yo, yo. That's the white perspective of what a black person is. And this is not to like,

I'm not shitting on Tiffany Haddish. Tiffany Haddish is mad funny. She is a white person's perspective of a black woman. Like white women die laughing at Tiffany. Yeah, and I won't speak to Tiffany. What I will say is when I see a lot of these shows,

I'm like, yo, you didn't write that for us. You wrote that for white people. Like Mindy Kaling's opening show of her most recent one, Never Have I Ever, it's a girl praying, Hindu girl who says, what's up, gods? Ain't no Hindu ever gonna say what's up, gods? Like we are polytheistic if you're Hindu,

but you still say God. You know what I mean? Like it's all one. You know that. this is something that white people can be like god also another thing i noticed is that like and this is something you never see indians do in an indian show indians code switch crazy interesting i don't know this so tell me what no not in a bad way no just i'm i'm actually curious what did you think there's this adorable dude on the show named vyasa right he's the fucking best he's so sweet but he is the most like hippie granola like what you think about he's from texas but he's like you would imagine him from like fucking what is it santa cruz dude like

wearing tiva sandals whatever like the sweetest guy sweetest nerd guy when he's talking to his mom yeah all of a sudden his accent is Indian. His cousin's name is Anuj. If you're like white, you'll say like Anuj. He said that shit properly. He hits it. But like he was mixing the both, but you don't see that in the show, right? And like if you see Indians in the show, even if they're talking to their mom.

But I see that with Akash every day. Say what? I see that with Akash every day. But you see him every day. Yeah, but oh, you're about to see this on television that's what i'm talking about it's it's most of these shows are brown people white people the best example i can make of this is like when you see gay people on television it's what straight people's idea of gay people is will and grace is not every gay person right and that's to us it's like that's gay people that's why rupaul's

drag race apparently pops in the gay community because gay people are like, finally, we're not explaining ourselves for straight people or we're not decorating their house or getting them an outfit. I was talking to Matteo Lane, comic, about it. He was like, every show, all we do is we make white people look better. That's our role for gay people's role. It's like, oh, let me spruce up your life for like a fairy godmother that comes around like sprinkles some dust

and now you got a new couch exactly boom exactly and he's like finally it was a show where it was just like we're not gonna explain

what gay is it'll just be for gay people and that's what I felt this was that's what I felt and that's the most fascinating thing cause you're looking at some shit it's like every time

you go into Chinatown and you look and you're like oh they're not even trying to mix it yeah you know what I'm saying like they're not trying to make this easy for nobody they're basically like, oh, they're not even trying to mix it. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? They're not trying to make this easy for nobody.

They're basically like, yo, you want it or not, this shit is in Chinese, bro. Figure it out. And maybe people don't generally know this. I just know before, I wasn't really watching the show. I knew my girl was on it. We watched it, whatever.

Comics are bashing it, brown comics. This is so colorist, casteist, whatever. And I pull back and I'm like, I see that. That is an issue within our culture. However, we're coming from my dad what that is colorism and castism in hinduism there are casts and the idea was essentially supposed to be like an assembly line from what i've read i'm no expert from what i've read no cast is better than the other but at the same time one cast is priests and the other cast is cleaning up shit or whatever so humans are naturally going to kind of make it a hierarchy yeah and then it seeped into society and it really

fucked up a lot of things right but and then so there's like castism i'm a higher cast than this person in the show they talk about cast a lot now also castism exists because it's like there's a culture within your cast like priests have a certain way of living etc certain things you could eat certain things you can't eat like it's almost like yeah you just i get this person better but to be fair a lot of sorry but to be fair a lot of the girls that i saw on the show say like i don't really care what cast yeah most kids don't the americans definitely say that yeah what what what is interesting is that you don't see cast you do see people judged by geography because this is funny though now i'm curious i haven't gotten there but i know i'm all about brown unity etc

but i know if i married a south indian girl there's no way in fuck i could understand her language like any south indian language to me it's i'm lost right because there's so many dialects so to me that would matter this is more like oh yeah they're from kolkata no kolkata there's good people from kolkata but like yeah it's Kolkata, there's good people from Kolkata. Oh, yeah. It's just like saying, yeah, there's good people from Minnesota. You know how you- Like all people from Minnesota.

Remember how you explained to me Spain has like Catalan or something and the other regions? Every region in India thinks they're Catalan. Ah, they're like- We're the illest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys are, that's cool you're here, but we're the illest. But anyway, you keep going. And colorism is light skin is very favorable within our society.

That's every society has their version of colorism. Every society has that and it's fucked up. But also to me, it's like, yo, think about, so these things still exist. And that's, we need to work on these things. Absolutely. But if you think about where our parents who have these judgments are coming from, my dad didn't know he was getting married until the day he got married so lit that's crazy even back then most people not most a lot of people didn't meet their

wife at all when they got married so and to be honest it works out about the same rate as falling in love and finding somebody about half the marriages i see are great and about half aren't but to go from that to hey you choose whoever you want to choose and if you can't find somebody i'll help like the that's light years of progress in one generation you understand what i'm saying like we're not giving our parents any credit for how insanely open-minded they are the only reason my dad is in america is because his family decided you're gonna marry this girl in america he had an ill ass job lined up in india and they're like yo fuck that you're going to america right and that's it

his life changed so for him to say hey if you find somebody great i would prefer she be indian if not that's all good if you need help holler the family pressure is so hilarious bro there's this one mom on the show and the kid boy has turned down like a hundred different chicks yeah and the mom kid is gorgeous though no no it's different what i'm talking about yeah this one's all right and uh the mom starts taking her blood pressure in front of him and showing him the blood pressure and going and going look what you're doing to me you see my blood pressure is so high because we have a wedding to plan and you don't have a wife. Because they choose the date and then they choose the girl. Wait, really?

Son, this shit is hilarious. Is this common or this just for the show? In Hinduism, astrology is a big deal. How do you choose the venue with more discretion than you choose the wife? We're getting married here. Figure it out. You got until August. The date is a big deal and I'm surprised you can do that without, because I had to

match my star chart. My parents wanted to know what time and where my girl was born so they could make sure we're compatible. Yeah, yeah, that's big. Now, if we weren't compatible, they'd have been like, yo, what can we do to make this more compatible? But they're not going to say find a different wife. Yeah.

They'd have found little ways around it or whatever, because astrology is a huge thing in Hinduism. But find different ways around it, like in what sense? Culturally, not religiously. So my girl and I had a, there are favorable days to get married. We had a Hindu wedding ceremony

in May because on that date, according to the Hindu calendar, this is a favorable time to get married. Yo, I didn't get invited to your Hindu wedding.

We did it over Zoom. Even easier to invite me, bro. Yeah, I didn't want you to say nothing. Yo, I'm hurt right now, bro. I'm hurt.

He came in here. He said he got like he told him before and after. Yeah, I told you beforehand. Yeah. Yo, I'm hurt right now, bro. I'm hurt. He came in here. He said he told him before and after. Yeah, I told you before. Yeah. Yeah. Are you sure?

100%. Was I listening when I was looking at my phone and saying hello but I wasn't listening? Oh, you literally said

the exact words were, oh shit, so you're like married, married after this weekend. I remember that. Yeah, I remember that yeah i remember

that but you didn't invite me you just said it was happening you didn't say you want to be there i gotta say i want to be in my friend's hindu wedding but i thought it was is mainly for your wife's family so it's for my family my wife is like she's sick and in sickie they're like yo we don't care about like day we are actively this is the one we were supposed to go to this one you're not gonna invite us to this fucking shit? No. Wow, son. No, this ain't a wedding.

This is on Zoom. No, no, no, no. Don't get over it. It's the favorable date. I want to go to the favorable date. Yeah. This is the thing you believe in more than anything in the world, don't you? This is your religion, is it not?

It's the thing most important to you. It's more cultural than religion. I'm going to set a bit of spit cycle again. We can't. No, this is fucked up. This is more cultural than religion. I'm going to set a bit of spit cycle again. We can't. No, this is fucked up. Well, this is more cultural than religious. I don't give a fuck. So marriage is cultural.

I'm going to be honest. I don't think there was any non-Indians invited. What is that supposed to mean? I didn't want y'all there. I respect that. Yo, that's foul, bro. I don't want to explain. Again, I don't like explaining.

I don't want to explain, hey, it's a favorable date in Hinduism, so we're going to do it on this date. You're doing it now? What're doing it now I know because you're making me I'm not making you explain the fucking Hindu part you're calling me out making you explain the friendship part how you not gonna have me at your wedding bro bro I want this to be a happy day for my wife it's your wedding not hers she don't even believe in this shit the least I can do is make her happy for your shit you think she gives a fuck I want to be at that part of the wedding more than she did you think you don't want to be at a zoom wedding i was gonna zoom in with my full outfit you ain't even got i did get an outfit i came all over and sitting my girls

not for real How you not gonna Fake invite me at least You should've Fake invited me You could've Fake asked to be there You should've Fake invited me

I could've not You'll ask to be At someone's wedding That's stupid You didn't say Hey what time I gotta ask for the details About your wedding

Yeah No It's your wedding I'm gonna send out I didn't send out No email That's foul You're a jerk which one's worse

Akash or Mark I made Mark cancel his wedding Mark scheduled his wedding we're on tour together and he's planning his wedding

no no plan of inviting any of us hey not at all no and then what happened and then what happened

because of we bullied him who's spinning who right now are we spinning these motherfuckers it's time to turn And then we bullied him. Who's spinning who right now, Mark? No, no, no, no. Are we spinning these motherfuckers? It's time to turn, baby. Who's spinning who in this motherfucking market? Ready?

We're spinning who? Ready? Ready? Ready? Hey, get ready. Hey, y'all ready? Y'all ready for the spin? Y'all ready for the spin?

Y'all ready for the spin? Yeah. Hey, what happened to both of y'all wedding? Oh! Canceled! Canceled! For being shitty friends, God was watching. Hey, Mark, what happened to both their invites?

Canceled! Canceled! Can't be canceling some shit you weren't invited to. Do you know what I'm saying? I canceled that shit. We kind of won on this. How y'all won? Because we don't have to get married.

You motherfuckers got to plan two weddings. Y'all lost double. You got to plan weddings twice. You got to do two shit y'all don't want to do. And you didn't invite your friends. You invited some fucking auntie. That you don't even know that's aging like shit. Indian women, let's be honest.

When they get older, that's the ugliest women I've ever seen in my entire life. Oh, my God. There's one. Listen. You just went nuclear? No, no. Hold on.

Let's do it. You need to matchmake them with some fucking lotion because their skin is falling apart. I know white people ain't talking about aging. I know white people ain't talking about aging badly. Indian's age is way worse than white people. You out of your fucking mind, bro. You out of your mind y'all seen some of them

that's why y'all gotta fuck kids y'all seen some of them that's why y'all gotta fuck kids cause you age so what's going on y'all kind of

want to fuck the kids hey Bray and Lincoln wasn't fucking no kids I bet Lincoln fucked all the kids I don't think so I don't think so you really google this that explains the colorism what is it you can't have one person with another person who's gonna age better than

the other person exactly that's why y'all want light skin so much so you don't age like the fuck y'all do no real talk i was looking at some of these ladies bro ain't no way i was looking at some of these moms in it unbelievable no. Indian babies, by far the cutest of all babies. I mean that 100%. Have I said this before? We've agreed on this before. I'd be careful giving them that because you know it's about to come down real hard. I can't not give them that. But it's the most fucking

adorable babies. It's adorable, right? Alright, TikTok. The hammer's coming down. Indian grandmothers? You dig the ditch, dig the ditch, and then you throw them in the ditch. Ain't no ditch.

And then you put it back on. Let me tell you two things. Let me tell you two things. Listen, like that, bro. Let me tell you two things. Number one, ain't no ditch. We burn the bitch. First of all,

snopes your shit before you come talk to me. Ain't no ditch. We burn the bitch. That's like an Indian Cameron song. That's fine. Second of all, we don't age badly. We just focus on the kids

and making them doctors. Y'all just age badly. You don't even pay attention to your children. Why don't you get one of them doctors to fix up their fucking faces, bro? Because their shits are struggling. They're cardiac surgeons

because our food is mad fattening. They need to do plastic surgery, bro. All right, we're going to take a break for a second. You know we got to talk about the squad, the team, some of our biggest supporters for real. And honestly, a company that a lot of assholes have been going to and absolutely loving. This is the CBD Extraordinaires over at Radix. Shout out to RadixRemedies.com, man. I love those guys over there.

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use our promo code flagrant get that discount support your boys we love y'all yo guys big news sports is back

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You're still getting married during Corona? He's getting married during Corona. Yeah, that makes sense. You don't believe this shit is real. Oh shit. That was quick. Oh shit. So, but that's not the only news we Corona. Yeah, that makes sense. You don't believe this shit is real. Oh, shit. That was quick. Oh, shit. But that's not the only news we have. What's that? Apparently, Mark has something in his backpack for all of us.

Yeah. I got invitations for you guys. Because he knows we're not going to go. Wait, why is that? Because it's during fucking Corona. When is the wedding, Mark? Anti-vaxxing fuck. When is the wedding?

Early September? It's early September. You going to go? I'm going to go to spite you. I'm going to go to spite you. Have fun getting corona to spite me. I'm not getting corona. I'm going to zoom in.

I'm going to zoom in from there. Let me know if he zooms in, Mark. I'm going to zoom in from there just to prove that I will go to your wedding and I will do a zoom. Oh, you're going to be at the wedding and zoom in. Across the street? I'm going to be at the wedding and zoomed in. See, you're going to be there as a distraction. Say again?

That I can believe. No, I'm not going to be a distraction. That I can believe. Get your mic, bro. Come on. I'm not going to be a distraction. I'm not going to be a distraction. I'm going to be there as a friend. You promise you're not going to ruin my wedding? I'm not going to be a distraction. I'm going to be there as a friend.

You promise you're not going to ruin my wedding? I'm not going to ruin your wedding. See what I'm saying? Why y'all think that I would ruin anybody's wedding when it comes to love and happiness? I'm all about love and happiness, bro. I got a dog. You know what I'm saying? Say what's up, son.

No, but for real. Y'all need to be less concerned about that i know how to behave i have good behavior i do i wouldn't know i do have good behavior why y'all think i don't have good behavior mark are you confident in this uh yeah i think so yeah you don't have any indian grandmas because there is a chance I can see them and be like Damn Because he'd be trying to fuck Probably I might I might be trying to fuck

You know what I'm saying Hey Cookie That Chris Chris Tucker And Ice Cube Damn What was it Damn

Alright No I think Andrew will be good But I do think you'll You see how unsure of himself He was No but you might Accidentally say something I'm not gonna say nothing bro

Unless you ask me to give a speech. Are you gonna have him do a speech? Of course. Mark is low key. If I do a speech. First of all I don't like speaking at weddings but I always get asked to speak at weddings. My dad's gonna probably make you speak. Okay. If I do it

I will put a joke of mine in there from the set. I'll try to sneak it in. Why does your dad want him to speak? Does he not like your girl? Does he disapprove of you? Yo, you know who would love me though, Loki? Who?

Your girl's dad. Yeah. I'm not going to lie. Yeah. Are we on it? Let's be honest here. I agree with that. I agree with that. And this is what I love about fucking Indians, bro.

And not the woke Indians who are basically just like Americans. I'm talking about Indian culture from India. There is a brutal honesty, bro. No formalities. We don't cut. We don't do that. And maybe that's why I always fuck with Indians. Maybe.

It's kind. There's nice. There's a politeness. But there's also, with the same politeness, oh, you've gained a little weight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, they would say that yeah you're fat but not even

as a cut like they wouldn't you think they would know they'll do it as a cut my uncle got me to lose weight through sheer shame but was he like

was he being passive aggressive or aggressive aggressive aggressive interesting and hysterical to be fair what would he say

I would be eating junk food and he would just be like, God. He'd just spit. Yo, the funniest shit I ever saw. You sure you didn't see an old Indian woman walking down the street? Yo, because he was trying to fuck, probably. His dick was moving. Can we just agree that we share sentiments about old people? You feel this way about old Indian.

No, you feel this way about old white women. Yeah. You feel this way about old Indian. No, you feel this way about old white women. Yeah. I feel that way about old Indian women. What's wrong with that? No, that's fine. I'm just saying most people feel that way about old white women. It's not about most. And I do think-

It's not about most. That's because white people are a minority. That's why people are a minority. That's a fact. Are you? We are. Mark, explain it. Global minority, bro.

Yeah, we're a minority. So you're punching down. Mark, explain it. Global minority, bro. Yeah, we're a minority. So you're punching down. You're punching down. I love punching down. Well, that's rude. I love punching down. Stop bullying us, bro. Find me some poor people.

I'll make fun of them. Let's do it. Mark, are you actually the minority globally? Of course we are, dog. There's a billion in China. Two billion Chinese. How many Africans? That's a white person's math.

No, there's two billion of them. lot of them i don't know how many africans a lot billion africans how many africans left uh we're gonna get the exact numbers but i think white people are minority yeah ain't minorities we are the minorities in the world you're on a few continents that's why i'm not as sure about it you all europe australia north america like 20 million people oh no we're killing it i agree yo get your dog out let's get let's get cookie out of here man she's dragging her ass across this all right hold on pause for one sec um all right we got we got one more and then we gotta wrap this well i'm interested to hear about the ufos i didn't do any research on this mark yeah so what's going on with the ufos mark so

basically new york times put out an article where they were talking about they were in conjunction with the pentagon basically being like the pentagon is slowly going to start releasing information about ufos right now there's a couple things that are happening in it where it's like some of like they came out and said there's off-earth vehicles that are made that are not from or off-world vehicles not made on earth right one of the intelligence guys said that we don't know what that means but he says that it looked like that and so then some people were taken out of context being like oh it means that there's off-world vehicles blah blah blah right well i guess it could be something they

just made with the fucking rover on mars or in the space station or whatever so this is the thing that marco rubio said he is the governor of florida but you should know that yeah i should probably know that he's a congressman congressman from florida yeah but also does the uh is a head of like intelligence for the ufo ship oh really yeah he's like deep in the they put an illegal alien on the head of intelligence for the illegal aliens ironic i don't get it but i didn't even think he's that smart but apparently he's like he's nice with it yeah apparently and he was saying that it could just be regular shit so that they've had weird metallic things fall on american soil before that turned out to be like russian or chinese like uh russian or chinese technology so we don't know exactly what it is no and they

haven't disclosed anything they haven't put any pictures they haven't said like yo we got aliens but they do have a ufo like alien like arm of the military that they said was defunct but it's still actually but it still is so like they came out was like yo we lied about it it's still funked it's funked in so that's the thing what happens like every time they get close to this pedophilia shit all of a sudden there's aliens all of a sudden like anytime politicians get caught up in trump presidency trying to take everybody's mind off of corona and the economy. That's what he's trying to do. You know what is interesting timing-wise?

Sorry to interrupt. They're about to end the $600 a week unemployment thing. So people are going to be real fucking angry, and that's something you would want to take headlines away from. The recession is going to get real when motherfuckers lose $2,500 a month. Leo, give him something. Let's take their minds off of this. That's what this is all about. I think that's possible.

I think, I mean, I had dinner with that guy, Bob Lazar, you know, who's like the guy who said he worked on the alien spacecraft and he did, you know, Rogan and all that kind of stuff. And we went out to dinner. Well, he was having dinner with Rogan. Rogan asked if I wanted to roll. And I believe that he believes he worked on them. Does that make sense?

Yes. You think he's crazy? No. I truly believe that he believes he worked on alien spacecraft. Now, he could be getting tricked by the powers that be, if you will. He could be getting tricked by the government. For example, they could find the spacecraft that came from China or Russia or some, whatever, it doesn't matter, some other country, right?

And that spacecraft could have crash landed on the United States and it was like a spy spacecraft, whatever the fuck it was, who knows what it is. And they could be like, yo, figure this shit out. And he could think that he was working on alien spacecraft when in reality it was some other countries like you were just saying. It could be alien spacecraft.

But I didn't get the sense, again who the fuck am i i didn't get the sense that he was lying right because he didn't seem to care enough right he literally was saying he was like look if it's going to be a thing where like all you're trying to do is like discredit me and that kind of shit like i don't even care to be on the podcast i don't even want his attention i don't care i'm not selling a book or anything. I don't care. But if you want to have a discussion off of what I said, I'll talk to you about it. So the fact that he wasn't clamoring for credit or clamoring to be believed made me go, huh. Yeah, I don't think he's really made any money in the last 30 years.

Yeah, I think he's kind of at peace with people thinking he's crazy and the people who believe him are kind of crazy. And that's a weird place to be in the people that you think are normal don't believe you they think you're crazy and the people you think are crazy make you feel normal make you feel normal so he's like where the fuck should i live but i don't even think he has a consumer product like there he doesn't really benefit from the fame nope he does like nuclear testing and stuff i don't know what he does for a living anymore yeah but i it was just that was the takeaway from it i said i cannot say if ufos exist or not i don't know i do believe this guy believes he works do you think they exist do you think there's alien life sure maybe maybe not like sure like i don't think they've come here

yet yeah yeah they exist somewhere within the timeline of of history whether they exist right now at this moment and they exist close to us or they uh or they have the technology that could get them here in enough time to continue to survive that i do not know i think it's very conceivable they've come here do you but we're all pretty much on board saying they probably exist right right? Probably at some point. If you believe in random circumstance, they have to, right? And in like, in an ever increasing

or ever expanding universe, you have to at a certain point. It's insane to think the universe is so big. We are an infinitesimally small percent of that universe and this is where life is the only place.

Yeah, I'm even interested in the theory that they could be humans from the past that have gone and formed their own or like colonies. My brain can't even wrap my mind around this.

Have you heard that theory before, though? What you said, my brain quit. It's like, okay, time travel, sure thing. No, not even time travel. Not time travel, just evolution. Ancient civilizations that were able to get to space, and then all that shit got wiped away. Nah, I don't do that shit. You think these knuckle-dragging motherfuckers built a spacecraft?

No, don't look at human progression as this linear thing. Like, maybe, you know how, like, ice ages pop up and, like, everything gets wiped and then we start all over again type shit, right? Like, maybe there was, and maybe it wasn't even this planet. Maybe it was another planet, right? There were humans or human-type people people and they eventually evolve and they progress to the point where they have space traveling technology and then they start traveling and then they go check out some other shit and then they die out they literally could just die out in the way rhinoceros is dying out i feel like we say that because we want to fuck those aliens

and it's easier if they look like humans yeah but if there's some weird looking ass people you're like nah there's no sex appeal in that yo but that's the other thing like why do they got to be people to walk around like yo they don't right like if you have a planet that's all gas yeah they could be just as gaseous the only reason we walk around is because the earth is fucking hard yeah if it was just water we'd be swimming yep you know like good point i don't know i it's just it's crazy to think there's nothing out there but i think what is out there might be boring to us i think what's closest is probably boring yeah i could see it being like microorganisms yeah like some fucking insects or

some shit like yeah which would be sick it'd be dope to know there's other stuff dude even if it was a plant yeah a little fucking space tree cool it'd be nice to know that being said are we gonna have some conversations with aliens i don't know bro maybe though i think shit is gonna get so advanced here with ai and everything if anything can figure out if there's artificial or if there's life on other planets is gonna be ai and then that might be well the cool thing about ai is it it basically accounts for the limiting thing in space travel which we have which is life expectancy right so the reason why we can't go to fucking the next galaxy is because it's 25 million light years away or whatever it is i don't live light

years yeah i can't live long enough to go there's another concept i don't even understand what the fuck is a light year it's the amount of time amount of distance it takes for light to travel in a year okay yeah so if you go at the speed of light for a year that's how far you go but speed light's the fastest shit ever yeah and for a whole year that's how long that is ai gonna be faster ai gonna be pium shots of jv smooth bro but for real dude think about that like we can't even fathom that speed so if you can't even go close to that, like, what are we going? What do we think fast is? 300? Yeah. I got the electric bike today.

They said that shit goes 50. I was like, yo. Yeah, that's crazy. That's fast. That's wild. Yeah. It's just going to be me going, hey. Yo, how weird is that that we have a sound barrier?

Yeah. Like, imagine the first person to break the sound barrier like you were just going mad quick and something you just heard an explosion imagine the shit that must have been in his pants bro because why should there be an explosion when you break it yeah i don't get that shit that used to happen all the time over florida every time to the space like the there was like the kennedy space center cape canaveral yeah and they sent off like spaceships all the time and it would like shake the windows and windows would break and stuff really yeah where you lived yeah my neighborhood got a little bit but if you lived in like cape canaveral like

they would have to get special windows uh because like the windows would break how often we send shit up there seemed like all the time growing up it seemed like every other month or some shit really yeah i don't know if it actually what are we putting up there bro i don't know i don't know what there is to see huh but what do you i mean like what you gotta send supplies every two weeks every two months but you need a whole fucking spaceship to do that my girl buys tampons like every six months a balloon or something like if if you just let it go till it got high enough and then you had a motor takeover you do i just fixed it a little more inconspicuous why you don't need all the shake in the windows yeah that's a good point no think about it that is a good point though think about it bro that's what they just make

a whole big deal with all those explosion three two, two, one, da, da, da, da. Yeah. Balloons, bro. Yeah, if you go balloons. No, that's a good point, actually. Balloons, bro. Think about it. It's balloons, dog.

What about wind, yo? Say again? What about wind? What about it? It's going to take that shit somewhere else. Yo, why don't you just get a long rope? And you hold it to where it is. Yeah.

Matter of fact, you let the balloon go all the way up to the space station with the rope attached yeah and then you just attach a little and then you could just have it go there yeah a pulley motor system you want to send some stuff back down tied to the rope tied to the rope hey here you go check it out you know those like why don't they do it right because they're not fucking smart like us listen you, you never been in the mail room? You never been in the mail room of fucking company where you throw that shit in a socket and vroom, vroom, vroom? How can we not do that? How can we?

Hey, Cape Canaveral. How can we? Houston, here's the problem. Get the fucking cylinder shit. How does Costco have it, but you guys don't have it? Costco has it. Target has it. Okay.

Yo, the rope is so lit. The one issue with the rope is planes flying into the rope. Oh, make it orange. Make it orange, dude. Yo, just do it out of Christmas lights, real talk. Just do it out of christmas lights real talk just do it out of christmas lights real talk that's it dude what hey when we eat electrical wiring what do we do it's just a fucking wood thing up electrical at first i thought oh the problem was that the space the space station would go around the earth you You thought. And then it would wrap up the- You thought, though.

In the Earth in a rope. But it would just be like Saturn. It might just keep it there, and then it fixes two problems. Exactly. Because guess what? That thing right there? Yeah.

It's got gravity. Yep. It's spinning with the Earth. But what do you do when you get in the space and there's no gravity? Come on, now. Yeah, that's for that rope. Come on, now.

There's gravity no no no no no no no no no we're gonna keep it there we've accounted for it look look look look look look no it's a kite look i got you got you. Look, Bobby. I got you, Bobby. Look, I got you, Bobby. It's Christmas legs. Listen, you are not rotating around the earth dumb fast. The earth and you are rotating around the sun. So you're just going to keep that same rotation around the sun. Perfect. Like that. Done. Yes.

The fact that you suddenly hopped off board makes me think you were taking it seriously the first time. Now you suddenly notped off board makes me think you were taking it seriously the first time. Now you suddenly be on board. No, no, no. Stop protecting yourself. You did believe it. Fucking stupid idiot. Dumbass. Clearly saying some shit that's wrong.

And then you believed it. I still believe it. I'm not going to lie. I i'm committed i'm fucking pot committed to this shit dog all right i'm coming up with this idea yeah the rope might work i think the rope works look bare minimum this what the rope this is what the rope provides bare minimum if there's an explosion mark in the space station bare minimum they can slide you put on your thing and then you slide down yeah it's like the beanstalk in mario 2 yes i'm gonna ask you this question you know what i'm saying the beanstalk in mario 2 now you have to answer this though because a lot

of people please i want to answer the biggest issue with the rope situation is that it's attached to potentially like billions of dollars right yeah situation is that it's attached to potentially like billions of dollars, right? Yeah. How are you going to stop someone from climbing it? Mark. That's the question?

Mark. A lot of people are wondering about security. You're putting it in America. Mexicans can't even come here to climb it. And they are the best climbers in the world. They are. But what if they have a big pair of scissors and then they cut it off?

Okay, that is a real problem. Like if they have scissors that you cut for a grand opening? That is a very, very, very big problem. What do we do? If Mexicans are climbing el bienesto. And they have scissors for a grand opening. And they have the skeezer. Yeah.

The grand opening scissors would be a thing. Dude, the grand opening scissors and they chop that shit off. That would be a problem. That, the grand opening scissors, and they chop that shit off. That would be a problem. That's how Russia would win. Yes, but you could also protect it just like you protect everything else with security. Oh, interesting. Well, also, you were saying it's a tube. So what if the rope is in a tube?

Yeah. And that tube then goes all the way up. I didn't think about the fact that Russia could fly real high, and then they could sabotage it. That's a French word. Okay. Two ropes. We could just do do two ropes you could do a secret rope actually what i would do can i be honest i would have a i would have a decoy rope i'd be like here's our rope what if you paint the rope canaveral you paint the rope black yeah yeah she's gonna blend in with the rest of outer space it blends blends in with outer space. It's camouflage.

Camouflage. You don't even know. Another French word. Another French word. We're doing a lot of French stuff here. What I would do is I'd have a fake rope and I'd be like,

oh, this is the most important robe. This is where all of our shit goes down. This is how we get everything up and down to space. I'd have fake astronauts up and down that shit on the daily. On the daily,

up and down, astronauting. All the while, I'd put the real rope in boston you know what i'm saying you know you never would know it and everyone would be like what's that rope coming out of the's asshole up in that rope real talk that could that could trick russians yeah y'all have any other questions i think yeah no did we cover it how are you getting the rope up there say again how are you getting the rope up there dragging it through what you getting The rope up there

Dragging it Through what Pulling it You know A basketball game And they have the guns With the shirts Yeah I can see

But the rocket The problem with the rocket Is the fuel is fire And that should Burn the rocket No you didn't think right Drop it down You drop it down

You put a heavy thing on it So yeah like hello come on bro answer this yeah when you're in space yeah it's gravity it's not gonna fall down it's even heavier if you push it then it'll go until it gets there it's even heavier than that now won't just float like that bye no it'll keep going in the direction until you have to do it while you're still in the gravitational pull of Earth. There's another way that you could do it. If you shoot a gun in space, you move back.

Yeah. You didn't know that? I don't even see how that applies. You just keep moving for as long as you go. Yeah. I don't expect you to know a lot about space, but look. Here's the thing. Right.

If you put a rock or something. Beautiful bricks. Yeah. You tie the rock to the end of the rope yeah and then once you're in space you throw the rock down yeah and you throw it and aim it you gotta aim it what's gonna stop them floating back up though that thing why would it go back up because there's no gravity gravity is the thing that keeps us down but there's a force behind it forces behind there's no gravity. Gravity is the thing that keeps us down. Yeah, but there's a force behind it. Force is behind it. There's no force pushing you down. You don't know space? Yeah, you don't know space, dude. Bro, if you're in space and you throw a rock, what happens to the rock?

What happens to it? You go back. It's going to float up. You fall back. There's no up. There's no up. There's no down. It's space.

There's a point at which your force runs out. It's not Newton's law out there. There's no up. There's a point where you throw a rock. The second the rock leaves your hand, you fly back with that same rock. That's how you move around in space. You just be throwing rocks. It's like you're literally Iron Man in space.

Yeah. Play that cricket. Space cricket is lit, bro. Space cricket. For real. You said cricket, so I'm interested. Yeah. So I'm just saying that's how we could do it.

Once we get the rope down, now we're the first country that's ever had a rope right to space right so lots of pedestrian or civilian voyages with the way you fart you can travel around space

dumb easy I thought about that as well and it's like what is it called thrust yeah I could thrust that's dope

100% I could thrust and then you just gotta breathe in to stop and you can expose your ass to space. Why? Why is that?

Nothing can go in it. I think we're done. I think we're done with this episode. Yeah, I think we're done. All right, y'all. Look. Listen, if y'all are still here, we love y'all. You know what I mean?

We got to get loose. We got to get loose. Patreon. This Friday, we will see you there. We love y'all. We appreciate y'all you know what i mean we gotta get loose we gotta get loose uh patreon this friday we will see you there we love y'all we appreciate y'all peace